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1
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Perhaps you've read
the story of Quasimodo,
2
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,958
the monstrous bell-ringer of Notre-Dame.
3
00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:47,499
But more likely, you haven't,
4
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:52,333
because who still reads about
medieval France and all that bullshit?
5
00:00:54,958 --> 00:00:56,166
Well, don't worry,
6
00:00:56,167 --> 00:01:00,416
because we're gonna tell you
the story of the real Quasimodo.
7
00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:06,916
All you need to know
is that 13th-century France sucked.
8
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:11,499
It was a time of plague, poverty
and torture chambers,
9
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:16,916
where one often found themselves
impaled by dangerous objects.
10
00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:23,582
Unless you were a king
who could just dismiss your wife
11
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,125
when you tired of her...
12
00:01:27,833 --> 00:01:33,875
or a pope humbly entrusted
with the sacred offerings of his flock.
13
00:01:36,292 --> 00:01:41,332
And the last thing you'd want is to get
trapped between these two powerful pricks,
14
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:45,208
which is exactly
where Quasimodo found himself,
15
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,042
an ill-advised place for a nobody.
16
00:01:49,792 --> 00:01:52,833
In fact, he's quite fucked.
17
00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:56,542
And this is his story.
18
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:04,333
Quasi!
19
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,667
Quasi!
20
00:02:07,417 --> 00:02:12,708
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
21
00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:15,583
Quasi! Quasi.
22
00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:19,166
Holy shit. What is your problem?
23
00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:20,457
Come on. We're gonna be late.
24
00:02:20,458 --> 00:02:22,041
We are not gonna be late.
25
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:25,499
When you grow up in a bell tower,
you have a knack for keeping time.
26
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,916
You with your bell towers.
27
00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,624
- Yeah.
- Hey, slow down.
28
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,791
- Oh, now you want me to slow down?
- Yeah. Slow down. Come on.
29
00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:33,952
- You're the one who's in such a rush.
- Let's walk together, huh? Like friends.
30
00:02:34,417 --> 00:02:35,666
It's a great morning.
31
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:38,749
It's springtime. The flowers are in bloom.
32
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,082
The air smells of peat and sweet cloth.
33
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:42,999
Whatever. I'll take your word for it.
34
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,332
Aw, why so crispy, huh?
35
00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,166
Hunchback.
36
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,707
Hey, you know what your problem is?
37
00:02:49,708 --> 00:02:53,249
Is it that I've got a fatty deposit
the size of a giant gourd on my back?
38
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,791
No. It's that you've given up on humanity.
39
00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:57,374
You have given up on love.
40
00:02:57,375 --> 00:03:00,707
Duchamp, you can't give up
on something you've never had.
41
00:03:00,708 --> 00:03:02,249
Well, I'm no soothsayer,
42
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:06,332
but I think this is the springtime where
things turn around for my little buddy.
43
00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:07,999
- Weirdo!
- Freak!
44
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:10,333
Morning.
45
00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:15,791
Hey, "Pope Week."
46
00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:17,416
"The coronation of the new queen."
47
00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:18,791
These are exciting times.
48
00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:20,582
Remind me to buy
more papal lottery tickets.
49
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:23,749
Oh, come on, Du. Don't waste your money.
Nobody wins those things.
50
00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,957
Somebody's gotta win.
Why can't it be me?
51
00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:27,916
Confession with the pope.
52
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:30,416
- Du, you're being ridiculous.
- Croissant!
53
00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:31,832
Hey. Croissant?
54
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:33,041
Non.
55
00:03:33,042 --> 00:03:34,332
- Croissant?
- Non.
56
00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,957
- Come on. Croissant?- Non.
57
00:03:35,958 --> 00:03:37,291
Croissant?
58
00:03:37,292 --> 00:03:38,624
No!
59
00:03:38,625 --> 00:03:39,832
Deux croissants.
60
00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:41,082
I said I didn't want one.
61
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:42,416
They're both for me.
62
00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:45,166
Hey! Eat shit, asshole!
63
00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:46,249
Good morning, officer.
64
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:47,333
Croissant?
65
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:50,041
Why don't you duck
when they throw stuff at you?
66
00:03:50,042 --> 00:03:52,803
- What do you mean? I'm already ducked.
- I guess that's a good point.
67
00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:57,041
Back to the daily grind.
68
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,082
Repent for your sins!
69
00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,374
Hey, Pascal.
70
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,916
Hey! Good morning, Du.
71
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:11,999
Good morning, Quasi.
72
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:15,041
Stefan, how was that date?
73
00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:16,332
Incroyable!
74
00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:19,041
And things got very romantic.
75
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:21,582
- You devil.
- Yeah.
76
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:22,749
Matisse, what's up?
77
00:04:22,750 --> 00:04:24,957
Embrace your savior!
78
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:29,791
No, it doesn't hurt that bad.
79
00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:31,207
Oh, Monday, Monday, right?
80
00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:32,291
Yep.
81
00:04:32,292 --> 00:04:34,291
Quasi, you're late.
82
00:04:34,292 --> 00:04:35,916
I know for a fact that I'm not.
83
00:04:35,917 --> 00:04:38,874
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You grew up in a bell tower.
84
00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:42,082
Yeah, 'cause I grew up in a bell tower.
85
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,541
Oh, you gonna take mouth with me?
86
00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:45,416
He gets me so mad sometimes.
87
00:04:45,417 --> 00:04:46,499
Don't get worked up.
88
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,707
Fucker's gonna start with me on a...
On a fuckin' Monday of all things.
89
00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:53,082
Hey, you may think you're hot gruel
'cause you invented that rack,
90
00:04:53,083 --> 00:04:55,499
but around here,
you're just another monkey wrench.
91
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,874
Remember your place, Hunchback.
92
00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:58,082
Settle down, Lucien.
93
00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,499
I'm sure the king wouldn't wanna hear
94
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:03,249
that Quasi was bringing his rack
somewhere else, like Espagne.
95
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:04,375
Michel!
96
00:05:05,083 --> 00:05:06,999
- Why do you let that guy push you around?
- I don't know.
97
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,791
- Don't let him push you around.
- I know.
98
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:11,957
Dipshits, this is Michel,
your new guinea pig.
99
00:05:11,958 --> 00:05:13,874
You're gonna be torturing him
for the next couple weeks.
100
00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,416
Get down there, shorty.
101
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,166
Hey. Look at this little guy.
102
00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:20,624
- Bonjour. Bonjour.
- Bonjour.
103
00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:21,749
Bonjour.
104
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,666
Bonjour.
105
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:24,749
Oh.
106
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:26,957
Hey, go easy on this one.
He's your third this month.
107
00:05:26,958 --> 00:05:29,749
See if you can keep
his arms attached to his body.
108
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,207
- Don't worry about it.
- Never happen.
109
00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:32,499
All right. Back to work.
110
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,416
Hey,
more fire ants in that guy's dick hole.
111
00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:37,249
All right, Michel.
You ready to get tortured?
112
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,916
- Yes, sir!
- Yeah, come on up.
113
00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:41,166
- There you go.
- This isn't too bad.
114
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:43,167
- Get yourself comfortable.
- Ooh, this is nice.
115
00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:45,957
- Come on in here.
- Okay. Here we go.
116
00:05:45,958 --> 00:05:47,582
My God,
his feet don't each even reach the end.
117
00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:48,791
- Come on.
- That's good.
118
00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:50,374
- Get the arms up here.
- Ah.
119
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:51,832
There we go.
120
00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,999
- All right. How are you? You okay?
- Good.
121
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,416
We're gonna start easy.
122
00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:56,999
First time working in the torture chamber?
123
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,457
Yep. Just making a couple extra francs
for culinary school.
124
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:01,041
Oh, a chef! Good for you.
125
00:06:01,042 --> 00:06:02,499
- Yeah.
- Okay, straps too tight?
126
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:03,832
No. Go as tight as you need.
127
00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:06,541
You got a real can-do attitude.
I like that, Michel.
128
00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:08,416
I actually can't believe
you pay people to do this.
129
00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:11,291
Huh, well, we used to test the devices
on real heretics,
130
00:06:11,292 --> 00:06:13,499
but those guys said everything hurt.
131
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:14,749
Am I right?
132
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,250
- Heretics.
- Heretics.
133
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:18,624
Ow. Oh!
134
00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,457
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
135
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:22,667
The first time can be
a bit of a shock to the system.
136
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,499
That's okay.
137
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,916
So you guys psyched for Pope Week?
138
00:06:25,917 --> 00:06:27,041
Oh, my God. Here we go.
139
00:06:27,042 --> 00:06:28,874
- Another Pope Week guy.
- Pope Week? I love Pope Week.
140
00:06:32,583 --> 00:06:35,457
Thank you for coming here
on this beautiful day.
141
00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:38,041
And on behalf of Pope Cornelius...
142
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,707
Bless you for
the indulgences you've bought.
143
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,541
This will save you in the eyes of God.
144
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:52,624
Now, who wants to see an exorcism?
145
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,457
Care to participate, Your Grace?
146
00:06:58,458 --> 00:06:59,375
Christ, Claude.
147
00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:01,791
Just give these mouth-breathers
what they want.
148
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:08,707
May the Lord extend his peaceful hand
upon all of you.
149
00:07:08,708 --> 00:07:10,832
And also with you.
150
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:12,208
Now split that bitch.
151
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000
Brother Giuseppe.
152
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:16,208
Thanks be to God, Your Grace.
153
00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:22,124
Be gone, foul behezrahoth!
154
00:07:22,125 --> 00:07:23,875
Would you mind?
155
00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:28,374
No, no, no, no. No, no, please!
156
00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:29,375
No!
157
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,416
What is this papal visit next week?
158
00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:33,499
France.
159
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:38,124
The French are pigs.
They all stink and eat garbage.
160
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:41,707
And the royals,
always marrying their own family.
161
00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:44,082
They all have 11 fingers
and never stop bleeding.
162
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,041
They're all disgusting, my lord.
163
00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:48,916
Goddamn,
how I hate that pompous ass, King Guy.
164
00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:50,374
Postpone it.
165
00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:53,082
It's scheduled with
the coronation of the new queen.
166
00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:54,249
- New queen?
- Mmm.
167
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:56,416
I told him he wasn't allowed
to divorce his first wife.
168
00:07:56,417 --> 00:07:59,457
He had her killed. A bit of a work-around.
169
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,582
Now he's married his English cousin.
170
00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:06,374
The new union will form a powerful
alliance between France and England.
171
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,666
Oh, he'll be even more insufferable.
172
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,124
Damn you, Satan!
173
00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:14,542
Goddamn it. This will never come off.
174
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:20,291
Say,
have you heard the joke about the bed?
175
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:21,457
No.
176
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:23,666
It hasn't been made yet.
177
00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:45,499
Say,
have you heard the joke about the cookie?
178
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:46,874
No.
179
00:08:46,875 --> 00:08:48,082
It's crummy.
180
00:08:56,251 --> 00:08:57,500
Guards!
181
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,542
Boil my jester in oil.
182
00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:02,207
No, no!
183
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:06,958
- No, no. No! No. No!
- Come on.
184
00:09:07,542 --> 00:09:08,666
No!
185
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:12,249
Good morning, my king.
186
00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:16,457
Breakfast today is wine from
the Rhône valley and fresh Belon oysters.
187
00:09:16,458 --> 00:09:20,416
And where do your oysters come from,
my pet?
188
00:09:20,417 --> 00:09:22,291
Your Highness,
we have a very busy day today.
189
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:26,042
Oh. Hello.
190
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,374
Good morning, milady.
191
00:09:37,375 --> 00:09:38,917
Good morning, Henri-Francoise.
192
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:43,749
As I was saying, sire,
193
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,374
we have a meeting with the tax collectors
to discuss the springtime levies.
194
00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:49,874
And, of course, we have to prepare
for the arrival of the pope.
195
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:52,249
Oh, Cornelius?
196
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,916
I hate that Gorgonzola-eating bastard.
197
00:09:54,917 --> 00:09:56,666
My liege, if you hate the pope,
198
00:09:56,667 --> 00:10:02,167
why not fabricate a papal decree demanding
a 200% increase in tithes from the people?
199
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,332
Your outraged subjects will run him
right out of the country.
200
00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:07,250
Well, look at that, Henri-Francoise.
201
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:12,374
My new ornament wishes to discuss
the affairs of France.
202
00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:14,291
Yes.
203
00:10:14,292 --> 00:10:16,291
How adorable.
204
00:10:16,292 --> 00:10:17,792
- My liege.
- Leave us.
205
00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:21,291
Sire, as queen,
is it not my duty to suggest...
206
00:10:21,292 --> 00:10:22,292
Leave us!
207
00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:24,750
As you wish.
208
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,000
My queen.
209
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:37,666
I was not told
she was going to speak so much.
210
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:40,791
She's a regular smarty pantalons.
211
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:44,416
Indeed, but a small price to pay
for a powerful alliance.
212
00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:48,749
A rather large price to pay for someone
who never wanted to be married again.
213
00:10:48,750 --> 00:10:50,124
Yes, well.
214
00:10:50,125 --> 00:10:54,874
But do look into that
phony-papal-decree idea, because why not?
215
00:10:54,875 --> 00:10:56,875
Excellent idea, Your Highness.
216
00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:58,542
Enjoy your oysters.
217
00:10:59,708 --> 00:11:00,792
Bring me some salt!
218
00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:05,333
I need some salt!
219
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,291
- Hey! All right. Just stop!
- Move it!
220
00:11:12,292 --> 00:11:13,582
- Stop!
- All right.
221
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,874
Okay. Don't have to be so rough.
222
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,124
Hey, uh, why are the oysters up there?
223
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:20,082
Oh, it's the food of kings.
224
00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:22,124
Lucien thinks it displays superiority.
225
00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:24,332
You know what he should do
is get better oysters.
226
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,082
I mean, those are crap.
227
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,749
Belon oysters...
228
00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:28,832
That's the food of kings.
229
00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:30,499
Oh, you've had Belon oysters?
230
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,791
Once, when I was a boy.
231
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:35,374
It was like they were lifted from the sea
by nautical angels.
232
00:11:42,333 --> 00:11:44,916
Okay,
that was 15% torque on the upper straps.
233
00:11:44,917 --> 00:11:47,457
Michel, go on about the oysters.
234
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:48,582
Describe their taste.
235
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,916
Crisp, clean, salty.
236
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:54,916
Aw, that sounds fantastique.
237
00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:56,791
Hey, enough with the chatter down there.
238
00:11:57,875 --> 00:12:02,582
You know, if I was king,
there'd be Belon oysters on every table.
239
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,249
A king for the people.
240
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:07,666
That's a good one, you weird little loser.
241
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:08,749
Now get back to work.
242
00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:15,582
Has Lucien ever shared his oysters
with anyone here?
243
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:17,166
No!
244
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:21,749
If he's gonna eat oysters in front of us,
shouldn't he bring enough for everybody?
245
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:22,957
Oui!
246
00:12:22,958 --> 00:12:25,333
Hey, you know what?
Put a sock in it, Quasi.
247
00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:29,791
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
248
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:33,874
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
249
00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:41,875
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
250
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,916
Shut up! All of you!
251
00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:45,999
All right.
252
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,249
You want oysters?
I'll give you oysters up...
253
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:49,417
My queen.
254
00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:53,332
Oysters.
255
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:57,292
Your Highness, may I ask what brings you
to our, uh, humble place of work?
256
00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:02,082
It's a queen's duty to familiarize herself
with all aspects of the kingdom.
257
00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:03,332
I should like a tour.
258
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,708
Of course, Your Majesty.
259
00:13:05,458 --> 00:13:09,417
Would be my privilege
to escort you around the premises.
260
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:13,333
Perhaps it would be best for me
to receive it from your superior.
261
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:15,708
That one.
262
00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:19,374
Holy shit. She's pointing at me.
263
00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:20,999
Yeah, right.
264
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,332
- Shut up. Shut up. Don't joke.
- I'm... I'm serious.
265
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:27,957
Uh, begging your pardon, my queen, but
that torturer is in no way my superior.
266
00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:30,125
The way he speaks to you
tells me otherwise.
267
00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:36,999
- She's coming downstairs.
- Oh, my God.
268
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000
There's a queen coming down here now.
269
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:43,250
- Don't look at her.
- Okay.
270
00:13:43,251 --> 00:13:44,874
- Don't look.
- It's hard. She's really hot.
271
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:47,333
Oh, my God.
I can't believe she's coming down here.
272
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,750
Oh, my.
273
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,000
Smell is exceptionally rancid down here.
274
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:00,375
Torturer, stand.
275
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,792
Mmm.
276
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,749
You seem to have the ear
of your fellow workers.
277
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:09,249
I am just a humble subject
of the king, milady.
278
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,750
Raise your head, torturer.
279
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:17,916
What is it you do here?
280
00:14:17,917 --> 00:14:19,583
I work this machine.
281
00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:23,583
Is this not the rack I hear so much about?
282
00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:25,500
'Tis, my queen. 'Tis.
283
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,082
Hmm.
284
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:30,999
How is it that you were chosen to man
the king's most effective torture device?
285
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,707
I invented it, milady.
286
00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:34,332
You invented it?
287
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:37,374
Yeah, in an attempt to straighten my back,
288
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:41,457
but it didn't quite unfold
as I had wished.
289
00:14:44,042 --> 00:14:47,332
Smart and witty.
Seems you are very talented.
290
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,374
You are too kind, my queen.
291
00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:53,749
Perhaps you'd have more success
if you adjusted the flywheel.
292
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:56,082
Say, 20 degrees?
