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1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,639
Cheers is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:10,611
Yeah?
3
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,280
Hi. I'm looking
For sam malone,
4
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,747
The ex-red sox player.
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,817
That's him
Over there,
Behind the bar.
6
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:18,386
Boy, has he gotten old.
7
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,054
Oh!
8
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,556
No, no, son.
I'm sam malone.
9
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,092
I know.
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,529
Does your mother know
You hang around in bars?
11
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,099
Mr. Malone,
My brother doug,
12
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,700
He's the biggest
Red sox fan ever.
13
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,336
He's in the hospital
Having his tonsil out.
14
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:38,906
It would mean a lot
To him if he could
Have an autograph.
15
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,308
Sure thing.
No problem.
16
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,575
Here you go, sam.
17
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,943
Not yours.
18
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:46,914
I figured you'd
Know where to find
Carl yastrzemski.
19
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,216
Well, no, I don't,
20
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,218
But I'll certainly
Start you on your way.
21
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:51,685
Sam, hold it.
22
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,287
Just kidding.
Here's your ball.
23
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,722
I'm sorry. I don't
Know where he is.
24
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,357
We don't keep in touch.
25
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:58,459
Gee, doug will
Be disappointed.
26
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,694
I don't know what to do.
27
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,230
Hey, could you sign it?
28
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,664
It's almost as good.
29
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,800
You sure your brother's
Not going to mind?
30
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,404
Yeah. He doesn't know
What yastrzemski's
Handwriting looks like.
31
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,310
Good point, good point.
32
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,152
* makin' your way
In the world today *
33
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:27,288
* takes everything
You've got *
34
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:30,124
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
35
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,293
* sure would help a lot *
36
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,630
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
37
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,235
* sometimes
You wanna go *
38
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:44,805
* where everybody
Knows your name *
39
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:50,110
* and they're always
Glad you came *
40
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,747
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
41
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,450
* our troubles
Are all the same *
42
00:01:56,450 --> 00:02:00,554
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
43
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,258
* you wanna go
Where people know *
44
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,694
* people are all the same *
45
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:11,332
* you wanna go where
Everybody knows your name *
46
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,752
Ok. Cut the crap.
47
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,754
Today's my birthday.
You all know that.
48
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:37,124
So if you're planning
A surprise party for me--
49
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,392
And you damn well
Better be--
50
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,394
Let's get the show
On the road, huh?
51
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:43,364
Boy, if that's not
A cue for merriment,
I don't know what is.
52
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:47,134
Just a small token
Of my appreciation.
53
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,503
A very small token.
54
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,704
Well, you know
What they say--
55
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,773
Good things
Come in small packages.
56
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,943
No. Little things
Come in small packages.
57
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,945
Oh! Perfume.
58
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,647
Hmm.
59
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:00,881
Nope...
60
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,650
Toilet water.
61
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:08,055
Let me see that.
62
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,157
Gag gift, gag gift.
63
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:13,827
I went for it. Ok.
64
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,863
All right, carla.
65
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:16,764
[straining]
66
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,766
Maybe this will
Make it up to you.
67
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:22,436
Now, this is more
Like it. All right!
68
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,983
A jelly bean.
69
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,987
Thank you, norm.
70
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,555
Another gag gift.
71
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,824
Oh, you guys
Are too much.
72
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,493
Oh! And garlic flavored!
73
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:48,929
Ooh! Good touch,
There, norm.
74
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,564
All right, you guys.
All right, all right.
75
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,500
Come on. Stop it.
I tried to stop them,
76
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,602
But you know how
These clowns have to
Get these gags in.
77
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,237
Anyway, we saved
The best for last.
78
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,373
This is from me
And from coach.
79
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,076
Huh!
80
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,745
Silverware.
81
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,083
Uh...
82
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,285
Lone ranger?
83
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:14,322
Yeah. You wear it
To ride on silver!
84
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,295
Don't you get it, carla?
