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1
00:00:05,659 --> 00:00:07,693
Dave, we don't have time.
2
00:00:11,831 --> 00:00:14,366
Okay, I've got everything
you need right here.
3
00:00:15,569 --> 00:00:17,135
♪ You're the best... ♪
4
00:00:17,136 --> 00:00:19,370
Dave, how much longer
are you gonna be doing this?
5
00:00:19,371 --> 00:00:21,873
♪ So long, I can't stop... ♪
6
00:00:21,874 --> 00:00:23,309
- Dave.
- Do it with me.
7
00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:25,343
I'm leaving.
8
00:00:25,344 --> 00:00:28,047
♪ Have it your way ♪
9
00:00:28,048 --> 00:00:30,916
♪ I know I'm late ♪
10
00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:34,220
- ♪ But it's okay... ♪
- No.
11
00:00:34,221 --> 00:00:36,888
♪ We don't have time to wait... ♪ Oh.
12
00:00:36,889 --> 00:00:39,592
♪ We're gonna have
the best time... ♪
13
00:00:39,593 --> 00:00:41,260
Dave, you have to change.
14
00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:43,529
♪ Do you remember
when you got all mad ♪
15
00:00:43,530 --> 00:00:45,764
♪ 'Cause I threw out that flyer? ♪
16
00:00:45,765 --> 00:00:49,401
That was not a flyer.
I told you.
17
00:00:49,402 --> 00:00:51,603
♪ Yes, it was ♪
18
00:00:51,604 --> 00:00:54,038
♪ No, it was a save the date ♪
19
00:00:54,039 --> 00:00:55,841
♪ It's the same thing,
it's gonna end up ♪
20
00:00:55,842 --> 00:00:58,043
♪ On a fridge either way... ♪
21
00:00:59,678 --> 00:01:01,446
♪ You're gonna dance with me ♪
22
00:01:01,447 --> 00:01:04,350
♪ Yes, of course, I love you ♪
23
00:01:04,351 --> 00:01:07,219
♪ But we really got
to go right now ♪
24
00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:09,355
♪ Fine, it was fun while it lasted. ♪
25
00:01:09,356 --> 00:01:11,559
Mm-hmm.
26
00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:20,365
I got to export this.
27
00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:24,103
That was high art. Oh, my God.
28
00:01:24,104 --> 00:01:25,704
- Great work.
- Yeah.
29
00:01:25,705 --> 00:01:27,538
Okay. We got to go.
30
00:01:27,539 --> 00:01:29,505
Can I use this on my
album as an interlude?
31
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,521
Dave.
32
00:01:34,648 --> 00:01:36,148
"If there was one word
33
00:01:36,149 --> 00:01:38,916
I would use to describe my big sister,
34
00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:41,719
- it would be 'hilarious.'"
- Hmm.
35
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,323
"When I wanted to invite Anthony
Turner to my eighth grade dance,
36
00:01:44,324 --> 00:01:48,126
Julie was all,
'But, Ally, how will he dance?'"
37
00:01:48,127 --> 00:01:50,561
- Why?
- Because Anthony Turner had actually...
38
00:01:50,562 --> 00:01:52,163
He broke both of his legs in, like,
39
00:01:52,164 --> 00:01:55,133
a really bad skiing accident.
40
00:01:55,134 --> 00:01:57,236
But I-I guess people don't...
Should I say that
41
00:01:57,237 --> 00:01:58,917
at the beginning or
at the end of the joke?
42
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,454
Wait a minute. I'm very...
Like, I thought
43
00:02:00,456 --> 00:02:01,774
you were giving the speech, and now,
44
00:02:01,775 --> 00:02:03,309
like, you're talking
t... I'm like, just...
45
00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:04,942
I don't know
when the fourth wall broke,
46
00:02:04,943 --> 00:02:06,811
when you started talking to me,
it's all very...
47
00:02:06,812 --> 00:02:08,513
I'm asking if you think
it's, if that's...
48
00:02:08,514 --> 00:02:10,281
Well, that's like...
people are gonna laugh.
49
00:02:10,282 --> 00:02:12,917
You know, I don't know,
I wouldn't make fun of a kid
50
00:02:12,918 --> 00:02:15,487
for being crippled or whatever
you just spoke about.
51
00:02:15,488 --> 00:02:17,022
I don't know
how I'm expected to give, like,
52
00:02:17,023 --> 00:02:19,357
an even okay maid of honor speech,
53
00:02:19,358 --> 00:02:21,994
when I have no idea
why I'm the maid of honor.
54
00:02:21,995 --> 00:02:24,429
Like, we-we're not even friends.
55
00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:26,465
Use that. Start with that...
That's raw.
56
00:02:26,466 --> 00:02:28,867
There's, like, emotion there.
There's, like, earnestness.
57
00:02:28,868 --> 00:02:31,602
There's a real, you know, zeal.
58
00:02:31,603 --> 00:02:34,606
No matter what I do,
my family's gonna judge it.
59
00:02:34,607 --> 00:02:38,276
You know both of my parents
are Libras? Both of them.
60
00:02:38,277 --> 00:02:40,279
Uh, I never understand why
people say "don't judge me."
61
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,679
That... I mean, we human beings judge.
62
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,448
That's, like, our total predisposition.
63
00:02:43,449 --> 00:02:45,451
That's how we select.
64
00:02:45,452 --> 00:02:47,685
Or-or not "select," but...
65
00:02:47,686 --> 00:02:51,523
Oh. Mike.
66
00:02:51,524 --> 00:02:53,659
- Hey, man.
- Hi, Mike.
67
00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:55,327
Yes, hi, Ally. Whatever.
68
00:02:55,328 --> 00:02:56,961
Dave, heads up.
69
00:02:56,962 --> 00:02:59,798
Uh, Jim Moreno
from Random Gem called, and, uh,
70
00:02:59,799 --> 00:03:04,203
he says they're gonna have a
deal memo by the end of the day.
71
00:03:04,204 --> 00:03:07,840
All right. Um, and that...
What does that mean?
72
00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:10,675
Like, you know, for real.
73
00:03:10,676 --> 00:03:12,678
Dude, it is a precontract, right?
74
00:03:12,679 --> 00:03:14,213
It's establishing
a relationship with you
75
00:03:14,214 --> 00:03:16,849
as an artist without, you know,
76
00:03:16,850 --> 00:03:18,316
getting fully into a contract.
77
00:03:18,317 --> 00:03:20,318
I love it when you talk dirty.
78
00:03:20,319 --> 00:03:21,987
It's the best thing that's come
across our desk so far.
79
00:03:21,988 --> 00:03:24,022
Oh, my gosh! Oh!
80
00:03:24,023 --> 00:03:26,357
What the f... Uh...
81
00:03:26,358 --> 00:03:29,026
Hello?
82
00:03:29,027 --> 00:03:30,228
Whatever.
83
00:03:30,229 --> 00:03:33,431
Oh, my God.
84
00:03:33,432 --> 00:03:36,435
Oh, my God, Dave.
It's a little bunny.
