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1
00:00:02,578 --> 00:00:05,579
Wow, we are getting a lot
of love on Yelp lately.
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,582
"Kat's Café makes the
best keto smoothies in town.
3
00:00:08,734 --> 00:00:10,843
"Special shout-out to
Randi, great service,
4
00:00:10,994 --> 00:00:13,012
hot enough to be a basketball wife."
5
00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:15,072
Yeah. I wrote that.
6
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:17,499
I got high last night
and posted a bunch of 'em.
7
00:00:17,576 --> 00:00:19,451
I was gonna write that I
could have been a lady Avenger,
8
00:00:19,578 --> 00:00:21,428
but that just felt like bragging.
9
00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:24,639
"Three stars. Nice café, but
avoid the lady with glasses
10
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,751
if you're tight on time. She
doesn't know when to stop."
11
00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:30,178
Posted by LadyAvenger.
12
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,015
You know, it's so lame how
people hide behind a keyboard,
13
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,201
but it is something to think about.
14
00:00:37,446 --> 00:00:39,096
Oh, hey, what are you doing down here?
15
00:00:39,114 --> 00:00:41,856
Getting Martin Scatsese away from me.
16
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,600
I woke up, he's staring at me.
17
00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:45,360
Got out of the shower,
he's staring at me.
18
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:49,273
Danced like nobody's watching,
guess who's staring at me.
19
00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:50,549
He just got fixed yesterday,
20
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,200
so he can't be down
here with the other cats.
21
00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:54,219
He might have caught
something at the vet.
22
00:00:54,281 --> 00:00:56,781
And when you dance, remember
that our window is visible
23
00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:58,133
from the Chipotle across the street,
24
00:00:58,285 --> 00:01:00,027
so maybe dance like Garret's watching.
25
00:01:00,045 --> 00:01:03,046
That explains why he's
always giving me free chips.
26
00:01:04,291 --> 00:01:06,383
Are you sure Marty can't
stay down here with you?
27
00:01:06,535 --> 00:01:08,035
Yes, please take him back up there
28
00:01:08,037 --> 00:01:11,230
and remind him that
BDE comes from within.
29
00:01:12,483 --> 00:01:14,041
- Hello, all.
- Hello.
30
00:01:14,059 --> 00:01:15,384
- Oh, hey, Sheila.
- Hey, Sheila.
31
00:01:15,469 --> 00:01:17,894
Katharine, don't you look cute today.
32
00:01:18,047 --> 00:01:20,472
Really?
33
00:01:20,491 --> 00:01:21,973
What do you like?
34
00:01:21,993 --> 00:01:24,568
Well, there's your, um...
35
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,829
Randi, help me out.
36
00:01:26,980 --> 00:01:28,288
How 'bout her shirt?
37
00:01:29,408 --> 00:01:31,166
She's not gonna buy that.
38
00:01:31,318 --> 00:01:32,893
Mother, what do you want?
39
00:01:33,062 --> 00:01:35,487
I've been applying for
jobs, so if anyone calls
40
00:01:35,581 --> 00:01:39,324
and asks about my time as
a flight attendant in 1974,
41
00:01:39,401 --> 00:01:43,161
tell them I'm why they called
it "the friendly skies."
42
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,663
Why are you looking for a job?
43
00:01:45,683 --> 00:01:49,334
Valley Hills is turning out to
be more expensive than I thought.
44
00:01:49,428 --> 00:01:51,520
Apparently, the "all
you can drink" package
45
00:01:51,671 --> 00:01:53,580
doesn't mean "all I can drink."
46
00:01:53,599 --> 00:01:55,749
Well, that's why Carter
and I like Red Lobster.
47
00:01:55,842 --> 00:01:57,192
"Unlimited Cheddar Bay Biscuits" means
48
00:01:57,419 --> 00:02:00,070
unlimited Cheddar Bay Biscuits, bitch.
49
00:02:02,274 --> 00:02:05,108
I'm confused. I thought
you had plenty of money.
50
00:02:05,202 --> 00:02:06,368
Yes, but with inflation,
51
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,428
it makes it harder to
maintain my lifestyle.
52
00:02:08,430 --> 00:02:12,099
My financial advisor says I
should give up my country club.
53
00:02:12,117 --> 00:02:14,359
That's the problem with your generation.
54
00:02:14,378 --> 00:02:17,287
You kids want everyone
to be as poor as you are.
55
00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:19,531
Well, what kind of job
are you looking for?
56
00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:23,052
I know there are life coaches,
are there life critics?
57
00:02:23,279 --> 00:02:26,221
Well, I'm looking for something...
58
00:02:26,373 --> 00:02:28,632
entry-level, maybe in retail.
59
00:02:28,784 --> 00:02:30,208
And if it doesn't work out,
60
00:02:30,227 --> 00:02:33,545
I can always sleep with my boss
and make him buy my silence.
61
00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:37,024
The same advice you gave at
my sixth grade career day.
62
00:02:42,722 --> 00:02:45,223
- Mmm, looks good.
- Yeah.
