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This programme contains
some strong language
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♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪
This cake looks amazing!
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00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,520
I can't wait to eat it!
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♪ Happy birthday dear Spe... ♪
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Happy birthday, Spencer!
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What the hell are you doing?
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I just thought it'd be
a fun surprise.
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It's a thing for his birthday.
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Why did you ruin my birthday?
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After you split up, all I wanted
was a real cake.
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Don't worry, Spence.
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We'll get you another cake...
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and another dad.
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Boo!
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ALL BOO
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You're pathetic!
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I was just trying to do a nice
surprise for your birthday.
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I can't believe you're my brother!
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Spencer?
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I want another dad.
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Spencer!
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ALARM CHIMES
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{\an8}MUSIC: Can You Get To That
by Funkadelic
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That felt harsh,
even for a nightmare.
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HE SIGHS
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{\an8}♪ I once had a life, or rather
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{\an8}♪ Life had me... ♪
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{\an8}COURTNEY: I cannot believe
she hasn't called me.
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Well, have you called her?
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Ah, no.
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She was the one that left,
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plus she is the one that rings me.
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It's sort of funny in a way,
isn't it?
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Because if you were a bit more
like me, this argument
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probably wouldn't be happening.
Like, because my sort of approach
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is to kind of just go with the flow.
37
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,560
Whereas your approach is
to sort of...
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scream abuse at the flow
until it starts crying.
39
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,400
How's that working out for you?
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00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,840
Just because last time
I checked, you flowed right into
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living in your sister's house,
sobbing in the bathroom at night.
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I do not sob, OK?
43
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I'm not sobbing.
44
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,320
Well, I hope that's you crying,
45
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because if that is you masturbating
then you need help.
46
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Look, I would not masturbate
in my sister's bathroom, OK?
47
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,920
I wouldn't masturbate in any guest
bathroom... So you're sobbing?
48
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,320
I'm not... Oh, morning! Morning.
49
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,080
Hiya, mate. You all right?
50
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,880
Ah, got a bit of good news.
51
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I'm making pancakes.
52
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You're making them?
53
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,800
Yeah, look. He's doing
such a great job.
54
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Look at that lovely pile of mush.
55
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That is just a practice pile, OK,
56
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but this one is going to be
egg-cellent.
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Egg-cellent.
58
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,440
When's Auntie Dan coming back?
Because you guys
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00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:26,720
are weird without her.
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00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,280
AT SAME TIME: Ah, next week.
Ah, I think it's tomorrow.
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She will be back for my birthday, though?
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Yep, she definitely will try.
63
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,880
She's definitely going to try
and be there.
64
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,280
Great, because I know exactly
what I want to do.
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00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,360
You do?
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00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,400
Jed went to this amazing
zombie-hunter hotel
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and said it was insane!
68
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,320
He said there were real zombies
and everything.
69
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,160
Yeah, well, I've got a slight issue
with the term "real zombies".
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00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,240
So hold on a minute.
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00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,920
You want me, Dan, your mum and dad
all to go on
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a zombie-hunting holiday together?
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You don't have to
if you don't want to.
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00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,680
No, no, I can't wait. No, co...
It'll be great. I def...
75
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,320
It'll be really... good, yeah.
Yeah, I want to come. Yes!
76
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,840
OK, what's become clear is that
I can't make pancakes at all,
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so I think we get breakfast out.
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00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,360
Do you wanna go and get your coat?
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Great!
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If you don't get us out of this,
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I will haunt you like a zombie.
82
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,800
Right, OK, what's clear from that,
Courtney, is that you don't
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understand what zombies are
or how they work.
84
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Oh, why don't you just pop off
to the toilet
85
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,000
and have a nice, dirty sob?
86
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,240
Dad? Mm-hm?
87
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,480
Have you called the zombie hotel
yet?
88
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Spencer, you've been with me
the entire time.
89
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,600
Have you seen me organising
a weekend break?
90
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,720
Can you do it now?
91
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,040
Now?
92
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,360
I'll do it in a bit, all right?
93
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,440
Come on, please, please, please,
please, please!
94
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,000
Come on, now. I've wanted to do
this forever now... All-all...
95
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...all right, all right. All right.
Tone it down a bit.
96
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,520
Yeah, OK. I'll do it.
97
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,800
But they're probably going
to be fully booked, so just,
98
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,440
you know, manage your expectations.
99
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,240
Manage them better than that.
