All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s01e27 The Puce Alert.eng

[barking]

[Jacqueline]
When her good friend, Carlos Ramirez,

went on 2 weeks active duty
with marine corps reserve,

Sister Bertrille
did everything she could

to make his service
more tolerable.

Private Ramirez was stationed
on a small island, not far from San Juan.

Sister Bertrille knew
that his palate would not take kindly

to a steady diet
of field rations.

Sister Bertrille wrote
Señor Ramirez a letter every night.

She didn't want him to feel
o-out of touch.

Señor Ramirez's unit

was scheduled to take part
in large scale battle maneuvers.

Sister Bertrille
watched the newspapers avidly for some sign

that the maneuvers had begun.

If you're on guard duty,
shouldn't you be guarding something?

Oh, no.

These are just games.

Even when the battle starts,
it wouldn't be a real one.

I'd still hate to
see you get into any trouble, Carlos.

Trouble?

The commanding officer
is terrified of me.

He knows a real man
when he sees one.

Ramirez.

What's going on?

Well, uh, um,
we have war game, sir.

I'm playing.

You civilian.

You 2-week hero.

You think these maneuvers
are some kind of joke?

Oh, no, sir, I don't.
Uh, I'm dedicated.

Young lady,
how did you get on this island?

His yacht.

His yacht?

It's only one thing I hate
more than a civilian, a rich civilian.

Well, it's just
a little yacht.

Willis.
Sir.

How could you get a boat
through our security?

This island's supposed to be
on red alert.

Well, we are not on
red alert yet, sir.

Well, put us on!
Yes, sir.

As for you playboy,

you may have thought,
you are only on 2 weeks' active duty.

Yeah, I thought I was.

But you've just become
a career man. Well, I don't want to.

By the time I'm finished
with you,

you'll be in the corps
20 years.

20 years? I've--

in the brig!
Yes, sir.

[Jacqueline]
While Private Ramirez awaited court martial,

he was put on a work detail.

It included,
among other things,

polishing
Captain Dolger's boots.

The old man liked
the way you peeled the potatoes.

You mean the daisies?
Yes.

Tonight he wants you to
shape 'em like roses.

I'll do my best.

"Reverend Mother Placido,
convent San Tanco."

Captain Dolger
knows Reverend Mother.

You better be careful

or you're gonna get
another 20 years for reading his mail.

Just a moment,
this is important.

Does he know Mother Placido?

Hmm. Talks about her
all the time.

She and, uh, bismark
are his idols.

Tell me one thing.

How much is it worth to you
to make one brief radio call for me?

My stripes.

You're going--
forget it.

We are on red alert.

You couldn't get a cough
through this security screen.

You understand that?

Lieutenant Willis,
could I please see Carlos?

No, I'm sorry, but
it's against regulations.

Just for a second?

Please, lieutenant,
before she goes, one little kiss.

Well, it's
against regulations.

I know, I know.

Oh, Carlos,
I'm gonna miss you so much.

Oh, don't worry, baby.

My only regret is that
I have but one life to give for my country.

[whispering]
Go to convent San Tanco,

tell Sister Bertrille
she must come here immediately.

How? How will she get through
the red alert?

Don't question the mysteries
of the church, my love.

Honestly, Reverend Mother,
Carlos wouldn't have sent for me,

not me, unless
he really needed me.

Señor Ramirez
is a grown man.

He is perfectly capable
of taking care of himself.

Sister Bertrille,
we cannot interfere

in the affairs
of the marine corps.

But Reverend Mother,
Ginger said that

that Captain Dolger
is going to court-martial Carlos.

Captain Dolger?

Captain Daniel
"gung ho do-or-die" Dolger?

You know him?

Yes, I know him.

In fact, he's my cousin.

And Cousin Daniel
takes his responsibilities very seriously.

Sister Bertrille,
I think we had best

pray very earnestly
for Señor Ramirez.

Yes, operator.
I--I am trying to reach

captain Daniel gung--

j. Dolger.

The 112th marine detachment.

Yes, yes.
They're on maneuvers.

No, I have not.
As you put it, "lost my marbles."

I am simply
trying to reach

Captain Daniel J. Dolger.

