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1
00:00:03,983 --> 00:00:05,983
'Twas the week before Chrismukkah,
2
00:00:06,152 --> 00:00:07,334
all through the café,
3
00:00:07,486 --> 00:00:10,095
eight nights of candles
and a guy on a sleigh.
4
00:00:10,247 --> 00:00:13,415
The Jews eat a lot of
food, all fried up in oil.
5
00:00:13,434 --> 00:00:16,827
The goyim give presents,
wrapped up in tinfoil.
6
00:00:16,996 --> 00:00:18,420
On vodka,
7
00:00:18,514 --> 00:00:19,997
on whiskey,
8
00:00:20,015 --> 00:00:21,607
on brandy and gin.
9
00:00:21,834 --> 00:00:23,425
If you're about to start drinking,
10
00:00:23,519 --> 00:00:24,559
you know I'm all in.
11
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:25,852
- Hey!
- Whoo!
12
00:00:25,947 --> 00:00:28,799
- Hello?
- Wow, looks like a Hallmark movie threw up in here.
13
00:00:28,799 --> 00:00:30,449
Well, I love Chrismukkah.
14
00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:33,010
The music, the traditions, the TV shows.
15
00:00:33,028 --> 00:00:35,679
My favorite is Rudolph
the Red-Nosed Tax Lawyer
16
00:00:35,698 --> 00:00:36,698
from Palm Beach.
17
00:00:36,773 --> 00:00:38,348
You were a weird six-year-old,
18
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:41,185
and you're an even weirder 41-year-old.
19
00:00:41,278 --> 00:00:43,020
What have you guys been up to?
20
00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:45,447
Oh, we're just hanging out
at The Middle C, talking about
21
00:00:45,466 --> 00:00:47,466
important stuff, like,
life, our girlfriends,
22
00:00:47,617 --> 00:00:50,861
who'd win in a fight, Batman
or Kevin from Home Alone.
23
00:00:51,030 --> 00:00:52,454
You sure you're okay
hanging out in a bar?
24
00:00:52,548 --> 00:00:54,531
It's only been a few weeks
since you stopped drinking.
25
00:00:54,550 --> 00:00:55,790
And it's obviously Kevin,
26
00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:57,810
he would do anything to
get back with his family.
27
00:00:58,037 --> 00:00:59,127
I was fine, Kat,
28
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,981
just like when we were in the
wine section at the grocery store,
29
00:01:02,132 --> 00:01:03,965
or when that tequila commercial came on,
30
00:01:03,985 --> 00:01:06,151
or when I stand too
close to your mother.
31
00:01:06,821 --> 00:01:08,821
Well, what you're doing is not easy.
32
00:01:09,064 --> 00:01:11,064
I remember how hard it was
for me to give up sugar.
33
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,566
You just put whipped cream
34
00:01:12,718 --> 00:01:14,660
and two sugar packets
in that hot chocolate.
35
00:01:14,811 --> 00:01:17,612
I'm halfway through a
six-year taper, okay, Randi?
36
00:01:18,482 --> 00:01:20,407
Well, I'm great. I woke up early,
37
00:01:20,559 --> 00:01:23,060
I worked on a song, went
to the rock climbing gym,
38
00:01:23,153 --> 00:01:24,670
met a guy named Barry in the locker room
39
00:01:24,821 --> 00:01:27,731
who dries himself off from
head to toe with a blow dryer.
40
00:01:27,824 --> 00:01:29,824
Why do you hate towels, Barry?
41
00:01:29,918 --> 00:01:32,903
You're spending more time at
that gym than you are with me.
42
00:01:32,996 --> 00:01:36,331
I'm starting to think you
might be taking me, for granite.
43
00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:39,834
Ugh, you know, Max, I have some friends
44
00:01:39,854 --> 00:01:41,928
with daughters who'd be perfect for you.
45
00:01:42,081 --> 00:01:44,097
- Uh...
- Thank you for the offer, Sheila,
46
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:46,692
but I have to decline, again.
47
00:01:47,436 --> 00:01:49,862
You know, how would you feel
if I came climbing with you?
48
00:01:49,938 --> 00:01:52,256
Not a question. I'm
coming climbing with you.
49
00:01:52,424 --> 00:01:54,274
Hm... yeah, that would be great.
50
00:01:54,426 --> 00:01:56,184
You can meet blow dryer Barry.
51
00:01:56,278 --> 00:01:58,812
Unbelievable. Louisville
Weekly just kicked me out
52
00:01:58,964 --> 00:02:00,781
of the Twelve Pubs of
Christmas bar crawl.
53
00:02:00,933 --> 00:02:03,024
They said they wanted new businesses.
54
00:02:03,193 --> 00:02:04,785
Mm, sounds racist to me.
55
00:02:04,937 --> 00:02:07,104
Damn it, I should've said that.
56
00:02:07,122 --> 00:02:08,272
They're gonna replace me
57
00:02:08,365 --> 00:02:09,956
with that stupid board game bar.
