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1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,961
After 15 years
as a journalist,
2
00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:04,962
I've learned it's important
to grab the reader's attention
3
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:06,464
with a catchy headline.
4
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:09,967
Here's mine... "Local
Woman, 37, Ruins Own Life."
5
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,386
Five years ago, Nell Serrano
threw away a promising career
6
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,096
to move to London for a man.
7
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,599
I'm sleeping!
8
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:17,725
She went all-in on love.
9
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,810
Until it drop-kicked
her in the face.
10
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,397
Now she's back, trying
to stay hydrated.
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00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,484
But hey, who needs a
promising career...
12
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,487
a fairy-tale wedding...
13
00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:30,821
or clean underwear...
14
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:33,199
when you can wear
bathing suit bottoms.
15
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,326
Again.
16
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,954
The good news is the weird
roommate I met on Craigslist
17
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:41,499
is extremely laid back and
not passive aggressive at all.
18
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,085
Oh, also, he makes
me walk his dog.
19
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,295
Unfortunately,
he's a shy pooper.
20
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,714
The dog, not the
roommate. That's gross.
21
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,508
And all this made me
late for my first day
22
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,842
back at my old job.
23
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:53,678
But at least I got
the last parking spot,
24
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,055
so things are looking up.
25
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,182
Oh.
26
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:02,311
Oh. Sorry.
27
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,316
Oh, my...
28
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,194
I really gotta clean
out this trunk.
29
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:12,238
More on this ongoing
disaster as it unfolds.
30
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,033
- - Captions by VITAC...
31
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,631
You are late. Oh.
32
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:31,716
But I told everyone
that your phone
33
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,967
was still set on UK time
34
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,260
and that you were
donating blood.
35
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,428
Okay? So, act kinda woozy.
36
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,429
What if I act hungover?
37
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,014
What if I am hungover?
38
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,557
So, I got you a plant
for your first day.
39
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:41,225
Hey. At my old job?
40
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,185
Yeah, and some pens
for your birthday.
41
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,021
Oh, 'cause I'm
another year older?
42
00:01:44,022 --> 00:01:45,062
Sports section.
43
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,314
Go long!
44
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,690
No, because I love you, baby.
45
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,483
Aw. No stealing, girls.
46
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:50,860
You are not the boss of me.
47
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,445
True, but I am the boss of you.
48
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,488
Ooh. Is it weird?
49
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,198
It's weird that either of you
are bosses of anybody, really.
50
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,700
Well, technically,
she is the boss
51
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,410
Oh! Of the
lifestyle section,
52
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:00,703
Sorry! So that
doesn't really count.
53
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,079
Ooh. Ooh.
54
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,372
"I'm Mr. Metro.
55
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,665
I have to edit a six-part series
56
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,959
about the changes in
the zoning bylaws."
57
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,712
I'm sorry, don't you have
a meeting to go to about...
58
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,047
I want to say sandals.
59
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:13,257
Look, bitch...
60
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,551
Actually, I am late to
a meeting about sandals.
61
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,552
Oh. Ugh.
62
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,471
Coffee later? Yep.
63
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,222
So, what are you
gonna put me on?
64
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,223
City beat?
65
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,224
Crime beat?
66
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,851
The dead beat.
67
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,686
Oh, my God, you're
putting me on obituaries?
68
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:26,854
Here's
your new office.
69
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,105
Ta-da.
70
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,733
Ew.
71
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,152
Yeah, I'm not gonna
lie, this is a closet.
72
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,279
That seems generous.
73
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,114
Look, you gotta jump
back in somewhere, Nell.
74
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,157
Start here.
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00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,700
Your first obit.
76
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,535
Monty Waxberg.
77
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,954
A musician you may know
for his most famous jingle,
78
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,289
the "Yummy Yum Bubble Gum" song.
79
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,957
I hated that song as a kid.
80
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,919
Don't judge a person
by their jingle, Nell.
81
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,880
Everyone has a story, and
it's your job to find it.
82
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,632
And don't touch that pipe.
83
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,258
It'll strip your skin.
84
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,722
This is on me.
