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1
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:04,505
Carla: hey. Cheers is filmed
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,208
Before a live
Studio audience.
3
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,113
Hello.
4
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,547
Oh, hi. What can I
Get you?
5
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,283
I'm a phone company repairman.
6
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,519
Oh, I'm a bartender.
Ernie pantusso.
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:22,423
Phil ryan. I got a call
To come down here.
8
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,292
Gee, there must be
Some mistake, phil.
9
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,860
I didn't call
For any repairman.
10
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,596
I think sam put in
A call, coach.
11
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,364
He did?
Gee, that's strange.
12
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,333
He didn't
Say anything
To me about it.
13
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,567
I better
Give him a call
14
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:36,204
And find out what
This is all about.
15
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:46,180
Bum luck, phil.
The phone's out.
16
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,482
Give him a couple
Of seconds.
17
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,954
Say, phil, uh...
I hate to impose on you,
18
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:57,158
But since they got you
Down here on this
Wild goose chase,
19
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,660
Would you mind taking
A look at the phone?
20
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,661
Sure.
21
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:01,829
Thank you.
22
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:07,601
Lucky thing he
Happened by here,
Huh, carla?
23
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,404
Sometimes fate
Takes a hand, coach.
24
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,811
* makin' your way
In the world today *
25
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,881
* takes everything
You've got *
26
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,651
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
27
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,186
* sure would
Help a lot *
28
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:29,723
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
29
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,028
* sometimes
You want to go *
30
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:38,632
* where everybody
Knows your name *
31
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:43,771
* and they're always
Glad you came *
32
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,541
* you want to be
Where you can see *
33
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:50,211
* our troubles
Are all the same *
34
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,412
* you want to be *
35
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:54,515
* where everybody
Knows your name *
36
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,085
* you want to go
Where people know *
37
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,454
* people are all
The same *
38
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,722
* you want to go *
39
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:05,226
* where everybody
Knows your name **
40
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,916
Hi, everybody. I bet you're
Surprised to see me
41
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,218
On my night off.
42
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:33,587
Yeah. We didn't hear
Your broom pull up.
43
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,056
What are you
Doing here tonight?
44
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,593
I'm having dinner upstairs
With frasier and his mother.
45
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,562
She's a seafood aficionado.
46
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,298
We think she'll like the
Bouillabaisse at melville's.
47
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,934
You're having dinner
With frasier's mother?
48
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,602
You actually deduced
49
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,871
I'm having dinner
With frasier and his mother
50
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:54,375
When all I did was say it
In your presence.
51
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:59,146
No flash cards,
No crib notes on your sleeve.
52
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,581
Uncanny.
53
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:03,150
Huh. We're a little
Edgy tonight, aren't we?
54
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,685
But I guess
I can't blame you.
55
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,488
Meeting mom is a big
Step in a relationship.
56
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:11,425
Granted, meeting your
Prospective fiancé's mother,
57
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:14,228
Especially when she's
An eminent psychiatrist
58
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:17,498
Trained to spot the slightest
Quirk in a person's behavior,
59
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:20,868
Could be
A nerve-racking evening
60
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,637
For somebody who's going to
Be there, but I'm not.
61
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:24,772
Good night.
62
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:27,308
Chickening' out,
Huh, diane?
63
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,843
Absolutely not.
They're 12 seconds late.
64
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,546
Hey, come on!
Get back here,
Sit down,
65
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,748
And have a glass
Of wine. Coach?
66
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:35,883
Coach: yeah.
67
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,820
Sit down now, honey,
And just relax.
68
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,655
Everything's
Going to be fine.
69
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:45,326
Just remember--now,
Don't snap your gum,
70
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,561
Don't chew
With your mouth open,
71
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,162
And for god's sakes,
72
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,332
Don't play
With your bra straps.
73
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,703
I'll try to remember
That, coach.
74
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,237
Trying's
Not good enough.
75
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,173
I'll just have to
Write it down for you.
