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They buried the ring along with the bride's corpse, you know, so that really should have been the end of it.
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But times were hard back then and
some thieving bugger must have dug her up for her jewellery.
3
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So despite its bloody past, Josephine Stewart's engagement ring
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somehow found its way onto the finger of
another young girl in love. And after another
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uncompleted wedding day it nearly ended up back in the ground again. But this family were poorer, and
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couldn't afford to be superstitious. So
they sold it on. Another grand wedding
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planned. Another succession of connected deaths. Another blood on the day itself.
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And again in the nineteen twenties. And
again
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in the nineteen fifties. Rumor has it that it was bought by collector of strange objects
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after that. He knew that the vengeful
spirit would only truly be severed
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from the ring and made mortal once
again if the ring could be successfully be
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used in a wedding ceremony. Something that the spirit would surely never allow.
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So he had the trinket blessed as best he could, and stuck it away in his collection, next to
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the broken voodoo dolls and the badly drawn druid pornography. Eventually he died
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of natural-ish causes, and various relatives would never much cared for him
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flogged off his collection for a fraction of its worth. So it wasn't really a question of "if" the ring
17
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would turn up again, more just "when". And, from there, given that the world can be a dark and violent place
18
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where blessings don't last forever
and endings are rarely happy...
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It wasn't really a question of "whether" the
spirit of Josephine Stewart would claim
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more lives. More just of "how many?"
21
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,360
- Have you decided yet, sir?
22
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- Yeah. I want that. That ring there. I want it. To buy it.
23
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Are you going to charge me more now you know how much I want it? Because I'm not really all that interested. I will, though. Buy it. Provided it's...
24
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How much was it, you said?
25
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- This particular ring is...
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- You know what? I don't care. It's the right one.
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I've been everywhere. I'm getting married, you see.
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- Congratulations
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- She doesn't actually know yet. How much did you say it was again?
30
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-nI didn't sir. Because you keep on talking.
31
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- Oh yeah. Sorry. I'll take it.
32
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- Very good sir. I tell you what, I'll give you a special price buying it back should she turn you down.
33
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- Oh right. Cheers. She won't though. Turn me down, that is.
34
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- And why's that, sir?
35
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- Because, that's just the way it is.
36
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(Cheers)
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- Ladies and Gents, you've been an awesome audience. My name is Lee Parker and my conscience is clear.
38
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(Applause)
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- Lee Parker, ladies and gentlemen, being far too funny and making me look shit. Give it up once more for Lee Parker!
40
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(Applause, cheering)
41
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- I'm gonna propose to her, mate. I'm gonna do it. I nearly did it last night after the gig.
42
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- So, what stopped you?
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- Well, she said...
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- I love this. I don't ever want this to change.
45
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- I couldn't propose after that, could I? I know I love her and want to be with her forever. That's not the issue. But things are so good right now
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why do I need to change them?
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- Dude, let me tell you what I've learned about women.
48
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- Yeah, go on then. What?
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- Nothing. So what are you asking me for? I have absolutely no idea how to treat women.
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Do I, Renee? No, don't hang up. I'll be with you in one minute.
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See? And she LIKES me.
52
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You've just got to do it. For Queen and country. For the good of us all.
53
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- You know what, mate? You're right. Tomorrow. In the gardens.
54
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:56,900
- In all the movies you've ever seen, what's your favourite death scene?
55
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- The perfect romantic setting to discuss cinematic death scenes. Nice one.
56
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- Alright, forget death scenes
57
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- Roy Batty, Blade Runner.
58
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- Good call actually. Alright then, your favourite...
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marriage proposal scene?
60
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- Say again?
61
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- C'mon, you must have one
62
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- Naturally. Who wouldn't have a favourite marriage proposal scene?
63
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For example, yours is...?
64
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- I like the one with the guy in that film with the, uh, talking dog.
65
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- A movie with a guy with a talking dog has your favourite marriage proposal scene?
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- Yeah.
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- What happens?
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- The dog says "I do" instead of the bride. It's hilarious.
69
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- People don't say "I do" during the proposal, Lee. They wait to the actual ceremony.
70
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- Really? Oh, man.
71
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- Since you're about as subtle as a punch in the tits, you feel like telling me why you'd like to know?
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- I just wanted to know the best way
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to do this.
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Find out the best time to produce the ring.
75
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Have I done it too soon? Is this too soon?
76
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Is this just right?
77
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And when do I tell you how much I love you? Every tiny molecule of your being?
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and that I'd give everything in the world to have you beside me every day of my life?
79
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Do I do that before or after the actual proposal?
80
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The moment where I stop babbling and say...
81
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Nicole Meadows. Will you marry me?
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That works. That's good. It's good like that.
83
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- You know, an answer right now would actually rock.
84
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- Of course "yes", you utter cock.
85
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Dad is going to be so happy.
86
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- I'm not happy.
87
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I'm not happy at all.
88
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:04,060
Jesus, Al, have you any idea the situation this has put me in with Gardenia?
89
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Do you know what he does to people who don't pay back?
90
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,300
Well, let me tell you. Do you remember Sid Ferris?
91
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:14,380
Do you know what happened to him when he tried to screw Gardenia on that Casino money?
92
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No? I'll tell you. He was found with his cock cut off and his heart cut out.
93
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They were lying next to his body. One stuck through the other like a bleeding valentine.
94
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Nah, that wouldn't be possible.
95
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Yeah, that's right. Cock through heart, yeah.
96
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Other way round would be too difficult. No matter how skilled a guy was.
97
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Yeah. Anyway, that's what's likely going to happen to me, unless you get your thumb out of your arse
98
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- Dad!
99
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- And, and... Get the monkeys. Monkeys.
100
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,400
- Why were you ordering a monkey, Dad?
101
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- Monkeys. Several monkeys. Toy monkeys. Been ordering them over the net. Be a hot thing this Christmas. Believe me, I'll make a mint.
102
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- Ever the business man, Mr Meadows.
103
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,080
- Yeah, I try, son. I try.
104
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,220
Anyway. Angel, what brings you here this time of night?
105
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- Well, it's not just me. Lee has something he'd like to ask you.
106
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:03,260
- Oh yeah?
107
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:04,720
- Yeah. Yes, I do.
108
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,280
- In films, right, what's your favourite...
109
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,000
Nicole. Marry Nicole.
110
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I want to marry Nicole. I'm going to. And...
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She told me to tell you. Ask you.
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For her. For me to have her.
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MARRY her. Nicole.
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- Did you just say that you want to "have" my daughter?
115
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- No. No.
116
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Yeah. Can I?
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- Did I just get from all that babble
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that you two are going to get hitched?
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- With your kind permission.
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- Permission granted.
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Good on you both. Congratulations.
122
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- Thanks
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- Thanks Dad
124
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- Oh yeah. Best Dad in the universe. And if I'd have said no, you two wouldn't have gone near each other again, would you?
125
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Out of simple respect for me. Yeah.
126
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Look, I'd love to celebrate with you kids, but I've got a shitload of work on here, so...
127
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How about tomorrow, eh? We'll have a drink?
128
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- Love you, Dad.
129
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,520
- Yeah, I love you too, angel.
130
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- Have a good night, eh?
131
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- We will do. See you tomorrow.
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- Take care.
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- Bye!
134
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- Best Dad in the universe.
135
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:19,060
Hello? Yeah. We need to make some arrangements.
136
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- So, we want all the good things about a church wedding, without the actual church thing, yeah?
137
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- Sounds good.
138
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,640
I know you can't set foot on hallowed ground without catching fire.
139
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,800
- Registry office?
140
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,840
No, no. Lacks a certain...
141
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- There's a little hall where Alice and Simon got married.
142
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- First Simon or second Simon?
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- Second Simon. God, as if I'd do anything the same as Alice and First Simon.
144
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The hall's pretty. Small, lemon drapes.
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Just enough room for friends and family.
146
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Plus it won't break Dad's bank. If we don't take control, he'll just keep spending and spending.
147
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- That sounds nice. Shall we check its availability?
148
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- Mmm. We really, really are getting married, aren't we?
149
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- We really, really are.
150
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:30,960
- Oh hi. I'm looking for a venue for a stag night and I was hoping you might be amenable.
151
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Yes, something sedate.
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About 20 guys or so.
153
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Just one other thing.
154
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Do you have any venues with a vomitorium, perchance?
155
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No, a vomitorium.
156
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A room in which people may vomit to make room for more consumption.
157
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,440
Although that may be a mis- Hello?
