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1
00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:06,626
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:12,443
Hubert, great work
on the cafeteria gravy story.
3
00:00:12,478 --> 00:00:14,912
Answered a lot of questions
but raised a lot more.
4
00:00:14,947 --> 00:00:16,647
[DOOR OPENS]
5
00:00:16,682 --> 00:00:21,049
I come bearing the thing
you journalists hate most: news.
6
00:00:21,096 --> 00:00:23,296
The Daily Fourth Gradian
is hemorrhaging money.
7
00:00:23,364 --> 00:00:25,264
Last month the paper lost...
8
00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,300
$32.
9
00:00:27,335 --> 00:00:28,401
[ALL GASPING]
10
00:00:28,436 --> 00:00:30,436
But you can't put a price on the truth.
11
00:00:30,472 --> 00:00:35,074
I finally got a source to go on the
record about dodgeball concussions.
12
00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:37,076
Bombardment, bombardment.
13
00:00:37,145 --> 00:00:40,046
[CRYING]: Bombardment.
14
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,482
I'm sorry, but I have no choice
but to bring in a new editor.
15
00:00:42,517 --> 00:00:46,119
The fifth grader who somehow
turned the school poetry magazine
16
00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:50,056
into a cash-blasting fire hose: Billy.
17
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,358
Preschool is over, news skanks.
18
00:00:52,393 --> 00:00:54,260
Today is gonna be like Carrie Underwood
19
00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:56,229
hosting the Country Music Awards...
20
00:00:56,297 --> 00:00:58,264
we're in for a lot of changes.
21
00:00:58,299 --> 00:01:00,466
You... I can tell you're a real talent.
22
00:01:00,502 --> 00:01:02,335
Get out. You're fired.
23
00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:04,270
See? No one's safe.
24
00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:06,472
Fidget spinner.
25
00:01:06,508 --> 00:01:08,141
What are you doing?
26
00:01:08,176 --> 00:01:10,042
Hubert's a good journalist.
27
00:01:10,078 --> 00:01:12,378
Good journalism ain't paying
the pizza man, toots.
28
00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:15,047
We are going online only:
29
00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:17,383
pop-culture quizzes, sponsored lists,
30
00:01:17,418 --> 00:01:19,485
headlines that grab you by the book bag:
31
00:01:19,521 --> 00:01:22,255
"You Won't Believe
What Milhouse Looks Like Now."
32
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,090
You bet your book bag I won't.
33
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:27,360
But you can't just turn the school
paper into online clickbait.
34
00:01:27,395 --> 00:01:29,228
We have a responsibility to...
35
00:01:29,264 --> 00:01:31,230
Oh, my God, it's still talking.
36
00:01:31,266 --> 00:01:34,200
I hate you so much I'm giving
you the most important job
37
00:01:34,235 --> 00:01:35,401
at this swipe rag.
38
00:01:35,436 --> 00:01:38,104
- You're a what?
- I'm a recapper.
39
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,072
Huh? What?
40
00:01:40,108 --> 00:01:42,041
A TV recapper.
41
00:01:42,076 --> 00:01:45,144
I watch every episode of a show,
then write a summary,
42
00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:48,147
followed by snarky comments
and a letter grade.
43
00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:50,049
Well, sometimes I do worry
44
00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:53,486
I have the wrong opinions
about what I've just seen.
45
00:01:53,555 --> 00:01:55,288
[HULA MUSIC PLAYING,
KRUSTY SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
46
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:58,090
[LISA GROANS]
47
00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,326
Ugh. This isn't me.
48
00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:03,262
What kind of person can just
spew out an endless stream
49
00:02:03,298 --> 00:02:05,398
of knee-jerk reactions?
50
00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:08,034
They should hand out candy
at Thanksgiving
51
00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:10,336
and stuffing at Halloween.
52
00:02:10,371 --> 00:02:14,173
Say, Dad, you sure have a lot
of strong opinions.
53
00:02:14,209 --> 00:02:17,176
Why don't you watch this show
and tell me what you think?
54
00:02:17,212 --> 00:02:20,413
♪ Fight, fight, fight,
The Itchy & Scratchy Show! ♪
55
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:25,284
- [LAUGHING]
- [GASPS]
56
00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:29,322
Hey, yeah. Ah!
57
00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:32,058
Ta-da!
58
00:02:32,093 --> 00:02:33,159
[SCREAMING]
59
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,293
Mm-hmm.
60
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,363
Hmm.
61
00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:39,432
The mouse and the cat hate each other.
62
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:41,234
That feels real to me.
63
00:02:41,302 --> 00:02:43,302
It was quite a ride, and I was on board
64
00:02:43,338 --> 00:02:45,271
until the shawarma screamed. Huh.
65
00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:47,173
Very disappointing.
66
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,108
An instant classic.