85
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:02,890
Just give me one sec.
86
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,267
Oh, here, give me that.
87
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,352
Oh! See? This is
why I love you.
88
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,561
Still know how to party.
89
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,021
Byow-byow-byow-byow!
90
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,731
No. Your airhorn's broken.
91
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,526
That is because it
is a breast pump.
92
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,529
Do you remember when these boobs
were for, like, flashing people?
93
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,739
Now they are for feeding people.
94
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,074
What happened to me?
95
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,743
You became a badass working mom,
96
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,329
who made two of my favorite
little humans.
97
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,039
Yeah, I should warn you,
98
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,874
Tilly still likes to wear
her flower girl dress
99
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,793
to school every day, in
case that's a trigger.
100
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,420
Way to punch down, Tilly.
101
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:35,131
So, when you are ready
to talk about Phillip,
102
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,550
I have a bunch of nasty things
I have written in my journal
103
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,552
that I am so excited
to share with you.
104
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,011
Eh, I don't want to do that.
105
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,471
You know what I want
to do for my birthday?
106
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,682
I just want to throw
down like we used to
107
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:47,059
and pretend it's not gonna
take me three days to recover.
108
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,603
Okay? Okay!
109
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,272
Oh, God. Oh, no. Hide me.
110
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,857
Oh. Unh-uh. Nope.
Hide me. What?
111
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,984
Oh, hide me. What?
Why? Where? What? Who?
112
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,361
It's Scotch Tape.
113
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,196
Oh.
114
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,240
Yeah, Nell, you can't call
her that anymore, okay?
115
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:05,286
Lexi is your boss now,
and as crazy as it sounds,
116
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,913
we have actually become...
I will smack your face.
117
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,331
Work friends. What?
118
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:10,416
We hate her!
119
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:11,709
I know. I'm so sorry.
120
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,210
The only reason why
she has this job
121
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,004
is because her dad
owns the newspaper.
122
00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:15,421
And half of Pasadena.
123
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,256
Yeah, I know. She's a
little rich and weird,
124
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,467
and she thinks that Old Navy
is a branch of the military,
125
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,510
but when you are a working mom,
126
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,179
it is hard to meet
other working moms.
127
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,388
What? No.
128
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,307
What about Tina from Metro?
129
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:27,683
She used to always
talk about her kids.
130
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,144
It was sweet.
131
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,271
They were dolls.
132
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,899
Everyone's really
worried about Tina.
133
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,070
Hi. Hi, Tina.
134
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,281
What's this?
135
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,117
You shouldn't have.
136
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,537
Mmm.
137
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,707
Let's hope there's no
cherries in this one.
138
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,584
It's caramel.
139
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,002
Mmm.
140
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,004
Did you go to Stanford?
141
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,297
Yeah.
142
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,298
Why are you eating
the chocolates
143
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,299
I got for my girlfriend?
144
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,885
Because it's my birthday
145
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:03,637
and I thought you
got them for me.
146
00:05:03,638 --> 00:05:05,013
No.
147
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,098
Gross.
148
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,600
I'm going to San Diego,
without chocolates,
149
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,018
to visit my girlfriend.
150
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,603
So, please remember
to walk Arthur
151
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,438
and use compostable poop bags
152
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,357
instead of telling the
dog just to hold it.
153
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,900
And if you raise
the heat above 68,
154
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:18,735
the Nest will alert me.
155
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,278
Aye-aye, Captain.
156
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,409
Do you have any plans
for your birthday?
157
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,744
Oh, yeah.
158
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,621
I'm gonna throw a massive rager,
159
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,831
and I'm thinking of
getting a couple of kegs
160
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,457
and maybe even a reggae band,
161
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,917
and I'm gonna do it right
over there by your Peloton.
162
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:35,960
No! You can't do it here.
163
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,545
We have an agreement.
164
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:38,838
Your lease specifically
states that any guests
165
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,382
need to be pre-authorized...
166
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,217
You're joking?
Obviously, dude.
167
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,760
What, do you have like
Asperger's or something?
168
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,637
I do.
169
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,222
You do?
