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1
00:00:03,740 --> 00:00:06,140
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,176 --> 00:00:08,493
Carla, you look spiffy.
3
00:00:08,528 --> 00:00:11,273
You going out tonight? Yeah,
Eddie and I are catching a movie.
4
00:00:11,297 --> 00:00:12,764
This is his last night in town.
5
00:00:12,799 --> 00:00:14,861
He's going out on the road
again with the ice show.
6
00:00:14,885 --> 00:00:15,851
Uh-oh.
7
00:00:15,886 --> 00:00:17,319
What's that supposed to mean?
8
00:00:17,354 --> 00:00:18,631
Oh, nothing.
9
00:00:18,655 --> 00:00:21,372
Well, you know, I get
this image of, you know,
10
00:00:21,407 --> 00:00:23,474
chorus girls in skimpy costumes,
11
00:00:23,509 --> 00:00:24,870
you know, skating around,
12
00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:27,161
lonely husband on
the road, far away
13
00:00:27,197 --> 00:00:29,364
from his, uh,
connubial connubials,
14
00:00:29,399 --> 00:00:30,915
if you know what I mean.
15
00:00:30,951 --> 00:00:32,501
Well,
16
00:00:32,536 --> 00:00:33,802
y-you're not worried?
17
00:00:33,837 --> 00:00:34,903
Not at all.
18
00:00:34,938 --> 00:00:36,187
I know my Eddie,
19
00:00:36,223 --> 00:00:38,406
and I trust him completely.
20
00:00:38,442 --> 00:00:41,426
He is the sweetest, most
faithful, loving husband in
21
00:00:41,461 --> 00:00:42,510
the whole world, and I
22
00:00:42,546 --> 00:00:44,513
thank God every
day he married me.
23
00:00:44,548 --> 00:00:46,648
If ever there was
a one-woman man,
24
00:00:46,683 --> 00:00:48,316
it's Eddie LeBec.
25
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:49,862
Hey, Carla, what
movie you going to see?
26
00:00:49,886 --> 00:00:51,386
Fatal Attraction.
27
00:00:59,629 --> 00:01:02,196
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
28
00:01:02,232 --> 00:01:05,199
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
29
00:01:05,235 --> 00:01:08,035
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
30
00:01:08,071 --> 00:01:11,138
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
31
00:01:11,174 --> 00:01:16,561
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
32
00:01:16,596 --> 00:01:19,514
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
33
00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:24,136
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
34
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:29,374
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
35
00:01:29,409 --> 00:01:31,376
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
36
00:01:31,411 --> 00:01:34,379
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
37
00:01:34,414 --> 00:01:39,151
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
38
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:42,287
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
39
00:01:42,322 --> 00:01:44,422
♪ People are all the same ♪
40
00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:48,993
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
41
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,466
Good evening, everyone.
42
00:02:11,501 --> 00:02:13,568
You'll be glad to know I
decided to take your advice
43
00:02:13,603 --> 00:02:15,737
and become more dynamic.
44
00:02:15,772 --> 00:02:19,123
I have just left a seminar
that has changed my life.
45
00:02:19,159 --> 00:02:20,658
In a few short hours,
46
00:02:20,694 --> 00:02:23,561
I have become the essence
of self assertiveness.
47
00:02:23,596 --> 00:02:24,629
Five.
48
00:02:24,665 --> 00:02:25,647
Four,
49
00:02:25,682 --> 00:02:28,216
three, two, one!
50
00:02:30,404 --> 00:02:32,920
What's going on here?
51
00:02:32,956 --> 00:02:35,189
What's going on?
52
00:02:35,225 --> 00:02:37,909
Hey, I run this place.
What's happening?
53
00:02:42,049 --> 00:02:43,059
Yeah!
54
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,516
If somebody doesn't tell me
55
00:02:44,551 --> 00:02:46,751
what's going on, I
am gonna start crying.
56
00:02:46,786 --> 00:02:48,053
Aw,
57
00:02:48,088 --> 00:02:49,865
we're sorry. Uh, we
didn't know you were here.
58
00:02:49,889 --> 00:02:52,168
Today is our anniversary.
59
00:02:52,192 --> 00:02:53,007
This is the day, two years ago
60
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,208
where Cheers beat
61
00:02:54,244 --> 00:02:55,677
that scourge down the road,
62
00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:57,545
Gary's Old Town
Tavern, in bowling!
63
00:02:59,616 --> 00:03:01,165
That's-That's the big deal?
64
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:02,862
It's the only time we
ever won anything.
65
00:03:02,886 --> 00:03:04,464
I take it that they've
beaten us at things.
66
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:05,453
At everything.
67
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,589
Touch football, softball, darts,
68
00:03:07,624 --> 00:03:10,057
ugliest toes, you name it...
69
00:03:10,093 --> 00:03:12,605
I think the current
tally is 173 to one,
70
00:03:12,629 --> 00:03:15,212
but we are presently
on a winning streak.
71
00:03:15,248 --> 00:03:17,076
Yeah!
72
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,283
We're number one!
73
00:03:18,318 --> 00:03:20,034
We're number one!
74
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,202
We're number one!
75
00:03:21,238 --> 00:03:23,104
Yeah. We're number one...!
76
00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:24,105
Sammy! Sammy!
77
00:03:24,141 --> 00:03:27,792
Isn't it about
time for the call?
78
00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:29,928
Oh-ho!
79
00:03:29,963 --> 00:03:31,128
By golly, yes, it is.
80
00:03:31,164 --> 00:03:32,675
Time to give him a call?
81
00:03:33,833 --> 00:03:35,483
Hear ye, hear ye.
