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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:06,074 Sam: "Cheers" is filmed Before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:07,808 Ok, mr. Peterson, It's your turn 3 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:12,313 To send a tape recorded hello To my folks back home. 4 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,148 I don't know What to say Here, woody. 5 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,117 Just hurry it up, Will ya, normie? 6 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,818 I got some audio gems That'll have them howling In the old hoosier state. 7 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,553 In the old hoosier state. 8 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,656 Ok, just let me find the end Of miss chambers' message. 9 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,325 All right. 10 00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:26,794 Your son is A hard-working young man. 11 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,296 You should be proud! 12 00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,298 We at cheers Certainly are. 13 00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:31,732 [tape fast forwards] 14 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,502 I think it's a little Further along here. 15 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:37,738 I believe it was Elizabeth barrett browning Who said... 16 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:41,575 [tape fast forwards] 17 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,712 Now let me tell you A little bit about myself... 18 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:45,979 [tape fast forwards] 19 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:48,249 Fill me up. I think We're in here For a while. 20 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,125 * making your way In the world today * 21 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,760 * takes everything You've got * 22 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,930 * taking a break From all your worries * 23 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,566 * sure would help a lot * 24 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:09,703 * wouldn't you Like to get away? * 25 00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:14,275 * sometimes You wanna go * 26 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:19,580 * where everybody Knows your name * 27 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:24,585 * and they're always Glad you came * 28 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,587 * you wanna be Where you can see * 29 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,457 * our troubles Are all the same * 30 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:34,595 * you wanna be where Everybody knows your name * 31 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,930 * you wanna go Where people know * 32 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,700 * people are all the same * 33 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:44,372 * you wanna go where Everybody knows your name * 34 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,724 Okey-dokey. Mr. Peterson, 35 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,893 Found the end of Miss chambers' message. 36 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,628 It's ready to go. 37 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,929 Um...Hi, folks. 38 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,631 This is norm. 39 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,565 [tape stops] 40 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:18,071 Oh, no, that's the end Of the tape. 41 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:21,442 I'm sorry you didn't get to Leave your whole message. 42 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,844 That was The whole message. 43 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,746 Oh, thanks. 44 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,549 Sam, two beefeater Martinis, please. 45 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,418 [hums] 46 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,588 Well, you're Just bubbling With energy. 47 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:37,591 Oh, you must Have mastered The childproof cap 48 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,461 On your flintstones Vitamins. 49 00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:43,431 Yeah. That's Pretty cute, diane. 50 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:48,469 Hmm. Scored again. 51 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:50,404 I guess I'll be saying That a lot tonight. 52 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,676 You got an evening Of romance planned, Sam? 53 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,810 Yeah. I sure do. 54 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,613 Who's the bimbo Du jour? 55 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,454 That's the girl, All right. 56 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:09,457 Claudia's been A tough nut to crack, 57 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,292 But tonight's the night 58 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:17,097 She's gonna be enjoying All the rides in Sammy's magic kingdom. 59 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,532 She's in for A mickey mouse evening 60 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:22,836 With goofy as her guide. 61 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,506 Boy, sam, I wish I could read women like you. 62 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:28,309 I mean, I can never really tell When a woman likes me. 63 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:32,846 Hey, woody, women give off Different subtle signs Of interest. 64 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:37,585 Me, I stand there naked With a rose in my teeth. 65 00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,787 I'll watch for that one. 66 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,523 Sam, what signal Is your date giving you? 67 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:46,193 Not only is claudia Mentally undressing me, 68 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:49,430 She's mentally Fixing me breakfast The next morning. 69 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,203 I'm sorry this is Taking so long here. 70 00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,205 I hope You're not Getting bored. 71 00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,207 Oh, no. I enjoy Watching you work. 72 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,343 I'm glad to hear that. 73 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,745 You know, I've got Some mirrors at home. We can both watch. 