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1
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:32,491
Long ago, the duke of Milan
commissioned a little-known artist
2
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:36,379
...to erect a mammoth statue
of a horse.
3
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,924
The time was 1481.
4
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:44,678
The artist was Leonardo Da Vinci.
5
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:48,306
The guy on the donkey
is just a guy on a donkey.
6
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:53,062
Anyway, they called this statue
the Sforza...
7
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:58,397
...and it was gonna be
the largest bronze statue ever built.
8
00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,981
But wouldn't you know it...
9
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:04,193
...war broke out,
and bronze became scarce.
10
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:07,451
So Da Vinci decided
to create a machine...
11
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:11,239
...to change common lead
into bronze.
12
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,500
But when Da Vinci
finally turned this machine on...
13
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:19,960
...it was to give him something
more than he expected.
14
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:25,295
Something much more than bronze.
15
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:29,510
Leonardo, che pazzo!
16
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,567
(speaking Italian)
17
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:57,085
(workers shouting in Italian)
18
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:17,147
(Busy chatter in Italian)
19
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,873
(Instruction shouted in
Italian)
20
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:59,146
(Workers speaking Italian)
21
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,482
(Instruction given in Italian)
22
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:44,191
Gold.
Gold.
23
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:48,646
(speaking Italian)
24
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,250
(Frustrated comments made in
Italian)
25
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,518
(Worker calls out in Italian)
26
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,278
(Greets in Italian)
27
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:24,292
(Speaking Italian)
28
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:39,348
(Pilot screams in Italian)
29
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,107
(Speaking Italian)
30
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,832
Exactly 500 years later...
31
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:15,922
...an artiste of a different field...
32
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,054
The one of cat burglary.
33
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:23,262
...Was getting out of Sing Sing.
34
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,474
He was known
as the Hudson Hawk.
35
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,899
Got a coat, hat.
36
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,855
Here's your personal items.
37
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,861
Here's your wallet.
38
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,239
I think you'll find
everything in there.
39
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,195
Don't you want your receipt?
40
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,984
Keep it. Ready?
41
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,903
I got it, Charlie.
42
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,117
Eddie. Eddie.
43
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,658
So the Hudson Hawk is
finally getting out.
44
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,247
Remember all the reporters
that here when you came in?
45
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,128
"World's greatest cat burglar."
46
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,164
Now who gives a fuck?
47
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,583
I got a proposition for you.
48
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,467
Answer's no, Gates.
Even if you bathe.
49
00:06:57,626 --> 00:07:00,470
Listen, smartass, as your
parole officer, I found you a job.
50
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:04,179
No way.
It's a terrific job. An auction house.
51
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,093
One night's work, and you're free.
52
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,433
No checking in with a shrink.
No more community service.
53
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,598
But I want to do
community service.
54
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,109
I want to teach the handicapped
how to yodel.
55
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,941
I ain't stealing no more, Gates.
56
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,572
Ten years later, you're still
impressed with yourself.
57
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:23,110
Same old coat, same old hat.
You're extinct, Hawk.
58
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,370
Coming from you,
that's a powerful statement.
59
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,405
Look, aren't you supposed to stop me
from committing crimes.
60
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,416
You know, "Book 'em, Danno."
"Give a hoot, don't pollute."
61
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,794
You ain't out yet, wise guy.
62
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,457
I can set you up and send you back
any time I want.
63
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:42,847
It's a very fine line
between ex-con and escaped con.
64
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:46,099
Hey, Gates, do it yourself.
65
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,182
Hey! He's got my keys!
66
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,721
I'll be seeing you, Hawk!
67
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,271
Open the gate!
68
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,367
See you around, Mike.
Take it easy, Eddie.
69
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,884
That's the first thing I did:
70
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,970
Smooch the ground
and taste the freedom.
71
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,135
Sorry I'm late, Eddie.
I miss anything?
72
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,929
As always,
your timing is impeccable.
73
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,685
Where's the kiss?
Get away from me.
74
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,946
No tongue this time, I promise.
75
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,356
Whoa.
76
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,617
What?
77
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,824
Looks like you been expanding your...
Don't say it, Eddie!
78
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:51,365
I'm incredibly sensitive
about my fucking figure.
79
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,001
My next word was gonna be
“consciousness"...
80
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,628
tubbo.
81
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,375
You're free, you son of a bitch!
82
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,843
Now that you're born again,
what do you wanna do?
83
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,304
Statue of Liberty?
Entertain some ladies?
84
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,344
Broadway tix?
Seduce some women?
85
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,480
Play Nintendo?
Bone some chicks?
86
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,647
What's Nintendo?
87
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,857
Just get me to
the Five Tone, Tommy.
88
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,364
I don't get a cappuccino soon,
I'll strangle somebody.
89
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,571
You still got a thing for those
unmasculine European coffees?
90
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,204
What can I say?
Who's your buddy?
91
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:35,367
The man knows! The man knows!
92
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,207
So, Mr. Coffee, you have
any trouble checking out?
93
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,416
Not much.
