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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:03,503
[male weatherman]
Good morning, Chicago.
3
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,004
The big question for Santa
4
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,424
is can he handle
the Chicago weather.
5
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,134
[man] What do I want
for Christmas?
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
7
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,635
how about a winning team?
8
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,262
Any Chicago team.
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00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,389
[woman 1] You've already put
your wish in for Santa, right?
10
00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:16,891
[woman 2] I sure have.
I wrote a list,
I checked it twice.
11
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,144
[male reporter] Blackhawk fans
around the world,
12
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,687
fans everywhere have had...
13
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:22,188
[woman 3] And I love
this time of year.
14
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,464
[adult Jake]
We gotta hustle, Annie.
15
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,965
-Come on. Let's go, go, go!
-[phone chimes]
16
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:51,342
That's my friends
trying to reach me, isn't it?
17
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,219
You know,
if I had my own phone...
18
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:57,474
Um, there's no quit in you,
and it's inspiring.
Still a hard no.
19
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,726
Okay, let's say
I'm in a burning building.
20
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,686
No. A burning pet store.
21
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:04,397
No. A burning orphanage,
22
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,357
and I need to make
a phone call.
23
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,151
-You'd feel so terrible.
-[phone chimes]
24
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,527
Lives are at stake!
25
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,029
You're not getting a phone,
Annie. I'm sorry.
26
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,989
I get more calls on your phone
than you do.
27
00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:14,449
That's not true.
28
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:17,243
My friends have to text you
just to talk to me.
29
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,703
It's embarrassing.
30
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,872
I'm not embarrassing.
Maeve's dad is embarrassing.
31
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,749
Whoa! [grunts]
32
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:24,626
Ow!
33
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,712
Still? The ice?
34
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,839
-[Santa] I told them
to salt it.
-[adult Jake] Ow.
35
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,883
-[Annie] You were saying?
-[phone ringing]
36
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,593
[groaning] One second.
37
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:35,804
Jake Doyle.
38
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:40,141
It's for you.
39
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,270
[adult Jake] Fifty-eight
minutes to Grandpa
and Grandma's. With traffic.
40
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,814
Boom!
41
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,107
Hey, you wanna shoot pucks
in the driveway later?
42
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,360
No, thanks.
43
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,403
Why not?
I thought you liked it.
It's kind of our thing.
44
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,780
I don't like hockey anymore.
45
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,783
Oh, okay, well...
46
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,327
maybe we can build a snowman
with Mom and your brother?
47
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:00,787
Dad.
48
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,330
We could...
49
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,375
Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up.
50
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:09,211
Listen, kiddo,
I'm sorry about the phone.
It's not gonna happen.
51
00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:10,839
I hate to see you disappointed.
52
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:13,842
Look, I know that this year
is a little bit different,
53
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,135
but you can still have
a good Christmas.
54
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,262
What about you?
55
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,724
I always have a good Christmas.
56
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,143
[adult Jake] Hello?
57
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,604
Mom?
58
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,814
Must be out running errands.
59
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,569
[adult Jake] Katie? Charlie?
60
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,237
[Annie] I'm bored.
61
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,406
Why couldn't
we visit Aunt Lizzy
in Australia instead?
62
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,908
Those flights
are crazy expensive.
63
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,743
[Annie] Well...
64
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,453
what am I supposed to do here?
65
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,123
I...
66
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,045
[adult Jake] Come on, come on.
67
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,007
Ta-da!
68
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:57,343
-What is that?
-That's my Nintendo
from when I was a kid.
69
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,721
[Annie] Hmm.
It looks like Tupperware.
70
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:00,680
Tupperware?
71
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:02,515
Come on, let's play.
72
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,185
Can I text Maeve
from your phone after?
73
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,396
Can you...
74
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,857
Yes, but can I show you
how this works first, please?
75
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:11,900
-[Annie] Yeah.
-Thank you.
76
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,155
Oh, first you have
to do this. [blows]
77
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,281
Why?
78
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,782
I don't know,
just how it works.
79
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,035
-[blowing]
-Nice. Maybe dust?
80
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,581
[laughs]
81
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,168
I thought you said
Grandma and Grandpa
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00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,462
didn't let you have video games
when you were little.
83
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,463
They didn't.
84
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,799
Then how'd you get it?
85
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,219
When I was a kid,
I wanted a Nintendo
worse than you want a phone.
86
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,387
That's not possible.
87
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,016
You know what?
Today is your lucky day.
88
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:49,479
Because I am now
going to tell you the story
about how I got my Nintendo.
89
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:53,775
But it is possibly
the most amazing, dangerous,
90
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:56,319
awesome story of all time.
91
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,238
So... can you handle it?
92
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,241
Is it dangerous
because I might die
from boredom?
93
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,743
That's a good point.
94
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,580
The year was 1987.
Or was it '88?
95
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,290
No. '85, Bears.
96
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,376
-Super Bowl was in '86...
-Okay, does it
really matter, Dad?
97
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,378
Okay, okay.
98
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:17,130
The year was the late '80s.
99
00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:18,341
We'll call it December.
100
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:22,553
I was 11 years old.
101
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,098
In the winter,
if the streets were plowed,
102
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:29,644
I could make it
to Timmy Keane's house
in just under eight minutes.
103
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,648
[Annie] On a bike?
How fast were you going?
104
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,774
[adult Jake] Super fast.
105
00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:35,900
[Annie] Did you wear a helmet?
106
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,027
[adult Jake] Yeah, of course.
107
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,154
We always wore helmets
in the '80s.
108
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:42,365
Was it green?
109
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,701
Um, yeah. It was green.
110
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,202
[adult Jake] Could I just
tell the story?
111
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,078
-[Annie] Yeah.
-[adult Jake] Thanks.
112
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,673
[panting]
113
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,220
[children chanting]
Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo!
114
00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,431
Nintendo! Nintendo!
115
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,558
[adult Jake] The rule
at Keane's was simple.
116
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,811
The first ten kids
to get through his door
got to play Nintendo.
117
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,604
You know how you meet
some people,
118
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,398
and you have no idea that
they have a lot of money?
119
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,026
Yeah. Timmy Keane
was the opposite of that.
120
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,695
A known psycho,
121
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,739
he had the tendency
to lose his mind
on a regular basis.
122
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,950
-[umpire] You're out!
-You! You! You!
123
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,285
Stupid!
124
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,162
Idiot Grandma!
125
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,499
[adult Jake] It was
an early lesson
in God's cruelty...
126
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:38,504
giving the only Nintendo
in town to a rich kid
like Timmy Keane.
127
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,508
And every kid
at Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary
was at his mercy...
128
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:43,843
including my best friends.
129
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:46,679
Oh, another Saturday
in the trenches.
130
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,264
[inhales]
131
00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:50,308
[adult Jake] Mikey Trotter.
132
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:54,729
Tough, tenacious.
Was allowed to watch
R-rated movies, and it showed.
133
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,814
I wanna set land mines
in this yard.
134
00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:00,068
Like in Platoon,
blow everyone up.
135
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,694
Sounds dangerous.
136
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,237
[adult Jake] Evan Olsen.
137
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:06,449
Nervous, allergic to bees
and SpaghettiOs.
138
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,201
Probably has to go home soon.
139
00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:10,078
I probably gotta go home soon.
140
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,454
More Nintendo for us.
141
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,955
[adult Jake] Tammy Hodges.
142
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,291
Smart, confident,
baseball card genius
143
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,169
and future CEO
of Hodges Industries.
144
00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,796
My Canseco rookie went up
two bucks!
145
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,714
Yeah, that used to be
my Canseco.
146
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,757
[adult Jake] Teddy Hodges.
147
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,425
Tammy's twin brother.
148
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,637
Future assistant to the CEO
of Hodges Industries.
149
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,013
Hey, guys. What's up?
150
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,765
[adult Jake] Oh, yeah,
and this kid.
151
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,475
Sorry I'm late.
I was on the phone
with Bon Jovi.
152
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,684
[adult Jake] Jeff Farmer.
153
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:35,103
Pathological liar.
154
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,438
Not really our friend,
but always around.
155
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,065
And you left school
early yesterday
156
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:41,234
because Tom Cruise needed you
to stunt double for him?
157
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,653
He knows I too
have a need for speed.
158
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,404
So, you didn't have diarrhea?
159
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,031
It was both.
Tom Cruise and diarrhea.
160
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,117
The two are not
mutually exclusive.
161
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,827
Shut up. He's coming out.
162
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,995
[children chanting]
Nintendo! Nintendo!
163
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,872
[children screaming]
164
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,213
Nintendo!
165
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:04,173
-Nintendo!
-Silence!
166
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,550
[adult Jake] 8:00 a.m.
167
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,176
Game time.
168
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,054
Any of you huddled masses
care for some Nintendo?
169
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,764
[all] Yeah!
170
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,307
Pick me! Pick me!
171
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,935
You. You. You.
172
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,229
You're good.
173
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,648
Yes! I got in!
174
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,693
[Mikey] We're in!
175
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,278
I love this place.
176
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,530
-[Mikey] Whoa!
-[Tammy] Awesome.
177
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,200
[adult Jake] And there she was,
glistening in all her
gray plastic glory,
178
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,746
a maze of rubber wiring
and electronic intelligence
so advanced
179
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,582
it was deemed
not a video game,
180
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:41,460
but an 8-bit
entertainment system.
181
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,212
Say hello to my little friend.
182
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,715
Hey, boots off!
183
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,717
There's tape over there
if you have holes
in your socks.
184
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,762
Don't touch the wall!
It's French.
185
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,725
-Wait, my brother's
still outside.
-[Teddy] Let me in!
186
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,767
[Timmy] You know the rules.
187
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,311
First ten, that's it.
188
00:07:58,394 --> 00:07:59,270
But it's Teddy.
189
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,688
[mocking] "But it's Teddy."
190
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:01,647
[Teddy] Jerk!
191
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,108
Too bad, so sad.
192
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,068
[adult Jake] There was
no denying he was a jerk.
193
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,613
There was also no denying
he had the coolest basement
194
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,948
in the entire
Central Time Zone.
195
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:13,951
A pool table, shuffle board,
pinball machine,
196
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,621
pop machine,
movie-style popcorn-maker.
197
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,247
[Timmy] Hey, no sucking
on the soda pop.
198
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,333
[adult Jake] And a snack drawer
better stocked
199
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,710
than most supermarkets
in the greater Chicago area.
200
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,087
You guys hungry?
You want some Pop-Tarts
or something?
201
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340
-Yeah. That'd be great.
-[Jake] Sure.
202
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:28,883
-[beeping]
-Mom.
203
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,220
Mom!
204
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,388
-Mom, wake up!
-[Mrs. Keane] What?
205
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:35,431
Get me a Pop-Tart!
206
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:36,765
[Mrs. Keane] Uh, how many?
207
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,354
-Just one.
-[Mrs. Keane] Does anybody--
208
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:43,438
[sighing]
209
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:44,440
[yaps]
210
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:49,654
Winner stays.
211
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:51,989
Die, die!
212
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,950
You're dead. You're dead.
213
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,285
You're dead. [laughs]
214
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,411
Hey, you guys wanna play?
215
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,330
Psych! Boom!
216
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,791
I can do this all day.
217
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,085
[adult Jake] As I sat there
and watched Timmy Keane
218
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:08,214
blast away an inch
from the screen
to his evil heart's content,
219
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,757
one thing became clear.
220
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,926
I needed to get
my own Nintendo.
221
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,219
Fast.
222
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,553
[festive music playing]
223
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,393
[Kathy] Oh, gee!
224
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,896
Y-O-U-R is possessive.
225
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,982
[adult Jake] For weeks,
I'd been plotting
226
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,026
how to get my parents
to say "yes" to a Nintendo
for Christmas.
227
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,279
[Kathy] "Scout" is misspelled.
228
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,448
[adult Jake] Tonight was
the night I'd finally put
my plan into action.
229
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,326
-[Kathy] "Atticus"
is misspelled.
-[Jake] Mom.
230
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,245
Uh, hey, Mom.
231
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,330
I'm so sorry, Mom,
232
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,249
but I got some ketchup
on my sweatshirt.
233
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:46,335
Oh, gosh. All right,
let's get that out
before it sets in.
234
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,462
You know,
we bought that sweatshirt
two sizes too big.
235
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,172
-I know.
-It's gotta last you
another year.
236
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:54,343
I don't know. Wow! Jesus!
237
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,679
[adult Jake] My mom
was always multi-tasking.
238
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,139
She thrived on the chaos.
239
00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,224
Two things at once,
she was golden.
240
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:04,186
But if you gave her
a third task to juggle,
things got dicey,
241
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,356
and you could get her
to agree to stuff she wouldn't
normally agree to.
242
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,401
Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking,
for Christmas...
243
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,570
A kid who thinks.
How refreshing.
244
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,864
Maybe you could teach
my students that.
245
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,365
Sure?
246
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,242
But just to make
Christmas shopping
247
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,578
a little easier for me
this year...
248
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:22,496
how about getting me
a Nintendo?
249
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,374
Sure. That sounds great.
250
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,376
[adult Jake]
Mom gauntlet passed.
251
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,586
[John] God bless it!
252
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,212
Is everything all right
in there?
253
00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:34,050
Has anyone seen my SKIL saw?
254
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,218
I think it's in the shower.
255
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:40,222
No, that's my jigsaw.
I need my SKIL saw.
256
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,892
John, the SKIL saw
is underneath the jigsaw.
257
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,269
You have to look harder.
258
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,481
-Those are for the Muellers.
-[stammers]
259
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:50,691
[adult Jake] Of the 6,000
Christmas cookies
260
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,401
my mom had baked
over the years,
261
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,237
no one in my family
had ever actually eaten one.
262
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,739
Hey, the milk is expired.
263
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,574
No. That's a suggestion.
It's fine.
264
00:10:58,657 --> 00:10:59,784
Jake! Where...
265
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,285
-Oh.
-What?
266
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,579
Come on in here and help me.
267
00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:05,623
[adult Jake] Normally,
helping my dad with whatever
half-baked renovation
268
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,666
he was doing
would be the last thing
I wanted to do,
269
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,753
but tonight,
I was a man on a mission.
270
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,005
I'll be right in, Dad.
271
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,340
[Kathy] Wow, look at that.
272
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,592
He finally wore you down.
273
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:20,471
[adult Jake] My dad
was something
of a dyslexic Bob Vila.
274
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,808
It was well-known
up and down Linwood Avenue
that in 1978
275
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:28,312
my father went to
install a kitchen cabinet
and had not stopped since.
276
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,689
[Kathy] Please wear
your safety glasses this time.
277
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,358
[Annie] Did you wear
the safety glasses?
278
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:33,442
[adult Jake] Absolutely.
279
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,362
Really?
280
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:38,697
Kind of.
281
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:45,538
All right,
you can take that off now.
282
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,415
-[Jake] What?
-[John] Take it off.
283
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:48,582
Oh.
284
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,167
We'll look for
the glasses later.
285
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,878
It's really
more of a suggestion.
286
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,425
[Jake] Wow.
287
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,260
How'd you get your hands
so strong?
288
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,304
I've been working with them
for over 30 years, that's how.
289
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,181
-That's so cool.
-Yeah?
290
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,142
Maybe you guys could
get me something
for Christmas
291
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,936
that builds up
my hand strength,
so I could help you out better.
292
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:14,150
You know,
I like the sound of that.
293
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,192
Like a Nintendo?
294
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:17,319
Yeah.
295
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,823
Done. [chuckles]
296
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,700
All right. Let's go clean up.
Come on.
297
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:24,493
[Annie] You did it, Dad!
298
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,578
They said yes.
299
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,329
I was on cloud nine.
300
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,999
So the story's over, right?
301
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,375
Cool. Can I text Maeve now?
302
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,252
Uh-uh.
303
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,672
[Kathy] John,
that cup is disgusting.
304
00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:39,216
This is the exact cup
I was drinking out of when...
305
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,759
When they beat the North Stars
306
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,179
-in the Conference semis
in '85.
-Fine. Yep.
307
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,056
It's a beautiful memory
and a gross cup.
308
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,933
Totally.
309
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,935
Stop saying "totally."
You sound like a moron.
310
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,854
[John] And what's your retainer
doing out of your mouth?
311
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,355
But we're eating.
312
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,399
Do you know how expensive
that thing is? Put it back in.
313
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,736
John, he really can't eat
with it in. It doesn't
work that way.
314
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,363
Well, it won't work at all
if he loses it.
315
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,782
I mean, orthodontistry
is the biggest racket.
316
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,493
I could make
one of those. Easy.
317
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,329
Couple of paper clips,
mouth guard...
[whistles] Done.
318
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,706
I'd like you to finish
the living room
and the dining room
319
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,625
before you start work
on their retainers.
320
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,711
If I had a retainer,
I'd wear it all the time,
no matter what.
321
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:18,297
I know you would, honey.
You're such a sweetheart.
322
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,884
Hey, you haven't seen
my air compressor, have you?
323
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,427
It's in the backyard,
324
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,221
right next to all the dog poop
that Jake didn't pick up.
325
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:26,972
Hey.
326
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,432
You haven't picked that up yet?
327
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,683
Cry in a bucket, Jake.
328
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,185
What have you been doing
all day?
329
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,728
I was in
Timmy Keane's basement.
330
00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:34,230
What, you can't play outside?
331
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,231
It's cold.
332
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,941
It's not even below zero out.
333
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,400
What've you been doing inside
all day?
334
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,819
Probably playing the Mimtendo?
335
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:41,987
"Nintendo."