158
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Hello?
159
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:22,660
- I was driving yesterday and some guy gave me the "wanker" sign.
160
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- You see, that's just not right, is it?
161
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- Exactly. You can't give a lady the wanker sign. It's the finger. Or the "cocks in mouth"
162
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I just caught myself looking at my ring again.
163
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It really is beautiful. Where did you get it?
164
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Well, it's old. It's really pretty old, I think.
165
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- I wonder who had it first.
166
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I wonder if they were happy.
167
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- I'm sure they were.
168
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- And love is good, and love is true, and love forever
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and all is gentle, all is pure and all divine
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and you shall hold me, and our bond shall never sever
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and I shall be forever yours, and you be mine.
172
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- Lesley. How lovely to see you.
173
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- Jacob. What a pleasant surprise. You want a coffee?
174
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- Coffee would be great. Cheers.
175
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You've really pissed my Dad off. You know that?
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- Yeah, I know that.
177
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:13,300
- Lesley Meadows. L. E. Y. That's the girls' way of spelling it, isn't it?
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- I think of it as MY way of spelling it.
179
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:20,980
- No, it is. It's the girls' way. For a guy it's supposed to end 'ie'
180
00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:24,820
- I imagine you have three sugars in your coffee. Am I right?
181
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- You saying I'm fat?
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- I imagine you have a sweet tooth.
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- You're saying I'm fat! You stand there with your fucking chick name and your pot of coffee and you call me fat!
184
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- What's the coffee got to do with it?
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- Say again?
186
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- I'm standing here, with my fucking chick name, calling you fat.
187
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The coffee just strikes me as an irrelevant detail, that's all.
188
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- Do you know what this is, Lesley with an E Y?
189
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- Well, if it's a sweet dispenser, they've really changed the design.
190
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- You owe my father a quarter of a million.
191
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:02,900
- Yeah, and how much do you reckon he's going to get back if you shoot me?
192
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- Shoot you in the heart? Maybe that would hinder your payment plan.
193
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Maybe I'll shoot you in the daughter.
194
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- And now I'm going to have to ask you to take that sentence back.
195
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- If you shoot me, my father will not rest until your family lies in pieces.
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You see? You fucking idiot? I'm untouchable.
197
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Your daughter, on the other hand, she looks pretty touch-
198
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(gunshot)
199
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- Shit.
200
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- Dad, I found the dress I've been-
201
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- Nicole! It's not... I mean... He was...
202
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I was just about to phone the police. Tell them what I did.
203
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- How are we going to get rid of the body?
204
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:12,660
- What?
205
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:20,020
- I love you, Dad. That love comes with trust. Trust means I don't need to ask.
206
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:25,780
I know you're a good man, which means that that man isn't.
207
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So, how are we going to get rid of the body?
208
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- There's a quarry about an hour's drive away. I've heard it's been used before.
209
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- Lee's gigging up north tonight. I'll catch a movie and come back once it's dark.
210
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- I don't know what to say.
211
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- Best daughter in the world should cover it.
212
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- We never say anything to Lee. Ever.
213
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- No.
214
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- And you never get into this sort of situation again.
215
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- No, of course not.
216
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- And we DON'T let it spoil the wedding.
217
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- No. I'll have to make some alterations, but...
218
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- Whatever needs to happen. Wrap him up in something. I'll be back at ten.
219
00:18:16,820 --> 00:18:19,940
- Ok, Meadows. Can you actually live with this?
220
00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:23,060
Because I don't think you can.
221
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She's your daughter, for God's sake.
222
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She shouldn't be involved.
223
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Hand yourself in to the police.
224
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Yeah.
225
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:45,260
But I don't want to hand myself in.
226
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That little shit deserved it.
227
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Which takes us neatly back to the question.
228
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Can I live with this?
229
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Yeah. I think I can.
230
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:13,480
- You see, the problem with human beings is; our needs are too specific.
231
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The perfect match for you.
232
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:18,240
The ideal person. But then...
233
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:22,700
You discover that person is a balloon fetishist.
234
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,140
But as it turns out, you're a balloon fetishist as well.
235
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,500
So surely now, with the specifics dealt with
236
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:36,220
you can relax and be happy in your life of air-filled rubber arousal?
237
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:43,600
No, because as it turns out there are two different groups of balloon fetishist.
238
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,520
Squeakers.
239
00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:46,940
Bursters.
240
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:50,440
I'm making up the terminology but the concept is true.
241
00:19:50,780 --> 00:19:52,560
Anyway, your squeakers
242
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,300
Have to have the balloons involved in the sex
243
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:56,860
They blow them up
244
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,020
Tie them up
245
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,040
Give them a bit of a squeak.
246
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:03,380
And then they're allowed to deflate safely.
247
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,920
Your bursters, on the other hand
248
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:10,540
At some point, that balloon has to pop.
249
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,680
Squeaker could never fuck burster.
250
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,480
That goes without saying.
251
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,420
When the knickers are damp and the hards are on
252
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,280
That balloon has either got to pop or not
253
00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:27,400
So, one way or the other, someone is going home an unhappy bunny.
254
00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:31,220
So you see, our needs are too specific.
255
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:32,840
Relationships are tough.
256
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:38,040
Your perfect match gets harder and harder to find the closer you look.
257
00:20:38,180 --> 00:20:40,500
So, I just don't look very closely.
258
00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:43,940
I get my girlfriend to stay 300 yards away from me at all times.
259
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,080
We communicate by post. Because I don't wanna find it, man.
260
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:52,060
That one pathetic reason that could fuck up a perfectly good relationship.
261
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:55,460
I respect her too much. I love her too much.
262
00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:59,900
And if she never finds my balloon porn, the subject will never come up.
263
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:03,620
Ladies and Gents, I'm Lee Parker and my conscience is clear. Thank you.
264
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,040
(laughter)
265
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,480
- Woah! What's going on? I've only been away a day.
266
00:21:21,140 --> 00:21:22,820
- It was a long day, though.
267
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:26,920
(muttering)
268
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,100
(TV noise)
269
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,120
(gutteral noise)
270
00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,620
(gutteral noise again)
271
00:22:22,860 --> 00:22:24,580
- You are hearing things, matey boy.
272
00:22:27,460 --> 00:22:29,960
(tv noise)
273
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,280
Agh! Jesus Christ!
274
00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:52,940
Agh! Jesus!
275
00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,560
(panting)
276
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:10,640
- So, two weeks.
277
00:23:11,300 --> 00:23:13,020
Two weeks, and you'll be a 'Mrs' what?
278
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,160
- I'll be Mrs Parker.
279
00:23:15,740 --> 00:23:17,280
Mrs Nicole Parker.
280
00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:18,860
- That's insane.
281
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,180
So, how long did it take you to know that Lee was the one?
282
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,200
- Pretty much straight away.
283
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,940
- And how did the boy impress such a notoriously "difficult to impress" girl such as you?
284
00:23:30,180 --> 00:23:32,080
- He taught me how to play a game.
285
00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:34,720
- Intriguing.
286
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,000
What sort of game?
287
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,720
- Excuse me, Miss?
288
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:48,400
- Yeah?
289
00:23:48,740 --> 00:23:51,080
- Can I interest you in a game of lift roulette?
290
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:52,680
- I'm sorry?
291
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,800
- What I'm suggesting is a game of lift roulette.
292
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,540
It's a classic game of chance, you see.
293
00:23:58,100 --> 00:23:59,700
What happens is, I dance
294
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,840
Or strike a pose
295
00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:05,100
Drop my trousers
296
00:24:05,100 --> 00:24:08,900
Basically, anything to make me look stupid at the point the lift stops and the doors open
297
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,140
You see, if there's nobody there then I've got away with it and I win.
298
00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:16,520
If there's someone there, however, then I look stupid and YOU win.
299
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:18,480
You in?
300
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,200
Time's running out.
301
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,060
What floor do you get off at?
302
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,140
- Fourteen.
303
00:24:25,540 --> 00:24:26,420
Yeah, I'm in.
304
00:24:26,980 --> 00:24:27,480
- Cool.
305
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,580
You see, in this case, you win.
306
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:42,540
I'm going to lunch at 1.30, if you want to play again?
307
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:43,960
- Alright.
308
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:46,640
- See you then.
309
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,080
- Seriously? Lift roulette?
310
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,880
- I'm a sucker for whimsy.
311
00:24:56,420 --> 00:24:58,300
- How long have we been friends, Nic?
312
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,880
- Uh, 14 years, I think. Jesus!