94
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,879
Gates just tried to blackmail me
into doing a job.
95
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,135
That doughnut-hole-eating,
son of a bitch...
96
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,763
...take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer
rat bastard!
97
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,720
Had the perfect amount of foam.
98
00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:53,510
Come on, I'll get you 10 of them
back at the bar.
99
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,099
An auction house? Gates wants you
to rob an auction house?
100
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,730
Yes, an auction house.
What are you, going deaf?
101
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:01,439
He's your parole officer, for Christ's
sake. And, look, I am not going deaf.
102
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,649
Tommy, just get me
in the Five Tone.
103
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,189
Yeah, all right.
104
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,733
"Going deaf."
Don't make fun of my hearing, right?
105
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,698
Tell you something about the bar.
You're gonna love it.
106
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,908
Five Tone Bar and Grill.
107
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:17,076
At least I know there's one thing
that will never cha...
108
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,744
I don't know how
to tell you this, Eddie.
109
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,538
Couple of brokers stopped in
for Stoli spritzers one night.
110
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:25,504
Now we're a nice local bar
that none of the locals can afford.
111
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,261
I read about these people
in Newsweek.
112
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:29,966
Where's all the regulars?
113
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,349
Where's Crazy Jeff Cava?
Gone.
114
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,805
Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph?
Gone, Eddie.
115
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,312
Tommy, you took down
Captain Bob's steering wheel?
116
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,723
Eddie, Eddie, they're all gone.
117
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,812
But look at the bright side:
118
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,228
Half this joint is yours.
119
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:47,398
Hey, Blackjack! Give my
irritable partner a cappuccino.
120
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,066
I gotta go be a boss.
121
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,030
Give me a Scotch and water.
Thanks.
122
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:56,369
Reindeer goat cheese pizza?!
Yo!
123
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:59,125
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.
124
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,684
Cute shot, Antony.
125
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,569
Cesar Mario. Antony Mario.
126
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,355
I didn't know the circus
was in town.
127
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,899
So why won't you do
the auction house?
128
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,363
Well, call me superstitious, Cesar.
129
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:37,201
I don't like to commit a crime
within 24 hours of getting out of the joint.
130
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,333
It's very simple.
There's a safe on the seventh floor.
131
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,960
You take their thingy
and you put it in this thingy.
132
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,962
Directions even your brother
could understand.
133
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,998
Yeah, directions
even I could understand.
134
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,758
Shut up.
135
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,794
Hawk, you're the best.
136
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,930
You're the only one who can
do this job. You know that.
137
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,432
Don't tell me a lot of horse shit,
you wanna open up a hardware store...
138
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,719
...go straight and sell spatulas.
139
00:11:58,885 --> 00:11:59,845
You know Cesar,
140
00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:02,947
if the Mario brothers weren't New
Jersey's third-largest crime family...
141
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,770
...I'd say kiss my ass.
142
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:08,062
But considering your status,
I will say slurp my butt.
143
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,275
Sit.
Sit.
144
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,405
Have you lovely ladies
tried our house wine?
145
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,612
I think you'll enjoy.
Beat it, Tommy.
146
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,527
No dinosaurs allowed.
147
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,695
Enough!
148
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,461
You don't do that auction house job,
I'm gonna put you on trial...
149
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,212
...and I promise you, my friend...
150
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,123
...there will be no bailiff.
151
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,633
You understand?
152
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,169
Get him out of here.
153
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,485
"Witchcraft."
Three minutes, 57 seconds.
154
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:55,321
"Night and Day"?
Frank Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald?
155
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,032
Sinatra.
Five minutes, 12 seconds.
156
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,662
"Hit the Road, Jack."
157
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,869
Tommy, where are my
needle-nose pliers?
158
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,625
Check the bar. "Hit the Road, Jack."
159
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:08,880
Five minutes, 15 seconds.
160
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:12,918
How the hell could you take this down, man?
Captain Bob's steering wheel?
161
00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:14,314
Don't you remember the
night he came in?
162
00:13:14,339 --> 00:13:15,714
Nobody could figure out
where he got this thing.
163
00:13:15,739 --> 00:13:17,230
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
164
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:20,054
Yes?
Quiet. Come here.
165
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,436
We got a nasty little safe
on the seventh floor here.
166
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,596
Simpson?
Yeah.
167
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,516
What's the mechanism?
Seventy-one.
168
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,027
Last time I went to bat,
Simpson only made a 40.
169
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:34,189
So it's gonna take you another
extra 31 seconds to seduce it.
170
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,357
I'm not worried about the safe, Tommy.
I know you're not worried about it.
171
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,650
What about these guards?
We know any of these guys?
172
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,864
No.
173
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,119
Not one?
Not one. No.
174
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,872
Well, what about the video surveillance?
I have a plan.
175
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,954
Oh, you got a plan.
I have a great plan.
176
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:49,337
Great.
177
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,748
What the hell am I doing?
178
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:55,134
Huh? What the hell am I doing?
I'm getting ready to do some crime.
179
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,545
Go rob some fakakta horse
with you?
180
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:57,837
All right, Eddie...