100
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,720
Great.
101
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,800
Dad, are they free?
Dad, have they got any rooms?
102
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,680
I've not even got through
yet, Spencer.
103
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,080
Yes, hello.
104
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,360
Yeah. Erm, yeah, I'm just calling
on the off chance -
105
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,600
it's probably unlikely
you're gonna be able to help -
106
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,400
but I just wanted to check
on availability.
107
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,720
Well, I haven't...
I haven't said when yet.
108
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,520
Well... Well, it's tomorrow night.
109
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,720
Oh, you have?
110
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OK, well, that is...
111
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,800
That's good, but it's actually
three rooms, so I'm not...
112
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,720
You've got three rooms?
113
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,120
OK, well, that's-that's, erm...
That's brilliant.
114
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,920
The only issue is I need
three adjoining rooms.
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00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,080
You do?
116
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,960
OK, well, that is, erm, surprising,
but obviously great.
117
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,200
OK. Well, I guess I will, erm...
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00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,520
...I'll book that, then.
119
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,120
Yeah, the surname's Nadar.
120
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,360
Yeah, sure, I'll hold.
121
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,160
Looks like we're going
zombie-hunting. Yes!
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SOUL MUSIC
123
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DOORBELL
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Oh.
125
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:04,880
Jonathan.
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00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,600
Claire.
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00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,280
Ah... Hi. How are you?
128
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,440
Ah, good. How are you?
You good?
129
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,520
Yeah, yeah. Are you good?
130
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,880
Yeah, I'm gr... I'm great, yeah.
131
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,480
So... Are you good?
SHE CLEARS THROAT
132
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Yeah. This is a surprise.
133
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,440
Oh. Oh, well, I mean, I could, erm...
134
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,800
I could get back in the car for
ten minutes to give you...
135
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,720
Come in. ..time to...
HE CLEARS THROAT
136
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,080
Thank you.
137
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,400
If Courtney sent you to get me
to go back...
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00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,960
She hasn't. Well, I'm not
going back.
139
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,200
Ah, OK.
140
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,720
Even if she begs me.
141
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:35,880
No, she's not begging.
142
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,800
She's not even asking,
so not an issue.
143
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,080
Erm, I've got a bit of, erm, news.
144
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,640
I have booked us into
a zombie-hunter hotel for
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Spencer's birthday tomorrow.
He wants us all to go.
146
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,200
I'd already planned to go to
one of those cafes where
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00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,640
you paint the teapots.
148
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,360
Yes, I know,
149
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,200
and I'm as shocked as you are that
he's thinking of alternatives.
150
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,760
And I've got that
awayday on Sunday,
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00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,240
so I'll have to leave first thing.
152
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,480
Well, I've got great news.
153
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,240
The zombie shift finishes
at sunrise,
154
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:04,600
so you'll be absolutely fine.
155
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,960
Is she coming?
156
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,920
Spencer wants she to come, yeah.
157
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:09,080
So Courtney is coming.
158
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,320
Based on how mature you're being
about it right now,
159
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,560
I think it's going to go great.
160
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,800
All right, so Spencer wants
to spend his birthday with
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00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,280
two warring couples, does he?
162
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:17,520
We're not warring. Are we?
163
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,720
God, no.
164
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:19,920
No...
165
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,400
No, I mean, we're...
166
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,520
I mean, we're great. Ah, n...
Fine. We're fine. Yeah.
167
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,520
I mean, look, I don't want
to go either, OK?
168
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,360
It's just that...
169
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,560
...Spencer's been through a lot
of shit recently
170
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,280
and I just think it's kind of up
to the four of us to make sure
171
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,840
he has a great time on his birthday.
172
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,480
And if that means pretending
to be a functioning family for
173
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,160
a bit, then can we just do it?
174
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,920
What, while killing a bunch
of zombies?
175
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,320
DAN SIGHS Fine.
176
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,240
But, for the record,
I'm doing it for Spencer.
177
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,360
Great. I'll make sure they put
that on the booking.
178
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,520
"Doing it for Spencer."
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00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,560
I'll get it confirmed by email.
180
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,960
Thank you for that as well.
181
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,160
You're welcome.
182
00:06:58,600 --> 00:06:59,880
All right?
183
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,480
Oh, you're driving, are you?
184
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,400
Yeah, you always say
you hate driving.
185
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,560
Well, maybe I've changed my mind,
as people often do.
