All language subtitles for The.Whale.2022.BRRip.x264-ION10

Like we discussed yesterday,

I really want you all to focus
on topic sentences more.

Too many of you are rushing into examples
in your body paragraphs.

It'd be good for everyone to review

the paragraph structure pdf I sent you
a few weeks ago.

I know these rules can feel constraining.

But remember, the point of this course

is to learn how to write clearly
and persuasively.

That's how you can effectively communicate
your ideas.

Chris, I imagine that was supposed to be
a private chat

that you sent to the whole class.
Well done.

And, yes, the camera on my laptop
still doesn't work.

Believe me, you're not missing much.

Oh, and for those of you
who still haven't given me paper three,

I need it by Wednesday, no exceptions.

And remember,

the more you revise these essays,

the better.

The more you change,

chances are, you'll express
your thoughts and ideas

more clearly and persuasively.

All right?

Oh!

"Mob y dick...
In the amazing book, Moby..."

Liz?

Just use your key,
Open the door!

Oh, my god.

Who are you?

Gosh, are you okay?

Should I call an ambulance?
I should call an am...

Read this to me.

Do you have a phone?
My phone's dead, I need to...

- Please just read it!
- Okay!

Okay.

"In the amazing book, Moby dick,
by the author, Herman melville,

the author recounts his story
of being at sea.

In the first part of his book,
the author, calling himself ishmael,

is in a small seaside town,

and he is sharing a bed
with a man named queequeg."

What is this? Why am I reading this?

- I-I need to...
- Just read any of it!

"And I felt saddest of all
when I read the boring chapters

that were only descriptions of whales,

because I knew that the author
was just trying to save us

from his own sad story...

- Sad story.
- Just for a little while."

Just for a little while.

"This book made me think about my own life
and then it made me feel glad for my..."

Did that help?

Look, do you have a phone?
My phone is dead.

I need to call an ambulance.

- You need help.
- I don't go to hospitals.

- I can't help you, I don't...
- I don't go to hospitals.

I am sorry, um... you can go.

Thank you for reading that to me.

Are you sure you're okay?

I'm sorry, who are you?

Are you acquainted
with the gospel of Jesus Christ?

- What?
- I'm sharing Christ's message of love,

- and I'm showing people...
- Oh.

I think I should call my friend.
She's a nurse, she takes care of me.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll go. Sorry to bother you.

Wait.

My phone fell under there, can you...

Yeah, sure.

Here it is.

Hey, listen, I don't know
what's gonna happen

in the next few minutes.

If you don't mind, could you...

- Yeah. Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.

It's Liz. I'm not around. Leave a message.

What was that thing
that you had me read to you?

It's an essay.

It's my job.

I teach online college courses.

But why did you have me read it to you?

Because I thought I was dying.
And I wanted to hear it one last time.

You should have called an ambulance.

With no health insurance?

Being in debt is better than being dead.
What's wrong with you?

Why is there a missionary here?

Someone left the door unlocked.

I left after you fell asleep earlier,

I must've forgotten.

Good thing, too.
If I hadn't, you might have...

- Liz, I don't like it when you...
- Okay, okay.

I just hate the thought of you being
sealed up in this place when I'm not here.

Now shut up, I'm trying to...

- What?
- Hush.

Tell me what you felt.

Pain, in my chest. Hard to breathe.

I couldn't intake air.

- How are you sleeping?
- I'm not, really.

Lean fonnard.

You're wheezing.

I always wheeze, Liz.

You're wheezing more. Deep breath.

- That hurt?
- What was my blood pressure?

238 over 134.

Oh.

Yeah. "Oh."

Hey, could you...

I haven't been to the bathroom all day,
I'm ready to explode.

You need help in there?

No, I'm fine. Sorry.

What are you sorry about?

I'm sorry. I don't know. Just sorry.

- I should go.
- Thank you.

You must be from new life.
You know Doug, from the church council?

Yeah, I think so?

I'm not entirely sure.
I'm sort of new here, so...

He's my dad.

Doug and Cindy adopted me
when I was a baby.

Oh, that's great.
I've never seen you there before, but,

- again I'm sort of new, so...
- Fucking hate new life.

- Oh.
- My dad forced me to go when I was a kid.

It was awful, growing up
with all that "end times" bullshit.

You're young.

Why the hell would you want to believe
that the world is about to end?

I believe that when Christ returns,
it's gonna be beautiful.

Look, you can go.

I know Charlie appreciates the help,
but if you're here to convert him...

Oh, we don't convert,
our message is a message of hope

- for people of all...
- People of all faiths.

- I know. You're sweet.
- But...

Believe me, he doesn't want
to hear about new life.

Why?

Because it's caused him a lot of pain.

How?

It killed his boyfriend.

You're saying the church...

Killed Charlie's boyfriend, yes.

And I should add that new life
has caused me a lot of pain in my life.

So, we don't need you coming over here,
especially not now, not this week.

Why?

Because he probably
won't be here next week.

Where's he going?

I'm sorry you had to come over, Liz.

No, it's okay.

I'm sorry that I always think I'm dying.

Charlie, your blood pressure
is 238 over 134.

- I'm sorry.
- Go to the hospital.

- I'm sorry.
- Stop saying you're sorry.

Go to the hospital.

You have congestive heart failure.

If you don't go to the hospital,
you'll be dead by the weekend.

You will die.

Well, then, I better get to work
because I have a lot of essays this week.

God damn it!

I know. I'm sorry,
I'm an awful person. I know.

I'm sorry.

Did you still want to hear about
Christ's message of love and salvation?

- No, he does not!
- Okay. Okay.

I'll go.

I still don't understand
why you had me read that essay to you.

It's a really good essay.

Goodbye.

Charlie, you have to go to the hospital.
This has gone way too far.

And rack up tens of thousands
of dollars in hospital bills

I'll never be able to pay back, ever.

