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1
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,001
♪
2
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:18,560
♪ Love, exciting and new ♪
3
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:26,643
♪ come aboard,
we're expecting you ♪
4
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:34,778
♪ love, life's sweetest reward ♪
5
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:42,868
♪ let it flow,
it floats back to you ♪
6
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:51,303
♪ love boat soon will
be making another run ♪
7
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:58,984
♪ the love boat promises
something for everyone ♪
8
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:05,108
♪ set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance ♪
9
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:15,117
♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪
10
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:23,170
♪ it's an open smile
on a friendly shore ♪
11
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:27,999
♪ yes, love ♪
12
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:33,887
♪ welcome aboard, it's love ♪
13
00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:00,197
Enjoy your cruise.
14
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,406
Girl dummy: Try to stay sober.
15
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:06,877
Ah, that's just part of
the entertainment this trip.
16
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,750
Hey, Patty, how are you
two doing?
17
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,547
Patty: Oh, we couldn't be
better, Isaac.
18
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:16,850
Dummy: Speak for yourself. I got
this funny feeling inside me.
19
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,258
Patty: It's my hand, dummy.
20
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,396
Hey, where's your
husband? Aren't you two still a
team?
21
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:29,768
Dummy: They have separate
bedrooms. His is in New York.
Hers is in New Jersey.
22
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,278
I'm sorry.
23
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:35,069
Dummy: We only took this gig
with him because it was booked a
year in advance.
24
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,945
But it's the last time we work
together.
25
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,919
Boy dummy: See, I told you not
to worry. I told you they'd be
here.
26
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:56,593
Girl dummy: Uh-oh. I think i'm
going to have an attack of
poison oak.
27
00:02:56,676 --> 00:03:01,346
P.a. voice: Captain stubing to
the bridge please. Captain
stubing to the bridge.
28
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,438
Very nice.
29
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,271
Oh, thank you. I have
this new barber...
30
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,106
Hi, there.
31
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:16,114
Oh.
32
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:19,115
Hi. I'm Judy Barrett.
33
00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:21,828
And this is my fiancé, Gary
Gage.
34
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,450
Oh...
35
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,036
Welcome aboard.
36
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:28,631
Thanks. Has my sister,
joanie, checked in yet?
37
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:29,498
Not yet, no.
38
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,674
Is your sister as beautiful
as you?
39
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:32,963
Exactly.
40
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,296
Really?
41
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:37,260
And her fiancé is almost
as cute as I am.
42
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:41,353
How nice for all of you.
43
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,816
Ah, your sister still
hasn't checked in yet.
44
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,202
She must have. She left
the house an hour before I did.
45
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,990
Ted: Don't worry about it. We'll
find her. Just check me and my
fiancée in.
46
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,197
But aren't you engaged
to...
47
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:07,617
There they are.
48
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:08,766
Oh, the gang's all here.
49
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,000
Joanie!
50
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,133
Judy!
51
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:16,011
Why you must be the
happy foursome.
52
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,879
Well, I'm delighted to
tell you I just received
confirmation.
53
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,967
All arrangements have been
completed for your
54
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,472
double wedding in romantic
puerto vallarta.
55
00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:27,024
Ah, congratulations
joanie, Judy.
56
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,190
No, no, no. That's Judy.
57
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,412
How can you be so sure?
58
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,516
Well, it's easy. You're
always wrong.
59
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:37,276
Gopher, remind me to
give you a class in deductive
reasoning.
60
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,070
Joanie is with Ted, and Judy is
with Gary.
61
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,365
Congratulations.
62
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,158
Thank you.
63
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,701
Care to join me,
doctor?
64
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,615
It isn't my fault you
forgot to bring your good jeans.
65
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:51,266
It is too. You ironed
them and hung 'em in the stupid
closet.
66
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,000
All right. Come on now,
girls.
67
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,554
No one cares what a
twelve year old looks like
anyway.
68
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:56,708
Yes, they do!
69
00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:01,216
Girls, you're driving your
old man up the wall, okay?
70
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,695
I'm gonna tell dad
what you did.
71
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,259
You better not.
72
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,184
She kissed a boy.
73
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,722
I did not. You're a
filthy snitch.
74
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:10,226
Come on now, kids. For
cryin' out loud, cut it out.
75
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,520
She blames me for
everything.
76
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:16,193
She made me forget my
good jeans and she kissed a boy.
77
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,614
Hold it.
78
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:22,073
Now you can't blame your sister
for something you forgot.
79
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,775
And kissing's all right, as long
as you don't do it with just
anybody.
80
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,303
Now shake hands and don't let me
see you fighting again, or i'm
gonna
81
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:32,247
feed you to my giant man-eating
guppy.
82
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:36,091
Shake hands.
83
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,919
Well, welcome aboard the
Princess, ladies.
84
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,045
You're terrific.
85
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:44,762
Oh, thank you.
86
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:49,724
Uh, my own adolescence lasted
quite a long time and, I
understand girls.
87
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:53,267
Well, thanks a lot. I
mean, you really are terrific.
88
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,612
Well, you must be an old
adolescent yourself.
89
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,478
Oh yes, that's for sure.
90
00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,895
Well... see you later.
91
00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:01,404
Uh-huh.
92
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:02,486
Have a nice cruise.
93
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:02,778
Thank you.
94
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,112
Girls: Bye.
95
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,197
Bye.
96
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,124
Nice lookin' family, huh?
97
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,327
Yes, isn't he.
98
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,013
Don't worry. It's easy.
99
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,803
The lady with the hat gets the
drink with the parasol.
100
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,927
Now, I may mix my drinks, but I
never mix up my customers.
101
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,856
Mr. Ashton, you're in
luck.
102
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:24,188
I just called puerto vallarta as
you suggested, and booked the
mariachi band for the wedding.
103
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,237
Ted: Fantastic! All right.
104
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:30,780
And it isn't just any
mariachi band. Los compadres De
la playa.
105
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,827
Twenty-five pieces. Trumpets,
violins, the works.
106
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:34,541
Ted: Arriba!
107
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,000
Ole!
108
00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:39,711
Ted! It's my wedding,
too.
109
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,252
Ted: Well, wh-what's wrong?
110
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,045
I mean, couldn't you
consult me?
111
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,049
Ted: Well, I thought you'd like
it.