82
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,868
It's time for the
ceremonial call
83
00:03:37,904 --> 00:03:39,404
to Gary's! The call!
84
00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:40,421
The call!
85
00:03:40,456 --> 00:03:41,823
The call...!
86
00:03:42,859 --> 00:03:44,091
All right.
87
00:03:44,127 --> 00:03:46,928
Yeah!
88
00:03:46,963 --> 00:03:48,362
Hello, Gary.
89
00:03:48,398 --> 00:03:50,364
It's Sam Malone.
90
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,300
Yeah, I was just calling to
say hi, see how you're doing.
91
00:03:53,336 --> 00:03:55,302
No. You know,
for the life of me,
92
00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:58,105
I-I can't think of what
brought you to mind.
93
00:03:58,141 --> 00:03:59,707
No, wait a minute, may...
94
00:03:59,743 --> 00:04:03,044
Maybe it was because
two years ago tonight,
95
00:04:03,079 --> 00:04:05,747
we waxed your heinie in bowling!
96
00:04:05,782 --> 00:04:07,415
Yeah!
97
00:04:08,785 --> 00:04:10,118
No, no. Oh...
98
00:04:10,153 --> 00:04:12,120
The poor sap is
begging for a rematch.
99
00:04:12,155 --> 00:04:13,595
No. No, no.
100
00:04:13,623 --> 00:04:14,789
I'm sorry, Gary, no.
101
00:04:14,824 --> 00:04:16,658
No, there'll be no rematch.
102
00:04:16,693 --> 00:04:20,795
The moment of
victory is frozen in time.
103
00:04:20,830 --> 00:04:22,263
That's right. Gar...
104
00:04:22,299 --> 00:04:23,665
Hello? Gary?
105
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:27,468
The guy is such a poor loser.
106
00:04:27,503 --> 00:04:28,503
Drinks on the house!
107
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:30,705
Carla, Carla,
108
00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:32,807
once more around
the bar, huh? Huh?
109
00:04:32,842 --> 00:04:34,208
All right.
110
00:04:34,244 --> 00:04:35,438
We're number one!
111
00:04:35,462 --> 00:04:36,695
We're number one...!
112
00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:38,007
Hold it. Hold it!
113
00:04:38,031 --> 00:04:39,597
Where is the trophy?
114
00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:40,993
Who moved it? What?
115
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:43,618
Oh, come on.
116
00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:45,531
It's got to be around
here somewhere.
117
00:04:45,555 --> 00:04:46,682
Hey, now listen,
118
00:04:46,706 --> 00:04:47,672
this is not funny.
119
00:04:47,707 --> 00:04:48,840
Where is the trophy?
120
00:04:48,875 --> 00:04:50,019
Wa-hay-hay
121
00:04:50,043 --> 00:04:52,010
hait a minute.
122
00:04:52,045 --> 00:04:54,178
This smacks of Gary.
123
00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:55,525
Hey, you mean he
had a spy in here?
124
00:04:55,549 --> 00:04:56,681
Yeah, hey, that's right.
125
00:04:56,716 --> 00:04:58,315
Who was that guy
at the end of the bar
126
00:04:58,351 --> 00:04:59,383
drinking imported beer?
127
00:04:59,418 --> 00:05:00,685
Mm-hmm. Very suspicious.
128
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,498
You know none of
us can afford that stuff.
129
00:05:02,522 --> 00:05:03,983
Let's storm the place!
130
00:05:05,442 --> 00:05:07,319
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
131
00:05:07,343 --> 00:05:09,578
Come on, let's not turn
this into mob rule here.
132
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:12,147
Just a couple of guys go over
and talk to him first. Come on.
133
00:05:12,182 --> 00:05:13,826
All right, Sam, I think
you better take me
134
00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:15,394
because, uh, they
got to be intimidated
135
00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:16,662
by the authority of my uniform.
136
00:05:16,686 --> 00:05:17,885
Uh...
137
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,655
Actually, I think
I'll take Woody.
138
00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:22,268
You know, in case
there's some trouble,
139
00:05:22,292 --> 00:05:24,503
I'd like to have someone
young and strong around.
140
00:05:24,527 --> 00:05:25,527
Come on, Woody.
141
00:05:38,341 --> 00:05:40,441
Good luck.
142
00:05:49,102 --> 00:05:50,413
Oh!
143
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,237
Our trophy!
144
00:05:52,272 --> 00:05:53,371
Oh,
145
00:05:53,407 --> 00:05:55,039
Sam!
146
00:05:55,075 --> 00:05:56,223
What did you do to Gary?
147
00:05:56,259 --> 00:05:57,720
Did you punch him
right in the face?
148
00:05:57,744 --> 00:05:58,905
Uh, n-not exactly, no.
149
00:06:00,096 --> 00:06:01,229
He did ask out a waitress.
150
00:06:01,264 --> 00:06:02,230
Hey.
151
00:06:02,265 --> 00:06:03,631
Sam.
152
00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:05,182
Hey.
153
00:06:05,218 --> 00:06:06,367
What are you all
154
00:06:06,402 --> 00:06:07,535
sitting around here
155
00:06:07,571 --> 00:06:09,204
like a bunch of wimps for?
156
00:06:09,239 --> 00:06:11,539
It's what wimps do.
157
00:06:16,579 --> 00:06:19,180
Let's go over to Gary's and
torch the place! Come on!
158
00:06:19,215 --> 00:06:21,193
Oh, no, no, come on, whoa, whoa.
159
00:06:21,217 --> 00:06:23,262
There's got to be a cooler
way of doing this now.
160
00:06:23,286 --> 00:06:24,998
We got to use a little cunning.
161
00:06:25,022 --> 00:06:26,688
Yeah.
