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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:02,544
Back in the '80s,
nothing was more important
2
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:04,588
to my brother than Flyers hockey.
3
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,181
When they made it to
the Stanley Cup Finals,
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00:00:06,181 --> 00:00:08,684
he knew exactly who to thank... himself.
5
00:00:08,684 --> 00:00:10,519
Because of my hard work
6
00:00:10,519 --> 00:00:13,147
and unwavering dedication to the Flyers,
7
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,858
they are now on the precipice
of becoming world champions.
8
00:00:15,858 --> 00:00:17,192
Your hard work?
9
00:00:17,192 --> 00:00:18,902
Who else has suited up for every game
10
00:00:18,902 --> 00:00:20,988
in their quasi-officially
sanctioned T-shirt,
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00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,364
stretched, ready to go,
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00:00:22,364 --> 00:00:25,034
with two orange popsicles in
a bowl, always to the side?
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I've seen this in sports films.
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00:00:26,910 --> 00:00:29,121
Superstitious nutballs
think they somehow control
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00:00:29,121 --> 00:00:30,456
the outcome of the game,
16
00:00:30,456 --> 00:00:33,042
so they repeat the behavior
in hopes of another win.
17
00:00:33,042 --> 00:00:35,044
Well, in my very special case, it works.
18
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No one believes that.
19
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Yes, my baby helped the Flyers win.
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I'm as proud as the
mothers of the players
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I will be sitting with
during the victory parade.
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You do you, I guess.
23
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,223
But why are the rest of us
involved in these antics?
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In addition to all I will
do to help the Flyers win,
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00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,019
here's what you will do.
26
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,437
Since the beginning of the season,
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I've been tracking all
your behaviors during games
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00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,400
to see if they help or hurt the Flyers.
29
00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,610
You've been watching us?
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I watch you all, too.
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It's not weird. Go on, Barry.
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Mom, let's start with you.
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Ah, I'm number one on your
list and in your heart.
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00:01:06,575 --> 00:01:08,202
For the last seven victories,
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00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,788
you served us food that
was black and/or orange.
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The colors of your team.
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And construction signs
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and monarch butterflies and Garfield.
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It's all random nonsense.
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Thus, everything we
consume from here-to-forth
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00:01:18,754 --> 00:01:20,422
must be black or orange.
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For my superstitious
Schmoo, I'll make it happen.
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Oh! I'm part of his life. Ha!
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Wait, we have to eat carrots
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and licorice for every meal
46
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just to placate this lunatic?
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Look who's too good to eat garbage.
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When I was your age,
I ate my own clothes,
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and I loved it.
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Which brings me to Pop-Pop.
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I'm afraid you're not allowed
in the house during the finals.
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What are you yammering about?
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The research shows when you're
on the premises, we lose.
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- Facts matter.
- Yeah, but it's cold outside.
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Where am I gonna go?
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I've already enlisted Ginzy and Essie
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to take turns hosting
you at their homes.
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Oh, a couple of broads are detaining me.
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Not too shabby.
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They fought me on it. Hard.
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You're not the belle of
the ball you think you are.
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I hope your team loses.
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00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:58,085
Now, we come to Adam.
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Sweet, precious Adam.
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No water!
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That was your water.
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It was for dramatic effect.
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00:02:04,508 --> 00:02:06,844
You will not allow nature's
tears to touch your lips
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00:02:06,844 --> 00:02:08,679
for the entirety of
the Flyers playoff run.
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00:02:08,679 --> 00:02:10,097
And why, exactly?
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00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,765
Last Tuesday, you took
a sip and Rick Tocchet
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got a two-minute penalty for slashing.
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You were also breathing,
but I'm not unreasonable.
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I'm definitely gonna drink water.
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Thought you might say that.
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00:02:19,565 --> 00:02:23,068
Is this you holding up
a knife to Optimus Prime?
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And you'll never see him
again unless you do what I say.
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It's like five bucks.
I'll get a new one.
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00:02:27,197 --> 00:02:30,367
Well, can you replace
all your Transformers?
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My babies!
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Fine! I'll drink soda
all day, every day!
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- Ya happy?!
- Not yet.
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00:02:35,664 --> 00:02:37,574
- You also can't change your underwear.
- What?
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00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,501
When you don your current
tighty-whities, the Flyers win.
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It's just math.
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How do you even know that?
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On second thought, never tell me.
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- I made Doritos and Oreo tops.
- Yes!
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Our championship run starts now.
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♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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♪ But nonetheless, I
feel the need to say ♪
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- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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♪ I don't know the future ♪
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♪ But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ♪
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It was spring 1980-something,
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00:03:07,196 --> 00:03:09,531
and Erica and Geoff were
packing up baby Muriel
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00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:11,700
for a day with Grammy
Linda and Grampy Lou.
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Ooh, "Goodnight Moon."
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The perfect sleepy-time
book for any baby.
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00:03:15,537 --> 00:03:17,164
And some emotionally in-touch dads.
