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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:03,903 DENISE: Previously on The Hotwives of Las Vegas... 2 00:00:03,933 --> 00:00:06,233 Life without Adonis has been hard, 3 00:00:06,266 --> 00:00:08,196 but I had to kick him out. 4 00:00:08,233 --> 00:00:10,933 My embryo jumped out of me, went into her. 5 00:00:10,966 --> 00:00:12,096 I would (BLEEP) Vance. 6 00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:15,273 You will never have my husband. 7 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:18,100 I am writing my book The Loneliest Fingertip. 8 00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:19,433 Well, it's just words on a page. 9 00:00:19,466 --> 00:00:21,226 Doesn't even really matter the order of the words. 10 00:00:21,266 --> 00:00:23,266 What do you mean you're in love with my husband? 11 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,970 Oh, yeah, I have a kid and a wife. 12 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,430 Did I not mention that to Denise? 13 00:00:26,466 --> 00:00:27,796 (IMITATING SCOOBY DOO) Ruh-roh. 14 00:00:27,833 --> 00:00:29,203 PHE PHE: Are y'all having sex in here? 15 00:00:29,233 --> 00:00:30,703 JENFER: Oh, no! I'm going into labor. 16 00:00:30,733 --> 00:00:31,603 My baby! 17 00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:38,573 JENFER: What happens in Vegas can usually be cured by antibiotics. 18 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,100 FIRST LADY: Money is money, but class is something much classier. 19 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,300 IVANKA: Just because I'm beautiful and rich, 20 00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:46,833 doesn't mean I can't say that a lot. 21 00:00:46,866 --> 00:00:49,996 PHE PHE: I am a phenomenon, literally. That's my name. 22 00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:54,533 LEONA: I went to a salon and said, "Give me the Reba." 23 00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:58,603 DENISE: I say I'm sorry a hundred times a day. 24 00:01:00,066 --> 00:01:02,066 CALLIE: I am Satan's minion. 25 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,530 I am also great at Word and Excel. 26 00:01:10,966 --> 00:01:12,066 (SIGHS) 27 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,070 There, there, baby. 28 00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:17,703 When Leona called me from New York City 29 00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:19,273 Casino 30 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,800 to tell me that Ace and First Lady were hooking up, 31 00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,503 I was shocked. 32 00:01:23,533 --> 00:01:26,273 And the news sent me into early labor. 33 00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:29,130 Early labor that just turned out to be gas. 34 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:32,596 But I find breast-feeding this doll comforting. 35 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,900 But I would never breast-feed a real baby. 36 00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:37,673 Makes your tits all saggy. 37 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,070 (DOORBELL RINGING) 38 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,703 Oh! Coming. 39 00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:43,273 (GROANS) 40 00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:49,733 Leona's here, honey. 41 00:01:49,766 --> 00:01:51,566 You come to Mama. Oh, God! 42 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,000 (SOBBING) Oh! 43 00:01:53,866 --> 00:01:55,596 First she tries to take my baby, 44 00:01:55,633 --> 00:01:56,703 then she takes my man. 45 00:01:56,733 --> 00:01:57,873 Oh! 46 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,630 God! I'm a wreck. 47 00:01:59,666 --> 00:02:01,326 I know, I can tell, your place is a mess. 48 00:02:02,533 --> 00:02:04,303 I'm glad it was me 49 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,873 who told Jenfer about Ace and First Lady, 50 00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:08,800 even though it was so hard, 51 00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,673 although it was probably harder for me than for her. 52 00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:12,130 You know? 53 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,796 I mean no one ever thinks about the bearer of the bad news. 54 00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:16,203 What about us? 55 00:02:16,233 --> 00:02:17,873 Have you spoken to Ace? 56 00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,470 People will want to know and I'd like to be able to tell them. 57 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,430 Oh, I've spoken to him, all right. 58 00:02:22,466 --> 00:02:25,526 Ace came home begging for forgiveness 59 00:02:25,566 --> 00:02:28,326 but I sent that son of a bitch packing. 60 00:02:28,366 --> 00:02:29,996 Get the hell out of my house! 61 00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:32,533 Please, not like this. 62 00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:34,066 I just wanted to change my outfit. 63 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,170 Those jeans made me look pudgy. 64 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,800 I mean he had a point and I felt that I owed him that much. 65 00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:40,133 You get out of my house! 