313
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,120
- And have you ever known me to be wrong about anything?
314
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,240
- Yes, lots of things.
315
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,900
Well, what did you want to know anyway?
316
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,960
- Piss off. Forget it!
317
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:19,000
(tv noise)
318
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,680
- Dude, where did you say Nic was again?
319
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:24,420
- Pub.
320
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:28,880
TV: ..Giant octopuses. I'll be there to defend them.
321
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:32,800
TV: Whenever tentacled sea creatures threaten our way of life
322
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,560
TV: I'll be there to stop them.
323
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,360
TV: How? How will you stop them?
324
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,240
TV: By shooting them.
325
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:42,360
TV: I see.
326
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,760
- Whay aren't WE in the pub?
327
00:25:45,140 --> 00:25:47,360
In case you failed to notice, this film's shite
328
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:48,520
Let's go find her.
329
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:50,140
- She's with Carly.
330
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:50,980
- So?
331
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,620
- So, your track record with your exes isn't exactly stellar, is it, mate?
332
00:25:54,660 --> 00:25:55,840
- Don't know what you're talking about.
333
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,660
- What was it you said to Katie's boyfriend when you first met him?
334
00:25:58,660 --> 00:26:02,420
-Oh what? I just said that I thought Arsenal were letting themselves down this year.
335
00:26:02,420 --> 00:26:05,680
I think you'll find that's called an opinion. It's not being rude.
336
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,000
- I wasn't talking about that particular sentence actually.
337
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,140
- Well, what other sentence?
338
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:11,360
- "'Ello mate, nice to meet you"
339
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,640
"By the way, does Katie still growl when she comes, or wouldn't you fucking know?"
340
00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:16,380
- Oh yeah.
341
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,860
- That was why he hit me wasn't it?
342
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,920
Ah that doesn't matter; that was different. I wouldn't...
343
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:29,040
Hang on, are you trying to tell me Carly's got a new boyfriend?
344
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,720
-Well he's not exactly new is he?
345
00:26:30,980 --> 00:26:33,140
- Jesus, she still with that guy?
346
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:34,520
The taxi driver
347
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:35,740
- Taxidermist
348
00:26:35,740 --> 00:26:36,500
- Same thing
349
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:38,440
- No it's not. Look it up, will you.
350
00:26:38,980 --> 00:26:41,200
Otherwise don't come crying to me next time you hail a cab
351
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,960
and some git stuffs your carcass full of sawdust.
352
00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:47,340
- An octopus killed my father, you know.
353
00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:50,560
(offscreen) - No wonder you are so pissed off with them
354
00:26:52,420 --> 00:26:53,500
- Do you think she loves him?
355
00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:56,480
- What? How do I know?
356
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,160
Anyway, why are you bothered? I thought you were still happy with that Renee bird.
357
00:26:59,340 --> 00:27:00,500
- Totally. I don't really even...
358
00:27:00,500 --> 00:27:01,660
- ...think about him much.
359
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,640
I'm happy with Eric. Eric's lovely.
360
00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:07,720
- Good. That's great.
361
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,780
- It's brilliant.
362
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,520
So you're gonna be really happy, Nic.
363
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,200
I'm really proud of you.
364
00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:16,820
- Thanks Carly.
365
00:27:17,620 --> 00:27:19,500
- I'm just going to...
366
00:27:27,700 --> 00:27:29,460
- Let us pray
367
00:27:32,420 --> 00:27:34,020
- What the hell was that?
368
00:27:34,980 --> 00:27:36,340
Did nobody see that?
369
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,320
Did nobody see that?
370
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,860
(whispering)
371
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,740
- Nic, honey, what's wrong? What's going on?
372
00:27:51,660 --> 00:27:53,260
- There was somebody...
373
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:54,420
- What?
374
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,380
- Can we go?
375
00:27:57,380 --> 00:27:58,260
- Of course, sure.
376
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:08,940
(doorbell) - Don't touch my beer.
377
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,700
Hey, what's wrong? What's up?
378
00:28:19,700 --> 00:28:22,580
- Nothing to worry about. I'm absolutely fine, honey.
379
00:28:22,580 --> 00:28:24,240
Just had a bit of a weird night is all.
380
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,000
- Come on, I'll get you to bed.
381
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,880
- Is it alright if I give Eric a call to pick me up?
382
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,500
It'll be a fortune in a cab. I won't be under you feet long.
383
00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:33,080
- Yeah, go on, help yourself.
384
00:28:37,660 --> 00:28:40,180
- Hi babe, could you pick me up, do you think?
385
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:41,680
Oh cheers.
386
00:28:42,740 --> 00:28:44,260
No, I'm at Lee's place.
387
00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:45,920
23 Genesta Lane
388
00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:47,740
It's just off Brightwell.
389
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:48,540
Thanks.
390
00:28:49,260 --> 00:28:52,120
- Carly, Ricky's in the lounge.
391
00:28:53,020 --> 00:28:56,360
- And could you really hurry up please?
392
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:57,860
Cheers.
393
00:29:04,980 --> 00:29:05,980
Hello mate
394
00:29:06,740 --> 00:29:08,140
- You're looking well.
395
00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:10,220
- You're looking rat-arsed.
396
00:29:10,220 --> 00:29:12,600
Which probably explains why you think I'm looking well.
397
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,580
- Didn't expect to see you tonight. What's up with the blushing bride?
398
00:29:15,580 --> 00:29:17,500
- She says she saw a dirty man in the pub.
399
00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:20,460
- And that overwhelmed her so much she had to come home early.
400
00:29:20,460 --> 00:29:21,660
Hygiene fascist.
401
00:29:22,020 --> 00:29:23,660
- I think it was more...
402
00:29:25,140 --> 00:29:26,540
I don't know what it was.
403
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:30,640
So... how you been?
404
00:29:32,100 --> 00:29:33,900
- Yeah, good.
405
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,040
- Seeing anyone?
406
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,560
- Yeah, Renee.
407
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:41,600
Lovely girl.
408
00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:47,600
- Is she... the one?
409
00:29:48,660 --> 00:29:50,800
- Why are you asking?
410
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:53,600
- Because I'm drunk
411
00:29:53,820 --> 00:29:55,140
And nosey.
412
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,540
- Well luckily, I"m drunk enough to reply.
413
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,260
I can't imagine myself together forever with her
414
00:30:02,260 --> 00:30:04,380
But I can't imagine that with any girl.
415
00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:06,520
I always thought
416
00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:08,460
It would be good to hang on to a single element
417
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:09,840
Of every ex
418
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:13,120
And slowly assemble the perfect Frankengirlfriend
419
00:30:13,420 --> 00:30:16,040
You know, like this girl's sense of humour
420
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,760
And this girl's smile
421
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:18,860
This girl's eyes
422
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:24,460
I reckon I could find something from every girl I've ever been with.
423
00:30:24,460 --> 00:30:26,580
That I could spend the rest of my life with
424
00:30:26,580 --> 00:30:28,320
But not necessarily the whole package.
425
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:29,180
You know?
426
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:30,560
- Yeah
427
00:30:30,980 --> 00:30:32,260
I know what you mean.
428
00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:38,180
- Saying he was dirty doesn't cover it.
429
00:30:38,380 --> 00:30:39,200
Well...
430
00:30:39,940 --> 00:30:41,240
Unclean
431
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,940
Like spiritually unclean.
432
00:30:44,820 --> 00:30:47,140
Like it wasn't actually a person.
433
00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:48,620
- It just sounds weird.
434
00:30:49,460 --> 00:30:51,200
I don't know what to say, Nic.
435
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,220
You've been under a lot of pressure lately.
436
00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:55,100
I know you've been worried about your dad, and then there's the wedding...
437
00:30:55,100 --> 00:30:58,180
- Oh, I'm not worried, I'm fine. Seriously. I'm fine.
438
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,100
- Did you at least have a good night up until then?
439
00:31:03,420 --> 00:31:05,940
- Yeah. Carly was on good form and we...
440
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:09,020
Hang on
441
00:31:09,260 --> 00:31:09,760
- What?
442
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,620
- Is Ricky still downstairs?
443
00:31:11,740 --> 00:31:12,380
- Oh shit!
444
00:31:13,100 --> 00:31:14,860
- Sod 'em. Leave them to it.
445
00:31:14,860 --> 00:31:16,280
- Yeah, I think we'd better...
446
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,720
- I said leave them.
447
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,080
- So have you worked out the speech?
