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1
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:06,740
Cheers is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:07,808
Hello, everyone.
3
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,343
[murmuring and muttering]
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,713
Come on! What kind of
A greeting is that?
5
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:15,716
When norm comes in,
You all yell, "Norm!"
6
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,685
Make a big fuss over him.
7
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,420
Is it asking too much for me
8
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,389
To get the same treatment
Once in a while?
9
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:23,557
She's right.
Try it again,
Sweetheart.
10
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,159
Yeah, thanks.
11
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,063
Hello, everyone.
12
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,398
Norm!
Norm!
Norm!
13
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,367
That's better.
14
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,608
* making your way
In the world today *
15
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:43,677
* takes everything
You've got *
16
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:46,480
* taking a break
From all your worries *
17
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,817
* sure would help a lot *
18
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:53,254
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
19
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,025
* sometimes
You wanna go *
20
00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:01,529
* where everybody
Knows your name *
21
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:07,735
* and they're always
Glad you came *
22
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,338
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
23
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,840
* our troubles
Are all the same *
24
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:17,077
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
25
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,848
* you wanna go
Where people know *
26
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,284
* people are all the same *
27
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:27,788
* you wanna go where
Everybody knows your name *
28
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,780
Afternoon, everybody.
29
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:53,647
Norm!
Norm!
Norm!
30
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,316
How's life,
Mr. Peterson?
31
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,418
I'm waiting
For the movie.
32
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,587
Hey, normie, you're in
Early tonight.
33
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,889
Yeah. I wanted to
Talk to you guys
34
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,191
Before
This evening.
35
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,092
Oh. What's this evening?
36
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,827
I'm meeting a
Prospective client
37
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,928
And his wife here.
38
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,463
He runs
A huge dairy.
39
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,932
He's looking for
Someone to take care
Of his books.
40
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,603
All right. He wants to
Squeeze a little bit more
Out of his tax return, huh?
41
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,870
Ha ha ha!
42
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,106
That's a very funny
Joke, mr. Clavin.
43
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,708
You got any udders?
44
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,042
Udders!
Ha ha!
45
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,377
All right, guys.
46
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:26,580
This is exactly
The kind of
Sparkling wit
47
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:29,417
That I'm
Talking about, ok?
48
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,884
It's really
Important that
49
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,620
I impress these
People, so I'd
Appreciate it
50
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,288
If you'd kind of
Leave me alone
With the brubakers.
51
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,990
Listen to
The man, fellas.
52
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:40,328
Don't worry, normie.
I'll keep them
Away from us.
53
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:43,096
Cliff, that last
Comment was
54
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,433
Specifically
Addressed
To you, ok?
55
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,535
What are you
Saying, norm?
56
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:50,137
You're ashamed of
Your best friend, huh?
57
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:52,506
Afraid I'm going
To embarrass you?
58
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,375
Afraid I'm going to
Be a big bore?
59
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,677
Thanks for
Understanding,
Cliff.
60
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,145
Oh. All right.
61
00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:01,014
Norm, my lips are sealed.
I am mute.
62
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,885
You won't hear
Another word out of me--
On any subject.
63
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,322
How did you do it?
64
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:12,626
Sam, I'm going to have
To take a couple hours
Off this evening.
65
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,161
Wait a minute!
66
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,163
Our absentee waitress
Strikes again?
67
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,165
What is it this time,
Bleachbag?
68
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,000
Hey, hey, carla,
Do you mind?
69
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,202
I'm the employer here.
I'll handle this.
70
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,772
What is it
This time, bleachbag?
71
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:28,108
I volunteered to work
The first two-hour shift
72
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,978
On an auction
For public television.
73
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,814
You're going to be on
Tv? No kidding, huh?
74
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,216
They're selling off
Celebrity belongings
75
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,685
From the boston area.
76
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:41,088
We have a baton
That leinsdorf used,
77
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,324
A letter from
Henry cabot lodge.
78
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,125
And nothing
From sam malone?
79
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,294
Come on!
80
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,128
Not such
A crazy idea.
