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1
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,074
Cliff: cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:08,342
Let me help you
With that, sam.
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,678
It's ok, woody.
I'm not as old as I look.
4
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,446
Really?
5
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:15,849
Sam, I don't know if this
Would interest you,
6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:19,720
But I have an extra ticket
Tonight for jacques brell
Is alive and well
7
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,954
And living in paris.
8
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:24,725
Ahh, he's not doing that
Underwater stuff anymore?
9
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,461
Ha ha ha ha ha.
10
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:30,131
Jacques brell
Was a belgian balladeer
11
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:34,135
Who wrote songs
Of great passion and power
In the fifties and sixties.
12
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,636
You mean like, uh...
13
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,271
Who put the bop in
The bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop?
14
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,273
Ah, so you're busy.
15
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,310
Who put the bop?
16
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,545
Yeah. You remember that?
The great old song,
17
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,046
Right up there
With yakety yak.
18
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,515
Yakety yak?
19
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:50,718
Come on, you remember
The coasters, don't you?
20
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:51,819
No.
21
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,254
You're kidding.
22
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,855
How about the shirelles
Or the platters
23
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,357
Or dixie cups?
24
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:57,758
Sorry.
25
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,228
You don't remember
Any of those old groups?
26
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:03,564
Oh, old groups.
You mean like devo.
27
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,301
Maybe you better
Take this.
28
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,409
* makin' your way
In the world today *
29
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:18,546
* takes everything
You've got *
30
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:21,282
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
31
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,451
* sure would help a lot *
32
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:28,222
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
33
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,526
* sometimes you wanna go *
34
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:36,330
* where everybody
Knows your name *
35
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:42,536
* and they're always
Glad you came *
36
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:44,805
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
37
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,608
* our troubles
Are all the same *
38
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:51,545
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
39
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,416
* you wanna go
Where people know *
40
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,918
* people are all the same *
41
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,220
* you wanna go *
42
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,456
* where everybody
Knows your name *
43
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:24,212
Off to class, huh?
What do you got today?
44
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:27,215
Ahh, sissy french painters
Of the 17th century.
45
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:30,884
As a matter of fact,
I'm on my way
46
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,686
To my beginning
Meem class.
47
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:33,621
Meem?
48
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,123
Most people
Pronounce it mime.
49
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,658
Mime?
50
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:39,927
Yeah, you know, woody,
51
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,862
Those guys with white paint
All over their faces,
52
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:45,266
So bouncy and happy you just
Wanna strangle them.
53
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,867
You're not serious.
54
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,302
Everyone loves a meem.
55
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,104
No, everybody loves a clown.
Everybody hates a mime.
56
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,774
That's simply not true.
57
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,610
Well, you know,
I saw this guy in
The common one day.
58
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,712
Did an amazing
Performance.
59
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,681
He did a crane,
60
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,316
A mother crane
Feeding its young.
61
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:05,619
Turns out, the guy's
Actually choking on
A piece of gum.
62
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:08,322
I was moved, frankly.
63
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:11,191
Norm, you can make light
Of it all you want,
64
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,660
But it is an ancient art form.
65
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:16,464
It has been around since
The times of caesar augustine.
66
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:20,501
Yeah? So are those socks
You're wearing. Who cares?
67
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,971
You know, it is the purest
Form of communication.
68
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:28,542
Diane, why don't you give us
A little exhibition here?
69
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,545
Oh, I couldn't.
I'm really just
A novice.
70
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,615
I've only had 3 lessons.
All right.
71
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:40,153
Ladies and gentlemen,
Diane the mimette.
72
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,556
All right, she's starting off
Here with your basic
73
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,258
Cop directing traffic.
74
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,993
[sam laughs]
75
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:51,332
Segueing into a waiter
Carrying a heavy tray
Of dishes.
76
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,833
Yeah, it's good.
77
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:57,338
Completing it with the midget
Imitating judy garland.
78
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,873
Very nice. Bravo, bravo.
79
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,644
Yeah, good.
80
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,914
It was a person trapped
In a shrinking box.
81
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,350
I'd say you better
Scurry off to class.
82
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,785
You got a lot
Of practicing to do.
83
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,454
Now that I know.
84
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,589
Hey, sammy, mail in?
85
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,525
Yeah. Here you go, carla.
86
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,602
You expecting something special?
87
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,504
Oh, I don't wanna
Talk about it.
88
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,805
It's too depressing.
89
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,675
Oh, come on.
