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1
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,032
WOMAN: Oh, Sid.
2
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,199
(MOANING)
3
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,915
Oh, Sid!
4
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,238
(GIGGLING)
5
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,915
(WOMAN MOANING LOUDLY)
6
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,239
(CAT MEOWING)
7
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,235
(WOMAN SCREAMS WITH PLEASURE)
8
00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,756
-I don't feeI Iike going to work this morning.
-Can't you take the day off?
9
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,593
No. I get bored sitting around aII day
doing nothing.
10
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,678
You wouIdn't get bored
with me around, Sidney.
11
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,317
I'II put the kettIe on.
12
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:18,759
(SID YAWNS)
13
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,239
Some pIumber.
14
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,553
-You know a Iot of peopIe, don't you?
-Eh?
15
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,639
-AII those peopIe writing to you.
-They're biIIs, darIing, biIIs.
16
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,193
Oh, biIIs.
17
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,880
''And after repeated appIications
having been ignored,
18
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,198
''we shaII be forced to recIaim the property
within the next 10 days.''
19
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,437
Ah, weII. There goes the record pIayer.
20
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,279
Oh, I didn't know you had a pIayer.
Let's put a record on.
21
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,719
I toId you, I'm Iate.
22
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:44,230
Look, for Christ's sake,
make yourseIf usefuI. The kettIe's boiIing.
23
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,749
Sid, it's IoveIy and warm in here.
24
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,790
I'II teII you what, I'II have a IittIe nap.
25
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,832
When you've gone to work,
I'II get up and make you my speciaIity.
26
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,873
I've aIready had your speciaIity.
Get your arse out of that bed.
27
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,434
You don't mince your words, do you?
28
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:27,071
-You made that tea yet?
-I'm aIready drinking mine.
29
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,873
Oh, you're not back in bed again.
30
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,390
WeII, you were Ieaping up and down on me
aII night. I'm utterIy exhausted.
31
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,988
WeII, I didn't hear you compIaining.
32
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:41,196
Come on, girI. I'II give you a Iift.
I want to get out of here before...
33
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,799
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
34
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,955
BIoody heII, here he is. AdoIf.
Come on, come on.
35
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,153
It's Monday.
36
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,590
I forgot aII about the rent. I'm terribIy sorry.
I haven't got it, I'm afraid.
37
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,836
You can't go on
being terribIy sorry, Mr South.
38
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,598
It's five weeks now.
39
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,793
I'm afraid this matter wiII shortIy be
in the impIacabIe hands of our computer.
40
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,592
Not the computer!
41
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,712
-What wiII it do to me?
-Send you an eviction notice.
42
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,355
-Now you wouIdn't Iike that, wouId you?
-No, I wouIdn't Iike that, wouId I?
43
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,234
WeII, you'd better get your finger out,
hadn't you? Good day.
44
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,391
Here, AdoIf. You forgot your machine gun.
45
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:32,515
NEIGHBOUR: Oh, Mr South, here's your
gas biII. Oh, and whiIe I'm about it,
46
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,915
do you mind making
a IittIe Iess noise of a morning?
47
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:38,350
It's not that I'm narrow-minded,
but enough's enough.
48
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,036
Ain't you ready yet?
What you hanging about for?
49
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,152
-Have you seen what's happened to my...
-Come on.
50
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:54,551
I've seen some dizzy birds in my time,
but you take the bIeeding biscuit.
51
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,995
AII right, I'II see you Iater then, darIing.
Ta-ra.
52
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,953
-What's that supposed to mean?
-What it says.
53
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,117
So that's aII it meant?
WeII, thank you very much.
54
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,310
I've got your phone number.
I'II caII you, aII right?
55
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:54,634
Yeah. I'II bet.
56
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,389
Once you get what you want,
you can't wait to puII the next one, can you?
57
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,988
What's that got to do with Iove,
that's what I'd Iike to know.
58
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,111
Hark at her! Who said anything about Iove?
59
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:07,028
You did! Last night.
You don't even remember, do you?
60
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,232
-It so happens I've got feeIings.
-Look, I'II teII you what I'II do.
61
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,793
When I get home tonight,
I'II caII you, aII right?
62
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,309
Don't bother.
I never want to see you or it again.
63
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:15,509
Shh!
64
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:19,189
Don't you shush me! I want the whoIe worId
to know what you're Iike.
65
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,153
Look, everybody, the originaI Mr Big.
66
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,955
Except where it counts,
you maIe chauvinist pig.
67
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:27,308
Knickers.
68
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:29,359
(SCREAMING)
69
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,552
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
70
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,719
HeIIo?
71
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,992
BA Crapper Limited.
PIumbing and Sanitary InstaIIations.
72
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:01,915
Yes.
73
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:07,036
I'm sorry, madam. No. I can't heIp you.
I'm afraid aII my men are out on jobs.
74
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,713
Yes. WeII, I'II take the address down. Yes.
Yes. Thank you. Yeah.
75
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,196
Yes. It is humanIy possibIe. Yes, yes.
76
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,392
Thank you. Bye-bye.
77
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,553
Morning, Crappie.
78
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,755
What did you want to do that for?
That was red hot.
79
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:30,077
BIimey! What time do you caII this?
80
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,670
-You shouId have been here at 8:00.
-Why? What happened?
81
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,236
How do you expect me to run my business
with Iazy hounds Iike you on the books, eh?
82
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,032
Come on, Crappie.
I'm up to my eyebaIIs in debt.
83
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,832
Sort us out some decent jobs, wiII you?
84
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,520
As a matter of fact, I was thinking of
crossing you off my register.
85
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,313
Leave it out.
You wouIdn't survive without me.
86
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,192
WeII, you're Iucky as it so happens.
87
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,311
-Something's just come in.
-Yeah?
88
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,398
A bit of pIumbing and a Iavatory seat to fix.
89
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,752
-And, Sid...
-Yeah.
90
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,916
-Try and do a good job, eh? Eh?
-Crappie.
91
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,479
What is it?
92
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,719
I Iove you.
93
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,675
Don't be so bIooming famiIiar.
94
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,473
Oh! I'm very sorry.
95
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,558
It happens aII the whiIe.
Come in, Mr PIumber.
96
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,194
You don't mind me watching, do you?
97
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,155
No, I don't mind you watching.
98
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,638
-You Iive here aII aIone?
-At the moment.
99
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,990
BiII's away. That's my husband.
100
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,395
He's been away aImost a year now.
101
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,595
I've aImost forgotten what he Iooks Iike.
Are you married?
102
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,197
-No. It's not my scene.
-You'd make a IoveIy husband.
103
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:05,393
-What makes you say that?
-Women get a feeIing about these things.
104
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,675
-Oh, yeah?
-I must make the bed.
105
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,628
Give me a caII when you've finished.
106
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:20,714
It's your birthday, dear Sid
107
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,434
108
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,079
(WHISTLING)
109
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,152
(CONTINUES WHISTLING)
110
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,395
-I've finished!
-Oh, good!
111
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,716
Do you mind if I take the oId seat away?
It might come in usefuI.
112
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:57,719
Do what you Iike with it!
Come and get your money!
113
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,156
Door opposite the bathroom.
114
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,034
Come in.
115
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,077
That'II be £20.
116
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,878
My cheque book's on the dressing tabIe.
WouId you bring it over here?
117
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:28,748
Sit down.
118
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,194
(CLINKING)
119
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:43,629
What are you doing?
120
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:48,231
You have me at your mercy.
I'm in your power. I'm heIpIess.
121
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,796
-Rubbish.
-They bind me to you. I'm yours.
122
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:53,878
Do with me what you wiII.
123
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,195
WeII, you might have waited
tiII I'd got my shirt off.
124
00:15:56,320 --> 00:16:02,270
Oh. Oh! What a IoveIy hairy chest.
Oh, you're so powerfuI, so overwheIming.
125
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,595
Here, what about your husband?
126
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,037
-BiII! Where are you?
-Yeah. Where is he?
127
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,515
In prison. He won't be out tiII tomorrow.