74 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,746 [telephone rings] 75 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,381 [ring] 76 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,782 One second. Yeah? 77 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,284 Yeah, as a matter Of fact, he is. 78 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:14,388 Hold on one second. Cliffie, telephone. 79 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:16,390 Somebody wants To talk to cliff? 80 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,226 This is a first, bud. 81 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,028 I don't think Anyone's ever called You here before. 82 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,697 I know who this is. It's a tootsie On my route 83 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,666 Who's been eyeing The cut of my jib 84 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:28,402 Through Her levelors. 85 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,405 Her old man's probably Out of town. 86 00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,907 She's looking For a little c.O.D... 87 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,709 Cliffie on demand. 88 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,881 I know how To handle this babe. 89 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,883 Hello. 90 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:46,053 Listen, I never want To speak to you 91 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:49,357 As long as I live! Good-bye! 92 00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:50,424 Who's that? 93 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:51,659 It was a man Who has the nerve 94 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,894 To call himself my father. 95 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:57,598 He'd have to have nerve To admit that. 96 00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:01,835 Are you still Carrying a grudge? 97 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,071 Damn straight How would you feel if Your father deserted you 98 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,273 At the formative age of 9? 99 00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,008 Well, cliff, don't you At least want to hear What he has to say? 100 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,712 Perhaps he's trying To make amends. 101 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:15,015 No way. I don't want to have Anything to do with that bum. 102 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,984 I know how these Father/son relationships Can be. 103 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,686 I remember my dad Didn't want me 104 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,421 To get serious With vera. 105 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,690 He'd heard that She had loose morals. You're kidding? 106 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,625 Actually he got The story wrong. 107 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,660 Turns out She had loose molars. 108 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,866 At least you had A father figure, norm. 109 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,301 Norm. 110 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:37,137 Yeah. 111 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,639 Sam. 112 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,842 Hmm? Yes, five minutes, We'll be out of here. 113 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,444 What's this? 114 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:47,781 A date of yours Reading artforum Magazine? 115 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,752 And it's Right side up, too. 116 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,721 I hope this doesn't mean 117 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:57,758 We're going to have To talk afterwards. 118 00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,661 Why do I keep trying To communicate with you? 119 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:03,531 It must be The margaret mead in me. 120 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,535 That's a wonderful issue. 121 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,470 Yes, it is. 122 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,674 Did you happen To read their article 123 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,375 On chinese tapestries? 124 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,877 Yes. It was fascinating. 125 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,045 Wasn't it? 126 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,547 The only problem was 127 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,683 20 minutes later, I wanted to read it again. 128 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:28,556 Ha! Reads and has A sense of humor. 129 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:30,357 Did you lose a bet? 130 00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,159 Excuse me? 131 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,995 I'm diane chambers. 132 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,396 Claudia mitchell. 133 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:40,200 So, you and sam Are going...Out? 134 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,702 Yes, we're going to try 135 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,804 That new indian restaurant, Rajah's. 136 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:47,808 Oh, I understand Their chef is a master Of tandoori cooking. 137 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,511 I don't really know that much About indian food. 138 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:53,747 It's the one area Where I'm not really able To be pretentious. 139 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,717 Well, I am, so we have The bases covered. 140 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,919 Mind if I sit down? 141 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,020 Please! 142 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:03,356 I mean, after all, The game of billiards 143 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,358 Was invented By the ancient phoenicians. 144 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:08,562 It gained Newfound popularity 145 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:11,532 After a group Of benedictine monks Invented felt. 146 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,869 Thank you, sam. 147 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:18,739 Good lord. 148 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:22,409 I think that's my father. 149 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,112 There's still time to Slip out through the Window in the bathroom. 