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♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
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♪ Ba‐ba‐ba‐ba,
ba‐ba‐ba‐ba ♪
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00:00:08,969 --> 00:00:12,514
♪ Ba‐ba, da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da
da‐da‐da ♪
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00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,478
♪
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‐ House, call my son.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Lights on.
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‐ It's 2050,
how does this still not work?
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Call. My. Son!
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00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:30,907
And turn down the damn lights.
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00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:33,410
[beeping]
SON [on video call]: Hi, Mom.
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‐ Oh, hi, sweetie!
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00:00:34,828 --> 00:00:38,373
Oh, you look tired.
SON: Okay, thanks for calling.
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‐ Are you busy?
SON: Not really. Just finished studying.
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‐ [laughs] Good 'cause I wanna tell you
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the story of how I met your father.
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00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:48,884
SON:
I already know how you met Dad.
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00:00:48,884 --> 00:00:50,969
‐ Ah, you know the basics,
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00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:54,180
but it's time for me to tell you
the unabridged version.
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00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,892
SON: How many glasses
of that wine have you had?
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‐ Just enough to include the sexy bits.
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[laughs]
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SON:
Oh good god, here we go.
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‐ Now, like a lot of
love stories back in 2022,
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00:01:05,984 --> 00:01:07,986
this one starts with a Tinder date.
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‐ Excuse me.
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FUTURE MOM: Actually, it starts with me
being late to a Tinder date.
26
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,159
‐ Don't hit me! Don't hit me!
[car honking]
27
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‐ Uh, Sophie?
‐ Yeah!
28
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‐ Hey, I'm Jesse.
This is my best friend Sid.
29
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Don't mind him, he's just hitching a ride.
30
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‐ Oh! Ask me why I'm hitching a ride.
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[Jesse sighs]
32
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Come on! Ask me!
‐ Uh, w‐why are you hitching a ride, Sid?
33
00:01:26,296 --> 00:01:28,673
‐ I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight.
[Sophie gasps]
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Wow, girlfriend! Not gonna be
saying that much longer!
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Someone's gonna be nothing but fiancée!
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Fiancée! Fiancée! Fiancée!
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‐ Sophie, be a dear and choke me out
with this charging cord, would you?
38
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‐ Ooh, actually, can I use it
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'cause my phone's belly is hungry.
She's all,
40
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[baby voice, crying]:
"Feed me, Mama!"
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Okay, tell me everything.
Who is she?
42
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‐ Okay, so her name's Hannah.
43
00:01:50,403 --> 00:01:51,905
She's a surgical resident in LA,
44
00:01:51,905 --> 00:01:53,365
so we've been doing
the long‐distance thing
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00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:55,408
while I'm here
running my bar, Pemberton's.
46
00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:57,619
‐ Uh, look at you,
locking down a surgeon!
47
00:01:57,619 --> 00:01:59,079
[laughs]
How you gonna ask her?
48
00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:01,414
‐ So, she thinks we're gonna go
see Beyoncé tonight,
49
00:02:01,414 --> 00:02:04,626
but really, I got all our friends
waiting at my bar to surprise her.
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00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:08,630
‐ You think she's gonna be a little bummed
that you're not actually seeing Beyoncé?
51
00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:09,756
‐ I keep telling him
she's gonna be bummed.
52
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‐ Okay, a lifetime with me
is better than Beyoncé.
53
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‐ Sure.
‐ Hm...
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00:02:14,553 --> 00:02:16,388
So, uh, what about you, Sophie?
55
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What's going on at the Rosewood bar?
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‐ Okay, uh,
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I know this might sound crazy,
58
00:02:22,686 --> 00:02:24,980
but I think I've found the man
59
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that I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
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00:02:27,065 --> 00:02:28,316
‐ Hm.
‐ Yeah.
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00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:31,278
Only thing is he's from Tinder, and we
haven't actually met in real life yet.
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00:02:31,278 --> 00:02:33,655
‐ Oh, very You've Got Mail.
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00:02:33,655 --> 00:02:37,200
‐ More like you've got unrealistic
expectations for this date.
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‐ Okay, I‐I know how this sounds,
65
00:02:39,828 --> 00:02:42,122
but I am not some wide‐eyed dope
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who thinks she's found true love
every time some douchey ibanker
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swipes right and texts, "'Sup?"
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00:02:48,086 --> 00:02:50,589
[Jesse laughs]
My last Tinder date was the worst one yet.
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00:02:50,589 --> 00:02:52,215
The guy showed up 20 minutes late.
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‐ Sophie? Sorry, I'm late.
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‐ Oh. That's okay.
72
00:02:57,596 --> 00:02:58,763
Subway delay?
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00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:00,807
‐ Uh, no, actually, I was, uh...
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00:03:00,807 --> 00:03:02,684
I was on another date
before this, and, uh,
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let's just say it went well.
76
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Like, uh...
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Like really well.
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00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:10,025
Like, I just had sex.
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‐ He told you that?!
‐ Why would he tell you that?!
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00:03:11,985 --> 00:03:13,445
‐ That's not even the worst part.
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00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:17,240
He actually thought that telling me
he just had sex was charming.
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He thought I'd just laugh
and smile and say,
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00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:23,455
"That's so crazy!" Because,
God forbid, a woman in this city
84
00:03:23,455 --> 00:03:25,749
actually expects anything from a guy,
85
00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:28,209
even if it's just the basic
decency to not tell her
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00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,712
he just had sexual intercourse
with someone else!
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00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:32,464
What is wrong with everyone?!
88
00:03:34,674 --> 00:03:36,760
And right there, outside that bar,
89
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I decided to quit Tinder.
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00:03:39,596 --> 00:03:41,806
But when I went to deactivate
my account...
