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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,441 I am the vampire recorder. 2 00:00:03,561 --> 00:00:06,521 She's going to wipe us out. She's going to save the world. 3 00:00:06,641 --> 00:00:08,681 - Remove your weapon. - Hal, please! 4 00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:10,841 - Who sent you here? - Move in here! 5 00:00:10,961 --> 00:00:12,161 Are you somehow drunk? 6 00:00:12,281 --> 00:00:13,281 Griffin's dead. 7 00:00:13,401 --> 00:00:16,001 We seriously need to sort our shit out before the old ones arrive. 8 00:00:16,041 --> 00:00:17,921 What we need now is fists and fangs. 9 00:00:18,041 --> 00:00:19,601 The other guy? 10 00:00:19,721 --> 00:00:21,161 He called him hal. 11 00:00:21,281 --> 00:00:23,201 He called him what? 12 00:00:32,081 --> 00:00:34,921 Look, I'm not going to kill you. 13 00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:37,561 I want to, but he won't let me. 14 00:00:37,681 --> 00:00:39,201 He says it's protocol. 15 00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:49,641 Ah! It's not that I don't have a stomach for killing. 16 00:00:49,761 --> 00:00:54,521 Believe me, I've killed a truly astonishing number of people. 17 00:00:54,641 --> 00:00:57,841 Me and my friend have cut a swathe across Europe. 18 00:00:57,961 --> 00:00:59,641 We're like a plague. 19 00:00:59,761 --> 00:01:03,201 And then the bloody war came along and ballsed it all up. 20 00:01:06,481 --> 00:01:09,201 Ah, well. Please yourself. 21 00:01:31,401 --> 00:01:34,521 Sorry about the mess. We're home on leave. 22 00:01:34,641 --> 00:01:37,201 We couldn't be bothered to get the coach all the way to Richmond, 23 00:01:37,241 --> 00:01:39,041 and thought we liked the look of this place. 24 00:01:40,921 --> 00:01:43,681 My friend can get a bit carnal. 25 00:01:43,801 --> 00:01:47,001 Pretty girls bring out the beast in him, you see. 26 00:01:48,561 --> 00:01:50,081 Shall I tell you a secret? 27 00:01:52,161 --> 00:01:55,481 I think the others are scared of him. 28 00:01:56,641 --> 00:02:00,201 Ivan, wyndham, Jacob. Even hettie. 29 00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:03,041 Not mr snow, obviously. 30 00:02:03,161 --> 00:02:05,921 Sometimes, I think the only demon worse than him 31 00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:09,961 must be the one he's fleeing from. But I'm not scared of him. 32 00:02:11,401 --> 00:02:15,201 - Don't tell him I said that. - Hal: Don't tell him you said what? 33 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:24,201 Christ, not another one. 34 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:29,161 How may servants does this house have? 35 00:02:29,281 --> 00:02:32,921 Anything over 20 for a house this size is just showing off. 36 00:02:34,281 --> 00:02:35,521 I'll leave you to her. 37 00:02:35,641 --> 00:02:37,321 Pop down to the cellar. 38 00:02:39,961 --> 00:02:43,241 A little something for you - one of the daughters. 39 00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:46,601 - You shouldn't have. - Leave. 40 00:03:29,921 --> 00:03:31,121 Let's go shopping. 41 00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:37,681 Eat you right up. 42 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,161 Hey, couldn't I? 43 00:03:39,281 --> 00:03:42,401 Aren't you just a darling, aren't you? 44 00:03:42,521 --> 00:03:43,961 Aren't you? 45 00:03:44,081 --> 00:03:46,281 I could just eat you up. 46 00:04:06,041 --> 00:04:08,401 So, is mum at work? 47 00:04:08,521 --> 00:04:09,841 No, she's dead. 48 00:04:09,961 --> 00:04:13,041 Oh! I'm so sorry. 49 00:04:13,161 --> 00:04:16,001 That's really brave of you bringing her up on your own. 50 00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:18,561 Really brave. Being a single dad. 51 00:04:18,681 --> 00:04:20,361 No, I'm not her dad. He's dead and all. 52 00:04:20,481 --> 00:04:24,001 So, what happened? Was it a car crash? Did you adopt her? 53 00:04:24,121 --> 00:04:26,841 No, they were killed by some bad men and, well, my dad was, as well, 54 00:04:26,961 --> 00:04:29,441 so we're looking after her. 55 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,561 That's good of you. 56 00:04:31,681 --> 00:04:34,681 Well, she ain't got no-one else, and we're worried the bad men 57 00:04:34,801 --> 00:04:37,681 might come and kill her, but we're doing all right, so... 58 00:04:37,801 --> 00:04:40,361 Well, that's something. 59 00:04:45,481 --> 00:04:47,081 Ooh, dear me! 60 00:04:48,761 --> 00:04:51,401 Well, nice chatting to you. See you later. 61 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:57,201 Can't believe that I'm a thief now. Common criminal. 62 00:04:57,321 --> 00:04:59,561 I feel sick. Can I even be sick? 63 00:04:59,681 --> 00:05:01,761 It's not stealing if it's a big shop, mcnair said. 64 00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:04,441 I used to blush when I took a free sample. What's happened to me? 65 00:05:04,561 --> 00:05:07,001 She needed food. 66 00:05:07,121 --> 00:05:10,281 Yes, I know she did. It's just... it feels so wrong. 67 00:05:34,761 --> 00:05:36,001 You need to get a job. 68 00:05:36,121 --> 00:05:37,241 I'm sorry? 69 00:05:37,361 --> 00:05:39,761 Um, we need money for Eve, hal. We can't go on like this. 70 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,001 Swanning around on your backside all day. 71 00:05:42,121 --> 00:05:44,161 Think I'm relaxing? 72 00:05:44,281 --> 00:05:47,601 This is me holding on by my fingernails. 73 00:05:47,721 --> 00:05:51,441 And going to work? Out of the question. 74 00:05:54,281 --> 00:05:56,121 Ok. Erm... 75 00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:59,121 Um, I do understand that this might be difficult for you, hal, 76 00:05:59,241 --> 00:06:02,721 but you can't really expect to stay here for nothing. 77 00:06:03,801 --> 00:06:06,201 Why aren't you loaded, anyway? 78 00:06:06,321 --> 00:06:08,641 Vampires live for ever. Even with a basic bank account, 79 00:06:08,761 --> 00:06:10,721 your compound interest would be through the roof. 80 00:06:12,281 --> 00:06:14,161 Mcnair said. 81 00:06:14,281 --> 00:06:17,321 A series of unwise investments before the crash. 82 00:06:17,441 --> 00:06:19,201 Look, on my list, it clearly states... 83 00:06:19,321 --> 00:06:20,441 Oh, stuff your list. 84 00:06:20,561 --> 00:06:22,897 If you want to carry on living here, you've got to pay your way. 85 00:06:22,921 --> 00:06:23,961 Annie? 86 00:06:25,321 --> 00:06:26,321 Please. 87 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:31,921 Keeping away from people is part of how I manage my condition. 88 00:06:33,241 --> 00:06:35,321 Yes, hal, but you have been dry for over 50 years. 89 00:06:35,441 --> 00:06:39,961 So, surely you can manage just a couple of weeks out there in the real world. 90 00:06:40,081 --> 00:06:43,361 And if you do start eating people, we'll just have to try something else. 91 00:06:43,481 --> 00:06:46,201 Where? Hmm? 92 00:06:46,321 --> 00:06:50,321 Where will I work? Jobs don't just fall off trees, you know? 93 00:06:52,561 --> 00:06:53,561 Kill me. 94 00:06:54,921 --> 00:06:59,601 Seriously, kill me now. You can tell Annie I attacked you, or something. 95 00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:01,241 Maybe later, if you work really hard. 96 00:07:01,361 --> 00:07:05,281 Right. So, the fat collects here and drips into that there. 97 00:07:05,401 --> 00:07:07,281 I want you to scrape it up using this... 98 00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:10,841 And put it in that bucket. 99 00:07:15,641 --> 00:07:18,841 Tom, are you sure you haven't killed me already? It feels a lot like hell. 100 00:07:18,961 --> 00:07:20,481 You've got two choices, mate. 101 00:07:20,601 --> 00:07:23,681 You can either scrape up the fat or mop up the bogs, it's up to you. 102 00:07:23,801 --> 00:07:26,121 - Fat it is. - Ok. 103 00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:30,761 Steeper than it looks. 