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♪♪
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,396
-Next up, the People v.
Jessica Delgado
3
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and Kaitlyn Komacki on a charge
of disorderly conduct.
4
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:11,011
-Really?
5
00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,882
Another disorderly conduct
from the New York Wedding Expo?
6
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:14,797
They had WrestleMania
in the same building,
7
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,755
and somehow,
it was less violent.
8
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-These women both saw a dress
they simply had to have,
9
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:22,413
and instead of throwing rice,
started throwing haymakers.
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00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:24,546
-Look, Your Honor,
my -- my clients
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00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:27,070
cannot be held responsible
for their actions.
12
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:30,378
They were driven to madness
by this dress.
13
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I, for one, can understand.
14
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I mean,
look at this exquisite gown.
15
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:37,733
Ivory lace, hidden pockets,
16
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:41,737
a-a cut that is somehow
both A-line and mermaid?
17
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:44,174
Come on.
-I know how to solve this.
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00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:47,047
I'm gonna cut the dress in two,
and each of you can have half.
19
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,179
[ Shing! ]
20
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:50,311
-Why would we do that?
21
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-That would just ruin the dress.
22
00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:54,532
-I was trying to do
the Solomon thing.
23
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From the Bible.
24
00:00:56,230 --> 00:01:00,103
It's like "Game of Thrones,"
but people like the ending more.
25
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,975
-Why'd I even bother pulling
this sword out of that stone?
26
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:06,979
-Alright, I'm gonna go with
the biblical fine
27
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:09,156
of 30 pieces of silver,
or $200 American.
28
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And the dress needs to be
returned to the expo.
29
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-Little problem with that.
30
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-Ah, hell yeah.
31
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Winter is coming!
32
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♪♪
33
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♪♪
34
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:34,746
-Weddings are the worst.
35
00:01:34,789 --> 00:01:36,705
Why should I have to
take off work and fly to Chicago
36
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:38,663
because you're getting
a new roommate?
37
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:40,752
-Well, I'm not settling down
anytime soon,
38
00:01:40,795 --> 00:01:44,234
but when I do, I want
an intimate ceremony on a beach,
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00:01:44,277 --> 00:01:46,149
reception on a hillside,
40
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,803
afterparty on a volcano.
41
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:50,283
-Good luck finding one place
with all those terrains.
42
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,807
-Someone's never been to Guam.
43
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,809
That place is like
hill, beach, hill,
44
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beach, hill, hill,
volcano, hill, beach.
45
00:01:57,420 --> 00:01:59,206
-You know what the craziest
thing is about weddings?
46
00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:01,033
-The fact that
you're having a fancy meal
47
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:04,385
with two people you know are
definitely gonna have sex later?
48
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:07,518
-It's that no one's ever asked
me to be their maid of honor.
49
00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:09,564
People are always
choosing their sister.
50
00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:12,001
That's nepotism.
51
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:13,829
It's even more annoying
because I'd be great.
52
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No one's more organized than me.
53
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:16,919
It takes me one visit
54
00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:19,530
to memorize the layout
of a Home Depot.
55
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-I just saw a priest, a rabbi,
and a minister walk in.
56
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,013
It wasn't that funny.
57
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,841
Maybe it only works when
they're walking into a bar.
58
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,321
-We're talking weddings
over here.
59
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:29,671
Any of these cases
giving you ideas for yours?
60
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-Well, my wedding planning
has kind of been on hold
61
00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:32,716
since my dad passed away.
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00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:34,328
Rand and I just really haven't
jumped back in.
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-Maybe you never will.
Maybe you'll break up.
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00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,550
-What?
-Nothing.
65
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:43,206
-I'd love to do some planning.
I just haven't had the time.
66
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,252
I've been so busy, so I'm just
letting Rand take the lead
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00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,167
on things I don't feel
too strongly about.
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00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:49,560
-You feel strongly about which
beans should be in the chili
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00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,867
on Chili Wednesdays.
