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1
00:00:01,173 --> 00:00:03,037
[dramatic music plays]
EDWARD: Morning.
2
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:04,659
Good would be if
I was still asleep.
3
00:00:04,659 --> 00:00:07,145
But, uh, yeah.
4
00:00:07,145 --> 00:00:09,940
Do you think you can, uh,
turn that game down
5
00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,321
or, I don't know, off?
6
00:00:11,321 --> 00:00:13,737
First of all,
StarRim isn't a game.
7
00:00:13,737 --> 00:00:15,015
It's a space opera.
8
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,223
I'm sorry,
there's a "second of all"?
9
00:00:16,223 --> 00:00:18,018
Second of all,
today's the release date
10
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,020
of StarRim Nine, StarRim Diablo,
and I have to play it
11
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,782
all the way through before
it's ruined by some noob online.
12
00:00:23,782 --> 00:00:24,783
No offense.
13
00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:26,060
Why would that be offensive?
14
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,958
- Are you kidding?
- No, I'm not even awake.
15
00:00:27,958 --> 00:00:29,408
[sighs]
16
00:00:29,408 --> 00:00:31,755
I can feel your eyes on me,
and I don't like that.
17
00:00:31,755 --> 00:00:33,102
I've just never seen anybody
double-fist
18
00:00:33,102 --> 00:00:34,620
a space opera before.
19
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,897
Happy to not look.
20
00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:39,418
Every sniper needs a marksman,
and I do not have one.
21
00:00:39,418 --> 00:00:41,213
I'm happy to teach you,
I guess,
22
00:00:41,213 --> 00:00:43,284
but the training
will be rigorous
23
00:00:43,284 --> 00:00:44,975
and it will not make us friends.
24
00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:46,253
No, thanks.
25
00:00:46,253 --> 00:00:48,117
I can't imagine staring
at a screen this early.
26
00:00:48,117 --> 00:00:49,394
[weapons firing]
27
00:00:49,394 --> 00:00:50,740
[gasps]
28
00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:53,812
If it's about StarRim,
please do not say anything.
29
00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:55,572
[exhales deeply]
30
00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:56,987
♪
31
00:00:56,987 --> 00:01:01,130
Uh, no, no.
It's, um... my ex, Phillip,
32
00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:03,994
just posted a picture
with a girl.
33
00:01:03,994 --> 00:01:05,927
I thought you guys broke up.
34
00:01:07,136 --> 00:01:08,447
We did.
35
00:01:08,447 --> 00:01:10,277
Yeah, we've-- we've been
broken up for months,
36
00:01:10,277 --> 00:01:12,727
so he could date whoever
he wants to and so can I.
37
00:01:12,727 --> 00:01:14,453
But you don't, and if you did,
38
00:01:14,453 --> 00:01:16,110
I would really
want to meet him first
39
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,975
so I could tell him the rules
on how to clean the skillets.
40
00:01:18,975 --> 00:01:22,116
Also, am I crazy, Edward,
or does she look like me?
41
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,118
D-- Edward!
[beeps]
42
00:01:25,430 --> 00:01:27,984
Doesn't she kinda look
like me?
43
00:01:27,984 --> 00:01:31,712
No. Her eyes pop
and aren't hooded like yours.
44
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:34,818
You can unpause
your game now.
45
00:01:34,818 --> 00:01:41,825
♪
46
00:01:41,825 --> 00:01:43,310
BARISTA: There you go.
47
00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:45,139
Thank you.
48
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,968
$2 tip on a $4 coffee?
49
00:01:46,968 --> 00:01:48,453
That's 50%.
50
00:01:52,181 --> 00:01:53,630
Oh-- Oh,
I-I'm not stealing,
51
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:55,149
I'm just recalibrating
the tip.
52
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,633
How often do you find
your inability
53
00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:58,290
to do simple math
costs you money?
54
00:01:58,290 --> 00:02:00,879
I don't know,
like 40% of the time?
55
00:02:00,879 --> 00:02:03,261
Or wait, no... one-third?
56
00:02:03,261 --> 00:02:04,676
Good grief.
It's worse than I thought.
57
00:02:04,676 --> 00:02:08,266
Okay, look, Rand, you may be
an award-winning mathematician,
58
00:02:08,266 --> 00:02:10,268
but you're dead,
so if you're sticking around
59
00:02:10,268 --> 00:02:11,959
to teach me some kind of lesson
while I write your obituary,
60
00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:14,306
you could just go,
because I don't need your help.
61
00:02:14,306 --> 00:02:16,308
Great, I have no interest
in your life.
62
00:02:16,308 --> 00:02:18,310
I spent mine trying to solve
the Rainbow Paradox,
63
00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,554
and I plan on sticking around
to finish the job.
64
00:02:20,554 --> 00:02:22,970
Preferably without
some millennial's vocal fry
65
00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:25,524
buzzing in my ear like a gnat.
66
00:02:25,524 --> 00:02:27,285
Good.
Because I'm doing just fine.
67
00:02:27,285 --> 00:02:29,804
Your eye makeup is garish.
68
00:02:29,804 --> 00:02:31,703
♪
69
00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:32,738
[scoffs]
70
00:02:32,738 --> 00:02:34,913
♪
71
00:02:34,913 --> 00:02:36,673
Hey, you.