162
00:06:26,723 --> 00:06:28,456
Yeah, I'd like to do
something to Gary
163
00:06:28,491 --> 00:06:29,891
and make him really miserable.
164
00:06:29,926 --> 00:06:31,893
Why don't you marry him?
165
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:34,896
Why don't you?
166
00:06:34,931 --> 00:06:36,731
Why don't you? Why don't you?
167
00:06:36,766 --> 00:06:37,665
You! You!
168
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:38,794
You! You!
169
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:40,235
That's it!
170
00:06:40,270 --> 00:06:41,814
I do not want this thing
171
00:06:41,838 --> 00:06:43,170
getting out of hand.
172
00:06:43,206 --> 00:06:45,201
If this bar becomes a
high school locker room,
173
00:06:45,225 --> 00:06:47,086
my patronage, other
than the Bowery Boys,
174
00:06:47,110 --> 00:06:49,077
will disappear.
175
00:06:49,112 --> 00:06:50,195
No, in this case,
176
00:06:50,230 --> 00:06:52,157
I'm afraid I must
agree with Rebecca.
177
00:06:52,181 --> 00:06:53,965
Thank you, Dr. Crane.
178
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,166
Well, it's-it's not
179
00:06:55,201 --> 00:06:56,433
for your dollar-grubbing,
180
00:06:56,469 --> 00:06:58,753
you know, front office,
kissy face reasons, but...
181
00:07:00,623 --> 00:07:01,906
it's because
182
00:07:01,941 --> 00:07:03,474
revenge is never the answer.
183
00:07:03,509 --> 00:07:04,942
You see,
184
00:07:04,978 --> 00:07:07,261
a potentially unending cycle of
185
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,429
juvenile retaliation
186
00:07:08,465 --> 00:07:10,375
can only lead to a...
187
00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:12,662
well, a kind of mob mentality,
188
00:07:12,686 --> 00:07:14,396
which will ultimately result
189
00:07:14,420 --> 00:07:16,087
in a regrettable act.
190
00:07:16,122 --> 00:07:17,516
Wait a minute, Doc.
191
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:19,257
When Diane left
you at the altar,
192
00:07:19,292 --> 00:07:20,758
aren't you the guy
who enrolled her
193
00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:22,260
in every tape, book,
and record club
194
00:07:22,295 --> 00:07:23,528
known to mankind?
195
00:07:24,914 --> 00:07:26,642
Yes, but that was different.
196
00:07:26,666 --> 00:07:28,210
The pompous witch deserved it.
197
00:07:28,234 --> 00:07:29,517
No,
198
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:30,813
no, no, no, come on.
199
00:07:30,837 --> 00:07:32,681
We got to think of something
200
00:07:32,705 --> 00:07:34,205
to get our pride back.
201
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,467
Like what Sammy, huh? Well...
202
00:07:35,491 --> 00:07:36,925
There is one thing
203
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,226
you can beat Gary's
Old Town Tavern at.
204
00:07:39,262 --> 00:07:40,305
Oh, yeah? What's that?
205
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,663
Maturity.
206
00:08:03,353 --> 00:08:04,752
It's Al.
207
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,822
Hey, Al, why aren't
you at Cheers?
208
00:08:07,857 --> 00:08:10,375
Holy mackerel,
this isn't Cheers?
209
00:08:12,845 --> 00:08:15,062
Uh-oh, Malone's back.
210
00:08:15,098 --> 00:08:16,481
And this time,
211
00:08:16,516 --> 00:08:18,215
he brought some muscle.
212
00:08:18,251 --> 00:08:20,985
Ooh!
213
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,815
Sammy, I-I can't
go through with this,
214
00:08:22,839 --> 00:08:24,717
not when this guy's
taking shots at me.
215
00:08:24,741 --> 00:08:26,207
No, no, that was a shot at me.
216
00:08:26,242 --> 00:08:27,453
You're right.
217
00:08:27,477 --> 00:08:28,537
Yeah. Okay.
218
00:08:28,561 --> 00:08:30,512
Gary? Mm-hmm.
219
00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:32,046
We're here in peace.
220
00:08:32,081 --> 00:08:34,515
Now we want to let
bygones be bygones,
221
00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:36,217
so we brought along
some champagne
222
00:08:36,252 --> 00:08:37,585
to bury the hatchet.
223
00:08:37,621 --> 00:08:39,036
What do you say, huh?
224
00:08:39,072 --> 00:08:40,388
Is that right?
225
00:08:40,423 --> 00:08:41,672
No tricks?
226
00:08:41,707 --> 00:08:43,024
No tricks.
227
00:08:43,059 --> 00:08:45,459
Wow, that's damn
decent of you, Malone.
228
00:08:45,495 --> 00:08:46,761
Milt, some glasses.
229
00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:48,262
I'll be honest with you.
230
00:08:48,297 --> 00:08:49,809
I mean, last night at Cheers,
231
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,743
all we could talk
about was revenge.
232
00:08:51,767 --> 00:08:53,884
That trophy meant
a great deal to us.
233
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,381
But then, you
know, cooler heads,
234
00:08:55,405 --> 00:08:56,982
light of day and all
that kind of thing,
235
00:08:57,006 --> 00:08:59,306
we just... well, we realized
236
00:08:59,342 --> 00:09:00,653
that to do battle with you
237
00:09:00,677 --> 00:09:02,710
would just destroy both of us.
238
00:09:02,745 --> 00:09:05,145
At least we have the
satisfaction of knowing
239
00:09:05,181 --> 00:09:08,082
that we, uh, we
beat you in one thing.
240
00:09:08,117 --> 00:09:09,750
Maturity.
