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Hey!
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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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You okay?
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I remember my earliest
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memory was, uh, my third birthday.
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And I still remember the
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dress I was wearingand the green flowers and
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I was looking like chocolate cake and…
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I remember being really normal.
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I still watch videostoday from my childhood.
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-Aishu!
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-Hello!
-I think we're gonna miss…
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-What are you doing here?
-miss our train.
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-No it's said just now,
-I am playing
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-fifteen minutes left.
-with the snow. Whee!
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-Whoo!
-It's fun! Mum!
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-Mummy, it's snowing!
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I know!
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Aisha just happened.
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She was the desire of the universe.
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Yeah, after having been through somethingas horrific as I went through with Tanya
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we were not planning her.
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We were not planning a baby.
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I must have had the shortest
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menstrual cycle of my life.
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That's how Aisha was conceived.
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Had it not been for my faith,
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I think any other sensible personwould have just aborted that child.
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In Vellore…
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Tanya had died and we had to take herto Chennai to bring her back to Delhi.
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They put Tanya's body insidea plastic bag with ice cubes…
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because they didn't wantthe body to decompose.
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And I held her, uh,in my lap for those
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hours that seemed like,you know, uh… eternity.
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And you know, her hair was getting
matted, I still remember with that
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the… as the ice cubes
were melting inside and…
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And you havesuch conflicting emotions.
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You feel like, "I hope shewon't feel cold."
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You know,just random thoughts.
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"I hope she is not uncomfortable." Andthen you say, "No, but she is dead" and…
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-it's just absolutely horrific.
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For some reason because we were inmissionary hospital where Tanya died,
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Aditi somehow felt thatTanya has gone to Jesus.
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And she wanted to thereforeconvert to Christianity.
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And also have a burial for Tanya.
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Had it not been…
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for me studying the Bible,
hearing, listening
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uh, to Bible classes,
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I just knew that God wanted me
to have more children.
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And it was-- Ishaan was a faith baby.
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I used to be veryclose to my brother.
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And we used to play games and
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-play in the park and--
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It was quite normal fromwhat I remember. Hmm.
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-Here you go!
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Ishaan was born, and we were happy,
and that was the end of it
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because we did not want
to take the chance,
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did not want a repeat of
what happened to Tanya.
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We thought it would be
very very irresponsible.
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My faith, you know, really
says, "Thou shalt not kill."
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There is no caveat in front of it.
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There was no escaping it.
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I could not kill that child.
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Aisha was bornwith a white coating.
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Her tongue was totally white.
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And I used to tell thedoctors, "Please test it."
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Because one of Tanya's firstsymptoms was fungus in the mouth.
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It was again, she
doesn't seem to recover from
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colds and flus and minor illness
in quite the same way that you know…
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Tanya could not.
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It was right after I was born,
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all the problems happened.
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So, we went to the UK.
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And then, that's whereI had the transplant and…
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that's where…
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everything advanced from--
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We were-- We didn't even have
enough money to stay on our own.
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We were staying with the Kamats,
who are friends from college.
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And were godsent, I think.
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They were the most wonderful
friends we could have had.
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I remember our
first appointment with
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Great Ormond Street
was 2nd of August, 1996.
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And uh… she was diagnosed,
I think, by the 10th of August.
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And our worst fears were
confirmed that Aisha indeed has…
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Severe Combined Immune Deficiency.
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It's a one in a million chance
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that two people will meet and
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happen to carry the same recessive gene
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because the truth is that all of us have
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six to eight faulty genes.
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We are all carrying them.
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But it's only in meeting
and marrying somebody with a…
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common gene which happens…
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The statistic is one in a million.
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I knew that my daughter
has a terminal illness.
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I knew there was a cure.
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I knew that I needed
to raise 150,000 pounds…
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but I didn't know what to do
and where to start with it.
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The doctors did say that
a regular bone marrow transplant
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probably the outcome would
have been a very half-baked life,
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you know, with a lot of medical issues.
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So, they then proposed that they try the
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first stem cell transplant
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for Severe Combined Immune Deficiency.
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I remember the doctors
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saying that if we had… if they had
cells from a perfect match,
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they could actually uh… give that
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to Aisha without chemotherapy.
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They would try it.
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And actually, that would
even bring the cost down.
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And I remember
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saying to Niren that I am very happy
to conceive a child
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and abort that child at three months
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in the hope that the cells of that child
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would match Aisha's and they could use
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the cells from the fetus to save Aisha.
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So, the very woman, the very me
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who was not willing to…
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abort Aisha
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was very willing to abort another child…
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at three months or even two months
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or do whatever it tookto save Aisha's life.
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Onthe 25th of March this year,
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Aisha Chaudhary was born withSevere Combined Immune Deficiency
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known as SCID.
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Aisha's parents have managed
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to raise 60,000 poundsfrom all their savings.
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So,the radio appeal goes out.
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-Aisha's story touches the
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hearts of a nation that is,you know, not her own.
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It's hopedthat the cost won't be as much as that.
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But the Chaudhary familydesperately need our help.
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Once again, please makeyour donation payable
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-to Great Ormond Street Hospital.
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I was taking a taxi and going
to the Great Ormond Street.
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The taxi stops.
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It's a Pakistani driver, and he said to me
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that there is a little girl called
Aisha in this hospital who is sick.
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And he gave me five pounds.
He said, "Can you give this to her father
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because I believe they don't have money."
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And before we know it,
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the cheques come flooding
into the Sunrise Radio's offices.
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And bringing from
two pounds to you know
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lots of cheques.
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And then we were told on Monday
that you know, it's not 150,
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it's 250,000 pounds!
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I think we had maybe ten daysand the whole, one entire room was
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filled with envelopesof donations for Aisha.
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And I was just
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stunned by the generosity of this…this country, you know.
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The UK. You know,we were not UK citizens.
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We were Indians.
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We were visiting.
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I just wanted to savethe life of my daughter.
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But how…
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you know, how deep inside so many of usare basically good
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you realize at moments like that.
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That, you know… people have so muchgoodness in them.
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I think Aisha'slife was saved because
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of what we learnt Tanya's time.
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My story is different from most
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because I had to undergo
a bone marrow transplant
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when I was just six months old.
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And now, I have pulmonary fibrosis
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which is a serious lung disease.
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My name is Aisha Chaudhary
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and I am 17 years old.
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And today, I'd like to talk about
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what really matters most to me in life.
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Yeah, Aisha was the first child in Europe
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to have a stem cell transplant
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for Severe Combined Immune Deficiency.
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But just to be on the safe side
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because they had never done it
before, they also gave her the marrow.
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My bone marrow
and my stem cells, they arrived
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in Aisha's room and they were
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hooked up and she was
basically intravenously given it.
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And Aditi kept you know
kissing her and saying
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"This is from Dad, this
is from--"
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"This is from Dad.
Make it work, make it work."
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Come on, cells! Come on, cells!
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-Come on, cells!
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Come on, cells! Papa's cells!
Papa's cells!
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This is how madly we play every night
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to get the cells to work. Okay?