181
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,677
I should be out there
getting myself a Daily News,
182
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,308
looking in the "Want Ads“
trying to get a job selling spatulas."
183
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,889
We're moving too fast, Eddie.
184
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:07,852
You see, I'm putting out a fire
with kerosene.
185
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:11,439
What is that?
That's five seconds. My record's 18.
186
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:12,648
Is this funny?
187
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,859
You think this is
some kind of fucking joke?
188
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,175
How many seconds?
How many what seconds?
189
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,710
On the thumb cuffs.
190
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:41,006
Not counting the bitching and whining,
I'll be nice and say eight.
191
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:45,769
You know, they're not gonna let you
walk away from this job, kiddo.
192
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:49,272
I ain't never gonna get
rehabilitated this way, Tommy.
193
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,103
You think you still got it, Eddie?
194
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,484
Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of.
195
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,988
"Mack the Knife"?
Four minutes, 17 seconds.
196
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,819
"I Only Have Eyes for You."
197
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,654
Why, Tommy,
I didn't know you cared.
198
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,114
Three minutes, 22 seconds.
199
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,074
"Xanadu."
"Xanadu"?
200
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,706
"Xanadu.“
Four minutes, 19 seconds.
201
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,834
"Star-spangled Banner."
Whitney Houston, Super Bowl XVII.
202
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,619
Hi.
Hi, Hank.
203
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,915
Seven minutes, 17 seconds.
You're full of shit.
204
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,424
Let me ask you something.
What?
205
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,425
How come I'm not out
trying to get laid tonight?
206
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,131
Eddie, you're bumming my high.
207
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,796
Come on. It's show time.
208
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:25,258
Tommy, hold on. Hold on a minute.
209
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,473
The sign here says
"no horseplay in the pool area."
210
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,932
This isn't horseplay.
211
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,439
This is a major felony.
212
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:07,677
Come on, Grandpa.
213
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,640
Hey, Tommy.
What?
214
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,475
Give me one good reason
why we're up here.
215
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:15,232
I can give you two:
Antony Mario and Cesar Mario.
216
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,688
Well, you don't really think
that they're gonna...
217
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,853
Cut off our balls
if we don't do the job.
218
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,397
I see.
219
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:21,689
Let me ask you something else.
What?!
220
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:22,982
Did you have dinner tonight?
Why?
221
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,277
Because this rope only holds
900 pounds.
222
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,912
Eddie, stop fooling around!
I'm not fooling around.
223
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,118
You are! You're fooling around!
224
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:33,251
Pick me up. Pick me up.
All right, all right.
225
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,537
Come on.
I wish you'd lay off the pasta.
226
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:46,302
What are you doing?
What are you doing?!
227
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,013
Covering our tracks.
We leave through the basement.
228
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,177
Well, now we have
no choice, do we?
229
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,566
What?
I better make the hole a little bigger.
230
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,531
Don't worry, bonehead.
I'm wearing my girdle.
231
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:40,811
Six hundred and seventy-three Wongs
in the phone book.
232
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,230
That's a hell of a lot of "Wong" numbers.
233
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,398
Look up "Chin."
234
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,339
That's it.
235
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,341
You got a key?
No.
236
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,047
Just checking.
237
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,070
They record everything
video surveillance takes in.
238
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,327
Yes, I can see that, master thief.
239
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,657
I thought you
said something about a plan.
240
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,744
Oh, am I boring you, smartass?
241
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,409
Hey, Jerry, check out Big Stan.
242
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,294
Watch this.
243
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,716
Big Stan!
244
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,927
Now watch.
A little rewind and replay...
245
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,970
...and the guards are gonna be
watching a rerun...
246
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,811
...and they're gonna miss out
on tonight's exciting episode.
247
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,691
You figure this out by yourself?
Yeah.
248
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,942
Good plan, junior.
249
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:07,822
We got about five minutes
and change.
250
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,948
Five thirty-two,
"Swinging on a Star."
251
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,860
You know the invented something
while you were inside. It's called a watch.
252
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,279
Hey, Tommy.
What?
253
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,072
Shh.
254
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,626
One, two.
255
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,002
One, two, three.
256
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,335
♪ Would you like to
swing on a star ♪
257
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,843
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
258
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,426
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
259
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,596
♪ Or would you rather
be a mule ♪
260
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:40,013
♪ A mule is an animal
with long funny ears ♪
261
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,523
♪ He kicks up
at anything he hears ♪
262
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:47,187
♪ His back is brawny
and his brain is weak ♪
263
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,448
♪ He's just plain stupid
with a stubborn streak ♪
264
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:54,736
♪ And by the way,
if you hate to go to school ♪
265
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,155
♪ You may grow up
to be a mule ♪
266
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:01,083
♪ Oh, would you like
to swing on a star ♪
267
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,836
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
268
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,166
They're all back on.