58
00:02:10,109 --> 00:02:12,626
Corks and Orcs? I love that place.
59
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,536
They do beer pong right.
60
00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:15,962
First, you have a beer,
61
00:02:16,057 --> 00:02:17,281
then you play Pong.
62
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,467
That pub crawl is the biggest
money maker of the year for me.
63
00:02:20,636 --> 00:02:23,711
I mean, I bought a crazy
expensive beer tap system,
64
00:02:23,806 --> 00:02:24,806
maxed out my credit card,
65
00:02:24,899 --> 00:02:26,381
and this one's in my real name.
66
00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:28,734
Well, you know you
can make the money back
67
00:02:28,885 --> 00:02:30,718
by charging white
people double on MLK Day.
68
00:02:30,738 --> 00:02:31,978
They can't say no.
69
00:02:32,055 --> 00:02:33,614
- It's true, we really can't.
- Yeah.
70
00:02:40,806 --> 00:02:42,050
Now, why would they pick this place
71
00:02:42,051 --> 00:02:43,702
over The Middle C for the pub crawl?
72
00:02:43,809 --> 00:02:44,975
It's a bunch of toys and games.
73
00:02:44,993 --> 00:02:46,901
What does that have
to do with Christmas?
74
00:02:46,921 --> 00:02:48,754
I see Jenga, I see pick-up sticks,
75
00:02:48,905 --> 00:02:50,647
I see vodka. We are one match away
76
00:02:50,666 --> 00:02:54,501
from a bunch of chess nerds
roasting on an open fire.
77
00:02:54,653 --> 00:02:55,986
Damn, you a sexy badass.
78
00:02:56,004 --> 00:02:57,763
I never want to break up with you,
79
00:02:57,990 --> 00:03:00,915
and even if I did, I'd be too scared to.
80
00:03:00,935 --> 00:03:03,084
- Oh, hey, guys.
- Sup, Zac.
81
00:03:03,178 --> 00:03:05,755
Heard you got picked for the
Twelve Pubs of Christmas this year.
82
00:03:05,755 --> 00:03:07,773
Yeah, bad move.
83
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,091
- What are you doing?
- I'm sending a message.
84
00:03:10,185 --> 00:03:12,477
I just wanted to warn you
85
00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:15,930
that the pub crawl is a
ton of work and no reward.
86
00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,858
Kind of like having kids.
87
00:03:18,010 --> 00:03:19,010
You got kids?
88
00:03:19,102 --> 00:03:20,268
I have a dog.
89
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,528
You know how they poop on the rug,
90
00:03:21,622 --> 00:03:23,013
and then you step in it?
91
00:03:23,182 --> 00:03:24,533
That's what the Twelve
Pubs of Christmas is like.
92
00:03:24,533 --> 00:03:26,850
Uh, I don't know, the magazine said
93
00:03:26,869 --> 00:03:28,460
the pub crawl makes a lot of money.
94
00:03:28,687 --> 00:03:31,779
But is business really
about making money, though?
95
00:03:31,799 --> 00:03:34,708
For me? No, I got in early on Bitcoin.
96
00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:36,802
Really? Not married, no kids?
97
00:03:37,029 --> 00:03:40,622
You know, I love dogs.
98
00:03:40,641 --> 00:03:41,807
What are you doing?
99
00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:43,533
I'm sending a different message.
100
00:03:43,552 --> 00:03:44,959
Well,
101
00:03:44,979 --> 00:03:47,146
I came up with a... pretty sick theme.
102
00:03:47,297 --> 00:03:49,797
Uh, I don't want to toot my own horn,
103
00:03:49,892 --> 00:03:51,892
but "toot, toot."
104
00:03:51,968 --> 00:03:53,710
Toot, toot.
105
00:03:53,729 --> 00:03:57,673
Yeah, I will be
converting Corks and Orcs
106
00:03:57,675 --> 00:04:03,162
into an interactive science
fiction space Christmas adventure.
107
00:04:03,389 --> 00:04:04,389
Mm-hmm.
108
00:04:04,406 --> 00:04:05,555
Mm-hmm. See,
109
00:04:05,574 --> 00:04:07,073
you got a problem already.
110
00:04:07,168 --> 00:04:09,585
That's way too small for people.
111
00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:12,487
- This is a model.
- Oh. Oh, you know,
112
00:04:12,581 --> 00:04:15,565
some people said that
I should be a model.
113
00:04:15,584 --> 00:04:19,252
Oh, you want to see
something extremely cool?
114
00:04:19,405 --> 00:04:21,180
Check this out.
115
00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:23,682
Space and holiday cheer.
116
00:04:23,909 --> 00:04:25,833
This is the voyage
117
00:04:25,853 --> 00:04:28,169
of the Twelve Pubs of Christmas.
118
00:04:28,189 --> 00:04:30,764
Insert cool space sound.
119
00:04:30,916 --> 00:04:32,024
Vroom.
120
00:04:32,251 --> 00:04:33,525
I'm George Takei,
121
00:04:33,752 --> 00:04:35,936
and welcome to Corks and Orcs.