336
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,739
That's what I just said.
"Intendo," John.
337
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,367
You know,
I ran into Mrs. Trotter
at the Jewel today.
338
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,078
Apparently, video games
have been doing
339
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,914
all kinds of strange things
to children in Japan.
340
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,749
Like what?
341
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:56,710
They get so involved,
they completely forget
about everything else.
342
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:57,920
School, friends.
343
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,422
One little boy
had a brain aneurysm
344
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,925
and stuff oozed
out of his nose.
345
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,761
I'm very glad
that we do not have one.
[chuckles]
346
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:08,556
But you said I could get one
for Christmas.
347
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,600
I said nothing of the sort.
348
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,270
Video games make you fat, Jake.
It's a fact.
349
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,730
Cabbage Patch Kids
don't make you fat.
350
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,107
[Jake] No, no, no.
351
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025
Dad, you said
I could have one, too.
352
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,902
No, I didn't.
Well, okay, I did.
353
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,655
But I thought that
it was an Asian tool brand,
like Makita.
354
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:27,032
You know what?
You should be playing outside.
355
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,994
Evan Olsen almost got frostbite
from playing outside.
356
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,912
He almost lost his pinkie toe.
357
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,831
The Olsens are weak stock.
358
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,374
No Nintendo in my house.
359
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,209
I second that.
360
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,836
Me three,
and that makes a majority.
361
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,632
Looks like a no-go
on the 'Tendo.
362
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,843
[laughs]
363
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,845
She's funny, John.
364
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,764
[John] Best kid ever.
365
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,975
[adult Jake] And just
like that, it was gone.
366
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,060
I was never getting
my own Nintendo.
367
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,645
My life was over.
368
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,401
Jake. Jake.
369
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,361
Come on. You gotta focus, man.
370
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,864
[Evan] His parents said
he couldn't get a Nintendo
last night.
371
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,407
When my parents said no,
I was so mad,
372
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,618
I started calling them
by their first names.
373
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:14,038
Okay, well, channel that anger
into taking down Jagorski.
374
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,456
[grunting]
375
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,750
[Josh] Yeah!
376
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,251
Yeah!
377
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,586
Let's go!
378
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,088
[growling]
379
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,591
[adult Jake]
Every day before school,
we would gather,
380
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:28,510
for reasons unknown,
to get pummeled by Jagorski
381
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,429
in the game
King of the Mountain.
382
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,806
[all screaming]
383
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,934
My mountain! Mine!
384
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:39,855
[adult Jake] It was never
quite certain what grade Josh
"King of the Mountain" Jagorski
385
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,231
was actually enrolled in,
386
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,400
as the vast majority
of his time
387
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,653
was spent
in such foreign districts
as the principal's office,
388
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,822
and the adult beverage
refrigerator case
at the gas station.
389
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,867
[growling]
390
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,911
[Josh] Bye and bye.
391
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:57,331
Yeah! Come on!
392
00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,668
He smells like my dad
after he practices guitar
in the garage.
393
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:01,877
Who wants a piece
394
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,589
of this delicious
strawberry cake?
395
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:08,050
This is it. Let's go!
396
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,052
-Why now?
-Do we have to?
397
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,053
Come on!
398
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,513
Come here!
399
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:13,889
[screaming]
400
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:16,975
Let's go! Let's go! Go, go, go!
401
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,981
Come on!
402
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,608
[Mikey] Oh, no!
403
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,568
Yeah!
404
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,611
Come on.
405
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,907
How about
a nice face wash, Doyle?
406
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,036
[screams]
407
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,121
Yeah!
408
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,249
[Jake] I hate that guy!
409
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,417
Me too.
410
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,876
Just think about
the Power Glove, man.
411
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,254
What? What Power Glove?
412
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,422
Yo, you didn't tell him?
413
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,173
-I thought you told him.
-[Mikey] No.
414
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:51,510
The Power Glove.
Keane got one last night.
415
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,929
No way!
416
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:55,389
-Yes, way.
-[Jake] For real.
417
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,850
-[Jake] Awesome!
-Look, he's already practicing.
418
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,520
[Tammy] Nice!
419
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,188
[Timmy] Psych!
420
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,232
We're all going over
to his house after school
to play it.
421
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,525
He's gonna let us in?
422
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,359
We gotta bribe him with gifts,
but yeah.
423
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,445
Who else knows?
424
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,405
Just us.
425
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:12,906
Well...
426
00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:15,159
and Farmer.
427
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,786
Great. Farmer knows.
Secret's safe.
428
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:20,539
[children chanting]
Power Glove! Power Glove!
429
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,834
I didn't say anything
to anyone, I swear to God.
430
00:17:23,916 --> 00:17:26,462
All right, fine.
Maybe Meg Platt,
Steve Dybsky,
431
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,631
my second-period gym class,
Coach Wallach, but that's it.
432
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,467
Come on, Farmer.
Now we're never gonna get in.
433
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,469
I have a Power Glove
at my house.
434
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,137
My uncle works
at the cardboard company--
435
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,389
You don't have one, Farmer.
436
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,933
No, I do not.
437
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,644
I don't think
anybody in Chicago has one yet
besides Keane.
438
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,313
He's coming out!
439
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,900
[children chanting]
Power Glove! Power Glove!
Power Glove!
440
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,445
This is so dumb.
441
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:53,155
Just do it.
442
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,824
[children chanting]
Power Glove! Power Glove!
Power Glove!
443
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,285
[boom box playing]
444
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:02,206
♪ I'm holding out for a hero
Till the end of the night ♪
445
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:05,584
♪ He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast ♪
446
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,712
♪ And he's gotta be fresh
From the fight ♪
447
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:11,298
-[mouthing]
-♪ I need a hero ♪
448
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,175
[all cheering]
449
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,722
Yeah, Keane, yeah!
450
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,563
[adult Jake] It was
the most beautiful
piece of machinery
451
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,524
I'd ever laid eyes on.
452
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,236
The thing made
Luke Skywalker's robot hand
look like a Tinker toy.
453
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,613
Silence, children of Batavia.
454
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:36,698
And Coach.
455
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,743
What have you brought me?
456
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,203
[all] Me! Me! Me!
457
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,997
I got a goldfish!
I got a goldfish!
458
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:47,417
Untraceable cash money!
459
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,211
You're not getting in
with that, dude.
460
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,713
It's a summer sausage.
It's gourmet.
461
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,632
It's the best I could find.
462
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:54,675
[boy] Gimme! Gimme!
463
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:55,717
One!
464
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:57,678
Two! Three!
465
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,638
Hey, I got my dad's
Sports Illustrated.
466
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,181
Yeah. Four. Yeah.
467
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,641
NASA moon rocks?
468
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,184
Moon rocks? No.
469
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,394
Summer sausage!
470
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,437
-It's my dad's. It's gourmet.
-No.
471
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:13,694
[Connor] I got
a goldfish, Keane!
You want it?
472
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,446
-But it's a good pet.
It's a fish.
-[Timmy] No.
473
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,168
Good girl, good girl.
474
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,628
[dog growling]
475
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,095
Fetch! Go!
476
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,183
[Timmy] Settle down, peons.
477
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:49,354
-Gentlemen.
-[clears throat]
478
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,441
Gentlemen and the Hodges girl.
479
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,401
Behold the Power Glove...
480
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,069
in all of its...
481
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,363
power.
482
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,950
Timmy Keane, dream journal.
483
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,119
I had the dream
about Tammy Hodges again.
484
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,496
She was on a white horse,
I was on a beach.
485
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,957
-I don't know what that means.
-Turn it off!
486
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,667
-[Mrs. Keane] Timmy,
do you have your jammies on?
-[Timmy] Mom, get out of here!
487
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,294
[Mrs. Keane] Okay.
488
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,172
-No one heard that. Understand?
-Yeah.
489
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:17,299
[exhaling]
490
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,635
Behold...
491
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,429
the power of the Power Glove.
492
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,974
[Timmy] You ready, Hodges?
493
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,809
Not everyone can use
these things, by the way.
494
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,312
You have to be
specially trained
in Taekwondo
495
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,315
which is like karate,
but just more expensive.
496
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,442
[Jake] What a tool.
497
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,694
[adult Jake]
Oh, man. This was it.
498
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,947
The Power Glove. At last.
499
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:43,742
Each one of us
in that basement knew we were
about to witness history.
500
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,915
Feel the Glove.
501
00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:51,458
Felt like an Isotoner.
502
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,460
This is how you really punch
with power.
503
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,923
-[Timmy] Come on.
-[all] Oh!
504
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,094
-[Mikey] Go, Tammy!
-[Teddy] Go, Tammy,
get him, get him!
505
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:04,012
Boom! You can give up now.
506
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,848
Nah. I think I'll win instead.
507
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,642
[Mikey] Yeah, Tammy!
508
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,228
Get him, Tammy! Get him!
509
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:13,772
[all] Whoa!
510
00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:14,773
Come on!
511
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,858
Work!
512
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,111
[adult Jake] We thought
he was just making excuses,
being a sore loser.
513
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:22,572
But we'd later realized
a horror that defined
our generation.
514
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,825
The Power Glove sucked.
515
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,201
This glove sucks!
516
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:28,787
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
517
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,833
Come on, unleash your power!
518
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:36,837
[Jake] Yeah, yeah!
519
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,006
It's not working! Come on!
520
00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,216
[man in game] Silence him!
521
00:21:41,299 --> 00:21:42,968
[all cheering] Yeah!
522
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:46,054
Mommy, Tammy cheated!
523
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,266
Sucks to lose... to a girl.
524
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,059
-[all] Ooh!
-[screams]
525
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,061
[adult Jake]
Maybe it was the glove.
526
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,312
You tell 'em, Keane!
527
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:55,731
[adult Jake]
Maybe it was the song.
528
00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:57,774
Chop, chop, chop!
529
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,693
Hai karate, Keane!
530
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:02,946
[adult Jake]
Maybe it was because
he was just such an idiot.
531
00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:07,034
But Timmy Keane lost his
dang mind that day.
532
00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:09,828
Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
533
00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:15,417
[all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
534
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,376
[screams]
535
00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:20,338
[kids screaming in horror]
536
00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,759
[all gasp]
537
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,802
[Mrs. Keane over intercom]
Does anybody want some Tang?
538
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,721
I just made a batch.
539
00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:30,182
[adult Jake] A marble
stuck in a nostril...
540
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:31,767
shattering Mom's antique vase.
541
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,644
Picnics in the fricking park
compared to this.
542
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:36,897
For there,
lying under the weight
543
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:40,442
of a smashed 42-inch
television set...
544
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,360
was a dead dog.
545
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:43,653
What?
546
00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:45,113
The dog dies?
547
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,282
There's a dead dog
in this story?
548
00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:50,285
Hey, what can I tell ya?
It was the '80s.
549
00:22:50,368 --> 00:22:51,953
Stuff got real.
550
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:53,997
I thought you said
you were super safe
in the '80s?
551
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,916
It was a complicated decade.
552
00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:57,334
Are you making all this up?
553
00:22:57,417 --> 00:22:58,794
No. No. No way.
554
00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:01,630
Okay, well...
555
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,381
what happened next
in the basement?
556
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:06,009
I mean,
I don't really care. But...
557
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,805
What did you do?
558
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:13,058
We did what any rational,
thoughtful, responsible kids
559
00:23:13,141 --> 00:23:14,976
would've done in our position.
560
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,019
[all exclaiming] Run!
561
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,482
[Evan] Why is everyone running?
562
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,151
[Tammy] Go, go, go!
563
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,654
-[Evan] What's happening?
-We gotta get outta here!
564
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:28,073
[Evan] What's going on?
What's going on?
565
00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:30,617
-The sound of all
those bones breaking...
-What do you mean, "bones"?
566
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:34,121
It's game over at Keane's!
Just go! Go! Go! Go!
567
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:36,498
Go!
568
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,000
[yells indistinctly]
569
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:43,004
[adult Jake] It was the end-o
of Nintendo at Keane's
as we knew it.
570
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,631
So many thoughts
raced through my head.
571
00:23:44,714 --> 00:23:46,842
Would I be arrested?
Would I go to jail?
572
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,261
Or worse, would I ever play
Nintendo again?
573
00:23:57,435 --> 00:24:00,147
It's gonna be snow, snow, snow.
574
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,982
[Lizzy] Snow!
575
00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:03,859
[weatherman] We have
a northwest clipper
coming off
576
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,193
-of the south side
of Lake Michigan.
-Yes!
577
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,529
God bless it.
578
00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,197
[weatherman]
And at Christmas time
that's just perfect.
579
00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:14,077
Can't read Jenny Jablecki's
handwriting on this, Mom.
580
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:16,454
[Kathy] If there is a heart
over the "I"...
581
00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:17,789
mark it wrong and move on.
582
00:24:19,082 --> 00:24:20,542
Are we gonna have
a snow day today?
583
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,712
I don't want anyone here
getting their hopes up.
584
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,088
It's probably not gonna happen.
585
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:27,299
I don't want anyone
getting upset, okay?
586
00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:30,051
[adult Jake] In the history
of Batavia, Illinois,
587
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,095
there had never been
a snow day.
588
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,930
Not a single one.
589
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:36,391
It could be 20 below
with a Soviet attack
on the way
590
00:24:36,474 --> 00:24:38,560
-and we'd still have school.
-[reporter] We just
got this in.
591
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:41,354
In Kane County,
the school closures
are as follows...
592
00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,023
-[Lizzy] Come on!
-[reporter] Geneva,
593
00:24:43,106 --> 00:24:44,357
-Come on!
-[reporter] Elburn...
594
00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:45,901
-[Jake] Come on!
-[reporter] South Elgin,
595
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,737
[reporter] North Aurora,
and...that's it.
596
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,906
-Stupid!
-Oh, no!
597
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,824
Mary of God!
598
00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:56,786
I told you guys
not to get your hopes up.
599
00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:59,122
-[Jake] You okay, Mom?
-[Kathy] All right.
You have to eat something.
600
00:25:00,790 --> 00:25:02,500
-Here.
-This is frozen.
601
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,836
Yes, put it under your armpits
for two minutes,
it'll thaw out.
602
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,755
Guys, coats, gloves.
What are we doing?
603
00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:07,964
Jake, don't forget your boots.
604
00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:10,091
Yeah. Don't forget
your boots, Jake.
605
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,303
-[Lizzy laughs]
-[sighs]
606
00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:18,099
[adult Jake] My mother,
in a multi-tasking, cold,
coupon-induced bout of madness,
607
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,936
had accidentally bought me
girl's boots.
608
00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:33,323
Back then,
they were a death sentence.
609
00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:36,493
I should note,
they were also flowered
and French.
610
00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:38,286
What do you mean,
"girl's boots"?
611
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,789
Like they only fit girl's feet?
612
00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,500
No, they were just purple.
613
00:25:43,583 --> 00:25:45,085
So?
614
00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:48,296
Back then, people were
more close-minded
about fashion.
615
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,799
And everything else.
616
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:52,217
Ooh, pretty.
617
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:56,638
Did you know that
Esprit is French for "cool"?
618
00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,223
-Really?
-No.
619
00:25:58,306 --> 00:25:59,474
Just go ahead, I'll catch up.
620
00:25:59,557 --> 00:26:00,892
What if someone kidnaps me?
621
00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:03,270
They'll return you in,
like, five minutes.
622
00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:04,771
You shouldn't be doing that.
623
00:26:04,854 --> 00:26:06,606
Wait a second and shut up.
624
00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:08,149
You said a swear.
625
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,609
I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy.
626
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,444
I got a lot on my mind too.
627
00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,989
Come on. Let's go.
628
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,156
Let's go.
629
00:26:20,996 --> 00:26:22,038
[sneezes]
630
00:26:26,793 --> 00:26:30,547
[Mrs. Hugo] It's called
the Dewey Decimal System.
631
00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:34,301
Right. This is a life skill,
people, like cursive.
632
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:37,804
When you're an adult,
and you wanna look
something up really quickly,
633
00:26:37,887 --> 00:26:41,182
you're gonna be very happy
that you learned
this today. Okay.
634
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,102
All you're gonna have to do
is go to the library.
635
00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:45,687
Get your coats and boots on,
head on over...
636
00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:48,023
We talked to Keane.
The dog's not dead.
637
00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,941
The dog's not dead?
638
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:52,444
No, it just broke three legs
and a few ribs.
It's on life support.
639
00:26:52,527 --> 00:26:55,405
It's gonna make
a full recovery though. Right?
640
00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:56,781
I wouldn't count on it.
641
00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:59,326
That TV landed on her
like a house on a witch.
642
00:26:59,409 --> 00:27:01,911
But eventually
it'll be like nothing happened.
643
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:06,124
Physically, maybe.
But mentally,
she'll never be the same.
644
00:27:06,207 --> 00:27:08,710
You're lucky
you didn't see it, Olsen.
You would have thrown up.
645
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,588
I only throw up
from SpaghettiOs.
It's a medical condition.
646
00:27:11,671 --> 00:27:14,049
He's really the Shackleton
of the librarians.
647
00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:16,426
-And I'm not the only one
who thinks that, by the way.
-[snoring]
648
00:27:16,509 --> 00:27:18,887
Wait, so does this mean
Nintendo's back on?
649
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,263
-It gets
a little more specific.
-No.
650
00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:23,641
Keane's dad took it away.
It's really over.
651
00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:25,393
[Jeff] Did you guys hear?
652
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,520
The Loyal Ranger Scouts
are giving out a Nintendo
this year.
