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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,599
Nic. Jen.
You're great. I try.
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,759
I've lost my cat,
got a distraught son...
3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,119
Mum, come on.
We're going to be late again!
4
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:10,199
Well, we should celebrate.
Yes.
5
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,759
You know. There's vibes.
6
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,039
Dan, this is Jen. Jen, this is Dan.
7
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,559
Jen. Nice to meet you. Dan.
8
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:16,999
I've got to be really good tonight
9
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,959
cos it's Ollie's
birthday tomorrow morning.
10
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,559
Yeah. Opa! Opa!
11
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,599
It was like my twin flame.
12
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,359
What? With... Not with him.
13
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,879
With a guy called Alex.
14
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,999
Did you just break up, or...?
15
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,639
STOP THE TRAIN!
HELP ME, PLEASE!
16
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,080
SHE SCREAMS
17
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,640
Oh, God.
18
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,319
LAUGHTER AND MUSIC REVERBERATES
19
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,320
God!
20
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,799
To the good times!
21
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,679
Why do you drink?
Why do you do it to yourself?
22
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,599
Why do you keep making
the same mistake, Nic?
23
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,959
Hmm? Hmm?
24
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,799
I'm stuck. I mean, what am I
supposed to do? I don't have a job.
25
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,399
But I don't understand.
If you're not happy with Dan,
26
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,120
why can't you leave now?
27
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,679
You opened them. Mm?
28
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,039
You opened them without me.
29
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,719
Yeah, cos you were fast asleep
and he wanted to crack on.
30
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,479
So, sorry.
31
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,999
Yeah. I mean, when you
were asleep, to be honest,
32
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,599
you looked like you were dead.
33
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,039
You were dribbling and everything.
It was horrific.
34
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,559
Was I? Yeah. Yeah.
35
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,639
It's actually quite sad.
Oh, God.
36
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,679
I can't believe
I had that much to drink.
37
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,079
Really?
38
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:37,279
Look, I was battered and I was
singing Fresh Prince, the rap,
39
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,239
so I've lost my voice.
Really?
40
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,759
Well, I didn't do it on purpose.
41
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,039
I've organised all of this.
I know, I know.
42
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,399
And Jen just kept topping me up,
and topping me up,
43
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,359
and topping me up,
and topping me up. Yeah.
44
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,199
Was it her idea to get the port?
45
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,799
She get that out, did she, the port?
46
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,439
What? That bottle of port's
from four Christmases ago, Nic,
47
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,760
I'm surprised you woke up.
48
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,640
You had a lot to chat about, then.
49
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,080
Where is Jen? She's gone.
50
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,119
Thought she was staying the night?
51
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,079
Yeah, but Harry couldn't sleep,
so she had to take him back.
52
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,639
When? Dunno. Just in the night.
53
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,319
Oh.
54
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,959
Well, did he like his camera?
55
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,999
Yeah, I think so. Did you?
56
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,239
Me, what, huh?
Do you like your camera?
57
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,879
I spent ages choosing that, lad.
58
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,639
Er, yeah.
59
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:29,519
Yeah, I mean, like, when I,
60
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,359
like, when I opened the
box, I was just, like,
61
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,759
"Pfff, whoa."
62
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,159
We're getting you cash as well.
Yeah, cash is nice.
63
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,399
Have you taken a picture with
the hat that your mum sent?
64
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,639
No. Well, no, cos he's in his
pyjamas. Oh, what, you...
65
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,199
Well, she's going to be
on my case otherwise.
66
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,639
What else did she get you?
67
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,039
Duplo. Are you kidding?
68
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,239
Nope. Oh, my God.
That's ridiculous. Two-plus.
69
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,879
I mean, does she know
how old you are?
70
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,999
Obviously not. This is for infants.
71
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,439
Christ Almighty.
72
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,479
Right.
I'm not wearing that.
73
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:58,639
Nic? No. Yes.
74
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,559
You haven't said
"happy birthday" to him yet.
75
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,759
Yes, I have! No, you haven't.
Do I get... Have I not? No.
76
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,159
SHE SIGHS Oh, happy birthday, mate.
77
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,239
Ugh! Mum!
Just stand there with that.
78
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,719
Quick. Please, mate. Quick. Come on.
79
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,560
Right, stay there.
Hang on a sec. OK.