122
00:04:36,088 --> 00:04:39,198
You know, I've got a catchphrase.
123
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:40,440
Should I say it?
124
00:04:40,534 --> 00:04:43,351
Oh, my.
125
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,262
I still have to edit the final version,
126
00:04:45,355 --> 00:04:48,589
but, uh, yeah, Mr. Sulu himself
127
00:04:48,609 --> 00:04:51,710
is gonna be here playing
Connect Four with my customers.
128
00:04:51,861 --> 00:04:53,528
I hear, after a few drinks,
129
00:04:53,547 --> 00:04:55,455
he'll trash-talk Shatner.
130
00:04:55,607 --> 00:04:58,126
Oh, uh, excuse me.
131
00:04:58,126 --> 00:05:00,068
Oh, Zac, you are so hilarious.
132
00:05:00,128 --> 00:05:02,370
Let's laugh over dinner
sometime, your treat.
133
00:05:03,782 --> 00:05:05,540
Damn, all I was gonna
do was throw some brandy
134
00:05:05,634 --> 00:05:08,393
in some expired milk and
tell everybody it was eggnog.
135
00:05:08,545 --> 00:05:11,471
Yeah, babe, your idea sucks so bad.
136
00:05:11,623 --> 00:05:14,624
- Are you putting on... Can we go, please?
- Go?
137
00:05:14,718 --> 00:05:16,526
You ain't got no Bitcoin.
138
00:05:18,974 --> 00:05:20,715
Yeah, you're doing great.
139
00:05:20,734 --> 00:05:22,216
Now, reach for the blue one.
140
00:05:22,385 --> 00:05:23,476
Which is the blue one?
141
00:05:23,629 --> 00:05:25,553
The altitude is blurring my vision.
142
00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:27,297
Just imagine you're raising your hand
143
00:05:27,390 --> 00:05:29,056
to volunteer for extra homework.
144
00:05:29,151 --> 00:05:30,316
Oh.
145
00:05:30,469 --> 00:05:31,820
You got it. That's it. Now, one more.
146
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:33,319
- Don't look down.
- Okay.
147
00:05:33,472 --> 00:05:34,746
I'm not looking down.
148
00:05:34,898 --> 00:05:36,081
Oh, I looked down.
149
00:05:36,308 --> 00:05:38,324
It's okay, all I saw was my boobs.
150
00:05:38,419 --> 00:05:42,254
That's good. They motivate
me, let them motivate you.
151
00:05:45,909 --> 00:05:46,925
I can't believe it.
152
00:05:47,076 --> 00:05:50,336
I did it! Take that, gravity!
153
00:05:52,766 --> 00:05:53,840
Excuse me,
154
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:55,767
can Kiera have a turn on the kids' wall?
155
00:05:55,844 --> 00:05:58,645
Can Kiera have a turn on the kids' wall?
156
00:06:06,203 --> 00:06:07,944
Okay, I know I'm gonna regret asking,
157
00:06:08,038 --> 00:06:09,429
but what are you doing?
158
00:06:09,447 --> 00:06:12,432
I'm strengthening my
hands for rock climbing.
159
00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:15,693
It'll also come in handy if
I ever need to milk a goat.
160
00:06:15,712 --> 00:06:19,364
Strengthening your hands will
only accentuate the hair on them.
161
00:06:19,383 --> 00:06:22,050
Mother, it's not hair, it's peach fuzz.
162
00:06:22,277 --> 00:06:25,111
Ooh, it's dark and kind
of thick peach fuzz.
163
00:06:26,056 --> 00:06:29,057
I'm doing this so I can become a
better climbing partner for Max.
164
00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:31,284
Maybe some day we'll summit Kilimanjaro,
165
00:06:31,286 --> 00:06:33,078
but today at 4:00, I'm
gonna show the kiddie wall
166
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,063
what an advanced beginner looks like.
167
00:06:35,248 --> 00:06:37,566
I'm back in the Twelve
Pubs of Christmas.
168
00:06:37,717 --> 00:06:39,976
- Oh!
- Oh, babe, that's amazing.
169
00:06:40,128 --> 00:06:41,311
Wait, is Corks and Orcs out?
170
00:06:41,405 --> 00:06:44,072
Is Zac okay? Do he and his
Bitcoin need to be held?
171
00:06:44,299 --> 00:06:46,223
No, everyone is still in.
172
00:06:46,392 --> 00:06:48,225
Oh, so there's 13 Pubs of Christmas?
173
00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:50,637
They're still gonna call it
the Twelve Pubs of Christmas.
174
00:06:50,639 --> 00:06:53,156
Mm, but that would be
inaccurate because there's 13.
175
00:06:53,308 --> 00:06:55,083
Does no one care about numbers?
176
00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:58,311
I do. You have ten hairy fingers.
177
00:06:59,314 --> 00:07:00,905
Well, how did you get
them to change their minds?
178
00:07:00,924 --> 00:07:02,239
Did you sleep with someone?