653
00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:31,232
Whoever sells the most wreaths
in the wreath-selling contest
gets one.
654
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,235
-No way.
-Yes, way.
A sixth-grader told me.
655
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,446
The same sixth-grader
who told you that
there were tryouts
656
00:27:36,529 --> 00:27:38,281
for the A-Team? Yeah, right.
657
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:41,034
Nope. That was a lie.
This one's real.
658
00:27:41,117 --> 00:27:43,536
We're gonna need
some solid proof, Farmer.
659
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:45,663
-Jake Doyle.
-Huh?
660
00:27:45,747 --> 00:27:48,458
Do you have something
that you'd like to share
with the rest of the class?
661
00:27:48,541 --> 00:27:49,793
Uh, no.
662
00:27:49,876 --> 00:27:51,336
Don't think I haven't
been watching you, Jake.
663
00:27:51,419 --> 00:27:52,796
You're the only one in here
with wet shoes.
664
00:27:52,879 --> 00:27:55,840
Now, you know the rules.
No boots, no recess.
665
00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:58,426
-But...
-I expect to see you in boots
at recess,
666
00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,470
or your name goes
on the board...
667
00:28:00,553 --> 00:28:01,638
with a check.
668
00:28:01,721 --> 00:28:03,681
So what's it going to be,
Mr. Doyle?
669
00:28:04,307 --> 00:28:05,266
Boots...
670
00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,102
or a check?
671
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:09,687
[Josh] Go, go, go!
672
00:28:13,149 --> 00:28:15,944
-[Josh] Catch it.
Get out there. Catch it.
-No.
673
00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:17,570
It changes colors
when I lick it.
674
00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:20,490
[adult Jake] Connor Stump
675
00:28:20,573 --> 00:28:23,118
was by far the weirdest kid
in school.
676
00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,744
He always carried around
a recorder
677
00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:26,996
and his lunch
was almost exclusively tuna.
678
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,543
You ever put socks
and shoes on your hands
and just crawl around?
679
00:28:31,626 --> 00:28:33,002
[growling]
680
00:28:33,086 --> 00:28:35,630
It's just me, Connor.
I'm not really a lion.
681
00:28:35,713 --> 00:28:37,841
-Jake, come on,
you're on our team.
-[Josh] Let's go. Line up.
682
00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:40,218
Just play without me.
683
00:28:40,301 --> 00:28:42,345
What're you doing back there?
684
00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:44,431
Ooh, is there
a dead squirrel again?
685
00:28:44,514 --> 00:28:46,182
Is it all furry and frozen?
686
00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,351
Dude.
687
00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:49,811
You're wearing
Katie Sorrentino's boots.
688
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:50,812
They're mine.
689
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,230
Your mom use a coupon again?
690
00:28:53,189 --> 00:28:55,191
Let's go, Trotter, you baby.
691
00:28:55,275 --> 00:28:56,609
Yeah, we gotta get you
outta here.
692
00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:59,028
If Jagorski sees you,
he'll kill you.
693
00:28:59,863 --> 00:29:01,531
Hey. What're you...
694
00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:03,908
You're wearing
Katie Sorrentino's boots.
695
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:05,160
They're mine.
696
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,454
That's it!
I'm coming over there.
697
00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:09,414
No, no! What do I do?
What do I do?
698
00:29:09,497 --> 00:29:12,500
Does anybody have some candy
or a nudie magazine
or something?
699
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:15,253
I call dibs if there's
a dead squirrel
back there again.
700
00:29:17,881 --> 00:29:19,257
[Josh laughs]
701
00:29:19,340 --> 00:29:23,845
I think we got ourselves
a pair of girl's boots here.
702
00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,680
[adult Jake] Painfully,
my mind flipped through
703
00:29:25,763 --> 00:29:28,766
the Rolodex of punishment
I was about to endure.
704
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:32,353
Weeks of wedgies, swirlies,
dead legs.
705
00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:37,192
I wanted to punch a kid's face
until it turned
into Kool-Aid so bad
706
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,528
and I didn't get the chance...
until now.
707
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,863
-What's up, dork?
-Hi!
708
00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:43,990
How's Four Eyes?
709
00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:46,868
-[adult Jake] But then,
I heard the voice of an angel.
-[Jeff] Guys, I got proof!
710
00:29:47,785 --> 00:29:49,078
[Jeff] Guys! Guys!
711
00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:50,788
It says it right here!
It really is a Nintendo!
712
00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:55,752
It's just a picture
of a dumb wreath.
713
00:29:55,835 --> 00:29:57,670
You gotta read it.
714
00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:01,883
"This year's first prize
is a brand-new Nintendo
Entertainment System."
715
00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:04,969
[all exclaiming]
716
00:30:12,852 --> 00:30:14,020
I'm gonna kill you.
717
00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:16,814
[all cheering]
718
00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:19,734
[adult Jake] Less than
30 minutes after
the final school bell
719
00:30:19,817 --> 00:30:22,695
I was fitted in my dress greens
and on my way...
720
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:25,323
envisioning the acres
of Alaskan pine forest
721
00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:28,493
needed to cover
the amount of wreaths
I was about to sell.
722
00:30:28,576 --> 00:30:31,538
And I had my sales pitch
all planned out.
723
00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:32,747
[clears throat]
724
00:30:32,830 --> 00:30:34,541
[knocking]
725
00:30:34,624 --> 00:30:36,626
"I'm with the Loyal Ranger
Scouts, ma'am,
and without your help
726
00:30:36,709 --> 00:30:40,004
thousands of boys may become
drug addicts and communists."
727
00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:41,756
-What?
-What?
728
00:30:41,839 --> 00:30:42,882
What? What do you want?
729
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:45,260
Hi. My name is...
730
00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:47,762
Wait. You're not trying
to sell me something,
are you?
731
00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,056
Wanna buy a wreath?
732
00:30:52,767 --> 00:30:56,396
What, do you got
a learning disability
or something?
733
00:30:56,479 --> 00:30:59,732
Wait, you don't really got
a learning disability, do you?
734
00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,194
Good. Ma, this kid thinks
your wreath sucks!
735
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:06,614
-[door slams]
-Oh.
736
00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:12,954
[Jeff] Hey, Doyle.
Gotta look out for
those "no solicitor" signs.
737
00:31:14,497 --> 00:31:16,457
What're you doing here, Farmer?
738
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:17,625
-[doorbell chiming]
-Ruining your life.
739
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,294
You can't sell wreaths here.
740
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,255
You think there are rules here,
Doyle? There are no rules.
741
00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:23,715
That Nintendo's mine.
742
00:31:23,798 --> 00:31:27,051
-I've already sold 67 wreaths.
-To who?
743
00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:29,304
People. Your mom.
744
00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,806
You're full of it, Farmer.
745
00:31:31,889 --> 00:31:34,183
Hello, young lady.
I was hoping
your mother was home.
746
00:31:34,267 --> 00:31:36,769
I need to speak to an adult
in the house.
747
00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:40,273
And did I mention
how much I like your sweater?
748
00:31:40,356 --> 00:31:43,526
[adult Jake] All over town,
the boys in green
pounded the pavements
749
00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:44,819
in record numbers,
750
00:31:44,902 --> 00:31:46,487
all in the name of Nintendo.
751
00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:51,075
A swarm of snot-nosed
Gordon Gekkos had been born.
752
00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:53,995
Merry Christmas, ma'am.
Would you like to buy a wreath?
753
00:31:55,288 --> 00:31:57,206
Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season.
754
00:31:57,290 --> 00:32:00,918
Merry Christmas, sir.
Do you think Die Hard
is a Christmas movie?
755
00:32:01,002 --> 00:32:03,671
Look at that,
it's already wreath-thirty?
756
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,382
Um...
757
00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:09,093
"Douglas fir
Christmas wreaths."
Just say it!
758
00:32:09,177 --> 00:32:11,012
Why don't you just say it?
759
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,599
'Cause I'm not in
stupid Ranger Scouts,
'cause I'm not a stupid boy.
760
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:16,684
[adult Jake] And it was
every kid for themselves.
761
00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:22,690
Kids who weren't
even in Ranger Scouts
were getting in on the action.
762
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,484
I will not take no
for an answer!
763
00:32:24,567 --> 00:32:28,571
That is the first rule
of salesmanship!
The first rule!
764
00:32:28,655 --> 00:32:30,031
[knocking]
765
00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,658
[adult Jake] Even I was
getting the hang of it.
766
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,537
Oh, are you here
to shovel my walk?
767
00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,706
No, I'm here
to sell Christmas wreaths.
768
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,125
Okay. Um, let me see.
769
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:42,919
My wallet's in my car.
770
00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:44,671
You want me to...
771
00:32:44,754 --> 00:32:47,340
Shovel my car out,
so I can get to it.
That would be great.
772
00:32:47,423 --> 00:32:48,925
Oh, I'll get the shovel.
773
00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:55,973
[panting]
774
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:03,231
[Kathy laughing]
775
00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:07,235
[Jeff] The Tevatron particle
accelerator at Fermilabs,
they get more headlines.
776
00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:08,820
But if you ask me...
777
00:33:08,903 --> 00:33:10,822
the most valuable
local resource
we still have today
778
00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:12,198
are our teachers.
779
00:33:12,281 --> 00:33:14,409
Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle.
780
00:33:14,492 --> 00:33:16,619
Merry Christmas, Jeff.
781
00:33:16,703 --> 00:33:17,829
Stay beautiful, Kath.
782
00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,416
She said I reminded her of you.
783
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,585
See you later, Jake.
784
00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,715
Did it have to be Farmer?
785
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:31,092
He offered me an honest deal
at an honest price.
786
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,010
There's nothing honest
about him!
787
00:33:33,094 --> 00:33:34,595
He's a pathological liar!
788
00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:39,100
Oh, I thought he was
a really nice boy.
789
00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:41,352
Those are for your mother.
790
00:33:41,436 --> 00:33:43,438
My mom would want me
to have one.
791
00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:47,233
I didn't even know that
you were selling wreaths
this year.
792
00:33:47,316 --> 00:33:51,112
He only cares about it now
because they're giving away
a Nin--
793
00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:52,613
Night in Chicago.
794
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,699
Yep. That's a new prize.
795
00:33:54,782 --> 00:33:58,327
At a hotel, I think,
in downtown?
796
00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:00,496
[Kathy] That's a peculiar prize
for an 11-year-old.
797
00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:02,623
That is a peculiar prize.
798
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,584
Don't you think
that's peculiar, Dad?
799
00:34:04,667 --> 00:34:06,502
God bless it.
Where the hell is it?
800
00:34:06,586 --> 00:34:08,463
The Phillips head
is in the butter dish.
801
00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:11,466
[John] No, that's not it.
802
00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,342
You know what, Jake?
If you wanna win that prize,
803
00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:15,969
you have to do
what I tell my kids
in class every day.
804
00:34:16,053 --> 00:34:17,638
Make like a vacuum cleaner.
805
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:20,099
Suck it up and do the work.
806
00:34:20,183 --> 00:34:22,685
-[John groans]
-What are you looking for?
807
00:34:22,768 --> 00:34:23,936
My gourmet sausage.
808
00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:25,855
How the hell do you lose
a sausage?
809
00:34:25,938 --> 00:34:27,065
[Kathy] Dinner is served.
810
00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:31,360
I wanted to eat it with dinner.
811
00:34:31,444 --> 00:34:32,652
We're having salads.
812
00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,572
That's why I wanted to eat
the sausage.
813
00:34:35,656 --> 00:34:37,199
Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad.
814
00:34:37,283 --> 00:34:40,036
'Cause, I mean,
he's been pooping
so much lately.
815
00:34:40,119 --> 00:34:41,329
He has, hasn't he?
816
00:34:41,411 --> 00:34:42,580
You know how I know that?
817
00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:45,081
Because it still
hasn't been picked up.
818
00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:47,293
Uh, it snowed.
819
00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:49,337
Hey, that's no excuse, okay?
820
00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,924
Tomorrow morning, you,
that shovel, backyard.
821
00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:56,010
No, I'm totally supposed to
sell wreaths all day tomorrow.
822
00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:58,096
Well, too bad.
And stop saying "totally."
823
00:34:58,179 --> 00:34:59,096
It's not fair.
824
00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:01,224
Hey, if life was fair,
825
00:35:01,307 --> 00:35:04,018
it would be... a fair.
826
00:35:04,101 --> 00:35:06,187
Okay? But I don't...
827
00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,940
I don't see any carnival rides
around here, do you?
828
00:35:09,816 --> 00:35:10,691
Hmm.
829
00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:13,694
You just made that up,
didn't you?
830
00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:15,947
No, I didn't.
831
00:35:16,030 --> 00:35:17,490
It's an old saying.
832
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,034
Listen!
833
00:35:20,117 --> 00:35:25,706
In the name of
the Father, and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit...
834
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:29,669
from thou thy bounty,
to Jesus Christ's name...
835
00:35:29,752 --> 00:35:31,963
-he is great.
-Amen.
836
00:35:32,046 --> 00:35:35,967
[adult Jake] I was convinced
Elwood had pooped
more times than any other dog
837
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:38,553
in the history of the world.
838
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,596
Our yard looked like
a vanilla cake
839
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,558
that someone
dumped an entire bag
of chocolate chips onto.
840
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:48,604
What's Lizzy doing?
She can't help?
841
00:35:48,688 --> 00:35:52,233
You wanted the dog,
you pick up after it.
842
00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,235
You got the dog
before I was born.
843
00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:57,405
Who wanted the dog
is irrelevant, Jake.
Just pick up the dang poop.
844
00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:03,452
Come here.
845
00:36:05,538 --> 00:36:07,456
All right. Take a deep breath.
846
00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:10,543
Go ahead.
847
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:13,796
You smell that?
848
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,590
-Poo?
-No!
849
00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:16,674
Fresh air!
850
00:36:18,551 --> 00:36:20,303
That's all we had,
and we loved it.
851
00:36:20,386 --> 00:36:22,305
When I was your age,
we didn't have Nintendos.
852
00:36:22,388 --> 00:36:23,514
You know what we did?
853
00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:26,350
Built forts in the woods.
854
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:28,603
We'd gather up old lumber
and siding
855
00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,063
and whatever we could find
we'd build, like,
856
00:36:31,147 --> 00:36:33,566
watchtowers and rope ladders...
857
00:36:33,649 --> 00:36:34,901
Trapdoors?
858
00:36:34,984 --> 00:36:36,903
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we built trapdoors, too.
859
00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:39,947
-Cool.
-Yeah, it was cool.
860
00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,366
Yeah, we'd work on it
all year round, too.
861
00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:43,659
Kinda like the house?
862
00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,414
[laughing] Yeah.
Kinda like the house.
863
00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:50,207
Yeah.
864
00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,630
Cry in a bucket,
that dog poops a lot.
865
00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:56,714
Yeah.
866
00:36:56,797 --> 00:36:57,632
Hey.
867
00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:00,718
Don't worry about
behind the shed.
868
00:37:00,801 --> 00:37:02,803
Just get the ones
around the house, okay?
869
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,307
And then when you're done...
870
00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,559
you can varnish
these old hockey sticks.
871
00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:09,852
Why?
872
00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:11,729
Because they need to get done,
that's why.
873
00:37:11,812 --> 00:37:13,356
Come on, Dad.
874
00:37:13,439 --> 00:37:15,650
You think I like paying taxes
and talking to our neighbors?
875
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,234
No. But you gotta do it.
876
00:37:17,318 --> 00:37:18,945
I don't like doing that stuff!
877
00:37:22,365 --> 00:37:23,616
Careful with the varnish.
878
00:37:27,495 --> 00:37:30,748
[Jake] "Careful
with the varnish."
What am I gonna do? Drink it?
879
00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:32,041
I know how to be careful.
880
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:41,592
We need to talk.
881
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,010
What are you doing in my room?
882
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:44,095
I need...
883
00:37:45,304 --> 00:37:46,889
Did Elwood diarrhea on you?
884
00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:48,933
It's varnish. What do you want?
885
00:37:49,016 --> 00:37:50,059
I need your help.
886
00:37:50,142 --> 00:37:51,018
With what?
887
00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,895
Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid.
888
00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:56,315
Santa didn't get me
a She-Ra last year,
so I can't trust him.
889
00:37:56,399 --> 00:37:58,025
I gotta go through Mom and Dad.
890
00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,443
So what do you need me for?
891
00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:02,154
I need you to drop hints
for them to get me one.
892
00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:04,615
No way.
Why would I wanna help you?
893
00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:07,910
Now, I want a redhead
named Abrona Fiona
with freckles and a...
894
00:38:07,994 --> 00:38:09,704
Why do you want
a dumb doll so bad?
895
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,082
Because I've always wanted
a sister. Stop interrupting me.
896
00:38:13,165 --> 00:38:16,210
It looks bad
if I'm talking about it
all the time to Mom and Dad.
897
00:38:16,293 --> 00:38:19,380
We need a subtle attack,
and we gotta act fast.
898
00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:20,923
What are you gonna do for me?
899
00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:23,134
-Tell you how to win
a Nintendo.
-[chuckles]
900
00:38:23,217 --> 00:38:25,177
You don't know
how to win a Nintendo.
901
00:38:25,261 --> 00:38:26,595
Okay, never mind.
902
00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:30,808
Wait.
903
00:38:31,934 --> 00:38:33,227
How can I win it?
904
00:38:33,310 --> 00:38:36,605
You promise to help me
get a Cabbage Patch Kid?
905
00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:38,149
Yeah, sure.
906
00:38:38,232 --> 00:38:39,066
Promise?