76
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,241
Afternoon, everybody.
77
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,810
Norm!
Norm!
78
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:03,844
Diane: norman.
79
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,246
What would you say to
A nice beer, normie?
80
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,748
Going down?
81
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,486
Listen, coach,
Do me a favor
82
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:16,324
And don't make a big
Fuss over me today, ok?
83
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,725
You got it.
84
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,294
You know,
No cakes, candles,
Party hats, singing.
85
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,062
None of that,
All right?
86
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,397
Ok.
87
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:28,235
You know, 'cause, really,
It would be so embarrassing.
88
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,637
You know what I mean?
89
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:30,938
And no gifts, all right?
90
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,173
Well...
91
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,675
Yeah.
92
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:39,347
Whatever you do,
Don't ask me
How old I am today.
93
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:42,383
Normie, is today
Your birthday?
94
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,385
Coach, you
Remembered, huh?
95
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:46,854
[ding]
96
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,989
Hey, everybody,
It's normie's birthday!
97
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,324
Oh!
Hey!
98
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,725
Hey! Well!
99
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,695
All right. Let me buy the
Birthday boy a drink here.
100
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,631
Please, you're
Making too big a
Deal out of this.
101
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,034
Ah. There you are,
My darling.
102
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,636
Well, at last,
You two meet--
103
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,338
The woman who gave me life
104
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,206
And the woman
Who gives me life.
105
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,108
Oh, frasier!
Oh, frasier!
106
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:12,312
Forgive me. I lose
My head in the company
Of beautiful women.
107
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,581
Dr. Crane--
108
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:16,384
Oh, please, dear,
Call me hester.
109
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,452
Hester,
It's a pleasure.
110
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,220
Oh, it's my pleasure.
111
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,255
Let me take
Your coat, mother.
112
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,824
Diane.
113
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,429
Here's the
List of tips
I promised you.
114
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,330
Thank you, coach.
115
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,799
I also
Added instructions
116
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:34,468
For a dainty way to
Dispose of gristle.
117
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,340
Oh, frasier,
She's lovely.
118
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,510
He's made no secret
Of the fact,
119
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:45,613
But even he
Didn't do you justice.
120
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:51,018
Well, in an
Anxiety-provoking
Situation such as this,
121
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:54,287
One tends to respond
With exaggerated
Compliments.
122
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,689
Let me just
Be frank.
123
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,258
You are the
Most strikingly
Handsome woman
124
00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,993
I've ever
Laid eyes on.
125
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:00,928
Oh!
126
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:04,131
Something exciting
Is happening here.
127
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,233
Exciting,
But not surprising.
128
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:09,603
By the end of evening,
You two will be
Thick as thieves.
129
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,239
Only if we can't
Resist the temptation
130
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,441
To pig out
On cheesecake.
131
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:16,009
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
132
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,446
Coach:
Hey, doc! Doc.
133
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:20,681
Vic's ready for you
Upstairs.
134
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,182
I hope everybody's got
An appetite.
135
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,051
I'll never eat again.
136
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,855
Let me hurry on up
137
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:30,157
And make sure we've
Got a good table.
138
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,025
I'm thick with vic.
139
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,126
Ah, ah.
140
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,562
Well, mother...
141
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,465
Eh, boy. Did
You see that?
142
00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,032
What?
143
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:42,570
Frasier purposely
Avoided drawing me
Into the conversation.
144
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,638
You know, I noticed
That, too, cliffie.
145
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,073
What's his problem?
146
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:49,142
He knows
How well-versed I am
In his field, coach.
147
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:52,580
I've embarrassed
Many a professional
So-called expert.
148
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,181
Actually, cliff,
149
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:57,117
I think you've embarrassed
Everybody you know.
150
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:01,822
Well, as long as
You're saying it,
It's not bragging.
151
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,825
Hey! Norm, when did you
Get here?
152
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,594
36 years ago today,
Sammy.
153
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,662
It's my buddy norm's
Birthday today.