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Okay? Come on, cells! Come on, cells!
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We were joyous.We said that, you know, this is now--
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We have taken care of it.
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She is going to outlive us.
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And we said "This was only temporary
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that I look after Ishaan
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and Aditi looks afterAisha in the hospital."
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And soon we would be together.
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Come on, do
something for my son.
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-Ishaan.
-What? Is he in there?
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What's he doing inside
the video camera?
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Well, hello!
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Hey! We are going down
to see your sister now.
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-Alright.
-Come on, let's go.
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I remember Mum
would send me these videos
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like walking me through the hospital,
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to explain everything
and seeing some clowns.
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I remember one in particular.
I was staying at my grandparents'
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at that time and I came home from school.
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And I was really excited because
there was a tape from my mom that…
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definitely stuck in my
memory and that was one of the
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first times I realized you
know like she isn't that well.
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Even though I was young, I kind of knew.
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Hi, Ishaan darling.
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This is Mumma.
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-Mumma will come back in a few days.
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-God bless you.
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God bless you, Aisha darling.
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God bless you, sweetheart.
Here, Ishaan, see.
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This is Aisha darling.
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Oh, no! She has taken her tube
out of her nose.
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-Oh, my God!
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Nine months was a long time.
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I was really sufferingemotionally without Ishaan.
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You know, and I had nosupport system in the UK at all.
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We were alone, Aisha and me.
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Hey, sweetie!
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My mother camefor three-four months
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and that was like a huge relief but uh…
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I was really feeling depressed.
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I mean I think I was--
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Today I can say I was probablyclinically depressed at that time.
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Niren realized thatI could no longer handle this alone
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and he would have to move to the UK
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because it takes tenyears for a transplanted
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immune system to completely mature.
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I was in isolation forthe first five years of my life.
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Basically, no one
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my age could… I couldn'tbe really be around them.
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So, I guess that kind of
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made me a little awkward and a little shy.
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So, I have always had very few friends.
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I think the initial years uh…
when I was working in Holland,
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I was
working there Monday to Friday.
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And then on the weekends,
I would come back home.
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Aisha!
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Oh!
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So, that was hard.
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Uh… I did three years of that.
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Being there on the weekends and just
uh, trying to make memories with them.
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I remember Aditi was awayfor some work
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and I took Ishaan and Aisha for a holiday.
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-Oh!
-Did you see that?
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And we used to have a fight
every night, Aisha and me.
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Every night and several
times during the day.
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Aisha… did you have a nice time?
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Hmm.
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Why?
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-We played with the sand.
-No. Just…
256
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,480
not right.
257
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,240
-Are you missing Mummy?
-Mm-hmm.
258
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,480
-Mm-hmm.
259
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,960
Aisha missed outI think those two years of
260
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,400
just having a normalchildhood with the sense of
261
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,320
you know playing with the little kids and…
262
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,840
and shebecame therefore as a result
263
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,560
very very attached to Aditi.
264
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,760
So, I was an intrusion
265
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,360
in her life.
266
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,600
Here was this guy who wassuddenly there in between
267
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,440
Aisha and Aditi.
268
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,320
So, there is alady called Barb Ballard
269
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,000
who started this SCID mail group.
270
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,080
Her son Ray has SCID.They are in the US.
271
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,800
Almost 20 years ago when thisgroup was started it was really
272
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,400
uh… not just a support for the parents.
273
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,800
It was also meant to uh
274
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,160
help doctors to make better decisions.
275
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,680
-Come on, Aisha!
-Yay!
276
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,520
Aisha has won!
277
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,800
-Yay! Well done, Aisha!
-Well done!
278
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,320
We put her in a playschool.
279
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,520
But she would neverspeak to any of the children.
280
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,240
She spoke to all the teachers, but she
281
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,960
ignored all the children.
282
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,720
She just never spoke to them.
283
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,680
I remember fromthe SCID mail group
284
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:03,600
they said that children who havebone marrow transplants
285
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,480
because they beat death, they defy deathwhen they are very very little,
286
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,600
they start to feel uh…
287
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,320
very big inside them.
288
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,520
They feel like they are more importantthan the rest of the world.
289
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,160
Aisha felt hurt very quickly
290
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,160
uh, because she really craved
291
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,040
uh… friendships.
292
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,960
Peer relationshipsalways were hard for her.
293
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,880
Higher! Higher!
294
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,080
Higher! Higher!
295
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,240
And she's coming back.
296
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:04,920
And I remember when Niren told us
297
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,680
that we will be moving to Holland,
she was quite happy
298
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,840
because she said, "Oh, now I won't have to
you know, handle them!"
299
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,920
-I was learning acting,
-Hmm.
300
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,240
I went to uh, um…
301
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,520
I went to the LAMBDA School of…
302
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,800
like, the drama school.
303
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,880
-Yeah.
-And then I used to do plays
304
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,720
-after school, so that was my interest…
305
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:36,800
in Holland.
306
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,760
The first signs of problem which I guess
307
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,080
I didn't realize was such
a huge issue was that
308
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,120
her uh… height was very less for her age.
309
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,640
But the doctor said, "As long as
310
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,080
she is running parallel
to the growth chart,
311
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,760
even though her growth is
way below, it doesn't matter
312
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,840
because the chemo will
affect her height."
313
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,720
As we saw her with her friends,
314
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,280
and you visibly start
seeing the difference
315
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,840
and then you know that there is…
it is not normal.
316
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:14,720
By the year 2005, they had
discovered that even though Aisha
317
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,960
had normal levels of growth hormones,
something had obviously gone wrong.
318
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,640
And uh… she was not growing
in height or weight.
319
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,920
She had functional issues with it.
320
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,200
Like when she was in a group of people,
she couldn't hear what people were saying.
321
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,360
If there was a lot of
background noise or music,
322
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,000
she couldn't hear them
because she was just
323
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,320
way lower than
where her friends were.
324
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,160
And then we got her
checked out in the Netherlands.
325
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,800
And there, they said that her body
is producing the growth hormones.
326
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,920
But they are having no impact.
327
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,440
So, they started on the
growth hormone only as a test case.
328
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,000
And actually she was the
only one in our group who
329
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,280
had such a picture
330
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,520
that there was nothing wrong
with her growth hormone levels.
331
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,120
But she was not growing.
332
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,760
She ended up gettingbullied a lot because of that.
333
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,000
Kids in the bus also used to taunt her.
334
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,720
Make all kinds of uh…
335
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,200
remarks about how small she was and how
336
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:32,880
actually she is a liarbecause she can't be that…
337
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,920
that old and she is much younger.
338
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,080
And I remember she got off the bus
one day and she just broke down
339
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,720
and she said, "I can't take it anymore.
340
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,480
I am so small…
341
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,040
that everyone thinks that
it's okay to bully me.
342
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,000
And I just don't want to live anymore.
343
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,240
-I just wish I was dead."
344
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,560
-Doggy?
-This is Kobe.
345
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,480
Say hi, Kobe! Hi!
346
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,320
Aisha and I decided that wereally wanted a labrador.