170
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:49,682
Oh, my God, I am so
sorry I said that.
171
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,933
I don't.
172
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,393
You thought I had Asperger's?
173
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,144
I mean, kind of.
174
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,145
I do.
175
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,482
All right, have a good weekend.
176
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,575
Ah, thank you.
177
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:11,078
Wow. $14 bucks for a cocktail.
178
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,830
You know, back in the day,
179
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,790
we used to make
LSD in the bathtub
180
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,459
and give it away for free!
181
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,628
Ah, damn, I miss the '90s.
182
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,255
Mm. Mm.
183
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,550
How come your nose is
buried in your phone?
184
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,303
Ah, honestly?
185
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,347
I was wondering if my
ex-fiance was gonna bother
186
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,557
to wish me a happy birthday,
187
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,309
but so far, he hasn't, so...
188
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,643
You know the best way
to get over someone?
189
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:35,811
Hmm?
190
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,105
Get under someone else.
191
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,648
Awesome. Thank you
for your wisdom.
192
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,568
Hey!
193
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,362
There she is! My
birthday girl! Hi!
194
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,489
Yes!
195
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,908
Okay, I know you
said no presents,
196
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:49,909
but we stopped by
the gas station
197
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:50,910
and got you a little something.
198
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,829
Aw, you guys.
199
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,497
Condoms and scratchers?
200
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:58,417
'Cause you finna get
lucky this year! Hey!
201
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,793
And we're gonna have
a great time tonight
202
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,629
no matter who else shows up.
203
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,172
So...
204
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,381
Who else is coming?
205
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,549
Hi, squirrel friend.
206
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,552
Sorry I'm late.
207
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,930
Well, I hope it's not too weird
that I crashed your birthday.
208
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,098
No. Not at all.
209
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,933
We're co-workers.
210
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,311
Well, not exactly "co".
211
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:20,189
Kidding.
212
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,690
Although technically,
that is accurate.
213
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:22,442
I mean, I am your boss.
214
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,401
Right.
215
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,944
But I just want you to know
that I'm going to strive
216
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,614
to be a different kind of
boss than my father was.
217
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,742
I mean, he was just so
aloof and out of touch,
218
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,786
and if I learned anything
after I broke my back
219
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,371
during the Olympic
Dressage trials,
220
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:39,667
it's that you are only as strong
as the horse you're riding.
221
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,293
Mm. Mm.
222
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,421
And you... you are my horse.
223
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,839
Hey, Lexi?
224
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,841
Am I being weird
and entitled again?
225
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,635
Yeah, when you referred
to us as your horse.
226
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,678
See? This is why I need you.
227
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,263
Oh, my gosh, that reminds me.
228
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,890
One weekend during quarantine
229
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,392
when our families
podded together...
230
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,434
Oh.
231
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,727
You guys podded together?
232
00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,853
Yeah. We did.
233
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,648
And it was such fun. Oh!
234
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,858
I know a lot of people say
they didn't enjoy the pandemic,
235
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,777
but I really thrived.
236
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:10,364
Anyway, one night, Sam and I
got into le sauvignon blanc,
237
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:13,325
and she got really
honest with me
238
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,828
about how I can
come off to people,
239
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,206
and I'm just very
grateful to have a friend
240
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,624
like you in my life.
241
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,668
I got you.
242
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,256
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
243
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,924
♪ Nobody knows it ♪
244
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,300
♪ Nobody knows ♪
245
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,177
You're okay with her
being here, right?
246
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,178
Totally.
247
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,805
Yeah. Yeah.
248
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:35,973
I guess just didn't realize
you guys were, like,
249
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,641
friends-friends. I know.
250
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,184
But it's fine.
251
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,103
You just owe me a do-over, yeah?
252
00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:41,812
You got it. Yes!
253
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,522
Yes. Okay, so I got us two
tickets to The Underground
254
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,523
this Saturday night.
255
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,358
It's '80s Prom Night.
256
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,484
I thought I'd wear
my wedding dress,
257
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,445
you'd wear your
maid-of-honors dress.
258
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,612
Might as well get
some use out of it.
259
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:51,905
I would love to do it.
