All language subtitles for Night Court s01e14 When Abby Met Gabby.eng

[ Theme music plays ]

-Hello, Neil.

-Better now that you're here.

-Okay.

-Oh, that was uncomfortable
to watch

and I've seen Olivia trying
to hold a baby.

-It's Neil's crush on me.
I mean,

he was already being weird

and now I know about it, so,
me weird, too.

-Been there. There was
a bailiff I worked with

who had a thing for me.

Ponytail Lou.

-Oh, how'd you handle it?
-Well, one night

he yelled out, "Gurgs"
while in bed with his wife

and she snatched that ponytail
right off his head.

[ Laughs ]

Now he's just Lou.

-Next up, the People
vs Zack and Patty Ludlow.

-Mr. and Mrs. Ludlow are charged
with criminal mischief

in a gender reveal gone wrong.

They set off
a pyrotechnic device

inside a Ruby Tuesday's.

Oh, God, what is that smell?!

Did you walk through a geyser
of cologne?

-It's not cologne,
it's body spray,

and I bought it
from an Uber driver.

-Your Honor, my clients
were merely excited

about their announcement,
which they decided to hold

in the booth
where they first met. -Aww.

-And where their child
was conceived.

-Uhh.

-Defense pleads guilty and asks
for the court's leniency.

-My little girl is innocent!

There was a second shooter.

-I'm sorry, who is that?

-Ah, the distinguished
grandma-to-be is

Mrs. Ludlow's mother.

She has her own opinions
about the defense strategy.

And, while not a practicing
lawyer herself,

obviously, she passed a fewbars
on the way here.

-I demand a real lawyer,

not some blurry guy
who's making the room spin.

-Okay, uh, how does a fine
plus damages sound?

-Let me consult
with my co-counsel,

Long Island Iced Tina.

Oh, that's right, I don't care.

We'll take it.

-This is your fault!
-Uh --

Next case?

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, Gurgs,
what are you doing in here?

-I'm turning in my badge.
-Oh.

-And my sword.

-There's no way the court
gave this to you --

Oh, wow, "Property
of the state of New York."

-I swore an oath

that I made up

to protect this court
at all costs and tonight

a suit lost its life
on my watch.

-Aw, Gurgs.
You know that old saying,

"Every time a suit dies,
an angel

gets a suit."

-But the fact is I should've
known that woman was trouble

the moment she puked
in her purse.

I have to do
some soul searching.

If you need me, I'll be playing
my saxophone on the roof.

-Alright, this has gone on
long enough.

We need to talk
about this Neil crush.

-Neil who?!

DeGrasse Tyson?

In my dreams!

That guy's married to the stars.
[ Laughs ]

Yeah, I know this Neil thing
is a real problem for me.

-It's worse
than a problem for you.

It's a problem for me!

He's distracted,
he smells like the inside

of a comedy club greenroom,

and look what he drew
on the backside

of my crime scene photo.

-Aww, he put me in a hat.

I should wear more hats.

Look, I don't know
what he's thinking.

He knows that nothing
can happen.

I mean, I have a fiancé.

Just today, Rand sent me this.
[ Chuckles ]

-I don't get it.

Is it a sex thing?

-It's an inside joke.

And it's cute.

Look, I'm doing everything I can

to shut this thing down
with Neil.

Before I knew he had
a crush on me,

whenever he would say
something funny,

I would laugh like --

[ Laughter ]

And now, I laugh like

heh.

-See, stuff like that is what's

just going to drag this on
forever.

You need to be swift and direct.

-Okay, maybe doing it quickly

is the best way
to preserve his feelings.

[ Sultry jazz plays ]

-Great!
Just when I thought things

couldn't get any worse --

jazz!

[ Theme music plays ]

-Okay, here's the best
of the lost and found.

-Looks like most of these
clothes are merch

from something called
Craig-Fest 2017.

Who's Craig?
-Better question is

why are these things still wet?

But I feel like you
could pull this off.

