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In this world,
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00:00:55,821 --> 00:00:59,224
there are things that cannot
be explained in the natural.
3
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:03,729
Things that baffle the most
accomplished scientists in the world.
4
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,531
For example.
5
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,234
One night you're sound asleep, when...
6
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:10,706
Yeah. That was a creak.
7
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That was definitely a creak.
8
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:18,279
Most people in this world attribute
the strange phenomenon to ghosts.
9
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,313
That's just ridiculous.
10
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,316
Ghosts don't exist, stupid.
11
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Well then, what is it?
12
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It's a demon.
13
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,923
Demon! Demon! Demon!
Demon! Demon!
14
00:01:28,924 --> 00:01:30,590
Demon!
15
00:01:32,027 --> 00:01:33,829
Damon. Demons are everywhere.
16
00:01:33,830 --> 00:01:35,731
They're deceivers.
17
00:01:35,732 --> 00:01:37,998
They only pretend to be ghosts
so that you'll believe in them.
18
00:01:37,999 --> 00:01:40,359
You want to know the truth about
your little friendly ghost?
19
00:01:40,635 --> 00:01:42,103
Demon!
20
00:01:42,104 --> 00:01:44,072
There are all kinds of demons.
21
00:01:44,073 --> 00:01:46,308
Each one sent with a specific
evil task to inflict
22
00:01:46,309 --> 00:01:48,509
upon your unsuspecting soul.
23
00:01:48,510 --> 00:01:51,114
Do you ever get a tingling sensation
in the center of your back?
24
00:01:51,115 --> 00:01:53,515
And you just can't scratch it?
25
00:01:56,519 --> 00:01:58,287
Itchy demon!
26
00:01:58,288 --> 00:02:00,221
You ever see
a sort of ugly looking kid
27
00:02:00,222 --> 00:02:02,526
walking down the street with
a smoking hot babe?
28
00:02:02,527 --> 00:02:05,328
Gold digger demon!
29
00:02:05,329 --> 00:02:07,833
Does your dog ever bark at thin
air for absolutely no reason?
30
00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:11,101
Mailman demon!
31
00:02:11,102 --> 00:02:12,638
But be not afraid,
32
00:02:13,638 --> 00:02:15,674
for there are brave souls whose
job it is to banish these beasts
33
00:02:15,675 --> 00:02:17,707
back to hell!
34
00:02:17,708 --> 00:02:19,609
Together, we are:
35
00:02:19,610 --> 00:02:27,519
Blair, Brock, Doug, Pepper, And
I'm your man, Damon Dealer.
36
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,920
- Together we...
- COMMUTE.
37
00:02:29,921 --> 00:02:32,524
To haunted houses and sites to...
38
00:02:32,525 --> 00:02:34,325
CONFIRM.
39
00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:36,227
...the presence of the super natural.
40
00:02:36,228 --> 00:02:38,228
Then we COMMUNICATE with said
supernatural entities
41
00:02:38,731 --> 00:02:41,032
so that we can CLEAN HOUSE.
42
00:02:41,033 --> 00:02:43,067
Leave the natural activity
in the bathroom, son.
43
00:02:43,068 --> 00:02:44,237
That's right.
44
00:02:44,736 --> 00:02:46,708
Because we only investigate
SUPERNATURAL ACTMTY.
45
00:02:48,708 --> 00:02:51,011
And cut!
46
00:02:52,011 --> 00:02:54,514
Do you like that?
47
00:02:54,515 --> 00:02:57,784
I... I...
48
00:02:57,785 --> 00:02:59,785
- Did you like that?
- Yeah.
49
00:02:59,786 --> 00:03:02,321
It was genius, right?
50
00:03:02,322 --> 00:03:04,524
Evil.
51
00:03:04,525 --> 00:03:05,927
So, that's your big hook.
52
00:03:06,928 --> 00:03:09,048
That's why we're the number one
paranormal show on TV.
53
00:03:09,631 --> 00:03:11,532
I like it.
54
00:03:11,533 --> 00:03:13,535
Of course...
55
00:03:13,536 --> 00:03:15,777
This guy has a little bit to
do with our ratings as well.
56
00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:19,040
My name is Brett.
57
00:03:19,041 --> 00:03:21,108
I'm the editor.
58
00:03:21,109 --> 00:03:23,509
I mess with the footage and make
it look like there's ghosts.
59
00:03:23,679 --> 00:03:25,714
Or demons, or something.
I don't know.
60
00:03:25,715 --> 00:03:26,983
It pays.
61
00:03:27,684 --> 00:03:29,584
Orbs are easy.
62
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,519
Easy? Orbs are a joke, bro.
63
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,587
They're a joke. It's child's play.
64
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,727
So, does the rest of the paranormal
team know that the show is bogus?
65
00:03:37,727 --> 00:03:39,828
Not everybody.
66
00:03:39,829 --> 00:03:41,731
Why not?
67
00:03:41,732 --> 00:03:44,332
Let's put it this way: What my team
doesn't know, can't hurt them.
68
00:03:47,138 --> 00:03:48,606
Oh my god! What was that?
69
00:03:49,606 --> 00:03:51,807
It sounded like a gunshot.
70
00:03:51,808 --> 00:03:53,810
Jesus.
71
00:03:53,811 --> 00:03:56,179
No no. Wait.
72
00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:57,882
Wait.
73
00:03:57,883 --> 00:03:59,382
God.
74
00:03:59,383 --> 00:04:01,526
Stop. Stop stop stop. Don't go.
75
00:04:08,526 --> 00:04:10,028
What are you doing?
76
00:04:13,098 --> 00:04:15,131
Check it, brother.
77
00:04:15,132 --> 00:04:17,869
Got us a brand new Beechwood 700 model.
78
00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:20,137
You bought a shotgun?
79
00:04:20,138 --> 00:04:22,206
XCBR-14.
80
00:04:22,207 --> 00:04:24,242
Black bone.
81
00:04:24,243 --> 00:04:26,011
Collector's Edition.
82
00:04:26,012 --> 00:04:27,647
Hot damn!
83
00:04:27,648 --> 00:04:29,815
When I sent you out to get paranormal
equipment, this is not what I had in mind.
84
00:04:29,816 --> 00:04:31,516
Come on now Double D.
85
00:04:31,517 --> 00:04:33,219
Check this:
86
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:35,188
Shoot Right Pro trigger system.
87
00:04:35,189 --> 00:04:37,323
And Trinity corrosion control.
88
00:04:37,324 --> 00:04:39,792
You understand I have no idea
what you said right now.
89
00:04:39,793 --> 00:04:43,930
It means... Evil don't
stand a chance, boy.
90
00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:45,999
Squirrel demon!
91
00:05:11,727 --> 00:05:13,928
My name is Doug Thomas.
92
00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,997
Film maker.
93
00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:18,702
Four years ago, Damon Dealer
captured my attention
94
00:05:18,703 --> 00:05:20,703
with an eight second pitch,
95
00:05:20,704 --> 00:05:22,736
a documentary titled Freaky Fraud Day,
96
00:05:22,737 --> 00:05:25,742
in which he was to expose his
tv show Supernatural Activity
97
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:27,542
as a hoax.
98
00:05:27,543 --> 00:05:29,546
What you have just seen and are
about to see is that documentary.
99
00:05:29,547 --> 00:05:30,814
Join me.
100
00:05:31,814 --> 00:05:34,686
...on a safari through the
brilliant mind of me.
101
00:05:35,686 --> 00:05:38,522
Correction: The brilliant mind
of Derek Lee Nixon.
102
00:05:38,523 --> 00:05:42,424
About four years ago, Doug
came to me with an idea:
103
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:46,730
Shoot a movie about a
documentary about Damon Dealer.
104
00:05:46,731 --> 00:05:48,900
Let me break it down for you.
105
00:05:48,901 --> 00:05:51,033
I'm the dude that's filming
another dude,
106
00:05:51,034 --> 00:05:53,105
that's filming a documentary
about a tv show,
107
00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:55,440
that ain't even real.
108
00:05:55,441 --> 00:05:57,412
We four deep, sister.
109
00:06:06,820 --> 00:06:10,519
So... This is the neighborhood
that I grew up in.
110
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,325
These are some nice houses.
111
00:06:12,326 --> 00:06:14,425
And right over here...
112
00:06:14,426 --> 00:06:17,528
This is where
Tara Moore got hit by a car.
113
00:06:17,529 --> 00:06:19,231
Second grade.
114
00:06:19,232 --> 00:06:20,897
We're getting off the bus.
115
00:06:20,898 --> 00:06:22,903
Came around the front,
this big ass truck.
116
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:25,205
Wham! Oh my god.
117
00:06:26,206 --> 00:06:28,542
I was walking two feet in front of her.
118
00:06:28,543 --> 00:06:29,945
Is she okay?
119
00:06:30,945 --> 00:06:32,614
Her head exploded like a water balloon.
120
00:06:33,614 --> 00:06:35,717
OH NO!
121
00:06:36,717 --> 00:06:38,186
Jesus.
122
00:06:40,186 --> 00:06:41,725
I had to pick up her brains.
123
00:06:46,594 --> 00:06:48,629
Used to always play duck duck goose.
124
00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:49,700
In class.
125
00:06:50,699 --> 00:06:52,734
Yeah. You know what? We're going
to talk about something else now.
126
00:06:52,735 --> 00:06:54,836
She used to always pick me.
127
00:06:54,837 --> 00:06:56,902
Yep. Nope. What do you think
about the show, Damon?
128
00:06:56,903 --> 00:06:58,641
What do you think makes it
so successful?
129
00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:03,144
Mom killed herself a year
later.
130
00:07:03,145 --> 00:07:04,646
Damon!
131
00:07:04,647 --> 00:07:06,248
What?
132
00:07:06,249 --> 00:07:08,217
What about the show makes it
so successful?
133
00:07:08,218 --> 00:07:09,719
Oh.
134
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,120
I don't think it's a secret.
I mean come on.
135
00:07:12,121 --> 00:07:14,189
I'm five foot seven inches
tall.
136
00:07:14,190 --> 00:07:16,031
Do you know how many fans I
have in China, bro?
137
00:07:16,692 --> 00:07:18,527
Please.
138
00:07:18,528 --> 00:07:20,208
What about the show makes it so
successful?
139
00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:23,334
You're asking me what makes this
show so successful?
140
00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:24,636
Come on, guy.
141
00:07:25,636 --> 00:07:28,237
You act like you don't already
know.
142
00:07:28,238 --> 00:07:30,479
I think it's pretty obvious
that I'm the main attraction.
143
00:07:31,142 --> 00:07:33,243
I don't know why the show is
so successful.
144
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,144
I don't watch TV.
145
00:07:35,145 --> 00:07:36,713
Why not?
146
00:07:36,714 --> 00:07:38,549
You know what this is right here
hot shot?
147
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,151
- A bible?
- That's right.
148
00:07:40,152 --> 00:07:41,688
A bible.
149
00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:45,124
You don't read about some DVR
in 2nd Corinthians, do you?
150
00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:47,224
David. Adonis.
151
00:07:47,225 --> 00:07:49,193
Brockhaas.
152
00:07:49,194 --> 00:07:53,031
When I go to the gym, the
weights catch up on me.
153
00:07:53,032 --> 00:07:55,200
That's right because there ain't
any sitcoms in Revelations.
154
00:07:55,201 --> 00:07:57,635
I got all the reality TV I need
right here.
155
00:07:57,636 --> 00:07:59,938
Jesus Christ, my lord and
savior.
156
00:07:59,939 --> 00:08:02,709
He right there is the ultimate
survivor.
157
00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:03,945
Believe that.
158
00:08:04,945 --> 00:08:07,344
I had an eight pack when I was
eight.
159
00:08:07,345 --> 00:08:09,415
Shoot. So you think you
can dance?
160
00:08:09,416 --> 00:08:11,549
More like, so you think you
can sin.
161
00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:13,621
You can't be gyrating all
over the place.
162
00:08:13,622 --> 00:08:15,355
Fornicating.
163
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:16,991
Basically all it is,
is fornicating.
164
00:08:17,991 --> 00:08:20,127
This face could make the
Sahara wet.
165
00:08:20,128 --> 00:08:22,028
I don't even watch sports.
166
00:08:22,029 --> 00:08:24,031
But if I did, I'd create a new
event in the Olympics.
167
00:08:24,032 --> 00:08:25,731
It's called praying.
168
00:08:25,732 --> 00:08:27,634
Everybody wins.
169
00:08:27,635 --> 00:08:29,436
Everybody gets on their knees.
They all get a medal.
170
00:08:29,437 --> 00:08:31,540
Either gold, frankincense,
or murr.
171
00:08:31,541 --> 00:08:33,241
But everybody's a winner.
172
00:08:33,242 --> 00:08:35,142
I love you, America.
173
00:08:35,143 --> 00:08:37,212
Next question. Come on.
This is fun. This is good.
174
00:08:37,213 --> 00:08:38,946
- I like this.
- Alright.
175
00:08:38,947 --> 00:08:40,827
So what got you into the whole
paranormal thing?
176
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:45,955
Well... My mom's a psychic.
177
00:08:46,955 --> 00:08:48,791
So I guess I got my swindling
genes from her.
178
00:08:49,791 --> 00:08:51,729
Oh. I'm an accountant.
179
00:08:52,729 --> 00:08:54,729
And my dad, you know.
180
00:08:54,730 --> 00:08:58,836
He... He passed away
when I was three.
181
00:08:58,837 --> 00:09:00,640
So...
182
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,945
Well... He don't care none
about the paranormal.
183
00:09:07,946 --> 00:09:09,745
It's magic.
184
00:09:09,746 --> 00:09:11,916
I mean, this little prick
started from day one.
185
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:16,117
When he was nine or ten, we
bought him one of those kits.
186
00:09:16,118 --> 00:09:17,657
And he just went berserk.
187
00:09:18,657 --> 00:09:20,927
The wife thought, "hey. it'd
just be a phase. right?"
188
00:09:21,927 --> 00:09:26,130
First year of middle school,
he starts levitating and shit.
189
00:09:26,131 --> 00:09:31,446
Then we knew... He
had a big problem.
190
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,452
Oh my god.
191
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,521
He levitating. He levitating!
192
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,060
Girl, he floating. He floating.
193
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,739
Tuck. Tuck.
194
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,541
Come on, man.
195
00:10:07,542 --> 00:10:09,542
I'm going to show you where
the real magic happens.
196
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,350
Babe!
197
00:10:16,351 --> 00:10:17,623
Hey babe.
198
00:10:20,623 --> 00:10:22,225
Oh yeah.
199
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:30,100
Our relationship is somewhat
of a really big secret.
200
00:10:30,101 --> 00:10:32,103
Why keep it a secret?
201
00:10:34,102 --> 00:10:37,107
Because the producers want to
keep our pervert fan base happy.
202
00:10:38,107 --> 00:10:40,142
And the thing with pervert fan
bases,
203
00:10:40,143 --> 00:10:42,344
is they like knowing you're
single.
204
00:10:42,345 --> 00:10:44,065
Even though they're never going
to meet you.
205
00:10:44,648 --> 00:10:46,749
They like thinking that if
they did,
206
00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:48,954
that they could hook up with
you if they wanted.
207
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:53,056
So where did you guys meet?
208
00:10:53,057 --> 00:10:54,957
Strip club.
209
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:57,027
Yeah. She was making about...
210
00:10:57,028 --> 00:10:59,468
About a hundred grand a year.
Putting herself through college.
211
00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:01,900
You know, so she could get a job
that would start her out
212
00:11:01,901 --> 00:11:04,134
at about forty grand a year.
213
00:11:04,135 --> 00:11:06,204
I was a lot different back then.
214
00:11:06,205 --> 00:11:08,204
Do you even really like her?
215
00:11:08,205 --> 00:11:09,838
- What who? Blair?
- Yeah.
216
00:11:09,839 --> 00:11:11,319
Why would you ask something
like that?
217
00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:14,145
I mean, look, you know.
218
00:11:14,146 --> 00:11:15,847
She's a stripper.
219
00:11:15,848 --> 00:11:17,746
Once a stripper, always a
stripper. Right?
220
00:11:17,747 --> 00:11:19,717
Between you and me, man. Why
don't you just level with me.
221
00:11:19,718 --> 00:11:21,653
Why don't you just shut up right
now, man?
222
00:11:21,654 --> 00:11:23,454
Don't judge her, alright?
223
00:11:23,455 --> 00:11:24,657
You don't know shit about her.
224
00:11:25,657 --> 00:11:27,559
Hey. Look around you.
225
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,262
The world's a zoo.
226
00:11:29,263 --> 00:11:31,264
When you find the right one,
you've got to mount that.
227
00:11:31,265 --> 00:11:33,065
Let me tell you something.
228
00:11:33,066 --> 00:11:34,699
You see this?
229
00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:36,536
That's how much I like her.
230
00:11:36,537 --> 00:11:38,137
Right there.
231
00:11:38,138 --> 00:11:40,340
Wow! You're going to propose.
232
00:11:40,341 --> 00:11:41,942
Yeah.
233
00:11:41,943 --> 00:11:43,842
I don't know how I'm going
to do it yet.
234
00:11:43,843 --> 00:11:45,544
But I think it's going to be
very public.
235
00:11:45,545 --> 00:11:47,547
So I'm sure she'll have to
say yes.
236
00:11:47,548 --> 00:11:49,550
Supernatural Activity
Headquarters
237
00:11:49,551 --> 00:11:51,617
It goes by many names.
238
00:11:51,618 --> 00:11:52,755
I just call it "the office".
239
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,725
Because, well, it's an office.
240
00:11:56,725 --> 00:11:58,558
Hey Jim.
241
00:11:58,560 --> 00:11:59,962
- Ryan.
- Dwight.
242
00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:02,665
Temp.
243
00:12:03,664 --> 00:12:05,533
Okay.
244
00:12:05,534 --> 00:12:07,534
For the finale.
245
00:12:07,535 --> 00:12:09,234
Now it's just a season finale.
246
00:12:09,235 --> 00:12:11,638
My team doesn't know it's really
going to be the finale-finale.
247
00:12:11,639 --> 00:12:13,708
I've got the perfect place
locked down.
248
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:15,510
Three words:
249
00:12:15,511 --> 00:12:16,713
In. Burial. Ground.
250
00:12:17,713 --> 00:12:18,795
I forgot about that. Sorry.
251
00:12:20,751 --> 00:12:23,051
Oh. Thanks, Jim.
252
00:12:23,052 --> 00:12:24,855
Okay. I stand corrected.
253
00:12:25,854 --> 00:12:27,858
Native American burial ground.
254
00:12:27,860 --> 00:12:29,426
So...
255
00:12:29,427 --> 00:12:31,261
Damon, I've got it!