-Pinto.
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Garbanzo beans should
just stick to hummus.
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00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:56,611
-A wedding is the most special
day of your life.
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You should care about it
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at least as much
as you care about beans.
74
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:03,226
-Dan Fielding loves weddings?
75
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Oh, you are a big,
mushy softy inside.
76
00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:07,839
-Eh, it's not that big
a surprise.
77
00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,537
Look, a wedding is
your one chance in life
78
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,234
to get everything you want.
79
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Bakers bringing you
an endless parade of cakes.
80
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:17,109
Tailors draping you
in the finest fabrics.
81
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:19,764
And the one opportunity to say
what you want to be able to say
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00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,375
every other day --
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no children allowed.
84
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,511
-I mean, some of this New York
wedding stuff is pretty cool.
85
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Do you know
you could get married
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00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:30,079
at halftime at a Knicks game?
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00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:33,082
At least someone then
is leaving with a ring.
88
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,649
-Well, look,
if time is the issue,
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you could knock it out
all tonight,
90
00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:38,000
right here, without moving.
91
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,263
I mean, everything you need
is in this building.
92
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,613
-Including the perfect person
to help you plan it.
93
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:43,745
-Well, I don't know --
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-Me! [ Laughs ]
95
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,228
-You know I love the idea of
all of us working together.
96
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,926
Hey, I'm getting what I want
already.
97
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:52,797
Alright, let's do it.
It'll be fun.
98
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,364
-Weddings aren't about fun.
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00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:58,412
They're about ruthlessly getting
whatever you want.
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Which is fun.
101
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It is about fun.
You said that?
102
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♪♪
103
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:06,376
♪♪
104
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,943
-Olivia, what are we doing here?
105
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,727
Abby and I still have
a lot of planning to do.
106
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,860
We have to pick
the bride-bailiff dance.
107
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,383
It can be whatever you want,
108
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:17,952
but it will end in
a "Dirty Dancing" lift.
109
00:04:17,995 --> 00:04:21,173
-Well, I thought we'd start with
the most important thing.
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00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:23,611
Bring them in.
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00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:32,228
Do a 360, please.
112
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,578
-Okay, I don't really think
this is the best --
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00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:37,799
Ooh, I like the neckline
on that one.
114
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,932
-Can we have number four
step forward, please?
115
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:43,239
-And can you demonstrate
if the dress has enough give
116
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,675
to do the chicken dance?
117
00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:48,288
Actually, could all of you,
please?
118
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:56,426
-I know what this is about.
You're not trying to help.
119
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,472
You're trying to prove
you'd be a good maid of honor.
120
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,343
-I can do both at the same time.
121
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:01,910
It's called multi-tasking.
122
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,955
What?
Yes, I'm still holding.
123
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:06,480
-As someone who's been
a maid of honor five times
124
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,177
and a Best Gurgs twice,
125
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,572
I can tell you the job isn't
about lists and dress line-ups.
126
00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,008
It's about having fun,
127
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:14,705
and I've already cornered
that market.
128
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:17,404
Two words -- penis gavel.
129
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:23,148
-Well, I guess we'll just see
whose style works bet--
130
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:26,935
No, Mom, I'm not sending you
a picture of the penis gavel.
131
00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:28,589
So, are any of these
jumping out?
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00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:29,981
-I don't know.
133
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,288
I mean, they're all nice,
but if I'm being honest,
134
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,898
I'm looking for
something like that dress
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00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,509
that the women were
fighting over.
136
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,683
-I can get that for you.
137
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,120
-Well, I can it for you first.
138
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,731
-Oh, no, I didn't mean
that you guys should --
139
00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:42,124
♪♪
140
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,300
-Who knew there were
so many hairstyles?
141
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,607
In Skaneateles,
we only had two --
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00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,174
bangs and horse.
143
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,960
-I think you'd look good
in any of these.
