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1
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:13,120
The time now is five o'clock.
2
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:20,520
♪♪
3
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,820
Trevor, it's on!
4
00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:26,160
- Hello.
- Hello.
5
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,920
Avast ye landlubbers.
6
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,360
- Today we are going to be
looking at making jelly eggs.
7
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,920
Ohh!
8
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,920
- And finally finish off
with a lovely dollop of cream.
9
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,480
It looks very
splendid, I think.
10
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,160
And so does Bill's
by the looks of it.
11
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,360
Treasure. Argh.
12
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,680
- And can we get
a close-up of Danny's?
13
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,560
- And camera one, close-up.
14
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,400
- Or in my case a
jelly omelette.
15
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,520
Walk the plank,
you scurvy knave.
16
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,440
- Oh, that's
quite enough of this!
17
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,600
Dinah!
18
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,680
- Finish now and go
to the telecine.
19
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,400
And there we are.
20
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,280
A very delicious idea
for a tea party.
21
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,360
- On Monday,
I went to Silverstone race track
22
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,480
to try out the latest
Formula One racing car.
23
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,120
Run telecine.
24
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,240
- And cut.
- I'm gone for a few weeks
25
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,080
- and while the cat's away?
- Thank you, Sandy.
26
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,600
- What were you thinking,
letting the boys do the cooking?
27
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,560
- The children love it.
We've had lots of letters.
28
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,400
- Children don't want to see
grownups playing silly billies.
29
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,680
And talking of letters,
care to explain?
30
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,080
It's for the summer road show.
31
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,400
Didn't you edit them?
32
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,240
- I just assumed
all of them went in.
33
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,080
- No, dear.
Because then we run the risk
34
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,840
of ending up
in some godforsaken place
35
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,080
in the middle of nowhere
with nothing to film.
36
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,640
On air in 5, 4...
37
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,400
Sit up straight.
38
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,380
You'd better just hope
for your sake.
39
00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:56,200
- As you know, our Summer
Roadshow is next month,
40
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,200
and we've received
hundreds of letters from you
41
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,600
asking us to come stay
in your neck of the woods.
42
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,880
So if Bill will do the honours?
43
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,240
Aye aye.
44
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:07,520
In here somewhere.
45
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,000
Not this one.
46
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,640
Ah-ha!
47
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,200
- Thank you, Bill.
- Aye aye.
48
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,720
- And this letter
is from Trevor,
49
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,720
- aged 7...
- It's mine. Mum! Mum! It's mine!
50
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,520
...who lives in...
51
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:25,040
♪♪
52
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,120
...Great Slaughter.
53
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:34,720
♪♪
54
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:42,560
♪♪
55
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:50,200
♪♪
56
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:57,800
♪♪
57
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,360
Quiet, please.
58
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,360
Run camera, action.
59
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,160
- The exciting thing about
the summer road show
60
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,720
is we never know
what we will find.
61
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,360
But we certainly
weren't expecting this.
62
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,960
- Now, I expect you think
Nuns spend all day praying
63
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,880
and eating fish on Fridays.
64
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,080
But here
at St Vincent's convent,
65
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,960
they do something
very different.
66
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,160
- Yo, ho, ho and a
bottle of rum.
67
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,360
- It isn't rum, Bill.
- Aw.
68
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,080
- Later on, Sister Boniface
will be showing you
69
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,640
how she turns these...
70
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,840
into wine.
71
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,720
A simple chemical reaction.
72
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,400
Anthocyanins malvidin,
3 glucoside flavone,
73
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,080
3 Catechin, 86% water,
12% ethanol,
74
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,580
1% glycerol, 0.4%
organic acids.
75
00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:45,320
Was I supposed to
do that bit later?
76
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,400
Here's one we made earlier.
77
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,120
- Only 5/6 a bottle
with a 5% case discount
78
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,480
and 10% on bulk orders.
79
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:52,880
Very good.
80
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,600
Cut. Thank you.
81
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,920
- How was that?
Did I come in too early?
82
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,600
Our grand cru.
83
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,280
A light bodied red
84
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,600
with a subtle hint
of raspberries and black pepper.
85
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,800
That is a lot of wine.
86
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,160
- Yeah.
Six thousand bottles a year.
87
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,880
90% we sell retail.
The rest...
88
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,800
"Gifts and services."
89
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,960
- Gifts and services?
- Yeah.
90
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,360
Put simply,
say we get a burst pipe.
91
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,080
You're a plumber.
You fix my pipe.
92
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:27,440
I "gift" you a crate
of grand cru to say "thank you."
93
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,120
Meaning the taxman
don't get a sniff either side,
94
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,480
so it's a win-win.
95
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,040
And don't worry, kids, because
it's all perfectly legal.
96
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,560
Cut!
97
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,520
We'll wrap this, thank you.
98
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,260
A word.
99
00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,040
Finish up, then I want you
100
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,280
and the presenters
at the "studio" for a meeting.