63
00:02:45,242 --> 00:02:47,409
Now, I know you're skeptical
about vegetarianism,
64
00:02:47,636 --> 00:02:49,136
so I have made two sauces,
65
00:02:49,229 --> 00:02:51,580
one with meat and the
other with meat substitute.
66
00:02:51,731 --> 00:02:54,491
- See if you can tell which one...
- This one. This one has meat.
67
00:02:54,643 --> 00:02:56,310
Bu-But you didn't even
taste the other one...
68
00:02:56,403 --> 00:02:58,645
Don't need to. This one has meat.
69
00:02:58,738 --> 00:03:00,172
Meat is good.
70
00:03:04,077 --> 00:03:05,335
He's doing it again.
71
00:03:05,429 --> 00:03:08,989
Oh. Give him a break.
He just had surgery.
72
00:03:09,007 --> 00:03:10,582
Imagine if someone hacked the ornaments
73
00:03:10,601 --> 00:03:12,184
off your Christmas tree.
74
00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:15,178
- Hello.
- Hey, Sheila.
75
00:03:15,272 --> 00:03:17,088
Mother, can you please stop
76
00:03:17,182 --> 00:03:18,590
entering our apartment without knocking?
77
00:03:18,609 --> 00:03:22,444
We could be doing the, you
know, electric boogaloo.
78
00:03:23,447 --> 00:03:25,781
Until you're mature enough
to use the word "sex,"
79
00:03:25,932 --> 00:03:27,858
you shouldn't be allowed to do it.
80
00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:29,843
You want to join us?
This sauce has meat.
81
00:03:30,012 --> 00:03:32,621
It's really good. Because of the meat.
82
00:03:32,772 --> 00:03:34,514
No, I don't want to interrupt.
83
00:03:34,516 --> 00:03:36,208
We can talk after.
84
00:03:40,205 --> 00:03:42,205
Okay, this is freaking me out.
85
00:03:42,358 --> 00:03:44,216
I'm gonna eat in the bedroom.
86
00:03:48,697 --> 00:03:49,954
Seriously, Marty?
87
00:03:49,974 --> 00:03:52,599
Now I can't eat in my underwear.
88
00:03:59,299 --> 00:04:00,632
What do you want, Mother?
89
00:04:00,726 --> 00:04:04,227
Oh, no, no, please, finish
your trough of simple carbs.
90
00:04:04,380 --> 00:04:07,138
It's fine. They'll be better cold.
91
00:04:07,232 --> 00:04:11,735
I applied for over a dozen jobs,
didn't even get an interview.
92
00:04:11,887 --> 00:04:14,888
It's a sad day in America
when no one will hire a woman
93
00:04:14,981 --> 00:04:17,815
just because she's in her late 40s.
94
00:04:19,228 --> 00:04:21,411
Well, maybe your
financial advisor's right.
95
00:04:21,505 --> 00:04:23,988
Maybe it's time to give
up the country club.
96
00:04:24,008 --> 00:04:26,008
It's really just you eating
lunch with other women
97
00:04:26,159 --> 00:04:27,250
whose faces don't move.
98
00:04:27,344 --> 00:04:29,011
Oh, honey, these are trophy wives.
99
00:04:29,162 --> 00:04:32,239
We're not eating lunch,
we're drinking it.
100
00:04:32,999 --> 00:04:36,000
And that club is where
I met your father.
101
00:04:36,094 --> 00:04:38,020
We got married there.
102
00:04:38,764 --> 00:04:39,837
And now that he's gone,
103
00:04:39,857 --> 00:04:42,858
it's where I feel closest to him.
104
00:04:43,085 --> 00:04:45,176
I had no idea.
105
00:04:45,345 --> 00:04:46,770
That's so sweet.
106
00:04:46,922 --> 00:04:51,015
I can't believe no one
will even give me a chance.
107
00:04:51,035 --> 00:04:53,351
Okay.
108
00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:56,688
I've got an idea, and
it's probably stupid.
109
00:04:56,782 --> 00:05:00,191
If it's what I think it
is, it's definitely stupid.
110
00:05:00,878 --> 00:05:02,953
What if you worked at the café?
111
00:05:03,047 --> 00:05:04,788
And there it is.
112
00:05:04,882 --> 00:05:06,048
Really?
113
00:05:06,366 --> 00:05:09,551
Hang on a second, let me
swallow this feeling of dread.
114
00:05:10,796 --> 00:05:12,462
Yeah, it could be fun.
115
00:05:12,614 --> 00:05:15,140
That's what Lincoln said about the play.
116
00:05:18,395 --> 00:05:19,544
Ooh.
117
00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:23,273
It is about to get real.
118
00:05:26,144 --> 00:05:28,462
Uh-oh, no condoms.
119
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,629
Are you serious?
120
00:05:29,631 --> 00:05:31,114
Let me check under my Bible.
121
00:05:32,559 --> 00:05:35,577
Oh, come on, Lord, do me a solid.
122
00:05:35,729 --> 00:05:37,153
Dang it!
123
00:05:37,306 --> 00:05:38,488
You can turned water into wine,
124
00:05:38,657 --> 00:05:40,991
but you can't turn this
ChapStick into a condom?