347
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,960
The minute we got there, he wasthe first one to walk over
348
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,720
-and I was like, "He looks like a Kobe."
349
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,880
And she was like, "Yeah, he does."
350
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:38,800
This is my Kobe hug.
351
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,360
I find it so interesting
352
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,400
that even though they can't speak a word
353
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:48,840
dogs can become the closest thing
to your heart.
354
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,480
Your very best friend and your companion.
355
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,680
I love to observe them
356
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,360
and try to figure them out.
357
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,400
And I can't help but get inspired.
358
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,080
Dogs are so similar to humans
359
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,000
yet they carry qualities
360
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,680
that we humans
struggle to achieve at times.
361
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:14,040
Dogs can find happiness
in the smallest of things.
362
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,880
Dogs
are delighted with a walk,
363
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,880
ecstatic with a small treat,
364
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,760
and in heaven
when you tickle their belly.
365
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:40,400
It got on you.
366
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,560
She was very very happywhen three months later
367
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,000
you know there was a shiftin her growth chart.
368
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,160
So, then they tested her to seeif her ovaries were working.
369
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,720
-And they realized that even her ovaries
370
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,760
had been damaged by the chemotherapy.
371
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,320
So, she would notenter puberty naturally.
372
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,880
Uh… she had to havemedical help for that.
373
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,480
Because Aisha said,
"So, I will never be a mummy."
374
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,400
And I said, "It doesn't matter.
375
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,160
You know you can always adopt children."
376
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,040
-Woo-hoo!
377
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:17,360
So, the chemo had causedquite a lot of damage but
378
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,320
the doctors were very very clear that
379
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,480
without the chemo,she would not have survived.
380
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,360
In 2007, Niren
was offered this position
381
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,640
to move to India with the "Yum"…
382
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,600
and he was so keen to take it.
383
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,160
I just didn't want to take the chance
with Aisha's health.
384
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:49,800
So, I spent almost 20 days
talking to different doctors.
385
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,920
We had all her tests redone
at Great Ormond Street.
386
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,640
Doctors at Great Ormond Street
had no concern.
387
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,640
I spoke to the doctors in India.
388
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,200
Most of them kind of said,
"Don't come back."
389
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:19,960
A family is made up of four people.
390
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,080
It cannot all and only be about Aisha.
391
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:27,040
Bye, Aisha! Bye!
392
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,080
-Thank you!
-Bye-bye.
393
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,760
-Hey, Aisha!
394
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:33,960
-Yeah?
395
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,680
Do you have anything to say?
396
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,280
Yeah, I'll miss everyone.
397
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,280
-Ow!
-Hey!
398
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,320
-Come on!
399
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,000
-Give me!
400
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,240
Whoo!
401
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,360
-Aisha, say "Happy Bhaiyya Duj"--
402
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,360
"Happy Bhaiya."
403
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:18,880
-Whatever!
-Eat it!
404
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,160
-Ah!
405
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,360
Alright!
406
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,720
Aw!
407
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:17,800
I remember taking herto Dr. Taneja in India
408
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,360
just to have her Americanschool form filled out.
409
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:23,160
It was him who noticed
410
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,360
that she had a slight uh
411
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,040
caving on her chest on the left side.
412
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,320
I rushed her to the UK andthat's the first time we knew that
413
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,000
you know she had only40 percent lung capacity.
414
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,080
Doctor said, "It's okay,she won't run a marathon.
415
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,040
But you know it won't bethe end of the world.
416
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,560
We will keep an eye on it.
417
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,960
This is a side effectfrom the transplant
418
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,120
but you know, it's not goingto be life threatening."
419
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,600
She would often
say, "Why am I so thin?"
420
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,960
And then I would say,
"Eat! Eat some more."
421
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,080
She used to say,
"I don't know what is wrong.
422
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,440
You know, I take two bites
and I am really hungry.
423
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,480
And I order this big meal.
I take two bites and I am full."
424
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,480
Aisha was assessedas too below weight
425
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,240
because she wasn't able to orally take
426
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,920
as many calories as sheneeded to put on weight.
427
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:24,760
They decided that we should now
428
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,920
insert a mic-key button into her stomachand she should be fed through the stomach.
429
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,400
I have a tube in my stomach.
430
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,440
So… it's a feeding tube.
431
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:48,720
To wanna have to put that in,
432
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,600
that was the most painfulthing I've experienced.
433
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,200
It was a whole surgery.
434
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,320
-And they put a disc inside your…
-Hmm.
435
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:01,920
your stomach, and thenit's attached to a tube.
436
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,240
-So um… when I had to put that in
437
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,760
that was the most painful thing I have
438
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,720
ever experienced.Because I have never
439
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,920
remembered having surgery
440
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,560
-so that was the first, you know like
-Hmm.
441
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:18,440
thing um… I remember like
442
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:23,360
screaming in pain after I woke upand staring at the wall
443
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,920
not knowing what had happened.
444
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,400
So, that was really tough.
445
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,840
She was put on
a certain type of steroids.
446
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:26,120
Now these steroids…
the side effect is that they
447
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:28,600
have an impact on your muscles.
448
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,040
And although they open up your lungs,
449
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,640
they actually waste away your
muscles and you can lose mobility.
450
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:39,560
And Aisha…
451
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:43,040
suddenly from one day to the other
was unable to walk.
452
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,040
One night I remember that
453
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,200
I suddenly heard Aisha screaming at night.
454
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:50,600
And I ran to the room.
455
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,680
She said to me that "Dad…
456
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:54,760
something's happened to Kobe."
457
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:56,480
So, I look at Kobe.
458
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:58,960
And Kobe is, you know,
quite a young stud at that time.
459
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,760
He was maybe six to seven years old.
460
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,520
And he was just whimperingin a corner near her bed.
461
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,960
And I asked him to get upand he just couldn't get up.
462
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,520
He tried to get up and his legswould shake and he just fell down.
463
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,120
And she started cryingand saying, "What has happened to Kobe?"
464
00:34:13,199 --> 00:34:15,679
And she told me that youhave to take him right now.
465
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,360
It's the middle of the night, two o'clock.
466
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,800
"Take him right now to a doc!
467
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,120
And make sure that he is okay."
468
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,440
And after maybe two
hours of me roaming around
469
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,400
trying to find a doctor which I couldn't.
470
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,480
I just opened the boot of the car.
471
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,199
And this guy just bounded out
as if nothing had happened
472
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,600
and started running like mad.
473
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,320
Oh, my God!
474
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,520
Now I had heardof this thing of you know
475
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,960
dogs are so faithful and so loyal
476
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,040
that they take away the illnessof the master.
477
00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:51,320
And whoever they are closest to,
478
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,280
they start reflecting that.
479
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,880
And then I think wechanged her medication.
480
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,240
Gave her steroids that didn'thave the same side effect.
481
00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:05,880
And… slowly her mobility came back.
482
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:09,640
I… I am the one and only…
483
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:11,920
Bob Marley!
484
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,960
-Yo!
485
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:54,560
In 2009, November, Aisha
collapsed on the stairs in school.