241
00:09:09,786 --> 00:09:12,619
Oh, actually, I'm afraid you
came up short there, too.
242
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,722
I just sent a dozen
roses over to Cheers
243
00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:15,873
with an apology note.
244
00:09:15,908 --> 00:09:18,092
Oh. Oh, well.
245
00:09:18,127 --> 00:09:19,644
Here's to Cheers.
246
00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:20,928
No, no, no.
247
00:09:20,964 --> 00:09:22,046
To Gary's.
248
00:09:22,081 --> 00:09:24,665
Yeah, to Gary's! Yeah!
249
00:09:35,461 --> 00:09:37,445
Whoo! Gary, Gary, I think maybe
250
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,231
you ought to keep that
back window locked.
251
00:09:40,266 --> 00:09:42,761
You know, people could sneak
in here and steal some of this
252
00:09:42,785 --> 00:09:43,785
fine crystal.
253
00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:46,331
Come, my little
254
00:09:46,355 --> 00:09:48,239
vandal, our job here is done.
255
00:09:48,274 --> 00:09:50,458
You know what gets
me about this, Malone?
256
00:09:50,493 --> 00:09:52,193
It's how weenie this stunt was.
257
00:09:52,229 --> 00:09:54,028
This is the best you
could come up with?
258
00:09:54,064 --> 00:09:55,913
I am embarrassed, all right.
259
00:09:55,949 --> 00:09:57,598
Not for me, but for you.
260
00:09:59,202 --> 00:10:00,467
That's pretty small.
261
00:10:00,503 --> 00:10:02,136
Oh, yeah?
262
00:10:02,172 --> 00:10:04,150
I told you we should
have fixed his brakes.
263
00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:06,441
No, no...
264
00:10:06,476 --> 00:10:07,975
You think I'm humiliated?
265
00:10:08,011 --> 00:10:09,143
I'm not humiliated.
266
00:10:09,178 --> 00:10:11,178
Pretty weenie.
267
00:10:16,318 --> 00:10:18,385
Now I'm humiliated.
268
00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:25,459
Then, after lunch,
I had a patient.
269
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,961
Three separate personalities,
270
00:10:26,996 --> 00:10:29,030
each one more
boring than the other.
271
00:10:29,065 --> 00:10:31,032
As a matter of fact,
he's the only one
272
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:33,768
who can tell them apart.
273
00:10:33,803 --> 00:10:35,814
Now, Lilith, darling, let's
remember our caveat.
274
00:10:35,838 --> 00:10:36,905
No more shop talk.
275
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,006
It's the weekend.
276
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:39,185
It's time to engage
277
00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:40,586
in nice, normal conversation.
278
00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:42,104
I'll, uh, get us some
drinks. Woody?
279
00:10:42,128 --> 00:10:44,829
Why do you have this obsession
with labeling everything?
280
00:10:44,864 --> 00:10:48,232
Normal, abnormal,
weekday, weekend.
281
00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:50,479
Well, darling, I was only
trying to create a certain...
282
00:10:50,503 --> 00:10:52,543
In other words, control
the conversation.
283
00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:54,349
That's rather
compulsive, isn't it?
284
00:10:54,373 --> 00:10:56,574
Well, how anal of you to notice.
285
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,745
Oh, the whole
world's anal to you.
286
00:11:00,797 --> 00:11:03,298
Well, what say we, uh,
sleep in late tomorrow
287
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:04,666
and have eggs Benedict?
288
00:11:04,701 --> 00:11:05,701
I love you.
289
00:11:13,242 --> 00:11:14,508
Pest control.
290
00:11:15,411 --> 00:11:16,427
Where should we start?
291
00:11:16,462 --> 00:11:18,529
Excuse me. What's this about?
292
00:11:18,565 --> 00:11:19,864
Your rat problem.
293
00:11:19,899 --> 00:11:21,198
Rat problem?
294
00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:23,434
Aren't you the one that
called about a rat problem?
295
00:11:23,469 --> 00:11:25,135
No, of course not.
296
00:11:25,171 --> 00:11:27,288
No. We don't have rats.
297
00:11:27,324 --> 00:11:29,117
Well, that's what we
understand, ma'am.
298
00:11:29,141 --> 00:11:30,886
Rats in the building...
Big gray ones.
299
00:11:30,910 --> 00:11:32,075
That's why we're here.
300
00:11:32,111 --> 00:11:33,455
Excuse... Everybody hold on.
301
00:11:33,479 --> 00:11:34,640
There are no rats here.
302
00:11:34,664 --> 00:11:36,697
Oh, of course,
Rebecca, we believe you.
303
00:11:36,732 --> 00:11:39,466
If you should run across
any white ones, about yea big,
304
00:11:39,502 --> 00:11:42,403
I'd be happy to give you
four dollars apiece for them.
305
00:11:43,939 --> 00:11:45,239
What do you use them for?
306
00:11:45,274 --> 00:11:47,808
Snacks.
307
00:11:47,843 --> 00:11:50,289
Everyone just
stay where you are.
308
00:11:50,313 --> 00:11:51,696
There are no rats.
309
00:11:51,731 --> 00:11:53,325
Free round of
drinks on the house.
310
00:11:53,349 --> 00:11:54,415
I wouldn't do that, ma'am.
311
00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:55,817
Those little buggers
might already
312
00:11:55,852 --> 00:11:56,984
have gotten into your beer.
313
00:11:57,019 --> 00:11:58,246
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
314
00:11:58,270 --> 00:12:00,370
I'll chance it.
315
00:12:01,226 --> 00:12:04,244
Sam, did you call anyone
about a rat problem?
316
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,723
No, no. We have a rat problem?
