Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,074
Cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:10,744
Carla, might I
Have a word?
3
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:13,247
Look, I know how you
Like to poke fun at me
And whatnot,
4
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,482
But I'd really
Appreciate it
5
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,050
If you stayed away
From one area
6
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:20,154
I'm particularly
Sensitive about--
And that is my ears.
7
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,890
I don't make jokes
About your ears.
8
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:25,993
Why would I
Make jokes about...
9
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:28,262
Oh, my god.
10
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:33,000
I never noticed those
Satellite dishes before.
11
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,802
Gee, I must have been
Distracted
12
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,538
By the other atrocities
Attached to your head.
13
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,941
Yeah, well, look,
Just hear me out
On this one, will you?
14
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:44,145
Last night
I was going through
My insurance policy,
15
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,813
And I discovered
I'm eligible
16
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,148
For an ear tuck.
17
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,949
You know,
It's going to be
Hard enough
18
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,684
For me to go through
Without you razzing me
All the time,
19
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,886
So all I want is that
You please, please
After I do it
20
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,123
Not make my life
A living hell.
21
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:57,125
This really means
A lot to you, doesn't it?
22
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,727
It's the most important
Thing in my life.
23
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:03,364
Yeah, well, go ahead,
Get it done. We'll see.
24
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,032
One other thing, carla--
25
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,136
Would you kind of
Lay off about how
I live with my mother?
26
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,504
Gee whiz, cliff,
Give me something.
27
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,240
What am I gonna
Tease you about?
28
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:16,009
I'm not the most tidy guy
In the world.
29
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,346
Oh, ok. I'll
Limit myself to that.
30
00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:19,813
Thank you, carla.
31
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,382
You're welcome.
By the way,
Your mother called.
32
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,083
She said
You left your earmuffs
In the driveway,
33
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,519
And no one can get out.
34
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,791
That was a "Tidy" tease.
35
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,799
* making your way
In the world today *
36
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,869
* takes everything
You've got *
37
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,938
* taking a break
From all your worries *
38
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,775
* sure would help a lot *
39
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:51,111
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
40
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,049
* sometimes
You wanna go *
41
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:59,587
* where everybody
Knows your name *
42
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:04,658
* and they're always
Glad you came *
43
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,529
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
44
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,831
* our troubles
Are all the same *
45
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:16,204
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
46
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:18,972
* you wanna go
Where people know *
47
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,542
* people are all the same *
48
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:26,680
* you wanna go where
Everybody knows your name **
49
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,935
Hey, everybody.
50
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,270
Hi, sam.
51
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,305
What do you have there, sam?
52
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,841
Looks like books.
53
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,809
Yeah, I guess you could
Call them books.
54
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,279
It's something I've
Been meaning to read.
55
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,781
Why don't you open one
Up so we can all see
56
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:04,485
The little gingerbread
House pop out?
57
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:08,889
Well,
You wasted your money
On that one, sam.
58
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:12,092
You'll be disappointed
With the ending.
59
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,262
I'll be in my office.
60
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,765
He locked his door.
61
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:21,235
Oh, and we're trapped
Out here with you.
62
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,406
Sam never
Locks his door.
63
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:28,476
He's done that
2 or 3 times this week, diane.
64
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:29,510
Yeah. He did that
The other night,
65
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:30,644
And he never made
A sound.
66
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,480
He stayed in there
Till closing time.
67
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,717
Oh, my god. The thing
I feared worst has happened.
68
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,487
Your living bra
Died of boredom.
69
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,126
This is no time
For levity.
70
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:49,129
I think sam might
Be drinking again.
71
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:52,666
Oh, I was afraid of this.
72
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,869
Day after day of watching
Frasier and me
73
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:56,870
Exulting in our joy
74
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,907
Has finally driven him
Over the edge.
75
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:00,908
Come on, diane.
76
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,776
I doubt seriously
If he's drinking.
77
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,879
There's lots of
Other things he can
Be doing in there.
78
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:06,914
Like what?
79
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,283
Maybe he's reading
Just like he said.
80
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:10,518
Oh, it can't be that.
81
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:14,187
I was once with sam
When he was reading.
82
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:16,790
I'd recognize
The sounds anywhere.
83
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:21,995
Well, there's one sure way
To ascertain
84
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,297
Whether he's drinking.
85
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,333
I'll smell his breath.
86
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,437
Go away.
87
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,238
Sam, it's diane.
88
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,941
Go far away.
89
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,643
Sam, please, there's
Something important
90
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,145
I need to talk
To you about.