112
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,931
I was thinking of
something a little more quiet
and romantic, too.
113
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,389
Like, say one guitar.
114
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:51,678
That would be perfect.
115
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:54,392
Well, I'm sorry. I'll
just cancel the band.
116
00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:57,733
Ted: Are you kidding? Los
compadres?
117
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,940
You guys are gonna love 'em.
They're fantastic!
118
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:07,533
[Singing and dancing]
119
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:12,532
Hey!
120
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:13,737
Oh, thank you.
121
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,076
Ah, here we go.
122
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:20,712
Two gin and tonics and a drink
with the parasol for the lady in
the...
123
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,711
Isaac, don't tell me
you're still confused.
124
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:28,634
Now this is Ted. This is Gary
and... These are joanie and Judy.
125
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:43,193
Patty: You've got the oddest
texture hair.
126
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:45,112
Girl dummy: It's a wig.
127
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,991
Don't you feel dumb talking to a
piece of wood?
128
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:52,740
Patty: Now that you mention it.
129
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:54,453
Boy dummy: Oh, it's your wife.
130
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:55,993
Michael: I recognize her.
131
00:08:56,077 --> 00:09:00,957
Girl dummy: I thought he was
supposed to switch the tickets.
Get separate cabins.
132
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,420
Michael: I guess nobody told 'em
that uh, every cabin was booked.
133
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,962
Boy dummy: And I'm not sleeping
in a lifeboat. It could've been
my sister.
134
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,900
Michael: Well, we'll just have
to stay here and make the best
of it.
135
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:13,934
Girl dummy: How can you make the
best of something that's the
worst?
136
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,971
Patty: If they can stand it, I
guess we can too.
137
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:20,686
Girl dummy: Speak for yourself.
I'd rather have termites.
138
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:25,478
Michael: Well, what do you say
we get something to eat?
139
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:29,034
Boy dummy: If anyone cares to
join us, we'll be in the dining
room.
140
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,650
Michael: Right.
141
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,040
Good evening.
142
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,121
Good evening.
143
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:44,035
Good evening...
144
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,835
Who's the new girl?
145
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,998
I don't know, but she
sure is stuck-up.
146
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,047
Yeah.
147
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:52,511
You boys figure she's
spoken for?
148
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:56,221
Oh, no, no, no, no... But
I think she'd like to be.
149
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,894
Ah, that explains it.
150
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:01,893
Look how casually she's looking
around the room.
151
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:05,856
Indifferent yet
conspicuous.
152
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,228
Mmm, very well put.
153
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,855
Thank you.
154
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:17,696
Hi, Ted. Hi, Gary.
155
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,123
Ted: Hi.
156
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:18,990
Hi, Julie.
157
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:22,326
Hi... Guys.
158
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,550
Oh, excuse me.
159
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:38,764
Yes? Well, hi. Where's your
sparring partner?
160
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,157
Oh, over there with
daddy.
161
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,391
Oh.
162
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,064
He sent me over to
invite you to have dinner with
us.
163
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:44,893
Oh, he did?
164
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:45,977
Yup.
165
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:46,942
Well, I think I'd love
to.
166
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:47,691
Come on.
167
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:48,902
Thanks.
168
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,321
Oh, hello.
169
00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:57,452
Hi.
170
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,781
Hi.
171
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:03,037
Hey, neat impression.
Dick Van dyke or Chevy chase?
172
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,460
Just klutzy me.
173
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:05,708
Oh.
174
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,250
Well, thank you for the
invitation.
175
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,131
That's his good suit.
176
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,676
New shirt.
177
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,259
Shaved twice.
178
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,394
Shined his shoes.
179
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,721
I wonder why.
180
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:26,097
We're gonna get some dessert
from the buffet and then go out
on deck.
181
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:27,095
Come on, Courtney.
182
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,646
Bye, dad.
183
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:34,110
Dessert. You didn't
invite me to dinner at all, did
you? You've already eaten.
184
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:37,297
Well, I-I certainly would
have invited you if... You'd just
gotten here a little earlier.
185
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:38,241
Oh.
186
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:38,862
Have a seat.
187
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:39,948
Thank you.
188
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,160
By the way... Jack
chenault.
189
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,163
Julie McCoy.
190
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,294
How do you do?
191
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,960
Terrific. How do you do?
192
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:46,288
Terrific.
193
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,792
Oh.
194
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,184
I really would have
invited you earlier.
195
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:52,458
I wanted to, but... I didn't have
the nerve.
196
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,915
I'm glad my daughters have no
shame.
197
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:58,256
While I'm rolling, I've got
another confession to make.
198
00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:04,012
I did shave twice and shine my
shoes and put on my good shirt
and my new suit 'cause...
199
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,978
I hoped I'd run into you.
200
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,638
Really?
201
00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:11,267
Well, then I have something to
tell you.
202
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:16,275
The last time I wore this dress
I thought that Robert redford
was gonna be on board.
203
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,700
I put it on tonight because I...
204
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,818
Robert redford's on board?
205
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:23,445
I thought I'd run into
you.
206
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,994
No kidding?
207
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:28,327
No kidding.
208
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,834
Well, that's terrific.
209
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:32,997
Just...
210
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,335
Terrific.
211
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:46,515
Michael: Oh, excuse me. Could
you get me a waiter, please? I
uh, have to do a show.
212
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,229
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sure
your waiter thought you were
waiting for someone.
213
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,072
Michael: Well I am, but I don't
think the kitchen stays open
that late.
214
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,411
Where have you been?
215
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:10,995
I... I had a long dessert.
216
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,881
I had to introduce the
act myself.
217
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:16,378
You did? Well good work,
gopher. Carry on.
218
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:20,672
Girl dummy: I hate to shock you,
but I didn't go to dinner. I was
in the cabin.
219
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,008
Boy dummy: Is that right?
220
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,842
Patty: Yeah.
221
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,428
Michael: How come?
222
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:30,103
Patty: I'd rather eat with a
dummy than a dummy.
223
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,901
Boy dummy: Is that a knock?
224
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:37,229
Michael: Well, if it's not, it's
a very good try.
225
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:41,146
Boy dummy: Listen, I ordered
pickled herring especially for
you.
226
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:47,277
Girl dummy: Pickled herring? If
I were there, I wouldn't eat it
with her mouth.
