All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.S10E18.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[adult Adam] Back in the '80s,
no one had more romantic
moments than Erica and Geoff,

from their courtship
to their magical wedding.

But since the birth
of their baby,

the magic had taken a few hits,

and my sister was hoping
to inject a little passion
back into their lives.

Boy, that "Hush, Little Baby"
lullaby is so weird.

Like, why would you buy
an infant a diamond ring?

What's all this?

What does it look like,
handsome?

Sultry music, scented candles,
dimmed lights.

I'd say someone was either
hoping for a romantic evening

or planning on running
a fortune-telling parlor
out of our room.

It's the first thing.

Tomorrow's our anniversary,
and I want to celebrate early.

Champagne?

Whoa, you are as bubbly
as this Brut.

Ooh, there goes my nose tickle.

Even your dumb talking
can't ruin this.

Get over here.

[knock on door]

Hey, you two, I made you
a special surprise
for your anniversary.

-Can it wait?
-It cannot.

I call it "trout chili,"
and it will not keep.

We don't want that right now.

Well, I'll just leave
all 32 quarts
outside your door.

Ugh, I smell fish and peppers.

Well, just hold your nose
and let's get back to business.

-[knock on door]
-Erica, solve a bet for us.

Barry says
he can jump to the tree
outside our bedroom,

but I think he's gonna die.

Impossible!
I have the explosive thighs
of a kangaroo.

Tell him, Erica.

Tell him how special
my body is.

-For sure, go for it!
-Wait, but that would
kill Barry and the mood.

But for the few minutes
while the ambulance
is en route,

-we can get down.
-Yeah.

-[knock on door]
-Hey, where do you
keep the plunger?

I don't know.
Maybe ask anyone else?

It's kind of an emergency.
I already threw away my shoes.

We can't help you.
No one with any dignity can.

-[knock on door]
-Oh, God! Who now?

It's your friendly neighbor,
John Glascott.
Do you have a moment?

We most certainly don't!

I'm just here to beseech you
to close your curtains.

I noticed
that you set the stage
for a boudoir dalliance,

and I can see everything.

I guess my first recommendation

would be to close
your curtains.

I have delicate
Venetian blinds.

You would know that
if you ever accepted

any of my multiple invitations
for coffee and Battleship.

Erica! Barry's hurt,
and not in a funny way.

In a "he's weirdly quiet" way.

All right, I solved it
by snapping a towel at it,

so, uh, you're welcome.

Guess what I brought?
Chili spoons.

Why waste all these beans
and mackerel?

Are they seriously just gonna
eat in the hallway,
right outside our door?

-Oh, whatever.
-[Muriel crying]

And there's the baby.

Happy anniversary, buddy.

-Oh, that's good.
-[Glascott] Mm.

* I'm twisted up inside *

* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say *

* I don't know the future *

* But the past keeps getting
Clearer every day *

[adult Adam] It was March 22,
1980-something,

and Barry and Joanne
had finally found a place

to move into,

Pop-Pop's old apartment.

Bathroom, uh, room...

um, stove you could
burn your trash on.

And here's the dying room.

-Do you mean the dining room?
-Oh, sure.

That's probably what you guys
will use it for.

This place is awesome.

There are support bars
in the shower,

so I can do my tricep dips
while I wash off the sweat.

Yeah, it certainly has
your personality, Pop-Pop.

Uh, Barry, who's this broad
you're shacking up with, again?

I'm Joanne.

I've been dating your grandson
for over a year now.

I gave you my bone marrow.

Why am I helping them move?

My arms are built for Nintendo,
not whatever you call this.

Manual labor?

Come on, I'll show you
the back alley

where you can throw
your grapefruit rinds
and cigar butts.

Where should I put
Barry's throwing stars

and private dream diaries,
Mama?

Uh, the closet?

[adult Adam]
And in that closet,

I was about to discover
more than my grandpa's
moth-eaten sweaters--

a moth-eaten manuscript.

"Invasion from Cosmic City"
by BL Goldberg!

[adult Adam] Thirty pages
of an unpublished
science-fiction manuscript

written by my grandfather.

Pop-Pop is a nerd!

Hey, who told you
you could read that?

Sorry.

I'm just so excited
to find out that you're...

just like me!

An oddball? Ah, no way.

And yet you are.

It's like Pops taught me
how to be kind and be a man,

and you and I share something
almost as important--

made-up aliens and jetpacks.

You learned squat from me.

And I'll prove it.

Look at that.

A rejection letter?

Ah, those bastards
crushed my dreams,

but I showed 'em.

I gave up writing,
and every single morning,

I re-read that letter.