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[ding]
I matched with Ian.
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00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:46,728
‐ You matched with Ian?!
She matched with Ian.
93
00:03:46,728 --> 00:03:48,063
‐ Yeah.
‐ It started with
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00:03:48,063 --> 00:03:51,942
your typical flirty banter,
you know, just getting to know you stuff.
95
00:03:52,442 --> 00:03:54,569
Who was your first celebrity crush?
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00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:57,447
IAN:
Tia Mowry. You?
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00:03:57,447 --> 00:03:59,241
SOPHIE:
Buzz Lightyear.
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00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:02,535
IAN:
Oh, an astronaut made of plastic...
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00:04:02,535 --> 00:04:03,870
Freaky!
100
00:04:03,870 --> 00:04:05,330
[laughs]
101
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:07,999
‐ And then we started to
actually get to know each other.
102
00:04:07,999 --> 00:04:10,418
IAN:
What kind of photography do you do?
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00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,837
SOPHIE: Right now,
I shoot stuff like birthday parties
104
00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:14,881
and engagement photos to pay the rent,
105
00:04:14,881 --> 00:04:17,551
but my heart
is in street photography.
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IAN:
That's when you sneak up on a stranger,
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00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:21,930
take their picture, and then run away
before they punch you, right?
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00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:24,307
SOPHIE:
That's exactly right.
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00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,351
What do you do?
IAN: I know this sounds made up,
110
00:04:26,351 --> 00:04:28,770
but I'm a marine biologist.
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00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:31,273
SOPHIE:
That is 100% made up.
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00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:34,609
‐ And before long,
we were texting all day.
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00:04:34,609 --> 00:04:36,278
All night, too.
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00:04:36,278 --> 00:04:38,613
First kiss?
IAN: Mabel Greyhound, seventh grade.
115
00:04:38,613 --> 00:04:40,657
SOPHIE: You cook?
IAN: One of my favorite hobbies.
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00:04:40,657 --> 00:04:45,036
[overlapping flirty banter]
117
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IAN:
I've been thinkin' about you all day.
118
00:04:46,496 --> 00:04:48,873
‐ Oh my god, Ian,
ask a girl out already!
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00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:51,626
‐ I was thinking the exact same thing!
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00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:54,921
So, are you ever gonna ask me
to meet you in real life?
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00:04:54,921 --> 00:04:56,381
IAN:
I'd love to,
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00:04:56,381 --> 00:04:59,801
but I'm in Australia for work
for the next two weeks.
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00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:02,178
‐ So, we made plans to meet up
when he got back,
124
00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:04,097
and that brings us to tonight,
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00:05:04,097 --> 00:05:06,474
and my last first date ever.
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00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,476
‐ Wow, that's romantic as hell.
127
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,103
‐ I know, right?
128
00:05:10,103 --> 00:05:12,606
What does the killjoy think?
‐ Hey!
129
00:05:12,606 --> 00:05:15,233
Look, I got a real good
feeling about this Ian guy.
130
00:05:16,401 --> 00:05:17,777
No, no. I can't do it.
131
00:05:17,777 --> 00:05:19,654
No, the truth is the chances of this guy
132
00:05:19,654 --> 00:05:21,740
being your soul mate are lower than low.
133
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:24,117
I mean, there's a better chance of you
giving me a five‐star review
134
00:05:24,117 --> 00:05:26,119
after this rude assessment I'm making.
135
00:05:26,870 --> 00:05:29,247
Speaking of which,
don't forget your phone.
136
00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:31,082
‐ Ah. Thanks.
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00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:33,209
[opens door]
Uh, happy proposing.
138
00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:34,294
SID:
Thank you.
139
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,423
[shuts door]
[street chatter]
140
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:42,886
‐ What?
‐ Ooh... You liked her.
141
00:05:42,886 --> 00:05:43,845
‐ Did not.
142
00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:45,013
‐ Did, too.
‐ Did not!
143
00:05:45,013 --> 00:05:47,015
‐ Did not.
‐ Did, too‐‐ Dammit.
144
00:05:48,350 --> 00:05:50,477
[bar chatter]
145
00:05:50,477 --> 00:05:53,480
♪ quiet music ♪
146
00:05:54,189 --> 00:05:55,482
‐ Ian?
147
00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:56,691
‐ Sophie!
148
00:05:56,691 --> 00:05:58,151
‐ [laughs] Hi.
149
00:05:58,151 --> 00:05:59,236
‐ Hi.
150
00:05:59,778 --> 00:06:03,365
‐ And thus began the best first date
I'd ever been on.
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00:06:03,365 --> 00:06:06,701
A date so good, you don't
even check your phone.
152
00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:08,536
SOPHIE'S SON: Whoa.
‐ I know.
153
00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:10,664
[laughs]
154
00:06:10,664 --> 00:06:14,000
‐ You know, we should go see
that new movie next week
155
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,795
where walking Joaquin Phoenix
plays Amelia Earhart.
156
00:06:16,795 --> 00:06:18,588
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And then it happened.
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00:06:18,588 --> 00:06:20,173
♪ quiet music ♪
158
00:06:20,173 --> 00:06:21,132
‐ What?
159
00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:23,885
‐ Okay, so...
160
00:06:23,885 --> 00:06:25,262
Sophie, the thing is...
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00:06:25,262 --> 00:06:27,722
I'm moving to Australia.
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00:06:29,558 --> 00:06:30,976
‐ You just got back from there.
163
00:06:30,976 --> 00:06:32,352
‐ I know.
164
00:06:32,352 --> 00:06:34,271
It was only supposed
to be a research trip,
165
00:06:34,271 --> 00:06:37,148
but right before I left,
they offered me a full‐time job
166
00:06:37,148 --> 00:06:39,651
on a team that's helping
endangered coral reef procreate.