907
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,818
Yes, I promise already.
908
00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:44,238
Okay. You sold two wreaths
to Miss Sherman
yesterday, right?
909
00:38:46,032 --> 00:38:46,907
How do you know that?
910
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:48,159
Don't worry about it.
911
00:38:48,242 --> 00:38:50,578
She bought a lot
because she's old, right?
912
00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,747
Old people buy stuff from kids.
913
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:56,292
So what you need
are a bunch of old people
all in one place
914
00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:58,419
so you don't have to track
them all down.
915
00:38:58,502 --> 00:38:59,754
What's your point?
916
00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,506
Prairie Pines,
the nursing home.
917
00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,175
Two hundred old people,
918
00:39:04,258 --> 00:39:05,468
each with their own door,
919
00:39:05,551 --> 00:39:07,178
perfect for wreath-hanging.
920
00:39:07,970 --> 00:39:09,096
Wow.
921
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,059
That's...
922
00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:14,643
That's a really good idea.
923
00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:16,854
I know. So we got a deal,
or what?
924
00:39:16,937 --> 00:39:18,022
Yeah.
925
00:39:18,105 --> 00:39:20,941
A redhead with freckles.
Don't mess it up.
926
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:23,402
I'll be watching you.
927
00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:29,617
[adult Jake] Prairie Pines
nursing home didn't know
what was about to hit them.
928
00:39:30,993 --> 00:39:32,870
[exhaling] "Suck it up.
Do the work."
929
00:39:37,416 --> 00:39:39,418
Hi, everybody.
930
00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:43,130
-Hi.
-Do you like blues?
931
00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,800
Hi! You look just like
my grandson.
932
00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:47,927
Oh, let me see those cheeks.
933
00:39:48,010 --> 00:39:51,013
[adult Jake] But it turned out,
I didn't know what was
about to hit me.
934
00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:53,307
Because the World's Fair
was here...
935
00:39:53,390 --> 00:39:56,644
and we were celebrating
the city's centennial.
936
00:39:56,727 --> 00:40:01,315
You see,
Chicago was founded in 1833.
937
00:40:01,398 --> 00:40:05,611
That makes it 100 years
to 1933.
938
00:40:08,322 --> 00:40:09,323
Hold on.
939
00:40:30,010 --> 00:40:31,512
It's what he would've wanted.
940
00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:46,068
[adult Jake] It took six hours
and ten cups of pudding,
941
00:40:46,152 --> 00:40:50,823
but I managed to sell
a whopping 47 wreaths
to the nursing home.
942
00:40:50,906 --> 00:40:52,158
All thanks to Lizzy.
943
00:40:53,075 --> 00:40:54,451
Hey, Mom.
944
00:40:54,535 --> 00:40:56,871
Did you know that this mall
has the largest selection
945
00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:59,915
of Cabbage Patch Kids
in all of Chicago?
946
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,710
I didn't know that, no.
947
00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:05,254
Which is good,
'cause they're really
flying off the shelves.
948
00:41:09,175 --> 00:41:12,261
He doesn't want
a Cabbage Patch Kid
now, does he?
949
00:41:12,344 --> 00:41:14,221
-No idea.
-Odd. But who knows
with these two?
950
00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:16,473
-Hey! What're you doing?
-[horn blaring]
951
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:18,684
Yeah, Wisconsin plates.
Shocker.
952
00:41:18,767 --> 00:41:20,853
-Look at him. Look at him.
Look at him.
-Okay. All right, John...
953
00:41:20,936 --> 00:41:22,813
He's jerking the wheel
like he's milking a cow.
954
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,611
[adult Jake] Ah, yes.
The annual Doyle
Chicago shopping trip.
955
00:41:28,694 --> 00:41:30,237
Also known
as my dad's least favorite
956
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:31,947
and most expensive day
of the year.
957
00:41:32,031 --> 00:41:33,574
You know what I love
when you wear?
958
00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:35,159
-What?
-Turtlenecks.
959
00:41:35,242 --> 00:41:36,952
Ah.
960
00:41:37,036 --> 00:41:38,746
It's gonna be so cold
in Minnesota when we get
to my parents' house,
961
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,956
I feel like we should
definitely try on a few today.
962
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,585
Yeah, well, turtlenecks,
your parents, it's great.
963
00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:45,586
So, yes?
964
00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,754
Look at this idiot.
965
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:47,922
What're you doing?
966
00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,299
Hey! You beeping at me?
967
00:41:50,382 --> 00:41:51,342
[horn honking]
968
00:41:51,425 --> 00:41:52,885
Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles.
969
00:41:52,968 --> 00:41:54,595
Miles Davis,
ladies and gentlemen.
970
00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,263
Sorry.
971
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,848
Can we turn on
the Christmas carols?
972
00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:00,226
No! No Christmas carols.
973
00:42:00,309 --> 00:42:03,979
Steely Dan. Listen to this.
This is good stuff.
974
00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:06,941
Year-round.
975
00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:13,948
[carolers singing]
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
976
00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,783
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas
977
00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,660
-♪ And a happy New Year ♪
-[John] Elves!
978
00:42:17,743 --> 00:42:19,787
-Hey. Creep me out.
-Breathe, John.
You have to breathe.
979
00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:23,290
No, it's like a grown man
acting that chipper,
it's not natural.
980
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,168
-♪ And a happy New...♪
-Back off, Jack!
981
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:27,753
[Kathy] Sorry.
982
00:42:27,836 --> 00:42:30,589
-Have some self-respect. Jesus.
-You have to calm down.
983
00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:31,966
[John] Why are we walking
so fast?
984
00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,176
[Kathy] Everybody,
no bathroom breaks, okay?
985
00:42:34,260 --> 00:42:36,470
You had your chance at home.
Do not test me.
986
00:42:36,553 --> 00:42:38,180
God, why is it so hot in here?
987
00:42:38,264 --> 00:42:40,140
We're not stopping
for Santa yet, guys, okay?
988
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,352
Hey, is there a bar
at the food court?
989
00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,855
John, it's barely noon.
990
00:42:46,939 --> 00:42:51,986
Okay, we got Barb her candles,
we got the two-for-one
turtlenecks...
991
00:42:52,069 --> 00:42:54,321
-Mom, look, there's
the Cabbage Patch store.
-What are we missing?
992
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,656
-Can we go, Mom?
-Yes,
993
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:58,117
honey, go on. Lead the way.
994
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,035
[Jake] Hey, Mom.
Did you know
995
00:43:00,119 --> 00:43:03,497
that Cabbage Patch Kids
come with their own
birth certificates?
996
00:43:03,580 --> 00:43:05,332
Thought all you cared about
was selling wreaths.
997
00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:07,835
Since when are you
so interested
in Cabbage Patch Kids?
998
00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,670
Lizzy really wants one.
999
00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:12,464
Well, they're very expensive,
honey, and they're very hard
to find.
1000
00:43:26,687 --> 00:43:28,564
Sold out in 20 minutes.
1001
00:43:28,647 --> 00:43:31,191
Last Patch in all of Chicago.
1002
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,777
You should've seen it.
It was ugly.
1003
00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:36,822
One woman punched a grandma
right in the throat.
1004
00:43:37,614 --> 00:43:38,782
Same family, too.
1005
00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:42,745
Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay.
1006
00:43:42,828 --> 00:43:46,457
You know, I saw some
really nice Care Bears
on the way in.
1007
00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,250
Care Bears are for babies.
1008
00:43:48,334 --> 00:43:49,710
-[sobbing]
-Oh.
1009
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:51,712
[adult Jake] Poor little Lizzy.
1010
00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:54,131
It kinda made you
wanna go over there
and wipe her tears
1011
00:43:54,214 --> 00:43:55,382
and give her a big...
1012
00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:58,469
Hold on a second.
1013
00:43:58,552 --> 00:43:59,845
[Nintendo] Hello, Jake.
1014
00:44:00,763 --> 00:44:01,722
Who said that?
1015
00:44:01,805 --> 00:44:03,307
[Nintendo] You know who.
1016
00:44:03,390 --> 00:44:04,516
Nintendo?
1017
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,894
[Nintendo] That's right.
Come over here.
1018
00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:08,562
I've missed you, Jake.
1019
00:44:08,645 --> 00:44:10,606
[Kathy] Hey, Jake.
Your dad and I
are gonna go upstairs
1020
00:44:10,689 --> 00:44:12,191
to get the Fenelons a gift.
1021
00:44:12,274 --> 00:44:15,361
[John] Why?
They haven't given us anything.
1022
00:44:15,444 --> 00:44:18,280
[Kathy] Stay down here
with the toys and watch
your sister, okay?
1023
00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:20,282
[John] Jake.
1024
00:44:21,617 --> 00:44:23,077
-Jake.
-Huh?
1025
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,453
Watch your sister.
1026
00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:26,705
Yeah.
1027
00:44:26,789 --> 00:44:29,208
[Nintendo] That's it.
Come over here, Jake.
1028
00:44:29,291 --> 00:44:30,959
You know you want to.
1029
00:44:31,043 --> 00:44:34,254
What am I gonna do about
my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake?
1030
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,715
[Nintendo]
Forget your sister, Jake.
She's useless.
1031
00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:38,759
You should be worried
about the wreaths.
1032
00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,552
Have you sold enough wreaths?
1033
00:44:40,636 --> 00:44:42,179
I'll do anything
to be with you.
1034
00:44:42,262 --> 00:44:43,806
Who're you talking to?
1035
00:44:43,889 --> 00:44:45,641
We need a new plan.
1036
00:44:45,724 --> 00:44:47,935
Jake? Jake?
1037
00:44:48,018 --> 00:44:50,729
[Nintendo] Do you know
how many games
I have here, Jake?
1038
00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:52,856
I have all the games.
1039
00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:54,775
Way more than Timmy Keane.
1040
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,944
What game
would you like to play?
1041
00:44:57,027 --> 00:44:58,195
Joust.
1042
00:44:58,278 --> 00:45:00,155
Pick another one.
I don't have that one.
1043
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,615
[Jake] Super Mario Bros.
1044
00:45:01,698 --> 00:45:03,409
-Pick another one.
-Defender.
1045
00:45:03,492 --> 00:45:05,869
Hmm, how about Rampage?
1046
00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:07,162
It's loaded up right now.
1047
00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:09,790
Cool. I'll do anything you say.
1048
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:22,386
[Nintendo]
Very good. Yes.
1049
00:45:22,469 --> 00:45:23,929
You're such a good boy, Jake.
1050
00:45:24,012 --> 00:45:26,640
I can tell,
you've got what it takes.
1051
00:45:26,723 --> 00:45:27,766
You really think so?
1052
00:45:27,850 --> 00:45:29,726
[Nintendo] No. I know so.
1053
00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:33,981
[adult Jake] Maybe it was
the excitement of the display,
1054
00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,108
or just the thrill of playing
in public,
1055
00:45:36,191 --> 00:45:40,070
but for some reason,
I started playing
the game of my life.
1056
00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:42,072
Dude, you're on fire.
1057
00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:45,325
[adult Jake]
All other distractions
became irrelevant.
1058
00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,578
My senses had reached
a higher state.
1059
00:45:47,661 --> 00:45:50,747
I'd become one with Nintendo.
1060
00:45:54,751 --> 00:45:57,171
Yeah!
1061
00:45:57,254 --> 00:46:00,340
[Nintendo] Yes, yes.
You were born for this moment.
1062
00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:05,387
Whoa!
You're amazing!
1063
00:46:05,471 --> 00:46:07,055
What's your name, man?
1064
00:46:07,139 --> 00:46:10,017
[Nintendo] Go ahead.
Tell them your name, Jake.
1065
00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:11,185
Say it.
1066
00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:12,394
Jake Doyle!
1067
00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:14,813
[Nintendo] Jake Doyle.
Nintendo master.
1068
00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:15,981
[crowd] Jake! Jake! Jake!
1069
00:46:16,064 --> 00:46:18,650
Jake! Jake! Jake!
1070
00:46:18,734 --> 00:46:20,777
[all chanting]
1071
00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:22,946
[adult Jake] Before I knew it,
the entire mall was
chanting my name.
1072
00:46:23,030 --> 00:46:25,407
This was why I needed
a Nintendo.
1073
00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:27,284
This was my destiny.
1074
00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:29,369
Nothing could stop me now.
1075
00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:31,788
[Kathy] Jake! Jake!
1076
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:33,790
[John] Jake Stephan Doyle!
1077
00:46:33,874 --> 00:46:35,417
Where is your sister?
1078
00:46:35,501 --> 00:46:37,169
[stammering]
1079
00:46:37,252 --> 00:46:38,712
What's wrong with you?
1080
00:46:38,795 --> 00:46:40,964
-[Kathy] Lizzy!
-[John] Elizabeth!
1081
00:46:41,048 --> 00:46:42,549
You're a dead man, bro.
1082
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:44,635
Lizzy!
1083
00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:46,803
Lizzy! Lizzy!
1084
00:46:46,887 --> 00:46:48,013
Lizzy!
1085
00:46:48,096 --> 00:46:50,557
Forget about her, Jake.
She's gone.
1086
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:54,102
Shut up, Nintendo!
This is your fault!
1087
00:46:54,186 --> 00:46:57,231
How do you get into homes
that don't have chimneys?
1088
00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,565
The back door.
1089
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,318
What if it's an apartment
with no back door?
1090
00:47:01,401 --> 00:47:02,319
The front door.
1091
00:47:02,402 --> 00:47:04,238
So you know how to pick locks?
1092
00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,239
That's me.
1093
00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,615
Do you know that's a felony?
1094
00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:09,243
Mom! She's over here!
I found her!
1095
00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:10,869
[Kathy] God, Lizzy!
1096
00:47:12,037 --> 00:47:13,747
Oh, my God!
1097
00:47:13,830 --> 00:47:16,583
Mom, they might still have
Cabbage Patch Kids
at the North Pole.
1098
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:17,834
Even ones with red hair.
1099
00:47:17,918 --> 00:47:19,753
Lizzy, we told you
to stay with Jake.
1100
00:47:19,836 --> 00:47:21,255
He was playing the Nintendo.
1101
00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:23,340
[John screaming]
God bless it, Jake!
1102
00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:26,301
Are you okay?
1103
00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:28,762
You start playing those games
1104
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,807
your brains turn to mush
in, like, three minutes.
1105
00:47:31,890 --> 00:47:33,350
That's your sister!
1106
00:47:33,433 --> 00:47:36,019
It's not like
losing your retainer!
1107
00:47:37,271 --> 00:47:38,313
[Kathy] Hold on.
1108
00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:40,357
Five bags here, John. Hold on.
1109
00:47:43,277 --> 00:47:49,116
Open your mouth.
1110
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:50,617
-John.
-What?
1111
00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:52,452
-Where's the
Marshall Field's bag?
-Hey!
1112
00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,288
-Jake!
-[Kathy] Your turtleneck's
in it, John!
1113
00:47:54,371 --> 00:47:56,290
Jake!
1114
00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,625
[adult Jake] The actual cost
of my retainer had been
explained to me
1115
00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,461
in the simple terms of,
"If you lose it, don't bother
coming home."
1116
00:48:03,463 --> 00:48:06,216
Jake!
1117
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:07,968
-Hey!
-Jake!
1118
00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:09,886
Move! Jake!
1119
00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:12,389
[adult Jake]
I figured it cost roughly
as much as a new car.
1120
00:48:12,472 --> 00:48:14,057
Where is it? Where is it?
Where is it?
1121
00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:20,856
Jake!
1122
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,691
[man] Whoa!
1123
00:48:29,364 --> 00:48:30,866
Jake! Ha!
1124
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:36,830
[John sniggering]
1125
00:48:36,913 --> 00:48:37,998
[elf] ♪ Six geese a-laying ♪
1126
00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:39,082
♪ Five... ♪
1127
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:40,375
♪ Golden...♪
1128
00:48:40,459 --> 00:48:42,210
[elf] No, wait! What...
[screaming]
1129
00:48:42,294 --> 00:48:43,295
-[John screaming]
-[glass shattering]
1130
00:48:44,504 --> 00:48:46,548
Of course! Packer fans.
1131
00:48:47,507 --> 00:48:49,134
[panting]
1132
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:06,652
[John struggling]
1133
00:49:10,238 --> 00:49:11,531
Oh, my God.
1134
00:49:14,576 --> 00:49:16,370
Hey!
1135
00:49:17,829 --> 00:49:20,874
[adult Jake] Safe.
Retainer retained.
1136
00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:24,628
[breathlessly] Okay.
1137
00:49:26,213 --> 00:49:27,631
[exhales]
1138
00:49:27,714 --> 00:49:28,715
[softly] Okay.
1139
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,557
[kids chattering indistinctly]
1140
00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,934
[Josh] You let the girls
get punched!
1141
00:49:42,187 --> 00:49:43,814
[adult Jake] The best part
of the shopping trip
1142
00:49:43,897 --> 00:49:46,316
besides not losing my retainer
or my sister
1143
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,944
was that it turns out
there's a secret part
of the mall
1144
00:49:49,027 --> 00:49:51,446
where old people
sit by the piano.
1145
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:53,949
I sold 22 more wreaths
that day.
1146
00:49:54,032 --> 00:49:55,325
How many you got, Jake?
1147
00:49:56,034 --> 00:49:58,286
Um, 93.
1148
00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:00,038
You're selling wreaths, too?
1149
00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:01,456
What's a wreath?
