All language subtitles for Not.Dead.Yet.S01E11.720p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

Oh, my gosh.

Are you eating
shards of glass?

It's Crunch Berries.

Well, could you please
chew them a little quieter

or add some marshmallows?

I'm working, and I really
need to concentrate.

Mm! Sorry, we're not all
environmental warriors

trying to save the world
every second of the day.

Neither are you!
What is this?

Green Swipe?

"A dating app
for earth lovers"?
Yes.

I want my lover
to love her mother.
Mmm.

After Charlotte, I don't want
to hide the real me anymore.

I want any potential ladies
to know the real Edward.

So I need this profile to be
the epitome of me.

You should consider it,

given the fact that
you're always alone

and watching true crime and
eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

The drama's as spicy
as the snack.

And I've been on apps.
They're not for me.

I mean, seriously,
what do you learn from
somebody by asking them,

"What are your three items

you'd bring
to a deserted island?"

That's...dumb.

Where your priorities lie,
critical-thinking skills,

ability to analyze
a disaster scenario?

Meh.
That's all so complicated.

Oh, I'm just so glad
I am not in a rush

to get into
another relationship.

I'm just relieved to know
that your very arid dry spell's

a choice
that you're making

instead of choice that
others are making for you.

I was beginning to think that
you might be a spinster, Nell.

How am I a spinster?

I don't have any cats.

Okay, I-I-I don't weave
for a living.

And I-I-I --
I do play bingo,

but that's only if a drag queen
is calling it.

Hey!

Plus, I recently got out
of a very long relationship.

I guess maybe if you consider
the history of the cosmos,

it's recent.

Suck an egg, Edward.

I'm doing just fine.

-- Captions by VITAC --

♪♪

So, I've just been thinking,
it's time, you know?

I definitely needed
to take a little while

to get myself over Phillip,

but, honestly, he was the last
person I got naked with,

and that is just
not okay anymore.

Ooh.
So what is the plan?

I'm gonna have a fling.

Well, I'm very supportive
of you getting out there

and getting some.

You know, just, uh --
just be careful.

I mean, you just have
a history of falling

into relationships
kind of fast.

Ohh!
Which is a good thing.

It means you feel
very big feelings.

I've just never known you
to just hook up with somebody

and not get attached.
Well, that was the old Nell.

This is the new Nell --
"Playa' Nell."

Eh! I'm trying
to get into it.
Yeah.

Well, it's just gonna all be
about hot and steamy sex,

no strings, no baggage.

Well, I am here for it.
Mm-mm.

Ooh, speaking of hot
and steamy...
Oh.

...the sexiest thing
happened last night.

So, Keith was making
dino nuggets for the kids,

and this huge fly landed
on the counter.

Uh-huh.
And so he just -- Bap!

Oh.
Kicked the oven door
closed with one leg

while holding a whole tray
of hot nugs.

He then just killed the fly
with the other hand.

It was so hot.

Because you had sex
after that?

Oh, God no.
We were so exhausted,

we just fell asleep
in separate rooms

after we had
put the kids down.
Mm.

And now that I see
that look on your face,

I am really regretting
sharing that.

Sorry.
Hey.

Just e-mailed you
your next obit.

Oh.
Oh.

A dog?

Oh, I love this one.

Scout was a real hero.

He saved over 200 people

in his career as
a search-and-rescue dog.

He even got a medal
for it.

Oh.

Wow. I mean,
all my rescue dog does

is run into screen doors
and bite my children.

I'm pretty sure Princess
Mango Chicken is a coyote.

No.
Yes.

Oh, my God.
Look at you.

Who's a cute,
little baby boy? Yes.

Look at
that little jacket.

Who's a handsome boy?

Well, I guess
that would be me.

And it's
Banana Republic.

But, you know,
I really think

they upped their game
this season.

No. Oh, I was -- I was
just watching,

like, an Instagram video
with a dog in it.

Ah.
Not you, of course.

Uh, but I'm sure you do
real well on Instagram.