186
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,880
Oh, OK, OK.
187
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,360
No, you-you should drive.
188
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,920
Yeah, you drive, and we'll just go
round and round the M25
189
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,920
until one of us dies.
190
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,720
Fine. Yes?
191
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,040
You've bullied me into it,
192
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,480
as you always do.
193
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,040
COURTNEY SIGHS
Yeah? You drive.
194
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,920
OK. Let's go, birthday boy.
195
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,280
SPENCER: You guys excited?
196
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,080
Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be great.
197
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,160
It's going to be so good, isn't it?
It'll be so good,
198
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,440
just everyone hanging out together.
Yeah, can't wait.
199
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,640
This is exciting.
Just all of us together,
200
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,040
just having fun. Oh, buzzing.
All together.
201
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,400
JONATHAN: Well, that four hours
has just flown by.
202
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:57,800
Great chat.
203
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,560
SPEAKING SLOWLY: Everyone...
204
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,040
...out!
205
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,480
Everyone out. Wow. OK.
206
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,920
I mean, he does work here, right?
207
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,720
CLAIRE: I mean, we are here,
so we were going to get out anyway.
208
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,440
DEATH: No cars...
209
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,680
...in the afterlife.
210
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:21,080
And no survivors.
211
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,960
Bit much.
212
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,200
You have come here...
213
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:31,120
...seeking redemption and shelter.
214
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,560
OK, sorry. How quickly
can we get into the room?
215
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,000
I just really need a wee, so...
216
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:40,080
First you will be tested.
217
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,320
Can we leave our bags in the car?
218
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,880
If only it was as easy
219
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,320
to leave our sins.
220
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,160
I'm going to take that as a yes.
221
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:57,560
First, ye will need the proper documentation.
222
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,480
The documentation.
223
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,760
NORMAL VOICE: Booking confirmation.
224
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,360
Oh, yes. Ah...
225
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,960
Yes. There you go.
226
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,600
Thanks.
227
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,760
You'll go in there.
228
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,520
It needs to be three
adjoining rooms.
229
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,880
Yeah, that's fine.
230
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:24,960
Yeah, there it is.
231
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,600
All the info's on the bottom of
the email. Oh, thank you.
232
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,880
Thanks. Great. Cheers.
CLEARS THROAT
233
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,480
RESUMES CREEPY VOICE:
Welcome to Murder Wood,
234
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:39,880
where zombies await in every corner,
235
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,960
and... your... mind.
236
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,560
Sorry, are you sure
this is suitable for kids?
237
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,600
Erm, Death, this is all, erm, great.
238
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,160
It's really, really good, isn't it?
239
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,480
It's really... fun.
240
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,320
But it's just that
we're quite knackered,
241
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,600
we've had quite a long drive.
242
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,680
So we were thinking if we get
up to the rooms,
243
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,560
chill out for a little bit,
and then we can come
244
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:04,080
back down for this, kind of...
In order to get your key,
245
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:08,280
you will need to find...
246
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,040
HE CACKLES
247
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,680
HE CONTINUES SLOW CACKLE
248
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:19,120
...the antidote.
249
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,920
But beware.
250
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:27,200
If a zombie grabs this tag...
251
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:33,760
...you will be lost forever.
252
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,160
And, whatever you do,
253
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:40,600
don't split... up.
254
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,000
Hm. That ship's sailed.
255
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,560
Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
256
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,600
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
257
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,800
COUGHING
258
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,160
That was so cool!
259
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,800
Right, I think if we want to get
in our rooms, we've got to split up.
260
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,400
Oh, right, so you didn't listen to
a word that Death said.
261
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,720
Well, excuse me for not taking
advice from the failed actor.
262
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,040
DEATH: Michael, I'm just going
to move the car.
263
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,160
Oh, God, it's already getting
a bit dark, isn't it?
264
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,720
I think Courtney is right, actually.
265
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,120
I think we're going to have
to split up to cover more ground.
266
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,680
Spence, why don't you come with me
and we'll leave your aunties
267
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,240
to have some quiet time?
268
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,760
SPENCER: I want to go with Courtney.
269
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:23,920
What?
270
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,880
No, no, Spencer, why don't you and I
go together?
271
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,240
These others can be a team, yeah?
272
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,600
No offence, Dad. I just actually
want to go with someone
273
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,960
who can actually fight a zombie.
274
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,920
OK. Well, it's up to you,
but just so you know,
275
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,520
lots of offence. Have fun.