256
00:12:31,262 --> 00:12:32,761
Got what?
257
00:12:32,762 --> 00:12:34,083
Our season finale. Listen to
this.
258
00:12:34,731 --> 00:12:37,532
It's from Hicksville, Texas.
259
00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:39,635
"Mr. Dealer, sir."
260
00:12:39,636 --> 00:12:41,569
"You're not going to believe
this."
261
00:12:41,570 --> 00:12:43,707
"But me and my girl got a ghost
up in my crib"
262
00:12:43,708 --> 00:12:45,742
"that's driving me bananas."
263
00:12:45,743 --> 00:12:48,384
"I'm not sure if you're familiar
with the local legend around here"
264
00:12:48,745 --> 00:12:51,450
"but there's a magical hairy
creature that lives in the woods"
265
00:12:51,451 --> 00:12:53,250
"called the Smallsquatch."
266
00:12:53,251 --> 00:12:55,552
The Smallsquatch, Damon!
267
00:12:55,553 --> 00:12:57,522
Wow. That's crazy.
268
00:12:57,523 --> 00:13:00,123
I mean, this could be the final
piece for my Smallsquatch project!
269
00:13:00,726 --> 00:13:02,259
Yeah.
270
00:13:02,260 --> 00:13:04,229
Yeah. Totally.
271
00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:06,029
I mean, I mean.
272
00:13:06,031 --> 00:13:09,132
We've got to keep the show in
mind with the general audience.
273
00:13:09,134 --> 00:13:11,236
I mean, Bigfoot. It's kind of
overplayed.
274
00:13:11,237 --> 00:13:13,038
Don't you think?
275
00:13:15,741 --> 00:13:17,911
The Wild Man of the Navidad
Graves.
276
00:13:17,912 --> 00:13:19,945
The Boogie Nights thing.
277
00:13:19,946 --> 00:13:21,648
You know, that's three.
278
00:13:21,649 --> 00:13:23,714
Okay. Those were all Bigfoots.
This is a Smallsquatch.
279
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,350
- They're different.
- Yeah.
280
00:13:25,351 --> 00:13:26,920
Yeah. I just... you know what?
281
00:13:27,921 --> 00:13:29,655
I got it.
282
00:13:29,656 --> 00:13:31,357
It's perfect.
283
00:13:31,358 --> 00:13:34,460
Next season, we open up,
first thing. Smallsquatch.
284
00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:36,464
Hell. We'll do it all season
long.
285
00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:38,331
Okay, Damon. No.
286
00:13:38,332 --> 00:13:41,166
Okay? It makes way more sense to
do this as a season finale.
287
00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:43,537
We don't have anything picked
out.
288
00:13:43,538 --> 00:13:45,305
Well yeah.
289
00:13:45,306 --> 00:13:47,141
About that...
290
00:13:47,142 --> 00:13:49,209
We kind of already do.
291
00:13:49,211 --> 00:13:50,810
Okay, so?
292
00:13:50,811 --> 00:13:52,446
Cancel it.
293
00:13:52,447 --> 00:13:54,355
Damon, we're going to
Hicksville.
294
00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:00,962
We can't go to Hicksville.
295
00:14:06,962 --> 00:14:09,531
So what did Blair say to
change your mind?
296
00:14:09,532 --> 00:14:11,564
Dude. She didn't say anything
to change my mind.
297
00:14:11,565 --> 00:14:13,568
My mind is not changed. Alright,
look.
298
00:14:13,569 --> 00:14:15,536
I'm going to discredit the
Smallsquatch people.
299
00:14:15,537 --> 00:14:17,506
And we're going to do the season
finale on the Indian burial...
300
00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:19,608
...the Native American
burial ground.
301
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,643
Okay. Why does it matter which
one we do?
302
00:14:21,644 --> 00:14:23,248
What does it matter? Are you
kidding me?
303
00:14:24,248 --> 00:14:26,282
Dude, do you know how many years she spend
working on the Smallsquatch project?
304
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,316
If I expose it as a fake, dude,
305
00:14:28,317 --> 00:14:30,420
in front of millions of
people...
306
00:14:30,421 --> 00:14:32,255
Forget about the wedding.
307
00:14:32,256 --> 00:14:34,323
So, how do you plan on
discrediting the Hickville people?
308
00:14:34,324 --> 00:14:37,028
Listen. If you confirm and
support crackpots,
309
00:14:37,029 --> 00:14:38,996
that makes you a crackpot.
310
00:14:38,997 --> 00:14:40,962
Supernatural Activity,
we're legit.
311
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,699
We don't deal with crackpots.
312
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,167
So...
313
00:14:44,168 --> 00:14:46,135
You know, the next step is to
see if there's
314
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,741
a commutable leaf in the
mythology.
315
00:14:48,742 --> 00:14:50,809
Without that, all you got is
crackpots.
316
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:52,544
You know what?
317
00:14:52,545 --> 00:14:54,546
Whoa whoa. What are you doing?
318
00:14:54,547 --> 00:14:56,147
Where are we going?
319
00:14:56,148 --> 00:14:58,551
I'm going to go see if anyone's
even heard of this Smallsquatch.
320
00:14:58,552 --> 00:15:00,652
Well, I ran into him one time.
321
00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:02,754
When I was plowing through some
trim on my tractor.
322
00:15:02,755 --> 00:15:05,023
From what I heard, she was
walking in the woods,
323
00:15:05,024 --> 00:15:06,560
and it just attacked her.
324
00:15:06,561 --> 00:15:08,963
Bigfoot? He banged a witch.
325
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:13,033
Nine months later, out came
this little, hairy wizard.
326
00:15:13,034 --> 00:15:14,868
Oh vato.
327
00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:18,571
Polka what?
328
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,210
Poco Pata's like some Lord of
the Rings type shit, ese.
329
00:15:23,211 --> 00:15:25,111
For real, man.
330
00:15:25,112 --> 00:15:28,546
That big guy should have stuck
the squash on Frodo Baggins.
331
00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:31,653
Vato could've took that ring
back with just a look.
332
00:15:31,654 --> 00:15:33,553
Just a pinche look, ese.
333
00:15:33,554 --> 00:15:35,055
You know what I'm saying?
334
00:15:35,056 --> 00:15:36,558
Have you heard of the
Smallsquatch?
335
00:15:36,559 --> 00:15:38,259
- Yes I have.
- You have?
336
00:15:38,260 --> 00:15:39,660
What does it look like?
337
00:15:39,661 --> 00:15:43,097
It's big and real...
Really hairy.
338
00:15:43,098 --> 00:15:45,068
Very confused. Lies like you
wouldn't believe.
339
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,635
Wild imagination.
340
00:15:46,636 --> 00:15:48,469
From what I heard according
to legend is,
341
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,371
if he catches you he'll tickle
you to death.
342
00:15:50,372 --> 00:15:52,241
- Tickled to death.
- Death by tickle.
343
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,042
He tickles you to death.
344
00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:55,743
You just like piss your pants
and die.
345
00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:57,612
Well the other day I was at
my house smoking.
346
00:15:57,613 --> 00:15:59,347
And my cousin started cracking
up.
347
00:15:59,348 --> 00:16:01,149
I went inside to see what was
going on.
348
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:03,217
He was dead. So I figured it had
to be the Smallsquatch.
349
00:16:03,218 --> 00:16:04,952
Since they say death by tickle.
350
00:16:04,953 --> 00:16:06,654
That little hairy midget, bro,
351
00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:08,695
tickled Gandolf the Gray till
he pissed his clothes.
352
00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:12,260
You know what I'm saying, ese?
353
00:16:12,261 --> 00:16:14,462
He tickles you, and tickles you,
and tickles you.
354
00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:15,667
And then, you stop breathing.
355
00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:18,736
And then...
356
00:16:18,737 --> 00:16:20,670
then... then...
357
00:16:20,672 --> 00:16:22,071
You die.
358
00:16:22,072 --> 00:16:23,840
- Forget about it.
- Okay.
359
00:16:23,841 --> 00:16:25,442
Okay.
360
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,544
Sorry. Thank you for your time.
361
00:16:27,545 --> 00:16:28,749
Bernie Madoff with my money.
362
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:36,054
I think it's safe to say
the mythology is present.
363
00:16:36,055 --> 00:16:38,255
Dude, there are more important
things to take
364
00:16:38,256 --> 00:16:39,977
into consideration when dealing
with a hoax.
365
00:16:40,861 --> 00:16:42,939
Like, we haven't even met the
subjects yet.
366
00:16:52,939 --> 00:16:55,077
Hey. There's a kid walking
around.
367
00:16:57,077 --> 00:16:59,148
I thought she said it was
a couple.
368
00:17:02,149 --> 00:17:03,651
I don't know. Ask the kid.
369
00:17:04,652 --> 00:17:05,622
Excuse me, kid.
370
00:17:07,622 --> 00:17:09,256
Hey.
371
00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:11,558
Is this 1131 Oakwood Drive?
372
00:17:11,559 --> 00:17:13,560
No, sir. You just missed it.
373
00:17:13,561 --> 00:17:15,363
It's back one more house.
374
00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:17,366
What the fuck did you just say
to me, boy?
375
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,067
Uh... what?
376
00:17:19,068 --> 00:17:21,033
Kid, you talk to me like that
one more time,
377
00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:22,868
I swear to God I'm going to
get out of this car.
378
00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:24,837
I'm going to beat the living
shit out of you.
379
00:17:24,838 --> 00:17:25,776
I'm sorry sir.
380
00:17:27,776 --> 00:17:29,577
Is that a camera?
381
00:17:29,578 --> 00:17:31,576
Oh my god. Can you believe
this kid?
382
00:17:31,577 --> 00:17:33,512
Is that a camera? Is that a
camera?
383
00:17:33,513 --> 00:17:35,549
You're a fucking retard.
He's a retard.
384
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:38,521
I'm going to get out of this car. I'm
going to beat the living shit out of him.
385
00:17:38,522 --> 00:17:40,557
Yeah, it's a camera.
386
00:17:40,558 --> 00:17:42,559
You're going to be on TV, guy.
387
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,560
Congratulations.
388
00:17:44,561 --> 00:17:46,562
You just spent your 15 minutes
looking like a fucking retard.
389
00:17:46,563 --> 00:17:48,164
- Well...
- ISAAC!
390
00:17:48,165 --> 00:17:49,865
What's going on here?
391
00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:52,033
I've got to go. It was sure
nice to meet you folks.
392
00:17:52,034 --> 00:17:53,870
Come back and visit any time.
393
00:17:53,871 --> 00:17:56,138
Man, get the fuck out of here.
394
00:17:56,139 --> 00:17:58,241
I was nothing, papa.
395
00:17:58,242 --> 00:17:59,944
Just city folk.
396
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:01,644
They've got cameras!
397
00:18:01,646 --> 00:18:03,581
And cut your hair, Beaver!
398
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,416
It's uncanny.
399
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,453
See these locals? They're
hostile.
400
00:18:08,453 --> 00:18:10,576
Every small town.
401
00:18:32,577 --> 00:18:34,612
Now the subjects are most
crucial
402
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,551
in deciding whether or not a
site is eligible for a hoax.
403
00:18:37,552 --> 00:18:39,218
I've always said that.
404
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,753
You know, I mean.
405
00:18:40,754 --> 00:18:42,254
You want them to be competent,
right?
406
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,558
- But not necessarily too smart.
- True.
407
00:18:44,559 --> 00:18:46,092
You know.
408
00:18:46,093 --> 00:18:47,559
A little bit out there. Right?
409
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,431
- But not crazy.
- Also true.
410
00:18:50,431 --> 00:18:52,267
You know, like, attractive
is good.
411
00:18:52,268 --> 00:18:53,734
Right? For ratings.
412
00:18:53,735 --> 00:18:56,372
But you don't want them to be
so hot that it's distracting.
413
00:18:57,372 --> 00:18:59,540
Not even remotely true.
414
00:18:59,541 --> 00:19:01,576
Okay. I'm not asking for your
validation, bud.
415
00:19:01,577 --> 00:19:03,210
False.
416
00:19:03,211 --> 00:19:05,381
You'd be lost without me and I
should be the one running the show.
417
00:19:05,382 --> 00:19:07,582
Go put a shirt on.
418
00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:09,083
Oh my god.
419
00:19:09,084 --> 00:19:10,054
Oh my god!
420
00:19:12,054 --> 00:19:13,954
- Dewey?
- Yes.
421
00:19:13,956 --> 00:19:16,025
Damnit Dealer. You're on my
front porch right now.
422
00:19:16,026 --> 00:19:18,127
I am speechless.
423
00:19:19,127 --> 00:19:21,064
God damn freaking Dealer!
424
00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:24,265
Sorry. I had to get that out.
425
00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:25,670
Your team is fantastic.
426
00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:29,639
Blair, you are...
You are gorgeous.
427
00:19:30,639 --> 00:19:33,073
I don't even know how many
times I've... never mind.
428
00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:35,079
Brock, you're just freaking...
429
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,980
Abs are stacked.
430
00:19:36,981 --> 00:19:38,981
How many of those? 12? Jesus.
431
00:19:38,982 --> 00:19:40,383
Pepper.
432
00:19:40,384 --> 00:19:42,251
I love you. Oh my god.
433
00:19:42,252 --> 00:19:44,254
Spit. Just spit all over
the place.
434
00:19:44,255 --> 00:19:46,557
On me. I'll rub it around.
435
00:19:46,558 --> 00:19:48,258
And Doug...
436
00:19:48,259 --> 00:19:49,627
That camera work, man.
437
00:19:50,627 --> 00:19:52,664
Like, intense. The heart beats
the whole time.
438
00:19:52,665 --> 00:19:54,264
It's just.
439
00:19:54,265 --> 00:19:55,867
And damn it, Dealer.
440
00:19:55,868 --> 00:19:57,388
Can you give me one of these?
Just one.
441
00:19:57,970 --> 00:20:00,570
I guess he watches the show.
442
00:20:00,571 --> 00:20:02,138
- Oh my god.
- HEY!
443
00:20:02,139 --> 00:20:03,573
Whoa. I'm sorry.
444
00:20:03,574 --> 00:20:05,577
- HEY!
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
445
00:20:05,578 --> 00:20:06,679
Hey.
446
00:20:07,679 --> 00:20:09,948
We can go inside. Do you want
to go inside?
447
00:20:09,949 --> 00:20:11,154
Please.
448
00:20:15,154 --> 00:20:17,155
I'm freaking out, man.
449
00:20:17,156 --> 00:20:19,358
This... This is my crib.
450
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,561
It's probably nothing compared
to yours, but.
451
00:20:21,562 --> 00:20:23,227
You know, it'll do.
452
00:20:23,228 --> 00:20:25,063
Take a seat wherever. You're
good.
453
00:20:25,064 --> 00:20:26,832
Yeah. Table works.
454
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:28,968
This is Mitzi, the love of
my life.
455
00:20:28,969 --> 00:20:30,737
She's my everything.
456
00:20:30,738 --> 00:20:32,572
That's a great set.
457
00:20:32,573 --> 00:20:34,240
Thank you.
458
00:20:34,241 --> 00:20:37,879
So, Dewey, What do you do for a living?
Just a little about you.
459
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,612
I'm still... I'm sorry.
460
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,614
Damon Dealer is in my house.
461
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:42,852
Do you work out, bro?
462
00:20:43,852 --> 00:20:46,256
I've been looking for a P90X
partner like, forever.
463
00:20:47,256 --> 00:20:48,858
Answer the question, Dewey.
464
00:20:49,858 --> 00:20:52,258
You're my everything, babe.
465
00:20:52,259 --> 00:20:54,161
I'm a tool.
466
00:20:54,162 --> 00:20:55,728
- Do what?
- A tool.
467
00:20:55,729 --> 00:20:56,965
- Do what?
- Tool.
468
00:20:56,966 --> 00:20:58,364
- Say again?
- I'm a tool.
469
00:20:58,365 --> 00:21:00,167
- Say what?
- Technical Operator On Location
470
00:21:00,168 --> 00:21:01,637
...for the phone company.
471
00:21:01,638 --> 00:21:03,339
Oh okay. Yeah yeah.
472
00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:05,173
TOOL. Perfect. Yeah.
473
00:21:05,174 --> 00:21:07,344
It's one of those synonyms.
I've got you.
474
00:21:07,345 --> 00:21:08,977
Yeah. Correct.
475
00:21:08,978 --> 00:21:10,946
So do you think this is like...
476
00:21:10,947 --> 00:21:13,148
...the Smallsquatch? I mean,
I guess he is.
477
00:21:13,149 --> 00:21:14,983
Well, I don't want to say
for sure.
478
00:21:14,984 --> 00:21:16,687
It's a little hard to tell.
I mean...
479
00:21:16,688 --> 00:21:18,653
The modus operandi fits.
480
00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:20,959
You know, so many other demons
as well.
481
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,058
So...
482
00:21:22,059 --> 00:21:24,061
What? Like who, per se?
483
00:21:24,062 --> 00:21:25,863
Like Bro-thelzar.
484
00:21:26,863 --> 00:21:28,731
For one.
485
00:21:28,732 --> 00:21:30,633
Who's Bro...?
486
00:21:30,634 --> 00:21:33,170
Bro-thelzar.
487
00:21:33,171 --> 00:21:37,641
He was a brontosaurus demon from
the Jurassic Park... period.
488
00:21:37,642 --> 00:21:40,678
He was around about 138 million
years ago.
489
00:21:40,679 --> 00:21:41,780
He's a seer demon.
490
00:21:42,780 --> 00:21:45,181
And he was the first one up on
the 2012 thing.
491
00:21:45,182 --> 00:21:47,185
This is WAY before the Mayans.
492
00:21:47,186 --> 00:21:51,357
Just to give you an idea...
...how big his bronto-brain was.
493
00:21:51,358 --> 00:21:53,591
Damon effing Dealer.
494
00:21:53,592 --> 00:21:55,727
I just got to say it, dude.
495
00:21:55,729 --> 00:21:57,429
You look fit.
496
00:21:57,430 --> 00:21:59,464
Your metabolism must be off
the charts right now. Like...
497
00:21:59,465 --> 00:22:03,202
And that P90X offer...
...stands for life.
498
00:22:03,203 --> 00:22:05,238
Feel unlimited.
499
00:22:05,239 --> 00:22:07,039
I love you so much.
500
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,874
Okay. Alright.
501
00:22:08,876 --> 00:22:10,776
Tits-ey. Mitzi.
502
00:22:10,777 --> 00:22:12,646
What do you do for a living?
503
00:22:12,647 --> 00:22:14,280
Oh I'm in school.
504
00:22:14,281 --> 00:22:16,080
I just got my Masters in
Psychology.
505
00:22:16,081 --> 00:22:18,185
And now I'm working on my PhD
at Phoenix Online.