81
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,397
As a matter of fact,
82
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:52,266
Some fellows named
Yastrzemski,
83
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,535
Bobby orr,
84
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:57,605
Something like
Havlecheck...
85
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,672
Yeah?
86
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:02,276
Have donated
Their athletic
Accoutrement.
87
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:05,212
Would you be
Interested, sam?
88
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:07,748
Come on. I mean,
I was a good athlete,
89
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,484
But those guys
Are superstars.
90
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,521
Well, to some of us,
You are, too, sammy.
91
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,255
Sammy, you may not
Have been out there
92
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,758
As long as those guys,
But you were loved.
93
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,059
Please, please.
94
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,193
Don't be
Embarrassed.
95
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,195
No, I mean, please,
A little louder.
96
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,365
The rest of the bar
Didn't hear.
97
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,566
Then you'll do it?
98
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,767
Yeah, if it's
For a worthy cause.
99
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,970
I guess I could give
Them my old jersey,
100
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,572
You know,
Old number 16.
101
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,574
I'm going to do it.
I'll make a call.
102
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,609
And I'll tell you
What--if this sells,
103
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,844
Maybe I could
Give them
104
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,313
Some more of my
Athletic equipment.
105
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,814
While you're at it, sam,
106
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:44,918
Why don't you give them
One of your old jockstraps?
107
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,588
Nah. Too many memories.
108
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,596
Tv: come on, all you
Baseball fans out there...
109
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,366
Hey, sam,
Have they sold
Your jersey yet?
110
00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:01,535
It's been on sale
For half an hour.
111
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,071
Sam's fans are probably
Clogging the switchboard.
112
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,740
Come on, carla. Let's not
Get carried away here.
113
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:07,708
Mr. Brubaker.
114
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,243
Peterson?
Yes,
Norm peterson.
115
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,812
This must be
The lovely wife.
116
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,682
Yes.
How do you do,
Ma'am?
117
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,384
Well, come on
In, folks.
118
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:17,651
We have just
A few moments
119
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,186
Till our table's
Ready upstairs,
120
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,054
And we can
Just have
A drink here
121
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,590
And get
Acquainted.
122
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:25,325
Just have a seat.
This is cheers.
123
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,195
I think you'll find it
A friendly, warm,
124
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,963
Pub-like atmosphere.
125
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,031
I hate bars.
126
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,368
I think they should
Be abolished, actually.
127
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:37,170
But we just have to
Be here a few moments,
128
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,374
And we can go on upstairs
And strap on the old feedbag.
129
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,943
There are a lot
Of things I can't eat.
130
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,912
Yes. We're both
Very careful.
131
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:49,116
Well, I have
A very sensitive
Stomach myself, so...
132
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,652
Good news, norm.
We just got in
133
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:54,555
Those taco-flavored pork
Rinds you love so much.
134
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:59,192
Friendly serving wench,
You know?
135
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,195
Tv: now, come on, all you
Baseball fans out there,
136
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,097
I'm sure one of you
Will want to make a bid
137
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,800
On this priceless piece
Of baseball memorabilia
138
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:11,238
Donated by ex-red sox
Star sam maloney.
139
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,806
That's malone.
140
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,307
Oh, yes.
Thank you for that.
141
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,811
Perhaps we should
Meet some of our
Volunteers now.
142
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,513
And what is
Your name, miss?
143
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,649
Diane chambers.
144
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:25,318
I was just giggling
With one of our callers
145
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,622
Over a joke that I'd love
To share with you, bob.
146
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,357
Uh...Well, please.
147
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,493
How many surrealists
Does it take
148
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,763
To screw in
A light bulb?
149
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,731
How many?
150
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,368
The fish.
Ha ha ha ha!
151
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:44,938
[diane laughing]
152
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:49,142
I guess surrealistic humor
Isn't your cup of fur.
153
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,612
Ha ha ha!
154
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:58,085
Mr. Brubaker, would you
Tell me a little bit
About the dairy game?
155
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,788
I've always felt it must
Be really fascinating.
156
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,557
Really? Why would
You think that?
157
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,395
I...
158
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:11,999
Because of all
The different products.
159
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:16,136
You have, uh...
You know, your milk,
160
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,639
Cheese, and, uh...