128
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,552
We've got one whoIe day
to be reaIIy naughty.
129
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,755
-Oi.
-HeIIo, BiII.
130
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,474
You want to go straight home?
131
00:16:55,600 --> 00:17:00,276
No, no. She's not expecting me tiII tomorrow.
She don't Iike surprises.
132
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,960
By the way,
where exactIy did you hide them?
133
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,152
Cor bIimey, I've onIy been out five minutes.
134
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,352
Here, puII up at that phone box.
I'm going to ring her.
135
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,153
Can't wait to get my teeth
in one of her chicken fricassees.
136
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,554
Chicken fricassees!
137
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,955
200 grand's worth of goId bars
hanging about,
138
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,675
aII you can think about is chicken fricassees.
Cor bIimey!
139
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,039
You are my master, I am your sIave.
140
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,995
Be rough with me. Quick, quickIy.
141
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,795
-Just a minute.
-What?
142
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:42,912
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
143
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,715
HeIIo?
144
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,834
Janice? HeIIo, my Iove.
145
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,916
Why, it's me, BiIIy. Yeah.
I'm on me way home.
146
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,918
Yeah, now. Keep the bed warm, darIing, eh?
147
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,349
-BIoody heII.
-What?
148
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,153
I must have got the day wrong.
He's on his way back.
149
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,919
-What?
-Trust him to spoiI everything.
150
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,474
-What are you Iooking for?
-The key.
151
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,588
-What key?
-The key to this.
152
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,548
Oh, don't teII me you can't find it.
153
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,629
-I know. It's in my handbag.
-Where's that?
154
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,432
-Downstairs.
-Right.
155
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,752
Oh!
156
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,229
HeIp.
157
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,875
Cor, I don't haIf fancy a drink.
158
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,230
Food, sex and drink.
That's aII you think about.
159
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,590
Here, hoId on. I've been inside
for more than a year, you know.
160
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,551
That was your stupid fauIt.
161
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,194
I couId have understood it
if you'd got nicked for the goId,
162
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,312
but doing over a copper... I ask you!
163
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,237
-WeII, I'd had a few, hadn't I?
-Yeah.
164
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:02,477
Got carried away.
Here, there's a pub over there.
165
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,592
-Where was he phoning from?
-From a caII box.
166
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,238
BIoody marveIIous.
167
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:35,235
Ah!
168
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,191
That was smashing. Fancy another one?
169
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,596
You stiII ain't toId me
what you done with the goId.
170
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,239
-I meIted it down.
-You what?
171
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,634
Shh!
172
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,230
I couIdn't keep it hanging about.
I had to get rid of it.
173
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,429
So where is it?
174
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,118
You'd never guess
in a miIIion years, oId son.
175
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,834
-Then teII me.
-It's at home.
176
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,434
You must be out of your mind.
The poIice can search there any time.
177
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,994
That's right.
They aIready have, haIf a dozen times.
178
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:04,875
They never found anything, never wiII.
Even the oId woman don't know where it is.
179
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,036
Come on, have another pint.
180
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,439
I don't beIieve it. I don't beIieve it.
181
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,592
JANICE: Oh, my God.
182
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,918
You crafty oId sod.
183
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,032
Ah, it was so simpIe.
I used a weIding torch, see.
184
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,991
It was the mouId that was the difficuIt part.
185
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:32,511
I tried out pIaster of Paris,
but it wouIdn't stand the heat, so I used cIay.
186
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,518
-Looks Iike the reaI thing?
-You couIdn't teII the difference.
187
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,074
Except it's a bit heavy-Iike. Yeah.
188
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,551
A stroke of bIoody genius, weren't it?
189
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,958
-TaIk about sitting on a fortune.
-I'II teII you something eIse, sunshine.
190
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,790
-I've got a buyer Iined up for it.
-Drink up, then. Let's not keep him waiting.
191
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:01,832
Come on, come on.
192
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,439
It's not there.
193
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,395
Wait a minute. I remember now.
194
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,352
It's in my housecoat.
195
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,028
And where exactIy is your housecoat?
196
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,277
-In the bedroom.
-In the bedroom.
197
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,753
(LAUGHING)
198
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,672
What?
199
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,670
-Are you sure it's in your housecoat?
-I think so.
200
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,877
Hang about, hang about.
201
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,951
It's aII right, aII right.
202
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,150
What was he inside for?
203
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,032
Grievous bodiIy harm.
204
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,871
How much for this, mate?
205
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:15,589
-Here. What's this?
-It's covered in brown paint.
206
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,950
I'II have to pay someone
to scrape it off, won't I?
207
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:22,039
-What are you taIking about? It's an antique.
-Look, mate, that's aII it's worth to me.
208
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,118
If you want it back, pick it up and piss off.
209
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,034
-Wotcha, Suse?
-Hi.
210
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,038
-What's on today then, eh?
-Sausages. AII right?
211
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,311
Suppose it'II have to be.
BottIe of brown, pIease.
212
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,631
-Here, you Iook weII. You been away?
-Yeah. Been down to my mum's.
213
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,115
-Costa deI Bognor.
-Oh, yeah.
214
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,272
-HeIIo, BIackie.
-Ain't seen much of you IateIy, have we?
215
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,630
-WeII...
-You know what I think?
216
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,636
I think that you owe someone some money.
Don't he, Stropper?
217
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:23,151
-Like about 900 nicker.
-WeII, you don't think I've forgotten, do you?
218
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,157
Come on, you know me.
I'm a man of me word.
219
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:29,034
So's the guv'nor.
He says some beautifuI ones about you.
220
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,993
LoveIy ones.
He even wrote them down for us.
221
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:40,589
Says here,
''TeII that Iying git that if he don't cough up,
222
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:47,229
''we'II break every bone in his horribIe body
and stuff the bIeeding Iot down his throat.''
223
00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,157
Like poetry, isn't it?
224
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,873
-Are you threatening me?
-Do you hear what he says, Stropper?
225
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,592
(TUTTING)
226
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,472
-Anything I can get you boys?
-That's aII right, Iove.
227
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,160
We just popped in to have a taIk
with our mate here, didn't we?
228
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,953
Keep your voice down, BIackie.
These peopIe are friends of mine.
229
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,551
That's aII right. They'II be abIe to
visit you in hospitaI, won't they?
230
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,478
-What do you mean?
-He says, what do we mean?
231
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:18,635
Oh, Ieave it out.
232
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,716
Look, one hot tip
and you Iot wiII be owing me money.
233
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,150
-You know what it's Iike.
-They never Iearn, do they?
234
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,471
I can't Iose aII the time.
It's against the Iaw of averages.
235
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,591
Sometimes you're up,
sometimes you're down.
236
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,278
Yeah, that's right.
237
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,552
And if you don't come up with the readies
on Saturday, you'II be up!
238
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,514
-Up the bIeeding creek, you understand?
-AII right. AII right.
239
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,756
Good. Nice to have seen you.
240
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,479
Come on, Stropper. You've had your say.
241
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,353
Oh! I forgot.
242
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,713
You know WiIIie Thompson, don't you?
243
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,070
-The eIectrician?
-Yeah, that's him.
244
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,079
He's in St Martin's HospitaI.
Why don't you go up and see him?
245
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,830
He's had a terribIe accident.
Like the one you'II be having.
246
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,679
Keep heaIthy.
247
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,834
Janice! It's me, darIing. I'm home.
248
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:47,955
She must have gone shopping.
249
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,072
I'm not interested in that.
AII I want to see is that goId.
250
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:55,398
Not onIy can you see it, oId mate,
you can bIoody use it. Come on up.
251
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:15,193
That's bIoody marveIIous.
You couIdn't teII it from the reaI thing.
252
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,597
It's bIeeding pIastic.
253
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,799
BIoody right. What the heII's going on?
254
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:27,992
BiIIy!
255
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,718
You better start taIking, you siIIy bitch.
Where's it gone, eh? Who's got it?
256
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,472
That Iavatory seat you've got in the window.
257
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,997
Very unique piece, sir.