293
00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:59,957
Then you'd have the benefits of both
horizontal tension and vertical tension.
294
00:14:59,958 --> 00:15:02,000
Uh, okay. Yeah!
295
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,249
That is a brilliant observation, my queen.
296
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:07,082
I will implement that immediately.
297
00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:10,208
- You will?
- Yeah, " absolutement."
298
00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:14,457
Not only are you a good speaker
but a good listener.
299
00:15:14,458 --> 00:15:16,667
A unique combination, torturer...
300
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,167
Modo. Quasi Modo.
301
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:22,291
It's been a pleasure, Quasi.
302
00:15:22,292 --> 00:15:23,999
I very much like your rack.
303
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,207
And I yours.
304
00:15:25,208 --> 00:15:26,957
I mean...
305
00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:29,999
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
306
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:36,416
What I meant to say was I very much
appreciate all your suggestions, my queen.
307
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:37,874
Of course.
308
00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:38,957
Carry on.
309
00:15:38,958 --> 00:15:40,167
Yeah. Yeah.
310
00:15:44,958 --> 00:15:46,207
Are you kidding me?
311
00:15:46,208 --> 00:15:47,125
Oh.
312
00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:48,457
That was crazy!
313
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:49,999
Oh, my God.
314
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:02,500
All right. It's really good.
315
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,416
Yeah. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. A toast.
316
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:07,875
Here is to our new friend, Michel.
317
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:09,667
Hear, hear.
318
00:16:11,168 --> 00:16:14,332
I actually got you the job. Hmm?
You could've mentioned that.
319
00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:16,374
Du, I never had a chance.
320
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:17,624
Seems like you forgot.
321
00:16:17,625 --> 00:16:18,707
Are we ignoring the fact that
322
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:21,666
there was definitely sexual tension
between you and the queen?
323
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:23,916
What?
324
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:24,999
The new guy.
325
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,582
That's ridiculous. She's the queen. Hello.
326
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,250
Michel, let me explain something.
327
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:34,457
The queen could have any dragon slayer,
wizard or chevalier in the kingdom.
328
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:37,082
Why would she care about a twisted,
lonely weirdo?
329
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,666
- Okay, that's a little harsh.
- I'm just making a point.
330
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,666
Plenty of royals have kinky fetishes.
331
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,624
Remember that king
that used to have sex with chickens?
332
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,291
Chicken a la king? Yeah.
333
00:16:45,292 --> 00:16:46,916
That would make him the chicken.
334
00:16:46,917 --> 00:16:48,832
Yeah. That does make me the chicken.
335
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,082
Cluck, cluck, motherfucker.
336
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:52,874
Michel, I am a loser.
337
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:56,541
I have never known the touch of a woman,
and I never will.
338
00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:59,916
Don't be so hard on yourself.
The guys in the torture chamber like you.
339
00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:02,082
You got a loyal best friend
in Duchamp right here.
340
00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:03,749
Easy now, okay?
341
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,541
We may be hut mates,
but we're not best friends.
342
00:17:06,542 --> 00:17:08,707
Yeah, those labels are kind of weird.
343
00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,249
What are we, schoolgirls?
344
00:17:13,292 --> 00:17:14,749
Who wants a drink?
345
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,749
- Hey, Blouin, my friend.
- Duch!
346
00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:18,249
You still selling papal lottery tickets?
347
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,457
Yeah, but I'll warn you.
I already have the winner.
348
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:23,541
How could that be when I'm about to buy
the winning ticket?
349
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:24,624
Okay.
350
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:26,124
- Give me ten more!
- Ten more.
351
00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:28,332
Du, why are you wasting your money?
352
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:30,499
I'm about to win
an audience with the pope.
353
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,791
Right.
354
00:17:31,792 --> 00:17:33,749
And on the night of her coronation,
355
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:36,457
I'm gonna make dirty love
to the queen in the rack.
356
00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,249
You can get executed for even saying that.
357
00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:58,332
Did you change something?
You look different.
358
00:17:58,333 --> 00:17:59,499
Me?
359
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,332
- Your hair maybe?
- My hair? No.
360
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,624
- Did you get taller?
- I wish.
361
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:07,499
Hey, has the lottery drawing happened?
362
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,999
Do you see me on that stage yet?
363
00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:16,124
On behalf of King Guy XXIV,
welcome to the papal lottery.
364
00:18:17,917 --> 00:18:22,332
A preliminary and lesser event leading up
to the coronation of your new queen.
365
00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:33,249
Winner of the lottery
366
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:36,499
shall have his private confession heard
by the pope himself.
367
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,042
Yes. You.
368
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,916
Quasi, it's not too late. You can buy
tickets right up to the drawing.
369
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:45,332
Take it from
the unluckiest person in France,
370
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,332
you might as well
throw your money in a hole.
371
00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:52,207
You know what?
372
00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:54,749
Here. Take this. Consider it a gift.
373
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,041
I don't want a gift.
374
00:18:56,042 --> 00:18:57,541
Please. I insist.
375
00:18:57,542 --> 00:18:59,749
Du,
don't act like this is such a big thing.
376
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,249
Take it. On me.
377
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:03,249
All right. If I take this thing,
will you stop bugging me?
378
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,707
You got it.
379
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:06,916
- Okay?
- Okay.
380
00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:08,874
- Great. Enjoy it.
- Thanks.
381
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:10,707
- Hope you have a winner. Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
382
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:14,332
Without further ado,
Simone, the number, please!
383
00:19:17,668 --> 00:19:20,416
And the winning number is:
384
00:19:20,417 --> 00:19:25,082
J, seven, two, two,
385
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:27,374
four, six.
386
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,832
Merde.
387
00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:31,582
Oh! Oh!
388
00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:36,416
That's me! It's me!
389
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,416
You're a woman.
390
00:19:39,417 --> 00:19:41,457
The pope won't grant audience to a woman.
391
00:19:44,625 --> 00:19:47,583
Oh, my goodness gracious. Give me a break.
392
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,082
All right, Simone. New number, please.
393
00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:57,457
- The new number: F, four, three...
- Oh. Oh.
394
00:19:57,458 --> 00:20:00,208
...three, three,
395
00:20:00,708 --> 00:20:02,207
one.
396
00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:04,750
Merde, merde, merde!
397
00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:08,166
F, four, three, three, three, one?
398
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,249
No one?
399
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,749
Quasi, you won.
400
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:13,917
- Huh? What?
- Quasi, you won.
401
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:15,750
I won?
402
00:20:15,751 --> 00:20:16,833
You won!
403
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,250
Quasi's the winner!
404
00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:21,666
We got a winner here!
We got a winner here!
405
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:23,791
Quasi's the winner!
406
00:20:23,792 --> 00:20:24,999
Quasi, you won!
407
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,457
Well, congratulations!
408
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:27,792
Bring the lucky fellow up here.
409
00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:35,500
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
410
00:20:36,083 --> 00:20:37,624
Quasi! Quasi!
411
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,749
A woman and a hunchback.
412
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,582
What's next? A Saxon?
413
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:45,166
Simone, right?
414
00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:46,374
You're not Saxon, are you?
415
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,791
No. Okay, right.
416
00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:56,624
Hey, I wanna be tortured by a superstar!
417
00:20:56,625 --> 00:20:58,667
Hop on up, Michel. Here.
418
00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:01,832
Get in here.
419
00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:05,582
Wow, it's so great you won!
I've never won anything in my life!
420
00:21:05,583 --> 00:21:06,708
Give it your all!
421
00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:13,041
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What the hell's going on around here?
422
00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:14,541
I'll tell you what's going on.
423
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:16,624
Oysters! Oysters!
424
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:18,416
- Oysters!
- Not again with the oysters!
425
00:21:18,417 --> 00:21:21,792
Shut up!
426
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:24,250
Silence!
427
00:21:25,875 --> 00:21:27,582
Oysters.
428
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:30,125
The king wishes to meet the hunchback.
429
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,207
You're gonna meet the pope and the king?
430
00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:37,374
Good fortune smiles upon you, my friend.
431
00:21:37,375 --> 00:21:38,957
Good thing I gave you my ticket.
432
00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:42,082
Oh, wait. No, Du, of course.
You should take the ticket. You bought it.
433
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:44,499
No, no. It's cool.
I mean, I gave it to you, so...
434
00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,291
- Technically it's mine, but whatever...
- No, no, no.
435
00:21:46,292 --> 00:21:47,541
No, Du, take the ticket.
436
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:48,707
I didn't even want this.
437
00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:51,541
Oh, no, no. You know what?
You take it. Have a good time.
438
00:21:51,542 --> 00:21:53,541
Get me in the next one, okay?
439
00:21:53,542 --> 00:21:54,875
The king awaits!
440
00:21:55,458 --> 00:21:56,874
Okay.
441
00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:59,041
- Are we cool?
- Totally cool, man. Have a good time.
442
00:21:59,042 --> 00:22:00,207
Okay, merci.
443
00:22:00,208 --> 00:22:01,208
Yeah. Quasi.
444
00:22:01,209 --> 00:22:03,874
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
445
00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:05,457
Give him one for the serfs!
446
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,707
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.
447
00:22:07,708 --> 00:22:09,582
Go, Local 85!
448
00:22:09,583 --> 00:22:10,624
Yeah!
449
00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:13,457
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
450
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,750
Knock, knock!
451
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:24,457
Now you say, "Who's there?", sire.
452
00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:26,999
I have to participate?
453
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,292
Yeah.
454
00:22:28,958 --> 00:22:31,207
Who is there?
455
00:22:31,208 --> 00:22:33,166
King Guy.
456
00:22:33,167 --> 00:22:34,750
- What?
- No.
457
00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:38,249
You say, "King Guy, who?", sire.
458
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:39,999
Oh, I really don't get it.
459
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,624
Guards, tar him!
460
00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:43,124
- No, no!
- All right.
461
00:22:43,125 --> 00:22:44,791
- Wait.
- Okay, fine.
462
00:22:44,792 --> 00:22:46,207
- Feather him.
- What?
463
00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:48,374
- No, no!
- Ooh, I have an idea.
464
00:22:48,375 --> 00:22:50,707
What about a little of both?
Could be a fun new thing.
465
00:22:50,708 --> 00:22:51,791
Please, sire.
466
00:22:51,792 --> 00:22:54,416
It would be wrong
to orphan this man's children.
467
00:22:54,417 --> 00:22:55,541
Fine, then.
468
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,582
Kill the kids too.
469
00:22:57,583 --> 00:22:59,166
- No!
- Kidding!
470
00:22:59,167 --> 00:23:01,832
Guards, go easy on the tar.
471
00:23:01,833 --> 00:23:03,082
- No, no, no.
- Easy now.
472
00:23:03,083 --> 00:23:05,416
- No!
- Come on, Jester.
473
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:06,749
Happy, my queen?
474
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:07,874
Do something!
475
00:23:07,875 --> 00:23:09,499
Yes.
476
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:13,500
Your Majesty,
I present the torturer, Quasi Modo.
477
00:23:16,626 --> 00:23:19,500
Quasi Modo, my little friend.
478
00:23:21,125 --> 00:23:25,041
The queen tells me that as a tormentor,
you're unparalleled.
479
00:23:25,042 --> 00:23:26,999
Sire, are you aware that he is the one
480
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,707
who invented
your most successful torture device?
481
00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:31,999
You mean my mother-in-law?
482
00:23:36,333 --> 00:23:37,707
I'm joking, of course.
483
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:39,416
Of course, you are. Very funny, sire.
484
00:23:39,417 --> 00:23:45,499
So, Mr. Modo,
what's it feel like to be a winner?
485
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:48,457
- Oh.
- Um.
486
00:23:48,458 --> 00:23:51,166
Um, really good...
...Your Majesty.
487
00:23:51,167 --> 00:23:53,249
Really good, indeed.
488
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:55,957
Come. Sit. Feast with your king.
489
00:23:55,958 --> 00:23:57,291
Yes. Yes.
490
00:23:57,292 --> 00:23:58,833
Mind your manners, pig.
491
00:24:00,542 --> 00:24:02,000
Please, please. Sit.
492
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:08,333
Enjoy! Eat! Drink!
493
00:24:14,709 --> 00:24:16,624
Hmm. Quite hungry.
494
00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:18,958
Mmm.
495
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:24,582
The queen tells me
that you're very fond of oysters.
496
00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,874
Well, I've never actually tried them.
497
00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:29,625
Never actually tried one? Oh.
498
00:24:31,958 --> 00:24:35,374
Then you must try the food of kings.
499
00:24:35,375 --> 00:24:37,875
Fresh Belon oysters.
500
00:24:38,542 --> 00:24:42,708
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.
501
00:24:58,333 --> 00:24:59,708
Sweet baby Jesus.
502
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:01,917
Have another.
503
00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:04,207
Another oyster, my king?
504
00:25:04,208 --> 00:25:06,166
Please, call me Guy.
505
00:25:06,167 --> 00:25:08,541
Okay. Thank you, Guy.
506
00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:10,707
How dare you call the king of France
by his name?
507
00:25:10,708 --> 00:25:12,374
- Guards, off with his head!
- What?
508
00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:15,374
- You told him to do that.
- Kidding. Kidding.
509
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:19,457
Did you see the look on his face? Hilar!
510
00:25:19,458 --> 00:25:21,999
Yes. Good one, sire.
511
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:28,749
Catherine, I wish to speak to Quasi alone
about things you would not understand.
512
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:29,874
So leave us.
513
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:30,957
What things?
514
00:25:30,958 --> 00:25:32,332
Male things.
515
00:25:32,333 --> 00:25:35,874
Foreskins, Adam's apples,
hemorrhoids and the like.
516
00:25:35,875 --> 00:25:37,666
Many women suffer from hemorrhoids.
517
00:25:37,667 --> 00:25:39,542
- In fact, last week...
- Leave us!
518
00:25:42,042 --> 00:25:43,042
Hmm.
519
00:25:47,250 --> 00:25:50,332
My new queen likes to speak
of hemorrhoids.
520
00:25:50,333 --> 00:25:52,916
Sexy.
521
00:25:52,917 --> 00:25:56,541
Quasi, I would like you to kill the pope.
522
00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:01,333
Are you all right?
523
00:26:03,167 --> 00:26:04,207
- Can you...
- Should I do...
524
00:26:04,208 --> 00:26:05,624
- Do something.
- What should I do?
525
00:26:05,625 --> 00:26:07,249
Should I pound his hump or...
526
00:26:07,250 --> 00:26:08,541
- I don't know.
- Is there...
527
00:26:08,542 --> 00:26:10,666
There may be goblins in there.
I don't know what's in there.
528
00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:12,041
Get out of the way.
529
00:26:14,292 --> 00:26:16,208
Good show, sire. Good show.
530
00:26:16,792 --> 00:26:19,957
Um, I'm sorry, Your Majesty.
531
00:26:19,958 --> 00:26:21,416
You want me to do what?
532
00:26:21,417 --> 00:26:23,666
At your private confession,
533
00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:28,457
I want you to assassinate the pope
in the name of France.
534
00:26:28,458 --> 00:26:29,957
But it's the pope.
535
00:26:29,958 --> 00:26:32,792
He's a danger to France
and a total asshole.
536
00:26:33,542 --> 00:26:35,167
Henri.
537
00:26:36,958 --> 00:26:37,917
Sire.
538
00:26:37,918 --> 00:26:43,041
These are actual depictions
of the pope having sex with Saracen women.
539
00:26:43,959 --> 00:26:45,624
Yes, and these are all very real.
540
00:26:45,625 --> 00:26:47,499
Bestiality!
541
00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:48,791
Oh, mon Dieu!
542
00:26:48,792 --> 00:26:49,874
Butt stuff.
543
00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:51,291
Oh, my gosh.
544
00:26:51,292 --> 00:26:52,374
Is that mud?
545
00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:53,458
It's not mud.
546
00:26:54,083 --> 00:26:55,083
It's not mud.
547
00:26:55,084 --> 00:26:57,582
- What's this?
- Felching. It's awful.
548
00:26:57,583 --> 00:26:59,207
It looks like she's praying.
549
00:26:59,208 --> 00:27:00,666
God is not in there, my friend.
550
00:27:00,667 --> 00:27:01,999
He must be killed.
551
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,457
Your Majesty, why have you chosen me?
552
00:27:04,458 --> 00:27:07,749
God chose you when you won the lottery.
553
00:27:07,750 --> 00:27:12,499
And God knows
that only you can take him by surprise.
554
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:16,416
Yes. In the confessional, there will be
a dagger hidden under the bench.
555
00:27:16,417 --> 00:27:19,542
You will drive that dagger
into the pope's heart.
556
00:27:20,625 --> 00:27:23,416
Your Majesty, I cannot do this.
557
00:27:23,417 --> 00:27:27,625
You will,
or you will be executed as a traitor.
558
00:27:28,458 --> 00:27:31,291
And we'll kill
that best friend of yours too.
559
00:27:31,292 --> 00:27:32,457
My best friend?
560
00:27:32,458 --> 00:27:34,917
That jolly fat fellow
with whom you share your hut.
561
00:27:35,583 --> 00:27:38,375
Does the name Duchamp ring a bell?
562
00:27:38,875 --> 00:27:40,291
Pun intended.
563
00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:43,707
I would hardly say we're best friends.
564
00:27:43,708 --> 00:27:45,499
We're more like coworkers or hut mates.
565
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:47,791
You see,
he needed a place to live closer to town...
566
00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:49,707
Who gives a fuck?