486
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,800
So, when we took her,
that was the first time
487
00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:00,040
that they noticed that there
was a drop in the lung function.
488
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:01,640
-And she has something called
489
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,520
pulmonary fibrosis.
490
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:07,000
That's the first time I heard ofpulmonary fibrosis.
491
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,240
He uh… drew this graph
492
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,120
and said, "Well, just to explain to you,
493
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,560
you know her lung
capacity was at 40 percent.
494
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,840
Now it's here at 35 percent.
495
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,560
And uh… you know it could go
all the way down to zero
496
00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:23,880
uh… in time or it could…
497
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:27,440
sort of go like this and
just stabilize at some point.
498
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,520
Ishaan started crying.
499
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,640
Niren had tears running down his face.I was crying.
500
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,280
I knew she had heardand I knew that she knew what that meant.
501
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:45,760
That basically meant that you'll--
502
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,120
It's the hardening of the lung.
503
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,520
One of the things that causes itcan be chemotherapy.
504
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,560
It's irreversible, so, yourlungs just get harder
505
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,720
and harder and harderthat you can't breathe.
506
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,200
Dr. Rosenthal said "Well, you
know her best chance is to have
507
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,560
part of your lung because she is so small.
508
00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:11,120
Because you are the donor."
509
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:15,480
But he said Live Lobar
Transplant in the UK is not ethical.
510
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,960
So, an ethics committee
would have to, you know
511
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:21,280
sit and it would take a bit
of time to determine that.
512
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,720
And Aisha suddenly piped up and
said, "But it's my birthday, it's Holi.
513
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:26,600
I want to go back to India for Holi."
514
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:28,920
Now life can be tough…
515
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,680
when every single breath you take
516
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,880
is a struggle… and…
517
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,680
the slightest infection
518
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,400
causes a serious,
life-threatening exacerbation.
519
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:45,200
I can either choose to be happy
520
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,000
and try to smile through
all of my difficult times…
521
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,000
or I can choose to be miserable
522
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,160
and get overwhelmed by it all.
523
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,720
Now it's not that by being miserable,
524
00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,680
I am going to get any better.
525
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,240
So, I may as well choose to be happy.
526
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:08,280
And if I have to have pulmonary fibrosis…
527
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,280
I choose to have a happy
pulmonary fibrosis.
528
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:17,640
So, happiness is clearly
a choice one can make.
529
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,640
No matter what, no matter where,
530
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,560
you can find it if you look for it.
531
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:08,080
After that, we actuallyreduced her time at school.
532
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:12,440
She was then going to school only halftime post that diagnosis.
533
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,760
She was not able to do much
physical activity after that.
534
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:20,280
She would not run.
535
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,160
She would walk everywhere.
536
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,800
She was breathing about
537
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,480
28 times a minute.
538
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,360
And the normal breathing rate
539
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:33,360
for her would be around 16 to 18 to 20.
540
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,960
She was, uh, prescribed
541
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,080
one liter of oxygen a minute
542
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,880
right from 2010 onwards,
but she refused to use it.
543
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,160
We went toRishikesh on a school trip.
544
00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:57,440
-Hmm.
-I just had a cold.
545
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,920
And so, I was coughing inthe middle of the night.
546
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:03,640
My roommates, they were like
547
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,360
"Ugh! Why are youcoughing so much like…
548
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,760
like, shut up, you know like--"
549
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:12,040
And-- And I was--I didn't know what to do like
550
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,320
so, I ran in the middleof the night to the…
551
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,560
-to my um… to my nurse
-Hmm.
552
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,680
and to her tent…and I was balled my eyes out.
553
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,640
I am not gonna name names,
but kids could just be mean.
554
00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:42,040
She always was short
555
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:45,120
and like her growth was
stunted due to her illness, so
556
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,040
one day she came and she was really upset
557
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,440
because one girl who was her friend like
558
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,520
got on her knees and was like
"Oh, what's it like from down here?"
559
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:55,000
and you know just kinda like…
560
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,160
like take the mic out of her.
561
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:59,400
And she hated it.
562
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,320
Ishaan startedhis university in 2010.
563
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:33,720
He went off to the US.
564
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,920
So, this is the room. Room F!
565
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:37,440
And you can see…
566
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:39,840
It's a luxury bed.
567
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:41,560
Kind of struggling.
568
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,080
We got Rolo
shortly after she was um…
569
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,640
diagnosed with the pulmonary fibrosis.
570
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,000
It was a new life-- In her
life, it's a lot of fun
571
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,040
you know when you
have a new puppy and then
572
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,760
while she was at home and I think
a little time I was away in college
573
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,160
and stuff, she would uh…
574
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:22,120
just kinda have them to chill with which
575
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:24,320
which, you know made her really happy.
576
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,320
-Not now, please.
577
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:30,520
-Out.
578
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:42,160
I feel that happiness
579
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:45,320
is also doing what you truly love
580
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,280
and for me, my love is for art.
581
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:53,080
Simply because it allows me
to express myself
582
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,200
in such a beautiful and unique way.
583
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:58,320
As I dip my brush,
584
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,320
and the vibrant colors of paint…
585
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,840
I can almost feel the paint
586
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:06,080
being smeared on tothe fabric of the canvas.
587
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,480
I tend to forget all of my worries
588
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,680
and the difficult situationthat I am really in.
589
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,640
It almost becomes, a whole other world
590
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:17,400
where-where I can escape
591
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,360
at least for a little while.
592
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:33,080
In 2012, when we wentto the US for a five-day visit
593
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,200
to see Ishaan in his university.
594
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,560
At that time I thought thatshe is very very interested
595
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:40,600
in this boy because he cameand picked her up
596
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,120
and just took her to showher the university and stuff.
597
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,160
And I thought that's interesting.
598
00:43:44,240 --> 00:43:46,600
I didn't know he was sucha good friend of Ishaan's.
599
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,720
I had never seen Aisha
be like smitten with anyone like that.
600
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:05,800
He saw how cool and fun she is, so he was
chatting with her a lot.
601
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,280
And then, it kind of
602
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:08,960
stretched a bit further than I thought
603
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:10,360
because they stayed in touch.
604
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:13,920
GOOD MORNING, FATTY
605
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:30,640
When she fell in love, she
just absolutely blossomed, you know.
606
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:32,880
She was so happy and she would just
607
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,800
block out… her physical condition and
608
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:40,240
not think too much ahead in the future.
Not even a few months.
609
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,240
She was just so alive in
the moment and so joyous.
610
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:44,240
Hi!
611
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,080
Okay, yeah! I've tried
this like so many times.
612
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:50,560
Um…
613
00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:53,080
yeah!
614
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:56,280
I just gonna see if it works.
615
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:58,240
And I'll post a longer one
616
00:44:59,000 --> 00:44:59,960
because…
617
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:01,600
my mom's sleeping.
618
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,200
It's awkward.
619
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,720
When there
used to be a planned phone call
620
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:24,080
with… with this guy, she
would throw us out of the room.