66 00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:41,666 Fine! I don't even care! 67 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,200 Me and my extremely slimming suit are out of here! 68 00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:46,333 You're gonna regret this. 69 00:02:48,866 --> 00:02:50,466 Damn it! 70 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,930 (SOBBING) I have to stay strong. 71 00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:55,126 Yes! Yes, honey. 72 00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:56,796 Or, you could just fall apart 73 00:02:56,833 --> 00:02:58,173 and give the people what they want. 74 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,300 No, I have to focus on what's important. 75 00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:02,303 (SNIFFLES) 76 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,403 Your baby. 77 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,833 My book. 78 00:03:04,866 --> 00:03:06,926 Oh! It's debuting. 79 00:03:06,966 --> 00:03:09,726 I'm really excited 80 00:03:09,766 --> 00:03:13,126 because I'm doing a reading of my children's book, 81 00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:17,996 The Loneliest Fingertip, today at the Las Vegas Book Convention/Beach Party. 82 00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:19,773 It's the biggest party of the year! 83 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,570 It takes place poolside, 84 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,030 because no one in Vegas enjoys reading, 85 00:03:24,066 --> 00:03:27,396 but everyone enjoys getting wasted by a pool and pretending to read. 86 00:03:27,433 --> 00:03:30,203 Ah! Babe, I am so proud of you for speaking out 87 00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:32,333 for handicapped, misshapen people like yourself. 88 00:03:32,366 --> 00:03:33,526 You know? 89 00:03:33,566 --> 00:03:35,666 I'm going to be there today, cheering you on. 90 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,270 Bless your heart. 91 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,600 You're a real friend. I am. 92 00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,403 I'm going to support Jenfer, 93 00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:44,233 but also, and mostly, to promote my new book, 94 00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,473 Mom For Life. 95 00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:49,730 It's funny stories about being an empty nester. 96 00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:53,696 I just, I hope my book doesn't upstage Jenfer's retard book 97 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,173 because that would be really hard for her. 98 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,030 But, probably harder for me to have to see her so upset. 99 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,100 (GRUMBLING) 100 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:13,403 Hey, Adonis! Phe Phe here. 101 00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:16,073 Could you give me a call back when you get this? 102 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,700 So, I just got home from New York City 103 00:04:18,733 --> 00:04:21,173 Hotel and Casino 104 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,270 and my entire house has been cleaned out. 105 00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,870 Now, the security camera footage shows a man 106 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,370 who looks a lot like Adonis stealing my stuff. 107 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,630 But I don't believe it unless I see it with my own eyes. 108 00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:35,496 That camera is not my eyes. 109 00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:37,403 It's a camera! 110 00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,733 But, whatever it is, I've got to get over it right now. 111 00:04:39,766 --> 00:04:45,226 I have got to focus on my big book release party! 112 00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:52,133 Fifty Shades of Phe: How To Throw Shade Like A Pro. 113 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,596 Mmm-hmm! I had some gay guys write it for me. 114 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:03,300 It's probably really good. 115 00:05:03,633 --> 00:05:04,703 It's me. 116 00:05:04,733 --> 00:05:06,103 Sis-boom-bah! 117 00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:08,233 Actually, it's just my head on, uh, someone else. 118 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,666 My neck looks real little. 119 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,600 ♪ We gonna get turned up A notch, turned up ♪ 120 00:05:18,533 --> 00:05:20,173 (COUGHS) 121 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,970 Magnita, I need more spit-up rags. 122 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,470 (WHEEZES) 123 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,370 Oh, thank you. 124 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,830 There's something wrong with me. 125 00:05:28,866 --> 00:05:31,766 My doctor says I have something that's going around called, 126 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,330 "The common cold"? 127 00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:36,296 But, there's nothing common about me, so... 128 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,203 It has to be Callie's witchcraft, again. 129 00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:42,173 I mean, after that horrible New York trip, 130 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,930 where I tried to kill her with kindness, literally... 