67
00:02:49,143 --> 00:02:52,211
Dad, you were born to describe
TV at a fourth-grade level.
68
00:02:52,247 --> 00:02:54,247
[LAUGHING]: Ooh, well.
69
00:02:54,282 --> 00:02:57,049
Would you recap The Krusty Show
for my school paper?
70
00:02:57,085 --> 00:03:00,253
All you have to do is watch TV
and say things about it.
71
00:03:00,288 --> 00:03:03,422
Just say things about TV.
72
00:03:03,458 --> 00:03:06,125
Oh.
73
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,094
[CHUCKLING]
74
00:03:08,162 --> 00:03:10,096
♪
75
00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:11,364
[PHONE CHIMES]
76
00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:15,134
Krusty, a recapper is now
reviewing your show.
77
00:03:15,169 --> 00:03:16,402
Let me see that.
78
00:03:16,437 --> 00:03:18,204
"Monologue seemed endless"?
79
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,273
"Pie clearly hits face of stunt double"?
80
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:23,009
"Overuse of comedic rule of three"?!
81
00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:25,011
[SCOFFS] Why would I possibly care
82
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,446
about the opinion of this
pathetic bottom feeder?
83
00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:30,082
Huh? B-minus?!
84
00:03:30,118 --> 00:03:31,384
- [YELLS]
- [WOMAN GASPS]
85
00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:33,052
[PHONE CHIMES]
86
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,088
C-plus?! Aah!
87
00:03:36,124 --> 00:03:39,058
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- C-minus?
88
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,226
Ow!
89
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:43,195
Today's Krusty Show pulled out
all the stops.
90
00:03:43,231 --> 00:03:45,031
Which was a huge mistake,
91
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:48,000
as many of the stops should have
been left in. D-plus.
92
00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:52,204
[TIRES SQUEAL]
93
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:59,412
I'll teach you to insult a
thin-skinned Hollywood narcissist.
94
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,869
Oh, Tesla, your 900-pound feet
95
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:06,218
of silent, instant torque is
the perfect killing machine.
96
00:04:06,254 --> 00:04:07,340
[GROANS]
97
00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:08,988
[TIRES SCREECHING, KRUSTY GRUNTING]
98
00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:11,057
Where do I know that guy?
99
00:04:11,092 --> 00:04:12,291
Aah! Aah!
100
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,360
[SCREAMS] Vengeful clown!
101
00:04:14,395 --> 00:04:15,995
[TIRES SQUEALING]
102
00:04:16,030 --> 00:04:20,053
"Krusty is trying to murder me.
103
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,300
"If he does,
104
00:04:21,369 --> 00:04:24,370
it'll be the first time
he's killed in years."
105
00:04:24,405 --> 00:04:27,187
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- I'm not funny?
106
00:04:27,212 --> 00:04:29,342
You want to see something really humor?!
107
00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:34,080
"Running me off the road?
108
00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:36,382
Clearly, a murderer out of ideas."
109
00:04:38,923 --> 00:04:40,186
[GRUNTING]
110
00:04:40,221 --> 00:04:41,454
- Like my show!
- [GROANING]
111
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:45,157
Why? Is it season four again?
112
00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:46,392
Why, you.
113
00:04:46,427 --> 00:04:48,494
- [HOMER CHOKING]
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
114
00:04:48,529 --> 00:04:51,430
[BOTH GRUNTING]
115
00:04:51,466 --> 00:04:54,233
[TIRES SQUEALING]
116
00:04:54,268 --> 00:04:56,469
[BOTH GRUNTING]
117
00:04:58,473 --> 00:05:00,206
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
118
00:05:00,241 --> 00:05:01,340
[BOTH SCREAM]
119
00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:04,010
[GRUNTING]
120
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,950
Oh, please be okay. Please be okay.
121
00:05:13,004 --> 00:05:16,055
If anything happened to you,
I-I don't know what I'd do.
122
00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,390
Oh, give me a sign.
123
00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:19,258
Let me know my world isn't over.
124
00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:20,993
Don't look in my trunk!
125
00:05:21,062 --> 00:05:23,429
But if you do,
a Chinese doctor says I need it.
126
00:05:23,464 --> 00:05:26,132
Oh, you're okay.
127
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:29,068
All right, tell me who assaulted
you, and we'll bring 'em in.
128
00:05:29,103 --> 00:05:33,272
Unless it's gangs or motorcycle guys.
A motorcycle guy will whip you
129
00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:35,207
right in the face with his chain.
130
00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:37,009
He doesn't care.
131
00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:39,045
Krusty tried to run me off the road!
132
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,313
But I'm still alive. C-plus.
133
00:05:41,349 --> 00:05:43,182
[GRUNTING]
134
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,051
[GASPS] Ah.
135
00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:47,558
- [SIREN WAILING]
- Don't worry, Krusty.
136
00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:50,022
I know a place where the police
will never find you.