269
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:09,300
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
270
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,428
♪ Or would you
rather be a fish ♪
271
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,806
♪ A fish is an animal
that swims in a brook ♪
272
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:19,595
♪ He can't write his name
or read a book ♪
273
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,105
♪ To fool the people
is his only thought ♪
274
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:26,518
♪ And though he's slippery
he still gets caught ♪
275
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:30,655
♪ If that sort of life
is what you wish ♪
276
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:32,986
♪ You may grow up
to be a fish ♪
277
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:37,074
♪ Oh, would you like
to swing on a star ♪
278
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,581
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
279
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:45,120
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
280
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,004
♪ Or would you rather
be a pig ♪
281
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,751
♪ A pig is an animal
with dirt on his face ♪
282
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,342
♪ His shoes
are a terrible disgrace ♪
283
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:58,849
♪ He's got no manners
when he eats his food ♪
284
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:02,057
♪ He's fat and lazy
and extremely rude ♪
285
00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:06,395
♪ But if you don't care
a feather or a fig ♪
286
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:08,434
♪ You may grow up
to be a pig ♪
287
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:12,939
♪ And all the monkeys
aren't in the zoo ♪
288
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,359
♪ Every day you see
quite a few ♪
289
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:20,325
♪ So you see,
it's all up to you ♪
290
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,416
♪ You could be better
than you are ♪
291
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,202
♪ You could be
swingin' on a star ♪
292
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,462
You got the horse, Ed?
I just got out of jail yesterday...
293
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:32,000
...and I'm robbing an auction house.
Let's go, Hawk.
294
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,879
Hey, Dean, I don't get it.
295
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:38,047
I'm looking at the auction room,
and I see that little blue chair.
296
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:41,058
I didn't wanna do it.
All I wanted was a cappuccino.
297
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,264
Snap out of it!
298
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,270
You think that's strange,
check out screen two.
299
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,851
Hey, that's us.
300
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,766
Somebody rewired the recorders.
Shit!
301
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:50,059
I hold you responsible, Tommy.
302
00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:52,979
♪ You could be swinging on a star ♪
Let's take it home.
303
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:59,369
♪ You could be
swinging on a star ♪♪
304
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,078
Hey!
305
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:17,216
Let's go out the back way.
Keep those ideas coming.
306
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,255
Get up. You're embarrassing me.
307
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,677
Would you get going!
Come on, go!
308
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,227
Go, go, go.
Easy with that.
309
00:22:29,390 --> 00:22:33,395
Come on! Beat it, Tommy!
Come on!
310
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:36,656
I can't tell you how happy I am
that we covered our tracks.
311
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:41,532
Can I ask a question?
What?
312
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,492
I'm not as fat as that guard, am I?
313
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:46,954
Oh, no. You're a slender reed
compared to that guard.
314
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,587
Come on, Slim Jim.
315
00:23:03,424 --> 00:23:05,893
Hudson Hawk gets
the chair of honor.
316
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,474
Good job. Not pretty, but good.
317
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:12,358
All this trouble for a horsey.
318
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:16,771
I may not know art,
but I know what I like.
319
00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:18,564
You certainly do.
So...
320
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,856
when's this Sebastian
Cabot Buckingham
321
00:23:20,902 --> 00:23:23,578
Palace-looking, butler-head
motherfucker getting here?
322
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:26,660
Any minute now, dear Mr. Gates.
323
00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:35,339
Sorry, Jeeves.
May I?
324
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,010
Exquisite.
325
00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:45,300
Leonardo Da Vinci's last commission
for the duke of Milan.
326
00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:47,139
Irreplaceable.
327
00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:50,851
Hey, Mr. French. I'm...
328
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:52,856
What the...? What...?
329
00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:56,602
Ah, yes
330
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:57,861
You son of a bitch.
331
00:23:58,020 --> 00:24:01,445
I stuck my neck out setting this up
for you limey bastards.
332
00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:03,826
Now, where's my cut?
333
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,878
So much for his cut.
334
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,044
Forgive my dry British humor.
335
00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:23,421
You know, I think Gates
promised Hawk a cut too.
336
00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:33,230
Lovely work, Alfred.
You taking the Concorde back?
337
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:35,437
Always, Mr. Mario.
338
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:41,732
I'm really racking up
those frequent-flier points.
339
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,821
Ta-ta, Hudson Hawk.
340
00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:48,738
Yo, Five-Tone.
341
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,781
Did I miss anything?
342
00:24:50,948 --> 00:24:54,418
Gates tries to blackmail me.
You ask me, "Did I miss anything?"
343
00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:55,748
Gates gets killed.
344
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,754
You say, "Did I miss anything?"
345
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,335
I bet you'd go up to
Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theater:
346
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:02,593
and say, "How was the show?
Did I miss anything?“"
347
00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:11,060
You may wanna get this looked at.
Jeez, Gates was killed?
348
00:25:11,218 --> 00:25:12,936
So who do we send
a thank-you note to?
349
00:25:13,095 --> 00:25:14,221
The butler did it.
350
00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:17,062
Guy was a cross between
Alistair Cooke and a Cuisinart.
351
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:20,398
Took Mr. Ed, Humpty-Dumptied it
over Gates' head, and get this:
352
00:25:20,561 --> 00:25:24,657
He said it was made by Leonardo...