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00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,832
It's not like Muriel
needs anything to help her
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fall asleep at your parents' house.
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What's that supposed to mean?
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A day with your parents
isn't exactly baby Mardi Gras.
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They just plop her down in
front of a boring documentary
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00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:28,050
or have her watch your dad
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- as he counts out his afternoon prunes.
- Six prunes.
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It's only a small part of the day.
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00:03:31,762 --> 00:03:33,472
And they have some fun toys over there.
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You mean like that one wooden
spoon and Lou's car keys?
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Car keys to you, but
with a baby's imagination,
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they open the door to wonder.
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And that strange cedar
box in his closet.
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What's in there, Papa?
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When my mom has the
baby, they go to the park,
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the museum, the petting zoo.
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And then she puts together
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a photo album of the whole thing.
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00:03:50,822 --> 00:03:53,075
Sure, they're clearly
treasured keepsakes,
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00:03:53,075 --> 00:03:55,661
but your mom also gets way
more time with the baby.
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Like every day.
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Unlike your parents, my mom
plans active, fun things to do.
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00:04:00,415 --> 00:04:02,042
It's cool.
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00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,460
It's important for Muriel
to learn that some days
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00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:04,753
are total snooze-fests.
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00:04:04,753 --> 00:04:06,255
I can assure you that today,
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our daughter will be living it up
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in the streets with the people.
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00:04:09,591 --> 00:04:11,260
I don't think I've ever
seen your dad in sunlight,
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00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:15,097
but I definitely believe
your hollow words, sweetie.
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There's our granddaughter we never see.
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00:04:17,849 --> 00:04:19,685
Look at her, Linda. She's all grown up.
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Does she even remember who we are?
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Muriel, I'm your father's mother.
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I get it. You'd like to see her more,
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but she's here now.
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So, what fun and exciting things
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are you gonna do with her today?
139
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,532
We're in the middle of
a 15-part documentary
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00:04:33,532 --> 00:04:35,033
on the Civil War.
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00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:37,369
But we wouldn't mind
starting over for the baby.
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00:04:37,369 --> 00:04:39,288
Your mother slept through
all of the burning of Atlanta.
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00:04:39,288 --> 00:04:41,164
Maybe less sitting on the
couch, being horrified,
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00:04:41,164 --> 00:04:42,416
and more being out in the world?
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00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,667
Well, your father is getting into
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still-life photography.
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00:04:45,794 --> 00:04:47,796
I bet Muriel would love to see
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00:04:47,796 --> 00:04:49,548
my "Fruits of the Americas" series.
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00:04:49,548 --> 00:04:51,174
The light dancing on a plum
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00:04:51,174 --> 00:04:52,718
will make you think there's a God.
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00:04:52,718 --> 00:04:54,678
Pictures of second-tier
fruit? That's all you got?
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00:04:54,678 --> 00:04:55,679
Why are you yelling at us?
153
00:04:55,679 --> 00:04:57,514
Because Erica has this idea
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00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:59,224
that you guys don't
do a lot with the baby,
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00:04:59,224 --> 00:05:00,809
and frankly, she's right.
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00:05:00,809 --> 00:05:02,644
We do all sorts of stuff.
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00:05:02,644 --> 00:05:04,062
Linda, get my keys.
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00:05:04,062 --> 00:05:05,355
And throw caution to the wind.
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00:05:05,355 --> 00:05:06,607
Grab the wooden spoon, too.
160
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:07,899
Oh, my God.
161
00:05:07,899 --> 00:05:09,276
Beverly is crushing you guys.
162
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:10,694
It's not a competition.
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It really is, and you're losing badly.
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00:05:12,904 --> 00:05:15,741
Take her to a museum,
to the park, to swim.
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00:05:15,741 --> 00:05:18,452
And take some photos of your
granddaughter, not purple fruit.
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00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,704
Plums actually come
in a variety of hues.
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00:05:20,704 --> 00:05:22,289
Yes, they are a beautiful
and diverse species,
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00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,498
but now is not the time.
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00:05:23,498 --> 00:05:25,459
I think we get it. Right, Lou?
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00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,044
- For sure.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:29,838
Just like the Union
soldiers at Bull Run,
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00:05:29,838 --> 00:05:31,548
we will not let you down.
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00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,133
They lost that one. Huh?
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00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,760
- I guess I fell asleep, too.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,304
- Plum juice is also a sedative.
- Be better.
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00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,973
While Geoff convinced his
parents to get off the couch,
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00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,017
Vic was shooing people away from them.
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00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:45,145
Whatever you do, do
not buy that sofa bed.
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00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,606
It is shoddily made by child laborers
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00:05:47,606 --> 00:05:50,651
and filled with asbestos and mercury.
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00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,694
- Uh, Vic?
- Hmm?
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00:05:52,694 --> 00:05:55,280
I'm no salesman, but what
the are you doing?
