All language subtitles for Irreverent.S01E05.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[playful music]

* *

[tapping]

- Whew.

[phone buzzing]

Ah, [chuckles] Paulo, my man.

- Look, I need a sermon.

Yeah, and the Bishop is coming,
so it has to be really good.

- The Bishop in Clump
on Easter Sunday?

- Uh-huh.

- Oh boy, buckle up, baby.

All right, hit me.
What do you got so far?

- Nothing.
I've got nothing.

- Ah, yes, writer's block.

That's going to
happen sometimes.

Look, here's my
advice to you, OK?

You dig down deep,
you write from the heart,

and you just give him
that personal Pow Paulo.

[splashing]

- Uh, no, no, no,
wait a second.

Where are you?

- I am currently
poolside bronzing,

'cause I took your advice,
and I have a date.

Yes, with an actual woman.
And she's beautiful.

She's got all
the pieces and parts.

Armpit hair is a little
longer than mine,

but I'm really very OK with it.

But I'm thinking about
sending Charmaine

a picture of the two of us.

Thoughts.

- Why are you trying
so hard to get her back?

- Because she's my soul mate.
- She dumped you.

- Doesn't mean
she's not my soulmate.

Buddy, two by two,
just like on Noah's Ark.

We all have our other half--
two by two.

- Nah, you lost me.

- Just give a call if you
need to get over the hump.

Ooh, speaking of hump,

I really hope
my date doesn't want to.

I mean, I guess if I have to,

I'll just keep my clothes on
like I did in college.

No, I'm not going
to let it happen.

I'm not even
entertaining the idea.

OK, let's talk soon.
I love you. Bye-bye.

[lighthearted music]

- Bath bomb.

- You got her a bath bomb?
- Yeah.

- Like what you
got her last year?

- Yeah, she loves them.
- No, she doesn't.

- She said she does.

- Look, we don't
have a bath, mate.

- Ducklings.

We get her a couple
of ducklings.

- How about you just--
you shut your mouth

for a couple of weeks, give us
all a bit of peace and quiet?

- It's important
to mark moments

with the people you love,
mate.

You never know how many
you'll have left.

[lighthearted music]

* *

- Yeah, sweetheart?

- Hi there.

My GPS has died.

Can you tell me where Clump is?

- Yeah, that way.

- Take the coastal route.
Little bit longer,

but you can't put
a measurement on beauty.

- Thank you.

- Have a good one, doll.

[lighthearted music]

* *

- Hey, pipsqueak,
I need a sermon.

- You want me to write it?

- Yeah, you do the words.
I'll do the magic.

And yadda, yadda, yadda.
And, uh, it's Easter Sunday.

And my boss is coming.

So I guess it needs to
have a little extra zing.

- All right, please
never say "zing" again.

And this is not what
the court had in mind

when they said
community service.

- I think it's exactly
what they had in mind.

You'll come up with something.

Oh, and um, it needs
to be from the heart.

So...run with that.

[insects chirping]

- Oh come on, come on, come on.

Ah!

- This is Reverend Mackenzie.

Leave a message.
[beep]

- You know, 19 years,
19 years,

I put up with
wasted Sunday mornings

and gluten-free bread.
And for what?

You won't even
return my calls now?

Well, you know, you can try
and avoid me all you want.

But you are signing
these divorce papers,

even if I have to
bring them to you myself.

[sniffles]
[horn honks]

- Oh, you need a hand?

- Oh, hello there.

Look, I'm not sure.
My cell's dropped out.

But I...I'm looking for
the Clump church.

- Oh, there's no service
on Saturdays.

But if you come back tomorrow,

the reverend
is putting together

an incredible
Easter Sunday sermon.

- Oh.
[laughing]

No, I'm not
looking for a service.

God, those things
send me to sleep.

- Oh, right.

- I'm Reverend Mackenzie's
wife.

- The reverend's
good lady wife.

I...

I am Peter,

the President
of the Clump Church Council.

It is an honor.

- If you could just
direct me to the church?

- Nonsense,
I'll take you there myself.

