All language subtitles for Desperate.Housewives.S06E21.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

THIS THIEF WAS TRYING
TO STEAL YOUR TRUCK!

YOU'RE THE GUY WHO'S FOUR MONTHS
BEHIND ON HIS PAYMENTS?
YEAH.

MIKE RELUCTANTLY BORROWED MONEY
FROM CARLOS.

TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU NEED.
(pen clicks)

ANDREW DID HIS HOMEWORK.

I MADE A FEW CALLS.
TURNS OUT THE GOLDEN CHILD

NEVER GOT HIS DEGREE.
I LEFT SCHOOL

WHEN THE DOCTOR TOLD ME
MY MOTHER WAS TERMINAL.

I CAN SAVE YOU A PHONE CALL
AND BRING IN

HER DEATH CERTIFICATE.
THAT'S OKAY. (clears throat)

THE WORST MISTAKE I EVER MADE
IN MY LIFE WAS HAVING YOU!

A KILLER...
(grunts)

GOT AN INVITATION.

WE WOULD LIKE IT
IF YOU WOULD MOVE IN WITH US.
OKAY.

AND ANGIE REVEALED HER PAST.

I GOT INVOLVED
WITH A REALLY BAD GUY--

DANNY'S FATHER.

(Mary Alice) MANY YEARS AGO,

A TERRORIST FELL IN LOVE
WITH A WOMAN.

(alarm clock rings,
ringing stops)

THIS WOMAN BELIEVED
IN THE TERRORIST

AND HIS CAUSE...

(sizzling)

UNTIL AN UNDERCOVER AGENT
SHOWED UP,

DETERMINED TO STOP THEM.

THE TERRORIST WANTED TO ATTACK

THOSE HE FELT WERE HURTING
THE PLANET,

SO HE GOT THE WOMAN
TO HELP HIM BUILD A BOMB.

BUT SOMETHING WENT WRONG,

AND SOMEONE
WAS UNEXPECTEDLY KILLED.

THE TERRORIST DIDN'T CARE.

HE SAID IT WAS UNAVOIDABLE.

THE WOMAN WANTED
TO TURN HERSELF IN,

BUT SHE WAS PREGNANT.

SO THE AGENT CONVINCED HER
TO RUN AWAY WITH HIM,

AND HE'D RAISE THE CHILD
AS HIS OWN.

(car alarm chirps)
SO THEY ESCAPED
FROM THE TERRORIST,

HOPING AND PRAYING

HE WOULD NEVER FIND THEM.

(door bells jingle)

UNFORTUNATELY...

HE DID.

HEY. IF IT ISN'T
DOUBLE CAPPUCCINO, EXTRA HOT.

(chuckles)
YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.

(chuckles) JUST MADE
CHOCOLATE SCONES.

INTERESTED?

AH, WHAT THE HELL?

MIGHT AS WELL
LIVE DANGEROUSLY.

SO HOW'S THE NOVEL COMIN'?

ALMOST DONE.

ENDINGS ARE A BITCH.

I REALLY NEED
TO SURPRISE MY AUDIENCE.

(door bells jingle)

HEY.
I KNOW YOU'RE MY DAD...

BUT YOU STILL GOTTA CLOSE
THE DOOR WHEN YOU COME IN.

OH, SORRY.
MM-HMM.

NO, I WAS JUST GONNA, UH,
I WAS GONNA ASK YOU SOMETHIN'.

YOU WANT TO JOIN YOUR OLD MAN
FOR A RUN TONIGHT?

UH, DAD, YOU DON'T RUN.
YOU JOG.

(clears throat) AND NO.

COME ON. I'LL BE GOING BY
THE PARK. IT'LL BE REAL PRETTY.

I'M WORKING EDDIE'S SHIFT
TONIGHT.
AH.

I'M GONNA BE HERE LATE.

BUT I AM PROUD OF YOU.

KEEP IT UP.

YEAH. THANKS, COACH.
MM-HMM.

SEE YOU AT HOME.

(door bells jingle)

THAT'S YOUR DAD?

YEAH.

I SHOULD HAVE INTRODUCED YOU.
YOU'D LIKE HIM.

YEAH, I BET I WOULD.
SO HE'S A RUNNER?

EVERY NIGHT,
EVEN WHEN HE'S SICK.

YOU CAN'T STOP HIM.

(both chuckle)

HE'S PRETTY INSPIRING.

INSPIRING?

DON'T GUYS YOUR AGE
USUALLY HATE THEIR DADS?

WE'VE HAD OUR ISSUES.
(chuckles)

BUT MY DAD'S SACRIFICED A LOT
FOR ME.

I FIGURE THIS IS
HOW I PAY HIM BACK.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

PAYBACK'S REALLY IMPORTANT.

ALL RIGHT, BACK IN A BIT.

HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA BE?

JUST LONG ENOUGH TO GET
A LITTLE SWEATY. MWAH.

YOU BE CAREFUL.
YEAH.

(door opens)

IT TOOK THE TERRORIST
20 YEARS

TO FIND THE PEOPLE
WHO HAD BETRAYED HIM.

WHAT THE...
(tires squeal)

(engine revs)

AND HIS PLAN FOR REVENGE...

WAS JUST GETTING STARTED.

(children shouting indistinctly)

OUR MOTHERS TELL US
TO BEWARE OF MYSTERIOUS MEN.

DON'T TALK TO THEM IN THE PARK.

DON'T TAKE THEIR CANDY.

DON'T GET INTO THEIR CARS.

AND WHATEVER YOU DO...
(door squeaks)

DON'T LET THEM INTO THE HOUSE.

BUT WHAT DO WE DO WHEN MOTHER

HAS ALREADY INVITED THEM IN?