Da Vinci's Sforza.
353
00:25:24,815 --> 00:25:26,032
I consider it to be the prize...
354
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:30,617
...of tonight's auction
of objects d'equestrian.
355
00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:32,372
Horse things.
356
00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:34,954
All right, Mr. PBS, you got me.
357
00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:36,414
Morning edition.
358
00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:39,922
It says here, two thieves
attempted to steal it last night...
359
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,300
...but thanks to three brave guards,
it will be ready for tonight.
360
00:25:43,459 --> 00:25:44,881
Attempted?
361
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:49,299
I didn't wanna steal the goddamned thing in
the first place, but I do have my pride.
362
00:25:49,465 --> 00:25:50,808
I don't understand this.
363
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:52,593
Why try? Forget about it.
364
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,559
Because I'm tired of not
understanding things. Cops, Mafia...
365
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:59,021
butlers forcing me to steal something which
now it appears I didn't steal after all.
366
00:25:59,183 --> 00:26:02,858
It's all too goddamn
peculiar, Tommy.
367
00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:04,237
Let me ask you something.
What?
368
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:05,898
How much does a new tuxedo cost?
369
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:09,740
A fantastic example
of Florentine bronze.
370
00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:14,624
Now, who will start at 140,000?
371
00:26:14,782 --> 00:26:16,500
Hundred-and-forty thousand.
372
00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,080
Hundred-and-sixty thousand?
373
00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:21,747
Seventy? Eighty? Ninety thousand.
374
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,167
Two hundred'?
375
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:26,711
Twenty.
376
00:26:26,877 --> 00:26:31,428
Forty.
377
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,594
Two-hundred-and-fifty thousand.
378
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,435
Two-hundred-and-fifty thousand?
Sixty thousand?
379
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:40,725
Seventy? Eighty?
380
00:26:40,891 --> 00:26:44,646
Ninety? Three hundred thousand.
Three-ten.
381
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:45,984
Sold.
382
00:26:47,022 --> 00:26:48,069
You know, after all these years...
383
00:26:48,232 --> 00:26:51,236
...I still get goose bumps
coming to these auctions.
384
00:26:51,401 --> 00:26:54,826
The paintings, the sculptures...
385
00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:57,366
Things that aren't really
paintings or sculptures.
386
00:26:57,533 --> 00:26:59,352
Pretentious vultures
who never look up from
387
00:26:59,377 --> 00:27:01,278
their calculators to see
what they're buying.
388
00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:04,290
Now, that gives me goose bumps.
389
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:05,958
Auctions are disgusting.
390
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:07,593
I couldn't agree more.
391
00:27:07,751 --> 00:27:09,628
Savages.
392
00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:12,844
Now, lot 15.
393
00:27:13,006 --> 00:27:18,103
An equestrian piece
attributed to the Trillini school.
394
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:21,766
Now, who will start at 250,000?
395
00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:24,355
Two-hundred-fifty thousand.
Eighty thousand.
396
00:27:24,518 --> 00:27:26,191
Thank you, sir.
397
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,481
Three hundred thousand.
Three-twenty.
398
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:31,321
Three-forty thousand.
399
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,906
No more on 340,000'?
400
00:27:34,069 --> 00:27:37,039
Sold once. Twice.
401
00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:38,915
Sold.
402
00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:43,204
And finally, lot number 17.
403
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:49,298
Thought to be lost in the war,
and again last night.
404
00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:54,306
The Da Vinci Sforza,
the jewel of the sale.
405
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:55,841
Fantastic.
406
00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:57,851
Is looking like
a constipated warthog...
407
00:27:58,010 --> 00:28:00,684
...a prerequisite for getting a job
in the art world?
408
00:28:00,846 --> 00:28:05,397
...Doctoressa Anna Baragli
of the Vatican. Doc?
409
00:28:05,559 --> 00:28:08,529
Some of us warthogs are
more constipated than others.
410
00:28:26,914 --> 00:28:29,633
Oh, shit.
411
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:35,931
Perfection.
412
00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:40,060
The Vatican extends its jealousy
to the lucky bidder.
413
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:41,846
Thank you, doctor.
414
00:28:42,012 --> 00:28:47,485
We'll begin the bidding
at $20 million. To you, sir.
415
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:50,817
Twenty-point-five
Waldo!
416
00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:54,324
One hundred million clams.
417
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:59,205
That's $100 million
to Mr. Darwin Mayflower.
418
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:07,046
One hundred million and one, Waldo.
419
00:29:07,204 --> 00:29:09,047
Fantastic.
420
00:29:09,206 --> 00:29:12,585
One hundred million dollars
and one.
421
00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:14,173
Outbid by mine own wench.
422
00:29:14,336 --> 00:29:15,588
Quelle bummer.
423
00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:18,974
Don't hate me, baby.
424
00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:23,470
Bunny.
Bunny.
425
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,480
Any other bids?
426
00:29:25,639 --> 00:29:27,186
Going once.
427
00:29:33,647 --> 00:29:40,121
Going twice.
