All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s01e30 You Cant Get There from Here.eng

[barking]

[Jacqueline]
The sirens of summer

had sung sweetly
to Sister Bertrille,

who had gone aloft
for a brief flight.

But she had ventured
perhaps too far from San Tanco.

And when the winds fell,
very suddenly...

[branches cracking]

[groaning]

[birds squawking]

Anybody here?

Nice island you've got here.

Maybe it's livelier
on Saturday night.

Signal fire.

[blowing]

It'll never happen.

[Jacqueline]
In situations like this, there are only 2 thoughts.

Do the natives still make
hero sandwiches out of missionaries?

And, are the natives
restless tonight?

[birds chirping]

[rustling]

Carlos!

Carlos!

Sister Bertrille!
Oh, Carlos.

I've never been so
glad to see anybody in my whole life.

Oh, same for me.
What are you doing here, anyway?

Well, that's a long story.

You know,
I was just about to ask you the same thing.

You were? Well,
I was just cruising around, but the wind died.

Oh, that's great.
Yeah.

We are stranded.

Oh, no, we're not.
We can just take your yacht, right?

Wrong.
Wrong?

Right.
Why?

I've been marooned.

Oh, I see.

No, I don't see.
Who marooned you?

April chance.
She cast you adrift?

She threw me overboard.
She's bigger than you?

She moved faster than me.

Well, I--I met her
at a club

and I suggested
we could, uh...

Know each other better
on a little sail, out here alone.

We had a picnic planned.

And when we got here

I tried to, well,
you might say

solidify our friendship.

And she pushed me
over the side

and took off
with the yacht.

Well, Carlos,
it looks like you were outmaneuvered this time.

Ah, yeah, maneuvered.

You have never
seen maneuvering

like I'll maneuver
if I ever get my hands on her again.

Oh, Carlos,
you can't really blame her.

Oh, I can't, huh?
No.

You just watch me.

I'm going to
have her keelhauled.

If I knew how it is done.

Calm down.

I am not calming down.

I'm going to stay
just the way I am.

Swell.
But I can't really feel sorry for you.

I have a hunch
you got yourself into this, old boy.

What gave you that idea?

I am as innocent
as the day is long.

A victim of circumstances.

Oh, sure.

What about
that little episode with bobbye star?

Or have you forgotten
that one?

How can I forget
with you around?

Welcome to the caprice,
Mr. Vicious.

I'll welcome you, playboy.

Oh, there's been a tragic
misunderstanding.

Is that why
the door was locked?

Yes. Uh, no!

There was a draft.

[Bobbie]
Don't lie, Carlos.

We're not ashamed.

We love each other.

We what?
You what?

I'm not just
a decoration to him.

He thinks I have
a beautiful soul.

For that line alone,
you ought to be shot.

Miss star, m-maybe
we--we should reconsider.

But, Carlos--

after all,
we just met this morning.

Playboy, by the time
I'm finished with your face,

your own mother won't
recognize you.

Listen, you got me
into that mess.

All I did was
introduce you.

The trouble with you is
every time you go to work,

you toss out more lines
than a fishing pier on Sunday afternoon.

No wonder
you get tangled up.

Oh, sister, please,
don't start with the sermons.

Where's your cornet?
You can fly out for help.

Oh. No, I can't fly.

See, it got all wet
and torn, and...

There isn't any wind,
anyway. Thank you.

I wonder how many years
I'm going to get for killing a pirate.

That's not
important now, Carlos.

The important thing
is survival.

Survival!

Yes.

Why, it'll be tooth
and nail

if we expect to
live out the years until someone stumbles on us here.

What are you talking about?

As soon as that pirate
feels enough remorse

she'll turn around
and come back.

And I'm going to stay here
waiting for her

and then I'm
going to kill her.

Swell. But, in the meantime,
you'd better make preparation for a stay.

No telling how long
we'll be here.

Preparations.

The only preparations
I'm making are

to make that girl sorry
she--she ever ran off with my yacht.

Carlos,

there's no telling
what we might face here,

like, uh, like wild beasts,

or exposure,
or dying of thirst,

or rinderpest, or beri-beri,
or hoof and mouth disease,

or--or an unexpected
monsoon.

Monsoon?

They don't occur
on these latitudes.

See? See how
unexpected it would be?

Oh, boy.

Can it be fixed?
What?

The cornet.
Oh, I don't know.

I hung it to dry back there.

But it's ripped and I need to
get it stiff enough to lift me properly.

It might be the only way
to get out of here.