317
00:12:05,747 --> 00:12:06,947
Ew, God.
318
00:12:06,982 --> 00:12:08,193
I didn't call, you didn't call.
319
00:12:08,217 --> 00:12:09,494
Who called?
320
00:12:09,518 --> 00:12:11,718
Gary. Gary. Gary.
321
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:13,598
How did he know
322
00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:15,422
we have rats?
323
00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:17,424
Uh, look, if you need us, uh...
324
00:12:17,459 --> 00:12:19,159
here's our card.
325
00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:23,513
Come again.
326
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:28,184
"Now that's a stunt.
327
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:30,887
Love, Gary."
328
00:12:30,923 --> 00:12:32,989
He's mine.
329
00:12:48,922 --> 00:12:50,221
Mess with us, huh?
330
00:12:50,256 --> 00:12:51,089
Wait till he finds
331
00:12:51,124 --> 00:12:53,541
the prune juice in his Kahlua.
332
00:12:53,576 --> 00:12:55,243
Yeah, what about
the sneezing powder
333
00:12:55,278 --> 00:12:56,711
in the ventilation system, huh?
334
00:12:56,747 --> 00:12:58,246
That was the coup de ville, huh?
335
00:12:58,281 --> 00:13:00,448
Yeah, Gary's messed
around with the wrong guys.
336
00:13:01,718 --> 00:13:03,830
I wish I was there to
see the stupid looks
337
00:13:03,854 --> 00:13:06,174
on their faces, you know?
338
00:13:11,745 --> 00:13:14,265
Hey, hey, who's the chrome dome?
339
00:13:15,565 --> 00:13:16,681
I don't know.
340
00:13:16,717 --> 00:13:17,999
I've never seen him before.
341
00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:20,201
Uh-huh.
342
00:13:20,236 --> 00:13:21,570
Afternoon.
343
00:13:21,605 --> 00:13:22,804
I'll have a draft.
344
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,774
Excuse me there,
uh, pal of mine.
345
00:13:25,809 --> 00:13:26,941
Yeah?
346
00:13:26,976 --> 00:13:28,154
Eh, what exactly
347
00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:29,722
are you, uh, doing in here?
348
00:13:29,746 --> 00:13:31,613
Getting a drink.
349
00:13:31,648 --> 00:13:32,881
Aha.
350
00:13:32,916 --> 00:13:33,798
So, uh, you're not
351
00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:35,060
from the neighborhood, are you?
352
00:13:35,084 --> 00:13:36,534
No, no, I'm from Framingham.
353
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:38,170
Uh, my wife's at Mass General.
354
00:13:38,205 --> 00:13:39,805
She just had a double bypass,
355
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,373
and I thought I'd unwind
a little with a drink.
356
00:13:42,409 --> 00:13:43,775
That okay?
357
00:13:46,213 --> 00:13:48,095
Sure.
358
00:13:50,483 --> 00:13:52,123
Let's shave his head
and put him on a bus!
359
00:13:53,203 --> 00:13:54,636
Excuse me.
360
00:13:54,671 --> 00:13:55,782
On second thought,
361
00:13:55,806 --> 00:13:57,071
I think I'll check to see
362
00:13:57,106 --> 00:13:59,118
if they have a juice
machine in the ICU.
363
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,286
Yeah.
364
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:01,476
You do that, pal.
365
00:14:01,511 --> 00:14:04,546
Hey, you tell Dr. Gary the
gang at Cheers says hello.
366
00:14:05,498 --> 00:14:06,576
Huh? Right, huh?
367
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,166
Okay. I don't know.
368
00:14:08,202 --> 00:14:10,335
What, does he think
we're idiots or something?
369
00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:16,475
Did anybody remember
370
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,410
to grease the bar
stools over at Gary's?
371
00:14:18,445 --> 00:14:19,789
Oh yeah. Yeah, I did.
372
00:14:19,813 --> 00:14:21,162
Woody, get this man
373
00:14:21,198 --> 00:14:22,463
his favorite.
374
00:14:22,498 --> 00:14:24,265
Hello, everyone.
375
00:14:24,301 --> 00:14:27,101
Thank you, thank you.
376
00:14:27,137 --> 00:14:28,203
You're too kind.
377
00:14:28,238 --> 00:14:29,298
May I please see the manager?
378
00:14:29,322 --> 00:14:30,555
I'm the manager.
379
00:14:30,590 --> 00:14:31,456
Can I help you?
380
00:14:31,491 --> 00:14:33,057
Oh, so you're the manager.
381
00:14:33,092 --> 00:14:34,970
Finally something in this
place worth looking at.
382
00:14:34,994 --> 00:14:36,093
I'm, uh, Gary
383
00:14:36,129 --> 00:14:38,296
from the Old Town Tavern.
384
00:14:38,331 --> 00:14:39,542
Well, well, well.
385
00:14:39,566 --> 00:14:42,467
I never expected to see
you step foot in this bar.
386
00:14:42,502 --> 00:14:44,346
Now I can call the exterminator.
387
00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:45,715
Oh, gee, I'm sorry
you feel that way.
388
00:14:45,739 --> 00:14:46,982
Although I can't
say I blame you.
389
00:14:47,006 --> 00:14:48,050
Things did...
390
00:14:48,074 --> 00:14:49,118
kind of get out of hand,
391
00:14:49,142 --> 00:14:50,486
but hey, we're both
professionals here.
392
00:14:50,510 --> 00:14:52,644
Why don't we just
call this whole thing off
393
00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:54,256
before we lose any
more customers?
394
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,158
Look, uh, I have to admit,
395
00:14:56,182 --> 00:14:57,927
that when I first heard
that you personally
396
00:14:57,951 --> 00:14:59,261
authorized some of these pranks,
397
00:14:59,285 --> 00:15:00,630
I was a little
ticked off myself.
