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1
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,106
Yeah, that was
My postal supervisor.
2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,240
They need me
Down at the branch office
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,509
To help handle
That holiday deluge.
4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,878
Ah, terrific,
And now this.
5
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:13,447
My coat's
Underneath this mess.
6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,582
All right, everybody,
Come on up here
7
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:16,084
And get your jackets,
Will you?
8
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,718
This is official
Government business.
9
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:20,788
Carla.
10
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,490
Got it, sam.
11
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,225
Stand back.
12
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,593
I'm going in.
13
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:31,799
I'll find you,
You little....
14
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,309
[cheering]
15
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,814
Carla,
This is obviously
Not my--
16
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:50,251
Put it on, or I
Tear off the clothes
You're wearing.
17
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,187
Yes, ma'am. Yes.
God bless you,
Carla.
18
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:59,493
Ah, well,
At least dogs won't
Attack their own, huh?
19
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,536
* making the way
In the world today *
20
00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,639
* takes everything you've got *
21
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,408
* taking a break
From all your worries *
22
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,678
* sure would help a lot *
23
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:21,215
* wouldn't you like
To get away *
24
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,719
* sometimes
You want to go *
25
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:29,357
* where everybody
Knows your name *
26
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,662
* and they're always
Glad you came *
27
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:38,332
* you want to be
Where you can see *
28
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,968
* our troubles
Are all the same *
29
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,236
* you want to be *
30
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:46,106
* where everybody knows
Your name *
31
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,609
* you want to go
Where people know *
32
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,044
* people are all the same *
33
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:55,783
* you want to go where everybody
Knows your name *
34
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,869
Allow me.
35
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,872
Thank you.
36
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,610
Watch this.
37
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,747
How do you do that
Without burning your hand?
38
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,416
I don't.
39
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,788
Sam, show her some
Of the other tricks.
40
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,291
Oh? You know
A lot of tricks, do you?
41
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,260
Yeah,
I know my share.
42
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:42,630
Show her the one about
The disappearing girlfriend.
43
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,665
Come on.
You're going
To like this one.
44
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,766
Watch this.
45
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,373
Woo!
Ooh!
Ooh!
46
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,346
Good evening.
Welcome to cheers.
47
00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,680
What can I get you?
48
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,682
What's your
Bartender's specialty?
49
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,452
He's got a great batch
Of hot buttered rum going.
How's that?
50
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,953
Sounds good.
Make it a double.
51
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,222
I've just had
The worst day
Of my life.
52
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,459
Well, you know
What I always say?
53
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,927
Life is like
A chinese banquet.
54
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:17,598
Between the peeking duck
And the sweet and sour fish,
55
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,633
You have to
Expect a little
Chicken feet soup.
56
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,902
So laugh,
Darn you, laugh.
57
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:25,806
I've just been told
I have six months to live.
58
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,081
I'm sorry.
59
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,317
I didn't mean
To be facetious.
60
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,185
I'm terribly sorry.
61
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:40,020
I went on and on
Like a ninny.
62
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,323
Maybe I should
Get you something?
63
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:48,329
Sam, how do you
Do this trick?
You know, that one?
64
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,197
It's all
In your mind, carla.
65
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,699
The trick is, while
You're doing it,
66
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,367
Think about
The most pleasant
Thing in your life.
67
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,868
Being burned
By this match
68
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,538
Would be the most
Pleasant thing in my life.
69
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,841
Sam?
70
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,710
Yeah.
71
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,078
You have to
Talk to that man
72
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,213
Over there alone
At the table.
73
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,648
Why?
74
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,351
Well, he came in here
Because he just
Found out
75
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,820
He's got six months
To live.
76
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,989
Oh, come on.
You sure that's not
Just an opening line?
77
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,127
Sam, what kind
Of a reptile
78
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,362
Would say
Something like that
79
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,963
As a sexual
Overture?
80
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:27,368
Nobody. I mean, not me,
That's for sure.
81
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:33,307
Well, he seems to want
To talk about it.
82
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:36,143
I'll talk to him.