101
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,080
Although why you couldn't find
anywhere more suitable
102
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:53,120
than a village hall is --
103
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,880
We were limited for choice.
104
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,880
How was your meeting
with the Controller?
105
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,160
Not a happy chappy.
106
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,800
Viewing figures
are in free fall.
107
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,440
Hardly a surprise
given your shenanigans
108
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,000
- in my absence.
- Actually they rose while I --
109
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,520
And will be even unhappier
110
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,080
when we give the kiddies
a crash course in tax evasion.
111
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,640
- Obviously we're not
gonna use that --
112
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:15,240
- When this week
is mercifully over,
113
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,120
I think you should look
for a nice little job in Radio.
114
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,000
No need for a gloomy face.
115
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:22,880
It's for the best.
116
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,900
Some people just aren't cut out
for children's television.
117
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:36,600
♪♪
118
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:44,600
♪♪
119
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,160
Go on. In.
120
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:53,840
♪♪
121
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,120
- Dinah's not here. She's late.
She is never late.
122
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:58,920
Let's just hope she not been
stuck in a car accident.
123
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,720
Nice to see you.
124
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,760
Dead women tell no tales.
125
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,760
Dead women
tell no tales.
126
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:06,960
On air in 10.
127
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,440
Can we get him out, please?
128
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:09,480
He can't go on like this.
129
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:13,240
Dead women tell no tales.
130
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,800
- Quiet, please. Thank you.
- Okay. Ready?
131
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,920
Good.
132
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,540
On air in five, four...
133
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:32,200
♪♪
134
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:37,340
♪♪
135
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:39,760
- Hello.
- Hello.
136
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,120
Yo, ho, ho.
137
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,080
- You may have noticed
we're not in our usual studio.
138
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,120
We're in our temporary
road show studio
139
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,560
here in Great Slaughter.
140
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,520
And what a week
we've got lined up for you.
141
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,840
- Including a very
exciting announcement
142
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,680
where Danny and I will be
explaining what these are for.
143
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,160
Coming to two.
144
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,040
- You'd never believe it was made
of lolly sticks, would you?
145
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,400
And now it only
needs varnishing.
146
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,480
- But as the glue on this
hasn't had time to dry yet,
147
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,060
here's one we made earlier.
148
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:18,480
- At least we hope there's one
we made earlier.
149
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,680
Danny appears to be
having trouble finding it.
150
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:22,840
Is that a...?
151
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,400
I think I need a "hand."
152
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,240
- Stay off camera two.
Off camera two!
153
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:35,320
Maybe some "body" hid it.
154
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,720
They'd be "dead" if they did!
155
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,160
Oh! There we are.
156
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,640
Found it.
157
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,720
♪♪
158
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,560
Finish up now!
159
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,560
♪♪
160
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,520
A lovely lolly stick pipe rack
161
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,080
which I'm sure any father
would be delighted
162
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,280
- to receive as a present.
- Go to telecine!
163
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,840
- But unfortunately
we've run out of time.
164
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,680
So now over to Jono to tell us
more about what we found
165
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,880
in Great Slaughter yesterday.
166
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,720
♪♪
167
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:13,240
- Yesterday we visited
St Vincent's convent
168
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:18,240
where we met a group
of very unusual Nuns.
169
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,440
Run telecine!
170
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:28,000
♪♪
171
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:35,760
♪♪
172
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,160
What have you got?
173
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,560
A button. Lodged in her teeth.
174
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,400
We'll have to wait
for the post mortem,
175
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,880
but I'm 99.98 percent certain
cause of death was asphyxiation.
176
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,200
She was smothered.
177
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,460
Mm.
178
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:51,720
Anything else?
179
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,480
A forensic nightmare.
180
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,560
The corpse was moved, thus
rendering all trace evidence
181
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,960
contaminated by Uncle Tom Cobley
and a television crew.
182
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,880
A veritable pig's ear
of a crime scene.
183
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,400
Yes. So, on balance.
184
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,320
Not the most propitious news.
185
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,680
- The set was prepared
last night.
186
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,120
It wasn't until during filming
187
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,600
when they pulled back
the curtain and...
188
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,920
- Noticed the deceased body
under the workbench.
189
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,680
Yeah. Dinah Morgan.
190
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,120
She's the show's editor.
191
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,320
She called a meeting here
last night
192
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,160
at which only
four people were present,
193
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:24,040
three of the presenters
and the producer, Fliss Forsyth.
194
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,280
- Can you and Button
do a search for me?
195
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,120
Keep your eyes peeled for...
196
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,840
Something short of a button.
197
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,760
Perhaps a pair of gloves.
198
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,480
Meanwhile, let's start
199
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:38,080
with the last four people
to see her alive.
200
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,760
Do you know what happened?
201
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,480
- We'd have a better idea
if you hadn't moved the body.
202
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,000
You do realise that willfully
disturbing a crime scene
203
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,720
is an offence?