144
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,310
-Aw, Neil, that's so sweet.
145
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,270
-She values my opinion.
146
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:00,360
-She touched your arm.
Act like you've been there.
147
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:06,235
-That was quite the passionate
dress defense you made earlier.
148
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:09,151
-Oh. I'm just a lawyer
doing his best.
149
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,892
I would have been
equally as passionate
150
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:12,415
had they been fighting over
a spare tire.
151
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:15,505
"Oh, the flawless tread,
the exquisite steel belting,"
152
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:16,767
et cetera, et cetera, on and on.
153
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,769
-No, that description came from
154
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:21,642
a man with elegance and taste.
155
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:22,686
-Oh. [ Chuckles ]
156
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,427
What are you selling?
157
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,733
-Ideas.
158
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,561
Cynthia Davies, wedding planner.
159
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:28,910
Now, I see you're married,
160
00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:31,608
but have you thought about
a vow renewal?
161
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:33,523
-My wife died several years ago.
162
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:36,265
-Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
163
00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:39,399
But, and I hope
this isn't too forward,
164
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:43,098
but a trophy elk like you,
you know,
165
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:46,014
it's only a matter of time
before someone bags you,
166
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,103
and do you know
what that lucky huntress
167
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,974
is going to make you into?
168
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:52,586
-Please don't say venison jerky.
169
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,457
-A husband.
170
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,807
And before you say no,
171
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:59,375
try one of these
Belgian truffles.
172
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,423
It takes 14 monks
to make one per day.
173
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:07,514
-I taste their silence.
174
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,255
-Next up, the People v.
175
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:12,127
Rich Morrison
and Andrea Reynolds.
176
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,303
-The defendants were caught
trying to sneak
177
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,436
into the Zimmet Art Museum
after hours.
178
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:18,394
-Uh, Your Honor, my clients
were merely giddy
179
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,917
over their wedding venue.
180
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:23,051
Haven't you ever been so excited
that you put on a ski mask
181
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,534
and threw a celebratory brick
through a window?
182
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,100
-We had to see the layout,
Your Honor.
183
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:31,015
My Uncle Phil can't be
near the Picassos.
184
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,582
I don't need my wedding ruined
185
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:35,629
with his endless comments
about chicks with three boobs.
186
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:36,933
-And it's beautiful.
187
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,371
Stained glass windows,
vaulted ceilings,
188
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:42,549
and they have bathroom waiters
who serve you mints.
189
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:45,377
-Your Honor, the venue canceled
their wedding reservation.
190
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,945
Isn't that punishment enough?
-What?
191
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:51,775
It's booked solid
for three years.
192
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,342
If I can't have it, no one can.
193
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:56,127
I will burn that place
to the ground!
194
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,174
-Oh, my God! I love him.
195
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,307
-Aw. That's very sweet,
but it's still a $100 fine.
196
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,700
Oh! Oh!
197
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:06,181
Neil, can I please have
my family-friendly gavel?
198
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:11,186
-So, Kaitlyn's wedding dress
wasn't in evidence,
199
00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:13,493
which must mean you have it.
200
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:16,626
-Not only do I have it...
201
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:19,237
I don't have it.
202
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:21,370
Well, turns out she hid it
before they caught her.
203
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:24,199
But I pivoted and called in
some reinforcements.
204
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,506
-Next case,
the People v. Jack Steele.
205
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,508
-Uh, am I missing
a file on this?
206
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:29,639
-Don't worry, Your Honor.
207
00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:31,772
It's nothing to
lose your shirt over.
208
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:34,034
Or is it? Unh!
209
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:36,602
[ Hair metal music plays ]
210
00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:38,605
He's a stripper!
211
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:39,780
[ Laughs ]
-Oh.
212
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,695
-Ooh.
213
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,217
♪♪
214
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:44,828
[ Gavel bangs ]
-Order!
215
00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:46,438
Gurgs, I appreciate the gesture.