83
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,411
How do you
Cheer someone up
84
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,313
Who's got six months
To live?
85
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,949
I'll tell him
I have five.
86
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,384
What is he drinking?
87
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,285
Hot buttered rums.
88
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,721
Hey, everybody, now,
Watch this. Watch this.
89
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,493
Hey, way to go,
Coach.
90
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,629
You must have a high
Threshold of pain.
91
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,331
I don't know the meaning
Of the word.
92
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,766
Heh heh.
Pretty tough guy.
93
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:01,034
No,
He doesn't know what
Threshold means.
94
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,007
Thanks, normie.
95
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,677
Hi. Can I join you?
96
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,212
My name's sam malone.
I'm the owner of the bar.
97
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,482
Malcolm kramer.
How do you do?
98
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:15,849
Before I retired,
99
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:18,619
I owned a chemical plant
Outside of chicago.
100
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:21,188
You know,
This may be none
Of my business,
101
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:24,291
But have you thought about
Getting a second opinion?
102
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,993
I mean,
Doctors do make mistakes.
103
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,228
Every doctor
I've been to has given
Me the same diagnosis--
104
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:31,565
And I've been to 12 of
The world's leading
Specialists.
105
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:34,201
Maybe you'd
Get better news
106
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,404
If you went to a quack.
107
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,373
How's your drink?
108
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,375
Excellent. You're
A very good bartender.
109
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:44,745
[laughter]
110
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,114
They sound as if
They're having
A good time.
111
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,016
You know, I worked
My way through
Harvard business
112
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:49,950
Tending bar.
113
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,553
Some of the best
Years of my life.
114
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,455
You think you still
Got the touch?
115
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,925
You mean it?
116
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,927
Why not? Come on.
117
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,429
We only got
Two rules around here.
118
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,830
No empty glasses
On the bar,
119
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,498
And if somebody
Belts you,
120
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,033
Just blame
A waitress.
121
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,735
You got it.
122
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,637
* oh, lord, I wish
That I'd been born *
123
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:13,006
* in borneo, ichaboo
Ichaboo ichaboo... *
124
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,212
* say, can you
Picture me *
125
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,814
* beneath
The pepper tree *
126
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,650
* I'd be so peppery *
127
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,953
* with all those
Wild ol' women **
128
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,321
[cheering]
129
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,557
Norm: he did it!
130
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,591
What am I
Yelling about?
131
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,659
I bet against him.
132
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:34,027
Thank you very much.
133
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,796
You lose it.
134
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,100
This guy's terrific.
135
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,102
I mean, he's
A great story teller,
136
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,237
And he really knows
What he's doing.
137
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,441
I mean, really we should have
An older guy behind the bar.
138
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,109
Customers would like it.
139
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,377
What about you, coach?
140
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,680
Oh, I'd like it,
Too.
141
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,047
I'll think about it.
142
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,415
Thanks, sam.
143
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,750
Hey, we're getting low
On beer mugs.
144
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,886
Can someone wash these out
For me here, please?
145
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,153
I'd love to.
146
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,655
You like
Washing glasses?
147
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:04,958
You bet. Suddenly I feel like
An 18-year-old college boy.
148
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,093
Me, too.
149
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,227
See one around?
150
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:10,030
You're on,
Cutey.
151
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,033
* how the reindeers
Loved him... **
152
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,035
It's about time
You got back.
153
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:19,006
What's the big deal?
The wind shot right
Through that old thing.
154
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:24,177
And those lifesavers
Had to be at least
A year old.
155
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:29,983
Boy, if boston ever knew
How close it came
To catastrophe,
156
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,752
There'd be panic
In the streets.
157
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,954
Kramer, that's cliff.
He's my best friend.
158
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,088
Give him a beer.
159
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,924
That's mr. Kramer.
He's a customer.
160
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,926
Customer? Why, if it's
All the same to you,
161
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:42,896
I'd rather have
My potables prepared
By a competent mixologist.
162
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,965
Cliff,
You wanna be a little
Sensitive here?