621
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:26,880
And say, "Don't come and don't disturb me.
622
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,720
I am very busy for the next few hours."
623
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:31,480
And she would chat
with this person for you know
624
00:45:31,720 --> 00:45:34,560
quite a few hours and she'd be beaming
from ear to ear.
625
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,440
Part of her lung fibrosis is
626
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,520
that the lung becomes very sensitive
627
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,280
to air and everything in the air.
628
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,720
So, she had to be onan anti-allergen every day.
629
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:22,800
And this anti-allergen waspretty strong and you know
630
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,360
it was giving her a lot of social anxiety.
631
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,280
Then, she was also gettingvery terrible nightmares.
632
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,640
One of the things I really
wanted to explore was the lung transplant
633
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,120
because, for me…
634
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,040
that was the only way
635
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,560
that I would be able to extend her life
636
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:57,480
by another five years
637
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:59,480
and in those five years perhaps…
638
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:02,800
you know some other medical
639
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,000
advancement may have happened.
640
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,840
I always knew that
I would not be party to it.
641
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:09,800
I would not be able to party to it
642
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:12,120
because for me, it is a
huge ethical dilemma.
643
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,000
It can reduce Niren's life.
644
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,640
You know, depends. He… the…
645
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:18,400
I-I just--
646
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,600
For me it's very difficult to uh… to uh…
647
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:25,640
uh… condone something like this.
I-I just can't.
648
00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:28,800
It just seemed like way too invasive for…
649
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,920
for the odds and… and what
it would have really given to--
650
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:33,320
It wouldn't have even given that much.
651
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,120
Because what… what's even living
652
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,160
if it's just so miserable and
you can't do anything!
653
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,560
I felt, she shouldmake this decision for her life
654
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,680
whether she wanted a lung transplant.
655
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,960
And I was okay with her havinga lung transplant from another donor
656
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,880
but I had huge reservations.
657
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:15,600
It was in 2014…
658
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,800
that the number of breaths that she took
659
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:22,160
became 44, at rest.
660
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,880
If she had a coughing fit now,
she would sweat profusely.
661
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:29,080
She would-- Her body would
really be under a lot of stress.
662
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,360
Although I have this disease,
663
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:51,000
I am still grateful that I can walk around
664
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:53,040
and do what I love to do.
665
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,520
And I am even more determined
666
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:57,160
to make the most
667
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:01,720
of this wonderful gift of life
that God has given me.
668
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:07,160
Of course, there are days
when I feel extremely down.
669
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:09,600
Where I feel like simply
670
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,400
curling up into a ball
671
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,040
and just giving up!
672
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:15,840
But then the realization
673
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,760
that things could always
674
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,840
be much much worse
675
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:23,320
always pushes me to get back up on my feet
676
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:25,200
and put a smile on my face.
677
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:27,960
I accept who I am!
678
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,480
I accept where I am at.
679
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,240
And I accept the challenges
680
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,200
that I am battling with today.
681
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,120
As Anderson once said,
682
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:42,160
"Enjoy life, there is
plenty of time to be dead."
683
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:44,280
Thank you.
684
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:45,680
-Thank you.
685
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:54,280
In February of 2014,
686
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:57,200
Aisha had just finished
giving her happiness talk
687
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,640
at the shift conference and uh…
688
00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:01,920
when I took her to the bathroom
to brush her teeth
689
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,480
she collapsed and said, "I can't breathe."
690
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:06,920
And I kept-- I increased the oxygen
691
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,480
right to the maximum that we had
692
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,440
on her machine and
she still couldn't breathe.
693
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:14,760
And so we hadto rush her to hospital.
694
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:18,600
And they did a lot of tests,but when I sent them to the US
695
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:21,080
they didn't agree that…her heart was alright.
696
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:23,760
They felt her heart haddefinitely now gotten involved.
697
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:28,520
Her heart was so bad
698
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:32,840
that she could not even sit
with her feet dangling on the bed.
699
00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:34,880
Her feet had to be elevated.
700
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,960
And uh, if she sat up in bed,
her heart used to flutter
701
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,480
so badly that she just had to lie back.
702
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:43,240
In a position like that,
703
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,600
you're not really going to have
704
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:47,120
any quality of life.
705
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:50,200
You're not going to be able to move,
your muscles are going to go.
706
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,120
So, I took the mic-key button out.
707
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,400
And uh… guess what!
708
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:06,120
Her heart stabilized.
709
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,000
She was able to sit up.
710
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:11,080
She was able to dangle her legs
off the bed.
711
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:14,800
She was… able to go back to swimming even.
712
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:28,200
Amazing!
713
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,800
And Aisha and I used to have
714
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,760
a lot of discussions about
715
00:51:56,920 --> 00:51:58,200
sleeping with people.
716
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:09,800
And she would tell me, "How can you
be that close to somebody, you know."
717
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,720
Don't your
armpits smell?
718
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:22,920
"COME, LET US FIND HIM."
719
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,240
I wouldlike to call up Aisha Chaudhary
720
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,080
-to receive her certificate of attendance
721
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:05,200
from the American Embassy School.
722
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:13,280
She got a certificateof attendance.
723
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:15,040
She did not get a diploma.
724
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:18,080
It looked exactly the sameand they were so wonderful.
725
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:20,040
They made it, copied it exact.
726
00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:26,120
He decided to surprise her
727
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,320
for her graduation from school.
728
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:31,360
And so since this boy came down to Delhi,
729
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,520
she decided to give him the card.
730
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,960
It was hard for me to read that.
731
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,440
That was the first
time I directly had been
732
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:58,680
able to hear, like see her feelings
you know, and it was so direct
733
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:00,640
and beautifully innocent
734
00:54:00,720 --> 00:54:02,600
and she wasn't asking for anything…
735
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,400
at all, she was just…
736
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:06,880
wanted to say how she felt, you know.
737
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:19,520
I think once sherealized that she was…
738
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:22,320
feeling so much emotion,
739
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,120
she wanted that to be reciprocated.
740
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:26,640
She wanted to have anhonest conversation about it.
741
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:08,600
Aisha was oncea part of a bridal shower
742
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:10,120
where she was picked
743
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:13,160
to be dressed as thebride in toilet paper.
744
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,280
And uh…
745
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:17,560
she won that afternoon.
746
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:22,280
I remember not discussing it with her.
747
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:25,160
But I remember just… her
748
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:29,520
holding me and we hugged each otherfor a very very long time
749
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:30,880
that evening.
750
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:34,080
Um… looking at the photographs,
you know…
751
00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:37,080
she knew that she may never get married.
752
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:38,560
And attending that wedding
753
00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:42,440
really brought that you know… uh…
754
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:45,720
brought all that to the surface.
755
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:47,520
But we never really discussed it.
756
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:06,360
He had a wedding in his family
and I remember he did not reply to her
757
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:09,040
and uh… she was so hopping mad.
758
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:12,280
For two months, she was like,
"Oh, my God! Has he read it?
759
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:13,920
Has he lost it?
760
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,240
Does he even have the letter?
Did he even read it?