131 00:05:44,966 --> 00:05:47,326 (SCREAMING) No! No! No! 132 00:05:47,366 --> 00:05:48,666 Die! 133 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,400 I could see her being pissed. 134 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,603 (COUGHING) 135 00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:52,503 (SPITTING) 136 00:05:54,966 --> 00:05:57,366 Wash that, please, I am contagious. 137 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,270 But no matter what, the most important thing 138 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,800 is that I still look beautiful. 139 00:06:01,833 --> 00:06:03,503 (COUGHS) 140 00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:05,833 I think I might want to wear the blue bikini tonight. 141 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,666 Hold it up for me. 142 00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:10,103 (CHUCKLES) So funny. 143 00:06:10,133 --> 00:06:12,373 Even sick, I look better in it than you do. 144 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,670 Ah, 'cause you look terrible. 145 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:18,430 Ah, we have fun together, don't we, Magnita? 146 00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:20,626 I have to muster all my energy 147 00:06:20,666 --> 00:06:23,066 for the Book Convention/Beach Party. 148 00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,200 I wrote a book, 149 00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:27,603 Can't Pop It: My American Dream. 150 00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:31,003 It's a guide to how you too can be a vaguely European ex-model 151 00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:32,773 and marry a famous bubble artist. 152 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,170 (SIGHS) 153 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,270 But, I don't feel strong enough to go. 154 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:41,400 Luckily, First Lady gave me some of her MethAmphetaMine pills to give me a boost. 155 00:06:42,466 --> 00:06:43,526 Ooh, they're pink. 156 00:06:45,533 --> 00:06:46,603 Mmm, yum! 157 00:06:48,066 --> 00:06:49,096 Maybe I'll take a few. 158 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,166 Honey, I'm home. 159 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,370 The Dark Lord is smiling upon me. 160 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,400 I told Vance that it wasn't safe for him 161 00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:06,633 to stay in the same house with Ivanka while she's sick. 162 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,370 Also, she tried to strangle me, 163 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,470 so who knows what she's capable of? 164 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:18,200 So, he moved in with me and is sleeping in my bed. 165 00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:21,333 I mean, until I find another bed, which is impossible. 166 00:07:21,366 --> 00:07:22,896 You started it! You started it! 167 00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:24,933 Oh, no, no, no! 168 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,726 I mean, who knows where they sell beds? 169 00:07:26,766 --> 00:07:28,266 What are there, bed stores? 170 00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:30,196 Uh-oh, uh-oh! 171 00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:31,733 (BOTH GIGGLING) 172 00:07:35,766 --> 00:07:38,226 It's sad that Ivanka is so sick, 173 00:07:38,266 --> 00:07:42,766 but my witchcraft had nothing to do with that. 174 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:47,430 Though, my witchcraft may have had something to do with ruining her favorite purse. 175 00:07:47,833 --> 00:07:49,403 (URINATING) 176 00:07:49,433 --> 00:07:52,273 I mean, witchcraft is not an exact science. 177 00:07:53,633 --> 00:07:57,703 Anyway, I'm really excited about my book release party 178 00:07:57,733 --> 00:07:59,333 of my young adult novel. 179 00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:01,200 It's called... 180 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,273 Howl At My Brother. 181 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:06,400 And, it's about a brother and sister werewolf 182 00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:08,533 who finally get to run away together 183 00:08:08,566 --> 00:08:11,096 after they flay alive a stuck-up princess. 184 00:08:11,466 --> 00:08:12,666 (SIGHS) 185 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,500 It's already been optioned by Summon Entertainment. 186 00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:18,633 And I'm just really excited to show those other women 187 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:22,096 how much you can accomplish with the power of witchcraft 188 00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,473 and having no day job. 189 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:25,430 (BOTH GIGGLING) 190 00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:34,573 Hi! Come on in. (CHUCKLES) 191 00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:36,726 Be careful. 192 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,166 It's fragile, okay? 193 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,230 Things have been going really well since I got back 194 00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:42,896 from my big performance in New York City 195 00:08:42,933 --> 00:08:44,073 Hotel and Casino. 196 00:08:48,966 --> 00:08:52,196 (CRYING) Not my chair! 