85
00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:37,903
Man down.
86
00:03:37,904 --> 00:03:40,773
Oh, my God.
87
00:03:40,774 --> 00:03:43,274
Fuck! He's still alive.
88
00:03:43,275 --> 00:03:45,276
His little foot is twitching.
89
00:03:45,277 --> 00:03:47,279
Very sad.
90
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,113
Dave.
91
00:03:49,114 --> 00:03:51,282
- What?
- We can't leave him.
92
00:03:51,283 --> 00:03:53,217
He's, u-uh, suffering.
93
00:03:53,218 --> 00:03:55,219
We got to, like,
call a vet or something, right?
94
00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:57,122
Do you think there's, like,
a vet nearby, or...?
95
00:03:57,123 --> 00:03:59,024
I don't know where vets are. And, no.
96
00:03:59,025 --> 00:04:01,026
Like, vets don't apply
to vermin. This thing's wild.
97
00:04:01,027 --> 00:04:02,694
This is a free-range rabbit. I mean...
98
00:04:02,695 --> 00:04:04,897
- Oh, my God.
- I don't think you can call a vet
99
00:04:04,898 --> 00:04:07,031
when you don't have ownership of
the cr... you know, the creature.
100
00:04:07,032 --> 00:04:09,868
He's in pain, Dave.
101
00:04:09,869 --> 00:04:11,937
He looks like he's... Yeah, it looks...
102
00:04:11,938 --> 00:04:13,772
I think he's fucking dying.
103
00:04:13,773 --> 00:04:17,142
- Okay, well, we have to kill it.
- What?
104
00:04:17,143 --> 00:04:18,838
It's suffering.
It's, like, slowly dying.
105
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,860
We got to put him out of his misery.
That's like...
106
00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:21,947
You want me to kill it?
107
00:04:21,948 --> 00:04:24,416
Like, uh, what do you want me
to do? Stomp its head?
108
00:04:24,417 --> 00:04:26,418
Smother... Like,
I'm not gonna kill this thing.
109
00:04:26,419 --> 00:04:29,086
You-you got to get back in
the car and then run him over.
110
00:04:29,087 --> 00:04:32,257
Again? You want me to run it
over twice? I'm not Suge Knight.
111
00:04:32,258 --> 00:04:34,259
- Run him over, but directly.
- How is that better for him?
112
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:36,562
Direct? Uh, he's fucking...
I nailed him. I mean...
113
00:04:36,563 --> 00:04:39,096
- No, you didn't! Or else he'd be dead!
- I did.
114
00:04:39,097 --> 00:04:41,265
Put yourself in his shoes.
You want to be lying
115
00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:43,000
in the middle of the road,
bleeding, dying?
116
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:45,236
This thing isn't wearing shoes,
Al! This is vermin.
117
00:04:45,237 --> 00:04:48,173
Dave! It's a living thing
and it's suffering.
118
00:04:48,174 --> 00:04:49,608
You have to kill it.
119
00:04:53,513 --> 00:04:56,081
You have to cut more this-this way.
120
00:04:56,082 --> 00:04:57,983
- Left?
- You have to go on my right.
121
00:04:57,984 --> 00:04:59,559
Dave, you have to go more right.
You're not gonna...
122
00:04:59,561 --> 00:05:01,853
All right, I'm not a precision
fucking driver. Stop yelling.
123
00:05:01,854 --> 00:05:04,022
Dave, you just have to hit
the fucking bunny.
124
00:05:04,023 --> 00:05:06,091
- Uh...
- No.
125
00:05:06,092 --> 00:05:07,192
Dave!
126
00:05:07,193 --> 00:05:09,995
You just got its ears! My God!
127
00:05:09,996 --> 00:05:11,796
It's screaming.
128
00:05:11,797 --> 00:05:13,499
Dave, just... do it again.
129
00:05:14,534 --> 00:05:15,933
Move out of the way.
130
00:05:33,453 --> 00:05:36,053
This is a great Airbnb. Wow.
131
00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:38,457
Here comes my stress headache.
132
00:05:38,458 --> 00:05:40,024
Why? It's gonna be fine.
133
00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:41,860
I'm gonna blow them away
like I always do.
134
00:05:41,861 --> 00:05:44,296
Yeah. Nothing blows
parents away like,
135
00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:47,164
"Here's my boyfriend.
He's an aspiring rapper."
136
00:05:47,165 --> 00:05:48,534
There they are.
137
00:05:48,535 --> 00:05:50,902
Please, look at this man.
Your dad wants to fuck me.
138
00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,404
- The weary travelers.
- Hi, Dad.
139
00:05:52,405 --> 00:05:54,139
- Well, you guys made some great time.
- H-Hey!
140
00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:56,808
- Yeah. Waze is very accurate.
- Yeah. Yeah.
141
00:05:56,809 --> 00:05:59,176
Oh, Allison, you're
getting skinny again.
142
00:05:59,177 --> 00:06:01,146
- Let me take that. All right.
- Oh...
143
00:06:01,147 --> 00:06:03,014
- You hungry?
- No, not really. I...
144
00:06:03,015 --> 00:06:04,750
Oh, well, come on in.
We'll get you something.
145
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:06,985
- Yeah, we have food. You bet. Come on.
- Thank you. Thanks.
146
00:06:06,986 --> 00:06:08,853
- How was your drive?
- Easy.
147
00:06:08,854 --> 00:06:10,656
- A little bit of an obstacle, but...
- What's up, man?
148
00:06:10,657 --> 00:06:11,971
You here to help me
out, muscle man? Aw...
149
00:06:11,973 --> 00:06:13,692
- Hi.
- Jules! Oh, my God!
150
00:06:13,693 --> 00:06:15,226
- You look so pretty.
- Hi.
151
00:06:15,227 --> 00:06:17,762
Hi. Oh. Okay.
Um, I just lotioned my hands.
152
00:06:17,763 --> 00:06:19,397
I don't want to get it
on your little romper.
153
00:06:19,398 --> 00:06:22,500
Oh. Uh, that's why
you smell so nice.
154
00:06:22,501 --> 00:06:24,702
Oh, no, this is unscented.
That's just my natural smell.
155
00:06:24,703 --> 00:06:26,204
Oh...
156
00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:28,008
- Okay. Let's go. Come on.
- Do you have any Advil?
157
00:06:31,176 --> 00:06:33,779
Jules, you know just as well
as I do, that's such a straw man
158
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,214
argument. The guy got four
consecutive life sentences.
159
00:06:35,215 --> 00:06:37,581
- What are you talking about?
- I completely disagree with you.
160
00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:39,509
You know it's far
more nuanced than that.
161
00:06:39,511 --> 00:06:41,652
- It's not.
- Yes, it is. It is.
162
00:06:41,653 --> 00:06:43,688
Let me ask you lawyers this
while I have you here.
163
00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:46,357
Why do they even give people
multiple life sentences?
164
00:06:46,358 --> 00:06:47,792
Is the government really implying
165
00:06:47,793 --> 00:06:49,595
that reincarnation is a possibility?