72
00:02:36,673 --> 00:02:38,710
- How is everything?
- Great.
73
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:40,332
I haven't finished that
math guy's obit yet,
74
00:02:40,332 --> 00:02:42,679
but everything seems
pretty straightforward.
75
00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:45,889
Oh, honey, I am not talking
about that boring old nerd.
76
00:02:45,889 --> 00:02:47,581
Wow, don't die in Pasadena.
77
00:02:47,581 --> 00:02:49,686
I'm talking about
Phillip's post this morning.
78
00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:50,722
You saw that?
79
00:02:50,722 --> 00:02:53,345
[laughs]
Duh, he's a great follow.
80
00:02:53,345 --> 00:02:54,691
Although,
who is that girl?
81
00:02:54,691 --> 00:02:56,176
Talk about uggo, am I right?
82
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,108
You don't have to say that.
I know she's stunning.
83
00:02:58,108 --> 00:02:59,834
Oh, thank God.
She is though, right?
84
00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:02,665
Normally my type is, like,
a femme Rachel Maddow,
85
00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:05,495
but I would make
an exception for that one.
86
00:03:05,495 --> 00:03:07,117
This is what you guys
talk about?
87
00:03:07,117 --> 00:03:08,395
I worked at JPL.
88
00:03:08,395 --> 00:03:09,948
There are telescopes
named after me.
89
00:03:09,948 --> 00:03:11,260
[elevator bell dings]
90
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:15,195
♪
91
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,024
- Hey.
- It's fine.
92
00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:18,784
I'm fine.
- Well, you should be,
93
00:03:18,784 --> 00:03:21,270
because that girl
is hid-eh-oose Mozart.
94
00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:23,272
- She's not.
- Ugh, I know.
95
00:03:23,272 --> 00:03:25,135
Honestly,
it's all good, okay?
96
00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:26,447
I don't even care
about that girl
97
00:03:26,447 --> 00:03:28,138
and her very stylish
necklace layering.
98
00:03:28,138 --> 00:03:29,278
Phillip has moved on
with his life
99
00:03:29,278 --> 00:03:31,452
and I'm moving on with mine.
- Wow!
100
00:03:31,452 --> 00:03:33,523
I am very happy to hear you say
that because I would love
101
00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:34,869
to be a caring friend
to you right now,
102
00:03:34,869 --> 00:03:36,216
but I have to run off
to a meeting
103
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,287
that is just editors
and not you.
104
00:03:38,287 --> 00:03:40,461
Ohh, in retrospect, I could have
said that better.
105
00:03:40,461 --> 00:03:42,222
It's okay.
I'm good. Go.
106
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,292
- Okay.
- I don't need anything.
107
00:03:43,292 --> 00:03:44,534
Okay!
108
00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:46,156
Hey, psst, Mason,
I need you.
109
00:03:46,156 --> 00:03:47,813
Oh, hard pass, dawg.
110
00:03:47,813 --> 00:03:50,954
Oh, listen, I have a very urgent
journalistic task for you,
111
00:03:50,954 --> 00:03:52,439
falling under
the newspaper's purview
112
00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:54,130
and not at all driven
by personal emotion.
113
00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:56,132
- So, like an assignment?
- Uh, yeah.
114
00:03:56,132 --> 00:03:57,616
Exactly. Just like that.
115
00:03:57,616 --> 00:03:59,135
Uh, you see this girl?
116
00:03:59,135 --> 00:04:00,619
I need you to find out
everything you can about her.
117
00:04:01,793 --> 00:04:02,897
Yeah, she's hot. I'll do it.
118
00:04:02,897 --> 00:04:05,900
Oh, okay. Thank you.
119
00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:07,419
Hey, you.
120
00:04:07,419 --> 00:04:10,319
I heard you were down,
so I heated up a salad for you.
121
00:04:10,319 --> 00:04:12,804
Oh, okay. Yeah.
All right, thanks, Tina.
122
00:04:12,804 --> 00:04:15,185
Oh, no, the salad's
still for me.
123
00:04:15,185 --> 00:04:16,980
I just made it in your honor.
124
00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,741
You--
125
00:04:18,741 --> 00:04:19,914
♪
126
00:04:19,914 --> 00:04:20,950
[clears throat]
127
00:04:20,950 --> 00:04:23,159
Oh, this is dire.
128
00:04:23,159 --> 00:04:25,195
There's just no way to spin
this into an uplifting story.
129
00:04:25,195 --> 00:04:27,474
I know.
These numbers are devastating.
130
00:04:27,474 --> 00:04:30,339
Look, she got eight likes.
131
00:04:30,339 --> 00:04:33,031
I accidentally posted a photo
of my faucet and I still got 32.
132
00:04:33,031 --> 00:04:34,860
Oh, your dish soap
looked so cute.
133
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:36,137
[chuckles] Thank you.
134
00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:37,449
We put it in a glass bottle
135
00:04:37,449 --> 00:04:39,209
so we could feel like
we're in olden times.
136
00:04:39,209 --> 00:04:40,832
Guys, we shouldn't
be doing this.
137
00:04:40,832 --> 00:04:42,696
We shouldn't be looking
at Nell's profile.