This affects me too, you know?

You're my friend.

I know.

- I'm sorry.
- You say you're sorry one more time,

I will shove a knife right into you,
I swear to god!

Go ahead. What's it gonna do?

My internal organs
are two feet in, at least.

I've been telling you this would happen.

I know.

- Haven't I been telling you?
- You have.

A new gop presidential primary.

However, they say absentee ballots
are the lowest they've seen

- in recent history.
- That's not good.

No, it's not.
Get out and vote tomorrow.

If you want to vote
in the republican primary.

Our current polls do show,
among Republicans,

- 30% favor trump...
- Liz.

Senator Ted Cruz,

17% would vote
for Florida senator Marco rubio,

and 5% for Ohio governor John kasich.

Liz.

For someone else, if they could.

Below a percent that just don't know.

Meanwhile,
Vermont senator Bernie Sanders

is expected to win the gem state
on the Democratic side...

Please.

Thank you.

Oh, I've seen this one, it's good.

"In the first part of his book,
the author,

calling himself ishmael,

is in a small seaside town

and he is

sharing a bed with a man

named queequeg.

The author and queequeg go to church,

and later, they set out on a ship
captained by the pirate named

ahab,

who is missing a leg,

and very much wants to kill the whale

which is named Moby dick,

and which is white.

In the course of the book,

the pirate ahab encounters many hardships.

His entire life is set around
trying to kill a certain whale.

I think this is sad

Because the whale
doesn't have any emotions.

He's just

a poor, big animal.

And I feel bad for ahab as well...

Because he thinks
that his life will be better

if he can just kill this whale.

But in reality,

It won't help him at all.

This book made me think

about my own life.

This book made me think
about my own life.

This book made me think
about my own life."

Does this mean now I'm gonna get fat?

No, it doesn't.

I was always big.

I just...

I let it get out of control.

So, was your mom okay
with you coming over here?

I didn't tell her.

It's really good to see you.

You look beautiful.

So, how's school?

- You're a senior, right?
- You actually care?

Well, of course I care.

I pester your mom for information
as often as she'll give it to me.

So...

Why are you...
I mean, don't you have school?

Got suspended this morning.

Why?

I posted something
about my stupid bitch lab partner

that the vice principal said
was "vaguely threatening."

You don't like school?

Only idiots like high school.

But you're on track to graduate, right?

Counselor says I might not.

I'm not worried.

I'm a smart person.

I never forget anything.
High school is just bullshit.

But, Ellie, it's important.
If you don't graduate, then...

Are you actually trying
to parent me right now?

No, I'm... sorry.

I just...

I just thought that maybe
we could spend some time with each other.

I'm not spending time with you.
You're disgusting.

Well, I'm a lot bigger than I was
since last time you saw me.

No, I'm not talking
about what you look like.

You'd be disgusting
even if you weren't this fat.

You'd still be that piece-of—shit dad
who walked out on me when I was eight.

All because he wanted to fuck
one of his students.

Can I have one of these?

Look, it's-it's been a long time.

I just thought that maybe
we can get to know each other.

I don't even know why I'm here.

I can pay you.

You want to pay me to spend time with you?

And I can help you with your work.

It's what I do for my job.

I can help you pass your classes.

- You teach online?
- Yes.

- Your students know what you look like?
- I keep the camera shut off.

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

My counselor says that if I show
a lot of improvement in one subject,

I might be able to graduate.

You can rewrite these essays for English.
They have to be really good, though.

Well, look, um, I don't know
if I should write them for you,

- but I can work with you on them.
- How much can you pay me?

Everything I have.
All the money I have in the bank.

How much?

$120,000? Something like that.
I'd have to check.

I never go out.

All I pay for is food, uh, rent, Internet.

And I work all the time.

And you'd give all of it to me?

Not to my mom, to me?

Just... don't tell your mom, all right?

And maybe you could do
some writing just for me.

Why?

Because you're a smart person.

And I bet you'd make a strong writer.

Plus, I'm a teacher. I want to make sure
you're getting something out of this.

I don't even understand you.

Stand up and walk over to me.

- What?
- Come over here.

Walk toward me.

No. No. Without this thing.

Stand up and walk over here.

- Ellie, I can't really...
- Shut up!

Come over here.

"Celebrate my soul.

Sell my soul."

Gambino's!

Yeah, you can, um...

I put a $20 in the mailbox.

Sure.

You can just leave it on the...

Yeah, I, uh... I remember.

Everything okay in there?

You sure?

I'm fine.

Thank you.

Breathe slowly.

Relax.

It measures perspiration.
It's an indicator of stress.

It's about establishing a relationship
between your brain and your body.

If you know how to make yourself calm,
then your blood pressure will...

Here.

I don't need a little machine to tell me

to take a few deep breaths
and stop sweating.

Well, apparently, you fucking do.

Take another deep breath.

Thank you.

We're just gonna try
some different methods, or whatever.

If you refuse to go to the hospital,
then you'll...

I don't know.

Where'd this come from?

Hey.

Was she here?

No, I don't like this.

This isn't a good idea.

You know you're not supposed
to be around her.

Does her mom know about this?

I just wanted to see her.

Mary has kept her from me all this time.

Why do you suddenly need
to see her so bad, why now?

Liz.

Why the hell do you have
her homework, anyway?

Look, I didn't plan for this.

She needs some help at school,
so I'm gonna help her with a few essays.

You haven't seen her
since she was eight years old,

and you're gonna reconnect with her
by doing her homework for her?

- It's fine.
- It's not fine.

She shouldn't be around you
when you're like this.

What if something happens,
what if you need help?

Charlie, calm down.

Hey. No.

Okay. Forget it, then.

- I'm worried about her.
- Why?

Oh, you're spying on her now?

It doesn't look like she has any friends.

I don't think this is...

Come on, a dead dog?

I'm worried that she's forgotten
what an amazing person she is.