[man chattering on phone]

Young man,

no matter what color alert
you are on,

that is no way
to talk to a lady.

Good day.

Sister Bertrille,
perhaps you had best fly over to the island,

at least to investigate.

Right!

Reverend Mother.

[Dolger]
Ramirez.

Go ahead.

Malinger,
it'll bring the charges against you to an even dozen.

What is it, Willis?

Uh, unidentified object
approaching on the radar, sir.

Oh, it's nothing
but a pelican.

Let me see those.

Man in the firing positions!
Sir?

A pelican?
They certainly bamboozled you, Willis.

It's one of our
new missiles.

Man the firing positions!

[men chattering]

Now this is it, men.
"Force x."

First wave of the aggressors.

I know that you'll make me
proud of you today.

Sir, that is a poor,
helpless pelican.

I'm an animal lover.

Oh, don't worry.
We don't use live ammunition. We use flour.

But you can brush that off.

How do we know
they are hit?

The honor system.

Coordinates, 4 minutes,
33 seconds, north.

53 minutes, 9 seconds, east.

Fire 3.

It seems
to be retreating, sir.

[explosions]

[Bertrille]
Carlos!

Carlos!

Oh.

Sister,
ar-are you all right?

Oh, yes. Except for
a few scratches on the fuselage.

Are you sure
those are just games?

With Captain Dolger,
nothing is a game.

Come here, sister.

I have to talk to you
before they get back.

Please sit down.

Now, sister,

I'm not one to
take advantage of a friendship,

but I have been generous
with the convent, right?

Oh, you sure have, Carlos.
There was that acre of land that--

an acre and a half,
and a playground. Now, who keeps count?

Now the point is,
Reverend Mother should do me a favor.

This Captain Dolger,

he's going to draw
and quarter me.

What did you do?
Nothing.

Well, it was
a little misunderstanding about visiting hours.

Now Reverend Mother
has great influence on Captain Dolger.

You have to persuade her
to intercede for me.

Oh, Carlos,
I-I'm sure she wants to. She even tried.

But she couldn't even get
a telephone call through to Captain Dolger.

She won't be able to,
but she has a nun who can fly.

A letter?

A special delivery.

[beeping]
Radio headquarters.

Tell them we repelled
our aggressor. Yes, sir.

[machine beeping]

Good show, men.

I'll never forget this day.

Where's Ramirez?

Uh, I don't know, sir.

He's escaped.

You're an angel.
Oh, thanks.

[Ramirez]
I'll always be grateful you.

Oh, it's nothing, Carlos.

[Ramirez]
Nothing?

You risked your neck
to get over here.

[Bertrille]
But you're my friend.

A girl.

[Dolger]
You just don't stop, do you, Ramirez?

Girls, girls.

How dare you?

Dressing up one of
your little playmates as a nun.

Now, wait a minute.
I am a nun, or a novice.

Oh, sure.

And I'm prince charming.

Oh, oh, captain,
she is a nun.

She's Sister Bertrille
of convent San Tanco.

And you're one of her
good works, I suppose?

Well, as a matter of fact,
yes. You see--

[Dolger]
I don't want to hear about it.

I just want to know one thing.
How did you get on this island?

Can, uh, you keep a secret,
captain?

Try me.

I flew.

I see.

You took an unscheduled flight
on Air Vatican

and you landed on our
nonexistent landing strip?

You see, sir, I didn't fly
in an airplane. I just flew.

You see, uh, I--I don't weigh
very much. Only 90 pounds.

And when the wind
is very strong--

forget it, sister.

[chattering]
What?

Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.
What is it?

Uh, sir, I ju-- I just
spoke to headquarters,

and they say that
that wasn't the aggressor we repelled.

No, sir.

It was-- it was me.
Your guns fired at me.

Of course.

[mumbling]
I forgot you flew over.

Yes. It all has to do
with, uh, lift plus thrust

being greater than
load plus drag.

[Dolger]
Now, listen to me, both of you!

I've been in the corps
30 years.

I survived okinawa.

I survived guadalcanal.

And I survived inchon.

And I'm gonna
get through this, too.

Willis, I want
both these people put in the guard house.

We don't have
a guard house, sir.

