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1
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
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(SNICKERING)
3
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,530
-(HUMMING HAPPILY)
-(LAUGHING)
4
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,503
-(WIND HOWLING)
-(SHIVERING)
5
00:00:28,563 --> 00:00:33,233
Welcome, race fans,
to the Antarctic in The I Can't Feel My Toes 500.
6
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Which we're going
to have to rename
7
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,910
because I also can't feel
my face, my fingers or any other body part!
8
00:00:38,973 --> 00:00:41,543
-(THUDS)
-The racers are making their final preparations
9
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:42,938
for today's thrilling contests
10
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:45,180
which will begin in just
a few pulse-pounding...
11
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:46,545
(GROANS)
12
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,453
-Moments.
-(GROANS)
13
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:50,846
(SHIVERS)
14
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:53,418
It's as cold as
a frozen graveyard out here.
15
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,657
I love it!
16
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,322
(SHIVERS)
17
00:00:56,391 --> 00:00:59,761
Bah! Who would want to race
in such a calamitous climate?
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00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,597
I'm freezing my philtrum off.
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00:01:01,663 --> 00:01:04,073
Actually, the annual
temperature in the Antarctic region
20
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:06,171
has increased substantially
in recent years.
21
00:01:06,235 --> 00:01:09,595
Many science-minded
individuals believe we are on the verge of mass migrations
22
00:01:09,671 --> 00:01:11,611
of polar animals
to warmer climes. -(WHIMPERS SADLY)
23
00:01:11,673 --> 00:01:14,113
-Why, that wouldn't be
so bad, would it? -(CHIRPING HAPPILY)
24
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:17,075
Who wouldn't love
to see more of these darling little penguins?
25
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:18,614
Face it, Dastardly, old chum,
26
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,049
you're being
a Mr. Scratchy Pants
27
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because it's too cold
for you to cheat.
28
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:26,389
I don't need to cheat to win,
you inconsiderate icle!
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-(ALL LAUGHING)
-Right.
30
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Well, I don't!
31
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If you can go one race
without cheating, I'll...
32
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,030
Why, I'll...
33
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Where a sign that says,
"Dastardly is the man"?
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00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,103
-I would!
-And do a little dance
35
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while wearing a tu
and snowshoes?
36
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What color tutu?
37
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,210
-Pink!
-Ooh, good choice.
38
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-You've got a bet.
-Then it's on!
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-One race with very little...
-None at all.
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-(STAMMERS)
-None.
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00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:52,879
-Just the minimal...-Nada.
42
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-Requires...
-Zero. Zip.
43
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(GROANS) No cheating.
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(BLINKING FORCEFULLY)
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At all.
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00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,723
And uncross your fingers.
47
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,189
And your toes.
48
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:06,127
-DASTARDLY: Fine.
-(BONES CRUNCHING)
49
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:08,103
I'll show them
who needs to cheat.
50
00:02:08,163 --> 00:02:12,473
Muttley, prepare to turn off
all the booby traps we set for this race.
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00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,442
-Really?
-Yes, really.
52
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De-deploy the road spikes,
unactivate the trap doors,
53
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,341
decouple the
magnetic throttles,
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00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,677
recomboobulate
the decomboobulaters,
55
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,342
invert the convex converters,
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00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,551
minimize the
magnesium magnifiers
57
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:28,152
and blow out the fuses
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00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:31,685
on all the
extreme energy explosives.
59
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,092
-Huh?
-In the back seat.
60
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,615
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-Huh?
61
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(EXHALING RAPIDLY)
62
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(WHEEZING)
63
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(MUTED EXPLOSION)
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-Missed one?
-(WHEEZES)
65
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,097
Uh-huh.
66
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,566
-(PENGUINS SQUEAKING)
-Racers, to your vehicles.
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00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,604
On your marks. Get set.
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(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)
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Go!
70
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,140
-(ENGINES ROARING)
-(TIRES SCREECHING)
71
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,339
-(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)
-(RACERS CHEERING)
72
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:58,910
(I.Q. CHEERS)
73
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,709
DASTARDLY: They're all
in position.
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00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,181
Muttley, activate the...
75
00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:03,549
PETER: (OVER SPEAKER) Dastardly, rember,
76
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,647
no cheating.
77
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-(HEAD BONKS)
-(GROANS)
78
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,659
Activate the encouraging
e-mail messages.
79
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:09,922
(SCREEN BEEPS)
80
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,060
A message from Dastardly?
81
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:16,176
(PENELOPE READING MESSAGES)
82
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,665
Oh, how sweet.
83
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:34,245
Uh-oh.
84
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,345
-(ENGINE ROARS)
-(TIRES SCREECHES)
85
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:42,418
Time for Turbo Terrific's
terrific turbo mode.
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00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,325
Car, activate anti-gravs.
87
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:50,225
CAR: Did you say,
"Release the sand crabs"?
88
00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,928
Ah! No, I said, "Anti-gravs"!