204
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,640
- Not as offensive as presenting
to the nation's children
205
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,000
with a corpse at our feet.
206
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,960
Morality versus pragmatism.
207
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,880
Quite a philosophical
conundrum.
208
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,240
- Miss Morgan called the four
of you here last night.
209
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:58,800
Why was that?
210
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,480
- Dinah made an addition
to the shooting schedule.
211
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:02,640
It's not unusual.
212
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,000
So apart from some
213
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,280
highly unsuitable
alcohol producing Nuns,
214
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,680
we have what exactly?
215
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,520
- Oh, a local farmer
who found a Roman amphora
216
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,120
in a field of mangold wurzels.
217
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,520
- The children will be
on the edge of their seats.
218
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,640
And you managed to miss the one
thing of note in the vicinity.
219
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,360
Broadway Tower.
220
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:25,080
The highest man-made structure
in the Cotswolds.
221
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,680
- Sounds as exciting
as a geography school trip.
222
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,840
- The boys are going
to do a stunt.
223
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,720
- A stunt?
- Yes, Daniel.
224
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,120
A dangerous deed of derring-do.
225
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,920
You're going to abseil
off the tower.
226
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,200
You lost me at dangerous.
227
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,880
I can do heights.
228
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,920
- Hardly the example we want
to set to young girls.
229
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,440
It's perfectly safe.
Tell him, Jono.
230
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,880
I'm sure you did it all the time
in the army.
231
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,160
Yeah. Piece of cake.
232
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,040
- Jono's an ex-marine.
233
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,000
"Danny" spent 2 years national
service, spud bashing duty.
234
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,640
We'll do a feature
to announce it tomorrow.
235
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,920
Cut Sandy's dolls' house.
236
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,880
But that's my only segment.
237
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,760
- Well...
help Danny with the pipe rack.
238
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,400
Children are bored of dolls.
239
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,920
Less make and bake,
more derring-do.
240
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,280
Even if it does mean
changes to the line-up.
241
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,280
♪♪
242
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,000
Dressing rooms. Chop-chop.
243
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,880
No going home
till they're learnt.
244
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,040
Now turn those frowns
upside down
245
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:27,240
and remember it's all
about the children.
246
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,840
- These changes would have
made you somewhat redundant?
247
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,360
Perhaps my ambitions extend
248
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,680
beyond playing housewife
in front of a camera.
249
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,800
- Yeah, I heard there's a vacancy
at the 9 O'clock News.
250
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,920
You never know.
251
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,440
And at least "I"
won't be typecast
252
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:42,560
as a children's presenter.
253
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,920
Lip it.
254
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,440
They'll be thinking all sorts.
255
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,680
They are thinking all sorts.
256
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,640
They think one of
us killed her.
257
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,160
That's absurd.
258
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,200
Surely someone
must have broken in.
259
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,920
Perhaps she disturbed
an intruder?
260
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,560
- That's what we're trying
to ascertain.
261
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,280
What happened after
the meeting?
262
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,360
- Dinah and I went to
the production studio
263
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,480
to draw up a new schedule.
264
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,440
She left for home first.
265
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,920
She was driving back to London,
so left around 9:30.
266
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,920
She'd left her handbag
in the studio
267
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:11,760
and went back to fetch it.
268
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,720
Is that when it happened?
269
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,480
- That would fit
with the rigor mortis.
270
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:18,760
And the rest of you?
271
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,520
We did as we were told.
272
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,800
Went back to our dressing rooms
to learn our scripts.
273
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,560
Fliss called taxis at 10 o'clock
and we went back to the hotel.
274
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,080
Cowardly custard.
275
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,360
Dead women tell.
Cowardly custard.
276
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,760
Dead women tell no tales.
277
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,580
Can you get him out?
278
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:46,960
- I presume that isn't Police
issue uniform, WPC Button?
279
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,680
It's my Jolly Roger badge.
280
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,640
I got it for collecting
8,000 milk bottle tops
281
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,680
for the African famine.
282
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:54,960
- Would it not have been
more preferable
283
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,560
to send them the milk?
284
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,920
♪♪
285
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,720
It's a bit early in the day
for an Irish coffee, no?
286
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,480
- You can't post milk
with a second class stamp
287
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,000
and an envelope.
288
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:15,040
♪♪
289
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:23,080
♪♪
290
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,800
Sarge.
291
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,480
Is this what we're looking for?
292
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,920
- We found empty whisky bottles
in your dressing room.
293
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:31,160
- I like a drink.
It's not a crime.
294
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:32,600
Thankfully not.
295
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,840
But presenting drunk
to the nation's children
296
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:35,920
is a different matter.
297
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,960
I've never.
298
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,700
It's just --
299
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,440
It's just enough
to take the edge off.
300
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,160
And for the most part,
I can keep the beast at bay.
301
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,480
Only every so often,
it pounces.
302
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,000
Call it a souvenir
from Korea.
303
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,440
- Military?