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00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,824
I'm freaking out. That's what I'm doing.
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00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,993
It's all because of
that stupid commercial.
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00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,120
- Commercial?
- You really don't know?
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00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,666
Oh, Beverly, come and
witness the horror.
187
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:09,169
The horror.
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00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,797
Hello, Greater Philadelphia.
189
00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:13,256
Do you love the Flyers?
190
00:06:13,256 --> 00:06:14,800
Because I... I know I do.
191
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,219
I'm from Edmonton, a
lifelong Oilers fan.
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00:06:17,219 --> 00:06:19,888
The Ottoman Empire is so
committed to seeing our Flyers
193
00:06:19,888 --> 00:06:24,184
go all the way that we
promise to give you 100% back
194
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,854
on your purchase if our
boys win the Stanley Cup.
195
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:29,481
A hundred percent?!
196
00:06:29,481 --> 00:06:31,650
That's all the percents!
197
00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:35,153
That's right, random loyal
customer whom I've never met.
198
00:06:35,153 --> 00:06:37,447
We'll give you a full
refund on items such as...
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00:06:37,447 --> 00:06:39,116
bureaus...
200
00:06:39,116 --> 00:06:40,200
headboards...
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00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,326
Ow.
202
00:06:41,326 --> 00:06:43,787
... or the bean bag of your dreams.
203
00:06:43,787 --> 00:06:46,623
So come on down to the Ottoman Empire
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00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:49,209
and get your furniture for free!
205
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:52,003
All their money back?
206
00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:53,755
Why would you say such a thing?
207
00:06:53,755 --> 00:06:55,715
I gotta say it brought
in a lot of people,
208
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,760
but against all odds, the
Flyers just kept winning.
209
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,138
So we lose a couple of
bucks. How bad can it be?
210
00:07:01,138 --> 00:07:02,806
If we have to give all that money back,
211
00:07:02,806 --> 00:07:05,142
there's no way that we're gonna
be able to keep the store afloat.
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00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:07,269
But my son needs his team to win.
213
00:07:07,269 --> 00:07:09,938
Your son needs his mama to
keep a roof over her head!
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00:07:09,938 --> 00:07:11,398
Stop yelling at me!
215
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,525
You're the one that threw
us into financial chaos.
216
00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:15,986
I... I'm sorry. I...
I... I'm not doing well.
217
00:07:15,986 --> 00:07:17,696
My hair is turning white!
218
00:07:17,696 --> 00:07:19,156
What are we gonna do?
219
00:07:19,156 --> 00:07:21,408
For one thing, you are
gonna keep your mouth shut.
220
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:24,077
Barry cannot know any of this.
221
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,037
And who knows? Maybe
the Flyers will lose.
222
00:07:26,037 --> 00:07:28,498
You're right. It could be okay.
223
00:07:28,498 --> 00:07:30,542
It will be okay.
224
00:07:30,542 --> 00:07:32,461
While Vic was in big trouble,
225
00:07:32,461 --> 00:07:34,337
Lou and Linda had no trouble at all
226
00:07:34,337 --> 00:07:36,089
showing their granddaughter a good time.
227
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,341
We've triumphantly returned!
228
00:07:38,341 --> 00:07:40,051
From a day on the couch? Nice.
229
00:07:40,051 --> 00:07:42,304
Au contraire, Erica.
230
00:07:42,304 --> 00:07:44,931
We adventured to The
Academy of Natural Sciences
231
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,141
and saw a T. rex.
232
00:07:46,141 --> 00:07:48,518
Both Muriel and Lou were terrified.
233
00:07:48,518 --> 00:07:50,770
God destroyed those demons for a reason.
234
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:52,689
Guys, I gotta say, I'm impressed.
235
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,858
Well, prepare yourself to be wowed
236
00:07:54,858 --> 00:07:57,319
because we also took her to the zoo.
237
00:07:57,319 --> 00:07:58,445
And the "Rocky Steps."
238
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,155
Wow. You sort of did it.
239
00:08:00,155 --> 00:08:02,157
And perhaps they're
worthy of a little more
240
00:08:02,157 --> 00:08:03,783
of Muriel's time and attention?
241
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,494
They really are. I mean, look at her.
242
00:08:05,494 --> 00:08:07,954
She is zonked from her amazing day out.
243
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:08,954
I'm gonna go put her down.
244
00:08:09,873 --> 00:08:11,291
Well done, guys.
245
00:08:12,334 --> 00:08:14,044
Oh, my God.
246
00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:15,128
That was the longest day of my life.
247
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,963
Who walks that much?
248
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:18,798
Blood is filling my socks.
249
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,217
And the sun.
250
00:08:20,217 --> 00:08:22,177
It sucked me dry like a juice box.
251
00:08:22,177 --> 00:08:24,304
This is how it ends. I can say it now.
252
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,931
I never liked your sister.
253
00:08:25,931 --> 00:08:28,225
Oh, you guys are still here?