227
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:51,498
Boy dummy: What do you mean, if
you were there? Didn't I kiss
you at dinner?
228
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:55,080
Girl dummy: I was in the cabin.
229
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:58,247
Boy dummy: Don't tell me you
were in the cabin. We kissed.
230
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:03,927
Girl dummy: Well, you must have
awfully long lips to stretch all
the way down to the cabin.
231
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:07,509
Boy dummy: Well, if I didn't
kiss you, who did I kiss?
232
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:11,976
Girl dummy: Maybe it was a
chair.
233
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:15,599
Boy dummy: You're right. It did
seem more passionate than usual.
234
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,318
Girl dummy: I hope you remember
which chair it was.
235
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:26,069
Because she's your date for the
rest of the cruise.
236
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:34,156
Goodnight.
237
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:36,674
Ted: Great.
238
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,130
Terrific act.
239
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:43,471
Ted: Oh, captain, could you take
this Rose please? My fiancé's
allergic.
240
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,089
Well, of course.
241
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,054
Ted: Thanks.
242
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:48,764
Excuse me. It's just
part of my job.
243
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,646
It's a good thing Judy's
not allergic.
244
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,641
It's one of the few ways you
guys can tell us apart.
245
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,976
Ted: Well, here's to the other
ways.
246
00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:01,442
Uh, what other ways?
247
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:04,315
Ted: Well, that's it for me. I'm
gonna get some sleep.
248
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:05,453
Me, too.
249
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:08,619
Ted: You guys are kidding. The
night is young. Let's go.
250
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,529
Sorry, honey, i'm
bushed.
251
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,158
Oh, come on, you guys.
Don't be party poopers.
252
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:16,285
Judy, you party, i'm
pooped.
253
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:20,133
Ted: Future sister-in-law, let's
show these guys some dancin'.
254
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,210
Right.
255
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:38,348
Ted: You know what? You and I
ought to be an item. We got all
the moves.
256
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,857
Oh, Gary's a heavy dancer.
257
00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:43,859
I should know. He does most of
his dancing on my feet.
258
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,929
You sure you wouldn't
rather be dancing?
259
00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:09,134
Hm-hm. Would you?
260
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,888
No, I, I'd rather...
261
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:14,350
What?
262
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:16,061
I'd rather be kissing you.
263
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,311
Oh.
264
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,621
Well, look, I'm not one of
those guys who thinks that just,
265
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:23,765
any girl wants to be grabbed,
especially by me.
266
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:28,067
I mean the moment has to be
right and, and the indicators
have to be there.
267
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,323
Indicators?
268
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,906
Well, sure. Oh, you... You
can tell when a girl wants to be
kissed.
269
00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:39,082
Is that so? How do you
tell?
270
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:43,754
Well, there's a certain
receptiveness you can sense.
271
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,586
Oh, I see.
272
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:51,091
Like when a girl's leaning on
you, establishing physical
contact,
273
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:55,096
putting her face very close to
yours.
274
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:59,270
Yes. Right. Along those
lines, yes.
275
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:05,731
Well, what do you do when
you get these indicators? When
you sense this receptiveness?
276
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:10,276
Well, you have to
understand I, I was married for
a long time and...
277
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:13,952
And I didn't go in a lot for
trying things out with new
girls, so I'm rusty.
278
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:18,002
But... the instincts are still
there.
279
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:22,458
It's like riding a bicycle. You
never really forget how to sense
this receptiveness.
280
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,800
So what you have to do is...
281
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,299
Shut up and kiss him.
How's that?
282
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,762
Yeah. You just have
to... Shut up.
283
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:43,146
Ah, you must have been a
helluva bicycle rider.
284
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:46,188
Ah, you better believe it.
285
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,763
Oh boy, fantastic.
286
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,681
You know, joanie,
287
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,310
I'm gonna get out of the city
and find a little shack on a
beach someplace.
288
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,018
Do you think Judy'd like that?
289
00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:23,688
She'd be crazy if she
didn't.
290
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:27,859
Sometimes I wish I were more
like Judy. You know the life of
the party.
291
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,860
Oh, don't knock yourself.
You're a terrific person. And
I'm a lucky guy.
292
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,864
Not only do I get to marry the
one and only girl of my dreams,
293
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,197
but I get a great sister-in-law
as well.
294
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:40,702
Thanks, Gary. That's a
sweet thing to say. If, if only
Ted...
295
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:45,536
Ted? Look, Ted's Ted. He's
wild and that's why we love him.
296
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,714
You're gettin' a great guy,
joanie.
297
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,213
Yeah.
298
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,884
Ah, good evening, Gary,
Judy.
299
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,264
Joanie.
300
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,760
Then you must be Ted.
301
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:57,092
Uh, Gary.
302
00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:00,557
Ah, I'll never get them
straight.
303
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:01,719
Goodnight, doc.
304
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:02,977
Gopher.
305
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:16,074
Michael: Why are you laughing? I
didn't say anything.
306
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:21,624
Patty: Feed them pickled
herring. Can you beat that? I
hate pickled herring.
307
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,410
Girl dummy: Yeah.
308
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:28,205
Patty: How can you remember
everything I hate and nothing I
love?
309
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:31,297
Boy dummy: He remembers
everything.
310
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:36,088
She loves watching old
tear-jerker movies on t.V.
311
00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:42,474
She loves eating pizza in bed.
She loves the smell of the city
after a summer rain.
312
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:46,726
She loves buying useless gadgets
from mail order catalogues.
313
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:50,810
She loves huddling close on cold
winter mornings.
314
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,938
Girl dummy: She loves you.
315
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:57,823
Michael: Who said that? You or
the dummy?
316
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,565
Girl dummy: It was her.
317
00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:18,359
Nice to have a little
time to yourself sometime, isn't
it.
318
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,465
I really like your girls.
319
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,266
Well, Julie's not really
my girl.
320
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,352
Matter of fact, I just met her
today.
321
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:37,149
She sure is nice though.
322
00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:42,985
Ah.I said girls... Ashley,
Courtney.
323
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,325
Oh. Oh, my girls.
324
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,699
Yes.
325
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,996
Thank you. I like 'em too.
326
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,001
I mean, I love 'em.
327
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,882
Yeah. They're dynamite.
328
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:57,840
I like Julie, too. I mean I
wouldn't call Julie a girl.
329
00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:01,223
I mean I'd call that a... A
woman.