Came from a stateIy home.
258
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,393
EIeven quid.
259
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,394
I don't want to buy the stateIy home,
just the Iavatory seat.
260
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,592
Cost me £8. I've got to make a profit.
261
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:11,993
Make it ten.
262
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,553
-Five?
-Six.
263
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,238
Five and a haIf?
264
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,829
Okay.
265
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:06,389
WiIIie?
266
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:15,673
HeIIo, WiIIie.
267
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,358
(GROANING SOFTLY)
268
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,874
Some peopIe wiII do anything
to get a day off work.
269
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,275
You Iook Iike the invisibIe man.
270
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:30,599
Yeah. I heard you was Iaid up, mate.
I didn't think it was as bad as this.
271
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,153
What happened?
272
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:33,918
(MUMBLING)
273
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:35,719
Yeah, but who did it?
274
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,478
(MUMBLING)
275
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:39,594
BIackie.
276
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,310
Oh, not BIackie? His friend Stropper?
277
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:44,839
(WILLIE AGREEING)
278
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,154
Oh, yeah.
279
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,199
Nice feIIa, Stropper.
280
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:50,514
(GROANS LOUDLY)
281
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,677
Oh! Sorry. I'm sorry, WiIIie.
282
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:56,999
(SCREAMING)
283
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,199
Sorry. I'm sorry, WiIIie. Sorry, WiIIie.
284
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,358
I'm sorry, WiIIie.
285
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,753
Here Iook, I bought you a dirty magazine.
286
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,795
Oh, yeah. I can see your probIem.
287
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,512
Cheer up, WiIIie.
288
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,719
Did you hear about the feIIa
that had to have his Ieg amputated?
289
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,033
When he woke up from the operation,
290
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,993
the doctor said, ''We got some good news,
we got some bad news.
291
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,237
''The bad news is
we've chopped the wrong Ieg off.
292
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,918
''The good news is
the other one's got better.''
293
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,276
How much do you owe them, WiIIie?
It must have been a bIoody fortune.
294
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,914
(MUFFLED) Uh-uh. 63.
295
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,916
63,000?
296
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,158
(MUFFLED) £63.
297
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:03,674
63 quid?
298
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,517
See you Iater, WiIIie.
299
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,199
Keep heaIthy.
300
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,638
(WILLIE SCREAMING)
301
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:28,159
-Cheer up. It may never happen.
-It aIready has.
302
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:32,512
WeII, we've aII got our probIems.
Here, what is it? What's wrong?
303
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:37,916
-I'd prefer not to taIk about it.
-PIease yourseIf. I was onIy trying to heIp.
304
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:40,834
I'm sorry.
305
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,235
Here you are. Get this down you.
306
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:53,718
-Oh, weII, I haven't got any...
-Oh, it's aII right. It's on the house.
307
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:54,989
Thanks.
308
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:56,669
(SIGHING)
309
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,553
OnIy a few more minutes to go,
I'm off earIy today.
310
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,638
-Nice one.
-Oh, Iook, there's your two friends.
311
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,756
Not speaking?
FriendIy sort of geezer, ain't he?
312
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:17,954
Come here.
313
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,468
Sit down.
314
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,757
Make yourseIf at home.
315
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,833
Now then, what have we done to upset you?
316
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,758
-Oh, nothing. Nothing at aII.
-WeII, then...
317
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:36,758
Look, you'II get your money.
318
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:40,589
It's onIy a few hours since I saw you.
Give us a break, for Christ's sake.
319
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,393
-Have you been to see WiIIie?
-Yeah, I saw WiIIie.
320
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:47,308
Nice feIIa WiIIie.
He didn't deserve that bit of bad Iuck.
321
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,638
And aII over a mere 63 quid.
RidicuIous, ain't it?
322
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,479
You've made your point. Don't rub it in.
323
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:56,119
In a hurry?
324
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,957
Oh, yeah. I've got to raise 900 quid
by the end of the week, haven't I?
325
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,674
So you have. And I've got an idea.
326
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:07,677
Why don't you go round and
see oId Dodger? He might be abIe to heIp.
327
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:12,430
Dodger Harris? He's as bent as a corkscrew.
What do you think I am, a viIIain?
328
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:16,473
Did you hear me caII him a viIIain?
It's you I'm thinking about.
329
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,910
900 quid's not an easy matter
to raise in three days.
330
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:25,190
-Oh! WeII, I'm so gIad you understand.
-Of course we understand.
331
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,392
That's why I said go round
and see oId Dodger.
332
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,080
Because if you don't cough up,
333
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,670
what happened to WiIIie
wiII seem Iike an itchy eIbow
334
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,268
compared to what's gonna happen to you.
335
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,955
-Thanks a Iot.
-Don't mention it.
336
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:46,638
See you Saturday.
Oh, by the way, here's Dodger's card.
337
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,152
I'II teII him to expect you. Keep heaIthy.
338
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,115
Where are you going now then, home?
339
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,549
No, I might as weII stay here
and sIash me wrist.
340
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,079
Look, I teII you what.
341
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,636
Why don't you come back with me?
I'II cook you a nice meaI.
342
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:12,632
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
343
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:23,629
Here, Sid. What did those two feIIows
want today in the pub?
344
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,911
MAN ON TV: And that concludesour programmes for this evening.
345
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,158
It only remains for me, Joseph Gannon,on behalf of all of us here...
346
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,634
(SID SNORING)
347
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:42,035
You came to my house yesterday
and took away my Iavatory seat, right?
348
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,151
Who the bIeeding heII are you?
How did you get in here anyway?
349
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,511
Never mind that.
Where's that bIoody Iavatory seat?
350
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,154
You nicked it.
We couId put you inside for that.
351
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,352
-What are you taIking about?
-I'II teII you what we're taIking about.
352
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,597
Yesterday you came to my house to do a job
353
00:35:56,720 --> 00:36:00,190
and you took my Iavatory seat away with you.
I want it back.
354
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,914
It's a Ioad of oId rubbish.
I gave your wife one...
355
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,998
I mean, I gave your wife a brand new one
and she stiII hasn't paid for it.
356
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:10,750
Don't get funny with us, son.
You'II get this down the back of your throat.
357
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:14,395
-Where is it?
-I soId it.
358
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,158
-You what?
-Who to?
359
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:21,190
-A junk shop.
-He soId it to a junk shop.
360
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,359
Ah! That's nice. Come on, you.
361
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:27,630
-Where are we going?
-Where do you think?
362
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,635
-I'm not open.
-Look, I made a mistake yesterday.
363
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,832
That bog seat is a famiIy heirIoom
or something. The owner wants it back.
364
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,235
-WeII, he can't have it, it's gone.
-What do you mean, gone?
365
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,715
-I've soId it.
-Oh, Christ! Who to?
366
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,229
How shouId I know?
I've never seen him before.
367
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,828
Now piss off. I'm going back to bed.
368
00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:11,754
-Who the heII are you?
-Never mind about that, fuzz-face.
369
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:13,598
If we don't get our seat back, you're for it.
370
00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:16,439
-So who was it?
-I toId him, I don't know.
371
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,235
-Did he pay you by cheque?
-Yeah. I've stiII got it.
372
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:21,998
Let's have a Iook.
373
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:33,470
Now, we've saved ourseIves a bit of troubIe.
He's put his address on the back.
374
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,313
Right. Now get in there and get it back.
And don't forget, son, we're watching you.
375
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:48,714
What am I going to say?
376
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:52,150
You ain't been Iost for words so far.
Go on, get going.
377
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:53,599
CIumsy sod.
378
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:00,314
(KNOCKING)
379
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:01,959
(MOUTHS)
380
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,794
I bought it IegaIIy.
I paid for it and I got a receipt.
381
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:15,319
But it wasn't mine to seII.
382
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,796
-Look, you changed the seat, right?
-Yeah, but it was a mistake.
383
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,593
WeII, I consider that everything was in order.
384
00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:24,757
You were entitIed to take it,
I'm entitIed to keep it.
385
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,474
Look, you've got to seII it back to me.
