All language subtitles for Mr.Malcolms.List.2022.720p.WEBRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG CHI

[CHILDREN GIGGLING]

HOUSE MISTRESS: Bedtime, girls.

Julia Thistlewaite, Selina Dalton,
that means you too.

CHILD: Be quiet!

HOUSE MISTRESS: Come along now, young ladies.
Do not dawdle.

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Now, it's right together.

Left together.
And repeat.

Keeping your head
in books all day

will not create
the marriageable mind.

I have nothing materially
to offer a husband anyway.

And I have no loving father
to make me a match.

A right pair we make.

Oh, Selina, I'm in agony
over our parting.

You must promise
to write to me every week.

I promise. Will you write
to me every week as well?

I will try, but I cannot guarantee
a regular correspondence.

Once I'm out in society,
I will be far too busy.

And you really think I can
visit you in London one day?

Of course.

After I've fallen in love

and made myself a proper match,

then I shall find you a husband.

We will always look out
for one another, dear Selina.

[DOOR OPENS]
HOUSE MISTRESS: Candles out, girls!

YOUNG JULIA: Oh, Selina,
do not be such a namby-pamby.

Good morning.

[TWITTERING]

[HORSE WHINNIES]

Oh, miss.
Quite the beauty.

[CHUCKLES]
Now, which headdress?

The feathers.

- [CARRIAGE APPROACHING]
- [HORSE WHINNIES]

[BOTH LAUGH]

[CHATTERING]

NARRATOR: The biggest catch of the
season in the year of our lord 1818

was the
honorable Jeremy Malcolm.

'Twas true he had
no title of his own

and was only
a younger son of an Earl,

but his maternal aunt had left
him the bulk of her sizable fortune

and a large country estate in Kent.

DEBUTANTE: I heard he was
out with Emilia James last.

But tonight, I heard Julia Thistlewaite.

Mr. Malcolm was searching for a bride.

But not just any bride.

And he wouldn't be seduced
by fine eyes or a flirtatious smile.

It's Mr. Malcolm.

Twenty thousand a year.

He had no interest in social
climbers or fortune hunters.

Mr. Malcolm was a kind man
who possessed an outward reserve

that concealed a warm heart,

a heart he was eager to bestow
upon the appropriate young lady.

In fact, he had set upon a
unique way of pursuing true love

that was beginning to earn him
quite the reputation.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING "LARGO AI FACTOTUM"]

LUCY: It's Julia Thistlewaite.

♪ La la lalera ♪

Julia Thistlewaite with Mr. Malcolm.

It would be the match
of the season.

Hasn't she been out in
society for, what, four seasons?

It may be time to think
about stepping aside

and allowing the younger
ladies have their chance.

He gave up his seat for me once.

I nearly swooned.

♪ La la la la la la
ate fortuna, ate fortuna ♪

I do wonder why they make
so many foreign operas.

We are in England, after all.

Do you not agree, Mr. Malcolm?

Are you not a fan of rossini, miss Thistlewaite?

Is he the short, stout man?

No, no.
He's the composer.

How silly of me.

You must think me quite ignorant.

No, not at all.

Perhaps you are better
informed on other matters.

[CHUCKLES]

Tell me, what opinion do
you hold on the corn laws?

- The corn laws?
- Yes.

Uh, let me think.
[CHUCKLES]

[MOUTHING]
The corn laws.

Why, I am for them, of course.

- MALCOLM: Really?
- Mmm.

And why is that, if I may ask?

Well, I... I believe that, um...

Restraint in one's diet is
bound to have a healthful effect.

SINGER: ♪ Sono il factotum della citta ♪

[SINGING CONTINUES]
[CHUCKLES]

It's a pity you're not able to
speak on the parliamentary floor.

Your... views could
change the face of politics.

Or its figure, at any rate.
[CHUCKLES]

[SONG ENDS]

- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
- Do you see he is yawning?

LADY MARGARET: How embarrassing.

[MOOING]

[QUACKING]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

Slow down!

[CHILD CHATTERING, LAUGHING]
[SIGHS]

You have a caller.
Again.

But I am not accepting callers.

Well, I know that.
But try telling that to someone

who thinks he knows more
than the whole of England.

Oh, mama.

Mr. Woodbury.
[CHUCKLES]

So kind of you to call.
And so frequently, too.

Miss Dalton.

My father is out visiting
the parish's sick,

as he does every Tuesday.

I do not believe it would
be improper to dispense

with his chaperonage
this once, miss Dalton.

I was emboldened to approach you

knowing that with the recent
unfortunate demise of your employer,

you have been cast into this
world without fortune or prospects.

I realize that I may be your
senior by, well, a few years,

but I have always felt
that a woman would benefit

from a more mature companion,

one who can give her guidance in life.

Like a father, you mean?

[CHUCKLES]
You jest, miss Dalton.

Or, um... Selina,
if I may be so bold.

You must know how ardently I admire you

and how...

It is my fondest desire
to have you... as my wife.

I am greatly honored by
your offer, but I cannot accept.

Do not be so hasty, miss Dalton.

'Tis common knowledge
your father is of modest means,

and you are but one
of his many offspring.

I am prepared to assist
them if you wed me.

But if you refuse, well, your
prospects will be very grim, indeed.

Well, it is true that my family
situation weighs heavily on me,

but I still must refuse
your kind offer.

I find such an attitude
incomprehensible.

I must warn you, this offer will
not be extended a second time.

Third actually.

I understand and fully accept

the consequences of my decision.

And now,

I must beg you to please excuse me.

[STAMMERS]
I...

Goodbye, Mr. Woodbury.

[SIGHS]

[HONKING]
Out of my way, idiot geese.

Morning, John!

Have you heard lord Christopher Jones

has finally found a suitable match?

Do you not want to know
who he has chosen to marry?

I doubt I have any choice in the matter.

A miss Marjorie Notcutt.

Mmm.
Fascinating.

Is that from Selina, my dear?
Yes.

She writes so often I can barely keep up.

Oh, dear.
Mr. Woodbury has proposed again.

I have noticed Mr. Malcolm
doesn't appear to be calling.

I do have more than one
gentleman caller.

You must not feel too bad you
have failed to capture his notice.

Some say he will never choose a wife.

I feel perfectly fine.

There is something from lady Burke.

[LAUGHS] She's sent me one
of those wicked caricatures

that are all the rage.

It appears to be of Mr. Malcolm.

And I am in it as well.

It can't be.

[JULIA SCREAMS]

[SNORTING]

Oh, Julia.

- PEDESTRIAN #1: Did you hear about Mr. Malcolm?
- PEDESTRIAN #2: No.

[GASPS] PEDESTRIAN #1: Well,
he turned away miss Thistlewaite.

Come inside!

Quickly!

[CHATTERING]

Never been inside here before.
It's cozy.

[GRUNTS]

Is this all of them?

All the ones for sale.
PEDESTRIAN #3: They're here in the window.

- I don't understand.
- PEDESTRIAN #4: Miss Thistlewaite.

- How embarrassing.
- Oh, my!

[GASPS]

[PEDESTRIANS LAUGHING]

Do you have a pencil?

PEDESTRIAN #3: How mortifying.

[GRUNTS]
Her reputation must be in tatters.

Cassie, please discover what
I did to incur this humiliation.

Take this to my cousin.
You will find him at his club.

The lord of limbs.

JULIA: Immediately!

[CHATTERING]

I am ruined.

PEDESTRIAN #3: She'll never find a husband, I think.

[CHATTERING CONTINUES]

- COACH DRIVER: Steady.
- [HORSE NEIGHS]

[PANTS, GROANS]

[SIGHS]

Refreshment, sir?

Thank you.

Good evening, sir.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Goodness.
I shall come here more often.

Good evening.
Good to see you.

[CHATTERING]

Did you hear...
CROUPIER: Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

PLAYER: Final bet, Cassidy?

CASSIDY: Yes. Final or nothing.

Your turn, madam.

[PLAYER LAUGHS]
[CASSIDY GROANS]

Good sport as always, milord.
You, you're a cheat.

Absolute cheat.
Cheers.

Ooh, that's strong.
[CLEARS THROAT]

[JOHN CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, god.

Who else has seen this?

