All language subtitles for Velma.S01E08.WEBRip.x265-ION265

Previously on Velma...

Oh, no, Dad! I need
you to believe me

that Mom was kidnapped,
or I'm gonna die!

Okay, okay, I believe you,
I swear! I believe you.

You're weird, sure, but
you're also sweet and amazing,

and deserve to be treated well.

Anyone who makes you feel like
you need a crown to prove that

is the monster, Norville.

Oh! Damn, girl.

How'd you get all that ass
in those little slacks?

Ahhh!

We have found a pattern.

Each of the victims is hot.

- Wow.
- Oh!

Well, I wasn't able
to convince the town

to keep a curfew to protect
them from the serial killer.

But it won't matter.

Now that you have the
serial killer's cellphone,

I know you're gonna catch
him and find your mom.

I'm not going to school.
I'm not going to school.

From the moment Daphne
and I met, it was special.

Get outta here, you old bag!

We had other friends, but
they were like granola bars,

only there for emergencies.

♪ Happy
birthday ♪ -Let's go, Daph.

♪ To you ♪

- - Sure.
- We had hit a bumpy patch

when my mom disappeared
and Daphne got hot.

Let's go, Daph.

- I'm Norville.
- You are who I say you are.

But after almost dying together,

and nabbing the serial
killer's cellphone at Fog Fest,

it felt like we were finally back
to the way things were meant to be.

Daphne.

Thelma, can you
help me find Fred?

He's missing, and I know your
people are great at tracking.

Sorry, I'm busy. And I've
told you, I'm not Navajo.

Let's go, Daph.

I'm really glad

- we're finally friends again.
- Same.

Oh, my God, I'm so mad,
we're friends again!

We're gonna
die down here, Daphne.

And it's all your fault!

What?

You are the reason we're pinned
by a rock in this ravine!

If we die, it's your fault!

My fault? Nothing
is ever my fault!

Okay, Daphne, if you were a serial
killer, what would your password be?

I've tried "mustache fan", "I took
the red pill", and "van owner."

Daphne?

Daphne!

What have I told you about
texting during my times of need?

It's nothing. Relax.

Hey, you two knuckleheads
claim to be cops.

Can you hack the
serial killer's phone?

Unfortunately, without proof
that's the serial killer's phone,

our hands are tied.

But Daphne can definitely help.

She has phone hacking experience

- from "The Incident."
- Mom!

"The Incident?" What's that?

In my family, "The
Incident" refers to the time

my mom danced with a
male waiter on a cruise.

"The Incident?"
Oh, it was literally nothing.

Oh, wow, look at all
those homeless people.

Each one, a different story.

Uh, if it was literally nothing,

why are you changing
the subject?

I'm
not changing the subject.

But wouldn't you agree that the
strongest use of flashbacks on TV,

is when one character's flashback
is intercut with another's

to eventually combine in
the present storyline?

You are totally
changing the subject.

You are, Daphne.

But it's interesting. You're
saying if this was a flashback

in your point of view, in
order for it to be earned,

we'd have to cut to...
I don't know, Fred?

Exactly.

I like it when they use a title
card with the character's name

when they cut to a
different flashback.

Now, that feels lazy.

It's stylized. It's Tarantino.

What is "The Incident?"

Whoa, where... Where am I?

Hey, let me out!

My parents will
never pay ransom.

They thanked the North Koreans
when they kidnapped my brother.

Fred?

Is that you?

Brenda? But I was at your
funeral. I got so wasted.

It's not just Brenda,
Fred. Lola and I are here too.

Typical, even now, Brenda has
to be the center of attention.

Oh, not this
shit again, Krista.

Guys, stop fighting.

No boy is worth
sloshing your goo over.

Ahhh!

I still say it's more seamless
without the title card.

And I still say my old job
as a television executive

makes me worried audiences
won't be able to follow it.

Hey, is that the black light from the
Halloween we went as a sexy crime scene?

I'm still technically
grounded for that.

Yep. My moms use
it to criticize

how well the other one
cleaned the bathroom.

But we can use the light
to tell which numbers

the serial killer presses
most often, by the smudges.

Ah-ha! So you did hack
into someone's phone.