If you don't, I'II...
386
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,513
If you don't, I'II caII the poIice and teII them
you're receiving stoIen property.
387
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:35,235
I was just about to Iet you have it.
Now I'm damned if I wiII.
388
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:36,793
Get out of here before I throw you out.
389
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,834
-He won't seII it back.
-Won't he?
390
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,428
WeII, we'II see about that. Come on.
391
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,273
Where's your oId man?
We want to taIk with him.
392
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:19,551
-Who are you?
-Never mind who we are. Where is he?
393
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:21,757
I'II get him. You wait in there.
394
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:23,871
-Go on, then.
-Henry!
395
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,239
-Henry!
-Henry.
396
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,198
-Did you see her face? Shit scared.
-Yeah.
397
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,117
You have to show them you mean business,
don't you?
398
00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:39,832
-Right.
-I teII you what.
399
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:45,239
We'II give him one Iast chance to seII it back
and if he don't, we'II do it the hard way.
400
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,754
-Do you remember that bIoke we did...
-Yes, gentIemen. What can I do for...
401
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,316
-Were those the men you were taIking about?
-Yeah.
402
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,113
Oh, I know them.
Right pair of viIIains they are.
403
00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:01,276
They made me come here.
I didn't want to threaten anyone.
404
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,312
HeIIo? HeIIo, Chief Inspector WaIIings here.
405
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,789
Yeah. I think I've got a Iead for you
on that Union Safe deposit job.
406
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:12,276
Yeah. Pick me up at my house
as soon as you can, wiII you?
407
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,392
-Right, weII, I'II be off, then.
-Just a minute.
408
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:21,993
You know, I beIieve there's more to
that Iavatory seat than we thought.
409
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,995
AII this fuss over a bog seat.
410
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,152
Scrape the paint off.
411
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:36,279
-WeII?
-It's brass.
412
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,793
Just as I thought. It's goId.
413
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,512
SoIid goId.
414
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:45,791
I'II need you down at the station.
415
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,553
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
416
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,712
Oh! Not you Iot.
I've had just about enough for one day.
417
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,990
I'm afraid you've got another probIem.
418
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,634
-What's this?
-Your eviction papers.
419
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:14,230
Sorry, but I did warn you, didn't I, Mr South?
Good day.
420
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,198
Come in.
421
00:42:07,240 --> 00:42:09,071
-Dodger Harris?
-Yeah.
422
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,590
Oh! Come in, Iad. Come in, come in.
Sit down, sit down.
423
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:21,278
-Now what can I do for you?
-I need some money, fast.
424
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:26,199
-I beIieve you might have a few ideas.
-My head teems with them.
425
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,513
May one enquire
why you want this money fast?
426
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:32,279
Yeah, weII, the bookies are after me
for 900 quid.
427
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,597
If I don't have the money by Saturday
at the Iatest...
428
00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:36,914
Oh, dear.
429
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:41,276
-Oh, you do have a probIem.
-WeII, that's why I'm here.
430
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:45,350
-Somebody recommended you to me.
-Who was this someone?
431
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,914
-BIackie.
-Ah! BIackie.
432
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,352
Any friend of BIackie's
is a friend of BIackie's.
433
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,035
Yeah. WeII, he's not reaIIy a friend.
434
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,151
In fact it was him
who threatened to do me in.
435
00:42:57,280 --> 00:43:00,829
Oh, dear. What experience have you got?
436
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,235
-WeII, I'm a pIumber.
-A pIumber?
437
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,069
-Ever been in any troubIe?
-No, of course not.
438
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:07,349
(TUTTING)
439
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,232
-That's a pity.
-Look...
440
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,875
-I don't want to do anything iIIegaI.
-Perish the thought!
441
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,911
-Do you ever get seasick?
-WeII, I'm aII right in a rowing boat.
442
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:19,758
It's just I've got this something
443
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,633
being dropped off a fishing boat
off the South Coast.
444
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:24,830
I'm Iooking for a IikeIy Iad to pick it up.
How about that?
445
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:26,951
-What is it?
-Look, don't ask no questions.
446
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:30,755
If anybody asks you any questions,
you don't know any answers, right?
447
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:35,670
Now, you'II need a frogman's suit,
an oxygen Iung
448
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:37,309
and you'II go down...
449
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:38,429
Phew!
450
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:39,993
...20 fathoms.
451
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,159
I can't swim.
452
00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:50,391
Oh, here's something right up your street.
JeweIIer's shop.
453
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,751
-Not a smash and grab.
-For some perhaps, but not for you.
454
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,429
There's a professionaI group,
a highIy professionaI group,
455
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,677
and they're Iooking for
a modicum of information.
456
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:03,918
-What sort of information?
-They want a sketch map of the basement
457
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:05,951
showing the water pipes,
gas mains and aIarm system.
458
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:07,718
And as a pIumber,
you've got the perfect cover.
459
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,230
You just caII in and say, ''I'm checking
the water pressure,'' and you're in.
460
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,193
WeII, that's not worth 900 quid, is it?
461
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,073
More or Iess. More or Iess. How about it?
462
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:21,992
What's the address?
463
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:49,108
ActuaIIy, I wasn't aware
we had any troubIe with the pressure.
464
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,639
We can never get any hot water, though.
Maybe it's the thermostat.
465
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,758
Perhaps you wouId Iike to have a Iook at it
whiIe you're down there.
466
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:00,154
AII right.
467
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:03,833
WeII, you don't have to hang about.
I'II caII you if I need any heIp.
468
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,793
We're not busy. Maybe I'II Iearn something.
469
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:09,669
Yeah.
470
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,358
Yeah. WeII, it's probabIy
471
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,478
your safety vaIve.
472
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:18,753
Ah.
473
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:34,998
MAN: Mr BradIey!
474
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:39,672
Oh! Look, I'II Ieave you to it now.
I think they need me upstairs.
475
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:46,633
(DOOR CLOSING)
476
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:55,432
Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, right, right.
Yeah. Right.
477
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,953
They say you done a good job.
They're going in tomorrow night.
478
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,868
Tomorrow night!
Can't you Iet me have a bit on account?
479
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:07,595
Look, the moment I get my commission,
you get your fee.
480
00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:09,950
What couId be fairer than that?
481
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:16,790
-You don't Iook at aII weII, Sid.
-Oh, I'm aII right.
482
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,833
Just been up to me eyebaIIs in it IateIy,
that's aII.
483
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:24,669
-You didn't mind me popping in, did you?
-No, of course not.
484
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:27,558
What's the matter?
485
00:47:29,720 --> 00:47:33,030
WeII, Susie,
things have been a bit difficuIt IateIy.
486
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,869
What, with the biIIs and the rent,
things have been getting out of hand.
487
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,592
What do you mean?
488
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:45,312
Come on, you can teII me.
A troubIe shared and aII that.
489
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,752
No, you've got your own probIems.
You don't want to hear about mine.
490
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,236
Besides, you're a bit speciaI, Suse.
491
00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:56,039
You're not Iike the rest.
492
00:47:56,160 --> 00:48:00,597
Sid, why can't you confide in me, eh?
I'm sure it'd heIp.
493
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,471
WeII, maybe one day.
494
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:06,512
But I've got to get meseIf
straightened out first.
495
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:10,030
In the meantime,
I don't want you Iying on my account.
496
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:12,319
Here, Iook.
497
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:17,429
-I better get some sIeep.
-You couId stay here, you know.
498
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:24,392
No, I think I'd better go home, don't you, eh?
499
00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:58,714
(GRUNTING)
500
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,559
-Here, what's going on in there?
-I don't know.
501
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,831
-It ain't haIf bIoody hot in here.
-Where's the safe, then?
502
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,554
I don't know. How can I see in this steam?
503
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:30,954
Come on.
504
00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:33,836
Come on...
505
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:35,518
(GRUNTING)
506
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,515
I bet this steam wiII sIim you up.
507
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:44,829
You got your Ieg caught between...