OH, MY GOSH.

EDDIE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

I SAW YOU WERE RUNNING LOW
ON SUPPLIES,

SO I WENT TO THE STORE FOR YOU.
OH, YOU DIDN'T NEED
TO DO THAT.

HEY, YOU'RE COOL ENOUGH
TO TAKE ME IN.

I GOTTA EARN MY KEEP
SOMEHOW.
(chuckles)

I BOUGHT FRESH VEGETABLES.

OKAY, NOW YOU'RE JUST
TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY.

(buzzer sounds)

IS THAT THE LAUNDRY?
I'LL GET THAT.

OH, THAT'S OKAY.
IT'S PORTER'S TURN.
I CAN'T, MOM. I'M LATE.

YOU CAN SPARE FIVE MINUTES
TO PUT CLOTHES IN THE DRYER.

NO, I CAN'T. JEREMY AND DAVE ARE
WAITING TO TAKE ME TO THE MALL.

YOU ARE NOT LEAVING WET CLOTHES
IN THAT WASHER.

MOM, CHILL. IT'S WATER.

HEY, DON'T TALK TO YOUR MOTHER
LIKE THAT.

(horn honks)

OKAY, THAT'S MY RIDE.
I GOTTA GO.

UNH-UNH. AFTER THE LAUNDRY.

(under breath) WHAT A BITCH.

(Eddie and Porter grunt)
HEY!

TELL HER YOU'RE SORRY.
(Lynette) HEY!

GET OFF ME!
APOLOGIZE!

(grunts)
EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE!

HE SHOULDN'T TALK TO YOU
LIKE THAT!
OKAY, OKAY!
I'M SURE HE'S VERY SORRY.

STOP! STOP IT! STOP.
LET HIM UP.

(pants)

(pants)

YOU OKAY?
I'M FINE.

GO JOIN YOUR FRIENDS.

GO ON.

(sighs)

I'M SORRY.

I JUST CAN'T WATCH YOU
BE DISRESPECTED.

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE LAUNDRY.

(doorbell rings)

HEY, CARLOS.
UH, HERE'S THE MONEY--

(loudly) FOR THE CHURCH RAFFLE!
THANKS, MIKE!

NOW SISTER MARY CAN FINALLY
REPLACE HER WOODEN...

(normal voice) GABY'S HOME.
OH, GOD. SORRY.

I JUST WANTED TO BRING YOU
THE FIRST PAYMENT FOR THE LOAN.

AND THANKS AGAIN.
YOU REALLY SAVED MY ASS.
NO PROBLEM.

AND JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I'M MAKING A LOT OF CUTBACKS

SO I CAN PAY YOU BACK QUICKER--
NO VACATIONS, BASIC CABLE.

I EVEN CONVINCED M.J.
THAT MRS. McCLUSKEY'S HOUSE

IS SUMMER CAMP.
(chuckles) LOOK, DON'T GO CRAZY.
JUST PAY IT BACK WHEN YOU CAN.

AND LET'S MAKE SURE GABY
DOESN'T FIND OUT.
SO SHE CAN TELL SUSAN?
NO PROBLEM.

I GOTTA GET GOING. BYE.
(loudly) HEY, AND UH, GIVE
MY BEST TO SISTER CARRIE.

(lowered voice) MARY.
MARY!

(exhales deeply)

WHOA.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

IT'S THE MIDDLE
OF THE AFTERNOON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHY DON'T YOU COME UPSTAIRS
AND FIND OUT?

(sighs)

NO, THANKS.
I CAN'T AFFORD IT.

WHAT?
EVERY TIME YOU OFFER ME
AFTERNOON SEX,

IT'S BECAUSE
YOU WANT SOMETHING,

AND IT IS NOT AFTERNOON SEX.

(scoffs)

ALL RIGHT, FINE.
CHECK THIS OUT.

WHERE WERE
YOU EVEN HIDING THIS?

OH. THAT IS A SKI CHALET
IN ASPEN.

IT'S FOR SALE,
AND I WANT IT.

SORRY, HON,
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
THAT WAS JUST MY OPENING OFFER.

WHAT IF I SEE YOUR AFTERNOON SEX
AND RAISE YOU... HONEYMOON SEX?

NO. NO, I CAN'T. ALL OF OUR CASH
IS TIED UP IN A BUSINESS DEAL.

WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS DEAL?
AH, YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO BORE YOU WITH THE DETAILS.

HALF THAT MONEY IS MINE.
BORE ME.

THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.

NOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED
IN GOING UPSTAIRS

AND MAKING LOVE TO YOUR HUSBAND
SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU...

OKAY.

(Mike clears throat)
(chords play)

(chuckles) LIKE IT?
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING ALL DAY.

SUSAN, WHY IS THERE
A BIG-ASS PIANO IN OUR HOUSE?

ACTUALLY, BIG-ASS STOPPED
MAKING PIANOS.

THIS IS A YAMAHA.

SO I'M...

CURIOUS...

HOW MUCH DID THIS THING COST?

IT WAS FREE.

(laughs)

YOU REMEMBER DEAR, SWEET,
98-YEAR-OLD AUNT REGINA?

THE ONE YOU CALLED
"THE CRYPT KEEPER"?

MIKE, THAT WAS OKAY
WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE.

NOW SHE'S A DEAD LADY
GIVING US REALLY COOL STUFF,

SO A LITTLE RESPECT?
OKAY. AS LONG AS IT WAS FREE.

YEAH, UM, BUT AS FAR
AS GABY'S CONCERNED,

IT COST 30 GRAND.

WHAT? WHY?

(sighs) WELL, I LOVE GABY,
BUT FOR YEARS,

SHE HAS BEEN FLAUNTING HOW MUCH
THEY SPEND ON HER HOUSE

AND HER CAR AND HER JEWELRY.