197 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:58,330 (LAUGHING) Ooh! Isn't she beautiful? 198 00:08:59,266 --> 00:09:02,396 Aren't they all beautiful? 199 00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:08,073 (CHUCKLES) 200 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:11,670 I now have a chair room. 201 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:16,770 It's just a room devoted to chairs for me to sit in and no one else to take. 202 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,900 It's really empowering for me 203 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,573 to always feel like I have a chair 204 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:24,030 and never feel like I don't have a chair, 205 00:09:24,066 --> 00:09:27,126 because chairlessness is a terrible feeling. 206 00:09:29,733 --> 00:09:31,173 In other great news, 207 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,400 Kelly moved in with me 208 00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:36,403 along with his wife and child that he forgot to tell me about 209 00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:37,833 til we were on vacation together. 210 00:09:37,866 --> 00:09:39,296 (LAUGHS) Yay! 211 00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:42,373 They needed a place to stay 212 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,470 and I thought it might be nice to have the company. 213 00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:46,533 Can you move over? 214 00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,466 Mom, how long do we have to live with these weird ladies? 215 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:49,570 (GRUMBLES) 216 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,900 You happy? 217 00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:52,403 (GIGGLES) Me too. 218 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,233 Guys, if I can't hear the voices, 219 00:09:54,266 --> 00:09:55,596 I can't learn the impressions. 220 00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,203 Shh! Shh. 221 00:09:58,433 --> 00:10:00,673 Yeah, I'm still hoping to work things out with Denise, 222 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:04,330 I'm just really bummed my kid and wife are back in the picture. 223 00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:05,726 (IMITATING) Take my wife, please. 224 00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:09,626 By take I mean I wish she would die. 225 00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:13,266 (IMITATING) It is a tumor. Kindergarten Cop. 226 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,870 With everything that's going on, 227 00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,170 I'm just really looking forward to my 228 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,300 book release party for my new book, 229 00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:23,233 Do I Deserve Love? The Answer Is No. 230 00:10:23,266 --> 00:10:26,566 I'm just hoping that all the attention and love I'll get from the book 231 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,730 and all the hugs I'll get from strangers 232 00:10:28,766 --> 00:10:31,496 will fill up my hug-bucket. 233 00:10:31,533 --> 00:10:33,103 'Cause I think Kelly's (BLEEP) kid has been stealing from it. 234 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,570 (COINS RATTLING) 235 00:10:38,933 --> 00:10:42,433 (IMITATING) Oh! Very nice! Borat! 236 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,930 FIRST LADY: I can't believe Ace is back in my life. 237 00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:56,596 You know what they say. 238 00:10:56,633 --> 00:11:00,373 What happens in New York City Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas, 239 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,000 stays in New York City Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas. 240 00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:05,133 JENFER: Ace, how dare you? 241 00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:08,326 And if Jenfer is going to hold a little affair against Ace, 242 00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:10,366 then she doesn't deserve him. 243 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,370 A politician's wife is used to that sort of thing. 244 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,030 All Jenfer cared about was that new life 245 00:11:15,066 --> 00:11:16,496 she was carrying around inside of her. 246 00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,733 So, I decided 247 00:11:18,766 --> 00:11:21,126 that I was gonna go someplace where I was gonna be appreciated 248 00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:23,126 and followed by cameras again. 249 00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:24,326 29. (EXHALES) 250 00:11:24,866 --> 00:11:25,726 30. 251 00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:27,233 I love you. 252 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,570 And I can't imagine being with anyone else. 253 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,630 (GIGGLES) 254 00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:33,396 Oh! You know what? 255 00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,703 I'm going to use that at the book beach party, it'll kill. 256 00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:36,603 (SNIFFLES) 257 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,600 (GRUNTS) 258 00:11:38,633 --> 00:11:41,503 Um, I don't know... 32? 