85
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,397
You wear it
To ride on silver.
86
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,599
Silver wear!
87
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,569
Hilarious. Thanks
A bunch, guys.
88
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,138
Hey, don't thank us.
It's the thought, huh?
89
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,573
Yeah!
90
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,409
Can we throw a party,
Or what?
91
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:39,713
Ah...There he is.
92
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,716
Frasier, can't we put
This off till tomorrow?
93
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,151
It's such
A lovely evening.
94
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,019
Let's not despoil it.
95
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:49,957
Diane, you only inflame
Violent emotional
Confrontations
96
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,692
By putting them off.
97
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:55,128
Your intelligence
Inflames me.
98
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,397
Oh, really?
99
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,298
Well, then...
100
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,067
E equals mc squared.
101
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,769
Wooo!
102
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:04,304
Ontogeny
Recapitulates
Phylogeny.
103
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,340
Ooh!
Ohh, baby.
104
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:11,044
Sam, how about a
Couple of brandies?
105
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,346
Where were
You guys?
106
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,314
You missed
Carla's birthday
Party.
107
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,783
We discovered
This wonderful
108
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:18,285
Little french-japanese
Restaurant.
109
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,888
Very chic,
Dark, romantic.
110
00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:22,923
Yeah? You got to be
Careful about those
Unlighted joints.
111
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,892
You never know
What kind of
Grubby-looking food
112
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,226
They're going to
Slip you.
113
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,961
Oh, not chez fujimoto.
114
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,965
Sam, frasier and I
115
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:35,536
Have something important
To tell you.
116
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,170
Sam, this may be
Rough going.
117
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,941
Despite your vehement
Protests to the contrary,
118
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:43,477
And with no intention
Of disparaging
Your sincerity,
119
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:47,681
Diana and I believe that
You may still be suffering
Some emotional residue
120
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,584
From the turbulent
Relationship you had
With diane.
121
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,985
I'm sorry, frasier.
122
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:56,023
I must have dozed off
For a paragraph or two.
123
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,491
What was he saying?
124
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,660
Sam, frasier and I came
To an important decision
125
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,395
Tonight after dinner.
126
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,497
Sam, brace yourself.
127
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:06,299
Diane and I are
Going to cohabitate.
128
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:07,901
Is that--right here
In the bar?
129
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,037
Well, I guess it's cheaper
Than a piano player.
130
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,275
This is predictable.
131
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,645
Making jokes
To mask the pain.
132
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,047
No, I don't understand what
You two are talking about.
133
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:23,851
Sam, I'm going to
Move into frasier's
Fashionable townhouse.
134
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,053
And where's frasier
Going to move to?
135
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:29,523
Sam, I believe you're
Being deliberately opaque--
136
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:32,493
Frasier...
He's making a joke.
137
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,827
Ha ha ha.
138
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:34,962
Oh. Shoot.
139
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:41,134
So you two are going
To shack up together?
140
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,936
Yes. I decided
It was time.
141
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:46,440
I suddenly realized
The only thing that spoiled
An evening with diane
142
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,708
Was having to say
Good night to her.
143
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,611
Really? That was one
Of my highlights.
144
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,914
Sam, we know
How much this
Has hurt you,
145
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,483
But your
Defensiveness
About it
146
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:56,884
Is becoming
Annoying.
147
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,986
Listen, I don't know what
You expected me to do
148
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,789
When you told me, but truth is,
This does not bother me.
149
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,657
I am very happy
For you two kids.
150
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:07,127
Well, thank you, sam.
We couldn't be happier.
151
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:10,363
The only thing that
Could stand in the way of
A total commitment now
152
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,866
Would be
Pavlov's response.
153
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:16,737
You see, that's
My little joke, sam.
154
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,739
Pavlov is my dog,
You see,
155
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,808
And, well, I couldn't
Resist the witticism.
156
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,610
Let me explain, sam.