She's just a teenager.

Everyone is insane
when they're a teenager.

When I was her age,
when my dad would really piss me off...

I'm just lucky I didn't get arrested,
that's all I'll say.

Point is,

bringing her over here is a bad idea.

You have enough to deal with
right now, you hear me?

Do not bring her over here again.

Okay.

Okay.

It's not like she's alone, you know.
She has her mom.

Ugh, shit. I have to go soon.

I hate these night shifts.

It's just a steady parade
of dumb, drunk college kids.

Did I tell you about this girl

from a few nights ago?

The puke was bright purple, I swear.

I mean, what is that?

Why can't these kids
just drink beer, you know?

Are you choking?

Oh, god! Okay, lean on that arm.

Lean on that arm!

Okay, I need you to rock with me.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

God damn it, Charlie,
what is wrong with you?

Chew your food
like a normal human being!

You could have just died
right in front of me!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Liz.

It's okay.

I read through some of the posts

in the class discussion forum
this morning.

In particular,
a post about crafting a good thesis,

and I quote,
"just pick a sentence from the reading

and say, 'it's good, ' or some shit."

Listen, at this point in the course,

I have given you all that I can,

in terms of structure, building a thesis,
paragraph organization.

But if all of that isn't built

on your own original ideas
and truthful analysis,

it doesn't mean anything.

Think about that as you write and revise.

Think about the truth of your argument.

I know this may sound silly,
but it's important.

Promise, it's important.

This is...

You say that Walt Whitman
wrote song for myself.

Yeah?

It's called song of myself

my title's better.

Well... okay, I'll just change it.

"The poem song of myself
is in a book called leaves of grass.

It was written by Walt Whitman
and was published in 1855.

He paid for the first
publication himself."

You don't have to read it out loud.
Just rewrite it.

You're supposed to analyze the poem.
This is just a list of facts.

Yup. Thank you, Wikipedia.

You know, it's really an amazing poem.

Whitman uses the metaphor of
not to refer to himself,

but to explode the very definition of self
in favor of a more all-encompassing...

I really, really don't care.

You know, I think you might like it
if you actually read it.

You're just like my teachers.

You think just because I'm not losing
my shit over the poem,

it's because I didn't read it.

I did read it.

It's ovennritten, and dumb,
and repetitive.

And even though he thinks
his metaphor of is deep,

it's actuallyjust a bunch of bullshit.

And, in reality, he's just some worthless
19th century faggot.

That's an interesting perspective.

It would make for an interesting essay.

Just write that thing about exploding
the definition of self.

My English teacher will love it.

- So, how's your mom doing?
- Oh, my god.

Look, if you're not gonna write
these essays for me, then...

Ellie, I don't need you here
to write these essays for you.

If you want to go, you can go.

You can still have the money.

- I thought you wanted to get to know me.
- I do,

but I don't want to force you to be here.

It's up to you.

She's fine.

Mom. I guess.

- She happy?
- When she drinks.

You guys still live in that duplex
over on orchard?

You don't even know where we live?

You don't stay in touch with mom?

Yeah, I-I check in with her
as often as she lets me.

She really only tells me things about you.

Why?

Because that's all I want to know about.

When I was 11,
we moved to the other side of town,

near the Walmart.

Is your mother

- with anyone right now?
- No.

Why, you interested?

No, of course not.

- Why'd you gain all that weight?
- I don't...

If you're gonna interrogate me,
I'm gonna do the same thing.

Why'd you gain all that weight?

Someone close to me passed away, and it...

It had an effect on me.

Your boyfriend.

- My partner.
- Your student.

He wasn't that young.
It was a night school course.

Oh, I remember him.

You had him over for dinner once
when mom was in Montana, visiting grandma.

You made steaks.

The good kind.

Better meal than you ever made
for me or mom.

I remember hearing you two talk
after I went to bed.

How do you remember all that?

I told you, I never forget anything.

How'd he die?

I... I don't...

I'm... I really don't want to talk
about that right now,

if that's all right with you.

I'll write these essays for you.

I want you to do some writing,
just for me.

I hate writing essays.

Just think about the poem for a while,
and write something.

Be honest. Tell me what you really think.

You want me to write what I really think?

I'll be right back.

Just write whatever you want.

Are you okay?

Unless you're dying,
there's no way I'm going in there.

Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Hi. I was looking for Charlie?

He's in the bathroom.

Oh, I can come back.

- Are you his friend, or...
- I'm his daughter.

- Oh.
- Are you surprised?

- Yeah, I guess.
- What's more surprising?

That a gay guy has a daughter,
or that someone actually found his penis?

I'm kidding. Jesus.

Um... Charlie was interested
in hearing more about my church,

- and I brought some literature...
- Are you mormon?

No, I'm from new life.

Oh. That end times cult thing.

It's not a cult.

Tell you one thing
that I like about religion.

What I like about religion is that
it assumes that everyone is an idiot

and that they're all incapable
of saving themselves.

I think they got something right
with that.

- I don't think like that...
- What I don't like about religion

is that when people
accept Jesus or whatever,

they suddenly think that they're better
than everyone else.

By accepting the fact
that they're stupid sinners,

somehow they've become better,
and they turn into assholes.

I don't really know what to say.
I have some pamphlets

that I think would...

- Why did you just do that?
- Are you coming back tomorrow?

- I'm not sure.
- Come back tomorrow.

I'll be here around the same time.

I'm sorry, what's happening?

Oh!

Hi. I was just coming over
to share these pamphlets with you.

You'll have those done by tomorrow?

Sure.

- Five-page minimum.
- It'll be good, I promise.

- I'm Ellie.
- Thomas.

Christ's return has been promised
for centuries.

But there are a lot of clues in scripture
that suggest it's imminent.

So, that means we don't have time
to deny the gospel, we don't have...

Do you really think
that the world's gonna end soon?