104 00:07:30,881 --> 00:07:32,201 What are you doing here? 105 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,681 What are youdoing here? 106 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:37,401 I can't believe you're still in Barry. I can't believe you're still in wales. 107 00:07:37,521 --> 00:07:40,161 God, the risks I took for you people. 108 00:07:40,281 --> 00:07:41,721 Do they still want her? 109 00:07:41,841 --> 00:07:46,001 They don't want her because they think she's dead. I told them I killed her. 110 00:07:46,121 --> 00:07:47,881 Oh, thank you. 111 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:51,721 But if they find out I didn't, 112 00:07:51,841 --> 00:07:55,641 say they spotted you shopping with her in bloody aldi, 113 00:07:55,761 --> 00:07:58,681 then they'd come for her again, and I would get a wooden enema. 114 00:07:58,801 --> 00:08:02,241 Sorry about that. We'll try and keep more of a low profile, ok? 115 00:08:02,361 --> 00:08:07,521 This is not just about the fangs. I found something else in the prophecy. 116 00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:09,241 Something is coming for her. 117 00:08:09,361 --> 00:08:13,241 - That's very nice. Thank you. Goodbye. - Listen, this is serious. 118 00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:16,921 No, this is prophecy, and I know a thing or two about prophecies. 119 00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:18,681 They're bullshit and mind games. 120 00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:22,481 Seems to me that they only get dangerous when you actually start believing in them. 121 00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:25,321 So, if you've come to tell me about real things in the real world, 122 00:08:25,441 --> 00:08:27,201 then, yes, go on, tell me. 123 00:08:27,321 --> 00:08:30,721 But if this is more saviour nonsense, I think we're done here. 124 00:08:30,841 --> 00:08:32,841 - Thank you. - I just need to... 125 00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:38,841 Look, if you are serious about the wellbeing of that child, 126 00:08:38,961 --> 00:08:40,921 you will listen to me. 127 00:08:42,241 --> 00:08:44,081 She is in danger. 128 00:08:45,521 --> 00:08:49,281 God, I don't know why I bother! 129 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,321 Egg and chips? It'll be about five minutes. 130 00:08:56,441 --> 00:08:58,801 If you just take a seat. Cheers, boss. What's that? 131 00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:02,641 Toad in the hole? That's going to be a while yet 132 00:09:02,761 --> 00:09:07,721 cos I've still got a few more on. I'm really sorry. Obviously... 133 00:09:12,641 --> 00:09:14,161 It's a journal. 134 00:09:16,081 --> 00:09:17,081 Sorry? 135 00:09:17,201 --> 00:09:20,481 What you were going to ask. I'm just writing a journal. 136 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:25,441 Yeah. Thoughts, feelings, lyrics. 137 00:09:26,961 --> 00:09:28,441 Good. 138 00:09:28,561 --> 00:09:30,441 Yeah, but it's kind of private. 139 00:09:30,561 --> 00:09:34,321 It's a lot of my private thoughts andideas. 140 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,761 But I didn't actually ask... 141 00:09:38,881 --> 00:09:42,001 Oh, ok! Just one. 142 00:09:42,121 --> 00:09:43,641 Twisted my arm. 143 00:09:43,761 --> 00:09:47,081 Like, we have this idea 144 00:09:47,201 --> 00:09:52,161 that you could make a skull 145 00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:55,841 with the top sliced off that you could drink from. 146 00:09:55,961 --> 00:09:57,521 What do you think? 147 00:09:57,641 --> 00:10:01,081 It's pretty dark, isn't it? 148 00:10:02,281 --> 00:10:07,201 Wouldn't the drink leak out of the eye sockets where the, urn, 149 00:10:07,321 --> 00:10:08,721 the optic nerve goes in? 150 00:10:11,401 --> 00:10:13,321 It's not a real skull! 151 00:10:13,441 --> 00:10:18,001 Anyway, just the sort of thing I think about, you know, all the time. 152 00:10:18,121 --> 00:10:21,481 I bet you think I'm really weird. 153 00:10:21,601 --> 00:10:24,961 You still doing that? We've got orders in, hal. 154 00:10:33,921 --> 00:10:39,841 Do you everjust picture the streets full of bones? Like after a war. 155 00:10:40,961 --> 00:10:45,601 And everybody's dead but you. 156 00:10:54,801 --> 00:10:58,601 And the big, bad pig blew and blew and blew, 157 00:10:58,721 --> 00:11:03,081 and the three wolves were very scared inside their little brick house. 158 00:11:09,721 --> 00:11:13,521 Well, well, well. Wasn't that idiot regus supposed to have killed her? 159 00:11:13,641 --> 00:11:17,241 What happened? Did she overpower him? 160 00:11:21,521 --> 00:11:23,881 Can be little buggers, babies, can't they? 161 00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:26,881 Cry like crazy in the house, then you take two steps outside - 162 00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:28,081 boom, off like alight. 163 00:11:30,761 --> 00:11:34,321 Um, do you have any yourself? 164 00:11:34,441 --> 00:11:38,361 Yeah, two boys. Little smashers. 165 00:11:39,561 --> 00:11:45,441 They both died of old age a long time ago, but they had kids who had kids, and so on. 166 00:11:45,561 --> 00:11:47,841 Yeah, I check in occasionally. 167 00:11:47,961 --> 00:11:50,521 See how my genes are getting on. 168 00:11:50,641 --> 00:11:54,201 Might even take the odd one. You know, thin the herd. 169 00:12:00,561 --> 00:12:02,281 Oh! 170 00:12:02,401 --> 00:12:06,841 It's funny. All the others are terrified of this little lady - 171 00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:09,361 the war child. 172 00:12:09,481 --> 00:12:13,001 They think if you threaten her, a safe will fall on your head, or something. 173 00:12:13,121 --> 00:12:14,681 But not me. 174 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,921 I see her as opportunity. 175 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:20,321 Just imagine how grateful the old ones are going to be 176 00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,921 when I give them her head as a welcoming present. 177 00:12:25,761 --> 00:12:27,641 It's your lucky day today. 178 00:12:27,761 --> 00:12:30,041 This is a bit too public, even for me. 179 00:12:32,201 --> 00:12:33,521 I'll be seeing you. 180 00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:40,321 Why can't you just leave her alone? She's just a normal baby! 181 00:12:42,961 --> 00:12:46,401 Do you really believe that, or is this just desperation? 182 00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:49,641 Which one keeps her alive? 183 00:12:49,761 --> 00:12:51,841 Neither, I'm afraid. 184 00:12:59,401 --> 00:13:03,521 Bloke at table four gets free teas all day. He's a builder. He gave me this. 185 00:13:03,641 --> 00:13:05,521 - What is it? - Muriatic acid. 186 00:13:05,641 --> 00:13:07,961 What? 187 00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:11,121 Yeah, it's for cleaning my swimming pool. 188 00:13:11,241 --> 00:13:13,681 That don't have to be perfect, hal. We've got people waiting. 189 00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:15,841 I'm doing them a favour. 190 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,481 I'm granting them five more minutes without food poisoning. 191 00:13:18,601 --> 00:13:21,481 Get out of the way, I'll do it. Move. 192 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:25,401 Fine. Think I've gone as high as I possibly could 193 00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:28,481 in the thrilling world of lettuce chopping, anyway. 194 00:13:37,121 --> 00:13:38,201 What was that? 195 00:13:38,321 --> 00:13:41,041 - It's a stake, hal. - What the hell's it doing here? 196 00:13:41,161 --> 00:13:44,001 Must have had it with me in my trouser pocket when I was protecting Eve. 197 00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:46,577 - Then I came here. Forgot I even had it. - Tom, you promised Annie... 