You see, pavlov--
157
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:26,413
No, that's ok. I know
All about pavlov,
Pavlov's response--
158
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,215
Drooling at the sound
Of a dinner bell.
159
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,717
I've done that
Before,
160
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,852
But I never knew
What to call it.
161
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,455
I had a puppy once.
162
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:39,126
My ex-wife took her.
Little bitch.
163
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,094
About this high.
164
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:46,266
Oh, frasier,
We left carla's
Present in the car.
165
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,635
Oh, I'll get it.
166
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,136
I hope I can remember
Where I parked the thing.
167
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,305
I'm so inebriated with joy
Over this situation...
168
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,643
Or else the saki
Made me crocky.
169
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:59,580
Hey! Hey, nobody
Told me he was funny.
170
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,214
Now you know why.
171
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,419
That's pretty exciting news.
172
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,189
Well, yes.
We felt it was time.
173
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:12,560
Well, I wish you all
The luck in the world.
174
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,630
Because we'll need it?
175
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,865
No. Gosh, no.
176
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,800
I think you two are
A pair made in heaven.
177
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,569
I don't care what
The skeptics say.
178
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,771
I say the two
Of you will last...
179
00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:27,240
Let's see.
What time is it now?
180
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,143
Sam, you're hurting now,
Aren't you?
181
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,579
Admit it.
182
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:34,882
It's not in
The least surprising
That you're bitter
183
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,984
Because I never
Took this step with you,
184
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,219
But what frasier and I
Have together
185
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,521
Is more substantial.
186
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:45,626
What you and I had
Was exciting...
187
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,460
Tempestuous at times,
188
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,529
But...There was
No future in that.
189
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:53,100
Yeah. You got
To be careful about
That excitement stuff.
190
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,469
I mean, too much of that,
And soon you're starting
191
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,773
To expect life
To be...Enjoyable.
192
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,009
And one day,
You wake up, and...
193
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:04,812
All those years
Of pleasure have gone by,
194
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:07,080
And what have you got
To show for it?
195
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,248
Happiness.
196
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,185
How true.
197
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,655
Here it is.
198
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,323
Where's our birthday girl?
199
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,525
She's in the back.
She'll be out
In a minute.
200
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,360
Sam, would you call her?
201
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,428
Carla!
202
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,763
I have a great
Deal to do.
203
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,232
We want to start moving
My clothes in tonight.
204
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,534
Frasier, do you have
Enough closet space?
205
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,803
Loads, diane.
Don't worry about that.
206
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,740
Carla, frasier
And diane here have
A gift for you.
207
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,441
Be still, my heart.
208
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,176
Many happy returns,
Carla.
209
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,344
Yeah, yeah.
210
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,679
Beautiful wrapping.
211
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,948
Oh, yes, coach.
Exquisite wrapping.
212
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,083
Now let's get to the joke.
213
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,156
Huh!
214
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,759
Ohh, diane,
These are beautiful.
215
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,161
Frasier picked them out.
216
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,163
Thank you, frasier.
217
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,365
Don't mention it. Sam,
How about a little vino
218
00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,667
To break them in?
219
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,168
Yeah. I want to make
A toast.
220
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,236
I want to toast
To the two people
221
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:07,374
Who had enough class
To get me a real gift.
222
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,042
To diane and frasier.
223
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,291
No matter how many
Times I give fine
Dribble crystal,
224
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,059
I never tire of it.
225
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:37,705
So, uh...
How's it going, carla?
226
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:39,172
Fine, thank you,
227
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,608
But, say, don't think
I don't appreciate
228
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,878
Busy guys like you
Caring enough to ask.
229
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:50,951
I think she's still sore
About the gag gifts.
230
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,352
She's more than sore.
231
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,955
She's hurt, offended,
And resentful.
232
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,691
Yep. If she were wearing
Dirty bunny slippers,
233
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,659
She could be vera.
234
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,331
It's our fault,
Really, you know?