Well, the Bible says that no one
shall know the day or the hour,

but, yeah, I think we're probably
living in end times.

And that doesn't bother you?

No. It's the idea that a better world
is coming to replace this one.

That everything terrible
about this country, this planet,

is gonna be wiped clean and replaced
with something pure and holy, and...

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude,
but I know all this.

What do you mean?

I have probably read everything
new life church has ever written.

Probably every pamphlet
they've ever published.

Wow, that's great and everything,
but these tracts are just the beginning.

There's so much more in the Bible

- that we can...
- I read the Bible.

- Really?
- Sure. Couple times.

Did you like it?

I thought it was devastating.

God creates us, expels us from paradise.

We wander around for thousands of years
killing each other,

before he comes back
and saves 144,000 of us.

Meanwhile, seven-and-a-half billion of us
fall into hell.

That's not really
how I interpret it, but...

Charlie, you have to understand,

god hasn't turned his back on you.

If you accept him,
he'll release you from this.

He'll take your soul out of this body
and give you a brand-new body.

One made of pure light.
I mean, don't you want that?

I'm not interested in being saved.

I appreciate what you did
the other day, but you can go.

This doesn't sound like something that I...

Look, I really think
that god brought me here for a reason.

There's a reason
why I knocked on your door

right when you needed someone the most.

Isn't there any way I can help?

I mean, that's the entire reason

why I became a missionary
in the first place, right?

There's something you can do for me.

- What?
- Um, nothing, I just...

I hope you know
I wasn't talking about, um...

- What?
- I'm not...

- Oh, my god.
- I'm... I'm sorry. I just...

- No.
- With what you were watching

- the first time I came in here, I just...
- I am not attracted to you.

Please, you gotta believe me when I say
I'm not attracted to you.

You're a fetus.

I'm sorry.

Thomas, tell me the truth.

You find me disgusting?

I just want to help.

Please, just let me help.

Thank you. That's very helpful.

What happened to your... sorry.

Your friend, Liz,
she said that your boyfriend, um,

he used to go to new life?

- Charlie?
- Yeah.

I got you this.

I did some asking around, and...

What the fuck is he doing here?

He's just helping me with something.
Take it easy, Liz.

Okay, well, you can go now.

Liz.

Go home!

- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Leave it.

I said, leave it!

Liz, would you stop?

Actually, stay. We'll have a little chat.

What's this?

The fuck does it look like?

It's a fat-guy wheelchair.

And why do I need a wheelchair?

I was talking to one of the er doctors,

he said moderate activity
would be a good idea.

Sense of independence might help you out.

And what did you pay for this thing?

Nothing. We ordered it for a patient
a few months ago.

- It's just been sitting around.
- What happened to the patient?

Just try it out. Please.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

- Can I sit?
- I gotcha.

- Good?
- Yeah, actually, this is really nice.

Let me clear some space for you.

Whee.

Hello?

Look, no hands.

Thank you, Liz. This is great, so great.

- See? I told you.
- I know.

- I should go.
- Ah-pap-pap.

Not until we have our little chat.

- What?
- Come on.

Liz.

Just gimme a minute with him.

Where are you from?

What?

You said you've only been here
for a little while.

Where you from?

Uh, Iowa. A town called Waterloo?

You asking me?

No. I'm from Waterloo.

Okay.

Your whole family
move out here for new life?

No, it's just me.

I wanted to do some missionary work
before school.

You're from Iowa,

and you came to Idaho
to do missionary work?

Why aren't you in Africa or something?

Idaho needs the word
as much as anywhere else.

Okay, listen. I know this is fun for you.

You get to travel around,
act superior than everyone else,

and eventually, you go home,

get some boring job, have too many kids.

It's god's plan.

But there are other types of people.

People like Charlie,
for whom this amazing plan doesn't fit.

So, just stay away from him.

He doesn't need this right now.

I disagree.

- Excuse me?
- Sorry, I just, uh...

He's dying.

He's refusing to go to the hospital.
What he needs is spiritual guidance.

And you're gonna give him that?

No. God will.

I see.

My big brother did some missionary work
for new life.

Went to South America.

I was the black sheep.

I refused to go to church
ever since I was 12.

Dad knew I was a lost cause, but...

Not my brother, he loved new life.

He wrote me a letter
a few months after he left,

told me he was tired, and lonely,

but he didn't want to come home
because he didn't want to get married.

He didn't want to get married?

Dad had set it all up.

Pushed him into getting married

to this girl from the church
he barely knew.

But when he came back,
he met someone else.

Fell in love, started a whole new life.

And dad kicked him out of the church.

And the family.

I thought he was gonna be able
to get over all that religious stuff,

but it was like a cancer.

He couldn't shake it.

He just caved in on himself,
stopped sleeping, stopped eating.

Lost a ton of weight.

One night, he doesn't come home.

Couple weeks later,
this guy is out jogging on a bike path

near the river in lewiston,
sees something washed up on shore,

and that was Alan.

The love of Charlie's life,
and my brother.

- Oh.
- Yeah. "Oh."

To this day, my dad won't admit it.

Told the whole congregation
Alan's death was...

Just an unfortunate accident.

Denying him to the end.

Look, I know that you don't trust me.

And I know that I haven't known him
for very long,

but I really think
that god brought me here,

right when Charlie needs it the most.

I just want him to be saved, that's all...

You listen to me!

He doesn't need saving!

In a few days,
he's probably going to be dead,

so what he needs
is for you to leave him alone.

I'm the only one who can help him.

- You understand me?
- Liz.

You wanna watch some Maury?

Sounds good, right?

Actually, I got another
night shift tonight. I better, uh...

You good for the night?

I'll leave the remote here.

Gambino's!

Yeah. You can, uh...

Money in the mailbox,
leave it on the bench.

Yeah. Thanks.

I'm Dan.

What?