125
00:05:41,810 --> 00:05:43,977
How are we out? You love buying 'em.
126
00:05:44,037 --> 00:05:46,146
You even peel the sticker
off and demand they do
127
00:05:46,164 --> 00:05:47,831
a price check over the speaker.
128
00:05:47,925 --> 00:05:49,424
Well, what's the point of having sex
129
00:05:49,576 --> 00:05:51,651
if you can't let all your
friends at ValuMarket know?
130
00:05:51,745 --> 00:05:54,078
I'm sorry, baby.
131
00:05:54,098 --> 00:05:57,432
I know how much you wanted all of this.
132
00:05:57,659 --> 00:06:00,510
Why are we still messing
around with condoms, anyway?
133
00:06:00,587 --> 00:06:02,812
Maybe I should just
get back on the pill.
134
00:06:02,906 --> 00:06:03,997
You hated that.
135
00:06:04,090 --> 00:06:06,424
It messed with your hormones,
made you gain weight.
136
00:06:06,502 --> 00:06:10,470
Although that extra junk was
perfectly arranged in your trunk.
137
00:06:11,673 --> 00:06:14,357
Maybe we should talk
about getting a vasectomy.
138
00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:16,285
Wow, that's a huge step.
139
00:06:16,512 --> 00:06:18,787
Well, I know I don't want another kid.
140
00:06:19,014 --> 00:06:20,605
I mean, you haven't
changed your mind, have you?
141
00:06:20,699 --> 00:06:22,774
No. I mean, I like kids,
142
00:06:22,868 --> 00:06:24,442
but I'm happy with the way things are.
143
00:06:24,536 --> 00:06:26,277
Plus, I already have a child in my life.
144
00:06:26,297 --> 00:06:28,780
Don't call me a child just
because I like cartoons,
145
00:06:28,874 --> 00:06:30,690
water balloon fights, baby shampoo,
146
00:06:30,709 --> 00:06:32,617
the circus and SpaghettiOs.
147
00:06:32,781 --> 00:06:34,447
I was talking about CJ,
148
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,325
but you do still clap whenever
you see a train going by.
149
00:06:37,436 --> 00:06:38,768
Yeah.
150
00:06:38,787 --> 00:06:40,695
Little man is the best thing
that ever happened to me.
151
00:06:40,714 --> 00:06:42,956
It'd just be tough to
do it again at my age.
152
00:06:43,108 --> 00:06:46,551
I mean, I can't learn the
slang of another generation.
153
00:06:46,778 --> 00:06:48,945
I just learned "skrrt!"
154
00:06:49,781 --> 00:06:52,557
So, it sounds like we're
doing the vasectomy.
155
00:06:52,784 --> 00:06:54,300
All right, cool.
156
00:06:54,395 --> 00:06:57,646
Now we just got to figure out
which one of us is gonna get it.
157
00:07:01,718 --> 00:07:04,310
Sheila Silver, it is my
great honor to bestow upon you
158
00:07:04,463 --> 00:07:06,947
this Kat's Café apron.
159
00:07:08,075 --> 00:07:09,799
Wear it in good health,
machine wash cold
160
00:07:09,818 --> 00:07:12,986
and don't try and sell it
on eBay... it's watermarked.
161
00:07:13,138 --> 00:07:15,472
An apron?
162
00:07:15,490 --> 00:07:17,641
When God gives you a Lamborghini,
163
00:07:17,659 --> 00:07:19,567
you don't put it under a tarp.
164
00:07:19,645 --> 00:07:21,828
Yes, I like the way you think, Sheila.
165
00:07:21,922 --> 00:07:24,497
Lady Avenger is gonna love you.
166
00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,591
Uh... F-Fine. Fine.
167
00:07:26,743 --> 00:07:29,928
Well, I-I have just declared
today Apron-Free Friday.
168
00:07:30,079 --> 00:07:33,080
So, thank you both for
complying with my policy.
169
00:07:34,176 --> 00:07:36,268
All right, Mother, I have
thrown a lot at you this morning,
170
00:07:36,419 --> 00:07:38,662
but let's have some fun with the...
171
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,939
Kat's Cat Café employee manual.
172
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,332
I'm not reading that.
173
00:07:42,425 --> 00:07:43,683
Oh, you don't have to read it.
174
00:07:43,777 --> 00:07:44,945
I also recorded it as an audiobook.
175
00:07:44,945 --> 00:07:46,519
I do all the voices of the cats.
176
00:07:46,613 --> 00:07:48,521
Like a-a famous
Russian Anna Cat-nokova.
177
00:07:48,615 --> 00:07:50,765
She explains sick day policy.
178
00:07:51,526 --> 00:07:54,527
I can't help but feel you're
wildly overcomplicating this job.
179
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,529
Oh, really? Oh, so you think it's easy
180
00:07:56,682 --> 00:07:59,607
to make a medium flat white,
half oat milk, half two percent,
181
00:07:59,626 --> 00:08:01,351
with an extra shot and
a Splenda, finished off
182
00:08:01,444 --> 00:08:03,628
with a signature foam cat face?