235
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,967
If we had chipped in
Together, we could've
Gotten something nice.
236
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,468
It's not too late.
237
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,470
We can still
Give her a surprise.
238
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,305
Just buy her
A real gift.
239
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:15,108
Well, I'm a
Knowledgeable shopper.
240
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:18,678
I'll be happy to take charge
Of operation "Make good."
241
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,580
Wait just a second
Here. Are we sure
242
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,115
We want cliff
To handle this?
243
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,818
He's likely to
Go buy something
Kind of tasteless.
244
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,020
But none of us will
Know the difference.
245
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,858
All right, cliffie.
Yeah. You're our man.
246
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,797
Afternoon, everyone.
247
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:39,066
Golly, isn't it
A beautiful day?
248
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,368
How are the new living
Arrangements going?
249
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,170
Oh, like a charm.
250
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,805
[humming]
251
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,177
I don't know why
We didn't do it
Right from the start.
252
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,278
Is that right?
253
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,381
Yeah. I couldn't be
Happier. Absolutely.
254
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,316
[humming]
255
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,287
Say, diane, uh...
256
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,189
Yeah. I know,
I know. I'm sorry.
257
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,656
You'll have
To excuse that.
258
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,692
I have some--ah! Ha!
259
00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,227
Some kind of an itch,
260
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,297
Sort of in the back of
My throat, but not exactly.
261
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,465
Have you ever had
One of those?
262
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:17,304
Oh! Boy, it's almost as
If it's inside my ear,
263
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,706
But not there either,
You know?
264
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,842
Gee, that must
Be maddening.
265
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,011
Let me get you
The ice pick.
266
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,514
Well, it was worse before.
267
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:30,083
I was sneezing all morning.
At least that stopped.
268
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,986
Gee, I wonder what
Causes it. Huh?
269
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,688
That adorable puppy
At frasier's.
270
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,157
Little pavlov?
271
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:40,060
Well, she's very sweet,
But I'm a cat person.
272
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,296
I obviously have some kind
An allergy to dogs.
273
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,532
Are you sure
It's the dog?
274
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,434
Well, what else could it be?
275
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,436
You've been around
That dog before.
276
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,637
I mean,
You must have.
277
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,874
You know, moving in
With frasier
278
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,542
Is kind of
A big commitment.
279
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:59,012
I just wonder if
This whole so-called
Allergy thing
280
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,281
Might not be
Psychosomatic.
281
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:06,019
Oh, sam,
I'm very impressed.
282
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:09,256
That's a complex
Psychological concept
283
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:12,292
Coming from a man who
Has to write "L" and "R"
284
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,494
On the bottom
Of his shoes.
285
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,432
So, does that mean you
Agree with me, or not?
286
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,002
Don't be ridiculous.
287
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,837
Gee, you know, I just
Had this thought.
288
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:29,176
Could it possibly be
That you still love
Somebody from your past?
289
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,711
You?
290
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,213
Well, not necessarily.
291
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,582
It could have been
Sumner, or anybody,
For that matter,
292
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,050
But isn't it interesting
293
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,819
That I automatically
Spring to mind?
294
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,255
No. You automatically
Spring to mind
295
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,457
Whenever I hear
Something stupid.
296
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,461
Hello, my dearest darling.
297
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,298
Frasier. Ah-choo!
298
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,732
Uh...Gesundheit.
299
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,367
Uh...Diane,
I've reconsidered.
300
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,003
I was quite unyielding
This morning.
301
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,505
And I now realize that
Your happiness comes first.
302
00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,973
So I must give up pavlov.
303
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,774
Are you sure?
304
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,010
Ah-choo! Oh.
305
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,377
Yes, I'm sure.
306
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,579
Of course, I can't just
Put the little tyke
307
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,081
Out on the streets.
308
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,682
I've got to find her
The best possible home.
309
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,818
That could be a lengthy,
Time-consuming process.
310
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:12,920
I'll take her.