138
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:45,008
What we should be doing
is looking at Phillip's
139
00:04:45,008 --> 00:04:47,597
to discuss how lame he
and his girlfriend are.
140
00:04:47,597 --> 00:04:48,943
Mm.
141
00:04:51,981 --> 00:04:53,534
- Nah, I've got nothing.
- I fold.
142
00:04:53,534 --> 00:04:54,846
It's like a Google image search
143
00:04:54,846 --> 00:04:57,055
for the word "romance."
- Hmm.
144
00:04:57,055 --> 00:04:59,057
There's no way
that Nell's okay with this.
145
00:05:01,508 --> 00:05:03,648
♪
146
00:05:03,648 --> 00:05:07,237
Rand, I don't have time
for this.
147
00:05:07,237 --> 00:05:08,722
It's not my fault
that you didn't finish it
148
00:05:08,722 --> 00:05:09,861
before you were dead.
149
00:05:10,827 --> 00:05:12,312
Should I be worried?
150
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,314
I mean, I already
have one employee who microwaves lettuces.
151
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,453
I can't afford two.
152
00:05:15,453 --> 00:05:16,971
Nell's fine, okay?
153
00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:19,733
She just needs, like, a little
nudge to get back out there.
154
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:22,874
I will set her up with someone
because I'm her best friend.
155
00:05:22,874 --> 00:05:24,738
Excuse me,
I'm actually an expert
156
00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:26,395
in setting up straight people.
157
00:05:26,395 --> 00:05:30,537
There are Springsteen fans,
and there are Billy Joel fans.
158
00:05:30,537 --> 00:05:33,160
The trick is you
never cross the streams.
159
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,714
What exactly makes you
an "expert"?
160
00:05:35,714 --> 00:05:37,578
I have a gay moon
and a heterosexual rising,
161
00:05:37,578 --> 00:05:38,821
otherwise known as bi.
162
00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:42,721
So we'll be placing bets
on this, right?
163
00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:44,240
'Cause I'm gonna win.
164
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,000
Nell!
- How?
165
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,726
I know rich guys.
166
00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:50,488
So this is what the inside
of this room looks like.
167
00:05:50,488 --> 00:05:52,904
Fancy. I'll have a wine spritzer
if you got 'em.
168
00:05:53,629 --> 00:05:55,044
I'm kidding.
I'll just stand here.
169
00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:57,149
Nell, do you know why
you were called in here today?
170
00:05:58,737 --> 00:06:00,946
You're finally gonna give me
a feature?
171
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:03,708
A feature? [laughs]
You're hilarious.
172
00:06:03,708 --> 00:06:05,295
Very funny. She's funny.
173
00:06:05,295 --> 00:06:06,435
We should set her up
with someone funny.
174
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:07,677
- Mm.
- Mm.
175
00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:09,403
You guys are trying
to set me up on dates?
176
00:06:10,473 --> 00:06:12,613
Okay, that is so inappropriate.
I'm a professional.
177
00:06:12,613 --> 00:06:15,133
I am a woman journalist... woman,
178
00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:18,170
and my personal life
doesn't belong in the workplace.
179
00:06:19,102 --> 00:06:20,276
Shame on you.
180
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,555
Hey, hey. So I got some info
on that smokeshow.
181
00:06:23,555 --> 00:06:24,970
Okay.
182
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,316
Apparently, she's on
the 30 Under 30 list
183
00:06:26,316 --> 00:06:27,801
for London's
Hottest Pastry Chefs.
184
00:06:27,801 --> 00:06:31,149
And she used to be Woman #3
in the P90x video.
185
00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:35,118
And she's a vicar's daughter,
so you know she's freaky.
186
00:06:35,118 --> 00:06:36,948
♪
187
00:06:36,948 --> 00:06:39,329
I changed my mind.
Bring me the men.
188
00:06:39,329 --> 00:06:41,297
Bring me all the men!
189
00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:44,611
♪
190
00:06:44,611 --> 00:06:46,785
So, Dennis told me
191
00:06:46,785 --> 00:06:49,616
that you were living in London
with your ex?
192
00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:51,894
- Yeah.
- Yeah. How long were you there?
193
00:06:51,894 --> 00:06:53,827
For five years.
194
00:06:53,827 --> 00:06:56,312
Yeah, we were actually engaged.
195
00:06:56,312 --> 00:06:57,382
Did he tell you that?
196
00:06:58,107 --> 00:07:00,834
Should I tell you that?
Should I not?
197
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:03,008
I don't know. Oh, I--
- [chuckles]
198
00:07:03,008 --> 00:07:05,183
You're the first person that
I've gone out with since him,
199
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:07,323
but that's probably
pretty obvious.
200
00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:08,911
I'm sorry.
I'm really bad at this.
201
00:07:08,911 --> 00:07:10,015
[chuckles]
202
00:07:10,015 --> 00:07:13,018
So, do you have any siblings?
203
00:07:13,018 --> 00:07:14,468
- No. None.
- Okay.
204
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,090
- Yeah.
- Yeah, all right.
205
00:07:16,090 --> 00:07:18,161
- All right. [laughs]
- That's the end of that question.
206
00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:20,992
No, hey, I get it.