80
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,559
The lighting's not right. You have
to go over here. Go over there.
81
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,079
No, Mum. Come on. Chop, chop,
chop, chop. I don't want to do it.
82
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,839
Come on, come on. You want that
money in your building society,
83
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,159
mate, you better earn it.
OK. Right, OK.
84
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,839
Smile. PHONE RINGS
85
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,119
Just do it nicely.
86
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,439
Imagine that's a load of cash.
87
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,039
I'm not answering that.
That's Mum.
88
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,239
Smile nicely. Ha! Hey!
89
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:34,759
PHONE RINGS Oh.
90
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,679
Ah, she's phoning me now.
Don't answer it.
91
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,119
Hello? Yes, Carol.
92
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,879
Yeah. No, he is by his phone.
93
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,799
He just didn't want to talk to YOU.
94
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,999
It was a joke, Carol.
95
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,519
Yes, he's HERE!
96
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,000
Here's Nanny!
97
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,519
Hi, Nan. HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
98
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,199
Yeah, yeah. Right, right.
I loved it.
99
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,839
It's just... Yeah, it's...
The present... It's just amazing.
100
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:04,639
Yeah. I'm wearing my hat
for a picture for you and...
101
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,999
You know that when I opened it,
I was just, like,
102
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,680
"Cor! It's just so good!"
103
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,399
Yeah.
104
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,119
Um.
105
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,719
It's, like...
106
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,120
Oh.
107
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,999
HE STAMMERS
108
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,039
Babe? I'm sorry.
109
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,399
I didn't mean it.
Don't be sorry for that.
110
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,559
That's... I'm unbelievably
proud of you.
111
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,359
That was good. That was quite good.
That was good, weren't it? I know.
112
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,039
That was really great. PHONE RINGS
113
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,519
Don't hang up on her like that.
Oh, she's phoning again.
114
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,719
Pass me some of that wrapping paper.
115
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,279
Hiya, Carol.
116
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:39,599
No, I can't.
117
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,280
Can you not hear me at all?
118
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,479
Hey, Mum?
119
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,319
What? We're a bit bored.
120
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,239
I mean, have you tried wrapping
Denin up in some bog roll?
121
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,559
Yeah, we've done that.
That's page one.
122
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,999
I don't know, then. Do what normal
kids do - just wet toilet paper
123
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,759
and just throw it at the ceiling.
124
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,280
All right. God... Oh, God...
125
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,120
Cheers, Mum.
126
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,680
SHE SIGHS
127
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,839
Ew, I saw that!
128
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,200
That's disgusting!
129
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,799
Go on, then. Lucky dip.
130
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,400
Gross! Shame on you!
131
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,399
It was that one. BELLY GROWLS
132
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,439
Oh, God.
133
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,080
Oh, God, no!
134
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,519
Get out!
135
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,840
Get out now!
136
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,399
Oh...
137
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,480
SHE BREAKS WIND VIOLENTLY
138
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,799
BREAKING WIND CONTINUES
139
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,439
LUCY: Nic? Is that you?
140
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,159
SHE MOUTHS
141
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,679
Hi, Lucy.
142
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,239
Are you all right in there?
It sounds very painful.
143
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,079
No, I'm fine!
144
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,319
Everyone's arrived.
145
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,919
OK, great!
146
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,079
Yeah. Um, the kids are
getting a bit restless,
147
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,519
so I think we should put
Ollie's film on now.
148
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,920
OK. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
149
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,639
Um, very quickly...
150
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,839
SHE BREAKS WIND Yeah?
151
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,279
Just while you're there,
I just wanted to ask your advice
152
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,119
on something very, very quickly.
153
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,959
I'm thinking about signing up...
OK.
154
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,119
Do you think we could
talk about this later?
155
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,999
Oh, OK! Do you want me to ask you
when you're done? Yeah, please.
156
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,400
Thanks!
Okey do key. Good luck!
157
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,719
SHE SIGHS AND VIOLENTLY BREAKS WIND
158
00:06:55,720 --> 00:07:00,080
WIND BREAKING SLOWLY ABATES
159
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,800
AEROSOL SPRAYS
160
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,759
Lucy, are you still there?
161
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,239
Go! Please, go!
162
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,800
DOOR SHUTS
163
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,760
CHILD DROPS
164
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,959
Oh, God!