198 00:13:46,601 --> 00:13:48,361 I know. I told you, I forgot I even had it. 199 00:13:48,481 --> 00:13:50,297 Anyway, it's good that I've got it anyway, just in case. 200 00:13:50,321 --> 00:13:52,121 In case of what? 201 00:13:52,241 --> 00:13:55,241 We're hardly likely to be overrun by vampires in a cafe. 202 00:13:59,681 --> 00:14:02,401 - Jesus, that's for me, isn't it? - No, of course not. 203 00:14:02,521 --> 00:14:04,201 Just in case I fell off the wagon, hm? 204 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,537 Just in case I dealt with complaints the old-fashioned way? 205 00:14:06,561 --> 00:14:08,281 How was that going to work, Tom? 206 00:14:08,401 --> 00:14:10,001 Were you even going to warn me? 207 00:14:10,121 --> 00:14:12,401 Or was it just going to be a swift stake in the back 208 00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:14,497 - the next time I looked at someone funny? - Tell me I'm wrong. 209 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,617 Look me in the eye now and tell me there's not a chance at all that you'll crack. 210 00:14:17,641 --> 00:14:20,402 Nothing to worry about, and I swear to god, I'll bin the thing myself. 211 00:14:20,481 --> 00:14:21,721 You know, it would be nice 212 00:14:21,841 --> 00:14:24,297 if I thought you really were worried about me falling off the wagon, 213 00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,497 but I think you're hoping I will 214 00:14:25,521 --> 00:14:27,761 because that'll give you the perfect excuse. 215 00:14:27,881 --> 00:14:30,481 Now, you tell me I'm wrong. 216 00:14:43,441 --> 00:14:44,721 What happened to your face? 217 00:14:44,841 --> 00:14:47,441 My lunch fought back. 218 00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:49,921 I'd rather not talk about it. 219 00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:53,361 But who takes a crowbar with them when they walk the dog? I mean, who does? 220 00:14:53,481 --> 00:14:55,201 That's just weird. 221 00:14:55,321 --> 00:14:59,361 No, no, first, I want to know why you're helping us. 222 00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,961 Why you're helping her. 223 00:15:01,081 --> 00:15:03,521 - I'm all heart. - No, you're not. 224 00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:07,681 And the prophecy says that she will be the doom of the vampire race, or something, 225 00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:10,481 which I don't believe for a second, but I know that you do, 226 00:15:10,601 --> 00:15:12,201 so why would you want to save her? 227 00:15:12,321 --> 00:15:17,081 You love a doorstep row, don't you? You really want to go into this right now? 228 00:15:17,201 --> 00:15:20,801 Before I bring the baby into the weird vampire's house? Yes. 229 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:23,161 Right. 230 00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:25,681 For 400 years, 231 00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:29,521 I've been collecting and cataloguing vampire history, myths and legends. 232 00:15:29,641 --> 00:15:31,481 400 years. 233 00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:36,641 In dark rooms, libraries and cellars. Poring over scrolls, manuscripts, 234 00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:40,881 books covered in mildew cos you can't Google this stuff, you know? 235 00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:45,641 I've got asthma. Actual asthma. Vampires don't get asthma. 236 00:15:45,761 --> 00:15:49,201 And no-one wanted to know about my work. 237 00:15:49,321 --> 00:15:54,481 They just laughed and ate another virgin, so that has to be worth something. 238 00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:57,841 If it's not true, if that baby doesn't mean the end of the vampires, 239 00:15:57,961 --> 00:16:00,841 then what have I been doing for all those years? 240 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:05,241 It will have meant noth/hg/ do you understand? 241 00:16:06,681 --> 00:16:08,041 Yes. 242 00:16:15,481 --> 00:16:18,281 - Regus: He came to the house? - Annie: No, no. 243 00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:22,081 We were in the park... 244 00:16:22,201 --> 00:16:25,121 The park?! After everything I told you? 245 00:16:25,241 --> 00:16:29,201 Well, she wouldn't stop crying, so I just thought a walk in the park would, 246 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,681 you know, calm her down. 247 00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:34,201 Oh, yeah, a walk in the park with the most important baby on the planet. 248 00:16:34,321 --> 00:16:37,441 - You know I don't believe that. - Then, why exactly are you here? 249 00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:40,281 Because I'm scared. 250 00:16:40,401 --> 00:16:41,561 The old ones? 251 00:16:41,681 --> 00:16:44,761 Is that who you were trying to warn me about? 252 00:16:44,881 --> 00:16:47,841 Oh, come on! You couldn't wait to tell me before. 253 00:16:47,961 --> 00:16:51,041 That was before. Before the door in the face, 254 00:16:51,161 --> 00:16:53,641 before you nearly got her killed. Now it's going to cost you. 255 00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:54,761 What? 256 00:16:54,801 --> 00:16:59,401 My price has just gone up from nothing to something. 257 00:17:01,081 --> 00:17:05,041 I think you need to be taught a lesson. I think you need to feed me. 258 00:17:05,161 --> 00:17:09,681 You do know I'm dead, huh? So, you can try biting me, 259 00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,857 but all you're going to get is an ice-cream headache. 260 00:17:11,881 --> 00:17:16,281 Who said anything about blood? I'm more interested in your other charms. 261 00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:22,801 I assume you know how to taste. 262 00:17:22,921 --> 00:17:25,401 That's what I want. Only in reverse. 263 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:31,081 We are never touching. 264 00:17:31,201 --> 00:17:35,481 I will tell you everything you need to know to save the life of that baby 265 00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:38,281 and, believe me, you needto know. 266 00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:50,921 Put your hand on my head. 267 00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:02,721 Right, think about the first time you had sex. 268 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,641 So, where are we, then? 269 00:18:11,241 --> 00:18:17,161 Well, um, we are in the spot where I first... 270 00:18:17,281 --> 00:18:20,161 You know. 271 00:18:20,281 --> 00:18:22,401 So, who's the lucky fella? 272 00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:25,601 Um, his name was Dave. 273 00:18:27,161 --> 00:18:30,561 Great! So, what time's kickoff? 274 00:18:30,681 --> 00:18:32,881 He'll be here in a minute. 275 00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:37,321 Oh, god. This is so weird! Weird and sick. I feel sick! 276 00:18:37,441 --> 00:18:39,881 So uncomfortable. Why are you making me do this? 277 00:18:40,001 --> 00:18:43,001 You've seen my life. 278 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:45,201 Food that fights back. 279 00:18:45,321 --> 00:18:47,841 Sharing a bathroom with 14 Polish builders. 280 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,561 And someone like me would never stand a chance with someone like you otherwise. 281 00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:55,081 So, I'll take what I can get. Even if it is a second-hand shag. 282 00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,721 Oh! 283 00:18:56,841 --> 00:18:59,921 Hey! Pretend I'm not here. Don't mind me. 284 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:09,721 Right. What's he doing? 