I just... my name, it's Dan.

I've been coming here for a while now.

Just thought you'd wanna know my name.

Charlie.

Hey, Charlie.

Have a good night, okay?

It sure did. More Idaho Republicans
want to see senator Ted Cruz

in the white house
than any other candidate.

Cruz will split Idaho's 32 delegates
with Donald Trump,

the only other candidate
to clear that 20% threshold.

It was a disappointing night
for senator Marco rubio

who failed to win any delegates

in the four states
that held primaries, while...

"This apartment smells.

This notebook is retarded.
I hate everyone."

This apartment smells.

This notebook is retarded.

I hate everyone.

"And I felt saddest of all

when I read the boring chapters

that were only descriptions of whales

because I knew

that the author was just trying to save us

from his own sad story,

just for a little while."

"This apartment smells.

This apartment smells."

"The author was just trying to save us
from his own sad story."

"I hate everyone."

"I hate everyone."

Do you have it?

It's almost done.

You can wait while I finish it up,

print it out.

Maybe while you're waiting,
you can write some more in your notebook.

Oh, my god.

You've only written
a couple sentences so far.

- Can you write more?
- I kind of hate you.

Yeah. Well, you hate everyone.

Listen, just keep going.

Forget about the poem.

Write whatever you want,
whatever you're thinking.

Okay. Be quiet, just...

You know, I was in a really strange place
in my life

- when I married your mom.
- Did I fucking ask?

I just wish...

I'm so... I'm sorry.

I understand that you're angry.

You don't have to be angry
at the whole world.

You can just be angry at me.

Okay, you know what?

You can't throw me away
like a piece of garbage,

and then suddenlyjust want to be my dad
eight years later.

You left me for your boyfriend.

It's that simple.

And if you've been telling yourself
anything different,

then you're lying to yourself.

But you know what? I'm glad. I'm...

I'm glad, because you taught me
something very important.

People are assholes.

Most people learn that way too late.

You... you taught me that when I was eight.

Thank you for that.

You know, you could've...

What?

You could've been
sending us money.

If you had all that money saved up,
and wanted to be a part of my life so bad,

- you could've been sending money to mom.
- I did.

Yeah, I mean more than just child support.

I did.

When I left your mom,
she did not want me around you.

I hoped that she would change her mind
eventually, but she...

You could have just fucking called me.

All this time, you...

You could have been a part of my life.

Ellie.

Look at me.

Who would want me
to be a part of their life?

I'm hungry.

There's some stuff for sandwiches
in the fridge.

I'll make you one,
but it's going to be small.

And I'm only using Turkey,

and no mayonnaise.

- What?
- Nothing.

You're an amazing person, Ellie.

I hope you know
what an amazing person you are.

I couldn't ask
for a more incredible daughter.

I'll print that out for you now.

Yeah?

Uh... hello?

Hi.

Come on.

Is he... is he okay?

I don't know. I ground up some Ambien
and I put it in his sandwich.

- What?
- I only gave him a couple. He's fine.

- I can take, like, three at a time.
- Where did you get Ambien?

I had sex with a pharmacist.

I'm kidding. Gross.
My mom pops them like tic tacs.

I don't know
if he should be taking Ambien.

Does this make you nervous?
'Cause it's just pot.

It's not like I'm smoking meth
or anything.

I know. I-I know what pot is, okay?

No. You only think you know what pot is

because your parents told you
a bunch of lies about it.

Don't. I know what drugs are.
I've smoked pot before.

- Ooh. Oh, I'm so impressed.
- I wasn't trying to impress you.

- You've not smoked pot before.
- Yes, I have. It...

It was kind of a problem.

That is the stupidest fucking thing
I've ever heard in my entire life.

I was smoking every day. I had a problem.

You were a stoner. You had a hobby.

All right, I'm gonna go.
Just tell him I was here and I'll...

If you leave, I'll feed him the rest
of the pills I have in the bottle.

- What?
- Yeah.

There's, like, 20, 30 more in here.

I'll crush them up,

I'll put them in some water,

And I'll pour it down his throat.

You wouldn't actually do that, would you?

So, why do you keep coming back here?

He needs help.
He needs god in his life right now.

That's a stupid reason.

Do you think he wants
to have sex with you?

That is so gross, oh, my god.

- Take a hit.
- I don't want...

If you don't take a hit,
I'm gonna call the police

and I'm gonna tell them
that you tried to rape me. Take a hit.

- I don't understand you at all.
- Oh, my god.

- Is there a carb on this?
- Ooh, I'm impressed.

- I wasn't trying to impress you.
- There isn't a carb.

Calm down.

- What are you gonna do with that picture?
- I'm gonna masturbate to it.

Is that what you want me to say?
You're a pervert. Take another hit.

Look, I'm just fucking with you,
all right?

I'm not gonna kill anyone,

I'm not gonna tell anyone
that you tried to rape me.

You're not going to give him
any more Ambien?

No.

Why do you keep coming back here?

I don't know.

Seriously, if you hate him so much,
then why...

I'm done answering questions now.

Can I take another hit?

It goes against your religion,

and that makes you a hypocrite.

Go ahead.

I really wish that you wouldn't do that.

Yeah, I know. I heard you the first time.

Do you find me attractive?

Because I'm not attracted to you at all,
just to let you know.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything.

I just don't think
you're very good-looking, or interesting.

Or intelligent.

Oh, my god, grow up.
Maybe someone else finds you attractive.

- Maybe my dad finds you attractive.
- I really wish you...

You know, it is so easy
to make you uncomfortable.

It's honestly... it's a little sad.
You can cash that out.

If my parents knew
I was getting high,

getting high while out witnessing
for the church...

You're not from new life.

What?

There's a kid in the grade
below me who goes there.

He told me that they stopped doing
door-to-door stuff last year

when some woman was out preaching
or whatever,

and a guy answered the door
with no clothes on.