Wait. Was "The Incident" me?

- No.
- Mmm.

But a while back, I was
low-key obsessed with someone.

I lost my mind for a hot second and hacked
their phone to see if they liked me.

They didn't. End of story.

Oh, so, like me and
Neil deGrasse Tyson.

That's all you had to say.
But who the hell was it?

Velma, focus.

Opening this phone is the
key to finding your mom.

The password
is one, two, three, four.

Yeesh, is the serial
killer my grandpa?

Shoot, he was careful.

No messages, no mail, no nudes.

Wait. He accidentally
took a photo in the woods.

That's Mount Crystal.

This is huge. We're
going there tomorrow.

And on the car trip, you will
tell me about "The Incident"

while I will either
laugh or scream at you.

Fine.

Wait, hold on.

Who do you keep texting?

It's no one. Don't
worry about it.

Hmm.

Y... You're alive?

- How?
- All we know,

is that whoever took us plans to
put our brains in someone else.

Oh, my God, Velma was wrong.

The ghost of Edna Perdue
is back to finish her work.

- Ghost?
- Velma?

Has the absence of our
popularity left such a void,

you're now hanging
out with Velma?

Uh, no.

You
going from Daphne to Velma

is worse than going from a beloved
cartoon to a playful reimagining.

Totally, right? Though
Daphne and I did break up.

Well, isn't that perfect?

Fred Jones is finally single,

and here I am, just a brain.

I'd actually say it is perfect.

Because I just learned the hottest
part of a woman is her brain.

- Oh, did you?
- Yes, Brenda.

Or should I
call you Brain-da?

Jeez, get a jar, you two.

Daphne, come on.

It's time to go look for the
serial killer in the woods.

And yes, saying that out
loud for the first time,

it sounds like a
terrible idea. But...

Hey, Velma, look. I'm
sorry it's so last minute,

but I can't go.

What? Why not?

I brought your favorite snacks,
water, and pictures of Tom Holland.

Now let's go, Daph.

Olive? What are you doing here?

And the only answer I'll accept

is using your long ass
arms to change light bulbs.

Today, Olive and I
are taking pictures

for the sexy calendar we sell to fight
discrimination against hot girls.

- What?
- Without our tireless work,

beautiful actresses would
never have the chance

to win awards playing
unattractive women.

I was gonna tell you last night,

but after you heard
about "The Incident,"

- I was worried you'd freak out.
- Freak out?

I'm famously chill
about everything.

Why would I care

if the night after I learned
you were obsessed with someone

you wanna play Terry
Richardson with Olive?

Wait, hold on. Was
Olive "The Incident?"

Velma, we can talk about this
when you get back. I have to go.

This is my long ass
arm saying goodbye.

Come on, Daph. For May,
let's try a picture

where I'm only wearing
flowers on my privates.

Shh! Let's
discuss inside.

Ahhh! Ahhh!

Velma, what's happening?

I'm having a deadly
hallucination.

I thought those were over!

Me, too. Being so close to finding
my mom must have triggered it.

But go shoot your calendar.

I'm sure I won't have another one
in the woods and die all alone.

And that's why this is your fault,
Velma. You're so possessive,

you faked a hallucination just to
keep me from hanging out with Olive.

No, no. This isn't
Velma's fault, Daphne.

It's Norville's.

Yeah, Daphne, this
is Norville fault.

But just to be
clear, how exactly?

It started when we got
home from Fog Fest.

Mmm.

Well, I should go.

Your father likes
to tail me home,

and I don't wanna
keep him up too late.

My parents are
actually out of town.

So, could you be a
gentleman and unzip me?

Oh, say no more.

I do this for my
mom all the time,

now that she's perimenopausal
and constantly bloats.

Goodbye to her
reproductive years,

but hello to womanhood's
beautiful final chapter.

- You're good.
- Mmm.

Wait. Gigi, Is your cabin
up by Mount Crystal empty?

Maybe. Why?

No reason.

Well then, you
better go rest up.

You, too.

The last thing we want are canker
sores from a lack of sleep.

Olive, I'm sure Fred
hasn't gone missing.

He probably just got stuck
in his gold pajamas again.

Damn it! Not again.

I told you to poke holes in it.