260
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,365
It's just that Saturday night,
261
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,535
um, I have some plans...
262
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,578
You have plans with Lexi.
263
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,371
Yeah. I do.
264
00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,830
I do.
265
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:03,417
♪ Don't go breaking my heart ♪
266
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:04,626
We almost got it.
267
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:05,795
It was almost there.
268
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,257
Whoo! Whoo!
269
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,978
Let's give it up for
Dennis and Scotch Tape!
270
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,053
Scotch Tape? Oh, yeah.
271
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,554
It's just a nickname
we gave you, you know.
272
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,556
Just some little inside
joke between old friends.
273
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,682
Now, now, slow down.
274
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,059
What? Come on. Nell.
275
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,019
Scotch Tape. Because
you're stuck up.
276
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,394
Get it?
277
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,146
We also thought
you were Scottish.
278
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,856
You screamed one day, and it
sounded like "Braveheart".
279
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:26,982
I was like, "Scottish".
280
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,193
Come on.
281
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,278
You think it's funny, right?
282
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,363
I'm not the only one!
283
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,490
Yeah, totally.
284
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,075
I'm just gonna get my bag.
285
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,493
All right.
286
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,827
Another round of drinks!
287
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:54,468
"If you're reading this,
288
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:57,221
then the fridge has
been open too long."
289
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,765
Oh, my God.
290
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,642
How did I end up here?
291
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,227
Well, it's true.
292
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,104
Ah! Ah!
293
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,105
You never really know where
life is gonna take you.
294
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,149
Don't you come any
closer. I will kill you.
295
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,192
Don't bother.
296
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,903
I'm already dead.
297
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,991
Are you here to kill me?
298
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,159
Please don't do that.
Please, please don't do that.
299
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,702
No, I am not here to kill you.
300
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,080
My name is Monty Waxberg.
301
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,249
♪ Yummy yum bubble gum ♪
302
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,292
♪ Juicy, juicy fun ♪
303
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,714
Ta-da. C'est moi.
304
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,091
Nope. Nuh-uh.
305
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,467
No. I do not see dead people.
306
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,593
No, no, no, no.
307
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:37,845
This has just got to be
the chili cheese fries
308
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,179
and the cake and
the five cocktails
309
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,180
and maybe the half gummy I ate.
310
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,765
Go easy there, Keith Richards.
311
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,184
You cannot comment
because you are not real.
312
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,103
So, I... I'm just gonna...
313
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,813
I'm gonna go to my room,
and I'm gonna lock the door,
314
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,898
and I'm gonna put a bunch of
heavy boxes in front of it.
315
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,400
You know, not because I
think that you're real,
316
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:54,027
but just because, uh...
Um, I need the cardio.
317
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:54,821
And when I wake
up in the morning,
318
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,071
you are gonna be gone!
319
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,490
Goodnight!
320
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,543
Mornin'! Ah!
321
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,464
Stay back.
322
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,799
How did you get past the boxes?
323
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:16,967
I have no idea.
324
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,385
I've never been dead before.
325
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:21,638
Also, I haven't had
to pee since I died,
326
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,348
which frees up a lot of time.
327
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,685
Company. Come in.
328
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,562
Are you okay?
329
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,123
I just got home, and
I heard you scream.
330
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,608
No.
331
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,236
Yeah, I'm okay. Good.
332
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,696
Will you clean the
living room, please?
333
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,699
Because it's filled
with condoms. Duh. Yeah.
334
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,284
What do you think I got this
is for?
335
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,703
Okay, nice.
336
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,413
Fun fact...
337
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,664
You're the only one
that can see me.
338
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,833
No! Yep.
339
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:50,959
No, no! No!
340
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,921
This... What is happening?
341
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,214
This is not happening.
342
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,215
Oh, my God.
343
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,883
I know I've been sad lately,
344
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,760
and maybe even a little
depressed, you know?
345
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,345
And I haven't really been
taking good care of myself.
346
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,347
Maybe I just need
to do more exercise.
347
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,807
Oh, okay. Why don't
we go for a bike ride?
348
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,017
No, thank you.