165
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,560
SHE CRIES OUT God!
166
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,079
SHE GROANS
167
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,960
SHE SIGHS
168
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,679
MOCKINGLY: "It's a boy!"
169
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:40,919
Nic?
170
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,319
Nic?
171
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,879
What's wrong? What's happened?
172
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,239
I've got to stop shopping
when I'm pissed.
173
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,399
Why am I like this?! Oh...
174
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,279
Oh, just shut up. You're amazing.
You know you are.
175
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:53,599
Oh...
176
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,879
I keep getting flashes of
something I said to you last night.
177
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,119
What do you mean?
178
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:02,079
I can't remember quite what it was,
but I'm just... urrrrgh!
179
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,919
What did I say to you? Ugh...
180
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,039
You're just... You're just going
to absolutely drive yourself mad...
181
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,399
I know... with all this. OK?
I know, I know.
182
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,839
That's why you're so messed up, OK?
183
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,919
Because you never talk to
anyone about it. I know!
184
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,159
You hold it all in all the time.
185
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,480
Jeez, Nic, you're just a human.
186
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,679
We've all done shit, OK? Oh...
187
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:23,279
God... I would never,
ever tell anyone about it.
188
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,919
You promise? I promise.
189
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,759
You'd never say anything? I promise,
I would never. Oh, my God...
190
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,919
It's not your fault, Nic.
None of it was your fault.
191
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,959
I can't deal with this. You can,
you can, look. Come on, get up.
192
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,839
God, it's like a load of
rats have escaped from a lab!
193
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,079
They're like animals! I know!
194
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,959
But, you know, you asked
for this, so, come on.
195
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,519
Oh, God, right...
196
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,119
...that's it.
197
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,959
Everything hurts. I know, I know.
198
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,199
NOTIFICATION TONE
199
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,360
Oh...
200
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,479
Oh! What?
201
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,919
I knew this was going to happen...
What?!
202
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,399
...so I made a call.
203
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,479
This is going to sort you right out.
204
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,239
Please say it's drugs.
205
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,959
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
206
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,440
CHANTS: Ollie! Ollie!
207
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,039
Oh...! Really good.
208
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,599
His mind is, whoa.
209
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,879
He's very clever.
I tell you what we should do.
210
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,079
We should go on a girls' trip,
we should do a spa day.
211
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,399
Spa day! Spa day!
212
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,919
Girls, girls, shush.
213
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,519
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Sh!
214
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,199
Girls' trip, do a spa day.
215
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,679
Yeah! Bath Spa!
216
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:30,919
I tell you what as well.
217
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,399
Why don't we go to this
brilliant Greek restaurant
218
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,359
where they do the...
219
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,719
You know, the spinning round thing?
They smash the plate.
220
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,359
Girls' trip, Bath Spa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!
221
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,199
And leave the grumpy old
git at home.
222
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,079
THEY LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY
223
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,879
TV PLAYS, SHE SNORES
224
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,479
WHISPERS: Ready?
225
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,239
Three, two, one.
226
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,599
Boom.
227
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,199
SHE GROANS
228
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,999
HE GIGGLES
229
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,320
Go, go!
230
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,599
You all right? What you doing?
Nothing.
231
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,519
DOORBELL CHIMES
232
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,879
Ugh... Who's that?
233
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,239
Who's ringing? I don't know.
What's the time?
234
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,359
Everyone got picked up
from the party, didn't they?
235
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,679
How should I know?!
236
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,199
It was your party, mate.
237
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,119
Hey!
Hey!
238
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,560
It's Suze. Oh, Suze! Hey!
239
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,519
Hey, how you doing, buddy?
240
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,599
Hey. Hello, Auntie Suze.
241
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,639
Nice to see you! You too!
242
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:27,239
OK. So, I know I'm the absolute
worst because I missed your party,
243
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:31,639
but I have got you
the most awesome present.
244
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,679
Thank you. Can I
get you a drink, Suze?
245
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,759
Uh... No, I can't stay long, sorry.
246
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,759
So, I know this is a bit niche,
247
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,999
but I had these especially made
248
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,999
just for you.
249
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,640
Wait... Oh, my God!
250
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,239
What is it? What is it?
251
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,599
It's the... the... Remember the
stop-motion thing we saw on telly?