Well,
my makeup tutorial page

has gone viral
a few times.

So I'm in the
presence of a celebrity?

Yeah, kinda.

Mm.

I'm James.
Lexi: Attention!

Hi, James.
Hi.

I'm -- My name's Nell.
Announcement, everyone!

I'm Nell.
Nell.

Your leader has an announcement.
Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.
James?

That's me.
Oh, yes.

I remember that
from two seconds ago.

James?!

I also have to go, too. Okay.
Okay, after you.

Everyone, I would like
to introduce James Gorski.

Man: Hey.
James is a war correspondent

who has done some freelance work
for the paper over the years.

And we are so excited to have
him back for a few days.

Now, that James Gorski,
he could kill a fly.

You know what I'm saying?
Girl, I'm gonna need you
to raise the bar

right up off
the floor for me, please.
While James is here,

we'll be launching
a new on-air segment

with our local ABC News
affiliate.

And as I have a minor
in film studies,

and a major in talent,
I will be your director.

Or auteur,
if you will.

Shh, Mason.

That's French
for "Shh."

Thank you, everyone!

So, uh,
what about James, huh?

Could he be my fling?

Ooh, the world-traveling
Casanova

whose schedule doesn't allow
for a relationship.

I would consider it
a betrayal if you didn't.

Okay, this is great.
In and out, no feelings,

and then he's gone.

Amazing.
Mm!

Byyye!
Happy for us.

Lexi, I love the idea of
James doing on-air segments,

but he'll be gone soon.

And it'd be a shame
if we couldn't keep it up.

You know,
unless we had a replacement.

Ah! I see what
you're saying.

I need to find someone as
talented and charming as James.

Me! Uh...

I'm sorry.

I-I meant me.

Listen, in my second year
of journalism school,

we had to
choose a track.

I wanted to do TV,
but my professor recommended

I do journalism,
so that's what I did.

Mm.
But I always wondered...

what would've happened if
I had chosen the other path?

This is my chance
to find out.

Like Gwyneth Paltrow
in "Sliding Doors,"

but with
fewer turtlenecks.

Oh, that's beautiful.

I always love hearing about
my employees' dreams.

Thank you.
Hello? Fake phone call...

...to get out
of awkward situations?

Oh, hi! I was just
going to call you!

Oh, no, he's not getting
in the elevator.

Right.
Yes.

Peas and carrots,
peas and carrots.

Yes.

Yeah.

"Rescued from the pound
at the last moment,

Scout went from
the dog nobody wanted

to a decorated
search-and-rescue dog

who was beloved
by his handler

and the entire
Pasadena community."

You like it?

Nice.

You know, I love how
you reinvented yourself.

Yeah.
It's very inspiring.

I'm gonna reinvent
myself, too.

♪♪

Oh, no. Oh, no.
What is happening?

Oh, God, we were so flirty,
and now I'm freezing.

♪♪

Oh, okay.

♪♪

Man, you really
are a rescue dog.

I'd give you a treat
if I could.

Oh, uh-oh.

Okay, I appreciate
the suggestion,

but I think twerking
might be a little too
forward.

Oh, I -- Tha--
I didn't mean that for you.

♪♪

Oh, hey. Hey.

There you are.

I, um -- I was worried
you got lost.

I haven't seen you
around all day.

Oh, you were looking
for me, huh?

Are you gonna
push the button?

Uh, yeah.

I -- Is that
how it works?
Mm.

I've never actually ridden
in an elevator before.

Well, you're
gonna be waiting a long time

unless you learn
how to push the button.

Hm.

Here, I'll show you.

♪♪

Oh, that was fast.

Which is out of character
for this elevator.

I'll keep that in mind.

♪♪

Should we push
the button again?

Well, that depends.

Hm?

Are we still talking
about elevators?

♪♪

Hi.
Hi.

Hi!

Hi?

What are we doing?

Well,
there's a news update.

I'm not sure if you heard.

But, um...

I got Gorski'd.