CASSIDY: Tell miss Thistlewaite
I will handle the matter.

Mr. Malcolm.

Excuse me.

My dance card at the Millers'
ball next week has a free space,

if you would be so inclined.

You will have to forgive me.

A riding ailment does
not permit me, miss...

Lady Gwyneth Amberton.

Lady Amberton.

Daughter of Earl
and countess Amberton.

Of course.

How strange.

I do wonder how one encourages
sentiment without dancing.

Malcolm.
Lord Cassidy, lady Amberton.

Hello. How do you do?
How do you do? Now, excuse us.

Uh, Malcolm, you are
acquiring quite the reputation.

Is that so?
Yes, indeed.

They are calling you a trifler...
[LAUGHS]

A breaker of hearts,
a destroyer of young ladies' dreams.

You're joking.
No.

What nonsense.

Well, perhaps
the gossips are correct.

You paid very particular
attention to my cousin Julia

and now have not been to call.

I escorted your cousin
to the opera once.

I did not pay her "very
particular attentions."

What actually occurred
is besides the point.

It's what people say
that matters.

And everyone is saying that there
must be something wrong with Julia.

I'm sorry that your cousin has
become the target of gossips,

but I do not plan to marry a woman
merely because I took her to the opera.

No, no one said you had to.

That is what they want,
isn't it?

What are those dreams
I am accused of destroying?

Dreams of marrying the "catch of
the season" purely for my fortune.

I will not have it.

CROUPIER: Place your bets.
Do you want in?

No, no.
I have spent all my money.

CROUPIER: Oh, excellent.

Why not just choose some girl

and just make an end of it?

You know, propagation
of the species and all that.

Why do you think
I am here tonight?

I am very anxious
to find a suitable bride.

Then why not Julia?

She's generally acknowledged
as a handsome woman.

Here you go, sir.
Thank you.

She's handsome enough,
but she's not the one for me.

No.
CROUPIER: Place your bets.

Why not?

I don't know.
She--

she flutters her eyelashes far too much.

Malcolm, that's blinking.

That... that is your reason?

No, that's a pretty paltry reason.

It was very distracting.

Numerous times throughout the evening,

I thought she was going
to fall asleep.

Don't look at me like that.
Place your bets.

It was not the only thing that
turned me off miss Thistlewaite.

Here.

Item four.

"Converses in a sensible fashion."

My tailor's conversation is far
more scintillating than your cousin's.

I tried to engage her in a
discussion about the corn laws,

and she thought it was a diet regimen.
It's your turn, sir.

- What is this? Is this a list?
- CROUPIER: Place your bets.

Yes, it is.

You have some sort of list
of qualifications for a bride?

Yes, I do.
So?

CROUPIER: Chance, sir.
You may roll again. [SCOFFS]

That is damned arrogant of you.

No wonder you cannot
settle upon anyone.

You want them to meet
some catalog of requirements,

like a... very well done, sir.

Like a tandem horse you're
purchasing for your curricle.

Exactly.
Exactly that!

I have specific requirements
when filling my stable.

Why not even more stringent
requirements when choosing a bride?

A companion I will see
morning... shall we roll again, sir?

Noon and night.

Next thing you know, you'll be
putting her through her paces

or checking her teeth.

- Disaster.
- I'll add that to the list.

CROUPIER: Bad luck, sir.

One more?
No, I'm not drinking.

One more.

[CHIRPING]

She does not bite, you know. [LAUGHS]
[EXCLAIMS]

You have the manners
of a billingsgate fishwife!

I would not know,

as I do not keep the low
society you do, cousin.

[SIGHS]
From my friend Selina.

Evidently, the news
has reached Sussex.

Tomorrow the whole
of England will know.

Did you...

Speak to Mr. Malcolm?

I did.

What did he say about me?

Well, he agreed

that you are a handsome woman.

Did he?
That is good news.

But he has this list,
you see, and, um...

Well, unfortunately, you did
not meet the fourth qualification.

I would have failed it myself
as I have no interest in politics

and have always found the
corn laws particularly confusing.

He has a list...

Of requirements

for a bride?

Yes.

And I must say that I did not
care for the idea at first myself,

but then when he explained it to me,
I could see his point.

What if the girl has
some odd kick in her gallop?

Charming!
Well, his brother, the viscount,

was lured into a terrible match
and left miserable as a consequence.

I don't believe it.

The arrogance!

I would like to see
what is on this list.

Cassie.

Did you see it?

- Yes.
- [GROANS]

But it would do you no good.
No good at all.

No one can live up
to these expectations.

I mean, even if you'd passed
the corn laws test,

your eyelashes,
they irritated him to no end.

My eyelashes?

Is the man deranged?
No, of course not.

You just can't fool him
with those tricks you pull.

He despises flirtatious games.

The unmitigated gall.

What conceit!

Is it rather warm in here?

Somehow I will see to it

that the honorable Mr. Malcolm

receives exactly
what he deserves.

He won't get away with this.

Right.

Right.
Well, I'd best be off.

And you're going to help me.

Julia, absolutely not.

Julia, no.

Julia, what are you doing?
[SIGHS]

Julia, stop.

My dearest Selina...

[SCOFFS]

Thank you
for your kind correspondence

in regards to
that vile caricature.

I've been thinking that it would
cheer me up no end

to see you after all this time.

Will you come visit me in London
for what is left of the season?

I promise you will be
well entertained.

Apparently,
she's from the country.

Would you just be quiet
for once, John?

Posture.

[CLEARS THROAT]

COACH DRIVER: Steady.

Whoa!

Well.

Selina!

Julia!
[LAUGHING]

You made it!
I did!

How long has it been?
My dear, how you've blossomed!

You look well yourself!
I'm so glad you're here.

You must be parched.
Come inside. Yes.

John, put Selina's bags
in her room immediately.

My dear cousin, lord
Cassidy, is dying to meet you.

So, tell us more about how
you've been occupying your time

in the charming countryside.

It's such a different life
from here in town.

Yes. Well,
as I mentioned in my letters,

I had been in bath serving as a
companion to the elderly lady Ossory

in her final years.

Yes, lady Ossory.

How dreary for you.

No, no.
It was not at all unpleasant,

though I did long for some
companions my own age.

Bath has become quite the
destination for septuagenarians.

Oh, my dear,
I understand completely.

I find foreigners
very tedious as well.

Well, your letter came
in the Nick of time

as I've yet to find another position.

My dear Selina,

if it is a position
that you're looking for,

I may have the very thing.

[GIGGLES]

well, "position" may not
be quite the right word.

It's more of a project, a lark.

You see,

there is a gentleman, a Mr. Malcolm,

who is widely known for his arrogance.

Is he the one in that awful caricature?

The very same.

[SIGHS]
As you may know,

he paid me very public,
very pointed attentions

and then humiliated me
by withdrawing his suit.

Julia, how dreadful for you.
Mmm.

Uh, I... I am so sorry.

It was very unpleasant,

especially when I found out

that he had a list that
he judged me against

and found me wanting.

What sort of list?

It is a list of the qualifications

he is looking for in a bride.

But he believes himself
to be so superior

that his qualifications
are quite unreachable.

I would love for Mr. Malcolm

to receive the comeuppance he deserves,

but I need your assistance.

My assistance?
Hmm?

If we were to present you

as the perfect woman
that he is looking for,

and then allow him to
discover that you have a list,

and he does not meet the
requirements on your list,

well, that would be a
perfect sort of poetic justice.

I don't know. It's...
It sounds rather...

Mm-mmm.

Devious.

[SCOFFS]
My dear Selina!

Do not be such a namby-pamby!

I will not allow that man
to ruin one more reputation.

But if he is as arrogant
and fastidious as you say,

then how am I to attract his attention?

If Mr. Malcolm was not captivated by you,

then surely he will not
even look in my direction.

Oh, Selina.

What an astute observation.

However, even though your look

is not fashionable
in the classical sense,

you are more informed than I or
any other young lady before you.

You know about the list.

And with some tutelage
from my cousin and me...

Mmm... you have a very good
chance of meeting the requirements.

[CHEWS, GRUNTS]

Your... your cousin
is going to instruct me

on how to attract a sophisticated
gentleman of particular tastes?