1150
00:50:04,876 --> 00:50:06,461
[radio playing]
1151
00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:08,797
[train chugging]
1152
00:50:09,715 --> 00:50:11,299
[John humming]
1153
00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:17,806
-[Jake humming]
-Enough with the dee-doos,
for crying out loud,
1154
00:50:17,889 --> 00:50:19,099
I'm trying to listen to this.
1155
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:20,642
And stop fiddling
with the hand plane.
1156
00:50:20,726 --> 00:50:21,977
This is not a toy. See?
1157
00:50:22,769 --> 00:50:23,979
It's sharp.
1158
00:50:25,313 --> 00:50:27,816
[clanking]
1159
00:50:27,899 --> 00:50:31,778
[man on radio]
Konroyd over to Larmer.
Larmer circling.
1160
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,739
And has his pocket picked
by Shane Corson...
1161
00:50:33,822 --> 00:50:34,990
You know...
1162
00:50:35,073 --> 00:50:36,992
If you want, sometime,
maybe I can...
1163
00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:40,662
teach you how to use
some of those.
1164
00:50:40,746 --> 00:50:42,831
I kinda got
a lot going on, Dad.
1165
00:50:42,914 --> 00:50:45,500
Ah... right.
1166
00:50:45,584 --> 00:50:48,336
[man on radio]
He dishes back to Larmer.
Larmer down the near side,
1167
00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:49,463
over to Savard...
1168
00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,174
[louder] He shoots, he scores!
1169
00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:54,301
-Yes!
-Denis Savard!
1170
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,386
-Hawks now leading with one!
-Yeah, baby!
1171
00:50:56,470 --> 00:50:59,931
-[exclaiming]
-And Claude Lemieux
is still jawing away.
1172
00:51:00,015 --> 00:51:01,683
Quit your crying, Claude.
1173
00:51:01,767 --> 00:51:03,810
Yeah, you're all talk, no walk.
1174
00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:05,479
Remember that, Jake. Okay?
1175
00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:09,316
A bully like Claude Lemieux
is not worth a hill of beans.
1176
00:51:09,399 --> 00:51:11,318
He's all talk, no walk.
1177
00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,361
Why are we under
this bridge, Dad?
1178
00:51:13,445 --> 00:51:15,822
Talk to a guy about
the Cabbage Patch Kids.
1179
00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:17,657
You know what
they look like, right?
1180
00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,367
Why does Lizzy get to get
what she wants,
1181
00:51:19,451 --> 00:51:20,911
but I can't get what I want?
1182
00:51:20,994 --> 00:51:22,370
Do you wanna deal
with your sister
1183
00:51:22,454 --> 00:51:24,331
if she doesn't get
what she wants?
1184
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:25,707
-No.
-Exactly.
1185
00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,001
I don't negotiate
with terrorists.
1186
00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:29,669
So you just give them
what they want?
1187
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:31,546
-Yeah. You kidding?
-[engine revving]
1188
00:51:35,050 --> 00:51:37,052
Okay. That's him.
1189
00:51:37,135 --> 00:51:39,679
Let me do
all the talking. Okay?
1190
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,389
This feels kinda scary, Dad.
1191
00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:43,683
Here, I'll take the handsaw.
1192
00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,602
Come on. Come on!
1193
00:51:50,982 --> 00:51:52,359
Can I help you boys?
1194
00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:53,401
[John] Yeah.
1195
00:51:54,319 --> 00:51:56,696
Word is that you've...
1196
00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:58,323
come into a little cabbage?
1197
00:51:58,406 --> 00:52:00,242
Officer, please.
I'm just standing here.
1198
00:52:00,325 --> 00:52:02,619
I thought maybe you two
needed directions, so...
1199
00:52:02,702 --> 00:52:03,954
Relax, I'm not a cop.
1200
00:52:04,037 --> 00:52:06,289
What about 21 Jump Street
over here?
1201
00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:07,415
He's not a cop.
1202
00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:08,708
Come on, man. He's 11.
1203
00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,168
Yeah, I don't know that.
1204
00:52:10,252 --> 00:52:12,295
I mean, cops are crazy.
You ever see RoboCop?
1205
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:14,381
That dude's half cop
and half robot.
1206
00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,382
You ever see that movie?
1207
00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,008
My mom wouldn't let me.
1208
00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:18,760
But my friend,
Mikey Trotter, saw it.
1209
00:52:18,844 --> 00:52:19,761
Oh...
1210
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:21,721
Yeah. He's good.
You're good.
1211
00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:23,765
He's not a cop, all right?
Now, come on.
1212
00:52:23,849 --> 00:52:27,143
Are you gonna sell us
a black-market
Cabbage Patch Kid, or what?
1213
00:52:27,227 --> 00:52:29,020
Step into my office.
1214
00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:30,897
You boys need anything else
while you're here?
1215
00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:34,442
Some Pound Puppies?
Kidney? Nintendo?
1216
00:52:34,526 --> 00:52:36,403
-[Jake gasping]
-[John] No, just the doll.
1217
00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:38,446
We're gonna need a girl one.
1218
00:52:38,530 --> 00:52:40,699
A redhead with freckles.
1219
00:52:40,782 --> 00:52:42,826
Best Patch in the Tri-City.
1220
00:52:44,911 --> 00:52:46,121
Yeah, that looks good.
1221
00:52:46,204 --> 00:52:47,622
Yeah, does look good.
1222
00:52:47,706 --> 00:52:50,417
So what, are you two
having a father-son day? Yeah?
1223
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,668
Something like that? Yeah?
1224
00:52:51,751 --> 00:52:52,752
Need a third?
1225
00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:53,920
Nah, I'm kidding.
1226
00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:56,423
I do miss my dad... A lot.
1227
00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:59,009
[John] Hey, this redhead
doesn't have any freckles.
1228
00:52:59,092 --> 00:53:01,052
Yeah, no,
the blond one's got freckles.
1229
00:53:02,137 --> 00:53:03,680
-All right, how much?
-$100.
1230
00:53:03,763 --> 00:53:05,640
One hundred? No.
1231
00:53:05,724 --> 00:53:07,017
Yeah, where else you gonna go?
1232
00:53:07,100 --> 00:53:09,019
Every store from Wheaton
to Winnetka's out.
1233
00:53:09,102 --> 00:53:10,854
Sixty bucks.
1234
00:53:10,937 --> 00:53:13,899
I got the name of two brothers
up in Villa Park
selling them for $50.
1235
00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:15,650
You know what?
We can go up there right now.
1236
00:53:15,734 --> 00:53:18,111
Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers.
No, no, no.
1237
00:53:18,194 --> 00:53:20,655
You do not want
any of their bald-headed junk.
1238
00:53:20,739 --> 00:53:22,324
Seventy. Last offer.
1239
00:53:24,159 --> 00:53:25,952
Oh, I can't say no
to that face.
1240
00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,245
All right. $70.
1241
00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:31,166
-Comes with
a birth certificate.
-[Jake] Wow!
1242
00:53:31,249 --> 00:53:33,460
-Dad, that's...
-Signed right on the derriere.
1243
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:35,879
[dealer] Thanks.
1244
00:53:38,381 --> 00:53:39,549
[John snickering]
1245
00:53:39,633 --> 00:53:41,009
Can we ask about the Nintendo?
1246
00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:43,386
I got him down from $100.
Can you believe that?
1247
00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:45,221
[chuckles]
Lizzy's gonna love it.
1248
00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:47,015
[adult Jake]
Did it bother me
that my dad went to
1249
00:53:47,098 --> 00:53:49,309
Herculean lengths
to get my sister a present?
1250
00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:50,560
Sorta.
1251
00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:53,188
But I was gonna get one
on my own.
1252
00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:55,190
[Mr. Halberg] Gentlemen.
1253
00:53:55,273 --> 00:53:58,526
Look deeply
into your candle's flame.
1254
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:01,446
Stare at its dancing light.
1255
00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:05,450
Now, close your eyes.
1256
00:54:06,701 --> 00:54:07,953
What do you see?
1257
00:54:09,162 --> 00:54:12,415
You see the flame, gentlemen.
1258
00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:14,334
It burns even when
your eyes are closed
1259
00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:18,213
because we know that even when
we blow these candles out...
1260
00:54:18,296 --> 00:54:22,050
the Loyal Ranger Scout flame
will never fade.
1261
00:54:22,133 --> 00:54:24,344
-[kid farting]
-[children giggling]
1262
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:25,595
[Mr. Halberg clears throat]
1263
00:54:26,471 --> 00:54:27,639
[sizzling]
1264
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,559
Okay.
1265
00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:33,478
But I thought
Loyal Ranger Scouts
were for boys.
1266
00:54:33,561 --> 00:54:35,105
And scouts are supposed
to have honor,
1267
00:54:35,188 --> 00:54:36,773
yet you're still here.
1268
00:54:36,856 --> 00:54:38,024
[Mr. Halberg]
Lots to get through
tonight, gents.
1269
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:39,901
We've got the Pinewood Derby,
1270
00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:41,695
the Loyalty Day parade... Oh...
1271
00:54:41,778 --> 00:54:45,532
I got another 'Nam poem for you
entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss."
1272
00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,701
Get to the wreaths, Halberg!
1273
00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:50,495
-I'm sorry?
-The door necklaces.
1274
00:54:50,578 --> 00:54:51,871
Are you even in this troop?
1275
00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:56,710
[chanting] Wreaths!
Wreaths! Wreaths!
1276
00:54:56,793 --> 00:54:58,044
Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!
1277
00:54:59,879 --> 00:55:02,549
Okay. Okay!
We'll do the wreaths!
1278
00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:05,260
[children cheering]
1279
00:55:05,343 --> 00:55:06,720
Okay. Calm down.
1280
00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:08,388
Now...
1281
00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,557
I know you've all been selling
very hard this year
1282
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,852
so we've done our best
to make sure
that these prizes...
1283
00:55:13,935 --> 00:55:15,020
are special.
1284
00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,857
[adult Jake] Oh-ho!
Look at that!
1285
00:55:18,940 --> 00:55:22,277
First prize looked even bigger
than a normal NES system.
1286
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:25,989
Who knew what other
Nintendo treasures
were under there?
1287
00:55:26,072 --> 00:55:28,241
Told you it came with
a free Power Pad.
1288
00:55:29,617 --> 00:55:31,077
Okay. [clears throat]
1289
00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,747
In third place...
1290
00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,751
Jeffery Farmer!
1291
00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:38,793
[kids cheering]
1292
00:55:38,877 --> 00:55:41,087
Nobody cares about third place.
1293
00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:43,882
[adult Jake]
Considering Farmer's
constant claims to victory,
1294
00:55:43,965 --> 00:55:45,967
this was a delight to us all.
1295
00:55:46,051 --> 00:55:47,844
Anybody had a chance now.
1296
00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:52,640
"Subscription to Boys' Life."
1297
00:55:52,724 --> 00:55:54,434
-[children laughing]
-Yes!
1298
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:55,769
I grew up on that magazine.
1299
00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:57,645
[Mr. Halberg]
Great articles.
1300
00:55:57,729 --> 00:55:59,731
And in second place...
1301
00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:02,734
an amazing showing...
1302
00:56:04,736 --> 00:56:05,945
Teddy Hodges!
1303
00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,781
No!
1304
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:09,657
[adult Jake]
Sadly, the combined totals
of the Hodges twins
1305
00:56:09,741 --> 00:56:11,785
were only good enough
for silver.
1306
00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:16,664
It's a globe
of the whole world!
1307
00:56:16,748 --> 00:56:17,791
All of it!
1308
00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:22,962
[clanging]
1309
00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:25,215
[adult Jake] There was
no second place when
it came to Nintendo.
1310
00:56:27,801 --> 00:56:29,594
And now...
1311
00:56:29,677 --> 00:56:32,347
-[Evan] This is it, this is it!
-...this year's
first prize winner
1312
00:56:32,430 --> 00:56:34,682
of the wreath-selling contest.
1313
00:56:34,766 --> 00:56:39,270
The highest sales total
in troop history...
1314
00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:44,192
Jake Doyle!
1315
00:56:44,275 --> 00:56:45,443
[all cheering]
1316
00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,492
I won!
1317
00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:55,286
[adult Jake] You can
put it on the board! Yes!
1318
00:56:55,370 --> 00:56:56,996
Oh, so many people to thank.
1319
00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,291
My friends, my family,
the Nintendo Corporation...
1320
00:57:00,375 --> 00:57:01,584
Yes!
1321
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:03,837
[Mr. Halberg]
This year's first prize...
1322
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,172
the best we've had in years...
1323
00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,384
-Are you ready, Jake?
-Yeah.
1324
00:57:11,010 --> 00:57:13,638
A brand-new set
of World Book encyclopedias!
1325
00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:15,807
What?
1326
00:57:15,890 --> 00:57:18,059
[adult Jake]
It was like winning
more school.
1327
00:57:18,143 --> 00:57:20,103
No!
1328
00:57:20,186 --> 00:57:23,523
Where is it?
[screaming]
1329
00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,609
-I hate you, Halberg!
-[Mr. Halberg exclaiming] God.
1330
00:57:29,404 --> 00:57:31,531
[adult Jake]
It didn't make any sense. Why?
1331
00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:35,243
Why had the troop leaders
promised us toys,
and then give us books?
1332
00:57:35,326 --> 00:57:38,079
Who could possibly be
behind something so terrible?
1333
00:57:38,163 --> 00:57:40,081
So awful, so villainous?
1334
00:57:40,165 --> 00:57:44,419
Dr. Timothy Keane Senior,
that's who.
1335
00:57:44,502 --> 00:57:47,672
Parents of Batavia,
good evening.
1336
00:57:47,755 --> 00:57:49,340
-Hi.
-[adult Jake]
Little did we know,
1337
00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:51,718
the night before
the wreath award ceremony,
1338
00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,386
Dr. Keane had
assembled a meeting
1339
00:57:53,469 --> 00:57:56,389
with the express purpose
of ruining our lives.
1340
00:57:56,472 --> 00:57:59,475
There was an incident
in my home recently.
1341
00:57:59,559 --> 00:58:03,271
A member of the Keane family,
Lacy Dog Keane...
1342
00:58:03,354 --> 00:58:07,066
was crushed to near death
by our 42-inch television set.
1343
00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:10,195
[whispering] 42-inch,
that's a really nice
television set.
1344
00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:11,571
[whispering] John.
1345
00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:15,074
Now I certainly do not blame
my boy, Timmy,
1346
00:58:15,158 --> 00:58:17,952
who is a gifted,
generous young man,
1347
00:58:18,036 --> 00:58:22,665
who has recently been diagnosed
with something called...
1348
00:58:22,749 --> 00:58:24,417
"Attention Deficit..."
1349
00:58:24,500 --> 00:58:25,919
Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.
1350
00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:29,255
It's very serious...
[sighs]
1351
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,716
and it's extremely rare.
1352
00:58:31,799 --> 00:58:33,009
[crying] So rare.
1353
00:58:33,092 --> 00:58:34,302
[kisses and blows]
1354
00:58:34,385 --> 00:58:35,845
[kisses] I love you.
1355
00:58:35,929 --> 00:58:37,138
Could I have
the lights, please?
1356
00:58:37,222 --> 00:58:38,139
[clicking]
1357
00:58:40,683 --> 00:58:42,101
Ladies and gentlemen...
1358
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:45,271
the real culprit of
this dog-crippling crime...
1359
00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,981
is video games.
1360
00:58:47,065 --> 00:58:49,651
Video games did this.
1361
00:58:49,734 --> 00:58:51,069
-[crowd gasping]
-[Mrs. Keane whimpers]
1362
00:58:51,152 --> 00:58:52,612
And this.
1363
00:58:52,695 --> 00:58:53,780
[crowd gasping loudly]
1364
00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:55,281
And this.
1365
00:58:56,199 --> 00:58:57,283
[gasping]
1366
00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,952
And this.
1367
00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:01,537
Oh.
1368
00:59:01,621 --> 00:59:02,997
It's the same slide.
1369
00:59:03,998 --> 00:59:07,126
I meant, and this.
1370
00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,212
-[John]
Still same slide.
-God damn it!
1371
00:59:11,005 --> 00:59:12,966
Timmy dumped
cheese in here again.
1372
00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,677
You know you can't
give him cheese, Janice.
You know this.
1373
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:17,136
Pookie.
1374
00:59:19,180 --> 00:59:20,098
[sighs]
1375
00:59:20,723 --> 00:59:22,016
And this.
1376
00:59:22,100 --> 00:59:24,560
[crowd exclaiming]
1377
00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:26,396
-The question is,
ladies and gentlemen...
-[Mrs. Keane crying]
1378
00:59:26,479 --> 00:59:27,772
[man] Is that a dog?
1379
00:59:27,855 --> 00:59:29,148
...what are we prepared
to do about it?
1380
00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,316
We should ban it!
1381
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,193
-Ban it!
-Ban it! Ban it!
1382
00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:35,154
-No more dogs
are getting crushed in my town!
-No more.
1383
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:36,990
-We must protect our dogs.
-Yes.
1384
00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:39,450
We must protect our community!
1385
00:59:39,534 --> 00:59:41,160
Yes!
1386
00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:43,162
[Mr. Keane]
It's modern technology
taking over our lives.
1387
00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:45,331
It's only gonna get worse.
It's all gonna go
downhill from here!
1388
00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,958
-[Mrs. Trotter] That's right.
-We've gotta stop it!
1389
00:59:47,041 --> 00:59:48,793
We've gotta burn it all,
burn it all to the ground.
1390
00:59:48,876 --> 00:59:50,169
-Burn it.
-Yeah.
