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[Man Narrating]
As the 21st century began...
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00:00:43,933 --> 00:00:47,464
human evolution was
at a turning point.
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00:00:47,574 --> 00:00:52,515
Natural selection, the process by which
the strongest, the smartest...
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00:00:52,615 --> 00:00:56,176
the fastest reproduced
in greater numbers than the rest...
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00:00:56,286 --> 00:01:00,117
a process which had once
favored the noblest traits of man...
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00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,628
now began to favor
different traits.
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00:01:02,728 --> 00:01:04,628
[ Reporter]
The joey Buttafuoco case
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00:01:04,728 --> 00:01:08,529
Most science fiction of the day
predicted a future that was more civilized...
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00:01:08,629 --> 00:01:10,730
and more intelligent.
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00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,861
But as time went on, things seemed
to be heading in the opposite direction.
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00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:16,941
A dumbing down.
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00:01:17,041 --> 00:01:19,072
How did this happen?
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00:01:19,182 --> 00:01:22,443
Evolution does not necessarily
reward intelligence.
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00:01:22,553 --> 00:01:25,073
With no natural predators
to thin the herd...
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00:01:25,183 --> 00:01:28,484
it began to simply reward those
who reproduced the most...
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00:01:28,594 --> 00:01:32,725
and left the intelligent
to become an endangered species.
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00:01:33,896 --> 00:01:38,357
Having kids is such
an important decision.
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00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:39,907
We're just waiting
for the right time.
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00:01:40,007 --> 00:01:42,338
It's not something you want
to rush into, obviously.
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00:01:42,438 --> 00:01:44,339
No way.
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00:01:44,449 --> 00:01:46,849
Oh, shit,
I'm pregnant again!
22
00:01:46,949 --> 00:01:50,040
Shit!
I got too many damn kids!
23
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:53,381
I thought you was on the pill or some shit!
Hell, no!
24
00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:55,461
Shit! I must've been
thinkin' of Brittany.
25
00:01:55,562 --> 00:01:57,682
Brittany?.
No, you didn't!
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00:01:57,792 --> 00:02:00,853
There's no way we could have a child now.
Mm-mm.
27
00:02:00,963 --> 00:02:02,933
Not with the market
the way it is, no.
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00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:05,364
God, no. That just
wouldn't make any sense.
29
00:02:05,474 --> 00:02:08,405
Come on over here, bitch!
He don't care about you!
30
00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:11,176
Yeah?. Well, there must be
somethin' he likes over here.
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00:02:11,276 --> 00:02:14,547
She don't mean nothin' to me, baby!
Clevon!
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00:02:14,647 --> 00:02:17,707
Oh, shit.
It wasn't me! It wasn't me!
33
00:02:17,817 --> 00:02:21,118
Well, we finally decided
to have children...
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00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:25,249
and I'm not pointing fingers,
but it's not going well.
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00:02:25,359 --> 00:02:27,260
And this is helping.
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I'm just saying that before I have in vitro,
maybe you should bewilling to
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00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:32,471
It's always me, right?.
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00:02:32,571 --> 00:02:35,942
Well, it's not
my sperm count.
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00:02:36,042 --> 00:02:38,603
Yeah! Yeah!
I'm gonna fuck all y'all!
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00:02:38,713 --> 00:02:40,473
That's my boy!
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00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:42,884
Whoo! Whoo!
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00:02:44,785 --> 00:02:46,685
Clevon is lucky
to be alive.
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00:02:46,795 --> 00:02:49,126
He attempted to jump
a jet Ski from a lake...
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00:02:49,226 --> 00:02:52,457
into a swimming pool
and impaled his crotch on an iron gate.
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00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:54,627
But thanks to recent advances
in stem cell research...
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00:02:54,737 --> 00:02:57,708
and the fine work of Doctors Krinski
and Altschuler...
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00:02:57,808 --> 00:02:59,999
Clevon should regain
full reproductive function.
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00:03:00,109 --> 00:03:02,009
Get your hands
off my junk!
49
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:09,341
Unfortunately, Trevor passed away
from a heart attack...
50
00:03:09,451 --> 00:03:11,542
while masturbating...
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00:03:11,652 --> 00:03:14,752
to produce sperm
for artificial insemination.
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00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,763
But I have
some eggs frozen...
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so just as soon as the right guy
comes along, you know
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00:03:22,665 --> 00:03:24,695
[ Clevon Shouting]
55
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,296
[ Narrator]
And so it went for generations...
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00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:30,207
although few, if any,
seemed to notice.
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00:03:30,317 --> 00:03:36,078
But in the year 2005, in a military base
just outside of Washington, D.C....
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00:03:36,188 --> 00:03:40,119
a simple army librarian
was unknowingly...
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00:03:40,229 --> 00:03:44,130
about to change the entire course
of human history.
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00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:45,991
Come on, asshole!
Go on! Take him to jail!
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00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,902
Hey, Bauers.
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00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:54,503
This is Peterson,
your new replacement.
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00:03:54,613 --> 00:03:58,474
My what?. I'm gettin' replaced?.
Yeah, they didn't tell you?.
64
00:03:58,584 --> 00:04:00,675
No.
Some new assignment.
65
00:04:00,785 --> 00:04:03,085
They're being all weird
and hush-hush about it.
66
00:04:03,185 --> 00:04:06,016
I don't want a new assignment.
I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time.
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00:04:06,126 --> 00:04:09,887
I'm good at this.
Good at what?. Sittin' on ass?.
68
00:04:09,997 --> 00:04:12,588
No one ever comes in here.
69
00:04:12,698 --> 00:04:15,929
Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me.
No one bothers me. I can't screw up.
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00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:19,099
Ifl can just stay in here another eight years,
I get my pension.
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00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:22,340
I'm all set. Can you just
get me out of this?.
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00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,171
No way. Not this time.
It's coming from high up.
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00:04:25,281 --> 00:04:29,652
Jesus. I don't understand.
Why me?.
74
00:04:29,752 --> 00:04:33,383
Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow,
or get out of the way," I get out of the way.
75
00:04:33,493 --> 00:04:37,124
When he says that, you're not supposed
to choose "get out of the way."
76
00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:41,295
It's supposed to embarrass you
into leading or at least following.
77
00:04:41,405 --> 00:04:43,266
That doesn't
embarrass me.
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00:04:43,376 --> 00:04:45,276
Look,joe.
You don't have a choice.
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00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:47,207
You're just gonna
have to follow.
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00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:49,778
Like, follow me upstairs,
like, now.
81
00:04:49,878 --> 00:04:53,649
Right now?.
Shouldn't I train this guy?.
82
00:04:53,749 --> 00:04:57,950
I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass
and watch TV all day. Let's go.
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00:05:05,032 --> 00:05:08,092
[Man ]
Gentlemen, meet joe Bauers...
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00:05:08,202 --> 00:05:11,333
our first subject for the Human
Hibernation Experiment.
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00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:13,374
Now, as you know,
throughout the years...
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00:05:13,474 --> 00:05:15,944
many of our best pilots,
soldiers and military leaders...
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00:05:16,044 --> 00:05:18,245
of ten go their entire careers
without ever seeing battle.
88
00:05:18,345 --> 00:05:23,086
With the Human Hibernation Project,
we will be able to save our best men...
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00:05:23,186 --> 00:05:26,127
frozen in their prime,
for use when they are needed most.
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00:05:26,227 --> 00:05:29,958
Joe, here, is not
one of our best men.
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00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:34,699
Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily
for how remarkably average he is.
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00:05:34,799 --> 00:05:39,471
Extremely average in every
category. Remarkable, truly.
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00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:42,341
The most average person
in our entire armed forces.
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00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:44,972
Additionally, he has no family,
is unmarried...
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is an only child,
and both parents are deceased...
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00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:51,154
making him an ideal candidate,
with no one to ask any nosy questions...
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00:05:51,254 --> 00:05:53,314
should something go wrong
with the experiment.
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00:05:53,424 --> 00:05:57,986
We had a little less luck in finding a female
researcher's dream within our ranks...
99
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:02,157
and were forced to look
into the private sector.
100
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:05,728
This is Rita. Like joe,
she has no immediate family.
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00:06:05,838 --> 00:06:08,568
Rita agreed to participate
in this experiment...
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00:06:08,678 --> 00:06:12,739
in exchange for dropping
of certain criminal charges and a small fee.
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00:06:12,849 --> 00:06:16,550
We did, however, have to come
to an arrangement with her pimp...
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00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:20,682
a gentleman who goes by the name
Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly-
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With two D's, as he says,
for a double dose of this pimping.
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00:06:26,573 --> 00:06:28,804
Upgrayedd agreed
to loan us Rita for exactly one year...
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00:06:28,904 --> 00:06:32,235
and keep quiet on the matter,
in exchange for certain leeways...
108
00:06:32,345 --> 00:06:35,575
with the local authorities
in running his pimp game.
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00:06:35,675 --> 00:06:39,847
First, however, there was
the difficult challenge of gaining his trust.
110
00:06:41,117 --> 00:06:43,778
Collins, could we skip
to the technicals, please?
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00:06:43,888 --> 00:06:46,188
Sure.
Let me just finish here.
112
00:06:46,288 --> 00:06:50,589
You see, a pimp's love is very different
from that of a square.
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00:06:50,699 --> 00:06:52,720
Collins!
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00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,501
Fine. We'll move on.
115
00:06:56,611 --> 00:06:59,402
It is a fascinating
world though.
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00:07:12,425 --> 00:07:14,416
Jesus, Collins.
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00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:18,827
Yeah, that's
[ Clears Throat ]
118
00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:22,898
Anyway, the experiment
in which these two subjects...
119
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:24,999
are to be placed
into a dry freeze...
120
00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:27,439
for exactly one year
is set to begin tomorrow.
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00:07:27,549 --> 00:07:29,740
As you know,
this is highly classified.
122
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:34,981
However, if successful, we believe humans
can be stored indefinitely.
123
00:07:41,763 --> 00:07:45,224
So this is kinda crazy, huh?.
124
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,865
What unit are you with?.
Oh, I ain't in the service.
125
00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:51,836
Oh, private sector.
Okay.
126
00:07:51,946 --> 00:07:56,437
So, uh, what do you do?.
A little of this, a little of that.
127
00:07:56,547 --> 00:07:58,747
Wow, that's great.
128
00:07:58,847 --> 00:08:01,688
You know, I really envy people
that can make a living that way
129
00:08:01,788 --> 00:08:03,819
doing a little of this
and a little of that.
130
00:08:03,929 --> 00:08:08,730
I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen.
He used to make chainsaw sculptures...
131
00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:10,731
and then he'd sell 'em
at the flea market.
132
00:08:10,831 --> 00:08:12,731
Yeah.
133
00:08:14,672 --> 00:08:17,602
So, uh, you an artist
or somethin'?.
134
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,814
Uh, yeah.
You do paintings or
135
00:08:21,914 --> 00:08:24,384
Yeah, paintings.
Okay, great.
136
00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:28,645
Mm-hmm.
What do you paint mostly?.
137
00:08:30,296 --> 00:08:34,817
I don't know, just...
people and fruit and shit.
138
00:08:34,927 --> 00:08:40,098
Wow. Well, must be great to be able
to make a living doing something you love.
139
00:08:40,208 --> 00:08:42,829
[ Scoffs ]
Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be.
140
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,600
[ Door Opens ]
[ Collins ] Who wants to go first?
141
00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:47,200
Me.
142
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:55,252
[ Machinery Whirring]
What the f Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh.
143
00:08:55,352 --> 00:08:59,053
Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that
with the I.V.s attached and all.
144
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:02,254
What's the matter?.
Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me
they'd be putting me...
145
00:09:02,364 --> 00:09:04,455
in no damn coffin
with tubes and shit!
146
00:09:04,565 --> 00:09:07,556
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
It'll be safe. Trust me.
147
00:09:07,676 --> 00:09:09,226
Who's Upgrayedd?.
148
00:09:09,336 --> 00:09:11,307
He's my boyfriend.
149
00:09:12,647 --> 00:09:14,617
Man, how doyou know
this shit's safe?.
150
00:09:14,717 --> 00:09:16,618
These guys know what they're doing.
Don't worry.
151
00:09:16,718 --> 00:09:19,479
They've tested it on dogs
and everything.
152
00:09:19,589 --> 00:09:22,450
What happens is, the drugs will kick in,
we drift off to sleep...
153
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,550
we wake up in a year,
you'll be paintin' again.
154
00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,651
It'll be fine.
All right.
155
00:09:26,761 --> 00:09:30,662
Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name.
Is he Dutch?.
156
00:09:32,002 --> 00:09:35,333
See, 'cause I knew this,
uh, Dutch exchange student.
157
00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:36,963
His name was Untgrad.
158
00:09:37,073 --> 00:09:39,104
Okay, my niggas,
we're almost set here.
159
00:09:39,214 --> 00:09:42,015
Just go ahead
and lie down. Relax.
160
00:09:43,145 --> 00:09:46,116
[ Equipment Beeping ]
161
00:09:51,297 --> 00:09:53,088
See you in a year.
162
00:09:53,198 --> 00:09:55,858
[Narrator]
The Human Hibernation Project...
163
00:09:55,968 --> 00:09:58,989
was one of the army's most
ambitious experiments...
164
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,940
and one of its most secretive.
165
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,471
But it was not immune
from human error.
166
00:10:07,311 --> 00:10:09,212
Freeze!
167
00:10:09,312 --> 00:10:11,212
[ Groans ]
168
00:10:17,864 --> 00:10:21,595
Soon after Collins 's arrest
and the massive scandal that followed...
169
00:10:21,695 --> 00:10:24,466
the base was closed.