Dating sucks.
207
00:07:20,992 --> 00:07:23,304
I have been at it
for quite a while now.
208
00:07:23,304 --> 00:07:27,447
But I actually found
there's a mathematical equation
209
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,656
that can determine
your one true soul mate.
210
00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:30,795
I don't like this guy.
211
00:07:30,795 --> 00:07:33,107
I have a pretty high EQ,
212
00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:35,696
which is actually
more important than the IQ.
213
00:07:35,696 --> 00:07:37,698
- It is not.
- DENNIS: Real scientists have
214
00:07:37,698 --> 00:07:40,460
created something called
the five love languages.
215
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,324
- [chuckles] They have not.
- Hmm. Right.
216
00:07:43,324 --> 00:07:44,809
I read about this on a plane.
217
00:07:44,809 --> 00:07:47,777
Okay, [chuckles] then, um,
how about on the count of three,
218
00:07:47,777 --> 00:07:50,539
we each call out
our own love language
219
00:07:50,539 --> 00:07:52,333
to see how compatible we are.
220
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:53,818
- Okay.
- All right.
221
00:07:53,818 --> 00:07:55,509
One, two, three.
222
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,028
- Acts of service.
- Gifting.
223
00:07:58,823 --> 00:07:59,824
Ohh.
224
00:07:59,824 --> 00:08:01,411
What? What's wrong?
225
00:08:01,411 --> 00:08:03,483
My ex was a gifty
like you.
226
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,139
I don't think this is
gonna work.
227
00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:06,624
You don't even know
if I'm anything like her.
228
00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:08,073
Your wants come first.
229
00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:10,179
You want to drain my bank
account and live the fast life.
230
00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:16,081
So, do you like bagels?
231
00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:18,498
I don't eat food
with holes in it.
232
00:08:19,671 --> 00:08:21,362
Cool.
233
00:08:22,778 --> 00:08:25,815
[sighs] Well, it was, um,
very nice of you
234
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,990
to adamantly walk me home,
235
00:08:27,990 --> 00:08:29,647
even though
I did say several times
236
00:08:29,647 --> 00:08:31,165
I could do it on my own.
237
00:08:31,165 --> 00:08:33,374
- Acts of service.
- Okay, you know,
238
00:08:33,374 --> 00:08:35,998
I-I think you may be putting
too much stock into that stuff.
239
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:38,000
- Huh.
- Hi, I'm Edward,
240
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,588
Nell's roommate.
241
00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:41,313
If you're gonna be staying
with us, two things...
242
00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:43,730
...one, good for you, get it,
243
00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:44,903
and two,
there's a couple of things
244
00:08:44,903 --> 00:08:46,940
I want you to know about
how we clean the skillets.
245
00:08:46,940 --> 00:08:48,769
Edward. Please. He's leaving.
246
00:08:48,769 --> 00:08:50,357
I guess we have nothing left
to talk about.
247
00:08:50,357 --> 00:08:51,427
Yep.
248
00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:54,603
[dramatic music plays
on cellphones]
249
00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:57,606
♪
250
00:08:57,606 --> 00:08:59,297
Maybe I spoke too soon.
251
00:08:59,297 --> 00:09:02,783
♪
252
00:09:02,783 --> 00:09:05,855
Yeah, unfortunately it
just wasn't a match with Ross.
253
00:09:05,855 --> 00:09:08,686
Yeah, I don't understand that.
You both like Billy Joel.
254
00:09:08,686 --> 00:09:11,205
Well, at least my roommate
got his number.
255
00:09:11,205 --> 00:09:13,691
Turns out, they're both
into some space opera.
256
00:09:13,691 --> 00:09:16,107
Ugh, God, I started a bromance.
257
00:09:16,107 --> 00:09:18,419
- Yes, you did.
- What am I, Top Gun?
258
00:09:18,419 --> 00:09:20,456
Nell, so glad you're here.
259
00:09:20,456 --> 00:09:23,286
There is someone
I would like you to meet.
260
00:09:25,288 --> 00:09:27,808
Hm. Where-- Where is he?
261
00:09:27,808 --> 00:09:31,225
Just give it a second.
[snapping]
262
00:09:31,225 --> 00:09:33,434
He's coming.
263
00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:40,338
He was right behind me.
- Mm-hmm.
264
00:09:40,338 --> 00:09:43,652
It's gonna be worth it.
Just--
265
00:09:43,652 --> 00:09:45,585
Oh, no. Alistair.
[snaps, claps]
266
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,587
Ah. [chuckles]
Salutations.
267
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,623
Oh, not to me, to her.
268
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,004
Salutations.
269
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:52,902
Can everyone see him,
or is it just me? [chuckles]
270
00:09:52,902 --> 00:09:56,250
This is a dear friend
of my family, Alistair Banister.
271
00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,528
And before anyone asks, yes,
272
00:09:58,528 --> 00:10:02,429
Banister of
the handrails fortune.
273
00:10:02,429 --> 00:10:04,155
Well, it's nice to meet you.
274
00:10:04,155 --> 00:10:06,019
Thank you for helping me
stay on the stairs.
275
00:10:06,019 --> 00:10:07,986
Salutations.