166
00:06:49,596 --> 00:06:51,830
That can't be right, because
then it's a total s-separation
167
00:06:51,831 --> 00:06:54,700
of church and state violation
by the government.
168
00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:56,869
N-Nobody's saying that,
and it's far more complicated.
169
00:06:56,870 --> 00:06:59,136
- More complicated?
- More complicated.
170
00:06:59,137 --> 00:07:01,773
- Than reincarnation?
- More complicated.
171
00:07:01,774 --> 00:07:04,275
- Hey, how's school going, Al?
- Really great.
172
00:07:04,276 --> 00:07:06,477
Uh, the kids just put on
a play about global warming
173
00:07:06,478 --> 00:07:07,845
- that went really well.
- Mm-hmm.
174
00:07:07,846 --> 00:07:09,213
It was great. I was there.
175
00:07:09,214 --> 00:07:10,849
And it was a really big project for me.
176
00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:12,885
Mm, I'm surprised they let you delve
177
00:07:12,886 --> 00:07:15,888
into such political topics.
178
00:07:15,889 --> 00:07:17,623
I mean, it's not a-a political issue.
179
00:07:17,624 --> 00:07:21,225
It's, like, a... human issue.
180
00:07:21,226 --> 00:07:24,638
- You ca... It has pulp. You can't...
- What?
181
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,465
Do you think you can
shake the pulp out of it?
182
00:07:26,466 --> 00:07:28,299
Isn't that... The shake...
No? You can't?
183
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,734
I thought it disintegrates
if you shake it.
184
00:07:29,735 --> 00:07:31,402
- No.
- So, Dave,
185
00:07:31,403 --> 00:07:33,838
last time you were here,
you were an ad man.
186
00:07:33,839 --> 00:07:35,506
- Ugh, the dog days. Am I right, Terry?
- That's right.
187
00:07:35,507 --> 00:07:37,174
Oh, David, please tell me.
188
00:07:37,175 --> 00:07:39,044
How's this whole
"rap" thing going? Huh?
189
00:07:39,045 --> 00:07:40,878
You know what?
No need for quotes anymore.
190
00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:42,381
It's actually completely legitimate
191
00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:45,249
and borderline unbelievably successful.
192
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,519
- No way.
- Yeah, no.
193
00:07:46,521 --> 00:07:48,753
It's, uh, it's kind of absurd.
Like, every single one of my songs
194
00:07:48,754 --> 00:07:51,323
has millions and millions
of streams across platforms.
195
00:07:51,324 --> 00:07:52,535
- Really?
- Yeah.
196
00:07:52,536 --> 00:07:54,359
So many different labels
are courting me left and right,
197
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,595
- trying to throw so much money at me.
- Huh.
198
00:07:56,596 --> 00:07:59,431
I was just in the studio
last week with Justin Bieber.
199
00:07:59,432 --> 00:08:00,665
- What?
- Wow.
200
00:08:00,666 --> 00:08:02,875
- Justin Bieber? Wow.
- Justin Bieber, yeah.
201
00:08:02,877 --> 00:08:04,626
It's not a huge deal,
but it's certainly something
202
00:08:04,627 --> 00:08:06,386
- that we should talk about.
- I'm so proud of you.
203
00:08:06,388 --> 00:08:08,773
You know what a good metaphor
is? I feel like, you know how
204
00:08:08,774 --> 00:08:10,208
when a snake sheds its skin
205
00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:11,877
and gets that fresh layer of epidermis?
206
00:08:11,878 --> 00:08:13,177
That's where I'm at.
207
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:14,378
I'm in that transitional phase.
208
00:08:14,379 --> 00:08:15,513
And I'm shedding my skin and, like,
209
00:08:15,514 --> 00:08:18,417
this new layer of skin
has so much sheen.
210
00:08:18,418 --> 00:08:20,851
- Sheen. Like, yeah, shiny.
- Just gloss.
211
00:08:20,852 --> 00:08:22,387
- Oh, that's beautiful.
- Well, Dave,
212
00:08:22,388 --> 00:08:24,922
you certainly have confidence.
213
00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:26,792
Oh, I know. If only he could
share some with Ally.
214
00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:29,427
- I know.
- What does that mean?
215
00:08:29,428 --> 00:08:30,628
I just meant you have
so much potential.
216
00:08:30,629 --> 00:08:32,129
I wish sometimes you would...
217
00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:34,867
use it on some kids who might
remember you, that's all.
218
00:08:36,068 --> 00:08:38,537
I remember my kindergarten teacher.
219
00:08:38,538 --> 00:08:39,937
And I love my job.
220
00:08:39,938 --> 00:08:43,575
I teach the future. Which...
221
00:08:43,576 --> 00:08:44,900
Oh, yeah.
222
00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:47,546
...Is a big deal, I...
in some people's minds.
223
00:08:47,547 --> 00:08:49,314
I don't remember
my kindergarten teacher, but,
224
00:08:49,315 --> 00:08:51,316
- uh, I do like my job, though.
- So, Dave,
225
00:08:51,317 --> 00:08:54,418
are you diversifying
your revenue streams?
226
00:08:54,419 --> 00:08:56,821
Like, uh, like, that rapper...
The one that's, uh,
227
00:08:56,822 --> 00:08:58,923
part owner of the Nets. Um...
228
00:08:58,924 --> 00:09:00,091
- Jay-Z.
- Jay-Z.
229
00:09:00,092 --> 00:09:02,060
- Like Jay-Z?
- Ooh. He's the one
230
00:09:02,061 --> 00:09:03,561
that's married to Beyoncé. I love her.
231
00:09:03,562 --> 00:09:05,564
- She's so beautiful.
- You know, I'm working
232
00:09:05,565 --> 00:09:07,231
- on a few different things.
- Mm.
233
00:09:07,232 --> 00:09:09,167
- I-I...
- I need water. Excuse me.
234
00:09:09,168 --> 00:09:10,902
I'm actually, I'm-I'm trying to get in,
235
00:09:10,903 --> 00:09:12,671
like, the condiment space.
236
00:09:12,672 --> 00:09:14,339
- You know, different sauces.
- Mm-hmm.
237
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:15,949
Food goes in and out of style.
Sauce...
238
00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:18,676
- He's so fun.
- He is fun.
239
00:09:18,677 --> 00:09:20,946
Hey, um, I wanted to talk to you.
240
00:09:20,947 --> 00:09:23,148
Don't worry about giving Chloe
any money for my bachelorette,
241
00:09:23,149 --> 00:09:24,950
because honestly, you didn't
even get a chance to go.
242
00:09:24,951 --> 00:09:27,319
Oh, no, but I'm-I'm...
Of course I'm still gonna help
243
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,586
pay for it.
244
00:09:28,587 --> 00:09:30,187
No, I know, I know. It's just...
245
00:09:30,188 --> 00:09:31,989
like, it-it wasn't cheap,
246
00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:34,292
so I don't want you
to get stressed out, or...
247
00:09:34,293 --> 00:09:36,293
No, but as a gift, I should...