170
00:10:24,566 --> 00:10:29,267
It hadn't even been a year,
and the entire project was simply forgotten.
171
00:10:31,648 --> 00:10:35,409
Things looked bleak for joe,
but they were even worse for mankind.
172
00:10:35,519 --> 00:10:38,780
As joe and Rita lay dormant,
the years passed...
173
00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:42,911
and mankind became stupider
at a frightening rate.
174
00:10:51,603 --> 00:10:55,404
Some had high hopes
that genetic engineering...
175
00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:57,495
would correct this
trend in evolution.
176
00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,776
But sadly, the greatest minds
and resources...
177
00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:05,747
were focused on conquering hair loss
and prolonging erections.
178
00:11:05,857 --> 00:11:08,217
[ Orangutan Chattering ]
179
00:11:08,328 --> 00:11:13,759
Meanwhile, the population exploded,
and intelligence continued to decline...
180
00:11:13,869 --> 00:11:18,460
until humanity was incapable
of solving even its most basic problems.
181
00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:23,562
Like garbage, which had been stacked
for centuries with no plan whatsoever...
182
00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:28,543
Leading to the Great Garbage
Avalanche of 2505...
183
00:11:28,653 --> 00:11:33,984
which would set in motion the events
that would change the world forever.
184
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:37,055
[ Backup Warning Beeping ]
185
00:12:08,033 --> 00:12:10,794
Hold on.
[ Man On TV] Next, on The Violence Channel...
186
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:13,135
an all-new Ow! My Balls!
187
00:12:19,316 --> 00:12:21,647
[ Screaming ]
188
00:12:25,618 --> 00:12:29,489
All right. [ Chuckling ]
[ Beeping ]
189
00:12:29,589 --> 00:12:31,960
[ Snarling ]
[ Screaming ]
190
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:34,400
[ Chuckling ]
191
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,401
[ Groans ]
192
00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:38,991
[ Man Watching TV]
That guy got hit in the balls.
193
00:12:39,101 --> 00:12:41,632
Ow, my balls!
194
00:12:41,742 --> 00:12:45,513
[ Groans ]
[ Man On TV Screaming ]
195
00:12:45,613 --> 00:12:47,514
Huh?.
196
00:12:47,614 --> 00:12:50,514
[ Groaning ]
197
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:55,146
[TV. Tires Squealing, Man Screaming]
[ Man Watching TV Laughs ]
198
00:12:55,256 --> 00:12:57,746
[joe ] Where's-
Hold on. Shut up!
199
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:02,368
[ Man Laughing]
200
00:13:02,468 --> 00:13:04,438
[ Tires Squealing ]
201
00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:12,510
Where's Officer Collins?.
Shut up!
202
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:16,241
[ Man On TV] Next week on Ow! My Balls!,
Hormel goes to Paris!
203
00:13:16,351 --> 00:13:21,083
Are we on base?.
I'm gonna base your ass on my fist.
204
00:13:21,193 --> 00:13:24,634
In your face, ass!
Shut up.
205
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:26,854
I'm sorry. It's just-
Where am I?
206
00:13:26,964 --> 00:13:29,165
Shut up!
I told you already!
207
00:13:29,265 --> 00:13:31,205
[ Flushes ]
208
00:13:36,377 --> 00:13:39,537
Yeah! Wouldn't shut up!
209
00:13:39,647 --> 00:13:41,308
Come in here
and not shut up.
210
00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:44,979
Yeah,you were like,
"I'm not shuttin'up, "and I was like-
211
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,574
[ Narrator]
Unaware of what year it was...
212
00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:05,674
Joe wandered the streets,
desperate for help.
213
00:14:05,784 --> 00:14:08,145
But the English language
had deteriorated...
214
00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:13,346
into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl,
inner-city slang and various grunts.
215
00:14:13,456 --> 00:14:16,897
Joe was able to understand them...
[ Indistinct ]
216
00:14:16,997 --> 00:14:20,368
but when he spoke
in an ordinary voice...
217
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:23,059
he sounded pompous
and faggy to them.
218
00:14:39,293 --> 00:14:42,654
[ Man On P.A. ]
Paging Doc[ Slurring ]
219
00:14:46,265 --> 00:14:49,206
Report to, uh-
220
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:53,707
Dr. Lueboo...
221
00:14:53,807 --> 00:14:55,037
uh, report.
222
00:14:55,147 --> 00:14:58,008
Your floor Your floor is now clean.
[ Beeping ]
223
00:14:58,118 --> 00:15:00,349
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.
224
00:15:00,449 --> 00:15:02,819
Your floor-
Your flooris now clean.
225
00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:08,051
Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment,
and I'm not feeling so well.
226
00:15:08,161 --> 00:15:10,752
I think it might have been
the drugs they had me on.
227
00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:12,992
I've been hallucinating.
228
00:15:13,102 --> 00:15:15,573
My head is just killin' me.
229
00:15:15,673 --> 00:15:18,694
My-My-My joints
are all achy and l-
230
00:15:20,444 --> 00:15:22,345
Is this a hospital or-
231
00:15:22,445 --> 00:15:26,576
Actually, I don't even know where I am.
[ Beeps ]
232
00:15:26,686 --> 00:15:28,916
[ Electronic Voice ] Please proceed
to the diagnostic area on the right...
233
00:15:29,016 --> 00:15:33,358
and have a healthy day!
Oh. Thanks.
234
00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:35,218
Thank you!
235
00:15:46,341 --> 00:15:50,442
U h, 'scuse me. I think this
might be Gatorade or somethin'.
236
00:15:50,552 --> 00:15:53,453
I was just looking for some regular water.
Water?.
237
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,574
Yeah.
You mean like in the toilet?. What for?.
238
00:15:56,684 --> 00:15:59,594
You know,just to drink.
239
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:03,756
[ Laughing ]
240
00:16:03,866 --> 00:16:07,667
[ Continues Laughing ]
241
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,637
[Electronic Tune ]
[Electronic Voice ] You've got hepatitis!
242
00:16:09,737 --> 00:16:12,498
Oh, is someone not
feeling well?
243
00:16:12,608 --> 00:16:16,169
Your illness
is very important to us.
244
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,150
[ Man ] Next.
[ Electronic Voice ] Welcome
to the Health master Inferno...
245
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:21,280
powered byjormi Technology.
U h, this goes i n your mouth.
246
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:26,822
This one goes in your ear.
And this one goes in your butt.
247
00:16:29,592 --> 00:16:30,793
Come on.
248
00:16:30,903 --> 00:16:33,803
Hurry up, asshole!
Come on!
249
00:16:35,604 --> 00:16:37,835
[ Beeping]
Shit. Hang on a second.
250
00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:42,046
This oneNo.
251
00:16:42,146 --> 00:16:43,976
Hey, come on.
Uh-
252
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:47,277
Hurry up!
This one. This one goes in your mouth.
253
00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:51,558
Come on!
254
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,120
[ Electronic Voice ] Thank you for waiting.
Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly.
255
00:17:05,672 --> 00:17:08,473
That's a weird misprint.
256
00:17:09,813 --> 00:17:13,684
Hey.
How's it hang, ese?
257
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:17,485
Yeah. Right.
Well, not so good, you know.
258
00:17:17,595 --> 00:17:20,586
I don't really know what's going on,
but I'm seein' things.
259
00:17:20,696 --> 00:17:23,597
I think it might be because of
these drugs the army put me on.
260
00:17:23,697 --> 00:17:27,398
But, if you could, uh,just get me
well enough to get back to base-
261
00:17:27,508 --> 00:17:30,168
Right. Kick ass.
262
00:17:30,268 --> 00:17:33,399
Well, don't wanna sound
like a dick or nothin'...
263
00:17:33,509 --> 00:17:36,340
but, uh, it says on your chart
that you're fucked up.
264
00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:39,941
You talk like a fag,
and your shit's all retarded.
265
00:17:40,051 --> 00:17:44,422
What I 'd do is just like,
like, you know...
266
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:47,963
Iike,you know what I mean? Like-
[ Chuckles ]
267
00:17:48,063 --> 00:17:52,334
No, I'm serious here.
[ Chuckles ] Don't worry, scrot.
268
00:17:52,434 --> 00:17:55,465
Now there are plenty of'tards
out there living really kick-ass lives.
269
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,936
My first wife was 'tarded.
She's a pilot now.
270
00:17:59,046 --> 00:18:02,907
I need for you to be serious
for a second here, okay?. I need help.
271
00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:04,778
There's that fag talk
we talked about.
272
00:18:04,888 --> 00:18:08,719
All right, so that'll be...
this many dollars.
273
00:18:08,819 --> 00:18:12,880
And if you could just go ahead and,
like, put your tattoo in that shit.
274
00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:16,931
That's weird. This thing has the same
misprint as that magazine.
275
00:18:17,031 --> 00:18:21,092
What are the odds of-
Where's your tattoo?. Tattoo?.
276
00:18:21,202 --> 00:18:23,973
Why don't you have this?
277
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,574
Oh, God.
278
00:18:31,254 --> 00:18:33,745
Where's your tattoo?
Oh, my God.
279
00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:36,326
Why come you don't
have a tattoo?
280
00:18:37,926 --> 00:18:40,987
[joe ] Oh, my God!
You're not unscannable, are you?
281
00:18:42,227 --> 00:18:44,428
Oh, my God!
282
00:18:44,538 --> 00:18:47,969
You're unscannable.
[ Alarm Wailing ]
283
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:50,870
Unscannable!
No! No, you don't understand!
284
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:53,540
You gotta let me talk
to someone in the army! Wait a second.
285
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,481
They're all dead.
Everybody I know's dead!
286
00:18:56,581 --> 00:18:58,312
Oh, my God! Oh!
287
00:18:58,422 --> 00:19:00,282
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]
288
00:19:00,382 --> 00:19:03,553
No! Stop! Calm down!
Calm down! Calm down!
289
00:19:03,653 --> 00:19:05,824
How'd this happen?.
How did it happen?.
290
00:19:05,924 --> 00:19:09,155
[Alarm Continues ]
Your floor is now clean.
291
00:19:09,265 --> 00:19:11,525
Your floor is now clean.
292
00:19:31,931 --> 00:19:35,862
[ Narrator ]
Joe had awakened to a world in crisis.
293
00:19:35,962 --> 00:19:39,192
The economy was
in a state of deep neglect.
294
00:19:39,302 --> 00:19:42,763
A great dust bowl
had ravaged food supplies.
295
00:19:42,873 --> 00:19:47,715
And the number one movie
in the country was called Ass.
296
00:19:47,815 --> 00:19:49,405
[ All Laughing ]
297
00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:52,646
And that's all it was
for 90 minutes.
298
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,717
[ Movie: Farting ]
299
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:59,918
It won eight Oscars that year,
including best screenplay.
300
00:20:03,999 --> 00:20:07,100
[ Electronic Voice ]
Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries.
301
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,201
You didn't gimme no fries.
I got an empty box.
302
00:20:10,311 --> 00:20:13,141
Would you like another
Extra Big-Ass Fries?.
303
00:20:13,241 --> 00:20:14,942
I said I didn't get any.
304
00:20:15,052 --> 00:20:16,912
[Electronic Voice ]
Thank you. Your account has been charged.
305
00:20:17,012 --> 00:20:18,913
Your balance is zero.
306
00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:22,514
What?. Oh, no. No!
Please come back when you
can afford to make a purchase.
307
00:20:22,624 --> 00:20:24,524
[ Beeping ]
I'm sorry you're having trouble.
308
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,155
Come on! My kids are starvin'.
I'm sorry you're having trouble.
309
00:20:27,265 --> 00:20:29,566
[ Buzzes ]
310
00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:32,156
This should
help you calm down.
311
00:20:32,266 --> 00:20:35,137
Please come back when you
can afford to make a purchase.
312
00:20:35,237 --> 00:20:40,439
Your kids are starving. Carl's jr. believes
no child should go hungry.
313
00:20:40,549 --> 00:20:45,510
You are an unfit mother. Your children
will be placed in the custody of Carl's jr.
314
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,651
Carl's jr.
"Fuck you. I'm eating."
315
00:20:49,991 --> 00:20:51,822
Welcome to Carl's jr.
316
00:20:51,932 --> 00:20:55,523
Would you like to try
our Extra Big-Ass Taco...
317
00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:58,193
now with more molecules?.
318
00:20:58,303 --> 00:21:01,294
Hey! Is this particular
individual the unfit mother?
319
00:21:01,404 --> 00:21:05,345
Me?. No.
Okay. This particular individual is unscannable.
320
00:21:08,716 --> 00:21:10,977
Listen, I can explain, okay?.
I was in an army experiment.
321
00:21:13,887 --> 00:21:16,488
Wait a second. There's the other pod
from the army experiment.
322
00:21:16,588 --> 00:21:18,859
There was a girl.
She was from the same experiment.
323
00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:22,330
Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir.
[ Groaning ]
324
00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:24,460
[ Narrator]joe was arrested for
not paying his hospital bill...
325
00:21:24,570 --> 00:21:28,001
and not having
his U.P.C.. tattoo.
326
00:21:28,111 --> 00:21:33,413
He would soon discover that
in the future,justice was not only blind...
327
00:21:33,513 --> 00:21:37,314
but had become
rather retarded as well.
328
00:21:37,414 --> 00:21:40,384
You shut up! Now
[ Clears Throat ]
329
00:21:42,095 --> 00:21:44,826
I'm fixin' to commensurate
this trial here.
330
00:21:44,926 --> 00:21:49,557
We gonna see if we can't
come up with a verdict up in here.
331
00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:53,828
Now, since y'all
say you ain't got no money...
332
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:57,269
we have "proprietarily"
obtained for you...
