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1
00:00:01,504 --> 00:00:03,608
Whee!
2
00:00:03,608 --> 00:00:05,712
Uh-oh. Aah!
3
00:00:11,557 --> 00:00:13,493
(toy squeaking)
4
00:00:13,493 --> 00:00:14,696
HOMER: D'oh.
5
00:00:22,879 --> 00:00:26,019
So eggs, which were bad,
then good,
6
00:00:26,019 --> 00:00:28,089
then bad again,
are now good again.
7
00:00:28,089 --> 00:00:29,793
And... Wait a minute.
8
00:00:29,793 --> 00:00:31,262
Now they're bad again.
9
00:00:31,262 --> 00:00:34,335
I can't believe you still watch
the local news, Dad.
10
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,105
Local news is great, sweetie.
11
00:00:36,105 --> 00:00:38,343
It's just like
your precious Internet,
12
00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:39,913
except you don't post
angry comments,
13
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:42,084
you yell them at the screen.
14
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:45,057
You call those
lottery numbers?!
15
00:00:45,057 --> 00:00:46,961
You call that a weather report?
16
00:00:46,961 --> 00:00:48,163
In other news...
17
00:00:48,163 --> 00:00:49,800
You call that a segue?
18
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,436
A heartbreaking story today
19
00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,841
at one of Springfield's
oldest establishments.
20
00:00:53,841 --> 00:00:55,010
Stupid local news.
21
00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:58,316
Always making everything sound
like the end of the world.
22
00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:00,622
Springfield's Bowl-A-Rama
23
00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:02,592
is closing forever.
24
00:01:02,592 --> 00:01:04,095
No!
25
00:01:04,095 --> 00:01:05,330
Why does every place
26
00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:08,738
nobody goes to anymore close?
27
00:01:11,175 --> 00:01:13,915
Farewell, workout
of the working man.
28
00:01:13,915 --> 00:01:15,384
The thunder of the pins,
29
00:01:15,384 --> 00:01:18,089
the sweet smell
of shoe disinfectant,
30
00:01:18,089 --> 00:01:21,062
the beauty
of a perfectly-dragged toe.
31
00:01:21,062 --> 00:01:23,066
That alley was magical.
32
00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,569
It's where I was initiated
33
00:01:24,569 --> 00:01:26,774
into one of the greatest wonders
of my life.
34
00:01:26,774 --> 00:01:29,513
Hey, little squirt.
35
00:01:29,513 --> 00:01:33,554
You want to try these new things
called nachos?
36
00:01:33,554 --> 00:01:34,890
Oh, big deal.
37
00:01:34,890 --> 00:01:36,827
It's just a stack
of tortilla chips.
38
00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:38,496
Is it?
39
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,668
♪
40
00:01:43,206 --> 00:01:45,712
I've licked the face of God.
41
00:01:52,559 --> 00:01:54,028
Mmm.
42
00:01:54,028 --> 00:01:56,499
Homer.
43
00:01:57,301 --> 00:01:58,436
Wait, wait, wait.
Was that your daydream
44
00:01:58,436 --> 00:02:02,011
- or little Homer's?
- It doesn't matter.
45
00:02:02,011 --> 00:02:03,514
We can't let that alley
go out of business.
46
00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:06,820
We'll go there, park our butts
on the manager's face,
47
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:07,789
and never, ever leave.
48
00:02:07,789 --> 00:02:09,860
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
49
00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:11,630
Their beer is the best.
50
00:02:12,197 --> 00:02:13,466
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
51
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,870
If you do that,
then I'll go out of business.
52
00:02:14,870 --> 00:02:17,742
- Eh.
- Yeah.
- Mm.
53
00:02:17,742 --> 00:02:19,178
This place is depressing.
54
00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:20,615
Eh, what the hell.
55
00:02:25,758 --> 00:02:27,394
Hey, look, don't blame me.
56
00:02:27,394 --> 00:02:30,434
The lanes are so warped, people
just don't want to bowl anymore.
57
00:02:34,075 --> 00:02:36,346
- So, I'm selling out.
- Relax, people.