330
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:04,721
Oh, yeah, she certainly is
that, all right.
331
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,925
A very lovely woman, too.
332
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:14,361
I suppose, you two must be very
good friends by now, huh?
333
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:17,359
Oh, yeah, uh, about three
years.
334
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:22,492
Uh, a girl like that, I
mean, a woman like that...
335
00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,322
Must be a lot of guys chasing
after her.
336
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:29,078
Phew. A whole bunch.
337
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:34,212
But there's a big difference
between chasing and catching.
338
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:40,546
Oh, sure. Well, a woman in
her position has to be very
careful.
339
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:45,852
With so many men on board on
vacation, looking to have a good
time.
340
00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:51,559
Yeah, but I... I wouldn't
worry about Julie. I mean, she's
very careful.
341
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,853
Good.
342
00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:59,897
Besides, the captain,
doc, gopher and I, we're always
there to keep an eye on her.
343
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,395
You know?
344
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,537
You're crazy about her, aren't
you?
345
00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:12,498
Well, I only just met her
and I hardly...
346
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:16,629
Yeah.
347
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,420
Yes, I am.
348
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:22,173
That one's on me. Good
luck.
349
00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:56,464
Alaska's far out. In the
summertime it never gets dark.
350
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:59,291
You can play outside till three
o'clock in the morning.
351
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:04,627
And the stuff we grow
in our garden gets just huge.
Lettuce this big.
352
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:05,966
Well, maybe.
353
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:09,681
It's true. All that
sunshine. It's fantastic.
354
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:13,853
How would you guys like
one of my super special bloody
Marys?
355
00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:20,324
Ahh... Thanks anyway,
Isaac, but I think we'll stick
to our milk.
356
00:23:20,398 --> 00:23:23,108
I've heard about your
bloody Marys, Isaac.
357
00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:26,993
It's seven-thirty in the
morning. If I have one of those
I won't make it to eight.
358
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,833
So... How 'bout the
winters?
359
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:38,292
Oh, it's great.
Sometimes it gets to fifteen
above in the day.
360
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:41,875
And you hook your car
into a heater every night so the
engine doesn't freeze.
361
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:47,052
Are you guys on the
chamber of commerce payroll or
something?
362
00:23:47,134 --> 00:23:48,844
Let's go get another
Danish.
363
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:51,597
Another one?
364
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:57,349
They certainly are enthusiastic
about Alaska.
365
00:23:57,435 --> 00:24:00,805
I think it's you they're
enthusiastic about.
366
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:04,567
Well, I'll just have to
try to make it up there one of
these days.
367
00:24:09,072 --> 00:24:14,332
Julie, when my wife died,
i, never thought I'd say this to
another woman...
368
00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:18,541
And after knowing somebody for
one day, it's preposterous,
but...
369
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:20,713
But I love you.
370
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:23,552
Jack.
371
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,940
I'm not some romantic kid
who doesn't know when he's in
love or not.
372
00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:29,054
I... i know when I'm in love.
373
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,224
Jack.
374
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,864
You know, you're not being
very cooperative.
375
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:35,783
When one dope says I love you,
the other dope is supposed to
say I love you, too.
376
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,727
I love you, too.
377
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:42,020
You do?
378
00:24:42,105 --> 00:24:45,605
Really?
379
00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:46,072
No kidding?
380
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:47,611
No kidding.
381
00:24:54,117 --> 00:24:57,447
Julie, Isaac said we
can't have a fifth Danish unless
you say so.
382
00:24:57,537 --> 00:25:00,247
And please we're
growing kids.
383
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:05,552
Okay, but if you don't
finish your Danish, no ice
cream.
384
00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,589
Be right back.
385
00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:11,553
Now, that makes a
pleasant picture.
386
00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:15,095
You know, something Julie?
You'd make a wonderful mother.
387
00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:24,944
Patty: Michael?
388
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:27,323
Patty: Why can't it always be
like last night?
389
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:31,400
Michael: Well, I guess because
sooner or later you have to get
out of bed.
390
00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:35,778
Patty: That's right. In bed you
don't have to talk.
391
00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:38,117
Michael: Did you hear that?
392
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:41,793
Boy dummy: Of course I heard it.
What do you think these things
on the side of my head are?
393
00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:43,543
Seashells?
394
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:46,415
Michael: I think she's
insinuating that I don't like to
talk.
395
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:49,303
Boy dummy: Is she kidding? I
can't get you to stop.
396
00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:52,181
If you ask me, she's the one who
never says what's on her mind.
397
00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:53,639
Patty: Me?
398
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:55,468
Michael: Well, he said it, I
didn't.
399
00:25:55,553 --> 00:25:57,813
Boy dummy: She is hard to reach.
400
00:25:57,889 --> 00:26:00,679
Patty: Am I hard to reach? Am I?
401
00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:02,187
Girl dummy: (Whispers)
402
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:06,819
Boy dummy: Don't whisper. Say it
out loud.
403
00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:10,528
Girl dummy: I said, why pay
attention to a log and a bump on
a log?
404
00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:16,658
Boy dummy: That's you. You
always fight back with an
insult.
405
00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:19,701
Girl dummy: I have to. That's
all you understand.
406
00:26:19,786 --> 00:26:21,706
Boy dummy: Women. They're all
the same.
407
00:26:21,788 --> 00:26:25,168
Girl dummy: We are not. You just
bring out the worst in me.
408
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,630
Boy dummy: Well, there's
certainly plenty to go around.
409
00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:32,341
Girl dummy: You're horrible.
Last night you were so loving
and today you're hateful.
410
00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:36,894
Boy dummy: Well, you know what
they say. There's a fine line
between love and hate.
411
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:41,020
Girl dummy: That's what they
say! But I don't! Let's get out
of here.
412
00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:44,439
Patty: Whatever you say.
413
00:26:55,613 --> 00:26:57,373
Joanie?
414
00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:58,529
Yeah?
415
00:26:58,616 --> 00:27:00,156
You awake?
416
00:27:00,243 --> 00:27:02,043
I guess so. I just said
yeah.
417
00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:05,537
Happy wedding day.
418
00:27:05,623 --> 00:27:08,253
Same to you.
419
00:27:10,253 --> 00:27:11,253
Judy?
420
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:12,546
Yeah?