[CHEWS, GAGS]

Apparen... apparently, yes.

I-I-I don't think I...

My dear Selina.

I do hope you'll agree
to help me.

After all, we've always looked
out for each other, have we not?

Plus, it could be rather fun.

What is it exactly
that you want me to do?

Oh!

Thank you.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Item number one:

"Handsome of countenance and figure."

[HUMMING]

Oh. That's lovely, Molly.

Lower across the bodice.

Julia!

JULIA: Number two:
"Graceful and well mannered."

Look at me.
Back arched just a little, Selina.

We are having the gown cut low.

We don't want him
to miss the effect.

Julia, that's outrageous!

And we are...

One, two, three.
One, two, three.

One, two, three.
One, two, three.

Don't stop now.
You will trip Cassie.

One, two, three.
One, two, three. And fly like a bird!

Spin out.
Pirouette.

JULIA: Number three:

"Educates herself by extensive reading."

[SIGHS] Becoming a suitable
bride is quite burdensome.

I almost feel as if I'm being
trained up to become a wife.

I know.

God forbid someone decided to
enter a marriage based on love.

What a wonderful thing to say.

You must exude
an elegance of mind,

a knowledge of the world,

while still retaining the na'iveté
that men find so charming.

- Do you know anything about the corn laws?
- Of course I do.

It's very important that you do.

I've brought you some tracts
on the subject.

Do not waste too much time
on those tracts, Selina.

A gentleman doesn't like a lady
to be more intelligent than he is.

A wife with a mind, god forbid.

And thinking too deeply
causes forehead furrows.

It might be a good idea if
you meditated on the ocean.

I find when I think of the sea...

I'm less apt to wrinkle my brow.

Oh! I almost forgot.
No blinking.

I beg your pardon?

Malcolm doesn't like
flirtatious tricks.

Well, Cassie,

if you were paying
the least bit of attention,

you would have realized I
already explained to Selina

that there should be no
artificiality in her behavior

when she pretends an
attraction to Mr. Malcolm.

That doesn't sound
anything at all like what I said.

Well, excuse me for not
using words of fewer syllables.

Well, if you're so bloody
smart, miss hoity-toity,

how come you couldn't pass
Malcolm's little test?

What is this now,
your fourth season?

Maybe if you'd warned me!

I didn't want anything
to do with this.

I don't want anything to do with you!

That's not... enough!

I believe I have an idea of
what Mr. Malcolm is looking for.

Now, what plan do you have
for us to meet?

JULIA: Selina, you are blending in.

[GUESTS CHATTERING]

Now you must hide.

A job masterfully done, I'd say.

Julia, I'm a little nervous.

Do not worry.
Wait in here.

I shall return.

[GUESTS CHATTERING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]

I should have stayed
in Sussex after all.

I beg your pardon?

Uh, I'm... I am sorry
to disturb you, sir.

I thought this room
to be unoccupied.

'Tis no matter.

Um, hiding from the dancing?

Uh, something like that.
I was, um...

Reflecting on
the futility of a dream.

Is any dream futile?

It gives us hope,
and hope is a good thing.

In your opinion.

Others of us may believe,
as the poet said,

"'tis hope is the most
hopeless thing of all."

What a sad conviction.

I prefer to believe,
as Johnson did,

that hope is a "chief happiness
which this world affords."

But, perhaps,

you hope for something unworthy,

in which case you
deserve to hope in vain.

Confess, sir.

You were hoping to win at
the gaming tables and have lost,

and are now indulging
in a fit of pique.

I would not confess
to such childish conduct.

Though had I played,
I would have hoped to win.

So you contend you hope
for something worthy?

I do, indeed.

Then it is my hope
that you obtain it.

I am honored.

Perhaps I am mistaken in
thinking hope a useless thing.

[CHUCKLES]

I... I’m... excuse me.

I'm sorry.
I disturbed you. I...

I should go.
No.

No.
I should be the one to leave.

I have spent enough time
in solitary reflection.

I would be honored, once
you return to the ballroom,

to be properly introduced.

Anyway, as my mother always said,

I am a natural-born dancer.
I really am.

I mean, dancing runs
in my fam... Cassidy.

Excuse me.

Where have you been?
I have a likely prospect for you.

Young filly,
deep-chested, long legs.

I very much regret using
this horse analogy.

No, I think
you'll like this one.

She has quite the air
of mystery about her.

That sounds alarming.

I tend to keep my distance
from mysterious young ladies.

Besides, I think I just found
a likely prospect of my own.

I just wonder how long
she'll stay in the orangery.

Sorry?
Sorry, what's that?

Did you meet... did you say you
just met someone in the orangery?

Yes. Though she's probably
married or equally ineligible.

Excuse me.
I'll be right back.

GUEST: Lord Cassidy. Sorry.

- Oh. Where is he off to?
- CASSIDY: Excuse me!

Selina, did you... did you
just meet a gentleman in here?

Yes.
He was delightful.

Excellent
[GUEST LAUGHS]

I do not see
what's excellent about it.

Julia says
I'm not to leave this room.

She says she has to create an...

An "aura of mystery" about me.

Forget what Julia told you.
We're returning to the ballroom immediately.

Why?
Do you know the gentleman?

I rather think I do.
Come on.

Quickly.
Quickly.

My dear girl,
where have you been?

I see your dance card is empty.

Do not be so judicious.
Hmm?

Do you want a drink?
No.

Julia.

What are you doing here?

The Beau Monde is fascinated
by the mysterious incognita.

There has been an
interesting development.

Mr. Malcolm!

There's someone I
want to introduce you to.

M-Mr. Malcolm?

That is correct.

MRS. THISTLEWAITE: Mr. Malcolm, how lovely to see you,

and how well you look.

Mrs. Thistlewaite.
Miss Thistlewaite.

Mr. Malcolm.

I, however, have yet
to learn your name.

Mr. Jeremy Malcolm,
may I present miss Selina Dalton?

Miss Dalton,

I am very pleased to make
your acquaintance, properly.

- MRS. THISTLEWAITE: Now, tell me, Mr. Malcolm.
- Hmm?

Will your delightful mother, her
ladyship, be joining us this season?

"Properly"?

They stumbled upon each other
moments ago in the orangery.

How unpredictable!
It's wonderful.

I was hoping, miss Dalton,
perhaps you might join me

for a tour of the Dulwich
picture gallery tomorrow.

Thank you.
That would be nice.

Tomorrow, then.

Lord Cassidy.

Y-Yes.

Well done.

[GASPS]

[CHATTERING]

Mr. Malcolm courting yet another one.

Shh!
I think he might hear you.

Well, you most certainly
have a reputation.

A trifler?

Well, yes.

Breaker of hearts?

I suppose one could say that.

A destroyer
of young ladies' dreams?

That is an absurd exaggeration,

but I have heard
rumors along those lines.

And you?

Do you believe
this description of me?

I am not ready to pass judgment.

Well, I am glad to hear
you say that, miss Dalton,

for I do not believe I deserve
this reputation I have acquired.

Particularly in the case
of miss Thistlewaite,

I find myself blameless.

She told me you paid her
very marked attentions.

I escorted her to the opera once.

I see.
Was it an amusing opera?

No. No, it wasn't.

The soprano missed
most of her notes,

and miss Thistlewaite wore this
feather which brushed against my nose

so frequently over the
course of the evening,

I found myself wanting to sneeze.

Well, you and miss
Thistlewaite are the victims

of a most egregious
set of circumstances.

Feathers and screeching sopranos

are not conducive to romance.

So you acquit me

of trifling with
miss Thistlewaite's affections?

I am... I am afraid I cannot.

You were too easily put off.

A sincere gentleman would
have tried a second time

before casting a woman aside
in the public eye.

Invited her to
a musical concert, perhaps.

But I knew I was not
interested in miss Thistlewaite

after the opera.

Had I continued to pursue her,

I would have deserved the
reputation I have acquired.

So what would you have
me do in such circumstances?

Jeremy?
[LAUGHS]

Excuse me.

Jeremy Malcolm.

Henry Ossory, as I live and breathe!
What are you doing here?

I thought you were stationed
with your regiment in the north.

I'm just in town for the memorial
of lieutenant colonel Donoghue.