252
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,039
Yeah. It's that!
Yeah, they're Claymation figures.
253
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,999
They've got wires in them so you can
bend them whichever way you want.
254
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,999
I can't get you a glass of wine?
I can't stay, honestly. Sorry.
255
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,680
Actually, listen, I've been thinking
about...
256
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,159
...Alex's anniversary. Oh, yeah.
257
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:10,359
And I thought maybe we could get
a memorial seat at Old Trafford.
258
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,999
That's a great idea.
Yeah? OK, cool.
259
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,239
It's, like, a couple
thousand for the plaque.
260
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,839
Well, that's fine. I can chip in.
261
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,319
Weirdly, we were talking about
maybe putting some money...
262
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,719
They've given me a map of
the different seats available.
263
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,399
...behind the bar at his favourite
pub. I don't know anything about
264
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,399
football, so I thought
maybe you could choose.
265
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,639
Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah.
266
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,279
Yeah? What should
I get on the plaque?
267
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,679
Um... It's no swearing.
They're a bit weird about it, so...
268
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,479
Yeah, I'll think of something, yeah.
Like a nickname or something?
269
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,599
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, he had a load of them.
270
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,839
Yeah, that's nice. That's lovely.
Yeah.
271
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,799
Cool. Great.
272
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,239
Right, I've got to go,
I've got to go. Sorry.
273
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,079
I've got to go to this boring dinner
and wonder why the guy playing
274
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,119
opposite me is on twice
as much as I am. Yay!
275
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,439
Oh, God, yes. Ooh, um...
Thank you!
276
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,999
Happy birthday. Oh...
Thanks, Auntie Suze.
277
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,479
Oh, that's great. That's great.
I've got to go. I'm sorry.
278
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,359
Bye, Auntie Suze. Love you! Bye-bye.
Love you. Bye-bye, Bye-bye.
279
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,160
Oh, God, we must go
for that coffee, Sue.
280
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,719
When you used to
hang out with him,
281
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,840
you made me so uncomfortable.
282
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,800
I'm going to go to bed, I think.
283
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:30,880
OK.
284
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,120
Night, Mum. Night.
285
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:44,240
AMOROUS MOANS AND SHOUTS
286
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,759
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
287
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,359
ALEX: Who's ready to
hear the sock story?
288
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,039
So, as most of you
will probably know...
289
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,959
It's 20 to three, Dan.
290
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,800
WEDDING HOME VIDEO PLAYS ON TV
291
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,759
And what did she see?
292
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,879
She saw a 14-year-old
Dan furiously,
293
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,319
furiously giving it to
his favourite football sock.
294
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,679
Come to bed, Dan.
295
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,119
Yeah, I'm coming to bed.
296
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,279
In a bit, yeah.
297
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,559
This was just around the time
298
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,519
he got made captain of
the school football team.
299
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,719
What kind of disgusting
power trip was this?
300
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,439
LAUGHTER ON VIDEO
301
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,599
So, I went to the
same school as Dan,
302
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,760
and I made it my business
to tell the entire school.
303
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,719
And by lunchtime, I get pulled
into the headmaster's office,
304
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,999
and he says to me, "Alex..."
305
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,200
You never told me
what you actually saw. Dan...!
306
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,319
I've got an image of it in my head,
307
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,279
and I just need to know
if it was better or worse.
308
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,879
It was quick.
309
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,399
That's it. That's
all you need to know.
310
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,559
I know I'm making this about me.
I know you loved him too. I'm sorry.
311
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,119
An exploration
into the groom's proudest
312
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,839
and funniest moments
by way of a gentle roast.
313
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,639
Who's that? Who's that boy?
314
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,359
It's a cousin, isn't it?
315
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,080
And that girl.
316
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,680
INDISTINCT SPEECH
317
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,199
APPLAUSE ON VIDEO
318
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,240
Come to bed. Come on.
319
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,239
I just want to understand
why you didn't...
320
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,799
I'm not doing all of this.
Come to bed.
321
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,519
IN TUNE OF ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT:
♪ If you walk into his room,
322
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,239
♪ You will get a shock... ♪
Everyone!
323
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:44,119
ALL: ♪ Dan, Dan, Dan the perve,
wanked into a sock
324
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,799
♪ If you walk into this room,
you will get a shock. ♪
325
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,079
Again!