163
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,834
Sam's letting him
Do this as a favor.
164
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,703
Doc says he's
Going belly up
In a few months.
165
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,274
Ah, gee,
I'm sorry to hear that.
166
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,509
Those are the breaks,
Huh?
167
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:56,777
Yeah.
168
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,179
Mr. Kramer, I'm sorry
To do this to you,
169
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,481
But you wanted me to
Let you know when it was 11:00.
170
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,150
Oh, right.
I got a plane
To catch.
171
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,785
Oh, gee,
You really
Going to leave?
172
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,520
Yes.
I don't want them
173
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,723
To call me
The late malcolm kramer
174
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,859
Before it's official.
Ha ha!
175
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,228
Thank you, sam.
176
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,964
Any time, malcolm.
177
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,099
Listen, you
Come back before...
178
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,634
Soon.
179
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,502
Come back real soon.
180
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,807
Good night, everybody,
And thank you.
181
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:30,110
I've had
A wonderful time
Just when I needed it.
182
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,013
Someday, I hope
You'll appreciate
183
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,083
How much I really
Did enjoy it.
184
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,752
Nice meeting you.
Thank you. Bye.
185
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,554
Good-bye, mr. Kramer.
186
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,022
That's a nice guy.
187
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,056
Thanks, norm.
188
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:45,225
My pop always told me
To say good-bye.
189
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,231
[tapping on glass]
190
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,600
Excuse me.
191
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,568
What you people
Did this evening
192
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:57,104
Was magnificent.
193
00:08:57,104 --> 00:09:00,473
It strengthened
In me a faith
In humanity
194
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,844
That gets a little
Shaky at times.
195
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,478
And I want you
All to know
196
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,315
That there's nothing
I wouldn't do
For any of you.
197
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,683
Hot dog!
198
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,351
Drop the skivvies
And dance.
199
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,419
Yeah!
200
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,221
Ha ha ha!
201
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,288
Maggots!
202
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:22,029
Ok. Ok.
Who's the wise guy
203
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,698
Who shoved the I.O.U.
In the tip glass?
204
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,600
Let me see this.
205
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,001
It's not an I.O.U.
206
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,338
This is...
207
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,941
It's a bunch of writing
I don't understand
Is what this is.
208
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,609
Is it in
A foreign tongue?
209
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,110
No, no. It's english.
210
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,614
In your case,
That qualifies.
Hey, huh?
211
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,852
All right, um...
212
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,688
"To whom it may concern,
213
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,624
"Please be advised
That herewith
214
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:54,127
"I amend my will to
Provide the following.
215
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,229
"As a token
For their kindness,
216
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,565
"I leave the sum of...
217
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:01,368
"$100,000 to the gang
At cheers.
218
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,437
Signed, malcolm kramer."
219
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,906
Is this a joke?
220
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:10,678
Cliff, check that out,
See if it's valid.
221
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:17,184
Well, uh, yeah,
I don't want to
Pronounce judgment
222
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,551
Too hastily,
Coach,
223
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,754
But, why, I think
There is precedent
224
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,223
In the case of
Penoya vs. Net
225
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,826
When it was found
That jurisprudence
226
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:29,062
Is the better part
Of diction.
227
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,299
Tom, you're a lawyer,
Aren't you?
228
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,168
I work for
The law firm of
Sing and fleckman.
229
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,038
Take a look at this,
Will you, and tell me
What it means.
230
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,609
Well, I presume
His intent here
231
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:43,744
Was to have everybody
At cheers
232
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,979
Split up $100,000
When he dies.
233
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,048
I'll be darned.
I heard him say
He was rich,
234
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,050
But I thought
It was a line.
235
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,452
Oh, sam,
Who would use a line
Like that?
236
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,788
Not me.
237
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,223
100 grand.
238
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,991
Now, what does that
Come out to each?
239
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,361
Looks like
Approximately
$2,500.
240
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,930
Minus my
Accounting fee,
241
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,698
That's
100 bucks.
242
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:05,866
We each get
100 bucks?