167
00:06:39,651 --> 00:06:40,652
[Sophie chuckles]
168
00:06:41,778 --> 00:06:43,405
‐ Can't you just...
169
00:06:43,405 --> 00:06:45,824
light a candle
and put on some soft rock?
170
00:06:45,824 --> 00:06:47,701
I mean, that always works for me.
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00:06:50,203 --> 00:06:51,288
[scoffs]
172
00:06:51,288 --> 00:06:52,747
When are you leaving?
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00:06:54,249 --> 00:06:55,292
‐ Tonight.
174
00:06:55,834 --> 00:06:57,043
‐ Tonight.
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00:06:57,544 --> 00:07:00,589
‐ I only came back to New York
to pack and sublet my place.
176
00:07:01,256 --> 00:07:03,383
I know I should have
told you this sooner.
177
00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:05,093
I was just afraid
that you wouldn't come,
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00:07:05,093 --> 00:07:06,344
and...
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00:07:07,387 --> 00:07:09,514
I had to meet you, Sophie.
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00:07:10,849 --> 00:07:12,517
♪
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00:07:12,517 --> 00:07:13,768
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And so,
182
00:07:13,768 --> 00:07:15,937
we decided it would be a bad idea
183
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:17,981
to start a long‐distance relationship
184
00:07:17,981 --> 00:07:20,567
after just a few weeks of texting
185
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:22,110
and an amazing first date.
186
00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:23,153
[both sigh]
187
00:07:24,696 --> 00:07:26,281
‐ Goodbye, Sophie.
188
00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:29,034
‐ Goodbye, Ian.
189
00:07:31,119 --> 00:07:32,913
‐ Uh... [laughs]
190
00:07:33,788 --> 00:07:36,416
I kind of wanna kiss you right now.
191
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:39,377
‐ I kind of want that, too.
192
00:07:43,131 --> 00:07:46,176
Uh... I think it's best if we don't.
193
00:07:47,761 --> 00:07:49,429
Maybe someday.
194
00:07:49,971 --> 00:07:50,972
[Ian sighs]
195
00:07:52,140 --> 00:07:54,267
‐ Yeah. Someday.
196
00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:13,954
‐ I was devastated.
197
00:08:14,788 --> 00:08:17,165
But at least I was coming home
to my bestie,
198
00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:18,750
Aunt Valentina!
199
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:21,127
She was just back
from Fashion Week in London.
200
00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:23,380
SOPHIE:
Oh! I'm so happy you're home.
201
00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:24,673
I missed you so much.
202
00:08:24,673 --> 00:08:26,216
‐ We don't have time for
"I miss yous!" Dish.
203
00:08:26,216 --> 00:08:27,592
How was your date with Ian? Was he tall?
204
00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:29,678
‐ Yes.
‐ Was he a good listener?
205
00:08:29,678 --> 00:08:30,679
‐ Yes.
206
00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:33,181
‐ Were his eyes as kind as his photo?
207
00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:34,266
‐ Yes!
208
00:08:34,266 --> 00:08:36,726
[squealing]
209
00:08:36,726 --> 00:08:38,353
‐ Why aren't you jumping?
210
00:08:39,187 --> 00:08:41,982
‐ Because he's moving to Australia.
211
00:08:43,984 --> 00:08:46,987
‐ Soph, I am so sorry.
212
00:08:47,696 --> 00:08:49,281
Did you bang one out anyway?
213
00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:51,283
[laughs]
214
00:08:51,908 --> 00:08:53,785
‐ Oh, at least I still have you.
215
00:08:54,244 --> 00:08:55,453
You know what? We can just be
216
00:08:55,453 --> 00:08:57,747
two single New York ladies
doing it for ourselves.
217
00:08:57,747 --> 00:09:01,167
We can start a podcast called
"Who Needs Men?"
218
00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:04,004
‐ Ah! Yeah! Uh, about that‐‐
219
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:05,046
‐ We can workshop the title later.
220
00:09:05,046 --> 00:09:07,799
‐ Oh my god!
‐ [screaming] My god!
221
00:09:07,799 --> 00:09:09,092
A pervert! A pervert!
222
00:09:09,092 --> 00:09:11,386
‐ Please don't spray me!
I have an extremely delicate face!
223
00:09:11,386 --> 00:09:14,848
‐ He's not a pervert.
This is Charlie.
224
00:09:15,682 --> 00:09:18,101
Okay, he's sort of a pervert,
but in a good way,
225
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,145
[exhales]
‐ You must be Sophie.
226
00:09:20,145 --> 00:09:22,188
It's a real pleasure‐‐ Oh my god.
227
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:24,691
I'll go round up a robe.
228
00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:27,444
‐ Y‐‐ Funny story.
229
00:09:27,444 --> 00:09:30,655
We me at London Fashion Week.
Hit it off...
230
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:32,657
big time.
231
00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:34,367
One thing led to another,
232
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:38,038
and now he... lives with us.
So, back to you and Ian‐‐
233
00:09:38,038 --> 00:09:40,290
‐ Wait, what?!
‐ I know, this is fast,
234
00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:42,792
but when he told his crazy fancy
235
00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:45,921
"high society" family
that he was heading to New York
236
00:09:45,921 --> 00:09:49,090
to be with a Mexican assistant stylist,
237
00:09:49,090 --> 00:09:51,509
they made some very
outdated Ugly Betty jabs,
238
00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:53,553
and then they cut off his trust fund!
239
00:09:55,222 --> 00:09:56,890
‐ They Meghan Markled you guys.
240
00:09:56,890 --> 00:09:58,266
‐ Although, it's for the best.
241
00:09:58,266 --> 00:09:59,935
I mean, who needs
unlimited wealth and palaces?