But I am thinking of selling out

and joining the ranks
of you idle gentlemen wastrels.

Are you sure you're up to it?

It can be quite exhausting.
Well...

Excuse me, miss Dalton.
May I present captain Henry Ossory?

Miss Dalton?

Captain Ossory?

[LAUGHS]
Miss Selina Dalton?

Yes.

I take it the two of you
are familiar with each other.

Yes. Miss Dalton was an
excellent friend of my uncle's widow.

I wanted to thank you
for your kindness to my aunt.

I see.

But what a fortunate coincidence

to come upon you
so unexpectedly.

How opportune.

I am very pleased
to meet you, captain.

I esteemed your aunt very highly

and have long wished
to express my condolences.

Why, thank you.

I served as a companion to
captain Ossory's aunt in bath

during her final years.

How very kind.

Well, I should let you resume
your tour with Mr. Malcolm.

But I would be pleased
to call on you,

if you would give me your direction.

I am staying at the
Thistlewaites' in Berkeley square.

Well, Mr. Malcolm.

Ossory.

Miss Dalton.

Oh. Uh, do make sure you see the
Venus and Adonis. Quite exquisite.

Goodbye.

What a fortuitous meeting.

Quite.

Look at Mr. Malcolm.

Doesn't look pleased, does he?
[SNORES]

[HUMMING]

JULIA: Good evening, Molly.
Do not mind us!

Uh, excuse me, miss?

JULIA: Selina must be absolutely famished.
Good evening, Molly.

JULIA: Just a little something.

It's beautiful.

[HUMMING]

What did he say about me?

Um, merely that he
escorted you to the opera.

I must admit, Julia, that does
not seem such a heinous crime.

Did he tell you
about my eyelashes?

Your eyelashes?

[SCOFFS]

Just wait until he starts to weigh
you up against that list of his.

Then you'll see
how unpleasant he can be.

Oh, Selina.

[SIGHS]

I need you to help me.

There's no way I can touch him.

He holds all of London
society in his palm.

But I'm just not sure he is
the villain you paint him to be.

I want him humiliated, as I was.

More than anything, I...
I want my reputation restored.

And my...

My prospects are dwindling.

I truly understand, but maybe...

I have known you nearly all my life.

And you have known Malcolm
for, what, less than a day?

Ugh.
He has this effect on all women.

It's like he exercises
some kind of power over them.

He did not exercise
any power over me.

Are you sure?

You did not find something
mesmerizing about him?

I cannot deny that I see a certain...

[CLEARS THROAT]
Attraction.

I knew it.

You're being blinded
by his intelligent conversation

and devastatingly handsome
good looks.

Well, take it from me,
it leads to nowhere.

Are you feeling well today,
Julia?

Yes, quite well.

[DOOR OPENS]

Captain Ossory.

Oh. I'm not acquainted
with a captain Ossory.

Are you, Julia?

Captain Ossory is an acquaintance of mine.

Oh.
Send him in at once.

May I present captain Ossory to you, ma'am?

Captain Ossory,
Mrs. Thistlewaite and miss Thistlewaite.

Your servant, Mrs. Thistlewaite,
miss Thistlewaite.

Please be seated, captain.

Thank you, ma'am, but
actually I came to request

the pleasure of a promenade
with miss Dalton.

Another one!

That would be lovely.

Please excuse me
while I collect my things.

OSSORY: Of course.

[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

So, captain Ossory?

Yes.

I was not aware that Selina
had an acquaintance in town.

Yes, miss Dalton was
a dear friend of my aunt's.

It's very strange.
She's never mentioned you.

Pity.

Are you situated in town
or is this a flying visit?

Newly situated, yes.
I hope you don't mind the intrusion.

A friend of Selina's is
surely a friend of mine... ours.

Thank you both.
How kind.

- Shall we go?
- Yes.

Mrs. Thistlewaite,
miss Thistlewaite,

lovely to meet you both.

Indeed.

[DOOR CLOSES]

What?

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

OSSORY: I'm not sure
if you are aware, miss Dalton,

but my aunt mentioned you many
times in her correspondence with me.

Your aunt spoke of you
quite often, as well.

I am very pleased to have this
opportunity to make your acquaintance.

Yes, I feel likewise.

I must admit, however, to yet
another motive for seeking you out.

I came to London to meet you

because it's my belief that my
aunt desired us to make a match.

[STAMMERS, LAUGHS]

What gave you that impression?
[LAUGHS]

Well, her letter to
me before her death,

in it she wrote, "it is my desire that
you and miss Dalton make a match."

I see. Then it appears you
interpreted her meaning correctly.

Yes, yes.

Her words were rather plain.

Unless, of course, she could
have been speaking of cribbage.

She could have meant we
should engage in a cribbage match.

Or chess. Could she not
have been speaking of chess?

I am afraid not. She knew me to
be a very, very poor chess player.

Ah. Um, good day, Henry.
Miss Dalton.

Jeremy.
Good day, Mr. Malcolm.

It appears I have interrupted
a humorous discussion.

Well... it was nothing of consequence.

We were discussing a letter
captain Ossory received from his aunt.

Lovely.
[CHUCKLES]

Good.

Well, I wondered if
you were to attend

lady hartley's ball
week after next.

- I believe I am.
- Excellent.

As it happens, I too am to
attend lady hartley's ball.

Perhaps I might be favored with a dance?

Certainly.
[CHUCKLES] Excellent

well, shall we?
Mm-hmm.

After you.

Good day, sir.

GOSSIPER #1: I've heard she's from Sussex!

I must say, whatever is
the matter, dear Selina?

GOSSIPER #2: Where is Sussex?

I, um... I received
correspondence from my mother.

She's asked me to call on my
cousin's widow, Mrs. Covington,

while I'm in town.

Whatever is wrong with her?

When I met her last,

she would not accept me at
my word that I had no Beau.

She quizzed me on the
subject for 20 minutes

before offering
to find me a husband.

I hate to think how she'll react

when she finds out
I'm still unwed.

She was married, widowed
and married again by our age.

How vulgar.

Selina, whatever you do,

do not mention to Mr. Malcolm

that you have such a vulgar cousin.

One of the requirements on his list is:

"Has genteel relations from good society."

SELINA: I wouldn't call the
Dalton "from good society."

But, Selina, you're the
daughter of a clergyman.

That's at least fourth-class
society, possibly even third.

At best.

Oh, and while
we're speaking of it,

at the dinner party, you will
need to play the pianoforte.

What?

Musical talent is another
requirement on Malcolm's list.

Malcolm, he loves music.

But I don't play the pianoforte.

I am surprised Mr. Malcolm desires a wife

when he could just as
easily hire a performing bear.

Do not worry, dear Selina.
I have a plan.

JULIA: Mr. Banbury, how's your wife?

JULIA: So, tell me, captain Ossory,

how are you finding society life so far?

I seem to be constantly
thwarted in my endeavors.

Hmm.
What endeavors are those, may I ask?

The art of courtship.

CASSIDY: Well, ladies?

What do we think?

Tolerable enough?
Handsome enough to tempt? [MALCOLM LAUGHS]

I find courting to be less
an art than an avocation.

MRS. THISTLEWAITE: You served in the peninsular,

did you not, captain Ossory?

Yes, in the 18th regiment
of light dragoons.

Did you see any action, captain?

Yes, at Waterloo.

I saw more death than a man
should, but a great victory all round.

How brave.

[CHUCKLES]

Swapping a battlefield
for a ballroom.

How ironic.

Perhaps.

However, I still find
myself surrounded by

a multitude of sweaty men
desperate for female company.

[ALL LAUGH]

Miss Dalton, tell me, how do
you know miss Thistlewaite?

- You met at school, I believe?
- Yes, we attended...

We, uh, both attended Mrs.
Finch's ladies academy as girls.

I attended on the kindness
of a benefactor of my father's.

I was bullied quite terribly,
but Julia was kind to me.

Miss Dalton, I was curious,

what is your opinion
on the church building act?

MRS. THISTLEWAITE: What a weighty question
to ask over soup.

I believe it is in bad taste

to discuss politics
before the entree is served.

Perhaps you are correct.

However, I am interested
in miss Dalton's opinion.