243
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,768
No. You split
100 bucks.
244
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,070
Get out of here.
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
245
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:13,406
It doesn't say anything
About dividing it equally.
246
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,509
There are a lot
Of these people here
Who didn't give the guy
247
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,911
The time of day,
You know.
248
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:21,514
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Wait a minute.
249
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,050
It doesn't matter
Anyway.
250
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,918
This paper
Is worthless.
251
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,955
Look, look,
In order for
A will to be valid
252
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,757
According to
Massachusetts law,
253
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,892
The stipulations
Must be precise
254
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,193
And the document's
Gotta be signed
255
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,795
By at least
Three witnesses.
256
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,930
This isn't.
I'm sorry.
257
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,232
Oh, hey, come on.
It's a beautiful souvenir
258
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:42,803
Of an evening
Of generosity
And good will.
259
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:43,871
To hell with that!
260
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,305
I want my money!
261
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,706
Money! Money!
262
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,176
Money!
Money!
263
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:53,814
Wait. Hey.
I got an idea here.
I think I got an idea.
264
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,715
If we can
Bring him back
265
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,918
And get him to write
A valid will,
266
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,586
And then he
Could stipulate
267
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,421
Exactly who he wants
To get how much.
268
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,557
Sure. The guy's on his way
To the airport.
269
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,526
Well, if you hurry,
You can catch him
At the hotel.
270
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,594
All right,
I'll go get him.
271
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,862
Yeah, but why you?
272
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,630
Well, he
Liked me best.
Oh, yeah, norm?
273
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,999
What makes you
Think so?
274
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,834
Well,
He embraced me,
If you must know.
275
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,803
What are you talking about?
We never saw that.
276
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:18,205
It wasn't an
Overt embrace.
277
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:22,009
It was more
Like we hugged
With our eyes.
278
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:28,481
Look, whoever
Goes is gonna have
An opportunity
279
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,783
At sweet-talking
The guy,
280
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,852
So I think
We'd better
Send somebody
281
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,120
That we all trust.
282
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,156
Yeah. Absolutely.
Ok. I'll go.
283
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,391
You'd shoot your mother
In the back for two bits.
284
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,894
Hey, hey!
My mother's
A saint!
285
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,229
Why don't you
Send coach?
286
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,964
Y'all trust coach,
Don't you?
287
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,765
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
288
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,868
Ok. Here I go.
289
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,103
I'm with it.
290
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,272
Let's go!
Let's go!
291
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,974
Go, coach.
292
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,242
Coach, just
Play it cool.
293
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,543
We don't want
To appear too eager
294
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,345
And scare
The guy off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
295
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:01,148
Tell him his adopted son
Norm sends his love.
296
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:05,986
Right, norm.
Hey, listen. I want
All you guys to know
297
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,654
That it's an honor
And privilege
298
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,389
That you picked me
For this job.
299
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:13,160
I hope I can answer
All of your expectations.
300
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,700
What were
Your expectations?
301
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,970
Get out of here! Hurry!
302
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:36,316
Yeah, yeah, coach has been
Gone nearly an hour, normie.
303
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,551
Yeah, wonder
What he's up to.
304
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:39,987
Ok, sammy, ok.
305
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,054
This is it.
306
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,389
This will satisfy
307
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,057
The commonwealth
Of massachusetts,
308
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,626
And all we need is
Kramer's signature,
309
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,561
Three witnesses.
We got it.
310
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,263
Hey, just because you
Did a little typing,
311
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,065
Don't think you're
Gonna get a bigger cut.
312
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,401
Hey, hey,
Hey, listen, uh...
313
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:55,802
On behalf of
The federal government,
314
00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,938
I'd better take a look
At this.
315
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,975
Well, you misspelled
Massachusetts
316
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,610
First of all.
317
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,644
Well, look,
On the face of it,
318
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,979
This is all
Prima facius
319
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,216
Non corpus
Interruptus anyhow.
320
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,984
Quit wasting
Our time now.
321
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,585
This guy,
I don't know.