398
00:15:00,654 --> 00:15:01,981
But now that I've met you,
399
00:15:02,005 --> 00:15:03,805
why don't we call that
water under the bridge,
400
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,258
and have a new era of
peaceful coexistence?
401
00:15:07,294 --> 00:15:09,594
Hmm?
402
00:15:09,629 --> 00:15:12,297
All right. Truce.
403
00:15:12,332 --> 00:15:13,564
Whoa, I feel like
404
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,767
a giant weight has been lifted
405
00:15:15,803 --> 00:15:17,169
from my shoulders.
406
00:15:19,239 --> 00:15:21,039
Do you mind if I
call you sometime
407
00:15:21,074 --> 00:15:23,291
and maybe we go
out for a cup of coffee?
408
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:24,521
Sure, why not?
409
00:15:24,545 --> 00:15:27,445
I like coffee.
410
00:15:28,799 --> 00:15:32,000
Uh, see ya.
411
00:15:32,035 --> 00:15:33,001
How could
412
00:15:33,036 --> 00:15:34,235
you do that?
413
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:36,237
How could I do what?
414
00:15:36,272 --> 00:15:38,873
After all that's
happened around here,
415
00:15:38,909 --> 00:15:41,342
you can go on a
date with that rat?
416
00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:44,012
Would you please
not say that word?
417
00:15:48,118 --> 00:15:51,185
I happen to think Gary
made a lot of sense.
418
00:15:51,221 --> 00:15:52,988
Besides, he's kind of cute.
419
00:15:53,023 --> 00:15:55,957
Cute?! You think Gary's cute?
420
00:15:55,993 --> 00:15:58,204
Yeah, he's got a real
cool face and a nice body.
421
00:15:58,228 --> 00:15:59,639
He looks kind
of like an athlete.
422
00:15:59,663 --> 00:16:00,862
Hey, what am I?
423
00:16:00,897 --> 00:16:02,864
Jealous.
424
00:16:05,652 --> 00:16:06,718
Excuse me.
425
00:16:10,223 --> 00:16:12,624
There are sheep in my office!
426
00:16:12,659 --> 00:16:14,626
Whoa, sheep. Ho-ho!
427
00:16:14,661 --> 00:16:18,162
You got to admire that, huh?
428
00:16:18,197 --> 00:16:20,517
I thought it smelled like home.
429
00:16:22,452 --> 00:16:23,535
I'm gonna get him.
430
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:24,969
I'm going to rip his head off.
431
00:16:25,004 --> 00:16:27,088
Aw, but he's so cute.
432
00:16:27,123 --> 00:16:28,484
And then I'm
going to tie him up,
433
00:16:28,508 --> 00:16:29,819
and I'm going to take a lighter,
434
00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,021
and I'm going to torch
him from the tip of his toes
435
00:16:32,045 --> 00:16:33,144
to the top of his head.
436
00:16:33,179 --> 00:16:34,324
How come you never
437
00:16:34,348 --> 00:16:35,758
do stuff like that to me?
438
00:16:37,050 --> 00:16:38,695
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
439
00:16:38,719 --> 00:16:39,839
It's all taken care of here.
440
00:16:41,855 --> 00:16:44,055
You all set?
441
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,590
Yep.
442
00:16:46,893 --> 00:16:48,742
Tool box, check.
443
00:16:48,778 --> 00:16:50,945
Coaxial cable, check.
444
00:16:50,981 --> 00:16:53,614
VCR, check.
445
00:16:53,649 --> 00:16:54,782
Tape.
446
00:16:54,817 --> 00:16:56,017
Check.
447
00:16:56,052 --> 00:16:57,818
Good luck, babe.
448
00:16:57,854 --> 00:16:59,087
Carla?
449
00:16:59,122 --> 00:17:00,688
Carla?
450
00:17:00,723 --> 00:17:02,290
Carla?
451
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:04,770
You're not going to do
anything illegal, are you?
452
00:17:04,794 --> 00:17:07,611
What makes you say that?
453
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:18,834
Ladies and gentlemen!
Ladies and gentlemen!
454
00:17:18,858 --> 00:17:21,960
Gary's Old Town Tavern is
once again proud to present
455
00:17:21,995 --> 00:17:23,928
the finest in world-class boxing
456
00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:26,597
on the largest screen
TV available in any bar
457
00:17:26,632 --> 00:17:28,983
in the greater
Metropolitan Boston area!
458
00:17:33,223 --> 00:17:34,322
Grab a drink,
459
00:17:34,358 --> 00:17:35,724
sit back, relax,
460
00:17:35,759 --> 00:17:37,625
and let the bloodletting begin!
461
00:17:38,845 --> 00:17:39,956
All right.
462
00:17:39,980 --> 00:17:41,379
The months of waiting are over.
463
00:17:41,414 --> 00:17:42,647
We've heard all the hype,
464
00:17:42,682 --> 00:17:44,783
we know how many
millions are on the line.
465
00:17:44,818 --> 00:17:45,950
This is the big one.
466
00:17:45,986 --> 00:17:47,252
Here we go!
467
00:17:48,421 --> 00:17:50,599
Good evening, I'm Norm Peterson.
468
00:17:50,623 --> 00:17:52,673
And I'm Clifford C. Clavin.
469
00:17:53,876 --> 00:17:55,922
Welcome to an evening of poetry.