Well,

as the daughter of a clergyman,

it is obviously important to me

that there are houses of
worship available to all.

However,

I feel that
the million pounds set aside

for this purpose is exorbitant.

I believe our government
intends by this measure

to suppress the radicals
and keep anarchy at bay,

when they could use
some of those funds

to better the lot of the poor,

thereby accomplishing
the same purpose.

They could just pay us better.

[CUTLERY CLATTERS]

Hear! Hear!
[ALL LAUGH]

Wonderful.

I apologize for the lecture,

but you did ask me
for my opinion.

I am sure your father himself could
not preach a more eloquent sermon.

[OSSORY CLEARS THROAT]
And you, Mr. Malcolm,

what's your opinion
on the matter?

Although I doubt you will be able
to express your argument as well.

[CHUCKLES]

It's very much the same,
actually.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[CASSIDY HUMMING]

[PLAYING CONTINUES]

[OSSORY CHUCKLES]

Good shot, miss Thistlewaite.

[CHUCKLES]
Oh.

[LAUGHS]
I must be nearsighted!

CASSIDY: Selina,

you're taking losing
mighty well.

How amiable
and even-tempered of you.

Take another shot, my dear.

May I assist?

Yes.

So, keep your shoulders
in line with the target.

Ball between your feet.
A little more.

MALCOLM: Hands steady.

Deep breath in.
[INHALES]

[EXCLAIMS]
Thank you.

Brilliant.

All right, captain Ossory.

It's your shot for the win.

It's an easterly wind,
so aim a little to the right.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Well done.
CASSIDY: Marvelous!

JULIA: It would have been a
shame to lose on such an easy shot.

CASSIDY: Can you pass me the shawl?
Quite.

My legs are cold.
The wind was, uh, westerly.

If I had listened to you,
I would have.

Oh, captain.
I'm pretty sure it's to the east.

I'm surprised you lasted
that long in the cavalry

with such a dreadful sense of direction.

[LAUGHS]
Besides, I never lose.

Neither do I.

My lords and ladies,
may I have your attention, please?

Lot seven, an eight-year-old
Irish draft mare.

All of 16 hands.

Well-schooled and hunted,
she's sporting countryside.

Have I an opening bid of 150...

CASSIDY: My mother used to always say,

"never, ever, ever
go near a horse..."

Enough about the horses!

Tell us what Malcolm
thinks of our girl.

No, please, not this again.

He told me that he
was initially impressed

by her wit and humor, um,

but was concerned that
she was not serious enough.

But after the dinner party,
that fear was laid to rest.

"Not serious enough."

He certainly makes rash judgments.

It's as I've told you, Selina.

There is no pleasing the man.

No, no. Look, I may have
quoted him incorrectly.

He was very, very complimentary.

He said you've nearly met all
of the qualifications on his list,

which is a good thing.

Oh, dear.

I know this is hard to hear, Selina,
but it shall be over soon.

- Julia, that's not what I'm saying.
- Selina! [GASPS]

Selina Dalton!

How rude!
As I live and breathe.

Cousin Gertie!
What a surprise!

May I introduce my dear friend...

Miss Thistlewaite.

Miss Thistlewaite.
[LAUGHS]

That's a mouthful.

Miss Thistlewaite.
[LAUGHS]

Say that one 20 times.

Miss Thistlewaite.
Miss Thistlewaite. Miss... [LAUGHING]

Say it, try, try!
Miss Thistlewaite. Miss... you can't do it!

What you need, my girl,
is a husband

so you can change that
ghastly tongue twister of a name.

[LAUGHING]

Mrs. Covington, may I
introduce you to lord Cassidy?

How do you do?
MRS. COVINGTON: Oh, lord. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, Malcolm.
Malcolm!

MRS. COVINGTON: Is that the famous Mr. Malcolm?

Do you know him? I saw the
most hilarious caricature of him

a few weeks past.

[GASPS]
I didn't know you were here.

Mr. Malcolm.
Captain Ossory.

What a wonderful surprise.

Nice to see you again, miss Thistlewaite.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Mrs. Covington,

may I present the honorable
Mr. Malcolm and captain Henry Ossory.

I'm delighted to make your
acquaintance, Mrs. Covington.

Mrs. Covington.

No, sir, it is I
who am delighted.

[CHUCKLES, STAMMERS]

Well, I have never been in the same room
with a captain, a lord and an honorable.

Although, I am not quite exactly sure

what it means to be an honorable.

It's the next best thing to a lord,
am I right?

He is the younger son of an Earl.

MRS. COVINGTON: Oh, oh, oh.

Now, that's a real pity.

Because you've got the look of a lord,

much more than this young
gentleman over here. [LAUGHS]

You know, Mr. Malcolm has a more, um...

Dignified look about him.

[JULIA STAMMERING]
Cassie,

I think Mrs. Covington would
probably like a drive home...

By a lord.

I'm sure his lordship has other plans

for the rest of the afternoon.

No. No,
he doesn't have any plans.

Julia, I do.
No, you don't.

I do.
No, I... no, I don't.

Thank you.
I would be honored.

I am glad I dressed
so sensibly today.

Is this hat not ravishing on me?

Quite.
Quite.

Shall we go then?

Of course, of course.

One thing I learned in
my two trips to the altar

is that the gentlemen
don't like to be kept waiting.

[CACKLING] Oh, yes!
They're never waiting. Oh, yes.

Selina, Julia Thistlewaite...
I'll call sometime soon.

Excuse me, sorry.
Yes!

[MUFFLED CHUCKLE]

And how are you acquainted
with Mrs. Covington?

She... she is...

My cousin.

- Your cousin?
- Yes.

- Right.
- Seven times removed.

Selina, my dear, if we're not
buying, we'd better be going.

Well, before you leave,

I was wondering if miss Dalton
would join me for a ride tomorrow?

Um, i-i...

She would be honored to
ride with you, Mr. Malcolm.

Now, that's settled.

Us ladies should leave you
gentlemen to your stallions.

Good afternoon.

[AUCTIONEER CALLING]

Ladies.

All done.
At 84, the seller in front.

At 84 guineas, last.
Sold!

My dear Selina, it is working.

And now thanks to me,
you will not fail item six.

I thought that must be
why you claimed her.

Couldn't imagine you felt a
sudden desire for her kinship.

Ugh.

Just do not
reverse course on me.

I will not, Julia.

I promise to be everything
he desires in a woman:

Witty, humorous,
serious, genteel,

musical, fashionable,
only the best relations

and all at the same time.

Excellent

Selina!

I thought you might like to wear this.

Oh. It is... it is magnificent.

But I cannot.

Nonsense.

[SIGHS] I must say,
it looks ravishing on you.

It is yours now.

Thank you, Julia.

It is nothing.

See you tonight.
See you tonight.

[DUCKS QUACKING]

That is a very beautiful
bonnet on you.

You are very quiet
this afternoon.

Please don't feel the need
to make conversation.

I much prefer silence to those
that rattle on with nothing to say,

like that Mrs. Covington.

She's quite
the character, isn't she?

I must say, I'm very glad I'm
not courting miss Thistlewaite.

Beg your pardon?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean...

Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

That I would want
my future companion's relations

to have a modicum of gentility.

And if they did not?

I'm sorry
I introduced the subject.

'Tis a moot point, after all.

I'm not courting miss Thistlewaite.
I'm court...

Well...

I think it's quite clear who
it is I'm courting, isn't it?

But if you were still courting Julia
and you had met Mrs. Covington,

would that affect
your opinion of Julia?

Well, it would have to,
wouldn't it?

There's a saying
where my family is from.

[SPEAKING YORUBA]

A man who marries a woman
marries all her relatives.

I'm sorry, I...

I've said too much.

I understand this is quite overwhelming.

And what do you find overwhelming, Mr. Malcolm?

The society balls.

Gold-rimmed tea cups.

The tying of silk cravats.
All of this is very easy.

You learn the rules.
You follow the rules.

If there is a moment
where there is no rule,

you make a rule,
you follow that.

I find everything else
overwhelming.

Why did you come
to London, miss Dalton?

Because I was lonely.

I was lonely, too,
before you came.

I... I am having a house
party at my estate in Kent,

and I would be pleased if
you would come as my guest.