58
00:02:36,346 --> 00:02:39,485
I bought the alley
because I love the retro vibe.
59
00:02:39,485 --> 00:02:41,957
Did you know John Waters
wears bowling shirts?
60
00:02:41,957 --> 00:02:43,059
ALL:
Yes.
61
00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:43,994
I'm gonna
turn this amazing space
62
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:47,569
into The Bowl-A-Rama
at Springfield Yards.
63
00:02:47,569 --> 00:02:51,209
You'll be able to live, work,
doom-scroll, cat-cafe...
64
00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:53,981
- And bowl?
- No. No bowling. Ugh.
65
00:02:53,981 --> 00:02:56,152
Hey, pal, if you don't like
bowling, you don't like me.
66
00:02:56,152 --> 00:02:59,793
- I don't like you.
- Mm. Fair enough.
67
00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:01,095
Terrence, give us one week
68
00:03:01,095 --> 00:03:03,233
to make this alley
a going concern.
69
00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,703
You'll have more bowlers
than a hat shop.
70
00:03:04,703 --> 00:03:07,141
We'll prove you wrong.
71
00:03:07,141 --> 00:03:09,311
Ugh. Can't you just
prove me wrong now?
72
00:03:09,311 --> 00:03:10,648
I hate waiting for anything.
73
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,986
One week.
74
00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:14,589
Well, I hate waiting,
but I love being proved wrong.
75
00:03:14,589 --> 00:03:16,727
You're on.
76
00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:19,131
We're here for the, uh...
77
00:03:19,131 --> 00:03:22,672
"Night of Everlasting
Bowl-mates?"
78
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,755
Uh, maybe we'll just
skip the bowling.
79
00:03:30,755 --> 00:03:32,559
(growls)
80
00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:35,698
Like hell you will.
(grunts)
81
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:38,537
I'm here for my birthday party,
82
00:03:38,537 --> 00:03:43,012
which you said would be at the
Laser Tag and Crocodile Ranch.
83
00:03:43,012 --> 00:03:45,217
(scoffs)
How old is this place?
84
00:03:45,217 --> 00:03:47,756
The soda machine
doesn't even take phones.
85
00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:51,395
I'll have you know this place
is endorsed by a group
86
00:03:51,395 --> 00:03:55,538
that's popular
with today's kids: ZZ Top.
87
00:03:56,874 --> 00:03:59,913
How many of these lame-o
beard-os are still alive?
88
00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:02,484
All of them. I think.
89
00:04:02,484 --> 00:04:03,821
Oh, boy.
90
00:04:03,821 --> 00:04:05,725
Oh, attendance is barely up.
91
00:04:05,725 --> 00:04:07,695
And the fire department
won't even let me
92
00:04:07,695 --> 00:04:08,998
lock people in.
93
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,937
- Let us out, please.
- Never!
94
00:04:11,937 --> 00:04:13,306
Oh. Right.
95
00:04:13,306 --> 00:04:15,310
Come on, Marge, help me out.
96
00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:17,281
Let's bowl the night away.
97
00:04:17,281 --> 00:04:19,519
I don't bowl, Homer.
It's your thing.
98
00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:21,957
Please, I just want
one thing in this world
99
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,359
to be like it was.
100
00:04:23,359 --> 00:04:24,796
When I drive down
Crypto.com Boulevard,
101
00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:27,434
I can barely remember
102
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:31,042
which cannabis dispensaries
used to be Internet cafes.
103
00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:32,846
I don't want to bowl!
104
00:04:32,846 --> 00:04:34,749
Marge, are you concealing
105
00:04:34,749 --> 00:04:37,421
a secret about bowling?
106
00:04:38,624 --> 00:04:40,695
Bowling and life
107
00:04:40,695 --> 00:04:42,498
begin in the hips.
108
00:04:42,498 --> 00:04:43,366
Oh.
109
00:04:45,671 --> 00:04:47,742
(grunts)
110
00:04:47,742 --> 00:04:49,813
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
111
00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:50,681
(whoops)
112
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,652
D'oh!
113
00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:55,892
Um, there's something
I never told you about my past.