448
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:26,320
- Have I worked out the what now?
449
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:27,480
- The speech.
450
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,500
Kinda goes with the whole Best Man thing.
451
00:31:30,980 --> 00:31:33,380
- Nah. I'll get Lee to write it for me.
452
00:31:33,380 --> 00:31:36,380
- You can't do that! That misses the point totally.
453
00:31:36,380 --> 00:31:39,720
- Well he is a professional comedian. His will be much better.
454
00:31:39,900 --> 00:31:41,660
(doorbell)
455
00:31:41,660 --> 00:31:42,900
- That'll be Eric.
456
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:43,400
- Cool.
457
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:45,760
Bring him in, I'd like to meet him.
458
00:31:57,740 --> 00:32:00,080
- Ricky, Eric. Eric, Ricky.
459
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,760
- Hi, Eric. Nice to meet you, man.
460
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:04,060
- You too.
461
00:32:04,300 --> 00:32:06,460
You're the, uh, publicist guy, right?
462
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:07,940
- Guilty.
463
00:32:07,940 --> 00:32:11,500
Do you know what? You two look really nice together, actually.
464
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:12,920
- Yeah, I think so.
465
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,280
Come on, Carly. Time to go.
466
00:32:15,900 --> 00:32:18,760
- Eric, Hi. Everything alright here?
467
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:19,600
- Everyone happy?
468
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:20,820
- Everything ok?
469
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:22,220
- Everything's fine.
470
00:32:22,220 --> 00:32:24,160
- Everything's been really nice.
471
00:32:24,340 --> 00:32:26,080
- I think it's been terrific.
472
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:30,300
We got to have a little chat. Got to meet Eric, who I've been hearing so much about.
473
00:32:30,900 --> 00:32:31,960
- All good, I hope.
474
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,640
- I dunno. Call it 50/50.
475
00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:37,700
Kidding. Course all good.
476
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:39,980
Look forward to seeing you guys at the wedding, alright?
477
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,000
- Just one thing...
478
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:47,360
You see, we were having a conversation earlier about perfect people
479
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:52,200
And Ricky was saying how he'd like to keep one thing from every ex-girlfriend.
480
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,800
And seeing as we went out for a bit, you know
481
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,240
I wondered what you'd keep.
482
00:32:58,760 --> 00:32:59,560
from me
483
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:07,340
- It would be...
484
00:33:07,980 --> 00:33:09,600
Your nipples, Carly.
485
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,040
Okay, alright, hear me out.
486
00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:16,600
Just imagine a dark pink world.
487
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:20,840
And in that dark pink world, somebody stubs out a dark pink cigar
488
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,120
Into a dark pink marshmallow
489
00:33:24,660 --> 00:33:27,700
And thus, they create one of Carly's nipples.
490
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,080
Magnificent, without equal and fucking en...
491
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:35,460
Nice slap, bitch.
492
00:33:35,460 --> 00:33:37,880
I remember when you could look after yourself
493
00:33:39,820 --> 00:33:41,420
Still can. Good to know.
494
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,640
- Why did you... Just why?
495
00:33:50,860 --> 00:33:51,840
- Witchcraft?
496
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:53,500
- You prick!
497
00:33:54,140 --> 00:33:56,580
For God's sake, man. Look, I really want you to be my Best Man.
498
00:33:56,580 --> 00:33:59,260
Fuck knows why. I must need my fucking head examined.
499
00:33:59,260 --> 00:34:00,840
Why did you have to do it, eh?
500
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,840
- Dude, they were great nipples.
501
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,880
- Shut up, will you. Just go home.
502
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,660
- I think it's best if I wait till they're safely gone, don't you?
503
00:34:10,660 --> 00:34:13,640
- Shut up and stay here then. The shutting up is the important bit, ok?
504
00:34:33,220 --> 00:34:35,260
(whispering)
505
00:34:39,460 --> 00:34:40,460
(screams)
506
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:43,200
- What the hell?
507
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:44,040
- I just saw something.
508
00:34:44,980 --> 00:34:46,260
I saw a woman's face
509
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,000
- There's nothing there.
510
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,340
Maybe you were having an acid flashback
511
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:53,040
- You really can't stand that I had a life before you, can you?
512
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,800
- No, I can't stand that you had an IDIOT before me
513
00:34:56,180 --> 00:34:59,240
- That's nice. Real nice. What exactly would it take to shut you up?
514
00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:03,000
-Stitch my mouth shut. Still wouldn't be enough.
515
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,280
(whispering)
516
00:36:47,980 --> 00:36:49,740
(muffled panic)
517
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,400
- Eric? Where are you?
518
00:37:14,460 --> 00:37:15,200
Eric?
519
00:37:23,340 --> 00:37:24,540
I don't believe it
520
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:26,760
He's left me
521
00:37:27,940 --> 00:37:30,020
The bastard's left me in the middle of the night!
522
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,860
Well, it's not as if he lived here. There's not much of his stuff to check.
523
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:39,460
Hold on
524
00:37:40,180 --> 00:37:41,620
His car's still there
525
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,120
Thank God. He must be coming back.
526
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,000
Maybe he's just popped out for the papers or something
527
00:37:53,140 --> 00:37:55,060
Yeah. Absolutely.
528
00:37:56,460 --> 00:37:57,740
Cheers, Nic
529
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,240
- Protection. I'm organising protection.
530
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:13,500
Which means we'll need to cut the guest list to accomodate some of my associates.
531
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,500
- By how much?
532
00:38:16,020 --> 00:38:20,300
- If Gardenia makes a move on the wedding, it's the ceremony he's going to go for.
533
00:38:20,820 --> 00:38:23,240
Still invite your mates to the reception
534
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:26,060
But, uh, we need to pack the ceremony with muscle
535
00:38:26,060 --> 00:38:28,860
- What makes you think he'd go for a revenge hit at the wedding?
536
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:29,960
- Just a hunch.
537
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:43,920
- You still trying to sort out those flowers?
538
00:38:45,220 --> 00:38:46,500
- Yeah. Nightmare.
539
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,460
- I liked chocolate ice cream, you know.
540
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,980
Just to give you some idea of what I was like, before I was a corpse.
541
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,660
I liked chocolate ice-cream.
542
00:39:00,860 --> 00:39:02,060
(Booming sounds)
543
00:39:15,940 --> 00:39:17,140
(Booming sounds)
544
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,640
- That's my ring, whore!
545
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:20,500
(gasp)
546
00:40:55,220 --> 00:40:55,780
- Carly?
547
00:40:57,860 --> 00:41:01,640
Yeah, I know. Sorry it's so late but I really need to speak to you.
548
00:41:06,540 --> 00:41:08,460
- So, what are we talking?
549
00:41:09,060 --> 00:41:11,740
Secret lives? Infidelity?
550
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,140
Cold feet? What?
551
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,820
- Do you still know that occult stuff you were so into at uni?
552
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,780
- (laughs) You come over here all snot and nightshirts because you're worried about the occult?
553
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:23,360
- This ring won't come off.
554
00:41:23,980 --> 00:41:25,900
- So we are talking cold feet?
555
00:41:27,100 --> 00:41:29,800
- This ring won't come off, Carly.
556
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:31,720
It used to
557
00:41:31,980 --> 00:41:34,540
And then I started having these dreams
558
00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:37,100
And then I got blood on it
559
00:41:37,100 --> 00:41:38,660
And now it won't come off
560
00:41:38,660 --> 00:41:40,340
- I'm sorry honey. You've lost me?
561
00:41:42,100 --> 00:41:44,540
- Back as a student, you used to read auras and stuff, right?
562
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,700
- Jesus! As a student!
563
00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:51,120
I also used to drink Snakebite and black just for the joy of puking purple
564
00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:52,920
But I don't do that anymore either
565
00:41:53,180 --> 00:41:53,980
- Please?
566
00:41:54,980 --> 00:41:55,540
- For me?
567
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,080
- You're serious?
568
00:41:57,740 --> 00:41:59,940
You always used to say that stuff was horseshit.
569
00:42:00,300 --> 00:42:03,980
- Oh, I just need to know that everything's okay with me.
570
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:10,240
- It's a long time since I've done this, Nic
571
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:11,780
I can't promise anything.
572
00:42:13,380 --> 00:42:15,380
We need to turn the lights down
573
00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:50,740
- How are you feeling?
574
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:52,900
- Good
575
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:54,640
Well, okay
576
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,160
- I'm going to need your hand
577
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,520
This really is just hippy bullshit, you know, Nic
578
00:43:09,780 --> 00:43:12,820
It's to do with the way the pupils take in light
579
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,800
I just used to do it to make the goth guys think...
