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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:04,418 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:23,986 (SNICKERING) 3 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:26,988 NARRATOR: Behold, Ancient Rome. 4 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,601 Gaze at a timeless beauty. 5 00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:34,144 Gawk at the unmatchable glory of the Roman Forum. 6 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,342 And grab yourself a sweet eye guzzle of the Roman Coliseum 7 00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:38,674 where today's Wacky Race 8 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,079 -is about to begin! -(AUDIENCE CHEERING) 9 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,982 Greetings, citizens of the Empire. 10 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,754 I am Brickius Stonius Accidentum, 11 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,423 coming to you live from Ancient Rome, 12 00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:51,822 for the Emperor's annual chariot race and Bacchanalia. 13 00:00:51,887 --> 00:00:54,887 The race today will be run by the greatest competitors in the known world, 14 00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:58,655 which, as we all know, is flat, 800 miles wide, 15 00:00:58,727 --> 00:01:01,757 and is carried on the battle shield of a giant named Steve 16 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,129 that lives on a mountain 17 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:06,827 and likes to dress up like a goat on weekends. 18 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,941 Let's meet today's racers, shall we? 19 00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:10,673 There's Peter Perfectus. 20 00:01:10,739 --> 00:01:14,679 Who has two thumbs and the face that launched 1,000 ships? 21 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,242 BRICKIUS: Penelope Pickius. 22 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,410 Howdy, y'all. I'm from southern Italy, near Atlanta. 23 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,050 -BRICKIUS: Dastardium Stinkurius... -(AUDIENCE BOOING) 24 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:24,085 ...and his companion, Muttificus of Gaul! 25 00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:26,421 Those other Roman racers have no chance of winning 26 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,657 because I have cleverly commanded my canine compatriot 27 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,893 to place beehives in their chariots. 28 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,700 -(CRUNCHING) -Oh, wait. I stepped on something. 29 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:36,903 -(BUZZING) -Muttificus! 30 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:40,074 You put all the beehives in our chariot! 31 00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:41,503 (SNICKERING) 32 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:45,669 BRICKIUS: Inventor, philosopher, astronomer, soothsayer, 33 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:49,139 Intelligenius Quentellious! 34 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:51,080 I just chiseled all the world's knowledge 35 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,705 into these stone tablets. 36 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:56,820 I call it the Encyclopedia Romanica. 37 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,854 So much for ancient knowledge. Oh, well, 38 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,089 the Renaissance is only 1,200 years away. 39 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,515 BRICKIUS: And finally, two barbarians 40 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,990 from the uncivilized provinces of Noricum Laturnus, 41 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:09,700 Teenius Maximus and Vespertilio Minius! 42 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:13,033 -(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -Teenius toga too tight. 43 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,140 I think they got our togas mixed up. 44 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,102 The race will be run through the streets of Rome, 45 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,841 around the palace of the emperor, 46 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,306 then back to finish in the Coliseum. 47 00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:22,544 (HORNS PLAYING) 48 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,750 BRICKIUS: And speaking of the emperor, 49 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,612 here he comes now. 50 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,020 The emperor with the temper, 51 00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,282 the prince with the wince, 52 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,990 the grand guino grubby himself, 53 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:35,492 -Emperor Dinkus Minimus! -(AUDIENCE CHEERING) 54 00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:37,715 Thank you, uh-huh, thank you. 55 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,591 It's me. I know, you're not worthy. 56 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,201 (CLAPPING) 57 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,534 Who told you to stop clapping? 