567
00:27:49,708 --> 00:27:51,791
You will assassinate the pope,
568
00:27:51,792 --> 00:27:55,332
or you and your hut mate
will be drawn and quartered,
569
00:27:55,333 --> 00:27:58,416
and your limbs will be taken
to the four corners of France!
570
00:27:58,417 --> 00:28:01,917
Do I make myself clear, Hunchback?
571
00:28:10,292 --> 00:28:12,249
I am so psyched I gave you my ticket.
572
00:28:13,542 --> 00:28:16,082
- Are you gonna kill him?
- He can't do that. It's the pope.
573
00:28:16,083 --> 00:28:18,542
- You could run away.
- No, the king would find me.
574
00:28:19,042 --> 00:28:21,999
And he said
he's gonna draw and quarter Duchamp.
575
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,166
- Why me?
- He thinks we're best friends.
576
00:28:24,167 --> 00:28:26,416
- We're not best friends.
- That's what I said.
577
00:28:26,417 --> 00:28:27,749
I have many best friends.
578
00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:29,166
Oh, is that so?
579
00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:31,041
- Yeah, that is so.
- Okay.
580
00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:33,041
There's Jerome from Champagne.
581
00:28:33,042 --> 00:28:33,958
Oh, wow.
582
00:28:33,959 --> 00:28:36,249
I didn't realize
you'd ever been to Champagne. Hmm.
583
00:28:36,250 --> 00:28:37,250
Jerome's cool!
584
00:28:37,251 --> 00:28:38,332
No, he sounds cool.
585
00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:39,999
- He's a butcher.
- Oh, wow.
586
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,416
He also trades silks.
587
00:28:41,417 --> 00:28:42,541
He's been to the Orient?
588
00:28:42,542 --> 00:28:43,624
Several times.
589
00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,416
Oh, wow. He's so well-traveled.
590
00:28:45,417 --> 00:28:47,166
And next time, he's bringing me with him.
591
00:28:47,167 --> 00:28:49,832
Sounds like this Jerome from Champagne
is your best friend.
592
00:28:49,833 --> 00:28:51,082
I didn't say that.
593
00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:52,749
I don't believe in labels. Same as you.
594
00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:55,166
Are you Quasi Modo?
595
00:28:55,167 --> 00:28:56,457
Yeah, I guess so.
596
00:28:56,458 --> 00:28:59,958
Well, Mr. Celebrity,
do you want a Black Death shot?
597
00:29:00,792 --> 00:29:02,624
- Yeah, sure.
- Mm-hmm.
598
00:29:02,625 --> 00:29:05,041
Um. Uh, cheers, ladies.
599
00:29:05,042 --> 00:29:06,457
Thanks.
600
00:29:06,458 --> 00:29:08,791
Oh, that's tasty.
601
00:29:08,792 --> 00:29:10,416
Will you sign my bosom?
602
00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:12,041
- What?
- Are you for real?
603
00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:13,625
What is going on here?
604
00:29:16,167 --> 00:29:18,666
How'd you get so clean, by the way?
605
00:29:18,667 --> 00:29:19,916
The river.
606
00:29:19,917 --> 00:29:21,624
Excuse me, ladies.
607
00:29:21,625 --> 00:29:24,875
My name is Duchamp,
and I am Quasi's hut mate.
608
00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:27,041
Uh-uh.
609
00:29:27,042 --> 00:29:28,916
- No. Bye.
- Oh.
610
00:29:31,208 --> 00:29:33,249
That'll be three francs
for the Black Death shots.
611
00:29:33,250 --> 00:29:35,332
- I didn't even drink 'em.
- Three francs!
612
00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:37,583
Fine.
613
00:29:38,208 --> 00:29:40,416
Why don't you send the bill
to Jerome from Champagne?
614
00:29:40,417 --> 00:29:42,041
- Maybe I will.
- Okay.
615
00:29:42,042 --> 00:29:43,125
Asshole.
616
00:29:46,292 --> 00:29:48,749
All right,
I think that's probably pretty hot.
617
00:29:48,750 --> 00:29:51,082
Yeah, that looks pretty good to me.
I think you can stop now.
618
00:29:51,083 --> 00:29:54,457
You and your main mother-plucker
over here.
619
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:56,167
What?
620
00:30:11,417 --> 00:30:12,541
What is this?
621
00:30:12,542 --> 00:30:14,792
Where are the cheering throngs?
622
00:30:15,292 --> 00:30:17,082
Who is in charge of marketing?
623
00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:19,417
But what about that though? Nice, right?
624
00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:26,457
Makes me look fat.
625
00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:27,667
And look at that fop.
626
00:30:28,708 --> 00:30:30,499
Does he expect us to stay at the castle?
627
00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:32,624
Either that or the local monastery.
628
00:30:32,625 --> 00:30:33,707
Benedictines?
629
00:30:33,708 --> 00:30:35,207
Cistercians.
630
00:30:35,208 --> 00:30:36,541
Vow of poverty.
631
00:30:36,542 --> 00:30:37,958
Hard pass.
632
00:30:38,875 --> 00:30:41,125
Tell me there's at least
a welcome committee of whores.
633
00:30:42,167 --> 00:30:43,750
'Twas a joke, Claude.
634
00:30:45,292 --> 00:30:46,499
By the way, Your Grace,
635
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:49,957
you should know that the winner
of the papal lottery is a hunchback.
636
00:30:49,958 --> 00:30:51,832
A hunchback? No! Change it.
637
00:30:51,833 --> 00:30:53,041
It's all planned out...
638
00:30:53,042 --> 00:30:55,457
Do you have any idea
the questions he'll have for me?
639
00:30:55,458 --> 00:30:57,457
"Holy Father, can you fix my hump?"
640
00:30:57,458 --> 00:30:59,874
"Is not my very existence proof
there is no God?"
641
00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:02,166
I don't want to get into
that whole hornet's nest.
642
00:31:02,167 --> 00:31:03,916
We should proceed, Holiness.
643
00:31:03,917 --> 00:31:06,832
We must prepare for
your banquet with the king.
644
00:31:06,833 --> 00:31:08,374
Do you think he'll try to poison me?
645
00:31:08,375 --> 00:31:09,624
I don't know.
646
00:31:09,625 --> 00:31:11,541
I'll tell you what I do know.
647
00:31:11,542 --> 00:31:13,249
You're eating for two tonight.
648
00:31:13,250 --> 00:31:15,749
So no filling up on stuffed olives
and the like.
649
00:31:15,750 --> 00:31:16,874
Oh, don't mind me.
650
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,875
I'll just walk the last bit.
651
00:31:34,458 --> 00:31:36,999
I feel sorry for the chicken.
652
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,499
Your Royal Highness,
may I present to you...
653
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,333
He knows who I am.
654
00:31:43,750 --> 00:31:44,750
Guy.
655
00:31:44,751 --> 00:31:46,957
Cornelius.
656
00:31:46,958 --> 00:31:48,707
Guillotine.
657
00:31:48,708 --> 00:31:50,833
- Cornholio.
- Yes.
658
00:31:53,167 --> 00:31:54,167
Oh.
659
00:31:54,168 --> 00:31:56,832
Still overdoing it with that same parfum?
660
00:31:56,833 --> 00:31:58,166
What do you call it? Wet sheep?
661
00:31:58,167 --> 00:32:00,333
And I see you're still wearing none.
662
00:32:01,333 --> 00:32:05,082
Please, meet my new bride,
Queen Catherine.
663
00:32:05,083 --> 00:32:06,207
Your Holiness.
664
00:32:06,208 --> 00:32:07,917
Ooh. Hotchy motchy.
665
00:32:08,917 --> 00:32:10,957
- How long have you two been married?
- Two weeks.
666
00:32:10,958 --> 00:32:12,832
Has he shown you his third nipple?
667
00:32:12,833 --> 00:32:14,666
It seems you know each other well.
668
00:32:14,667 --> 00:32:17,124
We were classmates together at université.
669
00:32:17,125 --> 00:32:18,166
I didn't know that.
670
00:32:18,167 --> 00:32:20,707
And therein lies
the problem with arranged marriage.
671
00:32:21,792 --> 00:32:23,707
Dinner is served.
672
00:32:23,708 --> 00:32:25,916
I hope you like everything.
673
00:32:25,917 --> 00:32:27,167
Ooh!
674
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:33,958
Sire.
675
00:32:36,250 --> 00:32:40,499
So, Catherine, congratulations
on your coronation ceremony.
676
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,457
You'll be wearing something daring,
I hope.
677
00:32:42,458 --> 00:32:46,541
I don't know that it will be daring,
but thank you, Holy Father.
678
00:32:46,542 --> 00:32:48,291
I'm honored that you will be attending.
679
00:32:48,292 --> 00:32:53,166
Oh, he's never one to pass up a crowd
or to soak said crowd for donations.
680
00:32:53,167 --> 00:32:54,207
Guilty.
681
00:32:54,208 --> 00:32:57,041
Uh, I'm sorry.
I only drink wine from a goblet.
682
00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:58,582
Oh, we don't have goblets.
683
00:32:58,583 --> 00:33:00,582
Oh, not a problem.
I'll just take a chalice.
684
00:33:00,583 --> 00:33:02,749
We don't have "chali" either.
685
00:33:02,750 --> 00:33:04,374
Well, what do you have then?
686
00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:08,207
That crystal fucking wine glass
that's right there on the table.
687
00:33:08,208 --> 00:33:09,374
Fine. I won't have wine.
688
00:33:09,375 --> 00:33:10,541
Fine. Don't.
689
00:33:10,542 --> 00:33:11,958
I shan't.
690
00:33:12,750 --> 00:33:13,750
Mmm.
691
00:33:15,500 --> 00:33:19,999
Cardinal Claude,
I think I prefer you in that seat.
692
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,874
You, man. Stand up.
693
00:33:21,875 --> 00:33:23,499
- Claude, sit in that seat.
- Huh?
694
00:33:24,501 --> 00:33:25,875
Pause.
695
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:27,957
That is where my man sits.
696
00:33:27,958 --> 00:33:29,999
- Henri-Francoise, sit down.
- Very good, sire.
697
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,791
That is where the pope wishes
his man to sit.
698
00:33:32,792 --> 00:33:34,624
You, up. Claude, sit.
699
00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:38,957
Stand now, or I shall lop your head off.
700
00:33:38,958 --> 00:33:39,875
Oh.
701
00:33:39,876 --> 00:33:41,707
Henri-Francoise, sit!
702
00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:44,207
I am the pope. Sit.
703
00:33:44,208 --> 00:33:46,166
Okay.
704
00:33:46,167 --> 00:33:50,416
Are we really doing this again
in my country?
705
00:33:50,417 --> 00:33:51,832
They're all my countries.
706
00:33:51,833 --> 00:33:55,082
The only reason you're here is
so you can horn in on her coronation.
707
00:33:55,083 --> 00:33:58,166
And you're only coronating because you
don't have the sack to rule this country
708
00:33:58,167 --> 00:33:59,916
without your new wife's big army.
709
00:33:59,917 --> 00:34:02,332
Please, gentlemen. Let's enjoy the feast.
710
00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:06,874
Why don't you take your papal supremacy
and shove it up your funny fucking hat?
711
00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:09,542
I will not sit here
and let you take potshots at my hat!
712
00:34:10,125 --> 00:34:11,125
Bring it on, bitch!
713
00:34:12,333 --> 00:34:15,999
Uh, did you hear the one about the peanuts
that were walking down the street?
714
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,374
- Stand aside, goose man.
- They got assaulted!
715
00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:25,792
Do not break this up!
716
00:34:27,417 --> 00:34:28,417
Yes, sire. Oh!
717
00:34:32,458 --> 00:34:34,166
Break this up right now!
718
00:34:35,417 --> 00:34:36,937
- Okay, go, go!
- Yes, my Lord.
719
00:34:39,918 --> 00:34:41,707
Oh! No, stop.
720
00:34:41,708 --> 00:34:44,042
No, no, no, no.
721
00:34:44,958 --> 00:34:46,249
I totally kicked your ass.
722
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:48,749
After all these years,
you're still a dick!
723
00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,500
Claude, we're leaving now!
724
00:34:51,667 --> 00:34:53,625
Guard! Open that door.
725
00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:56,750
Guard, do not open that door.
726
00:34:57,625 --> 00:34:59,917
Open that door,
or I will send you to hell.
727
00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:03,124
Open that door,
and I'll make you a eunuch.
728
00:35:08,667 --> 00:35:09,667
Enjoy hell.
729
00:35:11,917 --> 00:35:14,791
- You ready for Confession Day?
- I don't know.
730
00:35:14,792 --> 00:35:17,542
Just relax.
This is a day like any other day.
731
00:35:18,167 --> 00:35:19,542
- Okay.
- Let's do this.
732
00:35:23,500 --> 00:35:25,000
Quasi! Quasi.
733
00:35:25,833 --> 00:35:27,416
What will you confess to the pope today?
734
00:35:27,417 --> 00:35:29,332
Are you gonna ask for a new back?
735
00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:32,166
Oh, yeah, like a thick back or a wide back
or a skinny back or a tall back, maybe?
736
00:35:32,167 --> 00:35:33,999
Or perhaps a new face.
737
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,041
Because your face
is not the face that people want.
738
00:35:36,042 --> 00:35:37,499
No mom would like that face.
739
00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:39,041
They'd be like,
"Put it back in my vagina."
740
00:35:39,042 --> 00:35:41,499
Okay. Settle down.
Move away. Let him through.
741
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:43,957
Move back. Go to work.
Give him some space.
742
00:35:43,958 --> 00:35:47,624
Hey! I made my very special
Confession Day fondue.
743
00:35:47,625 --> 00:35:48,749
Have a taste.
744
00:35:48,750 --> 00:35:49,999
Oh! Mm-hmm.
745
00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:54,874
Mmm. Mon Dieu, that's good fondue.
746
00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:57,749
Sacrebleu. That's great fondue!
747
00:35:57,750 --> 00:35:58,999
All right, all right.
748
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,249
The pope is gonna be here any minute,
so look alive.
749
00:36:01,250 --> 00:36:03,207
Torturers, I want heads-up torturing.
750
00:36:03,208 --> 00:36:05,666
Hey, shitbrain! Make that infidel bleed.
751
00:36:05,667 --> 00:36:08,582
Uh, this is more of
a psychological torture station.
752
00:36:08,583 --> 00:36:09,832
Then make him cry!
753
00:36:09,833 --> 00:36:11,166
Okay.
754
00:36:11,167 --> 00:36:13,124
Michel, the pope's gonna crank the rack.
755
00:36:13,125 --> 00:36:16,291
Uh, if it doesn't hurt, then you gotta
zhuzh it up a little bit.
756
00:36:16,292 --> 00:36:18,124
You know? Play it up.
Okay?
757
00:36:18,125 --> 00:36:20,541
- Yeah! I can do that.
- He's coming!
758
00:36:20,542 --> 00:36:22,957
- Oh! Okay, this is it. This is it.
- Oh, oh.
759
00:36:22,958 --> 00:36:24,499
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay, places!
760
00:36:24,500 --> 00:36:25,583
Okay, go.
761
00:36:36,167 --> 00:36:37,542
Oh, my.
762
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,207
Jesus H. Christ.
763
00:36:45,375 --> 00:36:46,791
God.
764
00:36:46,792 --> 00:36:49,291
Good God, it stinks in here.
765
00:36:49,292 --> 00:36:50,416
Can we speed this up?
766
00:36:50,417 --> 00:36:51,667
- Of course, Your Grace.
- Yes.
767
00:36:58,833 --> 00:37:00,333
Very painful, yes.
768
00:37:00,917 --> 00:37:02,791
Oh, that... Thus, the stink, yes.
769
00:37:02,792 --> 00:37:04,207
Stinky eggs.
770
00:37:04,208 --> 00:37:06,999
Pontiff,
may I introduce my finest employee
771
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,958
and your confessee, Quasi Modo?
772
00:37:12,958 --> 00:37:14,124
Your Holiness.
773
00:37:14,125 --> 00:37:17,083
Quasi, my faithful lamb.
774
00:37:17,583 --> 00:37:19,416
God has told me so much about you.
775
00:37:19,417 --> 00:37:21,582
- He has?
- He's told me everything.
776
00:37:21,583 --> 00:37:24,166
- Your Holiness, I would never ever...
- Now, listen to me.
777
00:37:24,167 --> 00:37:26,207
We're going to do
this confession quick and dirty.
778
00:37:26,208 --> 00:37:28,082
No requests to deflate that hump
779
00:37:28,083 --> 00:37:30,207
or blessings for your uncle's cat
or what have you.
780
00:37:30,208 --> 00:37:33,000
- Okay.
- Hmm, get a load of stretch over here.
781
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:34,874
Are you an infidel as well?
782
00:37:34,875 --> 00:37:37,082
No, uh, just a culinary student.
783
00:37:37,083 --> 00:37:39,582
In fact, I made these in your honor.
784
00:37:39,583 --> 00:37:41,249
Éclairs au chocolat.
785
00:37:41,250 --> 00:37:43,249
My favorite!
786
00:37:43,250 --> 00:37:44,667
Claude, Claude, come quickly.
787
00:37:53,708 --> 00:37:54,791
Still here.
788
00:37:54,792 --> 00:37:55,875
Good enough for me.
789
00:38:03,167 --> 00:38:04,707
Fuck me.
790
00:38:04,708 --> 00:38:06,582
That is divine!
791
00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:08,832
Oh! Mmm. Mmm.
792
00:38:08,833 --> 00:38:10,624
One thousand blessings upon you.
793
00:38:10,625 --> 00:38:11,999
Thank you, Your Grace.