Follow me.

Oh, you must be eager
to see your husband.

- Oh yes, darling, I am eager.

[cheery vocal music]

* *

- It's so good to meet you,
Charmaine.

Is Charmaine French?
- No.

- Oh, I must say
it's such a relief

to finally see you here.

We didn't want to pry, but
you must meet my wife Helen.

Helen would love to meet you.

- Peter.

- Oh no, allow me.
I can just--

- I haven't seen my husband
for some time.

- Oh, of course, yes,
absolutely.

- Hello?

Mooch, you get out here now!

[knocking]
Mooch, hello?

- Hello.

It can't be.

It's Charmaine, right?

[laughs] The reverend didn't
tell me that you were coming.

- [laughs]
I wanted to surprise him.

- Oh, I think
he's gonna be surprised.

- Is he here?
Who are you?

- No, I'm afraid that
you just missed him.

He stepped out for a moment.

But as to your second question,
I am his assistant.

- Oh, well, nice to meet you--

- Lewis is the name.
Pleasure's all mine.

- Right, well...

Lewis, here's my cell number.

Can you call me
when he gets back?

I know this sounds a bit odd,
but don't get him to call.

Let's keep it a surprise.

- Oh, I wouldn't dream
of letting you leave.

No, no, no, you're going
to come into the kitchen

and we're going to
wait for him there.

I'm going to make you some tea.
Let me get your bags.

Everything's gonna be just
fine--right in there.

[tea kettle whistling]

- So what is it that
you do around here?

- I am a junior minister.

Sugar?

- No, thank you.

It's funny,
Mackenzie never mentioned

that he was going to
have an assistant.

- Oh, you know
how busy he gets.

Here you are.

- Is that my husband's shirt?

- Oh...ha...
it happened again.

They're always getting
crossed up in the laundry.

It's--

- Right.

Where did you say he was again?

- Rev, do you want to read
some of the sermon?

- Reverend?

You know,
since Mackenzie's not here,

uh, I might just go for
a walk on the beach.

- Charmaine, hey, hold up
a second, all right?

Let's just talk.
- Who are you?

Why are you pretending
to be my husband?

- Look, this is all just
a big misunderstanding, OK?

Let's go inside the church.
I'll show you around.

It's really beautiful.
- No, I'm going to the police

unless you tell me
what's going on right now.

- I see now.

[laughing] Yeah, clearly,
no one has told you.

- Told me what?

- About the inter-diocese
reverend exchange program.

- The what?

- Well, no wonder
you're confused.

I mean, no wonder
she's confused.

Look, we'll go inside.

We'll have a chat.
You can pull up a pew.

I promise,
I will explain everything.

- I'm listening.

- OK, just follow me.

- This way?

- Yeah, yeah, just come on.

It's a really
fantastic program.

It's bringing people together
from around the country.

Who am I kidding?
Around the world--am I right?

[thudding]

- Hey!
- What--

what do you think
you're doing?

I was handling it.
- You weren't.

[banging on door]

- You let me out right now!
[pounding]

- Great.
What now?

- Need a hand, Officer?

- Hey,
what are you doing here?

- Oh, just seeing
if you wanted to grab

dinner tonight at the bar.
- I wish, I've, uh...

I'm swamped here.

I've got so much
stuff to get through.

- Uh-huh.

You know, don't you?

- About the surprise party?
No.

- Really?

I thought I had you this time.

- It's my job
to know everything

that goes on in this town.

Don't worry,
I'll act surprised.

[giggles]

[door rattles]

- Hey, come on, open the door.

- Please tell me that there
is a second part to your plan.

- What do you think
you're playing at?

- Hmm?
- Open the door right now.

- Daisy, you have to
think things through.

- I did think things through.

She was gonna go to the police,
and now she can't.

[thudding, thumping]

- Stay here.

[thudding]

Damn it!

- I'm calling the police!

- OK, OK, OK.

I know that
this doesn't look good.

It's really--
whoa, OK!

All right.
- Where the hell is he?