- Marines.
304
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,480
I was invalided out after
a botched raid in Pyongyang.
305
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:02,320
- War has driven better men
than me to drink.
306
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:03,920
In my experience, ex-soldiers
307
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,020
all find their own ways
to forget.
308
00:14:10,420 --> 00:14:13,200
You, uh, have a button missing.
309
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,640
- Well, that certainly
isn't a crime.
310
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,000
Oh, I see.
311
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,360
You think I killed Dinah
312
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,240
cos she found out
I was drinking?
313
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,960
- Well, the thought
has crossed my mind.
314
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,720
- Trust me. If Dinah had found
out, it wouldn't be a secret.
315
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,520
She'd have hauled me in irons
in front of the whole crew
316
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,420
and forced me
to walk the plank.
317
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:34,840
Ask anyone.
318
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,600
I certainly will.
319
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,640
♪♪
320
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,280
Dinah Morgan.
321
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,520
Editor of Britain's most
popular children's TV show.
322
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,600
The building was
surrounded by fences.
323
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,600
The security guard
didn't see any intruders,
324
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,360
so that leaves us with four
with known opportunity.
325
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,160
Danny Lemon. A club comedian
and ventriloquist.
326
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,720
He shot to fame
when he won New Talent.
327
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,480
Sandy Shanks.
328
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,360
She started her career
as a circus trapeze act
329
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,520
then a dancer for
the black and white Minstrels
330
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,320
before going into
television presenting.
331
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,280
Dinah planned a re-jig
at the show.
332
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,520
That made her job redundant.
333
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,020
Jono Hardy?
334
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:22,960
- Jono Hardy, ex-marine turned
children's television presenter
335
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,600
and also the longest serving
member of the cast.
336
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,520
- What shall we do
with a drunken sailor?
337
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,720
♪ Hosepipes in the scuppers ♪
338
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,520
Very good.
339
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:36,080
- Erm, Dinah ran a "tight" ship
by all accounts.
340
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,680
Any news on the button?
341
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,680
- Negative, I'm afraid.
They aren't a match.
342
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,560
- And finally, Fliss Forsyth,
the show's producer.
343
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,280
- Ex-producer.
344
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,760
The boss gave her
her marching orders yesterday.
345
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,200
Oh, right.
346
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,920
Reverend Mother is enquiring
347
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,840
if you will be gracing us
with your presence for compline.
348
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,720
- Oh, right, yes, of course.
Erm...
349
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,240
Are you sure about this?
350
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,240
- Just cos my ears
are covered in a wimple
351
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,080
- don't mean I'm deaf.
- "Hear hear!"
352
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,280
Thanks, Reg.
353
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,200
Don't mention it.
354
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,480
Move it or she'll be
chewing up the pews.
355
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,320
- Could you do the honours?
- Oh, oh, yes.
356
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,320
- Just pull the, erm...
- Yeah, of course.
357
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,680
Right, no time. No time.
358
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,360
- Oh, oh --
359
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:26,640
♪♪
360
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,400
- I didn't think it was relevant.
- Not relevant?
361
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,360
She sacked you a few hours
before she was murdered.
362
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,640
- We'd had a bad day's
filming, is all.
363
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,000
She didn't mean it.
364
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,240
It's television.
Things get heated.
365
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,760
- Can you tell us
what you argued about?
366
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,200
Professional differences.
367
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,720
I took over while Dinah was
on Jury service for 3 months,
368
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,720
and she didn't approve
of some of my changes.
369
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,240
Namely?
370
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,000
- Dinah's of a
different generation.
371
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,000
The world's changed.
372
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,640
Children don't want
to be like their parents
373
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,160
or to be lectured to by adults.
374
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,280
They want to do things
their own way.
375
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,600
- Or your way
now you're the one in charge.
376
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,520
Miss Forsyth?
377
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:06,600
What's up, Neil?
378
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,280
Pete's escaped.
379
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:15,120
♪♪
380
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:22,040
♪♪
381
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,520
- What are you doing?
- Oh!
382
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,920
The Sisters collected it
for this year's appeal.
383
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,840
A log cabin
for old aged pensioners
384
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,160
which Reverend Mother
deemed worthy of...
385
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,280
Oh, I see. Yes, right.
386
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,480
Well, either by chance
or divine intervention,
387
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,120
my arrival coincided
with the discovery
388
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,000
of Poopdeck Pete's
break for freedom.
389
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,640
Or rather, I suspect,
this was no escape.
390
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,760
It was attempted parrotcide.
391
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,040
You must be joking.
392
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,080
Sniff.
393
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,280
Sodium hypochlorite
mixed with acetic acid.
394
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,160
One that most definitely
should not be tried at home.
395
00:17:58,360 --> 00:17:59,560
No?
396
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,320
In laymen's terms,
bleach and vinegar,
397
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,440
AKA homemade chlorine gas,
398
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,360
which Pete
strenuously protested to,
399
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,600
judging by the blood
and tissue on the calamus
400
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,920
which was obviously
wrested with some force.
