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1
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,549
[upbeat saxophone music]
2
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:11,886
Nana, I'll take mine black.
3
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:14,848
There's a substitute teacher
I need to get rid of,
4
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,683
so I need to be on.
5
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,978
Don't give him coffee.
He's just a kid.
6
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,146
Caffeine will stunt his growth.
7
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,564
All Latino kids drink it.
8
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:26,443
My mom's breast milk
went straight into my coffee.
9
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:28,111
Didn't stunt my growth.
10
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,363
It's true.
His head is still growing.
11
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,700
[phone buzzing]
12
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,745
Hey, what's up?
Aw, man, how you doin'?
13
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:39,039
It's been a long time, huh?
14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,457
It's good to hear from you, man.
15
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,125
Yeah, we need to get a beer.
16
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,168
All right, later.
17
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,919
[high-pitched]
Bye.
18
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,129
Who was that?
19
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:49,382
Um, Verizon?
20
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,967
He always
uses phone companies
21
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,260
when he's lying.
22
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,386
He used to get a ton of calls
23
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:57,724
from a hoochie
named Pacific Bell.
24
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:01,102
- It's just, uh, Don Patino.
- Ugh.
25
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:04,147
- Ay.
- Ew.
26
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:07,108
I don't know who that is.
27
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:10,320
I just wanted to be part
of the conversation.
28
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,989
- Who's Don Patino?
- One of my oldest friends.
29
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:14,324
He actually introduced me
to Rosie.
30
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,034
Unfortunately,
he never stopped
31
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,494
introducing you to women.
32
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,579
I met some men
through him too--
33
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:25,043
Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker,
and Captain Morgan.
34
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,545
Well, he sounds
like a Wild Turkey.
35
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:28,880
[chuckles]
36
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:33,259
'Cause--[clears throat]
37
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,804
After Don's wife left him,
he went crazy,
38
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,430
partying and gambling.
39
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,765
And he dragged my dad with him.
40
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,768
Exactly.
He was a good friend.
41
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,728
No, he wasn't.
42
00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:47,023
He tore this family apart
and pulled you away from me.
43
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,441
You missed my 14th birthday
44
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:51,027
because you were with Don
on some booze cruise.
45
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:52,445
We didn't go on a cruise.
46
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:55,448
We spent all the money
on the booze.
47
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,574
All right, Don's not perfect, okay?
48
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:57,951
But when your mom
kicked me out,
49
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,160
he took me in.
50
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,204
We're as close
as two guys could be.
51
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,374
We slept nose-to-toes
on a futon.
52
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,710
Well, he can keep
his toes, his nose,
53
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,254
and his hoes...
54
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,089
as far away from this house
as possible.
55
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,590
Ah, but Mayan,
he's your godfather.
56
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:16,428
Ex-godfather.
I fired him.
57
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:19,764
I don't think you can fire
an agent of the Lord.
58
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:23,560
Take my Lord's name
out of your mouth.
59
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,437
Don ruined godfathers for me,
60
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:28,314
which is why
Chance never had one.
61
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,482
What's a godfather?
62
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,777
Someone who disappoints you.
63
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:33,820
Wow, Mommy, you have
64
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,531
a lot of fathers
who disappoint you.
65
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:41,870
Did you ever think
maybe the problem is you?
66
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,831
[upbeat saxophone music]
67
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:51,796
♪ ♪
68
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,348
{\an8}Hey, Tío Oscar,
what are you doing?
69
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,516
{\an8}Oh, I'm setting up
this projector
70
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,644
{\an8}so we can enjoy
the greatest works of art
71
00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:09,105
{\an8}ever projected on a screen.
72
00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:11,191
{\an8}- Movies?
- Shadow puppets.
73
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,859
{\an8}Check it out.
74
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,862
{\an8}Rabbit.
75
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,323
{\an8}Duck.
76
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,908
{\an8}Eastern timber wolf.
77
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:23,036
{\an8}[growls]
78
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,706
{\an8}Have you ever seen a animal?
79
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,208
{\an8}So what do you want to do
instead, kiddo?
80
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,377
{\an8}Can you tell me
what a godfather is?
81
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,045
{\an8}No one wants to explain it.
82
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,421
{\an8}A godfather?
83
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,465
{\an8}Lucky for you,
84
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:39,010
{\an8}a wonderful, tiny, Italian
winemaker made a movie
85
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,970
{\an8}about the very subject.