114
00:04:55,892 --> 00:04:58,062
The past. (scoffs)
115
00:04:58,062 --> 00:04:59,533
The past is past.
116
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,670
Do you want to know
every little mistake I've made?
117
00:05:01,670 --> 00:05:04,308
- Sort of.
- Aah! Let's go bowling.
118
00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:07,281
Now, the ball might seem
a little greasy.
119
00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:09,318
Make sure you don't
drop it on your foot.
120
00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:11,289
To put it in your language,
121
00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:13,861
it's like rolling a Maggie.
122
00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:17,635
Strike!
You got a strike.
123
00:05:17,635 --> 00:05:21,442
Pretend you're hurling a roast
into an oven 60 feet away.
124
00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:24,716
Are you gonna listen to me
or are you gonna bowl?
125
00:05:24,716 --> 00:05:28,724
Watch out, pins.
Here comes Mama.
126
00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:30,093
("Hells Bells" by AC/DC playing)
127
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,852
A baby split with company.
128
00:05:42,852 --> 00:05:44,321
I got this.
129
00:05:47,027 --> 00:05:48,998
Wow, Homer. Your wife bowls
130
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:51,068
like a 60-year-old teamster.
131
00:05:51,068 --> 00:05:53,339
Thank you.
132
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,112
♪
133
00:06:26,405 --> 00:06:29,746
Ooh. I really need
to get back in water.
134
00:06:29,746 --> 00:06:33,152
Marge, can we have
bronto burgers tonight?
135
00:06:33,152 --> 00:06:36,192
Homer, you're not
Fred Flintstone.
136
00:06:36,192 --> 00:06:38,096
Yabba dabba d'oh!
137
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:41,469
- (cheering)
- Mom!
138
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,106
Somebody get Mama a beer.
139
00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:48,717
He's in that world
more than he is with us.
140
00:06:52,157 --> 00:06:54,829
(cheering, whistling)
141
00:06:54,829 --> 00:06:58,136
Homie, are you upset
that I'm good at your thing?
142
00:06:58,136 --> 00:07:00,373
No, Marge. I am in awe.
143
00:07:00,373 --> 00:07:01,743
You have a gift.
144
00:07:01,743 --> 00:07:03,446
I could no more be mad at you
145
00:07:03,446 --> 00:07:05,851
than at an angel
playing horseshoes.
146
00:07:05,851 --> 00:07:09,358
You're a butterfly
that can kick field goals.
147
00:07:09,358 --> 00:07:13,066
How in God's name
did you get so perfect?
148
00:07:16,405 --> 00:07:18,142
- Aah!
- Attention.
149
00:07:18,142 --> 00:07:19,044
I have an offer to make,
150
00:07:19,044 --> 00:07:21,182
and like everything hipsters do,
151
00:07:21,182 --> 00:07:21,950
it requires
everyone's attention.
152
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,689
Hey, you.
You're not looking at me.
153
00:07:24,689 --> 00:07:25,625
Sorry.
154
00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:28,162
Those pearls. That hair.
155
00:07:28,162 --> 00:07:31,335
The game of the '30s played
by a dame from the '50s?
156
00:07:31,335 --> 00:07:34,876
It's retro on kitsch
to the power of vintage.
157
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,717
- Oh.
- Here's the pitch, Marge.
158
00:07:38,717 --> 00:07:41,723
You bowl one game against
the challenger of my choice.
159
00:07:41,723 --> 00:07:44,028
Win, and the alley stays open.
160
00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:46,800
Lose, and I turn it
into a coffee shop so expensive
161
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,405
your eyes will bleed.
Deal?
162
00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:52,344
Deal.
You're going down, Terrence.
163
00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:54,281
In your face.
164
00:07:54,281 --> 00:07:56,285
- (thud)
- (squealing feedback)
165
00:07:56,285 --> 00:07:58,222
Sorry. I sh-I shouldn't
have done that.
166
00:07:58,222 --> 00:08:01,797
If there's any damage,
here's a Best Buy gift card.
167
00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:08,711
Ah, Springfield's greatest
bowling mama.