421
00:27:12,630 --> 00:27:15,050
I can't go through with
it.
422
00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:16,973
That's just nerves.
423
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,392
How do you know?
424
00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:22,560
'Cause I feel the same way
you do.
425
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,180
Nerves.
426
00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:26,437
Nerves.
427
00:27:26,519 --> 00:27:29,059
Either that or we don't want to
get married.
428
00:27:29,147 --> 00:27:32,027
I've got nothing against
getting married.
429
00:27:32,108 --> 00:27:33,778
Me neither.
430
00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:40,078
So how come we've got
nerves?
431
00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:43,788
Probably because we're
marrying the wrong guys.
432
00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:47,670
Ted and Gary are nice.
Who else are we gonna marry?
433
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:50,709
I mean, we've got the
wrong guys.
434
00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:54,214
You should marry Gary. I should
marry Ted.
435
00:27:54,297 --> 00:27:55,587
Yes.
436
00:27:55,673 --> 00:27:57,383
You think so, too?
437
00:27:57,467 --> 00:27:59,087
Why didn't you say
something?
438
00:27:59,177 --> 00:28:00,927
I don't know. It's so
obvious.
439
00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:05,772
I mean, you and Gary have
everything in common the same
with me and Ted.
440
00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:09,440
Maybe if we'd had longer
engagements we would have found
this out in time.
441
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,651
There's still time. Let's
tell the guys.
442
00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:13,941
Are you crazy? It's our
wedding day.
443
00:28:15,735 --> 00:28:17,235
You're right.
444
00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:24,790
We don't have to tell the guys.
All we have to do is switch
places and they'll never know.
445
00:28:24,869 --> 00:28:26,449
You are crazy.
446
00:28:26,538 --> 00:28:31,328
It worked all through
school, exams, the senior prom,
the school psychologist.
447
00:28:31,418 --> 00:28:33,088
Yeah, we almost drove
him nuts.
448
00:28:33,169 --> 00:28:34,959
It'll work.
449
00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:37,716
Isn't it better than spending
your whole life with the wrong
guy?
450
00:29:00,738 --> 00:29:01,818
Nervous, fellows?
451
00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:04,326
Ah, sure. You don't get
married every day, you know.
452
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:06,489
Doc does.
453
00:29:08,746 --> 00:29:10,076
Good luck, Judy.
454
00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:13,125
Good luck, joanie. That's
the last time I'll be calling
you that.
455
00:29:13,209 --> 00:29:16,129
Hey, there they are.
456
00:29:16,212 --> 00:29:17,212
Ahh...
457
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:18,665
[Singing]
458
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,020
What're you doing?
459
00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:33,900
Well, I couldn't find
any rice, so I'm throwing
pistachio nuts.
460
00:29:33,980 --> 00:29:36,150
Ted: Joanie, darling, you look
beautiful.
461
00:29:36,232 --> 00:29:37,362
I'm Judy.
462
00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:45,704
Ted: Well, I'm glad we found out
now, rather than later.
463
00:29:45,783 --> 00:29:47,993
Wait. I want to take a
wedding picture.
464
00:29:48,077 --> 00:29:52,207
I've got four sets of my
own I could let you have.
465
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:54,059
Aren't their wedding
dresses pretty, Julie?
466
00:29:54,083 --> 00:29:55,673
Oh, they sure are.
467
00:29:55,752 --> 00:30:00,132
Bet you'd make a
beautiful bride.
468
00:30:00,215 --> 00:30:02,875
Oh, I almost forgot.
469
00:30:05,845 --> 00:30:06,545
There you go.
470
00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:08,518
They're beautiful. Thank
you.
471
00:30:08,598 --> 00:30:12,938
Yes, they're... Achooo.
Achoo.
472
00:30:13,019 --> 00:30:16,899
Good. Now I know who's
who. The one with the allergy is
joanie.
473
00:30:16,981 --> 00:30:20,361
No, that's Judy.
474
00:30:20,443 --> 00:30:22,953
Achoo, achoo.
475
00:30:23,029 --> 00:30:25,199
I guess I'm just getting
a cold.
476
00:30:25,281 --> 00:30:30,451
That's good. For a minute
there I thought we had the wrong
girls.
477
00:30:30,537 --> 00:30:33,407
All right, everybody.
Say cheese.
478
00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:36,918
Ted: Gorgonzola.
479
00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:37,881
Alright, so long.
480
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:38,551
All: Good luck.
481
00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:39,248
See you later.
482
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:41,087
Bye.
483
00:30:50,056 --> 00:30:52,766
Boy dummy: Very funny. Very
funny.
484
00:30:52,850 --> 00:30:55,600
You sure know how to hurt a guy.
485
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:59,437
Girl dummy: Hurt you? How can
you hurt someone with a heart of
stone?
486
00:30:59,524 --> 00:31:02,074
Michael: I thought you were made
out of wood?
487
00:31:02,151 --> 00:31:04,281
They're almost real.
488
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:05,782
Boy dummy: Almost real?
489
00:31:05,863 --> 00:31:11,623
How many guys do you know who
have someone's hand stuck
through their back?
490
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:14,181
Girl dummy: It'd be easier to
stick their hands through your
head.
491
00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:17,285
There's nothing between your two
ears.
492
00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:23,303
Boy dummy: Hey, how 'bout a
little kiss?
493
00:31:23,381 --> 00:31:24,631
Girl dummy: No.
494
00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:26,256
Boy dummy: How 'bout a little
hug?
495
00:31:26,342 --> 00:31:28,642
Girl dummy: No!
496
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,890
Boy dummy: How 'bout a little
love, huh?
497
00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:32,472
Girl dummy: No!
498
00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:36,887
Boy dummy: Well then... How 'bout
a little divorce?
499
00:31:42,108 --> 00:31:43,919
Michael: I... I think you hurt
Patty's feelings, you know.
500
00:31:43,943 --> 00:31:46,283
Divorce is nothing to joke
about.
501
00:31:46,362 --> 00:31:48,822
Girl dummy: Right. But their
marriage is.
502
00:31:48,906 --> 00:31:52,786
What difference does it make if
they get divorced anyway?
503
00:31:52,869 --> 00:31:58,209
Boy dummy: Well, it means a lot
to me. I can get into some
serious fooling around.
504
00:32:03,713 --> 00:32:09,013
Michael: Sorry about my friend.