794
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,416
Thank you.
795
00:38:13,417 --> 00:38:15,624
This must be that rack
I've heard so much about.
796
00:38:15,625 --> 00:38:16,542
'Tis.
797
00:38:16,543 --> 00:38:18,457
Mind if I give it a crank?
798
00:38:18,458 --> 00:38:20,874
'Twould be an honor, Your Grace.
799
00:38:20,875 --> 00:38:22,249
Look at me. I'm a torturer.
800
00:38:23,792 --> 00:38:25,374
Get him clamped in here.
801
00:38:25,375 --> 00:38:26,749
Ooh. Ah.
802
00:38:26,750 --> 00:38:27,832
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Yeah.
803
00:38:27,833 --> 00:38:31,374
Okay, so,
pull it thusly and push like this?
804
00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:33,166
Not yet, not yet.
805
00:38:33,167 --> 00:38:34,374
- The other way.
- Yes.
806
00:38:34,375 --> 00:38:35,832
- Yeah.
- Very, very good. Oh!
807
00:38:35,833 --> 00:38:37,082
Oh.
808
00:38:40,167 --> 00:38:41,916
Ah!
809
00:38:41,917 --> 00:38:44,791
- Yeah, tortured! Well done.
- Mmm, mmm.
810
00:38:44,792 --> 00:38:46,250
Time for the confession!
811
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,792
Oh, so sorry.
I would've loved to have stayed longer.
812
00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:55,583
- Hey! What...
- Yeah?
813
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:56,583
You couldn't introduce me?
814
00:38:56,584 --> 00:38:58,874
Du, I'm in the middle of a situation here.
What are you talking about?
815
00:38:58,875 --> 00:39:00,082
You introduced Michel!
816
00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:01,374
Well, I actually introduced myself.
817
00:39:01,375 --> 00:39:03,999
Okay, I've had enough of you,
Mr. Éclairs au chocolat.
818
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,375
Come along, Hunchback!
819
00:39:06,250 --> 00:39:07,791
Duchamp Rousseau, what is your problem?
820
00:39:07,792 --> 00:39:09,708
Don't you have to kill somebody?
821
00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:12,083
You're a real asshole, Duchamp.
822
00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:37,500
Enough monk-y business.
823
00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:40,083
Leave us!
824
00:39:55,959 --> 00:39:58,499
You know that feeling
when your father's on his deathbed,
825
00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:00,416
and you're about to be crowned king?
826
00:40:00,417 --> 00:40:01,749
No, I don't, sire.
827
00:40:01,750 --> 00:40:04,416
It's a tingling feeling.
I'm feeling it right now.
828
00:40:04,417 --> 00:40:07,500
Oh, yes. I can only imagine.
829
00:40:20,708 --> 00:40:22,499
Are you going to start?
830
00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:24,874
Or am I just going to sit here
diddling my crosier?
831
00:40:24,875 --> 00:40:27,125
Oh, I... Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry.
832
00:40:27,708 --> 00:40:29,749
Your Grace, is God all-knowing?
833
00:40:29,750 --> 00:40:31,124
Do I shit in the woods?
834
00:40:31,125 --> 00:40:32,749
I don't know. You tell me.
835
00:40:32,750 --> 00:40:34,957
- I do. It's divine.
- Oh.
836
00:40:34,958 --> 00:40:38,082
Though, I cannot say how pleasant
for the poor chap who has to wipe my ass.
837
00:40:38,083 --> 00:40:42,916
Um, Your Holiness, I have been tasked
with something horrible,
838
00:40:42,917 --> 00:40:45,208
and you're the only person
who can help me.
839
00:40:45,833 --> 00:40:48,583
Hunchback, I want you
to assassinate the king.
840
00:40:50,793 --> 00:40:53,292
God made a mistake
giving you a hunched back.
841
00:40:53,917 --> 00:40:57,791
He will straighten out your back
in exchange for this one very small task.
842
00:40:57,792 --> 00:41:00,957
He wants you to kill the king tomorrow at
the public square in front of his people.
843
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:02,666
Uh, Your Holiness, I-I...
844
00:41:02,667 --> 00:41:05,707
Listen to me, Hunchman, and hear me well.
845
00:41:05,708 --> 00:41:09,082
Disobey me, and God will send you
directly to Hunchback Hell
846
00:41:09,083 --> 00:41:11,582
alongside that oafish
best friend of yours!
847
00:41:11,583 --> 00:41:13,999
Duchamp? No, we're just hut mates.
848
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:17,791
Uh, he needed a place to live
closer to town. I was short on rent.
849
00:41:17,792 --> 00:41:21,125
I don't give a resounding fuck
about your housing arrangements!
850
00:41:22,375 --> 00:41:25,707
Ah, I see you found the jewel-encrusted
dagger I had placed in your booth. Good.
851
00:41:25,708 --> 00:41:28,833
Now, don't let the door hit you
on the hump on the way out.
852
00:41:43,792 --> 00:41:45,333
Merde.
853
00:41:48,667 --> 00:41:50,541
You bastard magnifique.
854
00:41:50,542 --> 00:41:53,124
Someone's getting a lot more vassals
to rule over.
855
00:41:53,125 --> 00:41:55,624
Thank you, sire. I hope they're English.
856
00:42:02,417 --> 00:42:06,541
Oh, do you think he'll wail like a maiden
when he finds him dead?
857
00:42:06,542 --> 00:42:08,042
God, I hope so.
858
00:42:11,417 --> 00:42:15,167
Holy shit,
I have to take a holy shit.
859
00:42:16,458 --> 00:42:18,166
Quickly.
860
00:42:20,208 --> 00:42:21,749
Bring me the hunchback.
861
00:42:21,750 --> 00:42:22,833
Yes, sire.
862
00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:38,457
You have exactly five seconds
to explain why the pope is still alive.
863
00:42:38,458 --> 00:42:39,624
- Un.
- Well...
864
00:42:39,625 --> 00:42:40,874
- Deux.
- But...
865
00:42:40,875 --> 00:42:42,707
- Quatre!
- What about trois?
866
00:42:42,708 --> 00:42:45,082
- Cinq!
- There was no weapon!
867
00:42:45,083 --> 00:42:46,624
- No dagger.
- What?
868
00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:50,167
There was no dagger in the confessional.
I didn't have anything to kill him with.
869
00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:53,957
I placed it there myself,
my liege.
870
00:42:53,958 --> 00:42:56,541
There was nothing there. You can check.
871
00:42:56,542 --> 00:43:00,083
Probably thieves.
You know France and its thieves.
872
00:43:01,625 --> 00:43:04,624
Yes, well, France certainly has thieves,
doesn't it? Especially in confessionals.
873
00:43:04,625 --> 00:43:06,167
Enough!
874
00:43:06,875 --> 00:43:10,749
You have left me
with unfinished business, Hunchback.
875
00:43:10,750 --> 00:43:12,625
I can make it up to you.
876
00:43:13,125 --> 00:43:16,124
I'm just spitballing here.
I mean, this is probably the bad version.
877
00:43:16,125 --> 00:43:20,082
But perhaps we could wait
and try again later.
878
00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:23,499
Say, oh, next Christmas.
879
00:43:23,500 --> 00:43:28,291
Can... He would never see that coming.
Can you imagine how surprised he'd...
880
00:43:28,292 --> 00:43:30,541
- Excellent idea.
- 'Tis?
881
00:43:30,542 --> 00:43:33,833
Excellent idea, indeed.
882
00:43:34,542 --> 00:43:40,207
Tomorrow at our public appearance
in the square, you will kill the pope.
883
00:43:40,208 --> 00:43:45,333
Then my guards will subdue you, proving
the power of the throne over the church.
884
00:43:45,833 --> 00:43:48,666
And then we'll reward you with wives
and money and land
885
00:43:48,667 --> 00:43:50,292
and just send you on your way.
886
00:43:50,917 --> 00:43:56,124
Yeah. No. I feel like
there's some holes in that plan.
887
00:43:56,125 --> 00:43:59,624
You will kill the pope tomorrow,
or I will slit your throat myself!
888
00:44:00,708 --> 00:44:01,833
Leave us.
889
00:44:03,458 --> 00:44:06,916
I'm assuming you'll have him
publicly executed thereafter, sire?
890
00:44:06,917 --> 00:44:08,624
Oh, yes.
891
00:44:08,625 --> 00:44:11,666
If I can kill my former wife
for flapping her gums,
892
00:44:11,667 --> 00:44:14,166
I can certainly kill one little hunchback.
893
00:44:14,167 --> 00:44:17,166
Yes! Yes!
894
00:44:21,167 --> 00:44:22,167
Good show, sire.
895
00:44:22,168 --> 00:44:25,124
After the coronation,
and with the pope out of the way,
896
00:44:25,125 --> 00:44:27,124
my power will be unchecked!
897
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:32,374
And then my new wife
will find herself quite expendable.
898
00:44:32,375 --> 00:44:35,207
She's done for!
899
00:44:35,208 --> 00:44:37,374
I thought so. I think so.
900
00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:39,541
I love it. I love it. Top shot.
901
00:44:39,542 --> 00:44:41,749
But let's keep that between ourselves.
902
00:44:41,750 --> 00:44:44,708
Yes. Of course, of course.
Of course, we will.
903
00:44:45,667 --> 00:44:47,916
Yes. Yeah.
904
00:44:51,625 --> 00:44:54,124
Let's have another guard kill this guard.
905
00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:55,583
Yes, sire. Guard!
906
00:44:56,917 --> 00:44:57,917
Yes, my lord.
907
00:44:57,918 --> 00:44:59,417
Kill him.
908
00:45:02,875 --> 00:45:03,875
I'm sorry, who?
909
00:45:03,876 --> 00:45:05,791
- Him.
- Arnaud?
910
00:45:05,792 --> 00:45:06,957
I don't know his name.
911
00:45:06,958 --> 00:45:09,291
No, I couldn't, my lord.
I have known Arnaud my entire life.
912
00:45:09,292 --> 00:45:10,666
We came up together as squires.
913
00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:12,624
I don't care if he's your brother.
Kill him.
914
00:45:12,625 --> 00:45:14,457
Well, he's not my brother.
He is my brother-in-law.
915
00:45:14,458 --> 00:45:16,082
He's married to my youngest sister,
you see.
916
00:45:16,083 --> 00:45:17,582
- I have an idea.
- Hmm.
917
00:45:17,583 --> 00:45:21,791
Would it be easier if we got a third guard
to come in and kill both of these guys?
918
00:45:21,792 --> 00:45:23,082
Oh, whoops! Here we go.
919
00:45:27,917 --> 00:45:29,457
Well.
920
00:45:29,458 --> 00:45:30,791
That was easy.
921
00:45:30,792 --> 00:45:31,916
That'll be all.
922
00:45:31,917 --> 00:45:33,249
Long live the king.
923
00:45:33,250 --> 00:45:35,124
- You may go.
- Thank you.
924
00:45:40,583 --> 00:45:43,167
When a job is once begun,
do not stop until it's done.
925
00:45:43,667 --> 00:45:46,000
Mother used to say that.
926
00:45:57,167 --> 00:45:59,083
- Good work.
- Okay.
927
00:46:00,542 --> 00:46:01,417
Best to your sister.
928
00:46:01,418 --> 00:46:04,332
Huh, seems like a nice fellow.
929
00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:06,082
Yeah, huh. Quite nice.
930
00:46:09,833 --> 00:46:12,332
Did I mention I'm incredibly psyched
I gave you that ticket?
931
00:46:12,333 --> 00:46:14,916
Yeah, you know the pope plans
on damning you to hell too.
932
00:46:14,917 --> 00:46:16,041
We're not best friends!
933
00:46:16,042 --> 00:46:18,957
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Jerome from Champagne, I get it.
934
00:46:18,958 --> 00:46:22,707
Quasi! I'm not usually this guy,
but I gotta know.
935
00:46:22,708 --> 00:46:24,499
What'd you confess to the pope?
936
00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:28,750
Um...
937
00:46:30,667 --> 00:46:37,124
Uh, well, I told him, "Pope,
my biggest sin is that I party too much."
938
00:46:41,708 --> 00:46:43,707
You party too much. I love it.
939
00:46:43,708 --> 00:46:46,207
Hey, how about a song for Quasi?
940
00:46:49,833 --> 00:46:52,957
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
941
00:46:52,958 --> 00:46:56,582
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
942
00:46:56,583 --> 00:47:00,124
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
943
00:47:00,125 --> 00:47:03,332
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
944
00:47:03,333 --> 00:47:06,874
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
945
00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:09,999
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
946
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,541
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
947
00:47:13,542 --> 00:47:16,291
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
948
00:47:16,292 --> 00:47:17,916
Now all the guys who fuck sheep.
949
00:47:17,917 --> 00:47:21,166
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
950
00:47:21,167 --> 00:47:24,041
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
951
00:47:24,042 --> 00:47:25,582
Sonnez les matines ♪
952
00:48:18,375 --> 00:48:20,082
Who's there? Who's there?
953
00:48:20,083 --> 00:48:21,166
Stay away. I have no money.
954
00:48:21,167 --> 00:48:23,887
I'm not afraid to fight. I have a flute.
I will shove it up your ass.
955
00:48:25,583 --> 00:48:27,042
Milady.
956
00:48:29,792 --> 00:48:32,833
Never such a sad song have heard I.
957
00:48:33,500 --> 00:48:37,582
What stank-laden cloud
engulfs your gamy heart?
958
00:48:37,583 --> 00:48:41,249
I cannot say. I've been forbidden.
959
00:48:41,250 --> 00:48:42,707
Who forbade you?
960
00:48:42,708 --> 00:48:44,999
I cannot tell you. I am forbidden.
961
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:46,624
Who forbade you to do that?
962
00:48:46,625 --> 00:48:49,291
I cannot discuss it. I was forbode.
963
00:48:49,292 --> 00:48:52,166
I hear you, but who did the forbaying?
964
00:48:52,167 --> 00:48:54,874
I'm... I can't talk about it.
965
00:48:54,875 --> 00:48:57,958
- Please, let's have a sit.
- Oh.
966
00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:04,541
I know your predicament.
967
00:49:04,542 --> 00:49:06,499
- You do?
- Yes.
968
00:49:06,500 --> 00:49:09,249
The king has commanded you
to commit papacide.
969
00:49:09,250 --> 00:49:12,041
Your Majesty,
that's just half of it.
970
00:49:12,042 --> 00:49:14,499
And after you carry out that task,
he's going to kill you.
971
00:49:14,500 --> 00:49:16,791
Oh, fuck!
972
00:49:16,792 --> 00:49:20,166
Okay, he didn't tell me that part.
Well, that's bad news.
973
00:49:20,167 --> 00:49:23,791
No, I was talking about how the pope
also ordered me to kill the king.
974
00:49:23,792 --> 00:49:25,666
- Say what?
- Yeah.
975
00:49:25,667 --> 00:49:26,874
Oh, my.
976
00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:48,541
But why are we laughing?
977
00:49:48,542 --> 00:49:50,667
Things have gotten dark.
978
00:49:52,208 --> 00:49:56,208
I've learned the king's previous wife was
killed when she overstepped her position.
979
00:49:57,417 --> 00:49:59,999
I fear I am bound for the same fate.
980
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,457
- Non.
- Oui.
981
00:50:02,458 --> 00:50:04,957
Sounds like we're both royally screwed.
982
00:50:04,958 --> 00:50:06,042
Well...
983
00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:09,499
maybe we can solve
your immediate problem first.
984
00:50:09,500 --> 00:50:13,624
Why bother? I don't matter.
I'm a nobody.
985
00:50:13,625 --> 00:50:19,749
You are not a nobody.
You are Quasi: inventor, problem solver.
986
00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:23,791
Someone as resourceful as you can
certainly come up with a solution to this.
987
00:50:23,792 --> 00:50:24,875
Come.
988
00:50:25,625 --> 00:50:26,625
Walk with me.
989
00:50:27,333 --> 00:50:28,541
Let us conspire.
990
00:50:28,542 --> 00:50:29,625
Oh.
991
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,166
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
992
00:50:35,167 --> 00:50:37,291
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
993
00:50:37,292 --> 00:50:39,541
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
994
00:50:39,542 --> 00:50:41,707
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
995
00:50:41,708 --> 00:50:48,792
Ding dang dong ♪
996
00:50:55,375 --> 00:50:56,957
- Hey!
- Hey, where you been?
997
00:50:56,958 --> 00:50:59,416
I was outside walking and thinking.
998
00:50:59,417 --> 00:51:01,082
Let's drink and forget your troubles.
999
00:51:01,083 --> 00:51:04,250
No, I have a plan.
1000
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,749
You came up with this plan
all by yourself?
1001
00:51:06,750 --> 00:51:08,166
Yeah, why wouldn't I have?
1002
00:51:08,167 --> 00:51:10,374
- Seems to work for everyone.
- Yes, it does.
1003
00:51:10,375 --> 00:51:12,999
Gets me off the hook
from killing the king and the pope
1004
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:16,332
and, in the end,
Duchamp looks like a hero.
1005
00:51:16,333 --> 00:51:19,999
- I really like that part, a lot!
- Yeah.
1006
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,457
- Thanks for thinking of me, Quasi.
- Of course.
1007
00:51:22,458 --> 00:51:23,750
After all, you are my...
1008
00:51:24,750 --> 00:51:25,750
hut mate.
1009
00:51:25,751 --> 00:51:27,874
Yeah. Of course. Hut mate. Right.
Yeah.
1010
00:51:27,875 --> 00:51:31,624
Yeah. Yeah. Big day tomorrow.