91
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,847
All right. Come in.
92
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,148
The door is locked.
93
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,282
Oh.
94
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:45,018
Gee. I wonder
How that happened.
95
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,087
Hello, sam.
96
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,255
Hello.
What are you doing?
97
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,958
Why are you sniffing
Like that?
98
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,161
What's that?
99
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,530
I told you--
I had a book.
100
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,267
"The world
And its people."
101
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,135
This is surprising, sam.
102
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:06,173
You're reading a book
Whose title doesn't
Contain the words
103
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,941
"Naughty," "Hot,"
Or "Throbbing"?
104
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,547
I told you,
It's just a book
I'm reading.
105
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,984
It's not just a book.
It's a textbook--
106
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,152
Are you back in school?
107
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,922
Promise you won't tell
Anybody, will you,
Please?
108
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,625
Well, sam, this is
Nothing to keep secret.
109
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,361
This is wonderful.
Why are you concealing it?
110
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,496
Well, it's a little
Embarrassing--
111
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,964
A guy my age,
Going back to school.
112
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:34,034
It's not embarrassing.
It's noble and fine.
113
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,403
And I think
It's very inspirational.
114
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,937
Let's tell everyone.
115
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:40,808
No, come on,
You know how the guys
Would make fun of me.
116
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,010
Sam, no one enjoys
Teasing you
117
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,311
More than I do,
118
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,714
And I refrained.
119
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,917
That's true.
All right, what the
Hay? Let's do it.
120
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,118
All right.
121
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,420
I'm so proud of you.
122
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:53,854
Yeah. Thank you.
123
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,122
Unless...
124
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,124
Unless what?
125
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:03,363
Sam, you're not
Doing this to impress me
126
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,966
And win me back,
Are you?
127
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:10,471
No. No, I'm doing it
For my diploma.
128
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,239
Well, I hope so.
129
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:15,443
Because if this
Is part of some
Involved scheme
130
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,244
To get me back
In bed with you,
131
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:18,912
You will be very
Disappointed.
132
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,749
Yeah, but you'll
Enjoy yourself.
133
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,722
Attention, everyone.
134
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,758
I have an announcement
To make.
135
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,661
Someone in our little
Cheers family
136
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:34,962
Is doing something
To improve himself
137
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:36,530
And I want you all
To know about it.
138
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,031
I knew it!
I knew it.
139
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:41,769
Carla, you told diane
About my ear job, didn't you?
140
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,672
Clifford...
141
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:47,541
Carla didn't
Tell me anything.
142
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,677
Uh...Well, you were saying?
143
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,047
After a rather
Lengthy interruption,
144
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:57,250
Sam has decided
To go back to school
145
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,186
And pursue his degree.
146
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:03,691
Bravo, sam.
147
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:07,160
You're getting
Your ears done, man, huh?
148
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,229
Come on, sammy,
Where's your
Sense of humor?
149
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,931
It was a joke.
150
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,433
Will you forget
About that?
151
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,935
This is exciting news.
152
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:18,405
Our sammy is going to attain
His bachelor of what...
153
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,107
Arts, sciences?
154
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,241
High school.
155
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,243
His bachelor of--
High school?
156
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,745
What?
157
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:28,048
Yeah,
I never graduated
From high school.
158
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,250
You know,
My senior year
I got a contract
159
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,019
To play
Class "A" ball.
160
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:34,788
Spring training
Didn't start
Until february.
161
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,224
School didn't
Get out until june.
162
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:40,594
High school?
163
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,596
Yeah. Yeah.
I always promised
My parents
164
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,598
I'd go back
And finish.
165
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,600
She was a lot
Happier about this
166
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,201
In the other room.
167
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,773
I spent a year
Of my life
168
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,908
Being defiled
By dobie gillis.
169
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,613
I'm terribly sorry.
170
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:03,684
I--I just assumed
You meant college.
171
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,753
I plan to go
To college, too.
172
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,087
Well, good,
Let me know when
You get there
173
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:11,058
So I can go out of
The house without a veil.
174
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,730
Hey, sam,
Why would a guy like you want
To go back to high school?
175
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,733
I mean,
You got everything
A man could want.
176
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,870
You dumped the one thing
No man wants.
177
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:28,676
I guess I'm just tired
Of being embarrassed
About being a dropout.
178
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,844
That's nothing
To be ashamed of.
179
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,613
A lot of famous people
Never graduated.
180
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,447
Yeah. Right. Name three.