137
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:53,459
Yeah, good luck, kid,
but I'm a big-time TV celebrity.
138
00:05:53,494 --> 00:05:56,429
The last thing
I could ever do is blend in.
139
00:05:56,464 --> 00:05:58,397
Hmm?
140
00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:00,399
♪
141
00:06:00,468 --> 00:06:03,038
The circus? Why?
142
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,203
You're a clown.
143
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,305
I won't stand here and be insulted!
144
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,274
Y... Oh, right.
145
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:13,540
Kid, I'm a TV clown
146
00:06:13,609 --> 00:06:15,909
not like these trapeze-sucking
tent-fluffers.
147
00:06:15,978 --> 00:06:17,811
Circus clowns don't talk,
148
00:06:17,913 --> 00:06:21,715
while I perform to camera
with finely honed subtlety.
149
00:06:21,783 --> 00:06:24,117
Hey-hey! [LAUGHS]
150
00:06:24,186 --> 00:06:26,653
[SHUSHES] Easy on the "hey-heys."
151
00:06:26,722 --> 00:06:28,755
The cops are looking everywhere for you.
152
00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:29,956
I can't go to jail.
153
00:06:30,025 --> 00:06:32,826
I just quit smoking. What do I do?
154
00:06:32,895 --> 00:06:33,960
Huh?
155
00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:36,730
So, what do you call yourself?
156
00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:41,420
- Soggy. Soggy the Clown.
- Thought we already had a Soggy.
157
00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:43,312
Nah, nah, you're thinking of Moisty.
158
00:06:43,414 --> 00:06:44,613
You're hired.
159
00:06:44,682 --> 00:06:47,383
So, Soggy, uh, what's your act?
160
00:06:47,451 --> 00:06:49,518
Well, I can introduce cartoons,
161
00:06:49,587 --> 00:06:52,521
pretend to enjoy
children's breakfast cereal.
162
00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:54,976
Oh, and I completely blow my stack
163
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:57,259
when someone takes my parking space.
164
00:06:57,328 --> 00:07:00,429
You sound like a... TV clown.
165
00:07:00,531 --> 00:07:02,331
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
166
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,267
I hate TV clowns
from how you just said that.
167
00:07:05,403 --> 00:07:09,338
[SCOFFS] TV clowns. Riding
four to a car like royalty,
168
00:07:09,407 --> 00:07:12,241
eating their stew from a bowl
instead of cupped hands.
169
00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:16,478
And you know who's the worst is
that white-faced Judas: Krusty.
170
00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:19,148
Wait. Circus clowns hate Krusty?
171
00:07:19,216 --> 00:07:20,349
Don't you?
172
00:07:20,418 --> 00:07:23,020
In my way I've hated him all my life.
173
00:07:23,046 --> 00:07:25,454
Yeah, you get it, Soggy.
You're a good kid.
174
00:07:25,523 --> 00:07:28,290
Anyway, this is where you eat,
this is where you sleep,
175
00:07:28,359 --> 00:07:31,193
and this is where
you sweep up the elephant crap.
176
00:07:31,262 --> 00:07:34,430
So, all three in this cage.
177
00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:35,597
Efficient, right?
178
00:07:35,666 --> 00:07:37,399
Now meet the finest clowns
179
00:07:37,468 --> 00:07:40,369
from the greatest closed
circuses in the world.
180
00:07:40,438 --> 00:07:42,204
Skitters, Bumpo, Wiggles,
181
00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:44,440
Clabby, Dr. Pickles, Mr. Bindle,
182
00:07:44,508 --> 00:07:46,475
Barrels, Drooly, Trembles,
183
00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:47,576
Blitzy, Handsy,
184
00:07:47,645 --> 00:07:49,311
Boobsy, Mr. Boobsy,
185
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,447
Baby Boobsy, the Boobsy Twins,
186
00:07:51,515 --> 00:07:53,348
Ding-a-ling, Bing-bong, Ring-a-ling,
187
00:07:53,417 --> 00:07:55,350
Flip-Flop, Fiddle-Faddle, Flap-Jack,
188
00:07:55,453 --> 00:07:56,385
and Scene Blow.
189
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,419
Nice to meet...
190
00:07:57,488 --> 00:08:00,155
[GURGLES]
191
00:08:00,224 --> 00:08:01,356
Yeah.
192
00:08:01,425 --> 00:08:03,459
[DOORBELL RINGS]
193
00:08:03,561 --> 00:08:06,462
It's him. It's really him.
194
00:08:06,597 --> 00:08:09,431
[GASPS] A regular dork and a girl one.
195
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:12,468
It is an honor to meet the man
whose recaps were so devastating
196
00:08:12,536 --> 00:08:15,437
that the star of the
show tried to kill him.
197
00:08:15,506 --> 00:08:18,107
The secret is, say what happened.