We're your buddies here.
90
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,244
Yeah, you don't wanna
Keep that stuff inside.
91
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,512
It'll eat you up.
92
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,047
That's what I need--
93
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,416
You chowderheads trying
To solve my problems.
94
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:46,086
Come on, now.
I'd say that 4 brains
Plus whatever cliffy has
95
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,556
Are better than one.
96
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,791
Come on. We wanna help.
Let us help.
97
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,361
Ok, ok. Try this one
For size--
98
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,963
In case you haven't noticed,
99
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,632
My luck with men hasn't
Been so great lately.
100
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,635
In fact, all my dates
Fall into 2 categories--
101
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:06,474
Geeks and those studying
To enter the geekhood.
102
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:09,643
So in order
To increase my odds,
103
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,746
I decided to enlist the full
Resources of the media.
104
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:17,150
I put this ad in the personals
Of boston scene,
105
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:21,188
So it's been 2 weeks,
And no one has answered.
106
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,656
Can you help with that?
107
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,059
Well, all right,
Give us a second here.
108
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,061
Guys...
109
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,669
Hey...
Yeah. What?
110
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,773
You got a crack in
The ceiling there, sammy.
111
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,709
Just what I thought.
Thanks, guys.
112
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:44,678
Oh, come on, come on.
We're just kidding now.
113
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,979
We're gonna really help.
114
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,881
Why would he write you
Here, anyway?
115
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,418
You think I want some
Sex-starved creep
116
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,685
Camped out on my doorstep?
117
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,688
One of my neighbors
Might get him first.
118
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,657
Let me see the ad.
Which one is it?
119
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,693
Right there after
"Speed eater
Seeks same."
120
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,928
All right, all right.
121
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,498
"Divorced female,
122
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:08,536
Warm, witty, and italian
In every way except fat."
123
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:09,837
Sounds good so far.
124
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:15,175
Yeah. "33, 5'1/4",
Dark-brown hair,
125
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:18,879
"Brown eyes, no visible scars,
Tattoos or birthmarks,
126
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:22,816
"Seeking possible
Serious relationship.
127
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:28,288
Note: I have 6 children.
This is not a misprint. 6."
128
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:33,093
Oh, my, I can't believe.
Not one guy has answered this?
129
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,695
Carla, my dear,
130
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,730
You're forgetting the basic
Principle of advertising--
131
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:37,665
Lying.
132
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,735
Oh, sure, I can tell 'em
I got no kids, right?
133
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:45,739
I could tell 'em
That I'm 21, 5'9",
134
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,709
Gorgeous green eyes,
Flaming red hair,
135
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,111
And ta-tas till tuesday.
136
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,448
How am I gonna explain
The way I really look
When he sees me?
137
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,849
Stress?
138
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,852
All right, next time
I spill my guts,
139
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,554
Remind me to do it
In front of friends.
140
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:01,822
I was just trying
To cheer you up.
141
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,491
I am in no mood
To be cheered up.
142
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:07,461
Next guy tries to
Cheer me up is gonna
Get open-face surgery.
143
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,196
[whistles]
144
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:14,768
I don't get it. She's got ta-tas
Till monday afternoon at least.
145
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:18,772
Boy, she's really bad off.
We gotta think here now.
146
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,774
Come on, put ourselves
In her place.
147
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:24,545
What would I do
If I couldn't get a date?
148
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,514
Who am I kidding?
149
00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:27,881
Why don't one of us
Write her?
150
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,550
Yeah, you wanna
Date her?
151
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:33,787
No, no, no. No, I think
He means why don't we
Make up a guy?
152
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,589
I don't know, man.
Make up a guy?
153
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,224
Too risky, too risky.
154
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,827
Yeah, she'd suspect something
The minute she met him.
155
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,598
No, no, we wouldn't have
To let it go that far.
156
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,535
In the meantime,
We're giving her hope,
A little confidence...
157
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,837
The more confident she is,
The more attractive she'll feel.
158
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:51,805
Make her more attractive
To some real guy
159
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,006
Or something like that.
160
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,374
Sounds good.
161
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:55,843
All right, I'm in.
162
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:59,813
We're in. All for one
And one for all, right?
163
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,583
Gee, mr. Clavin, your hands
Are soft like a girl's.
164
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:08,622
My feet have got calluses
On 'em just like every
Other part of my body.
165
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:11,124
Woody, get me
Some paper there.
166
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,226
Hey, carla's gonna love this,
Don't you think?