216
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:49,267
This just isn't the time.
-I agree, Your Honor.
217
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:51,487
Could we please clear the court
of these distractions?
218
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,402
-Could you please show him
the way?
219
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,796
♪♪
220
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,537
The way to do it!
221
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:00,714
Unh!
222
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,237
He's a stripper!
223
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,457
-Okay. Okay.
Alright. Order! Order.
224
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:08,896
Anyone in the gallery that's
a stripper, please go home.
225
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,379
♪♪
226
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:17,078
-Oh, these hors d'oeuvres
are just stunning.
227
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,907
I mean, of course we'll need
a vegan option.
228
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:23,301
An option for them to leave.
229
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:24,912
Alright, so these are better
230
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:27,349
before or after
the champagne toast?
231
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:28,829
-Oh.
Why don't I get one of
232
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:31,571
my chilled bottles of Veuve
and we'll find out?
233
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:35,313
-[ Chuckles ]
234
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,707
What?
235
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,361
-Did you tell that woman
you're planning a wedding
236
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,363
just to get free stuff?
-No, no, no, no.
237
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:43,191
I made my position
perfectly clear.
238
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:46,324
She's just a motivated
sales person.
239
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,239
And I am a motivated recipient
of stuff
240
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,938
I don't have to pay for.
241
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,026
Jalapeño popper?
242
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:54,463
-Mm. I'm good.
243
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:55,986
I could use some advice, though.
-Hmm.
244
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:57,466
-I have some
insider information,
245
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,555
and I'm not sure
I should take advantage of it.
246
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,775
-Uh-huh. You want that open spot
at the Zimmet Art Museum.
247
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:03,515
-So bad.
248
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,648
Growing up, sometimes, my dad
would pull me out of school
249
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:08,477
to visit the city
and take me to a museum.
250
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,174
He would, uh, pretend to be
a tour guide
251
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:12,655
and just make stuff up.
252
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,962
One time, we had like 15 people
join our tour.
253
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,528
-Mm.
-We had to stop
254
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:20,097
because the FBI thought
we were planning an art heist.
255
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:21,533
Getting married in a place
like that
256
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:24,536
would just make me feel
like he's part of it.
257
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:27,017
-Personally, I don't see
the appeal of art museums.
258
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,758
I mean, why should I be
impressed with what people drew
259
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:32,327
while they were going
crazy with syphilis?
260
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:34,111
Seems to me that you got
the information
261
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:36,070
about the venue fair and square.
262
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,941
But hey, knock yourself out.
263
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,203
Not the poppers, though.
264
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:40,465
They'll melt your face.
265
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:42,642
Just catching up with me now.
266
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:46,820
♪♪
267
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:49,605
-Cynthia?
-Cynthia Davies.
268
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,346
I understand you're the person
to talk to.
269
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,522
I'm interested in putting
a deposit down for the Zimmet.
270
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:55,785
-Um, I'm sorry.
There was briefly an opening,
271
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:58,309
but one of my clients
literally just took it.
272
00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:00,094
-Oh.
-But another date
273
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:02,705
did just open up in 2031.
274
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:06,013
It's a Wednesday afternoon,
non-consecutive hours,
275
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,101
and...
[ Cellphone chimes ]
276
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:10,844
Ooh, someone just booked it.
277
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,368
-Thanks, anyway.
278
00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:15,631
-Did somebody order a sausage --
279
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,677
-[ Clearing throat ]
280
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:21,593
♪♪
281
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:25,162
♪♪
282
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:28,688
-Oop. There's my taste bud.
283
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,820
-Cynthia, this has been lovely,
but --
284
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:31,995
-Hold that thought.
285
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:34,432
First, I need you
to try this cake.
286
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:38,262
It's made with the eggs of a hen
who only eats caviar,
287
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:40,787
laid by a fish
who only eats hen.
288
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,658
-Oh.
289
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,400
Uh, no, I can't.