428
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:41,622
Gone.
429
00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:06,684
My God. That was bold of you.
430
00:30:06,847 --> 00:30:08,941
You didn't have to do that.
It's nothing.
431
00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:10,476
Anybody would have
done the same thing.
432
00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:13,236
No, I mean, you didn't
have to tackle me and rip my dress.
433
00:30:13,395 --> 00:30:14,647
Oh.
434
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:18,488
Oh, I'm just kidding.
Thanks for saving me, tough guy.
435
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:19,947
Why was that guard
chasing you?
436
00:30:20,110 --> 00:30:21,737
Because danger, doc,
is my middle...
437
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:40,593
Couldn't just play along,
could you, Eddie?
438
00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:44,511
You gotta admit, Eddie. Classy way
of covering our tracks, huh?
439
00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:48,601
That auctioneer ought to be landing
at La Guardia any minute now.
440
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:52,601
Hey, subtlety's not one
of our strong points.
441
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:05,622
Get the fuck out of here.
442
00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:09,326
You stupid ass!
443
00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:20,132
Ew, menthol.
Hey!
444
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,349
This is a brand-new tuxedo!
445
00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:28,262
Hey, mister. Are you gonna die?
446
00:31:37,270 --> 00:31:39,022
Happy sailing, Hawk!
447
00:31:39,314 --> 00:31:40,486
No! Oh, no!
448
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:41,775
How am I driving?
449
00:31:41,942 --> 00:31:44,411
1-800-I'm-gonna-fucking-die!
450
00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:48,623
Toll booth?!
451
00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:58,254
Exact change?!
452
00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:12,097
Make him roadkill.
453
00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,607
Up yours, Cesar.
454
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:15,688
Yeah, run him down.
455
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:33,623
Cesar! Antony!
456
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,037
Are you okay?
457
00:32:58,435 --> 00:32:59,778
What the fuck
is the matter with you?
458
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:02,780
The name's Snickers.
The plane leaves in 40.
459
00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:07,865
Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars.
460
00:33:08,570 --> 00:33:10,664
Well, it's better
than when we first started out.
461
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,495
Our code names were diseases.
462
00:33:12,657 --> 00:33:16,002
Do you know what it's like
being called Chlamydia for a year?
463
00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:17,958
Oops, forgot.
464
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:35,097
My name's Butterfinger.
No shit.
465
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,900
Do you like
the company's new look?
466
00:33:43,063 --> 00:33:45,236
I call them the "MTV-IA."
467
00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:46,524
George, you promised.
468
00:33:46,691 --> 00:33:49,695
No old-CIA/new-CIA jokes
469
00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:53,786
Punks. They think the Bay of Pigs
is an herbal tea...
470
00:33:53,949 --> 00:33:56,623
...and the Cold War has something
to do with penguins.
471
00:33:56,785 --> 00:33:58,002
Don't I know you?
472
00:33:58,161 --> 00:34:01,711
The last time you saw me, I was bald
with a beard and no mustache...
473
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,841
...and I had a different nose.
474
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,799
So if you don't recognize me,
I won't be offended.
475
00:34:06,962 --> 00:34:09,181
My high school science teacher?
476
00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:13,098
I'm the guy who tricked you into
robbing the government installation...
477
00:34:13,260 --> 00:34:15,479
...and then had you
sent to prison for it.
478
00:34:15,637 --> 00:34:17,435
George Kaplan.
479
00:34:21,268 --> 00:34:23,316
I'm not the type
to hold a grudge, George.
480
00:34:24,646 --> 00:34:26,319
I used you as a diversion.
481
00:34:26,481 --> 00:34:28,734
I guess down deep,
I was just jealous.
482
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:32,074
You were one hell of a thief.
483
00:34:32,237 --> 00:34:34,956
To what do I owe
the dishonor of this reunion, Georgie?
484
00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:38,210
I wanna make it up to you, kid.
That's why I got you this gig.
485
00:34:38,368 --> 00:34:40,917
And to quote the late, great
Karen Carpenter:
486
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:42,922
"We have only just begun."
487
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:45,049
Three minutes, four seconds.
488
00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:46,926
Well you know, George,
you're a little late.
489
00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:49,304
Maybe nobody told you.
I quit stealing.
490
00:34:49,462 --> 00:34:53,012
My employer wants a meeting.
Your employer?
491
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:56,804
The president?
No. Somebody powerful.
492
00:34:58,054 --> 00:35:00,898
Good God, what's that?
493
00:35:01,057 --> 00:35:04,857
Now George, you don't expect me
to fall for that old gag, do you?
494
00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:06,567
Shucks, I guess not.
495
00:35:07,397 --> 00:35:10,071
NOW?
496
00:35:10,233 --> 00:35:11,906
Yes, now.
497
00:36:09,459 --> 00:36:10,802
No way.
498
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,679
Welcome to Rome, sir.
499
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:41,120
So, Hawk. The Hawkster.
What do you think of the vehicle?
500
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:45,628
Why did you duck
at the auction house, asshole?