506
00:22:18,187 --> 00:22:19,655
Oh PhD.
507
00:22:20,655 --> 00:22:22,589
Doctor.
508
00:22:22,590 --> 00:22:24,460
Doctors are smart. Very very
smart.
509
00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:28,562
Okay. Why don't we run some
tests?
510
00:22:28,563 --> 00:22:30,563
Okay. Why don't we not?
511
00:22:30,564 --> 00:22:32,367
I think I've seen enough.
You guys are great.
512
00:22:32,368 --> 00:22:34,268
Yeah. Let's run some EVP.
513
00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:35,670
Hell yeah!
514
00:22:36,670 --> 00:22:38,673
You down with EVP?
515
00:22:38,674 --> 00:22:40,273
Yeah. You know me.
516
00:22:40,274 --> 00:22:41,842
Who's down with EVP?
517
00:22:41,843 --> 00:22:43,578
All of my homies... WHAT?
518
00:22:43,579 --> 00:22:47,081
I caught her that time.
I'm so... Whoa!
519
00:22:47,082 --> 00:22:49,150
Alright. Thank you. Yes.
520
00:22:49,151 --> 00:22:51,053
We'll do the EVP. We can do
the EVP.
521
00:22:51,055 --> 00:22:52,587
Alright?
522
00:22:52,588 --> 00:22:54,357
But I swear to you:
523
00:22:54,358 --> 00:22:56,667
If we don't find any sort of
paranormal activity...
524
00:23:05,669 --> 00:23:07,669
Then we're going to leave.
525
00:23:07,670 --> 00:23:09,738
End of story. Okay?
526
00:23:09,739 --> 00:23:11,139
We're going to do the burial
ground.
527
00:23:12,842 --> 00:23:14,877
Hello, evil entity.
528
00:23:14,878 --> 00:23:15,949
Can you hear me?
529
00:23:18,949 --> 00:23:20,688
Is Patrick Swayze there?
530
00:23:23,688 --> 00:23:26,457
Are you friends with Patrick
Swayze?
531
00:23:26,458 --> 00:23:28,358
Hello, evil entity.
532
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:30,061
Can you hear me?
533
00:23:30,062 --> 00:23:32,129
Electronic Voice Phenomenon.
534
00:23:33,833 --> 00:23:38,369
See, With demons, we all know
they're very powerful creatures.
535
00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:41,073
They're large, they have razor
sharp teeth.
536
00:23:41,074 --> 00:23:43,042
Claws, the whole nine.
537
00:23:43,043 --> 00:23:45,374
For whatever reason, though,
they have very weak diaphragms.
538
00:23:45,375 --> 00:23:47,377
And so when it comes to
electronics,
539
00:23:47,378 --> 00:23:49,246
their voices just don't carry
very well.
540
00:23:49,247 --> 00:23:50,884
So what we do is, we blow up
the files.
541
00:23:51,884 --> 00:23:55,287
And we basically look for any
sort of speed bumps.
542
00:23:55,288 --> 00:23:57,556
But I wouldn't worry about it.
543
00:23:57,557 --> 00:23:59,594
No no. I see one coming up.
544
00:24:00,594 --> 00:24:04,462
I now have in my
possession a baby.
545
00:24:04,464 --> 00:24:05,666
And I am in a corner.
546
00:24:06,666 --> 00:24:09,038
I'm going to put the baby in
the corner.
547
00:24:11,039 --> 00:24:13,574
Does Patrick have anything to
say to me now?
548
00:24:15,877 --> 00:24:17,876
What'd he say? I couldn't
hear that.
549
00:24:17,877 --> 00:24:20,083
Give me one second. Let me
slow it down.
550
00:24:21,083 --> 00:24:23,287
You're a dick.
551
00:24:25,288 --> 00:24:27,588
Did you do that?
552
00:24:27,589 --> 00:24:29,297
No man. Wasn't me.
553
00:24:34,296 --> 00:24:36,567
What is your favorite food?
554
00:24:37,567 --> 00:24:38,770
Pizza.
555
00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:43,174
Who is going to win the
World Series?
556
00:24:43,175 --> 00:24:45,277
Yankees.
557
00:24:48,678 --> 00:24:50,682
How sure are you?
558
00:24:51,682 --> 00:24:54,149
Bet the house.
559
00:24:54,150 --> 00:24:57,187
If you could have one super
power, what would it be?
560
00:24:57,188 --> 00:24:58,954
Flying.
561
00:24:58,955 --> 00:25:00,589
No. Wait.
562
00:25:00,590 --> 00:25:02,591
See the future.
563
00:25:02,592 --> 00:25:03,995
If they turned your life into a
movie what actor would play you?
564
00:25:04,995 --> 00:25:06,867
Matthew McConaughey.
565
00:25:08,867 --> 00:25:11,335
Knock knock.
566
00:25:11,336 --> 00:25:12,672
Who's there?
567
00:25:13,672 --> 00:25:15,577
Atch.
568
00:25:17,576 --> 00:25:19,377
Atch who?
569
00:25:19,378 --> 00:25:21,279
God bless you.
570
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,581
Ahhh. You tricked me.
571
00:25:23,582 --> 00:25:25,785
Redheads, brunettes, or blonde?
572
00:25:26,785 --> 00:25:29,454
Smallsquatch not picky.
573
00:25:29,456 --> 00:25:31,091
Houston, we have confirmation.
574
00:25:32,091 --> 00:25:34,592
EVP. It's probably the easiest
trick in the book.
575
00:25:34,593 --> 00:25:36,596
All you've got to do is drop
the octaves down a little bit.
576
00:25:36,597 --> 00:25:38,664
Or you can put a filter on it.
577
00:25:38,665 --> 00:25:40,600
Which is what I usually do.
578
00:25:40,601 --> 00:25:42,601
But, that's what I do.
579
00:25:42,603 --> 00:25:43,670
Yeah. Semantics.
580
00:25:44,670 --> 00:25:46,671
Oh my god. Brock.
581
00:25:48,874 --> 00:25:50,776
You idiot!
582
00:25:50,777 --> 00:25:52,379
What?
583
00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:54,081
I didn't do anything.
584
00:25:54,082 --> 00:25:57,151
What was the "it" that the river
ran through?
585
00:25:57,152 --> 00:25:59,590
I never got that.
586
00:26:03,591 --> 00:26:05,392
Oh my god!
587
00:26:05,393 --> 00:26:06,960
OH MY GOD!
588
00:26:06,961 --> 00:26:09,064
OH MY GOD! THAT PAN FLEW OFF
THE COUNTER.
589
00:26:11,499 --> 00:26:13,602
DAMNIT, DEWEY. THIS WAS MY
GRANDMOTHER'S!
590
00:26:13,603 --> 00:26:15,403
No no no no!
591
00:26:15,404 --> 00:26:17,272
BUT I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!
592
00:26:17,273 --> 00:26:19,274
I LOVE YOU! OH MY GOD!
593
00:26:19,275 --> 00:26:21,175
OH MY GOD!
594
00:26:21,176 --> 00:26:22,879
We've got to get out of here.
595
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,082
She's a monster.
596
00:26:28,250 --> 00:26:30,587
No, Damon. Come on.
597
00:26:31,587 --> 00:26:33,691
Damon, Damon, Damon, Damon.
598
00:26:34,692 --> 00:26:36,593
What are you doing, man?
599
00:26:36,594 --> 00:26:38,361
Two of hearts.
600
00:26:38,362 --> 00:26:39,795
You've got to be kidding me.
601
00:26:39,796 --> 00:26:41,531
Dude. That girl needs
professional help.
602
00:26:41,532 --> 00:26:43,233
She could hurt someone.
603
00:26:43,234 --> 00:26:44,703
She could hurt herself.
604
00:26:44,704 --> 00:26:46,005
Your turn.
605
00:26:48,006 --> 00:26:49,574
Yeah...
606
00:26:50,575 --> 00:26:52,577
Some taped over footage there.
607
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,578
It's a little embarrassing when
608
00:26:56,579 --> 00:26:59,283
Damon provided me with the tapes
to shoot the documentary.
609
00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:03,586
And no one checked to see if
they were his own home videos.
610
00:27:03,588 --> 00:27:07,425
So... Absolutely not.
611
00:27:07,426 --> 00:27:09,425
Hold your voice, man. The
cameras are going to hear you.
612
00:27:09,426 --> 00:27:11,595
It doesn't matter if they can
HEAR US.
613
00:27:11,596 --> 00:27:13,596
Okay? They can read everything
we're saying.
614
00:27:13,597 --> 00:27:15,667
What are you talking about? How?
615
00:27:15,668 --> 00:27:17,601
Dude, they have subtitles.
616
00:27:17,602 --> 00:27:19,269
- I'm not guessing it.
- Come on.
617
00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:21,273
- I'm not guessing it.
- Come on.
618
00:27:21,274 --> 00:27:22,840
I am not guessing.
619
00:27:22,841 --> 00:27:24,842
- You know how much this project means to me.
- Exactly.
620
00:27:24,843 --> 00:27:26,744
If you go through with this...
621
00:27:26,745 --> 00:27:28,480
Okay. It's dark where you are.
622
00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:30,451
We're fine. I'm more than
willing to step to the plate.
623
00:27:30,452 --> 00:27:32,284
I can run this show.
624
00:27:32,285 --> 00:27:33,852
You're lost.
625
00:27:33,853 --> 00:27:35,354
If this ship is going to sink,
626
00:27:35,356 --> 00:27:36,990
I'm going to be the guy who
drowns us. You remember.
627
00:27:36,991 --> 00:27:38,759
Don't think. Come on.
628
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,394
You can figure this out.
629
00:27:40,395 --> 00:27:41,964
You just have to let go and
believe.
630
00:27:42,964 --> 00:27:44,600
Believe.
631
00:27:46,601 --> 00:27:49,904
I... You know what?
632
00:27:49,905 --> 00:27:52,474
I've got a better idea.
633
00:27:52,475 --> 00:27:54,475
Yeah. OH, do you like that?
634
00:27:54,476 --> 00:27:56,043
Alright guys.
635
00:27:56,044 --> 00:27:57,977
Let's quiet down. Let's focus.
We're losing daylight.
636
00:27:57,978 --> 00:27:59,982
Alright. We need to figure out
a game to... guys!
637
00:27:59,983 --> 00:28:01,483
Come on.
638
00:28:01,484 --> 00:28:03,585
Let's get real here.
639
00:28:03,586 --> 00:28:06,588
Communication is the most
important C in the C system.
640
00:28:06,589 --> 00:28:08,255
As you all very well know.
641
00:28:08,256 --> 00:28:10,090
So if we're going to get rid
of this demon,
642
00:28:10,091 --> 00:28:11,692
we've got to know what it wants.
643
00:28:11,694 --> 00:28:13,596
Guys! Brock. Can you get
serious?
644
00:28:13,597 --> 00:28:15,164
My bad, bro.
645
00:28:15,165 --> 00:28:17,299
Please.
646
00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:21,073
Does this face look serious
to you?
647
00:28:23,073 --> 00:28:24,808
Does this face look serious
to you?
648
00:28:25,809 --> 00:28:26,879
ANSWER ME!
649
00:28:27,879 --> 00:28:29,046
Yeah.
650
00:28:30,046 --> 00:28:31,985
I need you this serious.
651
00:28:35,988 --> 00:28:37,555
Alright.
652
00:28:37,556 --> 00:28:39,054
Pepper.
653
00:28:39,055 --> 00:28:40,690
Blair, Doug.
654
00:28:40,691 --> 00:28:42,492
I need you guys to go out
into the woods.
655
00:28:42,493 --> 00:28:44,060
I need you to set up camp,
alright?
656
00:28:44,061 --> 00:28:45,864
We're looking for anything that
looks like a Bigfoot habitat.
657
00:28:45,865 --> 00:28:47,497
- You've got it.
- Yeah.
658
00:28:47,498 --> 00:28:49,167
Tuck, me and you,
659
00:28:49,168 --> 00:28:51,602
Brock, we'll stick around with
Dewey and Mitzi.
660
00:28:51,603 --> 00:28:53,605
We'll set up paranormal phone
lines around the house.
661
00:28:53,606 --> 00:28:55,173
Alright?
662
00:28:55,174 --> 00:28:57,611
Does anybody have any questions?
663
00:28:58,610 --> 00:29:02,582
Yeah. Are we looking... Are
we looking for a midget yeti?
664
00:29:02,583 --> 00:29:04,185
Or a Bigfoot dwarf?
665
00:29:05,184 --> 00:29:06,884
Uhm...
666
00:29:06,885 --> 00:29:09,154
Because The Abominable Snowman,
667
00:29:09,155 --> 00:29:13,058
which a lot of people know
as the yeti,
668
00:29:13,059 --> 00:29:15,595
is thought to be native to
the northern Himalayas.
669
00:29:16,596 --> 00:29:20,903
Whereas the sasquatch, which a
lot of people know as Bigfoot,
670
00:29:21,903 --> 00:29:25,003
is thought to be from the
Pacific Northwest.
671
00:29:25,005 --> 00:29:27,073
So...
672
00:29:27,074 --> 00:29:29,175
It's just like...
673
00:29:29,176 --> 00:29:31,110
Wait, so...
674
00:29:31,111 --> 00:29:33,078
Are you looking for an actual
answer to that question?
675
00:29:33,079 --> 00:29:36,155
Or are you just asking it out loud
to sound really smart to everybody?
676
00:29:40,156 --> 00:29:42,290
It... well, yeah.
677
00:29:42,291 --> 00:29:44,193
- It's...
- The second one, right?
678
00:29:44,194 --> 00:29:46,394
Yeah. No, that's what I thought.
679
00:29:46,395 --> 00:29:48,561
And to answer your question,
you're an idiot.
680
00:29:48,563 --> 00:29:50,243
It's just there's a difference.
That's all.
681
00:29:53,101 --> 00:29:55,103
Doug's an idiot.
682
00:29:55,104 --> 00:29:57,204
He is.
683
00:29:57,205 --> 00:29:58,907
He really is.
684
00:29:58,908 --> 00:30:00,910
That's what you look for in a
good camera operator.
685
00:30:00,911 --> 00:30:03,012
Like Shark Week.
686
00:30:03,013 --> 00:30:05,282
It's a bunch of idiots jumping
in the water.
687
00:30:05,283 --> 00:30:06,983
Hey.
688
00:30:06,984 --> 00:30:09,386
Whatever it takes.
689
00:30:09,387 --> 00:30:11,587
Looking for a physical
manifestation of
690
00:30:11,588 --> 00:30:13,591
any sort of yeti or a bigfoot
or a sasquatch.
691
00:30:13,592 --> 00:30:15,124
Right? It's a demon.
692
00:30:15,126 --> 00:30:16,592
Right? It's a spirit.
693
00:30:16,593 --> 00:30:18,461
I mean, how many times have we
done this thing before? Alright.
694
00:30:18,462 --> 00:30:21,398
Let's quit acting like amateurs and
start acting like professionals.
695
00:30:21,399 --> 00:30:22,965
Hell yeah!
696
00:30:22,966 --> 00:30:25,167
- Can I get an amen?
- Amen!
697
00:30:25,169 --> 00:30:27,304
Let's get ourselves a demon.
698
00:30:27,305 --> 00:30:29,607
Love you.
699
00:30:29,608 --> 00:30:31,309
- Have fun.
- Thank you.
700
00:30:31,310 --> 00:30:33,109
For what?
701
00:30:33,111 --> 00:30:36,583
For letting me prove to the world
that Smallsquatch really exists.
702
00:30:37,583 --> 00:30:39,263
For reaffirming that my life
has a purpose.
703
00:30:41,054 --> 00:30:42,755
For keeping hope alive.
704
00:30:43,756 --> 00:30:46,592
I think I might die without
hope.
705
00:30:46,593 --> 00:30:48,561
Oh shit.
706
00:30:48,562 --> 00:30:50,500
Language!
707
00:30:54,501 --> 00:30:57,061
Dude, why would you mess with the
EVP without consulting with me?
708
00:30:57,971 --> 00:30:59,804
Because I knew you wouldn't
let me.
709
00:30:59,805 --> 00:31:02,174
Of course I'm not going to let
you. You're an idiot.
710
00:31:02,175 --> 00:31:04,275
You are nothing in the game
of life, bro.
711
00:31:04,276 --> 00:31:06,314
Whoa whoa whoa! Slow your
roll man.
712
00:31:06,315 --> 00:31:07,881
Nothing.
713
00:31:07,882 --> 00:31:09,614
You seriously need to lose the
attitude. Stress will kill you.
714
00:31:09,615 --> 00:31:11,584
I might lose my girlfriend
out of this.
715
00:31:11,585 --> 00:31:13,586
- How am I supposed to feel?
- Get over it.
716
00:31:13,587 --> 00:31:15,090
- This is a good thing for us.
- How?
717
00:31:16,090 --> 00:31:17,227
Bro.
718
00:31:19,227 --> 00:31:21,596
You are going to be remembered as one of
the greatest illusionists of all time.
719
00:31:21,597 --> 00:31:27,200
Houdini, Tupac Shakur, Penn
and Teller, Elvis Presley.
720
00:31:27,201 --> 00:31:29,104
Damon Dealer.
721
00:31:29,105 --> 00:31:31,207
I mean, this could make our fan
base triple bro.
722
00:31:31,208 --> 00:31:33,173
Let me ask you something.
723
00:31:33,174 --> 00:31:35,277
Do you ever think of anything
other than our fan base?
724
00:31:35,279 --> 00:31:36,979
No. I don't.
725
00:31:36,980 --> 00:31:38,746
And that's exactly why I'm going
to be
726
00:31:38,747 --> 00:31:40,614
the most famous man in the
world.
727
00:31:40,615 --> 00:31:42,617
Let me tell you something, guy.
728
00:31:42,618 --> 00:31:44,651
There is a reason that I am the
most famous,
729
00:31:44,652 --> 00:31:47,490
super, gigantic, mega famous
person in the world.
730
00:31:47,491 --> 00:31:49,092
Okay?
731
00:31:49,093 --> 00:31:50,592
So you want to be like me?
732
00:31:50,593 --> 00:31:52,259
Try being great at something.
733
00:31:52,260 --> 00:31:53,795
I'm great at being famous.
734
00:31:53,796 --> 00:31:55,596
I'll show you. I'll show
everybody.
735
00:31:55,597 --> 00:31:57,666
I'm going to be like the
Kardashian baby,
736
00:31:57,667 --> 00:31:59,701
whose real daddy is the
president,
737
00:31:59,702 --> 00:32:01,703
who is best friends with Suri,
738
00:32:01,704 --> 00:32:04,205
who has 500 million fans on
facebook and twitter,
739
00:32:04,206 --> 00:32:06,608
and has an affair with
Prince William's daughter.