Why am I such an idiot?

I'll never make it as a brain.

My parents always say
it's my worst attribute.

You'll be fine, Fred. And
there's a lot of upside.

Like, you'll never have to
touch an old person again.

Thanks, babe.

And maybe one day we
can connect our jars,

like one of those
hamster houses.

I'd like that.

But do you think what
we're feeling is real,

or are we just making the best
out of a terrible situation?

Like, when I got a tan
at my grandma's funeral?

I honestly don't know.

But it sure seems real.

Seems real?

I didn't ask if it seems real.

I asked if it is real, Fred.

You know what? Just put
me back on the table.

I can't believe I let
you drink from my jar.

Ahhh!

Norville, what are
they doing here?

Hey, Daphne. Hey, Velma.

Why wouldn't they be here?
The woods belong to everybody,

thank you very much,
Teddy Roosevelt.

But this was supposed to be
a romantic getaway for two.

I have been hinting at this
since we started dating.

Hints? What hints?

You know, we don't
have to sneak around.

I have a cabin in the woods.

Ugh. Hey, so remember when I
mentioned my cabin in the woods?

Norville, I wanna go with
you to my cabin in the woods.

I'll go.

I thought you were bragging.

My parents have a timeshare near Area
51, but I feel tacky mentioning it.

Okay, but then why did
you wanna use my cabin?

We're looking for
the serial killer.

There was a picture of
Mount Crystal on his phone.

Hold up. The serial
killer is near my cabin,

and you didn't tell me, the hottest
remaining girl at the school?

I wasn't expecting
you to be here.

Also, for what it's worth,
Daphne is technically hotter.

You just have a mildly
better personality.

See? If Norville could take
a hint or read a signal,

we wouldn't be stuck here
like a 127 Hours reboot

with a bigger, more diverse cast

that old people
will gripe about.

Fine. I might not be
great at reading signals,

but I am great at sending them
from my emergency homing beacon.

Everyone cheer for Norville.

Whoo-hoo!

- Yay, Norville!
- Yeah!

Falcon Two has visuals.

Preparing to lower
for extraction

Copy
that, Falcon Two.

But we need you to abort
mission and return to base.

Abort mission?

Sir, if we don't pull
these kids out right now,

they won't live
through the night.

That's a
risk we'll have to take.

Fred Jones, the son of a wealthy
white family, has gone missing.

All local units are being diverted
to the search, effective immediately.

Sir, when I became a helicopter
rescue person, I took an oath.

And I'd rather
die than break it.

Yay!

Have any of you seen Fred Jones?

What? No.

That tracks.

Okay, guys, since it looks
like this really might be the end,

I have a confession to make.

This is all Daphne's fault.

Velma, stop.

We have to figure out
how to get out of here.

We don't have time
for another...

It's embarrassing, Norville!

How is it embarrassing to be considered
the second hottest girl in school?

Well, third, if you
throw in my mom.

Hey, maybe we should go?

This is super juicy, but live
streaming it will drain my battery.

And I'm only here for your
hallucinations anyway.

Hallucinations? Well, Velma
doesn't have those anymore.

I mean, you wouldn't know it, given
how tired and puffy she still looks,

- but that's all sodium intake.
- I knew you were lying.

You slept the whole
car ride here.

It was like sitting in the
front row of a dolphin show.

I'm sorry, but can you blame me?

Just when we finally reconnect,

I learn you have some other
friend you're obsessed with.

- Ugh.
- Where are you going?

There is a serial
killer in the woods.

Or worse, a celebrity doing
a social media cleanse.

I don't care.

I'm so mad at you for lying, I'm
walking to town to find Wi-Fi,

and even if I don't find it,

I would rather call an actual
taxi from a stranger's landline

than spend one more
second with you.

That makes two of us.

I cannot believe I wore
edible underwear for this.

Do you think they'll be okay?

And did Gigi mention if
there's more edible underwear?

- I'm starving.
- They'll be fine.

Well, Daphne will be at least.

Is that a joke? Daphne is
too pale for the outdoors.

Her skin crisps like
a rotisserie chicken.

No, she's fine because
she's alone with Gigi.