179
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,909
I'll be mad, but game recognize game.
180
00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:06,486
I went down to Louisville Weekly,
181
00:07:06,504 --> 00:07:08,430
and I told them I have a killer concept
182
00:07:08,581 --> 00:07:11,157
that's pure genius and cannot be denied.
183
00:07:11,176 --> 00:07:14,160
Then they denied me,
so I said that's racist,
184
00:07:14,162 --> 00:07:16,846
and now I'm back in.
185
00:07:16,998 --> 00:07:19,274
Ooh, what's your concept?
Cats in Santa hats?
186
00:07:19,425 --> 00:07:21,501
Cats in antlers? Cats in yarmulkes?
187
00:07:21,519 --> 00:07:24,003
I mean, those are all so
good, how would you pick?
188
00:07:24,097 --> 00:07:26,005
How about an ugly sweater party?
189
00:07:26,099 --> 00:07:29,284
The pub can crawl right
through Katharine's closet.
190
00:07:29,435 --> 00:07:31,453
I'm doing an ice bar.
191
00:07:31,604 --> 00:07:34,514
Everything in The Middle C,
from the furniture to the bar,
192
00:07:34,532 --> 00:07:35,940
will be made out of ice.
193
00:07:35,959 --> 00:07:38,852
And Darren said he's got a
guy who can get me a penguin.
194
00:07:38,870 --> 00:07:40,186
Ice?
195
00:07:40,279 --> 00:07:41,871
Yeah, that's gonna be
too cold for the cats.
196
00:07:41,965 --> 00:07:44,466
There will be no cats.
197
00:07:50,699 --> 00:07:51,699
All right, now,
198
00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:54,050
according to the
Boulder Bros on YouTube,
199
00:07:54,202 --> 00:07:55,869
it's very important to warm up the hands
200
00:07:55,887 --> 00:07:59,205
before we climb the snot
out of this janky-ass pitch.
201
00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:01,724
It's a very bro-centric channel.
202
00:08:01,877 --> 00:08:03,467
My hands are warm.
203
00:08:03,487 --> 00:08:06,137
Barry made me blow-dry his back.
204
00:08:06,231 --> 00:08:07,989
My hands are wet, my hands are dry.
205
00:08:08,141 --> 00:08:09,716
My hands are wet, my
hands are dry. Come on.
206
00:08:09,718 --> 00:08:12,068
- I'm squeezing your boobs. I'm having fun.
- Oh...
207
00:08:12,237 --> 00:08:13,553
I'm squeezing your
boobs. I'm having fun.
208
00:08:13,646 --> 00:08:16,389
Hey, you know, we should
have a YouTube channel.
209
00:08:16,482 --> 00:08:17,999
We could call it, uh...
210
00:08:18,168 --> 00:08:19,817
"Kat to the Max."
211
00:08:19,836 --> 00:08:22,395
Ooh, is this what
climber's high feels like?
212
00:08:22,488 --> 00:08:24,731
No, for that, we actually
have to climb, so...
213
00:08:24,824 --> 00:08:26,174
I'll go first.
214
00:08:26,325 --> 00:08:27,676
You stay here.
215
00:08:27,903 --> 00:08:30,261
Nice and quiet.
216
00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:33,239
Right. You got this.
217
00:08:33,332 --> 00:08:36,017
Okay, reach. Yeah, stick that jug.
218
00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:37,369
You got a pretty spicy pinch coming up.
219
00:08:37,503 --> 00:08:40,246
Maybe do a knee-bar,
give your hands a rest.
220
00:08:40,339 --> 00:08:41,339
Great tip.
221
00:08:41,358 --> 00:08:43,750
Really helps me clear my mind.
222
00:08:43,768 --> 00:08:45,101
Hey, before you get to that undercling,
223
00:08:45,253 --> 00:08:46,586
you've got a little, uh, undercling
224
00:08:46,604 --> 00:08:48,029
going on in your shorts.
225
00:08:48,256 --> 00:08:50,014
You are literally
driving me up this wall.
226
00:08:50,033 --> 00:08:53,445
Okay, I'm sorry. It's just you
and the rock. I'm not even here.
227
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,595
Go to your happy place.
228
00:08:55,688 --> 00:08:57,354
Kat to the Max.
229
00:08:57,374 --> 00:09:00,041
Damn, I wish I had a beer right now...
230
00:09:00,193 --> 00:09:02,043
so I could drop it on her.
231
00:09:02,270 --> 00:09:04,295
That's my boyfriend.
232
00:09:05,198 --> 00:09:07,340
We got a YouTube channel.
233
00:09:13,965 --> 00:09:16,950
Whew, it's colder than my ex in here.
234
00:09:16,968 --> 00:09:18,284
Would you quit your whining.
235
00:09:18,303 --> 00:09:20,895
We're creating a magical
holiday wonderland.
236
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:22,880
And Tasha wasn't cold,
237
00:09:22,899 --> 00:09:25,382
she just had standards.
238
00:09:25,551 --> 00:09:27,218
Aw...