AND THIS IS
MY TURN TO FLAUNT,

AND I CAN'T FLAUNT
WITH A FREE PIANO.

DON'T STOOP TO HER LEVEL.
YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT.

NO, I'M REALLY NOT.

SUSAN, I'M NOT KIDDING.

YOU'RE NOT TELLING GABY
WE PAID FOR THIS PIANO.

OH, MIKE, PLEASE.
THIS IS MY CHANCE.

MY AUNT HAD
A STROKE WHILE DRIVING!

WHEN AM I EVER GONNA GET
THAT LUCKY AGAIN? (sighs)

YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BELIEVE THIS.

THEY'RE OUT OF CILANTRO.

HOW CAN A MARKET
BE OUT OF CILANTRO?
I DON'T KNOW,

BUT I TOLD THAT CLERK SHE SHOULD
HANG HER HEAD IN SHAME.

AS WELL YOU SHOULD.
SO WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED?

LET'S HEAD OVER
TO THE KOSHER AISLE.

I NEED A FEW ITEMS FOR
THE SCHWARTZMAN BAR MITZVAH.

WE NEED BAKING SODA.
I'LL GET IT.

OH. SAM?

PLEASE. NOT NOW.
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU EVEN DOING HERE?

I LOST MY JOB.
I HAD TO WORK SOMEPLACE.

(chuckles) YOU ALREADY, UH,
GOT THE BAKING SODA.

BOY, I WOULD LOSE MY HEAD
IF IT WASN'T SCREWED ON.

WHO'S THAT WOMAN?

NOBODY.
SOMEONE I USED TO KNOW.

OH. IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

I WAS... TELLING HER
THAT IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

FOR A STORE THIS BIG
TO RUN OUT OF A MAJOR HERB.

I THINK WE SHOULD CHECK OUT
HUDSON'S MARKET.
THAT'S DOWNTOWN.

WE NEED CILANTRO, DON'T WE?
COME ON.

HEY.

HEY.
OH, YOU BROUGHT ME FLOWERS.

(chuckles)
WELL, I WANTED TO GET YOU
A T-SHIRT THAT SAID,

"I'M A MORON WHO WEARS DARK
CLOTHES WHEN I RUN AT NIGHT,"

BUT THE GIFT SHOP WAS OUT.

SO WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
DID YOU SEE 'EM?

NO.

DAMN. WHAT KIND OF PERSON HITS
YOU AND THEN JUST DRIVES AWAY?

MAYBE THE KIND OF PERSON
WHO WANTED TO HIT ME.

WAIT.
YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T SEE THEM.

I DIDN'T, BUT, ANGE,
I'M TELLING YOU,

THIS GUY--HE DRIVES PAST ME,

HE TURNS AROUND
AND SWERVES RIGHT INTO ME.

OH, MY GOD.
WHERE'S DANNY?

HE FELL ASLEEP IN THE WAITING
ROOM. WE'VE BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT.

UH, YOU WANT ME TO GET HIM?
NO, NO. LISTEN.
I NEED YOU GUYS TO GO HOME,

GRAB THE I.D.s, SOME MONEY,

WHATEVER YOU CAN STUFF
IN A COUPLE OF BAGS.

BUT YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY
TRAVEL-READY, NICK.

OH, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

THE PLACE WE TALKED ABOUT,
NEAR CARBONDALE.

JUST FOR A FEW WEEKS.

NO. NOT WITHOUT YOU.

(sighs)
NO, I'LL SEND DANNY.

BUT YOU AND ME--
THIS IS AS FAR AS WE RUN.

WHAT IF IT IS PATRICK?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE'VE BEEN ASKING THAT QUESTION
FOR 20 YEARS.

I GUESS NOW
WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT.

CAN I TALK TO YOU A MINUTE?

SURE.

IT'S ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
WITH PORTER.

ARE YOU MAD? YOU'RE MAD.

NO, I'M NOT.

YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE.

NO. NO, I JUST WANT TO TALK.

YOU LOOKED LIKE
YOU REALLY WANTED TO HURT HIM,

AND I KIND OF NEED TO KNOW
WHAT THAT'S ABOUT.

YOUR FAMILY DOESN'T SEEM TO
CARE HOW MUCH YOU HELP THEM.

YOU'RE A GREAT MOM,
AND THEY JUST PUSH YOU AROUND.

IT--IT MADE ME ANGRY.

YES, I SAW THAT.

AND SOMETIMES MY FAMILY
CAN BE UNAPPRECIATIVE.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED TODAY
CAN NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I KNOW.

LISTEN, I GREW UP
WITH AN ALCOHOLIC MOTHER.

I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
TO BE ANGRY ALL THE TIME.

BUT WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,
I HAD TO FIND A WAY...

(sighs and chuckles)

TO CONTROL MYSELF.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

A LOT OF HELP.

ONE THING--I HAD
A GREAT COUNSELOR AT SCHOOL,

AND SHE TAUGHT ME

THAT WHENEVER I WAS
ABOUT TO LOSE IT,

THAT I SHOULD DO THIS...

(inhales and exhales deeply)
ONE.

(exhales) TWO.

(exhales) THREE.

THAT REALLY WORKS?

IT REALLY DOES.

IT GIVES YOU A CHANCE

TO STEP BACK,

FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN CONTROL.

YOU SHOULD TRY IT NEXT TIME.
YOU'LL SEE.

OKAY.

MM.

I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT WHAT I DID.

IT'S FINE.

JUST DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN.

BUT THANK YOU FOR WANTING TO.