154
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:09,997
Is that right?
Yep.
155
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,466
I think the birthday of
One of my best customers
156
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,401
Deserves a little
Of the old bubbly.
157
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:15,736
No, no, no.
No, no.
158
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,571
Well, maybe
You're right.
Hey!
159
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,707
Just kidding,
Just kidding.
160
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,875
Open this up on the double,
Will you, coach?
161
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,244
Congratulations, man.
Many happy returns.
162
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,914
Just as long as you
Don't go singing
"Happy birthday,"
163
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,849
Because I'd really
Hate that, you know,
164
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,552
If you sang
"Happy birthday."
165
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,621
You know, just
Because it is my...
166
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,255
* happy birthday *
167
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,257
* to you *
168
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,892
* happy birthday to you *
169
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,928
Cut it out!
Come on, now.
170
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:45,633
* happy birthday,
Dear normie-- **
171
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,100
[clang]
[pop]
172
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,168
Oh!
173
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,103
Oh, norm!
Norm!
174
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,371
Are you
All right?
175
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,774
You ok, buddy?
Yeah, I'm all right.
176
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,976
Woo! That sucker
Nearly hit me.
177
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,514
Hold still, now.
178
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:05,152
Why don't you sit down
Here for a second?
179
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,219
No.
180
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,821
You all right?
181
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:08,822
Yeah.
182
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,991
How many fingers
I got?
183
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:11,992
Three.
184
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,927
Not you, coach.
185
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:14,828
Three.
186
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,998
Sure, after I give him
The answer.
187
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,032
You sure?
188
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,500
Yes, I'm fine.
189
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,836
Wait a minute, sammy.
The primary symptom
Of postprandial trauma
190
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,205
Is the blurring
Of the metatarsals.
191
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,274
Cliff, shut up.
192
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,475
Ok, fine. I'll shut up.
193
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,944
Go ahead.
Wallow in ignorance.
194
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,046
I think we're re-entering
The dark ages here.
195
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,716
Do we gain an hour
Or lose an hour?
196
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,618
Would you guys
Cut it out?
197
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,386
Hey, listen,
Why don't you go
See a doctor?
198
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,453
That thing hit you
Pretty hard.
199
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,955
I'm all right.
I swear.
200
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,657
Come on. Play it
Safe. Go to the
Emergency room.
201
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,325
I'll pay for it.
202
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,294
No, no. A little rap
In the head. Doesn't
Even hurt anymore.
203
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:51,231
Normie's right.
I got a rap in the head
All the time in baseball.
204
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,900
I never went to a doctor.
205
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,269
And you'll keep
My glass chilled?
206
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,605
Yeah.
207
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:05,813
Yeah, yeah. Terrific, normie.
I'll pass that on.
208
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,881
Hey, listen, everybody,
Normie's just fine.
209
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,517
They're just keeping him
In the hospital overnight
210
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,586
To do a few more
Tests on him.
211
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:15,923
A lot of people miss
The whimsy in jung.
212
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,826
He's given me
Many a chuckle.
213
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,661
I wrote one of my favorite
Papers about it.
214
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,529
It's entitled--
Tongue-in-cheek, of course--
215
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,998
Hello, jung lovers.
216
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,334
How clever.
217
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,602
Ha ha ha!
218
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:31,504
Oh, dear.
Something just struck me.
219
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,608
I hope I haven't dominated
The conversation tonight.
220
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,277
Nonsense, diane. The wine
And your verbiage
221
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,279
Were the perfect complement
To our meal.
222
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,849
Listen, why don't
You two have a seat,
223
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:44,785
And I'll get us
A fine cordial.
224
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,620
Will you trust me
To make the selection?
225
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:50,123
I have a very special
Little treat in mind that
I've just discovered
226
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,659
And I'd like to
Surprise you with it.
227
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:53,894
Oh, frasier, you're mad,
But I love you.
228
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:57,798
Three cans of schlitz.