- Maybe, maybe we
could just, uh...

let's have a chat.

Hey, just--let's talk.

- He was desperate
to come to Clump,

our personal paradise.

Where the hell is he?

- He took my money.

- What money?

- We met on the plane
coming over here.

And then we had
a drink at the hotel bar.

And next thing I know,
he took everything,

disappears.

- You're telling me
Mackenzie's a thief?

[laughs] Listen, my husband

took a vow of poverty.
He's a man of God.

Is that a new car?

- Mm-hmm.

- All those years,
I would have killed

for a nice dinner or a
half decent pair of shoes,

and now he's driving a new car?

I'm going to kill him.

- Yeah, no, you could,
you could.

Or we can go after him
together,

take back the money,

and split it 50/50.

[intriguing music]

- How much are we talking?

- 100 grand.
All the half decent shoes

that you could want.

- But how do we get it?

You said you don't
know where he is.

- No, I don't.

But I do know
how we can find him.

- All right, the most
important thing to remember

is you have to get the address.

Yeah?

- Will you relax?

I got this.

[whistles]

- [exhales]

It's not like that bad,
is it? Is it...

I'm fine.

Pop a little of this on.

Oh, [coughs]

[hacking]
[phone rings]

Yello.

- Hello, darling.

It's me.

- Oh! Oh, no...

No, I'm not ready.

I'm not ready.

- Hello?

Hello?

- I'm sorry, who is this?

- It's me, Charm--
your wife?

- Ah yes, could you
call back later?

I'm about to go to lunch
on a date...

with a woman.
Her name's Sandy.

OK, thanks, ciao.
Gah!

[dial tone, coins clink]

- He's on a date.
- Great.

- With Sandy?
Who's Sandy?

- Um...

I think he might be
playing hard to get.

- What?

- Yeah, no, he's got it
into his head,

and I have no idea where
he got this stupid idea,

but he thinks that
if he makes you jealous,

then that is going to be
the way to win you back.

So what you have to do is
make him think it's working.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, Charmaine.

Think about the money.

Yeah?

That's what
we're here for, right?

OK, good. Great.

- Hurry up, hurry up.
[coins clinking]

- That was cool, right?

That was normal?

[phone chiming]

No.
[stammers]

Why are you calling back?

[line ringing]

Look, by later,
I meant could--you know,

could you call back later?

- It sounds like you're having
quite the adventure, Mooch.

- Well, you know,
it's all part of the new me,

you know, living on the edge,
naturally tanning.

- Well, I'd love to
meet this new Mackenzie.

And I've just landed
in Australia, too.

So...why don't we meet up?

- Wait, you're here?

You came?

[light, quiet music]

* *

You know, I'm actually
busy this weekend,

probably like the
busiest I've ever been.

Maybe, maybe I can squeeze
you in, but definitely,

definitely not
before the weekend.

- Well, I guess
if you're too busy,

I'll just go back to Chicago.

- Friday, 2:30 PM,
bar, Royal Rosa Hotel.

- Well, honey,
I'll see you then.

I can't wait.
[chuckles]

[coins clink]

- Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes, finally!

Gah!
I mean, of course.

Of course he stayed
in the same hotel.

He's an idiot.

Yes!
- Sandy.

- Yes!
- Who's called Sandy?

- Got everything?
You've gone pee-pee?

We're about to drive
halfway to Antarctica.

[knock on door]

- Daisy?

Daise?

- [laughing]
Uh...

Hey, you.

- Hey. I'm just here
to check on Daisy.

- Oh.
- Wanted to see

how she was feeling

after the court case.
- Yeah, she's fine.

- You really pulled
through for her.

She doesn't have many people
she can rely on.

Thank you for that.

- Yeah, sure, sure.

I mean, anytime.

Need anything else?

- [laughs]
What's going on?

- Nothing.

- So can I come in?

- Look, now's really
not a great time, um--

- Are we leaving?

- Piper, this is my wife,

Charmaine.

- Oh, hello.

- What can we do for you,
Officer?

- You did come out
from Chicago, then?

- I certainly did.