I am honored by the invitation,

but I am a guest
of the Thistlewaites.

I will invite them as well.
And Cassie, of course.

I'll even invite Ossory
if you'd like.

My mother is coming
to act as hostess,

and I thought perhaps your
parents might like to come as well.

Thank you.

I shall write and ask them.

I suppose we should be heading back.

[RIPS]
[SELINA GASPS]

Miss Dalton, I am so sorry.

I seem to have torn your dress.

'Tis no matter, Mr. Malcolm.

It can easily be repaired.

Please, call me Jeremy.

Jeremy.

Did Mr. Malcolm mention if
captain Ossory has been invited?

Yes. He told me
he's on the guest list.

Ugh. What a bother that man has become.

[SIGHS] I shall have
to distract him, of course.

My dear, have you thought about
captain Ossory for yourself?

Mummy, no!

He's a perfectly good match,

but far too low down in comparison
to our own good standing.

Mm-hmm.

[GASPS]
we're here.

Well, that certainly looks impressive.

A Mrs. Thistlewaite,
miss Thistlewaite and miss Dalton, my lady.

My darling Selina.

Mama!
I missed you so much!

My little chickpea!

MRS. DALTON: You look so well!

MALCOLM: Welcome to Hadley hall.

Thank you.
It is beautiful.

A little smaller in real life.

May I present my mother Elizabeth
Malcolm, the countess of Kilbourne.

Lady Kilbourne
will do just fine.

Mrs. Howard will show you to your rooms.

I thought you might like to refresh
yourselves before joining us for tea.

That would be lovely.

How's kitty?

MR. DALTON: She was pining a little bit,
but she'll be fine.

Miss Dalton...

I am very happy you're here.

I am very happy to be here.

The stables are in the east wing.

[GRUNTS]
I could get used to the country.

One day, I'll buy
a house just like this.

[LAUGHS]
Not on your salary.

[GROANING]

My son tells me you were
raised in Sussex, miss Dalton.

Yes, my lady.

Which part of Sussex?

Chailey.

And, Mr. Dalton, I believe
you still serve as vicar there?

Yes, my lady, coming
on nearly 20 years now.

And, Mrs. Dalton, are your
people from Sussex as well?

My family's name is Kingswater.

Kingswater.

I'm afraid I do not know any Kingswaters.

[MR. DALTON CLEARS THROAT]
[BELL CHIMES]

Mrs. Thistlewaite, we cannot thank you enough

for taking care of our Selina.

It's been no problem at all.

Selina, I forgot to ask you
how Mrs. Covington is.

Did you call on her as I asked?

Mrs. Covington is the widow of my cousin.
She lives in town.

[COUGHING]

I did run into Mrs. Covington.

MRS. DALTON: Good.
I'm glad to hear it.

Her husband was my second
cousin only, but she is a widow.

Mrs. Dalton and myself have always
taught Selina to show compassion

to those in less fortunate circumstances.

Pray, excuse me
as I take a turn about the room.

He fell at Waterloo.
He died a hero's death by all accounts.

Cut down by Cannon while
defending Wellington's flank.

There was nothing left
of him to Bury,

so we were forced to
conduct his funeral in absentia.

LADY KILBOURNE: Terribly sad.

Miss Dalton.

I do not care that Mrs.
Covington is your cousin

and I am sorry
I gave that impression.

It is I who must apologize.

I think you were concerned
for my good opinion

and thought if you told
the truth, you'd lose it.

It is my fault.

I sounded dreadfully arrogant and I
have regretted it many times since.

I've been wanting to
tell you the truth, but I...

I believe you.

Then let's forget all about
this foolish incident.

It does neither of us
any good to harp on it.

Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Dalton,
perhaps you could write to your cousin

and invite her to join
us at next week's ball.

That sounds like such a fun idea.

Don't you agree, Mr. Dalton?
Yes.

Well, I am confident that
the behavior that prevails

at these occasions in town
will not permit here.

Mr. Malcolm seems
a very trustworthy gentleman.

[KNOCKING]
JULIA: Selina?

May I come in?

[SIGHS]

Selina, I...

I think it is time.

If you think it is time for bed,
I can only agree.

[CHUCKLES]
No.

I think it is time to show
Mr. Malcolm your list.

Julia...

I know Mr. Malcolm hurt
your feelings and I am so sorry.

What are you saying?

I am saying

that I do not think Mr. Malcolm
is the man you think he is.

I see.

Now that you have seen Hadley
hall and seen how rich he is,

you think you can get him
to marry you, is that it?

I wonder if you would
like him as much

if he was a poverty-stricken
curate from Yorkshire.

No, that is not it!

I am not interested in Mr. Malcolm
because of his possessions.

[SCOFFS]

He has been kind to me.

You agreed to help me.

We were in this together.

I don't feel Mr. Malcolm
deserves such treatment.

And I?

You think I deserve
such treatment?

I was humiliated in front of
the whole of good society.

Have you never offended anyone?

It happens.

Frequently!

No one wants a person
incapable of forgiveness for a friend.

And I don't want a prosy
preacher's daughter for a friend.

[EXCLAIMS]

This is mine!

[DOOR SLAMS]

MALCOLM: What was that?

LADY KILBOURNE: Probably that miss Thistlewaite.

She looks the
door-slamming type to me.

Thank you, Reeves.

What surprises me is that
she did not set her cap for you.

She did, at first.
It was short-lived.

What happened?

Well, I took her
to the opera once and...

Did not call again.

It died a natural death.

Hmm.
So you think.

I doubt she'd forget that
kind of rejection very quickly.

She's not enjoying taking
second place to your miss Dalton.

She's not my miss Dalton.

Not yet.

Yes, I know.

I do wish you would hurry
the business.

You know how much
I detest entertaining.

So, you approve?

If I had my wits about me,

I'd persuade you to marry
some silly, ignorant girl

against whom I would
not suffer in comparison.

Someone like
your brother's wife.

Mother, you would suffer
no matter whom I married.

And surely you must know by now,

relations by marriage were designed
to aid us in developing our character.

Selina...

Selina is a gift from god
in that regard.

And far be it for me
to question the almighty.

Mr. Dalton would not approve.

Checkmate.

Yes, mother.
I know.

[CHUCKLES]

[BIRD SQUAWKS]
[GUN FIRES]

[DOG BARKS]
SELINA: Well done.

Thank you, sir.

Selina!
Captain Ossory!

JULIA: I think it should be a masquerade.
They're all the rage.

CASSIDY: Yeah, but I have to wear a mask though.

JULIA: It's not up to you.
It's Mr. Malcolm's home.

CASSIDY: Of course it is, but...
[SIGHS]

We were just discussing
next week's ball.

Right. Julia wants it
to be a masquerade.

What is your opinion?

Well, I've never been
to a masquerade before.

See, Mr. Malcolm?

It must be a masquerade.
Selina has never been to one.

Then it's decided.

A masquerade it is.

I do believe we have some
costumes in the attic, sir.

Excellent thank you, Reeves.

Everyone feel free to help yourselves.
Thank you.

I should be able to find
what I need at the dressmakers.

Do you plan on going as a lady?

Of course not.
A Greek.

Any particular Greek?

CASSIDY: Any Greek will do.

- Julius Caesar.
- [LAUGHS]

Julius Caesar was Roman.

Greek, Roman,
it scarcely matters.

I plan to wear a white robe

and some leaves over my ears.

I went to one of these blasted
things as Henry VIII once.

I almost suffocated.

I remember.

What are you wearing, Selina?

Um... I have no idea.

I was hoping to get some
inspiration once I visited the attic.

Why not go as your namesake?

Who do you mean?

Selene, goddess of the moon.

Cassie has already taken my costume.

I told you,
I'm not going as a woman.

I'll be one of those, um...

[STAMMERS] Philosophical fellows,
like Plato or Socrates.

My cousin going as one of
the deepest thinkers in history.

That does quite boggle the mind.

[ALL LAUGH]

So will you go as selene?

I have no objection
masquerading as a goddess.

Who is this selene?

Selene was
the goddess of the moon,

which she drove across
the sky every night.

The story goes that she
fell in love with a mere mortal

who was far beneath her,
both literally and metaphorically.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

I had no idea
military men had such

an intimate understanding
of mythology.