Ha ha ha!
229
00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:01,001
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
230
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,271
Listen,
And listen carefully.
231
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,372
Stop seeing my son,
232
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:08,776
Or, as god is my
Witness, I'll kill you.
233
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,580
Something
To munch on.
234
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,649
Yum, yum, yum!
235
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,184
Now listen to me.
236
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:20,253
I have a gun.
I know how to use it.
237
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,156
Here we are.
238
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,859
Oh, doesn't that
Look lovely?
239
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,227
What do you
Call it?
240
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,162
It's a delightful
Pear liqueur.
241
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,599
Oh, sounds delicious!
Doesn't it, diane?
242
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,635
Uh...Uh...
243
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,437
I think she likes it.
244
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,107
Well, I hate to leave
Your company again so soon,
245
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,975
But I must visit
The men's room.
246
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,243
You know what they say--
247
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,714
You only rent
A chateau lafite-rothschild.
248
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,515
I'll go with you.
249
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,417
Well, diane, there
Are some things
250
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,919
A man must do alone.
251
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:55,122
If you love me,
You won't do this now.
252
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,526
Well, it's a peculiar test
Of a man's affection,
253
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,362
But I think I'm up to it.
254
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,565
You know, I've just
Had an inspiration.
255
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:09,636
What say we go to
An intimate cabaret
And hear some jazz?
256
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:12,539
Oh, that's
A wonderful idea, frasier.
257
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:15,508
How do you feel
About it, diane?
258
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,844
Uh...
259
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:19,880
Diane, you're white
As a sheet. Are you ok?
260
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,982
I'm a little tired,
Frasier.
261
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,818
Why don't you
And hester go along
Without me?
262
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,386
No. We wouldn't
Think of it!
263
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,788
No. No, I insist.
264
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,724
Um...I'll be fine.
I'll call a cab.
265
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:33,626
I wouldn't want to
Interfere with your
Fun time. Please.
266
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,729
She's tired.
Don't press her.
267
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,899
Go home, dear. Rest.
268
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,901
You need a night
On the town
269
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,470
Like you need
A hole in the head.
270
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,375
I'll be fine.
271
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,609
Thank you.
272
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,478
Very well.
273
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,313
I'll call you later.
274
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,454
So how'd dinner go?
275
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,457
She wants to kill me.
276
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,795
You got to start picking
Up some checks, diane.
277
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,543
Sam, I have to
Ask you a question.
278
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:27,714
And promise me you won't
Make a joke out of it.
Ok? Promise.
279
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,516
Yeah, I promise.
What's up?
280
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:33,020
Do you think
I'm crazy?
281
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,287
Yes.
282
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,191
Ha ha.
283
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,794
Now that we've gotten
The joke out of the way,
284
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,395
Will you please help me?
285
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:45,665
I know this is
A strange question,
But it's important.
286
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:49,236
Do you think I'm...
Crazy?
287
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:52,005
Yes.
288
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,874
I should've
Known better.
289
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,009
You're incapable of a
Rational conversation.
290
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,278
Everything has to be
Some flip remark.
291
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,080
Well, all right.
Now, wait a minute.
292
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,916
Do you mean are you crazy,
Like seriously unbalanced,
293
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,819
Like losing your grasp
On reality?
294
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:06,920
Yes.
295
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,655
Oh. Well, then...
296
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:09,990
Yes.
297
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:14,327
When you're ready
To discuss this
As an adult,
298
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,997
Then we will talk.
299
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:20,167
Say, do I sense
A bit of tension
300
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,802
Between you and
Dear old mother crane?
301
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,272
Well, I don't
Want to blow this
Out of proportion.
302
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:29,309
Doesn't every
Woman feel their
Mother-in-law-to-be
303
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:33,914
Is an evil,
Dark-hearted,
Psychotic murderess?
304
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,583
I mean competitor.
305
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:39,252
What exactly did she say?
306
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,787
I don't remember it
Word for word.