I don't think I could
remain sane on an island

with you
for very long.

Oh. Thank you very much.

You know, I might
be able to make some struts for it.

For what?
The cornet!

There's no need to holler,
we're the only ones on the island.

But I need to get
some starch for it.

You're not going to
find starch on an island.

Don't be too sure.

Now, the first thing
to do is to make a big signal fire, Ok?

So you go that way
and I'll go this way.

And try to gather
as much as you can.

Ok. Gather what?

Firewood!
Fine.

[Bertrille]
See? We eat.

Fish?
Mmm!

All you need to do now
is go dig us up some worms.

Yeah. Worms?

Dig worms?

Well, what do
you think fish eat, barbecued beef sandwiches?

Well, I'm not going to
dig worms.

Carlos,
if you want to eat fish, you have to dig worms.

I will not dig worms.
It is demeaning.

It is beneath the dignity of
a gentleman of Puerto Rico to dig worms.

Look, Carlos,
in this operation,

if anyone wants to eat,
they have to help.

Now, I'm not going
to work my fingers to the bone

while you sit around
and get a suntan.

All right, all right,
I'll dig worms,

snakes, cobras, pythons.

Thank you, Carlos.
Worms are enough.

[sighs]

Here you are.

Carlos?

Thank you, lord,
for the bounty of the sea,

and for making us
comfortable in such harrowing conditions. Amen.

You don't know
the trouble I went to to get that, Ma'am.

You know, Carlos, you're
the grouchiest companion

I've ever been
stranded on an island with.

I'm a paragon of joy
compared to what I'd be

if that April chance
was here.

You're not really
that angry at her, are you?

No, no, I'm not angry.

I'm livid with rage.

Well, it's your own fault.

Nevertheless,
I'm going to wring her lovely neck,

slowly, with great care
and great joy.

Carlos, you've got
no one to blame but yourself.

Luring girls out
on your yacht

and sailing out where
they can't even walk home.

I didn't lure her,
I just--

just what?

Just nothing.

Uh-huh, just as I thought.
It's your own fault.

What are you, anyway,
the voice of my conscience?

Don't be silly.
Silly?

From the very
first day we met,

everywhere I go,
anything I do, you pop up,

like a gloomy danger sign,

like a heavenly ounce
of prevention.

Nonsense.

I wish it was.

Remember that trip
I was making to St. Thomas?

With that sweet,
sweet girl.

Do you know
this is the first time I've been to St. Thomas?

Does it have
beautiful scenery?

Not compared to you, Louise

oh, Carlos.

[inaudible]

I understand St. Thomas
is a free port.

What can I buy there?

Carlos!

We are not going
to St. Thomas.

You're kidding!

Pedro, turn back
to San Juan.

Turn back!

What for?

To donate my land
to the convent.

Do you have to do it
right now?

Yeah.

But why?

I just had
a religious experience.

That was purely accidental.
I just happened to be in the neighborhood.

Sister, you are always
in the neighborhood.

And as much as I appreciate
your concern,

there are times when I wish
you'd do me a favor and get lost.

So many times.

We should drink to the fate
that made our paths cross.

Or to the travel folders
that enticed me

to come to Puerto Rico
for my vacation.

We'll drink to them, too.
Then we will lunch

and then...
And then?

Then we'll spend
the hours blissfully, just the 2 of us,

alone.

Carlos, you won't
believe it,

but when I was a little girl
in Wisconsin, well, I,

I just hated to go
on picnics because

something always happened
to spoil them.

Nothing can spoil the bliss
of this moment, my darling.

Carlos, there's someone here,
standing right behind you.

Oh, no.
No, it can't be.

Not here. Not now--

Carlos, hi.

I didn't expect
to find you here.

That's exactly
why we're different, Sister Bertrille.

I've come to expect you
to find me here and everywhere.

[Carlos]
And to make matters even worse,

unlike lightning,
you struck twice

at the same place
and on the same date.

Oh, foolish girl,

how can I forget
a sublime moment like this?

Hi, I'm back.

Oh, why me? Why me?
What have I done?

Gee, I'm sorry to bust in
on you two like this again, but I couldn't help it.

Of course
you couldn't help it, Sister Bertrille.

It is preordained
that we meet in strange, out-of-the-way places.

Carlos, I needed
another favor. What now?

Well, I took your advice,
and I got rid of that no-good heap that I bought.

Oh, I'm overjoyed.

And now I wondered
if I could borrow your station wagon.

My station wagon?
Yeah, just for a second.