508
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:46,479
(BOTH GRUNTING)
509
00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,312
(ALARM SOUNDING)
510
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,512
Christ AImighty!
Let's get out of here! Get out!
511
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:12,832
MAN: Come on, Bert!
512
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:17,632
(ALARM CONTINUES)
513
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:49,394
Crappie!
514
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,114
-Mr Crapper.
-AII right! AII right!
515
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:56,918
(TOILET FLUSHING)
516
00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:58,439
Oh, it's you.
517
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:04,789
Where did you spring from?
I thought you'd retired.
518
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,639
-Yeah, weII, I've been busy.
-Not for me, you haven't.
519
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,159
You got any jobs, then?
520
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:12,829
You're dead Iucky.
A coupIe of jobs come in this morning.
521
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,428
Crappie, can you Iend me some money?
I'm a bit skint.
522
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:17,754
Yeah, aII right, boy.
523
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,678
-When you've finished your jobs.
-Oh, come on, Iook.
524
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:25,794
-I just need a tenner, a fiver'II do.
-I must say, I do get a Iaugh out of you, son.
525
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:28,154
Come on.
526
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:45,549
-You phoned for a pIumber.
-Did we?
527
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:47,957
WeII, yeah, I think so.
528
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:51,590
WeII, that'II be the wife's department.
529
00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:53,756
Maisie, the pIumber's here.
530
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:05,436
Oh, you've come to fix the garbage disposaI.
This way.
531
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,837
We onIy moved in a month ago
and nothing seems to work.
532
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,359
First it was the cooker,
533
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:18,155
then during the heatwave
the fridge went wrong. AII the food went off.
534
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:21,636
Then I had a probIem with my dishwasher,
smashed up aII my crockery.
535
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:25,878
-You sound Iike the originaI CaIamity Jane.
-You can say that again.
536
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:29,392
There doesn't seem
to be much wrong with this.
537
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:33,229
I don't even think it's a pIumbing job.
I think you've got a wire Ioose here.
538
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,920
Look, wouId you mind switching it on?
539
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:38,998
(MAISIE SCREAMING)
540
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:57,354
(CLANKING)
541
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:05,318
(TOILET FLUSHING)
542
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:30,038
(TOILET FLUSHING)
543
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:19,998
(WOMEN CHATTERING)
544
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:24,952
(LAUGHING)
545
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:32,791
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
546
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:35,839
(WHISTLING)
547
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:40,713
(EXCLAIMING)
548
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,632
(CONTINUES WHISTLING)
549
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,277
(CHATTERING)
550
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:58,158
(WOMEN CHATTERING)
551
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:06,476
Ooh, I'm reaIIy hot. I couId do with a shower.
552
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,079
Right, which one of us is going first?
553
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,998
-Is it aII right if it's me?
-Oh, yes. Okay.
554
00:56:12,240 --> 00:56:16,392
-I say, you missed a fabuIous weekend.
-WeII, I was supposed to come.
555
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:20,911
-Yeah. Did you go to Copenhagen?
-I skipped Copenhagen.
556
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:22,234
Did you?
557
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:25,311
I had a very nice weekend.
558
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:30,154
Do you remember that photographer guy
that I toId you about ages ago?
559
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,157
The one that I thought
was reaIIy chic and fancy?
560
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:33,793
The one with the very tight jeans?
561
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:35,148
-The open shirts?
-Mmm-hmm.
562
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:38,989
-WeII, I got a caII on Friday.
-So teII me, what happened?
563
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:41,429
-WeII, he asked me away for the weekend.
-Yes.
564
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:44,233
So then I phoned into the agency,
cIaimed I was sick.
565
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:47,272
Scrapped Copenhagen
and we went to the New Forest.
566
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,551
-ReaIIy?
-In that snazzy IittIe sports car of his.
567
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:53,240
You can't do much in that
because we reaIIy tried!
568
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:54,713
So go on. What happened?
569
00:56:54,840 --> 00:56:59,755
WeII, that car might weII be snazzy,
but it's definiteIy no Iove bug, I teII you.
570
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:03,031
HonestIy, I think I'm so battered
and bruised from that thing,
571
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,549
I'II never expIain those away to Terry.
572
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,638
Anyway, so eventuaIIy,
we had to puII off the road,
573
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:12,036
-couIdn't stand it any Ionger.
-Yeah, go on.
574
00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:13,709
WeII, I teII you one thing.
575
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:17,230
The fantasy about having it off
in a cornfieId just doesn't work.
576
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:18,873
Oh, that's impossibIe.
577
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:22,709
A, the corn's too high and B,
it's so stony you don't know what to do.
578
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,910
So we gave that up and I just got muddy.
579
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:28,715
But I wiII say one thing,
he chose a reaIIy super hoteI.
580
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,354
And you can't teII me
any guy hadn't pre-pIanned that.
581
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,198
He knew what he was doing, aII right.
582
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,595
Oh, the water's IoveIy and warm.
583
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:41,032
-Oh, do you know what?
-What?
584
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,469
The bed there was at Ieast eight-foot wide.
585
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,158
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
586
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:46,959
Oh, we had a super time.
587
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,799
I teII you something,
we must have used every inch of that bed.
588
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:52,480
-ReaIIy?
-And do you know my fantasy?
589
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:53,828
-What?
-Yes?
590
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:57,316
WeII, I reaIIy did it this time.
I went through with it.
591
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:00,716
And do you know what, it reaIIy worked.
I went into the bathroom
592
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,957
and I knew he thought I was going to
come out with some chic negIigée on,
593
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:06,036
but I didn't. I did it, the fuII strip.
594
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:09,118
One stocking out the door,
two stockings out the door
595
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:12,437
and brother, did that turn him on.
Oh, do you know what?
596
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:15,154
I think after that we must have screwed
for at Ieast four hours.
597
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:16,269
Cor!
598
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:17,719
(SCREAMING)
599
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:25,195
HeIIo.
600
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:39,958
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
601
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:42,073
(DOOR LOCKING)
602
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:56,792
Turn that engine off.
603
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,038
I can't stop, BIackie. I'm Iate.
604
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:03,596
-Yeah. Two days Iate, ain't he, Stropper?
-What do you mean?
605
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:05,551
We said Saturday, remember?
606
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:07,875
We was waiting in that pub
for hours and hours.
607
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:09,069
Look, I've got to go.
608
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:12,158
I've got an appointment
with a very important man.
609
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:14,714
-What are you doing?
-It's what we're going to do.
610
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:16,319
Cop that bike.
611
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,310
-Right, this is for starters.
-Leave that bike aIone.
612
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:24,913
BLACKIE: Get off that bike, you berk.
You ain't even got a Iicence.
613
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:28,476
Look, it's aII fixed up.
I'm doing this job for Dodger.
614
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,798
He's going to Iet me have 900 quid
by the end of next week Iatest.
615
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:34,115
-What IittIe job?
-I can't teII you, can I?
616
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:37,391
You know what Iine of business he's in.
You put me on to him.
617
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:38,748
I've Iearnt my bIeeding Iesson.
618
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,394
I never want to see another bookie
tiII the day I die.
619
00:59:41,520 --> 00:59:43,875
That day may come sooner than you think.
620
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,231
Tuesday. Make it Tuesday.
I'II teII him it's a matter of Iife and death.
621
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:48,475
It is.
622
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:52,032
WeII, Iook, actuaIIy,
he's giving me a thousand.
623
00:59:53,160 --> 00:59:55,799
-I want you to have the other 100.
-Why?
624
00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,318
WeII, I kept you waiting, BIackie.
625
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,113
And I don't Iike owing peopIe money, do I?
626
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:11,231
100, is it? Right, I beIieve you.
627
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:15,799
But you'II never see Wednesday
if you Iet us down on Tuesday.
628
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:19,117
Them's me Iast words. Hop it.
629
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:30,994
-What happened?
-The geyser overheated.
630
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:34,193
And set off the aIarm
and the sprinkIer system.
631
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:37,073
-Great.
-PIain bIoody bad Iuck.
632
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:39,238
The boys Iost aII their gear.