161
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,776
We still have
Yet to receive
A single offer
162
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:27,915
For this authentic
Old baseball shirt.
163
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,750
Double-stitched.
164
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,351
A very nice garment,
165
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,353
Even if you're not
A baseball fan.
166
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,622
I have a bid, bob!
167
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,423
You do?
How much?
168
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,991
$100, bob.
169
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:38,992
Wonderful.
170
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,161
Well, there's a very
Generous offer.
171
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,230
Going once,
Twice, sold!
172
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,766
All right!
Whew!
173
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:46,967
Yeah!
174
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,436
Yeah, that's not
Too bad--100 big ones.
175
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:50,604
Way to go, sam.
176
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,105
Mayday's back.
177
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,173
Aw, come on.
178
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,408
I just feel good to be
Able to do something
179
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,177
To help out
Quality television.
180
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,813
I think maybe we
Should start watching
This station more often.
181
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,583
Enough of this.
Let's get back
To our program--
182
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:06,119
Hydromulching:
How much, how soon?
183
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,088
Ok, wrestling.
184
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,030
Hi, sam. I'm back.
185
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,365
Hey, get in here.
186
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,067
So, what'd you
Think, huh?
187
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,435
100 bucks? That's
Not too bad, is it?
188
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:25,939
Oh...Yes. The station
Asked me to convey
189
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,508
Their appreciation to you
For helping them out.
190
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,845
I was glad to.
I mean, that's my
Favorite station.
191
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,547
It is?
192
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,482
Yeah. I especially
Like those two guys
193
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,350
That discuss
The day's events.
194
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,786
Macneil-lehrer?
195
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:41,454
No, no.
Bert and ernie.
196
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,724
Oh, wait a minute...
197
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,226
Unless maybe that's
Their last names.
198
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,861
Could be.
199
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,396
Anyway, listen,
I was thinking,
200
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,698
Maybe I should
Donate a few more
201
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,299
Of my baseball
Treasures.
202
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:53,634
Like, I got some
Hats in here.
203
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,003
Oh, sam, sam.
204
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:57,971
I really don't think
That's necessary.
205
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,473
Listen, we got a hundred
Bucks for my jersey.
206
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,442
We could be
Looking at a thou
207
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,411
For the whole
Sam malone package.
208
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,080
Let me just call
These folks here.
209
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,919
I bought the jersey.
210
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,087
You did?
211
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,389
Yes, I did.
212
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,693
Well, I know you don't
Like to sleep alone,
213
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,195
But why didn't
You come to me?
214
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,367
I couldn't bear just
Seeing it sit there,
215
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,002
Nobody
Bidding on it.
216
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,671
I felt
Sort of responsible,
217
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,539
And the station
Let me buy it.
218
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,441
Why did you do that?
219
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,710
You barely gave it
A chance, really.
220
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,078
What difference
Does it make?
221
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,648
It's over.
The station has
Their money,
222
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,650
And you have
Your jersey back.
223
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,584
Uh...
224
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:46,987
No. I...
225
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,856
I want you
To take that back.
226
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,791
The truth is,
I haven't thought
227
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,160
About baseball
In a long time.
228
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:57,097
Seeing that jersey
Up there with all those
Great athletes' stuff
229
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,867
Just kind of got
My juices going again.
230
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,636
Take it back. It'll sell.
I know it will.
231
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:03,837
Come on.
232
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,306
Ok, sam. Sure.
Maybe it will.
233
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,574
Yeah.
234
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,477
Maybe I responded
Prematurely.
235
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,045
Thank you.
236
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,014
I'll leave it up there
Until it sells
237
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,983
Or ends up
On mr. Bobo's table.
238
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,118
There you go.
That's the spirit.
239
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,522
Uh, di-diane.
240
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,092
Can, uh, can I...
241
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,093
Yes, sam?
242
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,895
I'm sorry.
Whose table?
243
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,534
Mr. Bobo's table.
244
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,737
What's--what's that?
245
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,506
That's where
Things are put
246
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,175
When they aren't sold.
247
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,477
Well, then--
Then what happens?
248
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,913
You don't want to know.