Why would you do that?

To recharge my hatred
and distrust for the world

so that nobody can ever
hurt me like that again.

How is that showing them?

They thought they'd beaten down
BL Goldberg,

but my relentless anger
will never die.

Ha! Ben wins.

[adult Adam] While I learned
my grouchy grandpa and I
were sort of similar,

Geoff and Erica had learned

how hard it was
to get time to themselves.

A good morning
to all creatures,

both jacked and puny.

Why are you so happy?

And, Geoff, where's my toast?

I'm not a wizard, Erica.

I can't make the toaster
toast faster.

Hey, I sense
an un-chillness in the air,

when I, in fact, demand
a fully formed chillness.

Mm. It's those two, babe.
They did this to the air.

Why are you guys even here?

We realized that when you
move into your own place,

your parents don't buy
food for you anymore.

So, we're eliminating
the middle man and stocking up.

Is the middle man
the supermarket,

where you'd buy your own food?

Bingo! It's the only downside
about our new place.

It's been like
a second honeymoon for us.

-You guys aren't married.
-Then a first honeymoon.

You guys aren't married.

Barry, don't flaunt the fact
that our relationship

has gone to a new level
in their faces.

-It really has.
-Mm-hmm.

I mean, that apartment
is like a cocoon

tucked away
from all the disturbances
of this house

to make space for our passion.

Or, as The B-52s would call it,

a love shack.

And from now on,
not just that song,

but all music
is ruined forever.

Don't deny something
that's perfectly natural,
Geoff.

Every night and every day,

your sister and I
stuff ourselves
at the buffet of love.

[gags]

Just let the toast burn.
Let the whole place burn.

We can't be here any longer.

Come on.

The most important thing
in a relationship

is to make time for each other.

We tried that,
but this house is a zoo,

and the animals are my family.

Yes, it's well-established,
we're the worst.

Wait a minute.
Babe, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Five. No. Twelve.

It's not a number,
it's the Secunda Hotel.

-Of course.
-Uh-huh.

Joanne just helped
the concierge work out
a few legal issues,

and he gifted us a free night.

And we'd like to
re-gift it to you guys
for your anniversary.

What? That's so nice of you.

Our lives are going so well,
dear sister.

We must spread our joy
to the less fortunate.

-Is it seven?
-Yes.

-Aah!
-Aah!

-Grab the bagels.
-Okay.

[adult Adam] With that,
Erica and Geoff tried again

to reboot their fire
for each other with
a romantic hotel getaway.

-[knock at door]
-Coming, my sexy wife!

I think you're really gonna
like the accommodat--

Sorry I'm late.
I had to swing home.

Oh, uh, I see that,
but why did you
bring our daughter?

Don't get me wrong, big fan.

I just couldn't leave her.

Well, she is the best.

Aren't you?

Look how amazing this room is.

Ooh, and how comfy
that bed looks.

It does, doesn't it?
Doesn't it?

Here's a thought.

Why don't you
put down our girl,

and I'm gonna take
a quick catnap
on this bad boy,

and then you and I, mister,

are gonna get on
the train to Sexy Town.

Well, punch my ticket,
'cause I'm all aboard.
Choo-choo!

-Uh, babe?
-[snoring]

Fun.

[adult Adam]
As Erica and Geoff's
getaway hit a snag,

I was stuck on the idea

that Pop-Pop and I
shared the same interests.

What's the matter,
light of my loins?

You haven't touched
your Boo Berry.

I just can't get over it.

Pop-Pop loves sci-fi, too.

I just wish he would
talk about it.

Well, I guess your Pop-Pop
couldn't handle
that publisher's rejection.

My whole life has been
people making fun of me
and bullying me,

but I don't run away.

Unless the bully is
an above-average-size person,

or an average-size person,

or a tiny-but-aggressive
person.

You never know
what those people will do.

Remember, Schmoo,
Pop-Pop didn't have something

that the Goldberg kids
were blessed with.

A diet of oddly cheesed meats?

Me.

He had to face his defeats
with no support system.

Maybe you can
connect with Pop-Pop
by encouraging him.

But I can't do what you do,

especially not for someone as
defensive and awful as Pop-Pop.

I am the greatest ego booster
in the history of mankind,

and I can teach you.

Now, you read the sample pages
from Pop-Pop's book.

What did you think about them?

They were okay.

Okay or good?

I guess he showed some promise.

Then that's what you seize on.

You have to BEV.

-BEV?
-You build their confidence,

enable their self-delusions,

and value them over
every other person on earth.

Now, you said Pop-Pop's writing
showed some promise.