333
00:21:57,379 --> 00:22:01,210
one of them
court-appointed lawyers.
334
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:06,341
So, put your hands together
and give it up for Frito Pendejo.
335
00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:08,182
You're my lawyer?.
336
00:22:08,292 --> 00:22:12,623
Says here you, uh,
robbed a hospital?.
337
00:22:12,733 --> 00:22:15,134
Why'd you do that?.
Yeah. I 'm not guilty.
338
00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:18,034
That's not what the other lawyer said.
What do you mean what the
339
00:22:18,134 --> 00:22:20,105
Listen, you gotta get me
on the stand, okay?.
340
00:22:20,205 --> 00:22:23,196
I can explain everything. We can take 'em
to your house, show 'em the pod.
341
00:22:23,306 --> 00:22:25,576
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
342
00:22:25,676 --> 00:22:29,117
Now, prosecutor,
why you think he done it?
343
00:22:29,217 --> 00:22:32,248
Okay, number one, Your Honor,
just look at him.
344
00:22:32,358 --> 00:22:34,789
[ All Laughing ]
345
00:22:34,889 --> 00:22:37,880
He talks like a fag too.
[ Laughing Continues ]
346
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,691
And "B," we've got all this,
like, evidence...
347
00:22:41,801 --> 00:22:44,731
of how, like, this guy didn't
even pay at the hospital.
348
00:22:44,841 --> 00:22:47,772
And I heard that he doesn't
even have his tattoo.
349
00:22:47,872 --> 00:22:50,143
[ Crowd Grumbling]
I know!
350
00:22:50,243 --> 00:22:53,774
And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me."
But check this out, man.
351
00:22:53,884 --> 00:22:56,785
Judge should be like, "Guilty."
Peace.
352
00:22:56,885 --> 00:22:59,475
[ Crowd Cheering ]
353
00:23:01,896 --> 00:23:05,187
Objection!
What are you objectifyin' on?.
354
00:23:05,297 --> 00:23:07,557
Come on.just get me on the stand.
Okay.
355
00:23:08,598 --> 00:23:11,328
Um, Your Honor?.
Hmm?.
356
00:23:11,438 --> 00:23:13,269
I object...
357
00:23:13,369 --> 00:23:17,370
that this guy also broke
my apartment to shit.
358
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,471
Yeah.
What?.
359
00:23:19,581 --> 00:23:24,112
And you know what else?. I object that
he's not gonna have any money to pay me...
360
00:23:24,222 --> 00:23:27,353
after he pays back all the money
he stole from the hospital!
361
00:23:27,453 --> 00:23:29,453
Don't say I stole.
You're my lawyer.
362
00:23:29,563 --> 00:23:31,494
And I object.
363
00:23:31,594 --> 00:23:35,465
I object that he interrupted me
while I was watching Ow! My Balls!
364
00:23:35,565 --> 00:23:40,026
[ All Booing ]
That is not okay! And I rest my case!
365
00:23:40,136 --> 00:23:42,537
Your Honor, I'm pretty sure
we have a mistrial here, sir.
366
00:23:42,647 --> 00:23:46,008
I'm gonna mistrial my foot up
your ass, you don't shut up.
[ All Laughing ]
367
00:23:46,118 --> 00:23:48,578
Please, listen.
"Please, listen."
368
00:23:48,688 --> 00:23:50,409
[ All Laughing ]
I didn't steal anything.
369
00:23:50,519 --> 00:23:52,419
I was part ofan army
experiment
370
00:23:52,519 --> 00:23:55,520
[Narrator]
Joe statedhis case logicallyandpassionately...
371
00:23:55,630 --> 00:24:00,722
but his perceived effeminate voice
only drew big gales ofstupid laughter.
372
00:24:00,832 --> 00:24:02,492
Guilty!
[ Crowd Cheering ]
373
00:24:02,602 --> 00:24:07,233
Without adequate legal representation,
Joe was given a stiffsentence.
374
00:24:07,343 --> 00:24:12,045
Meanwhile, Rita had awakened
to find that the world's oldest profession...
375
00:24:12,145 --> 00:24:15,385
was a lot easier when the world
is populated by morons.
376
00:24:15,385 --> 00:24:16,246
was a lot easier when the world
is populated by morons.
377
00:24:16,356 --> 00:24:20,087
[ Female Voice ] Welcome to AOL, Time Warner,
Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance.
378
00:24:20,187 --> 00:24:22,557
Please say the name
of the person you wish to call.
379
00:24:22,657 --> 00:24:24,488
Upgrayedd.
380
00:24:25,628 --> 00:24:30,189
There are 9,726 listings
for Upgrayedd.
381
00:24:30,299 --> 00:24:32,570
Please deposit $2,000
to begin connection.
382
00:24:32,670 --> 00:24:34,570
Man, what?.
Oh, yeah, baby.
383
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,141
Hey, look, can you just
can you wait a second, please?.
384
00:24:37,241 --> 00:24:41,612
Oh, yeah, baby.
I can wait so good.
385
00:24:42,653 --> 00:24:44,583
Really?.
386
00:24:45,893 --> 00:24:48,224
Think, uh You think maybe
you could wait a day?.
387
00:24:48,324 --> 00:24:50,455
Baby, I can wait two days.
388
00:24:50,565 --> 00:24:55,126
Huh. That's good,
'cause I charge by the hour.
389
00:24:55,236 --> 00:24:59,177
Oh, yeah?. Well, you gonna be glad
you waited, baby.
390
00:24:59,277 --> 00:25:01,177
Thank you very much,
young man.
391
00:25:03,448 --> 00:25:05,109
What the fuck?.
392
00:25:05,219 --> 00:25:07,739
God damn, shit's changed
in a year.
393
00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:11,650
What are we doin' here?.
394
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,251
Okay, sir, we're engaged
in procuring your tattoo.
395
00:25:17,262 --> 00:25:20,423
[ Electronic Voice ] Welcome to
the Identity Processing Program of America.
396
00:25:20,533 --> 00:25:25,194
Please insert your forearm
into the forearm receptacle.
397
00:25:26,304 --> 00:25:28,205
Thank you.
[Mechanical Whirring]
398
00:25:28,315 --> 00:25:32,266
Please speak your name as it appears
on your current federal identity card
399
00:25:32,386 --> 00:25:35,787
Document number G24L8.
I'm not sure if-
400
00:25:35,887 --> 00:25:39,878
You have entered the name "Not Sure."
Is this correct, Not Sure?.
401
00:25:39,988 --> 00:25:41,888
No, it's not correct.
[ Dings ]
402
00:25:41,998 --> 00:25:45,589
Thank you. "Not" is correct.
Is "Sure" correct?.
403
00:25:45,699 --> 00:25:47,720
No, it's not. My name is joe
[ Beeping]
404
00:25:47,830 --> 00:25:49,670
You've already confirmed
your first name is Not.
405
00:25:49,770 --> 00:25:53,401
Please confirm your last name, ""Sure."
My
406
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,912
My last name is not Sure.
[ Dings ]
407
00:25:56,012 --> 00:25:58,643
Thank you, Not Sure.
No. What I mean is my name is joe.
408
00:25:58,753 --> 00:26:04,084
Confirmation is complete. Please wait
while I tattoo your new identity on your arm.
409
00:26:06,195 --> 00:26:09,025
Wait a second. Can we start over?.
Can I cancel this?.
[ Buzzing ]
410
00:26:09,125 --> 00:26:11,566
Can we cancel this and just go back
to the beginning?.
411
00:26:11,666 --> 00:26:14,897
They're gonna tattoo.
Could I speak to your supervisor?.
412
00:26:15,007 --> 00:26:18,028
Ow!
Please hold still for your photograph.
413
00:26:19,708 --> 00:26:23,169
[ Whirring ]
[ Beeping ]
414
00:26:27,550 --> 00:26:30,111
Oh, that's fuckin' great.
415
00:26:32,662 --> 00:26:34,562
Okay, sir...
416
00:26:34,662 --> 00:26:38,993
now we will begin to proceed
to obtain your I.Q and "apitude" tests.
417
00:26:39,103 --> 00:26:41,034
What for?.
418
00:26:41,134 --> 00:26:45,365
Okay, sir, this is to figure out
what your "aptude's" good at...
419
00:26:45,475 --> 00:26:50,606
and get you a jail job while
you're being a particular individual in jail.
420
00:26:50,716 --> 00:26:53,647
[ Electronic Voice ]
If you have one bucket that holds two gallons...
421
00:26:53,747 --> 00:26:56,308
and another bucket
that holds five gallons...
422
00:26:56,418 --> 00:26:59,189
how many buckets
do you have?.
423
00:27:01,129 --> 00:27:03,030
Two?.
424
00:27:03,130 --> 00:27:05,100
Thank you.
425
00:27:12,872 --> 00:27:15,813
[Man Singing]
426
00:27:25,025 --> 00:27:28,286
[ Continues ]
427
00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:47,051
'Too.
428
00:27:52,793 --> 00:27:54,983
[ Continues ]
429
00:27:57,994 --> 00:28:00,165
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
430
00:28:06,346 --> 00:28:09,467
[ Ends ]
431
00:28:09,577 --> 00:28:12,248
[ Narrator]
Desperate and scared...
432
00:28:12,348 --> 00:28:15,149
Joe used his superior
intelligence...
433
00:28:15,259 --> 00:28:18,160
to come up with the best
escape plan he could think of.
434
00:28:18,260 --> 00:28:23,891
Hi. Excuse me. I 'm actually supposed
to be getting out of prison today, sir.
435
00:28:25,101 --> 00:28:27,162
Yeah.
436
00:28:27,272 --> 00:28:30,203
You're in the wrong line,
dumb ass. Over there.
437
00:28:30,303 --> 00:28:33,604
I'm sorry. I am being
a big dumb ass. Sorry.
438
00:28:33,714 --> 00:28:35,374
Hey, uh,
let this dumb ass through.
439
00:28:37,085 --> 00:28:39,055
[ Beeping ]
440
00:28:42,386 --> 00:28:44,947
[ Warning Buzzer Buzzing ]
441
00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:47,027
[ Door Closes ]
442
00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:55,129
'Too.
Yeah. Got it.
443
00:28:55,239 --> 00:28:57,430
[ Beeping ]
444
00:28:57,540 --> 00:29:02,911
Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here.
So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison.
445
00:29:03,011 --> 00:29:04,912
Could you check again?.
446
00:29:05,022 --> 00:29:08,083
'Cause, I was, you know
I was definitely in prison, okay?.
447
00:29:08,183 --> 00:29:12,124
I got sat on my face and everything.
Maybe check those files back there?.
448
00:29:18,706 --> 00:29:22,967
[Alarm Blaring]
[ Electronic Voice ] ""Excape. " ""Excape. "
449
00:29:23,077 --> 00:29:25,637
""Excape. " ""Excape. "
450
00:29:25,747 --> 00:29:29,508
""Excape. " ""Excape. "
451
00:29:32,419 --> 00:29:34,850
[ Man Singing ]
452
00:29:42,262 --> 00:29:44,492
[ Ends ]
453
00:29:46,873 --> 00:29:48,773
[ Man ]
The Masturbation Network.
454
00:29:48,873 --> 00:29:52,364
Keepi n' America 'bati n'
for 3 00 years.
455
00:29:52,474 --> 00:29:55,175
And now, Sweet Bang Tube.
[ Squeaking On TV ]
456
00:29:55,285 --> 00:30:00,046
Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece.
[ Squeaking Continues ]
457
00:30:00,156 --> 00:30:02,147
Oh,yeah, that's-
[ Knocking]
458
00:30:02,257 --> 00:30:04,158
Go away! 'Batin'!
459
00:30:04,258 --> 00:30:06,158
[ Knocking Continues ]
460
00:30:06,258 --> 00:30:08,459
Damn it.
461
00:30:08,569 --> 00:30:11,059
[ Knocking]
All right.
462
00:30:13,070 --> 00:30:16,001
Hey. Hey, get out of here.
Hey, get out of here!
463
00:30:16,111 --> 00:30:20,202
No, wait, listen. You let me,
an innocent man, get thrown in jail.
464
00:30:20,312 --> 00:30:23,683
So?. Shut up,
'cause you broke my house.
465
00:30:23,783 --> 00:30:26,723
Hey, I could have you disbarred
disbarred for what you did to me.
466
00:30:26,823 --> 00:30:29,484
Then maybe you'd go to jail
for not havin' any money.
467
00:30:29,594 --> 00:30:31,685
Oh, really?.
468
00:30:31,795 --> 00:30:35,096
Yeah, really. Now, look.
Okay, here's the deal.
469
00:30:35,196 --> 00:30:37,186
I've been thinking.
It's been 500 years.
470
00:30:37,296 --> 00:30:40,267
Someone has to have invented a way
to travel back in time by now.
471
00:30:40,367 --> 00:30:43,268
You know, I think they were pretty close
even in my day. You know?.
472
00:30:43,378 --> 00:30:45,278
With Einstein and guys like that?.
Uh-huh.
473
00:30:45,378 --> 00:30:47,939
You know, scientists?. You know?.
Uh.
474
00:30:49,279 --> 00:30:51,180
A time machine,
for time travel.
475
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,911
Do they have one?
What?.
476
00:30:56,121 --> 00:30:58,112
[Tires Squealing,
Car Crashing In Distance ]
477
00:30:58,222 --> 00:31:02,133
Jesus. I knew that was
too much to hope for.
478
00:31:03,233 --> 00:31:05,364
No, no, they got
a time machine.
479
00:31:05,474 --> 00:31:07,374
They do?.
Yeah.
480
00:31:07,474 --> 00:31:09,375
Are-Are-Are you sure?.
Yeah.