276
00:10:07,986 --> 00:10:11,265
Yes, Alistair has come
to take you to dinner.
277
00:10:11,265 --> 00:10:12,542
It's 3:30.
278
00:10:12,542 --> 00:10:15,028
- Yeah.
- E-E-Excuse me, Lexi.
279
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,374
I hope you don't mind,
280
00:10:16,374 --> 00:10:18,031
but I have to [clears throat]
go make water.
281
00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:19,860
[stammers]
I'll be back in an hour.
282
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:22,311
I hope you don't mind
eating late.
283
00:10:22,311 --> 00:10:23,346
Mm.
284
00:10:24,693 --> 00:10:26,211
Isn't he great?
285
00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:29,801
He is so rich, he has someone
who bathes and feeds him.
286
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,182
I don't think
that's a rich thing.
287
00:10:31,182 --> 00:10:33,667
Okay, look, guys, I really
appreciate you trying to help,
288
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,358
but I just [sighs]
289
00:10:35,358 --> 00:10:37,567
I'm starting to think
that I-I'm just--
290
00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:39,500
I'm not ready for this.
I'm sorry.
291
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:42,193
♪
292
00:10:42,193 --> 00:10:44,298
I think
I nearly figured it out!
293
00:10:44,298 --> 00:10:47,508
[sighs] Great
because I thought about it,
294
00:10:47,508 --> 00:10:51,478
and if you want to solve
my problems, too, you can.
295
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:52,686
Well, that depends.
296
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,481
Is one of your problems
the square root of four?
297
00:10:54,481 --> 00:10:57,208
- [chuckles]
- I get it, I suck at math, okay?
298
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:59,141
Well, I suck at humans.
299
00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:01,074
Relationships aren't predictable
like numbers.
300
00:11:01,074 --> 00:11:04,077
They're, like,
unsolvable equations.
301
00:11:04,077 --> 00:11:06,113
That's why I stay away
from people.
302
00:11:10,773 --> 00:11:13,396
Maybe that's the lesson you were
supposed to teach me, Rand.
303
00:11:13,396 --> 00:11:15,571
Maybe I'm like you.
304
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:17,987
Maybe I'm not a
relationship person.
305
00:11:17,987 --> 00:11:19,195
Hmm.
306
00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:21,508
Yeah.
307
00:11:21,508 --> 00:11:22,992
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
308
00:11:22,992 --> 00:11:24,925
Sure.
[chuckles]
309
00:11:24,925 --> 00:11:26,616
I guess I could send
that obit now.
310
00:11:26,616 --> 00:11:28,929
Oh, I think I solved it!
I just need to carry the one--
311
00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:30,413
[computer whooshes]
312
00:11:30,413 --> 00:11:31,725
Oops.
313
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,728
♪
314
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:35,798
It's probably fine.
315
00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:39,595
What is that?
316
00:11:39,595 --> 00:11:42,771
It's an everything bagel,
but it's still not enough.
317
00:11:42,771 --> 00:11:45,118
- SAM: Give me that.
- Oh. What?
318
00:11:45,118 --> 00:11:47,085
Hey!
I was gonna 'gram that!
319
00:11:47,085 --> 00:11:50,399
What is going on with you?
Are you really not okay?
320
00:11:50,399 --> 00:11:53,298
I was until you threw out
my bagel.
321
00:11:53,298 --> 00:11:56,129
Okay, look, it's understandable
that you would be upset
322
00:11:56,129 --> 00:11:57,958
after everything that happened,
323
00:11:57,958 --> 00:12:00,443
and it fully sucks that Phillip
found someone that can even,
324
00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:02,756
like, roll up her jeans
in a really cute way.
325
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,240
She was wearing a skirt
in that photo.
326
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,035
I may have done a deep dive.
327
00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:08,451
You're not just gonna magically
wake up one day and be okay,
328
00:12:08,451 --> 00:12:10,730
but you have to take
that first step.
329
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,559
I mean, think about how many
terrible dates
330
00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:13,767
I went on before I met Keith.
331
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,458
- Wasn't Keith one of them?
- No.
332
00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:16,874
He wore khakis to Coachella.
333
00:12:16,874 --> 00:12:19,221
We have moved on from that.
Yes, we have.
334
00:12:19,221 --> 00:12:22,500
And you need to move on, too, so
go on one more date, all right?
335
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,158
We'll keep it casual.
We'll go for some wine.
336
00:12:25,158 --> 00:12:26,331
He's really hot.
337
00:12:26,331 --> 00:12:28,126
- How hot?
- Hotter than Phillip.
338
00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:30,957
Crab apples. That was
a long one. [chuckles]
339
00:12:30,957 --> 00:12:34,305
Well, don't you look
hotsy-totsy.
340
00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,825
Okay, I'll go.
341
00:12:36,825 --> 00:12:40,760
So, Ari, uh, what do you think
of love languages?
342
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,072
ARI: Is that, like,
a British reality show?
343
00:12:43,072 --> 00:12:44,971
- [laughs]
- Sorry, I'm not really aware
344
00:12:44,971 --> 00:12:46,317
of anything that's happened
in the world
345
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:47,801
since my kids were born.
346
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:48,837
Ah, you haven't missed much.