401
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,200
Poor chap, it seems,
fled for his life.
402
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,760
Have you a theory as to why?
403
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,280
Recall as you will
404
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,040
his behaviour
the day after the murder.
405
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,000
Dead women tell no tales.
406
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,280
- "Dead women
tell no tales."
407
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,240
Parrots are gifted mimics.
408
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:30,200
I think Pete was recounting the
final moments of Dinah Morgan.
409
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,560
♪♪
410
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,560
Take your time, Mr. Pete.
411
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:45,360
If you recognise the person
you saw, you let me know.
412
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,480
Sister!
413
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,160
Sister?
414
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:55,040
- Still. Some good news,
at least.
415
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,160
- Our only eyewitness
is an escaped parrot.
416
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,920
I fail to see how that could be
filed under "good."
417
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,080
- Yes, well,
when you put it like that...
418
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,800
- We did discover
one thing, though.
419
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:07,360
Dinah Morgan had just returned
from Jury service.
420
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,400
- For three months, so it
wasn't a shoplifting case.
421
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,440
- Exactly. It's a long shot,
but it's worth checking out.
422
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,320
Right. I must fly.
423
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,800
The sisters' moment
of glory beckons.
424
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,000
- The Nuns here all take the name
of male saints.
425
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,520
And the Reverend Mother
of St Vincent's namesake
426
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,600
has a rather interesting story
involving a lion,
427
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,760
which Sister Reginald
and Sister Peter have come
428
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,160
to tell us all about.
429
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,760
St Adrian of Nicomedia.
430
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,640
An officer in Imperial
Rome who,
431
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,880
whilst watching the Christians
being cruelly tortured to death,
432
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,440
was so struck by
their fortitude
433
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,640
converted to Christianity
on the spot.
434
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,840
An inspiring story.
435
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,440
- He was promptly arrested
and sentenced to death
436
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,120
- by being thrown to a lion.
- Ah.
437
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,760
- But, like Daniel
in the lion's den,
438
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,200
the vicious beast refused
to touch a hair on his head.
439
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,520
So a happy ending.
440
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,520
- Well, not likely.
Being eaten by lions
441
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,960
would have been a blessing.
442
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,920
Instead, he was hacked to pieces
with a sword
443
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,120
and thrown on the fire.
444
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,200
A glorious martyr's death.
445
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,760
If you say so.
446
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,080
- Of course, that was
thousands of years ago,
447
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,580
and lucky for us, these things
don't happen these days.
448
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,760
- Well, Sister?
- Yo, ho, ho.
449
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:29,960
Avast, ye landlubbers.
450
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,720
Yes, well, that was
451
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,960
certainly very, erm...
educational.
452
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,280
- Tomorrow, Danny and I
will be attempting
453
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,240
Jolly Roger's first-ever stunt.
454
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,560
- I thought about joining
the Teaching Order,
455
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,520
but the thought of all those
kids was way too off-putting.
456
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,200
- Aye-aye.
457
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,200
- Make sure to tune in,
and until then, it's goodbye
458
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,920
from our Summer studio
in Great Slaughter.
459
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,280
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
460
00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:05,440
♪♪
461
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,560
Eye.
462
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,720
I wonder.
463
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,600
Excuse me. Duty calls.
464
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:20,400
♪♪
465
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:27,960
♪♪
466
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:35,600
♪♪
467
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,280
Bingo.
468
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:43,360
♪♪
469
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:49,400
♪♪
470
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,760
- Hello?
What time do you call this?
471
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,240
Who is this? Declare yourself!
472
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:58,480
This is a respectable
establishment, not a night --
473
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,480
♪♪
474
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:14,560
♪♪
475
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:20,640
♪♪
476
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,320
Run camera.
477
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:26,400
Marker. Slate 32, take 2.
478
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:27,480
Action!
479
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:28,840
Lady Coventry wondered
480
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,080
whether a beacon
from the top of this hill
481
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,880
could be seen from her house
22 miles away
482
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,640
and ordered the construction
of this tower to find out,
483
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,160
over a thousand feet
above sea level.
484
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:44,240
I'm getting a crick in my neck
just looking up at it.
485
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:45,480
And cut.
486
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,140
Thank you, Sandy.
487
00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:51,960
Rather them.
488
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,240
- It's just controlled falling
using friction and a rope.
489
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,360
A child could do it.
490
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:02,080
♪♪
491
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,820
Could I have a word?
492
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:09,120
- Don't mind me.
Just having a quick shufti.
493
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,360
- Don't tell me
he's a murder suspect.
494
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,440
You have to be joking.
495
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:16,960
- Aye-aye.
496
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,640
Or rather just one eye.
497
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,560
Its companion was recovered
from the body.
498
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,160
He's a puppet.
499
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,920
We aren't attached
at the wrist.