239
00:09:27,386 --> 00:09:28,737
Come on, man.
240
00:09:28,964 --> 00:09:30,480
What? It's ice, it's slippery.
241
00:09:30,632 --> 00:09:32,131
Plus, I just lotioned up.
242
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:33,742
- Sweet Pea Vanilla, baby.
- Man...
243
00:09:33,893 --> 00:09:35,076
Just be more careful.
244
00:09:35,303 --> 00:09:37,245
Look, I got a lot riding on this.
245
00:09:37,396 --> 00:09:39,989
Now, did you talk to
your penguin guy or not?
246
00:09:40,141 --> 00:09:41,324
Oh, it's all set up.
247
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:45,336
We got tickets to the zoo,
duct tape, and a backpack.
248
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,741
Does this look like a glass?
249
00:09:51,428 --> 00:09:53,911
Oh, honey, you're so handsome.
250
00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:55,671
Here, check mine out.
251
00:09:55,799 --> 00:09:58,007
Oh, my God, that is amazing.
252
00:09:58,159 --> 00:10:00,176
I hate you so much.
253
00:10:00,328 --> 00:10:02,011
Hey, I was thinking,
before climbing tomorrow,
254
00:10:02,163 --> 00:10:03,348
maybe we could stop by McDonald's,
255
00:10:03,348 --> 00:10:05,106
climb the PlayPlace wall as a warmup.
256
00:10:05,258 --> 00:10:07,683
Show those losers in the
ball pit how it's done.
257
00:10:07,778 --> 00:10:09,811
Uh, I can't tomorrow. I
have a song to work on.
258
00:10:09,963 --> 00:10:11,428
And the manager was pretty clear
259
00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:13,865
about us never coming
back to that McDonald's.
260
00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:16,359
Hey, everybody...
261
00:10:16,453 --> 00:10:17,453
Shut the damn door!
262
00:10:17,512 --> 00:10:19,028
Shut your damn mouth.
263
00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:21,605
The pub crawl is tomorrow, and it's
264
00:10:21,699 --> 00:10:23,941
costing me $200 an hour to
run these stupid freezers.
265
00:10:24,035 --> 00:10:26,944
It's so cold in here, I
might have to put on a hat.
266
00:10:26,963 --> 00:10:28,279
A hat, Randi.
267
00:10:28,298 --> 00:10:30,523
Come on, babe, it's gonna be great.
268
00:10:30,692 --> 00:10:33,860
I don't need it to be great,
I need it to be perfect.
269
00:10:33,878 --> 00:10:35,637
Corks and Orcs has George Takei.
270
00:10:35,864 --> 00:10:38,431
I got... Darren.
271
00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:41,434
Thank you.
272
00:10:42,646 --> 00:10:44,646
Carter, are you, uh,
273
00:10:44,722 --> 00:10:47,040
interested in someone from Star Trek?
274
00:10:47,058 --> 00:10:48,058
I've got an in.
275
00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:51,544
- Really?
- Wait a minute, is it a cat?
276
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:53,046
Maybe.
277
00:10:53,064 --> 00:10:55,398
Is it William Cat-ner?
278
00:10:55,550 --> 00:10:57,617
Yes.
279
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,804
All right, I'm down.
280
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,472
You're not Max.
281
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,232
And you're not my Kung Pao chicken.
282
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,251
Oh, cute little gingerbread men.
283
00:11:10,478 --> 00:11:12,161
Ooh, not just men. Women, too.
284
00:11:12,313 --> 00:11:14,330
Down with the gingerbread patriarchy.
285
00:11:14,482 --> 00:11:16,257
- What's going on with that one?
- Oh,
286
00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:20,002
he's non-binary. Uh, I
mean, they are. Damn it.
287
00:11:20,155 --> 00:11:22,430
- Anyway, Max isn't here.
- What?
288
00:11:22,657 --> 00:11:24,173
We were just texting,
like, 20 minutes ago.
289
00:11:24,325 --> 00:11:25,749
I asked how the song is going,
290
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,660
and he said, "Not great.
I need a few more hours."
291
00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,437
So, I asked if he wanted
me to bring him some food,
292
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:31,773
but stupid autocorrect
changed it to "good."
293
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,166
So, then I sent, "No, good.
294
00:11:33,184 --> 00:11:36,335
Good. Good. Duck." Here I am.
295
00:11:36,354 --> 00:11:39,263
Okay, that was a ducking
journey to nowhere.
296
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:43,009
He's really not here? That's so weird.
297
00:11:43,027 --> 00:11:44,677
Wait, Find My Friends?
298
00:11:44,696 --> 00:11:47,346
Max agreed to let you track his phone?
299
00:11:47,348 --> 00:11:49,106
Uh, I assume so.
300
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,607
He let me watch him put in his password
301
00:11:50,702 --> 00:11:53,519
over his shoulder, and then
he went and took a shower.
302
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,779
Aw, you really do love him.
303
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:59,133
Just the drinking thing
kind of freaked me out.