326
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,560
THEY LAUGH
327
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,519
Oh, I love it!
328
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,359
Wow, reverse!
329
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:57,999
Really good, Ollie.
330
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,239
NOTIFICATION TONE
331
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,039
Oh, no... What?
332
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,319
She's booked the Greek restaurant.
333
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,959
No! Yes!
334
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,959
And she's sent a gif of
a plate being smashed.
335
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,399
Oh, God, no! Yeah!
336
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,079
Oh, my God, how are we
going to get out of this?
337
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,039
I don't know!
Oh, God!
338
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,919
MOBILE RINGS
339
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,479
Oh, God, is that her?
340
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,759
Hello?
341
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,119
Oh, yes.
Yeah, speaking.
342
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,320
Oh, my goodness.
343
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,399
Yeah. Where did you find him?
344
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,960
Yeah, I can come now.
345
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,720
Where's my bloody coat?
346
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,919
WEDDING HOME VIDEO PLAYS ON TV
347
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,799
You all right up there, boys?
348
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,199
THEY CHUCKLE
349
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,760
What's so funny?
350
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,640
Oh, shit.
351
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,520
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
352
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,920
Anyone in? Nic?
353
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,039
Always leaving the bloody TV on.
354
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,519
There's an energy crisis going on!
355
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,040
LOUD BREAKING WIND
356
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,879
LOUD BREAKING WIND
357
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,720
MUZAK PLAYS
358
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,200
ANIMAL GROWLS
359
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,319
DOOR OPENS
360
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,519
Oh, hi. Oh, hey!
361
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,399
Oh, I am so sorry to keep
you waiting. Oh, that's OK.
362
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,639
I think someone's going
to be very happy to see you!
363
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,799
Oh, my God!
364
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,679
Oh, Mr Meowgi! Oh, my gosh!
Hello, mate!
365
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,239
"Hello, Mummy!"
366
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,919
Aw, Ollie's going to be so relieved.
367
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,039
He's been good as gold.
Oh... Mm-hm.
368
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,599
He's lost a bit of weight.
369
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,439
Yeah, he was very, very
hungry when he came in.
370
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,999
Very hungry.
371
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,119
Watch out for his claws!
372
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,719
God, you nasty... CAT MEOWS
373
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,239
That's it, fella.
374
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,919
I'm just going to get
you to go in here.
375
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,319
That's it.
376
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,479
Careful of the tail! Yes!
377
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,039
Just put your arse in.
Thank you.
378
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,359
Bye-bye! Bye-bye!
379
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:24,039
SHE MEOWS
380
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,039
CAT MEOWS
381
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,399
BARKING, SQUEALING AND GROWLING
382
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,479
All right...
383
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,119
Found Mr Meowgi! Mum...
384
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,600
Ollie! Mum.
385
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,080
What's happened?
386
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,479
Do you want to tell her, or shall I?
387
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,359
Do you want to...?
388
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:51,039
These two have just spent
45 minutes tormenting me.
389
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,879
What have you done?
390
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,999
Well, it was my idea
to use the Fart Blaster.
391
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,159
Sorry, what's a Fart Blaster?
That.
392
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,399
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
393
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,879
THAT is a Fart Blaster.
394
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,680
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
395
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,080
What did you do in this?
396
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,919
It was my idea to
use the surround sound.
397
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,399
Can you imagine what that...
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
398
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,079
...is like?
399
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,039
365 degrees, just everywhere.
400
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,160
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
IN VARIETY OF STYLES
401
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,559
I'm so sorry.
402
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,200
I can't imagine... No.
403
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,759
Would you boys...
404
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,559
...like to say sorry to Viv?
405
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,479
I'm sorry we scared you.
406
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,719
Um, well...
407
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,399
We were just having a laugh.
408
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,199
That's not an apology, is it?
409
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,999
No. Mm-hm.
410
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,919
What do you say?
Sorry, Viv.
411
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,279
Because what must have
that been like for you?
412
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:51,879
SHAKILY: That was absolutely...
413
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,039
It was one of the worst
experiences of my life.
414
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,759
It was traumatising.
Yeah.
415
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,359
OK, I don't want to be too
vulnerable in front of the children.