481
00:31:09,475 --> 00:31:13,306
Can it get me back to 2005?.
Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive.
482
00:31:13,416 --> 00:31:16,647
And it breaks all the time 'cause
some smart guy made it a long time ago.
483
00:31:16,747 --> 00:31:18,907
I don't care.
Just get me there, okay?.
484
00:31:19,017 --> 00:31:20,488
Well-
Please!
485
00:31:20,588 --> 00:31:23,819
Listen, II-
I "supersize" with you...
486
00:31:23,929 --> 00:31:26,689
but didn't you go to jail
fornot havin'enough money?
487
00:31:26,799 --> 00:31:30,930
Okay, how about this?. You get me
to the time machine, and when I get back...
488
00:31:31,030 --> 00:31:33,031
I open a savings account
in your name.
489
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:35,662
That way, 500 years later,
it'll be worth billions.
490
00:31:35,772 --> 00:31:37,302
Billions!
'Cause?.
491
00:31:37,412 --> 00:31:40,243
'Cause of the interest,
it'll be worth billions of dollars.
492
00:31:40,343 --> 00:31:42,904
Oh, I I like money.
Yeah.
493
00:31:43,014 --> 00:31:46,004
How many billions?.
Like, 10.
494
00:31:46,124 --> 00:31:49,285
Yeah, suck one.
Time machine costs, like, 20.
495
00:31:49,395 --> 00:31:52,186
Yeah?. Okay.
Uh, 30, Frito.
496
00:31:52,296 --> 00:31:55,457
Thirty billion dollars.
497
00:31:55,567 --> 00:32:00,008
Thirty billion.
So if you gave me 30 billion...
498
00:32:00,108 --> 00:32:02,099
and the time machine's 20-
499
00:32:02,209 --> 00:32:04,139
What's the minus
of 30 and 20?.
500
00:32:04,239 --> 00:32:06,970
Uh, it's, uh-
it's 80, Frito.
501
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,611
It's $80 billion.
That's a mighty big minus, isn't it?
502
00:32:09,721 --> 00:32:13,452
Yeah. I like money though.
[ Man ] Police! Open the door!
503
00:32:13,552 --> 00:32:15,712
[ Banging On Door]
We're looking for an "excaped" individual.
504
00:32:15,822 --> 00:32:19,423
This particular individual's name is Not Sure.
Eighty billion.
505
00:32:19,533 --> 00:32:23,524
Oh, um, he-
He's... somewhere else.
506
00:32:23,634 --> 00:32:27,965
You got something I can wear?.
Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top,
assorted in the middle.
507
00:32:28,076 --> 00:32:30,196
[Policeman ]
A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo.
508
00:32:30,306 --> 00:32:33,077
Seemed to be heading
for this particular "domistile."
509
00:32:33,177 --> 00:32:35,578
[ Banging ]
Okay, sir, we're comin' in.
510
00:32:35,688 --> 00:32:37,978
No, you can't come in.
Can too!
511
00:32:38,088 --> 00:32:40,149
Come on!
All right, let's go get my billions.
512
00:32:40,259 --> 00:32:42,349
[ Banging Continues ]
513
00:32:42,459 --> 00:32:46,520
Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find
this girl, Rita, first, okay?.
514
00:32:46,630 --> 00:32:49,391
Is she bangin'?.
Yeah, sure, she is.
515
00:32:49,501 --> 00:32:51,402
That wasn't really
part of the deal.
516
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:55,403
Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another
couple billion, all right?.
I like money.
517
00:32:55,513 --> 00:32:58,574
Okay, her pod's up here on the right.
She shouldn't be far away, I hope.
518
00:32:58,684 --> 00:33:03,445
Mmm, girl. Oh,yeah?
So when we gonna do it?
519
00:33:03,555 --> 00:33:06,886
'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour,
and it's been, like, three days.
520
00:33:06,986 --> 00:33:10,987
Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon.
Hey, you know what?.
521
00:33:11,097 --> 00:33:13,728
Why don't you
come back tomorrow?.
522
00:33:13,828 --> 00:33:16,458
Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah!
Yeah?.
523
00:33:16,568 --> 00:33:19,729
When I finally utilize you,
you gonna be paying me.
524
00:33:19,839 --> 00:33:23,300
That's right.
What ever you say, sir.
525
00:33:23,410 --> 00:33:25,881
Hey, you still on the clock!
Yeah, girl.
526
00:33:25,981 --> 00:33:29,112
Thank you!
Rita!
527
00:33:29,222 --> 00:33:33,083
Rita! It's me,joe, from the experiment.
Get in the car! Come on.
528
00:33:33,193 --> 00:33:35,483
Oh, yeah!
What the hell, man?.
529
00:33:35,593 --> 00:33:37,494
Just get in the car.
I'll explain everything.
530
00:33:37,594 --> 00:33:40,085
Where we going?.
-just get in the car.
531
00:33:40,195 --> 00:33:42,355
Trust me.
What happened to those army guys?
532
00:33:45,236 --> 00:33:47,727
[Siren Blaring]
Wait a minute. You got cops after you?.
533
00:33:47,837 --> 00:33:51,468
Yeah.
And you made me get in the car?.
I got two strikes, asshole!
534
00:33:51,578 --> 00:33:54,048
Frito, take a right here.
Right, right!
535
00:33:54,148 --> 00:33:56,119
Into that dust storm,
Frito.
536
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,351
[joe ]
They must have just forgotten about us.
537
00:34:04,461 --> 00:34:07,862
[ Rita ]
It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no!
538
00:34:07,962 --> 00:34:12,163
Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad
when I'm a day late with his money!
539
00:34:12,273 --> 00:34:14,364
So, you owe
your boyfriend money?.
540
00:34:14,474 --> 00:34:16,964
Well, yeah,
he's sort of my manager too.
541
00:34:17,074 --> 00:34:20,875
You know, he helps me sell
the paintings and shit.
542
00:34:20,985 --> 00:34:26,317
Look, Rita, you gotta understand that
Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now.
543
00:34:26,427 --> 00:34:29,218
Yeah, man, but you said there
was a time machine, right?.
Yeah.
544
00:34:29,328 --> 00:34:32,858
Yeah, there's a time machine
now that can take us back to the past...
545
00:34:32,969 --> 00:34:35,369
but there was no
time machine back then, so-
546
00:34:35,469 --> 00:34:38,400
Upgrayedd don't care where
the time machine is. Now, then, last week-
547
00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:41,471
He will find a way
to come get his money!
548
00:34:41,571 --> 00:34:44,672
All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it
You know what?.
549
00:34:44,782 --> 00:34:47,342
Last time you told me not to worry
was 500 Goddamn years ago...
550
00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:49,813
when you were trying to tell me
to get into some coffin.
551
00:34:49,923 --> 00:34:51,914
Look, Rita, I don't know
how this happened, okay?.
[ Buzzing]
552
00:34:52,024 --> 00:34:55,324
But I'm doing everything I can
to get us back there, okay?. I promise you.
553
00:34:55,424 --> 00:34:58,985
[ Electronic Voice ] You are harboring
a fugitive by the name of "Not Sure."
554
00:34:59,095 --> 00:35:02,726
Please, pull over and wait for the police
to incarcerate your passenger.
555
00:35:02,836 --> 00:35:05,737
Hell, no. You know what?. Let me outta here.
Thank you for your help.
556
00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:08,068
If you don't have one of these,
they're gonna throw you in jail.
557
00:35:08,178 --> 00:35:11,169
You don't want to get thrown' in the jails here.
I've been in them.
558
00:35:11,279 --> 00:35:14,009
They're bad. You're better off being with us,
as bad as that sounds.
559
00:35:14,119 --> 00:35:18,110
What are you doing?. Why are we slowing down?.
Turned off my battery.
560
00:35:22,562 --> 00:35:26,023
Look, how far is it?.
Can we just take a cab or something?.
561
00:35:26,133 --> 00:35:29,764
[Machine-gun Fire ]
562
00:35:29,874 --> 00:35:31,134
Oh, shit.
563
00:35:37,346 --> 00:35:38,976
[ Explosion ]
564
00:35:39,086 --> 00:35:41,707
Oh! Oh, shit!
565
00:35:41,817 --> 00:35:44,047
[ Cheering ]
Yeah!
566
00:35:44,157 --> 00:35:47,458
What the hell's wrong
with you? That's your car.
567
00:35:48,659 --> 00:35:52,389
[ Frito ]
Oh, hell,yeah! He's on fire!
568
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:54,300
Come on!
Let's get out of here.
569
00:36:03,782 --> 00:36:05,773
[ Rita ]
Hey, how much farther is it?
570
00:36:07,083 --> 00:36:09,914
Uh, it's, like, far.
571
00:36:10,024 --> 00:36:13,455
Man, I could really
go for a Star bucks, you know?.
572
00:36:13,555 --> 00:36:17,116
Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time
for a hand job,joe.
573
00:36:20,237 --> 00:36:22,798
[ Singing ]
574
00:36:22,908 --> 00:36:25,898
Man, he don't seem too bright.
You sure he knows where he's going?
575
00:36:26,008 --> 00:36:28,199
I sure hope so.
He's our only chance.
576
00:36:28,309 --> 00:36:31,840
[ Continues ]
How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway?.
577
00:36:31,950 --> 00:36:36,211
He's my lawyer.
And he's not a very good one either.
578
00:36:36,321 --> 00:36:38,882
[joe ]
He's a Goddamned idiot.
579
00:36:38,992 --> 00:36:43,793
There's a shuttle down in the Costco.
It'll drop us right by the time machine.
580
00:37:02,088 --> 00:37:05,789
Jesus Christ.
Oh, look. One more thing.
581
00:37:05,889 --> 00:37:09,290
He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars
ifhe takes us there.
582
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,531
So if he mentions anything about
a savings account,just play along, okay?.
583
00:37:13,631 --> 00:37:15,531
Yeah, what ifthis
time machine don'twork?.
584
00:37:15,641 --> 00:37:18,932
Then I'll spend
the rest ofmy life trying to fix it.
585
00:37:23,714 --> 00:37:29,245
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
586
00:37:30,355 --> 00:37:32,726
Welcome to Costco.
I love you.
587
00:37:32,826 --> 00:37:34,727
[ Goats Bleating]
[ Duck Quacking]
588
00:37:34,827 --> 00:37:38,628
Shuttle's down there in electronics,
about an hour from here.
589
00:37:46,580 --> 00:37:48,910
[ Rita ] We've been walking forever.
You sure you know where you're going?.
590
00:37:49,010 --> 00:37:52,501
Yeah, I know this place pretty good.
I went to law school here.
591
00:37:52,621 --> 00:37:54,552
In Costco?.
592
00:37:54,652 --> 00:37:57,052
Yeah. I couldn't
believe it myself.
593
00:37:57,152 --> 00:38:00,823
Luckily, my dad was an alumnus
and pulled some strings.
594
00:38:02,264 --> 00:38:05,065
Hey, come on,joe.
I already told you...
595
00:38:05,165 --> 00:38:08,265
we'd all like a handjob,
but we don't have time for it.
596
00:38:18,018 --> 00:38:19,918
[ Woman ]
Hey, baby, wanna go out?
597
00:38:20,018 --> 00:38:22,579
Wanna go out, honey?
598
00:38:29,301 --> 00:38:31,922
Shuttle comes every few minutes.
Shouldn't be long.
599
00:38:32,032 --> 00:38:35,763
Do I got time to use the bathroom?.
[ Laughing ]
600
00:38:35,873 --> 00:38:37,863
[ Imitates Farting, Chuckles ]
601
00:38:37,973 --> 00:38:40,674
[Frito ] Uh, the toilet.
Be right back.
602
00:38:41,574 --> 00:38:44,045
Yeah,
back that thing up.
603
00:38:44,145 --> 00:38:46,445
Hey, you mind if I pound on that,joe?.
What?.
604
00:38:46,555 --> 00:38:48,386
I like having sex with chicks.
Yeah?.
605
00:38:48,486 --> 00:38:50,387
Yeah.
I think everybody does, Frito.
606
00:38:50,487 --> 00:38:53,857
Not like I do. Like when you
get it like this, sideways.
607
00:38:53,957 --> 00:38:56,488
Then you just, like,
back it up. And then you
608
00:38:56,598 --> 00:38:58,789
That's real good.
Then you Oh,yeah!
609
00:38:58,899 --> 00:39:00,989
Stop! You're gonna
get us caught, okay?.
610
00:39:01,099 --> 00:39:03,000
[Alarm Blaring]
[ Electronic Voice ] Warning! Warning!
611
00:39:03,110 --> 00:39:05,631
Costco has detected a dangerous
fugitive in aisle 16,702.
612
00:39:05,741 --> 00:39:08,181
Hey! What about Rita?.
We can't just leave her here.
613
00:39:08,281 --> 00:39:10,512
I don't care.
Come on!
614
00:39:10,612 --> 00:39:14,983
[ Sirens Wailing ]
Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do?.
615
00:39:15,083 --> 00:39:17,024
Wait, okay, I know.
Here's what we do.
616
00:39:17,124 --> 00:39:19,884
We go to the time machine,
then when I get back to the past...
617
00:39:19,994 --> 00:39:21,925
I tell her not
to do the experiment.
618
00:39:22,025 --> 00:39:24,225
Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right?.
Uh-
619
00:39:24,335 --> 00:39:26,306
No, wait.
[Electronic Voice ]
Please stand clear of the doors.
620
00:39:26,406 --> 00:39:29,197
She already is here. That must mean
I didn't go back in time, right?.
621
00:39:29,307 --> 00:39:32,508
Uh-
No, wait, hold on. It just
means I haven't done it yet.
622
00:39:32,608 --> 00:39:35,408
Okay, so I go back and I tell
her not to do the experiment.
