All language subtitles for The.Consultant.US.S01E07.1080p.WEB.H264-CAKES

Am I to assume
that you do not want an office

- in the managerial suite?
- When I get my own office,

- it will be through merit.
- Come on, guys.

I been gone three days.
Why aren't we working

- on Upskirt Jungle?
- It's done.

Patoff had us working 16-hour
days to get it finished.

He doesn't exist.

There's sweet fuck-all
out there about Regis Patoff.

- He fucked his what?
- Mouth.

- Who all say this?
- Just me and Elaine.

You guys hanging out again?

Craig, I know that this
is upsetting,

but he's not trying
to kill you.

- How's Patti?
- She's pissed at me.

She found out that
I went to Pomona.

- Craig must be feeling better.
- Three-day flu.

- Why do you lie for him?
- Wait, babe, babe!

- Did I do something?
- I don't know, Craig. Did you?

What are you doing?
What are you drinking?

I'm gonna get you a drink.
Here we go now. Woo!

- Ooh!
- Whoa!

I'm sorry.
Did I bump you?

Are you the new assistant?

Right, I know your name.
Wait, no, don't tell me.

- Ah, Hussain?
- Elaine.

- Elaine!
- I just started at Sang's desk.

How are you tolerating the
egotistical fuck-bucket

- thus far?
- Sang?

- Yeah!
- He's okay.

I thought he was gonna
be here tonight.

No, no, he does not come
to these things.

If he did, then...
you know, we wouldn't.

One more shot.

Car arrives in 8 minutes.

Do you think that'll be
long enough?

For what?

To talk me
into your ride.

♪ Christmas is in the air ♪

Go.

1,000 free coins redeemable
in any CompWare game?

All expenses paid safari for
the first person to clock it.

We pay a celebrity to tweet
they're being treated

for addiction to Mr. Sang's
Jungle Odyssey.

Um, free merch.
T-shirts...

Name and shame big game hunters
on the website.

We get a group of animal rights
activists to protest

outside of our office, demanding
that Mr. Sang's Jungle Odyssey

is banned.

Why don't we break an elephant
out of the zoo?

I like Elaine's the most.

Dana said you wanted to see me,
Mr. Patoff.

I have been thinking about
your idea, Elaine.

Oh.

Which idea was that?

The elephant escaping
from the zoo,

running wild through the city.

It would draw a lot of attention
to Mr. Sang's Jungle Odyssey.

It sure would. It's just a shame
that we can't actually do it.

It was a brainstorm,
Mr. Patoff.

Blue-sky thinking.

It is imperative that this game
is commercially successful,

- is it not?
- Oh, of course.

And that's why we're working our
asses off to make it happen.

You had a good idea, Elaine.

Now I'm asking you
to execute it.

You want me to release a wild
elephant into downtown LA?

I'm pretty sure that there's
laws against this sort of stuff,

- I think...
- Undoubtedly.

Ethical considerations
as well.

But a risk worth taking,
do you not agree?

I suppose I could look into
a viability study...

CompWare needs a leader.

Someone to help shoulder
the burden for Mr. Sang.

I won't be here
forever, Elaine.

I'm only the consultant.

You don't know anyone who works
with animals, do you?

Uh, I dated a girl who
walked dogs for a summer.

She smelled funny
when it rained.

I have to create a publicity
stunt to market the game.

If you say the word "flashmob,"
I swear to God, I'm gonna

- swallow my tongue in protest.
- He wants me

to drop a wild elephant in
the middle of downtown.

What? Whose stupid idea
was that?

- I... I don't remember.
- Yeah, well,

it's gonna shit everywhere,
and it's gonna damage cars.

Well, somehow it landed
on my desk.

You're not actually thinking
of doing it, are you?

Why? You think I can't?

I gotta take this.

Patti, where are you?

Say something.

Can we please talk?
I can explain.

Yes, I went to Pomona,
but it's not what it seems like.

And I shouldn't have lied to
you. I fucked up.

I'm really sorry.

Patti?

Patti!

Patti?

- You okay?
- I confessed.

That's all I got left.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I thought we were always
going to keep in touch?

Oh.

Okay. Uh, one pad Thai
with lemonade,

and one vegan yellow
curry with...

something hi-bicus.

Am I saying that right?
His-biscuits?

Put it on the desk.

Are we expecting company?

No.

I think I may have a lead
on an elephant.

- Did you eat lunch yet?
- No.

- I wasn't offering.
- Oh. Okay.

- Your elephant?
- I found a traveling circus

with a 35-year-old female
named Jumbo.

It's not legal
in California,

but they're still playing
small towns here and there.

And I was thinking, when she's
loaded onto a trailer,

we could divert her this way.