347
00:12:48,837 --> 00:12:50,631
Except for the fact
that we found out
348
00:12:50,631 --> 00:12:53,358
that Britney was not free,
and we freed her.
349
00:12:53,358 --> 00:12:55,809
You're funny, Nell.
You were right about her, Sam.
350
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,328
I know.
351
00:12:57,328 --> 00:12:59,123
I shouldn't have said
that out loud. Sorry.
352
00:12:59,123 --> 00:13:00,469
I have not been on a date
in a while.
353
00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:01,815
Oh, I totally get it.
354
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,644
You're doing great.
- Thanks.
355
00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:06,095
Uh, I heard that you spent
the last five years in London.
356
00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:08,442
So exciting.
- Yeah.
357
00:13:08,442 --> 00:13:11,618
Me, I feel like I've been
kind of cooped up with my kids.
358
00:13:11,618 --> 00:13:14,863
But honestly, fatherhood
has totally changed my life.
359
00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:18,487
Yeah, I feel like I was born
to be a dad, you know?
360
00:13:18,487 --> 00:13:21,973
It wasn't until I met my kids
that I really met myself.
361
00:13:21,973 --> 00:13:23,526
- Ah.
- Aww.
362
00:13:23,526 --> 00:13:26,150
Enough Dad talk. Sorry.
363
00:13:26,150 --> 00:13:27,737
- No, it's fine.
- ARI: Great!
364
00:13:27,737 --> 00:13:29,567
Because, um, my son
just started swim lessons
365
00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:31,707
and I feel like it's totally
gonna change his life.
366
00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:33,743
[gasps] I was just saying that
about swim lessons.
367
00:13:33,743 --> 00:13:35,745
Wasn't I just saying that
about swim lessons, Nell?
368
00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:37,299
Tell him I was just saying
that about swim lessons.
369
00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:39,335
She was just saying
that about swim lessons.
370
00:13:39,335 --> 00:13:40,750
[cellphone vibrates]
- Oh, that's the sitter.
371
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:41,821
Excuse me.
372
00:13:43,167 --> 00:13:44,858
What did I tell you?
So hot.
373
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,066
[clicks tongue] Knocked
that one out of the park.
374
00:13:46,066 --> 00:13:48,206
- He's so hot...
- I know.
375
00:13:48,206 --> 00:13:49,414
- ...for you.
- What?
376
00:13:49,414 --> 00:13:50,968
- Come on.
- Come on.
377
00:13:50,968 --> 00:13:52,901
Sam, he's amazing, but he is
just totally not my type.
378
00:13:52,901 --> 00:13:54,040
He is your type.
379
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,870
Are you joking?
He is everyone's type.
380
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,734
Hey, I'm sorry.
I need to go home right now.
381
00:13:58,734 --> 00:14:00,391
My kid has a temperature
of 98.
382
00:14:00,391 --> 00:14:02,013
Wait, is that too low
or too high?
383
00:14:02,013 --> 00:14:03,912
- ARI: It could be either.
- Could it?
384
00:14:03,912 --> 00:14:05,327
Uh, can you drive me home, Sam?
385
00:14:05,327 --> 00:14:06,846
I-I'm way too upset to drive.
386
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,330
Me? Uh, sure.
387
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:10,504
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.
388
00:14:10,504 --> 00:14:12,575
Yeah, no, he's weird.
I'm over it.
389
00:14:12,575 --> 00:14:14,612
♪
390
00:14:14,612 --> 00:14:16,269
- NELL: Cricket?
- CRICKET: Mm-hmm?
391
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:18,616
Do you think love
is an unsolvable equation?
392
00:14:18,616 --> 00:14:20,169
Why would you say that?
393
00:14:20,169 --> 00:14:22,413
Well, it was just something
someone told me.
394
00:14:22,413 --> 00:14:23,863
Well, that dork probably
never had
395
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,416
a real relationship
in their life.
396
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:28,281
- [chuckles]
- Love is not to be solved.
397
00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:30,110
Honey, it's to be felt.
398
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,630
- Oh.
- You know, Monty and I,
399
00:14:32,630 --> 00:14:34,632
we didn't meet
till I was older,
400
00:14:34,632 --> 00:14:38,118
when I least expected
to meet anyone.
401
00:14:38,118 --> 00:14:41,466
And, even then, it took a minute
before I realized,
402
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:44,262
"Oh, this is it."
403
00:14:44,262 --> 00:14:46,471
A connection can come
when you don't expect it.
404
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:48,784
Ugh. So what are you
supposed to do?
405
00:14:48,784 --> 00:14:50,096
Just, like, wait?
406
00:14:50,096 --> 00:14:51,476
Stop trying to force everything.
407
00:14:51,476 --> 00:14:52,788
[groans]
408
00:14:52,788 --> 00:14:55,653
The door to the past
will close on its own.
409
00:14:56,654 --> 00:14:57,966
Unlike your bar tab.
410
00:14:59,312 --> 00:15:01,590
Mm-hmm.
[cellphone chimes]
411
00:15:04,006 --> 00:15:06,215
"The hot pastry chef
just donated all her hair
412
00:15:06,215 --> 00:15:07,561
to build a nest for eagles.
413
00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:10,219
She's even hotter now."