259 00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,333 That, that sounds good. Okay. 260 00:11:43,366 --> 00:11:46,326 I am so excited for the book beach party event. 261 00:11:46,366 --> 00:11:49,396 I heard from Leona that Jenfer's gonna be there 262 00:11:49,433 --> 00:11:52,273 and I'm gonna make her take a maternity test. 263 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:55,470 As soon as I find out if that is actually a real thing. 264 00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,730 But today isn't just about motherhood. 265 00:11:57,766 --> 00:11:59,526 It's also about famous-hood. 266 00:12:01,266 --> 00:12:04,826 I'll be reading from my new book Osteoporo-Yes. 267 00:12:04,866 --> 00:12:07,566 It's about how to shed pounds through the loss of bone density. 268 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,800 It's so heavy, I can't! 269 00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:11,703 (EXHALES) 270 00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,573 I'm just going to use your belly button as inspiration. 271 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,900 Okay. 272 00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:16,473 MAN ON TV: Bazinga! Do it, do that one. 273 00:12:17,966 --> 00:12:18,766 Do that one. 274 00:12:19,633 --> 00:12:21,073 I don't do anything for free. 275 00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:23,403 Go, get money! Go, get money! 276 00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:25,203 Not from my hug bucket. 277 00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:31,933 DJ: Welcome to the 9th Annual Mondo Book Party and Convention, y'all! 278 00:12:31,966 --> 00:12:33,166 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) (ALL CHEERING) 279 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,930 Books, books, books, y'all! 280 00:12:34,966 --> 00:12:37,066 (AIRHORN BLASTS) Let's get our reading on! 281 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,100 When I say, books, don't say nothing! 282 00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:42,103 When I say, books, don't say a word. 283 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:43,770 Books! (SILENCE) 284 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,170 Books! (SILENCE) 285 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,700 Good thing I can't hear you. 286 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,733 (AIRHORN BLASTS) (MUSIC RESTARTS) 287 00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:51,926 DENISE: My chair and I were ready to have a lot of fun. 288 00:12:51,966 --> 00:12:53,766 Hi! I'm so happy you're here. 289 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,030 Welcome to my book event, baby girl. 290 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,166 No, wait, I thought you were here for my book release. 291 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,770 No, no, no, I'm hosting you, this is my book event. 292 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,170 I didn't understand. 293 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,330 I thought today was about my book. 294 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,366 I sent out invitations and no one's RSVP'd, 295 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,630 but this is my book release. 296 00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:08,966 Hi! How'd you guys know about my book signing? 297 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,230 No! It's not about you, 298 00:13:11,266 --> 00:13:12,826 they're here for my book event. 299 00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:14,126 I sent out an invitation in my dream. 300 00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,396 Hey! What are you doing here? 301 00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:18,973 Seriously! What are you doing here? 302 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,430 I forgot to bring an umbrella. 303 00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:25,073 Ah! Tastes like pasta! 304 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:29,200 It turns out First Lady's MethAmphetaMine pills gave me a lot of energy 305 00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:30,533 because they're straight up meth. 306 00:13:32,366 --> 00:13:34,666 Okay, you know what? This is my damn event! No. 307 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,730 I'm sorry. You all RSVP'd in my dream. (ALL ARGUING) 308 00:13:38,066 --> 00:13:40,496 This is not about you! This is not about you! 309 00:13:40,533 --> 00:13:42,103 LEONA: Girls, girls! 310 00:13:42,566 --> 00:13:43,726 Settle down! 311 00:13:44,433 --> 00:13:45,703 Now, listen. 312 00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:48,233 Each of you told me you had a book to premiere here today. 313 00:13:48,266 --> 00:13:49,896 But, I thought it would be so fun 314 00:13:49,933 --> 00:13:51,933 for you to discover that for yourselves. 315 00:13:51,966 --> 00:13:53,466 Aren't we having fun? No! 316 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,370 I'm going to go climb that butterfly. 317 00:13:57,866 --> 00:14:00,166 Ivanka was acting crazy. 318 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,030 But, you know what? I liked it. 319 00:14:03,066 --> 00:14:05,396 And she climbed the (BLEEP) outta that butterfly. 320 00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:06,403 Pfft! 321 00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:09,503 (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God! 322 00:14:09,533 --> 00:14:10,703 Hello, Jenfer. 