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1
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:06,107
"Cheers" is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:09,643
All right,
1955 a.L. Mvp.
3
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,911
Yogi berra.
4
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:14,082
Height of left field
Wall at fenway.
5
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:16,517
The green monster's
37 feet high.
6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,751
I told you.
7
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,454
All right,
Here we go.
8
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:23,023
Ike delock's
Lifetime e.R.A.
9
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,193
4.03. Had enough?
10
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:28,362
The woman's
A lean, mean
Trivia machine.
11
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,030
Unbelievable.
The best.
I know.
12
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,665
Ask me something.
13
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:32,966
Forget it, zeke.
14
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:36,837
There aren't any
Questions about
Wheat in there.
15
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,973
Oh, and I suppose
You know everything
That's in this book?
16
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,576
If it's
In there,
I know it.
17
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:43,611
Oh, yeah? Ok.
18
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:50,118
What's the library of congress
Card catalogue number?
19
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,522
7-8-0-3...
20
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:55,489
4-7-6.
21
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,425
That's not even close.
22
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,660
You're crazy.
Look there.
23
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,628
Where?
24
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:04,165
Uh, that's it exactly.
25
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,305
* makin' your way
In the world today *
26
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:14,508
* takes everything
You've got *
27
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,245
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
28
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,513
* sure would
Help a lot *
29
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,684
* wouldn't you like
To get away *
30
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,422
* sometimes
You wanna go *
31
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:32,160
* where everybody
Knows your name *
32
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,864
* and they're always
Glad you came *
33
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,135
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
34
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,337
* our troubles
Are all the same *
35
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,538
* you wanna be *
36
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:47,741
* where everybody
Knows your name *
37
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,545
* you wanna go
Where people know *
38
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,914
* people are
All the same *
39
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,183
* you wanna go *
40
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:58,586
* where everybody
Knows your name *
41
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:21,775
Hey, everybody,
Guess what I grew
In my greenhouse.
42
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:25,946
Not another potato
That looks like
Richard nixon?
43
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,449
I learned the error
Of my ways
44
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,185
I guess I was pretty
Off the deep end
There, huh?
45
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,787
This is
Nothing like that.
46
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,189
Look at that.
47
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,925
A map of
The hawaiian islands.
48
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,629
See the little bumps?
49
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:45,766
They're the exact
Shape and formation
Of our 50th state. Huh?
50
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,269
Come on, cliff,
Don't make me
Look, please.
51
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:52,873
Normie, this is one
Of nature's fascinating
Little mutations here.
52
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:56,310
Resting in the hand
Of one of her bigger ones.
53
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,646
All right,
No skin off my nose.
54
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:01,915
I'll just put it in the bag
Take it on home.
55
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:06,287
Hey, guess
What's in the bag!
56
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,159
Human sexuality?
57
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,795
You don't have
To broadcast it.
58
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:18,332
It happens to be
Assigned reading
For a required course.
59
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,833
You're blushing.
60
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,202
I'm not blushing.
61
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,005
I prefer to maintain
A sense of decorum,
62
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:30,344
Unlike you,
Who brought in common slides
Of your wedding night.
63
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,081
They were a big hit.
64
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:37,318
Your break was over
10 minutes ago.
65
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,152
Oh, carla, please.
66
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:43,324
I have to come up with
A topic for my psychology
Paper by tonight.
67
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:46,594
I'm at a complete loss.
68
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:50,631
Of course
I could turn out your
Run-of-the-mill essay
69
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,801
On sadomasochism,
Bestiality, bondage
And discipline,
70
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,737
But I'm looking for
Something with a little pizzazz.
71
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,038
Hello, everybody!
72
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,707
Hi, sam.
73
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,142
Would you please see
If you could light a fire
Under the stick.
74
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:05,546
She's been
Goofing off
For an hour.
Oh, yeah?
75
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:09,116
She's got to write
Some paper about sex
76
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,885
And she can't think
Of anything to write about.