416
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,199
SUPPRESSING LAUGHTER:
I know. I'm so sorry.
417
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:03,439
No cleaning's been done,
so I'm sorry about that.
418
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,959
Do you know what? I don't blame you.
419
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,679
Imagine you in that situation. I'd
be just as terrified as you were.
420
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,639
Could you do cleaning with
THAT in your whole system?
421
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,479
Are you going to be all right
to drive? Well, I don't know.
422
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:15,879
Would you be?
423
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,679
Well, I mean, it was
sort of only farts.
424
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,039
All right, I guess
I'll go, then, shall I?
425
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,639
To you, it was only farts.
426
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,639
It was A LOT MORE than that to me.
427
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,879
Though...
428
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:31,199
I tell you what, though,
I would not wish that on anyone.
429
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,880
Not even Katie Hopkins.
430
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,119
DOOR SHUTS
431
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,639
SHE BURSTS OUT LAUGHING
432
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,759
So, anyway, hi, Ollie, I'm home!
433
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,279
CAT MEOWS
434
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,039
Ta-da! Who's that?
435
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,960
What do you mean, who is it?
It's Mr Meowgi.
436
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,759
Wow.
437
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,199
All right, come on, Harry.
438
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,400
Ollie! Ollie!
Yeah?
439
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,639
Thank you, Mother!
440
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,559
It's... It's cool.
441
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,519
Come on, Harry, let's go to
the shed, it's boring in here.
442
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,679
Sorry, mate.
443
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,719
I'm glad you're home, even if
Ollie couldn't give a shit.
444
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,839
You all right, mate?
Where have you been?
445
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,719
Sorry, just been on
the phone to my mum.
446
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,599
Had to hang up, like, eight times.
She just wouldn't shut up.
447
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,279
Found the cat. Oh, nice!
448
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,359
Ollie wasn't bothered.
He wasn't? No, not at all.
449
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,040
Where've they gone? They've gone
out to the shed, have they? Yeah.
450
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,879
What's... What's this doing out?
451
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,319
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe the kids got it out.
452
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,679
Who put this on?
Nice, I don't know...
453
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,920
Who put it on?!
I don't know. Are you OK?
454
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,639
What's wrong?
455
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:44,879
That's him.
456
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,280
Who's him?
457
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,720
That's HIM?
458
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,480
Oh, mate...
459
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,079
So hello.
460
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,639
This is the recipes.
461
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,799
For those of you who
don't know me, I am Alex.
462
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,519
I am Dan's younger,
better looking brother.
463
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,879
Right, Nic?
464
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,520
Oh, fuck.
465
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,640
Yikes.
466
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,319
But you can roll it in glitter
and, ladies and gentlemen,
467
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,079
isn't my brother sparkling today?
468
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,879
Give him a round of applause.
469
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,920
God, he hated that tie.
470
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,279
You know, I've never been able to
watch this all the way through.
471
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,040
Why not?
472
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,559
Cos it all fucking started
on my wedding day.
473
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,279
...trod dog shit all into the carpets
474
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,520
on the first day
he had his first car.
475
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,439
Stop! It's so fun! Stop it!
476
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,199
Oh, for God's sake. Oh...
477
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,519
The suits are good.
Oh, you think?
478
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,119
Yeah, I'm surprised.
What do you mean, you're surprised?
479
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,239
Suits never fit me,
especially when they're hired.
480
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,239
Moss Bros!
Yeah, it looks good on the botty.
481
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,039
Yeah, it does.
Still enough space to...
482
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,279
SHE LAUGHS ..cut the rug later.
483
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,279
Don't! For God's sake!
484
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,679
Just had a champagne with Mum.
Oh, no...
485
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,999
She went to the general
manager of the hotel...
486
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,799
Right, right.
..to specifically ask... Yeah?
487
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,719
...that no-one disturb her
while she practises the song.
488
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,519
Oh, God... Oh...
489
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,640
She's insane. Ugh!
490
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:18,720
Um... Are you all right?
Are you OK? Yeah.
491
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,999
Oh, God. Don't, you're
scaring me! What is it?
492
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,559
If I don't say, I'm never
going to say it. Um...
493
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,880
I just wanted to say that...
494
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,080
...I think you're amazing...
495
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,359
...and I think I'm in love with you.