307
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:44,591
Something about,
"I have a gun, and I
Know how to use it."
308
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:48,128
Then before she left,
She said I needed
A night on the town
309
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,230
Like I needed
A hole in the head.
310
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:53,333
Ha ha ha ha!
That's kind of cute.
311
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,971
Cute? You think
A death threat is cute?
312
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,807
Well, not as a rule, no,
But, um...
313
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:05,245
You know, your sense
Of humor is not exactly
Your strong point.
314
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:08,248
Is it possible that this
Lady is joking with you?
315
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:12,085
Well, anything is
Possible, but what's
Funny about...
316
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,488
A hole in the head?
317
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,490
Oh, god!
318
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,729
Is it possible?
319
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,731
Oh, I feel
So foolish.
320
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,499
She must think
I'm a twit.
321
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,335
Don't worry about that
Because when I first met you,
322
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,204
I thought you
Were a twit, too.
323
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,441
Boy, this gal
Is a real kidder, huh?
324
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:39,112
I mean, we're talking
Veritable goose. Ha ha!
325
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,648
Well, fortunately,
We're having lunch
Together,
326
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,316
So I can show hester
327
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:46,519
That I can give
As good as I get.
328
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:51,925
Afternoon, everybody.
329
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,026
Norm!
Norm!
330
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,194
What's up, norm?
331
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,663
Everything
That's supposed to be.
332
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,465
Hey, norm.
How you doing?
333
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,767
I hear you spent the night
In the hospital.
334
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,902
Yeah, yeah.
I'm ok, though.
335
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,005
Here. You can just
Take care of this
336
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,374
At your leisure,
I suppose.
337
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,643
$683?
338
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,112
Yeah.
339
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,981
Just to have
Your head checked?
340
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,448
Yeah. Isn't that
Something?
341
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:19,252
Well, they did
A whole battery of
Tests on me, sam.
342
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,088
Hey, I thought
The important thing is
343
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,855
That I'm ok, isn't it?
344
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:25,492
Well, no.
Well, I mean yes, but...
345
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,194
$683.
346
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:29,997
Sammy, the cost
Of diagnostic testing
347
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:31,631
Has gone up dramatically.
348
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:34,401
I read recently where it's run
Into billions every year.
349
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,070
Gee. I didn't know
So many people
350
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,106
Got hit by corks.
351
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:42,709
What all did they do
To you down there, norm?
352
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,244
Mostly routine stuff.
353
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:47,981
Well, I did take care of
One other little matter.
354
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,816
Like what?
355
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,784
I had a little mole
Removed.
356
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,521
And you stuck me with it?
357
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:57,324
Norm, where did you
Have a mole?
358
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,593
Must have been the one
On your butt, there, huh?
359
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:06,466
Uh, norm...I didn't know
You were that...Vain.
360
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,502
Who's ever gonna
See your rear end?
361
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,605
You're just about to,
Wise guy.
362
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,677
I think you took advantage
Of me here, norm.
363
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:20,513
Sam, I figured
You'd want to
Throw in the mole.
364
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,550
It makes a nice
Birthday gift, you know?
365
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,652
All right, you want to
Be hard-nosed about it.
366
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,221
Come on. I'll pay
For it. Come on.
367
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,258
No, no. No.
Happy birthday.
368
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,760
Thank you, sam.
It's just what I wanted.
369
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,428
You're welcome.
370
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,996
You know, I know
It's a little early,
371
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:41,068
But I wouldn't say no
To a tummy tuck
For christmas.
372
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,635
I'll think about it.
373
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:45,438
Oh! Hey, diane,
Look who's here.
374
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:50,843
If you have knees,
Prepare to slap them now.
375
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,412
Hello, dear.
376
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,813
Hello, diane.
Are you feeling better?
377
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,315
Much better,
Thank you.
378
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:58,085
Good. If sam the slave driver
Will let us steal you away,
379
00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:00,087
I have reservations
For three for lunch.