183
00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:05,689
Gordon Ramsay, if you ever
want to do a show about coffee,
184
00:08:05,707 --> 00:08:08,541
I'm on Fox, you're on
Fox, let's make it happen.
185
00:08:09,618 --> 00:08:11,451
I can make cocktails in my sleep.
186
00:08:11,469 --> 00:08:13,286
I think I can handle this.
187
00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:14,804
Seriously, I have woken up
188
00:08:14,973 --> 00:08:17,065
with a perfect martini in my hand.
189
00:08:17,292 --> 00:08:19,459
That's when the doctor
cut off my Ambien.
190
00:08:20,219 --> 00:08:22,053
Hey, I have to duck
out a little early today
191
00:08:22,072 --> 00:08:23,888
to go to the doctor with Carter.
192
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:25,982
Mm, use personal day,
does not count as sick day.
193
00:08:26,076 --> 00:08:27,409
Is everything okay?
194
00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:29,152
Yeah, it's just a
consultation for a vasectomy.
195
00:08:29,228 --> 00:08:30,612
I just want to be there
so I can see his face
196
00:08:30,764 --> 00:08:33,139
when he finds out exactly what that is.
197
00:08:33,158 --> 00:08:35,584
Wow, pulling the trigger on a vasectomy.
198
00:08:35,811 --> 00:08:37,310
Well, I guess not pulling
the trigger so much
199
00:08:37,329 --> 00:08:38,753
as, like, unloading the gun.
200
00:08:38,905 --> 00:08:41,164
Yeah, Carter doesn't really
want to have any more kids.
201
00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:42,649
And what do you want?
202
00:08:42,742 --> 00:08:45,485
Well, I guess I always
thought I would have kids,
203
00:08:45,503 --> 00:08:47,003
but my life just turned out different,
204
00:08:47,155 --> 00:08:48,988
and Carter and I have
a good thing going.
205
00:08:49,082 --> 00:08:50,265
Good for you.
206
00:08:50,416 --> 00:08:51,674
Children add nothing to your life
207
00:08:51,827 --> 00:08:54,269
you can't get from a good
magazine subscription.
208
00:08:55,772 --> 00:08:58,331
Mmm. This is really good.
209
00:08:58,350 --> 00:09:01,610
But, uh, the foam art doesn't
look anything like a cat.
210
00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:04,696
That's because it's
a middle finger, boss.
211
00:09:10,436 --> 00:09:11,611
Excuse me, could I get a straw?
212
00:09:11,771 --> 00:09:12,846
Oh, you don't want one.
213
00:09:12,864 --> 00:09:14,105
They're all paper.
214
00:09:14,124 --> 00:09:15,698
My daughter thinks
she's saving the planet
215
00:09:15,851 --> 00:09:18,017
by ruining your drinking experience.
216
00:09:18,778 --> 00:09:20,962
Feel good knowing
that you are protecting
217
00:09:21,114 --> 00:09:23,114
the delicate ecosystem of the ocean.
218
00:09:23,282 --> 00:09:26,042
But she's right... suck fast,
they turn to mush like that.
219
00:09:26,211 --> 00:09:28,378
What up, Kat? I grabbed your mail.
220
00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:31,122
If your ValuPak is missing
the Souplantation coupon,
221
00:09:31,141 --> 00:09:33,767
I hear that's been happening a lot.
222
00:09:34,961 --> 00:09:35,961
Oh, hey.
223
00:09:36,054 --> 00:09:38,096
Postcard from Phil. Max, your turn.
224
00:09:39,132 --> 00:09:41,650
Oh, look, they're in Australia.
225
00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:43,376
"G'day, y'all!"
226
00:09:43,395 --> 00:09:45,302
"Jalen and I made
friends with the fellas
227
00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:49,048
from Thunder Down Under,
so we decided to visit.
228
00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:51,475
Max, we showed 'em your
picture, and you have a job
229
00:09:51,495 --> 00:09:54,311
if you ever want one."
230
00:09:54,406 --> 00:09:55,722
Ooh, Thunder Down Under.
231
00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:58,149
I'd like to get a look
at their didgeridoos.
232
00:09:58,168 --> 00:10:02,245
"Tell Sheila their
didgeridoos do not disappoint.
233
00:10:02,339 --> 00:10:05,322
Send my love to Carter and Randi."
234
00:10:05,342 --> 00:10:06,824
Aw, I miss Phil.
235
00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:09,844
He said my name first, he likes me more.
236
00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:11,829
- Did he say anything about me?
- Uh, yeah, take a look.
237
00:10:11,923 --> 00:10:14,182
Oh. Uh, "Kat, send my last paycheck.
238
00:10:14,409 --> 00:10:16,000
These boys from down
under don't want to see me
239
00:10:16,094 --> 00:10:18,261
in the same thong every night."
240
00:10:18,337 --> 00:10:19,412
Oh, babe, we should get going.
241
00:10:19,431 --> 00:10:20,596
- Oh. Good luck.
- Ooh, yeah.
242
00:10:20,765 --> 00:10:23,583
And after, I was thinking we can
grab dinner from Souplantation.
243
00:10:24,436 --> 00:10:29,239
Sadly, I do not have a coupon,
so it will cost us full price.