150 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,880 No, no. I want to hear What the rat has to say. 151 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,517 Don't let on who I am, huh? 152 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,952 Can I help you? 153 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,155 Yeah. Do you happen to know Cliff clavin? 154 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,457 I, uh... 155 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,927 I... 156 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,029 Sam, I'm no good Under pressure. 157 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,699 Hi. I'm sam malone. I'm the owner of the place. 158 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,035 Oh, hi. I'm cliff, sr., His father. 159 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,670 I called his ma, And said he hangs out Here sometimes. 160 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,404 Is he around? 161 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:55,676 Uh...No, actually, He's not. I think He's away on business. 162 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,878 That's too bad. I wanted to talk To him. 163 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,780 Gee, it's funny. My own son, I don't even know 164 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,081 What he does For a living, 165 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:02,950 I don't even know What he looks like. 166 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,253 Cliff might be away For a while here. 167 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,089 Is there any message You'd like me to give to him? 168 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,792 I think I'll Hang around awhile. It's kind of personal. 169 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,627 I'd like to deliver It myself. 170 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:14,995 Oh. Here. 171 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:15,929 Oh, thanks. 172 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:20,934 Excuse me. 173 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,673 I got something To say. 174 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,509 Can I have The sports page? 175 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,278 Oh. Yeah, sure. 176 00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:32,713 There you are. 177 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,753 [speaking french] 178 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,264 Well, you two seem To be getting along. 179 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,334 Are you ready? 180 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,037 Not to mention Willing and able. 181 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,038 A bientôt. 182 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:58,839 J'espere. 183 00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:02,075 I have this great idea. 184 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,078 Why don't we invite diane To come with us For dinner. 185 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,313 What? 186 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:09,082 Oh, no. I don't think That would be a good idea. 187 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,819 No, don't be silly. It would be perfect. 188 00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,854 Diane knows All about indian food. 189 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:14,855 Well, yeah, so do I. 190 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,023 I'll order buffalo. 191 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:19,059 You can have The geronimo burger. 192 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,562 Claudia, I really don't want 193 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,864 To be A third wheel. 194 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,866 Yeah, but I want you To come, diane. 195 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,334 Yeah, but I want us To be alone. 196 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,302 Well, there's plenty Of time for that later. 197 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:32,539 Besides, what could You do in a restaurant Full of people? 198 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,308 You'd be surprised. 199 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,877 Yes, you would. 200 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,446 What? Just butt out Of this whole thing. 201 00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:43,483 Sam, I think you're Being kind of a drip About this. 202 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,886 Quite frankly, I am surprised at you. 203 00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:48,588 Oh. Well, all right. 204 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,590 Diane, if you have Nothing better to do 205 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,460 Than tag along, Why don't you join us? 206 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,428 I really Don't think-- 207 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,164 Oh, please, diane. I insist. 208 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,331 It'll be fun. 209 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,800 Yeah. Loads. 210 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,903 Great! Then we're set. Ok. 211 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,105 I'm gonna go freshen up, And I'll be back in a minute. 212 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,573 Okey-doke. 213 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,408 Please get me Out of this. 214 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,110 Uh-uh. If you don't go, 215 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,912 She's going to think That I told you not to go, 216 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,580 And then she's gonna think I'm even a bigger heel. 217 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,815 You're going. 218 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:18,418 Ok. Fine. Fine. 219 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:19,552 You bet, "Fine. Fine." 220 00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,122 Give me the phone, Will you? 221 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,891 Sam, You're out of your mind. 222 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,893 Please, I may look stupid, 223 00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,361 But I'm way Ahead of her. 224 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:32,565 Give me some credit For having brains, Will ya? Hello. 225 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,701 Hello. 226 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,703 Uh...Yeah, This is sam malone. 227 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:40,040 I made a reservation For two at 7:00. 