77
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,421
You're kidding me?
78
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:16,857
She studied
For a whole year
At sammy state.
79
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:22,195
Hey, there. I hear
You're writing
A paper on sex.
80
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,231
Is there any way
Can I help out?
81
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:25,566
Thank you, sam.
82
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:28,702
This paper
Is on human sexuality.
83
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,339
No, come on,
I'm serious.
84
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,940
I want to help.
85
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:37,678
Well, it had occurred to me
To use you as a case study.
86
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,580
But I lacked the proper
Clinical distance,
87
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,383
So that's out
Of the question.
88
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,884
What are you
Talking about?
89
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,753
You got an "A-plus"
Staring you in
The face here.
90
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,788
Come on, we're pals,
Aren't we?
91
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,790
Come on,
Let me feel useful.
92
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:53,093
Well, you would be
An interesting study.
93
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,628
Great. Kind of slow
In here.
94
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,597
Why don't you step
Into my laboratory?
95
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,301
Well, all right.
96
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,836
I am desperate.
97
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:08,709
Sam, this has to be done
In a professional manner.
98
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:11,345
I hope you'll
Take this seriously.
99
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:14,582
I'm only this far away from
A master's degree in, well,
100
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,617
37 different subjects,
101
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:20,521
But if I do well
In this class,
102
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,557
Psychology could well be
My major major.
103
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,427
Wow. And we
Were here, huh, cliff.
104
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,697
We're always here.
105
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,468
Sam,
Before we start,
106
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:39,473
I want to warn you
This will be
Frank and candid.
107
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,809
We may be touching
On some highly
Sensitive areas.
108
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:45,012
Whoo! I like
The sound of it already.
109
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,549
Go ahead. Go ahead.
110
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,285
Ok, hwy don't
We start with
Your parents.
111
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,688
Would you describe
Them as physically
Demonstrative?
112
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,491
I'm here, aren't I?
They must've been.
113
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,594
Uh...
114
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:05,466
Why are you asking me
About my parents?
115
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,834
I'm asking about
Your parents
116
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,335
To lay
A psychological
Foundation
117
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,937
For your
Later behavior.
118
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,605
This isn't as much fun
As I thought it was gonna be.
119
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,608
When are we gonna
Get to me?
120
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:17,445
Ok. Why don't we jump
To your relationships
121
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,779
Outside the family?
Yeah.
122
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,549
A what age
Did you have
123
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,451
Your first
Sexual encounter?
124
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:25,352
Oh, all right,
That's more like it.
125
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:26,520
Ok.
126
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,358
"Trevor,
A case study."
Who's trevor?
127
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:32,493
That's you.
128
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,228
You're not gonna
Use my name?
129
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,864
Of course not.
130
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:42,235
So I do all the work,
And this trevor guy
Gets the credit?
131
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,038
Sam, this isn't
Your resume.
132
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,743
In psychological
Treatise, real names
Are never used.
133
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,480
Yeah, but at least
I should be able to
Choose my own name?
134
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,914
How about duke?
135
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:59,520
It's my paper,
And I like trevor.
136
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,890
All right, fine.
Let's see, where were we?
137
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,592
You wanted to know
About my first time, right?
138
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,427
Yes. How old
Were you?
139
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,130
Boy, I'm not sure.
140
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:13,033
I know
I couldn't get
To her house
141
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:16,036
Until the crossing guard
Showed up.
142
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:21,208
Wow, first time is
Kind of hard to remember.
143
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,543
What about your
First time?
144
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,911
I'm the scientist,
Sam.
145
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:27,047
My first time
Has nothing
To do with this.
146
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:31,552
But just to lay
The subject to rest,
147
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:35,388
It was the summer
Of my 19th year.
148
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,559
He was a young man
In uniform.
149
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,728
It was
A brief encounter.
150
00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:44,431
He left my arms
And went to his
Doom.
151
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,567
Oh, no.
He was killed, huh?