244
00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:33,851
Aw. Who's this new guy?
245
00:10:33,870 --> 00:10:36,763
Uh, I have no idea,
he's not one of ours.
246
00:10:36,765 --> 00:10:39,374
Oh, I saw him wandering around out back,
247
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:40,875
and he looked kind of pathetic,
248
00:10:41,102 --> 00:10:42,936
so I figured he'd fit right in.
249
00:10:43,154 --> 00:10:44,913
Wait, you just found a stray cat
250
00:10:45,064 --> 00:10:46,806
and threw him in with gen pop?
251
00:10:46,824 --> 00:10:48,991
You can't do that. We
have quarantine protocols.
252
00:10:49,085 --> 00:10:50,734
Well, how am I supposed to know that?
253
00:10:50,754 --> 00:10:53,087
It's page one of the employee
manual, also track one.
254
00:10:53,256 --> 00:10:55,148
Whiskers McGee, the Irish cat, sings:
255
00:10:55,241 --> 00:10:57,574
* Don't take in a stray,
until they get a spray *
256
00:10:57,669 --> 00:10:59,485
* They've got bugs and
germs and sometimes worms *
257
00:10:59,504 --> 00:11:02,305
* So give it three or four days, meow. *
258
00:11:04,434 --> 00:11:07,994
Oh, man. They should have
these at Souplantation.
259
00:11:08,087 --> 00:11:09,604
Boom, got my turkey chili.
260
00:11:09,831 --> 00:11:12,348
Boom, hitting the garlic bread station.
261
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:15,017
Boom, back at the table.
262
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:16,945
And then boom, eating alone.
263
00:11:18,431 --> 00:11:21,932
Hello, Carter, Randi.
Good to see you again.
264
00:11:22,026 --> 00:11:23,359
Hi, Dr. Colman.
265
00:11:23,511 --> 00:11:25,769
Uh, can you tell him what a vasectomy is
266
00:11:25,789 --> 00:11:26,862
and who has to get it?
267
00:11:27,015 --> 00:11:29,940
Wait, hold on. All right, we good.
268
00:11:30,034 --> 00:11:31,684
Well, actually,
269
00:11:31,703 --> 00:11:33,461
before I refer you to a urologist,
270
00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:34,837
I'd recommend one more test.
271
00:11:34,947 --> 00:11:37,690
- Okay, here comes the upselling.
- Mm-hmm.
272
00:11:37,709 --> 00:11:39,133
You are worse than my weed guy.
273
00:11:39,285 --> 00:11:42,637
If it's half-off, neither
one of us wants it, Reggie.
274
00:11:42,806 --> 00:11:45,640
No, I noticed your
father had colon cancer
275
00:11:45,867 --> 00:11:47,533
and your blood work came
back with some things
276
00:11:47,626 --> 00:11:48,810
that I want to follow up on.
277
00:11:49,037 --> 00:11:50,812
Oh, Lord, is this how I go?
278
00:11:50,963 --> 00:11:52,705
I'm too young to die!
279
00:11:52,724 --> 00:11:54,724
Randi, you better not
fall in love again.
280
00:11:54,892 --> 00:11:56,375
I don't want that for you.
281
00:11:56,469 --> 00:11:58,820
Okay, relax, you're not gonna die.
282
00:11:58,896 --> 00:12:01,656
Oh, I swear to God, I
will haunt your fine ass.
283
00:12:01,883 --> 00:12:04,717
Doctor, what's going on? Is it serious?
284
00:12:04,736 --> 00:12:06,310
We just want to be on the safe side.
285
00:12:06,404 --> 00:12:08,645
I'm referring you to Dr.
Monroe for a colonoscopy.
286
00:12:08,723 --> 00:12:09,905
Aw, hell no.
287
00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:11,699
I don't even like getting
my regular picture taken.
288
00:12:11,926 --> 00:12:13,909
I understand your concern,
but this is a simple,
289
00:12:14,004 --> 00:12:15,336
outpatient procedure.
290
00:12:15,488 --> 00:12:18,655
And I'm sure Reggie can
help with your recovery.
291
00:12:18,675 --> 00:12:20,233
Easy for you to say.
292
00:12:20,326 --> 00:12:22,326
You're not the one getting the
camera shoved down his throat.
293
00:12:22,420 --> 00:12:24,920
- Actually the camera goes...
- No, no, no.
294
00:12:25,015 --> 00:12:27,473
Don't ruin the surprise.
295
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:33,062
Excuse me, I've been waiting
20 minutes for a vanilla latte.
296
00:12:33,155 --> 00:12:34,355
Right, sorry. I'm not ignoring you.
297
00:12:34,399 --> 00:12:35,574
You are a very valuable customer.
298
00:12:35,658 --> 00:12:37,900
I just, I completely
forgot all about you.
299
00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:40,101
Hey, you feel like Mexican for dinner?
300
00:12:40,252 --> 00:12:42,511
I think I can twerk my
way into a family pack.