580
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:18,860
Oh God
581
00:43:19,240 --> 00:43:19,740
- What?
582
00:43:19,900 --> 00:43:20,940
What is it?
583
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,100
- It's like a pulsing
584
00:43:25,260 --> 00:43:26,220
Can you see it?
585
00:43:26,900 --> 00:43:28,620
- You're messing with me, aren't you?
586
00:43:29,260 --> 00:43:29,760
Carly?
587
00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:34,860
I can't believe it. I can believe you'd mess...
588
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:36,120
- I can see her.
589
00:43:39,780 --> 00:43:41,380
- The woman in the dress?
590
00:43:41,580 --> 00:43:42,720
- The woman in the dress.
591
00:43:44,980 --> 00:43:46,180
- What can we do?
592
00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:49,860
- Do you reckon we can make it to London and back before Lee wakes up?
593
00:43:49,940 --> 00:43:50,440
- Why?
594
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:52,920
- We're going to wake up my cousin
595
00:43:53,260 --> 00:43:55,020
(music)
596
00:43:58,500 --> 00:44:02,100
- Hi Carly. Hi. Good to see you.
597
00:44:02,580 --> 00:44:04,100
Do we hug? I forget.
598
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,800
- Hi Sinclair. Yes, we hug.
599
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:08,560
- And... Kiss?
600
00:44:08,620 --> 00:44:09,180
- Um, no.
601
00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:10,500
No, we don't do that.
602
00:44:12,060 --> 00:44:13,720
- I must apologise for the clutter
603
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:17,460
I'd make you a cup of tea, but I appear to have mislaid the kettle
604
00:44:18,660 --> 00:44:21,620
Would you show any interest in lime cordial?
605
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:23,280
- No thank you
606
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:24,760
- And you, um...?
607
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:26,200
- Nicole
608
00:44:26,780 --> 00:44:29,260
Yes, lime cordial sounds delightful
609
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:30,520
- Does it?
610
00:44:31,620 --> 00:44:32,120
Balls
611
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:33,760
I was bluffing
612
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:35,340
I don't have any of that either
613
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:38,040
Um, there's some water in the toilet if you want it
614
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:41,760
In the taps from the toilet, I mean. I'm not suggesting that you
615
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,660
scoop it out, or get down on all fours and lap it out of the bowl
616
00:44:44,660 --> 00:44:45,820
- Nicole's ring!
617
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:47,360
I think it's cursed
618
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:49,880
- Oh, I very much doubt that
619
00:44:50,420 --> 00:44:53,140
Cursed rings are very few and far between
620
00:44:53,140 --> 00:44:55,560
despite what you may have heard from-
621
00:44:58,740 --> 00:45:00,120
Jesus Christ!
622
00:45:01,700 --> 00:45:03,480
That's Josephine Stewart's ring
623
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:05,060
- Who?
624
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,160
- Oh, I expect you would have seen her by now
625
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,440
Dreams? Visions?
626
00:45:12,420 --> 00:45:15,140
I imagine she would have taken quite a dislike to you
627
00:45:15,740 --> 00:45:16,880
- She called me a whore
628
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,160
- How horribly rude of her
629
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,660
Josephine Stewart...
630
00:45:22,460 --> 00:45:24,060
A beautiful young woman
631
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:28,760
Betrayed by the man she was set to marry
632
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,320
And she snapped
633
00:45:31,620 --> 00:45:33,620
She didn't confront him
634
00:45:33,860 --> 00:45:35,780
Or even tell him that she knew
635
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,800
She just began picking people off
636
00:45:39,100 --> 00:45:43,180
One by one. Anyone even vaguely associated with him...
637
00:45:43,660 --> 00:45:44,160
Her...
638
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:45,800
The wedding...
639
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:49,280
And then, on the wedding day itself
640
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,820
She put on her dress
641
00:45:52,260 --> 00:45:55,040
and killed her husband's mistress
642
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:59,460
So legend has it, she bit off her ring finger and spat it at her husband
643
00:45:59,460 --> 00:46:03,420
Before slicing open his stomach and pulling out his entrails
644
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,020
Then she took her own life
645
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,340
and that... That's her ring.
646
00:46:11,980 --> 00:46:13,340
- This is impossible
647
00:46:13,700 --> 00:46:14,500
- Far from it
648
00:46:15,300 --> 00:46:18,660
- Those of us who take the time to follow such things
649
00:46:18,660 --> 00:46:21,100
have been waiting for that ring to show up for quite a while now
650
00:46:21,100 --> 00:46:25,100
Oh, it's cropped up once or twice over the past 100 years or so
651
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,280
Always with young couples
652
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:28,920
Always so much in love
653
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,380
Always turns out messy
654
00:46:33,300 --> 00:46:35,760
- So, what can you do about it?
655
00:46:37,580 --> 00:46:39,200
- Let's meet this bitch!
656
00:46:41,140 --> 00:46:42,820
And from darkness...
657
00:46:43,060 --> 00:46:43,820
to light
658
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:47,180
and so, I call you out
659
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:49,800
and from water
660
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,140
to air
661
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,780
so I call you out...
662
00:46:55,380 --> 00:46:57,060
- No, he doesn't!
663
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:00,880
You take what's mine
664
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,180
You show no respect
665
00:47:04,580 --> 00:47:07,600
You talk of love and you know nothing!
666
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:09,240
- He really hurt you, didn't he?
667
00:47:10,380 --> 00:47:12,180
Broke your heart?
668
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,840
- I was going to wait to spill whore blood
669
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:20,560
but I'll just take you all now!
670
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,360
- No, you won't
671
00:47:22,940 --> 00:47:24,380
You're in a mirror
672
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:26,920
- And you're staying there
673
00:47:27,660 --> 00:47:29,480
- NO!
674
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,960
- So, what, she is staying in there?
675
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,200
- I've always wanted a mirror with a ghost in it
676
00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:49,900
- Sinclair!
677
00:47:51,060 --> 00:47:53,060
This ring still won't come off
678
00:47:53,660 --> 00:47:55,720
- It doesn't altogether surprise me
679
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,700
You see, the ring's still hers
680
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,420
It's her anchor
681
00:48:01,260 --> 00:48:04,220
But, in time, the meaning of the ring will change
682
00:48:04,620 --> 00:48:06,160
It won't be her anchor
683
00:48:06,420 --> 00:48:08,580
Then, it'll just be a normal ring
684
00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:14,580
Until then, I'd advise you to keep it away from bad karma
685
00:48:14,580 --> 00:48:16,580
Dark energy, blood, corpses
686
00:48:16,740 --> 00:48:18,060
That kind of thing
687
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,460
and then she'll stay stuck in the mirror
688
00:48:23,100 --> 00:48:24,700
and whatever you do
689
00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:26,860
don't stick the finger with the ring
690
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:28,240
up your arse
691
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:29,540
- Why?
692
00:48:30,340 --> 00:48:31,500
- Because it's dirty
693
00:48:31,500 --> 00:48:34,280
and horrid to stick your fingers up your arse
694
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:36,660
Did your mother teach you nothing?
695
00:48:37,820 --> 00:48:38,460
- Father.
696
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:40,960
And, yes, he taught me a lot.
697
00:48:41,140 --> 00:48:43,260
- I think it's time to go home
698
00:48:43,260 --> 00:48:46,100
So, no more secrets between you and Lee, then?
699
00:48:47,300 --> 00:48:47,800
- No.
700
00:48:49,700 --> 00:48:51,940
- I hope I see you ladies again soon
701
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:53,480
and, Carly...?
702
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:55,160
Remember.
703
00:48:56,380 --> 00:48:58,340
It's okay between cousins.
704
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,200
There's nothing wrong with it whatsoever.
705
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:04,460
It's not even against the law.
706
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:08,540
- I really don't want to even think about that, thank you, Sinclair.
707
00:49:08,780 --> 00:49:11,260
- Repressed, that's your problem.
708
00:49:11,620 --> 00:49:13,300
I'll see you soon.
709
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:36,840
- I think you and me need to have a chat, Nicky.
710
00:49:38,300 --> 00:49:39,180
- About what?
711
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,320
- Well, I'm not even going to start as to where you ran off to in the middle of the night
712
00:49:42,740 --> 00:49:44,580
I'll start with the blood stains on your top
713
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:47,200
- I can't tell you
714
00:49:48,540 --> 00:49:49,040
- Try.