-Exposed arms are just
someone's way of saying

that their muscle tone
is their onlycurrency.

I'm just trying to apologize
for letting that lady

and her daiquiri give you
a North Florida baptism.

-Listen, I'm a lawyer.

I've had things thrown at me
for years.

At least this wasn't sharp
or on fire

or a ferret.
Poor thing was just

in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

-Wait, so this happens
to you a lot?

-Yeah.
-Well, not anymore!

I swear, by this Sandals visor,
I'll protect you!

-Um, uh-huh.

Oh-oh, wait a minute, wait.

Is that a Rolex?!

Oh, no!

It's a silverfish hive.

Aah! Ew!

Really, good job
on the protecting.

I feel like they're all over me!
-[ Gasps ]

-Oh, there he is.
Now's your chance.

Just remember --
swift and direct.

-Okay.

Hey, Neil.
-Hi.

-We need to talk.

When I was a little girl...
-We're screwed.

-...I heard the story
of another little girl.

Now, she was half fish, but her
problems were all too human.

-Oh, no.

-Yeah, so you see
what I'm getting at, huh?

-It's Gabrielle.

-Who?
-Don't look!

I had a crush on her
in high school.

-Ah.
-We had chemistry.

The class.

I can't let her
see me like this.

Play it cool, Neil,
play it cool.

Nope, don't know how.

-Neil Valluri?
-Oh, hey!

-I thought that was you.

-Me too!

I mean, I knew I was Neil.
Hey.

-What are you doing
at the courthouse?

You seem pretty traumatized.

Was it a robbery,
a home invasion?

[ Whispering ] Wait, are you
being held hostage right now?

-I wish!
[ High-pitched laugh ]

-Ooh, this is hard to watch!

-This weirdness is what
I'm dealing with every day now.

-I'm doing well.
I'm a dentist now.

You probably remember.
I always loved mouths.

-Yeah!
-They do so many things --

smile, talk, eat.

They're not lazy, like arms.
-Totally!

Arms have been riding hands'
coattails for far too long.

-Yeah.

-So, what brings you here?

-I'm finalizing my divorce.

I brought these for all the nice
people in the records office.

-Aww!
-Huh!

The incessant smile,
the way she's holding

those treats -- she...
kind of reminds me of you.

-Oh, really?
I don't see it.

-I do, and I think
it can help us.

-Oh, and, uh,
these are my coworkers.

-Well, hi! You know,
I saw those and I have to ask,

are those the Funfetti
cookie muffins

from Julia Child's
"S'moredorable Collection"?

-Good eye. That's the one recipe
I can remember.

I can't believe they pulled
that book off the shelves.

-Uh, I know!
It's not her fault

the Zodiac Killer used it
for one of his cyphers.

You know, I actually
have two copies.

You could totally have one.

-That's so nice!

-Oh, by the way, I'm Abby.
-I'm Gabby.

-[Both]
It's so nice to meet you!

-[ Laughs ]

Okay, yeah, maybe I see it.

[ Theme music plays ]

[ Theme music plays ]

-Thank you so much for this!

Oh! Just look at Julia,

putting out her cigarette

in that pile of cookies.
[ Laughs ]

-[Both]
It was a different time.

[ Laughter ]

-Okay, that's enough.

It was real nice for Abby
to meet you.

-Bye.
-She's great!

Hey, do you think I should do
pink highlights in my hair?

-Let's not get hung up
on the fact

that Neil's high school crush is
basically a carbon copy of you

and let's just focus on the
opportunity that we have here.

-Ooh, that Gabby and I can win
the courthouse bake sale

and knock Sal from probate
down a peg or two?

-No, that we should
set her up with Neil.

-Yeah, yeah, they'd make
a great couple.

-Like "Beauty and the Beast."
[ Laughs ]

If Beauty fell
for one of the townspeople

who sold bread or something.

-Or like me and Rand.
You know, we met

at the 99.7 Not Bummer Summer
concert.

