All language subtitles for Abbott.Elementary.S02E08.WEBRip.x264-ION10 eng

This is where our winter
vegetables will be growing.

But we'll also have
tomatoes there next year.

And, Barbara, I don't
want to get into it.

This is not the dirt
I was promised.

Barbara, you said you had
a good story for me.

Ooh.

What is that?

Ugh.

Oh, my God.

A bone?

From a person?

Nope.

Ohh.

Have mercy.

Got 'em.

Wait.

Was this the one I buried?

Oh.

It's a beef rib.

Got 'em.

Stay out of my garden.

So, this is our midterm
development meeting

where we explore benchmarks for
the second half of the year.

We love these.

They remind you that
even though it feels

like it's almost time
for summer break,

the school year
isn't even close to over.

So that's the school district's
requirements.

Now, hurry up and talk
about your individual
goals or whatever.

This is cutting into
my pre-happy hour hour.

Uh, I have an entire week

dedicate to
the historical terrors

of Thanksgiving
for the indigenous people,

followed by a screening
of the seminal film--

"Soul Food"?
You know it.

♪ Mama ♪ Mama

Well, I love the holidays,

and this year Barbara Howard's
Little Helpers

will be making the most adorable
handprint Christmas trees.

And my kids will be doing
hand turkey art,

and I'll be recycling it
to soak up all the snow

that gets through
the cracks in the windows.

Children's hands really seem
to carry the holidays.

Yeah, they do.
It's crazy.

Uh, my eighth grade students
and I will need the gym

and a safety ladder
next week.

For a dunk contest?

No.

We'll be doing
the egg drop.

Appreciate it if everyone
can bring any eggs

that they can spare.

Good. 'Cause we're low
on eggs in the lounge,

and my doctor says
I need some omega-3s.

That sounds like a great
opportunity to be creative.

I always wanted to do one
of those when I was a kid.

Maybe my second graders
can participate.

Here we go.

Oh, I mean,
I know my kids

won't be as good as yours,
of course,

but I just think it sounds
like fun for the kids.

It's not fun, it's science.

Well, maybe it can be both.

I'm sure my kids are gonna have
a blast doing the egg drop.

The egg drop is too advanced
for your students,

but if you'd like them
to partake, it's your funeral.

More like my fun-eral.

Yeah.

Here's Tamika's homework,
Ms. Howard.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You have a good one.

Learn lots, boo!

As a good Christian woman,

I would never mark my body
with such an obscenity.

I don't even believe in saying
that word out loud.

Ugh.

My favorite "B" word?

Barbara.

Oh! Bible.

Blessing.

Blueberries.

Okay, so I was promised
these are definitely not snakes.

Oh,
that's good to know.

This is part
of my recovery elixir.

Strong like bull.

Oh, good morning, y'all.

Did you just get here?

No.

So, how much glitter would
you say your kids are using

on their egg drop
thingies?

We never use glitter
on our thingies,

because that
would add mass

which would throw off
the equation.

Okay, so maybe just
like a dash, then?

Answer?

Hello, Mr. Hill.

The nerve of that guy.

We've had a long-standing beef
ever since I got here.

Really? It seems like
he's just polite to you.

No, he's very
passive-aggressive.

Don't even ask me why. Okay.

You feel like the egg drop
is right for your kids?

I mean, it takes a fairly decent
understanding of physics.

Yeah,
I'm sure it's right,

because learning should be fun
and about new experiences,

and not whether or not
the eggs break.

It's actually only about
whether or not the eggs break.

Oh, my God, you won't shut up
about this egg drop.

And now your kids
told my kids.

Now my kids are all excited,
so I gotta do it.

And all these wasted eggs
when the Cowboys are in town.

Now I gotta throw Molotov
cocktails at their bus.

You guys are doing
a great job.

These are so cute.

Eli, I love how yours
has all those plastic straws.

Watch out, turtles.

Oh, and, Nia,
yours has a heart on it.

That's so-- I can't wait to see
how these work, guys.

I named my egg Ralph!

I put a face on him
- and everything.
- Aww!

Well, Ralph looks egg-cited
for the egg drop tomorrow.

He's my best friend.

My only friend.

Oh, yeah, Eli is fine.
He's exaggerating.

I've seen him talk to Nia
before, I think.

Excuse me.

I was just wondering if,
you know,

when you are around
the children,

if you might...

cover up a bit.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Thank you.

You have a good one.

Ms. Howard.

Yes?
What's S-L--

It is, uh...

the Saint Louis University
of Technology.