740
00:32:06,609 --> 00:32:08,612
And if he has twins, I'm going
to smash on both of them. Why?
741
00:32:08,613 --> 00:32:09,684
Because I'm Brock, bitch.
742
00:32:12,684 --> 00:32:14,485
Oh shit.
743
00:32:14,486 --> 00:32:16,354
We're like The A Team, fool.
744
00:32:16,355 --> 00:32:18,289
Army Ranger teammates.
745
00:32:18,290 --> 00:32:19,891
And I need you to bring your
A game.
746
00:32:19,892 --> 00:32:21,693
Can you do that for me?
747
00:32:21,694 --> 00:32:23,595
It is what it is.
748
00:32:23,596 --> 00:32:25,597
- Rome wasn't built in a day.
- Let go. Let God.
749
00:32:25,598 --> 00:32:27,397
- Put up or shut up.
- Let it all hang out.
750
00:32:27,398 --> 00:32:29,267
- Every dog has his day.
- Go big or go home.
751
00:32:29,268 --> 00:32:31,069
- A penny saved is a penny earned.
- Boys will be boys.
752
00:32:31,070 --> 00:32:33,505
- Let me run the show on this one.
- Absolutely not.
753
00:32:33,506 --> 00:32:35,417
Damnit.
754
00:32:45,419 --> 00:32:48,422
So Pepper, what's like,
the biggest game you ever shot?
755
00:32:48,423 --> 00:32:50,090
Biggest?
756
00:32:50,091 --> 00:32:52,259
Or wildest?
757
00:32:52,260 --> 00:32:54,093
Both.
758
00:32:54,094 --> 00:32:56,196
Biggest was a giraffe.
759
00:32:56,197 --> 00:32:57,798
Shut up!
760
00:32:57,799 --> 00:32:59,302
- You shot a giraffe?
- Yeah.
761
00:33:00,302 --> 00:33:01,871
I was on a safari in South
Africa.
762
00:33:02,871 --> 00:33:05,005
That big son of a gun stuck
his tongue out at me
763
00:33:05,006 --> 00:33:07,108
and made me so mad. POW!
764
00:33:07,109 --> 00:33:08,809
Caught him right in the throat.
765
00:33:08,810 --> 00:33:10,975
Which makes sense when you
think about it.
766
00:33:10,976 --> 00:33:13,115
Seeing as a giraffe is mostly
throat.
767
00:33:14,115 --> 00:33:16,316
- That is crazy.
- Right.
768
00:33:16,317 --> 00:33:18,189
What was the wildest?
769
00:33:19,189 --> 00:33:21,023
Garden gnome.
770
00:33:21,024 --> 00:33:22,757
- Shut up!
- I won't.
771
00:33:22,758 --> 00:33:26,195
What was that like? I mean like...
A garden gnome?
772
00:33:26,196 --> 00:33:28,163
There ain't much to eat there.
773
00:33:28,164 --> 00:33:29,699
- No?
- No. No.
774
00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:31,668
It's kind of like a beef jerky.
775
00:33:31,669 --> 00:33:33,602
Tough... spicy.
776
00:33:33,604 --> 00:33:35,472
But it's got a lot of protein
though.
777
00:33:35,473 --> 00:33:37,072
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah.
778
00:33:37,074 --> 00:33:39,074
I reckon one of them would
really hit the spot
779
00:33:39,075 --> 00:33:40,977
after a nice workout.
780
00:33:40,978 --> 00:33:42,611
Chop one of them little gnome
fellas up,
781
00:33:42,612 --> 00:33:44,681
throw em in a blender maybe a little
banana in there or something,
782
00:33:44,682 --> 00:33:46,716
maybe some giraffe venison.
783
00:33:46,717 --> 00:33:48,716
That right there'll hit
the spot.
784
00:33:48,717 --> 00:33:50,721
That'll get it done. It'll get
her done.
785
00:33:50,722 --> 00:33:54,390
Okay, but... How did
you get the gnome out?
786
00:33:54,391 --> 00:33:56,393
Because gnomes are mythological
creatures.
787
00:33:56,394 --> 00:33:58,496
Yeah. Yeah. What's up?
788
00:33:58,497 --> 00:34:00,663
Well, you can pretty much kill
anything.
789
00:34:00,664 --> 00:34:02,700
So long as you got the right
bait.
790
00:34:02,701 --> 00:34:04,969
- Bait?
- Bait.
791
00:34:04,970 --> 00:34:07,004
What kind of bait did you use
to get the gnome out?
792
00:34:07,005 --> 00:34:08,075
Yeah.
793
00:34:08,875 --> 00:34:10,609
Well...
794
00:34:10,610 --> 00:34:12,611
Unlike...
795
00:34:12,612 --> 00:34:14,678
I like to keep my secrets.
796
00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:18,216
Well... Looks like she's done.
797
00:34:18,217 --> 00:34:20,286
I like to call this guy Alvin.
798
00:34:20,287 --> 00:34:21,920
You guys want some?
799
00:34:21,921 --> 00:34:23,789
- You sure?
- Yeah.
800
00:34:23,790 --> 00:34:25,325
- Wow.
- You're missing out.
801
00:34:25,326 --> 00:34:28,693
Dear God, thank you for Alvin.
802
00:34:28,694 --> 00:34:30,397
Now he is dead.
803
00:34:30,398 --> 00:34:32,164
I'm going to eat him.
804
00:34:32,165 --> 00:34:34,600
Then go to bed.
805
00:34:34,601 --> 00:34:37,171
- DOUG!
- What?
806
00:34:37,172 --> 00:34:39,106
Oh god. Now I'm coming.
807
00:34:39,107 --> 00:34:41,008
I'm cumming. I can't...
808
00:34:41,009 --> 00:34:42,813
DOUG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
809
00:34:44,814 --> 00:34:46,847
Doug, get over here!
810
00:34:46,848 --> 00:34:48,816
Seriously, hurry up!
811
00:34:48,817 --> 00:34:51,321
Wait till you see this!
A rock formation!
812
00:34:52,321 --> 00:34:54,423
OH MY GOD. IT'S A PILE OF ROCKS!
813
00:34:55,423 --> 00:34:57,391
Oh god!
814
00:34:57,392 --> 00:34:59,095
I want to hold you. Hold me.
815
00:35:00,095 --> 00:35:00,897
Hey!
816
00:35:01,897 --> 00:35:03,398
HEY!
817
00:35:03,399 --> 00:35:05,100
- I'm...
- HEY!
818
00:35:05,101 --> 00:35:07,000
I'm disappointed in you.
819
00:35:07,002 --> 00:35:09,070
Have you done your quiet time?
820
00:35:09,071 --> 00:35:11,106
- Well I was in the middle of it.
- Well you can finish it.
821
00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:13,175
You could do all things.
822
00:35:13,176 --> 00:35:15,077
Corinthians 4:13
823
00:35:15,078 --> 00:35:17,213
I'll go finish.
824
00:35:17,214 --> 00:35:19,414
A pile of rocks.
825
00:35:19,416 --> 00:35:20,918
Oldest trick in the book.
826
00:35:21,919 --> 00:35:24,119
God, it works every time.
827
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,188
And why is that?
828
00:35:26,189 --> 00:35:30,292
Well, you know, I think
everybody knows that witches,
829
00:35:30,293 --> 00:35:34,096
above every other intelligent
creature, love to stack rocks.
830
00:35:34,097 --> 00:35:36,266
Sandstone, magma, etc.
831
00:35:36,267 --> 00:35:37,901
You know?
832
00:35:37,902 --> 00:35:39,769
What? You think Stonehenge
happened by itself?
833
00:35:39,770 --> 00:35:41,539
Please. Please.
834
00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:43,607
People always ask me.
835
00:35:43,609 --> 00:35:45,708
Well they don't actually always
ask me.
836
00:35:45,709 --> 00:35:48,210
But I imagine them asking me
questions, you know?
837
00:35:48,211 --> 00:35:51,412
Like, "How do you put a bunch
of rocks together"
838
00:35:51,413 --> 00:35:53,819
"and stack them up and make
people think"
839
00:35:53,820 --> 00:35:55,620
"witch?"
840
00:35:55,621 --> 00:35:56,789
And the answer is, teamwork.
841
00:35:57,789 --> 00:35:59,625
That's how you do it.
842
00:35:59,626 --> 00:36:01,492
Look. If you want something
done right,
843
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:03,327
you go ask an expert, right?
844
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:04,961
Because there's a good chance
that you're an idiot.
845
00:36:04,962 --> 00:36:07,164
And you don't know what you're
doing.
846
00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:09,203
Can you show that to me one
more time?
847
00:36:09,204 --> 00:36:10,804
That last little bit?
848
00:36:11,804 --> 00:36:13,873
So what makes Addy such an
expert?
849
00:36:13,874 --> 00:36:15,708
Well, you know,
850
00:36:15,709 --> 00:36:17,808
kids are more advanced than
adults in a lot of ways.
851
00:36:17,809 --> 00:36:19,810
It's like you're on a hay ride.
852
00:36:19,811 --> 00:36:22,114
You know, it's like their
imagination hasn't been
853
00:36:22,115 --> 00:36:26,318
destroyed by their stupid
parents or their jerk bosses.
854
00:36:26,319 --> 00:36:29,391
You know? It hasn't been
bludgeoned by crystal meth,
855
00:36:29,392 --> 00:36:37,392
high speed chicken feed, crank,
crack cocaine, glass, ice,
856
00:36:38,465 --> 00:36:40,602
In a lot of ways, kids are
geniuses.
857
00:36:40,603 --> 00:36:42,303
Right Addie?
858
00:36:42,304 --> 00:36:43,716
I just pooted.
859
00:36:53,716 --> 00:36:56,185
It just doesn't make any
sense to me.
860
00:36:57,185 --> 00:36:58,790
What doesn't make any sense
to you?
861
00:36:59,790 --> 00:37:01,824
I mean, if Smallsquatch wants
something,
862
00:37:01,825 --> 00:37:03,825
why doesn't he just say so?
863
00:37:03,826 --> 00:37:05,727
Seriously dude.
864
00:37:05,728 --> 00:37:07,594
Why does he have to go all
creeper status?
865
00:37:07,595 --> 00:37:10,368
Guys. The communication process
is different with demons. Okay?
866
00:37:11,368 --> 00:37:15,204
They don't have iPhones, or
gmail, or any of that stuff.
867
00:37:15,205 --> 00:37:16,906
Well I know.
868
00:37:16,907 --> 00:37:18,776
It just seems like it should
be easier.
869
00:37:18,777 --> 00:37:22,981
Well, there is one way to expedite
the communication process.
870
00:37:22,982 --> 00:37:26,683
Out in my car, right now,
I have a Ouija board.
871
00:37:26,685 --> 00:37:28,318
- NO! NO WAY MAN.
- No Ouija.
872
00:37:28,319 --> 00:37:29,921
- No. No way.
- Hell no.
873
00:37:29,922 --> 00:37:31,722
It's not going to happen.
874
00:37:31,723 --> 00:37:33,791
It's not there.
875
00:37:33,792 --> 00:37:37,127
The feeling isn't. It's not
there.
876
00:37:37,128 --> 00:37:39,629
Always offer the Ouija.
877
00:37:39,630 --> 00:37:41,035
They never go for the Ouija.
878
00:37:42,035 --> 00:37:44,202
Guys, relax. Okay.
879
00:37:44,203 --> 00:37:45,770
Relax.
880
00:37:45,771 --> 00:37:47,604
I'm sorry. It was a bad idea.
881
00:37:47,605 --> 00:37:49,506
I'm not going to bring the
Ouija board inside.
882
00:37:49,507 --> 00:37:51,508
Yeah. You've got to get rid
of that bull spit.
883
00:37:51,509 --> 00:37:53,412
- That's the devil's keyboard.
- No. I know.
884
00:37:53,413 --> 00:37:55,180
Absolutely. Absolutely.
885
00:37:55,181 --> 00:37:56,714
You know what?
886
00:37:56,715 --> 00:37:58,685
In fact, I'm going to go out in my car
right now. I'm just going to burn it.
887
00:37:58,686 --> 00:38:00,284
No! No!
888
00:38:00,286 --> 00:38:01,988
No sir, Bob.
889
00:38:01,989 --> 00:38:03,522
- That's not happening.
- Oh my gosh.
890
00:38:03,523 --> 00:38:05,023
I can put a candle to it.
891
00:38:05,024 --> 00:38:07,125
Always offer to burn the Ouija.
892
00:38:07,126 --> 00:38:08,734
They never go for burning the
Ouija.
893
00:38:14,735 --> 00:38:16,303
Okay.
894
00:38:16,304 --> 00:38:17,903
Night two.
895
00:38:17,905 --> 00:38:20,305
I'm going to be crashing here
with Mitzi and Dewey.
896
00:38:20,306 --> 00:38:21,825
Let's see what happens.
897
00:39:15,534 --> 00:39:16,936
Oh yeah.
898
00:39:17,936 --> 00:39:19,038
Oh yeah.
899
00:39:20,038 --> 00:39:21,606
Oh god.
900
00:40:03,385 --> 00:40:04,722
Oh shit yeah.
901
00:40:06,721 --> 00:40:09,290
These are pretty.
902
00:40:09,291 --> 00:40:10,995
Worth some money.
903
00:41:30,042 --> 00:41:32,711
- Damnit Dewey!
- Mitzi! You okay?
904
00:41:32,712 --> 00:41:35,615
You left the toilet seat
up again!
905
00:41:35,616 --> 00:41:37,686
Freaking idiot. My ass is
all wet.
906
00:41:38,686 --> 00:41:40,132
GOD.
907
00:41:58,807 --> 00:42:00,846
What are you doing?
908
00:42:02,845 --> 00:42:04,879
I don't know.
909
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,118
Just getting... Pepper...
coverage.
910
00:42:09,119 --> 00:42:11,185
Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa.
911
00:42:11,186 --> 00:42:13,689
Blair, are you seeing this?
912
00:42:13,690 --> 00:42:16,124
This is fake, right?
913
00:42:16,125 --> 00:42:18,496
Please tell me this is fake.
914
00:42:19,497 --> 00:42:21,138
Some magic's real.
915
00:42:32,543 --> 00:42:34,644
Did you just have a thing?
916
00:42:34,645 --> 00:42:36,446
Did you just have a psychic
thing? What did it say?
917
00:42:36,447 --> 00:42:38,115
What did it say?
918
00:42:38,116 --> 00:42:40,617
We're all going to die.
919
00:42:40,618 --> 00:42:42,620
No!
920
00:42:42,621 --> 00:42:44,690
Oh my god. Did you see Blair's
outfit?
921
00:42:44,691 --> 00:42:46,624
Tacky much?
922
00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:49,426
I mean, seriously, she looks
like a Christmas tree.
923
00:42:49,427 --> 00:42:51,661
I know. I just want to like throw
a bunch of gifts at her feet.
924
00:42:51,662 --> 00:42:53,633
I mean, maybe we could take
a star, and put it on her head.
925
00:42:53,634 --> 00:42:55,634
Oh, that would be perfect.
926
00:42:55,635 --> 00:42:57,401
Like some ornaments too,
all around her.
927
00:42:57,402 --> 00:42:59,437
I mean, Blair dear, honestly...
928
00:42:59,438 --> 00:43:01,439
I hope you've been a really
good girl.
929
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,709
Because Santa needs to bring you
a whole new wardrobe.
930
00:43:03,710 --> 00:43:05,610
Oh my god.
931
00:43:05,611 --> 00:43:07,314
- You are so awful.
- Yeah.
932
00:43:07,315 --> 00:43:09,247
AWFULLY delicious!
933
00:43:09,248 --> 00:43:10,719
Tasty.
934
00:43:14,887 --> 00:43:16,789
Coconut.
935
00:43:16,790 --> 00:43:18,125
What does that mean?
936
00:43:19,125 --> 00:43:21,093
It means he'll eat anything.
937
00:43:23,196 --> 00:43:24,929
- WHOA! WHOA!
- Whoa. Whoa.
938
00:43:24,930 --> 00:43:26,933
- Is that the Smallsquatch?
- No. It's Danny.
939
00:43:26,934 --> 00:43:28,634
Put the gun down.
940
00:43:28,635 --> 00:43:30,437
Hey. What's up?
941
00:43:30,438 --> 00:43:32,138
Hello. Hello?
942
00:43:32,139 --> 00:43:34,100
Blair, can you hold on a second?
I can't hear you.
943
00:43:36,745 --> 00:43:38,911
You're just going to whip a
shotgun on us?
944
00:43:38,912 --> 00:43:40,948
Guns are supposed to kill
things. It's what I do.
945
00:43:40,949 --> 00:43:42,482
I'm a cold blooded killer.
946
00:43:42,483 --> 00:43:44,484
You really think the Smallsquatch is
going to call her up on her iPhone?
947
00:43:44,485 --> 00:43:48,055
Yeah. Basically he can call anyone,
anywhere, on the 4G network.
948
00:43:48,056 --> 00:43:49,790
Oh please, man. The Smallsquatch
wouldn't do that.
949
00:43:49,791 --> 00:43:51,658
He'd pick up a GoPhone. Those
things are untraceable.
950
00:43:51,659 --> 00:43:53,229
You use em, you throw em away.
951
00:43:53,231 --> 00:43:54,830
Like the wire.
952
00:43:54,831 --> 00:43:56,631
What about now?
953
00:43:56,632 --> 00:43:58,634
Can you hear me?
954
00:43:58,635 --> 00:44:00,434
Yeah. Much better. What's
going on?
955
00:44:00,435 --> 00:44:02,105
I wanted to see how you're
doing.
956
00:44:02,106 --> 00:44:03,739
Oh my GOD it's amazing.
957
00:44:03,740 --> 00:44:05,807
We found rock formations
yesterday.
958
00:44:05,808 --> 00:44:08,312
And just now, we found stick men
hanging from the trees.
959
00:44:08,313 --> 00:44:10,212
Wow.
960
00:44:10,213 --> 00:44:12,248
Wow. That's crazy.
961
00:44:12,249 --> 00:44:14,649
I know. I think we're really close
to nailing the little bastard.
962
00:44:14,650 --> 00:44:16,687
What about you? Are you having
any luck?
963
00:44:16,688 --> 00:44:18,320
Yeah. Well...
964
00:44:18,321 --> 00:44:19,990
Yeah. You know.
965
00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:21,690
It's alright.
966
00:44:21,691 --> 00:44:22,831
- Hey Blair.
- What?
967
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:28,632
Listen.
968
00:44:28,633 --> 00:44:30,435
I'm sorry.
969
00:44:30,436 --> 00:44:32,402
Sorry about what?
970
00:44:32,404 --> 00:44:34,304
Damon, come quick! Oh my god.