254
00:08:28,225 --> 00:08:31,228
Just basking in the
glory of our magical day.
255
00:08:31,228 --> 00:08:33,480
About that... Muriel's
free again tomorrow
256
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,232
if you want another
day of fun in the sun.
257
00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:37,984
Tomorrow? The shortest amount of time
258
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,529
possible between now and forever?
259
00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:42,489
This is a pretty big step, you guys.
260
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:43,573
So what do you say?
261
00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:45,033
- Happy to do it.
- Our pleasure.
262
00:08:45,033 --> 00:08:48,620
We are so Linda.
263
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:50,205
I know it.
264
00:08:50,205 --> 00:08:52,457
As Lou and Linda were
tormented by their win,
265
00:08:52,457 --> 00:08:54,459
Barry's Flyers were heading for a loss.
266
00:08:54,459 --> 00:08:58,004
No!
267
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,215
Mom, what are you doing? We lost.
268
00:09:00,215 --> 00:09:02,634
Right. We did lose.
269
00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:05,178
Um, and I'm so upset that I feel like
270
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,097
I need to dance away the pain.
271
00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:09,182
We all grieve differently, I guess.
272
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,768
Indeed. Well, ugh, the dancing worked.
273
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,104
So now that it's all over,
I guess we can go back
274
00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:15,772
to our lives of
financial stability, huh?
275
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,315
Oh, it's not over.
276
00:09:17,315 --> 00:09:19,985
This is just the first game.
It's a best-of-seven series.
277
00:09:19,985 --> 00:09:22,571
So, you're saying the Flyers
actually have a shot at winning?
278
00:09:22,571 --> 00:09:24,239
You know it. I'm as hopeful as you.
279
00:09:24,239 --> 00:09:26,575
Yes, I'm hopeful. You're hopeful.
280
00:09:26,575 --> 00:09:28,201
Who cares about the specifics?
281
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,870
That woman is my rock.
282
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,038
More importantly, this proves
all your silly superstitions
283
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,665
had zero effect,
284
00:09:33,665 --> 00:09:35,500
so I'm just gonna drink some
agua and freshen up my BVDs.
285
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,335
Oh, not so fast.
286
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:39,504
Stop being such a prima donna.
287
00:09:39,504 --> 00:09:41,965
In 12 days, you can drink
as much water as you want.
288
00:09:41,965 --> 00:09:43,758
My underwear isn't holding
up to the rigorous grind
289
00:09:43,758 --> 00:09:45,552
of a young man in the world.
290
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,971
I had a homeless gentleman move
away from me on the bus.
291
00:09:47,971 --> 00:09:49,306
Just turn it inside out
292
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:50,932
and buy yourself four more days.
293
00:09:50,932 --> 00:09:52,976
'Cause it doesn't make sense.
We did everything right.
294
00:09:52,976 --> 00:09:54,311
What's this one going on about?
295
00:09:54,311 --> 00:09:56,062
Pop-Pop? What are you doing here?
296
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:57,230
Oh, there he is.
297
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,899
Ben, you ran off on us.
298
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,525
Your house makes my skin itch.
299
00:10:00,525 --> 00:10:01,610
Well, you said you weren't allergic
300
00:10:01,610 --> 00:10:03,361
to my Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.
301
00:10:03,361 --> 00:10:05,614
Not your dumb mutts, the decor.
302
00:10:05,614 --> 00:10:06,823
Who puts plates on the walls?
303
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:08,116
They're decorative ceramics.
304
00:10:08,116 --> 00:10:09,326
Even I think they're a little too much.
305
00:10:09,326 --> 00:10:10,869
You have a Navajo rug on your wall.
306
00:10:10,869 --> 00:10:13,038
It's not a rug. It's a tapestry.
307
00:10:13,038 --> 00:10:14,831
If you can vacuum it, it's a rug.
308
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,083
Enough hilarious in-fighting.
309
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:20,253
Pop-Pop's presence is
clearly why the Flyers lost.
310
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:22,088
But the good news is it's easily fixed.
311
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,341
No! Bar, I can't do this anymore!
312
00:10:24,341 --> 00:10:27,093
My crotch feels like the swamp
where Yoda taught Luke how to Jedi.
313
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,637
Colorful stuff. The briefs stay on.
314
00:10:28,637 --> 00:10:30,263
Now take the old man away!
315
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,973
By force, if necessary.
316
00:10:31,973 --> 00:10:33,350
No, I'm not comfortable with that.
317
00:10:33,350 --> 00:10:34,935
- On it.
- Please, no!
318
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,603
They drink milk with dinner,
319
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,605
and everyone has to stay at
the table till they're finished.
320
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,774
And so, for the next few days,
321
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,859
Barry did everything exactly right.
322
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:43,859
Let's go!
323
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,530
And what do you know? It seemed to work.
324
00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:50,325
- The Flyers started to win.
- Goal!
325
00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:53,203
Yeah.
326
00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:58,249
And win again.