249
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,115
Yes, I do.
Tell me.
250
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,517
In the last 10 minutes
Of the telethon,
251
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,320
A chimpanzee--
Mr. Bobo...
252
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,891
Draws viewers' names
Out of a coconut,
253
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,994
And they give
The things away.
254
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,231
You...You mean
That egghead
Station of yours
255
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:07,735
Lets some dumb
Animal choose who
Gets the prizes?
256
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,470
That dumb animal,
As you call him,
257
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:14,674
Was part of
A language experiment
At cornell university.
258
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,845
He has a vocabulary
Of 500 words.
259
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,980
Oh, come on, diane.
260
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,315
I find that
Completely...
261
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,584
Uh...
262
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:26,619
I'd better hurry.
263
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,555
Yeah.
264
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,323
Uh, dubious!
265
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,259
Yeah, dubious.
266
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:34,261
Tv: volunteers are standing by
To take your call.
267
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,263
Sam, I'm getting
A little worried.
268
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,366
Nobody's made a bid on
Your jersey since they
Put it back on sale.
269
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,400
It's only been an hour.
270
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,771
It just needs a chance,
That's all.
271
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,839
Tv: oh, and look
Who's here.
272
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,142
It's mr. Bobo.
Isn't he impressive?
273
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,144
We'll be seeing more
Of mr. Bobo
274
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,814
In the later stages
Of our auction.
275
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,783
Thanks for
Dropping by, mr. Bobo.
276
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,517
You know,
All of a sudden,
277
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,287
I don't think I can
Stick it out and watch
That old jersey sell.
278
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,089
I'm getting
Kind of sentimental.
279
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:05,592
I just wish
Somebody would buy
The damn thing.
280
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,127
What are you
Worried about?
281
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:09,496
There are thousands of
Baseball fans out there
282
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:13,566
Who remember sam malone
And would kill to have
A souvenir of him.
283
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,969
Carla, carla, from your
Lips to god's ears.
284
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,105
I think somebody's
Making a bid there.
285
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,773
Tv: this is interesting.
286
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,674
We have a lady on the phone
Who wants to buy
287
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:25,879
Old number 16 here
For the sum of $200.
288
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,515
Whoo!
All right!
289
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,483
That's just
Wonderful.
290
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,053
I'm going
To tell sam
Personally.
291
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,022
[falsetto voice]
No, no. No check.
292
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:38,658
I'll pay cash
And pick up
The jersey...
293
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,794
Later.
294
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,930
Ohh...
295
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,143
Damn.
296
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:59,679
It's all right.
I don't blame you.
297
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:01,815
After all, we both
Had the same fear--
298
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,516
That it wouldn't sell and...
299
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,652
You'd be humiliated...
300
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,687
Shamed...
301
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,089
Disgraced in front--
302
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,723
Thank you. Thank you.
303
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,126
You know,
They used to cheer
304
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,295
When I walked out
Of the bullpen.
305
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:19,499
I mean, just the sight
Of old number 16
Would start them off.
306
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:22,502
Those were great days.
307
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:27,074
Yes, they were,
But you have more
Great days ahead.
308
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:30,110
You have a real job now
And friends,
309
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:33,580
And you've got
Your health.
310
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,782
God, that's low!
311
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,317
What is?
312
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,785
The health crack.
313
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,087
Well, all I meant was--
314
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,522
I know what you meant!
That was pity talking.
315
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,624
You don't say that they
Still have their health
316
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,759
Unless what you mean is,
That's all they've got.
317
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,228
Forget it I said it.
318
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:49,729
I'm not going to
Forget it!
319
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:50,998
You told me
I had good health.
320
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:53,833
I'm not going
To take that.
321
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,136
Sam, you're sick.
322
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,205
It's too late
To make up.
323
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,507
You know something?
You were pitying me,
324
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,842
And if there's
Anything I can't stand
From you, it's pity.
325
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,112
You know,
What the hell?
326
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:07,847
I'm going to put that
Jersey back in the auction.
327
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,483
And it's going to sell.
328
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,818
I hope it does.
329
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,121
No. It's gonna sell because
I said it's gonna sell.