He... He doesn't think too much
before he speaks.
505
00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:13,563
Patty: It's okay. It's just a
strange way to hear that you
want a divorce.
506
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,980
I mean we never talked about it
before.
507
00:32:16,059 --> 00:32:19,149
Michael: Well, I just thought
I'd throw it in as part of the
act, you know.
508
00:32:19,228 --> 00:32:21,268
Patty: Are you kidding?
509
00:32:21,356 --> 00:32:26,026
Our whole marriage has been part
of the act. I suggest we leave
the divorce stuff in.
510
00:32:28,237 --> 00:32:29,737
Michael: What do you think of
that?
511
00:32:29,822 --> 00:32:32,412
Yeah, me too.
512
00:32:32,492 --> 00:32:36,082
I'll have the button
sewed on your sweater by dinner
and I'll give it to you then.
513
00:32:36,162 --> 00:32:37,042
Well, we'll watch you
sew.
514
00:32:37,121 --> 00:32:37,581
No.
515
00:32:37,664 --> 00:32:38,504
Yeah, me too.
516
00:32:38,581 --> 00:32:40,711
I bet you stick yourself with
the needle.
517
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:43,882
Well, if I do, I'll show
you the hole in my finger later.
518
00:32:43,961 --> 00:32:45,711
Now off you go.
519
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:47,217
Mmm...
520
00:32:47,298 --> 00:32:50,548
Hey, your father probably
thinks you've disowned him. I'll
see you later.
521
00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:51,425
Bye.
522
00:32:51,511 --> 00:32:52,511
Bye.
523
00:32:52,595 --> 00:32:55,635
Hi, mom.
524
00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:05,148
Mom.
525
00:33:07,860 --> 00:33:11,530
Julie (v.O.): Mom, the button
you sewed on my sweater came off
again.
526
00:33:11,614 --> 00:33:14,784
Mom, it's time to take me to
girl scouts.
527
00:33:14,867 --> 00:33:17,037
Mom, what's for dinner?
528
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,210
Mom, we don't like broccoli.
529
00:33:21,290 --> 00:33:25,040
Mom, why haven't you ironed my
jeans?
530
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:32,091
Mom, why are you so upset and
miserable?
531
00:33:34,011 --> 00:33:42,011
It's because your daddy is the
sexiest, most wonderful man I
ever met.
532
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:45,443
And probably the best kisser in
the whole world.
533
00:33:48,401 --> 00:33:54,071
The kids are great... But it's
all happening so fast.
534
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:59,995
I'm not ready for it.
535
00:34:00,079 --> 00:34:03,329
Just too damn young to have
grown-up children.
536
00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:42,537
Hi.
537
00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:46,172
Hey, we were just about to
send out a search party. We
missed you at dinner.
538
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:47,394
Did you sew on my
button?
539
00:34:47,418 --> 00:34:51,668
I sure did. See?
540
00:34:51,756 --> 00:34:54,336
Jack, I'm sorry about dinner,
but something came up.
541
00:34:54,425 --> 00:34:57,345
The captain needed to see me.
Some sort of emergency or
something and...
542
00:34:57,428 --> 00:35:00,008
No problem. Better late
than never.
543
00:35:00,097 --> 00:35:04,187
Oh... Well you see, that's
why I came down to talk to you.
544
00:35:04,268 --> 00:35:05,648
I'm not finished working yet.
545
00:35:05,728 --> 00:35:07,688
Oh, that's all right.
We'll be around.
546
00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:11,072
Just look for a guy with the
silly grin on his face.
547
00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:14,110
Okay. I'll find you.
548
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,395
Fine.
549
00:35:23,412 --> 00:35:24,082
Doc/ Good evening.
550
00:35:24,163 --> 00:35:24,713
Good evening.
551
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:25,669
Well, a lot you know.
552
00:35:25,748 --> 00:35:28,498
Now there, my boys, is a
woman in love.
553
00:35:28,584 --> 00:35:30,554
Golly, professor, how
can you tell?
554
00:35:30,628 --> 00:35:32,548
Well, she has all the
symptoms.
555
00:35:32,630 --> 00:35:36,880
She is so testy, mean, evasive,
shifty-eyed,
556
00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:41,348
and walks around like she's
going somewhere, which we all
know she ain't.
557
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:46,558
And scared to death.
558
00:35:49,647 --> 00:35:51,567
Hey, all right.
559
00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:52,729
Congratulations.
560
00:35:52,817 --> 00:36:00,817
Ted: Thank you.
561
00:36:01,492 --> 00:36:03,412
I'll be right back, joanie
darling.
562
00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:07,254
We'll go get the
champagne. I love you, Judy.
563
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:10,591
Thanks a heap, Judy. You
didn't tell me Gary wanted six
kids.
564
00:36:10,668 --> 00:36:13,628
I love kids. You didn't
tell me Ted didn't want his wife
to work.
565
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:14,857
So you'll give up your
career.
566
00:36:14,881 --> 00:36:16,881
I will not.
567
00:36:16,966 --> 00:36:20,756
Oh, congratulations.
568
00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:25,393
Isee you're wearing different
wedding bands.
569
00:36:25,474 --> 00:36:28,234
Well, finally I can tell you
apart.
570
00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:31,111
Ah, you are...
571
00:36:31,188 --> 00:36:32,858
Uh, Jo... Judy.
572
00:36:32,940 --> 00:36:35,610
Ah, Judy, joanie.
573
00:36:35,693 --> 00:36:38,953
Now I'll never forget.
Congratulations again.
574
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:42,620
Judy, joanie.
575
00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:47,959
What are we gonna do? We
goofed. We shouldn't have
switched.
576
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,829
I know. But what can we
do? We're married now.
577
00:36:50,917 --> 00:36:52,207
Legally bound.
578
00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:55,133
Bound is right.
579
00:36:55,212 --> 00:36:56,922
Wait a minute.
580
00:36:57,006 --> 00:37:00,466
Your husband thinks he's married
to Judy, and that's me.
581
00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:03,971
And my husband thinks he's
married to joanie, and that's
you.
582
00:37:04,055 --> 00:37:05,175
We can't.
583
00:37:05,264 --> 00:37:08,184
All we have to do is
switch back to our regular
names,
584
00:37:08,267 --> 00:37:11,977
then we'll match the marriage
licenses and we'll each be with
the right guy.