152
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,970
No, no. He went off
To boot camp
And came back
153
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,773
With the most
God-awful haircut
I've ever seen.
154
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:56,076
Now may we
Get back to you?
155
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,579
Limit your responses
To attitudes.
156
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,582
Please leave out
The gory details.
157
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,651
What about your
Second encounter?
158
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,887
Well, that would be
The crossing guard.
159
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,634
So, woody,
Ready to take on carla
160
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,136
In the sports
Trivia contest?
161
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,706
Yeah, well, I've been
Studying all week long,
162
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,708
So go ahead.
Test me.
163
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,176
All right, uh...
164
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:33,246
In what game
Did ted williams
Break his elbow?
165
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,849
Ted who?
166
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:40,821
I'd take another
Quick peek
In the book.
167
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,326
Diane?
168
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,494
Dr. Greenspon.
169
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:50,664
What on earth are
You doing here?
170
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,300
I just wanted to come by
And tell you in person.
171
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,503
I've read your paper,
And I think it is
Absolutely extraordinary.
172
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,672
In fact, I wouldn't
Be surprised
173
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,207
If the new england
Journal of psychology
174
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,642
Wanted to publish it.
175
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:05,345
Forgive me for losing my
Academic demeanor for a
Few moments.
176
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,881
Oh, yippee!
177
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,349
Oh!
178
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,684
I'm sorry.
179
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,352
That's quite all right.
180
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,687
Would you
Like a drink?
181
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,689
I'd love a beer, please.
182
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,290
Coming right up.
183
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,960
Of course, I do have
A couple of reservations.
184
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:20,761
Oh?
185
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,295
Well,
The most significant
186
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,765
Concerns
Your psychological
Subject trevor.
187
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:27,801
Since you seem
To have found
188
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:31,404
Such a near perfect
Example of don juanism,
189
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,874
There are bound to be those
Who are going to doubt
190
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,709
This paper's
Authenticity.
191
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,879
Doctor, I assure you
Every word is true,
192
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,514
Although
I understand
Your doubt.
193
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:44,685
It's hard to believe
That such a man
Exists.
194
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,986
Doctor, um...
195
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:48,488
Why don't
You have a seat
Over there
196
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,190
For just a couple
Of minutes.
197
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,893
I'll join you soon.
There are a few
Things I have to do.
198
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,429
Sam.
199
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,430
Yeah.
200
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,766
Would you mind
201
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:01,268
If I revealed
Your identity
202
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,171
To my psychology
Professor,
Dr. Greenspon?
203
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,238
Mind?
204
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,708
Yo, doc!
Trevor here.
205
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,376
Alias sam malone.
206
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,744
Oh. Lowell greenspon.
207
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:14,214
That's an amazing
Case history you have.
208
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,150
Yeah, isn't it?
Knock on wood.
209
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,419
You'd say that
The paper's accurate?
210
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,989
Well, now,
We had to change
A few of the names
211
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:24,157
To protect
The satisfied.
212
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:29,429
Well, it's been
Very nice to meet you.
213
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,731
Yeah, you, too.
214
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,465
Thank you, sam.
215
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,767
No. Thank you
Very much.
216
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:37,304
What a find
You have there, diane.
217
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,340
So you
Really think
It's publishable?
218
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:44,211
Well, that brings me
To my other reservation.
219
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:48,048
In trevor you've
Shown us the cause, yes?
220
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:51,451
What the paper lacks
Is the effect.
221
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:56,656
Now, if you could
Possibly find one
Of these conquests
222
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,659
To learn
Why she's so gullible,
223
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,030
What gives her
Such low self-esteem
224
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:06,066
So that she could
Possibly fall
225
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,201
For this blatant
Manipulation?
226
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,805
I don't know.
227
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,008
Well, if you did,
228
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,410
I don't see how the "Journal"
Could fail to publish it.
229
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,227
Hey, woody.
230
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,195
Huh?
231
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,997
Get your nose
Out of that book.