285 00:19:10,921 --> 00:19:14,481 Oh, well, I... I get it. 286 00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:19,761 Well, these are my memories, so I guess the only way you can experience them is... 287 00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:22,481 Is as me. 288 00:19:22,601 --> 00:19:24,361 Ah! Get off. 289 00:19:24,481 --> 00:19:28,361 Don't worry. You know what? He was surprisingly gentle. 290 00:19:28,481 --> 00:19:30,481 Get off! Get off! 291 00:19:32,161 --> 00:19:35,681 Maybe I should leave you guys to it. Just... 292 00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:37,761 No, I don't like it! 293 00:19:37,881 --> 00:19:41,921 - Don't worry, he didn't last that long. - Make it stop! Make it stop! 294 00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:44,601 Oh, my god! That's disgusting. 295 00:19:51,401 --> 00:19:54,921 Maybe we could leave the sex memories for a while. 296 00:19:55,041 --> 00:19:58,041 Are you sure? Cos I have some great stuff for you. 297 00:19:58,161 --> 00:20:00,561 No, no, it's fine. I'll tell you what you need to know. 298 00:20:00,681 --> 00:20:01,761 Thank you. 299 00:20:03,361 --> 00:20:05,841 I just need a minute. 300 00:20:05,961 --> 00:20:07,281 I feel a bit vulnerable. 301 00:20:07,401 --> 00:20:11,201 Oh, sure. Sure. I understand. You just take your time. 302 00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:27,481 I know who you are. 303 00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:31,601 I don't know who you think I am... 304 00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:34,761 But you've got the wrong man. 305 00:20:34,881 --> 00:20:39,321 Before I ripped his throat out, that bloke in the pawn shop said your name. 306 00:20:39,441 --> 00:20:43,201 I thought, "no, it can't be." But it is. 307 00:20:44,401 --> 00:20:46,361 It really is you. 308 00:20:51,801 --> 00:20:53,041 My lord. 309 00:20:57,481 --> 00:21:00,321 You have the wrong man! 310 00:21:00,441 --> 00:21:02,681 Jesus, you weren'tjoking, were you? 311 00:21:04,321 --> 00:21:05,481 Don't panic. 312 00:21:07,321 --> 00:21:10,641 I'm still loyal. 313 00:21:15,721 --> 00:21:17,921 Then forget you saw me. 314 00:21:20,921 --> 00:21:25,121 I couldn't believe it when I found you working here with a dog. 315 00:21:25,241 --> 00:21:27,201 I mean, you don't have to work anywhere. 316 00:21:28,241 --> 00:21:32,521 Look, there's a boat of old ones on the way, but until they get here, 317 00:21:32,641 --> 00:21:35,041 it's just me and this mouthy little dicksplash. 318 00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:39,521 But an old one like you? You could walk in and take over, like that. 319 00:21:41,121 --> 00:21:42,521 I'm not interested. 320 00:21:42,641 --> 00:21:45,601 Oh, come on. Come back, huh? 321 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,761 Like the old days? Me and you? 322 00:21:47,881 --> 00:21:51,241 Girl on each arm, one tied up in the boot, huh? 323 00:21:51,361 --> 00:21:52,921 You remember, don't you? 324 00:21:53,041 --> 00:21:56,481 I try to forget. That's not who I am any more. 325 00:21:56,601 --> 00:21:59,041 What? And this is? 326 00:21:59,161 --> 00:22:01,801 Working in a greasy spoon with a iyco? 327 00:22:03,241 --> 00:22:06,801 He's been a busy boy, you know. He's got a target on his head. 328 00:22:08,281 --> 00:22:09,961 Not when he's with me, he doesn't. 329 00:22:10,081 --> 00:22:13,121 Look, you're either an old one or you're a nobody. 330 00:22:14,521 --> 00:22:16,561 And we're all over nobodies every day. 331 00:22:16,681 --> 00:22:19,361 See, this visit here today is only really a recce. 332 00:22:19,481 --> 00:22:22,441 Tomorrow, we're going to come back all tooled up about ten o'clock. 333 00:22:22,561 --> 00:22:25,281 Teach your little doggie to play dead. 334 00:22:25,401 --> 00:22:28,761 He's not my dog. He's not my anything. 335 00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:32,961 Fine. You won't mind stepping aside, then. 336 00:22:46,921 --> 00:22:48,081 Got you! 337 00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:52,241 It's just a bit dead, so I thought I'd ambush you. 338 00:22:52,361 --> 00:22:56,041 What have you been doing, anyway? Counting the rubbish? 339 00:22:56,161 --> 00:22:58,241 Yes, I was counting the rubbish. 340 00:22:58,361 --> 00:23:01,841 Oh, yeah. Someone's left something on one of the tables. 341 00:23:01,961 --> 00:23:03,441 God, not more sick. 342 00:23:03,561 --> 00:23:05,361 Tom: Do you want it, then? 343 00:23:06,401 --> 00:23:08,121 Hal: Why would I want it? You have it. 344 00:23:08,241 --> 00:23:10,281 I don't want it. It's demeaning to women. 345 00:23:12,361 --> 00:23:13,961 We should throw it away. 346 00:23:28,521 --> 00:23:31,161 - What must their mothers think? - What? 347 00:23:31,281 --> 00:23:34,081 Those ladies on the cover, showing everything to everyone. 348 00:23:34,201 --> 00:23:36,241 No-one'll want to court them. 349 00:23:37,361 --> 00:23:38,521 Sorry, court them? 350 00:23:38,641 --> 00:23:39,881 You know what I mean. 351 00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:43,241 Only because I was around during the coronation. 352 00:23:43,361 --> 00:23:45,161 No-one says "court" any more. 353 00:23:45,281 --> 00:23:47,361 I know. They use "chatting up". 354 00:23:47,481 --> 00:23:50,201 We don't say that because it's disrespectful to the lady, 355 00:23:50,321 --> 00:23:53,081 even if they are in the nuddy. What do you call it? 356 00:23:53,201 --> 00:23:55,081 I don't call it anything because I don't do it. 357 00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:56,961 Is that because you can't do it? 358 00:23:58,921 --> 00:24:01,241 Let's just say it's not good for my condition 359 00:24:01,361 --> 00:24:04,281 - to play in that arena. - Very convenient. 360 00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:05,601 What? 361 00:24:05,721 --> 00:24:07,961 "Oh, I can't chat them up cos I might kill them!" 362 00:24:08,081 --> 00:24:09,201 You can't do it, can you? 363 00:24:09,321 --> 00:24:14,201 - Have you ever even been with a woman? - I'm waiting for the right woman. 364 00:24:14,321 --> 00:24:18,561 Virginity is like a flower. You don't just pluck it for anyone. 365 00:24:22,001 --> 00:24:23,521 Well said. 366 00:24:23,641 --> 00:24:25,681 I still don't reckon you can chat up. 367 00:24:25,801 --> 00:24:29,401 Are we still on with this? Look, I told you, I don't needto chat up. 368 00:24:29,521 --> 00:24:31,481 I have charm and wit. 369 00:24:31,601 --> 00:24:33,881 - Prove it. - What? 370 00:24:34,001 --> 00:24:38,121 Chat up the next woman what comes in here. Don't worry, I won't let you kill her. 371 00:24:38,241 --> 00:24:40,121 I'm not the one with something to prove here. 372 00:24:40,241 --> 00:24:43,761 I'll do it with you. First one to get her number wins. 373 00:24:43,881 --> 00:24:45,881 Unless you can't do it. 374 00:24:46,001 --> 00:24:48,961 First one to get her number, whoever she is? 375 00:24:49,081 --> 00:24:50,561 You're on. 376 00:24:50,681 --> 00:24:51,761 Fine. 377 00:24:56,281 --> 00:24:57,521 But we're not going to ring it? 378 00:24:59,601 --> 00:25:01,561 We'll burn it, or something, as soon as we get it. 379 00:25:01,641 --> 00:25:03,001 Obviously. 380 00:25:35,521 --> 00:25:40,561 These runes describe the coming of a man - the enemy of the saviour. 381 00:25:40,681 --> 00:25:44,361 The nearest translation to this rune is Nemesis, arch enemy. 382 00:25:44,481 --> 00:25:47,361 Like Lex Luthor to Superman or green goblin to spider-man. 383 00:25:47,481 --> 00:25:49,641 Yeah, yeah. No, I get that. 384 00:25:49,761 --> 00:25:53,001 Ok, this is a description of the man. 385 00:25:53,121 --> 00:25:58,081 This rune means fire, but this is past tense, and this means arm. 386 00:25:59,361 --> 00:26:00,681 And what does that mean? 387 00:26:00,801 --> 00:26:04,601 The Nemesis has a burnt arm. 388 00:26:04,721 --> 00:26:06,241 What, and that's it? 389 00:26:06,361 --> 00:26:08,521 What do you want? An e-mail address?! 