248
00:09:36,294 --> 00:09:38,997
How about you get us something
off the registry?
249
00:09:38,998 --> 00:09:40,264
Something small.
250
00:09:40,265 --> 00:09:44,201
- Something small? Perfect.
- Okay. Great. Perfect.
251
00:09:44,202 --> 00:09:47,638
Oh, that's the one where
George Clooney's the fox, right?
252
00:09:47,639 --> 00:09:51,676
No-no-no. Breaking Bad is a TV show.
It's, like, about meth.
253
00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:53,303
You're thinking of
Fantastic Mr. Fox...
254
00:09:53,305 --> 00:09:54,314
Yeah, that's right.
255
00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:57,148
David, you're not gonna try my carrots?
I got them at the farmers market.
256
00:09:57,149 --> 00:09:59,151
No, that is a nonstarter for Dave.
257
00:09:59,152 --> 00:10:01,887
He doesn't eat fruits or vegetables.
258
00:10:01,888 --> 00:10:03,287
But I'll say this.
259
00:10:03,288 --> 00:10:04,790
I feel like you guys
are embracing me right now,
260
00:10:04,791 --> 00:10:06,176
and I'm willing to try my first carrot.
261
00:10:06,178 --> 00:10:07,205
Do it, man.
262
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,960
I'll try the typical
orange Bugs Bunny one.
263
00:10:08,961 --> 00:10:11,296
- Why does it look like a witch?
- Mmm.
264
00:10:11,297 --> 00:10:12,380
It does.
265
00:10:12,382 --> 00:10:14,566
Do-do I take the tail
off, or you eat the tail?
266
00:10:14,567 --> 00:10:15,742
- Yeah, eat the whole thing.
- Yeah.
267
00:10:15,743 --> 00:10:18,803
- Okay.
- A little more.
268
00:10:18,804 --> 00:10:21,307
Yeah.
269
00:10:22,341 --> 00:10:24,176
It's good, right? Yeah?
270
00:10:24,177 --> 00:10:26,344
- Mmm...
- He did it.
271
00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:28,245
- Can I spit it out or no?
- No, Dave.
272
00:10:28,246 --> 00:10:30,481
Your mother
never made you eat vegetables?
273
00:10:30,482 --> 00:10:32,484
She said it wasn't worth
ruining her own life.
274
00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:34,485
Makes sense.
275
00:10:34,486 --> 00:10:37,888
And then she said, "You can
just get something small
276
00:10:37,889 --> 00:10:39,657
off of the registry."
277
00:10:39,658 --> 00:10:44,061
Like, do you not remember
the $90 olive oil decanter
278
00:10:44,062 --> 00:10:45,596
that we got for your engagement?
279
00:10:45,597 --> 00:10:48,399
Do you, do you not
decant your olive oil
280
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,567
every night, Julie?
281
00:10:49,568 --> 00:10:51,536
Are you listening?
282
00:10:51,537 --> 00:10:53,571
I'm almost done
with my 15 minutes of daily
283
00:10:53,572 --> 00:10:55,005
fan interaction.
284
00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:57,743
There are so many comments
lately about me being "hot."
285
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,244
Hey,
286
00:10:59,245 --> 00:11:01,378
when did I make the transition
from cute to hot?
287
00:11:01,379 --> 00:11:03,380
Is there a moment you can point to?
288
00:11:03,381 --> 00:11:07,085
Are you gonna be like this
all weekend, or...?
289
00:11:07,086 --> 00:11:10,221
My bad, they've been working me
late at the Hot Guy Factory;
290
00:11:10,222 --> 00:11:11,889
I can't even remember how to think.
291
00:11:11,890 --> 00:11:13,557
What's going on? Julie's being
292
00:11:13,558 --> 00:11:15,793
- mean to you, or something?
- Yeah.
293
00:11:15,794 --> 00:11:17,595
I'm sorry that's happening, but
it-it is her wedding weekend.
294
00:11:17,596 --> 00:11:19,096
You kind of have to let it go.
295
00:11:19,097 --> 00:11:22,300
I'm let... I'm letting it go.
I'm telling you about it.
296
00:11:22,301 --> 00:11:25,537
Enough is enough!
You need to shut your yap!
297
00:11:25,538 --> 00:11:26,805
What?
298
00:11:26,806 --> 00:11:27,906
Hmm.
299
00:11:27,907 --> 00:11:29,141
Do you want to work on your speech?
300
00:11:29,142 --> 00:11:31,542
- I should, but I don't want to.
- Okay.
301
00:11:31,543 --> 00:11:33,445
- Let me just inspect you for a second.
- No.
302
00:11:33,446 --> 00:11:35,379
- I don't want an inspection.
- Ooh.
303
00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:37,449
Can we finish season two of
Handmaid's Tale?
304
00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:39,283
I feel like I've had enough
woman-on-woman abuse
305
00:11:39,284 --> 00:11:41,051
for one day.
306
00:11:41,052 --> 00:11:42,720
- Oh, I see.
- Sorry.
307
00:11:42,721 --> 00:11:44,271
I know what you want.
308
00:11:44,273 --> 00:11:45,489
Oh, yeah, what do I want?
309
00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:48,225
You want me to get
in the nooks and the crevices.
310
00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:49,927
- I hate when you say "crevices."
- You want me to inspect...
311
00:11:49,929 --> 00:11:51,255
You want me to get in the nooks?
312
00:11:51,257 --> 00:11:53,064
I don't like "nooks," either.
313
00:11:53,065 --> 00:11:55,233
I'm picking up
what you're putting down.
314
00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:57,969
And just so you know, I'm ready.
315
00:11:57,970 --> 00:12:00,071
Start it off.
Get the ball rolling, I'm ready.
316
00:12:00,072 --> 00:12:01,806
Do something to me.
317
00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:05,911
I-I'm sensing all the cues,
I'm picking it up. Fuck me.
318
00:12:05,912 --> 00:12:07,678
My parents are in the next room.
319
00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,014
- Just fuck me.
- My parents are in the next room.
320
00:12:10,015 --> 00:12:12,450
You can fuck me quick. Really?
321
00:12:12,451 --> 00:12:14,319
If so, you're parents
aren't listening, A;
322
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,253
B, we can do it very quietly.
323
00:12:16,254 --> 00:12:17,689
I require very little friction.
324
00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,691
Yeah, that doesn't sound
like fun to me.
325
00:12:19,692 --> 00:12:21,459
You know I can ejaculate hands-free?
326
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:23,628
- I did not know that.
- You know what that means?
327
00:12:23,629 --> 00:12:24,726
Nope.
328
00:12:24,728 --> 00:12:27,465
That-that means that I
can literally lie down...
329
00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:29,267
think...
330
00:12:29,268 --> 00:12:32,470
push my innards out...
331
00:12:32,471 --> 00:12:34,638
and in the right circumstance,
I will cream.
332
00:12:34,639 --> 00:12:39,009
Well... sounds like
you don't need me then,
333
00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:42,615
for your, uh, Bluetooth orgasm.