(chuckles)

OH, COME ON, LARRY.
YOU'RE MY BUSINESS MANAGER, TOO.

I AM NOT LEAVING THIS OFFICE
UNTIL YOU TELL ME

WHAT CARLOS IS DOING
WITH MY SKI HOUSE MONEY.

(sighs) GABY, YOU'RE PUTTING ME
IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION.

YOU SHOULD TALK TO CARLOS.
I DID!
I OFFERED TO PUT MYSELF

IN A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE
POSITION, AND HE STILL SAID NO.

I'M SORRY, BUT CARLOS SWORE ME
TO SECRECY. PLEASE RESPECT THAT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

NO HARD FEELINGS.

OF COURSE NOT.

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HMM.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A LIAR.

WHEN I GO HOME, AND I'M IN TEARS
AND CARLOS ASKS ME WHY,

AND I SAY YOU GRABBED MY ASS,
I WANT TO BE TELLING THE TRUTH.

WELL PLAYED.

CARLOS GAVE $50,000
TO ONE OF YOUR NEIGHBORS.

WHAT?! WHO?!

A MIKE DELFINO. APPARENTLY,
HIS BUSINESS IS IN BIG TROUBLE.

OH, MY GOD. MIKE'S WIFE IS
ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS,

AND SHE NEVER SAID A WORD.

POOR THING.

PLEASE DON'T TELL CARLOS
I TOLD YOU.

OF COURSE.

I SHOULD GET GOING.

DO YOU HAVE
PARKING VALIDATION?

OH, THOSE ARE ONLY
FOR EMPLOYEES.

OKAY, YOU COULD TAKE MINE.

HOTEL, FOOD, INCIDENTALS--

$300.

YOU CAN ORDER PAY PER VIEW.

I DON'T EVEN CARE
IF YOU BUY BEER.

JUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM
AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, OKAY?

THIS IS STUPID.
IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS.

HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SEEN OR HEARD
FROM THIS PATRICK LOGAN GUY?

DO YOU KNOW FOR A FACT
THAT HE'S EVEN STILL ALIVE?
DANNY, I'M NOT GONNA
DEBATE THIS WITH YOU.

IF HE STARTED THIS GROUP
YOU GUYS WERE IN,

THEN ISN'T HE ON THE RUN,
TOO?

HE'S GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS
THAN GETTING REVENGE.
JUST HUMOR ME, OKAY?

BECAUSE IF I'M WRONG,
ALL I AM IS WRONG.

BUT IF I'M NOT...

PLEASE. JUST HUMOR ME.

(man)
CHECK STAND ONE IS NOW OPEN.

HELLO.

CHECK STAND ONE IS NOW OPEN,
TAKING ALL CUSTOMERS...

HELLO.

UM, I SAW YOU THE OTHER DAY,

TALKING TO MY FRIEND SAM.

OH, I'M--I'M BREE,
BY THE WAY.

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

OH.

WELL, THIS IS
NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT I NOTICED THAT THERE WAS
SOME TENSION BETWEEN YOU TWO.

YOU COULD SAY THAT.

OH. WELL,
I HOPE EVERYTHING IS OKAY.

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

THERE WAS JUST SOMETHING SO ODD
ABOUT THAT... ENCOUNTER.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE WOULD
TALK TO A FRIEND LIKE THAT.

MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE
I'M NOT HIS FRIEND.

I'M HIS MOTHER.

MY MANAGER SAID I COULD
TAKE A BREAK EARLY.

YOU'VE GOT FIVE MINUTES.

ARE YOU AWARE

THAT SAM GOES AROUND
TELLING PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE--

DEAD.

YES, I HEARD.

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

HE'S A COMPLICATED BOY.

(sighs)

DID SAM TELL YOU
WHO HIS FATHER WAS?

HE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH MY... HUSBAND,

IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU'RE REFERRING TO.

DID HE ALSO MENTION THE LETTER
THAT REX SENT TO ME?

WHAT LETTER?

IT WAS
AFTER YOU WERE MARRIED.

REX HAD JUST STARTED
HIS PRACTICE,

AND APPARENTLY,
THE MONEY WAS POURING IN.

REX WROTE

AND TOLD ME HE COULD GIVE SAM
A BETTER LIFE.

HE THEN ASKED
FOR FULL-TIME CUSTODY.

I'M GUESSING
HE NEVER TOLD YOU THAT.

MUST HAVE SLIPPED HIS MIND.

I POLITELY DECLINED
HIS OFFER.

AND DID SAM...
KNOW ABOUT THIS?

NOT UNTIL A FEW MONTHS AGO,

WHEN HE FOUND THE LETTER.

AND WHEN HE REALIZED THAT HE
COULD HAVE LIVED ALL THOSE YEARS

WITH HIS DAD
IN A FANCY HOUSE...

HE... WAS BEYOND LIVID.

EVEN SO, HOW COULD HE GO AROUND
PRETENDING THAT YOU'RE DEAD?

LIKE I SAID...

HE'S A COMPLICATED BOY.

GABY, HI.

HI, SUSAN.

I JUST GOT BACK
FROM THE SUPERMARKET

AND REALIZED I BOUGHT
WAY TOO MUCH.

I'M AFRAID
SOME OF IT'S GONNA GO BAD,

AND SO I THOUGHT,
WHO COULD I GIVE THIS TO?

AND I RANDOMLY THOUGHT OF YOU.
(chuckles)

YOU'RE AFRAID
THAT CANNED PEACHES

AND CONDENSED MILK
ARE GOING TO GO BAD?

WELL, IT'S JUST,
MY CUPBOARDS ARE CLUTTERED,

AND YOU'D BE
DOING ME A HUGE FAVOR.

OKAY. (chuckles)

THANKS.