633
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,715
Anyway, they didn't get caught
and that's what matters.
634
01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:43,398
What about me? I'm right in it.
635
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:46,671
In this game,
you take the rough with the smooth.
636
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:49,271
Anyway, think of the commission I Iost.
637
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:53,791
Dodger, I've got other things on me mind.
I couId be dead in two days.
638
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:56,070
We'II find something for you.
639
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:00,239
Here, Iook.
640
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:03,792
IdeaI! You can't faiI.
It's money in your pocket.
641
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:05,239
What is it?
642
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:13,879
Christ! These are a bit strong, aren't they?
643
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:16,639
WeII, the gentIeman in question
has been a naughty boy
644
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:20,958
and I don't suppose for one moment
he'd Iike the pictures to go to his dear wife.
645
01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:23,640
So wander round
and offer him the negatives.
646
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,991
Go for the highest price.
I'd start at about 5,000.
647
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:30,630
-That's bIackmaiI.
-BIackmaiI?
648
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,793
BIackmaiI, Sidney, is an ugIy word.
649
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:39,638
You are a saIesman, you have a commodity,
so you take it to the highest bidder.
650
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:42,877
If the first potentiaI customer
doesn't want to know,
651
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:45,719
you go to the second potentiaI customer.
652
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:48,832
-Sounds aII right when you put it Iike that.
-Course it does.
653
01:01:48,960 --> 01:01:53,636
This Charteris is a rich man.
He's got a string of massage parIours.
654
01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:55,591
He's the answer to aII your probIems.
655
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:58,234
But a Iot depends
on how you handIe the saIe.
656
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:04,993
So put on your best suit, cut a dash.
Look prosperous. TeII him it's big business.
657
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:06,713
Impress him.
658
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:09,872
I haven't got a suit.
659
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:25,315
And under the terms of the settIement,
660
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:29,353
one haIf of the net profits
are incorporated in the agreement.
661
01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:33,917
I am, however, negotiating a cash settIement,
but untiI this has been sorted out,
662
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:38,352
I'm not in a position
to discuss any new partnership agreement.
663
01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:43,510
I'II be in touch with you immediateIy
the situation has been ratified.
664
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:46,839
Yours sincereIy, AR Charteris.
665
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:49,556
A Mr South is outside.
He'd Iike to have a word with you.
666
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:50,874
Oh, who the heII is he?
667
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:53,389
You know I don't see anybody
except by appointment.
668
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:55,431
But I toId him and he wouIdn't go away.
669
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:58,996
He asked me to give you this.
He said you'd understand.
670
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:01,869
Yes. I think I do understand.
671
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:04,716
Show Mr South in, wiII you?
672
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:08,472
Ooh, by the way, what's BeIinda doing?
673
01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:12,190
Oh, weII, nothing at the moment.
One of her cIients just canceIIed.
674
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:14,880
-Mr Charteris wiII see you.
-Ah, Mr...
675
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:19,395
-South.
-Mr South. Now, whiIe I'm getting dressed,
676
01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:22,671
I'd Iike you to enjoy a vigorating massage
on the house.
677
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:24,677
No, thanks. I've come to discuss business.
678
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:26,916
Yes, of course,
but I'd Iike you to be compIeteIy reIaxed,
679
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:30,476
so you'II be in a better condition
to discuss business.
680
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:35,238
Yeah, aII right.
681
01:03:35,720 --> 01:03:40,635
But I'm a busy man, Mr Charteris.
I want to get this matter over and done with.
682
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:44,355
I hope you fuIIy appreciate
the deIicacy of the situation.
683
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:49,238
-You are a reasonabIe man, I understand.
-Oh, I am, Mr South. I am.
684
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:52,109
Just Iie down there and enjoy yourseIf.
685
01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:55,038
Come and see me in my office
when you've finished.
686
01:03:56,760 --> 01:03:59,115
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
687
01:04:02,680 --> 01:04:03,908
(SIGHING)
688
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:08,511
What's your name then, eh?
689
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,633
Not speaking? That's aII right.
690
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:16,717
I Iike a bit of mystery in my women,
not too much, though.
691
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:18,432
Ooh, that's nice.
692
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:22,269
Oh!
693
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:26,479
(SID SIGHING)
694
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:30,391
Ooh! I'II teII you what.
695
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:33,752
You can eat crackers in my bed any time, eh?
696
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:44,957
Oh, Christ!
697
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:46,833
(SID GROANING)
698
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:54,796
My Ieg! You're breaking me Ieg!
You'II break me Ieg!
699
01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:58,950
Get off! Get off! Oh, get off!
700
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:00,513
(SID COUGHING)
701
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:03,635
No! No, no, no. No! No!
702
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:09,995
No, no! Not that! No!
703
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:11,633
(SCREAMING)
704
01:05:17,720 --> 01:05:18,789
Easy!
705
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:29,918
Enjoying yourseIf?
706
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:33,472
And that'II teach you to try bIackmaiIing me,
you IittIe bastard.
707
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:35,511
And you can teII whoever it was
who sent you
708
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:37,631
that they can stuff
the rest of those photographs
709
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,751
because they're not worth
the paper they're printed on.
710
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:41,552
WeII, your wife! What about your wife?
711
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:44,672
I haven't got one.
We were divorced a year ago.
712
01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:49,593
HeIIo, Dodger.
713
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:56,431
Charteris was divorced a year ago.
Why don't you get your records straight?
714
01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:59,154
-I nearIy had me bIeeding neck broken.
-The story of my Iife, Sidney.
715
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:01,077
I never couId get nothing straight.
716
01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:04,158
I'm not interested in your Iife, Dodger.
I'm at death's door.
717
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,316
WeII, don't panic, Sidney. I mean, I'II...
718
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:07,953
OId Dodger
wiII puII something out of the hat.
719
01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:11,038
-How do you think I've survived so far?
-That's a bIoody good question.
720
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:14,277
Look, I've got something speciaI
for you, Sidney.
721
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:18,314
A certain gentIeman,
whose name cannot be divuIged,
722
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:20,351
but who is not short
of a smaII fortune or two,
723
01:06:20,480 --> 01:06:23,756
is desirous of Iaying his hands
on a certain work of art.
724
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:26,189
-Eh?
-Have you heard of Picasso?
725
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:30,313
Now Iook,
I'm not having anything to do with the Mafia.
726
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:35,275
Mafia! He's pig ignorant.
Picasso is one of the greatest painters ever.
727
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:39,439
And one of his masterpieces is hanging on
the waII of a mansion not very far from here.
728
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:40,629
Go on.
729
01:06:40,760 --> 01:06:43,672
I want you, dear Sidney,
to obtain it by fair means or fouI.
730
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:48,316
And hang in its pIace this copy,
which I've had prepared at great expense.
731
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:51,116
Oh, you're not asking me
to pinch a painting?
732
01:06:51,240 --> 01:06:55,233
I'm not asking you to pinch a painting.
I'm asking you to arrange a swapping.
733
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:58,079
-And what happens when they find out?
-Find out?
734
01:06:58,200 --> 01:07:01,510
They couIdn't teII a Picasso
from a giraffe's arse-o.
735
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:06,237
-How do I get into the pIace?
-PuII the oId Water Board routine again.
736
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:07,952
Say you've gone round
to check the water pressure
737
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:09,957
and whiIe you're at it, suss the joint out.
738
01:07:10,080 --> 01:07:13,959
Then, having secreted this copy
somewhere about your person,
739
01:07:14,080 --> 01:07:16,753
at the appropriate moment, swap it.
740
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:20,038
-Swap it?
-Swap it.
741
01:07:20,480 --> 01:07:22,710
And this time, nothing can go wrong.
742
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:25,479
OId Dodger gives you
his personaI guarantee.
743
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:27,875
After aII, it's onIy a swapping.
744
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:03,479
(MUSIC PLAYING)
745
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:11,117
What are you doing standing there
without a drink in your hand?
746
01:08:11,240 --> 01:08:14,471
Sex aIive, there's enough Iiquor
around here to sink a battIeship.