304
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:01,285
- Oh, no.
- What, is he at a bar?
305
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,879
Worse, the rock climbing gym.
306
00:12:04,032 --> 00:12:05,139
Oh, hell yeah.
307
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,558
- What?
- My Kung Pao chicken.
308
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:15,708
Well...
309
00:12:15,727 --> 00:12:17,877
well...
310
00:12:17,895 --> 00:12:20,655
Give me a sec.
311
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,365
Well...
312
00:12:28,906 --> 00:12:31,224
How did you know I was
here? I didn't tell anyone.
313
00:12:31,242 --> 00:12:34,318
I followed the pungent
scent of your deceit.
314
00:12:34,395 --> 00:12:36,896
Wait, have you been tracking my phone?
315
00:12:36,914 --> 00:12:40,008
One major relationship
breach of trust at a time.
316
00:12:40,084 --> 00:12:41,252
What are you doing here without me?
317
00:12:41,252 --> 00:12:43,160
This is the one thing keeping me sane,
318
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,828
and you're driving me freaking crazy.
319
00:12:44,922 --> 00:12:47,164
Hey, you're not getting
away form me that easily.
320
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:50,351
I have mastered the toe-smear
into a reverse bicycle.
321
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,428
See? That right there. Don't do that.
322
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,414
You're just putting random words
together you heard on YouTube.
323
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:59,252
Watch, everyone, I'm doing a
Cincinnati Moon Pie squeeze.
324
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:02,438
Hey, you know, I took up
rock climbing to support you.
325
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,590
Maybe if Gisele had shown more
of an interest in football,
326
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,016
she and Tom would still be married.
327
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:07,684
Well, maybe Gisele did take
an interest in football,
328
00:13:07,779 --> 00:13:09,353
then watched a bunch
of stupid YouTube videos
329
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,430
and acted like she knew
more about it than he did,
330
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,707
and then she tracked his phone.
331
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,691
Oh, maybe Gisele had
to track Tom's phone
332
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,285
because she isn't sure he has a handle
333
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,120
on his somewhat complicated
relationship with alcohol.
334
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,290
Well, guess what, being here by myself
335
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,717
really helps me with that.
336
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,552
And you know what doesn't help me?
337
00:13:24,779 --> 00:13:26,804
Kat to the Max!
338
00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:28,872
Don't you climb away from me.
339
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,466
Oh, oh. Ah.
340
00:13:30,618 --> 00:13:32,727
- Oh, no. Oh, oh.
- What're you doing?
341
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:35,288
I don't know, I think I've
made that pretty clear.
342
00:13:38,142 --> 00:13:40,443
What the hell are the ropes for?
343
00:13:42,645 --> 00:13:44,870
Damn it, it's 31 degrees in here.
344
00:13:44,889 --> 00:13:46,981
We real close to melting. Darren,
345
00:13:47,132 --> 00:13:48,132
are you breathing again?
346
00:13:48,151 --> 00:13:49,558
Yeah, but I got to...
347
00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:52,695
I told you, slow and shallow,
like the girls you date.
348
00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:56,382
Whoa, you saw that, too, right?
349
00:13:56,475 --> 00:13:58,642
Or am I just lightheaded from
not being allowed to breathe?
350
00:13:58,736 --> 00:14:01,746
It's the freezers. They're
pulling too much power.
351
00:14:02,999 --> 00:14:05,649
Oh, this is all your fault, Ice Carter.
352
00:14:05,668 --> 00:14:07,752
I don't know why you
had such a stupid idea.
353
00:14:09,154 --> 00:14:12,548
Look at that smile. I
can't stay mad at you.
354
00:14:16,362 --> 00:14:18,754
- Oh, good, you're still here.
- Hey, I was just heading over.
355
00:14:18,848 --> 00:14:20,181
- You like my new coat?
- Uh, it's fine.
356
00:14:20,408 --> 00:14:22,257
- Now, let me in the café.
- Well, Kat said it was neat,
357
00:14:22,352 --> 00:14:23,576
so now I think I hate it.
358
00:14:23,594 --> 00:14:25,186
I don't care, just unlock the door.
359
00:14:25,337 --> 00:14:26,354
What the hell is with you?
360
00:14:26,581 --> 00:14:28,022
You've been snapping at me all week.
361
00:14:28,191 --> 00:14:29,673
Because I am $10,000 in debt,
362
00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:31,859
and Ice Carter is about
to have slush for brains.
363
00:14:32,010 --> 00:14:33,268
Now, would you please open the door,
364
00:14:33,363 --> 00:14:34,678
so I can steal some power.
365
00:14:34,772 --> 00:14:36,179
You can't plug into the café.
366
00:14:36,273 --> 00:14:39,033
The wiring's so old,
it's segregated by color.
367
00:14:39,184 --> 00:14:41,518
Would you stop being sassy and help me.
368
00:14:41,537 --> 00:14:42,853
Don't talk to me like that.
369
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:44,354
And I can't help being sassy.