- Is that stealing?
- Liberating.

And should we need a defense,
we can argue

that it was for Jumbo's
own good.

The tricky part is convincing
someone to collect

and deliver her.

For that, I'm going
to need a budget.

- How much?
- I don't know yet,

but I'm meeting with someone
this afternoon,

and I'm gonna sound him out
on the idea.

- Can he be trusted?
- In some ways.

Full disclosure,
he is an ex-boyfriend.

Why did you break up?

He was getting mixed up
into things

that did not exactly align
with my career path.

Patrice is the type of man
who will do anything for money.

If anyone's willing to do
the job, it would be him.

I can't wait
to meet him.

I thought I was running point
on this one.

Mm-hm. You are.

Well then, give me a number
and leave it to me.

Twenty thousand.

- Hello?
- Oh, hi. Is that Craig?

- Yeah, who is this?
- This is Dr. Grant.

- I work with Patti.
- Oh, yeah. Uh...

- How are you?
- I've been trying her phone

all morning, but I'm not
getting a response.

She was off sick on Friday

but she said she'd be back
at work today.

Oh, yeah. She's got this flu
that's been going around.

I'm sure she just crashed out
and forgot to call.

As long as
everything's alright.

Yeah, yeah. She'll be fine.

I'll have her call you when she
starts feeling better.

- Thanks, Craig.
- Sure.

Oh.

Hi!

Thanks for coming.

- How are you doing?
- Oh, good.

Good.

Um, why don't you come up
to my office?

- You have an office now?
- Yeah.

A lot has changed around here.

A little puppy or something.

Yeah, I remember
when you started here.

Weren't you an assistant?

- I'm creative liaison now.
- Mmm.

Hey, didn't I hear something
about your boss getting capped?

Sang. It was a whole thing.

But we're under
new management now.

So...

Why did you call me?

I may have a job offer for you.

Office work? No, thanks.

I was thinking something
more in line

with your particular
set of skills.

So, it's not
that you lied.

But that you lied on
top of the lie?

Ugh. I don't even
fucking know anymore.

What's... what's your,
uh, situation?

You know, most guys just come
out and straight ask

if I'm a lesbian.

- Whoa.
- Mmm.

How long have you
been here again?

Oh, um, let's see.
I was here for two weeks.

And then the boss
got all shot up by that kid.

- Yeah.
- And then I was on

a low-dose of ketamine
so I lost track of time and...

now I'm back.

Maybe a month in total.

Is that too long?

Too long for what?

Well, I heard you had a thing
for tapping the new girl.

Ugh...

You want me to steal
an elephant?

She's living in squalor! We'd be
giving her a better life.

Oh, since when do you
give a shit about wildlife?

Okay, I'll level with you.

This could be really
good for me.

I could get a promotion,
make more money.

You want me to do well,
don't you?

Elephants are pretty big.

They don't do what
you tell them to.

She'll already be loaded on
the flatbed. All you need to do

is take the vehicle, drive it
280 miles, and open the cage.

How much?

- He wants 30,000.
- The budget is 20.

He says he needs two guys for
backup, and they'll need paying.

Mm-hmm.

Sit.

How did the two of you meet?

I don't know how this has
anything to do with the budget.

Never negotiate with someone
if you don't know

everything about them.

We were in line together
at a concession stand.

- A Dodgers game.
- Mmm-hmm.

He was charming.

Alcohol was a factor?

Not especially, but...
it helped.

We dated for
four and a half months.

It was... exciting.

Yeah.

I didn't knew when
he would call or show up.

So I would get stupidly happy
when he did.

He made me cry
about a hundred times.

Patrice was my big mistake.

Apparently we're all
allowed to have one.

Thank you, Elaine,

for being so open with me.

So we're good to go
on the 30,000?

No, we're holding at 20.

But at least now you should know
how to negotiate with him.

You never were where
I thought you would be.

If I worked here,
I'd be smoking flower

- and playing games all day.
- Yeah.

You wouldn't be the only one.

Look, 20 is as high
as I can go.

I guess you don't got yourself
an elephant.

You're not walking away
from this, Patrice.

You think?

The biggest mistake
I ever made

was thinking that
I could change you.

Tame you.
I was young and naive.

All you wanna do is hit
the gym and hang with your bros,

and I understand that now.

Twenty thousand dollars is going
to keep your dream alive.

When does this have to be done?

Thursday. I can put together
an itinerary.

All you need to do is be where
I tell you, when I tell you.

Can you handle that, Patrice?

I'm going to the bank, Dana.

Okay, Mr. P.

What are you
working on, Craig?

It's nothing.

Mr. Sang's Next Adventure.