232
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,699
How much more trivia
Can you cram
Into that head?
233
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,802
Yeah. Maybe
You're right.
234
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,504
My brain
Must be full
235
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,706
Because
My hair hurts.
236
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,708
Why don't you
Call carla
Over here
237
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,543
Before I forget
Everything.
238
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,645
Hey, carla. You've got a brash
Young challenger over here
239
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,382
Says he's gonna boot you
Off the top of the sports
Trivia mountain.
240
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,317
Oh, yeah?
Yep.
241
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,753
They've said it before,
I've always left them
Bleeding in the dust.
242
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:04,491
I say jethro goes down
In three questions.
243
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,793
Ok.
244
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:07,294
Everybody gather around
245
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,563
For the sports
Trivia championships.
246
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,333
Give me
Your best shot.
247
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,069
What was
The lowest round
Ever recorded
248
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,372
In a pga-sanctioned
Golf tournament?
249
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,509
59. Al geiberger.
250
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,211
He's right.
251
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,750
Who was the oldest
Heavyweight champion?
252
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,485
Jersey joe walcott.
253
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,753
Bingo.
254
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,755
Those were
Easy questions.
255
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,058
You're gonna choke
On this one.
256
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,560
Who was the only pitcher
257
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:44,764
To ever lose a one-hitter
In the world series?
258
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,134
Bill bevans.
259
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,635
He did it.
260
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:49,937
All right!
261
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,571
Hey, my man.
262
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:55,308
New york yankees,
1947, against
The brooklyn dodgers.
263
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,776
Good, woody.
264
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,511
Goodwoody.
Elmer goodwoody.
265
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,281
Shortstop,
Boston beaneaters.
266
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,352
It's all right, buddy,
Take a rest.
267
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,786
Take-a-rest.
268
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,789
Winner
Of the california
Derby, 1959.
269
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:13,793
10.80 to win,
6.40 to place,
270
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,263
3.20 to show.
271
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,802
So you like
My rewrite?
272
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,205
Oh, yes.
I just can't get over it.
273
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:28,408
I mean,
Who would have thought
This colette
274
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,243
That you described as
275
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,811
"Rapturously beautiful,
Intelligent,
276
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,281
Indeed brilliant with
An ethereal quality,"
277
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:38,718
Could be so easily
Manipulated by trevor.
278
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,754
Trevor is not
Without his charms,
279
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,124
Crude
As they may be.
280
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,425
Well, but they're
So transparent.
281
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,127
The woman would
Have to be addled.
282
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,428
She'd have to be
Totally lacking--
283
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,898
Thank you. I think
Your point is made.
284
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,632
Oh, hi, doc.
285
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:53,967
Oh, my.
286
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,003
Is that the paper there?
287
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,938
This is it.
288
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,806
You know, I still haven't
Had a chance to read it.
You mind if I take a look?
289
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,641
Oh, you wouldn't
Enjoy it, sam.
290
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,143
Oh, don't be modest.
291
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,611
I know
I'm looking forward
292
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,513
To your presentation
Of the paper
In class tonight.
293
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,915
Thank you,
Doctor.
294
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,449
Tonight?
Wait a second here.
295
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:11,151
I'm the headline act
Of that thing.
296
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,653
You mind if I sit in
On the class?
297
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,189
Oh, sam,
You wouldn't
Enjoy the class.
298
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,391
It's very dry
And boring.
299
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,427
No reflection
On you,
Professor.
300
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:23,030
I mean to someone
Of sam's limited
Intelligence.
301
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,531
Not a reflection on you,
Sam,
302
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,632
What I mean is,
303
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:29,502
Don't you have
To cover for woody tonight?
304
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,670
Oh,
You're right.
305
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:31,838
Well, hey, too
Bad, huh, doc?
306
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,473
Shoot!
That did sound like fun, too.
307
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,575
Wait a second
Here. I got
An idea.
308
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,578
Why don't
You bring them
All over here,
309
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,047
Kind of
A field trip?