168
00:08:08,711 --> 00:08:11,783
Beppo, Guiseppe,
bring-a the meatball.
169
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,221
Hey, a picture
for Luigi's Wall of Fame.
170
00:08:15,056 --> 00:08:17,762
Now chop it up.
It's today's special.
171
00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:19,599
Tomorrow, into the soup.
172
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,102
Then it goes to the dogs.
173
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:23,006
Then, back into the soup.
174
00:08:24,008 --> 00:08:24,642
What you doing, angel?
175
00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:27,147
Planning for the match.
176
00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:29,485
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
177
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:36,432
I can't believe you've never
taken a single lesson.
178
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,737
♪
179
00:08:40,407 --> 00:08:43,012
(hissing)
180
00:08:43,012 --> 00:08:45,116
Aah!
(panting)
181
00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:49,058
Oh, this is so great.
182
00:08:49,058 --> 00:08:50,561
You're saving the town.
183
00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:54,134
I'm sleeping with the woman
who's saving the town.
184
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,105
Oh, okay, okay, fine.
185
00:08:56,105 --> 00:08:57,542
I'll bowl the match,
186
00:08:57,542 --> 00:08:59,144
no matter what the danger is
to our marriage.
187
00:08:59,144 --> 00:09:02,919
That's my girl.
Sleep well, lady of the lane.
188
00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:06,392
Now I have some mental work
to do of my own.
189
00:09:06,392 --> 00:09:07,995
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
190
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,672
Mmm. Pizza.
191
00:09:12,672 --> 00:09:13,674
Tastes as good off the ceiling
192
00:09:13,674 --> 00:09:16,445
as it does off the floor.
193
00:09:16,445 --> 00:09:17,114
♪
194
00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:22,190
(sighs)
195
00:09:33,012 --> 00:09:35,283
("Ramblin' Man" by
Allman Brothers Band playing)
196
00:09:38,089 --> 00:09:42,698
We did to that ball
what we did to Hitler's bombs--
197
00:09:42,698 --> 00:09:43,834
got out of the way.
198
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,706
What's going on?
Mom's got the yips.
199
00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:48,176
How do you know?
200
00:09:48,176 --> 00:09:50,848
There's something in me that
senses when trouble is brewing.
201
00:09:50,848 --> 00:09:52,384
It's a sign of early neurosis,
202
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,256
but it's irrelevant that
my feelings are always accurate,
203
00:09:55,256 --> 00:09:56,927
and I've got to remember that.
204
00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,764
(panting)
205
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,901
Marge, you need confidence.
206
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,106
This calls for
the most exclusive level
207
00:10:03,106 --> 00:10:04,776
of therapist there is:
208
00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:07,682
a professional
bowling instructor.
209
00:10:07,682 --> 00:10:09,184
(bowling pins clattering)
210
00:10:10,855 --> 00:10:14,428
(French accent):
Hello, Marge.
211
00:10:14,428 --> 00:10:16,298
Oh, God. Oh, God.
212
00:10:16,298 --> 00:10:18,236
Please be another fantasy.
213
00:10:18,236 --> 00:10:18,871
(bowling pins clattering)
214
00:10:18,871 --> 00:10:21,108
Shoo! Shoo, shoo. Shoo!
215
00:10:21,108 --> 00:10:23,112
Stop with the "shoo."
It is I, in the flesh.
216
00:10:23,112 --> 00:10:26,720
You like the way I just said
that word, "flesh"?
217
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,724
I can make anything
sound erotic.
218
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:31,095
Garbage disposal.
219
00:10:31,095 --> 00:10:33,366
Toilet plunger.
220
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:33,834
Lollipop.
221
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,105
Enough with the words.
222
00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:37,708
What are you doing here?
223
00:10:37,708 --> 00:10:39,411
I brought him.
224
00:10:39,411 --> 00:10:42,184
Homer, do you know who he is?
225
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:43,286
I sure do.
226
00:10:43,286 --> 00:10:47,795
He's the best darn
bowling instructor in the city.
227
00:10:47,795 --> 00:10:49,799
I'm not sure
I'm comfortable with a...