Instead, why not say

he's the greatest imagineer
the world has ever seen?

-But that isn't true.
-Well, who cares about true?

You're helping someone
get over their fear.

Now, pretend I'm Pop-Pop. Go.

Um, Pop-Pop, the beginning
of this book was... fun.

Wrong! It wasn't fun.

It was the greatest
literary thrill ride
the world has ever seen.

Seems a bit over the top.

Now, what does Pop-Pop love
even more than science fiction?

Sticking it to people?

Which brings us to "V,"
value him over other people.

"Pop-Pop,
your writing isn't just good,

it makes Hemingway look like
an illiterate boob."

You're saying lie to him
about how great he is

in order to create
a false state of confidence,

like you do with Barry.

Um, yeah, yeah,
like I do with Barry...

and no other child.

-Right.
-Just Barry.

-Just Barry.
-Just Barry.

It's weird how you
keep saying Barry.

Only Barry.

[adult Adam] And so,
armed with my mom's
confidence-bolstering scheme,

I approached my grandfather.

-What you up to there, Pop-Pop?
-The obituaries.

I outlived Mervin Silver.

Tell me I'm cheating
at bocce now.

Fun!

So, listen.

-I was thinking about
your sci-fi novel.
-I don't want to talk about it.

Those pages,
they don't just show promise,

they may be
the greatest examples

of science-fiction writing
since Asimov.

You think I'm supposed
to hop to my feet
and act like a big shot

because my dopey grandson's
blowing smoke up my keister?

I just thought
you'd want to stick it

in that publisher's face.

How would I do that?

First, you'd have to
finish the book

and show them
how fantastic it could be.

Then, when the whole world
holds you aloft

as the best science-fiction
writer of all time...

Yeah, yeah, yeah?

...you'd send them the reviews
with a big note in red marker

that says,
"You blew it, loser!"

With a few horrible things
about his wife.

Yoo-hoo, wouldn't that
be something? [chuckles]

Y-Y-You really think I'm good?

I think you've got it all!

You mean I have pizzazz?

Pizz and azz
all over the place.

[chuckles] What? Me?
Think of that.

[adult Adam]
While I was lifting
my grandpa to the clouds,

Erica was just crashing down
to Earth from dreamland.

[yawns] Oh, man.

Mama needed that
catnap real bad.

All right.

Well, sexy time. Let's do this.

Nope.

What do you mean, "Nope"?

It's showtime.
Romance. Come on.

Uh-uh.

Oh, playing hard to get?

Pretty boy needs to be
wined and dined, huh?

Well, what do you say
we order some room service,

pop in a Sade cassette,
light some candles, and--

Why is it daytime?

You've been asleep
for 14 hours.

What? No!

During our romantic getaway,

I was up all night with Muriel

while my wife
was snoozing like the dead.

No, no, no, no, no.
Come on, baby.

We still have time, don't we?

-[knock on door]
-[woman] Housekeeping!

We just need four minutes!

-You're already
a late checkout, ma'am.
-[mouthing]

Okay, three minutes.
Lock Muriel in the bathroom
and let's get going, Geoff.

No. You know I can't perform
when you put a clock on me.

Remember that time at the Wawa,

when I was supposed
to pick a candy bar
because they were closing,

and I left with
a Chunky with raisins?

-Who's that for?
-[knock on door]

Oh, fine! We're coming!

At least steal
all the towels, Geoff.

[adult Adam] My mom's plan
to instill Pop-Pop

with a writer's confidence
had gone swimmingly.

Nice hat, Pop-Pop.

Oh, this ain't no hat.
It's a fedora.

Ooh, like Paula Abdul wears.

-So the writing's going okay?
-Big time.

Plus, I looked up that guy
who sent me
the rejection letter.

It turns out he's dead.

And his wife died
20 years before him,

so he's been completely alone
all those years.

That's incredibly sad.

You bet.

Oh, I know I don't say this
often enough, Adam,
but, uh, you're my grandson.

Thank you for that
basic acknowledgement.

So, when can I have a look
at this masterpiece?

Oh, you mean show it to people?
Uh, I'm not sure.

-You know, I just started
a writers' group recently.
-Writers' group?

Yeah, it's just a few
literary-minded folks
from the neighborhood.

We meet up to offer
each other encouragement
and constructive criticism.

If I don't share my gift
with these schmucks,
it'd be, uh, selfish, no?

Well, that's not really
the spirit of the group, but--

Uh, my book will be
a welcome treat

to the dreck
that these losers would write.

Again, I'm in the group.

And, uh,
thanks again... grandson.

That's what I always
was to you.