323 00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:13,103 Don't you dare talk to me, you piece of trash. 324 00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:15,133 You know what? I'd like to make up, okay? 325 00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:16,966 I would like to extend an olive branch. Mmm-hmm. 326 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,670 But I just need a quick blood sample. 327 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:21,370 Get your hands off me! Not in front of my baby to be. 328 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,670 That's my baby to be and I'll put my hands wherever I want. 329 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:25,200 Okay. Yeah, I will. 330 00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:27,703 You stop trying to take my baby. 331 00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,603 (ARGUING) LEONA: Ladies, please! Please stop! 332 00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:34,003 The Vegas Mondo Pool Beach Party/Book Convention 333 00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,773 is not the time or the place for fighting. 334 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,370 (WOMEN ARGUING) 335 00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,530 (ARGUING) 336 00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:44,303 My bad! It is the time and the place. Go ahead. 337 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,733 (SHOUTING) 338 00:14:47,566 --> 00:14:50,366 Go lower! You have the strength and the center of gravity... 339 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:51,870 DJ: Now, next coming to the stage. 340 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,570 Please put your hands together 341 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,330 for the former First Lady of the Vegas strip. 342 00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:58,296 She's got a new diet book that she says, 343 00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,573 either will work for you or you'll die trying, 344 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,600 give it up for her! 345 00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:02,933 (ALL CHEERING) 346 00:15:02,966 --> 00:15:05,066 It's me! (LAUGHS) 347 00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,570 I wanted to finish my fight with Jenfer. 348 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,300 But I had to give my people what they wanted. 349 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,273 Which is me, reading. 350 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:15,430 Hell, no! That slut does not get to read before me. 351 00:15:15,466 --> 00:15:18,026 Not after she stole my man, after I stole him from her. 352 00:15:18,066 --> 00:15:19,766 Excuse me! Out of my way! 353 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,400 (ALL TALKING) PHE PHE: She's going, I'm going. 354 00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:22,503 Stop! No! 355 00:15:22,533 --> 00:15:23,533 (ALL CONTINUE SHOUTING) 356 00:15:23,566 --> 00:15:24,626 DENISE: Hey, my chair! 357 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,230 (EXCLAIMS) What... 358 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,730 I can fly! 359 00:15:38,766 --> 00:15:40,966 Why didn't anyone tell me we were storming the stage? 360 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,530 Why am I always left out? 361 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,926 Ladies! Ladies! Let's all calm down. 362 00:15:44,966 --> 00:15:46,166 And let me go first. 363 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,370 That's the best thing to do. 364 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,570 ALL: No! No! 365 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,630 JENFER: "The loneliest fingertip on the planet..." 366 00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:53,326 "People say you don't deserve love and I say to them..." 367 00:15:53,366 --> 00:15:56,696 IVANKA: "My eyes feel like they're on fire..." 368 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,333 (ALL READING) 369 00:15:59,366 --> 00:16:02,866 It turns out my gays did not write my book. 370 00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:05,970 But if there's one thing Phe Phe knows, it's how to wing it. 371 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,070 Word! 372 00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:09,326 Words about me. 373 00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:13,573 Words about other people. 374 00:16:14,066 --> 00:16:15,996 (ALL READING) 375 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:19,630 But guess what happened, people? 376 00:16:19,666 --> 00:16:20,926 Weight loss... 377 00:16:20,966 --> 00:16:23,726 (ALL CONTINUE READING) 378 00:16:23,766 --> 00:16:26,196 CALLIE: "'Rip her throat out, sister,' he said, 379 00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:28,333 "and she said happily, 'Yes.'" 380 00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:31,773 When I saw the hotwives up there, 381 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,130 I started to think to myself... 382 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,996 No! Stay here, stay right there. 383 00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:36,103 I thought to myself, "What's Ace up to?" 384 00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:38,033 Oh, my God! (BLEEP) 385 00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:39,870 Something's happening. 