322
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,154
Hey, what kind
Of lawyer are you
Anyway?
323
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,422
You wouldn't
Know if I
Told you.
324
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,125
Oh, yeah? Well, try me,
Raymond birdbrain.
325
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:21,394
Well,
I'm not actually
An attorney yet.
326
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,763
I'm taking my bar
Exam next month.
327
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,199
All right,
The guy's here here
On false pretenses.
328
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:29,469
Yeah, let's strip him
And boot him out
In the snow.
329
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,340
Hey, hey, hey!
Come on!
330
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,308
Whoa, take it easy,
Will ya?
331
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,810
This is getting
Crazy. Settle down.
332
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,012
Hey, they're back!
333
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,114
Hurray for mr. Kramer.
334
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,994
What took you
So long, coach?
335
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:57,197
Oh, sam, I had to
Dig the car out,
Put on the tire chains...
336
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,166
You didn't you
Just take a cab?
337
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,367
Well, I figured
It wasn't worth it.
338
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,270
The hotel's
Only a block away.
339
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:07,140
I want you to say hello to
My best friend mr. Kramer.
340
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,809
Coach said there
Was some problem
About my will?
341
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:14,014
Mr. Kramer,
You made a wonderful
Gesture to these people,
342
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,149
And now they're asking
You to repeat it.
343
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:18,185
You do that to me
Every night.
344
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:24,024
I'm waiting for you
To get it right.
345
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,762
Mr. Kramer, it was
A wonderful gesture,
346
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,464
But you didn't tell us
347
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,700
How you wanted us
To split it up.
348
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:37,504
Yeah, you see,
What we got here
Is a real problem.
349
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,905
Who gets what?
350
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,407
These bozos....
351
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:45,245
Or my five
Precious children?
352
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,114
Posing for this picture
353
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,715
Is the longest
They've ever stood
354
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:50,683
Without crutches.
355
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,254
Put all
Those monsters
Somewhere else.
356
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,323
It's tonight
That counts.
357
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,858
Remember those
Great times we had
358
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,227
Standing
Right over there?
359
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,961
Mr. Kramer,
How can you
Ever forget
360
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,698
That delightful walk
You and I took over
To the jukebox?
361
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,667
Hey, don't forget
Who you turned to
In your hour of need
362
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,102
When you wanted to know
What time it was.
363
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,103
You didn't tell me.
364
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,405
Hey, what am I, big ben?
365
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,908
Mr. Kramer,
366
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:19,079
Why don't you just
Give all your money
To your relatives?
367
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,148
Diane, no.
No.
368
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:23,183
I don't have
Any close relatives.
369
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,185
Well, you do now,
Mervin.
370
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,886
My name is malcolm.
371
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,688
May I call you
Mervin?
372
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:32,092
That was--that was
My father's name.
373
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:36,629
Mr. Kramer,
You could
Give this money
374
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:37,864
To charity.
375
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,966
Hey, I am charity.
376
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,534
Beat it. Beat it.
377
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,837
Sam, I don't have any time
To deal with this.
378
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,640
Besides, life's too short.
I have a plane to catch.
379
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,609
I'm going to sign the money
All over to you
380
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,145
And you can divide it
As you see fit.
381
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,580
No, no, mr. Kramer--
382
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:54,981
Sorry, sam,
I've got to run.
383
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,483
Don't do this
To me.
384
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:59,686
Good-bye, everybody.
Good night,
And thanks again.
385
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,288
Good night, mr. Kramer.
386
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:04,457
Yeah, yeah. Don't be
A stranger. Sammy...
387
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:09,362
Hey, come on, would you?
Stop it.
388
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,599
Now, I'm gonna
Try to divide this up
Fair and square,
389
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:15,968
But please, just no appeals
To friendship and sentiment.
390
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,271
None of that
Kissy, kissy stuff.
391
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:21,208
How much evidence
Do you need, sam?
392
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,942
Does there have
To be bloodshed?
393
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,144
Destroy the will.
394
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,912
Let's kill her!