Let's do this.
1011
00:51:31,625 --> 00:51:33,291
Yeah.
1012
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,333
And in closing, God smiles upon France,
1013
00:51:44,083 --> 00:51:48,416
in spite of the sins of its people,
its endlessly heavy sauces,
1014
00:51:48,417 --> 00:51:50,874
and the incompetence of its king.
1015
00:51:50,875 --> 00:51:53,416
Oops, I said the quiet part out loud.
1016
00:51:53,417 --> 00:51:56,875
Eh, glory be to God and bless you.
1017
00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:01,957
Subjects.
1018
00:52:01,958 --> 00:52:05,999
By the divine right of kings,
I am the hand of God.
1019
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,624
And after this week's coronation,
1020
00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:12,958
God will make France
the most powerful kingdom in the world.
1021
00:52:14,542 --> 00:52:16,582
Top shot, sire. Top shot.
1022
00:52:16,583 --> 00:52:18,999
That all sounds lovely. Yes, yes, yes.
1023
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:20,082
But, remember,
1024
00:52:20,083 --> 00:52:24,666
God allows the king to serve,
but he uses my mouth to convey the law.
1025
00:52:24,667 --> 00:52:25,957
Very important distinction.
1026
00:52:25,958 --> 00:52:28,750
I bet he uses your mouth
for more than that.
1027
00:52:29,708 --> 00:52:32,749
How about I put the foot of God
up your royal ass?
1028
00:52:32,750 --> 00:52:36,041
How about you try
in that dress of yours?
1029
00:52:36,042 --> 00:52:38,541
I couldn't miss your whole ass.
1030
00:52:38,542 --> 00:52:39,791
Am I right, people?
1031
00:52:39,792 --> 00:52:41,833
You have syphilis.
1032
00:52:42,667 --> 00:52:44,749
- Oh, it's the hunchback.
- Ah.
1033
00:52:44,750 --> 00:52:47,124
Let's bring up the papal lottery winner.
1034
00:52:47,125 --> 00:52:49,417
Indeed, indeed.
Bring up the lottery winner.
1035
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:53,875
Oh.
1036
00:52:54,583 --> 00:52:56,707
Oh, no. He's a madman.
1037
00:52:56,708 --> 00:53:01,125
Oh. Lord help us.
He seems quite insane and dangerous.
1038
00:53:01,708 --> 00:53:05,624
Ah, somebody better stop me
before I kill someone.
1039
00:53:05,625 --> 00:53:07,417
Hold on.
1040
00:53:09,333 --> 00:53:11,707
Not so fast, hunchbacked infidel.
1041
00:53:11,708 --> 00:53:13,457
What's this?
1042
00:53:20,208 --> 00:53:23,416
Oh, God. There's no coming back from this.
1043
00:53:23,417 --> 00:53:25,416
What the fuck?
1044
00:53:25,417 --> 00:53:26,832
I've subdued him.
1045
00:53:26,833 --> 00:53:32,957
I think you did more than that.
I think you killed me.
1046
00:53:35,333 --> 00:53:38,666
Long live Pope Cornelius and King Guy!
1047
00:53:38,667 --> 00:53:43,916
Four more years. Four more years.
Four more years.
1048
00:53:43,917 --> 00:53:45,541
Four more years.
1049
00:53:45,542 --> 00:53:49,458
Uh, this corpse is an affront
to your combined excellencies.
1050
00:53:50,167 --> 00:53:54,457
I will take it back to my place
and pound it to a pulp with a rock.
1051
00:53:54,458 --> 00:53:56,166
With a rock!
1052
00:53:56,167 --> 00:54:00,375
So be it.
Let the hero dispose of the body.
1053
00:54:01,958 --> 00:54:03,416
You must have been scared.
1054
00:54:03,417 --> 00:54:05,249
No. You must have been scared.
1055
00:54:05,250 --> 00:54:07,416
No, I believe it is you who was scared.
1056
00:54:07,417 --> 00:54:09,583
Ow.
1057
00:54:11,333 --> 00:54:13,083
Come on. Hurry. Hurry.
1058
00:54:26,792 --> 00:54:29,374
Did you hear those people cheering for me?
That was amazing!
1059
00:54:29,375 --> 00:54:32,082
Okay, listen, we need to dispose
of these clothes
1060
00:54:32,083 --> 00:54:33,791
and make sure we weren't followed.
1061
00:54:33,792 --> 00:54:34,957
Buddy, it worked.
1062
00:54:34,958 --> 00:54:37,457
The cow guts, the fake knife,
it all worked!
1063
00:54:37,458 --> 00:54:39,041
It was a great plan. You should be happy.
1064
00:54:39,042 --> 00:54:41,749
Oh, I'm not really looking forward
to the next part of the plan.
1065
00:54:41,750 --> 00:54:43,666
You only have to stay here
for, like, a year.
1066
00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:45,874
You promise you'll come by regularly
with supplies
1067
00:54:45,875 --> 00:54:47,499
and news of the outside world?
1068
00:54:47,500 --> 00:54:48,582
Absolument.
1069
00:54:48,583 --> 00:54:52,124
How about I bring back
a giant sack of Belon oysters?
1070
00:54:52,125 --> 00:54:53,999
Oh, come on. Where are you gonna get that?
1071
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,499
That's a good point.
1072
00:54:56,625 --> 00:54:57,916
You know what? At the very least,
1073
00:54:57,917 --> 00:55:00,916
tonight, I'll come back
with some hog anus and trough water!
1074
00:55:00,917 --> 00:55:03,374
Really? That's my favorite.
1075
00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:05,707
- Oh, and how about a bell? Want a bell?
- No.
1076
00:55:05,708 --> 00:55:07,332
I'll bring you a bell. Come on.
1077
00:55:07,333 --> 00:55:09,874
- Okay. Okay.
- All right.
1078
00:55:09,875 --> 00:55:11,957
- You can't ring it, though.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
1079
00:55:11,958 --> 00:55:14,917
Hey, it's gonna be okay. Hang in there.
1080
00:55:16,333 --> 00:55:17,333
Okay.
1081
00:55:18,542 --> 00:55:22,208
Hey, extra rare on the hog anus, please.
Just show it to the flame.
1082
00:55:33,042 --> 00:55:34,875
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey. Hey.
1083
00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:37,041
- How's he doing?
- He's doing great.
1084
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:38,457
I stashed him in the cave.
1085
00:55:38,458 --> 00:55:40,041
- He's moody. The yoozh.
- Uh-huh.
1086
00:55:40,042 --> 00:55:41,374
How's the action around here?
1087
00:55:41,375 --> 00:55:43,207
Pretty good. Lots of talk about today.
1088
00:55:43,208 --> 00:55:44,291
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1089
00:55:44,292 --> 00:55:45,332
Anyone talking about me?
1090
00:55:45,333 --> 00:55:49,624
- Oh, hey. Terrible about Quasi. So sad.
- Very sad.
1091
00:55:49,625 --> 00:55:51,874
Oh, yeah. Super sad. Super sad. Super sad.
1092
00:55:51,875 --> 00:55:55,417
Um, by chance, has anyone offered
to buy me a drink tonight?
1093
00:55:55,917 --> 00:55:57,249
For what?
1094
00:55:57,250 --> 00:55:59,124
My role in today's events?
1095
00:55:59,125 --> 00:56:01,291
Oh, yeah. You were on stage, weren't you?
1096
00:56:01,292 --> 00:56:03,374
Yeah, yeah. I subdued Quasi.
1097
00:56:03,375 --> 00:56:05,957
Mmm, I remember him stabbing himself.
1098
00:56:05,958 --> 00:56:07,124
No, I subdued him.
1099
00:56:07,125 --> 00:56:09,416
- Are we talking about the same event?
- Yes!
1100
00:56:09,417 --> 00:56:12,417
Laurent,
do you remember Duchamp subduing Quasi?
1101
00:56:12,958 --> 00:56:14,374
- Non.
- Okay.
1102
00:56:14,375 --> 00:56:15,832
Shots, please.
1103
00:56:15,833 --> 00:56:16,916
Hey, there.
1104
00:56:16,917 --> 00:56:19,499
Did you see what happened to your friend,
the hunchback, today?
1105
00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:21,832
Did you see
who saved the pope and the king today?
1106
00:56:21,833 --> 00:56:24,624
Yeah, some guy.
Seemed pretty unremarkable.
1107
00:56:24,625 --> 00:56:27,249
Like, one of those faces
you forget about immediately.
1108
00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:30,541
Screw that guy. I wish the hunchback
stabbed those bastards.
1109
00:56:30,542 --> 00:56:31,624
Right?
1110
00:56:31,625 --> 00:56:33,791
- To the hunchback.
- To the hunchback.
1111
00:56:33,792 --> 00:56:35,250
Yeah.
1112
00:56:35,833 --> 00:56:38,033
- To the hunchback. Right.
- How about another?
1113
00:56:42,375 --> 00:56:44,499
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Who's that cool guy?
1114
00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:49,832
Yeah, it looks like a young Marco Polo
if his face got slammed with a hammer.
1115
00:56:49,833 --> 00:56:52,124
What's it feel like
to stand straight up and down?
1116
00:56:54,708 --> 00:56:57,749
Who is that? Who goes there?
Who is that? I have a stick.
1117
00:56:57,750 --> 00:56:58,957
Gotcha.
1118
00:56:58,958 --> 00:57:01,749
Oh, God. For crying out Pete.
1119
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:02,833
Oh, no.
1120
00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:06,791
Ugh. I fear I've been reading far too much
Beowulf lately. I am so sorry.
1121
00:57:06,792 --> 00:57:08,916
- My Queen.
- Please, stand.
1122
00:57:08,917 --> 00:57:11,958
Any man who has your courage
need not kneel to me.
1123
00:57:16,042 --> 00:57:20,374
Ah. You smell
of refreshingly aromatic fragrances.
1124
00:57:20,375 --> 00:57:22,707
And you of stinky ones.
1125
00:57:28,043 --> 00:57:29,792
- What are you painting?
- Mmm?
1126
00:57:30,625 --> 00:57:33,749
Oh. I call that a selfie.
1127
00:57:33,750 --> 00:57:35,707
Why would anyone make a picture
of themselves?
1128
00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:38,916
I don't know,
but it is strangely satisfying.
1129
00:57:38,917 --> 00:57:41,666
Sometimes you have to do it, like,
five times before you get it right.
1130
00:57:41,667 --> 00:57:44,124
But when you do, it's a good feeling.
1131
00:57:44,125 --> 00:57:45,249
I see.
1132
00:57:45,250 --> 00:57:47,999
Well, the king and pope
believe you are dead
1133
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,958
and seem content with that
given the secrets that you held.
1134
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:54,083
- Your plan worked.
- Our plan.
1135
00:57:56,333 --> 00:57:58,957
Um, I've spoken to my family in England,
1136
00:57:58,958 --> 00:58:00,791
and they will help us get out
of the country.
1137
00:58:00,792 --> 00:58:02,541
Yo-You will not be queen?
1138
00:58:02,542 --> 00:58:05,750
The king's sole intention is
to expand his power.
1139
00:58:06,375 --> 00:58:08,208
After that he'll have no use for me.
1140
00:58:08,833 --> 00:58:11,208
He is merciless, self-centered, and petty.
1141
00:58:12,750 --> 00:58:14,582
You'd make a far better king than he.
1142
00:58:17,375 --> 00:58:19,582
Okay, my queen. That's a good one.
1143
00:58:19,583 --> 00:58:24,707
It is true! I saw your oyster rebellion.
You are a leader.
1144
00:58:24,708 --> 00:58:25,791
No.
1145
00:58:25,792 --> 00:58:29,041
I just believe everyone should have
the opportunity to eat oysters.
1146
00:58:29,042 --> 00:58:31,624
And I see your kindness.
1147
00:58:31,625 --> 00:58:33,667
That is why I am drawn to you.
1148
00:58:34,500 --> 00:58:36,124
That's a lot to digest.
1149
00:58:36,125 --> 00:58:37,583
Oh, speaking of which,
1150
00:58:38,083 --> 00:58:39,624
- I brought some food.
- Oh.
1151
00:58:39,625 --> 00:58:41,125
Including, of course,
1152
00:58:41,708 --> 00:58:43,666
Belon oysters.
1153
00:58:43,667 --> 00:58:44,916
Let's sup.
1154
00:58:44,917 --> 00:58:45,957
Aha!
1155
00:58:50,125 --> 00:58:51,458
Oh, yes.
1156
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:09,707
You're right. This is strangely satisfying
and validating.
1157
00:59:12,708 --> 00:59:15,124
I don't want to, but I must go now.
1158
00:59:15,125 --> 00:59:16,707
- No, please don't.
- I have to.
1159
00:59:16,708 --> 00:59:17,792
No!
1160
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,082
Mmm.
1161
00:59:22,083 --> 00:59:24,791
Thank goodness I got that ticket.
1162
00:59:24,792 --> 00:59:26,500
Oh, yeah.
1163
00:59:35,375 --> 00:59:38,000
Mmm. That was my ticket.
1164
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:41,749
I deserved that ticket, and he took it.
1165
00:59:41,750 --> 00:59:43,041
He took my ticket from me.
1166
00:59:43,042 --> 00:59:45,000
He's a ticket-taker, that's what he is.
1167
00:59:46,042 --> 00:59:47,042
Mmm.
1168
00:59:54,417 --> 00:59:56,833
That is delicious Cabernet.
1169
00:59:59,542 --> 01:00:00,832
Whoo.
1170
01:00:00,833 --> 01:00:03,042
Hey, did you throw that bottle?
1171
01:00:08,167 --> 01:00:09,291
Duchamp?
1172
01:00:09,292 --> 01:00:12,541
Oh, hey. Hey, you kids. Get out of here.
1173
01:00:12,542 --> 01:00:14,916
These stupid kids,
they're just throwing bottles at doors.
1174
01:00:14,917 --> 01:00:16,457
Those little sons of bitches.
1175
01:00:16,458 --> 01:00:18,249
There's no respect for anything.
1176
01:00:18,250 --> 01:00:19,416
Fuck you!
1177
01:00:19,417 --> 01:00:21,082
How's the hero doing, eh?
1178
01:00:21,083 --> 01:00:22,249
Yeah, you know, it's okay.
1179
01:00:22,250 --> 01:00:23,332
You did the right thing.
1180
01:00:23,333 --> 01:00:25,999
I never had a good feeling
about that creepy hunchback.
1181
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,874
- You want a sip of my bladder?
- No, no, no.
1182
01:00:27,875 --> 01:00:29,999
Just take a pull of my bladder.
Suck it. Take a suck.
1183
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,457
- I'm cool. I'm on the clock.
- No?
1184
01:00:31,458 --> 01:00:32,707
Bladder.
1185
01:00:32,708 --> 01:00:35,916
- I know, it's funny. It's a funny word.
- Right? It's a good thing you said...
1186
01:00:35,917 --> 01:00:37,332
Hey, you know something else?
1187
01:00:37,333 --> 01:00:38,749
I gave him that ticket.
1188
01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:41,207
I know. And you got him the job
at the torture chamber.
1189
01:00:41,208 --> 01:00:42,749
I got him a job at torture chamber.
1190
01:00:42,750 --> 01:00:45,916
You're better off with that guy dead,
Duchamp. That guy was dragging you down.
1191
01:00:45,917 --> 01:00:48,416
You know what? He gets everything
handed to him, that guy.
1192
01:00:48,417 --> 01:00:51,624
He always comes up smelling like roses,
you know?
1193
01:00:51,625 --> 01:00:54,666
Well, if you consider being dead
coming up roses, you know...
1194
01:00:54,667 --> 01:00:56,791
Well, let me tell you something.
He's not dead.
1195
01:00:56,792 --> 01:00:58,582
Can you believe that?
1196
01:00:58,583 --> 01:00:59,749
That's the bladder talking.
1197
01:00:59,750 --> 01:01:01,249
No, I'm serious. He's still alive.
1198
01:01:01,250 --> 01:01:03,874
- He's out at that old cave by the lake.
- Yeah.
1199
01:01:03,875 --> 01:01:07,332
Yeah. Don't say anything, though,
'cause loose lips take shits.
1200
01:01:07,333 --> 01:01:09,624
Wait, wait, wait. I saw him die.
1201
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:14,499
No, no, no. It was all bullshit.
It was a ruse.
1202
01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:16,082
You're telling me it was a charade?
1203
01:01:16,083 --> 01:01:18,457
It was a charade.
1204
01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,791
Yeah, oh, boy, okay. Hold on a second.
1205
01:01:20,792 --> 01:01:24,042
Everything's spinning. I gotta be careful
not to puke on my boots.
1206
01:01:25,250 --> 01:01:26,250
Okay, all right.
1207
01:01:27,250 --> 01:01:29,375
Good night to you too, you asshole.
1208
01:01:38,792 --> 01:01:41,999
Duchamp. You'll never guess what happened.
1209
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:43,958
Oh, Duchamp, I've got great news.
1210
01:01:45,543 --> 01:01:48,708
Don't keep us waiting, Hunchback.
Tell us the great news.
1211
01:01:49,333 --> 01:01:52,124
Did you discover that your hump is filled
with gold bullion?
1212
01:01:57,417 --> 01:02:02,332
Yes, Lucien, you're right.
The king will be very, very happy.
1213
01:02:02,333 --> 01:02:04,832
And this dickwad will finally get
what he deserves.
1214
01:02:04,833 --> 01:02:07,291
Why don't you do your
little chant now, huh?
1215
01:02:07,292 --> 01:02:10,582
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.