228 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,675 I want to make sure It's an intimate table 229 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:44,211 That seats only two. 230 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,213 Yeah, and there'll be A third person coming along, 231 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:50,751 But I want to make sure That she's seated far away. 232 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,653 No, no. The farther The better. 233 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,089 In fact, do you have Something in bombay? 234 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,725 Yeah. Bye. 235 00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,993 You're a genius. 236 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,895 I kinda think I'm wasting my time here. 237 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,264 If cliffie comes in, Tell him I was here. 238 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,598 Thanks for the beer. 239 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:06,800 Gonna say Something to him? 240 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,169 I got nothing to say. 241 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:12,505 Mr. Clavin, maybe cliff Will call you later. 242 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,608 Well, He better make it fast. 243 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,977 I'm leaving tomorrow. 244 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,445 Gee, that's too bad. 245 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,814 I'd really like To make my peace With the kid. 246 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:24,017 Well, thanks anyway. 247 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,819 Hold it right there, Clavin! 248 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,129 I'm cliff clavin, jr. 249 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,633 You're cliff. 250 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,602 You wasted your time Coming here. 251 00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:45,638 After what you done to Me, there can be no Peace between us. 252 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,107 Now hit the bricks! 253 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,776 Cliffie? 254 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:51,644 What? 255 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,113 What's that? 256 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:53,914 Where? 257 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,817 Gotcha! Ha ha ha! 258 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,919 Aw, dad, You always knew 259 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,520 How to push The right buttons. 260 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,989 Hey! 261 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,605 I just can't stop Talking about That meal. 262 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,607 It was simple And delicate, 263 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:21,674 Yet provocative. 264 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,176 Well, I never had anything 265 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,178 Quite like that Lamb vindaloo. 266 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,914 Great recommendation, Diane. 267 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,916 How was your meal, sam? 268 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:29,983 The only thing that Tasted good at the table 269 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,886 Turned out later To be a candle. 270 00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:36,756 You're not still angry About sitting alone? 271 00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:41,528 I wasn't alone. 272 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:44,197 You're forgetting about That 300-pound hindu 273 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,933 With the goitre That kept fanning me. 274 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:50,370 Sam, I know this date Hasn't turned out The way you planned it. 275 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,874 Maybe we could still Salvage something Of the evening. 276 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:57,110 Maybe we could go someplace For dessert. 277 00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,313 If I might make A suggestion. 278 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,883 Why don't you 2 go upstairs To melville's? 279 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,684 They have great Cheesecake. 280 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,453 I have A better idea-- 281 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,990 Why don't we Go over to my place For a little sammy's jubilee. 282 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,225 Sammy! It's your Beer distributor. 283 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,995 He says there's Some problem with Next month's order. 284 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:18,665 Let him talk to woody. Woody handled it last month. 285 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,667 I think that's The problem. 286 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,668 Damn. 287 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,436 Uh...All right. 288 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,373 Listen, We'll go up to melville's For your cheesecake, 289 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,475 But then we're going back to My place for your beefcake. 290 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,211 You've got some work to do, Don't you? 291 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,681 Evening, everybody. 292 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,682 Norm! Norm! Norm! 293 00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,950 Norman. 294 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,618 What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson? 295 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:39,987 Boxer shorts And loose shoes. 296 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,789 I'll settle For a beer. 297 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:45,525 So how was The hungry heifer? 298 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,626 It wasn't too good. 299 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:49,396 Oh? What did you have? 300 00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:52,299 They've got this Chef's special ribs. 301 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,201 Well, that sounds Pretty good. 302 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,869 That's what I thought. 303 00:13:55,869 --> 00:14:00,440 The chef just came out And made fun of my tie. 304 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,910 So cliffie and his dad Not back yet? 305 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,345 Oh, no. They had very big plans. 