- I gotta go.
- Who are you, really?

Come on, just tell me!

Why do you care?

Because I think we have
a blossoming friendship.

You're just messing with me.

No, I'm not.

You're not going to tell anyone?

Who am I gonna tell?

I was on a mission.

With a group from my church,
back in Waterloo,

my hometown in Iowa.

When my dad caught me smoking pot,
he thought a mission would be a good idea.

I mean, the truth is,
he's just embarrassed by me

and wanted me gone for a while.

Anyway, I just left.

I couldn't do it anymore.

Why?

The mission leader,

this guy, Jerry, all he had us doing
was standing on corners

and handing out pamphlets.

The end of each day, he'd be like,

"look how many people
we're helping," but...

I tried to talk to him
about different ways we can minister.

I mean, different ways
that we could actually help people. But...

You could just tell
that he didn't need to earn

or prove his faith at all.

After a while, I was just like,
"am I really helping?"

No. You were not.

Yeah, I started to feel that way, too.

I don't feel that way,
I know that you weren't helping people.

It doesn't help people to tell them
that they should believe in god.

Why would that help people?

I just thought...
I see all my family, my friends,

they're all just so happy.

I just want to be like that.

So, why'd you leave, then?

I was worried I was gonna get arrested.

For smoking pot?

For stealing from the mission.

One day, I ditched the pamphlets.
I went door-to-door.

I started actually engaging with people.

Finally. I mean, it felt like
I was doing something, helping someone.

And that night,
I went back to the mission meeting,

and I told everyone what I did that day,

and Jerry was like,
"that's not what we do, buddy."

And I was like, "well, why not?"

And we got in this huge argument
in front of everyone, and...

And that night, I decided to leave.

And when everyone went to sleep, I...

I took the petty cash.

How much?

$2,436.

- Oh.
- Yeah. "Oh."

I got on a bus.

Jerry and my parents were calling me
over and over again.

I just tossed my phone.

After a while, I wound up here.

I thought I could use this money
for my own mission.

You know, see my faith save
just one person.

But now I'm almost out of money. I just...

I can't go home, and...

My parents probably wanna disown me.

I don't know what to do.

You're more interesting to me now.

Thanks.

So, that's why you wanna save my dad.

Mom?

- Don't freak out.
- Shut up.

You again?

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie.

Not with the oxygen tank.

I'll stand by the window.

Ellie told you she was coming over?

No. I did. And just in time, looks like.

You having any more pain?

How easy is it to move?

Not very.

Any confusion? Have you felt disoriented,

forgotten where you are
or what you're doing?

- Am I okay?
- No, you're not okay.

But as far as the sleeping pills,
you're fine.

- I don't think she gave you much.
- Yeah, that's what I told you.

You know, I was a very angry,
very stupid little girl once, too,

but if you would've given him
any more pills than that...

Yeah, but I didn't give him
more pills than that,

- I gave him two pills.
- Ellie?

How much money did he offer you?

- All of it?
- How do you know about the money?

You think I'm an idiot?

You think I would believe
that you were coming over here

out of the kindness of your heart?

Charlie doesn't have any money.

- She doesn't know?
- Mary.

Where do you think all the money
from his teaching has been going?

The account for Ellie?

By now, it has to be huge.

Over $100,000 at least, right?

That's not true, is it?

Charlie.

We could have gotten you
anything you needed.

Special beds, physical therapists,
fucking health insurance!

Last winter, when my pickup broke down
and I had to walk through the snow

- to get your groceries for you...
- I offered to get your truck fixed.

Yeah, and I refused
because I thought you had $700

- in your bank account.
- The money is for Ellie.

It's always been for Ellie.

If there was ever any kind of emergency,
I would have given you the money.

Would you?

Wait.

Wait... wait.

- Mom, you're not getting any of my money.
- Oh, shut up, Ellie.

Leave, right now.

Wait.
Ellie, I know you didn't mean to hurt me.

- I know that you didn't...
- Okay, you know what? Listen to me.

Listen. I don't care about you!

Get that through your fucking skull.

- Ellie, please.
- Just fucking die already!

Enough!

Ellie, your... your essay.

It's...

It's a really good essay!

Jesus, Charlie.

Do you have anything?

It's above the sink,
the kitchen counter on the left.

The other one. Yup.

Our deal was to wait until she's out
of the house to give her the money.

What's the difference?

The difference is she's 17
and still in high school.

She's gonna spend it on face tattoos
or ponies, or something.

I think that she's a lot smarter
than that.

How's it been?

Getting to know her.

She's amazing.

You still do that.

What?

That positivity.

It's so annoying.

You're a complete cynic.

Just trying to balance us out.

Yeah. I guess I do miss that.

That one thing.

Just that?

That, and the cooking.

Last month,

- tried to make a stir-fry thing.
- Yeah?

Almost set the entire
apartment building on fire.

I never knew you were doing this
to yourself.

Well, you never asked how I was doing.

You never asked how I was doing either.

Every month, it's just,

"how much money do you need?"
Or, "how's Ellie?"

You didn't tell me that she's flunking
out of school.

I guess I just didn't need the lecture
about my involvement in her education.

That is not what I...

How are you doing, Mary?

I know I'm not supposed to be around her.

You could probably call the police
if you wanted to.

Oh, Christ. You really think I'd do that?

You fought me pretty hard
for full custody.

And I don't blame you
for keeping her from me.

Charlie, need I remind you
that you left us.

- I know.
- And I was left raising our kid

and explaining to people
that my husband left me for a man.

But you didn't have
to cut me out of her life like that.

Oh, please.

You were more than happy
to forget about us for a while.

You know that.

I know I made a lot of mistakes.

But I just wanted to see her, Mary.

I've always just...
Just wanted to see her.

It's all about you.

Even now, huh?

Now you know why I kept you from her.

What?

She's awful. Isn't she?