Whoops.

My blood sugar levels are either
crashing or spiking.

I don't fucking
know anymore.

That... would be
the munchies.

Oh, are you going to fire me
for being high at work?

I'm not
your boss, Craig.

Hey, man, give it a week,
anything can happen.

Um, was that your ex
that I saw earlier?

What was his name again?
Patrick?

Patrice.

Patrice. You guys
are getting lunch now?

We're just... catching up.

You're not gonna skulk
around the office

for the next two months crying
like a teenager again, are you?

- I didn't do that.
- Hey, I always wondered...

Did he ever find out?
You know...

I'm really sorry that you and
Patti are have a hard time,

but don't bring it
to the office.

Mr. Patoff?

...Forty, 60, 80, 1,000.

That's all of it?

Ten thousand dollars.

- We said 20!
- Half now,

half after the elephant
is in position.

That wasn't the deal. Patrice
is on his way this evening.

- He's expecting 20.
- Yes,

but after everything you told
me about Patrice's character,

I realized
he can't be trusted.

I know Patrice.
He can only be pushed so far.

He's not going to accept
half of the money up front.

Then you'll just have to
offer him other incentives.

Excuse me?

You... you have history
with this man.

You once shared physical
attraction with each other.

Do any of those
feelings remain?

Mr. Patoff, you might want
to think very carefully

about what you choose
to say next.

Of course.

If it were me, I'd fuck him.

But as you keep reminding me,
you are the boss now.

I don't work that way.

Well, then should we brainstorm
an alternative?

Shall I fetch the alarm clock?

I can get what I want
without demeaning myself.

With the help
of Mr. Sang's money.

Ahh!

That's not even his real name.
Did you know that?

Are we still talking
about work?

Aren't you curious
as to who your boss is?

I mean, he could be guilty
of war crimes.

He could be on the FBI
Top 10 Most Wanted list.

He looks like my Uncle Monty.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Mmm.

- Do you know where he lives?
- Your Uncle Monty?

Patoff.

I don't know.
He never goes home.

Okay, well, he's gotta
live somewhere.

He's always
in a clean shirt.

He smells fresh.

That's true.

- Got a date?
- Mmm.

Client meeting.

A word of advice?

Don't try too hard.

- Goodnight, Elaine.
- 'Night.

- Are we ordering food or not?
- Look!

It looks like he's got a place
in the hills. You see this?

He drives one route back and
forth, every single day.

You're tracking
the boss's phone?

Shh! put stalkerware on it.
He doesn't even have a clue.

You haven't had too many
to drive, have you?

Uh-uh.

You're an hour late.

It just you here?

- We're alone.
- Did you get the money?

Come sit for a minute.
Let's catch up.

So how's your sister?

I always liked her.

She's having another
baby this fall.

Wow.

What about you?

Are you seeing anyone
at the moment?

Not exclusively.
You?

I'm grabbing fun
when I can.

This what I think it is?

There's 10,000.

You'll get the other ten
when Jumbo gets to town.

Are you fucking me over, babe?

- Where are we?
- I don't know.

I'm following the same map
as you.

There's nothing up here.

Wait, just pull over.

- Here?
- Yeah, yeah.

Alright.

This is it.

This is where
he comes every day.

What the fuck?
Where are we?

Dude.

It's about the same size
as my apartment.

What the fuck?

This weird motherfucker
comes all this way

to take a shit!

What?

Are you fucking...

Oh-ho-ho!

Pick up your phone and call your
boss, tell him you need the full

- 20k or this is not happening.
- I don't need to call him.

I'm authorized to handle this
however I choose.

No, I think you're still pissed
that I ended it.

I remember it differently.

Look... Patrice.

Listen, you're gonna
take that money,

and you're gonna go do the job,
just as I told you.

And you know why
I know this?

Because you trust me.

I never lied to you.

I never cheated on you.

Do we have a deal?

Let's grab a drink
and talk it over.

See where that goes.

You never could
resist me.

Let's see how much
you want that elephant.

One drink.

And I'm buying.

What?

Ugh, I feel sick.

How much
did you have to drink?

I don't know.
Three or five.

It doesn't take much.

I don't think
she's coming back.

How do you feel about that?

Right now?
Fuck everything.

Fuck marriage. Fuck Jesus.

Fuck changing who you are
to please someone else.

Just fuck everything,
you know?

Get a bowl for throw-up
and try to sleep.

Hey, wait. Elaine, wait.
I forgot to ask.

Did you get that elephant?

First thing Friday morning,

Jumbo will be parading
down 4th Street,

underneath our billboard.

How did you manage that?

I can be persuasive
when I want to.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Break time.