623
00:39:35,508 --> 00:39:38,069
Then I won't have to do it either
because she won't be here.
624
00:39:38,179 --> 00:39:40,580
Then I won't have to
come back and save her, right?.
I-
625
00:39:40,690 --> 00:39:43,350
But then, wait. Why am I still here?.
Uh-
626
00:39:43,461 --> 00:39:45,421
Goddamn, how does
this time travel work?.
627
00:39:45,521 --> 00:39:49,392
Please stand clear.
[ Policeman ] Freeze! Hands up! Don't move!
628
00:39:49,502 --> 00:39:52,193
Put your hands up!
Don't move! Freeze!
629
00:40:02,346 --> 00:40:05,406
Look, if you guys are
taking me back to that jail...
630
00:40:05,516 --> 00:40:08,247
just go ahead and shoot me,
'cause there's no way-
631
00:40:08,357 --> 00:40:11,618
Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow!
632
00:40:11,728 --> 00:40:16,219
What?.
Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow.
633
00:40:16,329 --> 00:40:18,270
[ Policeman ] What?
[ Spraying]
634
00:40:18,370 --> 00:40:20,600
[joe ] Ow! God! Hey, stop!
Damn it.
635
00:40:22,541 --> 00:40:26,242
[joe ] What is this?
[ Policeman ] Okay, sir, this is the White House.
636
00:40:26,342 --> 00:40:28,642
What are we doing at the White House?
What?
637
00:40:28,742 --> 00:40:31,043
[ Spraying ]
Ow! Ow! Goddamn!
638
00:40:31,153 --> 00:40:34,614
[ Narrator] It turned out the results
of joe's I.Q. test...
639
00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:38,815
had caught the attention
of the highest levels of government.
640
00:40:38,925 --> 00:40:43,096
Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy
in the world?. Says who?.
641
00:40:43,196 --> 00:40:45,297
The I.Q test you
took in prison.
642
00:40:45,397 --> 00:40:48,168
You got the highest score in history.
Brought to you by Carl's jr.
643
00:40:48,268 --> 00:40:51,178
Yeah, dumb ass,you're even smarter
than President Camacho.
644
00:40:51,278 --> 00:40:54,039
That's how come he's making
you secretary of interior.
645
00:40:54,149 --> 00:40:56,110
Okay, so who are you?.
646
00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:57,940
I'm the secretary of energy.
647
00:40:58,050 --> 00:41:00,711
He won a contest.
Got to be a cabinet member.
648
00:41:00,821 --> 00:41:04,622
I'm the secretary of state.
Brought to you by Carl's jr.
649
00:41:04,722 --> 00:41:07,993
Why do you keep saying that?.
'Cause they pay me every time I do.
650
00:41:08,093 --> 00:41:11,964
It's a really good way to make money.
You're so smart, why don't you know that?.
651
00:41:12,064 --> 00:41:13,624
[ All Chuckling ]
652
00:41:13,734 --> 00:41:16,295
He's the secretary of defense.
Hi.
653
00:41:16,405 --> 00:41:19,376
And, uh, fun bags over there
is the attorney general.
654
00:41:19,476 --> 00:41:21,806
[ Whispers ]
Hi.
655
00:41:21,917 --> 00:41:24,077
And that's
the secretary of education.
656
00:41:26,158 --> 00:41:29,519
He's kinda stupid, but he's
President Camacho's step brother.
657
00:41:29,629 --> 00:41:31,859
Still, he does
a pretty good job,eh?
658
00:41:31,959 --> 00:41:35,520
You know, I think there's been
some kind of mistake...
659
00:41:35,630 --> 00:41:39,091
'cause the test I took
was real, real easy.
660
00:41:39,201 --> 00:41:43,192
I'm not the smartest guy
in the world. Okay?.
661
00:41:47,513 --> 00:41:51,474
Okay, even if that were true,
I can't be the secretary of the interior.
662
00:41:51,584 --> 00:41:55,045
I don't even know what it is.
[Secretary of State ] You better find out.
663
00:41:55,155 --> 00:41:58,026
Sit down. It's President Camacho.
Hey, hey, hey, yo...
664
00:41:58,126 --> 00:42:02,087
I gotta take care of some "bidness, "baby,
so I need y'all to wait outside.
665
00:42:02,197 --> 00:42:07,138
[ Narrator] Dwayne Elizondo Camacho,
five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion...
666
00:42:07,238 --> 00:42:11,200
porn superstar, and president
of the United States...
667
00:42:11,310 --> 00:42:14,710
had called a special summit
with the smartest man in the world.
668
00:42:14,810 --> 00:42:17,441
So you smart, huh?.
No, no.
669
00:42:20,892 --> 00:42:24,053
I thought your head would be bigger.
[ Muttering ]
670
00:42:27,034 --> 00:42:29,154
Goddamn.
671
00:42:29,264 --> 00:42:31,635
It look like a peanut.
[ All Laughing ]
672
00:42:31,735 --> 00:42:33,665
Let's get you sworn in.
673
00:42:41,748 --> 00:42:44,718
[Rock lnstrumental]
674
00:42:48,559 --> 00:42:51,920
[Announcer]
Ladies and Gentlemen, the president of America!
675
00:42:52,030 --> 00:42:54,121
[ Crowd Cheering]
676
00:42:55,531 --> 00:42:58,002
[Announcer]
President Camacho!
677
00:42:59,032 --> 00:43:01,803
[ Laughing ]
Shut up.
678
00:43:01,903 --> 00:43:05,974
Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down.
[ Ends ]
679
00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:07,634
Chill out.
680
00:43:11,886 --> 00:43:13,316
Shit.
681
00:43:15,627 --> 00:43:18,787
I know shit's bad right now
with all that starvin' bullshit.
682
00:43:18,897 --> 00:43:20,628
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.
683
00:43:20,628 --> 00:43:23,469
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.
684
00:43:23,569 --> 00:43:25,199
[ Man ]
Yeah!
685
00:43:25,299 --> 00:43:28,210
But I got a solution.
That's what you said last time, dipshit!
686
00:43:28,310 --> 00:43:30,210
I got a solution.
You're a dick!
687
00:43:30,310 --> 00:43:32,901
South Carolina, "whassup??"'
[ All Cheering ]
688
00:43:40,353 --> 00:43:43,584
That's what I thought!
689
00:43:46,395 --> 00:43:49,666
Now, I understand everyone's
shit's emotional right now...
690
00:43:49,766 --> 00:43:52,296
but listen up.
691
00:43:52,406 --> 00:43:55,167
I got a three-point plan
to fix everything.
692
00:43:55,277 --> 00:43:56,767
[Man ]
Break it down, Camacho!
693
00:43:56,877 --> 00:44:02,079
Number one,
we got this guy, Not Sure.
694
00:44:02,179 --> 00:44:07,020
Number two, he's got a higher
I.Q. than any man alive.
[ Cheering ]
695
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:11,421
And number three, he's gonna fix everything.
[Applause ]
696
00:44:11,531 --> 00:44:14,762
I give you my word
as president.
697
00:44:14,862 --> 00:44:17,393
He'll fix the problems
with all the dead crops.
698
00:44:17,503 --> 00:44:19,904
He's gonna
make 'em grow again.
699
00:44:20,004 --> 00:44:24,965
Crops?.
And that ain't all. I give you my word.
700
00:44:25,075 --> 00:44:26,945
[ Electric Guitar]
701
00:44:27,045 --> 00:44:30,106
He's gonna fix
the dust storms too.
702
00:44:31,857 --> 00:44:34,447
I give you my word.
703
00:44:34,557 --> 00:44:38,088
He's gonna
fix the "ecomony."
704
00:44:38,198 --> 00:44:40,099
[ Electric Guitar Continues ]
705
00:44:40,199 --> 00:44:42,960
And he's so smart...
706
00:44:43,070 --> 00:44:48,271
he's gonna do it all in one week.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
707
00:44:48,371 --> 00:44:51,932
[ Narrator] President Camacho stood before
the world and promised everyone...
708
00:44:52,042 --> 00:44:55,643
that joe would solve
all their problems.
709
00:44:55,753 --> 00:44:59,914
He would not only end the dust bowl
and heal the economy...
710
00:45:00,024 --> 00:45:02,655
but he would cure acne
and car sickness as well.
711
00:45:02,765 --> 00:45:05,025
And if he didn't...
712
00:45:05,125 --> 00:45:07,626
President Camacho
made another promise.
713
00:45:07,736 --> 00:45:11,367
He would kick joe's smart balls
all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth.
714
00:45:11,467 --> 00:45:15,638
And then, he would throw
his brainy ass back in jail.
[ Shouti ng ]
715
00:45:20,049 --> 00:45:22,240
I should, uh, be honest
with you, Mr. President.
716
00:45:22,350 --> 00:45:24,481
I don't know how to be
secretary of anything.
717
00:45:24,591 --> 00:45:26,051
I mean, I've never
even voted, actually.
718
00:45:26,161 --> 00:45:28,952
I don't know what the secretary
of the interior even is.
719
00:45:29,062 --> 00:45:33,723
Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy.
It beats jail, don't it?.
720
00:45:33,833 --> 00:45:38,164
Besides,
you do a kick-ass job...
721
00:45:38,274 --> 00:45:40,505
you get a full
presidential pardon.
722
00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:42,505
No jail time. [ Laughing ]
Yeah?.
723
00:45:42,605 --> 00:45:46,236
Fuck, yeah!
Now gimme a beer.
724
00:45:46,346 --> 00:45:48,407
And get you one too.
725
00:45:50,317 --> 00:45:52,648
[ Laughing ]
726
00:45:54,288 --> 00:45:56,319
Shit!
[ Laughing ]
727
00:45:56,429 --> 00:45:58,900
Hold on, vato!
728
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,730
Whoo!
[Engine Revving]
729
00:46:00,830 --> 00:46:03,931
[ Laughing ]
730
00:46:21,326 --> 00:46:23,456
Do somethin' smart.
Yeah.
731
00:46:24,827 --> 00:46:28,457
Uh, okay.
Uh-
732
00:46:28,568 --> 00:46:31,628
I'll, uh-
[ Door Opens ]
733
00:46:31,738 --> 00:46:35,299
Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted.
Oh, okay. Great, thanks.
734
00:46:35,409 --> 00:46:40,401
Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh,you know,
confer with my counsel.
735
00:46:40,521 --> 00:46:42,381
You understand?
So I'll be right back.
736
00:46:42,481 --> 00:46:45,852
Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff,
get that taken care of.
737
00:46:45,952 --> 00:46:50,623
Hopefully get it worked out
by the time we get back here.
Sounds pretty smart.
738
00:46:50,733 --> 00:46:52,694
Wait here, okay?.
Wait there.
739
00:46:52,794 --> 00:46:55,635
Dude, this is trepidatious.
You got me a room at the White House.
740
00:46:55,735 --> 00:46:57,705
Everyone gets laid at the White House.
Everyone.
741
00:46:57,805 --> 00:46:59,436
Yeah?.
Yeah.
742
00:46:59,536 --> 00:47:02,977
I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito,
but I brought you here to help me.
743
00:47:03,077 --> 00:47:05,737
I don't know the first thing
about growin' crops...
744
00:47:05,847 --> 00:47:08,078
much less
the Goddamn "ecomony."
745
00:47:08,188 --> 00:47:10,118
Econ-Economy.
746
00:47:10,219 --> 00:47:13,159
Let's see.
Growin' crops
747
00:47:13,259 --> 00:47:16,920
No, I just need you to tell me
how to get to the time machine.
748
00:47:17,030 --> 00:47:21,191
Oh, that's easy.
You go down by the museum and stuff.
749
00:47:21,301 --> 00:47:23,332
It's, like-
It's, like, by the museum...
750
00:47:23,442 --> 00:47:26,033
sort of, but, well,
actually, not really.
751
00:47:26,143 --> 00:47:30,674
More like But on the street. You go, um
Wait. Let me start over.
752
00:47:30,784 --> 00:47:32,644
Okay, you know
where the time machine is?.
753
00:47:32,744 --> 00:47:35,715
Hey. just draw me
a map, okay?.
754
00:47:35,815 --> 00:47:38,446
You still want the money?.
755
00:47:38,556 --> 00:47:41,387
Oh. If I had some money
and a room at the White House...
756
00:47:41,497 --> 00:47:46,398
I would be like, "It's mine, all night!"
Listen. Cut it out!
757
00:47:46,498 --> 00:47:49,299
Listen, I told these people
that you were smart, okay?.
758
00:47:49,399 --> 00:47:51,629
So act smart!
Smart like you?.
759
00:47:51,739 --> 00:47:55,230
[ With Effeminate Voice ] "Oh, I gotta go
to the time machine. I wanna go home. "
760
00:47:55,340 --> 00:47:58,141
I don't talk like that.
"I don't talk like that."
761
00:47:58,251 --> 00:48:00,182
Shit, I thought
there was two of you.
762
00:48:00,282 --> 00:48:02,082
[ Laughs ]
See?.
763
00:48:02,182 --> 00:48:04,743
[ Secretary of Defense ]
Doesn't look that big, is it?
764
00:48:04,853 --> 00:48:07,984
Okay. Let's go take a look
at those crops.
765
00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:12,085
Especially the ones, uh, you know,
out around the museum area.
766
00:48:13,705 --> 00:48:16,396
All right?.
Hey, come on!
767
00:48:18,337 --> 00:48:22,908
Now, you either lead, follow,
or get out of the way. All right?.
768
00:48:23,018 --> 00:48:26,349
Whoa.
Did you just make that up?.
769
00:48:26,449 --> 00:48:29,389
Yes, I did.
Now look...