58 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:46,629 (WINCES) 59 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,840 (CLAPPING) 60 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,972 EMPEROR DINKUS: On your marks, get set... 61 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,909 Oh, do just get on with it. 62 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,444 -(CROWD CHEERING) -BRICKIUS: And they're off. 63 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,739 PENELOPE: Yee-haw! 64 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,150 Come on, nice horsie. Go to the left. 65 00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,912 (EXCLAIMS) Your other left! 66 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,051 Having a little trouble with your horse, sugar? 67 00:03:03,117 --> 00:03:05,647 -PETER: No. Excuse me! -(SCREAMING) 68 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,590 Look at all these aimlessly wandering peasants, they're just roamin'. 69 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:11,055 Oh, I get it. "Romans"! Ha! 70 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,285 BRICKIUS: But in a prelude to today's contest, 71 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,901 each of the charioteers performed in a series 72 00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,303 of exciting gladiatorial events. 73 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,626 So, before the race gets too far along 74 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,041 let's take a look back at those. 75 00:03:23,104 --> 00:03:25,014 -(TV STATIC) -BRICKIUS: The exciting first event 76 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,282 was thrilling gladiatorial combat. 77 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,941 We who are about to fight, salute you, noble Emperor. 78 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:34,350 Yeah, yeah. Get on with it, already. 79 00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,954 (BOTH GRUNTING) 80 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,547 You know, these don't hurt that much. 81 00:03:38,620 --> 00:03:42,190 Well, the Roman Games are a family-friendly Bacchanalia. 82 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,426 Now, taste my mighty cushion, doomed one! 83 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:46,692 (GLADIATOR GRUNTING) 84 00:03:46,761 --> 00:03:49,061 Feel the harmless fury of my goose-down softness. 85 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:49,959 (GRUNTS) 86 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,800 PETER: Oh! Oh, very nice. Oh! 87 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:54,465 (SNICKERING) 88 00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,204 (EXCLAIMS) 89 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,070 Emperor, what is your judgment? 90 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:00,980 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 91 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,781 (EXCLAIMS) Mercy! Mercy! 92 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,413 Oh! Not a wet willius. 93 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,508 Not a wet willius! 94 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,150 (CHEERING) 95 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,575 BRICKIUS: Then, Penelope Pickius challenged 96 00:04:09,651 --> 00:04:12,721 crazed Celtic druid warrior Celt MacBriton 97 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,816 to a clog-dancing competition. 98 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:18,258 No one out-clogs Celt MacBriton. 99 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,575 (MUSIC PLAYING) 100 00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,472 Top that, you wee lassie. 101 00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:30,695 Oh, darling! I don't know if I can, but I'll sure try. 102 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,771 Boys, play some Roman music. 103 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,440 Roman countryside music, that is. 104 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,959 (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) 105 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:47,349 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 106 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,160 (SOBBING) 107 00:04:50,225 --> 00:04:53,585 BRICKIUS: Then, it was on to the stage where Intelligenius Quentellious 108 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,201 and the celebrated Roman philosopher Cicero 109 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,173 engaged in a heated battle of pure intellectual prowess. 110 00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:03,504 Today, I will prove that the Sun is entirely made of cheese pizza. 111 00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:06,571 And I shall prove that the sun is a plate of scrambled eggs. 112 00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:09,311 (CHUCKLES) "Scrambled eggs." Lamus maximus. 113 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,147 It is true. The great astro-chicken 114 00:05:11,212 --> 00:05:13,612 lays his sky eggs for Zeus' breakfast. 115 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,250 (SCOFFS) Preposterous. 116 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,746 Everyone knows the Gods eat anchovy pizzas in the morning. 117 00:05:17,819 --> 00:05:20,719 The only time pizza is eaten for breakfast is when it's cold, 118 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,688 and since the Sun is hot, it must be made of scrambled eggs. Thank you. 119 00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:26,128 -(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) -Let's say you're right and the pizza is cold. 120 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,163 I think the Gods could heat it up in one of these. 121 00:05:28,229 --> 00:05:29,499 -(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) -Uh, what is that? 122 00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:31,634 A machine I invented that reheats food. 123 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,998 I call it a "microwave". 