390 00:26:08,641 --> 00:26:11,241 Look, if you see a scary man with a burnt arm, run away! 391 00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:13,881 It's pretty specific. You need to get out of town. 392 00:26:14,001 --> 00:26:17,121 Especially now they know that she's alive. 393 00:26:17,241 --> 00:26:20,201 You've got to go and hide somewhere in the middle of nowhere. 394 00:26:20,321 --> 00:26:21,601 Go to bangor. 395 00:26:21,721 --> 00:26:25,121 What if the Nemesis is waiting in bangor? 396 00:26:25,241 --> 00:26:29,681 And besides, I've got my two boys guarding the door. 397 00:26:29,801 --> 00:26:30,801 Hmm. 398 00:26:30,881 --> 00:26:32,881 What? 399 00:26:34,081 --> 00:26:35,841 Something leaked out. 400 00:26:37,241 --> 00:26:40,241 You don't trust them. Not quite. Not yet. 401 00:26:40,361 --> 00:26:44,321 Well, I trust them a lot more than I trust you. 402 00:26:44,441 --> 00:26:47,961 Maybe, in most areas. But never with her. 403 00:27:03,641 --> 00:27:05,801 So, are you having a nice evening? 404 00:27:05,921 --> 00:27:08,921 Jk rowling used to write in a caff, you know. 405 00:27:09,041 --> 00:27:10,121 Did he? 406 00:27:10,241 --> 00:27:13,041 I never used to understand why. 407 00:27:13,161 --> 00:27:16,601 But I get it now. Finally. 408 00:27:16,721 --> 00:27:21,761 You know, from here, you can see all the passing warp 409 00:27:21,881 --> 00:27:24,721 and woof of humanity... 410 00:27:26,601 --> 00:27:31,361 In all its glory and its despair. 411 00:27:34,521 --> 00:27:38,361 Maybe, one day, years from now, people will ask you 412 00:27:38,481 --> 00:27:42,161 - which table I used to sit at. - It's quite a thought. 413 00:27:42,281 --> 00:27:43,601 Isn't it? 414 00:27:43,721 --> 00:27:47,121 Yes, me still here in a year. Anyway... 415 00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:57,601 That's a really nice look you've got going on there. 416 00:27:59,441 --> 00:28:00,681 Nice? 417 00:28:00,801 --> 00:28:02,121 Sorry. 418 00:28:03,961 --> 00:28:06,681 This is one of those things when negative is positive, isn't it? 419 00:28:06,801 --> 00:28:08,921 Hang on. I know this one. 420 00:28:11,721 --> 00:28:13,281 It's really bad. 421 00:28:13,401 --> 00:28:16,761 Get you, vanilla ice 422 00:28:18,001 --> 00:28:21,561 Look, whatever the word is to compliment it, pretend I just said it. 423 00:28:23,121 --> 00:28:26,401 Don't you have, like, floors to mop, or something? 424 00:28:26,521 --> 00:28:28,241 Please. 425 00:28:28,361 --> 00:28:31,841 Yes! Anything else? 426 00:28:47,841 --> 00:28:51,521 Er, I like yourtights. You look like a bee, and I like bees. 427 00:28:55,321 --> 00:28:59,161 - Are you coming on to me? - I don't know. Is that like chatting up? 428 00:28:59,281 --> 00:29:02,321 Urgh, no offence, but, like, 429 00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:06,921 I'm into guys that are just a little bit more edgy. 430 00:29:07,041 --> 00:29:10,401 You know, a little bit more darkness about them. 431 00:29:13,601 --> 00:29:16,241 Are you laughing at me? You'd better not be laughing at me. 432 00:29:16,361 --> 00:29:17,561 No, we weren't, honestly. 433 00:29:17,681 --> 00:29:20,361 Sorry, it's just, um, a private joke, you see. 434 00:29:20,481 --> 00:29:23,121 We're actually both quite dark in our own little ways. 435 00:29:23,241 --> 00:29:25,681 Well, he's darker than me. I'm dark occasionally. 436 00:29:25,801 --> 00:29:28,121 Are you simple, or something? 437 00:29:29,721 --> 00:29:31,161 Here's an idea. 438 00:29:31,281 --> 00:29:33,161 Order something or get out! 439 00:29:33,281 --> 00:29:37,521 Fine. Then I guess I'm leaving. 440 00:29:42,121 --> 00:29:45,721 I didn't like her. I don't think I even want her number. 441 00:29:56,401 --> 00:29:59,321 And how are my two bestest working boys, hmm? 442 00:29:59,441 --> 00:30:01,721 How did it go? 443 00:30:04,561 --> 00:30:07,281 - Went well, then? - We did all right, I suppose. 444 00:30:07,401 --> 00:30:11,361 I think that's the first honest day's work he's done in his life. 445 00:30:11,481 --> 00:30:12,841 Oh, you are so wrong. 446 00:30:12,961 --> 00:30:16,561 If, by honest day's work, you mean mindless drudgery, then let me tell you, 447 00:30:16,681 --> 00:30:18,161 I've drudged with the best of them. 448 00:30:18,281 --> 00:30:20,537 Live as long as I have, sometimes you just can't avoid it. 449 00:30:20,561 --> 00:30:22,721 What crappyjobs have you done? I bet I've done crapper. 450 00:30:22,801 --> 00:30:25,297 Pulling a cart through the streets collecting refuse in barrels. 451 00:30:25,321 --> 00:30:26,601 Binman. 452 00:30:26,721 --> 00:30:30,321 These were the days before flushing toilets. 453 00:30:30,441 --> 00:30:33,241 It wasn't exactly rubbish we were collecting, if you get my drift. 454 00:30:33,361 --> 00:30:37,401 Grave digger. Sometimes, you'd dig through an old grave, unmarked like, 455 00:30:37,521 --> 00:30:39,361 right through a dead body, and it stunk. 456 00:30:39,481 --> 00:30:43,681 Child's play. Try digging plague pits with the bodies piled three deep around you. 457 00:30:43,801 --> 00:30:46,081 Um, I worked in a bar once. 458 00:30:46,201 --> 00:30:49,161 Yeah, and this guy came in to chat me up and later, 459 00:30:49,281 --> 00:30:52,481 he got drunk and crashed his car and died 460 00:30:52,601 --> 00:30:55,641 and he tried to drag me through death's door into purgatory. 461 00:30:55,761 --> 00:30:59,601 Dog food factory. Shifting huge lumps of frozen sheep's lung. 462 00:30:59,721 --> 00:31:03,521 Melted blood all sploshing about on the floor and the gaffer, well, he was... 463 00:31:03,641 --> 00:31:05,601 Annie! How was your day? 464 00:31:05,721 --> 00:31:08,761 Oh, thank you. Thank you for asking, because it was a bit weird. 465 00:31:08,881 --> 00:31:12,721 I got stalked by a vampire in the park and then I pushed my sex memories 466 00:31:12,841 --> 00:31:16,481 into another vampire's sad little vampire brain. 467 00:31:16,601 --> 00:31:18,201 Ooh, that is weird, Annie. 468 00:31:18,321 --> 00:31:20,921 Yes, I know. Thank you for asking. 469 00:31:22,401 --> 00:31:24,961 Is there something you'd like to tell us, Annie? 470 00:31:26,801 --> 00:31:29,161 She's just a baby, Annie. 471 00:31:29,281 --> 00:31:32,001 - This is all just a story. - And what about the old ones? 472 00:31:32,121 --> 00:31:35,321 Is that just a story, too, hmm? What happens when they get here? 473 00:31:35,441 --> 00:31:37,361 Let them come. We can take them. 474 00:31:37,481 --> 00:31:39,401 You were the one who said we should just run. 475 00:31:39,521 --> 00:31:41,281 And you were the one saying there's no point. 476 00:31:41,361 --> 00:31:44,601 Well, I think we should run and go and live in a barn. 477 00:31:47,001 --> 00:31:48,081 A barn? 478 00:31:48,201 --> 00:31:50,441 Or a caravan or a tent or something. 479 00:31:50,561 --> 00:31:52,361 You said we were strong here. 480 00:31:52,481 --> 00:31:54,537 - You said we could face them. - Well, I've changed my mind. 481 00:31:54,561 --> 00:32:00,921 I cannot sleep in a barn or a tent or a caravan or anywhere 482 00:32:01,041 --> 00:32:03,601 without central heating, carpets and radio 4. 483 00:32:03,721 --> 00:32:05,201 That should be on my list. 484 00:32:05,321 --> 00:32:08,961 Really, it should. You make me do that, I won't be responsible for my actions. 485 00:32:09,081 --> 00:32:10,361 And what about the old ones? 486 00:32:10,481 --> 00:32:13,177 If the old ones are coming, then it is better that I am here to greet them. 487 00:32:13,201 --> 00:32:14,281 Greet them? 488 00:32:16,561 --> 00:32:18,321 I mean face them. Confront them. 489 00:32:18,441 --> 00:32:21,201 I ain't running. I'm going to fight 'em. 490 00:32:22,521 --> 00:32:26,881 Look, I just... I just think we have enemies coming at us from every angle. 