All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s01e13 The Patron of Santa Thomasina.eng

[whimpering]

[Jacqueline]
Santa Tomasina is a remote little village

in the mountains
above San Juan.

Its inhabitants,

although a primitive lot,

are prideful, stubborn,

and occasionally quite crafty.

[both]
Viva Santa Tomasina! Shh, shh.

[all whispering]
Viva Santa Tomasina!

♪ Oh, I got a mule,
her name is sal ♪

♪ 15 miles
on the erie canal ♪

♪ she's a good old worker ♪

C'mon mule.

♪ And a good old pal ♪

♪ 15 miles
on the erie canal ♪

[Jacqueline]
To reach Santa Tomasina,

one must have stamina,
purpose,

and just to be
on the safe side,

an invitation.

Sister Bertrille and I
left San Juan armed with all 3,

or so we thought.

♪ Low bridge,
everybody down ♪

♪ low bridge
'cause we're coming to a... ♪

C'mon, whoa.

[donkey braying]
Whoa, whoa.

[groans]

Your turn to ride.

Oh, that's Ok.
I'm not tired.

No, you don't understand.

I prefer to walk.

You know, saint Theresa
wandered all over Spain in her bare feet.

[groans]

Now I know why
they made her a saint.

[birds cawing]

[birds chirping]

Oh, well.

Big welcoming committees
embarrass me anyway.

How could they have
welcomed us?

They didn't even know
when we were coming.

Woo-hoo!
Anyone home?

There's somebody.

One of our future pupils
from the look of him.

Hola, muchacho.

[woman]
10 times a day...

Papacito, there is
2 great birds at the edge of the village.

[woman yelling]
Come see.

Silencio, Juanito.
Do you not see that Señor Diego is hurt?

But, papacito,
they are as big as you.

Juanito, I told you...

Hello, uh,

I'm Sister Bertrille
and this is Sister Jacqueline.

Hello.

We're from
the convent San Tanco in San Juan.

Yes, we were invited here
by your headman,

uh, Señor Caracol.

[people chattering]
Pedro Caracol?

You dare to mention
that name

when my husband,
the fool that he is, is lying on the ground?

I spit on Pedro Caracol.

Quiet, woman.

Can you not see
these are holy sisters?

Go tend your husband.

Forgive her.

Her family have just suffered
a terrible loss.

What do you wish with us?

Is someone hurt?

Perhaps I can help.

Ah, the bump on his head
will heal without a nurse.

But what of Gordo?

How can we live
without Gordo?

Who's Gordo?

[crying]
Their pig.

He was stolen about
an hour ago by Pedro Caracol,

may he choke on the meat.

I--I don't understand.

I--I thought Pedro Caracol
was the head of this village.

Isn't this Santa Tomasina?

The other sister
will remain with Diego. You will come with us.

Now, wait a minute.
If we're in the wrong place...

[Francisco]
This way, sister.

Onward and upward.

[people muttering]

[water running]

The church
of the most holy patron of our village,

Saint Tomasina.

But, Señor--
Francisco.

Ok, Francisco.

I don't know
what's going on here,

but about 3 weeks ago,
a man came to our convent.

He said his name was
Pedro Caracol

and that he was
the headman of the village of Santa Tomasina,

and he invited us
to spend a week there

and tell his people
about our convent school.

Now I understand.

You do?

It is a miracle.

Our most holy patron
has guided your steps.

Sister, if she had not been
watching over you,

you would now be
in a nest of

desperate banditos.

Banditos?
In this day and age?

[laughs]

Well, that's just the point,
sister.

You see, these people are
living in the last century.

There's no electricity
or running water,

and they live in constant fear
of being attacked by bandits like Pedro Caracol.

Oh, Sister Bertrille,
we met him.

Now, did he look like
a bandit to you?

Well, he wasn't wearing
crossed bandileros, if that's what you mean.

But Francisco told me
that Pedro and his men

have been preying
on this village for years.

Well, if Pedro Caracol
is a-- is a leader of a band of desperados,

why did he invite us
to spend a week in his village?

Maybe for the gifts
we'd bring, or the medical supplies,

o-or the burros,

or maybe to hold us
for ransom.

Oh, if he wanted to lure us
to his village,

why did he tell us
he was headman of Santa Tomasina

and let us blunder in here?

Well, remember that sign
down the trail? Yes.