But glad you're up for it!

[adult Adam]
I was BEVing like a pro.

Yes!

Meanwhile, my sister and Geoff
stopped by Barry and Joanne's
to steal back some groceries.

I'm sorry.
It's just, we never get
any time together alone.

That's because
we never actually are.

Exactly.

Why can't we
just get one second
where it's just the two of us?

[adult Adam]
Which was precisely
where they found themselves.

Barry's in class all day.

And Joanne's in court.

[quirky music playing]

[adult Adam] Sure,
it was their siblings' home,

but all that mattered was that
Erica and Geoff were alone.

Meanwhile, my writers' group
had filled our empty pages
with words.

[Glascott]
"Madam President says,

'For a Secret Service agent,
you talk too much.

'Now, put down that bazooka
and kiss me.'"

-Oh!
-Wow.

Super fun, Mr. Glascott.
Loved it.

Thank you, Matt Bradley.

It felt good to get it down
to a lean 207 pages.

Okay, who's next?

Ooh, I am.

Uh, now, my prior
greeting card poems

have focused only on Christmas,

but I'm expanding my horizons.

So this one's about
Advent Sunday.

Instead of boring these folks
with Jesus or whoever,

why don't we give them
a real adventure story?

Pop-Pop, we keep it democratic

by randomly selecting
the order.

No, it's fine, Adam.
I'll just wait a few more
agonizing moments

wondering if I'm good enough.

-Go ahead, Ben.
-[Pop-Pop clears throat]

"It was hour one
of the invasion."

[adult Adam] And so,
Pop-Pop gave us
a taste of his latest work.

But what BL Goldberg cooked up

wasn't a new sci-fi
masterpiece.

Nope, turns out my grandpa

just wrote a super-graphic
alien sex romp.

Well, that was spectacular.
Hmm?

-It's interesting.
-So interesting.

I concur on the interesting.

Well, I have a question.

-Why was it so filthy?
-Filthy?

You know, all the very explicit
and unrelenting sexual imagery.

Well, aliens,
they really get after it.

It seems they do nothing else.

Is Earth
just one big bed to them?

Well, it's a foxy planet.
You gotta admit it.

See, our sun cooks their loins
and puts them into a frenzy.

No, no, no.
I remember those 30 pages,

but the plot
just seems to fall away.

What happened to the astronauts
from the beginning?

They died from Bazoomba-Boomba.

And Bazoomba-Boomba is?

-Rigorous Martian love.
-[Glascott] Mm.

Our carbon-based bodies
couldn't take the friction.

-Interesting.
-So interesting.

I love how interesting it is.

Oh, I see what this is.
This is a hit job.

We're just asking questions.

Questions like why and how
and who wants to hear about

"a green-skinned broad
with a skirt so short
you can use it as an eyepatch"?

I actually liked that part.

All right, all right.
You want to dig in, huh?

Your thing about
this guy that works

in the dungaree shop
is idiotic!

The only thing he thinks about
is folding jeans.

It's a metaphor for control
in a chaotic universe.

And your story
about this middle-aged broad

that flirts with the young man
in your writers' group

and works at the Gap is clearly
about you and this one.

-I wondered why Brad Mattley
sounded so familiar.
-No.

And your action picture?
It's boring.

As in "boring into your skull
with excitement"?

-As in crappy.
-Pop-Pop, please stop.

And you're the worst of all.

You lied to me,
told me how good I was

so these jerks could take
their cheap shots at me?
Thanks a lot.

[Virginia gasps]

Well, who wants to get a drink
to clear their heads?

Just you, Matt?

[adult Adam] While Pop-Pop
was feeling like
I had betrayed him,

Erica and Geoff were finding
any excuse they could

to continue their secret tryst.

And I mean any excuse.

Pop-Pop wants his baby teeth
from the apartment?

[chuckles] Sure. Why not?

[quirky music playing]

You both simultaneously
got jury duty?

-Guilty.
-Guilty.

Say no more.

Bye!

A couple's dentist appointment?

Hmm. Sounds fun.

-This was a perfect plan.
-[keys jingle, door rattles]

Oh, my God!

They've returned to their
own home for some reason!

I'm gonna get caught
with my wife!

You know, it's funny,
but I feel like,

today, I became a parent.

Definitely better
than Erica and Geoff.

After all, Muriel crawled
for the first time, to you.

-[both] What?
-Aah!

What the crap are you
doing in here?

Not important.
Did you just say that Muriel
crawled to Barry?

Why are you wearing our sheets?

We missed the first time
our daughter crawled?

She sure did.

To me, of all people.

Why is your hair all mussy?
Were you break dancing?