500
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:27,760
The minute the cameras
are turned off,
501
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,240
he goes in the prop box.
502
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,880
- Danny Lemon.
It's a stage name, isn't it?
503
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,400
Your real name is Liam Quinn.
504
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:34,760
So what?
505
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,520
Quite a clan, the Quinns.
506
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,640
Liverpool's answer
to the Krays.
507
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,520
Extortion, racketeering,
money laundering.
508
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,040
They have a wide portfolio.
509
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,920
Had. A month ago,
510
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:48,120
your father and uncle
were sentenced to 20 years.
511
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,000
Dinah Morgan
was the foreman of the jury.
512
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,920
There's irony.
513
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,640
- You're honestly telling me
you had no idea?
514
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,720
- The last time we spoke
was on my 16th birthday,
515
00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:01,760
I turned down a job
with the family firm.
516
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,840
They didn't appreciate that
I wanted to make people laugh
517
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,520
instead of weep.
518
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,520
- You're saying you've had
no contact with them at all?
519
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,640
- If I'd shown my face,
it'd be me they served up
520
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:11,880
as the fatted calf.
521
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,120
Very good.
522
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,400
- And if I'd known
Dinah had put them away,
523
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,480
I'd have shaken her hand.
524
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:18,880
The world owes her a favour
525
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,720
for locking up
those bunch of psychos.
526
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:25,920
But feel free to arrest me.
527
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,080
Fancy my chances more in a nice,
warm police cell than up there.
528
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,040
That won't be necessary.
529
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,000
- Though we will have to take
Barnacle Bill "into custody."
530
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,560
Good riddance.
531
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:36,960
You think I like
being a mouthpiece
532
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,480
to a piece of felt
with a nasty streak?
533
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,480
Gives me the creeps.
Rightly, it turns out.
534
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,400
"The hand puppet of death."
535
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,400
♪♪
536
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,360
Right.
537
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:54,840
♪♪
538
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:56,720
You coming, Sister?
539
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,900
- Actually, I thought I might
stay and watch the fun.
540
00:25:04,740 --> 00:25:11,360
♪♪
541
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,400
Quiet, please. Thank you.
542
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,560
Run camera.
543
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,600
Action.
544
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:23,720
- We'll be falling approximately
60 feet in 25 seconds.
545
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,120
- And it will feel like
25 minutes!
546
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,980
And here we go. Anchors away.
547
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:34,760
Bloody fiasco!
548
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,040
I thought you said the equipment
was safety-checked!
549
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,520
- It was!
- By who? The factory cat?!
550
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,080
You do realise I was 10 seconds
away from certain death.
551
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,480
- I know, and I'm sorry.
And I promise you,
552
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,760
next time, everything
will be triple-checked.
553
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,320
There will not be a next time.
554
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,920
Speak to my agent!
555
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:03,000
♪♪
556
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,480
- Something to share,
Constable Button?
557
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:15,320
♪♪
558
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:24,960
♪♪
559
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,440
Bravo, Peggy.
560
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,800
It appears your suspicions
are correct.
561
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:33,680
Is anyone hurt?
562
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,440
WPC Button, erm,
563
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:39,000
a plane has just gone down
in the village.
564
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,280
We need to alert
the fire brigade
565
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:41,760
and the ambulance right away.
566
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,800
- That's not a plane.
That's Poopdeck Pete.
567
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,120
- Okay, thanks, love.
That's good news.
568
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,000
Good news? My favourite type.
569
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,400
- Yeah, I've foun' a para'!
- Excellent.
570
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,360
- The bad news is
he's at the Cavalier Oak.
571
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,560
- Ah. That's the large oak tree
next to the village hall?
572
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,960
- Great Slaughter constabulary?
- It must be 100 feet high.
573
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,120
Sister Boniface, sir.
574
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,840
- Oh. Hallo?
- No.
575
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,960
- Hello?
- Yes, could you come over?
576
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,400
I think I've found something.
577
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:07,960
Okay. I'll be right there.
578
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:09,240
I'm needed at the lab.
579
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,160
But I assume
I can leave you three
580
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:12,520
on operation capture
the parrot?
581
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,760
No problem, sir.
582
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,600
Good man, Button.
583
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,360
"No problem, sir."
584
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,760
- Wel', com' on th'n!
Warra' get away flyin' away...
585
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:28,080
♪♪
586
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:34,880
♪♪
587
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:41,680
♪♪
588
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:42,960
What have you got?
589
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,960
Fact.
590
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,760
This was filed to a sharp edge
on the inside.
591
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,160
Invisib-- No!
592
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,760
- Sorry.
- Invisible to the naked eye
593
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,760
but, when gravity is exerted,
would slice through the rope.
594
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,600
This was sabotage,
595
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,400
and by someone who knew their
way around a safety harness,
596
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,280
according to WPC Button.
597
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,800
- Like an ex-trapeze artist,
Sandy Shanks?
598
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,440
But the exciting news is...