86
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:44,432
{\an8}♪ ♪
87
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,685
{\an8}Hey, man,
this a nice little spot.
88
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:47,936
{\an8}You know the place is legit
89
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,437
{\an8}when the bouncer's
breastfeedin' a baby.
90
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,314
{\an8}[chuckles]
91
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,524
{\an8}Yeah, it's close to my house.
92
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:53,650
{\an8}Sometimes I stop here
for a drink
93
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,277
{\an8}on my way home from drinking.
94
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,238
{\an8}Oh, you go home
after drinkin' now?
95
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,823
{\an8}[chuckles]
96
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,074
{\an8}Well, you would know that
if you had answered
97
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,993
{\an8}my Instagram request.
98
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,706
{\an8}You had five years
to click "accept."
99
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,959
{\an8}There's a lot
of Don Patinos on Instagram.
100
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:15,422
{\an8}They all me.
I keep forgettin' my password.
101
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,716
{\an8}Man, I'm sorry I lost touch.
I missed you.
102
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,259
{\an8}No. You're not gonna hug me,
are you?
103
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,427
{\an8}I mean, I'm cool with it,
104
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,220
{\an8}I just don't wanna
lose my wallet.
105
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,305
{\an8}I would never rob you.
[chuckles]
106
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:25,473
{\an8}I know there's nothing
in your wallet
107
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,100
{\an8}but a Jersey Mike's
loyalty card
108
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,186
{\an8}and an expired condom.
109
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,272
{\an8}But condoms don't expire.
110
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:36,026
{\an8}They're like salami or pills.
111
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,278
{\an8}Oh, man. What you doin', man?
You buyin'?
112
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,697
{\an8}What happened
to drink-n-dash Don?
113
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,032
{\an8}The bouncer just had
a C-section.
114
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,535
{\an8}I think you could
definitely outrun her.
115
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,828
{\an8}I don't gotta run.
116
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,080
{\an8}These days, I can afford
to buy my own drinks.
117
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,707
{\an8}Remember when I used
to lose money on the ponies?
118
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,584
{\an8}I'm finally on the other side
of that game.
119
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,462
Oh, what, you a bookie now?
120
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,463
Well, I don't owe you
any money do I?
121
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,131
I mean, if I do,
I'll pay you. I--
122
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,592
when do you leave town?
123
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,886
No. I own
a three-year-old thoroughbred.
124
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,889
She's runnin' at Santa Anita.
I named her Flyin' Mayan.
125
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,307
You named your racehorse
after my daughter?
126
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,641
That's sweet.
127
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:13,313
I guess Gorgeous George
was probably taken, huh?
128
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,814
You know, I miss that kid.
129
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,566
And I never got to meet
your grandson.
130
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,817
How old is he now?
131
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,569
He's somewhere between
his last diaper
132
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,781
and his first beer.
133
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,908
They so cute at that age.
134
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,452
Mm, mm.
I would love to meet him.
135
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,828
Yeah, man,
I don't know
136
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,246
if I'm gonna be able to make
that happen, you know?
137
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,332
Mayan's not exactly thrilled
that you're back in town.
138
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,708
Really?
139
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,044
So she forgave you
for cheatin' on her mom.
140
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,837
All I did was take you
to the strip club
141
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:41,216
to take advantage
of two-for-one chicken wings.
142
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,384
Tried to tell her that.
143
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,177
She thought
we went for the women.
144
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:49,099
The only thing I had on my lap
that night was a napkin.
145
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,850
You know
I never had kids of my own.
146
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,019
You guys are the only
real family I've ever had.
147
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,229
I know, Don.
148
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,397
I'd like to help you
reconnect with Mayan,
149
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,899
but I don't think
she'll agree to it.
150
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:03,196
Maybe we should do a--
a parrot trap.
151
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,156
Do you mean a parent trap,
152
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:07,367
where you get her and I
to come to the same place
153
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,452
- at the same time?
- No.
154
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,830
A parrot trap,
where you trap a parrot
155
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:15,792
and you get it to say
nice things about you to her.
156
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,338
But your way could work too.
157
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,506
♪ ♪
158
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,594
[upbeat saxophone music]
159
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,929
The games and the lights.
160
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,182
Man, the carpet
that hides all the pee stains.