198
00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:20,375
Oh, it's like
we're talking to Hemingway.
199
00:08:20,444 --> 00:08:22,511
Or Shep Goldfein from TV Zorp.
200
00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:25,280
How would you like to come recap for us
201
00:08:25,349 --> 00:08:27,349
full-time at Culture Smash?
202
00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:29,551
You'll pay me to watch TV?
203
00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:33,355
God bless you,
content-addicted clickbaiters.
204
00:08:33,424 --> 00:08:35,290
We'll start you on 30 shows.
205
00:08:35,359 --> 00:08:37,126
This month?
206
00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:38,327
Uh, no, tonight.
207
00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:41,130
Welcome to Peak TV.
208
00:08:42,199 --> 00:08:44,266
This Is Us.
209
00:08:44,335 --> 00:08:46,368
[CRYING]: This is me.
210
00:08:46,437 --> 00:08:47,536
C-plus.
211
00:08:47,638 --> 00:08:50,239
♪
212
00:08:52,510 --> 00:08:54,343
[TRUMPETS LOUDLY]
213
00:08:54,411 --> 00:08:56,178
Hey there, Soggy.
214
00:08:56,247 --> 00:08:57,579
You excited for your first show?
215
00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,515
Nervous? I'm not nervous.
216
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:01,316
Get this kid. "Nervous."
217
00:09:01,385 --> 00:09:03,051
[SCOFFS] Nervous.
218
00:09:03,154 --> 00:09:05,120
Well, you sure are saying
"nervous" a lot.
219
00:09:05,189 --> 00:09:06,455
Shut up, you nervous little punk.
220
00:09:06,557 --> 00:09:08,490
I'm the king of 4:00 p.m. TV.
221
00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:11,226
I can clown the pants off these losers.
222
00:09:11,295 --> 00:09:14,229
[SLIDE WHISTLE BLOWS, HORN HONKS]
223
00:09:14,298 --> 00:09:16,465
[GROANS]
224
00:09:18,569 --> 00:09:20,569
- [SNIFFS] Whoa, what is that?
- [SHUDDERS]
225
00:09:20,638 --> 00:09:23,372
That's what the clowns here
drink before the tent opens.
226
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,208
- It's called Hippo Juice.
- Do you even know what's in it?
227
00:09:26,277 --> 00:09:27,543
I need my Hippo Juice!
228
00:09:28,612 --> 00:09:31,547
♪
229
00:09:31,615 --> 00:09:32,770
[TIRES SQUEAK]
230
00:09:33,617 --> 00:09:36,118
[GROANS]
231
00:09:36,187 --> 00:09:39,221
[ALL GROANING]
232
00:09:40,658 --> 00:09:44,259
[LAUGHTER]
233
00:09:44,328 --> 00:09:45,427
[CROWD GASPS]
234
00:09:45,529 --> 00:09:46,562
[ROARS]
235
00:09:46,697 --> 00:09:48,330
[CROWD SCREAMS]
236
00:09:53,237 --> 00:09:55,537
[LAUGHTER]
237
00:09:55,606 --> 00:09:57,539
[GROANING]
238
00:09:59,476 --> 00:10:01,376
[CROWD BOOS]
239
00:10:07,218 --> 00:10:09,251
Okay, Walking Dead.
240
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,520
Too much walking,
not enough dead. C-plus.
241
00:10:11,622 --> 00:10:15,123
Game of Thrones.
Who is everybody? A-plus.
242
00:10:15,259 --> 00:10:18,594
Stranger Things.
Spielberg's back. C-minus.
243
00:10:18,696 --> 00:10:21,530
Homie, you're watching so many shows.
244
00:10:21,665 --> 00:10:23,398
Why don't you take a break?
245
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,501
We can open the third drawer
of the nightstand.
246
00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,303
The anniversary drawer.
247
00:10:28,372 --> 00:10:30,305
[MOANS]
248
00:10:31,575 --> 00:10:33,408
Mmm. Mmm.
249
00:10:33,544 --> 00:10:35,577
Making out on the bed...
a familiar formula,
250
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:37,446
but still delivers the goods.
251
00:10:37,514 --> 00:10:39,514
Mmm. Ooh, a butt-squeeze.
252
00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:42,384
Motivated by character
and moves the story forward.
253
00:10:42,453 --> 00:10:44,319
Mmm. Could an ear nibble be the thing
254
00:10:44,388 --> 00:10:46,455
to reinvigorate this tired franchise?
255
00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:49,291
Wait. Are-are you recapping our snuggle?
256
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,493
No, no, just pillow talk, baby.
257
00:10:51,562 --> 00:10:53,428
If you say so.
258
00:10:53,497 --> 00:10:54,596
Savvy viewers will notice
259
00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:56,565
the husband hasn't brushed his teeth.
260
00:10:56,634 --> 00:10:58,333
That is it.