327
00:10:58,249 --> 00:11:00,168
No, the Flyers weren't
always victorious,
328
00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:01,920
but when they lost,
329
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,922
well, there was a perfectly
good reason for it.
330
00:11:03,922 --> 00:11:05,632
Wait a second.
331
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,093
How the hell did this get in there?
332
00:11:08,093 --> 00:11:10,178
Wait, wh... How did that get in there?
333
00:11:10,178 --> 00:11:11,429
It's so weird.
334
00:11:11,429 --> 00:11:12,889
Don't worry, Mama.
335
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,683
We're gonna win this, and when we do,
336
00:11:14,683 --> 00:11:16,685
it's gonna be the best thing
that's ever happened to me...
337
00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:18,979
- and therefore you.
- Oh, for sure.
338
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:22,357
Your happiness is
absolutely my only priority.
339
00:11:22,357 --> 00:11:27,153
- Vic, we're gonna make the Flyers lose.
- Oh, good.
340
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,905
I was waiting for you to come
up with a practical solution.
341
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:35,036
Lou and Linda were trying
to psych themselves up
342
00:11:35,036 --> 00:11:36,413
for another day with Muriel,
but it wasn't going great.
343
00:11:36,413 --> 00:11:39,207
Okay, we have been doing nothing
with the baby for a while.
344
00:11:39,207 --> 00:11:42,085
The ice is doing bupkus
for my swollen feet.
345
00:11:42,085 --> 00:11:44,379
I think that that's just
how they are, sweetie.
346
00:11:44,379 --> 00:11:46,423
I don't need judgment.
And what are you drinking?
347
00:11:46,423 --> 00:11:48,133
This is a sports-themed beverage.
348
00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:50,510
It's going to give me
Michael Jordan's ability
349
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,387
to not die while pushing a stroller.
350
00:11:52,387 --> 00:11:55,640
Let me sample this neon juice.
351
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:59,060
Dammit, that's nice on the tongue.
352
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:00,979
I drank three of these yellow boys,
353
00:12:00,979 --> 00:12:02,981
and I just want to lay on the floor.
354
00:12:02,981 --> 00:12:04,441
But we promised the kids
355
00:12:04,441 --> 00:12:06,067
we'd take the baby apple picking.
356
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:08,111
If only there were some magical shortcut
357
00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:10,071
that didn't involve our limbs.
358
00:12:10,071 --> 00:12:11,406
Why schlep all over Philadelphia
359
00:12:11,406 --> 00:12:13,283
when all we need is the
evidence that we did?
360
00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:14,409
Grab an apple,
361
00:12:14,409 --> 00:12:16,494
hold the baby in front of the ficus.
362
00:12:16,494 --> 00:12:19,456
- And boom, we're apple picking!
- Brilliant!
363
00:12:19,456 --> 00:12:20,874
But how are we going to pretend
364
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,084
that we went to the pool at the JCC?
365
00:12:23,084 --> 00:12:24,377
Fill the damn tub, Linda.
366
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,629
Why do I have to be both
the brains and the brawn?
367
00:12:26,629 --> 00:12:29,132
While the Schwartzes weren't
above using trick photography,
368
00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:31,342
my mom was about to sink to a new low.
369
00:12:31,342 --> 00:12:33,303
Hello there, Mr. Flyers General Manager.
370
00:12:33,303 --> 00:12:34,471
How did you get in here?
371
00:12:34,471 --> 00:12:37,390
Oh. Just one of my many
charming attributes.
372
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,767
I'm Beverly Goldberg,
373
00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:41,269
matriarch of the first
family of Jenkintown
374
00:12:41,269 --> 00:12:42,312
and part owner
375
00:12:42,312 --> 00:12:45,857
- of the Ottoman Empire furniture store.
- Oh, yeah.
376
00:12:45,857 --> 00:12:47,150
I'm about to get my money back
377
00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:48,276
from a bedroom set I bought there.
378
00:12:48,276 --> 00:12:49,527
The hell you will.
379
00:12:49,527 --> 00:12:51,237
Mr. General Manager,
380
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,907
what is the one thing we know
for sure about Flyers fans?
381
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,283
Win or lose, they set things on fire?
382
00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:58,244
Exactly. They're an understanding bunch.
383
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,163
So if they knew that a local
384
00:13:00,163 --> 00:13:02,165
mom-and-pop shop was in trouble
385
00:13:02,165 --> 00:13:05,168
and that one teensy-weensy
loss from the Flyers
386
00:13:05,168 --> 00:13:06,753
would solve all their problems...
387
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:09,506
heck, don't you think those
fans would root for you to lose?
388
00:13:09,506 --> 00:13:12,842
Are you crazy? Our fans want us
to win, no matter what.
389
00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:14,385
Beverly, I told you
he'd be unreasonable.
390
00:13:14,385 --> 00:13:16,429
Relax, Vic. We're on to plan B.