747
01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:17,433
Lucinda, honey! There.
748
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:22,475
No one shaII ever say Loretta Proudfoot
Iacks one iota of Southern hospitaIity.
749
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:25,831
Even though she is
6,000 miIes away from home.
750
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:27,314
Oh, you're Mrs Proudfoot?
751
01:08:27,440 --> 01:08:30,796
Oh! I'm sorry, honey.
I thought you were a guest.
752
01:08:30,920 --> 01:08:34,629
-Oh, no, I'm a pIumber.
-A pIumber. Did I caII for a pIumber?
753
01:08:34,920 --> 01:08:37,798
WeII, the counciI sent me.
Your water pressure's aII over the pIace.
754
01:08:37,920 --> 01:08:41,595
Loretta, darIing.
You've been hoIding out on me.
755
01:08:41,960 --> 01:08:43,678
Where have you been hiding this one?
756
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:46,360
LORETTA: This is Hubert,
one of my dearest friends.
757
01:08:46,480 --> 01:08:49,392
-Hubert, meet...
-Sid.
758
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:52,834
Oh! What a IoveIy name.
759
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:57,279
-LORETTA: He's a pIumber.
-A pIumber! How interesting.
760
01:08:57,400 --> 01:09:00,949
WeII, you can shove your pIunger
round my S-bend any day.
761
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:06,512
-I'II hit you over the bIeeding head with it.
-Ooh! Any time.
762
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:10,390
He's so butch, dear.
I'II see you Iater, heart-face.
763
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:17,558
You must forgive Hubert.
He's not afraid to say exactIy how he feeIs.
764
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:19,318
That's aII right. It don't bother me.
765
01:09:19,440 --> 01:09:22,557
Good. Because I beIieve
in everybody being themseIves.
766
01:09:22,680 --> 01:09:26,468
My Iate husband, who was a psychiatrist,
aIways said
767
01:09:26,600 --> 01:09:31,355
the troubIe with the worId
was sexuaI frustration.
768
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:34,035
Very true.
769
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:36,469
So every now and again,
I Iike to have a IittIe get-together
770
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:39,990
where aII my friends
can Iose aII their inhibitions.
771
01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:43,829
WeII, yeah.
You mean, sort of, Iet it aII hang out.
772
01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:47,430
ExactIy. Oh, Robin, honey, this is Sid.
773
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:51,792
My! Samantha's got a sparkIe
in her eye tonight, haven't you, honey?
774
01:09:51,920 --> 01:09:55,879
She's sparkIing at everybody.
I can't keep her away from the men.
775
01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:58,709
And you know what I'm Iike, I get so jeaIous.
776
01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:02,719
I was in two minds about coming tonight,
but she insisted, didn't you, dear?
777
01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:05,673
Oh, she couIdn't wait to Iose her inhibitions.
778
01:10:05,800 --> 01:10:08,553
The moment she stepped into the room
she took aII her cIothes off.
779
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:11,114
With a body Iike that,
how can you bIame her?
780
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:13,959
Hasn't she got the most beautifuI shape?
781
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:18,191
-Fantastic, yeah.
-TeII me,
782
01:10:18,320 --> 01:10:21,756
-do you think I was right to bring her?
-Yeah.
783
01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:25,516
I know why you're saying that.
You fancy her yourseIf, don't you?
784
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:26,959
Now, now, Robin,
785
01:10:27,080 --> 01:10:31,153
Sid is not a man to step in between
two peopIe who Iove each other.
786
01:10:31,600 --> 01:10:34,319
You reaIIy must try to stop being so jeaIous,
787
01:10:34,440 --> 01:10:38,228
and I mustn't keep you
from your duties for one moment Ionger.
788
01:11:13,360 --> 01:11:15,669
Enjoying yourseIf, honey? Fine.
789
01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:19,556
By the way,
what actuaIIy is wrong with my water?
790
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:24,790
WeII, it's not running properIy.
It's throwing the whoIe area out of baIance.
791
01:11:25,480 --> 01:11:26,833
(SHRIEKING)
792
01:11:35,360 --> 01:11:36,634
Excuse me.
793
01:11:39,560 --> 01:11:40,834
Excuse me!
794
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:43,278
-You've got my pIunger.
-Your what?
795
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,834
WeII, it's stuck to your ar...
WeII, I'II have to have it back.
796
01:11:45,960 --> 01:11:47,313
Do you mind?
797
01:11:48,560 --> 01:11:50,755
WeII, I've got to get it back.
798
01:11:59,920 --> 01:12:05,233
Okay, everyone, it's time to go fishing.
Now, you aII know the ruIes.
799
01:12:05,360 --> 01:12:08,397
Each one of you
has to fish for his or her partner.
800
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:11,353
And once you've hooked them,
they're yours for the night.
801
01:12:11,480 --> 01:12:14,756
One, two, three, everyone into the water!
802
01:12:28,440 --> 01:12:30,317
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
803
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:09,272
Hey, no! Oh, no, no! Look.
804
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:12,836
Look, I'm onIy the pIumber.
I'm onIy the pIumber!
805
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:15,394
I'm onIy the pIumber!
806
01:13:24,520 --> 01:13:28,638
Ah! My Picasso's in the water.
Somebody fish it out. The coIours'II run.
807
01:13:30,600 --> 01:13:34,878
You, you took it.
You're not a pIumber, you're a thief.
808
01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:38,153
The poIice. Somebody ring for the poIice!
809
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:42,274
-I'm not a thief, it beIongs to me.
-BeIongs to you! It's mine.
810
01:13:42,400 --> 01:13:45,472
There's not another Iike it
in the whoIe wide worId.
811
01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:49,115
Your bIeeding Picasso's hanging on the waII.
Turn around, have a Iook.
812
01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:51,708
WeII, what's that doing there, then?
813
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:55,950
-WeII, it's not worth tuppence, it's a copy.
-A copy!
814
01:13:56,680 --> 01:13:59,240
I know what you were gonna do!
815
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:05,714
(POPS)
816
01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:08,959
(AIR HISSING)
817
01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:11,628
Samantha!
818
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:14,158
He's kiIIed her.
819
01:14:15,440 --> 01:14:17,032
He's done her in.
820
01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:24,599
-Ah! You got it.
-No, I didn't get it.
821
01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:29,032
-WeII, why not?
-There was a party going on
822
01:14:29,160 --> 01:14:31,628
and one thing Ied to another
and I didn't do the swap.
823
01:14:31,760 --> 01:14:34,638
Look, Dodger, I'm not interested
in any more of your IittIe schemes.
824
01:14:34,760 --> 01:14:38,036
As much as I need the money,
I don't fancy spending next Christmas inside.
825
01:14:38,160 --> 01:14:40,799
Oh, weII, Sidney, remember the oId saying.
826
01:14:40,920 --> 01:14:44,629
''If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, try again.''
827
01:14:44,760 --> 01:14:47,069
I'm not trying anything eIse. That's finaI.
828
01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:50,749
Oh, that's a shame, Sidney.
'Cause I've got a smasher here.
829
01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:54,190
You couIdn't go wrong with this one.
Tower of London.
830
01:14:55,840 --> 01:14:57,956
Dodger, stuff it.
831
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:27,633
-Good morning.
-MAN: Morning.
832
01:15:27,760 --> 01:15:30,149
-Do you buy bikes?
-Yeah.
833
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:33,588
WeII, what about this mighty machine
out here, eh?
834
01:15:33,720 --> 01:15:35,597
I'II have a Iook at it.
835
01:15:51,280 --> 01:15:53,396
Done a Iot of miIeage, hasn't it?
836
01:15:53,520 --> 01:15:57,195
It just goes to show how honest I am.
I couId have easiIy fixed the cIock.
837
01:15:57,320 --> 01:16:01,472
-The tyres are weII worn.
-Oh, come on. What's a coupIe of tyres?
838
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,636
What do you want, part exchange?
839
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:07,469
WeII, no. I've got to seII it actuaIIy.
I don't want to, but I've got no choice.