971
00:44:34,305 --> 00:44:36,341
There's some writing in the
powder.
972
00:44:36,342 --> 00:44:38,241
On the floor.
973
00:44:38,242 --> 00:44:40,244
Blair, I've got to call you
back.
974
00:44:40,245 --> 00:44:41,813
Yeah.
975
00:44:41,814 --> 00:44:42,953
I love you.
976
00:44:47,954 --> 00:44:50,925
Babe... Babe.
977
00:44:51,925 --> 00:44:53,625
Babe!
978
00:44:53,626 --> 00:44:55,628
What is this? Latin?
979
00:44:55,629 --> 00:44:57,629
Dewey...
980
00:44:57,630 --> 00:44:59,631
It is Latin.
981
00:44:59,632 --> 00:45:02,334
For, "She is way out of your
league."
982
00:45:02,335 --> 00:45:04,637
Get out.
983
00:45:04,638 --> 00:45:05,840
You know Latin?
984
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,741
It's English, Dewey.
985
00:45:08,742 --> 00:45:10,642
It is.
986
00:45:10,643 --> 00:45:12,645
It's just not very good English.
987
00:45:12,646 --> 00:45:14,447
It says, "seance."
988
00:45:14,448 --> 00:45:16,150
Oh. That's it.
989
00:45:16,151 --> 00:45:18,653
Demons have roughly the IQ that
of about a 3rd grader.
990
00:45:18,654 --> 00:45:20,453
Why is that?
991
00:45:20,454 --> 00:45:23,892
Well... Demons work three jobs:
992
00:45:23,893 --> 00:45:25,625
Steal, kill, destroy.
993
00:45:25,626 --> 00:45:27,595
I mean, where does a classroom
fit into that?
994
00:45:27,596 --> 00:45:29,231
You know?
995
00:45:29,232 --> 00:45:31,933
It just goes to show you,
there is never enough time.
996
00:45:31,934 --> 00:45:33,834
Even for eternal beings.
997
00:45:33,835 --> 00:45:34,938
Right Brock?
998
00:45:35,937 --> 00:45:38,643
I have 3.2% body fat.
999
00:45:40,643 --> 00:45:42,142
Alright.
1000
00:45:42,143 --> 00:45:43,712
Remember.
1001
00:45:43,713 --> 00:45:45,448
He's a deceiver.
1002
00:45:45,449 --> 00:45:47,483
So he'll do whatever it takes
to stay in my body.
1003
00:45:47,484 --> 00:45:51,354
So when he shows himself, I need
you to drag him back to hell.
1004
00:45:51,355 --> 00:45:52,922
Alright?
1005
00:45:52,924 --> 00:45:55,190
Is everybody ready?
1006
00:45:58,129 --> 00:46:00,030
SMALLSQUATCH!
1007
00:46:01,030 --> 00:46:03,941
WE COME TO HEAR YOUR MESSAGE!
1008
00:46:10,942 --> 00:46:13,644
Speak now.
1009
00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:16,121
Or forever HOLD YOUR PEACE.
1010
00:46:22,121 --> 00:46:24,154
I think I'm the only guy in
the world
1011
00:46:24,155 --> 00:46:25,827
that prefers an off kiltered
table.
1012
00:47:10,806 --> 00:47:13,039
I'm Spartacus.
1013
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,642
No!
1014
00:47:14,643 --> 00:47:16,510
I am Spartacus.
1015
00:47:16,511 --> 00:47:17,946
NO!
1016
00:47:17,947 --> 00:47:19,948
I am Spartacus.
1017
00:47:55,053 --> 00:47:57,923
I see gold digger demon's
already been here, sonny.
1018
00:47:58,923 --> 00:48:01,624
Smallsquatch!
1019
00:48:01,625 --> 00:48:03,664
It's time for you to bounce,
bro.
1020
00:48:04,664 --> 00:48:07,135
NO! NO!
1021
00:48:09,134 --> 00:48:10,704
No!
1022
00:48:11,704 --> 00:48:13,737
Mr. Funny Pants.
1023
00:48:13,738 --> 00:48:15,641
Funny Pants, are you?
1024
00:48:18,343 --> 00:48:20,211
Why are you here?
1025
00:48:20,212 --> 00:48:22,315
Yeah. What do you want?
1026
00:48:25,352 --> 00:48:27,620
How about a biscuit?
1027
00:48:29,656 --> 00:48:31,357
What?
1028
00:48:31,358 --> 00:48:33,060
A BISCUIT!
1029
00:48:33,061 --> 00:48:34,660
Alright, dude.
1030
00:48:34,661 --> 00:48:35,941
What do you want on your
biscuit?
1031
00:48:36,831 --> 00:48:38,698
The works.
1032
00:48:38,699 --> 00:48:40,332
What's that?
1033
00:48:40,333 --> 00:48:42,201
Like butter?
1034
00:48:42,202 --> 00:48:44,638
Oh yeah.
1035
00:48:44,639 --> 00:48:46,707
Jelly?
1036
00:48:46,708 --> 00:48:48,741
Grape, please. Grape.
1037
00:48:48,742 --> 00:48:50,412
Good choice. Good choice.
1038
00:48:51,412 --> 00:48:52,947
What about gravy?
1039
00:48:53,948 --> 00:48:54,950
Oh yeah.
1040
00:48:55,950 --> 00:48:56,953
Oh yeah.
1041
00:48:57,953 --> 00:48:59,355
Oh yeah.
1042
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,826
I could eat the shit out of some
biscuits and gravy right now.
1043
00:49:03,826 --> 00:49:05,827
Me too, dude.
1044
00:49:11,634 --> 00:49:14,002
Can't hold on much longer...
1045
00:49:14,003 --> 00:49:15,636
No...
1046
00:49:15,637 --> 00:49:17,473
GET OUT OF THERE, SONNY.
1047
00:49:17,474 --> 00:49:20,444
AIN'T NOBODY COMING OUT OF
THERE BUT ME, SIR.
1048
00:49:20,445 --> 00:49:22,076
ENOUGH!
1049
00:49:22,077 --> 00:49:23,612
That's it.
1050
00:49:23,613 --> 00:49:24,850
Smallsquatch I command you to
go back to the pits of hell
1051
00:49:25,850 --> 00:49:28,951
in the name of Jesus Christ,
lord and savior
1052
00:49:28,952 --> 00:49:31,121
of all that's pure and holy.
1053
00:49:31,123 --> 00:49:32,758
Leave him, Jesus!
1054
00:49:48,540 --> 00:49:49,818
NO!
1055
00:49:58,818 --> 00:50:00,351
Okay.
1056
00:50:00,352 --> 00:50:02,052
Remember.
1057
00:50:02,053 --> 00:50:03,654
He's a deceiver.
1058
00:50:03,655 --> 00:50:05,558
He'll do whatever it takes to
take over my body.
1059
00:50:05,559 --> 00:50:07,458
That's why he's doing this.
1060
00:50:07,459 --> 00:50:09,496
So when he shows himself, I need
you to send him back to hell.
1061
00:50:09,497 --> 00:50:11,229
Alright?
1062
00:50:11,230 --> 00:50:13,231
Is everybody ready?
1063
00:50:13,232 --> 00:50:15,540
You literally just said that.
1064
00:50:21,842 --> 00:50:23,143
Mission accomplished.
1065
00:50:24,143 --> 00:50:26,045
Infrared.
1066
00:50:26,046 --> 00:50:28,649
Didn't even get to use it.
1067
00:50:28,650 --> 00:50:30,683
And what's the game plan now?
1068
00:50:30,684 --> 00:50:32,718
Well, we wait for Blair to
show up.
1069
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:34,958
She should be back in the
morning.
1070
00:50:36,958 --> 00:50:39,459
Do you know where they're at?
1071
00:50:39,460 --> 00:50:41,594
No, I mean...
1072
00:50:41,595 --> 00:50:43,663
Not exactly, but Pepper does.
You know.
1073
00:50:43,664 --> 00:50:45,464
And you know, the thing with
him is,
1074
00:50:45,465 --> 00:50:46,967
he doesn't seem very bright.
1075
00:50:46,968 --> 00:50:48,668
But he's pretty street smart.
1076
00:50:48,669 --> 00:50:50,636
And you know, street smarts
come in handy when you're...
1077
00:50:50,637 --> 00:50:52,744
...in the middle of the woods.
1078
00:50:54,743 --> 00:50:57,045
So where are we?
1079
00:50:57,046 --> 00:50:59,214
About eight miles south west
of base camp.
1080
00:50:59,215 --> 00:51:02,250
Latitude 27 degrees 54 minutes
41 seconds.
1081
00:51:02,251 --> 00:51:05,723
Longitude -97 degrees 33 minutes
31 seconds.
1082
00:51:06,723 --> 00:51:09,660
You can seriously tell that
from that needle?
1083
00:51:09,661 --> 00:51:10,761
Oh no.
1084
00:51:11,761 --> 00:51:13,662
GPS.
1085
00:51:13,663 --> 00:51:14,841
Let's motivate.
1086
00:51:29,047 --> 00:51:31,251
Hey...
1087
00:51:33,251 --> 00:51:35,252
Hey baby.
1088
00:51:35,253 --> 00:51:36,954
Hey.
1089
00:51:36,955 --> 00:51:38,756
What's going on?
1090
00:51:38,758 --> 00:51:40,658
I miss you.
1091
00:51:40,659 --> 00:51:42,660
We're almost done.
1092
00:51:42,661 --> 00:51:43,902
Yeah. I know, I know. I just...
1093
00:51:45,865 --> 00:51:47,868
I wish I could be out there
with you right now.
1094
00:51:48,868 --> 00:51:50,936
You are out here with me.
1095
00:51:50,937 --> 00:51:52,771
I am?
1096
00:51:52,772 --> 00:51:54,139
Yeah.
1097
00:51:54,140 --> 00:51:58,144
I'm lying in your arms,
pressed up against you.
1098
00:51:58,145 --> 00:51:59,812
Can you feel me?
1099
00:51:59,813 --> 00:52:01,347
I think I can.
1100
00:52:01,348 --> 00:52:03,752
I'm brushing your ridiculous
emo hair from your eyes.
1101
00:52:04,752 --> 00:52:07,054
I put a hand on your inner
thigh.
1102
00:52:07,056 --> 00:52:08,156
Oh!
1103
00:52:08,855 --> 00:52:10,925
I work my way up towards your
sweet and sour.
1104
00:52:10,926 --> 00:52:15,161
I reach down... And I
grab your denim bulge.
1105
00:52:15,162 --> 00:52:17,031
I like that.
1106
00:52:17,032 --> 00:52:19,033
I rub your taco like a rabbit's
foot.
1107
00:52:19,034 --> 00:52:20,867
Like a genie lamp, baby.
1108
00:52:20,868 --> 00:52:24,875
My fingers... they dance...
..along your garden snake.
1109
00:52:25,875 --> 00:52:28,243
You mean my South American
bushmaster.
1110
00:52:28,244 --> 00:52:32,046
You get bigger... and bigger...
and bigger...
1111
00:52:32,047 --> 00:52:33,648
I sprout like a bean stalk.
1112
00:52:33,649 --> 00:52:35,649
Jack's bean stalk, baby!
1113
00:52:35,650 --> 00:52:37,352
I bite your neck.
1114
00:52:37,353 --> 00:52:39,020
Ow. Not so hard.
1115
00:52:39,021 --> 00:52:40,722
I bite harder.
1116
00:52:40,723 --> 00:52:42,723
Wait. Are we doing this thing
rough tonight?
1117
00:52:42,724 --> 00:52:44,827
What'd I tell you about
asking questions?
1118
00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:47,163
My bad. My bad, my bad.
1119
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,264
I bury your head in a pillow.
1120
00:52:49,265 --> 00:52:51,033
Yeah. Bury me, baby.
1121
00:52:51,034 --> 00:52:53,071
- Your ass is like a pound cake.
- Yeah.
1122
00:52:53,072 --> 00:52:55,271
It hurts so good.
1123
00:52:55,272 --> 00:52:57,375
I can't control the muscles
in my face.
1124
00:52:57,376 --> 00:52:59,675
They contort...
1125
00:52:59,676 --> 00:53:02,144
...into an ugly face.
1126
00:53:02,145 --> 00:53:04,246
Oh god. Your ugly face is
so hot, baby.
1127
00:53:04,247 --> 00:53:07,150
I turn you back over and I kiss
the shit out of your ugly face.
1128
00:53:07,151 --> 00:53:10,653
Only... We don't kiss.
1129
00:53:10,654 --> 00:53:12,322
Our open mouths collide.
1130
00:53:12,323 --> 00:53:14,558
And we stay there. Connected.
1131
00:53:14,559 --> 00:53:16,660
Oh my god. You're like
Jackie Kerouac.
1132
00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:18,664
You give yourself to me.
I breathe you in.
1133
00:53:18,665 --> 00:53:20,431
Like a respirator.
1134
00:53:20,432 --> 00:53:22,065
I hold you tight.
1135
00:53:22,066 --> 00:53:23,668
My body shudders.
1136
00:53:23,669 --> 00:53:24,871
My butt cheeks clench. I peak.
1137
00:53:25,872 --> 00:53:28,040
We collapse into tiny particles.
1138
00:53:28,041 --> 00:53:30,075
We disappear forever.
1139
00:53:30,076 --> 00:53:32,177
Into the stars.
1140
00:53:32,178 --> 00:53:34,646
- Like astronauts.
- Astronauts.
1141
00:53:36,716 --> 00:53:38,751
How was that for you?
1142
00:53:38,752 --> 00:53:40,519
It was like a 7.
1143
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,054
7? You mean a 9?
1144
00:53:42,055 --> 00:53:43,657
- 7 and a half.
- 8 and a half.
1145
00:53:43,658 --> 00:53:45,257
- 8.
- 8.25
1146
00:53:45,258 --> 00:53:46,960
- 8.125
- 8.1625
1147
00:53:46,961 --> 00:53:48,663
8.14375
1148
00:53:50,664 --> 00:53:52,066
- 8.153125
- 8.153125.
1149
00:53:53,066 --> 00:53:55,734
Yep. Totally an 8.153125.
1150
00:53:55,735 --> 00:53:57,769
You know how I know it's an
8.153125?
1151
00:53:57,770 --> 00:53:59,739
Because we both just said it
at the same time.
1152
00:53:59,740 --> 00:54:01,741
Okay yeah. Okay. I'll call
you tomorrow.
1153
00:54:01,742 --> 00:54:03,578
- Yep. Bye bye.
- Love you too.
1154
00:54:03,579 --> 00:54:05,645
Yeah yeah yeah. Alright bye.
1155
00:54:05,646 --> 00:54:07,149
Bro.
1156
00:54:08,149 --> 00:54:10,651
I totally have a raging hard
on right now.
1157
00:54:10,652 --> 00:54:12,353
Shut up.
1158
00:54:12,354 --> 00:54:14,220
You heard that?
1159
00:54:14,221 --> 00:54:15,755
Every second.
1160
00:54:15,756 --> 00:54:18,027
It's going to have a million views
by 9:00 AM tomorrow morning.
1161
00:54:18,028 --> 00:54:20,168
Brought to you by Brock Haas.
1162
00:54:26,168 --> 00:54:28,338
Okay. Two words.
1163
00:54:29,338 --> 00:54:31,674
It's a person!
1164
00:54:31,675 --> 00:54:33,375
Um...
1165
00:54:33,376 --> 00:54:35,379
- Jesus Christ!
- Jesus Christ!
1166
00:54:35,380 --> 00:54:36,945
- You got it.
- Alright!
1167
00:54:36,946 --> 00:54:38,848
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
1168
00:54:38,849 --> 00:54:40,650
My turn.
1169
00:54:40,651 --> 00:54:42,351
Okay.
1170
00:54:42,352 --> 00:54:44,219
One word.
1171
00:54:44,220 --> 00:54:45,355
Sounds like.
1172
00:54:46,055 --> 00:54:47,658
- God!
- God!
1173
00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:49,258
You got it!
1174
00:54:49,259 --> 00:54:51,261
Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!
My turn.
1175
00:54:51,262 --> 00:54:53,128
That's my girl.
1176
00:54:53,130 --> 00:54:55,232
Okay.
1177
00:54:55,233 --> 00:54:57,438
It's a person.
1178
00:55:00,439 --> 00:55:04,141
Um... Michael J. Fox.
1179
00:55:04,142 --> 00:55:05,677
No no no.
1180
00:55:05,678 --> 00:55:07,249
Muhammed Ali.
1181
00:55:11,249 --> 00:55:13,650
Oh!
1182
00:55:13,651 --> 00:55:15,752
Sylvester Stallone.
1183
00:55:15,753 --> 00:55:17,360
No?
1184
00:55:21,361 --> 00:55:23,665
Beyonce Knowles.
1185
00:55:25,665 --> 00:55:28,334
- Jim Carrey.
- Jim Carrey.
1186
00:55:30,671 --> 00:55:31,873
Cat woman.
1187
00:55:32,874 --> 00:55:34,375
Halle Berry.
1188
00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:37,675
Anne Hathaway.
1189
00:55:37,676 --> 00:55:39,746
Come on. Give us a clue.
1190
00:55:39,747 --> 00:55:41,714
It starts with 'small'
1191
00:55:41,715 --> 00:55:44,150
and ends in 'squatch'.
1192
00:55:44,151 --> 00:55:46,121
Aw, nuts!
1193
00:55:52,027 --> 00:55:54,361
Damon Damon Damon. We've got
an emergency.
1194
00:55:54,362 --> 00:55:56,364
It's paramount to documentary.
We got to go.
1195
00:55:56,365 --> 00:55:58,666
Come on. Emergency! Come on!
1196
00:55:58,667 --> 00:56:00,145
Go where?
1197
00:56:11,146 --> 00:56:13,681
This is such BS, bro.
1198
00:56:13,682 --> 00:56:16,284
7th grade girls, man.
They're scandalous.
1199
00:56:16,285 --> 00:56:18,323
I swear, they do anything
to be popular.
1200
00:56:19,323 --> 00:56:21,156
Yeah. Especially pretend to
be possessed.
1201
00:56:21,157 --> 00:56:23,224
Hey, it's Clair.
I knew you'd call.
1202
00:56:23,225 --> 00:56:25,259
And that's why I didn't
answer. Just kidding.
1203
00:56:25,260 --> 00:56:27,228
Leave a message after the beep.
1204
00:56:27,229 --> 00:56:28,897
Blair, hey, it's me. Listen.
1205
00:56:28,899 --> 00:56:30,735
There's been some trouble with
Emily Sunflower.
1206
00:56:30,736 --> 00:56:33,371
Luckily, I packed my exorcism
kit.