761
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,320
Or did it get lost somewhere
in the travels?
762
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,000
Why isn't he saying anything?"
763
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,440
She went on this
emotional roller coaster of
764
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:32,160
the highs of being in love
765
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:34,920
and then expressing herself.
766
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,560
And then, somewhat
feeling abandoned because
767
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:40,120
you know this kid didn't really know
768
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:42,320
how to deal with it.
769
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:20,200
But you know somewhere it is--
770
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:24,480
I feel happy that she
experienced the joy of being in love.
771
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,360
Such a wonderful part of being alive.
772
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:41,160
And then in 2014, as her health
declined more and more and more
773
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:44,080
and her coughing fits were
becoming worse and worse.
774
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,560
She was doing less and less.
775
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:48,360
She didn't even have the energy to
776
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:50,760
hold the canvas to paint.
777
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:52,320
She could no longer paint.
778
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:58,360
Aisha would also get
quite annoyed when she felt
779
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:01,400
the unsaid expectation
from people around her
780
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:03,360
that you know, "How can you be
781
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:06,200
upset today or how can you be sad
782
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:07,960
with what's happened to you, I mean…
783
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:11,040
given the fact that, you know,
you talk about happiness."
784
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:12,960
And she would very often
785
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:14,920
say to me, "You know these talks…
786
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,160
you know, they just talk
about one aspect of life
787
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:21,760
which is you know just happiness
and everything is good and…"
788
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:25,400
She then started to just
jot down her thoughts.
789
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:35,880
And uh,when she showed it to me…
790
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:37,920
I think she had about
791
00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:40,920
uh… 30… 30 quotes.
792
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:43,840
And she called them her epiphanies.
793
00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:51,400
Me and her
had a Google word doc…
794
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:53,560
that I would look at while I was at work.
795
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:55,240
Um and I would check out
796
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,200
you know what she has been writing
and just would comment on them and--
797
00:59:58,360 --> 00:59:59,920
It was really crazy for me to--
798
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,560
It was the first like
deep inside I had into
799
01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:04,160
how she is thinking it.
800
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:37,440
It's really hard when
you are losing one thing
801
01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:40,560
after another, after another,
and the loses are just piling up.
802
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:42,320
You know, so from not being able to walk
803
01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:44,920
she went to not being
able to get out of bed
804
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,800
to even have a bath or
have somebody bathe her.
805
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,320
That's how little breath
she had left in her.
806
01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:27,760
and he was like, "Mom
is not… not doing good.
807
01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:29,640
She's been acting really crazy and
808
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:32,040
she's locked herself in a room
and she won't come out.
809
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:33,280
Like, can you speak to her?"
810
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:36,400
So, when I spoke to her
though, she was just like…
811
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:38,520
jabbering about some stuff
812
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:42,600
and I was getting really upset
'cause I had never heard her like that.
813
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:44,400
It was really scary
814
01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:47,960
to hear your mum just like comp…
like off the rail.
815
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:49,840
I had to force her along with her brother…
816
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:52,560
uh, to take her to the hospital.
817
01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:56,920
In the car… she started speaking
in the voice of a little girl.
818
01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:00,640
That really completely froke me out.
819
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,560
And she said that her name was Aisha.
820
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:05,480
And she said she is gonna die.
821
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:13,560
Her brother,
fortunately who was there
822
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:15,480
and her sister-in-law.
823
01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:19,040
So I told them, "You please look
after her, I have to go back to Aisha."
824
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:22,720
And I was paranoid. I didn't want
anything to happen to Aisha.
825
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:26,000
Because what if Aisha dies
in the next three days?
826
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,520
And Aditi comes and there's no Aisha!
827
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,360
I mean, she will then
you know permanently…
828
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:33,400
lose it.
829
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:51,280
She had this incredible
sense of humor, Aisha!
830
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:54,400
So, she said to me,
"What's happened to Mum?"
831
01:02:56,480 --> 01:02:57,720
Has she gone cuckoo?"
832
01:02:58,120 --> 01:03:00,800
She said to me.
833
01:03:02,760 --> 01:03:04,440
I said, "Yeah, Aisha, she hasn't slept."
834
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:06,440
And she rolled her eyes.
835
01:03:06,520 --> 01:03:08,080
"She is a drama queen!"
836
01:03:28,840 --> 01:03:30,440
And even whenafter Aditi came back,
837
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:32,640
she was like a zombie for like two weeks.
838
01:03:32,720 --> 01:03:35,280
She was so drugged out.She had no idea.
839
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:37,200
I think for anothercouple of days, she didn't…
840
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:39,880
talk or reach out to Aisha
841
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:41,480
which was unthinkable.
842
01:03:43,800 --> 01:03:45,200
And I think that must have really…
843
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:47,640
rattled Aisha as well.
844
01:03:56,720 --> 01:04:01,200
The fear was growing because now the
last medication left really was morphine
845
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:03,720
because when a child has uh…
846
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:06,080
uh… has lung fibrosis
847
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:08,520
um… they can feel a lot of suffocation.
848
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:13,320
I told her about the morphine.
849
01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:15,000
I told her that we are
going to be starting it.
850
01:04:15,080 --> 01:04:17,520
And I remember she said,
"So, what does that mean?"
851
01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:21,280
And I was just quiet.
I said, "It will help you, Aish."
852
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,560
And she just said, "How?"
853
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:25,160
And then she said…
854
01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:44,800
So now, the book
was, the project was on
855
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:47,720
and I felt that because she
had that to look forward to…
856
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:49,920
that she would not give up very quickly.
857
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:53,440
And in some ways, I didn't want it to end.
858
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:04,680
I remember when, you
know, they were editing uh…
859
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:06,280
the book,
860
01:05:06,400 --> 01:05:09,800
she would fight over every full stop,
every comma!
861
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:11,200
She didn't want…
862
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:13,800
you know, the profanity
that's mentioned in the book--
863
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:15,880
She didn't want that removed.
864
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:19,120
And she said, "And I don't want
anyone to have anything to say
865
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:22,080
about how my book will be designed
or how it will look.
866
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:24,160
I want to have the final word."
867
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,040
Aditi and I were taking turns
868
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:24,560
to sleep with her because she did not
want to be alone.
869
01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:25,960
So, this night I was sleeping with her
870
01:06:26,040 --> 01:06:28,960
and giving Aditi a break
so she could… she could uh…
871
01:06:29,160 --> 01:06:30,240
be in her room.
872
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:31,840
And I think at six in the morning,
873
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,440
Jeet called me from the kitchen.
874
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:37,720
And he said, "Something
has happened to Rolo."
875
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:39,920
So, I run out of the room and he is dead.
876
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:43,040
Rolo has just… passed out.
877
01:06:43,120 --> 01:06:45,560
I-I touch him and there's no heartbeat.
There's nothing.
878
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:53,720
We didn't… we were not expecting
him to die. He was only three years old.
879
01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:55,680
And uh…
880
01:06:57,480 --> 01:07:00,200
I thought it was important
for her to see him…
881
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:02,120
one last time.