311
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,654
Frasier,
I realize--
312
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:18,625
If the dog is the only thing
That's standing between you,
313
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,093
Then if I take her away,
314
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,162
Everything will be
Fine for diane, right?
315
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:23,897
And I love dogs, frasier.
316
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:27,000
I'll give her
A great home. I will.
317
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,236
Well, there we are, then.
318
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:32,372
Done, sam. Done and
By golly done. She's yours.
319
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:36,243
Good. Well, then,
That should clear just
About everything up.
320
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,945
Well, I should
Say so.
321
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,447
And we're mighty
Grateful, too, sam.
Aren't we, diane?
322
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:41,548
Oh, my, yes.
323
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,917
In fact, do you want to
Hear something funny?
324
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,353
Just knowing that
The dog is going,
325
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,521
I'm already feeling better.
326
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:49,889
No more allergies.
327
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:50,958
Aw.
328
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,292
Ah-choo!
329
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,963
Gesundheit.
330
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,281
Hello, sam.
331
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:17,350
Hey, frasier.
What can I get you?
332
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,387
I've got a pretty heavy
Patient load this afternoon.
333
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:23,390
Why don't you make it
A triple stinger
And a beer chaser?
334
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:27,027
Ha ha. No, no. Let me
Have a club soda.
335
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,297
So, sam, listen.
Fill me in.
336
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:33,033
I'm hungry for news
Of little pavlov.
337
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,336
Pavlov? Oh! You must
Mean little diane.
338
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,773
Beg your pardon?
339
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,342
Yeah. I renamed
The puppy diane.
340
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,810
I figured you
Wouldn't mind.
341
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,445
I mean,
It's my puppy now.
342
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,015
Boy, I tell you,
It's so wonderful.
343
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,716
I come home, she gives
Me a little trouble,
344
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,685
I swat her on
The rear end and say,
"Shut up, diane."
345
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,988
And she does.
346
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,424
It's heaven.
It is wonderful.
347
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,328
Sam, I have to be
Honest with you.
348
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:02,929
Changing the dog's name
Hurts me a little.
349
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:05,632
Don't you think two dianes
Will be a little confusing?
350
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,834
Maybe you're
Right. I hadn't
Thought of that.
351
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:11,504
We'll just have
To call your
Girlfriend pavlov.
352
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,973
By the way, how is
Pavlov's allergies
353
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,842
Now that
I've got diane?
354
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:19,479
Well, you know,
These things don't
Clear up overnight.
355
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:24,017
The latest symptom is
A recurring voice change.
356
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,885
A what?
357
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,221
You'll have to hear it.
358
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,990
I don't think words
Can do it justice.
359
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,662
Psst, sam!
360
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,996
Yeah?
361
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,465
Where's carla?
362
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:39,899
Come on.
363
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,868
I did it. I did it.
364
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,603
I went out...
365
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,839
I got her a great
Birthday present.
366
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,243
You mean it's
Carla's birthday
Already again?
367
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:54,247
I'm telling you,
The older you get,
The time goes zzzzzt.
368
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,284
No, no, coach.
This is just
A real gift
369
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,219
To make up
For those gag
Gifts we got--
370
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,321
A real gift
Which better
Be good.
371
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,625
Hi, sweetheart.
372
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,527
Hey, uh...Carla?
373
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,797
Many happy returns.
374
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,165
No, thanks.
375
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,067
No more
Hilarious
Gifts, ok?
376
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:17,036
My sides
Are still sore
From last week.
377
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,839
Carla, it's a
Very nice gift.
378
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,808
Oh, yeah?
379
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,643
What does it do?
380
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:24,777
Explode...
381
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:25,912
Stink...
382
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,814
Or make disgusting sounds?
383
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:30,383
No, no, no. This is
The real gift, carla...
384
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,353
Which better be good.
385
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:40,827
Huh!
386
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:41,894
Ohh!
387
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,062
Coach: wow.