306 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,148 Mr. Clavin Wanted to spend the evening Getting to know his son. 307 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:11,451 And the rest of his life Trying to forget. 308 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,154 Hey, woody, next time You order beer from The distributor, 309 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:17,290 Try to be more specific Than "Lots." 310 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,460 Sorry, sam. 311 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,628 I called melville's. 312 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:24,231 They have just two Pieces of cheesecake Left. 313 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,599 No more, no less, No diane. 314 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:30,470 Next to sammy's life, My life sure looks dull, Doesn't it? 315 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:34,407 Next to a barnacle, My life seems dull. 316 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:38,511 Say, that cheesecake Can be pretty fattening. 317 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,647 You got any ideas How we could Work it off? 318 00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:44,484 May I say something To you, sam? Please. 319 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,487 The first few times That we went out, 320 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:51,191 I thought you Were coming on A little strong. 321 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:55,095 I now miss Those gentler times. 322 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,496 Claudia, trust me. 323 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,898 You're about to come upon The gentlest time 324 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,900 That you've ever known. 325 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,769 Good lord, sam. 326 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,904 What? That was good. 327 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,240 I'm afraid We're just not 328 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,242 What each other's Looking for. 329 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,244 All right. Maybe you're right. 330 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:15,515 Wait, listen. I want to wish you A happy life. 331 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,285 As happy as you can be Without me. 332 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,022 Come on, there are No hard feelings Here, are there? 333 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,723 No. No. On the contrary. 334 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,725 I'm glad that This happened 335 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,527 Because I feel That everything, 336 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:31,531 No matter how degrading And humiliating, 337 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:34,667 Should be experienced At least once in life. 338 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,637 Well, uh, wait a second Here, claudia. 339 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,938 Let's talk about this. 340 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,407 Claudia? 341 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,744 Claudia left Rather abruptly. 342 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,147 Didn't even Say good-bye. 343 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:50,150 Was she upset About something? 344 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,485 Yeah, she was upset About something. 345 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,687 Your little plan Worked perfectly. 346 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,789 What are you Talking about? 347 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,993 I can't believe You're actually Making me say this. 348 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,561 What? 349 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,563 Why don't you admit That you're nuts About me. 350 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:07,000 You can't stand Seeing me going out With other women, 351 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,968 So you eliminate The competition. 352 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:16,243 Sam, you're hormones Have staged a coup d'état On your brain. 353 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:22,449 No, no. Don't try to distract me With hormone talk. 354 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,717 Well, as long As we're talking About transparent plans, 355 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,753 Why don't you just admit That you brought 356 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,455 That clone of me here 357 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:31,124 Because you're still Hung up on me. 358 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:35,795 Are you kidding me? There's only one reason Why you came back here-- 359 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:38,431 Because you asked me. 360 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,433 I asked you. You begged to come back. 361 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,502 I mean, we're Splitting hairs here. 362 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:43,836 Sam, melville's Wants to know 363 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,605 If you still want That cheesecake. 364 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,774 Yes, I want that cheesecake. Tell them I'll be right up. 365 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,909 And I'm gonna go up and I'm Gonna have that cheesecake All by myself. 366 00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,379 It's gonna be the best company I've had all evening. 367 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:53,813 Indeed. 368 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:56,616 Unless maybe You want to come 369 00:16:56,616 --> 00:17:00,120 And make the evening A complete disaster. 370 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,954 I wouldn't have Cheesecake with you 371 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,957 If you were The last man on earth 372 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:07,727 And it was the last Morsel of food. 373 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:17,104 I'm getting kind of used To eating by myself Anyway. 374 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,814 Well, it is Delicious cheesecake. 375 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,521 Does your offer Include coffee? 376 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:37,090 Maybe. 377 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,325 And a refill? 