And it is a very fine
university, yes, it is.

Please, have a seat.

How is a ladder
that tall even possible?

'Cause of physics?

The thing we're
kinda doing here?

Mr. Morton:
And lastly, we have Omar's

gravitational resistance mechanism,

with a payload
of 58.7 grams.

May Sir Isaac Newton
have mercy on your soul.

Though, such a thing
does not exist.

Well done, eighth graders.

I have taught you
some serious science

that will serve you
for the rest of your lives.

And now, without further ado...

the second graders.

Hey! Thanks for coming
to support.

Of course.

Plus, I didn't want
to miss a chance

to see Morton
with egg on his face.

Look, kids, my esteemed
colleague, Mr. Hill,

has joined us.

Hmm, hmm.
Keep poking the bear, Morton.

You know, I'm just gonna double
fist these so I'm done quicker.

You got this,
Ms. Schemmenti!
Whoo!

See what a little
can-do attitude

and optimism can get you?

Can't wait.

Oh, good. I didn't miss
Stump-ty Dumpty's
turn at the top.

Is it just me or is this ladder
getting much taller?

Right?

Somebody get me
some magic beans.

You know, like
"Jack and the Beanstalk"?

- Get it?
- Climb the ladder, Janine.

All right, all right.
Just give me a minute.

I don't to get the bends, Melissa.

Okay, here we go.

Going up the ladder.

All right, yeah.

Mr. Morton, is it necessary
to go to the top of it?

It is? Okay.

Can someone give me
a bigger basket?

Okay.

I should've done
a time lapse.

We have made it to the top.

Oh, my God.

Okay. Here we go.

First one!

Oh.

Oh, um... it's okay, Tre.

That made a fun splat,
all right?

Okay, next up.

This is going great.

Oh.

But we're having a good time.

Ooh, marshmallows!

Sponges.

This one's just an egg.

Oh, no.

All right, one more.

This one's gonna make it.

Two eggs, wow!

Look away!

No!

Ralph?!

He was my best friend!

Someone get a Band-Aid!

There's starving children
in America, Janine.

It's okay!

Even though
the eggs broke,

you all did great
and were so creative.

And, uh, look.
Look!

I have these medals.

And if you stop crying
long enough,

I can put them on you.

Because there are no winners
or losers here, right?

Kids, science
is almost exclusively

about winner and losers.

It's okay, Ralph.
You just have to believe.

You may want to have
that children checked out

for salmonella.

Um, hello?

What are you,
some kind of mad scientist?

How did none of
your eggs break?

Easy. I cheated.

Just hard-boiled a bunch
of eggs and, boom, happy class.

And you're proud of that?

Are you proud of having a class
full of crying second graders?

Look, I'd love to teach
my class quantum mechanics.

It's my secret weapon
at the craps table,

but second graders
can't understand it, Janine.

Well, look,
now my kids feel awful,

and they need to have
a successful egg drop
to feel better.

Or maybe there's
a sale on gold stars.

Well, they feel bad because
they failed, but that's science.

Yeah, but it doesn't
- have to be.
- It literally does.

It's part of
the scientific method.

I don't like science--
too many laws.

And who's the judge?
God?

If you think about it, science
is just history plus math.

That's not at all correct.

Y'all seen that movie
"Pacific Rim,"

where Idris Elba
fights the Kaiju?

Now that's science.

You know what's iffy, though?
Pigeons.

- Wait.
- While we're here,

I'm not sure I believe
the moon landing happened.

I don't believe
in the moon.

I believe that
gluten intolerance

is just internalized
White guilt.

- Gluten isn't real!
- Stevie Wonder ain't blind.

You know, Bill Gates--Enough!

Science
is factual and real,

and failure is a part
of the scientific method.

So congratulations, Janine,

you just mastered
the first part.

Now, have you run
your error analysis yet?

Oh, yes, my error analysis
is that we will never give up.

We believe in ourselves,
and we know we can do it.

So... no.

Um, Janine, do you understand
the science behind the egg drop?

Look, if you want your kids
to really get this,

then you're gonna
have to get it.

I used
to love the egg drop.

Look, Amber cancelled on me
for tonight, so if you want...

I can walk you through it.

Thanks, Gregory.
That'd be great, actually.

I bet you believe dinosaurs
really went extinct.

The parent of
one of my students

has a very unsavory marking
across her bosom.

The mom with
the "Bitch" tattoo?

Loved that book.
Movie was meh.