310
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,549
See trevor in action.
311
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,417
We can hardly do that.
312
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,954
But I don't think
Some of the members
Wouldn't mind
313
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,821
Coming by for a drink
Afterwards.
314
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,991
It would give them a chance
To meet the clinical case
In the flesh.
315
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,792
I'm gonna promise that.
316
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,028
We'll just see how
The evening goes, all right?
317
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,663
Excuse me.
318
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,000
He's remarkable!
319
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,936
Sam.
320
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,139
Sam.
321
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,841
Not now.
I'm preparing
My lecture here.
322
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,143
It's about time
323
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,212
I gave
Something back
324
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:16,249
To the sport
That's given
Me so much.
325
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,052
Sam, I think you should
Read this after all.
Oh.
326
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,853
It's not
What you think.
327
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:24,391
Now, if you change
Your mind about the class
Coming here tonight,
328
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,660
Call me at home.
I'll understand.
329
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,902
All right.
330
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:39,839
"The don juan syndrome
In modern culture.
331
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,875
"An analysis of...
332
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,044
"Sat...
333
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,378
"Sate...
334
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,846
"Sater...
335
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:47,981
Satyriasis."
336
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,516
Oh, man,
She did it.
337
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:53,353
She even made
My sex life boring.
338
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,489
And not for
The first time.
339
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:08,768
Excuse me. Is there
A cliff clovin here?
340
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:12,539
It's, uh...
Cliff clavin, partner,
And you're looking at him.
341
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:15,575
Hi. I'm a reporter
From the chronicle.
342
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:19,079
You the guy that sent in
This picture of a squash
343
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,281
With the hawaiian islands
On it?
344
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,316
Yeah, yeah.
What did I tell
You guys?
345
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,785
The is one story
They couldn't "Squash."
346
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:29,489
To be honest,
It's not the squash
I'm looking for.
347
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,492
Actually it's part
Of a larger story
348
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,195
On eccentrics
Here in boston.
349
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,497
You know,
The lunatic fringe.
350
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,233
Lonely people
Desperate for attention.
351
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,469
Yeah, yeah,
But where
Do I fit in?
352
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,771
You come right after
The old lady
353
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,773
With the 84 snakes.
354
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,308
Ok, I'm
Insulted.
355
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,810
I'll thank you
To leave.
356
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,246
They don't
Pay me enough.
357
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,647
Cliffie. All right.
You stuck up to
That guy,
358
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,684
You didn't let
Him exploit you.
359
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,951
Yeah, sheese.
360
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,553
Who the hell
Do they think
They're dealing with?
361
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,055
Giving my squash
Second billing
362
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,657
To a broad with
A bunch of snakes.
363
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:08,528
Hey, how would you
To get a look inside
That old bag's head?
364
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,165
Professor malone,
365
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,367
I think we've got
A little class
In session.
366
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,504
Hi, doc. Over here.
Welcome, everybody.
367
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:20,173
Why don't you come on
Over and take a seat
Anywhere over here.
368
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:23,443
There's no need
To be so formal.
369
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,445
But if you have
Something prepared?
370
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,046
Oh, just a few
Things off the
Top of my head.
371
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:31,218
Did you bring
An apple for
The teacher?
372
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,853
Sam, I didn't
Hear from you,
373
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,522
So I assume you read
The paper.
374
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:36,989
Paper?
Oh, yeah, couldn't
Put it down.
375
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:40,460
Are you sure you still
Want to go through
With this?
376
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,996
Oh, absolutely.
But, sam, I don't feel--
377
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,365
Take a seat here.
378
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,134
You don't want
To be late
For class.
379
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:48,768
Ok, sit down.
380
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,270
Welcome, everybody.
381
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:54,307
Now, I realize you
Came here to meet me
382
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:57,844
And find out what
Makes a guy like me tick.
383
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,679
So I asked myself,
384
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:03,383
"What makes you so different
From everybody else
385
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:04,717
When it comes
To scoring big with women?"