301
00:12:42,663 --> 00:12:45,164
Um, I'd really rather
you clean some tables,
302
00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:47,182
maybe change the litter,
and I have seen you twerk,
303
00:12:47,277 --> 00:12:49,685
it's, like, worth maybe
a veggie taco at best.
304
00:12:49,779 --> 00:12:51,094
Well, where's Sheila and Randi?
305
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:54,189
Uh, Randi's with Carter
and my mother is MIA.
306
00:12:54,342 --> 00:12:56,600
Fine. But for the record,
307
00:12:56,694 --> 00:13:00,037
my milkshake brings all
the girls to the yard.
308
00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:04,125
Ooh, I'm just in time.
309
00:13:04,352 --> 00:13:05,534
Mother, where have you been?
310
00:13:05,686 --> 00:13:07,110
You left for lunch over two hours ago.
311
00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:09,872
I was working. Your
coffee vendor, Arturo,
312
00:13:10,024 --> 00:13:11,465
came in earlier and I took him to lunch,
313
00:13:11,617 --> 00:13:14,468
lunch turned into drinks,
and drinks turned into
314
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,620
he's taking me salsa
dancing next weekend.
315
00:13:16,639 --> 00:13:19,031
Uh, how is that "working?"
316
00:13:19,124 --> 00:13:21,200
It's called the art of
the schmooze, darling.
317
00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:24,979
If I tickle his beans, you'll
get a discount on yours.
318
00:13:25,206 --> 00:13:27,982
I did not hire you to
date the coffee vendor.
319
00:13:28,209 --> 00:13:29,650
How much of a discount?
320
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,043
Where do you want these?
321
00:13:31,062 --> 00:13:32,486
Um, you can just put 'em... Uh, wait...
322
00:13:32,713 --> 00:13:34,471
Why are you itch... Why am I itching?
323
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:36,215
Oh, my God, is that a flea?
324
00:13:36,308 --> 00:13:37,399
A flea?!
325
00:13:37,552 --> 00:13:39,810
W-we don't have fleas, Brandi.
326
00:13:39,829 --> 00:13:41,495
'Cause if we had fleas I'd be itching
327
00:13:41,647 --> 00:13:43,405
my leg and my arm and
the back of my neck,
328
00:13:43,558 --> 00:13:46,500
but look, it's... I'm fine. Nothing.
329
00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,172
And then there's your
latte. There you go.
330
00:13:51,323 --> 00:13:53,749
It's on the house.
331
00:13:53,843 --> 00:13:56,043
- Oh, God.
- How are you not itching?
332
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:59,722
Between the gin and the
Botox, I can't feel a thing.
333
00:14:05,188 --> 00:14:06,922
Look at this. I was
reading this article.
334
00:14:06,923 --> 00:14:08,856
It says one of the signs of colon cancer
335
00:14:08,933 --> 00:14:11,508
is passing excessive amounts of gas.
336
00:14:11,677 --> 00:14:13,752
I think I had this since I was a kid.
337
00:14:13,846 --> 00:14:15,696
Okay, you got to stay off WebMD.
338
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,681
This is like the time you
had a cyst on your shoulder
339
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:20,426
and convinced yourself you
were growing a second head.
340
00:14:20,519 --> 00:14:22,778
Yeah, but when it popped, I
felt like I lost a brother.
341
00:14:22,872 --> 00:14:25,280
Carter Two never got to see the ocean.
342
00:14:25,375 --> 00:14:27,241
You're worrying about bad news
343
00:14:27,393 --> 00:14:28,784
that you're probably never gonna get.
344
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,619
Yeah, but you don't know that, Randi.
345
00:14:30,771 --> 00:14:32,380
I mean, it runs in my family,
346
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:35,699
like great hair and a smile
that makes people want to hug me.
347
00:14:35,718 --> 00:14:37,534
Just because something
runs in your family
348
00:14:37,553 --> 00:14:39,053
doesn't mean you're gonna get it, too.
349
00:14:39,204 --> 00:14:42,114
I mean, look at my sister...
she ugly and I'm hot.
350
00:14:42,207 --> 00:14:44,466
I just can't stop thinking about my dad
351
00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:45,819
and everything that he went through.
352
00:14:45,836 --> 00:14:48,229
I can't get sick, Randi.
353
00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:50,289
I got too much I want to do.
354
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:52,400
Teach CJ how to drive.
355
00:14:52,568 --> 00:14:53,901
Dance with you at our wedding.
356
00:14:54,128 --> 00:14:56,795
We're supposed to grow
old with each other.
357
00:14:56,889 --> 00:14:59,965
And we will because they're
not gonna find anything.
358
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,409
And if they do, we're gonna deal with it
359
00:15:01,636 --> 00:15:04,820
like we deal with
everything else: together.
360
00:15:04,914 --> 00:15:06,639
Yeah, I guess.
361
00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,198
No, look at me.
362
00:15:08,251 --> 00:15:09,917
I love you.
363
00:15:10,144 --> 00:15:12,978
And I'm gonna take care
of you no matter what.
364
00:15:12,997 --> 00:15:14,672
Thank you, baby.
365
00:15:15,758 --> 00:15:17,592
- Uh-oh.
- What's going on?