167
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,696
I hope she realizes
What great friends she has here.
168
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,731
She will. And if
She doesn't,
169
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,533
What do you say
We have this guy
Dump all over her?
170
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,834
Good idea.
171
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,502
We don't have anything
With lines.
172
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,837
That's ok.
I'll be careful.
173
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,438
Ok, before we start
Writing,
174
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,108
I suggest we
Just figure out who
Exactly this guy is.
175
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,310
Hey, we're making him up. He can
Be anybody we want him to be--
176
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,812
Doctor, ski instructor.
177
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:32,980
No, that's the point.
If the guy's too fabulous,
178
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:35,115
She'll be onto us
In a second.
179
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:38,485
All right. It's gotta
Be somebody who's not
In her league usually.
180
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:41,789
We can make him a postman.
181
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,290
Nah, nah, too much.
182
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,560
You guys,
We're sunk already.
183
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,128
She asked
For a picture.
184
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,731
No, wait a second.
We're back afloat here.
185
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:53,667
Check this out. How's this
For your basic stud?
186
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,637
Oh, yeah, he's great.
Who is he?
187
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,906
No idea. Just came
With the wallet.
188
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:08,415
Hey, look at this.
Letter for carla tortelli.
189
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:09,416
What?
190
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,550
My goodness.
191
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,754
Let me see.
Come on, come on.
192
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,188
What's the magic word?
193
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,256
Gelding.
194
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,825
That's the one.
Yeah.
195
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:20,193
What is it, carla?
196
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:24,765
Someone or thing had the nerve
To answer my ad.
197
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:29,569
Ok, everybody gather round
For a good laugh.
198
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,539
"My dearest carla...
199
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:36,276
I was intrigued
By your warm, honest ad."
200
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,380
"I'll be candid as well.
201
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:45,218
I was married myself,
But, sadly, it failed."
202
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,054
Waah-waah.
203
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:53,994
"I'm not much for bars."
Hmm. "Or the single scene.
204
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:57,330
"I prefer a quiet night,
A warm fire,
205
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,331
And pleasant company."
206
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,067
Very sensitive.
207
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:06,173
Hmm..."I'd love to meet you
Soon, but, unfortunately,
208
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:10,077
"My job as an international
Airline pilot
209
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:15,949
Keeps me real busy flying places
Most people only dream about."
210
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:16,750
Whoo.
211
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,852
Talking adventuresome.
212
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,089
"For the moment, then,
213
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:25,225
We'll have to depend on
The u.S. Postal service."
214
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,626
No trouble there.
215
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:30,463
"Sincerely, mitch wainwright.
216
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,100
P.S. I love kids."
217
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,102
Oh, no, you're kidding me.
218
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,637
Boy, whoo, you really hit
The mother lode there,
Didn't you?
219
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,639
Ahh, I don't know.
220
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,241
What do you mean
You don't know?
221
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,375
What do you want?
222
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:47,214
Well, I guess he does sound
Kind of...Great.
223
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,716
You bet he does.
224
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:51,819
Carla, you have
No way of knowing
225
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:54,121
If this man is telling
The truth about himself.
226
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,456
Don't you think
I thought of that?
227
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:59,259
But if this guy is only
Half as good as he sounds,
228
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:02,863
He's twice as good as any
Of the dirtbags I've ever dated.
229
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,597
Just wish he sent a picture.
230
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,665
He did.
231
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,735
What?
He probably did.
232
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,704
He usually--check in
The envelope there.
233
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:12,773
There is a picture.
234
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,674
Oh, yeah?
235
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,911
[squeals] come to mama.
236
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,613
Look at that guy. Whoo!
237
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,682
Handsome, yeah.
238
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,152
Good vibes, huh?
239
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:30,123
There's something suspicious
About this whole situation.
240
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,425
No, there's nothing
Suspicious here.
241
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,694
How do you know?
242
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,430
I know, I know.
243
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:41,468
Sam...Is this your handiwork?
244
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,004
Uhhhhhh...
245
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:48,942
I can't believe you did
Something this stupid.
246
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,477
She was depressed.
247
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,012
We were just trying
To help her out,
That's all.
248
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,713
Nothing's going to top
The depression
249
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,715
Of going after
The man of her dreams
250
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,017
And finding you there.
251
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,719
Believe me, I know
Whereof I speak.
252
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,923
There's no way
She's gonna find out.
253
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,625
Hey, this guy
Looks familiar.
254
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,761
Where have I seen
This face before?