228
00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:52,037
French bowling instructor.
229
00:10:52,037 --> 00:10:55,276
"Homair," may I speak
to your wife, please? Alone?
230
00:10:55,276 --> 00:10:57,782
Hey, I don't need to know
how the sausage is made.
231
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,484
Just start grinding.
232
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:02,490
Going to Moe's.
(whistling upbeat tune)
233
00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:03,927
Don't worry, Marge.
234
00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:05,698
My interest in you
is purely professional.
235
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:08,236
Why are you in my ear?
236
00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:11,643
Oh, would you rather I be
in your nose? I don't think so.
237
00:11:11,643 --> 00:11:14,516
Quite frankly, Marge,
I'm hard of speaking.
238
00:11:14,516 --> 00:11:16,586
How can I believe
your interest in me
239
00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:18,624
is just professional?
240
00:11:18,624 --> 00:11:19,659
If I am lying, may I...
241
00:11:19,659 --> 00:11:22,497
never taste cheese again.
242
00:11:22,497 --> 00:11:24,736
Wow. Wow.
243
00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:26,205
See you tomorrow at 10:00.
244
00:11:26,205 --> 00:11:28,544
And what if you show up
and I'm not there?
245
00:11:28,544 --> 00:11:30,714
Then a good and decent man
who loves you
246
00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:32,685
will suffer horribly.
247
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:34,054
I mean, of course, "Homair."
248
00:11:34,054 --> 00:11:35,758
You mean Homer?
249
00:11:35,758 --> 00:11:37,895
That's what I said-- "Homair."
250
00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:40,199
He needs you to win now,
more than "evair."
251
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:43,172
And don't worry.
We will not have an affair.
252
00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:44,809
Because fair is fair.
253
00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:46,478
And I love your hair.
254
00:11:46,478 --> 00:11:48,015
And now I'm off
in my Corvair.
255
00:11:48,015 --> 00:11:51,990
Oh, I don't have a Corvair.
Horrible car.
256
00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:54,929
It was the only one I could
think of to rhyme. Stupid.
257
00:11:54,929 --> 00:11:56,700
Oh, you're still here.
258
00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:58,971
Great teacher.
Don't wait up.
259
00:11:58,971 --> 00:12:01,075
Imagine you are waltzing
with the ball.
260
00:12:01,075 --> 00:12:04,983
Un, deux, trois.
Un, deux, trois.
261
00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:08,155
What kind of bowling instructor
wears a turtleneck?
262
00:12:08,155 --> 00:12:10,260
I don't say
"mark my words" often,
263
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:12,765
but mark my words.
264
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,769
He's up to no good.
265
00:12:14,769 --> 00:12:16,873
Mark my words.
266
00:12:16,873 --> 00:12:20,079
What? You're crazy.
I'm getting six beers.
267
00:12:20,079 --> 00:12:22,284
So, should I start
my slide earlier?
268
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:25,123
A better question is what
are you still doing with him?
269
00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:28,496
Clearly, he must have
changed his ways, huh?
270
00:12:28,496 --> 00:12:31,235
Improved?
Lost a pound or 20?
271
00:12:31,235 --> 00:12:35,343
Yes, he has, in too many ways
to mention, so I won't.
272
00:12:35,343 --> 00:12:37,748
So, then he's not still
buying you bowling balls
273
00:12:37,748 --> 00:12:39,786
for presents, is he?
274
00:12:39,786 --> 00:12:42,123
He apologized for that.
275
00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:44,394
Do you ever think of the night
you almost came to me?
276
00:12:44,394 --> 00:12:48,269
I had showered four times,
I shaved my face twice,
277
00:12:48,269 --> 00:12:49,939
I shaved my back once.
278
00:12:49,939 --> 00:12:51,442
I was ready for you, Marge.
279
00:12:51,442 --> 00:12:54,549
Later on in the evening
when the doorbell rang,
280
00:12:54,549 --> 00:12:57,220
I closed my eyes, I opened
the door, and I kissed.
281
00:12:57,220 --> 00:13:00,694
Unfortunately, I forgot
I had ordered DoorDash.