261
00:10:58,402 --> 00:11:02,137
You're watching so many TV shows
for your recapping job,
262
00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,538
it's ruining our life.
263
00:11:03,641 --> 00:11:06,241
And don't you dare give me
a letter grade.
264
00:11:06,343 --> 00:11:09,578
Okay, I'll just let this be... minus.
265
00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:12,447
[GROWLS] It's either me or the job.
266
00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:16,585
Hmm. Marge creates what feels
like false jeopardy.
267
00:11:16,654 --> 00:11:19,488
No, the moment is well earned.
268
00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:24,159
Oh, they just got rid
of their best character.
269
00:11:24,261 --> 00:11:25,560
[BART HUMMING]
270
00:11:25,629 --> 00:11:28,530
Soggy, a word of advice: you suck.
271
00:11:28,599 --> 00:11:30,465
Turn in your Hippo Juice bucket,
272
00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:32,534
your hippo crystals,
and your hippo pipe.
273
00:11:32,603 --> 00:11:34,269
You're fired.
274
00:11:34,405 --> 00:11:35,437
[HORN HONKS]
275
00:11:35,572 --> 00:11:38,540
Oh, come on, Tootso. You don't
really mean that, do you?
276
00:11:38,609 --> 00:11:40,409
- [HORN HONKS]
- Oh, it's true.
277
00:11:40,511 --> 00:11:43,578
I'm a terrible clown. [CRIES]
278
00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:45,280
Cheer up, Krusty.
279
00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:48,250
There's got to be another circus
out there, a worse one.
280
00:11:48,385 --> 00:11:50,352
Nah. I'm not a TV clown.
281
00:11:50,421 --> 00:11:51,620
I'm not a circus clown.
282
00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:54,323
I'm nothing.
283
00:11:54,391 --> 00:11:56,625
[PANTS] Soggy,
the high wire bear got sick
284
00:11:56,694 --> 00:11:58,560
after eating the Guess-Your-Weight Guy,
285
00:11:58,629 --> 00:12:00,462
so we need somebody to do his act.
286
00:12:00,531 --> 00:12:02,164
And none of the other clowns will do it
287
00:12:02,232 --> 00:12:03,365
because there's no net.
288
00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:05,167
So, well, we thought of you.
289
00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:07,569
You mean a last chance to redeem myself?
290
00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:09,604
No. No, no. If you live,
you're still fired.
291
00:12:09,673 --> 00:12:11,340
Oh, who cares?
292
00:12:11,408 --> 00:12:12,641
I'm in.
293
00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:14,509
[TO TUNE OF "ENTRANCE OF THE
GLADIATORS"]: ♪ I don't care ♪
294
00:12:14,578 --> 00:12:16,144
♪ If I live or die ♪
295
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:19,147
♪ Wait, I do, I want to die ♪
296
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,415
♪ Who will claim my body? ♪
297
00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:22,150
♪ Maybe the monkey ♪
298
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,185
♪ Do-do-do-do-do. ♪
299
00:12:23,253 --> 00:12:24,486
Whoa!
300
00:12:24,588 --> 00:12:26,288
Oh. Whoa!
301
00:12:26,357 --> 00:12:28,156
[GRUNTS]
302
00:12:28,258 --> 00:12:29,424
Ow! [SCREAMS]
303
00:12:29,493 --> 00:12:31,259
Oh!
304
00:12:31,328 --> 00:12:32,227
Whoa!
305
00:12:32,329 --> 00:12:34,262
[GRUNTING]
306
00:12:34,365 --> 00:12:36,365
- [GROWLING]
- Ow.
307
00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:38,200
[SCREAMS]
308
00:12:38,302 --> 00:12:39,334
[GULPS]
309
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,435
[ALL GASP]
310
00:12:40,504 --> 00:12:42,404
[ROARS, COUGHS]
311
00:12:43,574 --> 00:12:45,173
Ta-da.
312
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:46,341
[CHEERING]
313
00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:47,576
They're applauding.
314
00:12:47,678 --> 00:12:49,277
And there's no applause sign.
315
00:12:49,346 --> 00:12:51,179
I didn't know that was possible.
316
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,349
Circus cheers are the greatest
cheers in the world!
317
00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:57,185
RINGMASTER: There he is,
there's our new star.
318
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,154
That was the most daring act
I've ever seen.
319
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:02,324
And I saw a circus do a Beatles
tribute without permission.
320
00:13:02,393 --> 00:13:05,127
I think I'm falling for you, Soggy.
321
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,162
I don't think you're really my type.
322
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:10,232
♪
323
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,401
Mmm, you. [LAUGHS]
324
00:13:12,469 --> 00:13:14,436
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
325
00:13:14,505 --> 00:13:16,438
[MOANS]
326
00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:19,241
My whole life up till now was nothing.