378 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,293 Don't push it. 379 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:44,631 Sam... 380 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:49,536 I am sorry that you Had to eat alone. 381 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,504 It's ok. 382 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,506 What did you guys Talk about anyway? 383 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:57,277 Well, we talked About the postmodernists 384 00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,946 And the trend Away from minimalism In literature. 385 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:04,251 All of a sudden, my Table doesn't seem So bad after all. 386 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:09,256 And he says, "Yeah. My sister." 387 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:14,961 Whoa, whoa. Time for a little In-flight refueling. 388 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,230 Oh, good. 389 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,766 You're good for another Thousand miles. 390 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,671 You two look like You've been having A heck of a time. 391 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:25,705 What did you do? 392 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,940 He better ask what We didn't do. 393 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,343 How about if we Just withdrew The question? 394 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:33,246 Well, we caught the first Quarter of the celtics game, 395 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,714 Went down to the petting zoo. 396 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,583 It was nice, but we peeked Over the fence. 397 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,585 We went fishing In the charles 398 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,820 And dad took me to The all-night barbers For a haircut. 399 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:44,757 Yeah, next time he's Gonna them all cut. 400 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,627 Then later Over a hot dog 401 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,362 We had a little Father and son talk... 402 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:50,763 About the birds And bees. 403 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,799 Yeah, well, I already knew About that stuff. 404 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:57,170 There was one thing That was a little bit Shocking, though. 405 00:18:57,170 --> 00:19:00,006 Excuse me, daddy. I got to make a pit stop. 406 00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,908 Yeah, yeah. Go right Ahead. I'll refuel A little myself . 407 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,343 [siren wails] 408 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,446 Hey, listen, tell me About cliffie. 409 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,215 You guys know him A lot better than I do. 410 00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,217 Is he really as nice a guy As he seems? 411 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,884 You bet. 412 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,119 And smart, too. 413 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,387 One of the smartest Guys I've met. 414 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,922 And dependable. 415 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:18,258 Call cliff at 4:00 In the morning, He's there. 416 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,260 Where else would he be? 417 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,598 Hey, mr. Clavin, Do you have the gift Of gab like your son? 418 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,133 Nah. That comes From his mother's side. 419 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,536 She's the real yapper In the family. 420 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:33,473 My god, she gets rolling, She's like a hyena on bennies. 421 00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,141 Hey, dad, come on, Time's a-wastin'. 422 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,476 What do you say We go out 423 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,345 And get a set Of matching tattoos? 424 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,879 Cliffie, I got to get cracking. 425 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,514 I got a plane to catch. 426 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,149 Come on, dad. We have so much Time. 427 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,517 You know, We haven't talked. 428 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,387 We don't know About each other. 429 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:48,688 I just had A terrific idea. 430 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:49,956 Oh, yeah? What's that, dad? 431 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,058 Why don't you come To australia with me. 432 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,261 Australia? 433 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:55,662 Yeah. 434 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:56,863 I don't know if I Can leave all this, Dad, 435 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,130 My friends, my job. 436 00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,099 You can make new friends, And you don't need a job. 437 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:01,200 What? 438 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,502 I got a lot of dough Stashed away. 439 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,404 We could live like kings. 440 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,239 I need time to think About it. 441 00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,540 There's no time. I got to go now. 442 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,208 What's the rush? 443 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,044 I have got to get out Of this country As fast as I can. 444 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,113 What's going on, Dad? 445 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,348 Ok, listen, I'll level with you. 446 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,149 You're my son. I can trust you. 447 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:20,086 My business has got me In a little trouble With the law. 448 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,755 What kind of business Is that? 449 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,558 Real estate fraud. 450 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,861 Dad, that's illegal. 