181
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,017
According to
The book of lists,
182
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:40,220
Let's see,
Thomas edison,
Noel coward, cher...
183
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,589
Never graduated.
184
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,357
Cher?
185
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,358
Absolutely.
186
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,227
Never finished, coach.
187
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,830
I feel
A lot better now.
188
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,364
Why, you never finished
Either, huh?
189
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:56,403
No. I was missing
A couple of those
Whatchamacallits?
190
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,404
Units?
191
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,906
No. Years, diane.
192
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,408
Do you think
It be a good idea
193
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,211
If I was going
Back to school?
194
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,780
I think it's
A wonderful idea,
Coach.
195
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,182
Since sam is going anyway,
You two can go together.
196
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,384
Coach can make up
The classes he missed.
197
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,020
What do you think, sam?
198
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,421
I think that I'm gonna
Have my hands full
199
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,123
Just getting me
Through this class.
200
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:20,027
It'll be fun. You'll have
Someone to study with.
201
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,029
Coach, I'm just taking
Geography.
202
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,231
I mean, that's the
Last thing all I have
To complete
203
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,899
So I can get my diploma.
204
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,637
Well, sam,
It would only be
A start for me.
205
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,371
As a matter of fact,
As I remember it,
206
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,907
I was very good
In geography.
207
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,375
Really?
208
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:38,946
Yeah...
Or was it geometry?
209
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,649
Diane, give me
A question in geometry.
210
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:44,652
What is the sum
Of the angles
211
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,353
In an isosceles
Triangle?
212
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,788
It was geography.
213
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,697
Whew! Hey, everybody.
214
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,965
Clifford.
215
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,232
Diane.
216
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:04,705
Yeah, well, take your
Last look at a flawed clifford.
217
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,707
Tomorrow I go
Under the knife.
218
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:10,277
Why don't you just go
Under the bus?
219
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,279
I'm talking about
My operation, carla.
220
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,282
I'm gonna have my ears
Tucked back.
221
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,685
Cliff, why don't you
Save yourself some money
222
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,386
And just put some
Chewing gum behind 'em?
223
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,854
That, uh, that doesn't work.
224
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:24,391
I mean, that, uh,
Probably wouldn't work.
225
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,261
[humming pomp
And circumstance]
226
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:30,263
* da da da da *
227
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,364
Sam?
228
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,401
* da da da da da da **
229
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,069
Don't let me interrupt.
230
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,739
Those are the only
Words I know.
231
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,508
You guys seem to be
In a good mood.
232
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,243
Oh, you noticed,
Huh?
233
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,446
Well, we did great
On our test tonight.
234
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,448
Ahh, you both passed, huh?
235
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,616
Passed?
236
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:52,485
We both got as
Again.
237
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:56,456
Once again, we got
The two highest grades
In the class.
238
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,158
Ohh.
239
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,395
Sam, listen,
Are we gonna study
Together tonight?
240
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,332
Listen, this exam's
Going to constitute
241
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,599
80% of our grades.
242
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,803
Coach, what have
I been telling you
All semester long?
243
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,271
I know. I know.
244
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:14,274
Studying is for saps.
"Studying is for saps."
245
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,710
That's right.
I'll be in my office.
246
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,511
What was the test
About, sam?
247
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,313
I don't know.
I forget.
248
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,682
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You got an "A" on this test
249
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,684
And you don't even know
What it covered?
250
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,455
After a quiz, I like
To empty out my head.
251
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,891
How? By blowing
Your nose?
252
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,026
I got an "A",
Didn't I?
253
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,998
Oh, coach, I am so
Impressed with you.
254
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,466
Oh, thank you, diane.
255
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:43,170
Sam didn't seem
To retain much
From the test.
256
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,739
Yeah, but he does
Just great.
257
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:48,708
I never realized
What a brain he is.
258
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,077
I study all the time.
259
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,279
He sleeps
In the classroom.
260
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,580
He never takes a note.
261
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,415
And still he gets
The great grades.
262
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,886
No wonder he's
Miss purdy's favorite.
263
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,292
Miss purdy?
264
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,294
Yeah. Our beautiful
Schoolteacher.
265
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,064
And sam is
Her favorite?
266
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,432
I can't say that,
267
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:16,469
But sam's the only one
I ever saw her kiss.
268
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:20,941
They kiss?
269
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:24,611
Yeah.
I saw them smooching
Near the parking lot.
270
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,914
I was putting up
A notice
271
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:29,516
There
On the bulletin board.
272
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,151
With probing tongues?
273
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,622
No, diane,
274
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:38,091
With a thumbtack
And my thumb.