1207
00:56:34,370 --> 00:56:38,458
Just call me when you get this,
or come by as soon as possible.
1208
00:56:53,459 --> 00:56:55,360
Oh thank God you're here.
1209
00:56:56,361 --> 00:56:58,381
Where is she?
1210
00:57:16,383 --> 00:57:18,684
How long has she been like this?
1211
00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:20,520
Since we called you.
1212
00:57:22,723 --> 00:57:24,929
You've got something...
in your teeth.
1213
00:57:28,930 --> 00:57:30,464
Yeah.
1214
00:57:30,465 --> 00:57:32,665
Yeah. No, up.
1215
00:57:32,666 --> 00:57:34,669
It's like a piece of chicken.
Like a thigh.
1216
00:57:34,670 --> 00:57:36,671
Or like a chicken wing.
1217
00:57:36,672 --> 00:57:38,538
No. On the right side.
1218
00:57:38,539 --> 00:57:40,373
My right or your right?
1219
00:57:40,374 --> 00:57:42,677
No. Let's see.
1220
00:57:42,678 --> 00:57:44,677
Your right.
1221
00:57:44,679 --> 00:57:46,847
Yep. There you go. You got it.
1222
00:57:46,848 --> 00:57:49,685
Thanks. I hate when people leave
me hanging in public.
1223
00:57:49,686 --> 00:57:51,486
Oh. Me too.
1224
00:57:51,487 --> 00:57:53,087
It's the worst!
1225
00:57:53,088 --> 00:57:54,656
So embarrassing.
1226
00:57:54,657 --> 00:57:56,557
Tell me about it. Tell me about
it. I mean.
1227
00:57:56,558 --> 00:57:58,662
You think, "Hey. There's my friend.
They're going to help me out."
1228
00:57:58,663 --> 00:58:00,529
You go shopping together.
1229
00:58:00,530 --> 00:58:02,665
Maybe leave little comments
on my facebook wall.
1230
00:58:02,666 --> 00:58:03,867
They're very complimentary.
1231
00:58:04,868 --> 00:58:06,870
But they never tell you when you
got something stuck in your teeth.
1232
00:58:06,871 --> 00:58:08,670
- Not a real friend.
- No.
1233
00:58:08,671 --> 00:58:10,472
They're not.
1234
00:58:10,473 --> 00:58:12,384
Anyways.
1235
00:58:20,385 --> 00:58:22,418
You'll be needing these.
1236
00:58:22,419 --> 00:58:24,426
Yeah. Get your feet there.
1237
00:58:31,463 --> 00:58:33,666
Son of a.
1238
00:58:34,666 --> 00:58:36,766
You see what he's doing here?
1239
00:58:36,767 --> 00:58:39,337
That water starts to boil...
1240
00:58:39,338 --> 00:58:41,441
It means your daughter's got
the demon in her.
1241
00:58:43,442 --> 00:58:45,245
Out of the way.
1242
00:58:46,245 --> 00:58:48,380
No. No, stop!
1243
00:58:48,381 --> 00:58:50,581
STOP IT!
1244
00:58:52,885 --> 00:58:54,789
No you didn't!
1245
00:59:03,731 --> 00:59:04,865
- Dang!
- Ew!
1246
00:59:05,865 --> 00:59:08,573
Hey. I've been looking for that.
1247
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:21,083
Ew!
1248
00:59:22,082 --> 00:59:24,252
Is that a blowdryer?
1249
00:59:25,252 --> 00:59:26,790
No. It's a blowing dryer.
1250
00:59:28,791 --> 00:59:31,391
It's blowing your mind,
isn't it?
1251
00:59:31,392 --> 00:59:33,728
What do you want me to cough
up next?
1252
00:59:33,729 --> 00:59:36,065
A snow blowing?
1253
00:59:38,666 --> 00:59:40,171
Ew!
1254
00:59:41,171 --> 00:59:43,774
Is that DVD?
1255
00:59:44,774 --> 00:59:47,182
Blow, starring Johnny Depp
and Penelope Cruz.
1256
00:59:52,182 --> 00:59:54,352
It should have been you, Danny.
1257
00:59:56,353 --> 00:59:58,062
What should have been me?
1258
01:00:05,062 --> 01:00:07,134
You didn't even come to my
funeral.
1259
01:00:10,135 --> 01:00:12,172
What are you talking about?
1260
01:00:15,173 --> 01:00:16,174
Duck.
1261
01:00:16,974 --> 01:00:18,244
Duck.
1262
01:00:19,244 --> 01:00:20,546
Duck.
1263
01:00:21,546 --> 01:00:23,380
Duck.
1264
01:00:23,381 --> 01:00:24,949
Duck.
1265
01:00:24,950 --> 01:00:26,486
- GOOSE!
- Oh god.
1266
01:00:27,487 --> 01:00:29,056
HELP!
1267
01:00:30,056 --> 01:00:31,689
Damon!
1268
01:00:31,690 --> 01:00:33,395
Somebody call for...
1269
01:00:35,396 --> 01:00:37,696
Oh shit. Oh shit.
1270
01:00:40,266 --> 01:00:42,368
O-M-G. OMG.
1271
01:00:42,369 --> 01:00:44,068
Oh god.
1272
01:00:44,069 --> 01:00:46,272
City and state please.
1273
01:00:46,273 --> 01:00:48,373
City and state.
1274
01:00:48,374 --> 01:00:50,442
Hickville, Texas.
1275
01:00:50,443 --> 01:00:52,444
Alright. Listing please?
1276
01:00:52,445 --> 01:00:54,681
9-1-1. I need 911 please.
1277
01:00:54,682 --> 01:00:56,683
Calm down. Is this an
emergency?
1278
01:00:56,684 --> 01:00:58,383
Of course it's an emergency!
1279
01:00:58,384 --> 01:01:00,455
Why would I dial 911 if it
wasn't an emergency, lady?
1280
01:01:00,456 --> 01:01:02,459
Sir, you dialed 411.
1281
01:01:04,459 --> 01:01:05,992
Oh my god.
1282
01:01:05,993 --> 01:01:07,695
Oh shit. Shit.
1283
01:01:07,696 --> 01:01:09,496
Blair. Blair!
1284
01:01:09,497 --> 01:01:11,365
- BLAIR! BLAIR!
- What?
1285
01:01:11,366 --> 01:01:13,033
- Get out.
- What?
1286
01:01:13,034 --> 01:01:14,668
- Get out. Come here.
- Oh my god. WHAT?
1287
01:01:14,669 --> 01:01:16,469
- What? What's going on?
- Pepper's gone.
1288
01:01:16,470 --> 01:01:18,470
What do you mean,
"Pepper's Gone."?
1289
01:01:18,471 --> 01:01:20,175
I don't know. He's not here.
1290
01:01:20,176 --> 01:01:21,877
Okay. Where is he?
1291
01:01:23,545 --> 01:01:25,280
- Oh my god. Let's go. Come on.
- Wait.
1292
01:01:25,281 --> 01:01:26,888
- Come on!
- Wait!
1293
01:01:31,887 --> 01:01:33,921
Wait. Wait over there. I just
realized.
1294
01:01:33,923 --> 01:01:34,993
What? What what?
1295
01:01:35,993 --> 01:01:38,060
We're in the most haunted
woods in the world.
1296
01:01:38,061 --> 01:01:39,863
Oh my god.
1297
01:01:39,864 --> 01:01:41,396
You're right!
1298
01:01:41,397 --> 01:01:43,335
- Come on!
- Oh my god.
1299
01:01:48,373 --> 01:01:50,172
Oh my god.
1300
01:01:50,174 --> 01:01:52,375
Oh my god. Are you okay?
1301
01:01:52,376 --> 01:01:54,678
- Doug, are you okay?
- Oh my god.
1302
01:01:54,679 --> 01:01:56,749
- What's wrong?
- Too much shaking cam.
1303
01:01:56,750 --> 01:01:58,683
I have to take my dramamine.
1304
01:01:58,684 --> 01:02:00,387
Give me the camera.
1305
01:02:02,387 --> 01:02:06,558
Jesus... That was
really disgusting.
1306
01:02:06,559 --> 01:02:08,593
Oh god. I can't be around that.
1307
01:02:08,594 --> 01:02:10,695
Doug! Doug! Hold on. Wait.
1308
01:02:10,696 --> 01:02:12,697
I think I see something.
1309
01:02:12,698 --> 01:02:14,167
Oh my god. Pepper!
1310
01:02:16,167 --> 01:02:20,042
If we don't start living together,
we're going to die alone.
1311
01:02:22,042 --> 01:02:24,581
We have to go back, Kate.
1312
01:02:29,049 --> 01:02:31,190
We have to go BACK!
1313
01:02:37,191 --> 01:02:38,757
Look.
1314
01:02:38,758 --> 01:02:40,693
I don't know what you want
from me. Alright?
1315
01:02:40,694 --> 01:02:42,760
For all we know, this is some
sort of practical joke.
1316
01:02:42,762 --> 01:02:44,797
Mr. Dealer, with all due
respect,
1317
01:02:44,798 --> 01:02:47,703
You and I both know that that little
girl in there ain't my little girl.
1318
01:02:47,704 --> 01:02:49,370
Oh no no. That's right.
1319
01:02:49,371 --> 01:02:51,473
She's possessed by a demon.
I forget.
1320
01:02:51,474 --> 01:02:53,541
Bro. Think about it.
1321
01:02:53,542 --> 01:02:55,376
Oh come on. You too?
1322
01:02:55,377 --> 01:02:57,576
The greatest illusion the devil
ever pulled off...
1323
01:02:57,577 --> 01:02:59,497
...was convincing the world
that he disappeared.
1324
01:02:59,982 --> 01:03:02,353
You just misquoted the SHIT
out of that right now.
1325
01:03:04,354 --> 01:03:06,189
Like, it wasn't even close.
1326
01:03:07,189 --> 01:03:08,959
Mr. Dealer, I'd do anything
for my daughter.
1327
01:03:09,958 --> 01:03:11,992
I'd stab myself 57 times in
the gut
1328
01:03:11,993 --> 01:03:14,195
if it meant I could free her
from that demon.
1329
01:03:14,196 --> 01:03:17,201
I'd eat a buffalo's nut sack for
breakfast every day
1330
01:03:17,202 --> 01:03:19,401
for the rest of my life.
1331
01:03:19,402 --> 01:03:21,772
I'd have premarital sex without
a condom.
1332
01:03:21,773 --> 01:03:23,471
- In Africa!
- Jesus.
1333
01:03:23,472 --> 01:03:25,374
I'd sleep with a leper
1334
01:03:25,375 --> 01:03:27,343
while a swarm of bees stung
me in the face.
1335
01:03:27,344 --> 01:03:29,245
Okay. I get it.
1336
01:03:29,246 --> 01:03:30,980
I get it.
1337
01:03:30,981 --> 01:03:32,549
You are crazy.
1338
01:03:32,550 --> 01:03:34,184
And I get that. I like that.
1339
01:03:34,185 --> 01:03:35,752
But what is your point?
1340
01:03:35,753 --> 01:03:37,490
Have you ever loved someone
like that?
1341
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:51,004
I'm going to need to gear up.
1342
01:04:24,604 --> 01:04:26,639
Gear. up. montage.
1343
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:28,608
So. freaking. cool.
1344
01:04:28,609 --> 01:04:30,576
Like, beyond cool.
1345
01:04:30,577 --> 01:04:32,781
You have no idea how much I
love gear up montages.
1346
01:04:32,782 --> 01:04:35,883
Also, guess who got a new camera
baby?
1347
01:04:35,884 --> 01:04:37,983
Eat your heart out, Tuck Thomas.
1348
01:04:37,984 --> 01:04:39,255
Come on guys. Guess.
1349
01:04:39,955 --> 01:04:41,985
Just one guess. One guess.
I dare you.
1350
01:04:41,986 --> 01:04:43,789
- I dare you to guess.
- Shut up, Dewey.
1351
01:04:43,790 --> 01:04:45,791
I'll tell you who it's not.
Billy Boobs Thornton over here,
1352
01:04:45,792 --> 01:04:47,763
who can't even operate the
microwave.
1353
01:04:47,764 --> 01:04:49,564
But seriously.
1354
01:04:49,565 --> 01:04:53,702
Our love is eternal, but, our
survey about the camera says...
1355
01:04:57,807 --> 01:05:00,375
He'll be fine.
1356
01:05:00,376 --> 01:05:02,478
He always is.
1357
01:05:40,386 --> 01:05:42,152
Alright.
1358
01:05:42,153 --> 01:05:45,890
Now before we get started,
I have to warn you.
1359
01:05:45,891 --> 01:05:48,960
Mr. Sunflower, your daughter may
be possessed by multiple demons.
1360
01:05:48,961 --> 01:05:50,199
Multiple demons?
1361
01:05:52,199 --> 01:05:54,268
That's right.
1362
01:05:55,268 --> 01:05:57,369
So when we get rid of this one,
1363
01:05:57,370 --> 01:06:00,104
another one may come and take
its place after we leave.
1364
01:06:00,105 --> 01:06:02,106
And it's not that we weren't
successful
1365
01:06:02,107 --> 01:06:04,510
at getting rid of this one.
We were.
1366
01:06:04,511 --> 01:06:07,280
We were very, very successful.
1367
01:06:07,281 --> 01:06:09,483
I've never missed a free throw.
1368
01:06:09,484 --> 01:06:11,783
It's just that another one came
and took its place. See?
1369
01:06:11,784 --> 01:06:12,854
Multiple demons.
1370
01:06:13,854 --> 01:06:15,357
Multiple demons.
1371
01:06:16,357 --> 01:06:17,859
That's right.
1372
01:06:18,860 --> 01:06:21,062
Is everybody ready?
1373
01:06:21,063 --> 01:06:23,296
Let's do this.
1374
01:06:23,297 --> 01:06:25,471
Let's go.
1375
01:06:48,091 --> 01:06:50,097
Blow hand demon.
1376
01:06:54,098 --> 01:06:56,001
And the Lord said unto Satan,
1377
01:06:58,001 --> 01:07:01,106
"Hast thou considered my
servant Jobe?"
1378
01:07:03,107 --> 01:07:05,207
"A perfect and upright man."
1379
01:07:05,208 --> 01:07:08,310
"One that feareth God and
askeweth evil."
1380
01:07:08,311 --> 01:07:10,480
The Lord said to Jobe,
1381
01:07:10,481 --> 01:07:12,852
"I will strike down with
furious vengeance"
1382
01:07:13,852 --> 01:07:15,986
"and furious anger"
1383
01:07:15,987 --> 01:07:18,355
"and furious fury"
1384
01:07:18,356 --> 01:07:20,757
"upon thy demons,"
1385
01:07:20,759 --> 01:07:22,793
"on teenage demons,"
1386
01:07:22,794 --> 01:07:25,096
"on mutant demons,"
1387
01:07:25,097 --> 01:07:27,701
"on teenage mutant ninja
demons!"
1388
01:07:28,701 --> 01:07:30,103
What?
1389
01:07:31,103 --> 01:07:33,372
Jobe? Seriously?
1390
01:07:33,373 --> 01:07:36,607
You're trying to cast me out
with the Book of Jobe?
1391
01:07:36,608 --> 01:07:38,280
Yes. What's wrong with that?
1392
01:07:39,279 --> 01:07:41,413
That guy was a weak sauce.
1393
01:07:41,414 --> 01:07:43,517
Oh come on. He was not weak
sauce.
1394
01:07:43,518 --> 01:07:45,183
Okay? He was a nice guy.
1395
01:07:45,184 --> 01:07:46,752
He was a nice guy!
1396
01:07:46,753 --> 01:07:48,688
Okay? The devil put him through
the ringer.
1397
01:07:48,690 --> 01:07:50,422
Don't put that on us.
1398
01:07:50,423 --> 01:07:52,293
We had permission on that one.
1399
01:07:52,294 --> 01:07:54,296
Oh right. Permission.
1400
01:07:55,296 --> 01:07:56,862
Permission.
1401
01:07:56,863 --> 01:07:58,765
Permit this!
1402
01:08:04,004 --> 01:08:05,572
Yeah!
1403
01:08:05,573 --> 01:08:07,275
Now that's what I'm talking
about.
1404
01:08:07,276 --> 01:08:09,008
God, that's not funny.
1405
01:08:09,009 --> 01:08:11,178
I just did my makeup.
1406
01:08:11,179 --> 01:08:13,083
I thought you said it was
holy water.
1407
01:08:14,083 --> 01:08:16,284
Got it on Craigslist.
1408
01:08:16,285 --> 01:08:18,252
You know how that goes.
1409
01:08:18,253 --> 01:08:20,088
Oh, you're the worst!
1410
01:08:25,695 --> 01:08:26,975
The power of Sprite compels you.
1411
01:08:28,863 --> 01:08:31,598
The power of Sprite compels you!
1412
01:08:31,599 --> 01:08:33,103
Obey your thirst, demon.
1413
01:08:34,103 --> 01:08:36,371
OBEY YOUR THIRST!
1414
01:08:38,774 --> 01:08:40,710
Oww. My back.
1415
01:08:40,711 --> 01:08:42,714
Mr. Sunflower, no.
1416
01:08:46,884 --> 01:08:48,719
Girl, you are tight.
1417
01:08:50,755 --> 01:08:52,188
I think you're okay.
1418
01:08:54,057 --> 01:08:56,693
Mr. Dealer, the cross!
1419
01:08:56,694 --> 01:08:58,364
That's right.
1420
01:09:02,166 --> 01:09:04,202
Corner three, corner three.
1421
01:09:04,203 --> 01:09:06,703
The trade. Down here.
1422
01:09:06,704 --> 01:09:08,975
No no. Pass it good news.
Pass it good news.
1423
01:09:12,276 --> 01:09:14,381
Three, two, one.
1424
01:09:18,183 --> 01:09:20,721
PASS THE FREAKING CROSS.
1425
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:22,990
It's hot!
1426
01:09:23,990 --> 01:09:26,593
That's it.
1427
01:09:27,593 --> 01:09:29,696
Give it to her, brother.
1428
01:09:31,563 --> 01:09:33,465
Mr. Dealer, no sir.
1429
01:09:33,466 --> 01:09:35,067
No sir.
1430
01:09:35,068 --> 01:09:37,405
We're talking about my little
girl here.
1431
01:09:41,709 --> 01:09:43,308
- No?
- No sir.
1432
01:09:45,513 --> 01:09:47,714
Yeah right.
1433
01:09:47,715 --> 01:09:49,416
Softer.
1434
01:09:49,417 --> 01:09:51,419
Okay. Alright.
1435
01:09:51,420 --> 01:09:53,086
Here.
1436
01:09:53,087 --> 01:09:54,291
Softer.
1437
01:09:56,291 --> 01:09:57,993
Softer.