349
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,352
I need some air.
350
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,357
Hey, Siri,
text Sam.
351
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,275
"Sorry I got
over-served last night.
352
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,111
Can, uh, we grab a
cup of coffee later?"
353
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,738
You don't want to eat here.
354
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,241
Two words... Cock. Roaches.
355
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,242
No!
356
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,580
Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go!
357
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,998
Nell! Get out of
the car!
358
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,333
This is the guy that killed me!
359
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,043
What? Just kidding.
360
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,628
It was prostate cancer.
361
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,134
Stop following me!
362
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,469
Oh, God. Enough.
363
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,512
What do I have to do
to get you to leave?
364
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,888
I don't know.
365
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,682
I have no idea why I'm here.
366
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,141
No rules, no instructions.
367
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,476
It's very poorly run.
368
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,186
Okay, I've seen the movies.
369
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,771
There's gotta be some
magic words that I can say
370
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,147
to get you to move on.
371
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,649
Ooh, like, um...
372
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,317
"I absolve you of
your messed-up life."
373
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,320
"Go to the light, Carol Anne!"
374
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,907
My messed up life? Yes.
Your messed up life.
375
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,659
I don't know if you remember,
but I've been writing about you,
376
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,661
and you're a dead,
twice-divorced, wannabe musician
377
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,830
who wrote one jingle that
made me hate bubble gum.
378
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,415
Uh-huh. And what about you?
379
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,874
I've been around you
for about 24 hours,
380
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,501
and I can tell, you're no prize.
381
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,003
You drink too much,
382
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,504
you're jealous of other
people's happiness,
383
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,631
and you literally just run away
384
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,009
from any difficulty
in your life.
385
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,012
I'm not doing this.
386
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,596
I'm not getting psychoanalyzed
by some dead person.
387
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,766
See? You're running away.
388
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,436
I am n... No.
389
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,895
No. Ah.
390
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:34,896
Great. Thank you.
391
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,398
I just missed Sam's call.
392
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,151
Hey, I got your text.
393
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,069
Last night got a
little out of hand.
394
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,488
I mean, I know it was funny
how we used to not like Lexi,
395
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,616
but she's been a great friend
to me while you've been gone.
396
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,410
She is also the boss,
so if I were you,
397
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,662
I would think about apologizing.
398
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,248
Anyway, I guess
we'll talk later.
399
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,792
So, what are you gonna do now?
400
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,301
What...?
401
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:08,555
Well, this is, um,
quite the office, Lexi.
402
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,556
Whoa.
403
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,475
Ah.
404
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,518
Yes, that's the horse
that bucked me... Todd.
405
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,103
I keep it as a reminder
of my failures.
406
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,146
Wow.
407
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,522
So, what can I do for you?
408
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:20,817
I wanted to drop off
some apology donuts.
409
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,486
Last night, I wasn't at my best,
410
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,321
and I wanted to say I'm
sorry,
411
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:26,282
and I promise to be more
professional from now on.
412
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:28,909
Did you steal these
from the break room?
413
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,327
No. Why?
414
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,661
Several have bites
taken out of them,
415
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,331
and it says "break
room" on the box.
416
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:35,457
Then, yes, I did.
417
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,458
Okay. Uh, sorry.
418
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,460
Bye.
419
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,046
That was a pretty
half-assed apology.
420
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,506
I mean, obviously,
you have something
421
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,673
you'd like to say to me.
422
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,801
So, be a reporter.
423
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,052
Give me the full story.
424
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,012
I don't think
that's a good idea.
425
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,722
I have an idea.
426
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,350
Let's take 30 seconds
and tell the other person
427
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:56,311
exactly what we think of
them with no repercussions.
428
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,146
Huh? I'll go first.
429
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,232
I think you are a sloppy drunk.
430
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,733
Oh, wow.
431
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,818
You're just gonna
go right in there.
432
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,861
Well, I think your relationship
433
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,404
with your horse
is inappropriate.
434
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,532
I think that shirt looks like
it was bought from Wet Seal.
435
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,117
I took the bites
out of those donuts.
436
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,827
You still work in newspapers.