276
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,680
Come on, let's go!
277
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,680
Whoa...
DAN: Oh, my God...
278
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:38,920
Well, look, I guess we...
279
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,880
We go this way, and, erm,
you know, maybe if we're lucky
280
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,320
the zombies are real,
we can join the undead and
281
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,000
live this day for eternity.
282
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,400
I could be painting teapots
right now.
283
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,040
This is still better than that.
284
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,480
EERIE MUSIC
285
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,360
OWL HOOTS
It's ridiculous.
286
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,360
Anyway, it's ridi... Aargh!
Oh, my gosh! Ow!
287
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,560
Something just touched my head!
That was...
288
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:01,760
It was just like...
Are you scared, Auntie Courtney?
289
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,480
Yeah, Courtney, what are you
scared of?
290
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:05,880
Nothing.
291
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,880
Just worried about you,
Spencer, mate.
292
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,800
I just think maybe we should go
and find that, erm, Death guy
293
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,920
and just see if he's got, like,
a torch or something.
294
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:14,920
Nah, it's way cooler in the dark.
295
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,200
Awesome.
296
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,920
You know, you could use
the torch on your phone, right?
297
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,760
Yes, I did actually know that.
298
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,480
And I did consider it. Mm.
299
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,680
ROAR
300
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,320
Bloody hell, how authentic
do they need this place to be?
301
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,760
Do you not think this
is a bit full-on for Spence?
302
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,080
I'm worried we're going
to mentally scar him.
303
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,320
OK, one...
304
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,400
...Spencer absolutely loves
this stuff.
305
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,920
And, two, you are saying that
having just walked through
306
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,720
a fake spider web.
307
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,200
You worry too much.
308
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,920
Well, you worry too little.
309
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,040
Do you think Spencer put us
together on purpose?
310
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,280
Claire...
311
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,120
Yes, Jonathan?
312
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,520
Just turn around and tell me
this isn't a bit much
313
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,160
for a ten-year-old.
314
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,040
DRAMATIC MUSIC
315
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,200
Yeah, no, that is a bit much.
316
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,400
SPENCER: Guys, is this
a real human head?
317
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,840
OK, Spencer, I think maybe just move
away from that for now.
318
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,000
Look at its nose!
319
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,560
Right, it says that we need to go
left here to find the antidote.
320
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:24,160
GROWLING
Oh, my God! What was that?
321
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,920
It was nothing.
322
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,960
GROWLING AND GROANING
323
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,680
DISTANT SCREAMS
324
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,480
Something's out there.
325
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,480
SCREAMING
326
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:46,240
JONATHAN: Do you know what? I might
actually complain about this.
327
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,760
This is way too real for kids.
328
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,640
CLAIRE SCOFFS
What?
329
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,520
Well, sorry...
SHE LAUGHS
330
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,120
It's just the idea of
you complaining.
331
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,760
I'll have you know that I actually
complained about and sent back
332
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,480
a sandwich the other day, so...
Oh, was that the one that
333
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,240
Courtney made you send back?
334
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,400
I really wish you weren't
friends with my sister.
335
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,360
SHRIEK
Oh, my God... What was that?
336
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,120
Was that Spencer? Spence!
337
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,640
Oh, my God! They're coming,
they're coming! They're coming!
338
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:13,320
Oh, my God, they're everywhere -
they're EVERYWHERE!
339
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,600
Oh, my God.
GROWLING AND GRUNTING
340
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,680
What the Hell is this?
341
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,440
What are we going to do?
This is insane.
342
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,440
We should have been given
a safe word, Jonathan!
343
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,040
Wait, wait, we know they're not
actually going to eat us, right?
344
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,360
We need to split them up. Ah, OK.
345
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,920
Spencer and Claire,
you come with me.
346
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,360
Dan and Courtney, run that way.
We'll meet you at the hotel.
347
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:29,440
What about the antidote?
348
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,920
I don't think anyone gives a shit
about the antidote, Claire!
349
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,520
All right, OK! Come on, let's go.
350
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,440
SPENCER: This is so cool.
351
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:36,640
Spencer, come on!
352
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,680
Spencer! Claire, you go ahead.
I'll catch you up.
353
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,960
Come on. Come on, mate.
Come on, mate. Quick.
354
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,800
Spencer, come on.
355
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,520
Spencer, come on! Spencer...