1216
01:02:10,583 --> 01:02:12,167
Seize him.
1217
01:02:21,167 --> 01:02:23,374
So, you have anything to say for yourself?
1218
01:02:23,375 --> 01:02:25,541
I thought I would start
by telling the truth,
1219
01:02:25,542 --> 01:02:27,875
- which is that who I was trying to kill...
- Silence!
1220
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:32,249
How dare you question the power
of your king?
1221
01:02:32,250 --> 01:02:33,541
Or the glory of your pope?
1222
01:02:33,542 --> 01:02:35,457
- Gag him.
- Yes.
1223
01:02:35,458 --> 01:02:37,416
Put one of your balls in his mouth.
1224
01:02:38,667 --> 01:02:43,874
You're only alive so we can publicly
execute you tomorrow at the coronation.
1225
01:02:45,833 --> 01:02:47,583
But in the meantime,
1226
01:02:48,208 --> 01:02:51,624
perhaps a stretch on the old rack
would be apropos.
1227
01:02:51,625 --> 01:02:52,749
Good idea, sire.
1228
01:02:52,750 --> 01:02:54,083
Is it?
1229
01:02:55,333 --> 01:02:58,916
Now, uh, I have no idea how this works.
1230
01:02:58,917 --> 01:03:00,917
Of course, you don't, you cake-eater.
1231
01:03:01,917 --> 01:03:05,624
Shall we see if we can't make his final
night of sleep a little less comfortable?
1232
01:03:10,750 --> 01:03:11,999
Good show, Your Grace.
1233
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:13,167
Was it?
1234
01:03:18,583 --> 01:03:19,542
Oh.
1235
01:03:19,543 --> 01:03:21,875
Oh, well, now, uh, aren't you something?
1236
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,750
What's your name? Lorelai?
1237
01:03:25,333 --> 01:03:28,999
Oh, that is a lovely dress you're wearing.
So sheer.
1238
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,208
What a funny thing to run into you
out here
1239
01:03:32,083 --> 01:03:34,958
picking elderberries
in such a gossamer gown.
1240
01:03:35,958 --> 01:03:38,749
Is that a couple of eggplants,
or are you just happy to see me?
1241
01:03:38,750 --> 01:03:40,207
I love eggplants.
1242
01:03:40,208 --> 01:03:41,874
Oh. My queen.
1243
01:03:42,958 --> 01:03:44,041
Oh, you must be lost.
1244
01:03:44,042 --> 01:03:47,874
Um, the perfume cellar is actually,
if you go down the hallway, it's...
1245
01:03:47,875 --> 01:03:50,583
My, look at this painting.
1246
01:03:51,500 --> 01:03:53,832
Look how red her cheeks are.
1247
01:03:53,833 --> 01:03:55,416
Scandalous.
1248
01:03:55,417 --> 01:03:57,916
They're not mine.
I found these in the... In the woods.
1249
01:03:57,917 --> 01:03:59,416
- Mmm.
- Um. So, no.
1250
01:03:59,417 --> 01:04:01,499
I bet you're here for gown storage.
1251
01:04:01,500 --> 01:04:03,041
That's actually the-the Gautier wing.
1252
01:04:03,042 --> 01:04:05,332
I'm not looking for gown storage.
1253
01:04:05,333 --> 01:04:06,417
Okay, well, then,
1254
01:04:07,125 --> 01:04:10,500
if you seek neither gown storage
nor the perfume cellar, then...
1255
01:04:11,792 --> 01:04:14,291
Well, then the only possible explanation,
1256
01:04:14,292 --> 01:04:16,916
if I may be so bold...
1257
01:04:16,917 --> 01:04:21,291
Is that you came to visit moi?
1258
01:04:37,917 --> 01:04:39,750
I think you just fell for me.
1259
01:04:44,167 --> 01:04:47,207
Now I've got you right where I want you,
you filthy little thing.
1260
01:04:47,208 --> 01:04:48,457
Catherine!
1261
01:04:48,458 --> 01:04:49,542
I'm joking.
1262
01:04:50,542 --> 01:04:53,166
We must get you out of here.
1263
01:04:53,167 --> 01:04:55,082
Oh, please do.
1264
01:04:55,083 --> 01:04:57,916
I implemented the notes you gave me
on the rack,
1265
01:04:57,917 --> 01:05:00,457
and I must say,
they worked really, really well.
1266
01:05:00,458 --> 01:05:02,957
This thing hurts like a motherfucker.
1267
01:05:02,958 --> 01:05:04,667
Thank you, Quasi.
1268
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:08,124
I will repay you for this.
1269
01:05:08,125 --> 01:05:11,082
I swear on the souls of both my mothers.
1270
01:05:12,583 --> 01:05:13,833
You had two mothers?
1271
01:05:14,625 --> 01:05:16,582
Yeah, they were Siamese twins.
1272
01:05:16,583 --> 01:05:17,749
I never knew 'em.
1273
01:05:17,750 --> 01:05:20,749
As a babe, they put me in a sack
and tossed me in the river.
1274
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:24,125
My aunt was a Siamese twin.
Well, my aunts.
1275
01:05:24,750 --> 01:05:28,374
When I was a child,
they produced a hideously deformed baby
1276
01:05:28,375 --> 01:05:30,374
with their brother,
the vicomte de Gastineau.
1277
01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:33,332
- Uh-huh.
- And they threw the baby in the river.
1278
01:05:33,333 --> 01:05:34,541
Huh. That's weird.
1279
01:05:34,542 --> 01:05:36,000
Let me see your back.
1280
01:05:36,583 --> 01:05:38,374
Oh, no, it is not a pretty sight.
1281
01:05:38,375 --> 01:05:39,624
- Let me see your back.
- Milady.
1282
01:05:39,625 --> 01:05:41,417
Oh. Oh. As you wish, my lady.
1283
01:05:42,292 --> 01:05:44,791
- Mon Dieu!
- All right, it's not that bad.
1284
01:05:44,792 --> 01:05:47,707
- The mark of the Gastineau!
- Come again?
1285
01:05:47,708 --> 01:05:51,332
Your birthmark is the mark
of the Gastineau.
1286
01:05:51,333 --> 01:05:52,749
Do you know what this means?
1287
01:05:52,750 --> 01:05:56,791
That I have a deformity
on top of my deformity?
1288
01:05:56,792 --> 01:05:58,708
You and I are
1289
01:05:59,375 --> 01:06:00,375
cousins.
1290
01:06:00,376 --> 01:06:05,291
Pfft! Non. Cousins? Impossible.
1291
01:06:05,292 --> 01:06:06,541
Oui, look.
1292
01:06:06,542 --> 01:06:07,625
Huh?
1293
01:06:08,458 --> 01:06:12,375
Mon Dieu! It's just like mine.
1294
01:06:15,375 --> 01:06:17,916
I knew I was attracted to you
for a reason.
1295
01:06:17,917 --> 01:06:20,207
I thought it was your honor
and compassion,
1296
01:06:20,208 --> 01:06:24,957
but now I know
it's also because we share the same blood.
1297
01:06:24,958 --> 01:06:28,249
Yeah, I was attracted to you
'cause you're super hot.
1298
01:06:28,250 --> 01:06:33,166
But now that I know we're cousins,
it's really awesome.
1299
01:06:35,042 --> 01:06:36,791
- Um, my mouth is...
- Hmm?
1300
01:06:36,792 --> 01:06:38,749
- Um, like this?
- Yeah.
1301
01:06:38,750 --> 01:06:41,374
Um, okay.
1302
01:06:41,375 --> 01:06:42,999
- Mm-hmm. Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
1303
01:06:44,958 --> 01:06:46,916
Oh, your hump is so hard.
1304
01:06:46,917 --> 01:06:50,916
It seems to be getting harder.
1305
01:06:57,875 --> 01:07:00,625
Sire, sire, it is time.
1306
01:07:01,125 --> 01:07:03,707
What?
1307
01:07:03,708 --> 01:07:04,832
It's time.
1308
01:07:04,833 --> 01:07:07,832
Time for you to get out of my bedchamber.
1309
01:07:07,833 --> 01:07:11,167
No, sire, it's half past the cock's crow.
1310
01:07:11,792 --> 01:07:14,249
Half past the cock's crow?
1311
01:07:14,250 --> 01:07:17,374
Oh. We have a hunchback to kill.
1312
01:07:17,375 --> 01:07:18,832
Yes, I like it.
1313
01:07:22,292 --> 01:07:25,916
I stood up too fast. I'm all désorienté.
1314
01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:27,166
Take it slow, sire.
1315
01:07:27,167 --> 01:07:28,957
- Come on, I will dress you.
- Thank you.
1316
01:07:35,458 --> 01:07:38,207
Oh, yes.
1317
01:07:43,292 --> 01:07:45,167
Torture me with your body.
1318
01:07:45,667 --> 01:07:48,625
Yeah. Mmm. Okay.
1319
01:07:53,083 --> 01:07:55,499
- You want another?
- Please.
1320
01:07:55,500 --> 01:07:59,249
We shall kill Mr. Modo before
he has a chance to blab of our plan.
1321
01:08:00,625 --> 01:08:03,582
Guy, what are you doing up?
It's half past the cock's crow.
1322
01:08:03,583 --> 01:08:06,999
I couldn't sleep,
so I decided to take a brisk walk.
1323
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:09,749
I seem to remember you
being able to sleep through anything.
1324
01:08:09,750 --> 01:08:11,582
Well, what are you doing up?
1325
01:08:11,583 --> 01:08:17,791
I am going to administer last rites
to the prisoner, as is God's wish.
1326
01:08:17,792 --> 01:08:20,916
Oh, last rites. I've always wanted to see
what that's about.
1327
01:08:20,917 --> 01:08:24,874
Ooh, sorry. Final confession
is only between sheep and shepherd.
1328
01:08:24,875 --> 01:08:25,999
Well, I want to know, too.
1329
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:27,999
God would like you to fuck off
and go back to bed.
1330
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:29,291
My dungeon, my rules.
1331
01:08:32,417 --> 01:08:34,124
- Um, question.
- Mmm.
1332
01:08:34,125 --> 01:08:37,624
If you and I are cousins,
does not that make me royalty?
1333
01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:42,333
Yes. You are in the line of kings.
1334
01:08:43,042 --> 01:08:45,541
Now, enter me with your royal member.
1335
01:08:45,542 --> 01:08:51,583
My lady, I'm new at this.
Enter you... where?
1336
01:08:56,208 --> 01:08:57,448
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
1337
01:09:12,750 --> 01:09:13,957
Oh, no!
1338
01:09:13,958 --> 01:09:16,624
My queen!
1339
01:09:16,625 --> 01:09:18,124
Thank God you're finally here.
1340
01:09:18,125 --> 01:09:20,082
What happened?
1341
01:09:20,083 --> 01:09:24,541
Well, he called to me with his siren song.
I was hypnotized.
1342
01:09:24,542 --> 01:09:27,124
I have heard tell
of the sweet song of the hunchback.
1343
01:09:27,125 --> 01:09:31,208
Then he strapped me here and left
hours ago. So many, many hours.
1344
01:09:32,667 --> 01:09:34,907
- Let's go!
- Out of the way!
1345
01:09:37,125 --> 01:09:40,000
Okay, fine.
1346
01:09:41,750 --> 01:09:42,958
Assholes.
1347
01:09:47,375 --> 01:09:49,999
That was something.
1348
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:53,249
Indeed. Yes, you must be so relieved
that the queen is safe.
1349
01:09:53,250 --> 01:09:54,624
Of course, of course.
1350
01:09:54,625 --> 01:09:58,707
But you must be terrified with that
lumpy little maniac on the loose.
1351
01:09:58,708 --> 01:10:01,291
Why should I be terrified?
You should be terrified, not me.
1352
01:10:01,292 --> 01:10:05,041
I'm not terrified. You heard the queen.
He's long gone.
1353
01:10:05,042 --> 01:10:07,082
There's no way we're going to...
1354
01:10:07,083 --> 01:10:08,416
Catch him.
1355
01:10:08,417 --> 01:10:09,916
Ah, yes, of course.
1356
01:10:09,917 --> 01:10:12,249
So it's really no big deal then
if we never do...
1357
01:10:12,250 --> 01:10:14,000
Find him.
1358
01:10:16,208 --> 01:10:18,489
- Find him and kill him.
- What?
1359
01:10:18,958 --> 01:10:20,999
Find that little shit
and kill him.
1360
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:23,124
You want me
to go take a shit?
1361
01:10:23,125 --> 01:10:24,541
Why? Do you have to?
1362
01:10:24,542 --> 01:10:26,499
- I don't have to.
- Then why would you?
1363
01:10:26,500 --> 01:10:30,499
Find him
and catch him so he does not speak.
1364
01:10:30,500 --> 01:10:32,332
Bind his ankles to his cheeks?
1365
01:10:32,333 --> 01:10:33,374
Quasi.
1366
01:10:33,375 --> 01:10:35,416
- Oh, the little hunchback?
- Yes.
1367
01:10:35,417 --> 01:10:39,249
You can't call them hunchback.
You have to say orthopedically challenged.
1368
01:10:39,250 --> 01:10:41,999
- My apologies. Yes.
- No, no, no, it's a whole, you know.
1369
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,333
Yes.
1370
01:10:48,375 --> 01:10:50,374
Weird weather we're having.
1371
01:10:50,375 --> 01:10:54,667
I know, I know,
we were just saying that. So weird, weird.
1372
01:11:00,500 --> 01:11:02,916
Ah, garlic, I... Mmm.
1373
01:11:02,917 --> 01:11:04,750
You know what would be great?
Maybe some Brie.
1374
01:11:06,708 --> 01:11:08,750
Oh, these top shelves are so handy.
1375
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,000
Michel.
1376
01:11:12,001 --> 01:11:13,374
Quasi.
1377
01:11:13,375 --> 01:11:15,332
Whoa, you are fuckin' tall, mon frére.
1378
01:11:15,333 --> 01:11:19,249
Things are very dangereuse, Quasi.
1379
01:11:19,250 --> 01:11:22,749
Then it's dangereuse for Duchamp as well.
I need to warn him.
1380
01:11:22,750 --> 01:11:27,624
Let's rendezvous at Dupont Fork
in one hour.
1381
01:11:27,625 --> 01:11:30,542
I'm rendezvousing
with Queen Catherine there as well.
1382
01:11:31,458 --> 01:11:34,125
Name drop much?
1383
01:11:36,667 --> 01:11:39,000
Duchamp! Mon Dieu!
1384
01:11:41,250 --> 01:11:43,416
Duchamp, I am so sorry.
1385
01:11:45,958 --> 01:11:47,541
Holy shit, it's bright.
1386
01:11:47,542 --> 01:11:49,999
Du! Get up.
1387
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,582
- Oh, my fuckin' head.
- Get up!
1388
01:11:52,583 --> 01:11:56,416
Oh, God.
What are you, weighing in at 19 stone?
1389
01:11:56,417 --> 01:12:01,999
Okay. My balance is... is... is... fakakte.
Okay. Oh, Jesus.
1390
01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:03,457
- Are you drunk?
- Hold on.
1391
01:12:03,458 --> 01:12:05,457
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be in that cave?
1392
01:12:05,458 --> 01:12:10,082
Du, so many incredible things have
happened since we saw each other last.
1393
01:12:10,083 --> 01:12:11,291
Oh, yeah, let me guess.
1394
01:12:11,292 --> 01:12:13,666
You won another lottery,
and you rode a dragon
1395
01:12:13,667 --> 01:12:16,332
- to the top of Mont Ménage à Trois.
- No.
1396
01:12:16,333 --> 01:12:18,124
- You sixty-nined a unicorn.
- No.
1397
01:12:18,125 --> 01:12:19,832
You slid down a rainbow
into a chocolate river.
1398
01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:21,124
- Okay...
- Where there was an orgy.
1399
01:12:21,125 --> 01:12:22,249
- Okay, Duch...
- With wizards.
1400
01:12:22,250 --> 01:12:25,457
No. I was captured by the king.
1401
01:12:25,458 --> 01:12:29,291
And then, my new lover,
Queen Catherine, freed me.
1402
01:12:29,292 --> 01:12:31,791
We're running away together
to the Amalfi Coast.
1403
01:12:31,792 --> 01:12:34,374
And then,
it's off to Barcelona in wintertime.
1404
01:12:34,375 --> 01:12:35,749
Listen to yourself.
1405
01:12:35,750 --> 01:12:37,457
My new lover, Queen Catherine?
1406
01:12:37,458 --> 01:12:39,291
- Yeah.
- Barcelona?
1407
01:12:39,292 --> 01:12:41,541
Oh, I also learned
that I'm cousin to the queen.
1408
01:12:41,542 --> 01:12:42,624
Oh, come on!
1409
01:12:42,625 --> 01:12:44,249
Okay, look, we gotta go.
1410
01:12:44,250 --> 01:12:46,666
You're lucky the guards didn't grab you
at the cave last night.
1411
01:12:46,667 --> 01:12:48,082
I have no idea how they found me.
1412
01:12:48,083 --> 01:12:51,166
Only the queen, Michel,
and you knew about that cave.
1413
01:12:51,167 --> 01:12:53,457
But none of you
would ever tell anybody about that.
1414
01:12:53,458 --> 01:12:56,792
Well, I-I... I may have told one person.
1415
01:12:57,375 --> 01:12:58,624
What?
1416
01:12:58,625 --> 01:13:01,666
And that person may have been Lucien.
1417
01:13:01,667 --> 01:13:03,082
Why would you do that?