388
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,132
Oh, this is beautiful.
389
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:48,468
Oh, I love this.
It's perfect!
390
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:52,239
Oh! This makes up
For everything, I think.
391
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:55,775
Well, um...
392
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:59,712
You know it's not
Easy for me to
Say thanks, but...
393
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,216
Thanks, guys.
394
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,786
Hey, way to go,
Cliff.
395
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,954
Way to go.
396
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,589
Thanks, guys.
397
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,291
Oh, hey, you haven't heard
The best part, though.
398
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,826
The longer you wear it,
The body heat
399
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,996
Makes the words
"I am horny as a hoot owl"
400
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:20,032
Appear right on the back.
401
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,668
Get him out of here.
402
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:22,802
Oh! Oh, whoa.
403
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:28,575
Whoa. Whoa! W-w-wait a
Minute, guys. Ooh! Ow!
404
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:34,013
See you tomorrow, gang.
405
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,748
Good night, cliff.
406
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,016
Excuse me, sam.
407
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,586
Something's been
Troubling me.
408
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,255
I think I gave you the
Wrong impression a while ago
409
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,191
That diane and I
Are unhappy.
410
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,658
No! No.
411
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:48,094
We're just going through
A period of adjustment.
412
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:52,131
In fact, today,
I think she's shown
Some improvement.
413
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,903
[stuffy]
Hello, everyone.
414
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,871
Hello, sweetheart.
415
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,039
Hello, diane.
416
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,474
Ah-choo!
417
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:06,446
Aren't you going
To say gesundheit?
418
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,715
Diane, I'm afraid we've
Moved past "Gesundheit."
419
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:11,784
We're now on our way to
"Stuff a sock in it."
420
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,487
Frasier!
421
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,457
I'm sorry. You know
I was joking.
422
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,226
How come you still
Have allergies
423
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,160
If I've got diane?
424
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,729
Diane?
425
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,898
That's what
He calls pavlov.
426
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:27,567
Don't ask.
427
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,637
Well, diane,
Are you feeling
Any better?
428
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,707
There are obviously
Still traces of pavlov
429
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:38,044
In the apartment
Which I cannot remove.
430
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,379
And she's really tried.
431
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,748
So far,
I've had it fumigated.
432
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:44,584
I've had all the furniture
Reupholstered.
433
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,354
I've had the wallpaper
Steamed off.
434
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,489
Looks darned good,
Incidentally.
435
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:53,360
We discovered natural brick
On most of one wall,
436
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,695
And I think the place
Really needed redecorating.
437
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:59,699
How would you feel
About linoleum
In the living room?
438
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,100
What?
439
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,635
A lot of people
Have done it.
440
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,871
I'm almost sure
I've seen pictures...
441
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,173
That's it.
That's it! That's it!
442
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,975
I can't take it anymore.
443
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,043
Denial, evasion,
Repression!
444
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,247
I devoted myself
Professionally to
Fighting all of these,
445
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:16,916
And now I'm wading
In them...Upstream!
446
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,286
Ok. Ok.
Keep the carpet.
447
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:21,321
Diane, we're intelligent
Enough to know
448
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:23,990
How often
Allergic reactions
Are psychosomatic.
449
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,592
Gee, there's a thought.
450
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,730
Maybe on some
Subconscious level,
451
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,865
You really don't want
To be living with me.
452
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,668
Frasier, it's the dog.
I keep telling you...
453
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,837
[squeaky voice]
It's the dog!
454
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,141
The voice.
455
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:45,278
Diane, the damn dog
Is gone.
456
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,146
She's halfway
Across the city!
457
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:50,550
I don't want to go on
Putting you through all this.
458
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,319
[squeaky]
Frasier...
459
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,456
I've made
A commitment here.
460
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,491
Obviously,
You're not ready yet
461
00:20:58,491 --> 00:20:59,926
For this kind
Of commitment.
462
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,128
Perhaps someday you
Will be, perhaps not.