And even after I gently
asked her to cover up,

she came back with a sweater
that was even worse!

Oh, yeah, you gotta do
something about her.

I agree.

Uh, I just want to
chime in and say

I'm gonna sit
this one out.

I think my role here is best
as an active listener.

Although, I will say, the
reclamation of the word "bi--"

Ava, I'm surprised.

You actually have
a problem with this?

Sure do, but it's about
placement not the content.

The clavicle is such
a powerful bone.

Why take attention
away from it?

Keep the tattoos to the tatas.
That's hot.

How could anyone find this
tata tattoo hot?

Much less appropriate?

Well, it's a generational
thing, Barb.

Women her age grew up
with Lil' Kim,

- Foxy Brown, and Eve.
- Mm-hmm.

And I grew up
with Adam and Eve.

And maybe all this young woman
needs is a little guidance.

Heh.

Barb wouldn't be offended
by my tattoos,

unless she speaks Mandarin.

Chinese people
hate my tattoos.

To understand the egg drop,

you have to understand
some scientific principles

that are fairly complex
for a second grader.

I believe
in my second graders.

And I want to show them

that if they believe
in themselves,

they can do anything.

I appreciate the optimism,

but you can't just
positive-attitude

your way through physics.

Well, I beg to differ.

Can you touch my hand?
What?

If you believe in yourself
enough, can you touch my hand?

As I was saying--No, wait, hold on.

Because

if I were to just,
you know, gra--

- Oh. Oh, oh, aah.
- Oh!

Come on.

See, this is why science
shouldn't be taught in schools.

I feel like this is about
something else.

Look, this may come
as a surprise,

but...

I've never been good
at not getting things.

You don't say.

Normally, I'm able to
come into anything

with a positive mindset
and succeed.

Failure is what propels
science forward.

If you can't
accept failure,

then you can never
learn from it.

"If you
can't accept failure,
then you can never--"

I don't sound
like that, Janine.

My voice is quite deep.

Now, if we can get back
to the egg drop.

When I was little, I could
never keep my shoes tied,

and people loved
to make fun of that.

But then I got Velcro shoes,
and they made fun of that, too.

But here's what I learned
about failure--

It sucks and I don't want
my kids to feel it.

Time to get them
some Velcro shoes.

Good to see you.

Hi, baby.

Well, how 'bout that?

So nice to run into you.

You work here, that's a very
predictable scenario.

Yes, but I'm just glad
to have your ear,

because I came across
some information

about a support group
for single mothers.

Okay, well, um...

if Tamika's dad,
my husband...

...of six years,
just so happens to die,

I promise
I'll check it out.

And if you want
some nice clothes,

my daughter's friend, Mallory,

does this monthly clothes swap
for young professionals.

Lots of
expletive-free attire.

Well, I see
what's happening here.

You think you know me,
Miss Lady?

But you don't.

I am not going to trade
first-run items

from my clothing line

with a bunch of diversity,
equity, and inclusion officers.

I did not mean
to upset you.

You can never upset a
professional bitch like myself.

Now you have a wonderful
rest of your day...

Miss Ma'am.

It's Mrs. Howard.

Oh, I know who you are.

Keep painting, kids, okay?

Keep painting.

These are tough as nails now,

so they need to look
really pretty, too.

I finally have my head
wrapped around the egg drop.

It only took Gregory
walking me through it

and then three hours
of YouTube videos

when I still didn't get it.

I've helped my kids
rebuild their egg drops,

and my hypothesis is...

we're going to succeed!

Mr. Morton,
what a surprise.

What makes you drop by?

You took all my scales.

What a great observation.

I hypothesized that taking your
scales would get you down here.

Cause, effect, science.

My students and I are building
new egg drop contraptions.

I now know the science
behind it,

therefore my kids and I
are ready to prove

that we can do anything.

So, I'd like
to kindly request

that you put on
another egg drop event.

Miss Teagues, I have
an eighth grade curriculum

to keep up with,
so no more egg drop.

- We've moved on.
- Wha--

So, no--

What am I supposed
- to tell my kids?
- Not my problem.

If you're looking for
something more their speed,

why don't you teach them
how to tie their shoes?

I want to fight you.

Jacob is right.

That Mr. Morton's
got a real attitude.

He will not put on
another egg drop event.

You know you can do an egg drop
event without him, right?

That's not the point.

Look, I've faced
so many Mr. Mortons

and there are so many
Mr. Mortons in this world,

and I want my kids
to face them now.

And I want to shield them
with the best defense--

positivity.