242
00:09:59,935 --> 00:10:03,480
I will get by on my charm
and my street smarts.
243
00:10:04,898 --> 00:10:06,983
‐ I can see your penis again.
‐ Oh! [nervous laugh]
244
00:10:06,983 --> 00:10:09,361
[deep voice]: Stay in there, lad.
‐ Hm.
245
00:10:09,361 --> 00:10:10,987
‐ There my undies are!
246
00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:13,823
That's right. Completely forgot
247
00:10:13,823 --> 00:10:16,076
we started out here
with all the fruit play.
248
00:10:18,078 --> 00:10:19,079
[gags]
249
00:10:21,373 --> 00:10:23,250
‐ You might wanna toss those, too.
250
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:24,501
‐ These were organic!
251
00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:29,798
So, I said I know this is fast,
but I am super into him,
252
00:10:29,798 --> 00:10:32,968
and I decided I am not
gonna let something as irrational
253
00:10:32,968 --> 00:10:34,886
as rational thinking
stand in the way of that.
254
00:10:34,886 --> 00:10:36,972
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And that's when I realized...
255
00:10:36,972 --> 00:10:40,016
‐ I let rational thinking stand
in the way of me and Ian.
256
00:10:40,016 --> 00:10:41,726
I mean, sure, he's moving
to a different continent,
257
00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:44,771
but, you know, I've got tons of miles.
We can always have Facesex.
258
00:10:44,771 --> 00:10:46,773
‐ Whoa, what is Facesex?
‐ I think she's mixing up
259
00:10:46,773 --> 00:10:47,774
Facetime and phone sex.
260
00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:49,568
I'm the cool friend.
261
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:52,779
‐ I have to tell Ian that
ending things was a mistake.
262
00:10:52,779 --> 00:10:54,573
‐ Yes. Yes!
263
00:10:54,573 --> 00:10:57,158
Tell him. Oh, I'd love that for you!
264
00:10:57,158 --> 00:10:58,660
And this is where you say you love
265
00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:01,121
my "British guy moves in with us"
plan for me.
266
00:11:04,541 --> 00:11:06,918
‐ Ah! This isn't my phone.
267
00:11:08,628 --> 00:11:10,922
I must've taken the wrong one
when I got out of the Uber!
268
00:11:10,922 --> 00:11:13,341
I've gotta get to Pemberton's right now.
269
00:11:13,341 --> 00:11:16,094
‐ Can we come with?
Can't wait to see the real New York.
270
00:11:16,094 --> 00:11:17,262
[gasps] Can we take a subway?
271
00:11:17,262 --> 00:11:19,848
I've always wanted to see
what the subway's like!
272
00:11:19,848 --> 00:11:21,850
So, that's what a subway is like.
273
00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:24,769
Does it always smell like that?
274
00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:26,897
‐ No! Sometimes, it's way worse.
275
00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:30,191
One time, I was in a car where one guy
was peeing, one guy was pooping,
276
00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:32,861
and one guy was dead.
‐ Ah, the subway trifecta.
277
00:11:32,861 --> 00:11:34,112
Hope you made a wish.
278
00:11:35,864 --> 00:11:37,115
[gagging]
279
00:11:39,409 --> 00:11:41,661
CROWD: Surprise!
[Sophie screaming]
280
00:11:41,661 --> 00:11:44,414
Sophie! You're not Sid.
Why are you not Sid?
281
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:46,583
‐ Because you gave me his phone
instead of mine
282
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:47,709
when I got out of your car.
283
00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:49,294
‐ Wait, so I've been
tracking you this whole time?
284
00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:50,962
Okay, guys, we do not have eyes on Sid!
285
00:11:50,962 --> 00:11:52,547
Everyone, back to your hiding spots.
286
00:11:52,547 --> 00:11:53,757
‐ Okay, what is Sid's ETA?
287
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:55,592
‐ Literally any second,
so I really need you to hide.
288
00:11:55,592 --> 00:11:57,886
‐ Good, good, 'cause I'm not sure
what time Ian's flight is,
289
00:11:57,886 --> 00:11:59,763
but I've gotta talk to him
before the plane takes off.
290
00:11:59,763 --> 00:12:01,264
‐ For the love of god, hide!
291
00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:02,474
[panicked mumbling]
292
00:12:02,474 --> 00:12:03,975
‐ I freeze under pressure!
293
00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:05,685
This is why I've been hit
by three Citi Bikes!
294
00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:08,313
♪
295
00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:15,445
♪
296
00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:17,322
‐ What are you doing?
297
00:12:17,322 --> 00:12:20,075
‐ Still smelling that train.
It's in my hair.
298
00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:22,786
There's a stranger's body odor
trapped in my hair.
299
00:12:24,704 --> 00:12:26,539
‐ Um, hello!
[both gasp]
300
00:12:26,539 --> 00:12:28,959
‐ Sorry. Didn't see you there.
301
00:12:28,959 --> 00:12:32,420
‐ I know. That's why I said, "Um, hello."
[nervous laugh]
302
00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:35,757
I was feeling creepier and creepier
with every second that passed.
303
00:12:35,757 --> 00:12:38,009
I'm Ellen.
I just moved here from Iowa.
304
00:12:38,009 --> 00:12:38,969
‐ Mm.
‐ Oh,
305
00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:41,638
and I'm Jesse's sister.
Adopted, obviously.
306
00:12:41,638 --> 00:12:45,183
‐ I mean, it's not obvious to me.
I have no idea who Jesse is.
307
00:12:45,183 --> 00:12:47,561
Have you taken the train yet?
It's an underground freak show.
308
00:12:47,561 --> 00:12:49,854
‐ We get it. You hated the train.
309
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,899
‐ So, what brings you to New York?