327
00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:22,377
From this day forward, I am Soggy,
328
00:13:22,446 --> 00:13:24,446
Soggy the Clown!
329
00:13:24,515 --> 00:13:26,181
[CHEERING]
330
00:13:30,554 --> 00:13:31,954
♪
331
00:13:33,926 --> 00:13:35,793
[LION SNARLS QUIETLY]
332
00:13:35,828 --> 00:13:37,528
- [SNORING]
- [ALARM RINGING]
333
00:13:37,563 --> 00:13:39,496
[GASPING, GRUMBLING]
334
00:13:39,565 --> 00:13:40,631
- [ALARM STOPS RINGING]
- [SNORING]
335
00:13:45,975 --> 00:13:47,241
[HORN HONKS]
336
00:13:47,277 --> 00:13:48,976
I'm flattered, Tootso,
337
00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:51,714
- but I'm already seeing someone.
- [BOTH MOAN]
338
00:13:51,739 --> 00:13:54,227
I'll meet you behind
the seal tank in half an hour.
339
00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:55,493
[HORN HONKS]
340
00:13:55,528 --> 00:13:58,095
Good news. Your agent just called.
341
00:13:58,164 --> 00:14:00,231
A Japanese game show needs
an American celebrity
342
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:03,134
to pop out of toilets
to scare couples on dates.
343
00:14:03,169 --> 00:14:05,036
The cops will never find you.
344
00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:07,071
Two weeks ago,
I would've jumped at that.
345
00:14:07,106 --> 00:14:09,307
But I'm a circus clown now.
346
00:14:09,342 --> 00:14:11,375
But you're a big-time TV star.
347
00:14:11,411 --> 00:14:13,344
Ain't the circus worse by far?
348
00:14:13,379 --> 00:14:16,113
Oh, I used to love celebrity,
349
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:18,416
but I've got big top clarity.
350
00:14:18,451 --> 00:14:20,418
[JAZZY]: Because...
351
00:14:24,117 --> 00:14:26,123
♪ Circus clowning ♪
352
00:14:26,159 --> 00:14:28,125
- ♪ Is the life for me ♪
- [BIRD SQUAWKS]
353
00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:31,062
♪ Gonna flip the bird
to lousy kids' TV ♪
354
00:14:31,097 --> 00:14:34,298
♪ Circus folk have real camaraderie ♪
355
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:37,168
♪ I can't be fired 'cause
they don't test my pee ♪
356
00:14:37,203 --> 00:14:40,471
♪ He'd be positive for every sedative ♪
357
00:14:40,506 --> 00:14:44,208
♪ Circus laughter,
there's no greater high ♪
358
00:14:44,277 --> 00:14:47,078
♪ Crowd is fired up 'cause
they might see you die ♪
359
00:14:47,113 --> 00:14:48,312
♪ If he breaks his neck ♪
360
00:14:48,348 --> 00:14:50,247
♪ What a thrill they'll get ♪
361
00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:53,384
♪ All my problems have
been solved for free ♪
362
00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:57,021
♪ Talking to the bear
sure beats therapy ♪
363
00:14:57,056 --> 00:15:00,191
♪ A hug can beat fear of women's feet ♪
364
00:15:00,259 --> 00:15:03,094
♪ Can I join the circus
if I'm only ten? ♪
365
00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:06,247
♪ Here's a fake I.D.,
now your name is Ben ♪
366
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,233
♪ Ain't no mom to keep
me safe and sound ♪
367
00:15:09,268 --> 00:15:11,102
♪ I get to juggle swords ♪
368
00:15:11,137 --> 00:15:13,004
♪ Eat corn dogs off the ground ♪
369
00:15:13,072 --> 00:15:16,207
♪ So, good riddance to TV ♪
370
00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:19,010
♪ I feel alive instead
of live-plus-three ♪
371
00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:21,012
ALL: ♪ Because circus clowning ♪
372
00:15:21,047 --> 00:15:24,181
♪ Is the life for me. ♪
373
00:15:24,217 --> 00:15:27,284
- [ELEPHANTS TRUMPET]
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
374
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:28,319
Bad news:
375
00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:30,087
- we're shutting down the circus.
- [GASPING]
376
00:15:30,123 --> 00:15:31,455
Shutting it down? But why?
377
00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:34,358
- A terrible video got out.
- Which one?
378
00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:37,128
- The video we sell here at the circus.
- [CIRCUS FOLK GASPING]
379
00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:40,131
If they close this place down,
what do I run away to?
380
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,165
College?
381
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,466
It's all over.
382
00:15:42,502 --> 00:15:45,069
I'm losing the only happiness
I didn't have to chug,
383
00:15:45,138 --> 00:15:47,438
snort, shoot, bet on, or get enlarged.
384
00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:50,341
For the first time, I was a real clown.
385
00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:53,244
[CRYING]: And now I've lost that.