463
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:03,696
We'll just have
To wait and see.
464
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:06,533
No! I'm going to
Make this work.
465
00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:14,006
Diane, please don't
Hold onto this for me.
466
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:15,375
I love you,
467
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:17,877
But I think your health
Is more important.
468
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:21,080
Maybe you're right.
469
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,015
I'm sure I'm right.
470
00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:24,317
Now, listen.
471
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,486
Go and gargle
And spray your throat.
472
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:28,421
Use your inhaler.
473
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:32,291
Take your antihistamine
And put nose drops in.
474
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,995
Use whatever else you
Can find in that pharmacy
You call a purse.
475
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,603
Well, sam?
476
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,705
Aren't you
Going to gloat?
477
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:48,808
[squeaky voice]
I like to think I'm
Above that, diane.
478
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:58,317
Now, am I nuts,
Or is that kind of sexy?
479
00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:04,657
Aw, frasier, I'm--
That's a tough break.
480
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:07,059
Damn it, sam.
I really thought
481
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:09,396
We were going to
Make it work in a big way.
482
00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:12,098
I'll bet you do,
And I bet you do it
Pretty soon, too.
483
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:13,500
Will you excuse me?
484
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,268
Sam, the problem is
Now I'm entirely alone.
485
00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:18,605
Yeah. Yeah.
That's tough.
486
00:22:18,605 --> 00:22:20,907
I want my doggie back!
487
00:22:22,274 --> 00:22:25,344
Frasier,
I've grown accustomed
To the old girl.
488
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,715
But my emotional need
For her right now
Is stronger than yours.
489
00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:30,182
Yeah, but she's mine.
490
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:31,451
Yeah, but I love her!
491
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:32,919
You can find another one.
492
00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:34,854
Sam, I don't even want
To talk about this anymore.
493
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,857
There's nothing you
Can say that would
Make me change my mind.
494
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,659
She's mine, and she
Always will be!
495
00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:41,928
You were never anything
But a port in a storm.
496
00:22:41,928 --> 00:22:44,030
I want her, and I'm
Going to have her!
497
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,933
Nobody is going to
Stand in my way, or else
They'll suffer my wrath!
498
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:49,135
Do I make myself clear,
Mr. Malone?
499
00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,337
[normal voice]
Frasier!
500
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,640
This is so exciting.
501
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,908
You are the only man
Who has ever proclaimed
502
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:59,311
His feelings for me
With such eloquence.
503
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:02,314
I got a flash for you
Here, diane. What we
Were talking about--
504
00:23:02,314 --> 00:23:03,550
Sam, she knows
Perfectly well
505
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,552
What and who we
Were talking about!
506
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:10,757
She's a clever girl,
And a beautiful one.
507
00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:13,259
Frasier,
Do you know that
508
00:23:13,259 --> 00:23:16,763
There's a kurosawa film
Festival playing at cambridge?
509
00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:19,566
Well, diane,
I'm not really in
The mood to go...
510
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:22,001
Kurosawa, you say?
511
00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:26,272
Kurosawa, and I'm
Really in the mood.
512
00:23:26,272 --> 00:23:29,742
Oh, I could see
His films again and
Again and again.
513
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:34,547
Sam, uh, could I
Have the afternoon
Off, please?
514
00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:36,549
Yes. Sam, you wouldn't
Want to stand between
515
00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:38,951
Me and diane and the
Seven samurai, would you?
516
00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:42,088
No, no. I hope
All nine of you have
A wonderful time.
517
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:51,931
Hmm.
518
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,502
Sammy...
519
00:23:55,502 --> 00:23:57,970
Frasier walks out
Of here with diane,
520
00:23:57,970 --> 00:24:00,507
And you get to go
Home to a dog.
521
00:24:00,507 --> 00:24:02,575
Yeah.
522
00:24:02,575 --> 00:24:05,177
Somebody up there likes me.
37425
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