491 00:32:27,001 --> 00:32:29,281 First, the old ones and now, this Nemesis. 492 00:32:29,401 --> 00:32:30,881 Jesus, Annie! 493 00:32:34,961 --> 00:32:37,121 We've both had a really hard day at work. 494 00:32:37,241 --> 00:32:38,721 Oh, and I haven't? 495 00:32:38,841 --> 00:32:40,361 That's not what I meant. 496 00:32:42,521 --> 00:32:46,521 Look, I'm not sure what you were used to 497 00:32:46,641 --> 00:32:51,041 when George and, er, Tina were around, but... 498 00:32:51,161 --> 00:32:56,121 Their names were Nina, George and Mitchell, 499 00:32:56,241 --> 00:32:58,481 and this was their home 500 00:32:58,601 --> 00:33:01,561 and they were my friends 501 00:33:01,681 --> 00:33:04,721 and they would have listened to me. 502 00:33:08,361 --> 00:33:11,361 - Thanks, mate. - Thanks very much. 503 00:33:24,361 --> 00:33:26,601 Can I have a... 504 00:33:28,241 --> 00:33:31,681 Cheeseburger, please? 505 00:33:38,401 --> 00:33:39,601 1.50. 506 00:33:45,401 --> 00:33:49,481 "The cloak of the reaper blocks the sun over me 507 00:33:49,601 --> 00:33:51,041 "Over me 508 00:33:51,161 --> 00:33:53,881 "but the beak of the crow pecks at the flesh of my enemy 509 00:33:54,001 --> 00:33:55,201 "Enemy 510 00:33:55,321 --> 00:34:00,041 "I may be gone, but I'm still here 511 00:34:00,161 --> 00:34:02,761 "remember me, remember me." 512 00:34:08,441 --> 00:34:10,281 I think you've forgotten to pay. 513 00:34:10,401 --> 00:34:13,081 Er, I think I just did. 514 00:34:13,201 --> 00:34:16,001 That's one of my poems, so... 515 00:34:16,121 --> 00:34:19,521 - No, you've got to pay with money. - Oh, god. 516 00:34:20,961 --> 00:34:24,321 I don't think you quite understand. 517 00:34:24,441 --> 00:34:30,681 One day, you're going to be able to buy this place with that piece of paper, ok? 518 00:34:30,801 --> 00:34:34,281 That's an original Michaela Thompson. 519 00:34:34,401 --> 00:34:36,121 We'd rather have the money. 520 00:34:37,481 --> 00:34:43,041 Look, I don't carry the currency of this so-called society. 521 00:34:43,161 --> 00:34:44,561 I pay with my art. 522 00:34:44,681 --> 00:34:45,681 Not here, you don't. 523 00:34:45,721 --> 00:34:49,041 You either pay or you give it back, so I'll have that back, thank you. 524 00:34:50,801 --> 00:34:54,161 Look, I just told you, I don't have any money. 525 00:34:54,281 --> 00:34:56,681 So, you know, what are you going to do about it? 526 00:34:56,801 --> 00:34:59,481 Lock you in and call the police. 527 00:34:59,601 --> 00:35:00,841 Try me. 528 00:35:10,961 --> 00:35:12,641 Right, you can stop that now. 529 00:35:12,761 --> 00:35:17,441 What? This is what you wanted, isn't it? I'm paying, aren't I? 530 00:35:23,521 --> 00:35:25,361 I used to ride a horse once. 531 00:35:25,481 --> 00:35:27,081 What? What's that got to do with it? 532 00:35:27,201 --> 00:35:28,881 I had a sword, I was respected. 533 00:35:29,001 --> 00:35:30,521 Better than that, I was feared. 534 00:35:30,641 --> 00:35:33,081 Peasants had their backs flayed for looking at me funny. 535 00:35:33,201 --> 00:35:34,241 Are you all right, hal? 536 00:35:34,361 --> 00:35:35,721 It was brutal, but it worked. 537 00:35:35,841 --> 00:35:38,241 We had order, we had respect and now, we have this. 538 00:35:38,361 --> 00:35:42,001 Ok, then, mate. Let's go in the back and have a bit of a chat, shall we? Come on. 539 00:35:42,121 --> 00:35:44,641 And I had a shield. A red one. 540 00:35:44,761 --> 00:35:45,881 Is he all right? 541 00:35:46,001 --> 00:35:48,201 You are not a very nice young lady, are you? 542 00:35:57,161 --> 00:35:58,481 You did well back there, mate. 543 00:35:58,601 --> 00:36:00,761 Really? 544 00:36:00,881 --> 00:36:03,841 Because I didn't just leap across the counter and rip her throat out, 545 00:36:03,961 --> 00:36:06,161 because, instead, I just babbled like a lunatic. 546 00:36:06,281 --> 00:36:08,441 Yeah, but babbling's better than leaping. 547 00:36:08,561 --> 00:36:10,481 God, look at me. 548 00:36:10,601 --> 00:36:13,121 Hiding from a little girl in a burger bar. 549 00:36:13,241 --> 00:36:15,281 You're not hiding, you're keeping her alive. 550 00:36:15,401 --> 00:36:17,561 It was always much harder for me... 551 00:36:19,161 --> 00:36:20,361 With women. 552 00:36:21,481 --> 00:36:22,601 So many times... 553 00:36:24,681 --> 00:36:27,081 I couldn't stop myself. 554 00:36:27,201 --> 00:36:29,721 - I leapt rather than babbled. - Yeah, but not now, though, eh? 555 00:36:31,361 --> 00:36:34,641 No. No, not now. 556 00:36:44,881 --> 00:36:46,801 I don't think we need this any more. 557 00:36:47,921 --> 00:36:50,561 I've got your back, mate. 558 00:36:54,161 --> 00:36:57,841 Do you know what? We should close up early tonight. 559 00:36:57,961 --> 00:36:59,601 - Really? - Yeah. 560 00:36:59,721 --> 00:37:02,001 Yeah, no, we should go. 561 00:37:04,681 --> 00:37:06,921 Have a pint or something. 562 00:37:19,241 --> 00:37:20,761 Come in. 563 00:37:23,961 --> 00:37:26,921 I've got to say, I was surprised to get your message. 564 00:37:28,201 --> 00:37:30,321 You sure about this? 565 00:37:30,441 --> 00:37:33,641 No, but we're going to do it anyway. I just keep thinking, 566 00:37:33,761 --> 00:37:36,561 "what would George and Nina do if they thought trouble was on its way?" 567 00:37:36,601 --> 00:37:37,881 So, we leave tonight. 568 00:37:56,481 --> 00:37:58,761 Closing early. Sorry. 569 00:38:00,001 --> 00:38:01,561 We found a... 570 00:38:03,081 --> 00:38:08,281 We found a dead dog in the oven. Health and safety. 571 00:38:34,881 --> 00:38:37,281 Vampires. Kill the lights. 572 00:38:48,761 --> 00:38:50,681 - How many? - I counted four. 573 00:38:50,801 --> 00:38:52,361 Probably after me. 574 00:38:52,481 --> 00:38:55,041 I had been a bit busy, you know, before, like. 575 00:38:55,161 --> 00:38:56,561 Yeah, probably. 576 00:38:58,681 --> 00:38:59,801 You had more stakes? 577 00:38:59,921 --> 00:39:02,521 - Bet you're glad now, though, aren't you? - That's not the point. 578 00:39:16,081 --> 00:39:20,801 Oh, lord hal! Are you in there, lord hal? 579 00:39:20,921 --> 00:39:22,161 Do you know him? 580 00:39:22,281 --> 00:39:23,761 It's complicated. 581 00:39:23,881 --> 00:39:26,401 Is the doggie ready for his walkies? 582 00:39:26,521 --> 00:39:29,441 Have you planned this? Were you just going to hand me over? 583 00:39:29,561 --> 00:39:31,361 Not exactly hand you over. 584 00:39:31,481 --> 00:39:33,761 More just step aside, but I changed my mind. 585 00:39:33,881 --> 00:39:35,081 How do I know that?! 586 00:39:35,201 --> 00:39:38,921 I don't know, maybe because we are whispering in the dark behind a counter! 587 00:39:39,041 --> 00:39:42,201 Besides, don't take the moral high ground. You kept a pile of stakes. 588 00:39:42,321 --> 00:39:44,457 I can't believe you were going to hand me over to them. 589 00:39:44,481 --> 00:39:46,977 - I told you, I changed my mind. - Well, what if you changed it back? 590 00:39:47,001 --> 00:39:50,001 No, you're right. If only you had some way to defend yourself. 591 00:39:50,121 --> 00:39:52,241 Oh, wait. Hang on a minute. You kept a pile of stakes! 592 00:39:55,201 --> 00:39:57,801 Michaela: Ow! Hello? Anyone? 593 00:40:01,041 --> 00:40:03,481 Listen! Listen to me very carefully. 594 00:40:03,601 --> 00:40:05,721 Outside, there are some... 595 00:40:07,361 --> 00:40:10,561 Some very bad men who want to hurt us, so you have to keep quiet. 596 00:40:10,681 --> 00:40:12,001 Do you understand? 597 00:40:12,121 --> 00:40:13,321 Mm. 598 00:40:14,401 --> 00:40:16,481 Go, go, go, go, go! 599 00:40:35,321 --> 00:40:36,561 Right, you two. 600 00:40:50,281 --> 00:40:52,681 They are good people. 601 00:40:52,801 --> 00:40:55,681 But, you know, it's like they're just lodging here. 602 00:40:55,801 --> 00:40:59,121 You know, this isn't their home and we're not a family. 603 00:40:59,241 --> 00:41:00,841 Not like it was before. 