585
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:13,273
It's illegal.
586
00:37:13,356 --> 00:37:16,776
Joanie, it's like driving
sixty in a fifty five mile zone.
587
00:37:16,859 --> 00:37:19,819
It's only illegal if you get
caught.
588
00:37:19,904 --> 00:37:23,074
Okay we'll do it.
589
00:37:34,293 --> 00:37:35,003
Ted: Hey, did you miss us?
590
00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:37,086
Judy/ Oh, yes.
591
00:37:37,171 --> 00:37:39,881
I finally figured out a
way to tell your wives apart.
592
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:43,796
Ah, may I see the rings?
593
00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:48,175
Joanie. Judy.
594
00:37:48,265 --> 00:37:49,805
All: Right!
595
00:38:10,079 --> 00:38:13,369
Ladies and gentlemen, we
have a very talented twosome,
596
00:38:13,457 --> 00:38:15,577
i should say foursome with us
tonight.
597
00:38:15,668 --> 00:38:18,647
I'm sure you already know them,
they've been entertaining you
since the cruise began.
598
00:38:18,671 --> 00:38:22,631
So let's have a very warm
welcome for pat and Mike, the
harmons.
599
00:38:38,149 --> 00:38:39,359
Michael: Good evening.
600
00:38:39,442 --> 00:38:41,242
Patty: Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen.
601
00:38:41,318 --> 00:38:43,448
Boy dummy: Gentlemen? I guess
that's us.
602
00:38:43,529 --> 00:38:47,199
Girl dummy: That'll be the day.
603
00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:49,243
Boy dummy: She's starting on me
again.
604
00:38:49,326 --> 00:38:51,972
Michael: Well, uh, maybe she's
only picking on you because she
loves you.
605
00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:54,916
Girl dummy: That'll be another
day.
606
00:38:54,999 --> 00:38:56,476
Michael: Well, what does she got
against you?
607
00:38:56,500 --> 00:39:01,090
Girl dummy: I've got nothin'
against you. And I've got
nothing for you either.
608
00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:04,222
It doesn't matter. This is the
last time we'll be seeing each
other.
609
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:06,970
Boy dummy: Huh?
610
00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:11,273
Girl dummy: Michael wants to get
a divorce. Isn't that right?
611
00:39:11,348 --> 00:39:13,098
Patty: That's what I heard.
612
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:16,564
Boy dummy: Well, that doesn't
mean we can't work together,
does it?
613
00:39:16,645 --> 00:39:20,775
Girl dummy: I hate to tell you
this, but we only say what they
tell us to.
614
00:39:20,858 --> 00:39:23,108
Boy dummy: Nooo...
615
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:26,114
Girl dummy: If they've got
nothing left to say to each
other...
616
00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:29,987
Boy dummy: They've got lots to
say to each other, but they just
can't say it.
617
00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:35,326
Things like I'm sorry I never
listened.
618
00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:38,754
I'm sorry I took you for
granted.
619
00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:42,134
I'm sorry I was more interested
in getting laughs than I was in
us.
620
00:39:46,884 --> 00:39:51,764
Patty: Things like I don't know
how I'm gonna live without you.
Oh, please.
621
00:39:51,847 --> 00:39:59,847
Girl dummy: Please, can't we
give it another try?
622
00:40:01,565 --> 00:40:05,145
Why, Michael, you're crying.
623
00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:08,486
Boy dummy: What's the matter?
You never seen a guy cry before?
624
00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:11,082
You think we got ice water in
our veins?
625
00:40:11,158 --> 00:40:12,488
Girl dummy: Sap.
626
00:40:12,576 --> 00:40:14,496
Michael: Sap is right.
627
00:40:14,578 --> 00:40:17,328
I'm the only sap in the crowd.
628
00:40:17,414 --> 00:40:20,384
Hey look, Patty, let's not throw
away everything.
629
00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:24,259
I mean... I... I still love you.
630
00:40:27,007 --> 00:40:28,337
Patty: Oh, Michael.
631
00:40:48,612 --> 00:40:50,992
Boy dummy: Nice goin', kid.
We're no dummies.
632
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:57,540
Patty: Couldn't resist, could
you?
633
00:40:57,621 --> 00:40:59,421
Michael: The only thing I can't
resist is you.
634
00:41:13,804 --> 00:41:16,104
Julie?
635
00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:23,400
Oh, well, hi there. How's
every little thing?
636
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,570
Okay, I guess. How's
every little thing with you?
637
00:41:26,650 --> 00:41:30,490
Me? Terrific. Couldn't be
better.
638
00:41:30,571 --> 00:41:32,241
You've been avoiding
us.
639
00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:34,743
Nonsense. Avoiding you?
640
00:41:34,825 --> 00:41:37,695
Julie, would you like us
to tell you a story?
641
00:41:37,786 --> 00:41:38,696
Sure.
642
00:41:38,787 --> 00:41:41,247
Okay.
643
00:41:41,332 --> 00:41:42,542
Well, thank you.
644
00:41:44,793 --> 00:41:47,593
Well, you see, it's
about my aunt Kathy.
645
00:41:47,671 --> 00:41:48,961
Hm-hm.
646
00:41:49,048 --> 00:41:51,485
She got married to uncle
frank when she was seventeen
years old,
647
00:41:51,509 --> 00:41:53,259
and had all these little babies.
648
00:41:53,344 --> 00:41:55,054
Only four.
649
00:41:55,137 --> 00:41:56,507
They're our cousins.
650
00:41:56,597 --> 00:42:00,557
Well, now she's old.
Thirty maybe. And she lives with
the rock band.
651
00:42:00,643 --> 00:42:02,443
Yeah? Well, where are her
kids?
652
00:42:02,519 --> 00:42:04,979
They live with uncle
frank.
653
00:42:05,064 --> 00:42:08,364
Do you know why she went away
and lives with the rock band?
654
00:42:08,442 --> 00:42:09,822
Why?
655
00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:12,112
'Cause she never got
to be a young person.
656
00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:14,446
That's what she told daddy.
657
00:42:14,531 --> 00:42:17,491
Well, anyway, I guess that's why
you're getting cold feet...
658
00:42:17,576 --> 00:42:20,406
About marrying daddy and coming
to live with us in Alaska.
659
00:42:20,496 --> 00:42:22,786
Being our mother.