330
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:16,523
Thank you very much
For reminding me
331
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,725
That I have a little
Self-respect left,
332
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,493
That I have some
Pride in who I am.
333
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:21,628
[falsetto voice]
Hello.
334
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,931
I'd like to return
Young man's jersey.
335
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:27,700
So the woodchuck says
To the lumberjack,
336
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,737
"I was talking
To the log."
337
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,739
I never much
Cared for jokes
338
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,142
In which
Animals speak.
339
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,210
No, neither do I.
340
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,346
I just used that as
A kind of awful joke
341
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,748
A mediocre accountant
Might use.
342
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:45,885
Uh...Can we
Have some coffee?
What do you say?
343
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,487
No, thank you.
It keeps me awake.
344
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:50,223
Well, I can see
Why you wouldn't
Want that.
345
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,359
No, come on.
We haven't
346
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,927
Discussed business
At all, sir.
347
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,396
I really think we
Ought to just have
A spot of something.
348
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,397
What do you say?
349
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,566
Well, I'd like
A glass of water.
350
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,001
Specialty
Of the house.
351
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,669
Come on. Sit down.
Sit down,
352
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,771
And I'll just
Run up to the bar
And get it myself.
353
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,273
It'll be much
Quicker that way.
354
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,508
Let's keep the old
Party going.
355
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,343
Cliff!
356
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,180
Man, I'm in death
Valley over here.
357
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,847
Woody, give me a glass
Of water, will you?
358
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,116
Just hemp me out,
Will you?
359
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,651
Just come on over
And talk a little bit.
360
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,320
Who, me, norm?
Yeah.
361
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:24,157
The laughingstock,
The windbag, the boob?
362
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,692
All right.
I'm really sorry
363
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:28,028
For whatever
I may have said
This afternoon.
364
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,263
I just didn't know
What these people
They would be like.
365
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,232
Well, what are
They like, norm?
366
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,067
They're like...
367
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,536
Like dead people
Without the rouge.
368
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,242
Sorry, norm.
Can't help you out.
369
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:43,176
Oh...
370
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,377
All right, cliff.
371
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,013
There's something
You should know.
372
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:49,449
I found out over
Dinner that both their
Fathers were postmen.
373
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,153
Postal brats?
374
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:56,723
Normie, normie,
You should have said so.
375
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,158
Stand aside, me bucko,
376
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,261
And I'll take care
Of the rest.
377
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,862
So, your
Parents wore
378
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,797
The colors, huh?
379
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,900
Well, I didn't
Follow my father
Into the service.
380
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,769
And henry's in milk.
381
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:13,173
Oh. Well, that explains
The lovely complexion.
382
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,941
Oh, thank you.
383
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:17,177
Oh, yeah. Yours, too.
384
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:21,248
Speaking of milk, here's a
Little known fact.
385
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,850
The cow was domesticated
By the mesopotamians.
386
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,685
Yeah, that's right.
In fact,
387
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,687
It wasn't originally
A milk-bearing animal.
388
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:28,688
Oh, no.
389
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,158
It was originally used
As a guard animal
390
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,759
For the chinese emperors
391
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,494
During the
Chung king dynasty.
392
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,029
Woman: well!
393
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:39,066
And just when you think
You know an animal.
394
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,634
Well, allow me
To elucidate.
395
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,704
Thank you, norm.
Get me a beer, will you?
396
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,240
The theory was that...
397
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,741
How are we doing?
398
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,411
Great. They keep
Talking about your jersey.
399
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:52,679
Really?
400
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,648
Tv: and still no bids
For the jersey time forgot.
401
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,884
Donations can be made
By check or...
402
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,219
I'd make a big donation
403
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,754
If I could go a couple
Of rounds with that guy.
404
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,123
Sam, would you
Relax?
405
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,758
I'm your
Biggest fan.
I'm not worried.
406
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:08,661
That jersey
Is gonna sell,
And for a wad.
407
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:09,929
You think so?
408
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,531
Absolutely. Money
In the bank.
409
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,601
Just stop
Doubting yourself
And trust me.
410
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,503
You're right.
What am I doing?