391
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,890
Would you please pass this casserole
392
00:13:18,890 --> 00:13:20,600
along to the team for me?
393
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,268
It seems like you want
the Flyers to lose,
394
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,520
so you're gonna poison our players?
395
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,189
- He's onto us.
- Wait, what?
396
00:13:26,189 --> 00:13:28,900
Vic, you're not supposed
to eat the casserole.
397
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,610
I'm not making good choices this year.
398
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,363
- Please leave.
- Thank you for your time.
399
00:13:33,363 --> 00:13:35,990
While my mom had failed
to con the Flyers,
400
00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:38,201
Lou and Linda were working
on a scheme of their own.
401
00:13:38,201 --> 00:13:40,286
Hello!
402
00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:41,830
We've returned again
403
00:13:41,830 --> 00:13:43,748
from a day of cherished memories
404
00:13:43,748 --> 00:13:45,625
and treasured experiences.
405
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,335
It's true. I've got the proof.
406
00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:49,504
I mean the pictures, which are proof
407
00:13:49,504 --> 00:13:53,550
that a totally real,
fun time was had by all.
408
00:13:53,550 --> 00:13:54,717
You guys are being weird.
409
00:13:54,717 --> 00:13:55,969
You're being weird.
410
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,220
Concentrate on the
photographic evidence, son.
411
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:59,013
Muriel went swimming?
412
00:13:59,013 --> 00:14:01,224
Obviously. She's clearly in water.
413
00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:02,308
By herself?
414
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:03,393
Was one of you in the pool with her?
415
00:14:03,393 --> 00:14:05,854
Uhhh, no?
416
00:14:05,854 --> 00:14:07,522
She's a baby. She can't swim.
417
00:14:07,522 --> 00:14:09,065
It was the shallow end!
418
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:10,817
You're focusing on the wrong thing.
419
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,443
I'm focusing on the
corner of the picture,
420
00:14:12,443 --> 00:14:14,904
and it looks like there's a
bottle of Head & Shoulders.
421
00:14:14,904 --> 00:14:15,947
That's the lifeguard stand.
422
00:14:15,947 --> 00:14:18,950
Now, take an impossibly quick look
423
00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:21,077
at the pic of her at the Liberty Bell.
424
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,829
Why does it look like
you guys just held her up
425
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,706
in front of a Taco Bell magazine ad?
426
00:14:24,706 --> 00:14:27,000
Next pic. The apple orchard.
427
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,752
Okay, that's clearly the ficus
I got you for your birthday.
428
00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:31,045
W... What's going on?
429
00:14:31,045 --> 00:14:32,672
Geoffrey, climb out of our asses.
430
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,299
Because our tireless bodies
431
00:14:34,299 --> 00:14:36,467
are completely capable of anything.
432
00:14:36,467 --> 00:14:37,802
You know what?
433
00:14:37,802 --> 00:14:39,304
I think you faked these pictures,
434
00:14:39,304 --> 00:14:40,680
and I think you don't have the energy
435
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,015
to take care of our child.
436
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,517
I can't believe you'd
accuse us of such a thing.
437
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:47,061
Okay, Dad, do a single jumping jack.
438
00:14:47,061 --> 00:14:48,062
Excuse me?
439
00:14:48,062 --> 00:14:49,564
Prove to us that you have the energy.
440
00:14:49,564 --> 00:14:50,815
Just do one jumping jack.
441
00:14:50,815 --> 00:14:53,735
- Easy-peasy.
- Do it, hon.
442
00:14:53,735 --> 00:14:57,280
Just blast out a double
J and show these fools!
443
00:15:04,954 --> 00:15:07,332
Fine! We faked it!
444
00:15:07,332 --> 00:15:10,460
This "go get 'em"
lifestyle is unsustainable!
445
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:13,630
I'm sorry. We just love
our granddaughter
446
00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,465
and want to spend more time with her.
447
00:15:15,465 --> 00:15:17,300
Sure, sure. We'll see.
448
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:19,093
- That means no.
- We lost, Linda.
449
00:15:19,093 --> 00:15:20,386
I'll see you two out.
450
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:21,554
Yeah, you're gonna have to
451
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,056
because we need help
getting into the car.
452
00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:28,394
You should give your
in-laws another chance.
453
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,146
Pop-Pop, you're mixing in?
454
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,356
Yeah, when I need to,
455
00:15:31,356 --> 00:15:32,565
which is hopefully never again.
456
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,858
What are you saying?
457
00:15:33,858 --> 00:15:35,193
I'm saying every
grandparent is different.
458
00:15:35,193 --> 00:15:37,403
Well, mine certainly were.
459
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,948
Pops was super involved
and active, and you were...
460
00:15:39,948 --> 00:15:41,866
I know. A giant bagel.
461
00:15:41,866 --> 00:15:43,660
I wouldn't say that.
462
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:45,244
I used to love going over to your house,
463
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,163
and you would just
put on Motown records.