161
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,934
I get a little choked up
when I say this, Mayan,
162
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:35,770
but this place
trained me for Vegas.
163
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,940
I'm so glad you wanted
to bring Chance here.
164
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,608
I had so many good times
in this place.
165
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,653
- [chuckles]
- Wow!
166
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:47,157
Mom, Dad, I love you,
167
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:51,036
but I live here now.
168
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,288
George?
169
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,248
George Lopez.
170
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,959
What are you doin' here?
171
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,128
Don Patino, you son of a gun.
172
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:04,132
What a complete,
unplanned coincidence.
173
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,134
I told you
I didn't want to see him.
174
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,721
I know, but I bet Chance
wants to meet Don.
175
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:13,016
Hey, Chance,
I'm your mom's godfather.
176
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:17,187
Godfather?
I don't want no trouble.
177
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,022
Chance, wait!
178
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:21,691
Kids sense trouble
when they see it.
179
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:25,111
Mayan, wait.
180
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,738
Hey, Rosie.
181
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,449
Thanks for not runnin' away.
182
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,826
And you look great, by the way.
183
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:35,121
Don't flatter me
with things that are obvious.
184
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,000
Well, maybe I can flatter you
with this?
185
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,795
You think you can buy
my forgiveness
186
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:45,048
- 6with a cheap gift?
- [scoffs] No.
187
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,676
But maybe
a really expensive gift.
188
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,601
Chance?
Buddy, where'd you go?
189
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,355
- There you are.
- No, I'm not.
190
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,898
You never saw me.
191
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:08,029
Buddy... okay.
192
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,573
[grunts]
193
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,036
How many of you
are under there?
194
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:19,207
That's--okay.
195
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,875
[grunts]
196
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,461
Why are you hiding, Gordo?
197
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,921
- [grunts]
- I'd tell you,
198
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,881
but I don't wanna sleep
with the fishes
199
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,844
or wake up with a horse head
in my bed.
200
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,139
Wait, you watched
"The Godfather"?
201
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,850
- How?
- Tío Oscar showed it to me.
202
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,560
And now I get
why Mom didn't want
203
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,104
to have a godfather.
They're bad.
204
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,815
Especially the ones
called "Don."
205
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,234
Tío Oscar should not have
shown you that movie.
206
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,902
It is not for kids.
207
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:50,572
But Mayan's godfather
is not like that.
208
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:51,740
I'm not an expert,
209
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:55,118
but most mobsters
don't wear Birkenstocks.
210
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,578
See, Gordo?
211
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,038
Don is not a don,
he's just Don.
212
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,122
Right, Don?
213
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,707
Hey, Chance.
It's nice to meet you.
214
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,917
Now, I hear there's
some moles in this joint
215
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,086
that need to get whacked.
216
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,922
[screams]
217
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:11,051
That was a weird way
to phrase that, man.
218
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,219
Heard it when I said it.
219
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,097
- Come on, Mayan, talk to me.
- Not right now.
220
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:19,726
I'm pretending these moles
are your head.
221
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,311
I just thought
once you saw Don
222
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,271
that you'd remember
the good times.
223
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,441
No. I remember
what he does to you.
224
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:30,278
The old Dad I couldn't rely on
comes back when Don's around.
225
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:33,990
I mean, he's been here one day
and you've already lied to me.
226
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,326
Mom and I want
nothing to do with him.
227
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,913
Look what your godfather
got me.
228
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:43,124
I feel
like a cartel leader's wife.
229
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,876
Are you really forgiving Don
230
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,127
just because
he bought you a coat
231
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,838
that makes you look like
Mary J. Blige?
232
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,091
I haven't necessarily
forgiven him,
233
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,302
but a fur coat is a good start.
234
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,804
I'm gonna go see
what this looks like
235
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:58,139
in front of the fun mirrors.
236
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:02,268
See? Don's a good guy, Mayan,
and he's missed you.
237
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,312
Guess what he named
Flyin' Mayan?
238
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:07,273
A strain of weed?
239
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,693
No, but side hustle.
240
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,236
He named his racehorse
after you.
241
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,029
A horse
is supposed to make up
242
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,241
for ripping my family apart?
243
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,159
Yes?
244
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:22,205
It's a thoroughbred, Mayan.
It was thoroughly bred.