395
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,547
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
396
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,548
Hey, wait.
397
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,150
[bell clangs]
398
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,486
What's it gonna be, sam?
399
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,088
Yeah,
Come on, sammy,
Walk like a man.
400
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:40,727
Ok. Everybody in
This room right now
Gets an equal share.
401
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,961
And that's it.
402
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:45,198
[all clamor]
403
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,899
[bell clangs]
404
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,435
[gasps]
405
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,369
Sam!
406
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,876
Now it's over.
It's done.
407
00:17:56,876 --> 00:18:00,113
Let's just everybody
Get back to normal here.
408
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:11,023
We should've killed her
When we had the chance.
409
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,426
Well, now, I hope that's
Taught you all a lesson.
410
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,296
Coach, you mean about not
Being greedy about money?
411
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:20,333
No. Always dispose of
Flaming materials properly.
412
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,204
I guess
We should've known.
413
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:26,173
Guys like us
Don't get
That kind of money.
414
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,874
Well, look at it this way,
Guys.
415
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,043
We're no poorer now
Than we were when we came
In here tonight.
416
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,346
Yeah,
You can talk. You'll
Be a lawyer someday.
417
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,615
Yeah, yeah,
But a bad one.
418
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,218
Hey, will you
Give me a break?
419
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,287
Well, cheers
Is cheers again...
420
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,622
And I'm relieved.
421
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,924
I'm going
To go thank sam,
422
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,993
And all of you
Should, too.
423
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:51,264
And by the way,
With all the insanity
About the will,
424
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:54,367
No one said a word
About my new hairdo.
425
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,269
It stinks.
It stinks.
426
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,705
There, now,
Was that so hard?
427
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,874
Sam...
428
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,513
What you did out there
Was fine and noble,
429
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,581
And I'm very proud of you.
430
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,685
I can tell
By your look on your face
431
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,188
That you're proud
Of yourself, huh?
432
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,289
Yes, diane, I am.
433
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,425
I'm--I'm proud and...
434
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,494
Rich.
435
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,369
What's that?
436
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,738
This little baby
Is my ticket
To happiness.
437
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:35,074
This is the will.
I palmed it, and I
Burned a phony.
438
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,244
What? How?
439
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,578
Are you
Kidding me?
440
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,580
I do magic,
Remember?
441
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,215
Watch this.
442
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,950
[humming]
443
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,292
Ooh, looky here.
444
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:55,828
That was
The most avaricious,
445
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:58,831
Unregenerate,
Rapacious thing
You've ever done.
446
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,801
Wait a second here.
447
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,271
A couple of those words
Didn't sound very nice.
448
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,473
How's this?
449
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:07,974
You have sunk so low,
450
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:11,678
You would need a ladder
To kiss a snake's hiney.
451
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:16,783
Well, that's clear,
But why? I thought
I was pretty good.
452
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,418
I saw what those
People were doing,
453
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,620
Going
At each other's
Throats out there.
454
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,723
It occurred to me
This was the best
Possible solution.
455
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,791
Hmm.
456
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,593
Oh, come on, come on,
Look at it logically.
457
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,328
How are you going
To explain
458
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,597
Your newfound
Riches to them?
459
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,164
Give me a little credit
Here.
460
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:35,067
I'm not gonna change my
Lifestyle all of a sudden.
461
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,204
My purchases
Will be simple.
462
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:39,906
A television maybe,
463
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,008
A pair of shoes,
464
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,643
A couple
Pair of pants,
465
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:44,711
A trip
To the canaries
466
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,280
In my brand-new
60-foot yacht.
467
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:54,321
Oh, I know what
You're worried about.
468
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:56,122
Hey, come on,
You're my sweetie.
469
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,857
I want to split
The money with you.
470
00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,559
Think about all
The good you can do
471
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,227
With this money
Out there, huh, huh?
472
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:05,064
What good
Could come of this?
473
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,766
Charities...
474
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:13,072
Well, I suppose one
Could do wonders with...
475
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,374
A lot of money,
476
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:15,875
If one were so inclined.