282
00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:04,869
It was some 20-year-old kid
holding a roast beef sandwich.
283
00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:07,708
Apparently, he came out
the next day.
284
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:09,812
You said just bowling.
285
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:14,154
I am the only one who can
help you with this match.
286
00:13:14,154 --> 00:13:15,223
And if there's anything
a Frenchman wants
287
00:13:15,223 --> 00:13:18,597
more than a beautiful woman,
it is to beat Americans
288
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:19,498
at the game they love.
289
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:23,640
And then, of course, a 12-course
meal, with a fine wine
290
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,410
and maybe a snail,
291
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,449
and somebody else at the table
to pick up the check.
292
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:32,023
- Are we gonna talk
or are we gonna bowl?
- Fine.
293
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:34,428
♪ Come bowl with me,
let's bowl the night away ♪
294
00:13:35,229 --> 00:13:39,071
♪ And if you like,
we'll make a strike ♪
295
00:13:39,071 --> 00:13:42,177
♪ In a platonic way. ♪
296
00:13:42,945 --> 00:13:45,016
Are you worried yet?
297
00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:47,555
Oh, I'd be worried
if I didn't know for a fact
298
00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:50,994
that no man has ever lost a
woman to a professional bowler.
299
00:13:50,994 --> 00:13:52,163
- Ever.
- (women giggling)
300
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:54,267
Uh-oh.
301
00:13:59,344 --> 00:14:02,250
Now, your power comes
from your shoulders,
302
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:03,987
which I notice, in your case,
are always bare.
303
00:14:03,987 --> 00:14:06,258
Eh, let me massage them.
304
00:14:06,258 --> 00:14:07,695
Don't worry.
It's strictly professional.
305
00:14:07,695 --> 00:14:09,699
There we go. Here we go.
306
00:14:09,699 --> 00:14:12,103
- Mmm.
- Let me just...
307
00:14:12,103 --> 00:14:13,874
- Aw.
- Yes. Ow. Okay.
308
00:14:13,874 --> 00:14:16,746
- Cut it out!
- Stop it now?
309
00:14:16,746 --> 00:14:18,049
No more? Okay.
310
00:14:18,049 --> 00:14:20,554
Son, how do I put this?
311
00:14:20,554 --> 00:14:23,125
(sing-songy): I was right!
I was right! I was right!
312
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:28,135
Now, son, if I need the 411
on someone one-one,
313
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:32,077
I consult my network: old people
with nothing better to do.
314
00:14:32,077 --> 00:14:35,450
You can learn anything you want
from discarded human beings.
315
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:38,422
Jasper, it's Abe.
I need any information you got
316
00:14:38,422 --> 00:14:42,832
on a slick-shoed Casanova.
First name, Jacques.
317
00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:44,502
On it.
318
00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:47,875
We need the rundown
on this Marquis de Spare.
319
00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:49,779
We'll lay him lower
than my earlobes.
320
00:14:49,779 --> 00:14:53,119
Hang him as high as my pants.
321
00:14:53,119 --> 00:14:56,860
There will never be
another Tony Orlando.
322
00:14:56,860 --> 00:14:58,597
Take a gander
at his Facebook page.
323
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:02,203
♪
324
00:15:02,203 --> 00:15:04,074
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
What the...
325
00:15:04,074 --> 00:15:06,980
I don't know what
shocks me more-- these photos
326
00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:08,482
or that you know how
to use Facebook.
327
00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:11,155
(laughs)
328
00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:14,929
Let me in. Let me in!
329
00:15:14,929 --> 00:15:17,100
JACQUES:
No. I'm naked,
and if you see me,
330
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,539
you will feel inferior forever.
331
00:15:19,539 --> 00:15:23,345
Americans don't know how to feel
inferior, even if we should.
332
00:15:23,647 --> 00:15:25,617
(gasps)
333
00:15:28,122 --> 00:15:30,159
I've been such a fool.
334
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:32,765
I was so worried
about the bowling alley
335
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,000
I lost sight
of what will always be
336
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,373
the most important thing
in my life:
337
00:15:37,373 --> 00:15:38,910
my Marge.