OH. HEY.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE,

I WANT TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING.

(door closes)
WOW.

WE JUST GOT IT.

M.J. IS GONNA TAKE LESSONS.

(chuckles)

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO START HIM OFF

WITH, SAY, A USED UPRIGHT?

NO WAY.

ME WAN-NY, ME LIKE-Y,
ME GET-TY.
(keys play)

(chuckles)

MAY I ASK HOW MUCH THIS COST-Y?

WELL, MIKE DOESN'T LIKE
ME THROWING AROUND NUMBERS,

BUT LET'S JUST SAY
YOUR JAW WOULD DROP...

(whispers) 30,000 TIMES.

WHA--

THAT'S ONE.

THIS IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT IS THIS
REALLY THE BEST TIME

TO BUY SOMETHING
THIS EXPENSIVE?

I MEAN, DIDN'T MIKE JUST HAVE
HIS TRUCK REPOSSESSED?

THINGS FINALLY
TURNED AROUND.

HE GOT A BIG CASH INFUSION.

YOU DON'T SAY.

ANYWAY, I KNOW YOU GUYS
DON'T HAVE A PIANO,

SO IF YOU EVER WANT THE GIRLS
TO TAKE LESSONS...

WELL, THANK YOU.
I GOTTA GO.

ENJOY YOUR PEACHES.

(kisses)

YOU OWE ME $50,000.

WHAT?
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

MIKE'S "BIG CASH INFUSION"
COST ME MY SKI HOUSE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OH, DON'T PLAY DUMB.

CARLOS LOANED MIKE THE 50 GRAND,
AND YOU KNOW IT!

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW IT?

HE TOLD ME...

BUSINESS PICKED UP.

WELL, HE LIED,

JUST LIKE CARLOS LIED TO ME
ABOUT WHERE OUR MONEY WENT,

WHICH YOU WENT
AND SPENT ON A PIANO.

OH, NO--NO, I DIDN'T. UH...

I INHERITED IT.

I WAS TRYING
TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.

OH, HONEY,

GIVEN DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES,
THAT SO WOULD HAVE WORKED.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

I HAVE THE MONEY
FROM THE STRIP CLUB

SITTING IN THE BANK,

AND MIKE WOULD RATHER
BORROW IT FROM YOU GUYS?

I'M ABOUT TO SCREECH
AT MY HUSBAND.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO STAND BACK.
(beep)

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

THERE YOU ARE.

HEY.

HEY, MR. SCAVO.
HOW WAS THE FLIGHT?

HORRIBLE. IT WAS DELAYED,

THERE WAS TURBULENCE,

THEY RAN OUT OF FOOD,

AND I'M NOT SEEING A PLATE
COVERED WITH TINFOIL HERE.

THERE WAS ONE, BUT ONE OF OUR 50
CHILDREN MUST HAVE INHALED IT.
(sighs) DAMN IT!

OKAY, CALM DOWN.

LYNETTE, NO. I'M HUNGRY.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU WERE WORKING,

I ALWAYS HAD FOOD WAITING
FOR YOU.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WERE VERY CONSIDERATE
IN YOUR EIGHTH MONTH.
I'M SORRY. I KEEP FORGETTING,

YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON
WHO'S EVER BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE.

RELAX. RELAX.
WE'LL JUST ORDER A PIZZA.

AND WAIT AN HOUR? FORGET IT.
I'LL FEND FOR MYSELF.

(under breath) SIX, SEVEN,

EIGHT, NINE...

HEY, IT'S OKAY. I'M FINE.

THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE.

COME ON. LYNETTE, YOU DIDN'T GO
TO THE STORE TODAY?
16... 17...

SWEETIE, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH.
I HAVE BEEN IN THREE CITIES
IN TWO DAYS.

YOU'D THINK YOU'D FIND THE TIME
TO GO TO THE MARKET.
21, 22...

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?

EDDIE, IT'S OKAY.

23, 24, 25...
TELL HIM
TO STICK A SOCK IN IT.

26, 27...

OKAY, YOU NEED TO KISS ME.
HERE. MMM!

OKAY, THERE. WE'RE GOOD.
WE'RE GOOD. HE LOVES ME.

(makes kissing sounds)
HE LOVES ME.
(pants)

(makes kissing sounds,
laughs)

(sighs)

(whispers)
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

SO EDDIE ATTACKED OUR SON?

OKAY, I'D USE "ATTACK,"
BUT WITH A SMALL "A."

OKAY, THAT'S IT. I WANT HIM OUT,
AND THAT'S WITH A BIG "O."

LOOK, EDDIE IS NOT SOME
EXCHANGE STUDENT FROM FRANCE.

HE COMES
FROM AN ABUSIVE HOME.

WE HAVE TO ACCEPT
HE HAS SOME... BAGGAGE.

SO I HAVE TO WONDER
IF HE'S GONNA PUNCH ME

ANY TIME I RAISE MY VOICE
TO YOU?

I AM NOT SENDING HIM BACK
TO LIVE WITH THAT WOMAN, TOM.

HOW ABOUT THERAPY?
THAT MIGHT HELP.

NOW WE'RE GONNA PAY
FOR HIS THERAPY?

OKAY, HERE'S A THOUGHT. HOW
ABOUT WE ALL STOP YELLING AT ME?

WHAT A CONCEPT--
BE NICE TO LYNETTE.

FINE.

WE'LL TRY THE THERAPY.

ALL THESE WEEKS,
SAM HAS BEEN GOING ON

ABOUT HOW HIS MOTHER WAS DEAD,
AND THE WHOLE TIME,

SHE HAS BEEN AT HOWE'S MARKET,
IN A SMOCK, STACKING CANS.