496
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:35,639
LOUD CLATTER
497
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,799
Babe, I'm so sorry!
I couldn't find anywhere to park.
498
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,599
There were no spaces at all,
499
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,959
so I had to go and park
in the bloody golf club
500
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,959
and lug all of this
stuff from over there.
501
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,559
Oh... Can you imagine?
No. What a blooming nightmare.
502
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,039
I mean, how can a place
like this, of this scale,
503
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,559
have such a small bloody car park?
504
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,359
I have no idea.
Make it make sense.
505
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,759
Can we make it make sense,
please?! No, I don't...
506
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,759
Oh, gosh. The day!
507
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,639
My boyfriend was up all
night, yeah? Yeah?
508
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,719
My boyfriend was up all night
being sick. Oh...
509
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,159
Well, from every angle, really -
from the front and the back.
510
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,839
Because I gave him a fish pie
that I made on Monday on Saturday.
511
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,319
Because this bitch, he saw
me in my new Givenchy coat,
512
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,239
and he said to me that I look like
a character out of the Muppets.
513
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,599
Oh... That's...
514
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,199
That coat is beautiful. Yeah?
Very beautiful.
515
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,119
And I know, I know I shouldn't have
given him that fish pie,
516
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,319
but he hurt me. And when that fool
used to walk around town dressing
517
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,119
like he was in the Peaky Blinders,
did I say anything? No.
518
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,759
No, I didn't, because I knew
it would destroy him. Yeah.
519
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,679
Anyway, anyway, are we, are we,
are we excited about today?
520
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,639
Yes! Sorry! This is Alex.
Alex.
521
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,039
Jesus. Alex, this is Jesus.
Lovely to meet you, Alex.
522
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,919
Sorry, Jesus? Jesus, yes.
523
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,319
Um, babe, could you get me
a coffee, by any chance?
524
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,039
Yes, Jesus. Um...
How do you take it?
525
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,320
Cappuccino, please. No sugar.
526
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,319
Um... It's a hotel, so there's
only instant in the rooms.
527
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,359
Don't they do cappuccinos
at the bar downstairs?
528
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,439
Yeah. Mm-hm? Brilliant.
Thank you very much.
529
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,519
Do you want the
chocolate dust on the top?
530
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,440
Everything, please.
Give me it all.
531
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,199
DOOR SHUTS
OK, he's a little bit sexy.
532
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,479
Mm-hm. I would like a
bit of that, please.
533
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,559
Yeah? Oh, I like him a lot.
534
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,559
I'm very happy for you,
you're in a good place.
535
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,199
But isn't it bad luck to see
the groom before you get married?
536
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,879
SHE SPLUTTERS Sorry, he's not the groom.
537
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,399
Absolutely not the groom.
538
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,839
Right... Sorry, he's not.
539
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,199
Um... Has anything changed
since the consultation?
540
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:19,479
You're still happy with...?
541
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,359
I was just wondering, possibly,
542
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,239
if I could have sort of shorter
lashes, if that was possible?
543
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,439
No. No? No, babe,
I really wouldn't know.
544
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,039
No, you need to trust me. Shorter
lashes do not photograph well.
545
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,119
OK. Could we go a bit neutral
on the lips, possibly?
546
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,639
No, I don't think so.
No? OK. Yep. Stick with the plan.
547
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,679
All right, let me get
started with your base.
548
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,119
DOOR OPENS
549
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,079
SUZIE: I'm sorry, but your
flower girl is a prick. Oh, I know.
550
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,319
I know she's only six but, my God,
she's a massive prick! I know!
551
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,119
And guess who organised
that one! Wonderful Carol.
552
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,999
Please don't make
me go back out there.
553
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,759
No, no, no, don't go back out there.
554
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,439
Carol, made me, FORCED me,
by the way, to have her. Ugh!
555
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,559
Have you seen
your mother-in-law yet?
556
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,039
Oh, God, no.
557
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,639
She's a piece of work too!
558
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,319
If I started stabbing her,
I would just never stop stabbing.
559
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,839
God, it's like she can't handle that
560
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,919
you'll be, like, the centre
of attention today.
561
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,399
She can't handle anybody
being the centre of attention.
562
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:08,919
And she tried to
palm Ollie off to me.
563
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:10,359
Hi, Carol!
564
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,439
Oh, Suzie! There you are!