338
00:15:38,910 --> 00:15:41,348
I'll never take her
for granted again.
339
00:15:41,348 --> 00:15:45,022
That is correct. Because
you have already lost her.
340
00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:47,761
Oh, yeah?
As we say in my country,
341
00:15:47,761 --> 00:15:49,197
en garde!
342
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:51,034
("Duel of the Fates"
by John Williams playing)
343
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,838
- Just let me...
- That was autographed.
344
00:15:52,838 --> 00:15:54,609
smash your head.
345
00:15:54,609 --> 00:15:57,213
(Homer grunts)
346
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:20,126
Now tell me the one thing
I have to know.
347
00:16:20,126 --> 00:16:21,996
How far did you get with Marge?
348
00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:24,367
We had brunch, no hot food.
349
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:27,741
Brunch? That's breakfast
getting it on with lunch.
350
00:16:27,741 --> 00:16:29,946
Homer, wait!
351
00:16:29,946 --> 00:16:30,981
Nothing happened with him.
352
00:16:30,981 --> 00:16:33,419
You probably
don't even remember.
353
00:16:33,419 --> 00:16:36,759
You had disappointed me
and I was upset.
354
00:16:36,759 --> 00:16:38,630
Oh. Right.
355
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:40,066
I remember that exactly.
356
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,036
("Hard to Say I'm Sorry"
by Chicago playing)
357
00:16:42,036 --> 00:16:44,407
♪ Hold me now ♪
358
00:16:44,407 --> 00:16:47,213
♪ It's hard for me
to say I'm sorry ♪
359
00:16:49,150 --> 00:16:52,858
♪ I just want you to stay ♪
360
00:16:52,858 --> 00:16:55,731
♪ After all we've been through ♪
361
00:16:55,731 --> 00:16:57,033
♪ I will make it up to you. ♪
362
00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:59,404
Geez, Marge, if you're
still here after all that,
363
00:16:59,404 --> 00:17:01,576
plus some stuff
you don't know about,
364
00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:03,212
you must really love me.
365
00:17:03,212 --> 00:17:07,621
I do.
With all my heart. Mm.
366
00:17:08,389 --> 00:17:11,028
Nothing worse than
a committed relationship.
367
00:17:11,028 --> 00:17:12,865
I'm going to vomit.
368
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:13,733
You said it was
strictly bowling.
369
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:17,140
You swore on cheese.
370
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:20,079
I never cared for cheese.
What is it, even?
371
00:17:20,079 --> 00:17:22,985
Is it an appetizer or dessert?
Nobody knows.
372
00:17:22,985 --> 00:17:24,555
Some come, they look okay.
373
00:17:24,555 --> 00:17:26,158
Other come,
they got holes in it.
374
00:17:26,158 --> 00:17:27,060
Those are
the more expensive ones.
375
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:29,665
Why would you pay
more money for holes?
376
00:17:29,665 --> 00:17:30,834
We're leaving.
377
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,205
Go ahead. Enjoy your endless
bourgeois celebrations
378
00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:36,211
and your birthdays
and your anniversaries
379
00:17:36,211 --> 00:17:40,486
until you crumble
into enviable bliss.
380
00:17:40,486 --> 00:17:41,856
We will.
381
00:17:41,856 --> 00:17:42,524
Help me clean up.
382
00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:45,664
♪
383
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,306
Oh, so, Marge,
word is your coach quit
384
00:17:50,306 --> 00:17:53,145
and you can't get that
bowling arm out of its own head.
385
00:17:53,145 --> 00:17:54,982
Wow. (clucks tongue)
386
00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:57,053
Poor Marge. Aw.
387
00:17:57,053 --> 00:17:59,324
My thoughts about bowling
were conflicting
388
00:17:59,324 --> 00:18:03,198
with something personal,
but not anymore.
389
00:18:04,702 --> 00:18:05,604
Huh. Nice practice strike.
390
00:18:05,871 --> 00:18:08,710
Now let me introduce you
to the bowler you'll be facing.
391
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,514
(bowling pins clattering)
392
00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:12,083
(gasps)
Jacques?