124 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,298 (AUDIENCE BOOS) 125 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:38,139 Uh, that's not a bug. It's a feature. 126 00:05:38,206 --> 00:05:41,076 BRICKIUS: Dastardium and Muttificus were given a special event 127 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,581 worthy of their skills. 128 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:46,183 You two shall compete in my favorite competion. 129 00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:49,547 Oh, which one is that, your autocratic awesomeness? 130 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:52,316 Lunch. Release the lions! 131 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,586 -(LIONS GROWLING) -(DASTARDIUM SCREAMS) 132 00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,724 Dratius, Dratius, Dratius! 133 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,361 BRICKIUS: Teenius and Vespertilio competed 134 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,926 in classic Roman Olympic events. 135 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,664 (CHICKEN CLUCKS) 136 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:03,899 (CHICKEN SQUAWKS) 137 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,004 Frisbee go far. 138 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,636 (GRUNTING) 139 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,942 (EXCLAIMS) 140 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,213 Uh-oh. 141 00:06:13,274 --> 00:06:15,344 Ha! Good thing I can turn into a bat or I would have been... 142 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,079 -(GROWLING) -(SCREAMING) 143 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,114 ...crushed. (GROANS) 144 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,479 I'm really sorry about this. 145 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,678 -Not a noogius maximus! -(SCREAMING) 146 00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:25,119 (TIGER ROARING) 147 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,645 -(SCREAMING) -(ROARING) 148 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,260 (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) 149 00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:30,092 The Moon is a giant gray hairball 150 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,387 coughed up by Zeus' congested cat, Fifi. 151 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,390 -(SCREAMING) -(ROARING) 152 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,831 (GROANING) 153 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,326 (TV STATIC) 154 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,328 Oh, Prince Brickius, you're so handsome and strong. 155 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,471 I can't resist you... (COUGHING) 156 00:06:42,537 --> 00:06:44,167 Oh, hey, race fans. (CLEARS THROAT) 157 00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,208 You're all caught up now on yesterday's events, 158 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:49,913 so let's get back to the race already in progress. 159 00:06:49,978 --> 00:06:52,208 I'm going to win today. It's written in the stars. 160 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,319 Don't believe everything you read, darling. 161 00:06:54,382 --> 00:06:56,752 I'm serious. The Moon is in the seventh house, 162 00:06:56,818 --> 00:06:59,718 and Jupiter is aligned with Mars. Look. 163 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,886 Look where? 164 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,215 Hey! You tricked me. 165 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,130 (LAUGHING) The stars tricked you. 166 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,803 (LAUGHING) 167 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:09,962 BRICKIUS: Bringing up the rear are Dastardium and Muttificus 168 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,170 followed by Teenius and Vespertilio. 169 00:07:13,234 --> 00:07:16,674 Muttificus, activate the olive oil slick. 170 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,607 (MUTTIFICUS GROANS) 171 00:07:19,674 --> 00:07:22,184 -(VESPERTILIO EXCLAIMS) -(TEENIUS GROANS) 172 00:07:22,243 --> 00:07:24,683 Rasbius frasbius. 173 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:25,775 VESPERTILIO: Woah! 174 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,006 (BOTH GRUNTING) 175 00:07:27,081 --> 00:07:31,351 (TEENIUS GROANS) 176 00:07:31,419 --> 00:07:33,189 Let's try this again. Go right! 177 00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:34,824 -(HORSE NEIGHS) -No! 178 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,088 Hmm? 179 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,556 -Oh, no! (SCREAMS) -(CROWD SCREAMING) 180 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,985 (HORSE NEIGHS) 181 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,130 (SCREAMING) 182 00:07:41,195 --> 00:07:42,325 PETER: Excusius maximus! 183 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,326 -Oh. -Okay, that's three gourds, 184 00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,428 a box of chocolate-covered yak tongues, 185 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:49,770 and a commemorative Mark Anthony bobblehead totem. 186 00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:51,266 That'll be 18 denarius. 187 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:54,068 I'll have to owe you. Let's go, horsie. 188 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,781 -(SCREAMS) -(NEIGHS) 189 00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:01,053 (GRUNTS) We take credit cards! 190 00:08:01,115 --> 00:08:04,375 (TEENIUS GROANS) 191 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,051 (GROANS) 192 00:08:06,121 --> 00:08:11,121 -PENELOPE: Giddyap! -INTELLIGENIUS.: Accelerate equine velocity! 