Well, Francisco told me
until this afternoon

that sign pointed towards
Pedro's village.

And Francisco
found out about it

and switched it
just before we got here.

It's kind of
a running battle they have.

Well, that's fine.

Only, I still don't
believe it.

Well, there's one way
to find out.

I'm going to
Pedro Caracol's village.

Sister Bertrille,

this may come
as a shock to you,

but you are a novice
at the convent San Tanco,

not a battalion of Federales.

But I have one thing
the Federales didn't have.

What?
Air power.

Oh.

[sighs]
Oh.

[crickets chirping]

[man]
Francisco? Francisco, where are you?

[men shouting]

Sister,
you must remain inside.

It is not safe outside.

Well, what is it?
What's happening? Who's here?

Pedro Caracol and his men.
It is a raid.

W-Where--where is
Sister Bertrille?

Well, she--she went out.

Out?
With those banditos around?

[speaking Spanish]

[man]
Francisco. They're attacking the church.

The church? Villains!

Do not worry about
Sister Bertrille.

Santa Tomasina
will protect her.

[Francisco]
Courage,

men of Santa Tomasina,

[men hollering]
Courage. I am coming.

And I didn't believe it.

[exclaims]

I guess Francisco
was telling the truth.

[wind blowing]

[man #1]
She is right, Francisco. We are beaten.

[man #2]
How can we fight now?

Now more than ever.

For the honor of our village

and for our holy saint.

Señor Diego,
how are you feeling?

I thought your pig was stolen
this afternoon.

[pig squealing]
Sister, we got him back.

Yes, but there are 2 of them.
Where did he get the other one?

Oh, thank heaven
you are all right.

Sister Bertrille,
she's not yet returned?

Uh, no, not yet.

We--we will
pray for her safety.

Uh--uh, yes. Thank you.

Uh, Señor Francisco,
where did this man get 2 pigs?

Is it not wonderful?

Early this evening,

injured as he was,

Diego risk his life

to rescue his beloved Gordo
from those devils.

Oh, yes, but where did he get
the other one?

Francisco, how can you worry
about pigs now?

She is right, sister.

A terrible tragedy
has befallen our village.

Oh, what happened?
Was someone hurt in the raid?

Worse, sister, much worse.

If you want to see
what villainy

Pedro Caracol
and his criminals are capable of,

come with me.

[Francisco]
There.

They have stolen
Saint Tomasina,

the most holy patron
of our village.

Oh, that's terrible.

For longer than anyone
can remember,

Saint Tomasina
was in this church.

Oh.

She is the symbol
of our village,

of--of our
spiritual identity.

Without her,
we are lost,

we are beaten.

Look!

Uh-oh.
What are they doing up?

It is a miracle.

[all]
A miracle.

Oh, no, hold on.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Uh, you've made a mistake.

I hope they'll be able
to understand lift versus drag.

Come, my friends,

let us welcome
our beloved saint.

By a miracle,
she has returned to us in bodily form.

You must ask her
to forgive us for not having recognized her before.

Saint Tomasina will lead us
against the enemy in person.

Viva Saint Tomasina!

[all chanting]
Viva Saint Tomasina!

Viva Saint Tomasina!

Viva Saint Tomasina!

Oh, brother.

[people chattering]

Don't push, senoras.

Everyone will get a chance
to see the saint.

Well, how does it feel
to be a modern miracle?

Awful.

We've got to get out of here
so we can tell the authorities

back in San Juan
about Pedro Caracol.

Well,
I'm for the first part,

but what are you
going to tell them?

All you saw
was another village with everyone asleep.

Well, banditos
have to sleep, too.

And don't forget
about the new sign at the fork of the road

conclusively pointing towards
Pedro's village.

Well, what
does that prove?

That Francisco
was telling the truth.

Let's go.

Sister, they think
you're their patron saint.

You think they're going to
let you go?

We can try.

Where is the saint going?

[pig grunts]

Juanito, will you please
tell these people I am not a saint?

Perhaps she is going to fly
to heaven

to tell the angels
of the good people of our village.

Not before
she blesses my pig.

You want me to
bless your pig?

Si, tell the saint that Gordo
is from this village,

so he doesn't need
the blessing.

But Francesca here
is a foreign pig.

[pig grunting]

Well I'm-- I'm sorry,
but I can't bless your pig,

I can't bless anything.

Now, won't you please leave?