334
00:12:44,015 --> 00:12:46,784
It's not the preferred method, but...
335
00:12:46,785 --> 00:12:49,487
I guess I'll take what I'm given.
336
00:12:49,488 --> 00:12:51,656
I'm not gonna do it right now.
337
00:12:51,657 --> 00:12:53,959
Okay. I wasn't worried.
338
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,330
- I'm gonna let the cream brew.
- Mm-kay.
339
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:02,801
This is a really good deal, Dave.
340
00:13:02,802 --> 00:13:04,502
- I think we should take it.
- I don't know, man.
341
00:13:04,503 --> 00:13:07,771
200 grand for my whole catalog
and my first album?
342
00:13:07,773 --> 00:13:09,440
Yes, Dave, that's how deals work, okay?
343
00:13:09,441 --> 00:13:10,707
And just to be clear, dude,
344
00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:12,809
they're offering you $200,000
345
00:13:12,810 --> 00:13:15,647
for two songs about your penis
and your first album, okay?
346
00:13:15,648 --> 00:13:18,531
I can't believe we're having
a conversation about this right now.
347
00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,717
All right, I need you to turn
over a few more stones.
348
00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:22,720
Get it to the ideal place, okay?
349
00:13:22,721 --> 00:13:24,154
Okay, bud.
350
00:13:24,155 --> 00:13:26,724
I'll keep turning over stones.
You got it.
351
00:13:26,725 --> 00:13:30,227
Turn it over.
Good morning, my little cherub.
352
00:13:30,228 --> 00:13:31,596
Are you ready to hike?
353
00:13:31,597 --> 00:13:35,899
Um... I... This is a required activity?
354
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,969
- Dave...
- I'm just joking.
355
00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:40,270
My whole family is going.
This is a whole thing.
356
00:13:40,271 --> 00:13:41,806
Well, then, I'd better saddle on up,
357
00:13:41,807 --> 00:13:43,274
'cause I got a hike to hike.
358
00:13:43,275 --> 00:13:44,642
Okay, thank you.
359
00:13:44,643 --> 00:13:48,913
Is this the type of thing where I
could potentially hop on a horse?
360
00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:52,482
Or maybe even, like, ride a yak?
361
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,589
- Jesus Christ.
- What is wrong now?
362
00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:01,292
There's terrible footing
out here, and I lost my step.
363
00:14:01,293 --> 00:14:02,693
This hike is so robust,
364
00:14:02,694 --> 00:14:05,028
and I'm, like, very close
to being out of water, so...
365
00:14:05,029 --> 00:14:07,465
Okay, Dave, it's a hike.
So you can get a grip.
366
00:14:07,466 --> 00:14:10,335
Fuck hikes. I'm saying it right now.
367
00:14:10,336 --> 00:14:14,138
Uh, fuck hikes. That's actually
an interesting song title.
368
00:14:14,139 --> 00:14:15,972
"Fuck Hikes."
369
00:14:15,973 --> 00:14:18,275
♪ Fuck hikes, fuck hikes ♪
370
00:14:18,276 --> 00:14:19,777
♪ They really hurt my back ♪
371
00:14:19,778 --> 00:14:21,879
♪ Wait, fuck hikes, huh, fuck hikes ♪
372
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,148
♪ I'd rather ride a yak. ♪
373
00:14:24,149 --> 00:14:26,183
You know, you know it sounds
like you're saying,
374
00:14:26,184 --> 00:14:28,985
"Fuck Jews," right? But, like, worse?
375
00:14:28,986 --> 00:14:31,121
How am I saying "fuck Jews"?
Fuck hikes.
376
00:14:31,122 --> 00:14:32,356
"Fuck kikes"?
377
00:14:32,357 --> 00:14:33,725
Oh, my God. Controversy sells,
so, you know...
378
00:14:33,726 --> 00:14:35,326
- Dave...
- I got to write this down.
379
00:14:35,327 --> 00:14:37,227
- No, come on.
- I got to write it down.
380
00:14:37,228 --> 00:14:39,029
What are you talking about?
I got to write this down.
381
00:14:39,030 --> 00:14:41,365
I get one good idea every three months.
382
00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,899
Okay, if you're feeling creative,
383
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,202
can we talk about my speech?
384
00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:48,004
So now you want to brainstorm
on the hike, huh?
385
00:14:48,005 --> 00:14:50,508
Of course, let's... where you
at with it? Let's talk about it.
386
00:14:50,509 --> 00:14:53,711
- I got nothing.
- Really? No progress been made, okay.
387
00:14:53,712 --> 00:14:56,047
Think back to your childhood.
What did you guys do?
388
00:14:56,048 --> 00:14:57,914
Where did you go as a group?
389
00:14:57,915 --> 00:15:00,884
I don't know. I mean,
my parents would bring us to,
390
00:15:00,885 --> 00:15:03,502
like, circuses and
random shows and stuff.
391
00:15:03,504 --> 00:15:05,017
What?
392
00:15:05,890 --> 00:15:07,357
Oh, wait-wait-wait.
393
00:15:07,358 --> 00:15:10,386
Oh, I do have something.
Oh, I do, I do.
394
00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:14,065
- We do.
- Oh, Dave, we did it, I'm so happy!
395
00:15:14,066 --> 00:15:16,156
And I could, like,
tie it in as a cool...
396
00:15:16,158 --> 00:15:17,201
Oh... I'm sorry.
397
00:15:17,202 --> 00:15:19,604
- Huh... just... oh...
- What is wrong?
398
00:15:19,605 --> 00:15:21,004
Shh. I have to poop.
399
00:15:21,005 --> 00:15:22,740
Please don't say another word
for a second.
400
00:15:22,741 --> 00:15:23,742
You have to poop?
401
00:15:23,744 --> 00:15:26,744
Yes. Please stop talking
to me for one second.
402
00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:28,779
Okay, can we walk it off?
403
00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:31,249
I don't believe so, no.
This is not a drill at all.
404
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,551
Please turn away or something.
I need to figure this out.
405
00:15:33,552 --> 00:15:34,785
You have to hold it in.
406
00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:36,520
You can't, like, erase the past.
407
00:15:36,521 --> 00:15:37,788
If you can make your innards come,
408
00:15:37,789 --> 00:15:39,423
you can make 'em stay. Let's go.
409
00:15:39,424 --> 00:15:40,758
I'm not a fucking scientist, man.
410
00:15:40,759 --> 00:15:42,225
- What?
- There's honestly no time.
411
00:15:42,226 --> 00:15:43,902
What do I... Can I shit right
here? Can I do it right here?
412
00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:45,128
- No, you can't shit right here, Dave.
- Why? Why?
413
00:15:45,129 --> 00:15:46,697
Grow up, and let's go!
414
00:15:46,698 --> 00:15:50,067
- It's the fucking carrots!
- Dave, you had one bite of a carrot.
415
00:15:50,068 --> 00:15:51,635
You're not fucking exploding!
416
00:15:51,636 --> 00:15:53,471
Oh, my God.