You see, the kids are waiting
to be taken to the carnival.

I promise
I'll be back in a jiffy.

Of course
you will be back, Sister Bertrille,

it is inevitable.

Please, take the car.

Oh, thank you, Carlos.

You're a real good egg.
Bless you.

Have fun,
you two.

[thunder rumbling]

Carlos, I want to go back
to my hotel room now.

Ok.

If you wish.

How?

What other way is there?

I'm going to walk you back.

Come on.

[screaming]

[Carlos]
Sometimes I think you were put on earth

to punish me
for every stray thought that ever entered my mind.

Don't try and crawl
out from under all that guilt, Carlos,

by blaming your
troubles on me.

To quote a famous sage.

"Live by the sword,
die by the sword."

Oh, sister,
I'm a desolate figure of a man.

Would you just,
please stop bugging me?

Carlos,
there's an old saying.

"The truth bugs."

"The truth hurts."

I bet it does!

[sighs]

How about your cornet?

Well, it's dry,
but that's about all I can say for it.

Let me get it.
Ok.

You know,
I might be able to make a frame of struts for it.

Yeah?
Yeah.

I'm beginning to think
that she took the yacht all the way back to San Juan.

Might be our only chance.

But, Carlos,
there isn't enough wind.

We have to hope.

Now you're starting
to sound like me.

Well, now that the problem
of food is settled,

there's only one other
problem to face, Friday.

Don't call me Friday.
Call me Robinson.

Ok, Robinson.

We have to find
some fresh drinking water.

How about all that?

Salt.

Oh.
Yeah.

So, you go that way
and I'll go this way

round the other
side of the island

and look where
the foliage is the greenest

because that's where
there's most likely to be fresh water.

Ok.

I'm only going
because I'm thirsty.

Right.

[groaning]

[gasping]

[softly]
Hello.

Who are you?

I--I--I'm
Sister Bertrille, uh, convent San Tanco.

I'm April.
Oh, what a swill!

April?

From the yacht, April?

Oh, hooray! Hooray!
We're saved!

When do we leave?

As soon as we can
get to your boat.

My boat?
I thought we'd use your boat.

That would be difficult.

I sank it,
and it wasn't even mine.

Oh, wait till he hears that.

Wait till who hears that?

Uh,

whomever it belongs to.

Y-Y-You said
you didn't own it.

Say, what are you
doing here?

Thinking as hard as I can.

Meditating?

Oh, yes, I guess
you could call it that.

But how did you get here?

Oh, I just dropped in,
but I didn't plan on staying.

So we're both
in the same boat.

[tittering]
I hope not.

Sister, talking to you
is like coming in

in the middle
of a conversation.

Really?

That's what they
say at the convent.

That's why I have to get away
every once in a while, to meditate.

Right!

Right. Uh,

are we alone on this island?

Well, no one is ever
really alone.

But isn't there a big fire
on the other side of the island?

I mean, I saw it
as I was swimming in.

Uh, yes,
it's a signal fire that I built,

but you don't want
to go over there.

It's the best I can do.

It might work.

Looks pretty awful.

Well, esthetics were
my last consideration, sister.

I'll try it.
Ok.

Come on, go ahead.

Well, I--I'll go round
to the other side of the island.

There's more wind
over there.

If there's no wind here,
why should there be wind over there?

Oh, just a fluke
of topography, I guess.

You're acting
very peculiar now.

[tittering]
I am?

W-Well, it must be
the privation.

You'd act peculiar, too,
if you were washed up on an island.

I am washed up
on an island! Right.

None of this is happening.
I'm not trapped here making struts for a cornet,

and my yacht is not
out there somewhere with that p-pirate!

No, it isn't.

What?
What?

I mean, she's
probably made it to San Juan by now.

Yeah, probably.
Yeah, probably.

But when I find her...

When I find her, I'm--
you will find her.

Will you watch the fire?
I gotta go.

[birds twittering]

Have to keep exercising.

You never know when
fitness will count.

Sister Bertrille,
I still can't understand

why we spend so
much time repairing your cornet.

Well, it's just
that I feel funny with my habit incomplete.

Oh, darn it!

Oh, these binds are tough
and my hands are getting all cut up.

If we're going to
starch the cornet, the binds won't hold.

We need something
more like thread.

Yeah. Hold this.
Thank you.

There.

If I ever see that
Carlos Ramirez again,

I'll sew him up
like that cornet. I swear I will.

Maybe you're judging him
too harshly.

[chuckling]
Harshly?