You too, Juanito.

She took valdez's mangoes.

Why couldn't she
bless my pig now?

The saint is very tired.

We will come back later
for Francesca's blessing.

[trumpet blows]

What's that, another raid?

Look, sister, look.

It is the army
of Santa Tomasina.

Diego, you're out of step.

[Francisco]
Tally...ho!

Left face!

Inform the beloved saint

her army is ready
for review.

My army?

Francisco,
what are you talking about?

Tell the beloved saint
we have waited too long for this day.

For too long

have the villains
and banditos of Pedro Caracol

preyed upon our poor village.

For too long
have we stood in fear of them.

Now wait a minute, fellas...

The blessing,

we are ready for the blessing.

We shall rise up

in our holy armor,

protected from our enemies,

and with the holy saint
herself to lead us,

we will destroy

the army of Pedro Caracol.

[all cheering]

Goodbye, Saint Tomasina,
hello, Joan of arc.

Not yet, not yet.

We have not received
the blessing yet.

And I'm not going to.

I--I mean, she's not,

I mean, I am Sister Bertrille
from the convent San Tanco

and I can't bless anyone.

You see, my people?

How modest the saints are.

They do not know
their own holiness.

Forget it, sister.

He has an answer
for everything.

Look,

even if I were
Saint Tomasina,

I wouldn't lead you
into battle.

Ask--ask the beloved saint
why not?

Our--our cause is just.

He wants to know--
I know. I heard him.

Because, um,

uh, because the saints
are people of peace.

Oh, no, not--not
Saint Tomasina.

She is a warrior saint.

So much for that approach.

Uh, look,

you say Pedro Caracol
and his men are banditos, right?

Si.

Well, then they must be
well armed with guns.

And there's only a few of you,

and you've got nothing
but sticks,

and--and--and shovels
and a few machetes.

Why, you'd be clobbered.

W--w--w--w--what--what
is this clobbered?

Oh, beaten.

Beaten?

The--the men
of Santa Tomasina?

Never.

We are not afraid.
We are strong.

And with Saint Tomasina
herself to lead us,

we are invincible.

[all cheering]

[sighs]

I am not Saint Tomasina.
I am Sister Bertrille.

Now you've got to
believe me.

[men cheering]

All the women
are in the church,

but I don't see
any of the men.

They're probably holding
a council of war.

Trying to figure out
how to convince you to play Joan of arc.

Listen, let's go
while the getting's good.

I don't know.
I suppose it's silly,

but, I feel kind of guilty,
like I'm deserting them.

Sister, on the way home
I want you to repeat to yourself,

"I am not Saint Tomasina,
I am not Saint Tomasina,

I am not saint--"

I know who I am.

I just wish
I could convince them before we left.

Well, you could agree
to lead them against Pedro Caracol.

And then,
after you got shot,

they'd see that
you're not immortal.

On the other hand,
a more positive course of action would be

to tell the authorities
back in San Juan what's been going on around here

and let them
straighten it out.

Good thinking.

Sister?

[both gasping]

Juanito,
what are you doing here?

Is the beloved saint
going to battle?

I knew she would.

Battle?

What battle?
Where are the men?

They have gone
to attack Pedro Caracol.

They went off
without the saint?

I--I mean,
Sister Bertrille?

Si. Señor Diego said
that if the saint said no,

that they should not disobey,
but Señor Francisco said

that what the saint meant
was for them to prove themselves worthy of her.

He's a slippery one,
that Francisco.

So, they are going to win
a great victory,

and the saint will be pleased.
Won't you?

Juanito, when
did they leave?

A little while ago.

They're going to attack
at sundown.

Well, where? Which way?

At the fork of the trail.

Are you going to help them?

I'm gonna stop them.

Why doesn't she fly?

Uh, no wind.

Uh, sister,
wait for your high priestess.

[Jacqueline gasping]

What--what does that mean?

I don't know.
There was only one here last night.

Where is that army?

Men of Santa Tomasina.

Our beloved saint
has come herself to lead us. Look!

[all cheering]

[Bertrille]
Stop, stop.

Whoa!

You've all got to go back
before you get hurt.

Tell the beloved saint
it is too late.

The enemy is upon us.
Look.

[gasping]

That's the enemy?

The villains that have been
preying on your village?

The--the banditos?

[Francisco]
Si.

They are
desperate criminals,

every one of them.