What are you gonna do next?

Are you gonna
see him again?

I have no idea.

I didn't call him.
We didn't text.

And I didn't skim
his Instagram, so...

Welcome to
my renaissance.

Or re-Nell-aissance.

Pretty good, right?

I am genuinely so impressed
with you right now.
Mm.

I did not think that you were
capable of having a fling.

And I am so happy
I was wrong.

Huh.

James, uh,
texted me eye emojis.

Wha-- What d--
What does that mean?

I -- It...

It means
he's got eyes on you.

And he's looking at you
right now.

Oh, he did the thing
with the eyebrows.

And he is texting.
He's texting.
Hm.

Is he texting you?
He's texting.

He wants to go out
for drinks later.

Sure.

What. Ever.

You are
"whatevering" that?

I told you,
I'm trying out a thing.

I wish I could have
some of that

"sexy eyes, passionate sex
in the office" sex energy

that you and James
have got going on.

Maybe you guys just need
to get out of the house

and away from the kids a bit,
you know?

Oh, you and Keith can come and
have drinks with James and me.

No. You don't want some of this
boring marriage energy

all over
your sexy non-date.

Come!

You helped me get some.

Let me help you get some.

I mean, we have not been on
a grown-up night out in awhile.

No dino nuggets.
Oh.

No diaper bags.

Just the four of us
and whatever red wine

Cricket's got
a special on.

You know, if it does not
work out with Keith,

I'm genuinely coming
for all of that.

There's a line, baby.

Get in line.

So, I'm thinking that we push in
on James, à la Kubrick,

then we cut to
a De Palma-esque low POV --

wide angle, of course.

I'm thinking
40 millimeter lens.

Boom. Stool explodes,
giant popcorn everywhere.

You're going to be
shooting this on your phone.

Guerilla style,
like Scorsese's "Mean Streets."

I can work with that.

Great.

Knock, knock!

That's just
a little mime work.

Okay.

Not sure if you guys
are familiar.

Ooh,
those bags are...

Listen, I know you think
I might not be able

to be an on-air personality
once James leaves.

But allow me to
change...your...mind.

Oh, boy.
Good evening.

In a sleepy cul-de-sac
in Altadena,

there sits a cat...

Dennis,
I already told you.

...with no tags
and no collar,

just a cute face
and a single whisker.

A local southbound train
just crashed into an oil tanker.

Go.

I'm -- I'm sorry.
What?

If you want to be
an on-air personality,

you have to be ready
for anything.

Now, come on, Dennis.

There's bodies, there's oil,
there's feathers.

Where -- Where did
the feathers come from?

I don't know. You tell me.
I mean, you're on the scene.

Yes, okay.

Uh, this just in
from downtown --

a collision between a train
and an oil tanker

and a...chicken.

Hot Dog Hut just had
a Listeria outbreak,

and people are defecating
in the streets.

Oh!
This just in from,

uh, uh,
Northern Hollywood.

There's all kinds of
slippery situation there

between people
and their --

Uh-oh, earthquake!
Uh, yes.

Breaking, a 6.2 earthquake
with an epicenter at chicken --

D-Damn it!

Bro.
Big yikes.

Double yikes.

Thank you
for your time.

♪♪

Edward: Why do
these dating apps

put a word limit
on their prompts?

It's asking,
do you like sushi?

Yeah,
but I need to be thorough.

There's a lot of different
kinds of sushi.

You know, there's nigiri,
there's sashimi,

there's chirashi.

Do they put vinegar
in the rice?
Mm-hmm.

I also would like to share
my opinions on imitation crab.

News flash --
They're negative.

Don't you want to leave just
a little something for mystery?

Hey, Cricket.
Could I grab a few more candles?

I just want to set the mood.
See?

Now, this -- this is
how romance is done. Mnh!

Nell is gonna go out there
with that Adonis,

and they're gonna look
in each other's eyes

and drink some wine

and peel back the layers
in real time.

Oh, no.
This is not actually a date.

No layers to peel.