477
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,977
I could donate
To environmental charities.
478
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:19,078
Donate!
479
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:20,980
Fight world hunger,
480
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,882
Save endangered species,
481
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:26,185
And grab up that fabulous
Silk dress at claudine's.
482
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:27,420
Yes, yes!
483
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:30,590
Oh, no!
Now I'm doing it.
484
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:32,859
I won't
Let you do this
To your friends.
485
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:35,395
What are you gonna do?
Rat on me?
486
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:39,699
Uh-huh.
Oh, wait a second here.
Wait a second.
487
00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:42,101
This is what we're
Talking about here,
Isn't it, huh?
488
00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:43,703
You're crazy.
489
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,438
Oh, yeah, well,
I may be crazy,
But I'm not stupid.
490
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:47,640
You're very stupid.
491
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,775
I'll tell you
How stupid I am,
492
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:52,044
I see through you
Like a book.
493
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:54,947
Ah, that's stupid.
494
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:57,049
You want my money.
495
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:59,752
What are you going to do?
Are you gonna blackmail me
For it, is that it?
496
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,757
Ha ha! Aw, you just lost
Your boat ride, baby.
497
00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:09,762
You can't slap me.
I'm a rich guy.
498
00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:14,233
How much longer
Are you going to do this?
499
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:17,136
I don't know you.
I've never seen
You like this,
500
00:22:17,136 --> 00:22:18,638
And I don't like it.
501
00:22:18,638 --> 00:22:21,273
Come on, come on.
Don't let this
Come between us.
502
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,109
I want you to help me
Spend the money.
503
00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:24,844
Come on,
It's gonna make us
So happy.
504
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,646
It's already
Making me miserable.
505
00:22:26,646 --> 00:22:28,415
Well, just wait
Till you see the fun
We have
506
00:22:28,415 --> 00:22:29,416
Out on that boat
Together.
507
00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:30,817
Damn, boy!
508
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:32,552
If that guy would
Just kick off
In four months,
509
00:22:32,552 --> 00:22:34,854
We could have that
Baby in the atlantic
By spring.
510
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,323
Did you hear
What you just said?
511
00:22:37,323 --> 00:22:40,226
Oh, my god.
512
00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:42,595
That was a horrible
Thing to say, wasn't it?
513
00:22:42,595 --> 00:22:44,697
Six months
Would be fine.
514
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,766
We could catch
The gulf stream.
515
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:48,468
Sam!
516
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:50,603
Oh, what's
Happening to me?
517
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:52,939
I'm turning into
A horrible person.
518
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:54,441
Yes, you are.
519
00:22:57,510 --> 00:22:58,978
I'm gonna do
What I should've done
520
00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:01,881
The minute I set eyes
This evil thing--
521
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:05,718
I'm gonna destroy it
Before it destroys me.
522
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:10,723
Oh...
523
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:11,824
Oh...
524
00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:13,826
That was the right
Thing to do, sam.
525
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:17,530
Now, let's just forget
That any of this ever happened.
526
00:23:17,530 --> 00:23:19,499
Oh, yes. Let's.
527
00:23:21,267 --> 00:23:23,002
Oh...
528
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,880
I hate myself
For what I just thought.
529
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:39,051
No. No, I won't
Even say it.
530
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:45,992
I know you didn't,
But let me know better.
531
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:47,527
Oh, come on, come on,
532
00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:49,796
Do you think
That I'd really do
Something like that again
533
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:51,831
After what
I just went through?
534
00:23:53,232 --> 00:23:54,400
I'm sorry.
535
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,868
Well, I--
536
00:23:55,868 --> 00:23:57,103
Of course not.
537
00:23:57,103 --> 00:23:59,438
Any person who would
Do something that vile
538
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,441
Would have guilt
Eating away at his guts
539
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,210
For the rest
Of his life.
540
00:24:04,210 --> 00:24:07,446
Thank you.
541
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:22,061
I hate her.
542
00:24:22,061 --> 00:24:25,798
I really, really do.
I hate her so much.
38530
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