770
00:48:29,489 --> 00:48:32,080
I also need help finding this girl named Rita,
like, immediately...
771
00:48:32,190 --> 00:48:34,591
and Frito will give you a hand with it.
Why?.
772
00:48:36,331 --> 00:48:41,463
Well, because, uh, you know,
she'd be an essential... integral... asset...
773
00:48:41,573 --> 00:48:46,374
you know, for our team,
for us to,you know, utilize.
774
00:48:48,014 --> 00:48:51,875
[ All Laughing ]
775
00:48:53,016 --> 00:48:55,916
Utilize her!
Utilize her!
776
00:48:56,016 --> 00:48:58,117
[Secretary of State ]
Utilize!
777
00:48:58,227 --> 00:49:01,288
[ Laughing ]
Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right?.
778
00:49:01,398 --> 00:49:04,089
Oh, yeah.
Butt first!
779
00:49:04,199 --> 00:49:06,129
[ All Laughing ]
780
00:49:06,229 --> 00:49:08,940
[Secretary of Defense ] Utilize her!
Okay.
781
00:49:14,581 --> 00:49:17,942
Dang! May I approach
your benches?.
782
00:49:23,554 --> 00:49:26,184
Uh, yeah.
This sucks pretty bad.
783
00:49:26,294 --> 00:49:29,125
Frito, why don't you come over here and,
uh, take a look at this?
784
00:49:29,225 --> 00:49:32,666
Come on. Hustle over here, buddy.
I wanna figure this out.
785
00:49:32,766 --> 00:49:36,567
See, uh, just not a lot of moisture.
Have you got the map?.
786
00:49:36,677 --> 00:49:38,638
Oh, yeah.
Discreetly.
787
00:49:42,979 --> 00:49:45,750
It's right there.
I see it. I see it.
788
00:49:45,850 --> 00:49:48,410
Stand up with me.
789
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:52,391
Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure.
They found that whore you wanted.
790
00:49:52,491 --> 00:49:55,482
Hey, that may be how you refer
to women in the future, but come on.
791
00:49:55,592 --> 00:49:59,863
No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy
a lotta money and didn't put out.
792
00:49:59,973 --> 00:50:01,964
Don't worry though.
We'll get her out...
793
00:50:02,074 --> 00:50:05,375
on a work-release whorin' license
as long as you're doin' her.
794
00:50:05,475 --> 00:50:08,676
Get your hands off me. What do you think
I'm gonna do, run through the field?.
795
00:50:08,776 --> 00:50:11,116
What the fuck
are you all starin' at?.
796
00:50:11,216 --> 00:50:13,237
-joe?.
That's Not Sure, ma'am.
797
00:50:13,357 --> 00:50:17,258
Secretary Not Sure.
Secretary?. Secretary of what?.
798
00:50:17,358 --> 00:50:21,959
Say, would you guys mind if we had
a little moment together?. Alone?.
799
00:50:22,059 --> 00:50:26,470
You know,
in the bushes?
800
00:50:28,201 --> 00:50:30,141
Oh, man.
801
00:50:31,172 --> 00:50:34,613
[ All Laughing ]
802
00:50:38,714 --> 00:50:42,275
Fuck her,joe!
Hey, you want us to come along,
make sure she puts out?.
803
00:50:42,385 --> 00:50:44,415
No, thanks.
I can handle it. Yeah.
804
00:50:44,525 --> 00:50:47,756
I thought you was in jail.
How'd you get to be the secretary of Interior?.
805
00:50:47,866 --> 00:50:50,157
Just keep walking.
I'll explain everything.
806
00:50:58,939 --> 00:51:00,909
Okay.
Get ready to run.
807
00:51:03,380 --> 00:51:06,011
What?
Oh, Goddamn it.
808
00:51:06,121 --> 00:51:08,922
Way to go, Frito. You know what?.
Just make a run for it anyways.
809
00:51:09,022 --> 00:51:10,952
We'll ask for directions
on the way.
810
00:51:11,062 --> 00:51:14,223
No way. I spent the last two days
looking for it. It ain't easy to find.
811
00:51:14,333 --> 00:51:17,304
Damn it. I can't go back to jail,
and I sure can't solve these problems.
812
00:51:17,404 --> 00:51:20,525
All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd
before he finds me.
813
00:51:20,635 --> 00:51:24,006
Listen to me. Upgrayedd
cannot find you, okay?. It's impossible!
814
00:51:24,106 --> 00:51:26,836
Oh, yeah?.
Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd...
815
00:51:26,946 --> 00:51:28,937
could somehow magically
travel through time...
816
00:51:29,047 --> 00:51:32,488
we got secret service guys with huge guns
protecting us, okay?.
817
00:51:32,588 --> 00:51:34,488
So don't worry.
You're safe.
818
00:51:34,588 --> 00:51:37,749
And you know what?. It's none of my business,
but when we get back...
819
00:51:37,859 --> 00:51:40,490
you and Upgrayedd should seriously think
about couples counseling, okay?.
820
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:45,031
And you should also think about maybe finding
an art manager who's not also your boyfriend.
821
00:51:45,131 --> 00:51:49,232
Hey!
She's not puttin'out?
822
00:51:49,342 --> 00:51:53,473
Uh, no, she is.
We, uh We already did it.
823
00:51:53,583 --> 00:51:56,074
Yeah. He was great.
824
00:51:58,285 --> 00:52:01,946
Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys
were wonderin', uh...
825
00:52:02,056 --> 00:52:04,026
if we'd go family-style
on her.
826
00:52:06,557 --> 00:52:10,018
Uh, yeah,
probably not right now.
827
00:52:10,138 --> 00:52:13,589
We should focus on the crops.
So let's get back to work. Maybe later.
828
00:52:20,711 --> 00:52:22,411
What the hell is this?.
829
00:52:25,322 --> 00:52:29,193
Tastes like Gatorade.
[ Rita ] Is that that Brawndo stuff?
830
00:52:29,293 --> 00:52:33,024
[joe ] They're watering crops
with a sports drink?
831
00:52:34,694 --> 00:52:37,425
[ Narrator] Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator
had come to replace water...
832
00:52:37,535 --> 00:52:39,696
virtually everywhere.
833
00:52:39,806 --> 00:52:41,996
Water, the basic component
of all life...
834
00:52:42,106 --> 00:52:45,097
had been deemed a threat
to Brawndo's profit margin.
835
00:52:45,207 --> 00:52:48,708
The solution came during
the budget crisis of 2330...
836
00:52:48,818 --> 00:52:53,649
when the Brawndo Corporation
simply bought the F.D.A....
837
00:52:53,759 --> 00:52:55,220
and the F.C.C.....
838
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:57,550
enabling them to say,
do and sell...
839
00:52:57,660 --> 00:52:59,561
anything they wanted.
840
00:53:04,602 --> 00:53:07,233
Joe didn't know
any of this...
841
00:53:07,343 --> 00:53:11,334
but he did see a problem
that he might actually be able to solve.
842
00:53:11,444 --> 00:53:16,005
[ Indistinct ]
With his options running out,
Joe took a bold step.
843
00:53:16,115 --> 00:53:18,246
He would not
get out of the way.
844
00:53:18,356 --> 00:53:21,217
This time, he would lead.
845
00:53:21,327 --> 00:53:23,347
For the last time,
I'm pretty sure...
846
00:53:23,457 --> 00:53:26,428
what's killing the crops
is this Brawndo stuff.
847
00:53:26,528 --> 00:53:29,299
But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
It's got electrolytes.
848
00:53:29,399 --> 00:53:31,459
So wait a minute.
What you're saying...
849
00:53:31,569 --> 00:53:35,370
is that you want us
to put water on the crops.
850
00:53:35,470 --> 00:53:38,501
Yes.
Water. Like out the toilet?.
851
00:53:38,611 --> 00:53:42,602
Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be
out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea.
852
00:53:42,712 --> 00:53:46,053
But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
It's got electrolytes.
853
00:53:46,153 --> 00:53:48,124
Okay, look.
854
00:53:48,224 --> 00:53:51,715
The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure
that the Brawndo's not working.
855
00:53:51,825 --> 00:53:56,496
Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know
that if you put water on plants, they grow.
856
00:53:56,596 --> 00:54:00,297
Well, I've never seen no plants
grow out of no toilet.
857
00:54:00,407 --> 00:54:03,668
Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't
the smartest guy in the world?.
858
00:54:03,778 --> 00:54:07,739
[ Chuckling ]
You wanna solve this problem.
I wanna get my pardon.
859
00:54:07,849 --> 00:54:11,810
So why don't we just try it, okay,
and not worry about what plants crave?.
860
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:14,391
Brawndo's got
what plants crave.
861
00:54:14,491 --> 00:54:17,011
Goddamn it.
Yeah, it's got electrolytes.
862
00:54:17,131 --> 00:54:19,562
What are electrolytes?.
Do you even know?.
863
00:54:19,662 --> 00:54:22,433
It's what they use
to make Brawndo.
864
00:54:22,533 --> 00:54:25,163
Yeah, but why do they
use them to make Brawndo?.
865
00:54:25,273 --> 00:54:27,834
'Cause Brawndo's
got electrolytes.
866
00:54:30,845 --> 00:54:35,286
[ Narrator] After several hours,
Joe finally gave up on logic and reason...
867
00:54:35,386 --> 00:54:38,447
and simply told the cabinet
that he could talk to plants...
868
00:54:38,557 --> 00:54:41,178
and that they wanted water.
869
00:54:42,288 --> 00:54:44,629
He made believers
out of everyone.
870
00:54:44,729 --> 00:54:48,290
Joe didn't know it,
but the beloved electrolytes...
871
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:52,361
were salts that had been
building up in the topsoil over the decades...
872
00:54:52,471 --> 00:54:55,201
killing plants
and leading to the dust bowl.
873
00:54:55,311 --> 00:55:01,043
As secretary of the interior,
Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water...
874
00:55:01,153 --> 00:55:06,284
promising that, over time, plants would grow
and the dust bowl would end.
875
00:55:06,384 --> 00:55:10,415
He was on the fast track
to a full presidential pardon.
876
00:55:10,525 --> 00:55:13,656
Or so it seemed.
[ Al I Shouti ng ]
877
00:55:14,767 --> 00:55:18,668
Man, I hope somethin'
grows fast.
878
00:55:18,768 --> 00:55:20,758
Yeah. So we can haul
our ass back home.
879
00:55:20,878 --> 00:55:24,469
Man. You really think those people
would have starved to death?.
880
00:55:26,009 --> 00:55:30,641
I don't know. I mean, how did the world
ever get like this?.
881
00:55:30,751 --> 00:55:34,622
You know things are bad
when they're comin' to me for answers.
882
00:55:34,722 --> 00:55:37,493
It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone.
Mm-hmm.
883
00:55:37,593 --> 00:55:39,823
I'm not used to it.
Yeah. Me neither.
884
00:55:42,564 --> 00:55:46,305
You think Einstein walked around thinkin'
everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?.
885
00:55:46,405 --> 00:55:48,966
Yeah.
Hadn't thought of that.
886
00:55:49,076 --> 00:55:53,207
Now you know why he built that bomb.
Yeah.
887
00:55:55,617 --> 00:55:57,818
Hey,joe, listen.
Those cops
888
00:55:57,918 --> 00:56:00,189
Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that.
No. No.
889
00:56:00,289 --> 00:56:03,319
They said that
you got me a pardon.
890
00:56:03,429 --> 00:56:06,450
You know, if you hadn't done that,
I'd still be in jail right now, so...
891
00:56:07,771 --> 00:56:10,391
I guess I owe you one.
892
00:56:12,602 --> 00:56:16,173
You know, you don't have to sleep
on the floor if you don't want to.
893
00:56:17,583 --> 00:56:21,744
Oh. No. I'm-
I'm all right. Yeah.
894
00:56:21,854 --> 00:56:25,915
Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd
would be too happy about that.
895
00:56:26,025 --> 00:56:27,686
You in bed with a stranger.
896
00:56:29,426 --> 00:56:31,687
[ Snickers ]
Yeah.
897
00:56:31,797 --> 00:56:34,498
[ Laughing ]
898
00:56:34,598 --> 00:56:36,428
I know. I know.
899
00:56:36,538 --> 00:56:38,439
[Laughing Continues ]
900
00:56:38,539 --> 00:56:43,530
[joe ]
Yeah. Oh, boy.
901
00:56:51,492 --> 00:56:54,053
Oh, shit.
It's Upgrayedd.
902
00:56:54,163 --> 00:56:56,593
[joe ]
Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd.
903
00:56:56,693 --> 00:56:58,994
[ Narrator] Given enough time,
Joe's plan might have worked.
904
00:56:59,094 --> 00:57:01,435
But when the Brawndo stock
suddenly dropped to zero...
905
00:57:01,535 --> 00:57:03,965
Leaving half the population
unemployed...
906
00:57:04,075 --> 00:57:07,766
dumb, angry mobs took to the streets,
rioting and looting...
907
00:57:07,876 --> 00:57:09,807
and screaming
for joe's head.
908
00:57:09,907 --> 00:57:12,608
An emergency cabinet meeting
was called...
909
00:57:12,718 --> 00:57:15,048
with the C.E.O.
of the Brawndo Corporation.
910
00:57:15,148 --> 00:57:17,619
How come nobody's buying
Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator?.
911
00:57:17,719 --> 00:57:20,090
Aw, shit. Half the country
works for Brawndo.
912
00:57:20,190 --> 00:57:22,960
Not anymore!
The stock has dropped to zero...
913
00:57:23,060 --> 00:57:25,221
and the computer did
that auto-layoff thing to everybody.
914
00:57:25,331 --> 00:57:27,892
We're all unemployed!
You think that makes the "ecomony" suck?.