255
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,897
Er, uh, probably
The airport.
256
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:10,931
Yeah, pilots hang out there.
257
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,032
All the time.
258
00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:14,734
I got it.
He's in a frame
259
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,870
I just bought
At woolworth's.
260
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,140
You're kidding.
261
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,378
Oh, my god.
He's a model, too.
262
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:28,882
Hey.
263
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,320
[all snicker]
264
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:47,367
So, did carla get
The latest edition
265
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,902
Of the mitch
Gazette yet?
266
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,737
She's in the back
Reading it right now.
267
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:54,875
Have you noticed how carla's
Kind of perking up lately?
268
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:59,512
I'll admit, she's
Much less repulsive.
269
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,981
Bordering on
Sufferable,
270
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,216
But that doesn't make
What you're doing right.
271
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,986
Oh, come on. Give her
Her moment in the sun there.
272
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:09,022
I mean, after all,
You had yours with me.
273
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:12,625
You're not referring
To that nanosecond
274
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,294
Under a penlight,
Are you?
275
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,437
Oh, no.
276
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,808
What is that?
277
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,577
Little surprise
I have for you, sam.
278
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,511
I hate surprises.
279
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,882
And you know
What else I hate.
280
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,952
Bravo.
281
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:41,821
Sam, I'd like you
To meet lev agajanian,
282
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,690
Better known as sotto the mime.
283
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,192
Sotto, this is sam malone.
284
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,994
Oh, hi.
285
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,196
That's very funny,
Very funny.
286
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,699
Get him out of here,
Please.
287
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:56,669
Sam, be nice. Sotto
Is our mime in residence
At the college
288
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,771
And a visitor
To this country.
289
00:13:58,771 --> 00:13:59,772
Whatever.
290
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:03,310
Hi! My name's woody boyd!
291
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,945
Woody, you don't
Have to shout.
292
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,980
Oh, he's a lip reader.
293
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,149
Sam, what would you say
294
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,851
If I told you that sotto
Has generously offered
295
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,454
To entertain
Your customers?
No.
296
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,189
Oh, please.
No.
297
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,191
I predict that by
The end of the evening,
298
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,660
You'll have fallen in love
With this art form.
299
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,630
And sotto
Will have picked up
A lot of spare change.
300
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,001
This is the stuff I hate.
301
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,406
Sam,
This is his art.
302
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:36,876
Well, just keep his art
Out of my face.
303
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,178
Aw, thank you, sam.
304
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,513
Hey, would you please
Get of my bar there?
305
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,049
You won't regret this.
306
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,519
So where's your flyboy
Off to this time, carla?
307
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,021
Cairo.
308
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,890
He's gonna buzz the sphinx
For me in his 747.
309
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,893
Oh, good lord.
310
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,696
Even the stick's jealous.
311
00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:00,833
I just can't wait to meet
This guy face to face.
312
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,270
Although I am gonna play
Hard-to-get.
313
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:06,273
I intend to meet him
With all my clothes on.
314
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:08,641
Carla, since you mentioned it,
315
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,510
When are you going to meet
This mitch fellow?
316
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,546
Well, he's doing the paris
To bombay flight now.
317
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,649
I have to wait till
They switch him back
To the domestic route.
318
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,051
You know, life's funny.
319
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,552
How's that?
320
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:23,390
I mean, today, I'm with mitch
On top of the world.
321
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,558
And just a couple of weeks ago,
322
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:28,128
I'd have settled for fish bait
Like vinnie claussen.
323
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,063
Who's vinnie claussen?
324
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,700
Some loser who had the nerve
To answer my ad.
325
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:39,472
Uh, uh, carla,
Hold on a second here.
326
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:42,709
Listen, maybe you should
Reconsider this.
327
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,478
Uh, mitch is
Out of town a lot.
328
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,714
Maybe you might like
This vinnie guy.
329
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,483
Yeah, there's nothing wrong
With playing the field.
330
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,685
Except with someone
Who's grazing in it.
331
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,321
Look at this guy.
332
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,522
Fetch.
333
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,626
Take a look at him.
He's not that bad-looking.
334
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,095
Yeah, but next to mitch,
He looks like a weasel.
335
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:05,232
But looks aren't everything,
Carla.
336
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:08,168
Vinnie--I bet he's got a lot
Of stuff going for him.
337
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,403
I don't know about you,
But being a funeral director
338
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,972
Seems darn-near as thrilling
As aviation to me.