370
00:14:44,374 --> 00:14:46,782
I'm third-generation bad bitch.
371
00:14:46,934 --> 00:14:49,835
Calling me sassy. You
lost your damn mind.
372
00:14:53,716 --> 00:14:56,217
I don't know if you really hear prayers,
373
00:14:56,386 --> 00:14:59,970
but if you do, please help me, Santa.
374
00:15:07,288 --> 00:15:10,139
I'm sorry I pulled you off the wall.
375
00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:12,400
Don't worry about it.
376
00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:14,693
Your face broke my fall.
377
00:15:16,906 --> 00:15:18,221
You feeling okay?
378
00:15:18,241 --> 00:15:19,389
A little sore.
379
00:15:19,409 --> 00:15:21,909
Will you let me know
if I start drooling?
380
00:15:22,136 --> 00:15:23,969
Yes.
381
00:15:23,988 --> 00:15:26,396
Five minutes ago, you started drooling.
382
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:28,307
Oh...
383
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,900
I'm sorry that I lied to you.
384
00:15:29,952 --> 00:15:32,402
I should've just told you
that I needed some space.
385
00:15:32,571 --> 00:15:34,922
Space? From me?
386
00:15:34,999 --> 00:15:36,966
Inconceivable.
387
00:15:38,094 --> 00:15:40,744
I'm sorry I snooped on you.
388
00:15:40,838 --> 00:15:41,838
I just...
389
00:15:41,989 --> 00:15:43,580
I'm worried about you drinking.
390
00:15:43,599 --> 00:15:45,824
I haven't had a drink in three weeks.
391
00:15:45,843 --> 00:15:48,585
I know, and that's great.
392
00:15:48,679 --> 00:15:50,086
And I...
393
00:15:50,106 --> 00:15:53,691
guarantee you that I worry
about myself twice as much.
394
00:15:56,187 --> 00:15:58,337
I don't know if I have
a drinking problem,
395
00:15:58,355 --> 00:16:00,022
but I know my dad did.
396
00:16:00,116 --> 00:16:02,116
What?
397
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:04,510
You don't notice it as a kid,
398
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:06,011
but looking back,
399
00:16:06,013 --> 00:16:08,456
I mean, he was drunk all the time.
400
00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:10,532
Oh... Max.
401
00:16:10,626 --> 00:16:13,127
I don't know if he left
or my mom kicked him out
402
00:16:13,278 --> 00:16:15,220
or...
403
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:19,216
Either way, it wrecked my family.
404
00:16:20,285 --> 00:16:21,802
That's awful.
405
00:16:21,954 --> 00:16:24,722
I just don't want to turn out like him.
406
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,384
You are not your dad.
407
00:16:29,537 --> 00:16:30,978
Yeah, I hope not.
408
00:16:31,205 --> 00:16:33,105
You're not.
409
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:37,985
Thank you.
410
00:16:38,212 --> 00:16:41,197
I'm glad you told me.
411
00:16:42,066 --> 00:16:43,532
Me, too.
412
00:16:44,994 --> 00:16:46,735
But I am changing my phone password
413
00:16:46,887 --> 00:16:49,071
and finding a climbing gym that
you don't know anything about.
414
00:16:49,147 --> 00:16:52,090
Reasonable. I overstepped.
415
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:53,483
I'm sorry.
416
00:16:53,503 --> 00:16:55,077
Kiss?
417
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:56,337
Oh, I'm still drooling?
418
00:16:56,564 --> 00:16:58,731
- Yeah, you never stopped.
- Oh...
419
00:16:58,749 --> 00:17:00,549
- Come here.
- Oh.
420
00:17:08,518 --> 00:17:12,411
It is like a winter wonderland in here.
421
00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:14,355
It's best to just nod and smile.
422
00:17:14,582 --> 00:17:16,690
I've been doing that her whole life.
423
00:17:18,435 --> 00:17:19,676
Whoo!
424
00:17:19,845 --> 00:17:23,013
Oh, wow. That looks fun.
425
00:17:23,032 --> 00:17:26,108
And only $15!
426
00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:28,536
- What is that?
- An ice luge.
427
00:17:28,687 --> 00:17:29,870
You do shots out of it.
428
00:17:30,097 --> 00:17:32,614
Good God, didn't you learn
anything in high school?
429
00:17:32,708 --> 00:17:35,876
I was valedictorian.
I learned everything.
430
00:17:35,953 --> 00:17:38,604
Darren, set me up.
431
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,548
I was a gold medalist
432
00:17:40,699 --> 00:17:43,217
in ice luge at Margaritaville.
433
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:50,783
Oh, my God. George Takei.
434
00:17:50,801 --> 00:17:52,226
What're you doing here?
435
00:17:52,377 --> 00:17:54,453
Well, I'd stomached as much nerd talk
436
00:17:54,471 --> 00:17:57,231
as I could at Corks and Dorks.
437
00:17:58,734 --> 00:17:59,975
I needed to cleanse my palate
438
00:18:00,127 --> 00:18:03,112
with a good old-fashioned gay bar.