386 00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,370 (ALL SCREAMING) 387 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,470 Oh, no! What? 388 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,130 I'm having my baby, you bitches! 389 00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:48,066 FIRST LADY: Oh, my gosh! 390 00:16:50,266 --> 00:16:52,696 I'm having my baby, you bitches! 391 00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:54,733 DENISE: Does that mean we have to stop reading? 392 00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:58,173 It was just all happening so fast, 393 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,500 I couldn't believe I was about to be a mother. 394 00:17:00,533 --> 00:17:04,903 Going into labor at the Vegas Mondo Pool was scary. 395 00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:08,873 But then, I realized this is the perfect place for my precious baby to be born, 396 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,700 not some disgusting hospital that doesn't even have a pool. 397 00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:13,003 Oh, goddamn! 398 00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,626 (RHYTHMIC BREATHING) Breathe! Breathe! 399 00:17:15,666 --> 00:17:17,396 Oh, goddamn! 400 00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:20,073 Get it out! Get it out! Get it out! 401 00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,600 (BLEEP) 402 00:17:21,633 --> 00:17:23,903 (BLEEP) 403 00:17:23,933 --> 00:17:25,803 LEONA: Shh! We're bothering people. 404 00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:27,333 You know what? Stop! Stop! Stop! 405 00:17:27,366 --> 00:17:28,996 IVANKA: What? This is not right. 406 00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:30,373 LEONA: What happened? 407 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,670 Hold up! Hold up! No! Stay here. 408 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,530 Stay here. Don't push. LEONA: Hold the baby. 409 00:17:34,566 --> 00:17:38,226 I could not let Jenfer have her baby like that. 410 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,766 No one was even having any fun. 411 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,530 What is up? 412 00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:43,966 DJ! 413 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,200 Imma need a faster beat, kid. 414 00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:49,326 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 415 00:17:49,366 --> 00:17:50,326 Yeah! 416 00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,273 (ALL CHEERING) 417 00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:57,470 What is the point of having your baby in public 418 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,730 if nobody's even grindin' up on each other? 419 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,830 Okay! Everybody say... MAN: Heads up! 420 00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:07,226 Oh! That's not right. 421 00:18:07,266 --> 00:18:08,526 Get outta here! (LAUGHS) 422 00:18:09,666 --> 00:18:12,996 Everybody say words of encouragement to Jenfer. 423 00:18:13,033 --> 00:18:14,773 Okay, okay! Hey, listen! 424 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,830 Don't you listen to what everybody else at this party is saying. 425 00:18:16,866 --> 00:18:18,296 You are going to be just fine. 426 00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,933 This is the end of your life. 427 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,866 What? 428 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,070 You are doing great, darling. 429 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,070 Now, let my baby out of your womb-cage. 430 00:18:27,266 --> 00:18:29,496 I hope that baby is a person. 431 00:18:29,533 --> 00:18:30,933 (DENISE GIGGLES) 432 00:18:30,966 --> 00:18:33,496 You know what? Y'all are the best friends I've ever had in my life. 433 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,703 And this is exactly how I imagined this moment. 434 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,900 Let's get this mother out! 435 00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,473 (ALL CHEERING) 436 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,600 And when we do, save the placenta, I'll bake it in a pie. 437 00:18:41,866 --> 00:18:43,066 Ugh! 438 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,030 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 439 00:18:45,066 --> 00:18:46,026 Look, look, look, look, look! 440 00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:47,626 Yes, girl! 441 00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,866 Push it! Push it out! 442 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,800 Phe Phe's gonna catch it. 443 00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:53,403 I'm a wine maker. 444 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,003 I think I know how to catch a baby. 445 00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:56,603 Let's do this! 446 00:18:57,466 --> 00:18:58,796 Push! 447 00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:01,773 (ALL SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT) 448 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,466 (GROANING) 449 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,870 (VOICE DISTORTED) Oh... 450 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,170 (AIR WHOOSHING) 451 00:19:11,833 --> 00:19:15,533 Turns out, making wine is not at all the same as catching a baby. 452 00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,333 (BABY CRYING) 453 00:19:22,733 --> 00:19:24,733 (VOICE DISTORTED) My chair! 