I'm just trying to get Sam
to have sex with her husband.

You know,
there's an app for that.

Wait, wait, so -- so how old
are your kids?

Oh, they're --

No, we are not gonna talk
about kids tonight.

-Mm-hmm.
-Ah.

Yes, thank you so much.

Why don't you, um,
tell them about

one of your reportings
from, like,

an erupting volcano
or something.

Ah, well, actually,
I did do that.

What?
Yeah. No, Fiji 2021.

You guys, remember?
I actually, um --

I had to get choppered
out of that thing.

Huh.
We have very similar lives.

Yeah?
We've seen "Moana"
like 37 times.

The songs are on
a constant loop in my mind.

No, no.
No, no.

"Moana" is not welcome here.
We're adults.

Come on,
pick up your glasses.

Yay! Cheers!

Nell:
Oh, no, no, no, no. No.

We're adults
having a sexy time.

W-We cut our own food.

Cheers!

Oh, no.
No, no.

No yawning.
More wine.

Come on. Cheers!

You look really beautiful
in all this candlelight.

You know, we haven't
lit a candle

in a very long time.

Oh. Open flames
around children...

So dangerous.

-Oh, no.
-Oh...

You've gotta
be kidding me.

What?
Tilly got her hand stuck
in the toilet again.

What?
This keeps happening.

I don't know
what she's looking for.

No, no, no, no! Stay!

She's in a safe place,
and she has plenty of water!

I just wanted to say,
I don't think men should be

afraid to compliment
other men.

You're very handsome.
He's very handsome.

Okay, let's go.
James: Thank you.

Keith: Such a pleasure.

Well,
that was a total bust.

Oh, I don't know.
I had a pretty good time.

Yeah. No, yeah, for sure,
of course.

It just -- Meh.

Oh! So, do want to,
I don't know,

go make out
in the ladies room?

Or we could go back
to your hotel room.

Or we could, um,
stay here and talk.

Get to know each other
better.

It's pretty beautiful out
right now.

Is it?
I mean...

These, like, metal chairs
get really cold.

And the smell from
the trash in the alley,

it's really funky.

Look, I know it's
only been a minute.

I mean, I don't know
if it's all this wine

or this super sweet playlist,
but, um...

I like you, Nell.

I think
we have a connection.

Like a parts-to-parts
connection?

No, like a real one.

Oh.

No, something
definitely smells bad.

So, James wanted more.
How did you break it to him?

Nell: Oh.
Well, you know,

as a mature
and healthy woman,

I told him that we were
just in different places,

and although I've enjoyed
his company,

I just don't share
his feelings.

Wow, really?
No.

I faked having a bad reaction
to the cheese plate,

and I got the hell
out of there.

Ah, there she is.
That tracks.

He was supposed to be just,
like, a fun thing, you know?

And I almost
got out clean,

and then he suddenly, you know,
started "feeling something."

You know, I feel like
the gravitational pull

of our unsexiness
just was way too strong,

and we just sucked James
into our boring domestic orbit.

Wow, you're making a great case
for being a parent.

It's fine. You know, just
18 years of celibacy, per kid.

Oh, no.
Sam: What?

He's putting flowers
on my desk.

Looks like you broke
James Gorski.

Oof.
Okay, so, um...

...the obvious solution here

is that I'm going
to live in this office

until James leaves town
and stop texting him

until he
eventually gives up.

Right?

Fine,
I'll go talk to him.

Uh, no, I was gonna say
you can sleep under the desk

and pee in the trash as long
as you empty it in the morning.

But, no, sure,
go be an adult.

So I went back and forth
about the flowers.

But then I realized
that going back and forth

about the flowers
meant that I cared.

And so I just --
I-I bought 'em to show

that I don't --
I don't care.

So here we are.

Aw, James Gorski.

Uh-oh.
I got full-named.

That's not good.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to have
fun and get myself back
out there for a second,

and, please, please, don't take
this the wrong way, but I --

I thought that you'd be
the perfect guy for it.