411
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,539
Woody, how much
Have we raised?
412
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:22,075
Well, we got $116
413
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:25,712
And a pledge for
A quart of buttermilk.
414
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,582
What are you doing?
What's going on?
415
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,219
Sam, we're just
Trying to help.
416
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,154
Well, I don't need
Your help!
417
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,589
Nobody goes near
The telephone.
418
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,258
You hear me? Nobody!
419
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,059
Tv: I think we're going to
Have to move on.
420
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,295
I'm afraid we're gonna have
To take the malone jersey
421
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,264
Off the bidding table
To make room
422
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,200
For this ingenious
Potato-powered clock.
423
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,604
We'll be seeing
More of the jersey
424
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,906
On mr. Bobo's portion
Of the show.
425
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,009
One of the things folks love
About public television...
426
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,846
Sam, I'm sorry.
427
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,615
That's ok.
Well...Ha ha!
428
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,385
This is it, huh?
The end of an era.
429
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:11,824
Well, maybe I can
Finally put my career
In perspective
430
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:15,228
And enjoy it
For what it was.
431
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,030
I was a small player
In a big town,
432
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,500
But that's ok.
That's ok.
433
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:24,704
I had some good times,
Some bad times.
434
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:29,075
And now I guess I'm
No longer sam malone,
435
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,110
Ex-baseball player.
436
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,547
I'm sam malone,
Ex-ex-baseball player.
437
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,584
Just an average guy
Doing an average job.
438
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,886
That's something
I can be proud of, huh?
439
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,354
Tv: hold everything.
440
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,257
We've had a $300 bid
On sam malone's jersey.
441
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,292
All right!
442
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,859
I own this burg!
443
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:50,763
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
444
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:51,598
Sam.
445
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,400
Did any of you
Do it? Come on.
446
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,002
Just admit it if you
Did it, please.
447
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:58,171
Honest, sam,
Nobody here bought it.
448
00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,606
Hey, do you think
We have enough
449
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:03,343
For that
Potato-powered clock?
450
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:06,679
They bought my
Jersey. 300 bucks.
451
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,148
Sammy, I got a great idea.
Why don't you call,
452
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,184
Have the guy who
Bought it come over?
453
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:12,852
You could autograph
It for him.
454
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,921
And you can take
Pictures and send them
To the newspaper.
455
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,956
That's a good idea.
I'm gonna do that.
456
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:20,627
It's a terrible idea.
Sam, don't you see
What's happening?
457
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:21,661
What?
458
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,663
This is a last,
Desperate grasp at glory
459
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,498
That you just said
Was over.
460
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,267
Come on, lighten up,
Will you?
461
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,536
Do you have
To take the fun
Out of everything?
462
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,371
Oh, I forgot.
You do.
463
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,343
You're a delight,
Clifford.
464
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,545
Oh,
Enchante, enid.
465
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,046
Ooh.
466
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,181
Drive carefully,
Huh?
467
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,384
What? What?
Where are they going?
468
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,953
Henry's got to get up
Early in the morning,
469
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,922
And enid's sciatica
Is flaring up again.
470
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,691
What that woman
Endures.
471
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,860
Forget her.
What about me?
Did I get the job?
472
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:57,230
Oh, gee, norm...
Norm, I forgot to ask.
473
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,665
Hey, look, don't worry.
474
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:00,933
I'll bring it up
This weekend.
475
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,102
This weekend?
476
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:05,037
Yeah. They invited me
Up to the farm.
477
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:09,208
Yeah. 48 hours
Of charades, food,
And yahtzee.
478
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,520
Ah. Sam malone?
479
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,555
Yeah. Hey, everybody, I want
You to meet a mayday fan.
480
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,790
I'm bert simpson.
481
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,292
Bert. Hi. Sam malone.
482
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:27,527
Diane, come on over here
And meet bert.
483
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,163
Hello, bert.
How are you?
484
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,266
This must be pretty
Thrilling for you.
485
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,134
You see me pitch
At fenway?
486
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,636
No.
487
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,371
Oh. You caught me
On the tube, then?
488
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:41,474
Not really. Actually,
I've never heard of you.