- Great, it's really nice
to meet you, Charmaine.

I was just looking for Daisy.

So I'll let you
guys get back to it.

Enjoy your day.
- You too.

- Oh, join us for drinks
later if you want, yeah?

Both of you?

- Great, we'd love to.

- Yeah, we'll see you there.

[lightly edgy music]

* *

- Can we go now?

- No.

- What?

- Yeah, no.

- Seriously?

- Very seriously.
- Why?

- Because that invitation to
drinks that you just accepted

is actually a party,
her surprise party.

So now, I have to go,
because she thinks

that it's drinks
with her boyfriend.

But actually, the entire
town is going to be there.

And I will be
missed if I'm not,

and she will notice.

- I think she'll manage.

- No, she'll notice.

In and of itself, that's fine.

But then she comes by
the manse the next day.

I'm not here,
so she makes a phone call.

And all of a sudden,
I'm a missing person.

The Australian police
put my picture out.

And we are both screwed.
Do you understand?

So I'm going to
go to the party,

and I'm going to shake the hand

of every single person
that is there,

and I'm gonna
buy us some time.

That's what's going
to happen, OK?

- Fine.

But I'm coming too.

It'd be strange
if your wife didn't show up,

Reverend Mackenzie Boyd.

[dramatic chords]

* *

- Oh.

You scared me.

So how do you fit
into this mess?

- I live here.

- You live here?

- Mack didn't tell you?

- No.

I guess you guys were too busy
imprisoning me in a church.

- Well, we're a team,
Mack and I.

- Are you really?

How old are you?

- 16.

How old are you?

- That's a fun age, 16.

It's all parties, boys,

and assisting
in criminal activity.

- How are we
getting rid of her?

- Don't worry about her.
I'm handling it.

- How did she get on our side?

- Well, once I explained that
I wasn't actually a murderer,

she was pretty reasonable.

God, this thing sucks.

- Are you going somewhere?
- Yeah, Piper's party.

- With Chicago Barbie?

Are you sure
that's a good idea?

- I said I'm handling it.

- All right.

So, um, tomorrow, 10:00 AM?

- What about it?
- The service.

You'll be there on time, yeah?

- Yes, Daisy,
I will be on time.

- Good.

You know, I've almost
finished the sermon

if you want to have
a read of it.

And you can just go--
- No, I got to go.

[mellow pop music]

[background chatter]

* *

- * You think I'm
so predictable *

* Tell me what do you
think I've done *

* Looks can be deceiving *

- Look, you keep your mouth
shut, stick by my side,

and we'll be out
of here no time.

- Oh, I'm not letting
you out of my sight

until we have that money.

Besides, I can play
married for an evening.

I did it for 19 years.

[chatter, music stops]

- Oh, great,
everyone is staring at us.

- Good news travels fast
in a small town.

- Ah, there they are, OK.

Hey, guys.

So sorry that we're late.

Happy birthday.
You look lovely.

- Thanks.

- [coughs]

- Right, you guys
have already met.

But, Aidan, this is
my wife Charmaine.

- Nice to meet you.
How you doing?

- So Charmaine,
how are you finding Clump?

- Hot.

- Yeah, yeah,
it's kind of permanent here.

So tell me, how long
you two been married?

- 19 wonderful years.

- Yeah.
- Can you believe it?

- No.
- Wow, and how'd you guys meet?

- Vacation.
- In college.

- We argue about this
all the time.

- He always gets this wrong.

We first met in college.

It was the summer of 2003.

- Right.

- I was dating
another guy, Tad.

He was a football player,
very good looking.

Owen Wilson, but more muscular.

- And then he died.

- Oh God.
- Yes, boat accident.

Mack did the funeral.

- Yeah, it was a
very special service.

- Can you believe it?
Picked me up at the funeral.

- And that is how we met.
End of story. Fascinating.

Um, darling, do you mind if
we have a word for a minute?

- Sure, honey.
- Great.

- Nice to--yeah, OK.

- I need you.

- Oh right, yes,
yes, of course.