660
00:42:22,873 --> 00:42:27,293
Yeah, that's me. Old cold
feet Julie.
661
00:42:27,378 --> 00:42:32,418
Ah, listen, you guys are great
and I'm crazy about you.
662
00:42:32,508 --> 00:42:35,088
And I'm especially mad about
your father. I...
663
00:42:35,177 --> 00:42:36,967
I just wish that...
664
00:42:37,054 --> 00:42:38,644
That he didn't have us.
665
00:42:38,722 --> 00:42:41,602
No, no.
666
00:42:41,684 --> 00:42:46,274
No. I just don't want to have a
whole family all at the same
time.
667
00:42:46,897 --> 00:42:49,477
I want a gradual family.
668
00:42:49,567 --> 00:42:53,607
I want to be a young person for
a while longer.
669
00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:58,278
I love you.
670
00:42:58,367 --> 00:42:59,987
Oh...
671
00:43:00,077 --> 00:43:03,997
Gee, when a girl breaks up
with a guy's kids, it's...
672
00:43:04,081 --> 00:43:05,751
Oh, Jack.
673
00:43:10,713 --> 00:43:13,633
I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
674
00:43:16,093 --> 00:43:19,723
You know I think I'll be
glad to go back to work.
675
00:43:19,805 --> 00:43:21,425
Falling in love is exhausting.
676
00:43:21,515 --> 00:43:23,515
I know. Jack...
677
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,600
You don't have to say a
word.
678
00:43:25,686 --> 00:43:30,226
I don't want to tie anybody down
unless that person wants to be
tied down.
679
00:43:30,316 --> 00:43:35,146
Jack you're a wonderful
man, and I care about you a
great deal.
680
00:43:35,237 --> 00:43:38,717
Well, that's something we
have in common, because I care a
great deal for you, too.
681
00:43:45,914 --> 00:43:48,044
You want to go inside and have a
drink?
682
00:43:48,125 --> 00:43:51,585
No.
683
00:43:51,670 --> 00:43:52,670
A little dancing?
684
00:43:56,175 --> 00:43:57,675
Midnight buffet?
685
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,680
Hm.
686
00:44:00,763 --> 00:44:02,973
Hey, don't tell me you've run
out of ideas.
687
00:44:15,903 --> 00:44:17,243
Goodbye.
688
00:44:17,321 --> 00:44:20,871
Boy, I'm glad you two guys had a
change of heart.
689
00:44:20,949 --> 00:44:22,909
Boy dummy: And a change of
address.
690
00:44:22,993 --> 00:44:26,253
Girl dummy: At least he is. He's
moving in with us again.
691
00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:29,580
Ah. Then we'll be seeing
the team of pat and Mike again,
huh?
692
00:44:29,666 --> 00:44:32,286
Patty: Oh, not if it's a cold
winter.
693
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:33,938
Michael: We'll be too busy
keeping warm.
694
00:44:36,965 --> 00:44:39,085
Boy dummy: That looks like fun.
Wanna try it?
695
00:44:39,176 --> 00:44:40,426
Girl dummy: I'm game.
696
00:44:45,391 --> 00:44:49,271
Boy dummy: Timber. Wheee...
697
00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:55,404
I bet they'd rather have
children.
698
00:44:59,655 --> 00:45:02,615
Goodbye. I hope we see
you all again soon.
699
00:45:02,699 --> 00:45:06,079
The next time under happier
circumstances.
700
00:45:06,161 --> 00:45:08,461
At least now I know how
to tell you apart.
701
00:45:08,539 --> 00:45:10,749
Oh, that's easy...
702
00:45:10,833 --> 00:45:12,843
That's Gary and that's Ted.
703
00:45:12,918 --> 00:45:16,798
I have a better idea.
704
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:21,800
Here. Never take those off. Now
that should do it.
705
00:45:21,885 --> 00:45:24,555
Sorry, captain.
706
00:45:24,638 --> 00:45:28,098
You haven't lost it,
merrill.
707
00:45:28,183 --> 00:45:31,153
Would you get out of
here.
708
00:45:31,228 --> 00:45:33,688
All: Bye bye...
709
00:46:00,757 --> 00:46:02,797
It was nice meeting you.
710
00:46:02,885 --> 00:46:06,465
Oh, it was wonderful
meeting you.
711
00:46:06,555 --> 00:46:07,305
Julie?
712
00:46:07,389 --> 00:46:08,679
Hm-hm?
713
00:46:08,765 --> 00:46:11,345
I... I wish you were
coming with us.
714
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:13,015
Oh...
715
00:46:13,103 --> 00:46:16,483
Courtney shut up. She
has a big mouth.
716
00:46:16,565 --> 00:46:19,685
I was just gonna say, if you
ever get to Alaska, look us up.
717
00:46:19,776 --> 00:46:21,196
I will.
718
00:46:21,278 --> 00:46:24,988
Oh, Julie, I wish you
were coming with us.
719
00:46:25,073 --> 00:46:29,293
Will the real big
mouth please stand up.
720
00:46:29,369 --> 00:46:30,499
I love you.
721
00:46:30,579 --> 00:46:32,579
I love you.
722
00:46:32,664 --> 00:46:33,584
Bye, Julie.
723
00:46:33,665 --> 00:46:36,535
I love you.
724
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:39,457
I love you. I'm gonna
miss you.
725
00:46:51,517 --> 00:46:55,557
Julie... Maybe we...
726
00:46:55,646 --> 00:46:59,106
Oh, Jack, no.
727
00:46:59,191 --> 00:47:02,901
Yeah.
728
00:47:02,986 --> 00:47:04,526
Well...
729
00:47:04,613 --> 00:47:09,623
If you ever get to la
again, maybe you could look me
up.
730
00:47:11,161 --> 00:47:13,581
Sure.
731
00:47:13,664 --> 00:47:15,924
If you ever get up to Alaska...
732
00:47:15,999 --> 00:47:18,749
You know that's not
altogether impossible.
733
00:47:18,835 --> 00:47:24,675
We have cruises. And I could get
on one of them
accidentally... Maybe on purpose.
734
00:47:26,134 --> 00:47:28,724
Sure.
735
00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:33,184
Well, if you do... Look me up.
736
00:47:33,267 --> 00:47:35,937
Yeah.
737
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,279
Bye.
56532
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