310
00:12:52,899 --> 00:12:53,900
‐ I'm getting divorced.
311
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,194
‐ Oh...
‐ Oh my god, you poor thing.
312
00:12:56,194 --> 00:12:58,822
‐ Little Crescent, Iowa,
has 600 people in it,
313
00:12:58,822 --> 00:13:00,490
and she was the only other lesbian.
314
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:03,076
We both knew it had run its course,
315
00:13:03,076 --> 00:13:06,246
so I moved to New York to start over,
reconnect with my brother...
316
00:13:07,122 --> 00:13:08,498
and ask out Kate McKinnon.
317
00:13:08,498 --> 00:13:10,709
‐ Whoa! Do you know Kate McKinnon?
318
00:13:10,709 --> 00:13:11,960
‐ No.
319
00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:13,795
Do you?
320
00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:18,091
‐ Where the hell are they?
‐ Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Look, look.
321
00:13:18,091 --> 00:13:20,760
Sid is my best friend, okay?
And if he were in charge of my proposal‐‐
322
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,804
Purely hypothetical,
I'm never getting married,
323
00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:24,431
but he would make sure
it was perfect, alright?
324
00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,558
So, I can't have your peeking
head ruining his big night.
325
00:13:26,558 --> 00:13:29,060
‐ Alright, alright.
[Jesse sighs]
326
00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:31,771
Why are you never getting married?
327
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:34,274
‐ [sighs] Uh, I'm never getting married
328
00:13:34,274 --> 00:13:37,319
because the one girl I wanted
to marry broke my heart, okay?
329
00:13:38,236 --> 00:13:39,905
‐ Wait a second.
‐ No.
330
00:13:40,614 --> 00:13:42,824
‐ I know you.
‐ [sighs] And here we go.
331
00:13:42,824 --> 00:13:45,327
You are the guy from the video!
[Jesse sighs]
332
00:13:45,327 --> 00:13:47,454
FUTURE SOPHIE:
The video was an unfortunate incident
333
00:13:47,454 --> 00:13:49,539
that had recently gone viral.
334
00:13:49,539 --> 00:13:52,834
‐ Jesse. I'm sorry. I...
CROWD: She's gonna say no. Oh my god.
335
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:54,753
‐ What a nightmare.
‐ This poor schmuck.
336
00:13:54,753 --> 00:13:57,505
‐ What a loser.
‐ What a disaster.
337
00:13:58,256 --> 00:13:59,716
[thudding, objects clattering]
338
00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:02,802
‐ Now, she's in Europe,
recording her first solo album,
339
00:14:02,802 --> 00:14:06,014
and I'm known all around
the city as Mr. Proposal Fail.
340
00:14:06,014 --> 00:14:09,100
You know who liked the video
last week on Twitter? Michelle Obama.
341
00:14:10,477 --> 00:14:13,563
‐ How did you forget
the Beyoncé tickets at the bar?
342
00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:15,315
ALL:
Surprise!
343
00:14:16,024 --> 00:14:18,318
‐ [gasping] What's happening?
344
00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:20,320
‐ [sighs] Hannah...
345
00:14:21,821 --> 00:14:23,865
I remember the moment
I fell in love with you.
346
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,786
It was our first year of med school,
347
00:14:27,786 --> 00:14:29,704
and we were dissecting dead bodies,
348
00:14:29,704 --> 00:14:31,206
and, um,
349
00:14:31,206 --> 00:14:33,583
you leaned over,
and you said to me, you said,
350
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:35,585
"Hey, you know how to get to the stomach?
351
00:14:36,628 --> 00:14:38,088
You take the spleen‐ic route."
352
00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:39,548
[laughs]
[scattered laughter]
353
00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:41,341
And I thought, oh...
354
00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:45,011
This is the girl for me.
355
00:14:45,011 --> 00:14:46,680
CROWD: Aww...
356
00:14:48,014 --> 00:14:50,433
Hannah, I believe we can make it
through anything together.
357
00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:54,688
Even if sometimes,
we take the spleen‐ic route.
358
00:14:54,688 --> 00:14:56,690
[laughs] So...
359
00:14:57,607 --> 00:14:59,943
[inhale, nervous exhale]
360
00:14:59,943 --> 00:15:02,904
Hannah...
[patrons exclaiming]
361
00:15:05,156 --> 00:15:06,199
Will you marry me?
362
00:15:07,158 --> 00:15:08,451
‐ Yes!
363
00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:10,704
[cheering, applause]
364
00:15:10,704 --> 00:15:11,746
Yes!
365
00:15:12,289 --> 00:15:13,498
[laughs]
366
00:15:13,498 --> 00:15:15,834
Oh, I can't believe I'm getting engaged
367
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:17,919
and seeing Beyoncé!
368
00:15:17,919 --> 00:15:19,546
[Valentina shrieks]
‐ Oh...
369
00:15:20,088 --> 00:15:22,173
‐ I can't believe I'm getting engaged!
370
00:15:22,173 --> 00:15:25,260
[cheering, applause]
371
00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:28,597
♪ quiet music ♪
372
00:15:28,597 --> 00:15:30,640
‐ Look at that!
A proposal that won't haunt
373
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,225
and traumatize them forever.
374
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:34,185
Good for him.
375
00:15:34,185 --> 00:15:37,439
‐ I love you so much.
‐ I love you more.
376
00:15:37,439 --> 00:15:40,901
‐ And I love hilarious phone mishaps.
377
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,110
[forced laugh]
378
00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:45,280
We swapped in the Uber.
Mazel tov, by the way.
379
00:15:45,739 --> 00:15:48,366
‐ Uh, here. It's dead,
which feels very on brand for you.
380
00:15:48,366 --> 00:15:49,868
Um, I'm sorry.