290
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:47,837
I can't keep taking
your free stuff when I know
291
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:49,752
that you'll never
be planning my wedding.
292
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,362
-Because you're going
with someone else?
293
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:52,450
-No.
294
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:53,887
-Is that bitch
Lynn Fetterman here?
295
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:55,453
-No. Who?
I don't even know --
296
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:58,413
No, please.
Please, calm down.
297
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,937
I just know that I have
no intention of ever
298
00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:03,766
walking down the aisle again.
299
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,508
Yes, at my wedding,
I did walk down the aisle,
300
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,205
but I didn't make
a big show of it.
301
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:12,122
My tuxedo had
a very tasteful train.
302
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,385
-You're gonna have
another wedding.
303
00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:16,910
-That kinda sounds
like a threat.
304
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,520
-You're too good not to.
305
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,783
Your palette,
your eye for color,
306
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,742
your knowledge of fragrance.
307
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,439
I'd kill for your nose.
308
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,310
-Okay,
that's definitely a threat.
309
00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:28,617
-Which is why I'm asking you.
310
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:30,184
Mm.
-No, what are -- No.
311
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,446
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
312
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,622
-Dan Fielding, do you swear
313
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:36,451
to let me help you
plan your next wedding?
314
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:39,802
-If it gets you up off
that disgusting floor, fine.
315
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:43,937
-This is the happiest day
of my life.
316
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:45,503
-Oh --
317
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:48,028
-Thank y'all.
-Why are you applauding?
318
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,116
-You hear that, Lynn?!
319
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:50,117
He's mine!
320
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,335
♪♪
321
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:52,554
-Okay, here it is.
322
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:54,599
Now, go find it.
Go find the dress.
323
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:55,818
[ Dog barks ]
324
00:12:58,299 --> 00:13:00,127
-Looking for this?
325
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:02,651
-That dog should be fired.
326
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:04,348
-While you were messing around
with strippers,
327
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,176
I was putting Kaitlyn
on the phone with my mother,
328
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:09,136
who made one comment about
her perfectly regular ankles,
329
00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:11,486
and now she's getting
married in pants.
330
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,142
-Is that the missing
wedding dress?
331
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:18,058
I'm gonna need you
to hand that over.
332
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,494
-Fine.
333
00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,757
-If it makes you feel better...
334
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,628
-Ow! He's a stripper!
335
00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,500
[ Laughs ]
336
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:28,982
I'll meet you at
the rendezvous point.
337
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:31,419
Now that'show
you maid of honor.
338
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,859
-Aunt Reba, of course
I want you there,
339
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:39,079
but the new venue
doesn't allow flip-flops.
340
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:43,561
Oh, so now none of
our Florida family is coming?
341
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:46,260
-Wedding troubles?
-It's so stressful.
342
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:48,697
-My planning kinda hit
a snag, too.
343
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,394
-At least you're not being
forced to have your wedding
344
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:51,874
in some spooky art museum
345
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:55,269
that doesn't even have
a wax Vin Diesel.
346
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:57,271
-Wait, did you book the Zimmet?
347
00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,099
That's a venue I wanted.
348
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:01,362
-Well, apparently,
everybody says it's the best,
349
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:03,930
so I had to push
my wedding back six months.
350
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:05,322
-Why?
351
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:06,933
Your wedding is supposed to be
the one day
352
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,848
you can get anything you want.
353
00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,850
So, what do you want?
Don't think about it.
354
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:11,894
Just say it.
355
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:14,157
-I just want to be married.
-Okay.
356
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,767
Well, let's make that happen,
alright?
357
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:18,509
Um, I can take the Zimmet
off your hands,
358
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:21,512
and I can marry you,
here, tonight.
359
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:23,558
-You know what? I'm in.
360
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:27,301
Tonight, I finally become
Mrs. Finkboner!
361
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,259
-Yes.
