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1
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:05,352
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:22,256
(SNICKERING)
3
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:24,322
(GIGGLING)
4
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:25,791
(KISSING)
5
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,330
(SQUIRRELS CHIRPING)
6
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,555
(SIGHS)
7
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:34,280
DASTARDLY:
(SCREAMING) Muttley!
8
00:00:37,472 --> 00:00:40,272
What is taking
that majordomo mutt so long?
9
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:43,211
The Dick Dastardly Fan Club
is arriving at any moment,
10
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,307
and I must be dressed
to impress.
11
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:47,650
My fanatic fans have been
camping out all night...
12
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,945
No, too frilly.
13
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,816
...quivering in quixotic
anticipation...
14
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:51,885
Not frilly enough.
15
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,152
...of the magnificent...
16
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,720
Too retro.
17
00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:56,789
...moment they
finally get to place their peepers upon me.
18
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:58,687
and I shall not disappoint.
19
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,029
(MUTTLEY GASPING)
20
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:01,533
Ah! Perfect.
21
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,855
(GRUMBLES)
22
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:06,301
DASTARDLY:
Ladies and gentlemen,
23
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:10,737
please put your hands together
for the one, the only,
24
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:14,614
Dick Dastardly.
25
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:19,475
Thank you.
Thank you, very much.
26
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:27,950
(SNIFFS)
27
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,191
Muttley!
28
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:32,887
That miscreant muppet
is my entire fan club?
29
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,600
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
30
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:35,761
Oh!
31
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:40,399
Let's just get this over with.
32
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:41,937
Next.
33
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,702
Oh, my gosh. I can't believe
this is really happening.
34
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,171
Hi, Mr. Dastardly.
35
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,508
I'm Rigby Ruttles,
36
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,444
President, Secretary,
Treasurer and Charter Member
37
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,379
of the North Mid-Western
Tri-City Subchapter
38
00:01:50,445 --> 00:01:52,645
at the Dick Dastardly
International Booster Club
39
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:55,023
and Fan Fiction
Literary Society.
40
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:57,052
It's a privilege
to finally meet you.
41
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,748
Oh, I know so much about you,
42
00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:01,220
I feel like we're already
super bestest friends. (LAUGHS)
43
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,589
I'm sure we'll get along great
because we're so much alike.
44
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,957
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
45
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,225
This is my dog, Ruttley,
46
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,634
your second biggest fan.
47
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,055
Would you sign his tummy?
48
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,771
Anything to get through
this little charade.
49
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:15,844
If you don't mind,
I brought one or two other items for you to sign.
50
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,273
Just your basic
fan club stuff...
51
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,508
Some of your mail,
one of your old toothbrushes,
52
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,744
a picture of you sleeping,
a picture of you sleeping in the trunk of my car,
53
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,339
a picture of you waking up
in the woods...
54
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,780
I believe we're done here.
55
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,675
Mr. Dastardly, do you think
I could possibly
56
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,417
spend some time getting
to know you?
57
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,952
For the club newsletter.
58
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,917
Not because I'm so totally
obsessed with your life
59
00:02:31,987 --> 00:02:33,887
that I'm trying to learn
your cheating techniques and replace you or anything.
60
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,364
-Very well.
-(SQUEALS)
61
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,093
But you are limited
to watching me adoringly
62
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,088
from a distance
of no less than three feet
63
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:43,300
and there will be
no eye contact.
64
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,803
(SNICKERING)
65
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:49,316
(WHEEZING AND COUGHING)
66
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:54,106
(GROWLING)
67
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,584
(BEEPS)
68
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,183
(SCREAMING)
69
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,654
(LAUGHING)
70
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:04,924
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
71
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,415
(ALL LAUGHING)
72
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:11,288
(CRYING)
73
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,428
(DINGS)
74
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:18,765
(MEOWING)
75
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,182
(MEOWING)
76
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:28,536
DASTARDLY: This is where
the magic happens.
77
00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:31,680
My solarium of solitude
for designing deceits,
78
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,905
dodges
and diabolical deeds.
79
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,921
I have a rare treat for you.
80
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:39,193
My portentous project
is in devious development.
81
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:43,463
Behold! The rocket-launching
armadillo.
82
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:47,404
Its proximity
to the ground allows it to avoid radar systems.
83
00:03:47,462 --> 00:03:51,602
However, there is one minor
wrinkle in the projectile delivery system.
84
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,865
-Let's see.
-Wait!
85
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,183
(ALARM BLARING)
86
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,105
(SCREAMING)
87
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:05,174
I see your problem,
it's an easy fix.
88
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,953
Beginner's luck.
89
00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:12,086
Moving on, we come
to another addition to my awesome animal arsenal.