386
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:08,955
And I think it's this--
I love ladies.
387
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,057
I love
The way they smell,
388
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,993
The way they sound,
And the way they feel.
389
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:17,197
And by the way,
That shade of lipstick
390
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,867
Really compliments
That rosy glow in your cheeks.
391
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,369
Unbelievable.
392
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:26,105
Now, see, I'm not the
Only one who thinks that.
393
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,574
Ok, all right,
Enough about me here.
394
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:29,209
Let's open up
This discussion a little bit.
395
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,877
What's your name, son?
396
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,245
Barry.
397
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,013
Barry, all right, barry,
Why don't you tell me
398
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:37,184
What do you do when you meet
A girl for the first time.
399
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,219
Well,
I talk to her,
400
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,720
And I
Let her know
401
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,755
That
I respect her as
A human being.
402
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,257
I ask her out
Without putting
Pressure on her,
403
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:47,660
And I let
The relationship
Grow naturally.
404
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,531
Well...
405
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:52,632
We all have
406
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,767
Some pretty crazy ideas
When we're young.
407
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:59,372
Ok, can anyone tell me
Where barry went off the beam?
408
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,677
Miss chambers
Has a thought here.
409
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,215
All right.
Well, all right.
I guess so.
410
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,217
We can take five here.
411
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:14,754
Smoke them
If you've got them.
412
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,623
You didn't read
This, did you?
413
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,826
Didn't have to.
I lived it.
414
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,494
Sit down.
Please.
415
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:29,969
"Trevor's the image
Of the arrested adolescent,
416
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,904
"Entirely
Self-oriented,
417
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,974
"Still intimidated
By the women around him
418
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:38,511
"And attempting
To prove himself
Superior to them.
419
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,780
"Through
Sexual conquest,
420
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,750
"He can for a time
Quell his fears
Of inferiority and failure.
421
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:47,287
"Indeed the idea
Of a non-sexual
Relationship
422
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,756
"Is completely
Foreign to him.
423
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,624
"As the years pass
424
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,126
"And his physical
Attractiveness
Diminishes,
425
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,496
"He'll be doomed
To a life of loneliness
And despair,
426
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,799
Unable to give
Or receive love."
427
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:07,407
Is this really
How you feel
About me?
428
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,175
This is
My clinical view of you.
429
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:10,510
As a woman
430
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,044
I might have felt
Something different
431
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,147
Than I feel as
An academician.
432
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,550
Makes my life
Seem so...
433
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,619
Cheap
And pathetic.
434
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,588
Sam, you're reading
Things into this.
435
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,189
Like here
Where it says,
436
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,658
"His life is cheap
And pathetic"?
437
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,797
Oh, don't be hurt.
438
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:33,833
I hate it
When you're hurt.
439
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:37,236
This is not
A true picture of you.
440
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,538
I exaggerated
441
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,708
In order to
Corroborate my thesis.
442
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,548
Boy,
I don't know.
443
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:51,651
Maybe I am gonna
End up this way.
444
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,219
You're not
Listening to me!
445
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:56,389
This is a paper,
Theory and conjecture.
446
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:59,225
I was going
For a grade.
447
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:01,060
I told him the professor
What I thought he wanted
To hear.
448
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:04,364
You're just saying
That to make me
Feel better.
449
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,965
I mean, everything
In here is true,
450
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:08,501
Including
The part about
451
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:11,037
I've never had
"A non-sexual
Relationship."
452
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:12,739
Now, there.
453
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:15,375
That's a good example
Of exaggeration.
454
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:18,277
You and I have
A non-sexual relationship.
455
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,679
How can you
Say that?
456
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,781
Well, I think the fact
That we don't have sex
457
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,249
Is a major hint.
458
00:21:23,249 --> 00:21:26,453
That's just because
We promised
459
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,954
To try to keep
Our distance.
460
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,422
And we have.