193 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,755 Muttificus, fire the catapult. 194 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,998 (SNICKERING) 195 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,736 (GROANS) 196 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,072 Oh! 197 00:08:23,137 --> 00:08:24,737 -(HORSE NEIGHS) -Woah! 198 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,565 (TEENIUS GROANS) 199 00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:28,681 (EXCLAIMS) These astronomical charts 200 00:08:28,743 --> 00:08:32,513 didn't say anything about a meteor shower. 201 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:37,080 PETER: Woah, horsie! (SCREAMS) 202 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,515 Left. No, right. No, left again. 203 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,818 Nuts! We're right back where we started. 204 00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:45,959 Amazed and confused. 205 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,626 It's a dead end. 206 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,164 How wonderful. 207 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,669 Teenius make hole. 208 00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:53,501 (TEENIUS GRUNTS) 209 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,797 I refuse to lose this race. 210 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,739 Fire! 211 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:02,236 -And I do mean "fire". -(SNICKERING) 212 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,509 The stars didn't say anything about this. 213 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,978 I'm beginning to think the stars aren't that bright. 214 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,517 I see an opening. 215 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,622 PETER: Follow me! Here we go. Come on, that's it. 216 00:09:10,685 --> 00:09:12,315 INTELLIGENIUS: It's getting hot out here. 217 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:16,756 -(TEENIUS GROANS) -PENELOPE: We made it! 218 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:19,534 Hot, hot, hot! Ouch-us, ouch-us, ouch-us. 219 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,703 Yes! My horse finally listened to me. 220 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:22,861 (HORSE EXCLAIMS) 221 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:25,799 No! You're going the wrong way. 222 00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:29,037 (SCREAMS) This never happens to Charlton Heston. 223 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,942 BRICKIUS: And here they come! 224 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,774 It's coming down to the wire! 225 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,810 Dastardium and Penelope are in the lead, 226 00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:38,006 and it looks like the winner is Peter Perfectus... 227 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,548 ...empty chariot? 228 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:42,383 Oh, sure. Now you go the right way. 229 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,889 By the power invested in me 230 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,291 by... Well, me, 231 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,864 I hereby crown Buttercupus... 232 00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:54,924 -(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -...champion racer of Rome. 233 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,729 (NEIGHING) 234 00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,167 Whinny, whinny, whinny. 235 00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:00,633 (NEIGHING) 236 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:01,840 Wait a minute. 237 00:10:01,903 --> 00:10:04,573 This doesn't seem like a proper horse to me. 238 00:10:04,639 --> 00:10:07,669 (NEIGHING) Yes, I am. I'm a horse. 239 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,911 I won the race. 240 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,908 Horses don't talk, right? 241 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,380 No, your genius-osity. 242 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,348 You are not a horse. 243 00:10:16,417 --> 00:10:17,747 -Dastardium! -(AUDIENCE BOOS) 244 00:10:17,819 --> 00:10:21,049 Oh, please! I just want to win once. 245 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,791 Uh, don't release the lions. 246 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,426 Release the lions! 247 00:10:24,492 --> 00:10:25,832 -(LIONS ROARING) -(SCREAMING) 248 00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,503 -(MUTTIFICUS YELPING) -(WHALE GROANING) 249 00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:30,202 Well, that was fun. 250 00:10:30,265 --> 00:10:34,395 Now, back to ruling the greatest city in the world. 251 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:37,068 -(GASPING) -Hey, who broke my city? 252 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,337 Time to get roamin'? 253 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,805 I hope all roads lead away from Rome! 254 00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:43,235 Muttificus, this is all your fault! 255 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:46,080 You ain't going nowhere. Get back here! 256 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,516 Get back here! 257 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:52,752 Ah! 258 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:53,749 (BLEATING) 259 00:10:53,799 --> 00:10:58,349 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 18735

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