She's a terror.
And you think it's my fault.

Wait, is that why you kept her from me
all this time?

Because you thought that I would think
that you're a bad mother?

At first.

But later, when she was 15, 16,

- I was worried she would hurt you.
- Hurt me?

It's ridiculous.

I don't take any pleasure in admitting it.
I'm her mother, for Christ's sake.

You know, I spent way too much time
telling myself, you know,

"she's just rebellious,
she's just difficult."

Charlie, she's evil.

She's not evil.

What are you doing?

You think it's just me?

"There'll be a grease fire in hell
when he starts to burn."

Don't feel bad.

I've made quite a few appearances
on that thing.

She's a strong writer.

- That's your response?
- This isn't evil.

This is honesty.

Do you know how much bullshit
I've read in my life?

My god, I don't understand you, Charlie!

Every time I call and ask you
how she's doing, you say, "she's fine."

- If she's so evil, then...
- What was I supposed to tell you? Huh?

That she was off making her classmates cry
or slashing her teachers' tires?

- You didn't want to hear that stuff!
- I could have helped her!

She doesn't want your help!
She doesn't want anyone!

You think I didn't want her to have a dad?

She adored you!

The only reason you married me
in the first place

was to have a kid, I know that!

Mary, please!

Well, this brings back memories,
doesn't it?

Listen.

I never got to say that I was sorry.

What would you have to be sorry about?

That's not what I mean.

I mean...

About your friend.

- His name was Alan.
- I know his fucking name, Charlie.

I saw him once,

in the Walmart parking lot.

He wasn't looking too good,
and I don't think it was long before he...

Anyway, I had all these things that I...
I wanted to say to him,

you know, hurl at him
like bricks.

But I...

I asked if he wanted some help.

He let me carry
a couple of bags to his car,

he said thank you,

andllefi.

I never even told him who I was.

You're wheezing.

Yeah, it's gotten worse.

Should I call someone?

You'll let me hear?

How do I sound?

That was the first time
we've all been together

in almost nine years. Do you realize that?

When Ellie was little,

when we took that trip
to the Oregon coast together,

Ellie played in the sand, and...

We laid out on the beach.

I went swimming in the ocean.

That was the last time
I ever went swimming, actually.

I kept cutting my legs on the rocks.

The water was so cold.

And you were so mad that my legs bled

and stained the seats in the minivan.

And you said, for days after that,
I smelled like seawater.

You remember that?

You sound awful.

I'm dying, Mary.

Fuck you.

I'm sorry.

Fuck you.

For sure?

Yeah. For sure.

Listen to me.

I need to make certain
that she's going to be okay.

We can't give up on her.

You already gave up on her!

You gave up on her
when she was eight years old!

I wish I could have been
a part of her life, Mary,

a part of both of your lives.

Go to the hospital.

You have money, just go to the hospital!

We both know that that money is for Ellie.

But beyond that,

I need to know
that she's gonna have a decent life.

Where she cares about people
and other people care about her.

And she's gonna be okay.

- I need to go.
- Mary.

- She doesn't have anyone else!
- I have to go.

I need to know that I have done
one thing right with my life!

We both played our parts.

I raised her,
and you're giving her the money.

It's the best we could do.

Do you need anything

before I leave?

Water, or something.

Gambino's!

Yeah.

Charlie?

You okay?

Yeah.

The money is in the, urn...

Sure.

You sure you're doing okay?

Yeah. Thanks, Dan.

Have a good night, okay?

What...

Fuck these essays.

Fuck these readings.

Just write something fucking honest.

Liz?

Can I come inside?

It's not locked.

- Hi.
- What's wrong?

- Thank you.
- For what?

Look, I'm not exactly who I said I was.
I'm not from new life.

What? I... I don't...

I've been in a pretty bad place recently.

I... I stole some money,
and I ran away from home a few months ago.

And your daughter, she took these pictures
of me smoking pot,

and a recording or something like that,

and she found my church
in Waterloo somehow,

and then she sent it to them,
and they sent it to my parents...

- Wait.
- And you know what they said?

"It's just money."

And they forgive me.

And they love me,
and they want me to come home.

How awful is that?

Ellie, she... she did all that?

I can't tell if she was trying
to help me or hurt me, or...

Do you ever get that feeling from her?

How did she even... she...

She found your church,
she tracked down your parents.

She really did all that?

Yeah. I mean, I'm going home tomorrow.

But, Charlie, before I go,
I have to show you this.

What... what's wrong?

Wait, are you okay?

It just hurts.

Charlie, I want to help you.
I know I can help you.

I'm not going to the hospital.

No, I know. I'm not gonna make you go.
But I can help you.

- "Therefore, brothers and sisters...
- What are you doing?

We have an obligation,

but it is not to the flesh,
to live according to it.

For if you live according to the flesh,
you will die.

But if by the spirit you put to death
the misdeeds of the body,

- then you will live."
- I... I don't understand.

Charlie, when I read this,
I finally got it.

I finally understood
why god brought me here to you.

So I could help you understand
what happened to Alan,

so it doesn't happen to you, too.

How did you get this?

Charlie, Alan tried to escape god's will.

He chose his life with you over god.

But this is why he was so obsessed
with this verse.

He knew that he was living in the flesh,
and not in the spirit.

He never prayed for salvation,
but it's not too late for you.

Through the spirit, you can put to death
the misdeeds of the body,

and you will live.

You think Alan died
because he chose to be with me?

You think god turned his back on him
because he and I were in love?

You know something?
I wasn't always this big.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, I wasn't the best-looking guy
in the room, but...

Alan loved me.

He thought I was beautiful.

Okay.

Halfway through the semester,

he started meeting me
during my office hours.

And we were...
We were crazy about one another.

But we waited

until the class was over before...

This isn't, uh...

It was just after classes
had ended for the year.

It was perfect temperature outside.