356
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,120
Spencer! Woof!
357
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,400
Fuck you! Oh...
358
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,880
Oh, God. I'm so...
Mate, I'm so sorry.
359
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,920
Why would you do that?
360
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,920
Well, I-I thought you were going
for my son. I just panicked.
361
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,160
Are you OK?
362
00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,360
Not really.
363
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,400
Dad...
364
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,080
...you just punched a zombie.
365
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,280
I am so sorry.
366
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,280
This is a themed zombie-hunter game.
367
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,120
You do understand the concept
of a game, don't you?
368
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,520
Yeah, of course. I'm sorry.
369
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,920
And you will understand that
we have to have quite a strict
370
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,520
policy on guests physically abusing
our staff members.
371
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,120
Yeah, I know. I'm really sorry.
372
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,440
It's just... It was just a bit more
full-on than I think
373
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,680
we were anticipating.
374
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,120
Like I said, I'm so, so sorry.
375
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,680
If we could just get our hotel
room keys, I'd love to
376
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,720
just get ourselves rested.
It's just, erm...
377
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,960
I think we're a bit strung out,
you know?
378
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,960
Do you have the antidote?
379
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,160
What?
380
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,960
I was very clear.
381
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,440
You need the antidote
to get your key.
382
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:46,720
Are you... joking?
383
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,960
You're not seriously suggesting
we go back out there.
384
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,480
Yeah.
385
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:54,800
Fuck this.
386
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:55,840
Excuse me?
387
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,640
You heard me. Fuck this.
388
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,520
This place is a fucking joke.
389
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,480
It's not safe, and it's completely
inappropriate, by the way.
390
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,240
The theme is all over the shop,
391
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,840
and I don't even want
to visit the shop.
392
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,160
The only thing accurate about is
when you come in it says,
393
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,360
"Abandoned home," cos I fucking
should've done when
394
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,520
I came to this shithole!
395
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,400
Now, listen, you are about to get
the TripAdvisor review
396
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,920
from Hell, mate, OK?
397
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,200
Now, give me my keys!
398
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,720
I'm going to have to ask you
and your family to leave
399
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,800
the premises right now.
400
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,120
With pleasure, mate. We're gone.
401
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,480
We're a memory.
402
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,960
Oh, and, by the way,
the voice you're using...
403
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,840
IMITATES VOICE: ..you sound
like a sex offender.
404
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,440
Dickhead!
405
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,040
Well, I've decided
we're getting out of here.
406
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,680
Oh, well, thank God for that.
407
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,080
What do you mean?
408
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,840
This place isn't really
suitable for kids, Spence.
409
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,400
It's really fun here.
410
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,320
They've got blood burgers
for dinner.
411
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,000
Well, you do realise that blood
burgers are just regular burgers,
412
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,560
except someone jumps out at you
from behind a chair, don't you?
413
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,320
It is his birthday, Jonathan.
414
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,600
And it's not his fault
you think zombies are real.
415
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,160
I panicked, OK?
416
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,240
I'm sorry. It's the principal,
all right?
417
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,280
Let's... We're going.
But I don't want to go.
418
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,160
Look, we've driven all the way
here now. We're not going home.
419
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,800
So let's just get the keys
and get warm.
420
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,000
We've been thrown out.
421
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,560
What?
422
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,600
We've been asked to leave.
423
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,960
I don't want to go! Well...
424
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,000
Spencer. Spencer.
425
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,240
Well, I...
426
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,720
Spencer...
427
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:35,920
Are we, erm, are we getting thrown
out because you punched that zombie?
428
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,080
Yes.
429
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,520
And for continued unreasonable
and aggressive behaviour.
430
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:41,720
Impressive.
431
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,040
This is a fucking disaster.
432
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,680
Right, well, I suppose I'll have to
go and sort it out then, again.
433
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,200
Wait, wait. Why you?
434
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,120
Well, I want Spencer
to have a nice birthday.
435
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:55,040
That and I think that Death fellow's
a massive bellend.
436
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,400
She's going to kill him.
437
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,600
DEATH: Oh, no.
438
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,120
No, I've already told your friend
you guys have to leave.
439
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,880
Sorry. Erm...
440
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,960
That guy that just shouted at you,
441
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,520
he just wants his son
to have a good birthday.
442
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,360
That is not my problem.
I know. I know.
443
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,080
But the kid's parents
have split up and, well,
444
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,680
because his dad is a loser
and he's...