604 00:41:00,961 --> 00:41:04,761 So, you run away with the creepy vampire you've just met? 605 00:41:06,121 --> 00:41:11,121 No, but I promised George that I would do whatever it takes to keep her safe. 606 00:41:12,961 --> 00:41:15,241 And I guess this is what it takes. 607 00:41:23,321 --> 00:41:25,761 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Who are they? 608 00:41:25,881 --> 00:41:27,241 Why are they chasing us? 609 00:41:27,361 --> 00:41:31,081 - I cannot believe we have to save her. - I cannot believe we've got to save you. 610 00:41:31,201 --> 00:41:33,081 Tom, I'm sorry. And I did change my mind. 611 00:41:33,201 --> 00:41:35,297 Trying to close up early - I was trying to get you out of there. 612 00:41:35,321 --> 00:41:37,681 I can't believe I binned my big stake for you. 613 00:41:37,801 --> 00:41:40,201 A stake! You binned astake, Tom. 614 00:41:40,321 --> 00:41:42,137 - Give me my phone back. - We've got to keep moving. 615 00:41:42,161 --> 00:41:49,041 No! I am not going another step until you tell me why they're trying to kill us. 616 00:41:49,161 --> 00:41:51,641 Because they're vampires. 617 00:41:51,761 --> 00:41:53,481 Oh, yeah. 618 00:41:53,601 --> 00:41:56,881 Ha-ha, hilarious Mock the gothic weirdo girl. 619 00:41:58,521 --> 00:42:00,401 Give me my phone back. I'm calling the police. 620 00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:02,137 Hal, do the eyes and the teeth or whatever you do. 621 00:42:02,161 --> 00:42:04,601 - That thing. - What? I am not a performing monkey. 622 00:42:04,721 --> 00:42:06,721 Hal, stop being such a Wally. 623 00:42:15,121 --> 00:42:16,681 I am a vampire, he is a werewolf. 624 00:42:16,801 --> 00:42:19,241 Any questions? 625 00:42:19,361 --> 00:42:22,601 Er... are you seeing anyone at the moment? 626 00:42:22,721 --> 00:42:24,481 Can I have your number? 627 00:42:24,601 --> 00:42:27,841 - What? We never said that was over. - Oh, for god's sake. 628 00:42:27,961 --> 00:42:29,201 Go and check the street. 629 00:42:37,241 --> 00:42:38,481 Ooh! 630 00:42:40,441 --> 00:42:43,721 Are you feeling weak? 631 00:42:45,241 --> 00:42:47,121 Do you need to feed? 632 00:42:47,241 --> 00:42:52,081 Because I wouldn't mind if you need a bit to keep you going, actually. 633 00:42:52,201 --> 00:42:54,761 - What? - Would it leave a scar? 634 00:42:54,881 --> 00:42:59,481 Or could you do it somewhere else on my body? 635 00:42:59,601 --> 00:43:01,281 You don't know... 636 00:43:03,761 --> 00:43:06,201 - What you're asking. - Hal? 637 00:43:06,321 --> 00:43:07,641 Hal?! 638 00:43:07,761 --> 00:43:09,841 I said I've got your back, mate, but don't push it. 639 00:43:23,521 --> 00:43:27,161 Holiday's over, I guess. 640 00:43:28,881 --> 00:43:32,601 Yeah, well, just think of it as a new type of holiday. 641 00:43:32,721 --> 00:43:36,881 With lots of running, terror and sleeping in ditches. 642 00:43:39,641 --> 00:43:40,361 Oh, my god! You! 643 00:43:40,481 --> 00:43:42,641 - Regus? - What's he doing here? 644 00:43:42,761 --> 00:43:47,681 Nothing that requires Woody, pointy things, Tom. 645 00:43:49,081 --> 00:43:50,161 What's happened? 646 00:43:50,281 --> 00:43:52,841 - Vampires. - Yeah, they attacked the cafe. 647 00:43:52,961 --> 00:43:55,121 Completely unexpected. Not planned at all, was it? 648 00:43:55,241 --> 00:43:57,041 Oh, give it a rest. 649 00:43:57,161 --> 00:43:58,881 Annie, first-aid kit - where is it? 650 00:43:59,001 --> 00:44:01,121 It's in the kitchen. I'll go and get it. 651 00:44:01,241 --> 00:44:02,281 Um, who's she? 652 00:44:02,401 --> 00:44:05,321 A bloody nightmare that we had to rescue. 653 00:44:07,001 --> 00:44:08,881 Who are you talking to? 654 00:44:11,081 --> 00:44:14,281 Annie's a ghost. You can't see her, but we can. 655 00:44:14,401 --> 00:44:17,841 Because you're a werewolf. Have I got that right? 656 00:44:17,961 --> 00:44:19,401 Yeah. 657 00:44:19,521 --> 00:44:22,641 - You're one of the good guys now? - It would appear so. 658 00:44:22,761 --> 00:44:24,761 Yeah, I think I am, too. 659 00:44:24,881 --> 00:44:26,481 It's fun, isn't it? 660 00:44:26,601 --> 00:44:29,841 Yes. Sometimes, it leaves me positively giddy. 661 00:44:31,281 --> 00:44:33,841 This is so deep. 662 00:44:33,961 --> 00:44:36,961 Annie, why are there piles of Eve's clothes in a suitcase? 663 00:44:37,081 --> 00:44:40,161 Um, can we talk about this later? 664 00:44:40,281 --> 00:44:43,281 I think they need to know. 665 00:44:45,441 --> 00:44:51,281 Um, well... well, we were thinking that we would take baby Eve 666 00:44:51,401 --> 00:44:54,161 somewhere a little, um, safer. 667 00:44:54,281 --> 00:44:57,001 "We"? Who's "we"? 668 00:44:57,121 --> 00:44:58,761 You and this bloke here? 669 00:45:01,801 --> 00:45:05,761 House meeting. Yes, I would like a house meeting, please. A house meeting. 670 00:45:05,881 --> 00:45:07,241 Can you just...? 671 00:45:16,361 --> 00:45:20,081 Are you going for ever? Have we done something to upset you? 672 00:45:21,921 --> 00:45:23,961 So, are you a vampire, as well? 673 00:45:24,081 --> 00:45:28,441 - Cos you're not showing up on my camera. - Take a wild guess. 674 00:45:32,881 --> 00:45:34,321 I assume you're taking the piss. 675 00:45:36,761 --> 00:45:37,961 Well, they started it. 676 00:45:39,881 --> 00:45:41,521 You're a funny vampire. 677 00:45:45,401 --> 00:45:50,601 So, um, what's your story, then? How did you end up in all this? 678 00:45:50,721 --> 00:45:53,561 I was texting in the bogs when they attacked the caff. 679 00:45:53,681 --> 00:45:56,081 - Ah, wrong place, wrong time? - No! 680 00:45:57,961 --> 00:45:59,801 I think it was meant to happen. 681 00:45:59,921 --> 00:46:02,081 Don't you believe in fate? 682 00:46:02,201 --> 00:46:03,761 Destiny? 683 00:46:03,881 --> 00:46:05,441 More than anything. 684 00:46:05,561 --> 00:46:08,761 Then you'll know there are no accidents. 685 00:46:10,001 --> 00:46:15,041 I've spent years dreaming about a world like this and now I'm here, 686 00:46:15,161 --> 00:46:18,281 talking to people with no reflections who will live for ever. 687 00:46:18,681 --> 00:46:20,361 But we can protect her. All of us can. 688 00:46:20,481 --> 00:46:23,681 No, not all the time. What about when you're both working? 689 00:46:23,801 --> 00:46:25,081 Both: Where are you going? 690 00:46:25,201 --> 00:46:27,721 - To change. - Tom: But this is important. 691 00:46:27,841 --> 00:46:29,561 I have to change my clothes. 692 00:46:32,841 --> 00:46:35,481 It feels like I'm circling the drain of a world 693 00:46:35,601 --> 00:46:38,201 I've spent the past 55 years trying to avoid. 694 00:46:38,321 --> 00:46:41,161 The more I engage with this, 695 00:46:41,281 --> 00:46:43,801 the greater the danger of being sucked in. 696 00:46:43,921 --> 00:46:46,681 Look, I need some space, ok? 697 00:46:46,801 --> 00:46:48,561 To think. 698 00:46:48,681 --> 00:46:50,801 To breathe! 699 00:46:52,841 --> 00:46:56,361 Sorry. I'm really very sorry. 700 00:47:12,441 --> 00:47:13,641 Annie? 701 00:47:17,481 --> 00:47:18,641 Tom? 702 00:47:43,561 --> 00:47:46,721 Good evening, my lord. Apologies for the intrusion. 703 00:47:46,841 --> 00:47:50,681 Fergus, I don't remember asking you in. 704 00:47:50,801 --> 00:47:54,481 He was invited in a week ago, when he took Eve. 705 00:47:55,921 --> 00:47:58,281 It's amazing how these things stick. 706 00:47:58,401 --> 00:48:01,081 And then I just invited some of my friends. 707 00:48:01,201 --> 00:48:02,521 You don't mind, do you? 708 00:48:02,641 --> 00:48:04,161 Not at all. 709 00:48:05,281 --> 00:48:08,041 But is there really any need for the knife? 710 00:48:08,161 --> 00:48:09,801 It's a little crude. 711 00:48:09,921 --> 00:48:14,641 Is that an order, my lord? The offer's still on the table. 