245
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,707
But listen,
I know you blame Don
246
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,000
for everything
that I did wrong,
247
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,710
but I make
my own bad decisions.
248
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,753
So if you're be
mad at somebody,
249
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,338
be mad at me.
250
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,216
- I am mad at you!
- Why? What did I do?
251
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,927
Hi.
252
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,013
I can tell I need to go,
and not just because
253
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,807
I'm a grown man
without a child.
254
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,727
The last thing I wanted to do
was cause your family trouble.
255
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,937
I just wanted to give you this.
256
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,272
What is it?
257
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,773
I know it doesn't
fix everything,
258
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,901
but your dad helped me set up
a college fund for Chance.
259
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,278
You've built a great life
for yourself,
260
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,947
and I hope this makes it
a little bit better.
261
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,490
Goodbye, Mayan.
262
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:04,330
He put $1,000
in this account.
263
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,791
You look so stupid right now.
264
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,960
♪ ♪
265
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:16,176
[upbeat saxophone music]
266
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,012
Mom, why are you
wearing that?
267
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,430
It's not raining.
268
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,223
Because if you wear fur
in public,
269
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:25,060
people throw paint at you.
270
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,436
What's the point
of wearing fur
271
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,313
if no one knows
you're wearing it?
272
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,606
I know.
273
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,608
Ugh.
274
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,068
I'm torn.
275
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,111
This college fund
Don set up is nice,
276
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,113
but it's not gonna make
me suddenly forget
277
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,656
everything he did to us.
278
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,617
And it shouldn't.
279
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,911
We didn't forgive your father immediately.
280
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,329
It took time.
281
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,581
And him proving that
he could do the right thing
282
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,458
over and over again.
283
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,919
Actions speak louder than fur.
284
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,047
[sighs]
285
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,801
It's just,
last time Don was in town,
286
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,552
I lost my dad.
287
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,096
I don't want
that to happen again.
288
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,847
And I don't trust the guy.
289
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,474
But you should trust
your dad.
290
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,976
You guys are in a good place.
291
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,562
And I don't think
he's going anywhere,
292
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,773
no matter how many candles
I light.
293
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,278
Hey, Mayan, can I get a beer?
294
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:20,699
Or are you gonna tell me
that's bad for me too?
295
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,204
[sighs] Dad,
I've been thinking about it,
296
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:30,083
and if you want
to have Don over,
297
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,044
- I think it'd be okay.
- What?
298
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:37,007
Yes!
[chuckles]
299
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:40,427
I can't wait
to show him my room.
300
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,721
Hey, but don't tell him
I--I share it with Chance,
301
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,514
'cause I want him to think
that I'm cool.
302
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,770
[theme from "The Godfather"]
303
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,314
♪ ♪
304
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,525
Hello?
Who's in here?
305
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,611
- [lamp clicks]
- You and I have business.
306
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:04,701
♪ ♪
307
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,287
You sit at my table,
308
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,621
you drink my beers,
309
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,665
you shower...
310
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:13,585
with my garden hose.
311
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:18,298
So it pains me to discover
you disrespected the family.
312
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,261
W-w-w-what do you mean?
313
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:27,057
You showed Chance
a scary movie.
314
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:29,184
A great movie...
315
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,227
but a scary movie.
316
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,646
I thought Chance liked it.
317
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,899
I-I didn't know it was wrong
to show a kid.
318
00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:37,859
I-I saw it when I was his age.
319
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,235
And I have real fond memories,
320
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:43,907
'cause I slept with my parents
for a month.
321
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:46,242
Oh, God.
322
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,371
I am so sorry.
323
00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:53,083
I didn't mean to do that.
I love that kid.
324
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,751
Will you ever forgive me?
325
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,419
[smooching frantically]
326
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:57,796
Not if you don't stop
kissing my hand.
327
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,631
Your bead tickles.
328
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,886
Someday...
329
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:06,096
and that day may never come,
330
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:09,641
I will call on you
to do a service for me.
331
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:12,268
Probably helping me carry
a drunk George up the stairs.
332
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,521
But until that day...
333
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,652
Don't be a doof? Please?
[chuckles]
334
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,280
I'll try.
335
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,324
You wanna watch "Godfather II"?
336
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,618
Do I ever.
337
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:32,622
♪ ♪
338
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,500
Thanks for all
the Tommy Bahama stuff, Don.