You definitely should not wait
362
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:32,132
to get that name
on some stationery.
363
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:34,961
♪♪
364
00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,876
-Why are you wearing a tux?
365
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:39,182
-It's a wedding.
366
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:40,749
I'm getting my money's worth.
367
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:44,274
A tux salesman talked me into
buying three of these.
368
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:45,885
-Paying for stuff?
369
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,278
A sucker's game.
370
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,500
-Hey. Oh, nice tux.
371
00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:53,936
That style would look good
on Rand.
372
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,852
-Oh. Cool.
Well, uh, I've got two more.
373
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,810
-Oh, thanks,
but they wouldn't fit.
374
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:01,857
He's got broader shoulders
and bigger arms.
375
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,688
-Loving these Rand facts.
376
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:09,038
-Everyone, please be seated.
-Oh, one second, Your Honor.
377
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,561
The father of the bride
is supposed to be here,
378
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,085
but we can't get
in touch with him.
379
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:15,436
-Oh. Well, you can't get married
without her dad here.
380
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:20,745
-Dad? You made it.
381
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:23,792
Ooh. Oh.
382
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,664
I couldn't imagine
doing this without you.
383
00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:32,453
-Your Honor, we can get started.
384
00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:35,456
-Um, sorry.
I just need a minute.
385
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,418
-If I'd have been
your maid of honor,
386
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,116
this never would've happened.
387
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,856
♪♪
388
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:47,859
♪♪
389
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:49,252
-[ Crying ]
390
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,254
-As a person who's actually
been a maid of honor,
391
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:52,647
I know what time it is.
392
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:55,911
It's cold feet speech time.
393
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,957
[ Clears throat ]
394
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,785
Abby, I know
you're feeling stressed,
395
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,092
but this is supposed to be fun.
396
00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:05,921
I know you can't see it,
but I'm dancing out here.
397
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:10,491
-Well, I don't know
how I'm gonna follow that.
398
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:13,929
[ Clears throat ]
399
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,193
An estimated 20% of couples
suffer from cold feet.
400
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:20,370
That's roughly 500,00 people.
401
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,460
I Googled runaway officiants,
but all I got was the plot
402
00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:26,376
for an abandoned
Kate Hudson movie.
403
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,030
-Huh. That's weird.
404
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:32,513
Your boring list of numbers
didn't seem to comfort her.
405
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,863
-Abby, I know
that you're scared,
406
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:39,694
and it's normal to be nervous
because you're -- you're --
407
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:42,001
you're doing something
you've never done before,
408
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:46,092
but just remember that
you, um, love --
409
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,703
-That couple.
410
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:52,185
You've known them your whole --
-Day.
411
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:53,795
And -- And if you don't do this,
412
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:56,276
you are gonna wake up
tomorrow thinking --
413
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,017
-"What if..."
414
00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:02,021
-"...you had
married that couple?"
415
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:07,765
-You're right.
416
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:08,983
I'll go back to Glenn and Trish.
417
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,986
We've been a throuple
for so long.
418
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,989
We make a great team,
just like you.
419
00:17:17,426 --> 00:17:18,819
-Throuples, man.
420
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:21,561
Someone always ends up
crying in the bathroom.
421
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,217
♪♪
422
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,132
[ Knock on door ]
423
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:27,655
-In case you were worried,
424
00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:32,225
the Finkboners were married
by a stripper/priest.
425
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:35,576
It was beautiful.
426
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:38,622
-I can't get everything I want.
427
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:42,409
-Because your father
isn't here.
428
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,413
-I think that the real reason
I haven't wanted
429
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,937
to jump back
into wedding planning.
430
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:52,462
He was just so involved
in all of it.
431
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,769
He was gonna do magic.
-Hmm.
432
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,032
-This thing where my finger
would keep falling off
433
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,644
right before
Rand put a ring on it.
434
00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,951
It was gonna be epic.