715
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:54,880
- If I tell you, I'm endangering you
716
00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:56,440
I couldn't do that
717
00:49:56,820 --> 00:49:59,800
- Well, you used to say to me you couldn't lie to me either
718
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:01,580
I guess that's gone by the wayside
719
00:50:01,860 --> 00:50:04,040
So, seeing as we're setting precedents here today
720
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,500
Why don't you just tell me why you've got blood all over your clothes?
721
00:50:06,500 --> 00:50:08,740
I mean, c'mon, Nicky, we're getting married for Christ's sake
722
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:12,340
- I can't tell you honey
723
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,760
- Where the fuck does that leave us then, eh?
724
00:50:19,380 --> 00:50:20,180
(door slam)
725
00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:34,360
(whispering)
726
00:50:54,540 --> 00:50:55,260
(car horn)
727
00:50:59,180 --> 00:51:03,360
(music)
728
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:06,400
- What time is it?
729
00:51:07,740 --> 00:51:08,300
- Eleven
730
00:51:11,300 --> 00:51:13,220
- Is this the day or the night?
731
00:51:13,220 --> 00:51:15,460
- Well, I don't know. My watch doesn't say.
732
00:51:17,220 --> 00:51:19,180
- We came here in the morning, didn't we?
733
00:51:19,780 --> 00:51:22,260
This can't be right. What time does this place close?
734
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:25,720
It doesn't?
735
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:28,080
Interesting.
736
00:51:33,540 --> 00:51:35,560
- You want to talk to some chicks?
737
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:36,540
- No.
738
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:38,080
I really don't.
739
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:44,340
- You want to tell me what happened?
740
00:51:44,340 --> 00:51:44,840
- No!
741
00:51:50,820 --> 00:51:52,140
- Do you...
742
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:53,980
want to be sick again?
743
00:51:56,060 --> 00:51:59,240
- No. Sorry about your shoes.
744
00:52:01,180 --> 00:52:03,680
- Look, dude, whatever's going on
745
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:06,800
you're obviously having some sort of moment of realisation
746
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:09,720
and when that happens, it's never straightforward
747
00:52:14,660 --> 00:52:17,120
- I don't know why I ever thought this could work out
748
00:52:24,660 --> 00:52:27,140
- Cousin Emma had a kid a few years back
749
00:52:27,140 --> 00:52:30,420
The first in our generation to make with the baby production
750
00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:32,100
So I became, like an aunt
751
00:52:32,100 --> 00:52:33,960
A second aunt? A something aunt.
752
00:52:34,100 --> 00:52:36,520
Anyway, I hadn't seen Emma in years
753
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,200
and suddenly she announces that she wanted to come and stay overnight
754
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:40,500
You know, a favour.
755
00:52:40,780 --> 00:52:43,740
Just her and the little boy, no big deal, just one night.
756
00:52:44,060 --> 00:52:46,360
The little boy was a toddler at this point
757
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,100
Called Colin. Adorable little boy.
758
00:52:48,220 --> 00:52:50,960
I'd just graduated from Uni and I was sharing a flat with Carly
759
00:52:51,020 --> 00:52:53,660
which wasn't exactly child-friendly.
760
00:52:54,700 --> 00:52:58,220
It wasn't a crack den or anything, it was just that we were used to leaving stuff lying around
761
00:52:58,220 --> 00:53:01,600
Carly left a vibrator on the kitchen sideboard once, you know, that kind of thing.
762
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,380
And I was so determined to make a good impression on Emma
763
00:53:04,380 --> 00:53:08,080
and not forever go down in history as the bad aunt who let Colin drink bongwater or something
764
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,400
It was great. We had plenty of soft toys lying around
765
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,180
and Georgie was a kitten at this point.
766
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,440
Can you think of anything more child friendly than a kitten and a bunch of soft toys?
767
00:53:16,900 --> 00:53:19,720
So Emma would think I was brilliant, and everything would be wonderful
768
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:20,680
- Foolproof.
769
00:53:20,940 --> 00:53:25,080
- So, I was talking to Emma about tax breaks, or something suitably grown up
770
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:26,380
but Georgie wasn't happy
771
00:53:26,380 --> 00:53:29,120
because we'd only had him fixed about three days before
772
00:53:29,220 --> 00:53:32,900
and Georgie found the octopus. My stuffed toy octopus.
773
00:53:32,900 --> 00:53:34,700
- I didn't know you had a stuffed toy octopus
774
00:53:34,900 --> 00:53:36,500
- I don't. Not any more.
775
00:53:37,540 --> 00:53:42,180
So, Georgie picks up the stuffed toy octopus and drags it into the middle of the living room floor
776
00:53:42,180 --> 00:53:45,120
and little Colin sits on the sofa and watches
777
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:48,480
while Georgie attempts to have sex with the stuffed toy octopus' face
778
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:49,020
- God.
779
00:53:49,380 --> 00:53:51,180
- Doomed to failure
780
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:53,680
3 days after being neutered, there's no way a kitten
781
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:56,580
can satisfactorily have sex with an octopus' face
782
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:58,440
What Georgie actually did
783
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:04,080
was drag his empty, stitched scrotum repeatedly across the octopus' sightless plastic eyes
784
00:54:04,140 --> 00:54:04,860
and howl
785
00:54:05,180 --> 00:54:07,280
(howls)
786
00:54:07,780 --> 00:54:10,520
A howl of loss and frustration
787
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,820
and little Colin sits there and watches Georgie dry-fuck the octopus' face
788
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:15,020
and begins to cry
789
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:19,940
It was possibly the most disturbing thing I've seen in my entire life
790
00:54:20,380 --> 00:54:21,800
(laughs)
791
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,520
Do you want to go and get an ice-cream?
792
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:28,180
- I think I've just fallen in love with you
793
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:31,440
- Interesting choice of moment
794
00:54:33,820 --> 00:54:34,460
- Come on.
795
00:54:46,740 --> 00:54:49,660
(music)
796
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:51,820
- Wow
797
00:54:52,660 --> 00:54:53,540
- Wow what?
798
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,400
- I just had a, what did you call it? A moment of realisation
799
00:54:59,100 --> 00:55:00,380
I've just realised
800
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:01,980
I don't care
801
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:03,480
- You don't care?
802
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:04,780
- No.
803
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:06,120
Cheers, mate!
804
00:55:18,820 --> 00:55:20,660
- I don't care about secrets
805
00:55:20,660 --> 00:55:23,260
I don't care about mistakes. All I want to do is just get married.
806
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,760
- That's terrific, Lee. But I haven't got a clue what you're talking about.
807
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:28,880
Nic's not here.
808
00:55:29,300 --> 00:55:30,760
- Wasn't at her flat, either.
809
00:55:31,260 --> 00:55:31,820
Or mine.
810
00:55:31,900 --> 00:55:33,180
- Her Dad's office?
811
00:55:33,580 --> 00:55:34,460
- Worth a try.
812
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:41,720
(shriek of pain)
813
00:55:43,420 --> 00:55:46,740
- This is turning into a really bad day
814
00:55:46,740 --> 00:55:48,740
- I'm really sorry. I'm just in a bit of a hurry, okay?
815
00:55:48,740 --> 00:55:51,800
- Well, "hurry is as hurry does", as my old Granny used to say
816
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:53,680
Mind you, she was mad, so that doesn't really help any
817
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,280
Buy us a new one?
818
00:55:58,240 --> 00:55:59,900
- Okay, where's your coffee machine?
819
00:55:59,900 --> 00:56:02,060
- Not the coffee. Buy us a new boiler suit.
820
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:04,980
- I haven't got time to buy you a new boiler suit.
821
00:56:04,980 --> 00:56:07,300
- You haven't got time to buy me a new boiler suit?
822
00:56:07,300 --> 00:56:08,380
- No, I bloody haven't!
823
00:56:08,380 --> 00:56:10,580
- Well, I think you'll find, then, I haven't got time to let you pass
824
00:56:10,580 --> 00:56:12,940
- You haven't so much as blinked at me ever before
825
00:56:13,100 --> 00:56:16,420
- I think I'd better start making up for lost time then, hadn't I?
826
00:56:17,140 --> 00:56:17,780
- Oh, God.
827
00:56:19,660 --> 00:56:21,020
- Andy!
828
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:22,480
(toilet flush)
829
00:56:24,940 --> 00:56:28,440
- I can't believe the amount of effort it takes to have a successful crap in one of these things
830
00:56:29,240 --> 00:56:31,620
Eight buttons, velcro, pull it all the way down
831
00:56:31,620 --> 00:56:33,280
Should just have a little slit. Here.