339
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,974
Yeah, flowers, limousines.
340
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,509
Hey, forget it, all right.
341
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,678
I'm through with
Bozos like that.
342
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:22,415
I'm at the university
Of mitch now.
343
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:28,288
Well, I hope you're all
Proud of yourselves.
344
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:31,958
Carla's now turning down
Living, breathing human beings
345
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,793
For your mythical aviator.
346
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,529
Guys, how come we didn't
See this one coming?
347
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,898
Oh, this from a group
Who, every year,
348
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,767
Fails to see winter coming.
349
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,405
Thanks for reminding me,
Diane.
350
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,240
I gotta take those
Screens down.
351
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:57,050
Hey, sam, what time
Does the floor show end?
352
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,751
Yeah, it got it, I got it.
353
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,020
Hey, come here, come here.
354
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,756
Listen, sotto,
355
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,225
We gotta talk.
356
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,096
Yeah, all right,
All right.
357
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,763
No, don't do this.
358
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,165
Listen.
359
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,004
That's very clever,
Yeah.
360
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:21,074
Listen, you've
Been here 3 hours.
361
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,575
This is just not
Working out.
362
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,411
I'm gonna start
Losing customers here.
363
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:27,214
I'm afraid I'm gonna
Have to ask you to leave.
364
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,216
Now, I want you to beat it.
365
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:32,219
Oh, god,
Don't tempt me, man.
366
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,321
Don't tempt me.
367
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:35,788
Sam, is there
A problem?
368
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,190
Yeah, get him out of here
369
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:40,026
Before there's clown white
All over the walls.
370
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:42,795
All right, fine.
Uh, sotto...
371
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:48,735
I think my attempt
At enlightening sam
372
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,836
Has failed.
373
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,605
I'm afraid you're
Going to have to go.
374
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:55,808
So I'll see you
Tomorrow.
375
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,518
I know. I know what
Will win them over.
376
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,987
Do your robot
That winds down.
377
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,756
Uh-huh.
378
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,026
Wonderful.
You are a master.
379
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,762
What control.
380
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,773
Ah, mime-putting.
381
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,047
Same time tomorrow?
382
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,584
He spoke. It's a miracle.
383
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:40,220
Yeah, ok, all right.
From now on,
384
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,822
Nobody works in this bar
That wears more make-up
Than you do.
385
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:45,225
All right.
386
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:53,065
Excuse me. My name
Is vinnie claussen.
387
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,234
How do you do?
388
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:56,803
You don't look like
A weasel.
389
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,773
Thank you. Neither do you.
390
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,876
Is carla tortelli here?
391
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,478
Oh, just a minute.
392
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,415
Hey, carla...
Hmm?
393
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,882
Vinnie claussen's
Here to see you.
394
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,684
What's he doing here?
395
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:15,688
Well, you better not
Watch this, kid.
396
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,358
You're about to see
A guy's dreams dashed
397
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,893
On the rocks
Of tortelli point.
398
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:25,465
Carla?
Yep.
399
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,300
I-I-I'm vinnie claussen.
400
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,701
Yeah, I know.
I got your letter.
401
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:32,672
Already. I was hoping
To meet you before you got it.
402
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,708
I don't express myself
Very well on paper,
403
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:37,577
And it's not
The best picture of me.
404
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,145
Vinnie, really,
I don't wanna
See you
405
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,713
Making a fool
Of yourself
406
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,549
In front
Of all these people.
407
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,652
Fact of the matter is,
Someone beat you to me.
408
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:48,955
Oh, gee, I'm sorry
To hear that.
409
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,691
Especially
Now that I met you.
410
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,394
Well, uh, I'd offer her
As a consolation prize,
411
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,263
But you're probably sick
Of dealing with stiffs.
412
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:59,466
Well, guess
I'll be leaving, then.
413
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:00,700
Yeah, better luck next time.
414
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:01,801
Sam.
415
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,704
Vinnie, let me buy you
A drink, would you?
416
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:05,805
Take care of him.
417
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:09,008
Carla, can I talk to you
For a second, please?
418
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:12,479
So, how long you been
Interested in dead guys?
419
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,517
Uh, listen, before I start,
Do me a favor, will you?
420
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,685
Stick your hands
In your pockets
421
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,520
And keep 'em there
Until I finish.
422
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,521
What's going on?
423
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,522
Just humor me, will you?
424
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,891
Ok, but don't start in on me
425
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,394
About going out
With this claussen guy.