339
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,085
I was always afraid
of fallin' in love
340
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:39,796
with a shirt I couldn't afford.
341
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:44,050
End up lost
in the Bahama Triangle.
342
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,593
Happy to treat.
I love any store
343
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:50,265
where the petite section
starts at extra-large.
344
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:51,850
I love that we're
hangin' out again, man.
345
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,560
Just like old times.
346
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,229
A little bit older
and a little bud-wiser.
347
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,982
[chuckles]
348
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,901
Yeah, we were just two idiots
in a leaky lifeboat.
349
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,696
But at least we weren't alone.
350
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,948
Oh, that's right.
We did do the booze cruise!
351
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,409
[laughs]
352
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,495
[doorbell rings]
Mm! Wait.
353
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,164
Yeah, that's the food.
354
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,249
Ah. I ordered up
somethin' special.
355
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,959
Nothing says luxury
like lobster
356
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,461
thrown out a Prius.
357
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,008
Oh, man.
This is so cool.
358
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,635
I love having rich friends.
359
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:32,349
You get to eat big red bugs.
360
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:34,142
Uh, how do we get the meat
out of there, dude?
361
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,644
Throw it against the wall
or step on it like a roach?
362
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,396
[chuckles]
363
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,107
There's utensils in there,
but ignore the bibs.
364
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:45,737
Tommy Bahama shirts
are designed to repel butter.
365
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,155
[chuckles]
366
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,449
Mmm.
367
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,826
Uh, what the hell is this?
368
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:55,663
Oh, uh, that's the receipt.
Um, don't eat that.
369
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,293
But is says the credit card
belongs to Chance Van Bryan.
370
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,503
Huh.
371
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:04,506
Now, this is gonna sound
worse than it is.
372
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:08,134
But I stole
your grandson's identity.
373
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,344
What?
374
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:10,637
[upbeat saxophone music]
375
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,018
You gave me the kid's
Social Security number.
376
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,436
To set up a college fund!
377
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:21,481
Well, what do you think
funded the college fund?
378
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,025
You committed fraud
in my grandson's name.
379
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,528
You didn't buy me
this plus-size island wear,
380
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,279
Chance did.
381
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,572
If it means
that much to you,
382
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,783
I'll make the payments.
383
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,451
You know,
as long as I've known you,
384
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,412
money burns a hole
in your pocket.
385
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,997
You don't make those payments,
man, my grandson is screwed.
386
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,249
The kid is seven.
387
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,918
He got plenty of time
to repair his credit.
388
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,545
We don't fix credit
in this family.
389
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:48,008
My FICO score's 12!
390
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,801
Man, you played me.
391
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:52,012
Did you even really name
your horse Flyin' Mayan?
392
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:57,308
I don't have a horse.
Are you payin' attention?
393
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:58,685
Man, I thought you came back
'cause you missed me, man,
394
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,563
not because I was a mark.
395
00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,189
You bein' a little bit
of a hypocrite right now.
396
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,608
You used to pull shady stuff
like this all the time.
397
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,028
I used to.
I'm not that person anymore.
398
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,362
I'm not gonna let
anybody mess with my family.
399
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,530
I just got 'em back.
400
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,698
I'm not gonna lose them
over you.
401
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,658
I just needed
a little help, G.
402
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,577
Get it someplace else.
403
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,662
Mayan was right.
I should have listened to her.
404
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,998
You know what, Don?
405
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,667
Get the hell out of here.
406
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,668
Well, I'm just
gonna grab--
407
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,546
Leave the lobster.
408
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,341
My grandson bought that for me.
409
00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,717
Soon as I drop it off the roof,
410
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,594
I'ma eat whatever's
inside of it.
411
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:36,848
♪ ♪
412
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,560
How'd it go with Don?
413
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,022
Did he like
your Spider-Man sheets?
414
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:46,232
- You were right about Don.
- Oh, no.
415
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,069
Did he try to take you
to a strip club again?
416
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,029
I wish.
417
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,365
Chicken wings have the bone
on the inside, Mayan,
418
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,825
like a normal food.
419
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:59,037
He lied about the horse
and he stole Chance's identity.
420
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,539
What?
How did he do that?
421
00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:02,582
I don't know.
422
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,625
You can just say
you have a horse.
423
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:06,378
You can name him
whatever you want.