- What'd you kill Ted for?

- You need to tone it down.

- Come on, I thought
I was just playing along.

- What are you frowning about?

- He's not wearing
a wedding ring.

- Why do you care?

- I don't care.

Of course I don't care.

- Of course you don't care.

[funky music playing]

* *

- Does that make sense to you?

- Not at all.

[laughter]

So weird.

- Are you all right with it?

- With what?

Charmaine?

- I thought you and he
had a bit of a thing.

- Me and Mack?

[laughs]

No.
[laughing] Nope.

To be honest, I reckon
he's way more your type.

- My type?

- Yeah, clean cut, perfect,

with a bit of a hint
of something interesting.

- What does that mean?

- Mystery. You like mystery.

- You think Aidan's a mystery?

- Piper, he organized
this whole night

as a surprise
for your birthday.

And you knew about it
before the guests.

[laughter]

- * The storm
came down on you *

* Just like it was the end *

* And then you hid
and you covered your head *

* Face the rage and feel
how thrilling it can be *

- [gasps] Is that his wife?

- Yeah.

- Reverend, I would love
you to meet my wife, Helen.

- Hi.

- I have heard all about you.

- That can't be good.

- No.
[laughs]

- Now, Reverend,
about tomorrow,

how's the sermon coming along?

- Yeah, it's-- it's--
it's-- it's going great.

It's-- in fact, it might
be my best one ever.

- Brilliant.
- Yeah.

- I wonder if we may
squeeze in the story

about Joseph
and his coat of many colors.

The Bishop loves that one.

- You know what?
I'll look into it.

- Hi, Peter, Helen.
[giggles]

So sorry to interrupt.
I just need to chat with Mack.

- About what?

- Jesus.

- [laughs]

No. Darling, that's our cue.

- No.
- I need to touch that dress.

- OK, darling.

- Talk soon.
- Yeah, we will.

- Oh, thank you for that.

- All in a day's work.
Send you the invoice.

- Definitely do.

I'll drop it by
the mill tomorrow.

Take it the strike's
not going well, huh?

- The strike
is going perfectly.

People are just starting
to lose steam, that's all.

- Yeah, well how did
the last mediation go?

- What do you mean?

- The last conversation
that you had

with the mill's owners--
how did it go?

- * Control it
so own it and feel *

- You do realize
that you need to

have a conversation
with them, right?

- I gave them our list of
demands, take it or leave it.

- Uh, no, that's not exactly
how negotiations work.

It's about give and take.

It's about compromise.

- Yeah, the compromise
is that they pay us right

and we work for them.

I don't see how there's
anything more to it than that.

- Right.

[energetic music]

- Your missus
seems to be a hit.

- Yeah, she does, doesn't she?

[energetic music continues]

[indistinct singing]

* *

You know, I was always
taught that, uh, hiding

from the guests at your
own party was a big no-no.

- To be honest, Rev,

I'm not the most
social of butterflies.

- Oh no, you got
to be kidding me.

I saw you dancing.
It was--

- Charmaine is not what
I expected for you.

- Yeah, no.

Yeah.

Definitely
would have been easier

if she stayed in Chicago.

Hey, um, listen,
Charmaine and I--

- Piper!

- Better get back to the fam.

Aidan loves a speech.

[glass clinking]

- Oh, here she is.

Someone needs to
look after mum. Harry?

- I'm working, sis.
- Harry.

- Hey.

- Thank you, everyone.

Tonight is a very special night
for a very special person--

Piper.

[cheers]

Now, most of you know Pipes
is the law in this town.

And I'm pretty sure
half of you still have

outstanding parking tickets.
[scattered laughs]

It is a two-hour limit outside,
and she will find you.

- I'm good at my job.

- Pipes, you are the most
determined person I know.

And that's what makes you
so great at your job.

Because the moment you get a
hint of something important,

you just can't let it go.

Well, I think I finally get it.

I think-- I think I understand.

Because with you,
I found something important.

- [quietly]
What are you doing?

- And I just can't let it go.

So there's something
that I wanted to ask you.