915
00:57:28,002 --> 00:57:32,063
Why is this happening?.
I think it's because we switched to water, but-
916
00:57:32,173 --> 00:57:34,663
You mean this is all your fault?.
What?.
917
00:57:34,773 --> 00:57:38,615
Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started
happening when we switched to water!
918
00:57:38,715 --> 00:57:42,616
Brought to you by Carl's jr. Brought to you
by Carl's jr. Brought to you by Carl's jr.
919
00:57:45,356 --> 00:57:47,157
[Announcer]
Fox News.
920
00:57:50,398 --> 00:57:53,458
He tried taking water
from toilets...
921
00:57:53,568 --> 00:57:57,499
but it's Secretary Not Sure
who finds himself in the toilet now.
922
00:57:57,610 --> 00:57:59,510
And as history
pulls down its pants...
923
00:57:59,610 --> 00:58:02,871
and prepares to lower its ass
on Not Sure's head...
924
00:58:02,981 --> 00:58:06,972
it will be Daddy justice
who will be crapping on him this time.
925
00:58:07,082 --> 00:58:11,283
We now go live to Violence Channel
correspondent Formica Davis...
926
00:58:11,393 --> 00:58:15,254
at the Extreme Court
with highlights on today's trial.
927
00:58:17,765 --> 00:58:21,966
Thank you, Velveeta.
Well, it started off boring and slow...
928
00:58:22,066 --> 00:58:25,627
with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone
with a bunch of smart talk.
929
00:58:25,737 --> 00:58:29,838
[ With Effeminate Voice ]
Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me!
930
00:58:29,948 --> 00:58:31,939
[ Normal Voice ]
That part of the trial sucked.
931
00:58:32,049 --> 00:58:34,709
But then, the chief "j"
just went off.
932
00:58:34,819 --> 00:58:36,840
He said, ""Man, whatever.
933
00:58:36,950 --> 00:58:39,551
The guy's guilty as shit.
We all know that. "
934
00:58:39,661 --> 00:58:43,422
And he sentenced his ass
to one night of Rehabilitation.
935
00:58:43,532 --> 00:58:46,092
Hey, rehabilitation?.
One night?.
936
00:58:46,202 --> 00:58:48,103
Doesn't sound so bad.
937
00:58:48,203 --> 00:58:50,063
Not so bad, huh?.
938
00:58:50,173 --> 00:58:53,434
Here's some highlights
from last week's Rehabilitation.
939
00:58:53,544 --> 00:58:55,845
[ Crowd Cheering]
940
00:58:57,285 --> 00:58:59,246
[ Engine Revving]
941
00:59:04,427 --> 00:59:07,518
[ Formica ]
And who could forget that wonderful finish...
942
00:59:07,628 --> 00:59:10,119
by Rehab Officer Tylenol jones?
943
00:59:10,229 --> 00:59:13,930
[ Chuckl i ng ]
And tomorrow night looks even more better.
944
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:18,441
Word is that Beef Supreme himself
might come out of retirement.
945
00:59:18,541 --> 00:59:21,242
Wow. Thank you, Formica.
946
00:59:22,712 --> 00:59:25,703
So you think you can escape again
like you did last time?.
947
00:59:25,813 --> 00:59:28,614
No. They pretty much fixed that.
How?.
948
00:59:28,724 --> 00:59:30,984
They chained me
to a big rock.
949
00:59:32,395 --> 00:59:34,295
[Rita ] Oh.
Yeah.
950
00:59:34,395 --> 00:59:36,586
Look, Rita, get Frito.
951
00:59:36,696 --> 00:59:39,827
Get him to take you back to the time machine
without me. Don't wait.
952
00:59:39,937 --> 00:59:43,958
No. You could have split on me before,
but you didn't.
953
00:59:44,078 --> 00:59:47,479
Look, you wanna pay me back?.
Just go back, okay?.
954
00:59:47,579 --> 00:59:50,139
Tell people to read books.
955
00:59:50,249 --> 00:59:52,340
Tell people to stay in school,
you know.
956
00:59:52,450 --> 00:59:55,981
Tell people to just
use their brains or something.
957
00:59:56,091 --> 00:59:59,282
I think maybe the world got like this
because of people like me.
958
00:59:59,392 --> 01:00:03,993
I never did anything with my life.
At least you were an artist, you know?.
959
01:00:04,103 --> 01:00:06,664
So just go back and-
[ Guard] Visit's over!
960
01:00:09,634 --> 01:00:13,095
And Rita, whatever you do,
keep painting, okay?.
961
01:00:14,646 --> 01:00:16,616
Good luck,joe.
962
01:00:21,988 --> 01:00:23,648
[ Groans ]
963
01:00:23,818 --> 01:00:26,689
[Announcer]
Okay, that's five down and one more to go.
964
01:00:26,789 --> 01:00:30,490
Are you ready for a monster-truck duel
to the death?
965
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:34,131
Yeah! Let's give it up
for the Guitar Army.
966
01:00:34,241 --> 01:00:36,141
[ Rock ]
967
01:00:36,241 --> 01:00:38,212
[Announcer]
Okay, we're gonna do this shit.
968
01:00:38,312 --> 01:00:41,473
But first, to lead us
in our Natural Anthem...
969
01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:46,344
the star of Ow! My Balls!
Hormel Chavez!
970
01:00:46,454 --> 01:00:49,385
Thank you. Thank you.
971
01:00:49,485 --> 01:00:54,486
[ Man ] Hey! Come here!
[ Singing Patriotic Song ]
972
01:00:54,596 --> 01:00:58,157
Come here!
[ Continues ]
973
01:00:58,267 --> 01:01:00,168
[ Groans ]
[Announcer] Right in the balls!
974
01:01:00,268 --> 01:01:05,069
[ All Laughing ]
That's just how that shit went on TV!
975
01:01:05,179 --> 01:01:09,410
[ Announcer] This execution is brought to you
by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator.
976
01:01:09,510 --> 01:01:11,411
After you've killed someone...
[ Knocking]
977
01:01:11,521 --> 01:01:13,451
your body needs electrolytes.
Yeah.
978
01:01:13,551 --> 01:01:16,852
So, my car's out front...
979
01:01:16,952 --> 01:01:19,223
whenever you want me
to take you...
980
01:01:19,323 --> 01:01:21,553
to the time machine.
981
01:01:21,663 --> 01:01:23,594
Thanks, Frito.
982
01:01:23,694 --> 01:01:25,795
Yeah.
[Announcer] I can't hear you!
983
01:01:25,905 --> 01:01:29,095
That's a real bummer
about joe, huh?.
984
01:01:29,205 --> 01:01:31,796
[Announcer] I can't hear you!
Yeah.
985
01:01:31,906 --> 01:01:37,368
Oh! Can you turn this up?
I love Rehabilitation.
986
01:01:48,901 --> 01:01:53,362
[Announcer] Okay. Let's meet
our rehabilitation officers for tonight.
987
01:01:53,472 --> 01:01:56,773
With a combined record
of 6.2 kills...
988
01:01:56,873 --> 01:02:01,714
please welcome Vinny Mawumba
in the Dildozer!
989
01:02:07,526 --> 01:02:13,287
And his brother Bobby Mawumba
in the Ass Blaster!
990
01:02:13,397 --> 01:02:15,368
I get a truck too, right?.
991
01:02:15,468 --> 01:02:18,198
Yeah.
Here it comes.
992
01:02:18,298 --> 01:02:20,829
[ Engine Sputtering ]
993
01:02:23,140 --> 01:02:26,110
[ Guards Chuckling ]
994
01:02:27,851 --> 01:02:29,811
Get in.
995
01:02:34,323 --> 01:02:36,683
You still got
the chain attached.
996
01:02:38,894 --> 01:02:41,454
[ Guard] Door won't shut.
What about the chain?.
997
01:02:41,565 --> 01:02:43,535
We could break it.
No. He could escape.
998
01:02:43,635 --> 01:02:47,196
I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk.
Yeah. That'll work.
999
01:02:50,777 --> 01:02:54,338
[ Guard] Who's smart now?
[Announcer] Let's bring out our criminal.
1000
01:02:54,448 --> 01:02:57,579
He tried to ruin the country
by pouring toilet water on crops.
1001
01:02:57,689 --> 01:03:00,089
He cost millions ofpeople
their jobs.
1002
01:03:00,189 --> 01:03:03,520
Let's get ready
to rehabilitate Not Sure!
1003
01:03:05,191 --> 01:03:08,922
[ All Laughing ]
1004
01:03:15,543 --> 01:03:17,904
Never would have guessed
this is how I was gonna die.
1005
01:03:18,014 --> 01:03:20,915
[Announcer]
Are you ready for some car-on-car action?
1006
01:03:21,015 --> 01:03:22,985
Yes.
1007
01:03:24,086 --> 01:03:26,916
I can't watch this.
This is-
1008
01:03:27,017 --> 01:03:31,518
This is gonna be so sad.
I hope I don't cry.
1009
01:03:33,328 --> 01:03:37,229
Holy shit!
Frito, come here! Look!
1010
01:03:37,329 --> 01:03:39,800
He was right.
The water it worked.
1011
01:03:39,900 --> 01:03:42,531
Frito, can you
get me over there?.
1012
01:03:43,511 --> 01:03:45,411
Yes.
1013
01:03:45,511 --> 01:03:48,502
No, you fuckin' moron.
To the Rehabilitation place.
1014
01:03:48,612 --> 01:03:50,643
Uh, this way.
Yeah!
1015
01:03:55,224 --> 01:03:57,124
Come on, Frito.
Hurry!
1016
01:03:57,225 --> 01:04:00,255
[Announcer]And now the dude that
everybody came here to see...
1017
01:04:00,365 --> 01:04:03,956
Yeah!
the only undefeated officer ever in history...
1018
01:04:04,066 --> 01:04:07,597
coming out of retirement
just to pound Not Sure's ass...
1019
01:04:07,707 --> 01:04:12,669
driving the biggest, hugest correctional
vehicle ever built in history-
1020
01:04:12,779 --> 01:04:16,650
bigger than the Dildozer,
bigger than the Ass Blaster...
1021
01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:20,781
bigger and huger than everything
ever before in history-
1022
01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:23,822
the brand-new Assdozer!
1023
01:04:23,922 --> 01:04:26,622
Give it up for Beef Supreme!
[ Rock ]
1024
01:04:30,203 --> 01:04:32,104
Oh!
1025
01:04:38,115 --> 01:04:40,046
Oh!
1026
01:04:54,430 --> 01:04:57,700
[Announcer]
Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh?
1027
01:04:57,801 --> 01:05:00,291
We seem to be
"experimenting"...
1028
01:05:00,401 --> 01:05:03,702
some "techmological"
differences...
1029
01:05:03,812 --> 01:05:05,713
so, uh, shit.
1030
01:05:05,813 --> 01:05:09,184
Frito, look!
1031
01:05:09,284 --> 01:05:11,484
I t's working everywhere!
Huh.
1032
01:05:11,584 --> 01:05:15,645
[Announcer]
Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks.
1033
01:05:15,755 --> 01:05:18,886
Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was-
Man.
1034
01:05:18,996 --> 01:05:21,017
Hey!
Oh, oh, okay.
1035
01:05:21,137 --> 01:05:23,327
Get this shit started!
We're gonna start without Beef Supreme.
1036
01:05:23,437 --> 01:05:27,168
Let the rehabilitation begin!
1037
01:05:36,721 --> 01:05:39,281
[ Engine Stalls ]
Oh, shit.
1038
01:05:39,391 --> 01:05:42,292
Come on. Come on.
[ Engine Cranking ]
1039
01:05:42,392 --> 01:05:44,863
[ Rita ]
Come on, Frito. Hurry!
1040
01:05:47,494 --> 01:05:50,194
Oh!
[ Engine Starts ]
1041
01:05:54,906 --> 01:05:56,436
Goddamn it.
1042
01:05:58,847 --> 01:06:02,718
Yeah!
-jesus, that was close.
1043
01:06:05,218 --> 01:06:08,119
Mr. President! Mr. President,
I need to talk to you.
1044
01:06:08,229 --> 01:06:10,420
You gotta stop this thing.
He was right about the water.
1045
01:06:10,530 --> 01:06:13,430
We passed some crops
on the wayhere. They're growing.
1046
01:06:13,531 --> 01:06:15,431
I didn't see no crops.
1047
01:06:16,571 --> 01:06:18,262
[Announcer]
They're circling around.
1048
01:06:18,372 --> 01:06:20,892
They're gonna do
the Malachi Crunch on him!
1049
01:06:23,543 --> 01:06:26,944
This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody.
Oh!
1050
01:06:47,780 --> 01:06:50,770
[Announcer]
So, uh So the winner is, uh-
1051
01:06:52,581 --> 01:06:55,782
[Announcer] You gotta be shittin' me.
Did he win?.
1052
01:06:58,652 --> 01:07:00,853
Uh-oh. Look.
1053
01:07:02,723 --> 01:07:06,454
[Announcer]
Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme!
1054
01:07:06,565 --> 01:07:09,195
[ Rock ]
1055
01:07:13,806 --> 01:07:15,567
[Announcer]
Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah!
1056
01:07:15,677 --> 01:07:19,948
Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember
those crops we saw off the road...
1057
01:07:20,048 --> 01:07:22,679
right by the Star bucks?.
Uh-huh.
1058
01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:26,880
Hey. Wanna make some money?.
I like money.
1059
01:07:41,104 --> 01:07:45,405
Hey, um, the, uh the main
screen is malfunctioning...
1060
01:07:45,515 --> 01:07:48,035
and they gonna need you
outside immediately.
1061
01:07:51,256 --> 01:07:54,277
There's a bunch of whores
in the hallway.