Then build one.

I'm going to get
the truth out of you

[Dolger]
If it's the last thing I do.

[Jacqueline]
Sister Bertrille and Señor Ramirez were subjected

to a series of
intensive interrogations

to clarify the matter.

[Ramirez screaming]

I don't want to hear
another word about lift plus thrust!

But it's true.
I am Sister Bertrille of the convent San Tanco.

[thudding]

If you don't believe my story,
just ask the Reverend Mother Placido.

[crying]

It's all part
of the maneuvers.

You're working
for headquarters,

aren't you?

Like the girl,

she's some kind of
advance agent.

They sent her here
to test our security, yep?

Captain--
don't try to lie!

Too late.

The jig is up, Ramirez.

You're from headquarters.
I couldn't court-martial you if I wanted to.

Ramirez,

the honor system.

[yawning]
What--

what can I say?

You almost got away with it.

Bring in the girl.

I'm sorry, captain,
but if I confessed to a story like that,

I'd just be telling a lie.

It's not fair.

It's just not fair.

They're making maneuvers
tougher than the real thing.

If I may suggest, sir,
why not check out the, uh, the sister's story?

I mean, particularly
since you know Reverend Mother Placido.

They've finally
gotten to you, haven't they, Willis?

We're on red alert.

The aggressor forces
may attack at any moment.

Do you think that I would
desert my command post

to scramble over to San Juan
and check out a red herring like this?

[knocking on window]

[crickets chirping]

[inaudible]

Well, Cousin Daniel.

Shh!

I see you're still
allergic to doors.

Can anyone hear us?
Why?

It isn't a friendly
family visit, Cousin Boone.

Oh.

I want to ask you something.
Yes?

Maybe you better sit down.

Why? What--
well, what's happening?

Now--now, listen here,
Cousin Daniel,

has something happened
to Sister Bertrille?

There is a Sister Bertrille?
Of course.

She's one of
our novices here.

Short, round face
with a pug nose? Mmm-hmm. Yes, yes.

Where is she?

She's on my island,
that's where she is. Chained to a tree.

Danny!
I don't know what kind of an order you're running here.

The girl shows up
in the middle of a red alert,

and do you know
how she tells me she got there?

Can you keep a secret?

Now don't--
don't you start that with me.

She can fly.

Hmm.

Lift plus thrust.

As I understand it, yes.

I see.

That's very interesting.

Very interesting.

They don't stop at anything
these days, now, do they? Nuns even.

Mother superior.

May I ask
what you were doing?

You know what I'm doing.
No, I do not.

You're in on this.
What?

Right along with Ramirez
and the girl.

You're all working
for the aggressors.

And you're my own
flesh and blood. Now where's that microphone?

Microphone?

I know this office is bugged.
Every word we're saying is going straight to g-2.

What on earth
are you talking about?

Daniel j. Dolger,
stop that.

I mean it.

All right, wherever you are,

I'm not cracking yet.
Not yet.

Dolger hasn't cracked yet.

I survived inchon,
I survived guadalcanal, I survived okinawa.

Danny.
Uh?

Daniel, listen to me.

Sister Bertrille can fly.

You always
had the same problem.

You remember when
you were a little boy,

how you climbed through
our living room window one night

because you were
determined to find the--the little man

that lived inside
my father's, uh,

new fangled radio?
Remember that, hmm?

You must have
a little faith, Daniel.

And if you do not believe
that Sister Bertrille can fly,

why do you not ask her
to demonstrate?

You're trying to undermine
the entire marine corps.

An officer
asking a nun to fly.

What's she doing
on the island anyway?

She was trying to help
Señor Carlos Ramirez.

Oh, yeah. Well,
she helped him, all right.

He'll get 30 years now.

What--

if you insist on being
your usual gung ho self about it--

it's all your fault,
Cousin Boone. My fault?

I deserted my post,
sneaked off my own island.

If this
Sister Bertrille can fly, you've got no business

letting her go airborne
in the middle of a red alert.

Cousin Daniel.

No business.

You run your outfit,
I will run mine.

[crickets chirping]

[whispering]
Everything quiet?

All quiet, sir.

[foliage rustling]

Wait a minute,
there's something moving out there.