275
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,432
I can't believe
He sunk to these depths.
276
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:49,469
I curse the day
I ever walked into this bar.
277
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:50,904
Then it's unanimous!
278
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:07,921
Sam malone!
279
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,389
This is absolutely...
280
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,724
The worst thing
I've ever done.
281
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,260
The worst thing
You've...
282
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,527
Wait a minute.
283
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,230
You don't even know
What I'm going to say.
284
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,598
I just found out
That you have been...
285
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:19,766
Sleeping
With my teacher.
286
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,101
That's right.
287
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,269
And that's not
The worst part of it.
288
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,704
She also has
Been giving you...
289
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,339
Good marks
Because of it.
290
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,009
Yes.
291
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,011
Are you admitting
That you're doing this
292
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,480
And that you know
It's wrong?
293
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,948
Yeah. That's right.
294
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,117
Oh, yeah?
295
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,486
Well...Stop slouching!
296
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,289
Look what's happened
To your posture.
297
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:43,456
What?
298
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,992
I needed something.
299
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,494
Hey, I...
300
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,330
The whole thing
Started so innocently.
301
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,200
I began dating her
Because she was cute,
302
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,502
And because
We hit it off.
303
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:59,106
I had no idea that I was
Gonna get better marks
Because of it.
304
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,408
I just was after
Some meaningless sex
305
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:04,844
And it's turned into
Something sleazy.
306
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,846
Well, you know
The old saying--
307
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:10,483
The best laid plans
Of mice and scum.
308
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:14,354
Yeah, boy, ain't
That the truth?
309
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,856
I didn't realize
Anything was wrong
310
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,858
Until I started getting
These quizzes back.
311
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,860
Instead of marking
Off wrong answers,
312
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,996
She'd say,
"Close enough. A-plus."
313
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,736
It's a sad commentary
On our educational
System
314
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,738
When a harlot like this
315
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,573
Is allowed
In public schools.
316
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:34,942
If I remember correctly,
317
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:37,945
When we met,
You were dating
Your professor.
318
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,347
For your information,
319
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,648
I was a legitimate
"A" student
320
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:42,950
In the classroom.
321
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,986
I never got good grades
In the sack.
322
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:48,888
Oh, don't worry.
I always gave you
An "E" for effort, didn't I?
323
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,827
Sam,
I'm going to tell you
What you have to do.
324
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,496
Now, I know you
Won't like it,
But you have to...
325
00:14:56,496 --> 00:15:00,767
Call miss purdy and tell her
I want an honest grade.
326
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:01,901
Sit up straight!
327
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,804
I can't do that, diane.
328
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:08,808
I'm not prepared
To take the exam.
329
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,944
Well, coach
Will help you.
330
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:13,746
Oh, sam...
You started out
331
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,248
With such noble
Intentions.
332
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,986
I hate to see you
End up like this.
333
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,988
Yeah. I know.
You're right.
334
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,690
Right after
I take the exam,
335
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:24,924
Then I'll call her.
336
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,162
Come on. I got...
337
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:35,202
Maybe with coach's help,
I can get by.
338
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,543
Hello, uh...Miss purdy?
339
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,679
It's little sammy malone
From the third row.
340
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:49,949
Yeah, uh...
341
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,519
Listen, alana, um...
342
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,820
About school, um...
343
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,622
I had
This crazy thought.
344
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,624
I'm even embarrassed
To mention it.
345
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,327
But do you think that
Maybe our relationship
346
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:03,330
Is in any way
Affecting the marks
I've been getting?
347
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:07,467
You know, like making
You unconsciously
Change some...
348
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,568
What?
349
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,404
You are?
350
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,708
Well, that's nice,
But what...
351
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,909
Me?
352
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,379
Uh...Yeah,
I'm naked, too.
353
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:26,986
Sounds like we're ready
For the class photo.
354
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,822
No, there's no one here.
355
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,492
It was an insect,
But I killed it.
356
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,327
Uh...Listen,
357
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,828
I'm serious about this!
358
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,831
I would like my grade
To be based
359
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,434
On my knowledge
Of geography.
360
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,802
No, I mean it.
361
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,671
Did I say
Something funny?
362
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,775
Yeah, well, when you
See the results
Of my test,
363
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,644
You're gonna be laughing
Out of the other side
Of your hemisphere.
364
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:55,182
If you'll excuse me now,
I've got some studying
To do.
365
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:58,085
Uh...Is there anything
In particular
366
00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:00,720
I should cram?