464
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:48,957
I would sing and dance
while you sat on the couch
465
00:15:48,957 --> 00:15:49,999
and rolled pennies, remember?
466
00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:51,668
Who could forget?
467
00:15:51,668 --> 00:15:55,296
It's kinda where I first fell
in love with being a singer.
468
00:15:55,296 --> 00:15:56,506
Wait.
469
00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:58,132
Were you, in your own
way, encouraging me?
470
00:15:58,132 --> 00:16:00,134
Eh, you liked tunes. I threw them on.
471
00:16:00,134 --> 00:16:02,512
So you're saying you
get different things
472
00:16:02,512 --> 00:16:04,222
from different people?
473
00:16:04,222 --> 00:16:07,266
I would've said it
differently, but, uh...
474
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:10,436
While Pop-Pop tried to buy some
sympathy for Lou and Linda,
475
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:13,231
Barry caught a commercial
that made him feel terrible.
476
00:16:13,231 --> 00:16:15,650
... free, when the Flyers win it all.
477
00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:18,653
- Oh, no.
- So come on down to the Ottoman Empire...
478
00:16:18,653 --> 00:16:21,072
- How bad is it?
- It's not bad.
479
00:16:21,072 --> 00:16:23,950
Just a... a teensy-tiny
smidge of a bother.
480
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:27,829
- Vic, how bad?
- Interesting question.
481
00:16:30,415 --> 00:16:33,793
Okay, here it is.
482
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,878
If the Flyers win tomorrow,
483
00:16:35,878 --> 00:16:38,756
we will definitely lose our
house and everything in it.
484
00:16:38,756 --> 00:16:41,384
Well, this is quite disappointing.
485
00:16:41,384 --> 00:16:43,261
I know you want your team to win.
486
00:16:43,261 --> 00:16:46,431
No, the idea that you couldn't tell me.
487
00:16:46,431 --> 00:16:49,392
Do you really think I'm such
a child I couldn't handle it?
488
00:16:49,392 --> 00:16:53,479
I mean, you do tend to
be emotionally... gifted.
489
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,233
I may care deeply about the Flyers,
490
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,777
but believe it or not, I
care about my family more.
491
00:16:59,777 --> 00:17:02,113
- Barry...
- Don't.
492
00:17:02,113 --> 00:17:05,199
I'll be upstairs, not
watching the game I love.
493
00:17:14,125 --> 00:17:17,086
It was Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals,
494
00:17:17,086 --> 00:17:19,047
and no matter the outcome,
Barry couldn't win.
495
00:17:19,047 --> 00:17:20,590
But my mom refused to
go down without a fight.
496
00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:21,924
You were right.
497
00:17:21,924 --> 00:17:24,302
I should have been honest with you.
498
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:27,221
You are definitely old
enough to handle it.
499
00:17:27,221 --> 00:17:28,890
Damn right I am.
500
00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:31,225
It's just I kinda don't want you to be.
501
00:17:31,225 --> 00:17:32,852
You're all adults now,
502
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,562
which means you don't need me
503
00:17:34,562 --> 00:17:36,814
to protect you from the world.
504
00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:40,484
Mom. Look at me.
505
00:17:41,819 --> 00:17:43,696
We don't need you.
506
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,990
I saw that going a different way.
507
00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:48,910
We don't need you as much.
508
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:50,078
But you're still our mom,
509
00:17:50,078 --> 00:17:51,871
and we'll always need you a little.
510
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,832
Just not the whole ginormous you.
511
00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:57,168
Thank you.
512
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:02,507
And no matter what
happens with the game,
513
00:18:02,507 --> 00:18:04,425
you got the Flyers
514
00:18:04,425 --> 00:18:08,388
three victories in
the Stanley Cup Finals.
515
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,515
You really think I did that?
516
00:18:10,515 --> 00:18:12,266
Of course you did.
517
00:18:12,266 --> 00:18:16,229
You're magical, Barry Goldberg.
518
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:21,359
Hm. Well, maybe if I helped
the Flyers win,
519
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:26,155
I can help them lose, too. Okay.
520
00:18:26,155 --> 00:18:28,533
Okay, we're gonna do the exact opposite
521
00:18:28,533 --> 00:18:29,951
of everything we've done.
522
00:18:29,951 --> 00:18:32,161
Mom, I'm gonna need you to
make a boatload of blue food.
523
00:18:32,161 --> 00:18:34,789
- I'm on it.
- Pop-Pop, you can now set up
524
00:18:34,789 --> 00:18:35,998
right in front of the TV.
525
00:18:35,998 --> 00:18:38,000
Don't move... my favorite thing to do.
526
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,878
Adam, you can now drink water
and change your underwear.
527
00:18:40,878 --> 00:18:42,463
I think I speak for
everyone in this room
528
00:18:42,463 --> 00:18:43,923
when I say I already did.
529
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,634
And, Vic, since today is opposite day,
530
00:18:46,634 --> 00:18:49,637
I have something to say
to you as an Oilers fan.