832
00:56:33,420 --> 00:56:34,120
- That'd be cool.
833
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:34,780
- Crotchless
834
00:56:34,780 --> 00:56:35,280
- Erotic
835
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:35,780
- GUYS!
836
00:56:36,140 --> 00:56:36,920
- Problem?
837
00:56:37,460 --> 00:56:39,580
- This toilet is making threats
838
00:56:39,580 --> 00:56:42,100
- Hang on a sec. I've not made any threats.
839
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:44,880
- This toilet is threatening
840
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:47,000
not to buy me a new boiler suit
841
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,560
(both) - The bastard!
842
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,820
- So, are we extorting clothes from people again?
843
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:51,940
- Yeah, looks like
844
00:56:51,940 --> 00:56:53,820
- So, you guys do this sort of thing often?
845
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:55,400
- Not all the time
846
00:56:55,460 --> 00:56:56,260
- Sometimes
847
00:56:56,420 --> 00:56:57,780
- Not always clothes
848
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:58,720
- Biscuits
849
00:56:58,720 --> 00:56:59,500
- Toffee apples
850
00:56:59,540 --> 00:57:00,400
- Labradors
851
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:01,020
- Hats
852
00:57:01,020 --> 00:57:03,000
- This isn't how security is meant to work
853
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,700
- You know all about it, do you?
854
00:57:04,700 --> 00:57:05,600
- I think you'll find
855
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,000
(both) - We make the rules round here
856
00:57:09,340 --> 00:57:09,840
- Fine!
857
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:12,140
- What bloody size are you?
858
00:57:12,140 --> 00:57:13,160
- Is he saying I'm fat now?
859
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:16,040
- I think he is. He's a medium. Look at him. Quite clearly a medium.
860
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:17,080
- Extra medium
861
00:57:17,220 --> 00:57:18,740
- Who you kidding, pal?
862
00:57:18,980 --> 00:57:20,260
(both) - Crotchless!
863
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:22,100
- Crotchless medium
864
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:23,960
- Extra crotchless medium
865
00:57:29,380 --> 00:57:32,280
- I've always wanted to be a better Dad than I have been, angel
866
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:34,400
I wish your mum was still around
867
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,480
She'd have been better at giving advice than me
868
00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:38,620
I think you just need to talk to him
869
00:57:38,820 --> 00:57:40,220
Tell him what you think he needs to know
870
00:57:40,620 --> 00:57:41,340
I trust you
871
00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:43,060
- He won't listen!
872
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:45,520
Not now. It's too late
873
00:57:45,700 --> 00:57:48,600
- I don't think you should count him out just yet
874
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:54,960
(music)
875
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,600
- You don't have to tell me anything
876
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:58,440
- I know. I'm going to tell you everything now, anyway
877
00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:02,160
(Lesley) - I'll put on some coffee now, shall I?
878
00:58:05,700 --> 00:58:07,860
(song) We're back, and it's fine
879
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:10,880
(song) And I smile all the time
880
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,080
(song) 'cos I'm yours and you're mine
881
00:58:15,020 --> 00:58:17,420
(song) and we're back, and it's fine
882
00:58:25,860 --> 00:58:29,540
(song) You laughed and I cried, and we talked and I tried
883
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:39,280
(song) We're back and it's fine
884
00:58:40,100 --> 00:58:42,100
(song) and I smile all the time
885
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:48,240
(song) 'cos I'm yours and you're mine and we're back and it's fine
886
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:54,720
(song) we're back and it's fine
887
00:58:58,700 --> 00:59:02,240
- I don't know if you're aware why we're doing this
888
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:05,960
It might strike some of you
889
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:08,600
as overly theatrical
890
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:11,520
Murders at a wedding
891
00:59:12,300 --> 00:59:14,700
All a bit over the top
892
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,020
and if that's what you're thinking, that's fine
893
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:24,240
but if you decide to vocalise such opinions
894
00:59:24,700 --> 00:59:26,300
then we'll have trouble
895
00:59:27,700 --> 00:59:29,660
Keep 'em to yourself
896
00:59:32,660 --> 00:59:33,680
Because
897
00:59:35,260 --> 00:59:38,760
I want to make this very clear indeed
898
00:59:39,820 --> 00:59:42,500
that bastard took my son
899
00:59:43,060 --> 00:59:44,240
my boy
900
00:59:45,620 --> 00:59:46,780
my Jacob
901
00:59:48,540 --> 00:59:51,100
and, by God, I want payback!
902
00:59:52,300 --> 00:59:53,580
He's got a daughter
903
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:57,900
for the next few hours at least
904
00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:03,760
I wanna walk through pieces of her face
905
01:00:04,220 --> 01:00:06,520
Kick at them, like autumn leaves
906
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:11,460
I want her lover strung up like a horse thief in the old West
907
01:00:13,060 --> 01:00:15,180
but Meadows himself...
908
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:20,840
That's why I'm coming with you boys
909
01:00:22,580 --> 01:00:24,840
I'm not sitting this one out
910
01:00:40,580 --> 01:00:43,620
- Tell me one more time from the top
911
01:00:44,340 --> 01:00:46,580
Who the hell are these guys?
912
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:49,080
- They're Lesley's associates
913
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:50,540
- And where are your friends and family again?
914
01:00:50,540 --> 01:00:52,440
- I told you. Reception only now.
915
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:54,520
Lesley thought it was for the best.
916
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:56,660
- Any clue why he may have thought that?
917
01:00:57,340 --> 01:01:00,540
- I think that he thinks that some shit may go down
918
01:01:00,940 --> 01:01:02,060
- It's a wedding!
919
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:04,840
Shit doesn't go down at weddings
920
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:07,480
Shit goes down at midnight meetings at the docks
921
01:01:07,660 --> 01:01:09,500
Shit goes down at drug deals
922
01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:10,400
- Shit certainly...
923
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:11,760
- Would you keep your voice down?
924
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:13,400
- does not go down at weddings
925
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:15,160
- And it won't at this one either
926
01:01:20,100 --> 01:01:21,000
Probably.
927
01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:27,960
(Official) - All stand for the bride
928
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:50,620
(music)
929
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:10,140
(sinister music)
930
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:27,480
- Ladies and gentlemen, we're gathered here today to join in matrimony Lee Parker and Nicole Meadows
931
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:33,780
(muffled gunshot)
932
01:02:34,780 --> 01:02:35,880
- Sniper!
933
01:02:41,740 --> 01:02:44,100
(machine gun fire outside)
934
01:02:44,100 --> 01:02:44,700
(muffled gunshot)
935
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:50,500
- Dad!
936
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:51,560
(muffled gunshot)
937
01:02:54,940 --> 01:02:55,580
Dad!
938
01:02:59,820 --> 01:03:01,260
- I'm sorry, princess
939
01:03:03,700 --> 01:03:04,680
So sorry
940
01:03:06,100 --> 01:03:07,420
I didn't want this to...
941
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:09,840
to ruin your big day
942
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:16,180
- Dad, I'd forgive you anything
943
01:03:17,400 --> 01:03:18,400
I don't care
944
01:03:19,540 --> 01:03:20,820
Just don't die on me
945
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:24,720
Please don't die on me
946
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:34,160
- Oh my God
947
01:03:35,280 --> 01:03:36,320
Is he..?
948
01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:38,740
Bastards
949
01:03:47,220 --> 01:03:48,120
BASTARDS!
950
01:03:48,580 --> 01:03:49,740
Get off me, Rick
951
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:51,200
(gunfire outside)
952
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:53,500
- Nic?
953
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:58,040
You might want to keep the cursed ring away from all the blood
954
01:04:06,660 --> 01:04:08,100
It looks like it's...
955
01:04:09,020 --> 01:04:09,920
Oh Jesus
956
01:04:15,020 --> 01:04:16,780
We're going to have to move
957
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:18,480
- I'm not leaving Dad
958
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:19,760
- Come on
959
01:04:20,100 --> 01:04:21,220
Nic, I'm so sorry
960
01:04:29,720 --> 01:04:30,640
- Oh no!
961
01:04:36,060 --> 01:04:37,340
(mirror smash)
962
01:04:37,700 --> 01:04:38,340
- Come on!
963
01:04:39,380 --> 01:04:40,820
Please, Nic
964
01:04:55,260 --> 01:04:56,400
- LET US PRAY!