89
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,970
I.Q: (SCREAMING)
Get off of me!
90
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,566
Uh-uh, boys. Danger ahead!
91
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:02,539
Big hole in ice!
92
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:03,739
Blah.
93
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,251
(ALL SCREAMING)
94
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:09,984
Tiny, Bella,
are you all right?
95
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,550
(ENGINE ROARS)
96
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,449
We're fine. We just had
the life scared out of us.
97
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:15,721
It was wonderful.
98
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,959
Good job, Bernard.
99
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:23,025
-Have a cockroach cookie.
-(CHOMPING)
100
00:04:23,131 --> 00:04:25,931
Dastardly, you didn't have
anything to do with that, did you?
101
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,870
No, of course not.
102
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:32,265
I guess it could have been
an accident.
103
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,440
-(ICE SHATTERS)
-(STRAING)
104
00:04:34,509 --> 00:04:36,939
PETER: Whoa!
PENELOPE: Oh, my stars and garters!
105
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:41,581
Bone Daddy, we need you.
106
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,618
(TIRES SCREECHING)
107
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,054
That was really using my head.
108
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,790
Oh, Dicky, I'm so
disappointed in you.
109
00:04:48,857 --> 00:04:52,027
I really hoped you were going
to make it through one race without cheating.
110
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,902
For shame. But, I won my bet.
111
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,902
I didn't do it! It wasn't me!
112
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:01,035
Why do
those shivering scoffers always blame me?
113
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,071
(SNICKERING)
114
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:04,437
Yes, that's a fair point.
115
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:07,235
But those traps
aren't my doing! Not this time.
116
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,778
At least
I don't think they are.
117
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,713
It's so hard to keep track.
118
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:14,818
(TIRES SCREECHING)
119
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,822
What, a roadblock?
120
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,734
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
121
00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:26,287
"Con...struc...tion detour."
122
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,930
Dicky, that's not even
an original trap.
123
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,126
I didn't do this!
124
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:34,498
It's your handwriting!
125
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:37,268
No, it's not!
126
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,667
(RUMBLING)
127
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,439
What's going on?
128
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,807
(GASPING)
129
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:47,306
(ALL SCREAMING)
130
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,221
You would even trap yourself?
131
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:51,853
How low can you go, Dastardly?
132
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,589
(SOBBING) I didn't do it!
133
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,264
You have to believe me! I...
134
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,563
MALE VOICE: He didn't. We did.
135
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,055
All of the traps.
136
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,727
(ALL GASPING)
137
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:06,295
(PENGUINS LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
138
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:12,501
(PENGUINS LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
139
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:18,049
Ha! See! See... See that?
Ha! Told you so.
140
00:06:18,113 --> 00:06:21,923
I didn't trap us,
the suddenly evil cute little penguins
141
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,352
captured...us. Wait... What?
142
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,788
(PENGUINS CONTINUE LAUGHING)
143
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,392
Drat!
144
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,785
(PENGUINS LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
145
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:31,286
Is this some kind of prank?
146
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,858
Everyone knows penguins
are the cutest, cuddliest,
147
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,197
snugglerificist of
all animals!
148
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:37,933
Razzle... Razzle-razzle...
Ooh!
149
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,498
(GRUMBLING) Razzle-frazzle...
150
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,866
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
151
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,735
Foolish non-web-footed ones,
152
00:06:43,805 --> 00:06:48,405
we penguins are the most
devious and untrustworthy of all animals.
153
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:51,476
But you're so cute
and adorable!
154
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,145
(WEAPON COCKS)
155
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:54,754
Our fiendishly clever deceit
156
00:06:54,816 --> 00:06:57,276
to keep human documentary
filmmakers and scientists
157
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:59,991
from discovering how evil
we really are.
158
00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:02,064
Just ask them!
159
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,022
Every time
one of these brainy nerdlings
160
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,631
comes down here
to research us...
161
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:06,893
-(GROANS)
-PENGUIN KING: We capture them
162
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,730
and make them sit on our eggs!
163
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,826
This frees up time for us
to continue our plan... -(SCREAMING)
164
00:07:10,899 --> 00:07:13,099
-...to speed up
global warming. -(GROANING)
165
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:15,567
Global warming?
But that's bad, isn't it?
166
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,466
Why would you
want to do such a thing?
167
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,168
Because speeding up
global warming
168
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,210
will allow us
to conquer the world!
169
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,675
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
170
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,313
(ALL LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
171
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:25,878
All right, that's enough.
172
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,616
We have been
at this for years.
173
00:07:27,682 --> 00:07:30,822
Driving SUVs around, using charcoal grills,
174
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,294
spraying from aerosol cans.
175
00:07:32,353 --> 00:07:34,053
When enough ice melts
176
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,161
busy-bodied tree-hugging environmentalists
177
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,133
will come down here by the thousands
178
00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,892
to rescue us
179
00:07:39,961 --> 00:07:43,331
-and transport us across the ocean.