599
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,760
I think we have our motive
for murder.
600
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:11,280
- Drum roll, please.
- Oh.
601
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,240
- Iron filing samples
from the carabiner
602
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,520
match those found
on the victim's shoes.
603
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,280
Deduction. Dinah caught the
killer in the act of sabotage,
604
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:19,600
and they killed her.
605
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,760
Top job, Sister.
606
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,520
The question is, was it
an attempt on Jono Hardy's life
607
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,040
or, eeny meeny minie mo,
608
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,560
random sabotage,
and he drew the short straw?
609
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,600
- Yes, that has rather
obfuscated things.
610
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,480
- Right. It's one step forward
and three paces back.
611
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,240
- Then let's pray that
Poopdeck Pete comes up trumps.
612
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:41,960
♪♪
613
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:45,000
They're having a laugh.
614
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,360
- It'll be great.
The children will love it.
615
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,200
- Are you sure about this?
- Oh, yes, Sarge.
616
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,640
Winner of the talent show
five years in a row.
617
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,000
- Make way! Make way.
Let her through!
618
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:58,680
Interview her now.
619
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,400
- And has an impressive
track record in escaped budgies.
620
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:02,640
Can I grab a word?
621
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:04,560
Not now, thank you.
622
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,640
The artiste needs quiet.
623
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,600
Deep breaths, now, Dottie.
624
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:12,440
Red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather.
625
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,280
Red leather, yellow feather...
626
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,720
red weather, yellow sun.
627
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,480
Primed and ready.
628
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,680
- "I wandered lonely
as a cloud..."
629
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,600
Bird song, Dottie.
630
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,760
Green-winged macaw.
631
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,840
We might as well pack up now.
632
00:29:34,780 --> 00:29:36,240
That's very odd.
633
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:37,880
That was the mating call
of a Scarlet macaw,
634
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,280
and they always respond.
635
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,520
- Green-winged macaw, Dottie.
636
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,000
Well, why didn't you say so?
637
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,220
That would explain it.
638
00:29:55,360 --> 00:30:02,200
♪♪
639
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:05,760
Did you get it?
640
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,640
Sandy, can we pick up?
641
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,840
♪♪
642
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,880
- That was quite extraordinary,
wasn't it, children?
643
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,520
Welcome home, Pete.
It's good to have you back.
644
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:20,080
- I'm afraid this parrot
is being seized as evidence.
645
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,200
Cowardly custard.
646
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,160
Excellent work.
647
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,960
- We can hardly force a statement
out of him.
648
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,240
- Perhaps, perhaps
he needs reminding
649
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,740
- of his previous statement.
- Mm.
650
00:30:40,460 --> 00:30:42,680
"Dead women tell no tales.
651
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,240
Cowardly custard."
652
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,360
Dead women.
653
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,320
Dead women tell no tales.
654
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,080
Cowardly Custard. No room.
655
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,320
Jump, walk, jump, walk.
656
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,440
Dead women tell no tales.
657
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,920
Aghghghghghg.
658
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:02,640
What was that?
659
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:07,000
Aghghghghghg.
660
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,040
- I fear those were
the last moments
661
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,360
of Dinah Morgan.
662
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,960
Just a shame it's meaningless.
663
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,440
- I suppose it would have been
a bit optimistic
664
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,560
to expect him
to name the killer.
665
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,040
A complete waste of time,
in other words.
666
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,640
- Au contraire. Pete may be
a disappointing witness
667
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,360
but is living evidence.
668
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:25,640
During the fight
with his attacker,
669
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,520
there will have been
an exchange.
670
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,000
Although it looks like any
examination will have to wait.
671
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,200
♪♪
672
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,440
I've spoke to the Controller.
673
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:40,920
We're to finish up
the road show,
674
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,720
and then they're
going to "take a view."
675
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,760
Sounds ominous.
676
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,760
- They weren't best pleased
with our wine making Nuns.
677
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,680
We could do a feature.
678
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,160
"Today we'll see what happened
when Poopdeck Pete
679
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,720
and Barnacle Bill
got taken into Police custody."
680
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,320
This isn't funny.
681
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,960
We have no choice
but to go ahead with the stunt.
682
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,160
- Did you talk to my agent?
- Yes.
683
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,100
And you are
contractually obliged.
684
00:32:08,860 --> 00:32:10,560
I've hired a safety advisor.
685
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:12,200
The equipment's been checked
and double-checked,
686
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,300
so nothing will go wrong
this time.
687
00:32:18,180 --> 00:32:19,740
Are you in?
688
00:32:23,020 --> 00:32:30,800
♪♪
689
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:38,720
♪♪
690
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,120
Avast, Pete.
691
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:46,520
You and I are going to be
the best of chums.
692
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,440
♪♪
693
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,240
Friendly Pete.
694
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,960
Friendly, affable Pete.
695
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,240
♪♪
696
00:33:06,380 --> 00:33:07,640
All right, our kid?