435
00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:05,301
-Well, you know,
436
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:09,436
big moments make us really miss
those who are gone.
437
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,785
It's inevitable.
438
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:13,614
But you have to live your life.
439
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:18,097
And it's time you start
a life with...
440
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:20,011
Again, Rand?
441
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:21,404
Rand?
442
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,928
I mean, it's almost like a name,
443
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:26,583
but not quite.
444
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,759
-Isn't your real name Reinhold?
445
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:34,504
-Uh-huh. Okay.
446
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:37,072
So you know stuff.
447
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,682
-But you're right.
448
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:42,077
That is what my dad
would've wanted.
449
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,558
It's just hard to accept
that he won't be there for it.
450
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:50,868
-Actually,
I have an idea about that.
451
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,610
♪♪
452
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:55,786
-What is this?
453
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:59,138
-Well, Harry and I --
all of us, really --
454
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:02,184
we spent so much time
downstairs in that courthouse
455
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,882
that we would come up here
for breaks, fresh air,
456
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:08,843
and talk down
the occasional jumper.
457
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,759
I thought it might be
a-a way to make you feel
458
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:16,024
like your father
was part of your wedding.
459
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,809
I mean, plus, you can't beat
the beautiful view that way.
460
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:20,246
Don't look that way.
461
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:22,422
Those people need to invest
in some curtains.
462
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:24,293
Whoa.
463
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:25,816
-It's perfect.
464
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,818
Rand is gonna love it.
465
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,298
I mean, he is
terrified of heights,
466
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,039
but it's time we work
on that anyway.
467
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:34,608
I'm not giving up
roller coasters for anyone.
468
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:36,305
-We helped too.
469
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:37,567
I did the twinkly lights.
470
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,178
And I brought up a leaf blower
471
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:43,225
and got rid of the pigeons
that are no longer with us.
472
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:46,707
-Because we realized
that we make a great team.
473
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,013
-And that's why we agreed
that we'd be...
474
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:52,016
your co-maids of honor.
-Your co-maids of honor!
475
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,236
-Oh. Oh.
I already have a maid of honor.
476
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,325
It's my friend Nicole
from childhood.
477
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,240
She saved me from a well once.
478
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,677
-Yeah, go with her.
-Can't beat that.
479
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:05,204
Either way, we're sorry
we couldn't get you the dress.
480
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,770
How was I supposed to know
that stripper was
481
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,337
just gonna take off?
482
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,426
-Did someone say "take off"?
483
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,559
-Hey! She's a stripper!
484
00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:17,172
-You were wearing that
the whole time?
485
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,695
-I caught up
with Officer Twerkman
486
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:20,175
and offered him
some free legal advice
487
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,742
for his
"Magic Mike"-style company.
488
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:23,309
He's got great drive.
489
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,920
He's ready to rip off
those sleeves and get to work.
490
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:30,403
-Whoa.
491
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,839
Nice job, Dan.
-Ha.
492
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,232
-How'd you put this
all together?
493
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,798
-It wasn't that hard.
494
00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:38,759
I just used a lot of free stuff
from that wedding planner.
495
00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:40,761
-What the hell is this?
496
00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:45,156
-[ Chuckles ]
497
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,767
-You planned a wedding
without me?
498
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:47,942
-No, no, no. Not exactly.
499
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:49,900
No, this is not a wedding.
500
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:51,598
-I'm Cynthia Davies.
501
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:54,122
I know a wedding when I see one.
502
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,690
You can expect a bill
for all this.
503
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:58,909
And by the way,
504
00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:01,956
those truffles
were made by a machine.
505
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:08,528
-You're just saying that
to hurt me.
506
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:11,531
-Hey, look, y'all, it's
the sad lady from the bathroom.
507
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:15,274
-And it looks like she is
making up with her friends.
508
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:18,015
-I'm gonna order them
some curtains.
509
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:19,974
-I told you
not to look that way.
510
00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:22,368
♪♪
35546
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