381
00:15:50,368 --> 00:15:51,411
‐ Mm!
382
00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:54,748
‐ Oh my god.
‐ What?
383
00:15:54,748 --> 00:15:57,584
‐ There were so many men
urinating in there at once.
384
00:15:57,584 --> 00:15:59,586
Just a cacophony of piss.
385
00:16:01,254 --> 00:16:03,924
‐ Wait, now you're
too fancy for stalls?
386
00:16:03,924 --> 00:16:05,926
‐ Darling, I use stalls.
387
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:08,595
That's where we keep the ponies.
388
00:16:09,638 --> 00:16:11,473
Valentina, I think I've made
a terrible mistake.
389
00:16:11,473 --> 00:16:13,558
I don't think I can live
in this hellscape.
390
00:16:13,558 --> 00:16:16,269
‐ This hellscape is my daily life,
391
00:16:16,269 --> 00:16:17,687
you prissy royal bitch.
392
00:16:17,687 --> 00:16:19,189
‐ Hey...
393
00:16:22,025 --> 00:16:23,109
[text chimes]
‐ Mm!
394
00:16:23,109 --> 00:16:25,362
‐ Mm?
‐ Mm! One‐‐ one second.
395
00:16:25,362 --> 00:16:26,780
Alright.
396
00:16:27,489 --> 00:16:28,865
Oh my god.
397
00:16:28,865 --> 00:16:31,576
A lung just became
available for my patient!
398
00:16:31,576 --> 00:16:32,953
Yes! Oh!
399
00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:34,829
Honey, oh...
400
00:16:34,829 --> 00:16:37,540
Oh, it's all over your shirt.
‐ It's okay.
401
00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:41,336
‐ Babe, I am so sorry,
but I have to get back to LA.
402
00:16:42,546 --> 00:16:45,423
‐ Hey, hey. Look, my sister's
hanging out with your friends.
403
00:16:45,423 --> 00:16:47,592
She's kind of a loner, so I
really want her to meet people.
404
00:16:47,592 --> 00:16:49,761
[inaudible]
405
00:16:49,761 --> 00:16:51,972
‐ Yeah. Seems like
they're really hitting it off.
406
00:16:51,972 --> 00:16:54,099
‐ Mm.
‐ Hey,
407
00:16:54,099 --> 00:16:56,184
as soon as my phone powers on,
I'm out of here,
408
00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:58,979
but I wanted to tell you,
you can't give up on love
409
00:16:58,979 --> 00:17:01,690
just because of your proposal fail.
[scoffs]
410
00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:03,942
I know that there is
a Brooklyn Bridge girl
411
00:17:03,942 --> 00:17:06,027
out there for you somewhere.
412
00:17:07,821 --> 00:17:09,823
‐ Am I supposed to know what that is?
Because you look like
413
00:17:09,823 --> 00:17:11,533
you practically moved yourself
to tears just now,
414
00:17:11,533 --> 00:17:13,702
but I have no idea
what you're talking about.
415
00:17:14,452 --> 00:17:16,997
‐ It's this thing I made up.
‐ Okay.
416
00:17:16,997 --> 00:17:19,749
‐ See, I've lived in New York
since college,
417
00:17:19,749 --> 00:17:22,127
but I've never walked across
the Brooklyn Bridge,
418
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:24,004
and after a while,
I waited so long
419
00:17:24,004 --> 00:17:27,215
that I decided I would wait
and walk it with my soulmate.
420
00:17:29,175 --> 00:17:31,761
‐ You're one of those people whose parents
actually stayed married, aren't you?
421
00:17:31,761 --> 00:17:33,138
College sweethearts,
422
00:17:33,138 --> 00:17:34,723
married for 30 years sort of thing.
423
00:17:34,723 --> 00:17:36,224
So you're like, if they found each other,
424
00:17:36,224 --> 00:17:37,809
there must be someone
out there for everyone.
425
00:17:37,809 --> 00:17:39,686
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right?
426
00:17:40,228 --> 00:17:42,272
‐ Yeah. Something like that.
[Jesse sighs]
427
00:17:43,023 --> 00:17:44,482
‐ Must be nice.
428
00:17:44,482 --> 00:17:47,444
Those of us who grew up
in the real world, not so sure.
429
00:17:48,236 --> 00:17:49,988
Looks like your phone's back.
‐ Yes!
430
00:17:51,197 --> 00:17:53,033
Aw.
431
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:56,161
Ian sent me a pic holding his
boarding pass and looking sad.
432
00:17:56,161 --> 00:17:58,705
‐ Aww.
‐ I'm gonna call him.
433
00:17:58,705 --> 00:17:59,706
[gasps]
434
00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:01,917
Wait, look.
435
00:18:03,251 --> 00:18:04,711
I can see all of his flight info.
436
00:18:05,253 --> 00:18:07,881
‐ Cool. He's got TSA PreCheck.
437
00:18:07,881 --> 00:18:10,133
‐ [sighs] He would!
438
00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:12,469
I've always talked
about getting that.
439
00:18:12,469 --> 00:18:14,137
But it's like a whole thing.
No, not the point.
440
00:18:16,223 --> 00:18:19,184
I'm going to go to JFK
and tell him that we're meant to be.
441
00:18:19,184 --> 00:18:21,978
‐ Really?
‐ Hey, uh, can I borrow your car?
442
00:18:21,978 --> 00:18:23,897
I need to take Hannah to the airport.
443
00:18:23,897 --> 00:18:26,399
‐ What?
‐ Emergency surgery calls.
444
00:18:26,399 --> 00:18:29,319
‐ Seems like the universe wants me
to take everyone to the airport.
445
00:18:29,319 --> 00:18:30,987
‐ Alright. Let's go.