Uh, y-yes?

Totally.
Just poppin' and lockin'.

Wait a minute.
Have you two been
getting busy in our bed?

In fairness,
it was rarely in the bed.

-I can't believe this happened.
-This is your fault.

What? It's yours!

You're too damn beautiful.
I can't resist.

You're the hot one.

Toned and muscly
and sensuous, all in one.

I never feel as safe
as when I'm in your arms.

Your magazine-cover good looks
make me feel like
I'm capable of anything.

What is happening?

They hate how attracted
they are to each other.

-All right,
let's all calm down.
-Whew.

Neither of you
are as physically appealing
as me and Joanne.

We were so selfish,

we missed
one of the greatest moments
of Muriel's life.

I guess we're just gonna have
to focus on being parents

and give up on being a couple.

So, how was your couple's
dentist appointment?

[adult Adam] Thanks to me,
Pop-Pop shared
his writing with the world.

The world did not share
his enthusiasm.

Bev, I shall be eating
downstairs,

as I see no one here
I care to eat with.

[Beverly] Ben, stop.

You can't go
the rest of your life
not talking to Adam.

You underestimate
my spite muscles.

The truth is, I'm the one
who pushed Adam into this.

I thought you two having
something in common
would bring you together,

and I'm the one who suggested

he bend the truth
about your work.

A-ha! So it was all lies!

Well, both of you successfully
made a jackass of me.

Okay, well, you're not
the only one because, Adam,

I occasionally lied
to you, too.

Lied to me? About what?

Sweetheart,
I've been telling you

you are a film-making genius
since you were eight years old.

Did it ever occur to you
I might be stretching
the truth a little bit?

What are you talking about?

I'm a prodigy.

Every one of your friends
said so through gritted smiles.

Let's be honest.

Everything you did
couldn't have been
the home run I said it was.

Are you telling me
I'm not a genius

whose words
have been translated

into 400 different languages?

Let me put this in Spanish: No.

So, was a highway
not named in my honor?

That's just Interstate 95.

Was my work not put on
the space shuttle

and sent to the great beyond

so other civilizations
could appreciate it?

It's in that drawer.

My whole life is a lie.

Both of you, sit down.

Adam, I sometimes
wasn't truthful with you,

but doing anything worthwhile
makes you vulnerable.

And isn't it easier
to have the support of someone

who loves and believes in you?

But did you believe in me?

I've always believed in you,
Schmoo,

even when I thought
you needed to grow a little.

The important thing was
you were enjoying

your creativity
until you got there.

And, Ben, weren't you
enjoying writing again?

Is that the most terrible thing
Adam could have given you?

I guess I enjoyed
talking spaceships
and robots with the kid.

And I really do think
your book has promise.

There's a really good story
in there,

if you just make it a little
less terrifyingly sexual.

-What's this, now?
-I can do that...

for the best grandson
in the world.

Hey, that's pretty nice.

["In Between Days" playing]

Heh.

How are you guys doing?

Fine.

Besides the fact
that we're never leaving
our baby again.

Look, even though
we had a taste of the joy

of being parents today,

we can't say we understand
how hard this is for you both.

But one thing we do know--

If you don't also make time
for each other,

you're not gonna be happy.

Because two unhappy parents
makes for one unhappy kid.

So, maybe you have to miss
a few magic moments

to make sure you can give
this little cutie

the happy parents she deserves.

-[Joanne] Hm.
-Wow.

Did you two just give us
great parenting advice?

Well, someday, we plan on being
even better parents than you.

Even though that's gonna be
nearly impossible.

Does this mean
we can use your apartment
for our alone time?

-Ugh, Jesus.
-Oh, God, no.

-All right, I'm done.
-Geoff, you ruined it.

[adult Adam] Sometimes,
the hustle and bustle
of our lives

can make us forget
to connect with each other,

which is why it's so great
when we uncover new ways

to make our connections
even stronger.

'Cause when we make time
for those we love,

there's no telling how great
the story can turn out.

Okay, Mrs. Kremp, you're up.

Well, I couldn't stop thinking
about Ben's erotic tale,

so I thought
I would try my hand
at the steamy genre myself.

-Smoke break.
-Oh. Okay.

There's more space now,
if you want to slide over.

I'm good. This is
the last time I'm attending.

[clears throat]
"Charlene had known Roderick

since they shared a smile
at summer camp.

"But everything changed the day
he came to fix her sink.

"His fully-clothed body

just inches from
her fully-clothed body,

he pressed his bare hand
into hers.

"It was electric with
respect and friendship."

But what happened
to the leaky sink?