We roasted hot dogs together

while Train played
"Drops of Jupiter."

Well, a Train cover band --

Tram.

-So it's settled, then.

I'll get Neil to ask Gabby out

and you'll never tell me
that story again.

Wait, is that why
he sent you a train?

Now I really wish
it was a sex thing.

[ Theme music plays ]

-Alright, everyone,
I need to lock a perimeter

around this man.

That means six feet, Carol.

That's better.

-Gurgs, what are you doing?
She's not even

the most likely Carol
to hurt me.

That's Carol in the mail room.

I told her her dog
wasn't that cute.

You know what?
We have the Internet, nowadays.

Standards are much higher.

-Listen, I failed you once
and it's not going

to happen again,
so, from now on,

I'm with you day and night,
no exceptions!

Except tomorrow,
'cause I got a massage at 11:30

and it'd be great
if you came with me.

-Oh, okay, well, no, you see,
because I have

a "never going to happen"
at noon.

Let me finish my lunch!
-Of course.

I just need to make sure
it's safe.

-What are you ta--
What?

Gurgs, it's --
-Mm-kay.

Now, we're going
to wait 20 minutes

to see if the poison kicks in.

-Are you --
Screw this.

I've got three Toblerone
in my desk.

I'm going to my office.
-Oh, not by yourself,

you're not!
-Oh, Gurgs.

-Carol, what'd I tell you?

[ Theme music plays ]

-This is a really big step
in our relationship.

I'm so honored that you wanted
me to come meet your dentist.

-About that --

-Be with you in a sec.

Just finishing up
with a patient.

It's a redhead,
so the painkillers didn't take.

-Wait a minute. You brought me
to Gabby's office?

I thought you were going to talk
to Neil about asking her out.

-I was, but then I tried
to picture Neil asking her out,

and I just couldn't do it.

It's shocking,
the amount of scenarios

that end up with his head
stuck in a honeypot.

-Come on, it's not
that hard to picture.

He just walks up to her and --
Oh, wow!

How'd his head get in there
so fast?

-So, now, our only shot is
to get Gabby to ask himout.

And, since you two are
practically the same person,

I figured you'dknow how
to talk youinto it.

-We don't have to do this.

Neil can ask her out.

Let me picture it one more time.

I see them on a beach.

Not a honeypot in sight.

Neil walks up to her, and --

Oh, there it is,
right on his head again.

-Sorry, ladies. The redhead
is really fighting me.

Got to bring out the big guns.

[ Theme music plays ]

-Where you going?
-To the men's room.

Is that still allowed?

-I'll let you know.
-Ah --

-Yeah, there's someone in there
and he's

real confused
and angry right now.

-That's funny,
because there's somebody

really confused and angry
out here!

-I understand it's been
an adjustment.

And that's why I have a gift
to make up for it.

-What?

-It's a new watch.

It goes around your ankle,
it doesn't tell time,

and it's not a watch.

Well, don't be rude.
Try it on!

-No, listen, nobody is trying
to poison my food

or ambush me in the men's room.

And you know what else?

My newspaper, it doesn't
have to be childproofed.

When is this going to end?

-When my debt to you is paid.

-Got it.

Who wants to throw a drink

in my face?

Preferably someone
with acting experience.

-[ English accent ]
I went to Juilliard.

-So did I.

-Kenny, you did not go
to Juilliard.

-Oh, I went to Julie's yard.

And I'm not supposed to.

That's why I'm here.

-Alright, the part is yours.

Hey, this is the easiest job
you'll ever book,

so, don't get used to it.

Learn a practical skill,
alright?

Like typing or...shoveling.

Let him out.

-Shoveling?

That's what I was doing
in Julie's yard!

-I mean, what are the odds?

I just met you yesterday
and now you're my patient!

-We got to come clean, Gab.

This visit wasn't
totally coinci-dental.

[ Laughter ]

-Oh, my God.
I love that.

-We made the appointment
after Neil told us

how amazing you are.