I GUESS MY INSTINCTS ABOUT SAM
WERE RIGHT, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?

WHAT DID I SAY
ABOUT GLOATING?

SOMETHING.
I WASN'T LISTENING.

I WAS THINKING
ABOUT HOW RIGHT I WAS.

(snips)

OKAY, I'LL STOP.
I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

WHEN SAM FIRST SHOWED UP,

I FELT LIKE I GOT
A LITTLE PIECE OF REX BACK.

IT WAS WONDERFUL.

BUT THIS HAS FORCED ME
TO REMEMBER

THAT REX WAS A LIAR, TOO.

SORRY.
AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?

ORSON,
WOULD YOU PLEASE EXCUSE US?

OF COURSE.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

ACTUALLY, SAM--

WAIT, WAIT. STILL HERE.

I WENT BACK
TO THE SUPERMARKET TODAY.

OH.

(clicks pen)

I TAKE IT YOU MET MY MOTHER.

WHY DID YOU SAY
SHE WAS DEAD?

SHE IS DEAD... TO ME.

SO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU LIED?

DID SHE TELL YOU I FOUND
A LETTER MY FATHER WROTE,

BEGGING HER TO LET ME
COME LIVE WITH HIM?
THAT'S HARDLY AN EXCUSE.

I WAS 4.

HE SAID HE COULD GIVE ME
ALL THE ADVANTAGES SHE COULDN'T,

BUT SHE WOULDN'T LET HIM.

SHE LOVED YOU.
SHE WANTED YOU BY HER SIDE--
SHE SHOULD HAVE WANTED MORE
FOR ME!

ANDREW GOT BICYCLES
FOR CHRISTMAS

AND TVs FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

I HAD TO SIT IN A TRAILER AND DO
MY HOMEWORK WITH MITTENS ON

BECAUSE MY MOM COULDN'T AFFORD
TO PAY THE HEATING BILL.

IF SHE HAD LOVED ME,
SHE WOULD HAVE LET ME

LIVE THE LIFE
THAT I WAS ENTITLED TO!

(exhales deeply)

I'M...

GOING TO... (sniffles)

TALK TO THE... SCHWARTZMANS
ABOUT THEIR BAR MITZVAH.

IF YOU WANT TO GO OVER
THE MENU LATER, LET ME KNOW.

OH.

HEY!

HOW'D IT GO?

KIND OF WEIRD,
BUT IT WAS OKAY.
YEAH?

I THINK YOU DID
VERY GOOD WORK TODAY, EDDIE.

NOW THE RESTROOM IS
DOWN THE HALL,

SECOND DOOR ON THE RIGHT.
I'LL BE HERE.

SO YOU SAID "GOOD WORK."
DOES THAT MEAN IT WENT WELL?

THAT MEANS
EDDIE'S GOT SOME ISSUES,

AND IT'S GOING TO TAKE TIME
TO WORK THROUGH THEM.

OKAY... HOW MUCH MORE TIME

AT $130 AN HOUR?

WELL,
IT WOULD GO A LOT FASTER

IF WE COULD GET HIS MOTHER
IN HERE,

BUT HE SEEMS TO THINK THERE'S
NO WAY SHE'D AGREE TO THAT.

REALLY? IF YOU THINK IT'LL HELP,
I CAN GET HER IN HERE.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

OKAY, AND THEN...

AND THEN EVERYTHING
WILL BE OKAY, RIGHT?

LET'S JUST GET THE MOTHER
IN HERE.

(door closes)

(doorbell rings)

BARBARA?

IT'S LYNETTE SCAVO.

BARBARA,
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT EDDIE.

HEY.

ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR BARBARA ORLOFSKY?

YEAH.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS?

NO. NOBODY'S SEEN HER FOR DAYS,
AND HER CAR'S STILL THERE.

IT'S WEIRD.

(door creaks)

HEY.

(sighs)

THERE'S THIS CRAZY RUMOR
GOING AROUND

THAT YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING
FOR ME.

JUST AN APOLOGY.

WELL, AS LONG AS IT COMES
WITH ONE OF YOUR MUFFINS,

I MAY JUST ACCEPT IT.

OH, ANDREW.

MM.

ORSON TOLD ME ABOUT SAM.

YOU WERE RIGHT FROM THE START.
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED HIM.

WOW.

I-I DON'T EVEN NEED
THE MUFFIN NOW.

NOW THAT THAT'S SETTLED,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT SAM?

THAT'S EASY.
WE GET RID OF HIM.

I DON'T THINK
IT'S GONNA BE THAT SIMPLE.

WHY NOT?

I SAW A SIDE TO HIM LAST NIGHT
THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE,

AND TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST...

(whispers) I'M AFRAID OF HIM.

HI, SUSAN! THANKS FOR HAVING US
OVER FOR DINNER.

OH, WELL, ACTUALLY,
DINNER WAS JUST AN EXCUSE.

I WANTED TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING.
(gasps) OH, MY GOD!
YOU BOUGHT A PIANO?

YES! AND I WANTED YOU
TO BE THE FIRST TO SEE IT.

WOW. THAT LOOKS... PRICEY.
MM-HMM.

$30,000,

PLUS DELIVERY AND TAX
AND A BIANNUAL TUNING FEE.

BUT MIKE'S ON HIS WAY DOWN.

DO ME A FAVOR. DON'T LET ON
THAT YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COST.
WHY NOT?

HE THINKS IT'S OSTENTATIOUS,
AND HE'S A LITTLE EMBARRASSED.

IN FACT,
HE KEEPS TELLING EVERYONE

THAT I INHERITED IT FROM
MY AUNT, SO JUST GO WITH IT.

HEY, GUYS. SORRY I'M LATE.
THAT'S OKAY, HONEY.
I'M GONNA CHECK ON DINNER.