501
00:36:45,787 --> 00:36:48,711
What can I tell you. I'm the villain.
502
00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:51,922
Initially, it was a priority to keep
a lot of buffers between you and me.
503
00:36:52,085 --> 00:36:54,884
But since most of them are dead now,
I thought, what the heck?
504
00:36:55,046 --> 00:36:58,391
Hawkie, you come
highly recommended.
505
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:02,726
I hired Kaplan and the Mario brothers
to find me a cat burglar.
506
00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:05,982
Hey. I want to be in business
with you.
507
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:17,452
♪ I've got the power ♪
508
00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:20,698
♪ I've got the power ♪
509
00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:29,414
Ladies and gentlemen of the board,
and Minerva...
510
00:37:29,581 --> 00:37:32,505
...let's give it up for Hudson Hawk.
511
00:37:35,754 --> 00:37:37,097
Minerva.
512
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,632
Minerva!
513
00:37:39,466 --> 00:37:44,347
Hello. Bunny, ball-ball.
514
00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:45,638
So, Hawkmeister...
515
00:37:45,805 --> 00:37:47,648
...we got you clothes, great hotel...
516
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:50,686
...and a 250,000-lire per diem.
517
00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:52,024
That's $200 a day.
518
00:37:52,187 --> 00:37:54,110
So he can get a hooker
and some tequila?
519
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,649
Veto, Darwin.
520
00:37:55,815 --> 00:38:00,321
I guess we see who wears
the penis in this family, huh?
521
00:38:00,487 --> 00:38:03,912
For God's sake,
somebody chain this convict.
522
00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:06,997
Listen, Hawkie.
523
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,960
This might be hard to believe,
but I'm just a regular joe.
524
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:15,134
I just want to be happy.
525
00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:16,510
And happiness comes...
526
00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:18,512
...from the achieving of goals.
527
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:24,436
It's just that when you've made
your first billion by the age of 19...
528
00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:27,393
...it's hard to keep
coming up with new ones.
529
00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:32,152
But now, finally,
I got myself a new goal:
530
00:38:32,769 --> 00:38:35,022
World domination!
531
00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:46,499
Shut up!
532
00:38:46,658 --> 00:38:49,707
Bunny, quit that.
Bunny, ball-ball.
533
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,917
I think Bunny's got
today's ball-balls.
534
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,084
Bad Bunny.
Bunny, you weren't that bad.
535
00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:58,345
Just two more minutes.
I was so close.
536
00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:03,259
But seriously, folks, Concorde me
back home, put me in jail. I don't care.
537
00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:07,474
You go back to jail,
and you won't be alone.
538
00:39:07,637 --> 00:39:12,768
You'll have a Guinea barkeep
cellmate to keep you company.
539
00:39:12,934 --> 00:39:15,528
You're young enough to still enjoy
shanking child molesters...
540
00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:19,112
...for a pack of smokes.
541
00:39:19,274 --> 00:39:21,276
But Tommy Five-Tone...
542
00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:23,865
...will go in knowing
the next time he gets out...
543
00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:26,952
...will be to attend
his own funeral.
544
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:34,038
Depressing?
545
00:39:36,833 --> 00:39:39,006
I wouldn't waste a dime
for the phone call.
546
00:39:39,168 --> 00:39:41,091
You don't have any proof.
547
00:39:41,254 --> 00:39:43,552
The magic word.
548
00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:47,470
It's "véjà do," Hawkhead:
Something you wish never did happen.
549
00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:51,640
Kaplan and his CIA candy bars shot
the entire operation with hidden cameras.
550
00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:56,653
They put the fake horse in the safe while
you clowns were running from the guards.
551
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,525
Yikes.
552
00:40:02,692 --> 00:40:04,194
Damn Fotomat assholes.
553
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:05,657
That's a good shot of you, Minerva.
554
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:09,245
My man, you're going
to hit a church.
555
00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:11,910
We want you to steal
Da Vinci's sketchbook...
556
00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:15,626
...the Codex.
557
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:17,790
The Vatican.
558
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,801
I'm robbing
the freaking Vatican.
559
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,463
The nuns at St. Agnes...
560
00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,348
...predicted this.
561
00:40:25,506 --> 00:40:27,679
What do they call you guys,
Igg and Ook?
562
00:40:57,956 --> 00:40:59,253
Hey, man.
Buon giorno
563
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,587
Yeah, buon giorno.
564
00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:02,093
I'm being blackmailed
into robbing the Vatican...
565
00:41:02,251 --> 00:41:05,095
...by a psychotic
American corporation and the CIA.
566
00:41:05,254 --> 00:41:07,848
I don't...
567
00:41:08,007 --> 00:41:10,977
That's okay, colonel.
Just keep an eye on all the art.
568
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:05,281
Courtney, stop it.
569
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,238
You're embarrassing
your country.
570
00:42:17,243 --> 00:42:19,666
Though Leonardo
is best known as a painter...
571
00:42:19,829 --> 00:42:21,957
...it was his gift as an inventor...
572
00:42:22,123 --> 00:42:25,593
...who drew together
science and art...