445
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:34,080
He's living with me and my wife,
and we've just had a massive fight.
446
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,280
He's surrounded by
a mishmash of lunatics.
447
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,320
I mean, the poor kid must
think he's cursed.
448
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,800
I'm begging you.
449
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,360
He just wants to have
a good birthday
450
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,720
and eat... blood burgers.
451
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,600
We're staying!
THEY CHEER
452
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,120
There you go. Thank you!
453
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,960
I ripped him a new one, so, ah...
454
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,400
And there is one single room
for a single mum.
455
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,760
{\an8}MUSIC: Ain't Gonna Tell You
by Frank Wilson
456
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,600
♪ We've had good times together
457
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,880
♪ This I want you to know
458
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,160
♪ I think that you're
a very nice person
459
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,920
♪ That's as far as I can go
460
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:26,160
♪ Because I ain't gonna tell you
Ain't gonna tell you
461
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,320
♪ No, I ain't gonna tell you
462
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,640
♪ We've had good times
463
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,160
♪ Good times
464
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,280
♪ We've had good times
in the morning
465
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,080
♪ Good times in the evening
466
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,760
♪ Good times, we've had
good times... ♪
467
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,480
Sorry I messed up today, Spence.
468
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:46,920
You didn't mess up.
469
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,920
This has been the best
birthday ever.
470
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,400
Way better than last year.
471
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,240
Well, last year was all right,
wasn't it?
472
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,640
Well, you and Mum
weren't really talking.
473
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,000
Yes, we were.
474
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,200
I heard you guys arguing.
475
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,080
Right.
476
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,440
Well, I only heard Mum arguing.
477
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,600
You sounded like you were
mumbling really quietly.
478
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,120
Yes, OK. Yeah, I know.
479
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,640
Thank you for that extra detail.
480
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,720
All right, come on.
481
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,080
So this has been way better.
482
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:13,440
And I'm going to tell everyone
that my dad punched a zombie.
483
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,800
Dad, are you crying?
484
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,520
A little bit, but, like,
in a really cool way.
485
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,920
Love you, Dad.
486
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,520
Love you, too.
487
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,760
And how about tomorrow I show you
how to knock out the undead?
488
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,000
Erm, Dad, you didn't actually
knock him out.
489
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,480
I could've done.
490
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,240
Right, goodnight.
491
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,520
Are you drowning your sorrows?
492
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,600
Only hard spirits can cut through
the disturbing flavours
493
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,400
of a blood burger. Hm.
494
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,160
You were great today.
495
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,680
No.
496
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,320
I mean, yeah, I was.
497
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,440
And very brave with the zombies.
498
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,520
Yeah, I mean, I was also brave
with the zombies.
499
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,840
I think I owe you an apology.
500
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,720
I guess I got a bit carried away
seeing your relationship
501
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,960
with Spencer, and...
502
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,160
I know we said that kids
weren't for us.
503
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,440
You know, erm...
504
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,440
Well, it pains me to admit
that your stupid brother
505
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,640
was probably right.
506
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:33,160
I mean, I should've made it easier
for you to talk about, and...
507
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,880
Well, I think I went
in a little bit strong.
508
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,280
Your text called me
"a manipulative bitch".
509
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:43,400
Yeah, like I said, I think
I went in a little bit strong.
510
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,240
I really wasn't trying
to manipulate you.
511
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,320
It was just so nice to see you being...
512
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,720
I don't know... maternal?
513
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,080
I know.
514
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,680
So what does this mean
in terms of kids?
515
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,920
I don't know. Maybe...
Maybe, for now, let's just say
516
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,560
it's, erm...
517
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,280
...an open discussion.
518
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:16,120
That is very reasonable
and rational.
519
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:18,640
Well, I am very reasonable
and rational.
520
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,480
Come here.
521
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,920
Sorry. I'm sorry.
522
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,320
I love you.
523
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,840
JONATHAN SIGHS
Thank you. For you.
524
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,600
Cheers.
525
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,520
Here's to only partially mentally
scarring our child tonight.
526
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,080
Cheers.
527
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,600
You're handling this break-up
better than I thought.
528
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,920
That felt like an insult.
529
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,160
No, I mean it.
530
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,640
I mean, old Jonathan would never
have punched a zombie and had a go
531
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,000
at a hotel manager.
532
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,200
I still feel like
there's a dig coming.
533
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,000
No, I...