WE'RE GONNA CHECK ON DINNER.

DUDE, WE NEED TO TALK.
A PIANO?

OH, GOD, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
WE DIDN'T BUY IT.

SUSAN INHERITED IT
FROM HER DEAD AUNT.

WOW. WITHOUT EVEN BLINKING.

UH, WOULD ANYONE MIND
HELPING ME SET THE TABLE?

OH, CARLOS WILL DO IT.

OH, GREAT. AND, MIKE, MAYBE YOU
AND GABY CAN GET THE WINE.

SO YOU AND CARLOS HAVE
ANY BIG PLANS FOR THE SUMMER?

YOU TAKING ANY TRIPS?

(crying)

GABY?

(sobs)

OH, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

LOOK, IF, UM,
YOU NEED TO TALK...

SUSAN'S IN THE OTHER ROOM.
(chuckles)

I THINK CARLOS IS
HAVING AN AFFAIR.

WHAT?
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?

BECAUSE HE'S BEEN ACTING
REALLY SECRETIVE LATELY.

AND I WENT TO TALK
TO OUR BUSINESS MANAGER,

AND I DISCOVERED $50,000 WAS
MISSING FROM OUR ACCOUNT.

WELL, I'M SURE
THERE'S A GOOD EXPLANATION.

(cork pops)
YEAH, THERE IS.

IT'S CALLED FANCY DRESSES
AND HOTEL ROOMS FOR SOME BIMBO.

NO, NO, NO. I AM SURE THAT
YOU'VE GOT THAT ALL WRONG.

(chuckles)

WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU COVERING FOR HIM?

NO. I...
BECAUSE I STOLE HIS CELL PHONE
TO SEE WHO HE WAS TALKING TO,

AND HE CALLED YOUR HOUSE,
LIKE, A HUNDRED TIMES.

WELL,
HE HASN'T BEEN TALKING TO ME.

REALLY? WELL, THE NEXT TIME
HE'S NOT TALKING TO YOU,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE HIM
THE NAME OF YOUR DIVORCE LAWYER.

I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS
WERE FREE TONIGHT.

WE'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS
FOR SUCH A LONG--OH, MY GOD!
WHAT'S WRONG?

MY EARRING. IT'S MISSING.
DAMN IT!

I JUST GOT THEM TODAY.
OH, I'M SURE IT'S SOMEWHERE.

OH! HERE IT IS. (chuckles)

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
3 GRAND OUT THE WINDOW.

YOU BOUGHT $3,000 EARRINGS?

OH, OF COURSE NOT.

MIKE DID. HE'S SO GENEROUS,

ESPECIALLY NOW
THAT WE'RE LOADED AGAIN.

(chuckles)

YOU KNOW, CARLOS,
I NEVER NOTICED BEFORE--

YOU HAVE
A REALLY VEINY FOREHEAD.

HEY, BUDDY,
WE GOT A BIT OF A PROBLEM.
NO KIDDING.

WAIT, YOU KNOW?
DID GABY SAY SOMETHING?

NO. I HEARD IT ALL FROM SUSAN.
HUH. WELL,
IT'S NOT SURPRISING,

THE WAY THOSE TWO TALK,
BUT LUCKILY, IT'S NOT TRUE.

COME ON, MIKE.
LET'S STOP THE LIES.

IT IS TRUE,
AND WE BOTH KNOW IT.
IT IS?

DON'T ACT SURPRISED. GOD,
THIS WHOLE THING WAS A MISTAKE.

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
WRITTEN THAT CHECK.
YOU PAID FOR IT? OH, MAN.

WH--
(Susan) DINNER IS READY.

MMM! SUSAN,
EVERYTHING SMELLS SO GOOD.

THANKS.

YOU WANT SOME MEATBALLS,
CARLOS?

I'VE GOT TWO NICE, BIG ONES
FOR YOU RIGHT HERE.

NOPE. I'M FINE.

I SAW THAT.

SAW WHAT?

YOU LEERING
AT SUSAN'S BREASTS.

(chuckles) I WAS LOOKING
AT THE PASTA.

SUSAN'S BREASTS JUST HAPPENED
TO BE HOVERING NEARBY.
(chuckles)

GABY, LEAVE CARLOS ALONE.

OH, MY GOD. IT'S YOU.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU'RE THE ONE CARLOS IS
HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH.
WHAT?

WHAT?
MAKES PERFECT SENSE. THAT'S WHY
THERE WERE ALL THOSE PHONE CALLS

TO THIS HOUSE
FROM HIS CELL PHONE.
YOU LOOKED AT MY CELL PHONE?

YES, AND THANK GOD I DID.
WHORE!

SHAMELESSLY SHOVING YOUR
MEATBALLS IN MY HUSBAND'S FACE.

THERE WAS NO SHOVING. SOMETIMES
THEY SPONTANEOUSLY HEAVE.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? I AM
NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SUSAN.

MIKE, YOU BELIEVE ME, RIGHT?

YEAH... I GUESS.

IT'S JUST... WHY ARE YOU
CALLING OVER HERE ALL THE TIME?

I'M NOT!
I ALWAYS CALL YOUR CELL!

SUSAN, SAY SOMETHING.

FORGET IT, CARLOS.
WE MIGHT AS WELL CONFESS.

CONFESS WHAT?!

YOU WOULDN'T TAKE MY MONEY
WHEN YOU WERE IN TROUBLE,

AND, WELL, I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN
THAT CARLOS HAD A THING FOR ME,

SO I TOLD HIM
THAT I WOULD SLEEP WITH HIM

IF HE WOULD LOAN YOU MONEY.
(gasps loudly)

YOU SON OF A BITCH!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
I DIDN'T TOUCH HER.