965
01:04:58,260 --> 01:04:59,380
(eating sounds)
966
01:05:09,380 --> 01:05:10,100
(gunshot)
967
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:11,240
(screams)
968
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:12,000
(gunshot)
969
01:05:16,840 --> 01:05:18,280
- How are things over here then, mate?
970
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,480
- Few fuckers left. Won't take another couple of minutes
971
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:21,920
- Think you'll finish them off, though?
972
01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:24,120
- I'm not letting those gangster bastards ruin that lassie's wedding day
973
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:24,940
- Good for you
974
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:25,720
(gunshot)
975
01:05:31,580 --> 01:05:34,700
- I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave
976
01:05:39,380 --> 01:05:40,740
You weren't invited
977
01:05:41,180 --> 01:05:41,820
(scream)
978
01:05:49,100 --> 01:05:50,620
I know what I have to do!
979
01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:57,080
- Wait! Wait!
980
01:05:59,980 --> 01:06:02,180
- You want the ring? Have it!
981
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:08,560
- Did you just chop off your finger and throw it at the ghost?
982
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:11,180
- Yeah?
983
01:06:12,200 --> 01:06:12,700
- Why?
984
01:06:14,700 --> 01:06:16,200
- Well, she vanished, didn't she?
985
01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:17,960
- I think she was probably surprised
986
01:06:18,100 --> 01:06:18,720
I was!
987
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:20,920
I think she'll be back any second
988
01:06:21,200 --> 01:06:23,560
I don't think the finger thing will have helped
989
01:06:24,240 --> 01:06:24,740
- Oh.
990
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,700
- You need to change the meaning of the anchor
991
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:30,560
You need to complete the wedding ceremony using the ring
992
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:32,720
So it's yours, not hers
993
01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:40,640
- I actually feel quite sick
994
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:49,920
- Guys! Do not go outside! There's a fucking gang war going on out there!
995
01:06:53,700 --> 01:06:55,140
- Where's the finger?
996
01:06:56,320 --> 01:06:57,760
We need to reattach it
997
01:06:59,220 --> 01:07:00,460
(screams)
998
01:07:14,260 --> 01:07:15,300
- Oi, shithead!
999
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:18,320
Nobody chews my girl's finger on her wedding day
1000
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:20,940
Sweetie? Ax.
1001
01:07:23,020 --> 01:07:23,820
(splatter)
1002
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:38,480
- Give me the finger
1003
01:07:47,660 --> 01:07:51,800
Ricky, make yourself useful and find something with adhesive properties
1004
01:07:52,880 --> 01:07:53,380
- Like?
1005
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:54,680
- Glue?
1006
01:07:55,200 --> 01:07:57,860
A stapler? A fucking nailgun if that's all you can find
1007
01:07:58,480 --> 01:07:59,960
This finger's going back on
1008
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:02,440
- Did you say nailgun?
1009
01:08:14,420 --> 01:08:16,180
- Ricky, get the registrar
1010
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:21,340
Right.
1011
01:08:21,600 --> 01:08:24,240
Staples first, tape over the top, I reckon.
1012
01:08:24,980 --> 01:08:26,980
We need to finish the ceremony
1013
01:08:27,380 --> 01:08:29,420
We change the meaning of the anchor
1014
01:08:29,420 --> 01:08:30,760
and she'll change too
1015
01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:33,400
- I might pass out
1016
01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:34,760
- Try and wait for the 'I do'
1017
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:35,300
- I will
1018
01:08:35,300 --> 01:08:35,800
- Good
1019
01:08:36,020 --> 01:08:39,140
- No, I mean we're going to say 'I will' not 'I do'
1020
01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:40,960
- Good to know
1021
01:08:51,120 --> 01:08:52,240
(staple crunch)
1022
01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:55,640
(staple crunch)
1023
01:09:00,460 --> 01:09:01,240
(staple crunch)
1024
01:09:26,820 --> 01:09:27,540
(gunshot)
1025
01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:37,040
- You're going to be alright
1026
01:09:38,460 --> 01:09:40,540
- See, there's a problem, Carly
1027
01:09:40,720 --> 01:09:43,220
- There's no problem. There's no problem at all. You're going to get up.
1028
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:46,800
- That would appear to be unwise
1029
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:51,720
But that's not the problem
1030
01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:56,140
- No, don't you dare
1031
01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,880
Don't you fucking dare say it
1032
01:10:00,140 --> 01:10:03,500
- Not punching me near the soon-to-be-fatal wound
1033
01:10:03,500 --> 01:10:05,320
would be greatly appreciated
1034
01:10:06,660 --> 01:10:08,420
- Oh, leopard, I'm so sorry
1035
01:10:10,080 --> 01:10:11,000
- Leopard?
1036
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:13,480
You ain't called me that in a while
1037
01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:17,160
I still never change, do I?
1038
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:20,800
- No, you don't
1039
01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:24,320
Are you gonna die on me now, Pearson?
1040
01:10:24,320 --> 01:10:25,920
Is that your big finish?
1041
01:10:26,340 --> 01:10:27,860
- No. Not if I can help it
1042
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:34,520
- I think I might have... I may be...
1043
01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:35,780
Oh, sod it
1044
01:10:42,260 --> 01:10:45,140
- I tell you what, Carly. I'm not going to die
1045
01:10:45,680 --> 01:10:49,040
Not now there seems to be a chance that, if I pull through...
1046
01:10:49,780 --> 01:10:52,420
I'll get to see one of your nipples again
1047
01:10:53,140 --> 01:10:55,060
- I'll show you now if you want
1048
01:10:55,400 --> 01:10:59,000
- No, not yet. They're giving me something to live for.
1049
01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:02,640
- Keep reading!
1050
01:11:05,760 --> 01:11:07,120
- And, if anybody...
1051
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:10,640
...here has any...
1052
01:11:11,540 --> 01:11:12,480
...just...
1053
01:11:13,820 --> 01:11:14,860
...impediment
1054
01:11:15,240 --> 01:11:18,040
- Look, no-one's going to object. I think it's safe to move on.
1055
01:11:18,100 --> 01:11:20,740
- I'm sorry, I can't remember this stuff
1056
01:11:20,740 --> 01:11:24,480
I'm fucking shitting myself here, her fucking finger's falling off for fuck's sake
1057
01:11:28,500 --> 01:11:30,160
I now pronounce you
1058
01:11:31,300 --> 01:11:33,380
man and wife
1059
01:11:34,260 --> 01:11:36,020
(scream)
1060
01:11:39,460 --> 01:11:41,740
- You may kill the bride
1061
01:11:42,360 --> 01:11:42,920
(shout)
1062
01:11:46,440 --> 01:11:47,800
(music)
1063
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:50,880
(Sinclair) - They say love conquers all
1064
01:11:51,320 --> 01:11:52,960
and they might be right
1065
01:11:53,220 --> 01:11:55,700
I don't know quite what the police made of it all
1066
01:11:56,120 --> 01:12:00,340
A couple of dozen dead gangsters from rival organisations
1067
01:12:00,640 --> 01:12:03,560
a monster with an ax wound in its head
1068
01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:06,000
and a beheaded woman in a wedding dress
1069
01:12:06,200 --> 01:12:10,620
who had apparently already died over a hundred years beforehand
1070
01:12:11,540 --> 01:12:15,800
I don't think Lee and Nicole ever found out what the police made of it either
1071
01:12:15,800 --> 01:12:21,780
According to Carly, they buggered off on their honeymoon without so much as stopping at the dry cleaners
1072
01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:23,360
or the police station
1073
01:12:23,500 --> 01:12:25,820
and they have yet to return
1074
01:12:26,100 --> 01:12:27,640
As for Carly
1075
01:12:27,860 --> 01:12:32,520
she seems to be back with that Ricky chap more or less permanently
1076
01:12:32,700 --> 01:12:34,400
"giving it another try"
1077
01:12:34,660 --> 01:12:39,140
Just because he got a bit shot, I don't see what so fucking impressive about...
1078
01:12:39,140 --> 01:12:41,600
Now now, Sinclair. Mustn't get bitter.
1079
01:12:42,440 --> 01:12:47,480
The spirit of Josephine Stewart finally found rest
1080
01:12:47,900 --> 01:12:51,500
and it was happily ever afters all round.
1081
01:12:53,700 --> 01:12:56,700
Well, except for all the people that died, I suppose.
1082
01:13:00,500 --> 01:13:02,940
Subtitles by Jinx Media 2016
76865
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