Oh, I think there's quite a lot
you don't know about military men.

Selina, I would be happy to
assist you with your costume.

I could take some designs to my
dressmaker when I head into town.

Why, thank you, Julia.
Mmm.

Right. Miss Thistlewaite,
let's shoot something.

[SIGHS]
If we must.

Gentlemen.

Now, the trick is keep
the stock tight to your chest

and shoot where the bird will be
rather than where it is. All right?

[CLEARS THROAT]

OSSORY: Thank you, sir.

[BIRDS SQUAWKING]

[GUN COCKS]
[GRUNTS]

[BIRD SQUAWKS]
[WINGS FLAPPING]

- [OSSORY LAUGHS]
- [DOG BARKS]

Hmm.
I think I've got it.

I've never seen a woman do that before.

I suppose that's a compliment.

It most certainly is, yes.

[BIRD SQUAWKS]

[DOG BARKS]
[OSSORY LAUGHS]

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

Mr. Dalton, is that really the
best you could have done?

Oh, Mr. Malcolm,

what a pleasure to be invited
to your very impressive home.

You must be very thirsty, Mrs. Covington.
Allow me to escort you to get some punch.

How gracious, Mr. Malcolm.

You, the host.

I knew what they said
about him couldn't be true.

Shall we?
Oh, yes.

Mother.

[MRS. COVINGTON LAUGHS]

Cassie.
Yes.

I must speak with you.

You know, Julia, I must say,

I don't know why ladies complain
about having to wear feminine attire.

This is quite
a bit more comfortable

than knee breeches,
I can tell you.

When I walk, there's the
most refreshing breeze.

Cousin, I did not come here to
discuss the benefits of wearing a dress.

It's not a dress.

I need to talk to you
about Selina and Malcolm.

Ah.
I see.

You've finally caught on
to the fact

that all your scheming
was for nothing.

Well, I knew that all along.

I knew they were perfectly
suited to each other.

I imagine that must sting
just a little bit.

You thought
to humiliate Malcolm,

and you end up presenting him
with the perfect wife on a silver platter.

A pirate!

You know, Julia,
you and Malcolm...

You're much more alike
than you've considered.

You really shouldn't be
so damned picky,

or you might miss your chance.

Boop!

I'm going to go.

Well, I almost didn't recognize
you there, miss Thistlewaite.

Captain Ossory, is that you?

Your costume is very out of character.

I'm not sure how to take that remark.

Do you find me dull and spiritless,

not manly enough for swashbuckling adventure?

[SCOFFS]
No.

No, I find you quite manly.

I'm not entirely sure how
we strayed onto that topic.

[LAUGHS]

The fault is entirely mine,

though I cannot regret the
unintentional compliment you gave me.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare your wigs

and hoist your dresses...

Shall we?
...For the quadrille.

[GUESTS APPLAUDING]

Which is quite nice.
It's just a bit of fabric really.

GUEST: Julia Thistlewaite dancing
with a military man? Well, I never!

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING QUADRILLE]

By the way, it's me, John.

MOLLY: Well, she's quite taken by him, isn't she?

Finally.

My daughter, dancing
with the captain?

That is joyous.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Mother, have you seen Selina?

Well, it's not the easiest
of tasks this evening, dear.

[MUSIC STOPS]
[GUESTS APPLAUDING]

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the waltz.

May I, a mere mortal,

beg of the goddess selene
the honor of this dance?

You may.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING WALTZ]

GUEST #1: Her mask,
isn't that wonderful?

GUEST #2: That's Selina Dalton.
GUEST #3: Oh, my.

She is quite beautiful.

LUCY: Mr. Malcolm is dancing.

LADY MARGARET: Is that Julia Thistlewaite's friend?

She's a complete nonentity.

Her father is a country vicar.

Well, he told me he couldn't dance.

Mr. Dalton, look.

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]
Oh!

[LAUGHS]

Well, hello, sir.
[GIGGLES]

well, it appears there
may be wedding bells soon.

Thank you for the company,
but I really must go.

Wait, ju...

Julia.

Selina, I...

Miss Dalton!

Miss Thistlewaite needs you immediately.

Come.

Mr. Malcolm, please excuse me.

What is it?
[MOLLY WHIMPERS]

Molly, where are you taking me?

She is just through here, miss.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Molly!

Molly!

For Mr. Malcolm.

OSSORY: She's too good for you, you know.

MALCOLM: That I believe wholeheartedly.

Thank you, Reeves.

I have an appointment in
my study with a certain lady.

Wish me luck, old boy.

Next time you see me,
hopefully I'll be betrothed.

I would wish you luck, but
I don't think you'll need it.

Well, you cast your eye.
The night is young.

Julia!

[DOOR CLOSES]

This reminds me
of our first meeting.

Do you remember
what you said to me?

I said I thought
hope a futile thing,

and you disagreed with me.

Yet you said you hoped I
obtained what I was looking for.

You had little idea
the thing I was looking for

was you.

I wanted to wait, at least
until the end of the house party.

But I do not think I could be
any more convinced

than I am right now.

Selina...

Would you do me the great honor
of becoming my wife?

What's this?

"Qualifications for a husband.

Does not make others feel as if they
cannot live up to an impossible standard."

No, Selina.

Selina, wait!

Selina!

[DOOR RATTLES, OPENS]

Julia!

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

Selina, aren't you
supposed to be in the study?

What?

With Malcolm.
He said he was meeting you there.

I made no appointment with Mr. Malcolm.

Please excuse me. Uh...

Is everything all right?

I don't know.

Julia!

What... what is the meaning of this?

MALCOLM: Selina, wait!

Wh-what's this?

I think you'd
best explain yourself, Julia.

Miss Thistlewaite?

So it was you who refused
my offer just now.

Offer?

Well?

It's his own fault.

You spurned me publicly.

All because I didn't meet a
qualification on that cruel list of yours.

So yes, I decided to show you

what it feels like to be
judged and found wanting.

Can you blame me for
enlisting Selina in the...

[SELINA LAUGHS]

Don't tell me you had
a part to play in this?

Julia mentioned it to me.

But you cannot think in please.

The time for pretense is over.

I never engaged in any pretense.

So you did not lie to me and tell me
Mrs. Covington was not your cousin?

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the cotillion.

Good god, what a fool I have been.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING COTILLION]
I should have known from then.

J-Jeremy.

You will call me Mr. Malcolm.

M-Mr. Malcolm, please hear
me out before you condemn me.

And how can I believe
a word you say?

It seems you have been
deceiving me from the beginning.

Malcolm, perhaps you should
listen to what she has to say.

I hardly think you're the
appropriate person to counsel me.

It's obvious they've
beguiled you as well.

[GUESTS EXCLAIMING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

If you will excuse me,
I am in the middle of hosting a ball.

A masquerade, ironically.

Do you see?
Do you see now how arrogant he is?

How could you stand there
and say nothing?

Well, if you're wondering
whether to lock me in my room,

I can assure you, I do not intend
on coming down again tonight.

Selina... don't bother.

Are you satisfied
with your behavior, Julia?

Course not.

Oh, I feel like
I'm going to be sick.

I think it's best
I return to the ballroom.

[SIGHS, SNIFFS]

[MUSIC STOPS]
[GUESTS APPLAUDING]

[CRYING]

MOLLY: Your shoulders down.

[MOLLY CHUCKLES]
Stop standing on my feet.

[QUACKING]

MR. DALTON: You disappeared early last night.

SELINA: Did I?

You know, Selina,

though Mr. Malcolm, from what
acquaintance I have made of him,

appears true of heart,

he is nevertheless from an
altogether different sphere.

This decision I have come
to believe you are making,

we want you to know
that it's yours and yours alone.

And even if you and Mr. Malcolm
should decide not to make a match of it,

well, it's been nice
to have had a little holiday.

Papa.

[SIGHS]

I'll leave you to your thoughts.

Though it pains me to admit it,

I have to concede that you were right,

and I was...

Not entirely right.

REEVES: That should do the trick, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, we must do something.

[GROANS] I think that's how
this whole debacle began.

Captain Ossory,

what if you were to pretend to woo Selina?

I think Malcolm was jealous of you before.
It might work again.