1438
01:09:58,994 --> 01:10:01,363
Okay. Now swing away.
1439
01:10:01,364 --> 01:10:03,400
Mr. Dealer, swing away.
1440
01:10:08,104 --> 01:10:09,306
NO!
1441
01:10:22,018 --> 01:10:24,119
Hook. Give her the hook.
1442
01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:26,324
See that?
1443
01:10:39,103 --> 01:10:41,273
That's right.
1444
01:10:48,113 --> 01:10:49,314
Yeah.
1445
01:10:50,014 --> 01:10:51,583
Yeah!
1446
01:10:51,584 --> 01:10:53,616
Banana noogie. Smells fruity
in here.
1447
01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:55,264
It smells fruity in here, demon.
1448
01:11:07,300 --> 01:11:08,799
No!
1449
01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:10,803
Yes.
1450
01:11:10,804 --> 01:11:12,472
Never!
1451
01:11:13,473 --> 01:11:15,310
EAT IT.
1452
01:11:25,820 --> 01:11:28,587
This is... bananas!
1453
01:11:28,588 --> 01:11:30,723
Nothing like this has ever
happened before.
1454
01:11:30,724 --> 01:11:32,726
Keep going. Keep going. This is
awesome.
1455
01:11:36,764 --> 01:11:38,199
You bitch!
1456
01:11:39,199 --> 01:11:42,705
I command you to leave this girl
in the name of God.
1457
01:11:43,705 --> 01:11:45,909
Blair, Blair, quite contrare.
1458
01:11:46,909 --> 01:11:48,911
I command you to leave
this girl's body.
1459
01:11:48,912 --> 01:11:51,115
In God's name.
1460
01:11:52,115 --> 01:11:54,181
Too bad she wants to live.
1461
01:11:54,182 --> 01:11:58,322
But then again, who doesn't?
1462
01:12:00,322 --> 01:12:02,392
I command you to leave this
girl's body.
1463
01:12:02,393 --> 01:12:04,492
In the name of Jesus Christ.
1464
01:12:06,496 --> 01:12:08,299
Is she going to be alright?
1465
01:12:08,300 --> 01:12:10,767
Emily? She's fine.
1466
01:12:10,768 --> 01:12:12,801
She's going to be fine.
1467
01:12:12,802 --> 01:12:14,805
You're going to be alright,
baby.
1468
01:12:14,806 --> 01:12:16,706
Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus!
1469
01:12:16,707 --> 01:12:18,374
Hallelujah.
1470
01:12:18,375 --> 01:12:20,212
You've been delivered from evil.
1471
01:12:20,213 --> 01:12:22,014
Let's get you home, baby.
1472
01:12:27,017 --> 01:12:28,719
Brock.
1473
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:30,720
We have to go get Blair.
1474
01:12:30,721 --> 01:12:32,523
Hell no, man.
1475
01:12:32,524 --> 01:12:34,190
Did you see this shit?
You're on your own.
1476
01:12:34,191 --> 01:12:36,195
There's some crazy people
out in the woods.
1477
01:12:36,196 --> 01:12:37,795
Good luck with that.
1478
01:12:37,796 --> 01:12:39,597
Suit yourself. TUCK!
1479
01:12:39,598 --> 01:12:41,600
What?!
1480
01:12:44,203 --> 01:12:46,275
Wait wait. Hold on.
1481
01:12:49,275 --> 01:12:51,476
I sense an evil presence.
1482
01:12:51,477 --> 01:12:52,911
Oh god.
1483
01:12:52,912 --> 01:12:54,480
Oh my god.
1484
01:12:54,481 --> 01:12:56,414
We're going to disappear!
1485
01:12:56,415 --> 01:12:58,116
Here. Give me the camera.
1486
01:12:58,117 --> 01:12:59,921
I'm going to use the light
to lead us back.
1487
01:13:04,724 --> 01:13:08,228
You know... that people
who disappear...
1488
01:13:08,230 --> 01:13:10,530
...suffer the worst deaths.
1489
01:13:10,531 --> 01:13:12,100
Not everyone who disappears
dies.
1490
01:13:13,100 --> 01:13:15,402
Yes they do.
1491
01:13:15,403 --> 01:13:17,105
Their limbs get severed.
1492
01:13:18,105 --> 01:13:20,506
And their kneecaps get smashed
in.
1493
01:13:20,507 --> 01:13:22,077
And their bowels get ripped out.
1494
01:13:23,077 --> 01:13:25,113
And their larynxes get crushed.
1495
01:13:25,114 --> 01:13:27,081
The larynx.
1496
01:13:27,082 --> 01:13:29,215
I'm very fond of my larynx.
1497
01:13:29,216 --> 01:13:31,721
Yeah. I noticed!
1498
01:13:32,721 --> 01:13:34,522
Just relax. Okay?
1499
01:13:34,524 --> 01:13:37,392
No one is going to crush your
larynx or smash your kneecaps.
1500
01:13:37,393 --> 01:13:38,926
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!
1501
01:13:38,927 --> 01:13:40,496
Yes. Actually I do.
1502
01:13:40,497 --> 01:13:42,030
I'm psychic. Remember?
1503
01:13:42,031 --> 01:13:43,730
Okay. Sure.
1504
01:13:43,731 --> 01:13:47,302
So... Then what's
going to happen?
1505
01:13:47,303 --> 01:13:49,606
The same thing that happens to
everybody.
1506
01:13:49,607 --> 01:13:51,808
We're going to find our way.
1507
01:13:52,809 --> 01:13:54,911
We're going to go some place
beautiful.
1508
01:13:54,912 --> 01:13:57,081
Like a beach.
1509
01:13:58,080 --> 01:14:00,417
I can... a nudey beach?
1510
01:14:00,418 --> 01:14:01,918
Yeah.
1511
01:14:01,919 --> 01:14:08,024
You know, it'll have loose guys and...
clear waters and...
1512
01:14:08,025 --> 01:14:09,726
white sand...
1513
01:14:09,727 --> 01:14:11,728
- And big old boobies?
- Yeah.
1514
01:14:11,729 --> 01:14:15,732
Palm trees... dangling wangs.
1515
01:14:15,733 --> 01:14:17,571
Little huts...
1516
01:14:19,571 --> 01:14:22,576
...just nonchalantly swinging
from side to side.
1517
01:14:24,577 --> 01:14:29,217
There will be eagles...
...and hammocks.
1518
01:14:32,216 --> 01:14:34,420
I can hear the waves and the
birds.
1519
01:14:34,421 --> 01:14:36,423
Can you?
1520
01:14:37,422 --> 01:14:39,725
Doug?
1521
01:14:39,726 --> 01:14:41,127
DOUG?
1522
01:14:42,128 --> 01:14:43,329
DOUG?!
1523
01:14:44,330 --> 01:14:45,996
DOUG!
1524
01:14:45,997 --> 01:14:47,832
BLAIR!
1525
01:14:47,833 --> 01:14:50,503
That's it. I've got a minute
left on my last tape.
1526
01:14:50,504 --> 01:14:52,704
I'm calling it. We're done.
1527
01:14:52,705 --> 01:14:54,608
Blair!
1528
01:14:54,609 --> 01:14:56,776
We're done here. We're never
going to find her out here.
1529
01:14:56,777 --> 01:14:58,114
Yes we are.
1530
01:15:01,115 --> 01:15:03,183
Look. It's like finding a needle
in a hay stack.
1531
01:15:03,184 --> 01:15:05,218
And I don't want to get lost.
1532
01:15:05,219 --> 01:15:07,222
Dude, for the last time,
we are not lost.
1533
01:15:07,223 --> 01:15:09,323
No no no.
1534
01:15:09,324 --> 01:15:11,823
You don't understand. I said
I don't want to GET lost.
1535
01:15:11,824 --> 01:15:14,394
Dude, how could we possibly
get lost?
1536
01:15:14,395 --> 01:15:16,432
We're animals, alright? We're in
the woods.
1537
01:15:16,433 --> 01:15:19,734
Alright? This is...
This is our backyard.
1538
01:15:19,735 --> 01:15:21,371
I play around in this place
all the time.
1539
01:15:23,371 --> 01:15:25,507
Oh my GOD, you got us LOST.
1540
01:15:25,508 --> 01:15:27,211
DOUG!
1541
01:15:31,112 --> 01:15:32,181
DOUG!
1542
01:15:32,882 --> 01:15:33,917
No! No! No!
1543
01:15:34,917 --> 01:15:37,820
Not the kneecaps. No!
Not the kneecaps.
1544
01:15:37,821 --> 01:15:39,321
Blair!
1545
01:15:39,322 --> 01:15:40,890
Doug!
1546
01:15:40,891 --> 01:15:42,526
You bitch! You lied to me.
1547
01:15:42,527 --> 01:15:44,728
No. I had no idea.
1548
01:15:44,729 --> 01:15:46,796
- You are the WORST psychic EVER.
- What?
1549
01:15:46,797 --> 01:15:48,598
You're awful!
1550
01:15:48,599 --> 01:15:49,830
Hey!
1551
01:15:49,831 --> 01:15:52,535
I honestly cannot think of a
worse possible psychic than you.
1552
01:15:52,536 --> 01:15:54,605
You might still make it out
alive.
1553
01:15:54,606 --> 01:15:56,606
No! He's killing me!
1554
01:15:56,607 --> 01:15:58,708
He's definitely killing me!
1555
01:15:58,709 --> 01:16:00,411
- Where are you?
- I don't know.
1556
01:16:00,412 --> 01:16:01,979
OH NO. NO!
1557
01:16:01,980 --> 01:16:03,713
Not the larynx.
1558
01:16:03,714 --> 01:16:05,715
Not the larynx. NO!
1559
01:16:05,717 --> 01:16:07,517
Chop off my cock!
1560
01:16:07,518 --> 01:16:09,220
Take my cock!
1561
01:16:09,221 --> 01:16:10,890
Leave me... not the larynx. NO!
1562
01:16:11,890 --> 01:16:13,824
NO!
1563
01:16:15,861 --> 01:16:17,729
We are not lost. Okay?
1564
01:16:17,730 --> 01:16:19,833
This is America, my friend.
America.
1565
01:16:19,834 --> 01:16:21,732
Unbelievable, man.
1566
01:16:21,733 --> 01:16:25,838
My ancestors paid cash
money for this land. Okay?
1567
01:16:25,839 --> 01:16:28,007
$24 Manhattan. Look it up.
1568
01:16:28,008 --> 01:16:29,708
Unbelievable.
1569
01:16:29,709 --> 01:16:31,509
You know what? You don't get it.
Alright?
1570
01:16:31,510 --> 01:16:33,276
George Washington,
Abraham Lincoln,
1571
01:16:33,277 --> 01:16:37,282
Thomas Jefferson, Winston
Churchill, Sarah Palin.
1572
01:16:37,283 --> 01:16:39,318
This land is your land, bro.
1573
01:16:39,319 --> 01:16:41,653
This land is my land.
1574
01:16:41,654 --> 01:16:43,626
Ben Franklin flew a kite so
you could be here.
1575
01:16:46,627 --> 01:16:48,530
Of the icy...
1576
01:16:49,529 --> 01:16:50,930
You're impossible to believe,
Damon!
1577
01:16:51,898 --> 01:16:53,733
Beyond belief.
1578
01:16:53,734 --> 01:16:55,735
Oh my god. Would you stop with
the belief stuff?
1579
01:16:55,736 --> 01:16:57,437
"Unbelievable. Beyond belief."
1580
01:16:57,438 --> 01:16:59,539
Blah blah blah. "Believe,
believe, believe."
1581
01:16:59,540 --> 01:17:01,300
It's like you're trying to
tell me something.
1582
01:17:04,180 --> 01:17:05,615
Believe?
1583
01:17:06,615 --> 01:17:08,183
Believe.
1584
01:17:08,184 --> 01:17:09,717
Nice.
1585
01:17:09,718 --> 01:17:11,786
Shh. Shut up.
1586
01:17:11,787 --> 01:17:13,387
Believe.
1587
01:17:13,388 --> 01:17:15,090
Believe.
1588
01:17:15,091 --> 01:17:16,691
Believe.
1589
01:17:16,692 --> 01:17:18,226
Believe.
1590
01:17:18,227 --> 01:17:20,530
Oh yeah? Are you going to try
that gypsy stuff on me?
1591
01:17:20,531 --> 01:17:22,832
You're delusional!
1592
01:17:22,833 --> 01:17:25,300
And the Tuck Thomas cinematic
voyage
1593
01:17:25,301 --> 01:17:27,335
is going to sail away without
you and
1594
01:17:27,337 --> 01:17:30,581
your soon to be canceled joke
of a television show.
1595
01:17:38,582 --> 01:17:40,130
What's that light?
1596
01:17:52,131 --> 01:17:54,831
My god.
1597
01:17:54,832 --> 01:17:57,241
What is that?
1598
01:18:08,280 --> 01:18:09,716
Brock?
1599
01:18:17,724 --> 01:18:20,728
Rise, little ye of big faith.
1600
01:18:21,728 --> 01:18:22,997
Rise. The Smallsquatch lives.
1601
01:18:23,998 --> 01:18:25,798
Rise!
1602
01:18:25,799 --> 01:18:27,235
It doesn't make any sense.
1603
01:18:28,235 --> 01:18:30,537
Mitzi?
1604
01:18:30,538 --> 01:18:33,540
Rise ye, great demon yeti.
1605
01:18:33,541 --> 01:18:36,844
Well yeah, actually, I can
totally see that one.
1606
01:18:36,845 --> 01:18:38,415
Rise.
1607
01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:48,423
Oh my god.
1608
01:18:48,424 --> 01:18:50,223
He is such a tool.
1609
01:18:53,095 --> 01:18:55,129
The editor?!
1610
01:18:55,130 --> 01:18:57,835
This is just getting ridiculous.
1611
01:19:11,581 --> 01:19:13,118
Rise, Smallsquatch.
1612
01:19:14,118 --> 01:19:15,586
Rise!
1613
01:19:16,586 --> 01:19:18,292
RISE!
1614
01:19:22,293 --> 01:19:22,998
Oh my god.
1615
01:19:27,998 --> 01:19:29,135
DAMON!
1616
01:19:30,135 --> 01:19:31,236
Damon!
1617
01:19:32,237 --> 01:19:34,338
Believe. Believe. Believe.
1618
01:19:36,841 --> 01:19:38,115
Damon!
1619
01:19:47,218 --> 01:19:48,621
Believe.
1620
01:19:49,621 --> 01:19:51,691
I've got you now.
1621
01:19:51,692 --> 01:19:53,128
Blair!
1622
01:19:55,127 --> 01:19:56,728
Blair.
1623
01:19:56,729 --> 01:19:58,431
Blair, are you okay?
1624
01:19:58,432 --> 01:20:00,799
Blair.
1625
01:20:00,800 --> 01:20:02,834
Well well well.
1626
01:20:02,835 --> 01:20:04,638
Lookie what we have here.
1627
01:20:04,639 --> 01:20:06,740
If it isn't Damon Dealer.
1628
01:20:06,741 --> 01:20:08,510
I think you just accidentally
hit me, bro.
1629
01:20:09,510 --> 01:20:11,743
That's the way the cookie
crumbles.
1630
01:20:11,744 --> 01:20:13,847
It's time for a change,
Danny boy.
1631
01:20:13,848 --> 01:20:15,749
I'm the man now.
1632
01:20:15,750 --> 01:20:17,670
That one kind of felt like you
did it on purpose.
1633
01:20:18,118 --> 01:20:19,987
Of course it was.
1634
01:20:19,988 --> 01:20:22,023
And now I'm going to kill you.
1635
01:20:22,024 --> 01:20:23,790
Kill me?
1636
01:20:23,791 --> 01:20:25,929
Too many cooks spoil the soup,
bro.
1637
01:20:26,929 --> 01:20:28,829
What are you talking about?
1638
01:20:30,632 --> 01:20:32,499
It's just water over the bridge.
1639
01:20:32,500 --> 01:20:34,904
Dude, you just misquoted the
shit out of that right now...
1640
01:20:35,904 --> 01:20:38,038
I guess the price is wrong.
1641
01:20:38,039 --> 01:20:39,741
Bitch.
1642
01:20:39,742 --> 01:20:41,444
Billy Madison...
Try Happy Gilmore.
1643
01:20:41,445 --> 01:20:42,845
Oh yeah.
1644
01:20:42,846 --> 01:20:44,913
No. Yeah. You're right.
1645
01:20:44,914 --> 01:20:46,849
You got me. Happy Gilmore.
1646
01:20:46,850 --> 01:20:48,751
Definitely Happy Gilmore.
1647
01:20:48,752 --> 01:20:50,021
Why are you doing this, bro?
1648
01:20:51,021 --> 01:20:52,887
What choice did I have?
1649
01:20:52,888 --> 01:20:54,723
You wouldn't let me run
the show.
1650
01:20:54,724 --> 01:20:56,592
- Damon!
- Get off me.
1651
01:20:56,593 --> 01:20:58,628
They're over here!
1652
01:20:58,629 --> 01:21:00,531
You were going to tell the
whole world it was fake.
1653
01:21:00,532 --> 01:21:02,432
And I just made it real.
1654
01:21:02,433 --> 01:21:04,700
It's my show now, Damon.
1655
01:21:04,701 --> 01:21:06,737
Time for you to take a breather.
1656
01:21:16,014 --> 01:21:18,249
Blair.
1657
01:21:18,250 --> 01:21:20,116
Are you okay?
1658
01:21:27,058 --> 01:21:29,097
Run, babe. Run!
1659
01:21:32,096 --> 01:21:35,733
Well alright, alright, alright,
McConaughey.
1660
01:21:35,734 --> 01:21:37,494
You just suffered some Old
Testament justice.
1661
01:21:58,725 --> 01:22:00,726
- Oh no.
- What?
1662
01:22:00,727 --> 01:22:02,395
What's wrong?
1663
01:22:02,396 --> 01:22:03,931
I can't get the...
1664
01:22:03,932 --> 01:22:05,933
- The camera light went out.
- Turn it back on.
1665
01:22:05,934 --> 01:22:07,935
I can't get it to work.
1666
01:22:07,936 --> 01:22:10,005
Here. I'll just turn on
the light.
1667
01:22:11,740 --> 01:22:13,539
Blair...
1668
01:22:13,540 --> 01:22:15,344
You're more woman than I
deserve.
1669
01:22:16,344 --> 01:22:18,712
Look. I don't care about the
stupid show.
1670
01:22:18,713 --> 01:22:20,446
I don't care about being famous.
1671
01:22:20,447 --> 01:22:22,114
I don't care about your past.
1672
01:22:22,115 --> 01:22:24,153
I just... I want you to be
happy.
1673
01:22:24,154 --> 01:22:26,255
And I'd do anything for you.