454 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,266 Get out of my chair, you tiny bitch! 455 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,030 I will kill you! I will kill you! 456 00:19:31,066 --> 00:19:32,496 Get away from the baby. I will kill you! 457 00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:34,503 I will get to you! 458 00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:36,973 I wish that was the first time I had broken up a fight with a baby. 459 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,170 But as the saying goes, this is Vegas! 460 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,600 Time to get in a baby fight. 461 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,030 Oh, this baby won't latch onto my titty. 462 00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:49,926 And he is just way uglier than my other two. 463 00:19:49,966 --> 00:19:51,666 Here, you can have him. 464 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:54,300 Oh. He kind of looks like me. 465 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,503 And he weighs about the same too. 466 00:19:56,533 --> 00:19:58,073 LEONA: A toast! 467 00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,130 There is nothing more beautiful than a birth, 468 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,726 and of course, I'm talking about my book. 469 00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:02,926 To our books! 470 00:20:02,966 --> 00:20:04,596 ALL: To my book! 471 00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,333 CALLIE: To me. 472 00:20:06,366 --> 00:20:08,526 Junior, get over here! You need your floaties. 473 00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:11,170 Come on, Mom. 474 00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:19,866 No! I won't take no for an answer. 475 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,130 I'm going to the deep end. Hey! 476 00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:23,726 To being alive! (LAUGHS) 477 00:20:23,766 --> 00:20:24,596 (GLASS CRACKING) 478 00:20:30,866 --> 00:20:33,566 And to me and Vance, getting the show back together. 479 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,700 I'm really looking forward to branching out. 480 00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:37,726 Mmm. Mmm. 481 00:20:45,566 --> 00:20:47,196 DENISE: (SCREAMING) Chair! 482 00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:48,503 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 483 00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:49,433 (SCREAMING) 484 00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:56,630 (CONTINUES SCREAMING) 485 00:20:59,866 --> 00:21:01,466 Damn! 486 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,170 Y'all know I don't speak ill of my friends, 487 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,870 but that bitch is crazier than a cat with tar on its paws 488 00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,070 running through a grease fire. 489 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,470 (LAUGHING) 490 00:21:12,066 --> 00:21:15,566 I am who I am and I am Phe Phe. 491 00:21:23,566 --> 00:21:26,326 Well, Imma go rinse off my nethers in the Jacuz' 492 00:21:26,366 --> 00:21:28,296 and try to find a (BLEEP) to grind up on. 493 00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:30,773 Giving birth makes me horny as hell. 494 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,200 Ace, you wanna come see our baby? 495 00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:41,000 Ace! 496 00:21:41,733 --> 00:21:42,603 What? 497 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,330 I wonder where this storyline's going. 498 00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:08,033 A new life begins as a haunting season in Vegas ends. 499 00:22:08,066 --> 00:22:09,796 Shalom, y'all! I'm Matty Green, 500 00:22:09,833 --> 00:22:12,673 joining you live from the Hotwives Cooldown treehouse. 501 00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,930 Now, even though we don't have our favorite hotwives with us today, 502 00:22:15,966 --> 00:22:17,696 you have to wait till the reunion to see them, 503 00:22:17,733 --> 00:22:21,173 we do have their favorite party planner, Antoine Donner. 504 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,500 Here to preview his brand-new show and cheek implants. 505 00:22:24,533 --> 00:22:25,933 Take a look. 506 00:22:25,966 --> 00:22:27,696 I want this place to look like the ocean. 507 00:22:27,733 --> 00:22:30,603 Get me a big slab of the Great Barrier Reef, and hurry. 508 00:22:30,633 --> 00:22:32,633 I can't, it's protected. 509 00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:35,026 Why do you bother calling yourself my assistant 510 00:22:35,066 --> 00:22:37,896 when you refuse to assist me? 511 00:22:37,933 --> 00:22:40,503 I should call you my nightmare, because that's what you are. 512 00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:43,873 Now, please, get me a generic diet cola, my nightmare. 513 00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,370 Oh, Yung Lee! 514 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,100 You're just my maid, but you keep me sane. 515 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:51,133 (ACCENTED ENGLISH) 516 00:22:51,166 --> 00:22:53,696 I'm sure you've just said something beautiful and lovely 517 00:22:53,733 --> 00:22:56,433 but, I can't understand your little language. 518 00:22:58,933 --> 00:23:00,533 Don't pick it up. Let it stain. 36539

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