882
01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:05,400
And I am not sure if that
was the right decision but…
883
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:09,480
she was freaking out because he had
been dead since 8:30 in the morning
884
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:11,640
and uh… we broke the news to her
885
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:14,360
when she woke up at
about 12:30 in the afternoon.
886
01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:31,600
I can't forget the piercing scream
that she let out and this is…
887
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:33,240
from Aisha who couldn't--
888
01:07:33,360 --> 01:07:34,640
She was not able to breathe
889
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,680
and she used to say you know,
"I feel so bad I can't even cry.
890
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:40,720
I don't have the lung
capacity to even cry."
891
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:42,600
And she screamed
892
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:45,720
which meant, you can imagine
the kind of effort that it took.
893
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,560
I rush into her room and she was
894
01:07:48,720 --> 01:07:50,400
thrashing about and she was
895
01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:52,760
so so so upset!
896
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,840
And she
started screaming and… and…
897
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:58,320
at God and she said,
"You know, what do you want from me?
898
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:01,200
You know, you have taken everything I had,
now you've taken Rolo."
899
01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:13,040
Niren hurriedly then
took him away and uh…
900
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:15,480
to this place called, "Paws in Heaven."
901
01:08:15,680 --> 01:08:18,200
And they normally burn the… burn the body
902
01:08:18,279 --> 01:08:20,880
and they bury the ashes with the name.
903
01:08:21,359 --> 01:08:25,160
She said… "I can't imagine that
you burnt him into thin air."
904
01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:31,760
That was the day I realized that
we cannot cremate her.
905
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:34,080
We… we should bury her.
906
01:08:34,399 --> 01:08:36,640
You know because I buried
Tanya because of my faith.
907
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:38,040
But uh…
908
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,479
she would have preferred to be buried.
909
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:42,319
It was like a
mother losing a child,
910
01:08:42,399 --> 01:08:45,200
like that's how upset she was. Um…
911
01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:49,200
and I think a part of it was
also her grieving her own death.
912
01:08:55,439 --> 01:08:59,000
She was just absolutely in pain.
913
01:08:59,359 --> 01:09:02,800
It was so much emotional pain
and physical pain
914
01:09:02,880 --> 01:09:05,000
because her body
would not allow her to cry.
915
01:09:05,479 --> 01:09:06,520
And I remember…
916
01:09:06,760 --> 01:09:09,399
increasing the oxygen
and increasing the oxygen
917
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:10,800
and her saturation is falling.
918
01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:13,399
And she was just screaming, screaming,
and howling.
919
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:16,399
And she kept
looking at me the whole time
920
01:09:16,479 --> 01:09:18,160
and I knew what she was thinking.
921
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:22,279
I knew she was thinking
that this will be you, soon.
922
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:27,920
I must confess… that
923
01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:29,720
I did wonder…
924
01:09:30,359 --> 01:09:32,040
if I was going to die…
925
01:09:33,840 --> 01:09:35,720
and I would have sleepless nights
926
01:09:36,359 --> 01:09:39,399
just thinking, tossing, and turning
927
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:42,120
with this idea that soon…
928
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:43,880
I may be gone.
929
01:09:44,920 --> 01:09:46,560
And if that's going to happen…
930
01:09:46,960 --> 01:09:48,279
what's the point…
931
01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:49,840
of anything?
932
01:09:51,399 --> 01:09:53,479
I think about this for hours
933
01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:54,960
and get nowhere.
934
01:09:57,040 --> 01:09:58,600
But then it suddenly struck me…
935
01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:02,560
that I am not really alone in all of this.
936
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:05,720
Is it not true that not just me…
937
01:10:06,040 --> 01:10:08,280
all of us sitting in this room today
938
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:09,880
will be gone?
939
01:10:10,400 --> 01:10:12,160
Just at different times.
940
01:10:12,640 --> 01:10:15,400
Some sooner than the others.
941
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:20,320
So then, if death is the ultimate truth…
942
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:24,480
what should really matter most in life?
943
01:10:45,440 --> 01:10:48,880
Aisha… only mentioned God
944
01:10:48,960 --> 01:10:50,600
towards the very end of her life
945
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:54,040
where one day she said to me,
"I am so angry with him.
946
01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:57,000
I think he is like this big bird who just
947
01:10:57,080 --> 01:11:00,200
hovers around and shits on me
every now and again.
948
01:11:00,440 --> 01:11:02,680
And he has taken so much from me.
949
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:04,680
And I am really mad with him."
950
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:16,120
And she said, "I want
to throw darts at him.
951
01:11:17,120 --> 01:11:18,520
Just like he throws at me."
952
01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:20,480
And I said, "You should!"
953
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:22,320
So, I said, "So…
954
01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:25,080
whose picture do you
think I should print out?"
955
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:28,040
And she said, "I want Jesus' photo there."
956
01:11:58,680 --> 01:12:02,120
We had planneda book launch party for Aisha
957
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:04,520
on the 28th of January.
958
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,160
So, she got excited and said,
959
01:12:06,240 --> 01:12:08,160
"I really want to get a dress
960
01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:10,080
and I have spoken to this friend of mine
961
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:12,920
and she is coming and she isgoing to design a dress for me
962
01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:14,840
to wear for my book launch."
963
01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:18,680
-Hi!
964
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:24,680
Hi!
965
01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:27,760
Hi! Chips!
966
01:12:28,360 --> 01:12:30,640
Hi! Hi!
967
01:12:30,840 --> 01:12:33,320
I had flown backand I had decided to extend my trip.
968
01:12:33,680 --> 01:12:35,880
And Mum was taking a lead on the party.
969
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:37,880
And there was a lot ofhustle-bustle with that.
970
01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:39,480
But Aisha was more concerned about
971
01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:41,600
this interview that was about to happen.
972
01:12:41,680 --> 01:12:44,560
Um… it was that lastinterview that she gave.
973
01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:48,360
What is the message
you want to give to the world?
974
01:12:49,480 --> 01:12:54,280
Everyone's just fighting their
own battles together and…
975
01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:57,080
we are all on a roller coaster ride.
976
01:12:57,480 --> 01:12:59,960
Writing this book has really
977
01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:02,240
uplifted me and so
978
01:13:02,560 --> 01:13:04,880
I wanted like my readers
979
01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:06,840
to find peace
980
01:13:07,080 --> 01:13:09,800
on whatever roller coaster ride
981
01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:11,560
they may be on, so…
982
01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:14,760
I hope that's what will happen.
983
01:13:25,440 --> 01:13:28,360
We were up really late
till like four or something…
984
01:13:29,000 --> 01:13:31,200
and I went to bed
and I woke up
985
01:13:31,640 --> 01:13:32,880
uh, to Aisha coughing.
986
01:13:40,160 --> 01:13:43,560
Santoshi, the maid,
woke me up at 11.
987
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:46,760
And something in her voice told me that
988
01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:48,920
this was really bad.