[gentle music]

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

- Surprise.

[crowd awws]

- I can't believe he proposed.

So romantic.

You and Piper seem close.

- Not really.

- Yeah, right.

And Mackenzie
didn't have a ring.

Just blurted it out
over dinner.

Didn't even get down
on one knee.

- Yeah, well, spontaneous
can be romantic.

- He had ketchup on his face.

Should have known then
he was completely useless.

- You were married to him
for 19 years.

He couldn't have been all bad.

- [scoffs]

He used to be something.

You know, he had charisma,

energy.

People...people listened.

He was next in line for
the Chicago Cathedral,

going to be the first
preacher there under 30,

and I was going to
be right beside him--

the functions, the openings,
just all of it.

And then he got passed over
time after time,

and it just...

It ate away at him.

And then I met Greg.
So...[small laugh].

I can only imagine what
Mackenzie's doing right now.

- Probably eating caviar

and watching Cirque Du Soleil
or something like that.

- At this rate, I'm surprised
he hasn't burnt through

100,000 grand already.

- Yeah.

[lightly edgy music]

All right, bedtime.

- Let's have another drink.

- We have to be up early.
- Just one more drink.

Come on, relax.

Drink away a broken heart.

- Yeah.

- Whatcha got here?

Oh!
Ha!

Well, from tomorrow,
we only drink bubbles

and stay
in a five-star suites.

Pure luxury.

To us.

[clink]

- Cheers.

- And 100 grand.

Drink up.

- I thought for sure
you had found the ring.

- Nope.
- No?

- No clue.
- [laughs]

- Did you have to do it
in front of everyone?

- Well, felt like
the perfect moment,

celebrating you
in front of everyone we love.

Couldn't think of a better way.

If you had a different
proposal in mind, just tell me,

and we can do it again.

I will happily propose to you
every day in different ways

for the rest of our lives.

- I think one proposal
is enough.

- Just one?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?

And the wedding?

- Obviously.
- [laughs]

[gentle music]

- [breathing heavily]

- All right, Pete, slow
and steady wins the race.

OK.

- [groans]

- Keep walking, Frankie.
Just keep walking.

Your excellency,
welcome to Clump.

- Morning, Peter.

Why does this building
look distinctly like

a hardware store
and not a church?

- Coffee first, Bishop?
Best coffee in the far North.

You won't regret it.

I think.

- OK, that is
actually quite good.

- Ah. Bishop, I think
you'll be truly impressed

with how things are going.

- Impressed by
which part exactly?

Your shameful
lack of attendance

or your inability to keep
your reverend breathing?

- We've had some
longevity issues.

But that is in the past.

I truly believe
Reverend Mackenzie

is a start of a new chapter
for all of us.

- Yes, well,
let's just see, shall we?

This way?

- One sec.

Mmm.

[gulps] Ah.

- [chuckles]
- Right, let's go.

- Let's go.

Nice wheels, your excellency.

- It's a hire car, Peter.

- [snorts]

Oh, oh shit.

Charmaine, hey, we got to go.

[playful music]

No, goddammit, no!

- He really is an
excellent reverend.

He's charismatic.
He's eloquent.

He's naked.

He--perhaps we should
go inside.

- Is that him?
- Yeah. I think, yeah.

- Come on.

- Where is he going?
- I don't-- to--

[car starts]
- Ah!

* *

- Hey, sleepyhead.
- Hey, we had a deal.

- We did, for 100 grand.

But it's not 100,000 grand,
is it Mack?

A new car, five-star hotels--

that stuff
doesn't come from 100 grand.

Fine, don't tell me.

I'll find out when I get there.

- OK, you figured it out.
It's more.

It's a lot more.
So you stay where you are.

I will come and meet you,
and I will explain everything.

- Or I'll keep driving
and you go back to Clump.

- Why would I do that?

- Because one
phone call from me,

and you'll be in handcuffs
on a plane back to Chicago.

- All right, it's a good try.

But I'm going to be
long gone by the time

the police get to Clump.

- Oh, you will.