840
01:16:07,600 --> 01:16:09,113
Need money in a hurry, do you?
841
01:16:09,240 --> 01:16:11,754
No, no.
I know this geezer who's seIIing a sports car.
842
01:16:11,880 --> 01:16:13,154
ReaI bargain.
843
01:16:13,280 --> 01:16:16,352
But unIess I give him the money today,
no go.
844
01:16:16,480 --> 01:16:18,675
Where's the registration book?
845
01:16:22,480 --> 01:16:25,358
-Any hire purchase on it?
-Yeah, why?
846
01:16:26,160 --> 01:16:28,754
-How many payments have you made?
-Two.
847
01:16:30,240 --> 01:16:33,038
You can't seII it. It's not yours to seII.
848
01:16:34,080 --> 01:16:36,833
WeII, it's my property. I bought it, didn't I?
849
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:40,555
It's not your property
untiI you've made the Iast payment.
850
01:16:40,720 --> 01:16:43,917
-Do you mean I can't seII it anywhere?
-It's not yours to seII.
851
01:16:44,040 --> 01:16:48,158
You try seIIing that bike to anybody eIse
and you'II get put inside.
852
01:16:51,120 --> 01:16:54,510
-Oh, you're not going away.
-Yeah. I've come to say goodbye.
853
01:16:54,640 --> 01:16:58,633
I've got myseIf a job on one of them oiI rigs.
I'II be earning thousands.
854
01:16:58,760 --> 01:17:02,833
I suppose that's good news.
When do you Ieave?
855
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:04,995
Today.
856
01:17:06,440 --> 01:17:09,910
-Wish I couId come with you.
-WeII, I'II be back in a few months.
857
01:17:10,040 --> 01:17:12,349
My pockets wiII be buIging.
We'II have a great time.
858
01:17:12,480 --> 01:17:14,675
Go everywhere, see everything.
859
01:17:14,800 --> 01:17:16,791
MAN: 20 DunhiIIs, pIease.
860
01:18:21,720 --> 01:18:24,518
Just going down the bank to get the money.
861
01:18:24,640 --> 01:18:26,517
That's aII right.
We'II waIk down there with you.
862
01:18:26,640 --> 01:18:29,200
Keep you company, won't we, Stropper?
863
01:18:30,560 --> 01:18:32,869
You stiII don't trust me, do you, eh?
864
01:18:33,000 --> 01:18:35,468
I'm not going to emigrate.
It's onIy 1,000 quid.
865
01:18:35,600 --> 01:18:38,114
WeII, that's aII right.
We'II stiII waIk down there with you.
866
01:18:38,240 --> 01:18:39,878
Guv'nor's orders.
867
01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:42,950
Yeah, weII, you don't have to
put yourseIves out.
868
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:46,231
You sound Iike
you don't want us with you, Sid.
869
01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:48,999
You're not trying anything on, are you?
870
01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:51,910
Don't tear his cIothes.
871
01:18:52,040 --> 01:18:55,350
They'II be worth a few quid
when we get them off him.
872
01:18:57,920 --> 01:18:59,592
On second thoughts.
873
01:19:01,800 --> 01:19:03,836
Come on, BIackie. The bank'II be cIosed.
874
01:19:03,960 --> 01:19:07,396
So what? You ain't got nothing in it.
I ain't thick.
875
01:19:09,200 --> 01:19:10,758
What's in the bag?
876
01:19:10,880 --> 01:19:14,589
WeII, it's me Iaundry.
I pass the Iaundry on the way to the bank.
877
01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:16,039
Open it up.
878
01:19:23,240 --> 01:19:24,878
You're dead right.
879
01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:27,792
You ain't emigrating.
880
01:19:27,920 --> 01:19:31,196
They don't take crippIes
in these foreign countries.
881
01:19:32,360 --> 01:19:35,352
Stropper, your moment has come.
882
01:19:39,160 --> 01:19:43,517
-I never did you any harm.
-I didn't say you did. It's me job, innit?
883
01:19:47,520 --> 01:19:51,308
You never gave me a chance.
You didn't give me enough time.
884
01:19:51,440 --> 01:19:54,637
You're breaking me bIeeding heart. Stropper!
885
01:19:58,000 --> 01:20:00,355
Mister, this is private business.
886
01:20:00,480 --> 01:20:02,550
My apoIogies,
but I have to speak to Mr South.
887
01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:06,992
-So do we and we saw him first.
-I'm from the Bovine Insurance Company.
888
01:20:07,120 --> 01:20:10,271
-He won't be needing any. Push off!
-I'm not seIIing insurance.
889
01:20:10,400 --> 01:20:12,231
Here, don't I know you?
890
01:20:12,360 --> 01:20:16,512
I was at the poIice station when you
made a statement about that Iavatory seat.
891
01:20:16,640 --> 01:20:19,279
-Oh, that's right, yeah. I remember.
-Lavatory seat?
892
01:20:19,400 --> 01:20:23,996
I'm pIeased to inform you, Mr South,
that you are due for a reward. £1,000.
893
01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:27,317
For giving information
Ieading to the recovery of stoIen property.
894
01:20:27,440 --> 01:20:30,000
Now if you'II just sign this receipt.
895
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:34,036
Turn your back, Stropper.
896
01:20:39,400 --> 01:20:42,836
My apoIogies for the interruption, gentIemen.
Good day.
897
01:20:44,880 --> 01:20:47,952
-1,000 quid.
-Where's your bank?
898
01:20:51,360 --> 01:20:52,918
Mr RockefeIIer.
899
01:20:53,080 --> 01:20:57,710
-HeIIo, boy. I heard aII about your windfaII.
-Yeah, so did the bookies. Took the Iot.
900
01:20:57,840 --> 01:20:59,637
Come on, Crappie. I'm back in the market.
901
01:20:59,760 --> 01:21:02,035
-Got anything?
-Nothing. Get out.
902
01:21:03,960 --> 01:21:06,793
-I'm desperate. I'II do anything.
-Anything?
903
01:21:13,120 --> 01:21:14,678
-Anything?
-Yeah.
904
01:21:15,560 --> 01:21:17,790
I've got something to show you.
905
01:21:20,880 --> 01:21:22,029
What is it?
906
01:21:22,160 --> 01:21:24,594
It's a new mechanicaI pipe and drain cIeaner.
907
01:21:24,720 --> 01:21:27,188
-I'm starting a new service.
-Drains?
908
01:21:27,320 --> 01:21:28,389
-Yeah.
-Not with me, you're not.
909
01:21:28,520 --> 01:21:30,112
Here, hang about.
910
01:21:30,240 --> 01:21:32,800
I was thinking of putting you
in soIe charge of this.
911
01:21:32,920 --> 01:21:34,990
-OnIy because you can't get anyone eIse.
-Yeah.
912
01:21:35,120 --> 01:21:36,394
No!
913
01:21:36,520 --> 01:21:39,034
Oh, Iook here.
Look, somebody's got to do it, haven't they?
914
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:42,277
It'II be a good rate of pay. PIenty of overtime.
915
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:46,391
-AII right.
-Good boy.
916
01:21:46,520 --> 01:21:49,796
You get to Iearn how to handIe that machine,
boy, you'II earn a Iot of money.
917
01:21:49,920 --> 01:21:54,755
It does the work ten times faster.
Here, try it out on our drains here.
918
01:21:57,320 --> 01:21:59,117
Get a bit of practice.
919
01:22:07,520 --> 01:22:10,353
-HeIIo, stranger.
-Wotcha, Suse?
920
01:22:11,640 --> 01:22:14,871
Yeah, weII, Iife has been
a bit compIicated IateIy.
921
01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:17,673
Yeah, I know. I heard aII about your troubIes.
922
01:22:17,800 --> 01:22:20,268
Eh, we are stiII friends, aren't we?
923
01:22:23,080 --> 01:22:27,392
Yeah, of course we're stiII friends.
Here, fIick that switch, wiII you?
924
01:22:43,320 --> 01:22:45,038
(CRAPPER SCREAMING)
75442
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