414
00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:12,290
Thanks, Mason.
415
00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:13,878
Ugh.
416
00:15:17,986 --> 00:15:20,126
[laughs]
417
00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:21,472
Sorry.
418
00:15:21,472 --> 00:15:23,715
I hear that really opens up
the palate.
419
00:15:27,305 --> 00:15:28,755
Sorry, I didn't mean
to offend you.
420
00:15:28,755 --> 00:15:30,653
It's fine.
I-I'm fine.
421
00:15:30,653 --> 00:15:33,277
No, it's just
you seem upset.
422
00:15:33,277 --> 00:15:35,935
Well, I--
Yeah, I'm a grown-ass woman
423
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,661
that's about to raise her voice
to a stranger at a wine bar,
424
00:15:38,661 --> 00:15:40,422
so, yeah, no,
that's not really fine.
425
00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:42,424
And actually,
this past week was not fine,
426
00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:44,460
and neither have
the past five years.
427
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,117
So, come to think of it, no.
428
00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:47,981
No, I'm definitely not fine.
429
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,120
Okay.
430
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,191
Do you wanna
talk about it?
431
00:15:52,503 --> 00:15:53,642
Fine.
432
00:15:55,299 --> 00:15:58,543
This is the photo.
Can you see why I'm upset?
433
00:15:58,543 --> 00:15:59,820
I don't know.
434
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,995
It seems like you really
shut down that buffet.
435
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,791
- No, not that one.
- [chuckles]
436
00:16:04,791 --> 00:16:07,035
- This one.
- Oh.
437
00:16:07,035 --> 00:16:10,900
It's of my ex and
his new girlfriend, I guess.
438
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,005
She is not ugly.
439
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,456
- Ohh.
- But neither are you.
440
00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:16,561
Thank you, but I can't compete
with this--
441
00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:19,012
this big-eyed pastry chef.
442
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:20,634
She looks like
a Pixar character.
443
00:16:20,634 --> 00:16:22,119
And it feels so pointed.
444
00:16:22,119 --> 00:16:24,224
I mean, he knows
I love pastries.
445
00:16:24,224 --> 00:16:26,916
I think everybody does
after the buffet photo.
446
00:16:26,916 --> 00:16:28,470
[both laugh]
447
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:30,230
It was-- It was a lot.
448
00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:32,750
Oh, I'm sorry for unleashing
on you.
449
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:35,063
This is... ugh.
450
00:16:35,063 --> 00:16:36,996
I am just a disaster.
451
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,066
No. No, you're not.
452
00:16:38,066 --> 00:16:39,653
Honestly, it's comforting.
453
00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:42,070
I-I just ended
a relationship also.
454
00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:44,072
- It sucks.
- Yeah.
455
00:16:44,072 --> 00:16:46,315
Do you, uh,
still talk to your ex?
456
00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:49,146
No. Um...
457
00:16:49,146 --> 00:16:52,632
She was great, but things ended
and that was that.
458
00:16:54,358 --> 00:16:56,153
- And you're not
secretly married? - No.
459
00:16:56,153 --> 00:16:58,086
- And you're not a psycho?
- No.
460
00:16:58,086 --> 00:17:00,260
And you swear you don't
actually like improv?
461
00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:03,781
Yes. And...
I can't even pretend.
462
00:17:03,781 --> 00:17:05,196
No, I don't.
- [chuckles]
463
00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:06,542
I don't like it at all.
464
00:17:07,474 --> 00:17:08,958
[sighs]
465
00:17:08,958 --> 00:17:10,615
[chuckles]
466
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:12,962
So you're pretty great.
What's the catch?
467
00:17:12,962 --> 00:17:14,619
Come on,
there's gotta be one.
468
00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:19,521
Well, or maybe this is just us
meeting at the right time.
469
00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:21,523
Both of us out
of relationships,
470
00:17:21,523 --> 00:17:23,214
not really sure
how to move forward.
471
00:17:23,214 --> 00:17:24,388
Oh, that's weird, though.
472
00:17:24,388 --> 00:17:25,527
No, but it happens.
473
00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:26,907
- Does it?
- Yeah.
474
00:17:26,907 --> 00:17:28,978
Yeah, something out of the blue
475
00:17:28,978 --> 00:17:31,464
and it's not terrible?
476
00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:33,535
[Peter Gabriel's
"In Your Eyes" plays]
477
00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:35,571
Maybe this is how
it's supposed to work.
478
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,539
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
479
00:17:37,539 --> 00:17:40,990
"A connection can happen
when you least expect it."
480
00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:42,820
- I like that.
- Mm.
481
00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:43,890
♪ Days pass♪
[sprinklers spraying]
482
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,478
[doorbell rings]
483
00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:47,894
- The sprinklers were on.
- Get inside. You're shivering.
484
00:17:47,894 --> 00:17:49,723
♪ Fills my heart♪
485
00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:51,311
Wow, this place is pretty cool.
486
00:17:51,311 --> 00:17:52,795
Let's not ruin this by talking.
487
00:17:52,795 --> 00:17:55,108
-♪ When I want to run away♪
- NELL: Thank you.
488
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,730
You sure you don't want one?
489
00:17:56,730 --> 00:17:58,663
Nope. I don't do carbs.