1391
00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:52,922
Video game over!
Video game over!
1392
00:59:53,006 --> 00:59:54,924
Let me hear you.
Video game over! Louder.
1393
00:59:55,008 --> 00:59:58,011
[all chanting] Video game over!
Video game over!
1394
00:59:58,094 --> 00:59:59,512
-Let me hear you.
-[chanting continues]
1395
00:59:59,595 --> 01:00:01,264
[softly] Bring it down now.
Video game over.
1396
01:00:01,347 --> 01:00:03,516
[adult Jake] Keane's panicked
propaganda continued on
1397
01:00:03,599 --> 01:00:04,892
well into the night.
1398
01:00:04,976 --> 01:00:07,437
It was a virtual
video game Armageddon.
1399
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:09,814
-[Mr. Halberg]
I can feel it! We're so close!
-[crowd] Video game over!
1400
01:00:09,897 --> 01:00:11,691
Video game over!
1401
01:00:11,774 --> 01:00:13,735
[adult Jake]
And there was nothing
we could do about it.
1402
01:00:13,818 --> 01:00:14,986
[Bugs Bunny on TV]
No rabbit.
1403
01:00:18,656 --> 01:00:21,534
All those wreaths for nothing.
1404
01:00:21,617 --> 01:00:25,413
Did you know that
Australia's chief export
is coal briquettes?
1405
01:00:26,289 --> 01:00:28,333
[sighs]
1406
01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:31,377
We interrupt this program
to bring you a special
news bulletin from Kane County.
1407
01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,338
Thank you, Walter.
We're here live in Geneva
1408
01:00:33,421 --> 01:00:36,591
with video game
violence activist
Dr. Timothy Keane.
1409
01:00:36,674 --> 01:00:39,218
Dr. Keane, it's only
eight shopping days now
1410
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,054
until Christmas,
and you've managed to pass
1411
01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:44,807
a county-wide ban
on selling video game systems.
1412
01:00:44,891 --> 01:00:46,476
-Is that correct?
-That is correct.
1413
01:00:46,559 --> 01:00:48,603
Every store in Kane County
has agreed to it.
1414
01:00:48,686 --> 01:00:52,357
And you really feel that
video games promote
violence enough
1415
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:54,233
to make them illegal?
1416
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,069
Has your dog ever been
crushed to near death
by your TV?
1417
01:00:56,152 --> 01:00:58,071
No, she has not.
1418
01:00:58,154 --> 01:00:59,947
[Dr. Keane on TV]
It's not a pretty sight.
Parents need to know the truth.
1419
01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:04,243
These games are pure evil,
and they've got to be stopped.
1420
01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:07,038
Video game over!
Video game over!
1421
01:01:07,121 --> 01:01:08,915
-Video game over!
-[crowd chanting on TV]
Video game over!
1422
01:01:08,998 --> 01:01:10,500
He's a podiatrist.
1423
01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:12,168
Sorry, Jake.
1424
01:01:12,251 --> 01:01:13,753
Knock it off, Lizzy.
1425
01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:17,048
No, I was being serious.
I know how much you wanted one.
1426
01:01:18,674 --> 01:01:19,759
I had it.
1427
01:01:20,593 --> 01:01:21,594
It was mine.
1428
01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,347
But now...
1429
01:01:25,890 --> 01:01:27,225
I'll never get one.
1430
01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:31,437
Here. You can have the remote.
1431
01:01:33,731 --> 01:01:35,024
Thanks, Lizzy.
1432
01:01:40,863 --> 01:01:42,740
She gave you the remote?
1433
01:01:42,824 --> 01:01:45,993
I would never give Charlie
the remote.
1434
01:01:46,077 --> 01:01:47,620
You must've been a wreck.
1435
01:01:47,703 --> 01:01:50,331
Duh. They banned Nintendo.
1436
01:01:50,415 --> 01:01:53,126
So, if Batavia banned Nintendo
1437
01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:55,586
and Grandma and Grandpa
won't get you one...
1438
01:01:55,670 --> 01:01:58,172
and you're doing
all these bad things,
all the time...
1439
01:01:58,256 --> 01:02:00,967
-Not all the time.
-Yes, all the time.
1440
01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,469
You're doing all these things,
and no one will get it for you,
1441
01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:04,887
then how did you get it?
1442
01:02:04,971 --> 01:02:06,681
How did you get the Nintendo?
1443
01:02:06,764 --> 01:02:09,225
Okay, calm down.
1444
01:02:09,308 --> 01:02:10,977
Should we take a break?
You wanna text Maeve--
1445
01:02:11,060 --> 01:02:12,228
No!
1446
01:02:12,311 --> 01:02:14,355
I wanna know
what happens in the story.
1447
01:02:14,439 --> 01:02:15,356
[sighs]
1448
01:02:17,150 --> 01:02:18,818
You see, Annie...
1449
01:02:18,901 --> 01:02:21,320
sometimes during Christmas...
1450
01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:24,157
just when you think that
all hope is lost...
1451
01:02:25,366 --> 01:02:26,993
something magical happens.
1452
01:02:28,286 --> 01:02:31,664
Some people call it
a Christmas miracle.
1453
01:02:31,747 --> 01:02:35,126
Well, this miracle happened
at the roller rink.
1454
01:02:36,461 --> 01:02:37,879
What's a roller rink?
1455
01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:39,839
[sighs]
1456
01:02:44,010 --> 01:02:47,847
[adult Jake]
Six days until Christmas
and it was officially official.
1457
01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:50,391
None of us were getting
a Nintendo.
1458
01:02:56,063 --> 01:02:58,399
[Evan] My cousin in Elmhurst
might get one still.
1459
01:02:58,483 --> 01:03:00,151
That's in Cook County.
1460
01:03:00,234 --> 01:03:01,402
DuPage County.
1461
01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:03,446
-How do you know?
-I got encyclopedias.
1462
01:03:03,529 --> 01:03:05,531
[Jeff] Come on, guys.
We still got each other.
1463
01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:06,824
-[boy] Watch out!
-[gasps]
1464
01:03:06,908 --> 01:03:08,493
[glass breaking]
1465
01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:11,329
-[Jeff] Sorry.
-Objectively,
I know that's hilarious
1466
01:03:11,412 --> 01:03:15,124
but I just don't have it in me
to laugh right now.
1467
01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:17,710
[adult Jake] It was
the Hodges' birthday party.
1468
01:03:17,793 --> 01:03:19,587
The dreaded Christmas birthday.
1469
01:03:19,670 --> 01:03:22,507
Not only did the twins have to
share a birthday between them,
1470
01:03:22,590 --> 01:03:25,009
they had to share it
with Christmas to boot.
1471
01:03:25,092 --> 01:03:28,888
"Happy Birthday
and Merry Christmas.
Love, Grandma."
1472
01:03:28,971 --> 01:03:30,181
What a rip-off.
1473
01:03:30,264 --> 01:03:33,017
"P.S. This gift
is for you two to share."
1474
01:03:34,810 --> 01:03:37,104
-Fresh packs.
Who wants to open?
-[all] Me!
1475
01:03:40,358 --> 01:03:41,609
-You got Chris Sabo.
-Need it.
1476
01:03:41,692 --> 01:03:44,654
Need it. Got it.
Need it.
1477
01:03:44,737 --> 01:03:45,947
You gonna eat your gum?
1478
01:03:48,699 --> 01:03:49,617
Ow!
1479
01:03:50,409 --> 01:03:51,494
Mmm...
1480
01:03:51,577 --> 01:03:54,038
Uh, I got a Ripken.
Billy Ripken.
1481
01:03:54,121 --> 01:03:55,957
[Tammy] Who cares about
Billy Ripken?
1482
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,041
[chuckles in disbelief]
1483
01:03:57,124 --> 01:03:58,209
What?
1484
01:03:58,292 --> 01:03:59,460
What? What is it?
1485
01:03:59,544 --> 01:04:00,920
You guys are not gonna
believe this.
1486
01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,089
Look! Right there! On his bat!
1487
01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,550
-[Jake] Oh, my gosh!
-[Evan] A swear word.
1488
01:04:06,300 --> 01:04:07,718
That's a bad one.
1489
01:04:07,802 --> 01:04:09,428
-What does it say?
-[Evan] Don't read it out loud.
1490
01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,347
I'm not allowed
to hear swear words.
1491
01:04:11,430 --> 01:04:13,224
"Swear word dash face."
1492
01:04:13,307 --> 01:04:15,268
Which swear word? A-face?
1493
01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:16,143
Mmm-mmm.
1494
01:04:16,227 --> 01:04:18,229
-S-face?
-Mmm-mmm.
1495
01:04:18,312 --> 01:04:20,481
Wait. F-face?
1496
01:04:20,565 --> 01:04:21,315
Bingo.
1497
01:04:21,399 --> 01:04:22,650
It's an error card.
1498
01:04:22,733 --> 01:04:25,444
It's the greatest error card
of all time!
1499
01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,904
Billy Ripken.
1500
01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:30,700
Ninety-five bucks!
1501
01:04:30,783 --> 01:04:32,034
[cheering]
1502
01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:33,995
Ninety-five dollars?
You're a millionaire!
1503
01:04:34,078 --> 01:04:36,872
Yeah, Couple more of those,
and you can buy
your own Nintendo.
1504
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,209
Guys...
1505
01:04:41,377 --> 01:04:42,795
I got it.
1506
01:04:42,878 --> 01:04:44,046
[Jeff] I don't get it.
1507
01:04:44,130 --> 01:04:45,298
[Jake] What do you mean,
you don't get it?
1508
01:04:45,381 --> 01:04:47,091
It's a very clear
15-point plan.
1509
01:04:47,174 --> 01:04:50,094
-I think you spelled
"covert" wrong.
-[Mikey] Okay.
1510
01:04:50,177 --> 01:04:53,806
The field trip is Monday
at 0900 hours to Chicago.
1511
01:04:53,889 --> 01:04:56,934
-So?
-So, they still sell
Nintendos there.
1512
01:04:57,018 --> 01:04:58,102
So?
1513
01:04:58,185 --> 01:04:59,937
So, we sell
some baseball cards,
1514
01:05:00,021 --> 01:05:01,480
get some money...
1515
01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,608
we sneak out of the field trip
and buy our own Nintendo.
1516
01:05:03,691 --> 01:05:06,485
Oh, now I get it. But wait,
how's that 15 steps?
1517
01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:08,571
That's like... three.
1518
01:05:08,654 --> 01:05:10,323
I don't know.
We could get in trouble.
1519
01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:13,367
I can't get in trouble now.
It's almost Christmas.
1520
01:05:13,451 --> 01:05:14,827
Forget Christmas.
1521
01:05:14,910 --> 01:05:17,705
This is bigger than Christmas.
1522
01:05:17,788 --> 01:05:23,044
[Jake] This is our
one and only chance
to get a Nintendo.
1523
01:05:23,127 --> 01:05:25,463
One that we can play
on our own.
1524
01:05:25,546 --> 01:05:27,840
We don't have to worry about
taking our boots off,
1525
01:05:27,923 --> 01:05:29,258
or getting in line...
1526
01:05:29,342 --> 01:05:31,218
or any of that stuff.
1527
01:05:31,302 --> 01:05:33,346
We can totally do this!
1528
01:05:34,847 --> 01:05:38,017
-This is our Vietnam.
-[Mikey] Yeah.
1529
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:41,020
I don't think that means
what you think it means.
1530
01:05:41,103 --> 01:05:43,397
I have no idea what it means.
1531
01:05:43,481 --> 01:05:45,024
But who's with me?
1532
01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,067
I'm in.
1533
01:05:50,488 --> 01:05:53,699
Check, check. Over.
1534
01:05:54,408 --> 01:05:55,660
[both] We're in.
1535
01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:13,636
I'm in.
1536
01:06:13,719 --> 01:06:15,096
Nope.
1537
01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:16,305
-[Tammy] Forget it.
-What?
1538
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:17,765
Baseball cards, Farmer.
1539
01:06:17,848 --> 01:06:20,101
Come on!
What's a guy gotta do?
1540
01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:21,894
Olsen?
1541
01:06:33,614 --> 01:06:34,824
[sighs]
1542
01:06:36,325 --> 01:06:38,661
We're gonna
get in so much trouble.
1543
01:06:38,744 --> 01:06:39,870
[all cheering]
1544
01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:45,167
[all] One, two,
three, Nintendo!
1545
01:06:45,251 --> 01:06:51,340
[all cheering]
1546
01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:52,508
[Jake] Got it!
1547
01:06:52,591 --> 01:06:53,592
Nice, Tammy.
1548
01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,219
[Evan] Safe and secure.
1549
01:06:55,302 --> 01:06:56,804
Here we go!
1550
01:07:22,913 --> 01:07:25,791
[Annie] Oh, no!
Not Jagorski.
1551
01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,251
What's he gonna do?
1552
01:07:27,334 --> 01:07:28,961
I'll give you a hint.
1553
01:07:29,044 --> 01:07:30,796
Nothing good.
1554
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,632
[Mrs. Hugo]
It's my favorite field trip.
Off to the Art Institute.
1555
01:07:33,716 --> 01:07:35,301
-Duffle bag?
-Check.
1556
01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:37,094
-Blanket?
-Check. In the bag.
1557
01:07:37,178 --> 01:07:38,471
-Walkie-talkies?
-Check.
1558
01:07:38,554 --> 01:07:39,889
Camouflage, check.
1559
01:07:39,972 --> 01:07:42,349
Not necessary, Farmer.
But I like the spirit.
1560
01:07:42,433 --> 01:07:44,351
Personally, I prefer
a woodland pattern,
1561
01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:45,895
you know, for urban combat.
1562
01:07:45,978 --> 01:07:47,480
[Jeff] I agree.
1563
01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:48,814
How are you feeling, Olsen?
1564
01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,608
Not good. [gags]
1565
01:07:50,691 --> 01:07:51,567
Perfect.
1566
01:07:54,111 --> 01:07:56,322
Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle.
1567
01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:58,491
I heard it's good
for money management.
1568
01:07:59,241 --> 01:08:01,160
[Jake struggling]
1569
01:08:01,243 --> 01:08:02,745
[Josh growls]
1570
01:08:02,828 --> 01:08:04,538
-That's ours!
-Not anymore.
1571
01:08:04,622 --> 01:08:06,123
You can't do that!
1572
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,001
Oh, yeah?
And what are you
gonna do about it?
1573
01:08:09,084 --> 01:08:11,629
Yeah. That's what I thought.
1574
01:08:11,712 --> 01:08:14,131
Your Nintendo's mine.
[grunts]
1575
01:08:14,215 --> 01:08:16,091
[laughs wickedly]
1576
01:08:16,175 --> 01:08:17,259
[Josh] What up, Miss Hugo?
1577
01:08:17,343 --> 01:08:18,551
Oh, man. This is so bad.
1578
01:08:18,636 --> 01:08:20,513
I don't think it could get
any worse.
1579
01:08:20,595 --> 01:08:22,555
Jake Doyle.
1580
01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:23,933
Where do you think
you're going?
1581
01:08:24,015 --> 01:08:25,600
On the bus
to the Art Institute?
1582
01:08:25,684 --> 01:08:26,894
Not like that.
1583
01:08:27,685 --> 01:08:29,729
No boots, no field trip.
1584
01:08:33,317 --> 01:08:37,029
[adult Jake]
At first, I thought,
"Maybe no one will notice."
1585
01:08:37,112 --> 01:08:41,116
Hey, everybody!
Jake Doyle's wearing
girls' boots!
1586
01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:43,035
[children laughing]
1587
01:08:46,287 --> 01:08:47,581
[mockingly] They're so pretty.
1588
01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,209
I have the same kind.
1589
01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:53,587
Reoccurring nightmares
of Freddy Krueger
and the '84 Cubs
1590
01:08:53,671 --> 01:08:55,256
quickly fell to the wayside.
1591
01:08:55,339 --> 01:08:57,508
It was a bad dream
come to life.
1592
01:08:57,591 --> 01:09:01,554
Wow! Nice boots, Doyle.
1593
01:09:01,636 --> 01:09:04,974
Hey, why don't you come back
and have a seat?
1594
01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:09,478
Hey, you wanna hear
about my ant farm?
1595
01:09:09,562 --> 01:09:12,398
They're all dead. The uncles
are still alive, though.
1596
01:09:12,481 --> 01:09:13,899
[knuckles thumping]
1597
01:09:17,361 --> 01:09:19,529
[adult Jake] The entire plan
hung in the balance.
1598
01:09:19,613 --> 01:09:23,533
And I was stuck next to a kid
eating erasers like Tic Tacs.
1599
01:09:23,617 --> 01:09:25,578
Erasers are good.
Do you want one?
1600
01:09:25,661 --> 01:09:27,246
-No.
-All right.
1601
01:09:32,792 --> 01:09:36,130
♪ When you're
Runnin' into first
Then you feel a juicy burst♪
1602
01:09:36,212 --> 01:09:38,966
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪
1603
01:09:39,049 --> 01:09:42,428
♪ When you're
Sliding into third
And you feel a juicy turd♪
1604
01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:45,305
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea♪
1605
01:09:45,389 --> 01:09:48,934
♪ When you're sliding into home
And your pants
Are full of foam♪
1606
01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:51,395
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea♪
1607
01:09:53,564 --> 01:09:54,732
We're almost to the spot.
1608
01:09:54,815 --> 01:09:56,650
Olsen's getting nervous.
What do we do?
1609
01:09:56,734 --> 01:09:58,152
I don't know.