417
00:15:53,472 --> 00:15:55,639
Oh, my God.
Look away! Look away! Look away!
418
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,275
No, no!
419
00:15:58,076 --> 00:16:00,378
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
420
00:16:00,379 --> 00:16:01,979
Oh, my God.
421
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:04,916
No! No, no, no!
422
00:16:06,952 --> 00:16:08,385
Okay. Oh.
423
00:16:08,386 --> 00:16:11,156
I reinvented diarrhea.
424
00:16:14,759 --> 00:16:15,759
Mmm...
425
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,162
Thank you.
426
00:16:18,163 --> 00:16:19,931
You know, I had an interesting
thought for your speech.
427
00:16:19,932 --> 00:16:21,666
- Really?
- What if you, like, twisted...
428
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:24,902
Excuse me. I'm such
a huge fan of yours.
429
00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:26,937
Your music always
puts a smile on my face.
430
00:16:26,938 --> 00:16:28,172
Any way we can flick up?
431
00:16:28,173 --> 00:16:29,173
Sure, yeah.
432
00:16:29,174 --> 00:16:30,942
Awesome. Thanks, man.
433
00:16:30,943 --> 00:16:32,009
Let's flick up.
434
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:33,678
Can you take it for us?
435
00:16:35,146 --> 00:16:36,481
Yeah.
436
00:16:37,482 --> 00:16:38,482
Thanks, puddin'.
437
00:16:39,518 --> 00:16:41,921
Horizontal, please.
438
00:16:42,509 --> 00:16:44,021
The man has preferences.
439
00:16:44,022 --> 00:16:46,189
Thanks so much.
440
00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:47,859
Hey, uh, y-you smoke?
441
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:49,193
I'd love to burn you down, brother.
442
00:16:49,194 --> 00:16:51,161
Oh! Yeah, I like the way you think.
443
00:16:51,162 --> 00:16:52,162
Any interest in smoking
444
00:16:52,163 --> 00:16:54,364
- after this?
- No. No.
445
00:16:54,365 --> 00:16:55,933
- Oh. Not tonight.
- It's all good.
446
00:16:55,934 --> 00:16:57,601
Really, really appreciate
everything you do, man.
447
00:16:57,602 --> 00:16:59,937
I appreciate the way you guys
make Shirley Temples here.
448
00:16:59,938 --> 00:17:01,339
Great ratio.
449
00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:03,107
I'm sorry.
I am getting mobbed tonight.
450
00:17:03,108 --> 00:17:06,251
- What was the speech idea?
- Uh...
451
00:17:06,252 --> 00:17:07,496
You said, the beginning of the
speech, I should...
452
00:17:07,498 --> 00:17:10,514
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Let me get
back to it. Oh, I have the worst memory.
453
00:17:10,515 --> 00:17:11,948
I forgot it.
454
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:13,950
I'll get it back. Hold on, let me...
455
00:17:15,353 --> 00:17:16,353
What was it?
456
00:17:16,354 --> 00:17:18,054
It was about the...
457
00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:19,357
Hold on.
458
00:17:19,358 --> 00:17:21,691
Hang on. This is Mike about the thing.
459
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,194
I got to...
460
00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:25,698
Geez, Louise.
461
00:17:30,869 --> 00:17:32,503
This entire thing is...
462
00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,912
Hey. Where you going?
463
00:17:41,913 --> 00:17:43,414
I'm going to bed. I'm tired.
464
00:17:43,415 --> 00:17:45,015
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
465
00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:47,418
- Let me inspect you. What do...
- I... It's...
466
00:17:47,419 --> 00:17:49,754
Like, is it something I did? Tell me.
467
00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:51,589
I mean...
468
00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:55,025
You haven't been here
all weekend, Dave.
469
00:17:55,026 --> 00:17:56,694
You're, like, thinking
about other stuff.
470
00:17:56,695 --> 00:17:58,896
- It's like...
- Thinking about other stuff?
471
00:17:58,897 --> 00:18:00,898
Yeah. You're thinking
about this record label
472
00:18:00,899 --> 00:18:03,333
or songs about hikes, and I-I'm...
473
00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:05,369
I... It's tiring. I'm tired.
474
00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:07,938
- Well, how can I not...
- And I-I...
475
00:18:07,939 --> 00:18:09,940
I don't want
to take pictures of you, okay?
476
00:18:09,941 --> 00:18:12,510
I-I want to be in pictures with you.
477
00:18:12,511 --> 00:18:14,411
Okay, let's go up there,
kick that guy's ass,
478
00:18:14,412 --> 00:18:15,713
and flick up together. I'll take any...
479
00:18:15,714 --> 00:18:16,880
No, I'm not joking. I'm not, like,
480
00:18:16,881 --> 00:18:18,448
- making a joke, Dave.
- Okay.
481
00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:19,950
I'm being serious.
482
00:18:19,951 --> 00:18:22,253
- All right. I'm sorry.
- You're not present.
483
00:18:22,254 --> 00:18:23,687
Okay?
484
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:25,255
And I'm not just talking about here.
485
00:18:25,256 --> 00:18:26,591
Like, you're never present,
486
00:18:26,592 --> 00:18:29,092
and I need you to be present with me.
487
00:18:29,093 --> 00:18:30,860
- Really, I'm never present?
- You're...
488
00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:32,429
Our whole rela...
I'm just never present?
489
00:18:32,430 --> 00:18:34,297
That seems like
a big blanket statement.
490
00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:36,033
I know that I have
so much going on right now,
491
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:38,369
but, like, I have to be
thinking about this stuff and
492
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:40,437
be thinking ahead at all
times with the music...
493
00:18:40,438 --> 00:18:43,908
Right, okay, do you ever
think ahead about us?
494
00:18:43,909 --> 00:18:46,110
- About me and you?
- Yeah.
495
00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:47,712
Yeah, yeah, of course.
What do you mean?
496
00:18:47,713 --> 00:18:49,813
What do you mean,
what do I mean? Like, you...
497
00:18:49,814 --> 00:18:51,148
Are you asking... like, what do you...
498
00:18:51,149 --> 00:18:52,483
Like, what, do you want
to marry me or something?
499
00:18:52,484 --> 00:18:53,918
Like, what are we doing? Is this...?
500
00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:56,387
No, I'm not asking you
to marry me, Dave.
501
00:18:56,388 --> 00:18:59,255
I'm not, like, on one knee
right now. I'm...
502
00:18:59,256 --> 00:19:01,225
Okay, so, like, please...
give me clarity.
503
00:19:01,226 --> 00:19:03,628
I don't know what you mean...
Like, speak to me with clarity.
504
00:19:03,629 --> 00:19:07,497
I want to be in a relationship
where I'm not always put second.
505
00:19:07,498 --> 00:19:09,768
- You're not always put second.
- I'm...
506
00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:11,768
Look-look right now, look where we are!
507
00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:13,337
You realize that I have,
like, the biggest decision
508
00:19:13,338 --> 00:19:15,080
to make of my whole career
this weekend.
509
00:19:15,082 --> 00:19:16,132
I know.