490
00:17:58,663 --> 00:18:01,908
[scoffs] So you are a psycho.
491
00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:03,151
Wow.
492
00:18:03,151 --> 00:18:04,635
♪ But whichever way I go♪
493
00:18:04,635 --> 00:18:07,258
So it begins.
494
00:18:07,258 --> 00:18:12,677
♪ I come back to the place
you are♪
495
00:18:12,677 --> 00:18:14,679
[laughs]
496
00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:18,752
♪ All my instincts,
they return♪
497
00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:19,753
Oh.
498
00:18:19,753 --> 00:18:21,134
♪ The grand facade♪
499
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,103
Coaster.
Coasters, please.
500
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,691
What is that? What are y--
What are you looking at?
501
00:18:26,691 --> 00:18:28,348
Are you looking
at a walkthrough?!
502
00:18:28,348 --> 00:18:30,005
[sighs] I can't handle
this endless maze.
503
00:18:30,005 --> 00:18:32,111
Space is too infinite!
504
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,147
This is only gonna work
if you trust me.
505
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,598
Do you trust me, Ross?
506
00:18:36,598 --> 00:18:38,151
I do.
507
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,359
NELL: Thank you.
508
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,120
What?
509
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,880
Nothing.
I just think it's cool
510
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,847
that you weren't embarrassed
to get another one.
511
00:18:44,847 --> 00:18:46,849
Is that a compliment
or an insult?
512
00:18:46,849 --> 00:18:48,782
Everything I've said to you
is a compliment.
513
00:18:48,782 --> 00:18:50,681
Oh.
514
00:18:50,681 --> 00:18:52,165
♪ Your eyes♪
515
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,615
Okay, now I'm embarrassed
to get another one.
516
00:18:53,615 --> 00:18:55,444
♪ Your eyes♪
517
00:18:55,444 --> 00:18:57,136
EDWARD: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes!
518
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,138
You're saving the galaxy!
519
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,622
Oh, yes!
520
00:19:00,622 --> 00:19:01,899
ROSS: Whoo!
521
00:19:01,899 --> 00:19:03,970
- You did it, Ross.
- No.
522
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:06,145
We did it.
523
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,629
Okay, that'll do.
524
00:19:07,629 --> 00:19:09,458
You can go now.
525
00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:10,977
NELL: Wow.
526
00:19:10,977 --> 00:19:13,462
Did we just walk
the entire night?
527
00:19:13,462 --> 00:19:16,638
I guess so.
Look at us being cliché.
528
00:19:16,638 --> 00:19:20,020
- [giggles]
- Catching a sunrise on a brand-new day.
529
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:24,577
Would you take
a photo with me?
530
00:19:24,577 --> 00:19:25,992
Yeah.
531
00:19:25,992 --> 00:19:27,821
You wanna rub it
in Phillip's face?
532
00:19:27,821 --> 00:19:29,582
No, I don't wanna post it.
533
00:19:29,582 --> 00:19:32,757
I, um--
I just want it for me.
534
00:19:32,757 --> 00:19:34,173
Okay.
535
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:39,005
So, how do two people
who just met pose together?
536
00:19:39,005 --> 00:19:40,834
- Back-to-back.
- Yeah?
537
00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:42,215
Buddy-cop style.
It's obvious.
538
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,492
- All right. Okay.
- Yeah.
539
00:19:43,492 --> 00:19:45,080
Oh.
540
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,737
♪ I get so tired♪
541
00:19:46,737 --> 00:19:48,083
- Okay, ready?
- You good?
542
00:19:48,083 --> 00:19:49,429
- Yup.
- Okay.
543
00:19:49,429 --> 00:19:52,121
♪ Working so hard
for our survival♪
544
00:19:52,121 --> 00:19:53,261
Okay, I'm gonna check it.
545
00:19:53,261 --> 00:19:54,779
I historically take
terrible photos,
546
00:19:54,779 --> 00:19:56,229
but I have a good feeling
about this one.
547
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,265
Yeah.
548
00:19:57,265 --> 00:20:01,786
♪ I look to the time with you♪
549
00:20:01,786 --> 00:20:05,618
♪ And all my instincts
they return♪
550
00:20:05,618 --> 00:20:07,136
And there's the catch.
551
00:20:07,136 --> 00:20:12,418
♪ And the grand facade,
so soon will burn♪
552
00:20:12,418 --> 00:20:16,732
♪ Without a noise,
without my pride♪
553
00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:21,254
Oh, God. This is even worse.
554
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,152
I can't believe
she's posting this.
555
00:20:23,152 --> 00:20:25,914
There's honestly
something forlorn about it.
556
00:20:25,914 --> 00:20:28,123
I don't know.
I kinda like it.
557
00:20:28,123 --> 00:20:30,781
Because I won!
558
00:20:30,781 --> 00:20:33,956
I got the successful match,
so pay up.
559
00:20:33,956 --> 00:20:35,820
Is this a success?
560
00:20:37,995 --> 00:20:40,446
She got most of the salad
in his mouth,
561
00:20:40,446 --> 00:20:43,587
so, yeah, I'd say that's a win.
562
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:46,866
Captions by VITAC--
563
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:51,466
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