90
00:04:12,153 --> 00:04:14,093
The frill-neck lizard.
91
00:04:14,156 --> 00:04:17,926
His collared neck gives him
the jovial appearance of a medieval clown.
92
00:04:17,993 --> 00:04:22,993
But, beware! He can blind
an opponent with a single blast of lizard liquid.
93
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,327
Ugh!
94
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,999
Of course, there are still
a few bugs in the system.
95
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,998
-(LIZARD BURPS)
-(FLIES BUZZING)
96
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:35,010
I see the problem.
This lizard is near-sighted.
97
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,775
I guess that will work
as a stopgap solution.
98
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:40,445
Hey, is this some kind
of sound weapon?
99
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,224
Indeed it is, dear child.
100
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:46,193
This is a sonic device
that emits terrorizing tremors,
101
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,593
which will immobilize
even the most indomitable...
102
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:49,655
Cool.
103
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,993
-(WHIRRING)
-(BARKING)
104
00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:56,500
DASTARDLY:
Unfortunately, only savage dingos can hear it.
105
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:57,563
Ow, ow.
106
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,871
Oh, allow me.
107
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,995
-(WHIRRING)
-(SIREN BLARING)
108
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,511
(BIRDS GASP)
109
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,043
What's that?
110
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,308
Only an intellect
as vast as my own
111
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:13,108
could even begin to grasp
the complexities of this...
112
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,280
"Master plan to destroy
the others' racers'
113
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,849
"nearly indestructible
vehicles once and for all"?
114
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,448
...scheme. Drat!
115
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:20,519
Too bad it won't work.
116
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:21,857
What? And why not?
117
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,292
(SIGHS) You start
by luring the racers
118
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,388
out of their vehicles with a lost puppy.
119
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,100
Then you proceed to use the puppy
120
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,172
to lead the racers to a lion's den.
121
00:05:30,232 --> 00:05:32,702
-(GROWLING)-Once the racers are busy trying to escape their doom,
122
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:36,337
you dig a hole with a steam shovel and put their cars inside.
123
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,344
Then you activate a weather machine
124
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,576
and spray hydrogen peroxinateinto the clouds,
125
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,341
seeding them to drop a torrent of acid rain.
126
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:45,151
The rain dissolves the vehicles,
127
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,012
taking months or even years to finish the job.
128
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:48,181
Far too late to win the race.
129
00:05:48,249 --> 00:05:49,649
(SCOFFS) Obvious really.
130
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,787
I have spent three years
planning this ploy,
131
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,123
and it's perfect.
132
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:59,188
I'll prove it with this
half scale model.
133
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,104
-(SCREAMS)
-(FABRIC TEARS)
134
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,303
See? You need to simplify.
135
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:10,366
Well, if it's so easy,
let's see you do it.
136
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:13,712
Oh!
137
00:06:13,775 --> 00:06:17,035
That's it! You think
you're better than me?
138
00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:19,051
Well, I'll give you a chance
to show it.
139
00:06:19,114 --> 00:06:23,754
Tomorrow, we shall race
to prove which of us is the greatest schemer.
140
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,447
(GASPS) Oh, really?
141
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:29,119
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Dastardly, sir. Thank you.
142
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,959
I should go get ready.
143
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,134
That girl is up to something.
144
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,493
I feel it in my bones.
145
00:06:38,967 --> 00:06:43,867
Hey, hey, Wacky Race fans.
Brick Crashman here with the wacky racers...
146
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,437
(GIBBERISH CHATTER)
147
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,236
...who are joining me
in the announcers' booth today
148
00:06:47,308 --> 00:06:49,108
to help announce
a special grudge race
149
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:53,106
between professional
car racer, Dick Dastardly
150
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,720
and a sweet little girl.
151
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,352
Oh, gosh, Mr. Dastardly,
this is such an honor for me,
152
00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:58,818
so I left you a little
thank you present.
153
00:06:58,886 --> 00:06:59,886
Bah!
154
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,293
Good luck, Mr. Dastardly.
155
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,385
Hm.
156
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,257
Come on, Dastardly,
shake her hand.
157
00:07:05,326 --> 00:07:07,496
Absolutely under
no circumstances whatsoever.
158
00:07:07,562 --> 00:07:11,402
This kid is a cheater,
she's probably got a bomb up her sleeve.
159
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:12,474
Mmm-mmm.
160
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,873
Oh, right.
The kid's a cheater.
161
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:15,935
Sad.
162
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,913
Racers, start your engines.
163
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,541
(ENGINES IGNITING)
164
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:20,936
(COUGHING)
165
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,808
And the race is on.
166
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,946
(CACKLING)
167
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,182
Drat!