437
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,788
You work in newspapers.
438
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,039
I knew you didn't want me
at your birthday party,
439
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,541
but I invited myself anyway.
440
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,919
I don't think you're good
enough to be friends with Sam.
441
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,924
When Dennis asked me
to hire you, I said no.
442
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,093
You gave up a promising career
to chase after some guy,
443
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,302
and when it doesn't work out,
444
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,304
I'm supposed to
pick up the pieces?
445
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,473
I only changed my mind when Sam
told me you were in a sad spot
446
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,975
and really needed
to catch a break.
447
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:37,644
I hired you for her.
448
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,312
But I am your boss, and
if you don't perform,
449
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,480
you will be the first to go,
450
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,201
and it won't matter who
you're friends with.
451
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,154
Okay, good to know.
452
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,865
I really don't think that's
a fun game, by the way.
453
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,106
Oh, it's a lot better if you're
playing with your family.
454
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,625
Are you here? Yep.
455
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,461
Oh. I keep closing my eyes
and hoping when I open them,
456
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,714
I'll be in Madrid.
457
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,592
Oh, no. What's with the face?
458
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,178
For some dumb reason,
459
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,471
I thought that I would just
460
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,974
come back home and pick
back up where I left off,
461
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,352
but... everything's changed
462
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:22,022
and I feel really
disconnected from everyone.
463
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,817
So, what do we do then?
464
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,861
Just sit here and
feel sorry for you
465
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,070
for the rest of eternity?
466
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,071
Hmm?
467
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,489
Am I in Hell?
468
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,909
If you're with me,
probably. Oh, my God.
469
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,494
You know, I can't listen to
any more of your whining.
470
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:37,954
I'm either gonna smother
you with that pillow
471
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,080
or we're going out.
472
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,582
Smother me.
473
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,845
This is so dumb.
474
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,472
What are we doing here?
475
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,890
I mean, are we
gonna split a bruschetta?
476
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,018
You know, you don't
need those things.
477
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,979
I feel like everyone
is staring at me,
478
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,940
wondering
what's wrong with me
479
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:08,026
and why I'm all alone in
such a beautiful place.
480
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,819
Let me tell you something.
481
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,530
I was prodigy on the piano.
482
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,242
I moved to California
in the Summer of Love,
483
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,328
and I was gonna make
incredible music.
484
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,955
And I ended up writing...
485
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,084
I know. It's embarrassing.
486
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,003
Because I wanted so much more.
487
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,256
So, I got angry,
488
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:31,633
and I pushed people away.
489
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,219
And eventually, I
climbed out of my own ass
490
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:37,806
and realized that there
were people all around me
491
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,224
living their lives...
492
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,728
not caring about
what life should be,
493
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,273
but about what it is.
494
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,568
And when I got that,
everything changed.
495
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,195
I mean, look at that
woman over there.
496
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,905
She's not self-conscious.
497
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,700
Just enjoying life as
it's happening right now.
498
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,660
You don't have to
do this. Do what?
499
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:00,287
Ghost-of-Christmas-Future
me into thinking
500
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:01,955
that if I don't change my ways,
501
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,040
I'm gonna end up alone
and all dressed up,
502
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,792
wearing some ugly
turquoise necklace.
503
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,545
Or maybe you wear it
because your husband
504
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:11,339
bought it for you in Spain
for your anniversary.
505
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,137
Is that your wife?
506
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,388
Yes, it is.
507
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:19,931
Oh, my God.
508
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,145
I'm so sorry.
509
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,731
I ju... I-I just can't seem
to get out of my own way.
510
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:28,773
I'm a mess.
511
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,150
Yeah, you are. Thanks.
512
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,110
You know why it's okay? Hmm?
513
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,780
'Cause so was I
before I met Cricket.
514
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:40,327
God, I wish I could tell her
once more how beautiful she is.
515
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:50,962
Okay.
516
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:54,966
Excuse me.
517
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,551
I hope this isn't too weird,
518
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,720
but I just thought
someone should tell you
519
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:01,056
how beautiful you look tonight.
520
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,475
Well, isn't that a kick?