380
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,554
Oh, sounds good.
381
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,524
Hester, I've
Been thinking a lot
382
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,527
About our little
Talk last night.
383
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,630
I hope you've been
Thinking long and hard.
384
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,500
I have.
385
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,069
Frasier, I came to a
Decision last night.
386
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,870
When and if
We marry,
387
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:21,374
I think we should
Commit mommy dearest
To a rest home,
388
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,943
Making sure that
Beating and starving
389
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,479
Are the only forms
Of recreation.
390
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:27,780
Diane!
391
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,882
I, uh, beg your pardon?
392
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,519
In fact, I feel like
Slapping your face
Right now.
393
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:35,788
Take me out of here
This moment.
394
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,490
Well, it's a joke.
395
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,592
Come on, I'm
Obviously kidding.
396
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,295
We're not going
To put the woman
In a rest home.
397
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,131
We'll have her
With us always.
398
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:47,234
We're going to
Have her stuffed.
399
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:49,636
Ha ha ha ha!
400
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,672
And--and I'll even
Slit her throat
In the process.
401
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,806
Thank you, sam.
402
00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:00,012
I've never encountered
Such hostility,
403
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,114
Personally
Or professionally.
404
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,482
I'm leaving.
405
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,751
No, no. Just a minute.
Let's all take a beat.
406
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,922
Now, the three of us are
Going into sam's office,
407
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,192
And we're going to work
This thing through.
408
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,428
There's got to be
Some logical explanation.
409
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,330
And there'd
Better be, diane.
410
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,899
Well, it's a joke.
It's all joking.
411
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,202
Hester, you're with me
On this, aren't you?
412
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:25,305
If terrible threats
Constitute jokes,
413
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:28,508
No, I'm not with you
On this.
414
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,282
Ok, time to
Take stock here.
415
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,484
I'm not crazy...
416
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:40,187
Right, diane?
Right you are.
417
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:45,725
A whole year of my life.
418
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:49,128
Hester, I was trying
To joke with you
419
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,930
Like you were
Joking with me.
420
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,300
If you weren't joking,
Then you threatened
421
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,368
My life last night,
And I think--
422
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,936
She what?
I what?
423
00:18:56,936 --> 00:19:01,174
She said that if I didn't
Stop seeing you,
424
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,176
She'd shoot me.
425
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,512
This was obviously
A mistake.
426
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,648
Oh, no. You know perfectly well
You threatened my life.
427
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,183
Oh, diane,
For heaven's sake!
428
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,685
I will not stay
And be talked to
Like this.
429
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:16,456
Frasier, she is
A rude, boorish,
Spiteful woman who,
430
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:19,326
For some reason that
I don't understand,
431
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,027
Resents me terribly.
432
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,629
Mother, please.
433
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,565
Liar, liar,
Pants on fire!
434
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,099
Diane.
435
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,370
I'm not lying.
She is.
436
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,704
And if you love me,
You'll stand up
437
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,806
For me right now
When I need it.
438
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:34,974
But, diane--
439
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:39,579
Frasier, I'm asking you
To leave with me now.
440
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,013
Frasier,
441
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,882
This is the most
Important moment
442
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,551
In our relationship.
443
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:47,687
If you abandon me
Now, that's it.
444
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,362
Mother...
445
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:59,131
Why did you
Threaten diane?
446
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,768
You believe her?
447
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,270
Yes.
448
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,340
Oh...God!
449
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,210
I've lost you!
450
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:17,650
Oh, frasier, I did say
Those terrible things,
451
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:20,687
But believe me,
I had good reason.
452
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:23,122
Oh. She said them,
But she had good reasons.
453
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,624
Not good enough!
454
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:26,993
They'd better be good.
455
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,262
The best in the world.
456
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,798
Oh, I wanted to save you
457
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:35,935
From ruining what can be
A brilliant career.
458
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:39,539
I just can't stand
The picture of you
459
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:44,411
Being married to a
Pseudo-intellectual barmaid.