1674
01:22:26,256 --> 01:22:28,121
I'd slay a dragon for you.
1675
01:22:28,122 --> 01:22:30,191
Alright. Like a mean one.
Like a real mean one.
1676
01:22:30,192 --> 01:22:31,992
Not a nice one like Puff.
Alright?
1677
01:22:31,994 --> 01:22:34,027
Like a big, badass one that
talks.
1678
01:22:34,028 --> 01:22:35,797
Alright? And I say that with
full confidence.
1679
01:22:35,798 --> 01:22:37,731
Because dragons don't actually
exist.
1680
01:22:37,732 --> 01:22:39,037
Not one of them. Not at all.
1681
01:22:41,038 --> 01:22:45,674
If you ever got Hodgkin's
lymphoma, I would cut you open,
1682
01:22:45,675 --> 01:22:46,943
and I would suck that sweet
cancer right out of your body.
1683
01:22:47,944 --> 01:22:50,747
Every last bit of it. Like
a vampire.
1684
01:22:50,748 --> 01:22:52,815
If you paralyzed yourself,
1685
01:22:52,816 --> 01:22:56,753
because you jumped off a diving
board, and you broke your back,
1686
01:22:56,754 --> 01:22:58,056
I would wheel you 500 miles and
I would wheel you 500 more.
1687
01:22:59,057 --> 01:23:01,524
Just to be the guy who wheeled
you a thousand miles.
1688
01:23:01,525 --> 01:23:03,527
To go see a doctor to fix
your back.
1689
01:23:03,528 --> 01:23:05,428
Because you broke it.
1690
01:23:05,429 --> 01:23:07,833
When you jumped off the diving
board and you paralyzed yourself.
1691
01:23:07,834 --> 01:23:11,906
If you had a penis, like if
one day I found out, like,
1692
01:23:12,906 --> 01:23:15,139
"Whoa. There's a set of nuts."
1693
01:23:15,140 --> 01:23:17,208
"And a penis she'd been hiding
from me."
1694
01:23:17,209 --> 01:23:19,111
"She did a terrific job
tucking."
1695
01:23:19,112 --> 01:23:21,045
I would move to California.
1696
01:23:21,046 --> 01:23:23,348
And we would still make
it legal.
1697
01:23:23,349 --> 01:23:26,651
Yeah. I would marry you if you
were a dude.
1698
01:23:26,652 --> 01:23:28,255
Do you feel the same?
1699
01:23:29,255 --> 01:23:31,657
I'd die for you, baby.
1700
01:23:31,658 --> 01:23:33,733
God.
1701
01:23:43,002 --> 01:23:45,406
Should we make a run for it?
1702
01:23:45,407 --> 01:23:47,844
Okay.
1703
01:23:50,845 --> 01:23:51,948
Come on.
1704
01:23:52,948 --> 01:23:54,551
Come on.
1705
01:24:02,724 --> 01:24:04,758
I mean, the pockets.
They're too small.
1706
01:24:04,759 --> 01:24:06,839
I don't even know where I'm
going to hide my dignity.
1707
01:24:07,128 --> 01:24:09,031
Things that I do for you.
1708
01:24:10,031 --> 01:24:13,734
"The King said, turning to
the jury..."
1709
01:24:18,808 --> 01:24:20,511
If we die, we die.
1710
01:24:21,511 --> 01:24:24,713
Tut tut, child. Everything's
got a moral.
1711
01:24:24,714 --> 01:24:26,815
If only you can find it.
1712
01:24:28,919 --> 01:24:30,820
DANNY!
1713
01:24:30,821 --> 01:24:32,955
"I wonder if I've been changed
in the night."
1714
01:24:32,957 --> 01:24:34,856
"Let me think."
1715
01:24:34,857 --> 01:24:36,958
"Was I the same when I got
up this morning?"
1716
01:24:36,959 --> 01:24:39,427
"I can almost think that
I can remember"
1717
01:24:39,428 --> 01:24:41,331
"feeling a little different."
1718
01:24:41,332 --> 01:24:43,400
"But if I'm not the same,"
1719
01:24:43,401 --> 01:24:45,402
"then the next question is:
Who in the world am I?"
1720
01:24:46,939 --> 01:24:49,005
"Ah, that's the great puzzle."
1721
01:24:51,743 --> 01:24:52,912
DANNY!
1722
01:24:56,015 --> 01:24:57,915
BLAIR, NO!
1723
01:24:57,916 --> 01:24:59,750
BLAIR! BLAIR!
1724
01:24:59,751 --> 01:25:01,321
You did good today.
1725
01:25:02,321 --> 01:25:04,042
Yeah. I bet you say that to
all the wabbits.
1726
01:25:06,926 --> 01:25:09,364
I'm proud of you.
1727
01:25:11,364 --> 01:25:13,431
This isn't happening.
1728
01:25:13,432 --> 01:25:15,502
This isn't happening.
1729
01:25:21,240 --> 01:25:23,341
No! Stop it!
1730
01:25:25,245 --> 01:25:27,346
No no no! Stop it!
1731
01:25:35,156 --> 01:25:37,356
Every time you turn that
thing on,
1732
01:25:37,357 --> 01:25:39,458
it feels like you're taking
our work home with us.
1733
01:25:39,459 --> 01:25:41,461
I know, but I want our eight
kids to see us
1734
01:25:41,462 --> 01:25:43,532
when we're young and beautiful.
1735
01:25:43,533 --> 01:25:45,399
We got kids. Right.
1736
01:25:45,400 --> 01:25:47,101
Well you keep praying for that.
1737
01:25:47,102 --> 01:25:48,737
So what do you want to watch?
1738
01:25:48,738 --> 01:25:50,737
- Cloverfield?
- No.
1739
01:25:50,738 --> 01:25:54,709
What about... The Sixth Sense?
1740
01:25:54,710 --> 01:25:56,044
No.
1741
01:25:56,045 --> 01:25:57,113
Wait.
1742
01:25:58,113 --> 01:25:59,747
What?
1743
01:25:59,748 --> 01:26:01,652
- I've got an idea.
- What?
1744
01:26:02,652 --> 01:26:04,852
Do you trust me?
1745
01:26:04,853 --> 01:26:06,757
I trust you.
1746
01:26:07,757 --> 01:26:09,925
Do you love me?
1747
01:26:09,926 --> 01:26:11,337
I love you.
1748
01:26:32,150 --> 01:26:35,251
People who disappear suffer
the worst deaths.
1749
01:26:35,252 --> 01:26:37,355
Not everyone who disappears
dies.
1750
01:26:37,356 --> 01:26:39,356
You disappear forever.
1751
01:26:39,357 --> 01:26:41,459
We're going to go some place
beautiful.
1752
01:26:41,460 --> 01:26:43,427
Like a beach.
1753
01:26:43,428 --> 01:26:45,462
The greatest illusion the devil
ever pulled off
1754
01:26:45,463 --> 01:26:47,665
was convincing the world that
he disappeared.
1755
01:26:47,666 --> 01:26:50,004
Blue skies, and clear water.
1756
01:26:51,004 --> 01:26:53,038
And palm trees.
1757
01:26:53,039 --> 01:26:54,940
Little huts.
1758
01:26:54,941 --> 01:26:56,775
Bro.
1759
01:26:56,776 --> 01:27:00,613
You are going to be remembered as one of
the greatest illusionists of all time.
1760
01:27:00,614 --> 01:27:06,050
Houdini, Tupac Shakur, Penn
and Teller, Elvis Presley,
1761
01:27:06,051 --> 01:27:08,824
Damon Dealer.
1762
01:27:27,208 --> 01:27:29,243
Eat your heart out, M. Knight.
1763
01:27:29,244 --> 01:27:31,244
What just happened?
1764
01:27:31,245 --> 01:27:32,947
Don't be that guy.
1765
01:27:32,948 --> 01:27:34,650
Was it a trick ending?
1766
01:27:34,651 --> 01:27:36,119
Were you paying attention?
1767
01:27:36,120 --> 01:27:37,752
I have a headache.
1768
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:39,193
- That ending was our idea.
- It was.
1769
01:27:40,957 --> 01:27:43,526
Www dot trick ending connection
dot edu
1770
01:27:43,527 --> 01:27:45,560
Little brat stole it from us.
1771
01:27:45,561 --> 01:27:47,664
We're going to sue his ass
for billions.
1772
01:27:47,665 --> 01:27:49,565
Yeah. Billions.
1773
01:27:49,566 --> 01:27:51,167
Lawsuit.
1774
01:27:51,168 --> 01:27:52,868
Shoot. American Idol?
1775
01:27:52,869 --> 01:27:54,870
I'm going to come out with
a show next year, and call it,
1776
01:27:54,871 --> 01:27:56,739
A False Idol.
1777
01:27:56,740 --> 01:27:58,443
The winner gets to burn in
a lake.
1778
01:28:00,443 --> 01:28:02,311
A fiery lake.
1779
01:28:02,312 --> 01:28:04,511
Obviously a regular lake would
do the opposite effect.
1780
01:28:04,512 --> 01:28:06,218
If they were on fire to begin
with.
1781
01:28:07,218 --> 01:28:09,452
We play all kinds of sports.
1782
01:28:09,453 --> 01:28:13,624
Table tennis, foosball,
Bocce ball, tether ball.
1783
01:28:13,625 --> 01:28:15,659
Anything with balls.
1784
01:28:15,660 --> 01:28:18,529
If we invented chess,
it would've had balls.
1785
01:28:18,530 --> 01:28:19,763
Yeah.
1786
01:28:19,764 --> 01:28:21,563
It only would've been made
for not nerds.
1787
01:28:21,564 --> 01:28:23,365
And we both would've lettered.
1788
01:28:23,366 --> 01:28:25,170
Am I going to come rip in? NO!
1789
01:28:25,171 --> 01:28:26,272
No!
1790
01:28:26,972 --> 01:28:29,341
Do I come and rip down your
fucking lights?
1791
01:28:29,342 --> 01:28:31,408
In the middle of the scene?
1792
01:28:31,409 --> 01:28:33,129
- I was just checking my lights.
- Okay. No.
1793
01:28:33,913 --> 01:28:36,549
Then why the fuck are you
going to walk through?
1794
01:28:36,550 --> 01:28:37,918
Like this?
1795
01:28:38,918 --> 01:28:40,853
In the middle of the scene?
1796
01:28:40,854 --> 01:28:42,056
What the fuck is it with you?
1797
01:28:43,056 --> 01:28:45,359
What don't you fucking
understand?
1798
01:28:45,360 --> 01:28:47,627
Talk to me about Grey's Anatomy.
1799
01:28:47,628 --> 01:28:50,862
The only anatomy I want to be
focused on is God's anatomy.
1800
01:28:50,863 --> 01:28:53,267
The Father, The Son, and
The Holy Ghost.
1801
01:28:53,268 --> 01:28:55,066
Shoot.
1802
01:28:55,067 --> 01:28:57,036
If Lazzarus had Gregory House
as doctor,
1803
01:28:57,037 --> 01:28:58,972
we would've never even heard
of the son of a gun.
1804
01:28:58,973 --> 01:29:00,774
Believe that.
1805
01:29:00,775 --> 01:29:02,743
Oh good for you!
1806
01:29:02,744 --> 01:29:04,544
Good for you. And how was it?
1807
01:29:04,545 --> 01:29:06,546
I hope it was fucking good.
1808
01:29:06,547 --> 01:29:08,052
Because it's useless now,
isn't it?
1809
01:29:11,053 --> 01:29:12,620
Unbelievable.
1810
01:29:12,621 --> 01:29:14,621
Fucking amateur, man.
1811
01:29:14,622 --> 01:29:16,759
You know, I think I want
a smallsquatch.
1812
01:29:16,760 --> 01:29:18,558
They're SO cute.
1813
01:29:18,559 --> 01:29:21,831
Do you want daddy to get you
a cute cuddly little Squatchey?
1814
01:29:21,832 --> 01:29:23,764
Yes, daddy.
1815
01:29:23,765 --> 01:29:25,867
You are so precious.
1816
01:29:25,868 --> 01:29:27,768
I just want to take off all
your clothes.
1817
01:29:27,769 --> 01:29:30,172
And put you over a stove right
now.
1818
01:29:30,173 --> 01:29:32,374
Stoves are hot.
1819
01:29:32,375 --> 01:29:34,512
Maybe flip you like a pancake.
1820
01:29:36,512 --> 01:29:38,449
I'll make you sizzle like
some bacon.
1821
01:29:39,449 --> 01:29:41,163
Sizzle!
1822
01:29:52,163 --> 01:29:54,264
Let's go again.
1823
01:29:54,265 --> 01:29:56,332
No! Let's not take a minute!
1824
01:29:56,334 --> 01:29:58,168
LET'S GO AGAIN!
1825
01:29:58,169 --> 01:30:00,173
And let's not have YOU walking
through it.
1826
01:30:01,173 --> 01:30:02,439
Unbelievable.
1827
01:30:03,040 --> 01:30:05,075
Un fucking believable.
1828
01:30:05,076 --> 01:30:07,746
The amount of times he's
strolling the fuck around
1829
01:30:07,747 --> 01:30:09,747
in the background.
1830
01:30:09,748 --> 01:30:11,188
I've never had a DP behave
like this.
1831
01:30:12,151 --> 01:30:14,352
The Olympics told us to go home
1832
01:30:14,353 --> 01:30:16,387
to give everyone else a fair
shot.
1833
01:30:16,388 --> 01:30:17,822
Yeah.
1834
01:30:17,823 --> 01:30:20,360
I could drink ten beers and beat
Michael Phelps in rowing.
1835
01:30:20,361 --> 01:30:23,964
I could drink 12 beers and beat
Marion Jones in ball chess.
1836
01:30:24,964 --> 01:30:27,064
We're not saying you have to
be twins
1837
01:30:27,065 --> 01:30:29,769
in order to be a great scholar
athlete.
1838
01:30:29,770 --> 01:30:31,771
Oh no. No.
1839
01:30:31,772 --> 01:30:33,672
But, it helps.
1840
01:30:33,674 --> 01:30:35,842
No! Quit trashing my set.
1841
01:30:35,843 --> 01:30:37,877
Quit trashing my scene!
1842
01:30:37,878 --> 01:30:39,544
Am I going to trash your lights?
1843
01:30:39,545 --> 01:30:41,045
Am I going to trash them?
1844
01:30:41,046 --> 01:30:42,614
Then quit trashing my scene!
1845
01:30:42,615 --> 01:30:44,353
You are trashing my scene!
1846
01:30:45,352 --> 01:30:46,621
Fuck.
1847
01:30:47,322 --> 01:30:49,454
Real Housewives of Orange County.
1848
01:30:49,455 --> 01:30:51,525
More like Real Housewives of Jerusalem.
1849
01:30:51,526 --> 01:30:53,460
Got married, Mary Magdelene.
1850
01:30:53,461 --> 01:30:55,460
Of course they'd be easy to cast
because nobody knew who they were.
1851
01:30:55,461 --> 01:30:57,129
Because her face is covered up.
1852
01:30:57,130 --> 01:30:58,868
You're a nice guy! You're a
nice guy!
1853
01:30:58,869 --> 01:31:02,770
But that don't cut it, when you're
fucking bullshitting around,
1854
01:31:02,771 --> 01:31:04,572
fucking around on set.
1855
01:31:04,573 --> 01:31:06,172
What?
1856
01:31:06,173 --> 01:31:07,775
Oh.
1857
01:31:07,776 --> 01:31:09,777
Yeah? You think this is
one person?
1858
01:31:09,778 --> 01:31:11,115
Haven't heard that one before!
1859
01:31:12,115 --> 01:31:14,649
- Whoa.
- How they doing that?
1860
01:31:14,650 --> 01:31:16,351
I can't believe it!
1861
01:31:16,352 --> 01:31:18,321
They've got the same guy playing
two parts. It's a twin.
1862
01:31:18,322 --> 01:31:20,055
How you doing that?
1863
01:31:20,056 --> 01:31:22,392
Boy! Technology. It's really
going places in the movie biz.
1864
01:31:22,393 --> 01:31:23,958
Wow!
1865
01:31:23,959 --> 01:31:26,129
If I was the same guy, how am
I going to do that?
1866
01:31:27,129 --> 01:31:29,231
Same guy slap himself.
1867
01:31:29,232 --> 01:31:31,366
Yeah. How is he doing that?
1868
01:31:31,367 --> 01:31:33,267
How is he doing that to himself?
1869
01:31:33,268 --> 01:31:35,271
- God! How is he doing that?
- Yeah. Yeah.
1870
01:31:35,272 --> 01:31:37,672
Same guy. Same guy
playing his own twin.
1871
01:31:37,674 --> 01:31:39,574
- Punch himself.
- How do they do that?
1872
01:31:39,575 --> 01:31:41,446
- Right in the boobie.
- How do they do that?
1873
01:31:43,448 --> 01:31:45,315
Iron Chef?
1874
01:31:45,316 --> 01:31:47,348
I got a different show.
It's called God Chef.
1875
01:31:47,349 --> 01:31:49,252
We all just prepare communion.
1876
01:31:49,253 --> 01:31:51,421
How to chop up a little bread.
1877
01:31:51,422 --> 01:31:53,457
Little bit of wine. Just do it
in remembrance of me.
1878
01:31:53,458 --> 01:31:55,460
Bam! Show's over.
1879
01:31:55,461 --> 01:31:57,161
God's happy.
1880
01:31:57,162 --> 01:31:58,431
Two and a Half Men.
1881
01:31:59,032 --> 01:32:00,932
Never mind.
1882
01:32:02,968 --> 01:32:05,528
I can't be the only person to not
do a Charlie Sheen joke, right?
1883
01:32:09,976 --> 01:32:12,779
Shoot. I didn't know
sitcoms were revelations.
1884
01:32:12,780 --> 01:32:14,779
Two and a Half Men.
1885
01:32:14,780 --> 01:32:16,782
More like three men.
1886
01:32:16,783 --> 01:32:18,749
Jesus, God, and The Holy Ghost.
1887
01:32:18,750 --> 01:32:20,818
I mean technically,
they're kind of the same.
1888
01:32:20,819 --> 01:32:22,820
Which lends itself to the
Two and a Half Men part.
1889
01:32:22,821 --> 01:32:24,857
Plus, the ghost is more of a spirit.
1890
01:32:24,858 --> 01:32:26,658
Which is kind of half a man.
1891
01:32:26,659 --> 01:32:28,560
Either way, we're all living together.
1892
01:32:28,562 --> 01:32:30,496
And peace and harmony to you.
1893
01:32:30,497 --> 01:32:33,768
And we'll walk in the golden
streets of... Graceland.
1894
01:32:33,769 --> 01:32:34,909
No.
129658
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