565
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,079
Hi, Carol! OLLIE CRIES
566
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,159
You couldn't just take him for
a couple of seconds, could you?
567
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,080
I'm sorry, I can't.
568
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,919
Nicola? Yeah?
569
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,079
Please could you take
him for a minute?
570
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,119
Oh, just...
I've still got to get ready.
571
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,759
I'm just getting
ready for my wedding.
572
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,559
But he just wants you.
573
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,959
He's just a bit tired, Carol.
574
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,919
Are you still all right to do me
afterwards? Yeah, we're good.
575
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,719
Am I paying for that? No.
576
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,919
No, I know, you just want
your mummy, don't you?
577
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,879
ALEX: Hey, cappuccino.
578
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,120
Oh, we are here!
Thank you, baby!
579
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,360
Are you good?
580
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,239
Hey, what's wrong, big man?
Why are you crying?
581
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,559
Oh, he just wants his mummy!
Why are you crying?
582
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,199
Silly Nana.
Mummy's getting married.
583
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,439
Oh... Come on. Come on, mate.
584
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,199
Let's go check the United score.
585
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,559
Say, "Bye, Mummy. Love you.
Love you lots."
586
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:00,719
Thank you.
587
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,839
You're not going to be
much longer, are you?
588
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,999
No... Mum, give Nic
some space, yeah?
589
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,199
All right!
Yeah. Come on.
590
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,880
I got you, I got you.
591
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,239
Did you notice that?
592
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,919
What? Alex.
593
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,279
What about Alex?
594
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,559
He's pulling away from me.
595
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,359
Really? Yes,
I can feel it.
596
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,679
He's giving me that vibe,
like, the last couple of weeks.
597
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,279
Really? Yes! No... You
know when you just know?
598
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,799
Oh, my God, no, no,
no, no. Yes!
599
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,359
I didn't see your man.
600
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,439
What's he like? Tell me about him.
He's... Uh, Dan?
601
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,359
Um... He's very reliable
and sort of... Fantastic.
602
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:44,759
...like an A4 envelope, I suppose.
603
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,079
Cos you've got a lot of sauce,
I thought you need someone
604
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,159
that's going to be
quite sturdy in that way.
605
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,799
I saw him earlier and
he was grinning from ear to ear.
606
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,719
Really? Yeah. He looked
like a right dickhead.
607
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,159
Dan, you always did well at school.
You were brilliant at football.
608
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,679
You took over the business from Dad
609
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,919
and you've absolutely
smashed that as well.
610
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,079
You excel at everything
you put your mind to, Dan.
611
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,999
And, of course, as
your little brother,
612
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,119
I did get jealous
every now and then.
613
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,279
And then Dan met Nic and I thought,
614
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,959
"Holy shit, he's done it.
615
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,440
"He's found the one."
616
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,439
He's found a unicorn,
617
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:20,519
a woman so funny she can
make you cry with laughter.
618
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:24,439
So witty and smart she
can tie us all in knots.
619
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,759
So beautiful - and I'm
sure you'll all agree -
620
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,119
that today she took
all of our breath away.
621
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:32,959
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
622
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,000
And you will never
find a better mother.
623
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,039
That's a round of applause, guys.
624
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,959
That's your cue for the
round of applause.
625
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,479
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
626
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,479
But most importantly, she is
really good at telling Dan
627
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,959
when he's being a massive bell end.
628
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,999
LAUGHTER
629
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,359
Dan, I love you.
630
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:54,079
Nic, I love you.
631
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,959
SPEECH FADES OUT
632
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,479
♪ She stands before the mirror
633
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,719
♪ Smiles at her reflection
634
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:06,360
♪ Striking sexy poses in the glass
635
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,239
♪ She paints her lips
a brilliant red
636
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,559
♪ Piles her hair high on her head
637
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:18,480
♪ Struggles to replace
a false eyelash
638
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,439
♪ And all at once inside her mind
639
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,279
♪ She sees him at the door
640
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:30,039
♪ And as he's leading her away
641
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,319
♪ She feels the room begin to sway
642
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,839
♪ Where beauty lives in memory
643
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,840
♪ She falls dead upon the floor
644
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,319
♪ Mirror, mirror on the wall
645
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:51,920
♪ Who's the fairest of them all? ♪
47074
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