Can you see it?

Yes, sir.

This maybe it.
The aggressors.

Ready, fire!

[gun firing]

[Dolger]
It's me!

Don't fire, you idiots.

It's me!

I'm sorry, sir.
I'm sorry.

It looked as if
someone was landing out there.

I was taking a walk.

Willis, about Ramirez
and the, uh, the nun.

I think I've come up
with a new approach.

It came to me
in a kind of a flash.

There are times, my boy,
when a man just has to

throw away a manual.

Why didn't you
wake me up last night to demonstrate?

There just isn't
enough wind this morning.

That wouldn't have stopped
the Wright Brothers.

But it is true, captain.

Sister Bertrille can only fly
under certain conditions.

Come off it. You can fool
some of the people all of the time,

and all of the people
some of the time, but you can't--

sir.
What?

We've sighted
the aggressor, sir. Where?

Landing craft off position 2.

Let me see those.

Man the firing positions.
Deploy the troops.

You stay right here,
please.

Carlos, I'm sorry.

Of all the times
to get grounded.

Don't worry, sister.

If I'm going to be shot,

there's no one I'd rather have
standing beside me.

Gee.

Jeez.

[wind blowing]

Oh. Oh, where were you
when I needed you?

Sister,
go before they come back.

No, Carlos,
I won't desert you.

Why should
both of us suffer?

Carlos, I simply cannot--
do I have to launch you?

[Bertrille grunts]

[Carlos]
You can be more help to me in San Juan!

Do you still want me to talk
to the Reverend Mother?

Too late for her!

You better find out
if the Secretary of the Navy is Catholic.

[machine beeping]

Willis, Willis,
where are the pins?

Wars have been lost
for want of a pin.

Oh, right here, sir.

Good, we'll send "a" company

over to "b" company.

And "b" and "a" company
will move over to the edge of the clearing.

Send "c" company to the beach.

Be sure they have
plenty of fire power.

And the recon patrol
will move from this point...

Sir.

Sir, sir!
...From this point...

Uh, sir, sir,
doesn't it seem strange to you

that the--there aren't
more landing craft?

Maybe we're on
a budget this year.

Captain Dolger.

Captain Dolger.

Can't you see I'm busy?
This is zero hour.

That's why I must
talk to you.

[machine beeping]

Sir, that is not
the aggressor force.

That is only a decoy.

A diversionary move.

You're really out
to get me busted, aren't you, Ramirez?

Why? I do my job.

I serve my country.

Sir, there is a whole flotilla
approaching from the other side of the island.

Why didn't I spot her
or radar-see them?

They are too far away.

But believe me, sir,
someone saw them.

Really? How did they manage?
On tiptoes?

It was Sister Bertrille
who saw them, sir.

Sister Bertrille.

And I suppose she was, uh...

Listen, Ramirez,
one more peep--

good heavens, captain,
what do you need for proof, aerial photographs?

Honestly, captain,
you're the most skeptical man I've ever met.

Captain.

Zero hour.

[grunts]

Willis.

Yes, sir.

Deploy "a", "b",
"c", "d" units

to the farer side
of the island.

The west shore, sir?
But, uh--

ours is not to reason why.

Ours is but to do...

Or die, sir.

[screaming]

[guns firing]

[guns firing]

[whistling]

[birds chirping]

Touchdown.

[man sounding off]

The general's going to be
mighty impressed, Captain Dolger.

You've secured
this entire phase of the operation.

Thank you, major.

Tell me something.

How did you figure out
what we were up to?

Well, sir,

there are times
when a man just has to

throw away the manual.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

I think so.

Ah, sister.
Hi.

Uh, have you seen Carlo--

ahem, uh, Private Ramirez?
I want to say goodbye to him before I leave.

No, I haven't seen him
since he helped bring in the prisoners this morning.

[Ramirez]
The war games are over. Now, the postwar games begin.

[woman]
Oh, Carlos.

[Carlos and woman moaning]

[woman chuckling]

I've never been
an aggressor before. It's fun.

Ramirez.

To the victor, sir.

To the victors.

Oh, sister.

Oh, no, thank you.
I never drink while I'm, uh...

[end credits]

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