521
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,601
Thank you.
522
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,020
And I really love your necklace.
523
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,772
My husband gave it to me.
524
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:12,485
It's a little gaudy, but
it makes me think of him.
525
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,655
You know, this is... this is
really out of character for me,
526
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,989
but would it be
the strangest thing
527
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,575
if I asked to join you
for a glass of wine?
528
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,620
Only if it's
tequila.
529
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,498
I'm Nell.
530
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,166
I'm Cricket.
531
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,298
Come in.
532
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,176
Hey. I got more poop bags
for Arthur's business
533
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,262
so you're always ready.
534
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,139
Thank you.
535
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,808
Is there something else?
536
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:48,395
Technically, it's not
called Asperger's anymore.
537
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:50,271
It's called "Autism
Spectrum Disorder."
538
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,398
It means a lot of
different things
539
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,316
to a lot of different
people, but for me,
540
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:56,111
it means I need
structure and routine.
541
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,821
There's a right
way to do things,
542
00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,407
and there's a wrong
way to do things.
543
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,409
And there's not much in-between.
544
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,411
Like the poop
bags. Yeah. Kinda.
545
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,745
But I'm an environmental lawyer,
546
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,956
so that's just
being responsible.
547
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,583
The world's on fire
right now. Right.
548
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,669
Also...
549
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:15,422
I know at times I could be...
550
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:18,591
difficult to live with.
551
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,136
Or so I've been told.
552
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,596
So have I.
553
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:25,932
So, maybe we're a good match.
554
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,229
Well, have a nice day.
555
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:35,233
♪ Made a wrong turn ♪
556
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,652
♪ Once or twice ♪
557
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,988
What are the markers
of a life well lived?
558
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,490
We try to describe people's
lives in one sentence.
559
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,576
"She was a successful
journalist."
560
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,120
"He was an old friend
and a new boss."
561
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:48,496
"She was a working mom."
562
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,581
It's too many kisses!
563
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,209
"He was the Yummy
Yum Bubble Gum guy."
564
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,919
But the truth is, there
isn't one sentence
565
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,713
that can describe a life.
566
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:57,756
No, I know that we're not
where we're supposed to be,
567
00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,549
but I-I have a plan.
568
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:00,800
It's just taking a
little bit longer than...
569
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,552
Because life is complicated.
570
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:04,596
Thanks, Dad.
571
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,973
And people aren't always
who we think they are.
572
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,976
The real truth is, we're
all a work in progress,
573
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,061
and so are our relationships...
574
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,646
The old ones we're
trying to keep...
575
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,607
Byow-byow-byow!
576
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,609
And sometimes,
577
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,444
if we're lucky,
578
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:22,030
it's the new ones that
take us by surprise.
579
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,823
Hey!
580
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,868
Are you ready to
rock our faces off?
581
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,537
Sure am. Come on, girl.
582
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,338
I can tell you about the
'80s, now. Oh. Please.
583
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:37,337
"And since, as Monty
Waxberg believed,
584
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:38,713
you never really know where
life is going to take you,
585
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:41,674
so just open up your heart
along the way and listen.
586
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:44,135
Everyone has a story if
you just take the time
587
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,055
to find out what it is."
588
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:49,390
I would tell you
this is really good,
589
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:50,767
but then you'd just
want to start a union,
590
00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,061
so instead, I'm just gonna
upload it to publication.
591
00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:54,103
Okay.
592
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:55,564
Okay.
593
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,358
Don't let those nice words
go to your head, old man.
594
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,985
I'm just trying
to keep this job.
595
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:06,658
Didn't even say goodbye.
596
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:08,284
What a jerk.
597
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:09,869
Hey, I just e-mailed you
your next assignment...
598
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:13,164
A woman who ran a successful
Dim Sum restaurant in Chinatown.
599
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,959
On it.
600
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:18,962
Hi. Oh.
601
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:20,505
I'm gonna be honest
because I'm dead.
602
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:22,590
Your natural deodorant
doesn't work.
603
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:23,925
And why aren't you married?
604
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:25,469
Time's ticking.
42282
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