-Aww, he is so sweet.

I wish I knew him better
in high school,

but back then, my life revolved
around my ex Steve

and being goth together.

You know how it goes.

-My fiancé, Rand,
and I were goth, too!

Actually, we did
adult stage managing,

but we were mistaken for goth,
but it was a fun mistake.

-Steve and I were
stage managers.

We met during
our school's production

of "A Christmas Carol,"
so, every year,

he'd get us tickets
for our anniversary.

Kind of became our thing.

-Rand and I have a thing
like that, too.

We met at a Train concert
and, every year,

that's what we do
on our anniversary.

Wow, this is like listening
to a mirror.

-Except your relationship
hasn't ended in a messy divorce

and a Pomeranian
who blames himself.

-Right, no.

Rand and I are veryhappy

and our pet pig
is extremely positive.

Honestly, it's kind of toxic.

-[ Muffled]
Who cares?

Just talk about the other thing.

-What?
-She said, "Who cares?

Talk about the other thing."

-Oh, right, okay.

I was just wondering, though.

I-It sounds like you and Rand --

sorry, you and Steve --
were very cute together.

What happened?
-I don't know.

One day, I realized
all that cute stuff we had

was all we had.

Then I didn't find it
that cute anymore.

I mean, "A Christmas Carol"
sucks.

It's not romantic.

Only a couple scenes are sexy.

But, yeah, we kind of just...
drifted apart.

-[ Muffled ]
Enough of this!

Neil has a crush on you!

-Wait, really,
Neil has a crush on me?

-Yes! And he's too shy
to ask you out, so,

you need to be the one
to make the first move.

-Oh, wow!

Huh!

-We'll give it a couple days
and, if this doesn't work out,

we take the Pomeranian.

[ Theme music plays ]

-Okay, so, uh, when Gurgs
comes in, you yell at me,

and then -- here, take --
and then you act

like you're going
to throw this drink at me

and then let her stop you.

-I don't feel like my character
would have a drink.

-Your character is a guy
who wanted his bail paid.

-Right, and you did that,
so why am I throwing a drink at you?

I just -- I-I'm having
a hard time finding my --

my motivation.

Uh...

-Alright, fine, um --

Oh!

I stole your girlfriend.

-Oh.
What's hername?

-Oh, for God's sakes, man!
I --

Her name is Penelope!
-Oh.

-She and I met
in a cooking class

where she was learning
to make your favorite dessert --

brioche bread pudding
with pecan ice cream.

But now, she can't even stand
to eat dessert

because the taste
of sweet caramel reduction

just turns bitter
in her mouth.

-And then so --
-And, yes,

you have unresolved issues
with your father.

Places.
-Great, yeah.

-I got to tell ya,
Gabby is a wizard.

My teeth have never
felt stronger.

I bit a chicken leg
in half earlier.

-Oh, sorry, I was still
thinking about her divorce.

I mean, one minute,
everything's okay,

and then, suddenly, you're sick

of all the things
that you used to love?

I mean, that won't happen
to me and Rand, right?

-Well, to be fair,
"A Christmas Carol"

was always going to get old.

It's just a bunch
of socialist ghosts trying

to stop a decent man
from running a small business.

-Hey, have y'all seen Dan?

I was guarding him
in the men's room

and he gave me the slip.

I opened the stall
and all I found were

a pair of pants wrapped
around some mannequin legs.

-Ooh, look!
There's Gabby!

-Oh.
-And they're talking.

Do you think
she's asking him out?

-Nah, they're talking
about the weather.

I majored in lip reading at --

I said, "SUNY Binghamton."

You'd know that,
if you took the class.

-Is she touching his arm?

-Oh?
-Is this really happening?

-Oh! She just asked him
to dinner.

Or for a skimmer.

She must have a pool!
Okay, dentist!

-Did he say no?

Wh-Why would he do that?

-Hey, Fielding!
I've got something for you!

-Oh, no, no!
What is that?!