460
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,613
No offense intended.
461
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:51,418
None taken.
Ca ne fait rein.
462
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,687
Mother, I can't
Believe this of you--
463
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,523
A woman who has
Always been
464
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:59,926
The most gentle, rational
Human being I've ever known.
465
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:00,960
Oh, my dear boy,
466
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,496
You know that I would
Never follow through
467
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,698
On my threat to kill her.
468
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:09,936
You know, as I was pricing
Revolvers this morning,
469
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:14,441
I realized how irrational
My feelings were.
470
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,209
But don't you understand?
471
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,979
I'd rather see you
472
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:23,049
Shoveling sherbet
At howard johnson's
473
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:25,184
In a silly hat
And an apron
474
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:28,488
Than make a bad marriage.
475
00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:31,524
Mother,
You don't understand.
476
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:33,926
We're not going to have
A bad marriage,
477
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:36,529
And I'm not going to
Shovel sherbet.
478
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:39,332
But I would be happy
Doing it
479
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,768
If diane were at my side.
480
00:21:44,837 --> 00:21:47,540
Oh, frasier!
481
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:53,546
I never realized how much
This woman meant to you.
482
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:58,951
Of course, I don't really
Understand why, but...
483
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:03,956
I never could understand
Your spider collection, either,
484
00:22:03,956 --> 00:22:06,759
But I grew to accept that.
485
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:11,431
Diane, she's...She's
Reaching out. Please.
486
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:18,871
Dr. Crane, I'm sorry
487
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:21,808
If I made
A bad first impression.
488
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:27,780
But I think--no, I know
It was a wrong impression.
489
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:31,183
I may be a diamond
In the rough now,
490
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,053
But I'm a dreamer.
491
00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:37,890
And I have a habit
Of making dreams come true.
492
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:40,793
When and if I marry
Frasier crane,
493
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:43,796
I will be the kind
Of wife and family
494
00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:46,533
You'll be proud
To know and claim.
495
00:22:47,834 --> 00:22:50,503
Why, people will get tired
Of hearing you boast
496
00:22:50,503 --> 00:22:52,639
About your daughter-in-law.
497
00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:56,743
Diane, I see I've
Handled this so badly.
498
00:22:56,743 --> 00:22:59,812
Well, yes.
499
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:01,481
I...
500
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:04,751
I suppose I've made
A few mistakes myself.
501
00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:09,221
Oh, let's go out
And come in again.
502
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:11,658
I'd love to.
503
00:23:13,025 --> 00:23:17,396
This is the most
Incredible moment
Of my entire day.
504
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:18,998
You know what I'm
Going to do?
505
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:22,168
I'm going to
Take you two future
Best pals out
506
00:23:22,168 --> 00:23:23,903
To the finest lunch
In town.
507
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:26,072
Oh, sounds good.
508
00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,073
Ok.
509
00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:29,976
Oh! Ha ha ha!
510
00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:32,111
Do do do do!
511
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,180
Ha ha ha!
512
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:36,082
Ha ha ha ha!
513
00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:37,884
I need a glass
Of water.
514
00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:41,788
You two, you go ahead.
I'll catch up with you.
515
00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:45,525
Oh!
516
00:23:45,525 --> 00:23:47,894
That's ok.
It's free of charge.
517
00:23:47,894 --> 00:23:51,363
I understand you used
To date that woman.
518
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,633
I want to know
How much you'd charge
519
00:23:53,633 --> 00:23:56,235
To start things up again.
520
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:59,105
You don't have
Enough money.
521
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,707
How would you know?
522
00:24:00,707 --> 00:24:04,410
There isn't
Enough money.
523
00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:05,978
I know what you mean.
524
00:24:05,978 --> 00:24:08,014
No, I don't
Think you do.
525
00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:09,248
I think I do.
526
00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:10,282
Oh, no.
527
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,283
Oh, yes.
528
00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:12,719
Oh, no.
37498