1062
01:07:57,458 --> 01:07:59,959
Come on, Frito.
Hurry.
1063
01:08:01,029 --> 01:08:03,129
Can't believe
you like money too.
1064
01:08:03,239 --> 01:08:05,730
We should hang out.
Totally.
1065
01:08:31,067 --> 01:08:33,097
[Announcer]
He's behind the truck!
1066
01:08:35,208 --> 01:08:37,979
Yes! Yes!
[ Mouthing Words ]
1067
01:08:39,349 --> 01:08:41,410
He's behind the fucking truck!
He's over there!
1068
01:08:41,520 --> 01:08:43,580
[Announcer]
Behind the truck, stupid!
1069
01:08:53,903 --> 01:08:55,493
Look!
1070
01:08:57,704 --> 01:09:01,265
Shit.
That's a good deal.
1071
01:09:01,375 --> 01:09:05,876
[ Frito ] Extra foam.
I got a bunch of money too.
1072
01:09:05,986 --> 01:09:08,607
Forgot what it was for.
Huh.
1073
01:09:09,887 --> 01:09:13,688
You think it was for lattes?.
Yeah. Probably.
1074
01:09:13,788 --> 01:09:18,059
[ Frito ] You like moneyand sex?
You're trippin'me out.
What the fuck?.
1075
01:09:20,300 --> 01:09:22,530
Yeah!
Yeah!
1076
01:09:32,183 --> 01:09:36,054
-just hold on, okay?.
Everyone just take it easy, okay?.
[ Crowd Booing ]
1077
01:09:36,154 --> 01:09:38,055
Can I just
say something here?.
1078
01:09:40,455 --> 01:09:43,396
I don't even know
what I'm guilty of here.
1079
01:09:43,496 --> 01:09:47,397
I never said that I was the smartest person
on earth. You people did.
1080
01:09:47,497 --> 01:09:51,168
I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs
and all your money...
1081
01:09:51,268 --> 01:09:53,399
and I'm very sorry
that that happened.
1082
01:09:53,509 --> 01:09:55,539
But I'm tellin' you...
1083
01:09:55,649 --> 01:09:58,010
if you put water on the crops,
it might actually
1084
01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:01,111
No, it will work.
I promise you!
1085
01:10:01,221 --> 01:10:05,622
You just have to believe me.
I just wanted to help you. That's all.
1086
01:10:05,722 --> 01:10:10,563
So you can try and shoot me.
You can try and run me over, whatever.
1087
01:10:10,663 --> 01:10:14,124
But I just want you to ask yourselves
one question first.
1088
01:10:15,334 --> 01:10:17,865
Do you really want to live
in a world...
1089
01:10:17,975 --> 01:10:21,466
where you try to blow up the one person
that's tryin' to help you?.
1090
01:10:28,018 --> 01:10:32,219
[ All Laughing ]
1091
01:10:32,329 --> 01:10:34,559
Hold on.just hold on.
1092
01:10:47,513 --> 01:10:49,633
[ Indistinct ]
1093
01:10:55,955 --> 01:10:58,146
Oh, man.
That was great.
1094
01:10:58,256 --> 01:11:01,917
Hey, was I wearing pants
when we went in there?.
1095
01:11:02,027 --> 01:11:05,428
Shit. What do I look like,
a pants goblin?.
1096
01:11:05,538 --> 01:11:08,869
Wait.
This reminds me of something.
1097
01:11:08,969 --> 01:11:11,839
Uh, ""Rehabil-Rehabilate-
1098
01:11:11,939 --> 01:11:15,140
Rehabilation."
Why do you keep trying to read that word?.
1099
01:11:15,250 --> 01:11:18,771
You a fag?.
I'll fag your face!
1100
01:11:27,423 --> 01:11:30,454
Come on, Frito.
Yeah. I don't think so.
1101
01:11:31,835 --> 01:11:34,305
Oh, yeah.
1102
01:12:15,826 --> 01:12:20,287
This guy just got
his ass a pardon!
1103
01:12:20,397 --> 01:12:23,958
[ All Cheering ]
1104
01:12:28,309 --> 01:12:30,070
[ Laughing ]
Yeah!
1105
01:12:30,240 --> 01:12:33,141
[Rock]
1106
01:12:44,354 --> 01:12:47,795
Man, Rita. I mean,
I don't know what to say.
1107
01:12:47,895 --> 01:12:51,166
You saved my life.
No one's ever done anything like that for me.
1108
01:12:51,266 --> 01:12:53,166
Yeah, well...
1109
01:12:53,266 --> 01:12:56,297
you were looking out for the whole world so,
you know...
1110
01:12:56,407 --> 01:13:00,108
I thought someone should look out for you too.
Thanks.
1111
01:13:01,718 --> 01:13:04,079
I can't believe I'm even
saying this, but...
1112
01:13:04,179 --> 01:13:06,179
even though these people
tried to kill me...
1113
01:13:06,290 --> 01:13:09,740
you know, I think I'm actually gonna
kinda miss'em.
Yeah.
1114
01:13:09,860 --> 01:13:12,691
Frito he's gonna give us
a ride back to the time machine.
1115
01:13:12,791 --> 01:13:16,022
I just, uh
I hope he's okay to drive.
1116
01:13:17,462 --> 01:13:20,593
It's you. Oh, man,
I really love your show.
1117
01:13:20,703 --> 01:13:23,004
Thank you so much.
1118
01:13:23,104 --> 01:13:28,275
Uh,joe, I'm not going.
What?.
1119
01:13:30,086 --> 01:13:33,947
I had some pretty bad habits back there
that I don't want to fall into again.
1120
01:13:34,057 --> 01:13:36,027
Maybe it's time
I got a new start.
1121
01:13:36,127 --> 01:13:40,258
Besides, they offered me
a pretty good job at Star bucks here.
1122
01:13:40,359 --> 01:13:43,029
I'm gonna be a C.E.O.
At Star bucks?.
1123
01:13:43,129 --> 01:13:45,970
Yeah.
Yeah?. You're still gonna paint though, right?.
1124
01:13:47,640 --> 01:13:51,041
Yeah. Sure.
1125
01:13:51,141 --> 01:13:52,972
I guess this is
good-bye then.
1126
01:13:54,842 --> 01:13:57,073
[ Camacho ]
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
1127
01:13:57,183 --> 01:13:59,654
I got a couple
presidential decrees to make!
1128
01:13:59,654 --> 01:14:01,344
I got a couple
presidential decrees to make!
1129
01:14:01,454 --> 01:14:05,685
Not Sure, get your ass up here,
wherever you is.
1130
01:14:05,795 --> 01:14:08,196
[ Crowd Cheering ]
1131
01:14:08,296 --> 01:14:10,526
Let me get that little
peanut head up here.
1132
01:14:10,637 --> 01:14:13,397
Yo. Yo.
[ Laughs ]
1133
01:14:13,507 --> 01:14:15,438
I have decided...
1134
01:14:15,538 --> 01:14:18,068
to make this man-
1135
01:14:18,179 --> 01:14:21,109
the man who solved
all our problems
1136
01:14:22,450 --> 01:14:25,110
I have decided to make him...
1137
01:14:25,220 --> 01:14:27,521
my new vice president.
1138
01:14:27,621 --> 01:14:29,952
[ All Cheering ]
1139
01:14:30,062 --> 01:14:33,293
Mr. President, thanks.
That's real cool of you, sir...
1140
01:14:33,393 --> 01:14:37,264
but I can't accept it, sir.
What?. Why?.
1141
01:14:37,364 --> 01:14:42,105
You know, I gotta get home.
But we still got all these problems.
1142
01:14:42,205 --> 01:14:45,196
Look, you know, you're just gonna
have to solve 'em yourselves.
1143
01:14:45,316 --> 01:14:47,776
How?.
Think about it, you know?.
1144
01:14:47,876 --> 01:14:50,937
You're just gonna have to figure it out
like we did with the crops.
1145
01:14:51,047 --> 01:14:55,578
But how are we gonna figure out about
the garbage "ambulanches"and the "comony"?
1146
01:14:55,688 --> 01:15:01,530
And what about the nuc-
"nucular" reactor in Florida?
1147
01:15:01,630 --> 01:15:04,101
I t's broke and leaky
and something's happening.
1148
01:15:04,201 --> 01:15:09,572
I thought it was in Georgia.
Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass.
1149
01:15:09,672 --> 01:15:12,733
Hey. Hey, I know.
Let's put toilet water on it. Huh?.
1150
01:15:12,843 --> 01:15:15,904
Yeah!
Good, good. That's a good idea.
1151
01:15:16,014 --> 01:15:18,715
[Minister of Defense ] Like we did on the crops.
Come on, vato.
1152
01:15:18,825 --> 01:15:21,115
Hey, you can't leave.
1153
01:15:21,225 --> 01:15:27,167
Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow,
or get outta the way" shit, huh?.
1154
01:15:37,940 --> 01:15:42,351
I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore,
can I?. You know what?.
1155
01:15:42,451 --> 01:15:45,352
Forget about the time machine.
Yeah!
1156
01:15:45,452 --> 01:15:48,012
[ All Cheering ]
1157
01:15:49,393 --> 01:15:52,794
That ride sucks anyways.
1158
01:15:52,894 --> 01:15:55,024
Ride?.
1159
01:15:58,505 --> 01:16:00,976
[Male Voice ]
Welcome to the Time Masheen.
1160
01:16:01,076 --> 01:16:05,567
We are going to take you back,
first to the year 1939...
1161
01:16:05,677 --> 01:16:08,168
when Charlie Chaplin
and his evil Nazi regime...
1162
01:16:08,278 --> 01:16:11,338
enslaved Europe and tried
to take over the world.
1163
01:16:11,448 --> 01:16:14,049
So you knew this thing
was just a ride the whole time?
1164
01:16:14,159 --> 01:16:17,650
Yeah. You thought you could really
travel through time, huh?.
1165
01:16:17,760 --> 01:16:20,131
Yeah, I guess I did.
Yeah.
1166
01:16:20,231 --> 01:16:23,172
For the smartest guy in the world,
you're pretty dumb sometimes.
1167
01:16:23,272 --> 01:16:28,173
So why didn't you tell us?.
'Cause I like money. I'm sorry.
1168
01:16:28,273 --> 01:16:32,074
But if it's not a real time machine,
there wouldn't have been any money.
1169
01:16:32,184 --> 01:16:35,675
You know, 'cause I can't go back in time
and open a savings account.
1170
01:16:35,785 --> 01:16:38,716
Uh, uh, uh-
1171
01:16:38,826 --> 01:16:41,586
Yeah. Don't worry about it.
It's okay.
1172
01:16:43,127 --> 01:16:45,057
Well,
I guess we're stuck here.
1173
01:16:45,167 --> 01:16:50,259
[Male Voice ] But then an even
greater force emerged the "UN. "
1174
01:16:50,369 --> 01:16:54,410
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.
1175
01:16:54,410 --> 01:16:54,670
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.
1176
01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:58,331
[ Narrator] And so, after serving a short
term as vice president...
1177
01:16:58,441 --> 01:17:01,742
Joe was elected
the president of America.
1178
01:17:01,852 --> 01:17:04,012
Frito became vice president...
1179
01:17:04,122 --> 01:17:07,283
and Rita, the former prostitute,
became first lady.
1180
01:17:07,393 --> 01:17:10,884
Today I step into the shoes
of a great man...
1181
01:17:10,994 --> 01:17:15,125
a man by the name
of Dwayne Elizondo...
1182
01:17:15,235 --> 01:17:19,226
Mountain Dew
Herbert Camacho.
1183
01:17:19,336 --> 01:17:23,467
[ Narrator] Under President Not Sure's
leadership, a new era dawned.
1184
01:17:23,577 --> 01:17:27,408
You know, there was a time
in this country...
1185
01:17:27,519 --> 01:17:31,780
when smart people
were considered cool.
1186
01:17:31,890 --> 01:17:34,820
Well, maybe not cool,
but smart people did things...
1187
01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:38,992
Iike build ships and pyramids,
and they even went to the moon.
1188
01:17:39,102 --> 01:17:40,622
[ Man ]
Yeah!
1189
01:17:42,773 --> 01:17:46,964
And there was a time
in this country, a long time ago...
1190
01:17:47,074 --> 01:17:49,474
when reading wasn't
just for fags...
1191
01:17:49,574 --> 01:17:51,845
and neither was writing.
1192
01:17:51,945 --> 01:17:56,046
People wrote books and movies,
movies that had stories...
1193
01:17:56,156 --> 01:18:00,457
so you cared whose ass it was
and why it was farting.
1194
01:18:00,557 --> 01:18:04,018
And I believe that time
can come again!
1195
01:18:04,128 --> 01:18:06,059
[ All Cheering ]
1196
01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:19,542
[ All Chanting ]
Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure!
1197
01:18:23,383 --> 01:18:25,354
[Narrator]
Joe and Rita had three children...
1198
01:18:25,454 --> 01:18:28,255
the three smartest kids
in the world.
1199
01:18:29,395 --> 01:18:31,886
Vice President Frito
took eight wives...
1200
01:18:31,996 --> 01:18:34,436
and had a total of 32 kids-
1201
01:18:34,536 --> 01:18:37,767
thirty-two of the dumbest kids
ever to walk the earth.
1202
01:18:43,008 --> 01:18:46,179
Okay, so maybe joe
didn't save mankind...
1203
01:18:46,279 --> 01:18:48,720
but he got the ball rolling...
1204
01:18:48,820 --> 01:18:52,621
and that's pretty good
for an average guy.
1205
01:23:52,600 --> 01:23:55,301
I'm gonna go find this ho.
101022
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