424
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:07,962
No.
The identity theft.
425
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,964
How did he get Chance's social?
426
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:13,343
That college fund that
I stupidly helped him set up.
427
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,845
Don't worry, I'll fix it.
But in the meantime, Don's out.
428
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,890
He's out of our lives for good.
429
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:23,978
You look so stupid right now.
430
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,774
I'm sorry.
431
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,150
I know it must be hard
to say goodbye
432
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,568
to a good friend.
433
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,862
You know, Mayan,
I thought he had changed.
434
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,198
People don't change
till they're ready.
435
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:36,574
That's why I'm so proud of you
436
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:37,826
for turning
your whole life around.
437
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,327
Thanks.
438
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,037
I'm sorry that I brought him
back into your life, Mayan.
439
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,664
It's okay.
440
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,041
I don't need a godfather
when I've got my real father.
441
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:46,668
And I don't need
a horse Mayan
442
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:50,088
- when I got a human Mayan.
- [chuckles]
443
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:53,675
George, I know
you don't want to hear this.
444
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:56,344
Don's a fraud.
445
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,013
Did you hear about the horse,
the college fund,
446
00:18:58,013 --> 00:19:00,265
- or the credit card?
- This is no time for jokes.
447
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:04,728
I don't care
why they walked into a bar.
448
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:08,148
I had my fur coat appraised.
449
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,026
It's 90% squirrel.
450
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:13,820
10% unidentified.
451
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,322
It was all just a bunch
of Mary J. Lies.
452
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,867
[chuckles]
453
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,453
Don was a fraud
and he stole Chance's identity.
454
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:24,080
The godfather is a criminal?
455
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:28,001
Badda-bing, I was right!
456
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,920
But if my identity was stolen,
457
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,507
does that mean I'm no one now?
458
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,302
Yep.
459
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,220
But you know what?
We'll get you a better name.
460
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:44,851
What do you think
of Pépe Caca-Chonies?
461
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,395
I'd rather be nobody.
462
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,899
♪ ♪
463
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:52,484
What's up, Chance?
464
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:55,070
Oh, thank God
you know who I am.
465
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:58,698
I was worried
because my identity was stolen.
466
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,866
I heard about that.
467
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,285
And do not worry,
I got it back for you.
468
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:03,661
How'd you do that?
469
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:05,622
It's a complicated
financial procedure
470
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,207
that involved
me selling my plasma
471
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,042
to several different
local area hospitals
472
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:12,045
in an effort
to pay off the card.
473
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:15,173
Speaking of which, I--I--I
probably should sit down
474
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,884
for the rest of the day.
[chuckles]
475
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,679
- [sighs]
- Thank you, Tío Oscar.
476
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,347
There. Of course.
We're friends.
477
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:24,224
We're not just friends.
478
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,851
- We're family.
- [mimics explosion]
479
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,895
Chance is right.
480
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:29,979
There haven't been
tons of benefits
481
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:32,482
having George back in our life,
482
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,817
but one of them is you.
483
00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:35,777
You always look out
for the family.
484
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:38,655
We were thinking that
Chance needs a godfather.
485
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,950
And now we know
who it should be.
486
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,035
I would be honored.
487
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:47,664
Unless you mean someone else,
in which case, awkward.
488
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:49,624
[chuckles]
489
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,919
We mean you.
490
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,421
So if something happens
to you guys,
491
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,463
I--I take care of Chance?
492
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,673
- No.
- [chuckles]
493
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:59,092
No. No,
he goes to Rosie first,
494
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,261
{\an8}and then my parents,
then Tía Daisy.
495
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,096
{\an8}Basically,
you're 15th on the list
496
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:07,225
{\an8}right after Churro,
but ahead of my dad.
497
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:09,269
{\an8}So what do you wanna do, godson?
498
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:13,189
{\an8}I don't know, godfather,
maybe watch another movie?
499
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,693
{\an8}One neither of us have seen,
but kid-friendly.
500
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,278
{\an8}Hmm.
501
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,614
{\an8}This one has a picture
of a kid watching TV on it.
502
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,907
{\an8}Let me see that.
503
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:26,703
{\an8}"Poltergeist."
Sounds fun.
504
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:29,247
{\an8}[ominous music]
505
00:21:29,297 --> 00:21:33,847
Repair and Synchronization by
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