697
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:09,600
You're looking a bit green
'round the gills.
698
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,200
I'm fine.
699
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,000
- If I didn't know better,
I'd think you were yeller.
700
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:14,760
- Shut up, Lemo--
701
00:33:20,700 --> 00:33:22,480
Sister.
702
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,800
♪♪
703
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,200
Behold the spoils of victory.
704
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:29,920
If you are the victor,
705
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,360
I would hate to think what you'd
look like as the loser.
706
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,240
- Yes, well, Pete and I got off
to a rocky start,
707
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,040
but, erm...
708
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,520
- ...we're the best of friends
now, aren't we, Pete?
709
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:42,720
- Who's a good boy?
Rapscallion.
710
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,400
Scabby sea bass.
711
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,680
- Send him up whisky beaten.
- Shh.
712
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:51,160
Cleaver her to the brisket!
713
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,480
- Yes, well,
Locard's principle prevailed.
714
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:55,720
Human hair,
wrapped 'round his claw.
715
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,400
Dyed.
But judging by the colour
716
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,000
and length of the hair
closer to the root,
717
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,400
I'd say we've found
our murderer.
718
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,600
Although, erm...
719
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,400
Although?
720
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,400
It makes absolutely no sense.
721
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,920
♪♪
722
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,880
- This isn't a good time.
Can you not see that I'm ill?
723
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,880
- Yes, well, I suppose
that would be predictable
724
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:20,200
under the circumstances.
725
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,520
You might want to check
the pockets.
726
00:34:23,720 --> 00:34:25,000
What are you doing?
727
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:26,440
- The effect would have been
instantaneous
728
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:27,800
so must have been ingested
729
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,560
shortly before
the symptoms presented.
730
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:33,360
My guess would be some sort of
carapichea ipecacuanha compound,
731
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,240
more commonly known as Ipecac.
732
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:38,760
John Hardy, I'm arresting you
733
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,240
on suspicion of the murder
of Dinah Morgan.
734
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:42,960
You are not obliged
to say anything,
735
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,360
but anything you do say
may be put into writing
736
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,680
and given in evidence.
737
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,240
You had no intention
of doing this stunt.
738
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,560
We found iron filings
on the victim's shoe
739
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,200
that matched your carabiner.
740
00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,520
I think Dinah caught you
in the act of sabotaging it,
741
00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:00,840
- and you killed her.
- Preposterous.
742
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,320
- You hoped a near-fatal accident
would stop the stunt.
743
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,160
And when that failed, you took
an emetic to fake illness.
744
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,480
Anything to avoid
jumping off that tower.
745
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,360
This is fantasy.
746
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,680
You haven't got
a shred of proof.
747
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,640
We have a witness.
748
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,440
Poopdeck Pete.
749
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,480
- Whom you tried to dispatch
with homemade chlorine gas.
750
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,720
But Pete fought back.
It was quite a tussle.
751
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:27,000
We found hairs wrapped around
his claw dyed with Grecian 2000.
752
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,480
That is the hair colouring
you use?
753
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,680
It's really very effective.
754
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,440
Is this a joke?
755
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,200
- Oh, think of it
as a compliment.
756
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,680
One would never guess
you'd gone prematurely grey.
757
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,960
- I meant you're not seriously
going to charge me with murder
758
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,960
based on the testimony
of a parrot?
759
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,840
- He was surprisingly
illuminating.
760
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,640
Sergeant, will you
do the honours?
761
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:51,200
- Cowardly custard,
no room, jump walk,
762
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:52,760
dead women tell no tales.
763
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,560
It's a shred of gobbledygook.
764
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,200
- Actually,
it makes perfect sense.
765
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,120
I spoke to Colonel Prentice,
your ex-CO.
766
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,360
He told me about the accident
767
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,240
and the real reason
for your medical discharge.
768
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,940
It was not an accident!
769
00:36:14,100 --> 00:36:16,020
It wasn't an accident.
770
00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:23,740
We were short on equipment,
and a belay snapped.
771
00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:27,180
Three of my men...
772
00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:34,320
...my friends, fell 500 feet
to their deaths.
773
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,960
And the only reason
I didn't join them was cos
774
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,060
I was at the top of the rope
and managed to cut it in time.
775
00:36:43,340 --> 00:36:45,280
I was left dangling
on that rock face for two days
776
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,200
before they got a chopper out
to rescue me.
777
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,760
- After which you suffered
a nervous breakdown
778
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,240
and spent nine months in
a military psychiatric hospital
779
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,040
before you were
medically discharged.
780
00:36:57,240 --> 00:36:59,880
- They were "decent" enough to
leave it off my permanent record
781
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,040
because career prospects
for an ex-soldier
782
00:37:02,240 --> 00:37:04,760
with shell shock are limited.
783
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,160
- They left another thing
off your record --
784
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,040
the reason why you couldn't
continue your career
785
00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:10,520
in the marines.
56223
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