451 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:31,831 Good. I'm not going Too fast for you. 452 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,434 Listen, cliffie, Come on, you going To come with me? 453 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:37,103 No, look, dad, I can't let you do this. 454 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,205 How about You give the money back, 455 00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:40,607 Throw yourself On the mercy of the court, 456 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:41,908 They'll let you off With a slap on the wrist. 457 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:42,842 10 years, max. 458 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,511 10 years? Come on, cliff. Grow up. 459 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,112 We're talking about Heavy cake here. 460 00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,747 Now, I want you to come. Are you gonna come Or no? 461 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,250 How do you know I'm not gonna turn you in? 462 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:55,455 Cliffie, you're Not going to turn in Your own father. 463 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,458 I know that, And you know that. 464 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:01,461 Yeah. You're right, dad. 465 00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,195 All right, I had A couple of beers. 466 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:06,366 I'm gonna make one more Stop, then I'm gone. 467 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,974 Give me the phone. 468 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:15,908 What's wrong? 469 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,612 My old man's a crook. 470 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,781 He's leaving the country One step ahead of the law. 471 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,083 You're not gonna Rat on your old man? 472 00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,251 Think about this, Will ya? 473 00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,687 There's nothing To think about. 474 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:28,788 Information? 475 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,290 Yeah, give me The federal authorities. 476 00:21:33,493 --> 00:21:34,794 I don't know. 477 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,964 Somebody in charge Of rotten daddies. 478 00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:40,800 I can't do it. 479 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,337 I've aided a fugitive From justice. 480 00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:46,339 I'm a disgrace To my uniform. 481 00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:49,509 Hey, come on. Come off it, clavin. 482 00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:51,511 You didn't Disgrace anything. 483 00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:54,514 You can't Turn the old guy in 484 00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:55,815 Because You love him. 485 00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:59,352 Anyone would Understand that. 486 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,522 Thank you, carla. 487 00:22:02,522 --> 00:22:04,791 You're right. 488 00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:06,993 I do love him. 489 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:08,628 Matter of fact, 490 00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,530 I think I'll go Give him a big hug Right now. 491 00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:12,599 Yo, cliffie, I think it Might be a little uncool 492 00:22:12,599 --> 00:22:14,767 To hug him In the men's room. 493 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:19,539 I guess you're Right, norm. 494 00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,107 What the heck? I can't wait. 495 00:22:21,107 --> 00:22:24,210 It's the longest We've been apart All day. 496 00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,712 Carla... 497 00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:27,680 You know, for a minute there, You treated cliff 498 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,482 As if he was A human being. 499 00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:35,555 What you are Experiencing Is a half melvin. 500 00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:37,957 You breathe One word of this, 501 00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:40,693 And I'm going To give you A full melvin. 502 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:43,696 I think We understand each other. 503 00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:52,739 He's gone. 504 00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:58,344 This is all that's left. 505 00:22:58,344 --> 00:23:02,281 What do you suppose Happened to him? 506 00:23:02,281 --> 00:23:04,116 It's obvious, isn't it? 507 00:23:04,116 --> 00:23:06,018 My father didn't trust me, 508 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:09,856 So he gave me the slip Out the bathroom window. 509 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:18,565 Guess I'll just go home. 510 00:23:24,571 --> 00:23:27,139 You're ruling out The other possibility. 511 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:30,810 What other possibility? 512 00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:33,412 It's a little-known fact-- 513 00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:37,617 More and more people have Been going into men's rooms 514 00:23:37,617 --> 00:23:40,052 And vaporizing. 515 00:23:40,052 --> 00:23:43,756 I mean, just disappearing Into thin air. 516 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,558 It's an unexplained Phenomenon. 517 00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:46,559 It's kinda like The bermuda triangle. 518 00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:47,827 That's right. 519 00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:52,965 Yeah, yeah. Get serious, will you? 520 00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:54,066 Have it your way. 521 00:23:58,505 --> 00:23:59,506 Well... 522 00:23:59,506 --> 00:24:02,509 However, This much is true-- 523 00:24:02,509 --> 00:24:05,778 There have been recent Sightings of human beings 524 00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,514 Being shot up Into the underbelly 525 00:24:07,514 --> 00:24:08,915 Of alien spacecraft. 526 00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:12,819 You know, and speaking Of the bermuda triangle, 527 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:15,254 It's not technically A triangle. 528 00:24:15,254 --> 00:24:16,823 It's not? 529 00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:17,624 Heck, no. 530 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:20,226 It's a trapezedaromboid. 531 00:24:20,226 --> 00:24:22,962 They're perfect for attracting Martian spacecraft. 38483

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