But Daisy won't.

- What did you say?

- I know you care
about that stupid kid.

I saw.

What is the charge for aiding
and abetting these days?

- Daisy's got nothing
to do with this.

- Got a good thing
going there, Mack.

Nice little life
in a nice little town.

So why don't you turn around
and go back to it,

and I promise to never
say a word to anyone?

Bye-bye.

[click]

[somber music]

* *

- [sighs]

[scoffs]

- [coughs]

- But, what--

- [coughs]

- That's...Margaret.

She'll be back.

- [sighs] Well, I think
I've seen enough.

Once again, it appears that
your church has no reverend.

- Please, he'll be here.
Just wait a little longer.

- I'm sorry, Peter.

The church is being sold.

[somber music]

* *

- You've missed it.
You've completely missed it.

Do you have any idea
what you've done?

- I don't care, Peter.

- The church is going
to be shut down.

Do you understand?
It's over.

They're going to sell it.

They're going to
sell the church.

- I don't give a damn
about the church, Peter!

- [mutters]

- Peter.

- This is Brian Mills.
Now it's your turn to talk.

- Mackenzie, call me back.
You are in serious danger.

Damn it.

Ugh.

- Everything OK, Rev?

- Yeah, peachy keen.

- How's the view?

- All right.

Look, I don't know what
it is you want from me,

but if it's life advice,

I'm sorry, I'm fresh out.

- Oh, Peter was right.

You are not like
the other reverends.

- How is it that
you two are married

and I never see you in church?

- I don't get out much.

- Oh?

- Multiple sclerosis.

I have good days and--

you know.

Plus, I think I hit the dance
floor a bit hard last night.

MS is a progressive disease.

Since my diagnosis,
Peter has become obsessed

with saving the church.

I think he's gotten
it into his head

that if he does
something for God,

then God won't let
anything bad happen.

- He knows that's crazy, right?

- [laughs] I know.

I've tried talking to him.

But you try talking
someone out of their faith.

- Not really in the habit.

- Peter prayed to God
for a savior,

someone who would come
to town and save the church.

And he can't work out
why God sent him you.

[gentle music]

* *

- Damn it.

Oh, Bishop, thank goodness.

- Forget it, Reverend,
I'm leaving.

If it wasn't for the best
coffee in the Southern

hemisphere, I would already
be well down the highway

with such modern
luxuries as phone calls

and an FM radio signal.

- No, I understand that,
but please, please,

I am so sorry
about the service, I really am.

But I-I can explain.
There's a really good reason.

It's my wife.

- What about your wife?

- She--

She left me this morning,

just like that after--
- Oh...

- I mean, she--
just packed up her bags

and took off after...
19 years.

- Well, I'm very sorry
to hear that.

Um, yeah, marriage
can be complicated.

- Yeah, yeah, thank you.

- Still,
you missed the service,

the Easter Sunday service,
and I can't exactly

stick around here for
another week, can I?

- No, I mean,
you wouldn't want to.

But I have an even
better solution, OK?

How about
a replacement service?

- Like when?

- Half an hour?

- No, I've got to be
in Cairns by 3:00.

- Oh look, you give me
the keys to this baby,

and I will have
you there by 2:30.

This is really nice,
by the way--

- It's a hire car,
and I got upgraded.

- OK, look.
I'll sweeten the deal.

I will have a coffee
waiting for you in the pew.

- Fine.

- Thank you,

Your Highness--

uh, Holiness.

Ah, snake!
No, just a hose.

- And it's Your Excellency.

[lighthearted music]

* *

[door opens, closes]

- Great, I'd like to
thank everybody

for coming, well, again.

Let's get this
party started, huh?

Yeah, OK.

Yeah.

So God made the universe

in seven days, right?

Right, right.

And for the first five days,
he created the Earth.

He created light and dark,

the trees, and...

crocodiles.

And on the sixth day...

Well, he made a mistake.

He made people.

[laughs]

Yeah, yeah, right?

Yeah, he made us.

And, well, people are--

well,
they're basically assholes.