1418
01:13:03,083 --> 01:13:05,167
'Cause the plan didn't work.
1419
01:13:05,708 --> 01:13:08,291
I was supposed to be the hero,
but you were!
1420
01:13:08,292 --> 01:13:12,832
And then I went to the cave, and I saw you
in there with the queen, laughing.
1421
01:13:12,833 --> 01:13:15,874
So you told Lucien?
Didn't you realize what would happen?
1422
01:13:15,875 --> 01:13:17,166
That was my ticket.
1423
01:13:17,167 --> 01:13:19,957
Duchamp, you betrayed me.
1424
01:13:19,958 --> 01:13:23,082
I used to be the big swinging dick
in this relationship.
1425
01:13:23,083 --> 01:13:27,249
You were just sad, lonely Quasi,
and I was big, jolly Duchamp.
1426
01:13:27,250 --> 01:13:28,583
Everyone knew my name.
1427
01:13:29,083 --> 01:13:32,291
"How's it hangin', Champ?
What's up, Duch?"
1428
01:13:32,292 --> 01:13:35,041
I didn't have to be your friend.
I took pity on you.
1429
01:13:35,042 --> 01:13:38,292
Okay, well,
let me tell you something, Duchamp.
1430
01:13:39,583 --> 01:13:42,082
You may have once been
the big swinging dick,
1431
01:13:42,083 --> 01:13:45,457
but now that big swinging dick
has swung back in the other direction.
1432
01:13:45,458 --> 01:13:47,499
And I can tell you one thing for sure.
1433
01:13:47,500 --> 01:13:49,624
I never would have betrayed
my best friend.
1434
01:13:49,625 --> 01:13:51,957
Well, that's perfect,
'cause we're not best friends.
1435
01:13:51,958 --> 01:13:53,833
You put a knife in my back.
1436
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:58,417
Get him!
1437
01:14:05,875 --> 01:14:06,875
Stop him!
1438
01:14:14,833 --> 01:14:16,542
Get him!
1439
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:52,417
Merde!
1440
01:15:07,125 --> 01:15:10,874
Let go of me! Let go of me!
Hey! Let go of me!
1441
01:15:14,167 --> 01:15:15,624
Get off of me!
1442
01:15:15,625 --> 01:15:18,542
Oh, God, I'm so hungover. Come on.
1443
01:15:25,250 --> 01:15:29,499
Behold, the best friend
to the criminal Quasi.
1444
01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:30,916
What? We're not friends.
1445
01:15:30,917 --> 01:15:33,374
I stopped him from killing the king.
I was the hero.
1446
01:15:33,375 --> 01:15:34,457
What are you talking about?
1447
01:15:34,458 --> 01:15:37,124
Up there on the stage. I stopped him.
1448
01:15:37,125 --> 01:15:38,457
Does anyone here remember that?
1449
01:15:38,458 --> 01:15:41,791
I definitely remember
the handsome hunchback.
1450
01:15:41,792 --> 01:15:44,124
Are you kidding me?
It happened right there.
1451
01:15:44,125 --> 01:15:46,375
Where is the hunchback?
1452
01:15:46,917 --> 01:15:47,999
I have no idea.
1453
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:52,625
Well, perhaps a public torturing at
the coronation will refresh your memory.
1454
01:15:55,875 --> 01:15:59,542
Unless, of course,
the hunchback is here listening.
1455
01:16:01,375 --> 01:16:05,208
Perhaps he'd like to show himself
to save his best friend.
1456
01:16:05,958 --> 01:16:10,249
I told you, he's not my friend.
I hate that twisted, creepy virgin.
1457
01:16:10,250 --> 01:16:11,624
He's not a virgin anymore!
1458
01:16:11,625 --> 01:16:14,375
Who said that? Show yourself.
1459
01:16:15,542 --> 01:16:17,166
- Enough. Take him away.
- Yes, sire.
1460
01:16:17,167 --> 01:16:21,291
Wait, hold on, okay, hold on. We can talk
about this, right? Hold on. Hold on.
1461
01:16:21,292 --> 01:16:24,499
Leave me alone.
Where are you taking me?
1462
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:27,333
Stop! Stop it!
1463
01:16:46,917 --> 01:16:47,917
Michel.
1464
01:16:47,918 --> 01:16:49,249
Ah, Quasi. How'd you see me?
1465
01:16:49,250 --> 01:16:51,582
What are you talking about? I see
your head sticking out of the bush.
1466
01:16:51,583 --> 01:16:52,791
You should try hiding.
1467
01:16:52,792 --> 01:16:55,499
I am hiding. I'm behind a bush.
It's like the tallest bush in the forest.
1468
01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:57,208
Yeah, okay, come on. We gotta go.
1469
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:01,125
We have a long journey ahead of us.
1470
01:17:01,625 --> 01:17:03,500
Here, I think it's this way. Yeah.
1471
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:06,750
Hey, I brought a little food
for our journey.
1472
01:17:08,708 --> 01:17:10,999
You're bleeding.
1473
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:16,207
Oh, yeah. It was a knife from the guards.
Stuck in the fatty deposit of my hump.
1474
01:17:16,208 --> 01:17:17,875
Thank goodness for this thing, huh?
1475
01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:21,041
The queen.
1476
01:17:21,042 --> 01:17:22,124
Catherine.
1477
01:17:22,125 --> 01:17:23,832
I saw your friend's head above the brush.
1478
01:17:23,833 --> 01:17:25,249
I don't think it was me.
1479
01:17:29,625 --> 01:17:30,666
You guys weren't kidding.
1480
01:17:32,250 --> 01:17:34,957
Oh, my, you're particularly ripe today.
1481
01:17:34,958 --> 01:17:36,457
It's been a busy day.
1482
01:17:39,000 --> 01:17:40,666
Oh, my God. You're wounded.
1483
01:17:40,667 --> 01:17:43,666
Oh, no, no, no. I'm fine.
My hump stopped the guard's knife.
1484
01:17:43,667 --> 01:17:45,374
Thank goodness for your hump!
1485
01:17:45,375 --> 01:17:46,582
My hump is great!
1486
01:17:46,583 --> 01:17:49,042
Oh, now you're free
to go start your new life.
1487
01:17:49,708 --> 01:17:50,874
Here are your supplies.
1488
01:17:50,875 --> 01:17:53,499
But you're not coming?
1489
01:17:53,500 --> 01:17:55,292
They know you're alive.
1490
01:17:55,958 --> 01:17:58,583
If I go with you, they'll undoubtedly
find us and kill us both.
1491
01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,791
I will stay
and go through with the coronation.
1492
01:18:01,792 --> 01:18:03,874
The king killed his last wife.
1493
01:18:03,875 --> 01:18:07,291
He'll need me for a while
to solidify his alliance.
1494
01:18:07,292 --> 01:18:11,124
Before I become obsolete, perhaps
I can find a way to change my fortunes.
1495
01:18:11,125 --> 01:18:12,416
I cannot let you do this.
1496
01:18:12,417 --> 01:18:15,000
There's no other way. You must go now.
1497
01:18:15,500 --> 01:18:17,291
The ferryman waits for you
at Canard's Crossing.
1498
01:18:17,292 --> 01:18:19,207
He will go without you.
1499
01:18:19,208 --> 01:18:20,666
Here's some money.
1500
01:18:20,667 --> 01:18:21,749
Catherine.
1501
01:18:21,750 --> 01:18:23,541
You must go now. Please.
1502
01:18:23,542 --> 01:18:26,499
What about Barcelona?
1503
01:18:26,500 --> 01:18:29,125
Perhaps Barcelona is in our future.
1504
01:18:30,250 --> 01:18:34,000
But for now, farewell, Quasi.
1505
01:18:54,292 --> 01:18:55,292
We should get going.
1506
01:18:55,293 --> 01:18:58,082
- Where's Duchamp?
- Captured by the guards.
1507
01:18:58,083 --> 01:19:00,916
Captured? Well, we have to go help him.
He'll be tortured.
1508
01:19:00,917 --> 01:19:03,541
- There is nothing we can do.
- He's your best friend.
1509
01:19:03,542 --> 01:19:05,124
He is not my best friend!
1510
01:19:05,125 --> 01:19:06,749
Well, he gave you
the winning lottery ticket.
1511
01:19:06,750 --> 01:19:07,957
That sounds like a best friend.
1512
01:19:07,958 --> 01:19:10,791
He helped you fake your death to save
your life. That sounds like a best friend.
1513
01:19:10,792 --> 01:19:14,832
He betrayed me, and the last thing he said
when he was captured by the guards
1514
01:19:14,833 --> 01:19:16,291
was that he was not my friend.
1515
01:19:16,292 --> 01:19:19,458
And he called me a creepy, twisted virgin.
1516
01:19:20,542 --> 01:19:22,041
I am not a virgin anymore!
1517
01:19:22,042 --> 01:19:26,249
- Who'd you have sex with?
- Bonjour, read the room.
1518
01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:29,499
- Yeah.
- Quasi,
1519
01:19:29,500 --> 01:19:32,666
of course, Duchamp said mean things
about you so you wouldn't try to help him.
1520
01:19:32,667 --> 01:19:39,167
He said it to save you
because he is your best friend.
1521
01:19:43,292 --> 01:19:44,292
Fuck him.
1522
01:20:01,833 --> 01:20:07,041
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the coronation of your new queen!
1523
01:20:14,375 --> 01:20:18,916
Why am I walking? I am the guest of honor.
I should be in a gilded carriage.
1524
01:20:18,917 --> 01:20:20,875
You're lucky you were even invited.
1525
01:20:24,292 --> 01:20:27,416
Sire, what have you heard
of the escaped hunchback?
1526
01:20:27,417 --> 01:20:30,957
No news. Apparently, he's in the wind.
1527
01:20:30,958 --> 01:20:34,208
Yes, he seems gone,
so you have nothing to worry about
1528
01:20:34,708 --> 01:20:36,874
until your husband leaves you
face down in a moat.
1529
01:20:36,875 --> 01:20:38,624
Oh, pretty flowers, yes.
1530
01:20:38,625 --> 01:20:40,333
I beg your pardon, Holy One?
1531
01:20:40,917 --> 01:20:42,667
JK, JK.
1532
01:21:00,542 --> 01:21:02,666
And now, on to the entertainment.
1533
01:21:02,667 --> 01:21:04,792
We have a delightful opening act.
1534
01:21:05,625 --> 01:21:10,749
The torture and disembowelment
of the traitor Duchamp Rousseau.
1535
01:21:13,167 --> 01:21:14,458
Get off of me.
1536
01:21:16,375 --> 01:21:19,041
Get off!
1537
01:21:19,042 --> 01:21:20,583
You traitor!
1538
01:21:21,167 --> 01:21:22,832
That's Quasi's hut mate.
1539
01:21:22,833 --> 01:21:25,332
Um, apparently,
he needed a place closer to town,
1540
01:21:25,333 --> 01:21:27,973
and Quasi needed somebody
to share the rent or something like that.
1541
01:21:28,417 --> 01:21:31,332
This will all be over quickly
if you just tell us what we want to know.
1542
01:21:31,333 --> 01:21:35,416
Ha! I torture people for a living.
You guys are amateurs.
1543
01:21:35,417 --> 01:21:42,207
As you wish. I will ask you again.
Duchamp Rousseau, where is the hunchback?
1544
01:21:42,208 --> 01:21:45,874
Suck mon dick.
1545
01:21:49,458 --> 01:21:52,457
Well, that should be quite easy to do
1546
01:21:52,458 --> 01:21:54,832
with your scrotum nailed
to that tree stump.
1547
01:21:54,833 --> 01:21:56,499
Guards.
1548
01:21:56,500 --> 01:21:57,916
What?
1549
01:21:57,917 --> 01:22:00,666
Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!
1550
01:22:00,667 --> 01:22:02,332
Hold on a second, guys, hold on.
1551
01:22:02,333 --> 01:22:04,042
Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!
1552
01:22:06,958 --> 01:22:09,583
Ow, ow, ow, okay, okay, hold on.
You don't have to do this.
1553
01:22:14,417 --> 01:22:16,207
Ooh, I feel it in my balls.
1554
01:22:16,208 --> 01:22:17,582
I feel it in my throat.
1555
01:22:17,583 --> 01:22:18,666
And how does that feel?
1556
01:22:18,667 --> 01:22:21,416
Frankly, it tickles.
1557
01:22:21,417 --> 01:22:23,624
Ah, tickles.
1558
01:22:23,625 --> 01:22:25,457
Guards, prepare the disembowelment.
1559
01:22:29,417 --> 01:22:30,499
Oh, boy.
1560
01:22:30,500 --> 01:22:34,041
Your Majesty, surely we should not mar
our joyful celebration
1561
01:22:34,042 --> 01:22:35,124
with such barbarism.
1562
01:22:35,125 --> 01:22:38,333
Oh, poppet,
do let us have a little bit of fun.
1563
01:22:41,500 --> 01:22:42,917
Bonjour, assholes.
1564
01:22:49,167 --> 01:22:51,166
Oh.
1565
01:22:51,167 --> 01:22:54,666
Why don't you "douchebaguettes"
pick on someone half your size?
1566
01:22:55,917 --> 01:22:57,458
- Quasi!
- Hunchback.
1567
01:23:00,792 --> 01:23:02,416
Mon Dieu!
1568
01:23:02,417 --> 01:23:05,207
Did you nail his scrotum to a tree stump?
1569
01:23:05,208 --> 01:23:06,707
What is wrong with you people?
1570
01:23:06,708 --> 01:23:12,333
Hunchback, you've taken our bait.
You're far outnumbered. Guards!
1571
01:23:18,208 --> 01:23:19,749
- Hi, guys.
- Michel!
1572
01:23:19,750 --> 01:23:21,749
- Is that your scrotum?
- Yeah.
1573
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:25,833
Hurry, Quasi. Release your friend.
1574
01:23:26,583 --> 01:23:29,041
- What?
- Yes, get me out of here.
1575
01:23:29,042 --> 01:23:31,249
- Hang on.
- Shoot me and your alliance dies, Guy.
1576
01:23:31,250 --> 01:23:33,374
Let's not shoot the queen then.
1577
01:23:33,375 --> 01:23:36,166
- We gotta go.
- There. That's it.
1578
01:23:36,167 --> 01:23:37,499
- Hold on.
- What?
1579
01:23:37,500 --> 01:23:38,749
Ooh.
1580
01:23:38,750 --> 01:23:40,624
Sire, shall we kill the others?
1581
01:23:40,625 --> 01:23:44,166
No. Capture them alive
so we can torture them together.
1582
01:23:44,167 --> 01:23:45,457
Of course, sire.
1583
01:23:45,458 --> 01:23:47,582
Send a warning shot.
Shoot over their heads.
1584
01:23:47,583 --> 01:23:49,957
- Yes, milord.
- Oh, boy.
1585
01:23:49,958 --> 01:23:52,082
Ooh.
1586
01:23:52,083 --> 01:23:53,833
Get the nail out.
1587
01:23:55,708 --> 01:23:58,166
No, Michel!
1588
01:23:58,167 --> 01:23:59,333
Why?
1589
01:24:01,125 --> 01:24:02,707
Whoops.
1590
01:24:02,708 --> 01:24:04,291
I said shoot over their heads.
1591
01:24:04,292 --> 01:24:06,416
I don't think any of us
thought he was that tall.
1592
01:24:07,958 --> 01:24:09,583
Michel, hang in there.
1593
01:24:10,667 --> 01:24:14,542
In the seven-course meal of life,
this is my crème brûlée.
1594
01:24:15,583 --> 01:24:17,291
- So promise me something.
- Name it.
1595
01:24:17,292 --> 01:24:20,917
I've never seen the equal of
the friendship that you and Duchamp share.
1596
01:24:21,583 --> 01:24:25,957
You are best friends.
Promise me that you will be forever.
1597
01:24:25,958 --> 01:24:28,541
I promise we will be best friends.
1598
01:24:28,542 --> 01:24:29,874
As do I.
1599
01:24:29,875 --> 01:24:31,832
Not BFs, but BFFs.
1600
01:24:31,833 --> 01:24:33,541
Forever.
1601
01:24:33,542 --> 01:24:35,666
You know,
I'm not even sure that that was my arrow.
1602
01:24:35,667 --> 01:24:37,207
I saw it come out of your crossbow.
1603
01:24:37,208 --> 01:24:39,125
You know what? That was Gregor's. Gregor!
1604
01:24:39,708 --> 01:24:42,582
Duchamp, Michel helped me realize
1605
01:24:42,583 --> 01:24:44,916
that when you told Henri
that you were not my friend,
1606
01:24:44,917 --> 01:24:50,625
you were doing it to save me
because you are my friend.
1607
01:24:51,958 --> 01:24:55,458
No, I wasn't. I was fucking pissed at you.
1608
01:24:56,083 --> 01:24:58,364
But that would have been really cool
if I thought of that.
1609
01:24:58,750 --> 01:24:59,750
I'm... I'm sorry.
1610
01:25:00,333 --> 01:25:03,541
I'm not mad at you for what you did.
I'm mad at you for lying about it.
1611
01:25:03,542 --> 01:25:04,666
I'm really sorry, milord.
1612
01:25:04,667 --> 01:25:06,207
Sit in the carriage.
I'll talk to you later.
1613
01:25:06,208 --> 01:25:08,124
- What, now?
- Right now, yes. Go.
1614
01:25:08,125 --> 01:25:10,041
- I have a second request.
- Anything.
1615
01:25:10,042 --> 01:25:13,042
Please give me a proper
and thorough burial.