534
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,560
...honestly really noticed
how much you've been getting
535
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,240
your shit together.
536
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:14,600
I mean, you sorted out
Jed's cabin,
537
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,400
came to my rescue
when Spencer went missing.
538
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,320
I mean, it's a bit annoying
that you're only changing
539
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,000
now after we've split up.
540
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,280
There it is. Thank you.
541
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,680
We should probably talk
about the other night.
542
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:40,920
Oh, do we have to?
543
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,000
Not a total transformation, then.
544
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,160
No, I mean, I was...
545
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,960
I've just been thinking...
546
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,400
You know, since we were, like,
when we were on the doorstep
547
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,040
we had that, you know...
548
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,720
When we said goodnight, and...
549
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,160
What? You can just say "kiss".
550
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,920
OK, when we "kissed".
551
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,560
Well, it was a kiss, wasn't it?
552
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,800
Well, it was just...
553
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,760
I don't know.
554
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,800
I don't know. I just...
555
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,720
I know things weren't perfect
when we were together,
556
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,240
but maybe, you know, it's...
557
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,000
It might be easi... No, better...
558
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,920
...if we...
559
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,400
if we did get back together.
560
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,840
Jonathan?
561
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,680
I'm asking you back.
562
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,800
No.
563
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,120
What?
564
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,520
I don't think it's right.
565
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,240
You're saying no?
566
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,400
For the past few months,
567
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,840
all I've wanted is for things
to get back to normal.
568
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,680
It's all I've thought about.
569
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:13,800
But...
570
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,960
We can't get back together...
571
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:19,360
because it's easy.
572
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,920
Do you know, Spence was picking up
on all the atmosphere
573
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,200
and the weirdness, and...
574
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,600
since the split there hasn't
been any atmosphere.
575
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,920
He... seems happy.
576
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:36,360
I think that...
577
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,160
...maybe we're better parents to him
when we're apart.
578
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,040
Well, I think I preferred
the old Jonathan.
579
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:11,720
Bye, Mum.
580
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:12,840
Bye.
581
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,200
Bye.
582
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,840
Yeah. Bye.
583
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:22,880
Bye!
584
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:27,840
Right, come on. Let's go.
585
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,600
Your birthday's not over.
586
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,800
COURTNEY: I scored some chips!
587
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,840
Isn't it a bit early
for chips?
588
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,520
I mean, do you want the chips?
589
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:41,720
Yeah.
590
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,040
See. Do you have ketchup?
591
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:44,320
Do I have ketchup?
592
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:45,560
Of course I have ketchup!
593
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:46,920
Whoa! There you go.
594
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,040
You're not going to say "please"
or "thank you", no?
595
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,280
Such a good night last night, Spence.
596
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,360
It was a proper party.
Yeah! Party!
597
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,760
No, thanks for getting us
all together. It was, ah...
598
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,760
I want to say "fun".
599
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,360
No, but, seriously,
600
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,120
thanks for coming. You...
601
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:05,840
You made it really special.
602
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:07,360
And, ah...
603
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,920
...Courtney, thank you for
saving the night
604
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,040
and for letting us stay with you, and...
605
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,840
Well, I guess
thanks for everything.
606
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,600
Wow. When you list it like that,
607
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,360
you owe us a lot. Yeah, OK.
608
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:23,240
It's totally fine, Jonathan.
609
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:27,000
Actually, we were talking
about this last night, and...
610
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,360
you don't have to move out
any time soon.
611
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,320
We really love having you.
612
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:32,960
Is that true, Courtney?
613
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,840
Well, I want you to know
it has almost nothing to do with
614
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,920
your personality, but, ah,
yes, we did say that.
615
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,280
Yes, well, that'd be...
616
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,520
That'd be really nice, actually.
So thank you.
617
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,880
Well, we can't stay forever, can we?
618
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:49,320
What do you mean?
619
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,280
I mean, I love it at Auntie Dan's,
620
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,200
but we'll have to move back home
when you and Mum get back together,
621
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,560
won't we?
622
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,040
{\an8}MUSIC: Bright Side Of The Road
by Van Morrison
623
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:07,080
♪ From the dark end of the street
624
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,800
♪ To the bright side of the road
625
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,720
♪ We'll be lovers once again
626
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,120
♪ On the bright side of the road
627
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,040
♪ Little darlin', come with me... ♪
628
00:28:29,090 --> 00:28:33,640
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