168
00:07:26,247 --> 00:07:30,247
-(BARKING)
-(DASTARDLY SCREAMING)
169
00:07:30,318 --> 00:07:33,118
Wait. I made
the record this week. I can be part of the plot.
170
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,857
See, I told you.
She's cheating already.
171
00:07:35,924 --> 00:07:39,194
Oh, please! Stop blaming
a child for your mistakes.
172
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:41,860
BELLA: Not cool, Dastardly.
Not cool.
173
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,599
(ENGINE ROARING)
174
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,033
(SCREAMING)
175
00:07:45,099 --> 00:07:49,699
Muttley,
activate the snagglepoon.
176
00:07:49,771 --> 00:07:54,541
There are no small parts,
only small actors.
177
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,208
Exit stage up.
178
00:07:57,278 --> 00:08:00,548
Scrappy dappy boo.
179
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,124
She's a slick one.
180
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:07,182
But let's see how she deals
with an oil slick.
181
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:12,488
Wuttley, activate
the biggest fan.
182
00:08:13,461 --> 00:08:15,201
Super hero movies
are well-crafted.
183
00:08:15,263 --> 00:08:17,403
It doesn't matter
how bad the first two hours of the film are,
184
00:08:17,465 --> 00:08:18,925
the last two minutes
are shocking.
185
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,699
Animation is not a genre.
186
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:24,538
Rigby's mad millennial
tech skills are the equal of mine,
187
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,635
so I'll have to go old school.
188
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:30,877
Word.
189
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,714
Bring it, boomer!
190
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:38,551
Ha! That proves practical
skills cannot be learned off the internet.
191
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:43,619
What wins the day
is experience and treachery.
192
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,427
Uh-oh. (DASTARDLY SCREAMS)
193
00:08:45,493 --> 00:08:48,933
Or looking up the race route
on the Wacky Maps app.
194
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,726
(YELLING)
195
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:54,228
Ow, ow.
196
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:58,511
(PARADE MUSIC PLAYING)
197
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,172
Hey, Dicky.
How's your race going?
198
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,040
I'm having a pretty
strange day myself.
199
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:07,009
(DASTARDLY CRYING)
200
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,250
Now is my long
outlined opportunity
201
00:09:09,317 --> 00:09:13,247
to retroactively replace
Dick Dastardly in the Wacky Races.
202
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,970
(STRAINING)
203
00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:21,360
There's only one thing
left to do.
204
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:24,798
I shall unleash this episode's
ultimate weapon.
205
00:09:24,866 --> 00:09:29,866
Cry havoc and let slip
the dogs of war.
206
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:34,837
-(GROWLING)
-No, not you!
207
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:38,979
Victory shall be mine!
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
208
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:42,846
(MUTTLEY GRUMBLES)
209
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,816
(GASPS) But wait!
210
00:09:44,886 --> 00:09:49,016
If I blow up my only fan,
there will be no more Dick Dastardly Fan Club.
211
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,659
Oh, what have I done!
212
00:09:50,725 --> 00:09:53,885
The Dick Dastardly
Fan Club must survive.
213
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,810
No matter the cost.
214
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,969
Perfect! Victory is mine.
215
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,108
(DASTARDLY CRYING)
216
00:10:07,175 --> 00:10:11,175
And a little kid
in a golf cart beats Dick Dastardly for the win.
217
00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:13,105
Wow! That has got to hurt.
218
00:10:13,181 --> 00:10:15,881
I mean, emotionally.
And not just because he's on fire.
219
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,549
Children are the future.
220
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,519
Dastardly, that was amazing.
221
00:10:20,589 --> 00:10:25,459
The most amazing display
of ego and insanity I have seen since last week.
222
00:10:25,526 --> 00:10:27,256
Darling, you need
serious help.
223
00:10:27,328 --> 00:10:29,098
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
224
00:10:29,164 --> 00:10:33,374
No, I understand now.
Dastardly did this to teach me a lesson.
225
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:35,404
He's encouraged
me to be myself,
226
00:10:35,470 --> 00:10:37,870
to take on the world
with the gifts I've been given and be my own person.
227
00:10:37,939 --> 00:10:40,939
No, that's exactly
the opposite of what I was trying to do.
228
00:10:41,009 --> 00:10:43,849
Thank you, Mr. Dastardly.
I won't let you down.
229
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:46,411
Here's a little something
I made just for you.
230
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,880
Aww! Wasn't that nice?
231
00:10:47,949 --> 00:10:52,249
Yeah. Aren't you gonna
open it, Dicky?
232
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,919
The future is in good hands.
233
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,159
(SNICKERING)
234
00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:00,674
(WHEEZING AND COUGHING)
235
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,503
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
236
00:11:05,553 --> 00:11:10,103
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