489
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,476
But to tell the truth,
490
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,945
I wouldn't know
A baseball from a meatball.
491
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:49,248
Boy! Catch me having
Spaghetti at his house.
492
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,821
Well, why don't you
Just let me sign
That thing for you,
493
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,624
And you can get
The hell out of here.
494
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:58,991
I have no interest
In that. I thought you
Might like it back.
495
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,461
Why did you buy it
If you didn't want it?
496
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,830
Frankly, it was
Getting on my nerves.
497
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:07,900
I mean, the thing
Kept coming back.
498
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,504
Finally I said
To myself,
499
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:13,606
"It's for a worthy cause.
500
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:17,377
Put the damn thing
Out of its misery."
501
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,781
Excuse me.
502
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,483
Can I see you
In my office?
503
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,618
Gee, sam,
I'm awfully busy
Right now.
504
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,721
No hurry. Whenever
You have a minute.
505
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:29,722
Now, sam--
506
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:32,359
Relax, relax.
What's the matter?
507
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:37,063
You're upset,
508
00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:39,165
You're humiliated,
509
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:41,434
And you're angry.
510
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:43,302
This shirt thing
Has been
511
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,338
An emotional roller
Coaster for you,
512
00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:46,539
And you want someone
513
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,141
On whom to vent
Your frustration.
514
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,843
Come on.
Take a look at me.
515
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:54,714
Do I look upset?
Do I look angry?
516
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:57,249
Then why did
You drag me in here?
517
00:21:57,249 --> 00:22:00,052
Because I know that
You were just dying
518
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,388
To call me a big dope.
519
00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:03,356
No! Uh-uh, not me.
520
00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:05,892
Yeah. I thought
I'd give you a chance
521
00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:08,395
To do it privately.
522
00:22:08,395 --> 00:22:10,763
I see what
You're doing.
523
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:11,598
What?
524
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:13,733
You want an excuse
To blow up
525
00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:16,302
And let it
All out so you'll
Feel better,
526
00:22:16,302 --> 00:22:18,337
And you want me to
Provide the excuse.
527
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,039
Well, I'm not
Falling for that.
528
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:22,742
I am not going to
Blow up. I just think that
529
00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:24,744
We're not going to be able
To lay this thing to rest
530
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:26,379
Until you call me
A big dope.
531
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:29,649
It's what in your mind,
So why don't you just say it?
532
00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:33,185
Get it over with,
And then we'll go on
With our lives.
533
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,721
No.
534
00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:37,023
Well, I really wish
You would.
535
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:39,926
I think it would be
Good for me to hear.
536
00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:43,963
Well, maybe--
537
00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:45,164
I knew it!
538
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:48,134
I knew you couldn't keep
Your big fat mouth shut!
539
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:50,703
You think you know
Everything, don't you?
540
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,705
In your entire life,
You've never said,
541
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,074
"I don't know,"
Or, "I think this,"
542
00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:56,743
Or, "In my humble opinion."
543
00:22:56,743 --> 00:22:59,446
Oh, no. You always
Just say "This"
And you just say "That."
544
00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:01,614
This! That! This! That!
You're nuts!
545
00:23:01,614 --> 00:23:04,250
You are crazy! In your
Twisted little mind,
546
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:05,752
You probably think you're
Gonna make me crazy,
547
00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:07,253
Just like you made
Frasier crazy,
548
00:23:07,253 --> 00:23:08,455
Just like you make
Everybody crazy,
549
00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:09,856
But you're not gonna
Make me crazy!
550
00:23:09,856 --> 00:23:12,391
You want to know why?
I'm gonna tell you why.
551
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,260
Are you listening?
Here it comes.
552
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:15,762
I don't know!
553
00:23:15,762 --> 00:23:17,464
And I'll tell you
Something else!
554
00:23:17,464 --> 00:23:18,898
You don't know,
Either.
555
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:21,568
Nobody knows why you're
Not gonna make me crazy!
556
00:23:21,568 --> 00:23:24,070
So stick that in your hat
And smoke it!
557
00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:32,512
Thank you.
558
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:33,913
Anytime.
39871
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