-(WEAPONS COCKING)
180
00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:45,927
Once free of this frozen prison
181
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,969
we shall rampage across the globe
182
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subjugating all weaker species with our natural superiority
183
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,935
and innate dress sense.
184
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,707
(GIGGLING)
185
00:07:55,777 --> 00:07:57,137
-(PENGUINS SCREECHING)
-(BOTH SCREAMING)
186
00:07:57,211 --> 00:07:58,711
(PENGUINS ROARING)
187
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,249
But why capture us?
188
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,784
Because thanks to you
189
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,019
we can finally finish
melting the ice
190
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,554
and conquering the world!
191
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,819
(CAR APPROACHING)
192
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,589
(WEAPONS COCKING)
193
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:11,687
(MOOS)
194
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:15,099
Uh-oh! My Global Warming
Acceleration Machine!
195
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,932
Ruh-roh.
196
00:08:16,998 --> 00:08:19,368
Dastardly, why are you
carrying that thing around in your car?
197
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:22,843
(STAMMERS) Um, well,
for emergencies.
198
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,873
But what kind of emergencies?
199
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,768
Well, what if I got cold?
200
00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:30,081
PENELOPE: Then you wrap up
in a blanket, here!
201
00:08:30,144 --> 00:08:31,914
Oh, this is nice and toasty.
202
00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:34,150
-And it's easier
to carry around, too. -(MOANING)
203
00:08:34,215 --> 00:08:37,715
Guess I didn't need
the Global Warming Accelerator after all.
204
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:38,624
My bad.
205
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,656
-PENGUIN KING: Silence!
-(GRUNTS)
206
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:44,161
Now, my loyal minions,
activate the machine!
207
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,034
-How do we turn it on?
-(SQUEAKING)
208
00:08:46,094 --> 00:08:48,334
Here, trying jingling
the handle. Is it plugged in?
209
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:50,225
You probably have
to plug it in.
210
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,997
(PENGUINS SQUEAKING)
211
00:08:52,066 --> 00:08:54,166
We can't let
them activate that machine and flood the world!
212
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,274
How can we stop them
in these ice chains?
213
00:08:56,337 --> 00:08:57,467
By using this.
214
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,868
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
215
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,139
-Lipstick?
-What good is lipstick?
216
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,878
Not just lipstick,
hot pink lipstick!
217
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,005
(SIZZLES)
218
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,409
Hot!
219
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:09,281
Ooh, they're going to
notice we're gone!
220
00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:10,550
Not if we use
221
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,818
natural resources
to our advantage.
222
00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:15,317
-(SQUEAKING ANGRILY)
-Dumb human creation!
223
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:18,259
Turn on, turn on, turn on!
224
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,055
(SQUAWKS ANGRILY)
225
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,257
Come on!
226
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,198
We'll make them tell us
how it works.
227
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,733
(SQUEAKING)
228
00:09:24,799 --> 00:09:28,039
How do we activate
the accelerator? Talk!
229
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,841
(TOES TWINKLING)
230
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,673
Playing it cool, are you?
231
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:34,769
Well how cool
will you be when I do this?
232
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,481
(ICE SHATTERS)
233
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:37,443
Ah!
234
00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:39,211
These aren't the prisoners!
235
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,319
(ALL STRUGGLING)
236
00:09:41,382 --> 00:09:43,622
We need to get this junk
back in Dastardly's trunk!
237
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:48,684
After them! As fast as
our little legs will carry us.
238
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,788
-It's in!
-Let's get out of here!
239
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,229
(MOOS)
240
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,834
(ALL CLAMORING)
241
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,796
(PENGUINS COUGHING)
242
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,665
Curse you, evolution!
243
00:10:00,736 --> 00:10:03,896
-(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)
-And so our heroic racers have saved the day...
244
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,741
(THUDS)
245
00:10:06,808 --> 00:10:08,708
And the world from
from the creeping menace
246
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:11,246
of adorable
overdressed seabirds.
247
00:10:11,312 --> 00:10:13,812
-SANTA: Ho-ho!
-(BRICK GROANING)
248
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,880
(PENGUINS SQUEAKING)
249
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:19,620
Get your opposable thumbs
off me, you featherless louts!
250
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,857
You may send us
to zoos across the planet
251
00:10:21,923 --> 00:10:23,963
but you have not
seen the last of us!
252
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,164
One day we shall
rule the Earth!
253
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,226
(ALL CLAMORING)
254
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,367
The entire world thanks you.
255
00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,443
You have saved civilization!
256
00:10:34,502 --> 00:10:36,672
-Shucks.
-We do that.
257
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,937
Winning the bet is fine, but
I'm going back to cheating.
258
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,507
(SNICKERING)
259
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:45,676
Fair you well in
your journeys, brave racers.
260
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:49,875
I salute you!
261
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,950
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
262
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,550
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