But they're just villagers
like you.

Francisco,

give us back our nuns.

They are not nuns.

This is
the holy Saint Tomasina

sent to us by a miracle.

They are nuns
from convent San Tanco,

and they were sent to us.

You kidnapped them.

Liar.
She descended from the sky.

And who are you
to talk about kidnapping,

you who would steal
a man's pig?

I sp-spit on your pig.

If--if we stole him,

where is he now?

And where is the pig
you--you stole from us?

[Francisco]
Hypocrite!

Well, your saintliness,
what do you think now?

I suppose
you did not steal our beloved statue?

I think we've been conned.
Mmm-hmm.

But by whom?

Statue?

Saint Tomasina has belonged
to our village

for hundreds of years,
and years, and years.

Uh, Señor Caracol--

it is good--good to see you
unharmed, sisters.

But if you value your safety,

come over to this side
of the trail.

Oh, you have been tricked

into a nest of
desperate banditos.

[speaking Spanish]

They have been assaulting
our poor village

for years.

I seem to have heard that
somewhere before.

Unspeakable villain.

It is you
who are the banditos.

Señor Caracol,
what's the name of your village?

Oh, Santa Tomasina,
after the holy saint.

[Francisco]
Treachery.

You have no right
to that name. It is ours.

There.

That is what
we of Santa Tomasina think of thieves.

And that's what
we of Santa Tomasina think of liars.

[Francisco]
Enough.

We will settle this
once and for all.

[Francisco]
For Santa Tomasina,

charge!

What are you waiting for?

The holy saint herself
is here to lead us.

[men cheering]

Oh, no, you don't.

Look...
Oh, you see, my people.

The holy saint sees
whose cause is just.

Charge!

[Bertrille screams]

[all shouting]

Everybody, listen to me!

Ooh, this is awful.

Now, stop it.

Oh, it's too late.
It would take the wisdom of Solomon

to stop them now.
But they're liable to

kill each other.

Solomon?

It's worth a try.
What?

I...

Excuse me.

[all shouting]

♪[blowing trumpet]

All right now.
Everybody at ease.

Now, listen to me, will you?

I think I have a solution
to your problem.

Now,

you say each of your villages
are entitled to the name of Santa Tomasina, right?

[all]
Si.

And this statue here
is the symbol of Santa Tomasina.

[all]
Si. All right.

There's a simple solution.

I'll just slice the statue
in half

and each of you
can have part of her.

[all]
No, no, no.

[Francisco]
Oh, no, no.

This is-- you--you
would not destroy

the holy image, would you?

That would be
a terrible sin.

Is it any less of a sin
to go around breaking each other's heads?

Ok. Ok.

You don't want me
to cut the statue in half,

but neither of you is willing
for the other one to have it,

so what are you guys
going to do?

[Bertrille]
I've got a solution.

Now,

[clears throat]

What if we take her...

We'll put the statue
right here

as a symbol of--of
eternal peace between--

uh, oh, excuse me.

[grunting]

Between east Santa Tomasina

and, uh,

and between

west Santa Tomasina.

Viva west Santa Tomasina!

[all]
Viva west Santa Tomasina!

Viva east Santa Tomasina!

[all]
Viva east Santa Tomasina!

[all]
Viva! Viva!

Viva!

[people chattering]

[sighs]

Peace, it's wonderful.

Sisters, Pedro Caracol
has told us of his visit to your convent.

I hope we have not
committed blasphemy

in thinking you were
our beloved saint.

Well, let's just call it
a mistake.

A lulu, but a mistake
nonetheless.

Now, you will come with us
to our village

and help us to celebrate
the eternal peace

between our 2 villages?

N-No, uh, the sisters
will come to our village

to celebrate
our eternal peace.

Now, Pedro, you-you're
starting up with your old tricks again.

Our old tricks?

We did not kidnap the sisters.

You did.

[Francisco]
Men of east Santa Tomasina,

west Santa Tomasina
is trying to kidnap

our holy sisters.

All right, you guys.

[Francisco]
No, sister.

[all]
No, no, no!

You--you may go
wherever you wish.

Wherever we wish?

Where do we wish?

Home.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

[all]
Bye, goodbye. Nice seeeing you.

Goodbye.
Bye.

Men of east Santa Tomasina,

we will see the holy sisters
back to their convent.

[all]
No, no!

No. We will accompany them.

[end credits]

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