We took a walk in the arboretum,

- and we kissed.
- Charlie, stop.

We would spend entire nights
lying together, naked.

We would make love.

We would make love.

Do you find that disgusting?

Charlie, god is ready to help you.

Oh, I hope that there isn't a god,

because I hate to think
that there's an afterlife,

and that Alan can see
what I have done to myself.

- Charlie...
- That he can see my swollen feet

and the sores on my skin,

and the patches of mold
in between the flaps.

- Stop.
- The infected ulcers on my ass,

and the sack of fat on my back
that turned brown last year.

- Okay, stop!
- This is disgusting?

- Yes!
- I'm disgusting?

Yes, you're disgusting! You're...

I'm sorry.

What?

Go home to your family.

Well, your complaints have been heard.

I've been replaced
by someone who will, no doubt,

have you rewrite,
and rewrite, and rewrite,

be more objective,

less authentic, less you,
with every draft.

But some of you saw my post

about writing something honest.

And...

The things that some of you wrote...

Kristy, you wrote,

"my parents want me to be a radiologist,

but I don't even know what that is."

Julian, you wrote,

"I'm sick of people telling me
that I have promise."

Adam, you wrote,

"I think I need to accept that my life
isn't going to be very exciting."

You all wrote these amazing,
honest things, and...

You've been so honest with me
that I... I...

I just want to be

honest with you, too.

These assignments don't matter.

This course doesn't matter.

College doesn't matter.

These amazing, honest things
that you wrote...

They matter.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't.

I really hate you for putting me
through this again, you know that?

Those last few months before Alan...

I'd come over here,
shake him, scream at him,

just trying to get him
to fucking eat something.

- God, that was awful!
- It was awful for me, too.

Yeah? Well, you weren't the one
who had to identify his body,

- all bloated...
- They wouldn't let me.

I wasn't family.

I got you two meatball subs. Extra cheese.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm not going to the hospital.

I'm not asking you to.

I can't do this anymore.

I tried to save him, Liz.

I thought that if I just loved him,

that he wouldn't need anyone else.

I told him he didn't need god,

he didn't need anyone but me.

Charlie,

all I know is that you gave Alan
the best years of his life.

If it weren't for you, he would have
jumped off that bridge years earlier.

Nobody could've saved him.
Believe me, I spent years trying.

I don't think I believe anyone
can save anyone.

She saved him.

She wasn't trying to hurt him.
She was trying to help him.

Who are you talking about?

He's going home. She did that.

- Charlie...
- She didn't do it to hurt him,

she did it to send him home.

Do you feel light-headed?
Charlie, look at me.

- She was trying to help him.
- Who?

Ellie. She was trying to help him.

She just wanted to send him home.

Do you ever get the feeling that...

People are incapable of not caring?

People are amazing.

What the fuck did you do?

What's wrong with him?

He's dying.

So, call someone.

- No.
- Call a fucking ambulance!

Liz.

- I need to talk to him.
- I'm not leaving you alone with him.

I need to talk to him alone.

Liz.

Please.

Okay.

I'll call someone.

Charlie.

I'll wait downstairs.

- Why'd you do that?
- What?

I failed.

It's a really good essay.

Are you just trying to screw me over
one last time?

I don't care about you!
I don't care that you're dying.

Do you want me to fail out of high school?

- Is that why you did this?
- I didn't write it.

This is the essay
that you gave me yesterday.

- You didn't read it.
- I don't need to read it.

Read it.

This is...

I know what this is.

I knew you would.

I wrote this.

You never forget anything.

I wrote this in eighth grade for English.
Why do you...

"And I felt saddest of all

when I read the boring chapters

that were only descriptions of whales,

because I knew that

the author was just trying to save us

from his own sad story,

just for a little while."

- How do you have this?
- Your mother,

she sent it to me four years ago.

I wanted to know
how you were doing in school,

and she sent it.

And it's the best essay I've ever read.

Why are you fucking
with me like this?

I'm not.

I'm sorry for leaving you.

I was in love, and...

I left you behind.

- You did not deserve that.
- I don't...

I don't know how

I could have done such a thing.

You're so beautiful.

- You're amazing.
- Stop.

You're amazing.

This essay is amazing.

This essay is you.

Stop saying that.

- This essay is you.
- Stop saying that!

You're the best thing I have ever done.

What's the matter?

Ellie!

No. Okay, I can't be here right now.

- I have to go.
- You're perfect.

You'll be happy.

You care about people.

The ambulance is coming, they'll help you.

No. They won't.

- You're going to the hospital.
- No.

You just need surgery, or something!

- Read it to me.
- What?

If you want to help,
read it to me.

You'll help if you read it.

You asshole. You fat fucking asshole!

- You'll help...
- Fuck you.

- Please.
- Fuck you!

Ellie!

Daddy, please.

"In the amazing book, Moby dick,
by the author Herman melville,

the author recounts his story
of being at sea.

In the first part of his book,
the author, calling himself ishmael,

is in a small seaside town

and he is sharing a bed
with a man named queequeg.

The author and queequeg go to church

and later set out on a ship
captained by a pirate named ahab,

who is missing a leg,

and very much wants to kill the whale

which is named Moby dick,
and which is white.

In the course of the book,
the pirate ahab encounters many hardships.

His entire life is set around
trying to kill a certain whale.

I think this is sad because this whale
doesn't have any emotions,

and doesn't know
how bad ahab wants to kill him.

He's just a poor

big animal."

"And I feel bad for ahab as well,

because he thinks
that his life will be better

if he can just kill this whale,

but in reality, it won't help him at all."

"I was very saddened by this book,

and I felt many emotions
for the characters.

And I felt saddest of all
when I read the boring chapters

that were only descriptions of whales,

because I knew that the author
was just trying to save us

from his own sad story,

just for a little while."

"This book made me think
about my own life,

and then it made me feel glad for my..."