1610
01:09:58,235 --> 01:09:59,445
Just initiate phase one
and I'll think of something.
1611
01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:00,529
Okay.
1612
01:10:05,492 --> 01:10:07,286
[whispering]
What about the money?
1613
01:10:08,203 --> 01:10:09,622
[exhales]
1614
01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,290
Mrs. Hugo.
1615
01:10:11,373 --> 01:10:13,250
-Evan, what are you doing
out of your seat?
-I don't feel good.
1616
01:10:13,334 --> 01:10:14,793
Okay, I...
We're gonna be...
1617
01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,046
Don't be scared of Jagorski,
he's only big in size.
1618
01:10:17,129 --> 01:10:18,505
Think of something happy.
1619
01:10:18,589 --> 01:10:21,759
Tell me your favorite letters
of the alphabet.
1620
01:10:21,842 --> 01:10:25,054
In order,
mine are T, K, A, I, E...
1621
01:10:25,137 --> 01:10:27,681
O, U, Q, X.
1622
01:10:29,725 --> 01:10:33,395
Well, well,
look at what we got here.
1623
01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:35,814
We gotta get
the Nintendo now. I can--
1624
01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:39,109
Not listening to you, Doyle.
The money's mine.
1625
01:10:39,193 --> 01:10:41,153
-We gotta go now, or--
-Or else?
1626
01:10:42,821 --> 01:10:44,281
Are you gonna make me?
1627
01:10:44,365 --> 01:10:48,285
Go back and sit
with your dork girlfriend
1628
01:10:48,369 --> 01:10:50,162
in your girl boots!
1629
01:10:50,246 --> 01:10:50,996
[thudding]
1630
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,831
Are you gonna cry now?
1631
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:54,083
[Josh crying mockingly]
1632
01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:58,671
[adult Jake]
And that's when it hit me.
1633
01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:02,591
Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo.
He was a rebel.
1634
01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:04,510
He didn't care about
being called names.
1635
01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:06,929
He didn't care about bullies,
so why should I?
1636
01:11:07,012 --> 01:11:08,847
Nintendo or not,
1637
01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:11,517
Jagorski had been
King of the Mountain
for too long.
1638
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,269
[Josh mockingly]
"I'm wearing feminine footwear.
1639
01:11:14,353 --> 01:11:16,063
"Why did I bring it to school?
1640
01:11:16,146 --> 01:11:18,899
"My little mommy
put flowers on my shoes!"
1641
01:11:18,983 --> 01:11:21,694
You're all talk,
no walk, Jagorski.
1642
01:11:21,777 --> 01:11:24,029
You're not worth
a hill of beans.
1643
01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,657
Wha... What does that mean?
1644
01:11:26,740 --> 01:11:28,659
It means you're just
a sad little bully.
1645
01:11:28,742 --> 01:11:31,704
And if you don't give me back
my Trapper Keeper right now
1646
01:11:31,787 --> 01:11:33,956
the only one crying
is gonna be you,
1647
01:11:34,039 --> 01:11:35,582
buttface!
1648
01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:37,710
Now!
1649
01:11:38,711 --> 01:11:40,087
Okay, okay.
1650
01:11:40,838 --> 01:11:42,256
[timidly] Okay.
1651
01:11:42,339 --> 01:11:45,884
And my mom got me these boots.
And I hate them, too!
1652
01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,761
But I love my mom.
1653
01:11:55,060 --> 01:11:56,687
-[Evan] I know, I...
-Sit down.
1654
01:11:56,770 --> 01:11:59,898
Just tell me what it is.
I mean, is it your stomach?
1655
01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:01,734
Do you actually think that
maybe you could have...
1656
01:12:01,817 --> 01:12:03,569
[children screaming]
1657
01:12:03,652 --> 01:12:04,945
[school bus braking]
1658
01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:06,947
[children clamoring]
1659
01:12:07,031 --> 01:12:10,409
Just sit down!
Sit down, everybody, okay?
1660
01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:13,078
[Mrs. Hugo] Oh, my gosh!
Are you okay?
1661
01:12:14,830 --> 01:12:16,707
[Jake] Get the alarm!
Get the alarm!
1662
01:12:16,790 --> 01:12:17,916
[Mikey] Walkies.
1663
01:12:19,293 --> 01:12:20,753
Open the door!
1664
01:12:20,836 --> 01:12:22,588
All right, go, go, go!
1665
01:12:22,671 --> 01:12:24,006
[alarm ringing]
1666
01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,717
Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle!
1667
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:29,762
Red Dog, this is Blue Bird.
Approaching the mall. Over.
1668
01:12:29,845 --> 01:12:31,096
Blue Bird, this is Rambo One.
1669
01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:33,057
-What happened to Red Dog?
-I changed it.
1670
01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:34,808
We're allowed
to change names now?
1671
01:12:34,892 --> 01:12:36,935
Let's just start over.
1672
01:12:37,019 --> 01:12:40,439
Rambo One, this is
Millennium Falcon Super Cool.
1673
01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,066
[whooping]
Love it!
1674
01:12:42,149 --> 01:12:43,609
Approaching Michigan Avenue.
1675
01:12:47,237 --> 01:12:49,490
-Careful there, kid.
It's slippery.
-Thanks.
1676
01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:51,784
Sorry. Excuse me.
1677
01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,121
Coming through. Sorry.
1678
01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,873
[adult Jake]
Our testing had made it clear.
1679
01:12:57,956 --> 01:13:00,292
Two cans of SpaghettiOs
in Olsen's stomach
1680
01:13:00,375 --> 01:13:02,753
equaled roughly
nine minutes of vomit.
1681
01:13:02,836 --> 01:13:04,797
That was our window
to buy a Nintendo
1682
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:08,175
and make it back to the bus
before Olsen ran out of puke.
1683
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:13,806
Excuse me.
1684
01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:16,266
As long as I didn't run into
any major obstacles
1685
01:13:16,350 --> 01:13:18,477
I figured I'd be good to go--
Oh, God!
1686
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,688
Video game over!
Video game over!
1687
01:13:21,772 --> 01:13:23,107
Are you kidding me?
1688
01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:27,444
Rambo One, we have a problem.
1689
01:13:27,528 --> 01:13:29,488
What's the problem,
Millennium Super whatever?
1690
01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,907
Your mom
and Mrs. Keane are here.
1691
01:13:31,990 --> 01:13:33,367
-What?
-[Jake over radio]
I repeat, your mom
1692
01:13:33,450 --> 01:13:34,910
and Mrs. Keane
are outside the store.
1693
01:13:34,993 --> 01:13:36,578
I can't get past them
without them seeing me.
1694
01:13:36,662 --> 01:13:38,038
-Don't go in there. D
-Don't go in that store.
1695
01:13:38,122 --> 01:13:40,082
Don't spend your money.
Stay in school!
1696
01:13:40,165 --> 01:13:42,251
Get your mom
under control, Trotter!
1697
01:13:42,334 --> 01:13:43,877
[groans] Darn it!
1698
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:45,337
Jake, what are we gonna do?
1699
01:13:45,420 --> 01:13:47,131
I don't know.
That's why I'm calling you.
1700
01:13:47,214 --> 01:13:48,465
Abort! Abort!
1701
01:13:48,549 --> 01:13:49,842
-[both] No!
-No.
1702
01:13:49,925 --> 01:13:52,052
No abort. We just need to
get them out of the way.
1703
01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:58,183
Maybe we could page
them over the intercom?
1704
01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,144
Tell them they have a call.
1705
01:14:00,227 --> 01:14:02,062
Guys, there's a payphone
across the street.
1706
01:14:02,146 --> 01:14:06,567
Yes! Okay. How's Olsen?
Give me a puke check.
1707
01:14:06,650 --> 01:14:08,193
[Mrs. Hugo]
Your poor little tummy--
1708
01:14:10,946 --> 01:14:13,991
Okay, feeling bad for you.
I'm feeling very bad.
1709
01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:15,033
Okay!
1710
01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:16,618
Could I get some help here?
1711
01:14:16,702 --> 01:14:19,997
I knew I should've
kept dancing in Vegas.
Knew it.
1712
01:14:20,080 --> 01:14:22,040
He ate a whole bag
of candy corn for breakfast.
1713
01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:24,251
-We should be good.
-Okay, we can make it
to the payphone, Jake.
1714
01:14:24,334 --> 01:14:25,419
But what do we say?
1715
01:14:25,502 --> 01:14:28,088
I don't know. Something good.
1716
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:29,548
Something good like what?
1717
01:14:29,631 --> 01:14:31,717
-I don't know!
Make something up.
-[groans]
1718
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,553
Did someone say
"make something up"?
1719
01:14:39,892 --> 01:14:42,895
[woman over PA system]
Paging Mrs. Trotter
and Mrs. Keane
1720
01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:44,855
please come to
the white courtesy phone.
1721
01:14:44,938 --> 01:14:46,857
You have
an emergency phone call.
1722
01:14:46,940 --> 01:14:48,692
-I'm Mrs. Keane.
-What's going on?
1723
01:14:48,775 --> 01:14:49,902
Oh, my gosh! An emergency?
1724
01:14:50,819 --> 01:14:51,904
Let's go.
1725
01:14:51,987 --> 01:14:53,822
[Mrs. Keane]
I hope it's not Timmy.
1726
01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:54,990
He said something about
stabbing our water bed
this morning.
1727
01:14:55,073 --> 01:14:56,116
It worked!
1728
01:14:57,492 --> 01:15:00,287
Okay, I'm going in.
Keep them on the phone.
1729
01:15:00,996 --> 01:15:01,997
Copy that.
1730
01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:03,207
Doing good.
1731
01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,001
Oh, hey, here it is.
1732
01:15:09,004 --> 01:15:10,756
-Hello?
-Hello, Mrs. Trotter.
1733
01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:13,383
-[Mrs. Keane over phone] No.
-I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right.
1734
01:15:13,467 --> 01:15:15,469
-Who is this?
-This is your nephew.
1735
01:15:15,552 --> 01:15:17,638
I don't have a nephew.
1736
01:15:17,721 --> 01:15:21,850
I know you don't have a nephew.
That's exactly why I'm calling.
1737
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,311
I'm with
the International Nieces
and Nephews Collective.
1738
01:15:24,394 --> 01:15:26,563
The International Nieces
and Nephews Collective?
1739
01:15:26,647 --> 01:15:28,273
-That's right.
-What's that?
1740
01:15:28,357 --> 01:15:29,900
Well, we're based in Canada.
1741
01:15:29,983 --> 01:15:32,903
-[in Canadian accent]
Oh, you are, eh? Hi.
-Canada.
1742
01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:37,950
Four minutes, Super Falcon.
You got this.
1743
01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:41,078
-That doesn't make any sense.
-Makes perfect sense
if you think about it.
1744
01:15:41,161 --> 01:15:43,372
You don't have a nephew,
you would like a nephew,
1745
01:15:43,455 --> 01:15:44,873
the Collective is here to help.
1746
01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:46,083
-Can you make
any sense of this?
-Sure.
1747
01:15:46,166 --> 01:15:47,793
-Uh, hello?
-Hello?
1748
01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:49,795
I just wanted you to know
making prank calls
is very wrong.
1749
01:15:49,878 --> 01:15:51,964
Super Cool, come in.
Farmer's losing them.
1750
01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:53,757
You've gotta hurry.
1751
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:55,467
-[Nintendo]
Where's your sister, Jake?
-Shut up, Nintendo.
1752
01:15:55,550 --> 01:15:57,719
And it's also against the law.
1753
01:15:57,803 --> 01:15:59,513
You wanna know
what else would be criminal?
1754
01:15:59,596 --> 01:16:01,473
Letting your son go
another holiday season
1755
01:16:01,556 --> 01:16:05,352
without experiencing
the joys of sponsoring
an adopted cousin.
1756
01:16:05,435 --> 01:16:07,563
We're just trying
to spread joy to the world.
1757
01:16:07,646 --> 01:16:08,522
[both] Aw.
1758
01:16:08,605 --> 01:16:09,481
That makes sense.
1759
01:16:09,564 --> 01:16:10,774
-That's nice.
-Yeah.
1760
01:16:10,857 --> 01:16:13,110
She bought it.
Someone believed me.
1761
01:16:13,193 --> 01:16:15,153
[Mrs. Trotter over phone]
I can hear you.
1762
01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:18,740
Sorry, ma'am,
but this is a matter
of national security.
1763
01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:20,200
All right.
You're feeling better?
1764
01:16:20,284 --> 01:16:21,994
Can we go back in the bus now?
1765
01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:24,162
Yeah, he's dry heaving.
You're good.
1766
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:28,667
Olsen is dry! Repeat!
We are out of puke!
1767
01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,669
-And I'm your nephew.
-Okay. You know what?
1768
01:16:30,752 --> 01:16:33,171
I think now you're
starting to mock me
and this is harassment.
1769
01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:34,339
-Good bye.
-Hello?
1770
01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:35,799
-Hello?
-[dial tone beeping]
1771
01:16:35,882 --> 01:16:36,967
Drat!
1772
01:16:41,847 --> 01:16:44,349
I lost them, I lost them,
I lost them.
1773
01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:45,726
And Farmer is off the phone.
1774
01:16:45,809 --> 01:16:47,853
[Mikey over comms]
Repeat. Farmer's off the phone.
1775
01:16:47,936 --> 01:16:51,356
Look out for Keane and my mom.
1776
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:54,192
-[Mrs. Trotter]
I don't understand either.
-[Mrs. Keane] Was it a survey?
1777
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:56,194
[both continue indistinctly]
1778
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,529
[Jake] Excuse me.
1779
01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,369
Oh, God.
1780
01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:06,121
I got past them,
I'm in the clear!
1781
01:17:06,204 --> 01:17:08,040
[Mikey over comms]
The bus is moving, Jake.
1782
01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:10,083
The stoplight is still
the rendezvous.
You're gonna make it.
1783
01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:11,668
[adult Jake]
This was it. This was it.
1784
01:17:11,752 --> 01:17:14,379
Victory was mine.
I could taste it.
1785
01:17:15,088 --> 01:17:16,465
Yes. Yes.
1786
01:17:17,049 --> 01:17:18,383
No!
1787
01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:28,101
[slow motion screaming] No!
1788
01:17:29,936 --> 01:17:31,730
[all] No!
1789
01:17:43,033 --> 01:17:44,201
That can't be good.
1790
01:17:47,704 --> 01:17:49,498
-[thumps]
-Damn.
1791
01:17:51,792 --> 01:17:55,629
So, you're not gonna get
what you wanted for Christmas.
1792
01:17:55,712 --> 01:17:58,757
Ain't gonna lie.
That's a tough one, kid.
1793
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,093
You could give me the Nintendo
you have in your trunk.
1794
01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:04,221
I said you're not gonna get
what you wanted
for Christmas this year.
1795
01:18:04,304 --> 01:18:07,099
One year, for Christmas,
when I was a kid,
1796
01:18:07,182 --> 01:18:09,434
know what I wanted?
I wanted a donkey.
1797
01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:11,853
A donkey. Can you believe that?
1798
01:18:11,937 --> 01:18:14,940
Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing
to make up.
1799
01:18:15,732 --> 01:18:17,275
Well, I did.
1800
01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:20,445
All November, all December,
that's all I could think about.
1801
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,197
All I could talk about.
1802
01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:25,033
Donkey this, donkey that.
How am I gonna get this donkey?
1803
01:18:26,368 --> 01:18:28,328
And guess what happened
Christmas morning?
1804
01:18:28,412 --> 01:18:30,789
-You got a donkey?
-No.
1805
01:18:30,872 --> 01:18:32,165
Who gets a donkey?
1806
01:18:32,249 --> 01:18:33,667
No. I...
1807
01:18:33,750 --> 01:18:37,462
No. I realized that I spent
the whole Christmas season
1808
01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:39,464
worrying about
something I wanted
1809
01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:42,843
and I stopped appreciating
what I already had.
1810
01:18:42,926 --> 01:18:45,095
Was it like a hamster
or dog or something?
1811
01:18:45,178 --> 01:18:48,515
No, my family. My life.
1812
01:18:48,598 --> 01:18:50,809
You know, you only get
so many Christmases, kid.
1813
01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,978
You gotta make them count.
1814
01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:57,065
Hey, I bet you haven't even
told somebody "Merry Christmas"
this year, have you?
1815
01:19:01,319 --> 01:19:03,572
All right, come on, get up.
I'll get you a cab. Come on.
1816
01:19:04,114 --> 01:19:05,740
Yo! Taxi!
1817
01:19:11,288 --> 01:19:13,290
Let's get you back
with your field trip.
1818
01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:17,878
-Where's you headed?
-Art Institute.
1819
01:19:17,961 --> 01:19:20,464
Drop him off
at the side door on Monroe.
1820
01:19:20,547 --> 01:19:22,090
-Okay?
-Got it.
1821
01:19:22,174 --> 01:19:24,134
Tell security you got lost.
1822
01:19:24,217 --> 01:19:26,803
Is there any way
I can pay you back somehow?
1823
01:19:26,887 --> 01:19:29,389
Nah. I fleeced your dad
for that Patch.
1824
01:19:29,473 --> 01:19:30,682
You gotta do me
a favor, though.
1825
01:19:30,765 --> 01:19:32,851
-What's that?
-Have a Merry Christmas.
1826
01:19:38,440 --> 01:19:41,067
-[Christmas bells jingling]
-[horse neighing]
1827
01:19:50,702 --> 01:19:53,288
Wake up, wake up.
Is it time yet?