366
00:15:17,743 --> 00:15:19,001
Laxative's kicking in.
367
00:15:19,153 --> 00:15:22,638
Hey phone, play ocean
sounds really loud.
368
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,712
Do we really have to do all of
this just 'cause of some fleas?
369
00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:33,474
Yes, we have a very strict protocol.
370
00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,643
This is a Code Meow.
371
00:15:35,794 --> 00:15:37,627
We're gonna disinfect everything,
372
00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:39,295
deflea and isolate Kitten Kaboodle...
373
00:15:39,315 --> 00:15:41,540
that's right, I named him.
374
00:15:41,558 --> 00:15:44,059
Do we have any more garbage
bags for these pillows?
375
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,894
Oh, no, those are fine,
I already vacuumed them.
376
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:49,431
Oh, this is not flea-related.
They're just ugly.
377
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:54,219
So far, I have found a dozen
fleas and a cigarette butt.
378
00:15:54,312 --> 00:15:57,072
This cat has seen some things.
379
00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:59,558
Don't blame K.K. for all of this.
380
00:15:59,576 --> 00:16:01,693
It's not his fault. Is it, Mother?
381
00:16:01,845 --> 00:16:04,271
Mm. I'd say the fault lies with
382
00:16:04,348 --> 00:16:06,756
whoever had the brilliant
idea to combine a café
383
00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:09,334
with America's least favorite pet.
384
00:16:09,353 --> 00:16:11,779
Mm-mmm.
385
00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:16,410
For your information, there are
58 million pet cats in America,
386
00:16:16,411 --> 00:16:18,101
and that number is
probably underreported
387
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,512
because some very normal
ladies are ashamed to admit
388
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,696
how many they have.
389
00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:23,015
That's a good point.
390
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,608
Sometimes I'm ashamed to
admit I have a daughter.
391
00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:26,943
Oh, yeah?
392
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,704
Dad said Marci Connor's
boobs were nicer than yours.
393
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,297
All right, let's-let's all calm down.
394
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:34,892
- Let's take a deep breath...
- No!
395
00:16:35,043 --> 00:16:36,468
I've had it up to here
with your attitude.
396
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,544
Ever since I hired you,
you've been undermining me
397
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,213
and insulting me nonstop.
398
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:43,049
I thought that was our thing.
399
00:16:43,143 --> 00:16:44,459
What am I not getting?
400
00:16:44,478 --> 00:16:46,461
What you're not getting
is that when you're here
401
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,906
I'm not just your
daughter, I'm your boss.
402
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,299
I would appreciate you
treating me with respect.
403
00:16:51,318 --> 00:16:52,409
I'll treat you with respect
404
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,911
when you've done something to earn it.
405
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,896
You know I hired you as a favor, right?
406
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,582
How am I supposed to take you seriously?
407
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,159
You're literally dressed as garbage.
408
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:03,569
Okay, that does it. You're fired.
409
00:17:03,664 --> 00:17:05,738
- What?
- That's right!
410
00:17:05,832 --> 00:17:07,165
And no exit interview.
411
00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:08,984
You'll never know
what pluses and minuses
412
00:17:09,077 --> 00:17:11,094
you brought to this team.
413
00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:18,510
What are you looking at? You're next.
414
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,011
I don't even work here.
415
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:22,105
That's it! You're gone!
416
00:17:25,593 --> 00:17:27,427
Carter.
417
00:17:27,521 --> 00:17:29,279
Baby, wake up.
418
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:33,525
We only have 15 more
minutes left on free parking.
419
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:35,935
If you don't get up, it's
gonna be four dollars.
420
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,789
Oh. I'm up. I'm up.
421
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,016
Well, I have good news for you.
422
00:17:41,109 --> 00:17:42,459
The doctor didn't find anything.
423
00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:44,503
Oh. So, no cancer?
424
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,205
Thank God.
425
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,132
Yep, you have a clean bill of health.
426
00:17:49,284 --> 00:17:51,635
So looks like I'm
stuck with you forever.
427
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,471
You're so good to me.
428
00:17:54,622 --> 00:17:55,880
I don't deserve you.
429
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,216
Oh, so the anesthesia is wearing off.
430
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,535
You're thinking straight.
431
00:18:00,554 --> 00:18:02,813
I never met anyone like you.
432
00:18:02,964 --> 00:18:04,523
Aw.
433
00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:08,193
Maybe this is gonna sound crazy...
434
00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:12,197
What would you think if
we did start a family?
435
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,640
What?
436
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,234
I thought you didn't want to.
437
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:18,311
I know.
438
00:18:18,405 --> 00:18:22,315
But after going through all this,
439
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:26,461
seeing how sweet, caring
and loving you are...
440
00:18:27,989 --> 00:18:31,508
... it made me think
how lucky a kid would be
441
00:18:31,659 --> 00:18:33,885
to get to call you Mom.
442
00:18:34,588 --> 00:18:36,071
Carter.
443
00:18:36,164 --> 00:18:39,016
But only if you want to.
444
00:18:40,835 --> 00:18:42,019
Okay.
445
00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:43,669
We'll talk about it.
446
00:18:43,764 --> 00:18:45,022
Great.