386
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,114
To save my marriage,
effective immediately,
387
00:15:57,150 --> 00:15:59,016
I'm resigning as recapper.
388
00:15:59,052 --> 00:16:00,451
My apologies to Culture Smash
389
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,087
and the entire Garbage Blast
media family.
390
00:16:04,390 --> 00:16:05,990
Mm.
391
00:16:06,025 --> 00:16:07,925
♪
392
00:16:09,362 --> 00:16:11,228
- MAN: Get in.
- Okay.
393
00:16:15,468 --> 00:16:19,136
Homer, I'm the CEO of a major
media conglomerate.
394
00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:20,404
We can't have you quit.
395
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,074
You're one of America's top recappers.
396
00:16:23,109 --> 00:16:26,077
I had to quit; recapping
was ruining my marriage.
397
00:16:26,112 --> 00:16:28,245
There were so many shows,
I couldn't keep up.
398
00:16:28,314 --> 00:16:32,049
It's true. Currently there are
over 500 scripted shows
399
00:16:32,085 --> 00:16:34,151
on network, cable, and streaming.
400
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,320
Why are you making so many shows?
401
00:16:36,355 --> 00:16:39,123
No one could watch
more than 300 of them.
402
00:16:39,158 --> 00:16:40,991
Oh, we don't care if people watch.
403
00:16:41,027 --> 00:16:42,426
We just care if they subscribe
404
00:16:42,495 --> 00:16:45,429
- for $13 a month.
- [GASPS]
405
00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:47,465
You see, if people subscribe
but don't watch,
406
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,167
then we don't actually
have to make the shows.
407
00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:53,037
We just need viewers to believe
they can watch them.
408
00:16:53,072 --> 00:16:54,271
Fake shows?
409
00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:56,006
But what if people try to see them?
410
00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:58,209
They won't, because recappers like you
411
00:16:58,277 --> 00:17:00,211
will give those shows a B-minus.
412
00:17:00,246 --> 00:17:03,013
No one ever watches a B-minus.
413
00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:04,949
But, but that's crazy.
414
00:17:04,984 --> 00:17:06,217
It could never work.
415
00:17:06,252 --> 00:17:07,384
It already has.
416
00:17:07,453 --> 00:17:10,187
Are you familiar with the USA Network?
417
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:14,158
Sure. Royal Pains, Suits, White Collar.
418
00:17:14,193 --> 00:17:17,128
Have you ever seen any of those shows?
419
00:17:17,196 --> 00:17:19,396
No, but somebody must have...
420
00:17:19,432 --> 00:17:21,132
Surely somebody...
421
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,267
There is no USA Network.
422
00:17:23,302 --> 00:17:25,269
There hasn't been for 20 years.
423
00:17:25,338 --> 00:17:27,304
It's just bus ads!
424
00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:29,073
Oh, my God.
425
00:17:29,108 --> 00:17:31,976
Peak TV is a lie.
426
00:17:32,011 --> 00:17:33,377
Your plan is insane.
427
00:17:33,412 --> 00:17:35,045
Perhaps.
428
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,014
But not as insane as making...
429
00:17:37,049 --> 00:17:41,018
that... many... shows.
430
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:43,320
I never had faith in God or family,
431
00:17:43,356 --> 00:17:46,123
but I had faith in television.
432
00:17:46,159 --> 00:17:48,392
And I won't let you do this to Him.
433
00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:53,197
I have everything you said
recapped right here.
434
00:17:53,232 --> 00:17:54,999
And I'm gonna tell the whole world
435
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,168
every detail of your terrible plan.
436
00:17:59,172 --> 00:18:01,138
Hey, there's half a birthday
cake in the break room.
437
00:18:01,174 --> 00:18:02,306
Mind if I...?
438
00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:04,241
All right, I get it, I get it.
439
00:18:12,084 --> 00:18:13,284
[PANTING]
440
00:18:13,319 --> 00:18:15,953
No, no, you can't close the circus.
441
00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:18,022
There's got to be a way
to keep this place running.
442
00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:20,224
If we only had 50 grand,
we could start over
443
00:18:20,259 --> 00:18:22,126
with a new name and a new act.
444
00:18:22,195 --> 00:18:24,328
Yeah. We can get the Flying Branzinos.
445
00:18:24,363 --> 00:18:27,364
Nobody pickpockets a crowd
like those guys.
446
00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:31,268
[CRYING]:
But we don't have the 50 grand.
447
00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:34,371
[SOBS] The circus is done.
448
00:18:34,407 --> 00:18:36,307
[KRUSTY AND BART GASP]
449
00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,108
No, no, listen.
450
00:18:38,144 --> 00:18:40,377
[GROANS] I can get you your money.
451
00:18:40,446 --> 00:18:42,980
With this.
452
00:18:43,015 --> 00:18:44,348
You're gonna teach us to read?