439
00:18:04,148 --> 00:18:05,480
What?
440
00:18:05,608 --> 00:18:08,725
Dueling pianos, right?
441
00:18:09,412 --> 00:18:12,621
Uh... Okay. Uh, yeah, come on in.
442
00:18:14,158 --> 00:18:15,824
Sheila Silver.
443
00:18:15,918 --> 00:18:17,233
George?
444
00:18:17,328 --> 00:18:20,145
I almost didn't recognize
you with your pants on.
445
00:18:20,238 --> 00:18:22,923
Uh... you two know each other?
446
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:26,927
Oh, we met at Leonard Nimoy's
bicentennial fondue party.
447
00:18:27,079 --> 00:18:28,170
Oh.
448
00:18:28,502 --> 00:18:31,336
So, uh, you've seen his phaser?
449
00:18:31,429 --> 00:18:34,406
Yes, and it was set to stun.
450
00:18:35,676 --> 00:18:38,118
Mr. Takei, I, uh... huge fan.
451
00:18:38,270 --> 00:18:41,121
Oh, my.
452
00:18:41,273 --> 00:18:43,439
Merry Christmas to me.
453
00:18:44,759 --> 00:18:46,443
I see you still talk to yourself.
454
00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:49,171
I talk to whomever I want to.
455
00:18:49,189 --> 00:18:52,449
I'm George (BLEEP) Takei.
456
00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:11,089
* Silent... *
457
00:19:11,107 --> 00:19:14,350
Hey. Thanks for coming down.
458
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,944
Mm-hmm.
459
00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:18,596
I'm really sorry about earlier.
460
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:21,416
Guess I put the "ass" in Christm-ass.
461
00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:24,544
Just been so stressed about money.
462
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,862
Why do you need a fancy beer tap anyway?
463
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:30,175
Zac and I were texting, and
he said they're overrated.
464
00:19:30,886 --> 00:19:32,702
Actually...
465
00:19:32,721 --> 00:19:34,704
I bought something else.
466
00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:37,015
Whoa.
467
00:19:38,543 --> 00:19:39,784
What are you doing?
468
00:19:39,877 --> 00:19:41,970
Miranda Elizabeth Hamilton...
469
00:19:42,122 --> 00:19:44,064
Oh, my God, my government name.
470
00:19:44,215 --> 00:19:48,142
You're the most amazing
person I've ever met.
471
00:19:48,295 --> 00:19:50,070
You're brilliant,
472
00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:53,782
kind, and damn, you're beautiful.
473
00:19:55,077 --> 00:19:57,560
I've love you since day one.
474
00:19:57,621 --> 00:19:59,562
Aw, Carter.
475
00:19:59,581 --> 00:20:02,249
Wait, day one of what?
Dating or when we first met?
476
00:20:02,476 --> 00:20:03,733
What's the difference?
477
00:20:03,752 --> 00:20:05,326
I mean, I'm on my knee,
and it's freezing out here.
478
00:20:05,479 --> 00:20:07,420
Well, I didn't tell you to
do it outside in December.
479
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,071
Last week, we were at Ruth's Chris.
480
00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:10,924
You drop a roll on the
floor, you're on one knee,
481
00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:13,909
boom, everybody cheers,
we get a free dessert.
482
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:18,306
I just wanted it to
be perfect, like you.
483
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,250
Oh, it is perfect.
484
00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:23,937
Will you marry me?
485
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:27,023
Of course I'll marry you.
486
00:20:29,836 --> 00:20:31,093
I love you.
487
00:20:31,113 --> 00:20:32,445
I love you, too.
488
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:37,200
But this better not be
my Christmas present.
489
00:20:38,453 --> 00:20:40,787
- Yay! I'm so happy for you!
- Congratulations.
490
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:45,533
- Ugh, you can wear my wedding dress.
- Oh.
491
00:20:45,685 --> 00:20:47,352
- Mother.
- Oh, honey,
492
00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:50,964
your mannish shoulders would
tear right through that lace.
493
00:20:51,191 --> 00:20:52,191
Hey, check it out.
494
00:20:52,283 --> 00:20:54,192
Not only did I get you a penguin,
495
00:20:54,285 --> 00:20:56,761
but I got you two penguins.
496
00:20:59,866 --> 00:21:02,642
Uh-oh. Darren Jr.?
497
00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:11,359
* I can't believe that it's Christmas *
498
00:21:11,545 --> 00:21:14,988
* The best time of the year, oh *
499
00:21:15,139 --> 00:21:18,658
* I can't believe that it's Christmas *
500
00:21:18,885 --> 00:21:21,995
* And Santa will soon be here *
501
00:21:22,146 --> 00:21:25,890
* I can't believe that it's Christmas *
502
00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:28,560
* The best time of the year *
503
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,871
* I can't believe that it's Christmas *
504
00:21:32,098 --> 00:21:34,824
* And Santa will soon be here. *
505
00:21:34,825 --> 00:21:39,825
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36734
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