393
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:15,056
Indeed. I was the master
and you the pupil.
394
00:18:15,056 --> 00:18:17,093
Now, I'm still very good.
395
00:18:17,093 --> 00:18:19,264
You are also good,
but inconsistent.
396
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,001
Like French tennis players--
397
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:23,840
great on clay,
shambles on grass.
398
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,044
Hard court, an embarrassment.
399
00:18:26,044 --> 00:18:28,015
Always hurting themselves.
400
00:18:28,015 --> 00:18:30,621
"Oh, my knee, my ankle,
401
00:18:30,621 --> 00:18:31,889
I've got to forfeit."
402
00:18:31,889 --> 00:18:32,925
Now let us bowl.
403
00:18:32,925 --> 00:18:35,496
("Ride of the Valkyries"
by Richard Wagner playing)
404
00:19:00,981 --> 00:19:02,383
Yes!
405
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:10,767
- Cutman.
- (gravelly voice):
Are ya sure, Ma?
406
00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:12,070
- Are ya sure?
- Do it.
407
00:19:12,070 --> 00:19:14,174
I've seen a lot of bowlers
in my eight years,
408
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:18,182
but no one's got bigger pearls
than you. (growls)
409
00:19:22,056 --> 00:19:24,762
That's it, Marge--
le moment de vérité.
410
00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:27,701
And if that weren't enough,
I am dying.
411
00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:30,006
- Oh!
- No!
412
00:19:30,006 --> 00:19:31,308
Ah, as we all are.
413
00:19:31,308 --> 00:19:33,880
In the existential sense.
Not now.
414
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,383
Just roll.
415
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:37,320
D'oh.
416
00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:41,094
- (all gasping)
- My God.
417
00:19:41,094 --> 00:19:43,165
She's left herself
a Greek Church split.
418
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,735
Which, though little known,
419
00:19:44,735 --> 00:19:47,273
is actually the hardest spare
to pick up.
420
00:19:49,411 --> 00:19:53,018
Oh, my God. I can read
what's behind those pins.
421
00:19:53,018 --> 00:19:55,824
She still has feelings for him.
422
00:19:57,393 --> 00:19:59,698
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
423
00:20:04,642 --> 00:20:07,080
LENNY:
Ooh, she's been staring
at that ceiling for 40 minutes.
424
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,787
Eh. Still the most exciting
bowling match I've ever seen.
425
00:20:15,196 --> 00:20:16,298
(cheering, applause)
426
00:20:18,837 --> 00:20:21,609
I have lost everything.
427
00:20:21,609 --> 00:20:23,312
And we just found out
you're here
428
00:20:23,312 --> 00:20:25,349
on an expired bowling visa.
429
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,255
You're going back
where you came from: Paris.
430
00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:30,359
No, no, no. Paris?
There's nothing there
431
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,698
but sex and food
and all of August off.
432
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,234
No, no, no.
433
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:38,008
Ah, that's enough dirty talk
out of you, pal.
434
00:20:38,008 --> 00:20:40,079
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
435
00:20:40,079 --> 00:20:42,049
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
436
00:20:42,049 --> 00:20:44,020
and TOYOTA.
437
00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:46,291
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
438
00:20:49,097 --> 00:20:51,234
Well, looks like
you're gonna have
439
00:20:51,234 --> 00:20:53,606
to keep this a bowling alley.
440
00:20:53,606 --> 00:20:56,512
A very popular alley,
which I now own.
441
00:20:56,512 --> 00:20:59,852
I'm gonna make it one lane only
with a three-month waiting list.
442
00:20:59,852 --> 00:21:02,356
Hipsters rule.
443
00:21:02,356 --> 00:21:05,897
Oh, Marge, you saved my alley,
you saved my ego.
444
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:07,568
You do love me after all.
445
00:21:07,568 --> 00:21:10,206
Was there ever any doubt?
446
00:21:10,206 --> 00:21:11,274
ALL: Yes!
447
00:21:11,274 --> 00:21:12,978
- Mm.
- Mm.
448
00:21:29,912 --> 00:21:31,014
Shh!
30383
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