Apparently, before you
and Daphne reconnected,

or whatever it is
you guys are doing,

Daphne had a thing for Gigi.
She even hacked her phone.

Wait, so the incident
wasn't Olive, it was Gigi?

Oh, no. And I just drove
Daphne right into her arms.

Velma, come on. I think
you're overreacting.

Oh, my God!

For the first time in your life,
you weren't reacting enough.

- What's going on here?
- Velma, stop!

Gigi said there was a
cave down in that ravine,

so we came out to try and see if that's
where the serial killer was hiding.

But then the outcropping started
to break off under our weight.

Your weight? Please.

Legally, both of you should
still be in car seats.

Ahhh!

Oh, my God, I'm so mad,
we're friends again!

We're gonna
die down here, Daphne.

So Daphne's obsession with Gigi
is why we're gonna die here,

sitting in puddles
of our own filth.

I'm not in a puddle of my
own filth. Are you guys?

But more importantly, Daphne hasn't
been obsessed with me for a year.

Does no one read my blog,
Gigi's Juicy Journey?

It's true. I'm not
obsessed with Gigi anymore.

But this is
still all my fault.

Wait, what? For reals?

Because, honestly, I was really
grasping at straws when I blamed you.

No, it's my fault.

I know you're possessive, Velma.

But I've always said it's one of my
favorite parts of our friendship.

Said? Said to who? Was
it Gigi? I'll kill her.

Yes, I love that.

I was abandoned by my parents,
so I like feeling wanted.

And when we stopped
being friends,

I tried to recreate what we had.

But the only other person who's
ever found me irreplaceable

is the captain of
my tug of war team.

Why not tell me that?

Because after all
our ups and downs,

it felt really good to see
you jealous again last night.

Hold on. You wanted me to
get jealous and rage out?

Yes, but I didn't expect you to
lie about your hallucinations

just to drag me to the woods.

Help! The rock shifted.

It feels like I'm
flying Southwest.

Wait, if the rock can move,
one of us can wiggle out

and to avoid issues of sizeism,
it should be me.

Ahhh! Stop!

Velma, it's too tight.

One of us can get
out, but only if

we pick someone to
be crushed to death.

Ow!

- Gigi, what are you doing?
- I picked.

This is Velma's fault, because
everything crazy that happens

is Velma's fault, Norville.

- It's Daphne's fault, Norville.
- It's Velma's fault.

Interestingly, we're
trapped in an actual fault.

Shut up, Norville!

Oh, no.

Was that bathroom graffiti
prediction about me right?

Did I die and go to hell?

No, from the look
of these crystals

and the smell of horny bats,

this must be an extension
of the Crystal Mines.

The Crystal Mines?
Of course.

That would explain how the serial
killer moves around unseen.

And if he took a
picture around here... Mom!

Mom!

Velma, shush. Our fall
caused structural damage.

If we're not quiet, this
whole place could collapse

quicker than our
tenuous friendships.

That's it. We're getting out
of here right now, Norville.

We need to have a
little talk about us.

About us? Why?

You just saved Velma's
life instead of mine!

Hey, we're gonna head out.

Look, I know it's dangerous to be
in here, but I have to find my mom.

And maybe we should have a
little talk about us, too.

And no changing the
subject this time.

Yeah, okay. But have we even
discussed how the federal government

just kind of admitted
that there are aliens?

What was that?

Oh, no. Krista, wake up.

We fell asleep. I have to get
you back on the table before...

What the hell?

Krista, you hooked up with Fred?

Fred said you broke up.

Babies, hey.
Freddie can explain.

And can you explain how
you also hooked up with me, Fred?

What?

Yes, I can actually.

Please don't be mad I
manipulated you, Velma.

I'm not mad. I'm shocked.

You've always been the
good one in our friendship.

You don't laugh when I trip, even
though I always laugh when you do.

Well, then maybe we're both
too messed up to be friends.

It's clearly not working.

I think you're right.

So, maybe it's time we
tried being girlfriends.

Girlfriends? Seriously?

I'm sorry. I'm
a... I'm a flawed man.

And that flaw is
that I love too much.

Fred?

You all mean so much to me because
of this crazy shared experience.

So many memories.

Lola's brain-ceanera,
Krista's pregnancy scare...