ALL I DID WAS HELP A FRIEND
WHO SCREWED ME OVER

BUYING DIAMOND EARRINGS
AND GRAND PIANOS.
I TOLD YOU, THE PIANO WAS
A GIFT FROM SUSAN'S AUNT!

YOU BOUGHT DIAMOND EARRINGS?

OH, YEAH, WITH THE $50,000
THAT YOU BORROWED FROM CARLOS.

YOU KNOW?

YEAH!

SO YOU TWO WERE JUST...

SCREWING WITH YOU, YES.

SO TELL ME, MIKE,

DO YOU FEEL BETRAYED,
HUMILIATED?

GOOD.

BECAUSE I ONLY DID THIS
TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

WHEN THE PERSON THAT IS
SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU THE MOST

LIES TO YOU.

WELL, I JUST DID IT
'CAUSE I WANT A SKI CHALET.

I JUST KEEP TRYING
TO THINK WHAT I CAN SAY

SO YOU'LL KNOW
HOW SORRY I AM.

WELL, I DO KNOW,

AND I'M NOT LOOKING
FOR ANOTHER APOLOGY.

WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR IS
YOUR WORD

THAT YOU WILL NEVER FREEZE ME
OUT LIKE THIS AGAIN.

(scoffs) I SWEAR.

(sighs)

GOOD.

SO IS THIS EVERYTHING?

YEP.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO WALK YOU THROUGH IT?

NO. I...

JUST WANT TO GET A SENSE
OF WHERE WE STAND.

IF I HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,
I'LL ASK YOU LATER.

(sighs)

WHY ARE THEY PUTTING YOU
IN A COMA ON PURPOSE?

YOUR--YOUR BRAIN SEEMS FINE.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU THINK
YOU'RE NAPOLéON.

YOU DON'T THINK
YOU'RE NAPOLéON, DO YOU?

THERE WAS SOME SWELLING
WHEN THEY BROUGHT ME IN.

NOW IT'S--IT'S PUSHING
AGAINST MY SKULL.

THEY SAY THIS IS
GONNA RELIEVE IT.

(sighs)

SO HOW LONG
ARE YOU GONNA BE OUT?

A COUPLE OF DAYS.

AND YOU KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GONNA BE?

WITH DANNY.

ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT BRINGING HIM BACK.
NO WAY.

IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS.
NOTHING'S HAPPENED.

I'M STARTING TO THINK
YOU WERE WRONG.

NO, ANGE, WE'RE NOT
TAKING ANY CHANCES.

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF I GOTTA DRIVE YOU OUT OF TOWN
MYSELF, I'M GONNA DO IT.

ANGE! (groans)
NO, NO, NO.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

IF IT'LL KEEP YOU
FROM KILLING YOURSELF,

I WILL GO STAY WITH DANNY.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE EASY TO GET ALONG WITH,
YOU KNOW THAT?

(purse thuds)

(Patrick) HEY, ANGIE.

YOU DON'T SEEM SURPRISED
TO SEE ME.

DON'T BOTHER RUNNING UPSTAIRS.

I ALREADY FOUND YOUR GUN.

COME ON.

AFTER ALL THIS TIME,

THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME.

GO TO HELL.

OH.

COULDN'T YOU COME UP

WITH SOMETHING
MORE ORIGINAL THAN THAT?

I GUESS ALL THIS SUBURBAN LIVING
FORCES YOU TO THINK IN CLICHéS.

SO IT WAS YOU.

YOU RAN OVER NICK.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME

IF I TOLD YOU
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT?

I SENT DANNY AWAY.
YOU WILL NEVER FIND HIM.

THAT'S OKAY.
WE'RE NOT THAT CLOSE,

SEEING AS HOW YOU
STOLE HIM FROM ME.

ARE YOU GONNA KILL ME?

NO.

I NEED YOU ALIVE.

YOU ARE GONNA DO ME A FAVOR.

WHAT KIND OF FAVOR?

(sighs) CAN WE DISCUSS IT
IN THE MORNING?

I'VE HAD
AN EXHAUSTING COUPLE OF DAYS,

WHAT WITH SEARCHING YOUR HOUSE
FOR FIREARMS

AND RUNNING DOWN
DUDLEY DOUCHE BAG.

SO...

WHICH WAY TO THE GUEST ROOM?

YOU THINK I'M GONNA
LET YOU STAY HERE?

HOW ARE YOU GONNA STOP ME?

IF YOU CALL THE COPS, THEY'LL
ARREST YOU AND LOVER BOY.

AREN'T YOU AFRAID
I'LL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP?

ANGIE,

IF THE LAST 20 YEARS
HAVE TAUGHT US ANYTHING,

IT'S THAT YOU'RE NOT
COMFORTABLE KILLING PEOPLE.

AND IF YOU DECIDE TO RUN AWAY,
JUST MAKE SURE

YOU STOP BY THE HOSPITAL
AND SAY GOOD-BYE TO NICK,

BECAUSE HE WON'T BE AROUND
MUCH LONGER AFTER YOU'VE GONE.

PATRICK, PLEASE,
DON'T HURT HIM.

JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU, BABY,
AND I'LL LET YOU BOTH LIVE.

MYSTERIOUS MEN--

THEY MAKE PROMISES THEY HAVE
NO INTENTION OF KEEPING.

THEY TELL LIES
TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

THEY MAY BE MORE DANGEROUS
THAN THEY SEEM.

YES, OUR MOTHERS TOLD US

WE CANNOT TRUST
THE MEN WE DON'T KNOW.

AND THOSE WE DO KNOW?

WELL, WE CAN'T ALWAYS
TRUST THEM EITHER.