367
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,856
All right, ok.
But just remember
I gave you that one
368
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,292
Asa going-away
Present.
369
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:08,161
That lady's got
A mean mouth on her
370
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,962
For a 73-year-old.
371
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:12,832
I was joking!
I was joking!
372
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,701
Hey, coach!
373
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,968
Where's coach?
374
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,670
He's in
The back there, sam.
What's wrong?
375
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,340
It's nothing.
I just got to study
For this exam.
376
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,974
It's kind of
Important.
377
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:23,643
I'd be happy to
Help you study, sam.
378
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,778
I'd be more than proud
To assist.
379
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,814
You kidding me?
You guys can't help me
380
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,882
You know squat
About geography.
381
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,919
Hey, coach,
Hey, good,
Could you help me study?
382
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,354
We got to start
Studying right now.
383
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,923
I thought you didn't
Need anybody to study.
384
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,525
Well, he does now,
Coach.
385
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,760
While you were earning
Your good grades with
Hard work,
386
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,763
Sam was earning his
By dating the teacher.
387
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,365
Is that true, sam?
388
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,667
Uh...Yeah, but I've
Wiped the slate clean
Here, coach.
389
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,570
Whatever I get now,
I have to earn.
390
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,440
So please help me
Cram for the test, will ya?
391
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,142
You mean all
Semester long
392
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,043
I've been wearing
My buns to the bone
393
00:17:57,043 --> 00:18:01,748
While you've
Been polishing
The teacher's apple?
394
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,117
Come on, coach.
395
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,785
I want to get
My diploma.
396
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,020
Whatever I get
On this exam
397
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,690
Is my grade
For the class.
398
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,960
Find yourself another
Sap to study with!
399
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,262
Hey. Come on, coach.
400
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,029
No way.
I'm going.
401
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,366
Oh, my god. I need help.
402
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:23,035
Carla, uh...What do you
Know about geography?
403
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:26,173
I know what creek
You're up.
404
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,778
Hey, ahem...Guys,
405
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,114
Uh...W-would you help me
Study for this quiz?
406
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,784
I mean, maybe you
Could just, you know...
407
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,620
Review the facts
With me, or something?
408
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,423
Sorry, sam. I think
We're too dumb to help.
409
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,057
Don't you, norm?
410
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:48,261
Hyuk! I didn't even
Understand the question,
Cliffie!
411
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,562
I'd like to go home!
412
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,399
I'll go home,
Okey-dokey?
413
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:56,503
Hyuk! Hyuk! Left,
Right, left, right.
414
00:18:56,503 --> 00:19:02,074
Left, right,
Right...Ha ha ha!
415
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:05,077
I can't even do this!
416
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:08,215
Hyuk! Hyuk!
Let's go home, norm!
417
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:14,421
I guess that just leaves
You and me, huh?
418
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:18,891
Oh, dear, sam.
Uh...This is a problem.
419
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,593
Frasier and I have tickets
420
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:24,264
For a piece of
Experimental theater tonight.
421
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,199
I feel obligated to go,
422
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,667
Because the last act
423
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,270
Takes place
In frasier's living room.
424
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,907
I'd hate to have you
Miss that.
425
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,945
Sam, if you want me
To cancel out, I will.
426
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,681
No, it's too late.
You can't help me.
427
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,983
I'm going to fail
This exam.
428
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:47,854
Gee, I wonder if miss
Purdy's still naked.
429
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,489
No...
430
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,491
Ok, sam. I'll help you.
431
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,093
You're always messing up,
432
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,162
And I'm always
Bailing you out.
433
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:59,198
You mess it up,
And I bail you out.
434
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,000
It's getting
A little boring.
435
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,635
Thanks, coach.
436
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:05,738
Don't you think
It's getting
A little boring?
437
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,640
Yes, coach.
438
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,042
Well, the only thing
I can say is
Sam's very lucky
439
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,879
To have such
A forgiving friend
As you, coach.
440
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,013
Thanks, diane.
441
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,014
Good night, guys.
442
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,249
Now, sam,
443
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,286
You can learn about
Anything in this world
444
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:22,088
If you'll just follow
My little trick.
445
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,256
Got it?
446
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,391
Mm-hmm.
447
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,960
All right, albania.
Here--albania...
448
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,431
Or...Should we say...
449
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:35,034
* albania *
450
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:37,103
Why did you say it
Like that?
451
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,438
We learn our facts
452
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:43,009
By associating
Countries with music.
453
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,011
Why?
454
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,046
Do you want to
Study alone?