470
00:17:55,946 --> 00:17:57,023
We're so glad that
471
00:17:57,047 --> 00:17:58,412
you've chosen to ignore
472
00:17:58,448 --> 00:17:59,491
the fisticuffs they're watching
473
00:17:59,515 --> 00:18:00,760
over at Cheers right now,
474
00:18:00,784 --> 00:18:03,350
uh, three blocks
down and on your right,
475
00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:05,281
drinks half price if you
mention, "Gary sent me."
476
00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:06,938
Tapped into the cable.
477
00:18:06,973 --> 00:18:09,101
Instead, relax with us and enjoy
478
00:18:09,125 --> 00:18:10,286
as we read and interpret
479
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:13,277
the many works of
Dante Gabriel Rosetti,
480
00:18:13,312 --> 00:18:16,264
the famous 19th century
poet and fancy guy.
481
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,343
Clifford?
482
00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:18,449
Norman...
483
00:18:18,484 --> 00:18:20,902
I'd like to start with "The
Ballad of the Dead Ladies."
484
00:18:20,937 --> 00:18:21,786
Ah.
485
00:18:21,821 --> 00:18:23,405
An excellent choice.
486
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,473
It's written in
iambic pentathlon
487
00:18:25,508 --> 00:18:27,242
with, uh, rhyming couplets,
488
00:18:27,277 --> 00:18:28,927
every couple of couplets.
489
00:18:28,962 --> 00:18:32,046
"Tell me now, in what hidden way
490
00:18:32,082 --> 00:18:34,882
"is Lady Flora the
lovely Roman?"
491
00:18:39,489 --> 00:18:41,284
Oh, oh, oh.
492
00:18:41,308 --> 00:18:42,724
Hey, uh, Gary.
493
00:18:43,927 --> 00:18:45,237
What's up, buddy?
494
00:18:45,261 --> 00:18:46,356
I want to know, did you enjoy
495
00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:47,590
the, uh, fight the other night?
496
00:18:47,614 --> 00:18:48,396
Yeah.
497
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,748
Who'd you bet on...
Shelley or Keats?
498
00:18:51,784 --> 00:18:52,884
You guys are great.
499
00:18:52,919 --> 00:18:55,120
I tell you, I didn't
know you had it ya.
500
00:18:55,155 --> 00:18:56,221
You know what?
501
00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:58,456
This is going to go down
in the annals of gags
502
00:18:58,492 --> 00:18:59,624
as one of the greatest.
503
00:18:59,659 --> 00:19:00,903
Here, give me your hands, guys.
504
00:19:00,927 --> 00:19:02,472
I got something
better for you, though,
505
00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:04,629
than a trophy now.
506
00:19:04,664 --> 00:19:06,125
Come on, Gare. No, no, no.
507
00:19:06,149 --> 00:19:07,226
On the level.
508
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:09,094
No crossed fingers,
standing on both feet.
509
00:19:09,118 --> 00:19:12,453
I am a personal
friend of Wade Boggs.
510
00:19:12,488 --> 00:19:14,366
The Wade Boggs, who was
gonna come over to my place,
511
00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:15,434
sign some autographs,
512
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:16,502
but I rerouted him over here.
513
00:19:16,526 --> 00:19:18,104
He should be here any minute.
514
00:19:18,128 --> 00:19:19,905
You take good care of him, okay?
515
00:19:19,929 --> 00:19:21,346
You guys are the greatest.
516
00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:23,148
I didn't know you had it in you.
517
00:19:23,183 --> 00:19:25,750
Take care.
518
00:19:25,786 --> 00:19:27,230
Did you guys hear that?
519
00:19:27,254 --> 00:19:28,931
Wade Boggs is coming here.
520
00:19:28,955 --> 00:19:30,366
All right. All right.
521
00:19:30,390 --> 00:19:31,522
Who's Wade Boggs?
522
00:19:31,557 --> 00:19:32,818
"Who's Wade Boggs?"!
523
00:19:32,842 --> 00:19:35,260
He's only the
greatest third baseman
524
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:36,439
in Red Sox history.
525
00:19:36,463 --> 00:19:37,606
Guy's a pure hitter.
526
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:39,808
He's only popped up
six times in five years.
527
00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:41,466
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
528
00:19:41,501 --> 00:19:43,735
I'm standing in a
room full of idiots.
529
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:46,090
That's true. What's your point?
530
00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:49,524
Gary's not gonna send
the real Wade Boggs
531
00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:50,658
over to see us.
532
00:19:50,693 --> 00:19:53,194
He's gonna get some
guy in a Wade Boggs suit,
533
00:19:53,230 --> 00:19:54,712
claiming to be Wade Boggs.
534
00:19:54,747 --> 00:19:57,098
We're all gonna
slobber all over him,
535
00:19:57,133 --> 00:19:59,600
buy him drinks, beg
him for autographs
536
00:19:59,635 --> 00:20:02,887
and Gary'll come in and
bust a gut laughing at us.
537
00:20:08,077 --> 00:20:09,710
Excuse me.
538
00:20:09,745 --> 00:20:11,546
Can I help you?
539
00:20:11,581 --> 00:20:12,946
Yeah, uh, Gary sent me over
540
00:20:12,982 --> 00:20:14,215
to sign some autographs.
541
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:15,316
Hi, I'm Wade Boggs.
542
00:20:15,351 --> 00:20:16,384
Hi.
543
00:20:16,419 --> 00:20:17,985
Wade Boggs, huh?
544
00:20:18,821 --> 00:20:21,141
Yeah, how you
doing? I'm Babe Ruth.
545
00:20:22,242 --> 00:20:25,176
Yeah, I'm his, uh,
good friend Dizzy Dean.
546
00:20:26,679 --> 00:20:28,579
And I'm Woody Boyd.
547
00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:33,412
Are you sure that
isn't Wade Boggs?