447
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,839
So, postpone the vasectomy?
448
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,083
Aw, damn, too late.
449
00:18:48,101 --> 00:18:49,918
I told them to do it
while you were under.
450
00:18:50,011 --> 00:18:52,103
What? But we didn't agree
451
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,114
which one of us was gonna get it!
452
00:19:03,771 --> 00:19:05,122
What are you doing?
453
00:19:05,349 --> 00:19:06,364
I'm working.
454
00:19:06,533 --> 00:19:08,199
The cats are fed, the
pastries are stocked,
455
00:19:08,276 --> 00:19:10,535
and Arturo is one tasteful nude away
456
00:19:10,687 --> 00:19:13,279
from giving you ten percent
off your next coffee order.
457
00:19:13,448 --> 00:19:15,707
Uh, I'm pretty sure I fired you,
458
00:19:15,801 --> 00:19:18,026
and based on the number
of times that I listened to
459
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:19,361
"Boss Bitch" afterwards,
460
00:19:19,379 --> 00:19:21,304
I was feeling really good about it.
461
00:19:21,456 --> 00:19:22,656
After I went home,
462
00:19:22,658 --> 00:19:25,625
I got a call from one of
the jobs I applied for.
463
00:19:25,644 --> 00:19:28,461
They asked me what
kind of employee I was.
464
00:19:28,555 --> 00:19:31,297
I said I was reliable, punctual,
465
00:19:31,316 --> 00:19:33,391
a team player, hardworking.
466
00:19:33,485 --> 00:19:35,652
Were you applying for
a job at the firm of
467
00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:38,446
Liar, Liar and Pants on Fire?
468
00:19:39,324 --> 00:19:40,473
That's just it.
469
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:42,325
When I was younger, I
was all those things.
470
00:19:42,477 --> 00:19:44,185
I mean, I was a working woman
471
00:19:44,237 --> 00:19:46,979
in a time when it was very
hard to be taken seriously.
472
00:19:46,999 --> 00:19:48,481
And I took pride in showing the world
473
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:51,817
that pretty girls could contribute, too.
474
00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:54,987
I was just as good
as any of those uggos.
475
00:19:55,081 --> 00:19:58,400
Yeah, life certainly is
stacked against the beautiful.
476
00:19:58,568 --> 00:19:59,584
Thank you.
477
00:19:59,736 --> 00:20:01,419
But the point is
478
00:20:01,571 --> 00:20:06,074
I realized I hadn't been
that kind of employee for you.
479
00:20:06,243 --> 00:20:09,060
And that made me feel...
480
00:20:11,915 --> 00:20:12,915
Guilty?
481
00:20:13,007 --> 00:20:16,860
Ah, I'm not sure. This is all so new.
482
00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:22,106
You did do me a favor, and
I didn't treat you very well.
483
00:20:22,776 --> 00:20:26,185
You started this cat café
484
00:20:26,279 --> 00:20:27,929
and made it last three years,
485
00:20:27,931 --> 00:20:31,766
which seems both impossible
486
00:20:31,785 --> 00:20:34,360
and worthy of my respect.
487
00:20:34,454 --> 00:20:36,630
I'm proud of you.
488
00:20:38,383 --> 00:20:39,774
Thank you.
489
00:20:39,793 --> 00:20:43,094
You're not just my daughter,
you're a business owner.
490
00:20:44,038 --> 00:20:46,965
And, dare I say it,
491
00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:49,309
a boss bitch.
492
00:20:50,562 --> 00:20:53,480
Well, in that case...
493
00:20:56,068 --> 00:20:57,475
Welcome back.
494
00:20:57,627 --> 00:21:00,128
I already called you a boss bitch.
495
00:21:00,146 --> 00:21:02,313
Don't make me call you a bitch, boss.
496
00:21:03,967 --> 00:21:06,134
* All these little... need
to stay up out my mix *
497
00:21:06,152 --> 00:21:07,560
* Every time they see me out *
498
00:21:07,579 --> 00:21:09,471
* All my diamonds make 'em sick *
499
00:21:09,564 --> 00:21:11,581
* Yeah, I'm still serving,
they know I'm a pharmacist *
500
00:21:11,733 --> 00:21:13,658
* All these people wanna be
me, tryna study my technique *
501
00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:16,086
* I don't gotta flex on
these... , they go notice *
502
00:21:16,255 --> 00:21:19,256
* I ain't choose this life,
lil'... , I was chosen *
503
00:21:19,483 --> 00:21:21,316
* In and out the bank, now
they think my money stolen *
504
00:21:21,334 --> 00:21:23,576
* And I'm weighing so much
pack got the... scale broken *
505
00:21:23,670 --> 00:21:25,595
* Big boss... so the
opps be so jealous *
506
00:21:25,747 --> 00:21:28,323
* I'm-a keep eating, that
why these... anorexic *
507
00:21:28,341 --> 00:21:30,325
* Ain't no falling off 'cause
I'm way too connected *
508
00:21:30,418 --> 00:21:33,103
* What I spent on my necklace is
what I made before breakfast. *
509
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:41,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
38755
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