‐ Okay. What, are you coming?
446
00:18:30,987 --> 00:18:32,239
‐ I am! Oh!
447
00:18:33,365 --> 00:18:34,741
‐ Wait!
448
00:18:34,741 --> 00:18:36,952
You can't leave me alone with Charlie.
I think I hate him.
449
00:18:37,994 --> 00:18:39,996
‐ We live with him.
‐ I know!
450
00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:45,001
‐ Valentina, don't abandon me!
I have nowhere to go!
451
00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:47,295
I'll need to sell my body to survive!
452
00:18:50,215 --> 00:18:52,217
‐ Hey, sis!
Uh, we're all going to the airport.
453
00:18:52,968 --> 00:18:54,177
‐ You forgot me, didn't you?
454
00:18:54,177 --> 00:18:56,054
‐ What? Who could for‐‐
455
00:18:56,054 --> 00:18:57,472
Yeah. Completely forgot you. I'm sorry.
456
00:18:57,472 --> 00:19:00,016
♪
457
00:19:03,395 --> 00:19:05,689
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And so, we all went to JFK
458
00:19:05,689 --> 00:19:08,858
to tell him that I wanted us
to be together.
459
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:10,110
♪
460
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:11,611
‐ There he is.
461
00:19:12,946 --> 00:19:15,615
‐ Oh god, don't let this be
the next Proposal Fail.
462
00:19:15,615 --> 00:19:17,492
[Jesse sighs]
Wait! Aren't you‐‐
463
00:19:17,492 --> 00:19:20,745
‐ It's actually Mr. Proposal Fail,
but yes.
464
00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:22,163
[mouthing]
465
00:19:22,163 --> 00:19:22,747
‐ Ian!
466
00:19:23,999 --> 00:19:26,167
‐ Sophie? What are you‐‐
467
00:19:26,167 --> 00:19:28,044
‐ I've been on 87 Tinder dates this year.
468
00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:30,422
Okay, all of them were duds.
469
00:19:30,422 --> 00:19:33,508
Just to be clear, I don't do,
like, sexy stuff with all the guys.
470
00:19:33,508 --> 00:19:36,761
A lot of the times, I just have
a white wine and talk.
471
00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:39,055
I also want to be clear
that I am not judging anyone
472
00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:40,515
who does hook up on every date.
473
00:19:40,515 --> 00:19:42,517
It's just not my style.
But if it's someone else's,
474
00:19:42,517 --> 00:19:44,311
that's her business,
and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
475
00:19:44,311 --> 00:19:46,271
‐ This is getting away from her.
476
00:19:47,314 --> 00:19:50,025
‐ Look, what I'm trying to say is that
477
00:19:50,025 --> 00:19:51,902
we live in confusing times,
478
00:19:51,902 --> 00:19:54,237
where it's really hard to meet someone
479
00:19:54,237 --> 00:19:56,406
and‐and‐and connect and have it feel...
480
00:19:57,741 --> 00:19:58,783
Easy.
481
00:19:59,451 --> 00:20:02,203
And tonight, it felt easy.
482
00:20:03,371 --> 00:20:04,664
Other than the Australia thing,
483
00:20:04,664 --> 00:20:07,375
which feels insurmountably hard,
484
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:08,710
but we can get through it.
485
00:20:10,212 --> 00:20:11,713
I know that we can.
486
00:20:13,173 --> 00:20:15,217
What do you say?
487
00:20:17,594 --> 00:20:20,013
‐ Sophie, I'd love
to make it work, but...
488
00:20:20,847 --> 00:20:23,391
it's a 14‐hour time difference,
489
00:20:23,391 --> 00:20:25,310
and I'm gonna be living
490
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,938
out at sea for weeks
on end without service.
491
00:20:28,688 --> 00:20:31,191
It'd just be way too hard.
492
00:20:31,191 --> 00:20:33,151
‐ Oh, this is brutal.
493
00:20:34,778 --> 00:20:36,738
‐ I'm really sorry, Sophie.
494
00:20:36,738 --> 00:20:39,115
But, maybe someday, right?
495
00:20:39,115 --> 00:20:41,743
‐ Yeah. Maybe.
496
00:20:41,743 --> 00:20:44,746
♪
497
00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:55,715
FUTURE SOPHIE: But I didn't
want to wait around for some day.
498
00:21:02,264 --> 00:21:04,015
‐ I'm doing it!
499
00:21:04,015 --> 00:21:07,227
I'm walking the bridge
without the love of my life!
500
00:21:08,186 --> 00:21:10,397
Sounded more triumphant in my head.
501
00:21:10,397 --> 00:21:11,690
‐ You walk that bridge, girl.
502
00:21:12,941 --> 00:21:16,152
That... surprisingly clean and...
503
00:21:16,152 --> 00:21:17,654
actually rather majestic bridge.
504
00:21:17,654 --> 00:21:20,365
‐ You don't have to pretend
to like this for me.
505
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:23,326
‐ I'm not pretending.
506
00:21:23,326 --> 00:21:25,829
You know,
I‐I really do think it's stunning.
507
00:21:26,955 --> 00:21:29,833
Brimming with...
with life and personality.
508
00:21:33,336 --> 00:21:34,838
Like you.
509
00:21:36,923 --> 00:21:40,510
‐ Charlie, do you know one of
the reasons I fell so hard for you?
510
00:21:41,052 --> 00:21:44,139
‐ Because my charm is all boy,
but my body is all man?
511
00:21:44,973 --> 00:21:46,725
‐ No.
512
00:21:46,725 --> 00:21:48,685
It's because I thought you were brave.
513
00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:52,647
You've lived this
incredibly pampered life,
514
00:21:52,647 --> 00:21:54,357
but you walked away from it all.