No matter what happens,
we are bonded for life.

And that's bound to lead to
some relationship weirdness.

We are the Fleetwood Mac of a guy
trapped in a cave with some brains.

Only, a landslide
won't bring us down.

Well, when you put it like
that, maybe you're right, Fred.

Oh, no!

The ghost of Edna Perdue
has finally come for me.

Eat brain, ghost.

- Velma?
- Fred, what are you doing here?

No time to explain. I'm free.

It's Brenda's brain.

Yeah, bitch. And don't say
it like it's more shocking

than you hanging out
with Velma again.

Dry your tears,
world. Fred is back!

Back!

Oh, no! Now I have
to yell louder

to be heard over
this collapsing cave.

Help!

Help!

Krista and Lola are here, too.

We discovered the
serial killer's lair.

What do you mean,
quote, "Discovered it?"

We were already here.

Yeah. Nice colonial
mindset, Columbus.

But how is this possible?

Who would keep
their brains alive?

Not that I'm not super excited
you're still around, ladies.

It's like what I said.

Someone is trying to
recreate Dr. Perdue's work.

Which means... Brains,
where's my mom?

Indian woman. Lots of opinions
on weight and personal hygiene.

The only person we've seen
is that freak in the welder's mask.

What? But that's impossible.
My mom has to be here.

Guys, something's
causing the cave to collapse!

This is what happens...

when you
invite unpopular girls, like Velma

to a party.

Velma, we have to go!

You go. Take the brains.

I know my mom is here and I'm
not leaving until I find her.

Oh, God.

Velma, you'll never make it.

You can barely
clear a jump rope.

Leave the brains. They
wouldn't save you. Trust me!

No. I need to learn to be
cool with your other friends.

Ahhh!

She's not gonna make it!

Oh, my God, I made it.

Wait. Am I secretly athletic?

Oh, no!

Don't let them plant
a tree in my honor!

- I got you!
- What? Who?

Oh, my God! Mom!

That's right,
Velma. Mom is here.

It's all gonna be...
Okay.

Ahhh!

It's okay. We've got you dried
up, old version of Velma.

Mom, it's you. I
finally found you.

I knew you would. I thought
about you every day.

Hey, not to interrupt the
moment, but we really need to go.

Follow me.

Yes!

It's still here.

Mom, whose van is this?
Why did they take you?

And what were they planning to
do with Dr. Perdue's research?

I'll tell you everything
when we get out of here.

Now, get in this
mystery... Jalopy.

Oh, god, there's
no exit anywhere.

Who am I? Jean-Paul Sartre?

Did you get that, Mom? No exit? Like
Sartre's seminal play about hell?

I do. Very good.

I've missed you constantly
seeking my approval.

And I've missed constantly
needing your approval.

Guys, please. Less
reconnecting, more not dying.

We're not gonna die. I think.

Uh, we might actually. Oh, boy.

Hold on!

Velma, what principle
of physics am I using?

Centripetal force.

A-plus.

Jesus Christ,
just watch the road!

Daphne has become very rude.

Tell me you're not
still best friends.

Uh...

Sunlight! There
must be an opening.

Wait, no, it's lava. Crap.

I've just finally realized
that all the problems we have

are because you
still like Velma.

Gigi, that's insane.

No one knows my
heart better than me.

Not even Mary J. Blige.

And if I'm lying about liking
you, then let her send me a sign.

Oh, my God, we made it!

Fred's alive!

I am never having a scary
adventure in a van again.

Now may I hug my
daughter, Daphne?

Yes.

Hey, I don't wanna
ruin the moment,

but the brains are
starting to smell.

- God, you're okay.
- It's a special day

here in Crystal Cove,

as one of our worst
nightmares comes to an end.

That's right. Fred Jones
has been found alive.

What's more, Fred seems to
have single-handedly located

the brains of the
murdered hot girls

and their cleaning
lady, Diya Dorkly.

Though one big
question still remains.

What is the cleaning
lady's immigration status?

Okay, time to go.

Velma, It's okay. I'll
see you at the hospital.

But, Mom, you still haven't
told me who did this.

Who took you?

I didn't tell you yet?

It's... I...

I can't remember.