989
01:13:49,480 --> 01:13:51,000
I rushed into the room
990
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:52,760
and I put my hands on her
991
01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:54,560
to give her some touch healing and
992
01:13:54,640 --> 01:13:56,960
started looking at all the monitors and
993
01:13:57,040 --> 01:13:58,480
managing the oxygen…
994
01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:00,440
and uh…
995
01:14:01,040 --> 01:14:02,160
her cough…
996
01:14:02,720 --> 01:14:04,880
was really really really bad.
997
01:14:05,160 --> 01:14:07,520
I actually rang Niren's
secretary and said,
998
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:09,520
"Send him home! Send him home now!"
999
01:14:09,880 --> 01:14:13,600
She was like really breathing very heavily
and she was you know really…
1000
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:17,560
looking very uncomfortable
and thrashing about.
1001
01:14:17,640 --> 01:14:20,080
And that's the time when she held
onto my hand and she said,
1002
01:14:20,160 --> 01:14:22,920
"You know, I don't want to die.
You know, save me."
1003
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:26,640
And I said, "No, no,
nothing will happen to you."
1004
01:14:27,160 --> 01:14:28,800
The pulmonologist came
1005
01:14:29,280 --> 01:14:32,760
and she said, "It doesn't
look good. You know what this means."
1006
01:14:32,840 --> 01:14:35,720
And she spoke to the
critical care specialist.
1007
01:14:35,800 --> 01:14:37,360
And he said uh…
1008
01:14:38,040 --> 01:14:39,960
"No, we… we should not move her now
1009
01:14:40,040 --> 01:14:41,840
because just moving her can kill her.
1010
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:43,600
So now, just leave her there."
1011
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:47,000
And life had come a full circle.
We had gone to the Kamats'
1012
01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:50,880
um… to save a life 18 years back.
1013
01:14:51,240 --> 01:14:53,280
And Rita heard in Aditi's voice
1014
01:14:53,360 --> 01:14:55,760
the previous night that she just…
1015
01:14:56,360 --> 01:14:58,960
felt instinctively that
Aisha doesn't have long.
1016
01:14:59,040 --> 01:15:00,360
And she took a flight and she landed.
1017
01:15:00,440 --> 01:15:03,080
Rita was sitting at her feet
giving her Jin Shin Jyutsu.
1018
01:15:03,160 --> 01:15:04,560
She didn't want to move from there.
1019
01:15:04,880 --> 01:15:07,440
Niren and Ishaan were
on either side of her.
1020
01:15:07,800 --> 01:15:09,360
And I just left them to it.
1021
01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:11,760
And I think part of me was
1022
01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:13,720
so scared that I was chicken!
1023
01:15:14,360 --> 01:15:16,960
I could not… I could not…
1024
01:15:18,240 --> 01:15:19,720
be with her at that time.
1025
01:15:20,120 --> 01:15:22,160
I had to be there
for her but not with her.
1026
01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:34,120
The doorbell rings,
I go there, open the door.
1027
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:35,640
The book is there.
1028
01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:39,280
I run to Aisha's uh… bedside
1029
01:15:39,360 --> 01:15:41,720
and the book's title is
you know like braille.
1030
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:43,840
It's embossed, My Little Epiphanies
1031
01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:46,000
and I run her fingers on the…
1032
01:15:46,240 --> 01:15:48,000
on the title of the book
and I said, "Aisha…
1033
01:15:48,760 --> 01:15:49,800
your book is here."
1034
01:15:56,800 --> 01:16:00,000
And she nodded faintly and she smiled.
1035
01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:01,960
We've run out of words.
1036
01:16:02,320 --> 01:16:03,520
There's nothing left to say.
1037
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:06,120
And we're just holding each other.
1038
01:16:08,560 --> 01:16:11,320
And just… waiting.
1039
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:21,960
I told
her like, "I love you so much and…
1040
01:16:22,040 --> 01:16:24,320
I may act like I am more hard and I don't…
1041
01:16:24,400 --> 01:16:25,720
I'm okay, but
1042
01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:28,080
I think about you every single day and…
1043
01:16:28,320 --> 01:16:30,520
like… you mean so much to me.
1044
01:16:35,200 --> 01:16:36,920
She got up,
1045
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:39,840
she took off her oxygen,
she gave me a kiss like…
1046
01:16:47,240 --> 01:16:50,840
I did say to Aisha in
the last year of life that
1047
01:16:51,280 --> 01:16:53,880
"Do you think that it
was easier for Tanya?
1048
01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:56,640
That Tanya's life was
in some way easier than yours.
1049
01:16:58,760 --> 01:17:00,600
She was actually very upset with me
1050
01:17:00,760 --> 01:17:02,840
and she said,
"What kind of question is that?
1051
01:17:03,120 --> 01:17:04,560
Why would you ask me that?"
1052
01:17:06,640 --> 01:17:08,360
It was very very selfish of me
1053
01:17:08,440 --> 01:17:11,480
because somewhere I think
I wanted Aisha to absolve me.
1054
01:17:12,080 --> 01:17:14,760
Absolve me for having… had her
1055
01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:17,520
saved her life, taken
her through transplant
1056
01:17:18,040 --> 01:17:20,360
only to give her all
the pain of a fibrosis.
1057
01:17:20,440 --> 01:17:23,280
Because somewhere
I think if I didn't believe
1058
01:17:23,360 --> 01:17:24,880
"Thou shalt not kill"
1059
01:17:25,400 --> 01:17:28,000
then none of this would have been…
have happened to her.
1060
01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:50,600
Do you
plan to write another one?
1061
01:17:51,360 --> 01:17:53,640
Um, I am thinking maybe…
1062
01:17:54,160 --> 01:17:55,720
maybe a sequel…
1063
01:17:55,920 --> 01:17:57,560
of My Little Epiphanies…
1064
01:17:57,880 --> 01:18:01,120
because like my thoughts are never-ending…
1065
01:18:01,480 --> 01:18:02,920
so, um…
1066
01:18:03,960 --> 01:18:06,240
or… I am not sure.
1067
01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:08,760
Maybe, I don't know.
1068
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:48,200
I was once again
1069
01:18:48,440 --> 01:18:50,880
in the same graveyardwhere Tanya was buried.
1070
01:18:53,080 --> 01:18:55,920
And they said that nowwe do vertical graves,
1071
01:18:56,000 --> 01:18:57,200
one on top of the other
1072
01:18:57,480 --> 01:18:58,840
because we don't have room.
1073
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:05,640
And which meant that, both my daughterswill be in the same grave.
1074
01:19:08,720 --> 01:19:09,840
And that was just…
1075
01:19:11,080 --> 01:19:13,640
I mean just unbearable for me.
1076
01:19:14,080 --> 01:19:16,360
Some comfort that my
daughters were together
1077
01:19:16,440 --> 01:19:17,920
but I think…
1078
01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:20,200
it was mostly grief.
1079
01:19:33,520 --> 01:19:35,440
People stood in silence
1080
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:38,320
for Aisha in Jaipur at the Lit Fest
1081
01:19:38,560 --> 01:19:41,640
at the very same time that
we were burying her in the ground
1082
01:19:41,720 --> 01:19:43,120
in… in Delhi.
82109
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