Janine, your kids
are lucky to have a teacher

who believes in them
as much as you do.

But maybe sometimes, possibly,
you could come at it with, like,

so much positivity
that it's...

toxic.

Mr. Morton's science
is just too advanced for them.

Those are the facts.

Ugh! I know.

I spiraled.

Happens to all of us, but
it happens to you a lot, huh?

So now I have to tell
my kids that I messed up

and that they can't do anything
they put their minds to?

It's the truth,
and the truth is science.

Isn't it our job
to tell them the truth?

That was, like,
a serious question.

I-I haven't been here very long,
I don't know the answer to that.

Should I be lying more?

Oh!

Looking to refresh
your wardrobe, Barb?

That stuff is hot, but a little
flashier than I pegged you for.

This is Tamika's mother's
clothing line.

And it is worse
than I expected.

I'm--
T-There are cuss words here

I didn't even know existed.

Well, dang, if this
is worrying you so much

that you're spending
your free time

cyberstalking
this lady's store,

you must really have
a problem with her.

Do you think this child
is in danger?
No.

Okay, well, how's Tamika's
grades and attendance?

Stellar.

Okay, then what's
the real problem?

'Cause I'm not hearing
anything to worry about.

Okay, I admit it.

I misjudged her
when I confronted her,

but I just don't understand
why a grown woman,

a mother,
would act like this.

Okay, well,
let me ask you this--

do you need to?

Uh, before you finish
that order,

throw in a pair of those
"Whore" leggings.

I gotta gala next week.

Are we getting balloons
because we're great?

Well, you are great,
but these are actually

for an age-appropriate
science lesson.

Please no more science,
Miss Teagues.

Can those lift me in the air?

If you believe hard enough,
they can.

Well, that actually
isn't true.

But we're going to
learn about why.

Just give them to us.

No!

We're doing this.

Thank you, Ayesha.

Oh, Tamika, you did
a wonderful job!

Thank you.
My mom taught me.

She said it's important
to know about flowers

so you can tell when a man
gets you cheap ones.

Okay, thank you.

All right.

Let's get ourselves ready.

Thank you.

Get your stuff.

Uh, e-excuse me.

I just wanted
to let you know

that Tamika's work
was so well done.

I thank you for putting
in the extra effort.

And I want to apologize.

I am sorry for the assumptions
that I made about your character

when you have been
showing me all year long

the type of parent
you are.

It's not the first time
this has happened to me.

People are quick to judge, but...

that's part of the thinking
behind my apparel line.

You see, one day soon
when people hear

"Forever Bitch Apparel,"

they're gonna think
about locally made,

Black-owned, and sustainable
business practices.

And that is something
that I would love to support.

Really?

And, you know, sometimes
I do get a little busy

and I forget that Forever Bitch
isn't for the kids.

So I'll be sure to wear
PG-rated clothing from now on

when I pick Tamika up.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

And that's a--
a lovely...

...mouth accessory.

I-Is that from your line, Forever...

Yeah, yeah, look,
get a little closer.

Check out the quality
of this engraving.

Like, Mrs. Howard.

Three helium balloons
was not enough.

We failed.
But what did we learn?

That we need
more balloons?

Right, because balloons
can only hold

a certain amount of...

- Mass!
- That's right.

- I'm impressed.
- Yeah?

Well, I realized that
the egg drop was too advanced,

but then I decided to experiment
with another special project--

the egg lift.

And it involves something
they like already-- balloons.

All right, release!

Mr. Morton, ah,
how nice of you to be here.

- Hello.
- You took my helium tank.

I did, and that's because
I wanted you to see us learn

all about--

Oh, no.

Not Ralph Jr.!

Oh.

Um, uh, science!

Science!

Yes!

Oh, did we egg-ceed
your egg-spectations?

Egg.

Oh, and you have
a little something right...

...there.
Yep, mm-hmm.

Well, and then I said
the gaming industry is a bil--

is billions,
like, not millions,

like, billions of dollars,
which means that--Mr. Hill,

do you need any help
carrying those to your car?

No, no, thank you.
I am fine.

You have a restful night
and a pleasant weekend.

Yep! You, too!

See?
What is that guy's deal?

That guy
really gets my goat.

I don't know
what that means,

but that man is nothing
but nice to you, okay?

This is all in your head.

"Have a pleasant weekend."

Stop.

He doesn't sound like that.

I--
Nobody sounds like that.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.
It's been a long week.

Geez.

Oh, Jacob Hill?
Hate him.

Always have, always will.