455
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,815
No! No! No.
456
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:52,151
All right. 1..2..3...
457
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:55,121
* albania *
458
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,457
* albania *
459
00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:03,463
* you border on
The adriatic *
460
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:04,531
* your land *
461
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:08,868
* is mostly
Mountainous *
462
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:14,006
* and your chief
Export is chrome *
463
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,108
* you're a communist
Republic *
464
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,345
* you're a red regime *
465
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:20,613
Sing it, sam.
466
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,383
Ready?
467
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:26,185
* albania *
468
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:28,455
* albania *
469
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:33,960
* you border on
The adriatic... **
470
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:38,765
Cliffie,
I thought you were gonna
Get your ears done today.
471
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:41,968
Well, I decided
This is the way god made me,
472
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,904
And, you know, who am I
To question his judgment?
473
00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:48,107
You were wrong about
The insurance company
Covering it, huh?
474
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:49,909
Mostly that.
475
00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:54,080
* taiwan *
476
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,549
* taiwan, on the sea *
477
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:59,218
* the china sea *
478
00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:00,653
Hey, listen up,
Everybody.
479
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,922
I got an "A" on the test,
480
00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:06,426
And the best grades
In the class.
481
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,631
How did you do, sam?
482
00:22:11,631 --> 00:22:14,634
Well, I got nosed out
By coach. I got a "D."
483
00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:16,469
Ladies and gentlemen,
484
00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:20,640
Sam malone is now
A high school graduate.
485
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:21,941
Yes!
486
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:26,479
Congratulations.
487
00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:27,847
For what?
488
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,148
You passed.
489
00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:31,083
Yeah. A "D"
As in "Dumb."
490
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,652
"D" as in "Diploma."
491
00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:36,022
An honest "D" is better
Than a tainted "A."
492
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:39,692
Boy, I tell you,
I may have my diploma,
493
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:42,361
But I sure feel
Dumber than ever.
Oh...
494
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:45,131
I studied myself hoarse
For that exam,
495
00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:47,366
And still I got a "D."
496
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,036
Oh, sam, you only had
One night to study.
497
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,639
Ah, it wouldn't have
Made any difference.
498
00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:54,040
My brain doesn't work
Like yours does.
499
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,241
I can't learn things.
500
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:59,746
Sam, some people may be
Better students than others,
501
00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:02,314
But you have
Street smarts, savvy...
502
00:23:02,314 --> 00:23:03,583
Common sense.
Common sense.
503
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:04,851
That's right.
504
00:23:04,851 --> 00:23:06,953
Just because you may
Not be able remember
505
00:23:06,953 --> 00:23:09,856
That pierre is the capital
Of north dakota
506
00:23:09,856 --> 00:23:12,258
Doesn't mean that
You should feel--
507
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:13,593
Wait a minute.
508
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:15,127
Say that again.
509
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,128
What?
510
00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:17,363
Capital of
North dakota?
511
00:23:17,363 --> 00:23:18,531
Pierre?
512
00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:20,867
No, it isn't.
It's bismarck.
513
00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:23,269
Oh. Pierre's south dakota.
514
00:23:23,269 --> 00:23:24,971
What difference
Does it make?
515
00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:27,406
The point is,
You've earned your--
516
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:28,575
Pierre?
517
00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:31,110
I can't believe this.
518
00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:33,780
North dakota--pierre?
519
00:23:33,780 --> 00:23:36,215
Hey. Hey, listen
To this for a second.
520
00:23:36,215 --> 00:23:37,450
Go on. Tell 'em.
521
00:23:37,450 --> 00:23:39,151
I was just making
An illustration.
522
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:42,655
Coach. Coach, what's the
Capital of north dakota?
523
00:23:42,655 --> 00:23:44,123
Easy--bismarck.
524
00:23:44,123 --> 00:23:46,092
She thinks it's pierre.
525
00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:48,561
All right,
526
00:23:48,561 --> 00:23:51,898
I may have inadvertently
Switched the two--
527
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:54,000
Oregon. Give me
The capital
Of oregon.
528
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:54,967
Portland.
529
00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:56,903
No, it isn't.
It's eugene.
530
00:23:56,903 --> 00:23:58,337
Oh, I--I knew that.
I knew that.
531
00:23:58,337 --> 00:24:00,039
It just slipped my mind.
532
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:02,775
No,
It isn't eugene.
It's salem.
533
00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:06,479
Do you believe this?
534
00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:13,620
If ignorance is bliss,
This is eden.
37737
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