426
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,529
He's all right,
But he's no mitch.
427
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:33,032
Listen to me.
Mitch doesn't exist.
428
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,667
The guys and I made him up.
429
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,236
You what?
430
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,571
You were so depressed,
431
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,540
We figured we had
To do something,
432
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,542
So we made the guy up,
Wrote the letters,
433
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:45,412
And rented a post office box
For you to write to him.
434
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:49,516
Ow! Damn. Ow.
I forgot the feet.
435
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:53,453
You are scum. You are the scum
That scum scrapes off
436
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,021
The bottom of their shoes.
437
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,690
You're always looking at the
Negative side to everything.
438
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,827
I hate your guts.
I hate every one of you.
439
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,930
Why did you do this?
What was it, some big laugh?
440
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,398
You wanted to see me
Get all moony-eyed,
441
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,699
And then yank the rug out.
442
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,235
You get a big laugh
There, huh, huh? No?
443
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,537
Then what did you do it for?
444
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,372
What did you think
Was gonna come of this?
445
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,607
We had that covered.
We weren't gonna
Let you get hurt.
446
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,576
When it came time
To meet the guy,
447
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,946
We were gonna have
The plane go down
In the south pacific.
448
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,781
Ow!
449
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:22,782
[lady screams]
450
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,283
Sorry.
451
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,285
Hey, just
Drop dead twice.
452
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:31,624
Carla, wait. Wait. Now, there's
Something you don't understand.
453
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:35,595
What they did was imbecilic,
Moronic, and ill-conceived.
454
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:37,897
That's the way.
Sugarcoat it.
455
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:42,234
But it was not done to make you
The butt of a joke.
456
00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:45,938
It was done because your friends
Saw their dear friend hurting,
457
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,840
And they wanted to help.
458
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,810
Now, you can either
Walk out of here angrily,
459
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,045
Or you can trust your friends
And forgive them...
460
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:59,452
And take advantage
Of the opportunity
Seated at the bar.
461
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,189
Why don't you give
The guy a chance?
462
00:22:03,189 --> 00:22:07,527
I mean,
He answered your ad.
He's dying to date you.
463
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:10,763
Hey, where do you
Think you're going?
464
00:22:11,631 --> 00:22:13,400
Oh, I finished my drink.
465
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,534
Sit down!
466
00:22:17,236 --> 00:22:20,006
Nice touch.
Nice touch.
467
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,642
Does this mean you're
Gonna go out with him?
468
00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:24,911
I'm thinking about it.
469
00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:34,053
Actually, in a dimly-lit bar,
470
00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:37,690
He's not the worst thing
I've ever seen.
471
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:40,893
Writes a good letter.
472
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:43,563
Probably give him
As big a thrill
473
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:45,798
As this mitch guy
Was giving me.
474
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,868
Get out of here.
475
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:51,404
What do you say?
476
00:22:51,404 --> 00:22:53,239
Oh, all right,
You're off the hook.
477
00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:55,174
Just tell me one thing--
478
00:22:55,174 --> 00:22:57,644
Who wrote all those lovey parts?
479
00:22:57,644 --> 00:22:59,612
Oh, that was my department.
480
00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:01,981
You did a real good job.
481
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:04,484
I'm sorry if I got
Carried away there.
482
00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:06,218
But with you,
It's kind of easy.
483
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,954
So they say.
484
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:17,396
So, uh, how do you feel
About girls on the rebound?
485
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:21,000
Oh, I've dated a few.
Mostly widows.
486
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,437
Yeah, let's get out
Of here, huh?
487
00:23:24,437 --> 00:23:27,339
Oh, I know this
Real nice restaurant.
488
00:23:27,339 --> 00:23:29,075
Great, great.
489
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:31,478
So, uh, you like kids, huh?
490
00:23:31,478 --> 00:23:32,912
Like 'em? I love 'em.
491
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:34,847
I got 7 of my own.
492
00:23:36,215 --> 00:23:37,717
Carla...
493
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:39,852
I'm joking.
I'm only joking.
494
00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:45,324
Hey, vinnie, could you
Do me a favor?
495
00:23:45,324 --> 00:23:47,426
Just for tonight,
496
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:50,830
Could you pretend that
Your name is mitch
497
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:52,732
And that you're
An airline pilot?
498
00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:56,068
Well, I guess, if you'll
Call yourself raven
499
00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:58,170
And pretend you're
A vegas showgirl.
500
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:03,610
You're weird. I like that.
36548
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