Listen, if anyone knows
how to judge a playboy like that, it's me.

You must have
found something in him attractive.

Well, I'll admit
he had a certain amount of dash.

[both laughing]

And a persuasive charm,
yeah.

And a darling smile.

Besides, to quote my mother,

"it's just as easy
to fall in love with a rich man

as a poor one."

Oh.

But, boy,
have I got news for mother.

Something tells me
you two weren't meant for each other.

Here.
Oh, thank you.

I don't think
I'll need it, though.

This is almost
as good as new.

All I needed to do was
soak it in coconut milk and let it dry,

and it's all starched.

Coconut milk
is 90% starch.

I'll have to
make a note of that.

Yeah, write it down
and keep it in your wallet.

Say, how do you know
all these things?

Oh, I don't know.
I guess you know a lot of things

without knowing
you know 'em until you need them.

I just remember,
that's all.

Like for instance,
tubers and roots and sago palm are 90% starch.

Gee, I wish
I knew things that were useful like that.

You know, I have decided
that I am just not very bright, sister.

Well, you know,

otherwise, I wouldn't keep
making the same mistakes over and over and over.

Mistakes?
Mmm. Men.

Why, you know,
I keep picking the kind

that leave me
stranded on islands.

But April, you
were the one that...

I mean, uh,
don't you think that, uh, what's his name?

Carlos...
Carlos

Ramirez
Ramirez.

Right. Maybe he's not
like all the others.

I mean, it might have been
an honest misunderstanding.

Oh, please, sister.

[laughing]

Well, I mean
the arrangement

might have been
a little bit different,

[April]
But he was playing the same old tune.

Yeah, right.

Take it from me.
All is not gold that glitters.

But maybe--maybe it was
partly your fault.

Well, like they say,
"it takes two to tango."

But just the same,
here I am, stuck,

stranded in the middle
of nowhere. And it's because of him.

Boy, you know,
sinking his yacht was an accident,

but if I ever get
a hold of him again--

sinking my yacht!

You!
Carlos, what are you doing here?

I was lonely!

Well, here's something
to keep you company!

[exclaiming]

Carlos,
don't do anything you'll be sorry for.

I'm not going to be
sorry about anything!

[Carlos]
I'm gonna...

April, a lady never
uses her fist.

All right,
I'll use a rock! Good!

No!

Now, you guys, wait.
Now, wait.

Now wait a minute!

[exclaiming in Spanish]

Just because you're rich,
you think you can run faster than I...

[Bertrille]
Stop! Come back!

[panting]
All right, you guys, now cut it out.

It's-- it's not nice
to hit people with bricks!

Carlos! April!

I think we can
talk this thing out sensibly.

[squelching]

[exclaims]

[Bertrille]
Help! Somebody help me!

Sister Bertrille,
where are you?

Help! Carlos!
I'm sinking! I'm sinking!

[Bertrille]
Carlos!

Sister Bertrille!
Sister Bertrille!

Carlos, I'm down here.
Sister!

Now, Carlos, don't panic.

I'm not panicking.

Can you say any prayers?

Carlos, praying
isn't enough right now.

[April]
Sister, you're going under.

You're telling me.

Carlos, do something!

As soon as I save her,
I'm going to finish with you.

[grunting]

[April laughing]

You know, Carlos,
now that we've cleared the air,

I forgive you everything.

And I forgive you.

And after all,
the insurance will take care of the yacht.

Carlos, the wind
is rising!

Yes!
It is rising!

What? What is it?

[Carlos]
Come on hurry up, be on your way.

Well, where are you going?

And the updraft will
take you straight to San Juan. We are lucky.

Oh, Ok, I'm ready.

But, Carlos,
I'm leaving you and April here alone.

I know. I know.
You just fly safely home. And hurry,

because the wind
might die down.

Yes, but I'm leaving
you here alone on your honor.

Oh, sister,
how can you think--

Carlos, promise.

...I'd be anything
but a gentleman in the circumstances?

Carlos, promise,
else I can't go.

[sighs]

Ok, I promise.

Oh, good. Good.

Wish me luck.
Ok.

I'll send help
as soon as I can.

[Carlos]
Good luck.

April?

April!

Carlos.

At last
we are alone.

Oh, alone!
Come on, where's Sister Bertrille?

She left us
for the moment.

I don't see how...

Oh, come on,
don't say a word.

[Bertrille]
Carlos, you promised!

What was that?

[groaning]
The voice of my conscience!

But...

But...

[end credits]

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