515
00:21:55,233 --> 00:21:57,402
To take a chance on us.
516
00:21:59,112 --> 00:22:00,906
Charlie...
517
00:22:00,906 --> 00:22:02,949
this city is magic!
518
00:22:02,949 --> 00:22:04,242
♪
519
00:22:04,242 --> 00:22:05,869
And so am I.
520
00:22:08,622 --> 00:22:11,666
Do you wanna be a part
of that magic or not?
521
00:22:13,251 --> 00:22:14,753
‐ I do.
522
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:17,047
Very, very much.
523
00:22:23,220 --> 00:22:26,598
‐ If Sophie can walk across
this bridge totally alone
524
00:22:26,598 --> 00:22:28,141
and Sid can have
525
00:22:28,141 --> 00:22:31,061
a good attitude about
his fiancée ditching him,
526
00:22:31,061 --> 00:22:33,897
and you two can try to make your...
527
00:22:33,897 --> 00:22:35,565
completely doomed relationship work...
528
00:22:35,565 --> 00:22:36,566
‐ Hey!
JESSE: Ellen!
529
00:22:37,025 --> 00:22:40,237
‐ ...then I can stop obsessing
over my divorce
530
00:22:40,237 --> 00:22:42,239
and ask a woman out to divorce!
531
00:22:43,073 --> 00:22:45,242
To divorce. To dinner! Dammit!
532
00:22:45,242 --> 00:22:46,785
‐ You'll get there.
533
00:22:46,785 --> 00:22:49,371
♪
534
00:22:50,372 --> 00:22:52,749
‐ This is good for Soph.
She needed this.
535
00:22:52,749 --> 00:22:56,086
‐ What? She's gonna be fine.
She's got her parents' magic love story
536
00:22:56,086 --> 00:22:58,213
to keep her stupidly optimistic.
537
00:22:58,213 --> 00:22:59,923
‐ Magic love story?
‐ Yeah.
538
00:22:59,923 --> 00:23:02,425
‐ Sophie's mom is a party girl
539
00:23:02,425 --> 00:23:04,803
who bounces around
from boyfriend to boyfriend.
540
00:23:04,803 --> 00:23:07,013
Her dad wasn't even in the picture.
541
00:23:07,013 --> 00:23:09,182
The only thing
magical about Sophie's life
542
00:23:09,182 --> 00:23:11,184
is that she still believes in love at all.
543
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,939
‐ How have I never walked
this bridge before?
544
00:23:15,939 --> 00:23:17,440
VALENTINA: I told you!
[cheering]
545
00:23:18,149 --> 00:23:20,277
‐ Whoo!
‐ Now, we're talking!
546
00:23:20,277 --> 00:23:22,946
Listen, what are we gonna do for dinner?
Because it's late...
547
00:23:22,946 --> 00:23:25,407
[overlapping chatter]
548
00:23:25,407 --> 00:23:27,701
‐ Thanks for having us
over for drinks, guys!
549
00:23:27,701 --> 00:23:29,035
‐ Yeah, of course. I mean,
550
00:23:29,035 --> 00:23:31,538
hot engagement sex,
551
00:23:31,538 --> 00:23:33,707
drinks with total strangers...
[keys rattling]
552
00:23:34,374 --> 00:23:35,917
Two equally good things.
553
00:23:38,545 --> 00:23:40,964
‐ Wow. Love your place!
554
00:23:40,964 --> 00:23:42,632
‐ Thanks. It was a total score.
555
00:23:42,632 --> 00:23:44,593
We got it from
this old married couple
556
00:23:44,593 --> 00:23:46,887
who posted it
on the Wesleyan Alumni Group.
557
00:23:46,887 --> 00:23:48,471
We even got them
to leave their swords.
558
00:23:48,471 --> 00:23:50,640
‐ Wow. Nice touch. [laughs]
559
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,851
[quiet chatter]
560
00:23:52,851 --> 00:23:54,102
FUTURE SOPHIE:
So, that's it.
561
00:23:54,102 --> 00:23:55,604
That's the night I met your father.
562
00:23:56,646 --> 00:24:00,108
♪ Sooner Or Later by The Grass Roots ♪
563
00:24:00,108 --> 00:24:03,153
[inaudible]
564
00:24:03,153 --> 00:24:04,988
SOPHIE'S SON:
But you guys didn't even get together.
565
00:24:04,988 --> 00:24:06,573
‐ Get together? Oh!
566
00:24:06,573 --> 00:24:08,199
That's a much longer story.
567
00:24:08,199 --> 00:24:09,701
Now, where was I?
568
00:24:10,577 --> 00:24:12,454
Where'd I put that bottle of wine?
569
00:24:12,454 --> 00:24:15,373
♪ Sooner or later,
love is gonna get you ♪
570
00:24:15,373 --> 00:24:19,252
♪ Sooner or later, girl,
you've got to give in ♪
571
00:24:19,252 --> 00:24:23,048
♪ Sooner or later,
love is gonna let you ♪
572
00:24:23,048 --> 00:24:26,593
♪ Sooner or later,
love is gonna win ♪
573
00:24:27,344 --> 00:24:29,221
♪ It's just a matter of time ♪
574
00:24:29,221 --> 00:24:31,890
♪ Before you make up your mind ♪
575
00:24:31,890 --> 00:24:34,434
♪ To give all that love
that you've been hiding ♪
576
00:24:34,976 --> 00:24:36,978
♪ It's just a question of when ♪
577
00:24:36,978 --> 00:24:39,231
♪ I've told you time and again ♪
578
00:24:39,231 --> 00:24:42,067
♪ I get all the love you've been denying ♪
579
00:24:42,067 --> 00:24:45,612
♪ Sooner or later,
love is gonna get you... ♪
43727
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