510
00:19:16,134 --> 00:19:17,941
Has to be made this weekend.
I'm here with you
511
00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:19,476
and your family, didn't
even consider staying back.
512
00:19:19,477 --> 00:19:20,910
Mike's like, "Why the fuck
are you not there?"
513
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,211
- I'm not saying...
- What-what do you want me to do?
514
00:19:22,212 --> 00:19:24,983
- De-prioritize my dreams?
- That's not what I'm asking.
515
00:19:24,985 --> 00:19:26,250
Just so you don't feel
bad every now and then?
516
00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:28,518
- Like, that'd be kind of crazy.
- It's not crazy.
517
00:19:28,519 --> 00:19:30,420
It is not crazy to want
518
00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:33,323
your boyfriend to be
emotionally present with you.
519
00:19:33,324 --> 00:19:35,359
And I know that you are, like...
520
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:39,295
an undeniable superstar,
or whatever, but it's
521
00:19:39,296 --> 00:19:41,197
kind of turning you
into a shitty boyfriend.
522
00:19:41,198 --> 00:19:43,199
Okay, well, listen
to how you're saying that,
523
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,467
'cause you're a shitty... yeah,
524
00:19:44,468 --> 00:19:46,536
you're a shitty girlfriend for
using my own self-belief against me
525
00:19:46,537 --> 00:19:48,839
- in an argument.
- You have no idea what it's like
526
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,642
to be dating a narcissist.
It is so draining.
527
00:19:52,643 --> 00:19:54,812
It's not narcissism
when it's real, okay?
528
00:19:54,813 --> 00:19:56,046
- Like, no...
- It's...
529
00:19:56,047 --> 00:19:58,616
- Do you hear yourself?!
- I do!
530
00:19:58,617 --> 00:20:00,350
I know it's, I know it's not,
but you don't realize,
531
00:20:00,351 --> 00:20:02,719
like, how high
the stakes are for me, okay?
532
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,121
Thank God I believe in myself
the way that I do,
533
00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:06,823
- or I'd never get anything done!
- Do you...?
534
00:20:06,824 --> 00:20:09,293
Because you treat it
like it's your whole life!
535
00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:11,294
There, like, has to be something
else in life besides this one,
536
00:20:11,295 --> 00:20:12,996
- like, fucking single-minded goal!
- Something else in life?!
537
00:20:12,997 --> 00:20:15,666
Something more than, like,
actualizing my sense of self
538
00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,008
and feeling like I'm
maximizing my potential?!
539
00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:19,235
- Oh, my God, Dave. You don't...
- You're asking me to sacrifice that?!
540
00:20:19,236 --> 00:20:20,571
That's fucking absurd!
541
00:20:20,572 --> 00:20:22,540
- All I do is...
- Dave, you don't get it!
542
00:20:22,541 --> 00:20:25,042
No, you don't get it, and I,
and I can't keep apologizing
543
00:20:25,043 --> 00:20:26,843
for my ambition
just 'cause you don't have any.
544
00:20:34,186 --> 00:20:36,589
Listen, just...
545
00:20:49,601 --> 00:20:52,268
Okay, everyone look at me,
and squish together.
546
00:20:52,269 --> 00:20:54,772
One, two... smile.
547
00:20:54,773 --> 00:20:56,239
- Perfect.
- All right.
548
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,408
- Good, we done?
- Yeah.
549
00:20:58,409 --> 00:21:01,011
What are you, uh, doing next?
550
00:21:13,390 --> 00:21:15,391
Yo. Give me a sec.
551
00:21:18,196 --> 00:21:20,898
I'm really not ready to make
this decision right now, dude.
552
00:21:20,899 --> 00:21:23,533
Dave, their responses
are getting not good, okay?
553
00:21:23,534 --> 00:21:26,203
A-And they're gonna pull the
deal, which I got up to 250,
554
00:21:26,204 --> 00:21:27,804
by the way, all right?
555
00:21:27,805 --> 00:21:29,774
Dude, this is
the best possible scenario
556
00:21:29,775 --> 00:21:31,742
that we're gonna see...
You need to move on it.
557
00:21:31,743 --> 00:21:33,310
There are so many
horror stories of people
558
00:21:33,311 --> 00:21:34,978
that sign to labels and,
like, lose creative control.
559
00:21:34,979 --> 00:21:36,714
- You know that's true.
- Yeah.
560
00:21:36,715 --> 00:21:38,748
I do know that
and we've talked about this
561
00:21:38,749 --> 00:21:40,551
with them, remember?
562
00:21:40,552 --> 00:21:42,485
Th-They're not gonna step on your toes.
563
00:21:42,486 --> 00:21:45,421
Dave, they like your song
"My Dick Sucks."
564
00:21:45,422 --> 00:21:47,891
Like, come on, man, they know
who they're signing, dude.
565
00:21:47,892 --> 00:21:49,560
If you want this to be your career,
566
00:21:49,561 --> 00:21:51,161
you got to start making money doing it.
567
00:21:51,162 --> 00:21:52,729
That's the only way to succeed.
568
00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:54,564
You're, you're waiting for,
like, a perfect moment.
569
00:21:54,565 --> 00:21:56,065
This is it, dude.
570
00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:57,267
Like, this is it right now.
571
00:21:57,268 --> 00:21:58,334
I need more time.
572
00:21:58,335 --> 00:21:59,904
I-If you don't sign the deal,
573
00:21:59,905 --> 00:22:01,738
they're gonna pull it, all right?
574
00:22:01,739 --> 00:22:03,841
And then we have to start this
whole fucking thing over again.
575
00:22:03,842 --> 00:22:05,074
These people get you.
576
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,142
You like them, dude.
577
00:22:06,143 --> 00:22:07,578
Sign the deal!
578
00:22:07,579 --> 00:22:09,179
Sign the deal, Dave.
579
00:22:09,180 --> 00:22:10,613
- It's that easy.
- I got to go, I got to go.
580
00:22:10,614 --> 00:22:12,751
I got to go right now,
I got to go, bye.
581
00:22:17,255 --> 00:22:19,156
So, I'm Ally,
582
00:22:19,157 --> 00:22:21,625
Julie's sister.
583
00:22:21,626 --> 00:22:25,029
And as sisters, Julie and I competed
584
00:22:25,030 --> 00:22:26,996
for everything.
585
00:22:26,997 --> 00:22:29,867
The slice of pizza with
the most pepperoni on it,
586
00:22:29,868 --> 00:22:32,335
our Harry Potter books,
587
00:22:32,336 --> 00:22:34,871
our parents' attention, of course.
588
00:22:34,872 --> 00:22:36,674
And when Julie and I
589
00:22:36,675 --> 00:22:39,944
competed, she always won.
590
00:22:39,945 --> 00:22:44,648
Because Julie is one of the most
ambitious people I know.
591
00:22:44,649 --> 00:22:48,785
When she wants something,
she works for it tirelessly
592
00:22:48,786 --> 00:22:52,356
until inevitably she gets it.