I don't think so. I prefer to let them
work out matters for themselves.

Well, they don't appear to be
doing a very good job of it.

Malcolm has all but disappeared
since last night.

Cassie?
Hmm?

Would you give us
a moment, please?

Yes, of course.

I really should check
where Malcolm is anyway.

[GROANS]

Captain Ossory,
it's all perfectly harmless.

I just want to ensure that
Malcolm values Selina as he should.

I think there have been
enough silly schemes.

Don't you think,
miss Thistlewaite?

But you wouldn't even
have to do anything.

Although it might be a good idea if you
did pay Selina a little extra attention.

I refuse to pretend
an attraction I do not feel

and stand by and let you
ignore the one that I do feel.

But you came to London
to make a match with Selina.

So now I'm not even allowed
to decide to whom I'm attracted?

Does this fee!
As though I'm attracted to miss Dalton?

Well?

I may not be a lord
or an honorable,

but I'm falling in love
with you, Julia.

And I plan on devoting
the rest of my life

to keeping those nasty
habits of yours in check.

[BOTH LAUGH]

In fact, I positively
look forward to it.

Oh, Henry.

[NEIGHS]
Shh.

Jeremy, could we speak outside?

You know I don't like horses.

You have some nerve, after
the trick you all played on me.

I was helping you.

If only you had
the wit to see it.

'Tis true that Julia wanted
to humiliate you.

I, on the other hand, I knew
miss Dalton was perfect for you

from the very beginning.

Whether you thought
you were helping me or not,

miss Dalton used information
she obtained from you

about what I was looking for
in a wife to become that woman.

I have absolutely no idea
who she actually is!

That is simply not true.

She barely paid any attention
to anything that we said.

[STAMMERS] Well, except the...
The musical talent part.

That she had to fake.

My point is,
if she had listened to us,

she probably wouldn't have
attracted your notice at all.

So what you're saying is she's
smarter than you and Julia?

No, no, that's not
what I'm saying.

She is most likely smarter
than Julia or I...

For Christ's sake, Cassie!

Dash it,
you're twisting my words.

What I'm trying to say,
Jeremy, is that if...

Selina Dalton
is the right woman for you,

and if you ruin this, you'll
regret it for the rest of your life.

If I ruin this?

Well, lord Cassidy,
I appreciate your concern.

However, nowhere on
my now-infamous list

does it specify deception,
lying or scheming.

I am no longer interested
in miss Dalton

and can only regret that I
fell foul of her little game.

Now, if you will excuse me.

[EXHALES]

[KNOCKING]

I suppose I have you
to thank for this?

I beg your pardon?

If you had thought to orchestrate
a compromising situation,

I must admit, I had thought you
a great deal cleverer than this.

I received an invitation
to tour the gardens.

I assumed it to be a group tour.

I certainly did not plan
on meeting you here alone.

I suppose it's coincidence
then that I too received a note,

though mine spouted
some nonsense about

"a discussion that promises
great future benefit."

It's all very melodramatic,
now I think on it.

You are to be commended,
miss Dalton.

I have avoided a great number of
attempts to entrap me in matrimony,

but never have
I met someone whose methods

are so obviously
contrived as you.

You insufferable, arrogant,

conceited coxcomb.

I would never be content to marry a
man who holds such a low opinion of me.

Well, this is a good thing there
has been no such engagement.

I now wish I had taken
a more enthusiastic part

in Julia's despicable scheme
to humble you,

although I realize now
it would have never worked.

She expected you
to fall in love with me.

I have since learned that you...

That you are
incapable of love, sir.

Though perhaps
we're all better for it

because you're not
worthy of it, either.

Goodbye, Mr. Malcolm.

I wish you and your list
all the happiness in the world.

Miss Dalton!

[KNOCKING]

Selina.

Go away.

You have every right
to despise me.

I despise myself.

- Good.
- I deserve that.

Selina, I don't know why
I went through with it.

Initially, I wanted
revenge on Mr. Malcolm.

I was so angry that one man
could turn my entire life into a farce.

But then I did want

to ruin your chances
with him as well.

Selina.

We both had the dream
of marrying for love.

And after all of my
failed seasons, I...

I gave up hope.

You captured Malcolm's heart
without even trying.

And I was so jealous of you.

I couldn't bear to see you
succeeding where I had failed.

It all seems so silly now.

If I had just stopped,
I would have seen

that the only person
I was failing is you.

Selina, do you think
that you can forgive me?

[SIGHS]

Please, please don't go.

We must reconcile you with Malcolm.

I think you might have been more correct
in your reading of Mr. Malcolm than I was.

That is very noble of you, Selina.

But is this what you really want?

I will have John
prepare my carriage for you.

Thank you.

Julia.
Yes?

I do want to thank you
before I leave.

Had it not been for your...
For your scheme,

I would have never experienced
what it feels like to fall in love...

And that alone makes me very content.

I'm happy for you.

What do you mean?

Henry.
He's a good man.

How did you know?

Cassie, of course.

I would have never expected to
fall in love with someone like Henry.

He's just so...

Nice.

Now, Julia,

do not be such a namby-pamby.

JOHN: Move on.

[CARRIAGE DEPARTING]

You do not look like a man who
has just become happily engaged.

That's because
I'm not happily engaged.

Miss Dalton has left.

You have ruined things, haven't you?

And after all my efforts.

What... what did you just say?

I am saying that I arranged
for a tour of the Rose garden

at three o'clock.

I assumed it would give
the two of you

enough time alone together to
come to some sort of betrothal.

Why did you...

Why did you not tell me
this earlier?

If I had known you were in such
a great hurry to bungle things,

you can be assured I would not
have exercised such forbearance.

What did you do
to upset miss Dalton so?

Nothing so serious. I merely accused
her of attempting to entrap me in marriage.

I must say, Jeremiah,

I am quite disappointed in you.

Mother... I am well
aware that you have a list.

When I first learned of it,
I was concerned

that you had become
arrogant and judgmental.

But then I came to realize your
list is in the nature of a shield.

So many women have
pursued you for your fortune

that you did not want to give your heart
to a woman that might prove unworthy.

But I have never met so sincere
a lady as miss Selina Dalton.

It is difficult for you to let
someone past that guard

that you've placed around
your heart.

But unless you do, you're in danger
of losing miss Dalton's altogether.

Love cannot be planned
so carefully, my dear.

It will stir things up a bit.

That is part of its charm.

I have to go after her.

There's no need to look so apprehensive.
She will not eat you.

You've not seen her in a temper.

She is a fearsome sight.

And more beautiful than ever.

CASSIDY: It's the way that they look at me.

This one reminds me
of great uncle Vivian.

Yeah, Julia,
he was killed by a horse.

Do you know where she's going?

She's gone back to Sussex.
Her parents follow tomorrow.

Thank you.

And thank you, Cassie.
You were right.

I was... I was right?

Of course I was right!

Miss Thistlewaite.

I am sorry.

I'm sorry too.

- Let's go.
- Go, Malcolm. Go!

Go! Go, Malcolm!
[LAUGHS]

Hyah!

What on earth do you think you're doing?

[EXCLAIMS]
[WHINNIES]

[PANTING] Are you trying
to get us both killed?

I realized I forgot to give
you something before you left.

What is it?

[SELINA SCOFFS] Do not tell
me that is your infamous list.

It's a new list that I just composed.

Please?

I would like to offer an explanation
for the deplorable way I've treated you

since I found out miss Thistlewaite's plot

and then again this
afternoon in the Rose garden.

Though it pains me to admit,

I was relieved to find an
excuse to discredit you.

There is a certain feeling of...

Insecurity

when you find yourself
falling in love with someone.

And I can only hope that you will
forgive me for being a misguided fool.

Miss Selina Dalton,

I have loved you deeply

from the moment I saw you in
the moonlight of that orangery.

You are everything...

Everything I could have ever hoped for.

You are the "chief
happiness this world affords,"

to misquote Johnson.

And I would count myself

the most fortunate and humble of men

if you would be my wife.

You have yet to give me an answer.

Tell me, though...

What opinion do you hold
on the corn laws?

[LAUGHS]

Has every stupid thing
I've ever said or done

been announced to the entire world?

Jeremy, of course I will marry you.