I mean, you know it.
I know it.

God certainly knows it.
People suck.

They let you down.
They lie to your face.

They stab you in the back, even
when you had a deal with them.

People suck.

So begs the question, um...

Why make us?

Why create something
that is so...messy?

But maybe the point wasn't
to create a perfect being.

Maybe the mistakes
were built into the design

in the first place.

Because we all
make them, right?

I mean, every last one of us.

So if we are all flawed...

then maybe understanding
the flaws in ourselves

allows us to look
past the flaws in others.

Yeah, maybe the mistakes
are the whole point,

because they allow us
to forgive.

And I think that
ability to forgive

is what makes this
whole messy thing work.

[gentle music]

* *

- Hey, folks, hope you
enjoyed the sermon.

Now, I hear jingling
in those pockets.

Don't be shy.

And remember that all your
donations are tax deductible.

So thank you very much.

I appreciate it.

- Reverend.

- Peter.

- That was--

[coins clink]

- Thank you, Peter.

- Reverend Mackenzie.

- Your Excellency.

- That was an interesting
sermon you gave in there.

- Was it?
- Mm.

You know, you're not at
all what I was expecting.

I like you.
You got gusto.

But I'm afraid that gusto won't
be enough to save this place.

I'm sure you've
heard the diocese

intends to close the church.
- Yeah, I heard that news.

I'm glad you brought
it up, Bishop.

This community needs
its church--am I right?

Look, it's much more
than a building.

It's a beacon of hope for--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, just save
your sermons for the service.

Do you know how much it costs
to keep this place running?

Between your salary,
and the gardens,

and whatever it is that
you do around here--what?

- Is this not the right
time to ask for a raise?

- We've been made a very
generous offer on the land,

and the diocese
is going to take it.

Now, don't worry,
we'll move you somewhere else.

I'm sure that you'd prefer
to live in a big city anyway.

- Yeah, no, Bishop,
just one question.

Um, when exactly
does this offer expire?

- In a few weeks.
- Oh, that's great then.

Just give me until then
to get the numbers up.

What do you say?

- [laughs] You're very
charismatic, I get it.

But I'm sorry,
it's just not realistic.

- Bishop, just one more thing.

You know, you were
talking, and it

got me thinking,
you know, about a story,

you know, about Joseph
and his coat of many colors.

He had an impossible dream.

No one believed in
him either, but...

- Hmm.

You know, I wasn't
intending on ever

coming back to this place.

There's something about you.

You remind me of
another unorthodox rebel

with big ideas.

- Jesus.

- Oh, yes, yes,
right, of course.

- So I'll give you
until the offer expires

to prove to me that
this place is worth saving.

But that means more people
in those pews.

- Understood.
- Right.

You're going
to need a miracle.

- [chuckles]
- See ya.

- See ya.

- Joseph's story--
that was good.

- You're welcome, Peter.

- [softly] Yes!

[quiet music]

* *

- Congratulations.
You have everyone fooled.

- Yeah, yeah, I was leaving.

- Why did you come back?
- I had business to attend to.

I mean,
there's the chop-chop...

- Stop lying to me.

You've been more honest
with Charmaine in four hours

than you've been to me
in four weeks.

Why are you here, Mack?

The truth.

That's what I thought.

[waves crashing]

- I had $1.6 million
stolen from me,

and I thought that
I could get it back.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I got robbed by
a freshly divorced reverend.

It's not exactly the
proudest moment of my life.

That's it, Daisy.

That's the truth.

Are we good?

- How do I know you're not
just going to leave again?

- Of course I'm going to leave.

What, did you think that I was
going to stick around here

and play reverend
for the rest of my life?

- No.
- No.

No, I am leaving, Daisy,
the first chance that I get.

And you know what?
You should too.

You got bigger plans
than this place, right?

- Paris.
- Yeah.

I can help you get out of here.

But for that to happen,

I need this to stay between us.

No one can know about
this ever, not even Cam.

You understand me?

- OK.

[birds chirping]

[music intensifies]

* *

[cheery vocal music]

* *