531
00:18:49,637 --> 00:18:52,056
I respect you as a man.
532
00:18:52,056 --> 00:18:54,559
Okay, this part seems unnecessary.
533
00:18:54,559 --> 00:18:57,311
Finally, there's one more thing.
534
00:18:58,521 --> 00:19:01,649
It burns my skin, but
it's for my family!
535
00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:04,485
And so that day, with
everything on the line,
536
00:19:04,485 --> 00:19:07,488
Barry made the ultimate sacrifice.
537
00:19:07,488 --> 00:19:10,450
He used his magic against the Flyers.
538
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,493
- There we go!
- Yes! Oh!
539
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:17,165
And when they ultimately
lost the Stanley Cup,
540
00:19:17,165 --> 00:19:19,750
it was a win for all of us.
541
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:24,046
But for my brother, no
victory ever hurt more.
542
00:19:24,046 --> 00:19:26,090
And while there was plenty to celebrate,
543
00:19:26,090 --> 00:19:28,301
things at the Schwartzes
were not so festive.
544
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,969
♪ While I'll make you fall for me ♪
545
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,013
Erica, what are you doing here?
546
00:19:32,013 --> 00:19:33,431
Well, I thought I'd drop Muriel off
547
00:19:33,431 --> 00:19:35,099
to hang out with her grandparents.
548
00:19:35,099 --> 00:19:38,144
Well, neither one of us
are really moving around
549
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,396
that well at this moment.
550
00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:42,023
Yeah, I think my parents
really need a day on the couch.
551
00:19:42,023 --> 00:19:43,733
Sounds good to me.
552
00:19:43,733 --> 00:19:46,027
- And Muriel.
- Really?
553
00:19:46,027 --> 00:19:48,571
I know few grandparents
have the energy of my mom,
554
00:19:48,571 --> 00:19:50,990
and I also know that
Muriel is very lucky
555
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,159
to have the two of you because
of how much you love her.
556
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,328
We do love her.
557
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,079
To the moon and back.
558
00:19:57,079 --> 00:19:59,373
Yep, there are a lot of
different ways family
559
00:19:59,373 --> 00:20:01,292
can be there for you.
560
00:20:01,292 --> 00:20:03,419
Sometimes you get a
totally unexpected win.
561
00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:08,174
What's this?
562
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:11,052
Well, since the Flyers lost,
the store raked in a fortune,
563
00:20:11,052 --> 00:20:12,887
and I got a little something for you.
564
00:20:12,887 --> 00:20:14,931
Season tickets?
565
00:20:14,931 --> 00:20:16,724
Now you can go to every game.
566
00:20:16,724 --> 00:20:18,726
Maybe you could join me sometime?
567
00:20:18,726 --> 00:20:20,520
You'd want me there?
568
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,522
Are you kidding me?
569
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,315
- You're my lucky charm.
- Aww.
570
00:20:24,315 --> 00:20:26,192
But you'd better root
for the Flyers this time.
571
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,569
- I will, I promise.
- Promise?
572
00:20:28,569 --> 00:20:31,364
Other times, you think you've lost,
573
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,617
only to realize you've gained
something much more valuable.
574
00:20:34,617 --> 00:20:38,704
But whether you're cheering
on a family business...
575
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:41,249
or your favorite team,
576
00:20:41,249 --> 00:20:43,251
it doesn't matter if it's
the thrill of victory
577
00:20:43,251 --> 00:20:45,253
or the agony of defeat,
578
00:20:45,253 --> 00:20:47,338
'cause when you're
all cheering together,
579
00:20:47,338 --> 00:20:49,298
every day is a win.
580
00:20:49,298 --> 00:20:50,299
- Yes!
- We did it!
581
00:20:53,928 --> 00:20:55,680
Here you go, buddy.
582
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,306
All your stupid robots, safe and sound.
583
00:20:57,306 --> 00:21:00,393
Go ahead, kiss them like I'm not here.
584
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:02,728
First, I don't need your
permission to show my affection.
585
00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:04,730
And second, where the hell is Bumblebee?
586
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:06,399
Oh, is that the yellow one?
587
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,775
Tell me now where he is!
588
00:21:07,775 --> 00:21:09,110
He's my most specialest.
589
00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:10,444
Believe me, I know.
590
00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:12,737
I've seen the way you
look at him. Not okay.
591
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,324
But he's safe and sound
and will continue to be,
592
00:21:15,324 --> 00:21:17,451
as long as you do a
few minor things for me.
593
00:21:17,451 --> 00:21:19,036
I think you're bluffing.
594
00:21:19,036 --> 00:21:21,038
Was I bluffing when I
melted your Boba Fett
595
00:21:21,038 --> 00:21:22,873
or sawed your Speak & Spell in half
596
00:21:22,873 --> 00:21:24,125
to see who was talking in there?
597
00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:25,585
Just tell me what you want.
598
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:31,702
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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