1616
01:25:13,833 --> 01:25:19,292
I don't want the animals eating me
for dinner. That would be ironic.
1617
01:25:22,625 --> 01:25:24,207
- No.
- No.
1618
01:25:24,208 --> 01:25:25,875
No!
1619
01:25:26,375 --> 01:25:29,291
Well done.
1620
01:25:29,292 --> 01:25:34,332
Catherine, are you really in cahoots
with that hunchback?
1621
01:25:34,333 --> 01:25:36,374
Don't be so naïve, Guy.
1622
01:25:36,375 --> 01:25:39,542
Not only are they in "cahoosion,"
but she's clearly shagging the man.
1623
01:25:40,333 --> 01:25:41,749
That's impossible.
1624
01:25:41,750 --> 01:25:44,124
Oh, it's very possible.
1625
01:25:44,125 --> 01:25:48,666
- Oh! Hit that shit, Quasi. Hit that shit.
- Yeah, right. Really?
1626
01:25:48,667 --> 01:25:51,166
No, sire, it's impossible.
1627
01:25:51,167 --> 01:25:54,666
Guards, take the hunchback's head.
1628
01:25:57,333 --> 01:26:00,207
And use your dullest blade.
1629
01:26:04,500 --> 01:26:11,124
Such is the fate of the mangled,
lonely weirdo. Eh, Hunchback?
1630
01:26:11,125 --> 01:26:14,208
Un. Deux.
1631
01:26:16,458 --> 01:26:18,041
Trois!
1632
01:26:18,042 --> 01:26:19,332
Stop!
1633
01:26:20,750 --> 01:26:22,791
- He is royalty.
- What?
1634
01:26:22,792 --> 01:26:23,957
Fuck no!
1635
01:26:23,958 --> 01:26:27,082
The hunchback is
a member of the royal family.
1636
01:26:27,083 --> 01:26:31,041
He who lays a hand on him
shall pay the ultimate price.
1637
01:26:31,042 --> 01:26:32,875
Nonsense.
1638
01:26:33,583 --> 01:26:35,792
He bears the mark of the Gastineau.
1639
01:26:37,917 --> 01:26:39,832
- Oh, look.
- Oh, but look at that. Yeah.
1640
01:26:39,833 --> 01:26:44,957
It can't be.
It must be dirt or a wine stain.
1641
01:26:44,958 --> 01:26:48,332
Are you sure it's not jelly?
Sometimes I get jelly on my shoulder.
1642
01:26:48,333 --> 01:26:52,250
Oh, he is of royal blood.
1643
01:26:54,125 --> 01:26:56,166
Oh, stand up and kill him anyway.
1644
01:26:56,167 --> 01:26:57,875
Wait, sire.
1645
01:26:59,250 --> 01:27:03,332
Is this how you treat a loyal subject who,
on your orders,
1646
01:27:03,333 --> 01:27:04,999
tried to assassinate the pope?
1647
01:27:06,625 --> 01:27:07,832
I'm sorry, what's that now?
1648
01:27:07,833 --> 01:27:11,957
The king asked me to kill you,
oh, Holy One.
1649
01:27:11,958 --> 01:27:13,874
Guards, put his head on the stump.
1650
01:27:13,875 --> 01:27:15,458
Guards, hold.
1651
01:27:16,375 --> 01:27:22,166
Hunchback, are you saying
that the king ordered you to kill me?
1652
01:27:22,167 --> 01:27:24,124
He did, Your Grace.
1653
01:27:24,125 --> 01:27:27,749
Just before you commanded me
to assassinate him.
1654
01:27:28,792 --> 01:27:30,832
You did what?
1655
01:27:30,833 --> 01:27:33,416
That's enough. Papal guard, shoot his man.
1656
01:27:33,417 --> 01:27:34,707
What?
1657
01:27:36,583 --> 01:27:38,666
You just killed my man.
1658
01:27:38,667 --> 01:27:40,041
Oh, shit.
1659
01:27:40,042 --> 01:27:41,667
Guards, shoot his man.
1660
01:27:43,750 --> 01:27:46,583
Fuck you, Your Grace.
1661
01:27:49,500 --> 01:27:53,791
Is this what you want?
Surely, you want more from a leader.
1662
01:27:53,792 --> 01:27:55,082
We're not sure!
1663
01:27:55,083 --> 01:27:56,457
And we know no other way!
1664
01:27:56,458 --> 01:27:57,832
There is another way.
1665
01:27:57,833 --> 01:28:01,749
I was once like you.
I thought I didn't matter.
1666
01:28:01,750 --> 01:28:05,958
But I've learned,
with the help of my friends...
1667
01:28:08,000 --> 01:28:09,082
that I do.
1668
01:28:09,083 --> 01:28:10,707
So do you.
1669
01:28:10,708 --> 01:28:11,833
He's kinda right.
1670
01:28:12,750 --> 01:28:19,707
If this sad, lonely hunchback
can sit at a table with the king
1671
01:28:19,708 --> 01:28:24,166
and dine on oysters, you can, too.
1672
01:28:24,167 --> 01:28:25,207
Oysters!
1673
01:28:25,208 --> 01:28:28,416
We can all eat oysters!
1674
01:28:28,417 --> 01:28:30,957
- Oysters! Oysters!
- Oysters! Oysters!
1675
01:28:30,958 --> 01:28:35,957
Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1676
01:28:35,958 --> 01:28:39,166
So this is that oyster chant
I've been hearing about.
1677
01:28:39,167 --> 01:28:40,624
What a catchy little ditty.
1678
01:28:40,625 --> 01:28:44,332
Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1679
01:28:44,333 --> 01:28:46,041
Enough!
1680
01:28:46,042 --> 01:28:49,958
The next person to say "oysters"
will be disemboweled.
1681
01:28:51,083 --> 01:28:52,291
Oysters.
1682
01:28:52,292 --> 01:28:54,166
I want to say it was
that fellow in the green...
1683
01:28:54,167 --> 01:28:57,041
Oh! Who threw that?
1684
01:28:57,042 --> 01:28:59,124
What, what? Oh!
1685
01:28:59,125 --> 01:29:00,583
Oh!
1686
01:29:01,625 --> 01:29:04,041
As your king, I command you to stop.
1687
01:29:04,042 --> 01:29:05,416
Ow! Kettle in the stomach!
1688
01:29:05,417 --> 01:29:08,374
Eat shit, Guy! Quasi gets us!
1689
01:29:08,375 --> 01:29:10,374
Get control of your people.
1690
01:29:10,375 --> 01:29:12,624
How dare you come into my country and...
1691
01:29:12,625 --> 01:29:15,833
You know what? I've had just about enough
of you and your country.
1692
01:29:22,542 --> 01:29:27,957
You can't stab me. I'm the king.
1693
01:29:27,958 --> 01:29:30,041
Well, now, you're a king on a stick.
1694
01:29:32,542 --> 01:29:34,624
We all saw
that he was asking for it, right?
1695
01:29:34,625 --> 01:29:35,874
I mean...
1696
01:29:38,458 --> 01:29:41,125
Goddamn it, I'm the pope.
1697
01:29:41,708 --> 01:29:43,874
Good luck finding a cool breeze in hell.
1698
01:29:45,375 --> 01:29:50,207
None of this would have happened if
you weren't so jealous of my new alliance,
1699
01:29:50,208 --> 01:29:51,291
you prick.
1700
01:29:51,292 --> 01:29:52,625
You're the prick.
1701
01:29:53,125 --> 01:29:55,749
You were a prick when we dated,
and you're still a prick now.
1702
01:29:55,750 --> 01:29:56,791
What?
1703
01:29:56,792 --> 01:29:58,292
Oh, poop!
1704
01:29:58,958 --> 01:30:00,624
I'm the prick?
1705
01:30:00,625 --> 01:30:04,457
You're the one who cheated on me
at université with Jacques Chouinard.
1706
01:30:04,458 --> 01:30:08,874
What? You cheated on me
at université with Jacques Chouinard.
1707
01:30:08,875 --> 01:30:10,082
What's happening?
1708
01:30:10,083 --> 01:30:15,167
Who told you that? I loved you.
1709
01:30:17,500 --> 01:30:20,208
And I... loved you.
1710
01:30:23,000 --> 01:30:27,082
I still love you.
1711
01:30:27,083 --> 01:30:30,958
And I, you.
1712
01:30:40,375 --> 01:30:43,792
Whoa. That plot thickened a lot.
1713
01:30:44,750 --> 01:30:45,916
Du.
1714
01:30:45,917 --> 01:30:47,791
Du!
1715
01:30:47,792 --> 01:30:48,874
How you doing, Du?
1716
01:30:48,875 --> 01:30:51,749
Amateurs. They nailed me
1717
01:30:51,750 --> 01:30:53,832
- through the skin of the sack.
- So stupid.
1718
01:30:53,833 --> 01:30:56,041
A professional would have gone
right through the testicle.
1719
01:30:56,042 --> 01:30:58,207
Huh, I remember my first scrotum nailing.
1720
01:30:58,208 --> 01:30:59,666
- In fact...
- Yeah.
1721
01:30:59,667 --> 01:31:00,832
You were there, my old friend.
1722
01:31:00,833 --> 01:31:03,166
- I was, my old friend.
- Yeah.
1723
01:31:03,167 --> 01:31:05,207
- My old friend.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1724
01:31:05,208 --> 01:31:06,874
And I'm not just saying that
'cause of Michel.
1725
01:31:06,875 --> 01:31:09,125
- Ah.
- There is no Jerome.
1726
01:31:09,917 --> 01:31:11,667
You are my best friend.
1727
01:31:12,250 --> 01:31:13,458
And you mine.
1728
01:31:14,042 --> 01:31:17,999
I've never even been to Champagne.
I hear it's lovely.
1729
01:31:19,333 --> 01:31:22,792
Duchamp, we will go to Champagne together.
1730
01:31:23,417 --> 01:31:27,457
And we will drink much, much wine.
1731
01:31:27,458 --> 01:31:29,417
Aw.
1732
01:31:31,875 --> 01:31:36,082
Subjects of France,
kneel before your new king.
1733
01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:38,542
Yeah! King Quasi!
1734
01:31:40,458 --> 01:31:43,916
Come, Quasi. Your kingdom awaits you.
1735
01:31:43,917 --> 01:31:45,999
Go, go, my friend.
1736
01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:48,124
We're not kneeling
because of the birthmark.
1737
01:31:48,125 --> 01:31:49,749
We like what he has to say.
1738
01:31:51,292 --> 01:31:52,792
King Quasi!
1739
01:32:06,208 --> 01:32:07,542
Yeah!
1740
01:32:09,458 --> 01:32:13,499
And so it was,
a new king was crowned.
1741
01:32:13,500 --> 01:32:17,708
A king unlike any France had ever known.
1742
01:32:18,417 --> 01:32:19,833
And the country flourished,
1743
01:32:20,833 --> 01:32:25,916
for it was ruled by a king and queen
who valued merit, virtue,
1744
01:32:25,917 --> 01:32:27,500
and decency.
1745
01:32:29,083 --> 01:32:32,250
A king and queen of the people.
1746
01:32:33,792 --> 01:32:35,124
- You like oysters?
- Of course.
1747
01:32:35,125 --> 01:32:37,250
Right, who doesn't?
1748
01:32:40,125 --> 01:32:42,416
Hey. Hey.
1749
01:32:42,417 --> 01:32:43,707
- Yeah?
- Clean.
1750
01:32:43,708 --> 01:32:44,874
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1751
01:32:44,875 --> 01:32:46,416
You got it.
1752
01:32:46,417 --> 01:32:48,208
- Down the hatch.
- Mm-hmm.
1753
01:32:49,417 --> 01:32:52,082
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm! Oh.
1754
01:32:53,208 --> 01:32:55,124
- Food of kings.
- Yeah, yeah. And queens.
1755
01:32:55,125 --> 01:32:56,624
- Oh!
- Oh.
1756
01:32:57,875 --> 01:32:58,958
Hold on a second.
1757
01:32:59,583 --> 01:33:02,291
- Oysters! Oysters!
- Oysters!
1758
01:33:02,292 --> 01:33:08,124
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1759
01:33:08,125 --> 01:33:10,999
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1760
01:33:11,000 --> 01:33:14,291
And their reign lasted many years,
1761
01:33:14,292 --> 01:33:20,292
and they conquered many foes
and ate many oysters.
1762
01:33:21,042 --> 01:33:24,208
But that is a different story.
1763
01:34:32,083 --> 01:34:33,832
Look at how these guys do it.
See how they do it?
1764
01:34:33,833 --> 01:34:35,624
- Here, do you wanna go?
- Oh, no, go. You're good.
1765
01:34:35,625 --> 01:34:36,999
- Okay.
- You're doing a great job.
1766
01:34:37,000 --> 01:34:43,166
May our dear friend, Michel Domeck,
forever rest in peace and find happiness.
1767
01:34:43,167 --> 01:34:45,541
Quasi, I think we need a bigger hole.
1768
01:34:45,542 --> 01:34:47,167
Oh, shit. Um...
1769
01:34:48,167 --> 01:34:49,749
Oh. Oops.
1770
01:34:49,750 --> 01:34:51,000
Good?
1771
01:34:51,542 --> 01:34:52,791
Okay.
1772
01:34:52,792 --> 01:34:54,208
Okay, well...
1773
01:34:55,042 --> 01:34:56,042
We didn't quite get it.
1774
01:34:56,043 --> 01:34:57,499
Yeah, we're not good at this.
1775
01:34:57,500 --> 01:34:58,541
Not enough dirt.
1776
01:34:58,542 --> 01:35:00,125
- We got close, huh?
- Yeah, we did.
1777
01:35:55,667 --> 01:35:58,291
- Action.
- Oh, can you bring a hollandaise sauce
1778
01:35:58,292 --> 01:35:59,374
for the hog anus?
1779
01:35:59,375 --> 01:36:01,666
Béarnaise sauce for the hog anus?
1780
01:36:01,667 --> 01:36:05,667
Oh, could you bring an au jus
for the hog anus, please?
1781
01:36:07,208 --> 01:36:08,582
- All right, good?
- No.
1782
01:36:08,583 --> 01:36:12,541
Oh, could you bring some orange marmalade
for the hog anus, please?
1783
01:36:12,542 --> 01:36:16,458
Oh, could you bring some Cool Ranch
Doritos for the hog anus, please?
1784
01:36:17,250 --> 01:36:18,749
Okay, now I'm done.
1785
01:36:20,167 --> 01:36:21,500
They know you're alive.
1786
01:36:22,083 --> 01:36:25,374
If I go with you,
they'll undoubtedly find me...
1787
01:36:25,375 --> 01:36:26,832
Find us and kill us both.
1788
01:36:26,833 --> 01:36:29,582
- The king killed his last wife.
- I still have another line.
1789
01:36:29,583 --> 01:36:30,667
Oh, sorry.
1790
01:36:31,333 --> 01:36:32,875
I find the horse very distracting.
1791
01:36:33,500 --> 01:36:35,082
He will go without you.
1792
01:36:35,083 --> 01:36:37,000
Now, here is some money.
1793
01:36:37,583 --> 01:36:40,666
But a word of caution.
Do not pay the ferryman...
1794
01:36:40,667 --> 01:36:43,374
Hold on a second.
1795
01:36:43,375 --> 01:36:45,250
I promise not to hit your nuts.
1796
01:36:47,792 --> 01:36:49,375
I'm not aiming for them.
1797
01:36:53,083 --> 01:36:55,707
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.
1798
01:36:55,708 --> 01:36:57,416
Oh, fuck.
1799
01:36:57,417 --> 01:36:59,167
This is my second day. I...
1800
01:36:59,667 --> 01:37:02,291
It's not your second day.
I saw you in a previous scene.
1801
01:37:02,292 --> 01:37:04,707
Cut. Fire him.
1802
01:37:04,708 --> 01:37:07,249
Oh, oh.
1803
01:37:08,333 --> 01:37:10,499
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Cramp, cramp, cramp. Shit.
1804
01:37:10,500 --> 01:37:12,832
Jerome's cool, and his face is straight.
1805
01:37:12,833 --> 01:37:14,249
Is that... Oh, really?
1806
01:37:14,250 --> 01:37:15,374
Yeah, mm-hmm.
1807
01:37:15,375 --> 01:37:16,957
Okay.
1808
01:37:19,500 --> 01:37:21,082
A friend with a straight face?
1809
01:37:21,083 --> 01:37:22,832
- Come on. You don't have many of those.
- Yeah.
1810
01:37:22,833 --> 01:37:24,583
- I'll tell you that.
- Yeah, no... No shit.
1811
01:37:27,500 --> 01:37:31,542
I can't help but notice all these
important looks you're throwing at him.
1812
01:37:32,208 --> 01:37:33,957
What the fuck is going on over here?
1813
01:37:33,958 --> 01:37:36,957
He'll be even more insufferable.
1814
01:37:36,958 --> 01:37:39,124
- Stick with it.
- Okay, I can't look at him.
1815
01:37:39,125 --> 01:37:40,457
Hey, shitbrain.
1816
01:37:40,458 --> 01:37:42,082
Hey, shampoo model.
1817
01:37:42,083 --> 01:37:43,666
Hey, muscular old lady.
1818
01:37:43,667 --> 01:37:45,291
Oh, it's Pascal.
1819
01:37:45,292 --> 01:37:48,750
And I, m-mine.
1820
01:37:49,250 --> 01:37:51,832
Oh. Oh, my.
1821
01:37:51,833 --> 01:37:55,082
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
1822
01:37:55,083 --> 01:37:56,166
Cut!
135177
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