453
00:18:44,383 --> 00:18:47,017
No. I'm Krusty.
454
00:18:47,053 --> 00:18:48,452
[CIRCUS FOLK GASP]
455
00:18:48,521 --> 00:18:51,355
- [KRUSTY GRUNTS]
- [GASPING]
456
00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:53,023
Hey-hey.
457
00:18:54,126 --> 00:18:56,193
♪
458
00:19:07,139 --> 00:19:09,073
[CHEERING]
459
00:19:17,283 --> 00:19:19,950
On the count of attempted murder
of Homer Simpson,
460
00:19:20,019 --> 00:19:22,219
the jury finds Herschel Krustofsky...
461
00:19:22,288 --> 00:19:23,941
not guilty?
462
00:19:23,966 --> 00:19:25,055
[ALL GASP]
463
00:19:25,091 --> 00:19:27,057
It was self-defense, Your Honor.
464
00:19:27,126 --> 00:19:31,095
That recapper gave Krusty's show
bad grades.
465
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,297
It was justifiable Homer-cide.
466
00:19:33,332 --> 00:19:36,133
He gave Outlander a B-minus.
467
00:19:36,168 --> 00:19:39,303
That show knows what it wants
to be. Come on.
468
00:19:39,372 --> 00:19:43,207
Ooh, I've heard that gets really
good about eight episodes in.
469
00:19:43,276 --> 00:19:45,075
Krusty, you're free to go.
470
00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:47,044
- [LAUGHS]
- Mmm.
471
00:19:47,079 --> 00:19:48,245
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
472
00:19:49,549 --> 00:19:52,983
Is there room on that train
for one more clown?
473
00:19:53,019 --> 00:19:54,451
Well, he did save the circus.
474
00:19:54,487 --> 00:19:56,153
What do you say, Scuzzo?
475
00:19:56,188 --> 00:19:59,156
[CRYING]: Please, I'm
not Krusty anymore.
476
00:19:59,225 --> 00:20:01,292
I'm a circus clown.
477
00:20:01,327 --> 00:20:04,395
I'm Soggy.
478
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:07,031
You're a, you're a TV clown.
479
00:20:07,066 --> 00:20:10,301
The greatest TV clown I've
ever had the honor to know.
480
00:20:10,336 --> 00:20:12,069
But you're a traitor to our kind.
481
00:20:12,104 --> 00:20:13,137
- [GRUNTS]
- [GROANS]
482
00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:15,272
♪
483
00:20:15,308 --> 00:20:18,075
- [GRUNTS]
- [GROANS]
484
00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:27,084
Goodbye, circus.
485
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:28,319
Goodbye.
486
00:20:28,354 --> 00:20:30,287
[GURGLES]
487
00:20:35,227 --> 00:20:38,195
- [MR. TEENY GRUMBLES]
- Another terrible show.
488
00:20:38,264 --> 00:20:41,131
- Thanks a lot, Chris Pine.
- [CHATTERS]
489
00:20:42,368 --> 00:20:44,335
And now the bad recap.
490
00:20:44,403 --> 00:20:47,504
They always find some new chump
to tear me down.
491
00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:49,440
"A"? I got an "A"?
492
00:20:49,508 --> 00:20:51,763
Everything I've ever done
has been great!
493
00:20:51,808 --> 00:20:54,090
I'll never be sad again.
494
00:20:54,115 --> 00:20:55,479
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
495
00:20:55,514 --> 00:20:57,314
"A" is for Ralph.
496
00:20:57,350 --> 00:20:59,049
[KRUSTY YELLING]
497
00:20:59,085 --> 00:21:05,181
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
498
00:21:08,987 --> 00:21:10,469
Dad, Look!
499
00:21:10,494 --> 00:21:12,666
They posted our story this morning.
500
00:21:12,691 --> 00:21:14,485
Hmm.
501
00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:17,420
Together we've exposed the truth.
502
00:21:17,489 --> 00:21:20,189
It'll be the one legitimate
piece of journalism
503
00:21:20,325 --> 00:21:21,524
on the whole site.
504
00:21:21,626 --> 00:21:24,494
What's with this boring Peak TV article?
505
00:21:24,562 --> 00:21:27,820
My patience is growing shorter
than Rachel Maddow's crew cut.
506
00:21:27,845 --> 00:21:29,365
How many times do I have to tell you:
507
00:21:29,467 --> 00:21:31,167
no bait, no clicks.
508
00:21:31,192 --> 00:21:32,545
Hey, you, yeah, gummy bear,
509
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:34,861
put up a slideshow
that'll get me some eyeballs.
510
00:21:34,886 --> 00:21:36,372
Eyeballs!
511
00:21:36,441 --> 00:21:38,341
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
512
00:21:38,366 --> 00:21:40,410
[COMPUTER CHIMES]
513
00:21:44,282 --> 00:21:46,215
Ooh.
35823
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