712 00:48:14,761 --> 00:48:16,881 There's a throne with your name on it, if you want. 713 00:48:17,001 --> 00:48:18,361 What's he talking about, hal? 714 00:48:18,481 --> 00:48:20,641 Oh, he didn't mention it, did he? 715 00:48:20,761 --> 00:48:23,441 Our lord Harry is an old one. 716 00:48:23,561 --> 00:48:25,481 At least, he was. 717 00:48:26,681 --> 00:48:28,001 Pretty high up. 718 00:48:29,801 --> 00:48:33,041 You can be again, hal. All you've got to do is let us kill the dog. 719 00:48:35,081 --> 00:48:38,361 And you can come back in. All is forgiven. 720 00:48:40,041 --> 00:48:41,201 And the rest live? 721 00:48:42,921 --> 00:48:45,961 I'll be honest with you - probably not. 722 00:48:46,081 --> 00:48:49,361 The fact that that baby's still alive is my secret weapon. 723 00:48:49,481 --> 00:48:51,361 My ace in the hole. 724 00:48:51,481 --> 00:48:54,961 Won't impress the old ones if it's still breathing. 725 00:48:55,081 --> 00:48:57,281 - Tom. - You'll have to get through me first. 726 00:48:57,401 --> 00:48:59,001 Me, too. 727 00:48:59,121 --> 00:49:01,201 I think we just did come through you, didn't we? 728 00:49:01,321 --> 00:49:03,161 I'm sure you will again. 729 00:49:04,321 --> 00:49:06,721 It's the thought that counts. 730 00:49:11,241 --> 00:49:13,281 Ok, what? 731 00:49:13,401 --> 00:49:14,401 I'm back in. 732 00:49:16,161 --> 00:49:18,881 I'll come lead your merry band. 733 00:49:19,001 --> 00:49:22,041 For richer or poorer. Mostly richer. 734 00:49:22,161 --> 00:49:24,801 What, just like that? 735 00:49:24,921 --> 00:49:30,161 You know me, Fergus. You've known me for years. 736 00:49:32,681 --> 00:49:36,921 Did you really think I was going to ally myself with these freaks and traitors 737 00:49:37,041 --> 00:49:39,281 when there's an offer like that on the table? 738 00:49:39,401 --> 00:49:42,401 It'll bejust like coming home. 739 00:49:45,441 --> 00:49:49,361 Ok? Now, go get the dog. 740 00:49:50,721 --> 00:49:52,401 I'll deal with the girl. 741 00:49:52,521 --> 00:49:54,521 Annie: No, hal. 742 00:50:51,521 --> 00:50:53,321 He got her. I didn't even see. 743 00:50:53,441 --> 00:50:56,961 He must have nicked the jugular. Oh, shit! 744 00:50:58,841 --> 00:51:01,001 Michaela? Michaela, talk to me. 745 00:51:16,241 --> 00:51:17,841 Who was she? 746 00:51:18,881 --> 00:51:21,601 Just a silly little girl who walked into the wrong café. 747 00:51:21,721 --> 00:51:24,601 Who thought that there was more to this world than she could see. 748 00:51:24,721 --> 00:51:25,961 Who thought vampires were cool. 749 00:51:26,081 --> 00:51:29,121 And werewolves. She thought werewolves were cool and all. 750 00:51:29,241 --> 00:51:31,721 And werewolves. 751 00:51:33,961 --> 00:51:35,881 Um, are you finished? 752 00:51:36,001 --> 00:51:39,001 I think I missed a few bits of them under the sofa. 753 00:51:39,121 --> 00:51:42,481 Oh, don't worry. I'll get them later. Thank you very much. 754 00:51:42,601 --> 00:51:45,961 I still think you should come with me. It's not safe out there. 755 00:51:46,081 --> 00:51:50,921 Yeah, I know. It's just that I feel strong here. Stronger than I've ever felt. 756 00:51:51,041 --> 00:51:53,601 Right now, I feel like I could take on a whole army. 757 00:51:53,721 --> 00:51:56,481 You know, with Tom and lord Harry by my side. 758 00:51:56,601 --> 00:51:58,841 Lord Harry! 759 00:51:58,961 --> 00:52:00,521 Don't. 760 00:52:00,641 --> 00:52:03,841 - Seriously, don't. - Annie: Lord Harry! 761 00:52:06,801 --> 00:52:09,201 Trust us to look after the baby now, do you? 762 00:52:10,721 --> 00:52:13,361 Maybe that's the way it should have been from the start. 763 00:52:13,481 --> 00:52:16,201 The war child protected by you and the lodgers. 764 00:52:16,321 --> 00:52:20,521 Ah, no. They're not lodgers. They are my friends. 765 00:52:20,641 --> 00:52:24,761 Hmm. Yeah, well, most of my friends are arseholes. 766 00:52:24,881 --> 00:52:27,121 There's a couple of them in the hoover. 767 00:52:27,241 --> 00:52:29,881 Well, maybe you should get yourself some new friends. 768 00:52:50,241 --> 00:52:51,521 That's the plan. 769 00:52:55,201 --> 00:52:59,001 For what it's worth, I'm really sorry for the way things went. 770 00:52:59,121 --> 00:53:02,641 What are you talking about? I've got everything I've ever wanted. 771 00:53:02,761 --> 00:53:05,601 I mean, I'm going to live for ever. 772 00:53:05,721 --> 00:53:12,241 Reborn into this dark infinity with crimson fuel and eyes of ebony. 773 00:53:12,361 --> 00:53:16,121 Good at poetry. Really good. It nearly rhymes and everything. 774 00:53:16,241 --> 00:53:19,601 I think people might listen to them now, somehow. 775 00:53:19,721 --> 00:53:23,961 I just... I really like the idea of my work being the final thing they hear. 776 00:53:24,081 --> 00:53:25,401 It could be so beautiful. 777 00:53:25,521 --> 00:53:29,961 When you stop thinking that, and you will, remember I'm sorry. 778 00:53:30,081 --> 00:53:33,601 You're not very good at being a vampire, are you? 779 00:53:33,721 --> 00:53:35,121 - I try not to be. - Ignore him. 780 00:53:35,241 --> 00:53:37,041 He's never happy unless he's miserable. 781 00:53:37,161 --> 00:53:38,321 And what will you do now? 782 00:53:38,441 --> 00:53:42,521 Keep moving. See the world. Try not to end up in a hoover bag. 783 00:53:44,081 --> 00:53:45,441 Thank you. 784 00:53:45,561 --> 00:53:47,921 It's for him. Just in case. 785 00:53:48,041 --> 00:53:54,401 But he is my maker, my creator, the granter of this dark gift. 786 00:53:54,521 --> 00:53:56,801 We're going to make poetry of our own. 787 00:53:57,961 --> 00:54:02,241 Skin will be our parchment, blood will be our ink. 788 00:54:02,361 --> 00:54:05,161 Yeah. And then we're going to have sex. 789 00:54:17,161 --> 00:54:19,641 Did you ever meet Ivan and Daisy? 790 00:54:19,761 --> 00:54:22,241 Hmm, now, there's a lovely thought. 791 00:54:26,201 --> 00:54:27,441 What we watching? 792 00:54:27,561 --> 00:54:29,601 I don't know. 793 00:54:29,721 --> 00:54:32,601 Something about con men. 794 00:54:34,401 --> 00:54:36,361 Anything else on? 795 00:54:41,681 --> 00:54:43,081 Ana' had a look at it. 796 00:54:43,201 --> 00:54:47,881 The plumber sa/o', ”oh, it 'i/ probably turn out to be a lal/que”. I turned it over 797 00:54:48,001 --> 00:54:50,801 and thatis exactly what it was, stamped on the bottom. 798 00:54:50,921 --> 00:54:54,001 Tom: What do you reckon? A couple of grand? 799 00:54:54,121 --> 00:54:55,961 No, I'm going to go with a grand. 800 00:54:57,241 --> 00:54:58,961 What do you think, Annie? 801 00:55:04,441 --> 00:55:06,361 I don't know. Let me have a look. 802 00:55:08,321 --> 00:55:12,361 Um, yeah, a couple of grand, probably. 803 00:55:16,241 --> 00:55:21,841 Together, combined with this wonderful blue opalescence is just .. 804 00:55:21,961 --> 00:55:24,601 It just screams la/ique and is a really, really pretty thing. 805 00:55:24,721 --> 00:55:27,881 He had a brilliant understanding of glass moulding. 806 00:55:28,001 --> 00:55:31,001 This is a moulded piece of glass, this is all moulded 807 00:55:31,121 --> 00:55:34,961 and then stained in to enhance the depth of the des/gn. 808 00:56:02,961 --> 00:56:04,601 It's good to be back. 809 00:56:07,321 --> 00:56:09,001 - Nina sent me. - Nina? 810 00:56:09,121 --> 00:56:10,297 Said you were doing great, Annie, 811 00:56:10,321 --> 00:56:12,177 but thought you could do with an extra pair of hands. 812 00:56:12,201 --> 00:56:13,561 She has a temperature. 813 00:56:13,681 --> 00:56:15,937 They couldn't find any record of the baby on our entire system. 814 00:56:15,961 --> 00:56:17,881 There are things I need to check. 815 00:56:18,001 --> 00:56:20,617 The paper says the box tunnel murderer's stomach contained human flesh. 816 00:56:20,641 --> 00:56:22,681 Dr Wilson, why did you lie? 817 00:56:22,801 --> 00:56:24,601 - What did hal say? - Oh, he didn't mean it. 818 00:56:24,721 --> 00:56:26,401 You're a nice guy, but I need to know. 819 00:56:26,521 --> 00:56:27,961 He doesn't want you growing up. 820 00:56:30,401 --> 00:56:34,561 - What do you want? - I just want us to be a happy family. 821 00:56:34,681 --> 00:56:36,521 Annie deserves that, doesn't she? 61709

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