1828
01:19:53,371 --> 01:19:54,623
Is it time yet, Jake?
1829
01:19:57,918 --> 01:19:58,919
Let's go!
1830
01:19:59,002 --> 01:19:59,961
[festive music playing]
1831
01:20:04,174 --> 01:20:05,175
[whispering] Wow!
1832
01:20:07,594 --> 01:20:10,096
[adult Jake]
Ten years of visual
unwrapping experience
1833
01:20:10,180 --> 01:20:14,226
I could tell right away
there was no Nintendo
under that tree.
1834
01:20:14,309 --> 01:20:18,188
Fat ladies standing by
quietly warmed
their vocal chords.
1835
01:20:18,271 --> 01:20:21,858
Lizzy, no opening the presents
until we pass them out.
1836
01:20:21,942 --> 01:20:23,860
You know the rules.
1837
01:20:23,944 --> 01:20:25,278
[rattling]
1838
01:20:26,112 --> 01:20:27,072
Legos?
1839
01:20:27,155 --> 01:20:28,698
Let's just get this over with.
1840
01:20:29,824 --> 01:20:30,951
Okay...
1841
01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,328
Let's have some Christmas.
1842
01:20:35,455 --> 01:20:36,873
And...
1843
01:20:36,957 --> 01:20:40,293
-[John] three, two, one...
-Merry Christmas!
1844
01:20:40,377 --> 01:20:43,004
It's Christmas morning, 1988.
1845
01:20:43,088 --> 01:20:44,381
Opening our presents!
1846
01:20:44,464 --> 01:20:47,050
-Looking good.
-Merry Christmas.
1847
01:20:47,133 --> 01:20:48,593
[Kathy] Merry Christmas.
1848
01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,720
-Okay, hold on.
-Cheese.
1849
01:20:53,056 --> 01:20:54,140
[Lizzy giggling]
1850
01:20:54,224 --> 01:20:55,642
[Kathy] Boop. Boop.
1851
01:20:55,725 --> 01:20:57,435
-[John] How are you, Jake?
-Boop.
1852
01:20:57,519 --> 01:20:58,937
[John] Cheer up!
1853
01:20:59,020 --> 01:21:00,689
[Kathy] Merry Christmas.
1854
01:21:00,772 --> 01:21:01,856
[John] Thank you, honey.
1855
01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:05,986
[John] Come on, buddy.
Thumbs up.
1856
01:21:06,069 --> 01:21:07,362
Great, all right, cool.
1857
01:21:14,744 --> 01:21:17,330
[gasping] Leg warmers.
1858
01:21:17,414 --> 01:21:23,253
[exclaiming] What?
I got a sander.
1859
01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,463
Bookends?
1860
01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,757
For your encyclopedia set.
1861
01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,634
Great.
1862
01:21:29,718 --> 01:21:31,678
And they have
baseballs on them.
1863
01:21:31,761 --> 01:21:32,637
I see that.
1864
01:21:34,598 --> 01:21:36,683
A Cabbage Patch Kid!
1865
01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,479
Wow! Freckles!
1866
01:21:43,106 --> 01:21:45,233
I'm sorry it's not a redhead.
1867
01:21:47,944 --> 01:21:50,780
Thank you so much.
I love you.
1868
01:21:50,864 --> 01:21:51,948
I love you, too.
1869
01:21:53,450 --> 01:21:54,826
[loud buzzing]
1870
01:21:54,909 --> 01:21:56,703
Another great Christmas.
1871
01:21:56,786 --> 01:22:00,415
You know, every holiday that
I spend with you guys
1872
01:22:00,498 --> 01:22:02,500
is a real blessing.
1873
01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:04,127
[shouting] What?
1874
01:22:04,210 --> 01:22:07,047
I said, "Every holiday that
I spend with you guys..."
1875
01:22:07,130 --> 01:22:08,632
John. John!
1876
01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:11,009
John.
1877
01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:12,177
[sander stopping]
1878
01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:13,553
Do you have to
do that right now?
1879
01:22:14,929 --> 01:22:16,514
Yeah, but... You gave it to me.
1880
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,184
Okay.
1881
01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,561
Never mind, honey. I feel like
the moment just passed.
1882
01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,440
[thudding]
1883
01:22:25,523 --> 01:22:28,026
-[gasps]
-[adult Jake]
And that's when I saw it.
1884
01:22:28,109 --> 01:22:29,569
[barks]
1885
01:22:29,653 --> 01:22:32,781
It was the exact size and shape
of the box I'd held in my hands
1886
01:22:32,864 --> 01:22:34,157
not three days before.
1887
01:22:37,786 --> 01:22:42,290
"To Jake. From Uncle Dan."
1888
01:22:42,374 --> 01:22:45,919
Of course.
Crazy rich Uncle Dan.
1889
01:22:46,002 --> 01:22:49,297
Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan.
1890
01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:51,883
You haven't gotten
as much as a postcard
in the last three years.
1891
01:22:51,966 --> 01:22:53,885
Where's he living again now?
1892
01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,053
Japan.
1893
01:22:55,136 --> 01:22:56,846
[adult Jake]
Japan. Japan.
1894
01:22:56,930 --> 01:22:58,306
Home of Nintendo.
1895
01:22:58,390 --> 01:23:00,475
The land where
dreams come true.
1896
01:23:00,558 --> 01:23:02,811
Oh, God,
don't mess with me now.
1897
01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,855
It's got your name on it, Jake.
1898
01:23:07,399 --> 01:23:09,192
[John] What'd he say
he was sending?
1899
01:23:09,275 --> 01:23:10,485
I have no idea.
1900
01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:16,157
Come on, come on.
1901
01:23:16,241 --> 01:23:18,034
It has to be. It has to be.
1902
01:23:19,369 --> 01:23:20,829
[adult Jake] Lite-Brite?
1903
01:23:20,912 --> 01:23:21,913
Lite-Brite?
1904
01:23:21,996 --> 01:23:23,289
Lite-Brite.
1905
01:23:23,373 --> 01:23:25,750
Japanese Lite-Brite.
1906
01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,545
Wow! Lite-Brite!
1907
01:23:28,628 --> 01:23:30,255
-Yeah.
-Jake, that's fun.
1908
01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:34,426
You know, for a second there,
I thought it was a Nintendo.
1909
01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:36,052
[laughs]
1910
01:23:36,136 --> 01:23:38,930
[adult Jake] As I slowly tried
to grasp the situation
1911
01:23:39,013 --> 01:23:42,434
I began to fear that I might
never recover from this.
1912
01:23:42,517 --> 01:23:46,771
This was a tragedy so great
that I'd never go to prom,
1913
01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:49,774
never go to college,
never leave the house.
1914
01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,528
I'd become
a 30-year-old balding man
in his parents' basement
1915
01:23:53,611 --> 01:23:57,532
making elaborate pictures
of Zelda on his Lite-Brite.
1916
01:23:57,615 --> 01:24:00,285
Christmas was dead to me now.
1917
01:24:00,368 --> 01:24:01,745
-Hello?
-Hey, Trotter.
1918
01:24:01,828 --> 01:24:03,371
-Hey.
-You didn't get one either?
1919
01:24:03,455 --> 01:24:06,166
-Nah, I got a Chia Pet.
-You got a Chia Pet?
1920
01:24:06,249 --> 01:24:07,459
The Hodges struck out, too.
1921
01:24:07,542 --> 01:24:10,253
Yeah, yeah.
I heard about the Hodges.
1922
01:24:10,336 --> 01:24:13,715
They just got
a new bike... to share.
1923
01:24:13,798 --> 01:24:15,467
Yep.
1924
01:24:15,550 --> 01:24:17,469
Farmer says he got one,
but he also says
he got a jetpack. So...
1925
01:24:17,552 --> 01:24:18,595
Yeah, right.
1926
01:24:18,678 --> 01:24:20,805
I guess we all struck out.
1927
01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:21,890
Well, I gotta go.
1928
01:24:21,973 --> 01:24:23,016
-See ya.
-See ya, man.
1929
01:24:23,099 --> 01:24:24,058
[line disconnects]
1930
01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,102
[sighs]
1931
01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:30,857
[Annie] Wait a second.
So, you didn't get one?
1932
01:24:30,940 --> 01:24:32,901
None of your friends got one?
1933
01:24:32,984 --> 01:24:35,111
What kind of a story is this?
1934
01:24:35,195 --> 01:24:37,322
Whose Nintendo
were we even playing?
1935
01:24:39,324 --> 01:24:41,451
Here, come with me.
1936
01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:46,831
[Kathy] ...gifts for
Granny and Grandpa
are in the blue bag.
1937
01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,666
[Kathy speaking indistinctly]
1938
01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:52,754
We're going to Minnesota
for three days, Kathy.
1939
01:24:52,837 --> 01:24:54,714
You've been in our car.
I've seen you in it.
1940
01:24:54,798 --> 01:24:56,132
You know how big it is.
1941
01:24:56,216 --> 01:24:58,218
John, you're getting
a little bit of a tone.
1942
01:24:58,301 --> 01:25:00,345
I feel like maybe we should
leave tomorrow morning.
1943
01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,514
No. I'm not hitting traffic.
1944
01:25:02,597 --> 01:25:04,098
-Jake!
-What?
1945
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:05,517
Oh.
1946
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:08,186
Hey, there's still a ton
of poop in the backyard. Okay?
1947
01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:10,188
So, get a shovel
and pick it up.
1948
01:25:10,271 --> 01:25:12,190
Why? I mean, come on. Please?
1949
01:25:12,273 --> 01:25:13,525
It's Christmas.
1950
01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:18,154
Fine.
1951
01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:27,205
Come on. Pick them up
and put them down, buddy.
1952
01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,249
-We gotta go.
-Yep.
1953
01:25:29,332 --> 01:25:31,584
[John] Hey,
start with the ones
behind the shed.
1954
01:25:41,845 --> 01:25:44,889
Dad! The floodlights!
1955
01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:50,019
[adult Jake]
And there, high above
the frozen dog poo
1956
01:25:50,103 --> 01:25:52,188
that had become
the bane of my existence
1957
01:25:52,272 --> 01:25:56,609
was the most
beautiful structure
I had ever laid my eyes on.
1958
01:25:56,693 --> 01:25:57,902
Whoa!
1959
01:25:57,986 --> 01:25:59,362
A tree fort.
1960
01:25:59,445 --> 01:26:03,283
A spectacular,
solid-wood tree fort.
1961
01:26:05,285 --> 01:26:07,954
Oh, it was breathtaking.
1962
01:26:19,924 --> 01:26:21,217
Wow.
1963
01:26:22,677 --> 01:26:24,596
Wowee.
1964
01:26:26,472 --> 01:26:28,308
It has a trapdoor!
1965
01:26:28,391 --> 01:26:33,104
Your dad was up all night
finishing it.
1966
01:26:35,982 --> 01:26:38,109
No, careful by the paint!
1967
01:26:38,192 --> 01:26:39,235
It still looks wet.
1968
01:26:45,241 --> 01:26:48,036
Dad! It's awesome!
1969
01:26:49,454 --> 01:26:51,164
I'm gonna get the video camera.
1970
01:26:51,956 --> 01:26:53,750
Nah, nah.
1971
01:26:53,833 --> 01:26:55,376
-No?
-Nah.
1972
01:26:56,794 --> 01:26:58,046
Let him be.
1973
01:27:07,513 --> 01:27:08,389
[sighs]
1974
01:27:09,766 --> 01:27:10,892
[chuckles]
1975
01:27:10,975 --> 01:27:12,644
So, Dad...
1976
01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:15,813
the Nintendo was here
in the fort, right?
1977
01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:18,441
It was somewhere
hidden in here?
1978
01:27:18,524 --> 01:27:19,817
Nope.
1979
01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,319
Then how'd you get it?
1980
01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:24,447
I never got it as a present.
I had to work for it.
1981
01:27:24,530 --> 01:27:27,825
Spent a whole summer caddying
at Prairie Pines Golf Course.
1982
01:27:27,909 --> 01:27:31,454
Then Grandpa said
I could buy my own.
1983
01:27:31,537 --> 01:27:35,500
But I'll tell you what,
this tree fort turned out to be
a pretty great present.
1984
01:27:37,043 --> 01:27:38,336
Mmm-hmm.
1985
01:27:38,419 --> 01:27:40,630
It's my favorite place
at Grandma and Grandpa's.
1986
01:27:41,589 --> 01:27:42,590
Me, too.
1987
01:27:44,592 --> 01:27:47,011
[Kathy] Dinner's ready!
Come on in!
1988
01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:49,764
Grandma! Hi, Grandma!
1989
01:27:49,847 --> 01:27:52,100
Hey, Mom!
Didn't know you guys were back.
1990
01:27:52,183 --> 01:27:53,393
Well, we are.
1991
01:27:53,476 --> 01:27:55,061
Now get your buns in here
and give me a hug.
1992
01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:19,377
Phew.
1993
01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:24,048
[sniffing]
1994
01:28:25,341 --> 01:28:26,759
Smell that?
1995
01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:28,261
[inhaling deeply]
1996
01:28:28,344 --> 01:28:29,470
Fresh air?
1997
01:28:30,555 --> 01:28:32,390
Fresh air.
1998
01:28:32,473 --> 01:28:35,059
Hockey stick slats
turned out okay, huh?
1999
01:28:37,854 --> 01:28:39,313
Thanks for your help.
2000
01:28:40,481 --> 01:28:41,607
[clicking]
2001
01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:44,027
Here. Carve your initial.
2002
01:28:44,110 --> 01:28:47,030
Every good craftsman
leaves their mark.
2003
01:28:47,113 --> 01:28:48,823
That's a good spot.
2004
01:28:50,366 --> 01:28:51,367
There you go.
2005
01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:54,746
[John] There,
you got it. Yeah.
2006
01:28:55,663 --> 01:28:57,623
Not bad.
2007
01:28:57,707 --> 01:29:02,128
Maybe this summer
we could add a lookout tower.
2008
01:29:02,962 --> 01:29:05,590
Totally.
2009
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:11,262
[adult Jake]
Peacefully, my mind unfolded
all the tree fort adventures
2010
01:29:11,345 --> 01:29:13,014
that undoubtedly lay ahead.
2011
01:29:13,097 --> 01:29:15,767
Flashlight campouts
with Olsen and the Hodges
2012
01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,186
ridiculous ghost stories
from Farmer
2013
01:29:18,269 --> 01:29:22,148
and late-night
skygazing with Trotter
for Soviet spy planes.
2014
01:29:25,359 --> 01:29:27,528
And then a dog
was crushed by a TV.
2015
01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:30,448
Oh, and Mom,
Dad skipped out
on a field trip.
2016
01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:32,450
It was the most crazy story
I've ever heard.
2017
01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,494
Thank you.
Crazy and exciting and amazing.
2018
01:29:34,577 --> 01:29:38,331
So, that was the first thing
you and Grandpa
built together, right?
2019
01:29:38,414 --> 01:29:40,083
Yes, Annie, but I had a point.
2020
01:29:40,166 --> 01:29:41,959
I know your point, Dad.
2021
01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:44,045
I'm not getting a phone,
2022
01:29:44,128 --> 01:29:45,963
but Christmas
can still be great.
2023
01:29:46,839 --> 01:29:49,717
That... Yeah, pretty much.
2024
01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:51,427
But you left out the best part.
2025
01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:53,888
Yes. Our matching
purple floral boots.
2026
01:29:53,971 --> 01:29:56,307
Katie Sorrentino,
I would never.
2027
01:29:56,390 --> 01:29:57,975
-[Kathy] Okay.
-Really?
2028
01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:01,771
Those boots were $11.99,
and I thought they
looked great.
2029
01:30:01,854 --> 01:30:03,439
[Annie] No, Dad.
2030
01:30:03,523 --> 01:30:05,733
That was the Christmas
you and Grandpa
found your thing.
2031
01:30:14,951 --> 01:30:18,037
Which is a miracle, too,
'cause that man
could not find anything.
2032
01:30:18,121 --> 01:30:19,163
[both chuckle]
2033
01:30:37,557 --> 01:30:38,683
[sighs]
2034
01:30:41,144 --> 01:30:42,645
Thanks, kiddo.
2035
01:30:42,728 --> 01:30:44,897
You think maybe
we could borrow
some of his tools
2036
01:30:44,981 --> 01:30:46,524
and work on the fort tomorrow?
2037
01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:49,152
Yeah.
2038
01:30:50,403 --> 01:30:51,821
I think he'd like that.
2039
01:30:54,699 --> 01:30:58,035
[adult Jake] Turns out
John Doyle was more than
just a guy who yelled a lot
2040
01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,413
and could never quite
finish the kitchen.
2041
01:31:00,496 --> 01:31:02,165
He was a magician.
2042
01:31:02,832 --> 01:31:04,000
He was a hero.
2043
01:31:05,001 --> 01:31:07,336
He was my dad.
2044
01:31:09,755 --> 01:31:11,257
Come on.
2045
01:31:11,340 --> 01:31:12,508
Gotta hit the road.
2046
01:31:13,676 --> 01:31:15,261
Don't wanna hit any traffic.
2047
01:31:16,304 --> 01:31:17,305
Okay.
2048
01:31:20,349 --> 01:31:21,434
[groans]
2049
01:31:25,479 --> 01:31:26,522
All right.
2050
01:31:31,861 --> 01:31:33,446
-Hey, Dad?
-Yeah?
2051
01:31:35,198 --> 01:31:37,158
Merry Christmas.
2052
01:31:37,241 --> 01:31:38,951
Merry Christmas, Jake.
140184
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