593
00:22:52,357 --> 00:22:54,725
It's, uh, a personality trait
594
00:22:54,726 --> 00:22:57,393
I can't seem to get away from.
595
00:22:57,394 --> 00:23:01,831
Uh, I want to tell a quick story.
596
00:23:01,832 --> 00:23:05,668
When we were little, our parents
brought us to a magic show.
597
00:23:06,368 --> 00:23:09,672
And the magician needed
a volunteer, so, of course,
598
00:23:09,674 --> 00:23:11,774
he picked Julie.
599
00:23:11,775 --> 00:23:13,542
And she went onstage.
600
00:23:13,543 --> 00:23:16,346
The magician counted to three and poof!
601
00:23:16,347 --> 00:23:17,947
Julie was gone.
602
00:23:17,948 --> 00:23:21,952
And in her place was
this cute little bunny.
603
00:23:21,953 --> 00:23:23,852
And everyone clapped and it was great.
604
00:23:23,853 --> 00:23:25,955
Then Julie came back,
605
00:23:25,956 --> 00:23:29,592
and I played it cool
for maybe ten seconds
606
00:23:29,593 --> 00:23:32,395
before I had to know where did she go?
607
00:23:32,396 --> 00:23:33,762
What's the secret?
608
00:23:33,763 --> 00:23:34,964
Just tell me.
609
00:23:34,965 --> 00:23:36,700
But all she would say was,
610
00:23:36,701 --> 00:23:39,935
"Ally, I got turned
into a bunny."
611
00:23:41,906 --> 00:23:43,807
- Do you remember this?
- Yeah.
612
00:23:43,808 --> 00:23:45,407
Of course she does.
613
00:23:45,408 --> 00:23:48,477
Because to this day,
all she'll say about it is,
614
00:23:48,478 --> 00:23:50,981
"I got turned into a bunny."
615
00:23:50,982 --> 00:23:54,083
Which has always made me really angry.
616
00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:56,552
Because, honestly, I want to know.
617
00:23:56,553 --> 00:23:59,254
I still want to know.
618
00:23:59,255 --> 00:24:01,491
But then this weekend...
619
00:24:01,492 --> 00:24:04,961
I realized something about magic.
620
00:24:04,962 --> 00:24:07,129
And honesty.
621
00:24:07,130 --> 00:24:09,331
And love.
622
00:24:09,332 --> 00:24:12,801
The magic behind... magic,
623
00:24:12,802 --> 00:24:15,105
uh, isn't the illusion.
624
00:24:15,106 --> 00:24:17,807
It's that someone cared enough
625
00:24:17,808 --> 00:24:20,944
to create the illusion for you.
626
00:24:20,945 --> 00:24:22,912
The real magic is all
627
00:24:22,913 --> 00:24:24,981
of the work that goes
into making somebody believe
628
00:24:24,982 --> 00:24:28,585
that magic is real.
629
00:24:28,586 --> 00:24:31,420
So... what I thought for years
630
00:24:31,421 --> 00:24:33,455
was you messing with me...
631
00:24:33,456 --> 00:24:37,593
was really just your way
of preserving the magic
632
00:24:37,594 --> 00:24:39,963
for me.
633
00:24:39,964 --> 00:24:44,266
And, Nick, she will do
the same for you.
634
00:24:44,267 --> 00:24:47,936
Because you mean the world to her.
635
00:24:47,937 --> 00:24:50,205
And if there is anything on this earth
636
00:24:50,206 --> 00:24:52,876
that she could do to make you happy,
637
00:24:52,877 --> 00:24:55,278
she will work for it tirelessly
638
00:24:55,279 --> 00:24:57,946
until she inevitably gets it
639
00:24:57,947 --> 00:24:59,450
for you.
640
00:25:01,217 --> 00:25:04,822
And that's what makes her so special...
641
00:25:06,290 --> 00:25:09,958
...is that she uses her ambition
642
00:25:09,959 --> 00:25:12,861
to work just as hard
in her relationship
643
00:25:12,862 --> 00:25:15,031
as she does at her career.
644
00:25:15,032 --> 00:25:18,368
And I didn't realize until this weekend
645
00:25:18,369 --> 00:25:22,172
how much that mattered.
646
00:25:22,173 --> 00:25:25,510
But it's... everything.
647
00:25:31,792 --> 00:25:34,125
Love...
648
00:25:34,517 --> 00:25:36,685
Sorry.
649
00:25:36,686 --> 00:25:39,188
Love is just like magic.
650
00:25:39,189 --> 00:25:42,891
Two people build a world for themselves
651
00:25:42,892 --> 00:25:45,829
and preserve it at all costs
652
00:25:45,830 --> 00:25:47,830
together.
653
00:25:47,831 --> 00:25:51,233
And I am so excited to see the magic
654
00:25:51,234 --> 00:25:54,705
that you two create for each other.
655
00:25:57,707 --> 00:25:59,842
To Julie and Nick.
656
00:25:59,843 --> 00:26:02,078
To Julie and Nick.
657
00:26:07,917 --> 00:26:10,887
♪ So long, I can't stop ♪
658
00:26:10,888 --> 00:26:12,554
- Dave.
- ♪ Do this with me ♪
659
00:26:12,555 --> 00:26:16,391
- I'm leaving.
- ♪ Have it your way ♪
660
00:26:16,392 --> 00:26:19,128
♪ I know I'm late ♪
661
00:26:19,129 --> 00:26:21,697
♪ But it's okay ♪
662
00:26:21,698 --> 00:26:25,435
♪ No, we don't have time to wait ♪
Oh.
663
00:26:25,436 --> 00:26:28,037
♪ We're gonna
have the best time ♪
664
00:26:28,038 --> 00:26:30,106
Dave, you have to change.
665
00:26:30,107 --> 00:26:31,875
♪ Do you remember
when you got all mad ♪
666
00:26:31,876 --> 00:26:34,109
♪ 'Cause I threw out that flyer? ♪
667
00:26:34,110 --> 00:26:35,811
That was not a flyer.
668
00:26:35,812 --> 00:26:37,312
I told you.
669
00:26:37,313 --> 00:26:39,381
♪ Yes, it was ♪
670
00:26:39,382 --> 00:26:42,652
♪ No, it was a save the date ♪
671
00:26:42,653 --> 00:26:44,220
♪ It's the same
thing, it's gonna end up ♪
672
00:26:44,221 --> 00:26:46,121
♪ On a fridge either way ♪
673
00:26:46,122 --> 00:26:47,890
- Fine.
- ♪ This weekend ♪
674
00:26:47,891 --> 00:26:50,092
♪ You're gonna dance with me ♪
675
00:26:50,093 --> 00:26:52,729
♪ Yes, of course, I love you ♪
676
00:26:52,730 --> 00:26:55,464
♪ But we really got to go right now ♪
677
00:26:55,465 --> 00:26:57,934
♪ All right, well, this
was fun while it lasted. ♪
678
00:26:57,935 --> 00:26:59,903
Mm-hmm.
679
00:26:59,904 --> 00:27:03,080
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
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