-[ Sighs ]

Forgiveness.

And now my story truly begins.

-Well, no, no,
shouldn't it begin with you

throwing a drink at me?

Actors!

[ Theme music plays ]

[ Theme music plays ]

-Hey.

Saw you talking to Gabby before.

What was that about?

-She asked if I wanted
to get dinner,

but I have plans, so.

-Neil, there's a conversation
that I've been trying to avoid.

[ Sighs ]
I should've done it sooner.

I know you have feelings for me.

-Do not!

Unless you have feelings for me.

-Neil, I have a fiancé,
and you know that.

Just like you knew that Gabby
had a boyfriend

back in high school.

Do you think it's possible that
you fall for unavailable women

so you have an excuse,
if it doesn't work out?

-That would explain why I had
a crush on Mrs. Brady.

You could tell she was unhappy,
but she was never going

to leave Mike.
They were a bunch.

-If you keep doing
the same thing,

one day you're going to wake up
and realize that it's too late.

So, you need to decide
what you really want.

I think there's someone
out there

that's worth taking the risk on.

-You're right.

I'm going to ask Gabby out.

You think I should tell her
I still remember

her locker combination?

-I wouldn't lead with that.

[ Theme music plays ]

-Uh, excuse me, sir?
I'm going to need you to step

six feet away from this man.

-I'm going to need you
to step six feet away.

-Well, I said it first!

-Gurgs, Gurgs, it's fine.

He's with me.

Look, it's very hard for me
to say what I need to say.

That's why I'm going
to make him do it.

-I'm protecting him

from you.

-Is this true?

-It is.

-Gurgs, it's --
it's much better this way.

Look, you can relax
[ Scoffs ]

and I can stop buying
mannequin legs online.

That's a very
disturbing community.

-Well, as much as this hurts,

the important thing
is you're safe.

Take good care of him.

He likes it
when you taste his food.

-I don't.

-Hey, Neil, I just got
a text from Gabby.

She said she had
a great time on your date.

-Well, I'm not one
to kiss and tell,

but we didn't kiss,
so I can tell you everything.

-I would like to thank
whomever it was

that kept me
out of whatever this is.

-I'm so happy for you.
-I'm so happy, too!

I don't know what to do
with all this emotion!

I just want to hug all of you.
[ Laughs ]

Dan?

-[ Echoing ]
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...

[ Mop clatters ]

...o-o-o-o!

-Ooh!

Wow!
Someone really wanted a hug.

-Gurgs.
Gurgs, you took a hug for me!

You were there when I --
when I needed you the most!

You're fired.

-My debt to you has been paid.

-Ah!

-Looks like you won't be needing

this Dan tracker anymore.

-Wha-- um, oh, uh, that.

I, um, I put it
in a piece of bread

and threw it at a seagull.

-I was wondering how you got
to Montauk so fast.

-[ Laughs ]

[ Theme music plays ]

-Well, mission accomplished.

Neil is someone else's
problem now.

Wait, why don't you look happy?

-All this just has me thinking
about me and Rand.

-Oh, you're getting
into a whole thing.

-Wondering what Gabby's story
means for my relationship.

I love all the cute stuff
that Rand and I have, but,

do I want every
anniversary present

to be based
on "Drops of Jupiter,"

or that every trip we take has
to be somewhere

you can get to by train?

It might be nice to go
somewhere exotic, like Hawaii

or Staten Island.

-Well, the -- the good news is
he's still upstate, so,

you've got the time
and the space to figure it out.

By yourself.

Maybe with a journal
or a notebook

or something else
that doesn't involve me.

-♪ Now that she's back
in the atmosphere♪

♪ With drops of Jupiter
in her hair♪

-Why does it sound
like my prom outside?

-Because Rand is
on the sidewalk

with a Bluetooth speaker.

-♪ She acts like summer♪
-Guess he took the train.

-♪ And walks like rain♪

-And I thought jazz was bad.

♪♪

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