548
00:20:33,436 --> 00:20:35,181
I mean, it really
looks like him.
549
00:20:35,205 --> 00:20:36,303
Oh, Carla, come on.
550
00:20:36,339 --> 00:20:37,605
That's not Wade Boggs.
551
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,407
Wade Boggs is a big,
strapping lad like myself.
552
00:20:41,577 --> 00:20:45,213
Uh, Mr., uh, Wade Boggs,
553
00:20:45,248 --> 00:20:46,714
what, uh...
554
00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:48,582
what are we batting these days?
555
00:20:48,618 --> 00:20:50,084
Something like .360, huh?
556
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:51,997
Oh.
557
00:20:52,021 --> 00:20:54,288
Well, welcome to Cheers, Mr...
558
00:20:54,323 --> 00:20:57,191
Wade Boggs.
559
00:20:58,762 --> 00:21:01,446
I thought you folks
were, uh, Red Sox fans.
560
00:21:01,481 --> 00:21:04,031
Oh, yeah, we're,
we're Red Sox fans.
561
00:21:04,067 --> 00:21:06,901
Sure, Mr. Wade Boggs.
562
00:21:06,936 --> 00:21:08,681
As a matter of fact, uh,
563
00:21:08,705 --> 00:21:11,139
we'd, uh, like to give
you a nice welcome
564
00:21:11,174 --> 00:21:13,241
that we give all
great sports stars
565
00:21:13,276 --> 00:21:15,110
that happen by to Cheers here.
566
00:21:16,213 --> 00:21:17,957
Maybe I ought
to get out of here.
567
00:21:17,981 --> 00:21:19,061
Hurry, guys! Let's get him!
568
00:21:34,047 --> 00:21:36,714
Whoo-hoo!
569
00:21:36,749 --> 00:21:39,516
Man, that guy was a lot
quicker than he looked.
570
00:21:39,552 --> 00:21:40,629
Yeah. Let's, uh,
571
00:21:40,653 --> 00:21:42,497
check out this guy's wallet.
572
00:21:42,521 --> 00:21:44,888
Find out who this
joker really was.
573
00:21:44,924 --> 00:21:46,135
Yeah, this, uh,
574
00:21:46,159 --> 00:21:48,893
this guy's name
was... Wade Boggs.
575
00:21:48,928 --> 00:21:52,630
Wait. Wow, what a coincidence.
576
00:21:52,665 --> 00:21:54,727
Well, I guess Gary
went to a lot of trouble
577
00:21:54,751 --> 00:21:56,428
to make up fake
I.D.'s for this guy and...
578
00:21:56,452 --> 00:21:58,586
credit cards and...
579
00:21:58,621 --> 00:22:01,589
photo of him with Jim
Rice and Dwight Evans.
580
00:22:04,327 --> 00:22:05,760
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, guys.
581
00:22:05,795 --> 00:22:06,994
I had a rough night.
582
00:22:07,029 --> 00:22:08,907
I was out showing
Gary's steady chick
583
00:22:08,931 --> 00:22:10,063
the time of her life.
584
00:22:11,133 --> 00:22:12,834
Whoo.
585
00:22:12,869 --> 00:22:14,835
Did I miss anything?
586
00:22:14,871 --> 00:22:16,537
No, no, just an average day.
587
00:22:16,572 --> 00:22:18,406
We refilled the pretzel bowls,
588
00:22:18,441 --> 00:22:20,958
played a little darts,
pantsed Wade Boggs,
589
00:22:20,993 --> 00:22:23,177
watched a little TV.
Wait, you did what?
590
00:22:23,212 --> 00:22:26,364
Oh, man, we thought it was
another one of Gary's tricks.
591
00:22:26,399 --> 00:22:28,627
So that's who was
running out there
592
00:22:28,651 --> 00:22:30,501
in his underwear in traffic.
593
00:22:30,536 --> 00:22:32,286
You know, you see...
594
00:22:32,321 --> 00:22:34,066
Gary has pulled
off the greatest,
595
00:22:34,090 --> 00:22:35,835
most ingenious
trick of them all.
596
00:22:35,859 --> 00:22:37,625
He's gotten us to get ourselves.
597
00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:38,976
Frasier's right.
598
00:22:39,011 --> 00:22:40,611
We can't top this.
599
00:22:40,647 --> 00:22:42,212
Gary's beaten us.
600
00:22:42,248 --> 00:22:44,549
You know, it's really
rather Machiavellian.
601
00:22:44,584 --> 00:22:45,883
Hey.
602
00:22:45,918 --> 00:22:48,886
Come on, guys.
603
00:22:48,921 --> 00:22:51,272
So we've been
humiliated in every sport.
604
00:22:51,307 --> 00:22:52,723
We've still got something
605
00:22:52,758 --> 00:22:54,292
that Gary can't take away.
606
00:22:55,161 --> 00:22:56,527
Our pride?
607
00:22:56,562 --> 00:22:59,062
Hell, no. We never had that.
608
00:22:59,098 --> 00:23:01,199
We have got
609
00:23:01,234 --> 00:23:03,951
the great Wade Boggs' pants!
610
00:23:05,672 --> 00:23:08,373
Well, it's either
this or nothing.
611
00:23:12,278 --> 00:23:14,061
We're number one!
612
00:23:14,097 --> 00:23:16,030
We're number one!
613
00:23:16,065 --> 00:23:17,915
We're number one!
614
00:23:17,950 --> 00:23:19,333
We're number one!
615
00:23:19,369 --> 00:23:20,901
We're number one!
616
00:23:20,937 --> 00:23:22,248
Hey! We're number one!
617
00:23:22,272 --> 00:23:24,772
Pretty weenie.
40918
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