461
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:32,124
Our relationship
Has reached
462
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,826
The mature
Adult stage.
463
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,263
Well, I wish
There was some way
464
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,666
I could
Prove it to you.
465
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,836
Well,
Maybe there is.
466
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:46,573
Sit on my lap.
467
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:49,542
I'm just trying to
Convince myself
468
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:51,444
That I can be
Close to a woman
469
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:53,746
Without it
Being sexual.
470
00:21:54,747 --> 00:21:56,949
The silliest
Thing I've--
471
00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:58,751
Come on, diane.
472
00:22:00,787 --> 00:22:04,724
Well, if it'll help
Prove something to you,
473
00:22:04,724 --> 00:22:05,958
All right.
474
00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:12,799
Boy, you're
Nervous.
475
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:14,100
I am not.
476
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:15,435
There.
We did it.
477
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:16,636
Hey, come on!
Come on!
478
00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:17,937
You can't just get
Up like that.
479
00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:19,472
That doesn't prove
Anything.
480
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:20,940
Come sit here
481
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,642
And let's try to
Have a normal
Conversation.
482
00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:25,712
There is nothing
Normal about this.
483
00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:26,746
Hey.
484
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:30,583
What do you want
To talk about?
485
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:31,918
It doesn't
Matter.
486
00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:34,654
Anything.
How about
The weather?
487
00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:35,522
Ok.
488
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,989
Nice weather.
489
00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:39,826
A little nippy.
490
00:22:39,826 --> 00:22:42,361
Well,
That's because
We're in boston.
491
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:46,399
Now, if we were
In, say,
Tahiti...
492
00:22:46,399 --> 00:22:47,500
Hmm.
493
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,036
We'd be lying
In the sun.
494
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,338
Getting a tan.
495
00:22:52,338 --> 00:22:54,006
Maybe even
A sunburn.
496
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:58,578
Well,
Not if we rubbed oil
All over each other.
497
00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:02,482
What are we trying
To prove again?
498
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,984
Something
About that
I can carry on
499
00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:06,519
A normal
Conversation
500
00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:08,788
Without it
Being sexual.
501
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:11,424
Well, so much
For the weather.
Oh, yeah.
502
00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:12,725
How about music?
503
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,261
No. We don't like
The same music.
504
00:23:15,261 --> 00:23:17,096
Well, we can
Talk about that.
505
00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:18,598
All right, uh...
506
00:23:18,598 --> 00:23:20,132
I like
Rock'n'roll.
507
00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:21,601
I like classical.
508
00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:23,169
The harmonies.
509
00:23:23,169 --> 00:23:24,170
Grandeur.
510
00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:26,172
The hot
Guitar licks.
511
00:23:26,172 --> 00:23:28,608
The strings
Washing over you
512
00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:31,243
In a darkened
Concert hall.
513
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,745
The driving
Beat.
514
00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:39,752
The low moan
Of the cello.
515
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,321
The drums,
516
00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:44,023
Pounding,
Pounding,
Pounding.
517
00:23:45,825 --> 00:23:48,394
But if we don't agree,
We don't agree.
518
00:23:48,394 --> 00:23:50,863
Yeah, right.
What's that
Leave us?
519
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:53,199
Religion.
Religion, all right.
The bible.
520
00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:54,601
Adam.
Eve.
521
00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:55,935
Fig leaves.
Sin.
522
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:57,637
All right!
523
00:23:57,637 --> 00:23:59,906
Well, I think
We proved our point.
524
00:23:59,906 --> 00:24:02,709
Clearly, we have
A nonsexual relationship,
525
00:24:02,709 --> 00:24:04,410
And you are
A fine human being.
526
00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:05,978
Well,
Thank you, diane.
527
00:24:05,978 --> 00:24:07,747
So if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go out there
528
00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:11,584
And tell them my paper's
Completely invalid.
529
00:24:11,584 --> 00:24:14,253
Your knob?
Yes, I believe so.
37713
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