No, I get it.
I-I get it.

I'm single.
I travel for work.

My eyes
naturally sparkle.

They do.
Yeah.

But, um...

...honestly, I think
I'm getting tired of it.

You know, moving around
from places and people,

never having anything
to hold onto.

I don't know,
it made me think maybe I...

want someone that I could,
you know,

watch "Moana"
37 times with.

Ironically, I am the queen of
those kind of relationships.

Mm.
Yeah, my last one
with Phillip,

I was all in,
until I wasn't.

And, I mean,
in normal circumstances,

you are -- you're probably
my type.

You know...
Oh.

...you're amazing
and beautiful

and very, very tall.

And we have chemistry.

But you're just
not feeling it?

I mean, honestly,

I'm not feeling
much of anything these days.

Hmm.

Uh, wow.
So I should, um,

I should probably take
a closer look at that.

No, don't.
I totally get it.

I've been there,
not feeling things.

Huh.

If -- If I can give you
a little bit of advice?

♪♪

Don't stay there
too long.

I'll try not to.

Good.

Okay.

Alright, uh...

It was great
meeting you.

Same.
I'm gonna go now.

Okay.

Um, but don't you
watch me walk away,

'cause you haven't
earned that at all.

Oh!
Okay? You haven't.

Today was leg day,
too, so...

♪♪

♪♪

Edward:
Nell, I got one match.

I am so sorry.

No, it's great.

She's a social activist/
video game designer

with a lot of
opinions on sushi,

which she wants
to discuss with me,

incidentally,
over Italian food.

That's great.

I'm really happy for you,
Edward.

♪ Ooh, does she know
that we bleed the same? ♪

Well, I guess
this is our final walk

before you chase that
giant tennis ball in the sky.

So, go ahead,
do what you want.

Lift that little ghost leg up
on anything you like.

I'm gonna miss you.

You're a good
little wingman.

Easy to talk to, you give
excellent flirting advice.

♪ Where's my love? ♪

I just wish you can
stick around long enough

to help me figure out
why I haven't

felt anything for anyone
in so long.

But I guess you can only do
so much rescuing, huh?

♪ Ooh, don't wanna cry,
but I break that way ♪

Oh.

I guess we're walking.

♪♪

Hey! Hey, buddy.
♪ If you ran away ♪

I -- I don't think any of
these restaurants are open.

I guess I can buy you a steak
and let you smell it.

Hey!

♪ Just come home ♪

♪♪

Phillip?

♪♪

Oh, I felt that.

No, we don't want to miss out
on this opportunity.

We have a replacement
coming in right this --

He's here now.
He's here now.

Um, uh, okay.
What -- What is happening?

James left. Apparently, he had
some war to go to or something.

So today is
your lucky day.

Uh, okay.

Oh. O-kay.

Um, how long do I have?

And we're live
in three...

Smile.
...two...

Joining us now, an editor
with the SoCal Independent,

Dennis Simbeaux-Jones.

Dennis, do you think the rise
in oil prices around the globe

will blunt consumer confidence
here in this country?

Dennis, say something.

Say anything.

Um, yes, great question.

Uh, "blunt" makes me think
of Emily Blunt,

which makes me think of
"The Devil Wears Prada."

L-Let me get this
straight.

Did you just compare
the rise of crude oil prices

to an Anne Hathaway film?

In fact, Colleen, I did.

Just as Ms. Hathaway's Andy

does not understand
how Oscar de la Renta's

choice of cerulean in 2002

leads her to wearing
a lumpy blue sweater

four years later,

neither does
the average consumer

understand how market trends
at the global level

affect what they're paying
at the pump.

There you have it.

Dennis Simbeaux-Jones,

an editor with
the SoCal Independent.

Thoughtful,
enigmatic, relatable.

You have certainly given us
food for thought.

Will you be joining us
next week?

I certainly will,
Colleen.

And we're clear.

Wow, Dennis, I had no idea

you could be
so confident under fire.

I did.