573
00:42:25,752 --> 00:42:28,130
...that is most incredible.
574
00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:35,011
Tough guy.
575
00:42:35,178 --> 00:42:37,101
What are you doing here?
576
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:40,858
You know, every time I get around you,
my heart starts beating really fast.
577
00:42:44,771 --> 00:42:46,444
As you know,
the Da Vinci Codex...
578
00:42:46,606 --> 00:42:48,625
has lived in the Vatican
for centuries, and
579
00:42:48,650 --> 00:42:50,806
will continue to live
here for centuries more.
580
00:42:50,943 --> 00:42:52,945
That's what you think.
581
00:42:53,112 --> 00:42:56,082
Question, sir?
Yeah, what time do you get done?
582
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:59,084
His untiring pen
predicted the airplane...
583
00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:01,746
...the submarine, the bicycle...
584
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:04,416
...the helicopter
and even the tank.
585
00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:06,801
These more dangerous designs
inspired him...
586
00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,336
Pokey!
587
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:24,564
What's the matter? Something wrong?
Quickly, come with me.
588
00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:26,604
Pokey, come back!
589
00:43:30,733 --> 00:43:32,030
Is that smoke bad for you?
590
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:33,782
This way.
Where are we going?
591
00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:35,288
Through here.
592
00:43:42,328 --> 00:43:45,753
Are you gonna tell me why you did that back
there, or are you gonna blame it on Dumbo?
593
00:43:45,915 --> 00:43:47,292
You mean Pokey?
594
00:43:47,458 --> 00:43:50,052
You believe that
kooky little elephant?
595
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:54,841
What in the world is this?
It's a postal subway.
596
00:43:55,007 --> 00:43:58,227
Can I get to Times Square from here?
No.
597
00:43:58,386 --> 00:44:00,104
The pope takes his mail seriously.
598
00:44:00,263 --> 00:44:02,106
Christmas cards, Easter Seals.
599
00:44:02,265 --> 00:44:04,393
Delivers up to 10 at night.
600
00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:06,607
I see.
601
00:44:06,769 --> 00:44:09,272
Well, actually, I don't see.
I'm very confused.
602
00:44:09,438 --> 00:44:11,657
How do you know all this stuff?
What do you do?
603
00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:14,285
Well, I do a lot of things.
604
00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:17,071
But I don't steal stuffed elephants
from little girls.
605
00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,456
My life's pretty boring.
606
00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:22,585
Yeah, mine too.
607
00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:25,500
You have dinner
with me tonight?
608
00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:27,336
Nice, dull, boring dinner?
609
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:31,594
Scrabble, knock-knock jokes,
anecdotes about dead Italians?
610
00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:34,346
I'll bring my entire repertoire.
611
00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:41,596
And I'll bring my entire entourage.
612
00:44:41,762 --> 00:44:43,230
There's a place around the corner.
613
00:44:43,389 --> 00:44:46,734
Enzo's. Say 10:30?
Ten-thirty.
614
00:44:46,893 --> 00:44:49,146
Hey, thanks.
615
00:44:57,028 --> 00:45:00,123
Father, it's obvious
he's up to something.
616
00:45:00,281 --> 00:45:01,954
Report upstairs at once.
617
00:45:02,116 --> 00:45:03,584
Yes, sir.
618
00:45:15,254 --> 00:45:16,631
Did he mention the Mayflowers?
619
00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,971
No, your eminence. He's definitely
going to steal the Codex. I can feel it.
620
00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:22,683
I'm not sure when.
Attempt to steal, you mean.
621
00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:25,223
The vanity of this man,
Hudson Hawk.
622
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:29,314
The Vatican has foiled the advances
of pirates and terrorists.
623
00:45:29,477 --> 00:45:33,573
We will not lie down
for some schmuck from New Jersey.
624
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:40,205
And must you flirt with him
so effectively?
625
00:45:40,363 --> 00:45:42,161
That's the only way.
626
00:45:42,323 --> 00:45:46,294
As an agent of our organization,
you are put in awkward situations.
627
00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:50,673
Just remember, Hudson Hawk
is an evil, evil man.
628
00:46:10,518 --> 00:46:13,146
Yes. Hello, operator.
I'd like to make a collect call...
629
00:46:13,312 --> 00:46:16,657
...overseas, to a New York number.
630
00:46:16,816 --> 00:46:18,989
What? No, no, don't put me...
631
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,283
Oh, shit.
Thank you for calling AT&T.
632
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:27,042
What number
are you calling, please?
633
00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:31,832
Thank God. 212-555-1989.
634
00:46:38,004 --> 00:46:42,760
Pick up the phone, you
reindeer-goat-cheese-eating bastard.
635
00:46:44,051 --> 00:46:45,598
Pick it up. Pick it up.
636
00:46:46,512 --> 00:46:48,355
Pick it up, Tommy.
637
00:46:48,514 --> 00:46:51,643
The black thing. On the desk.
638
00:46:53,311 --> 00:46:55,188
Come on, Tommy.
639
00:47:09,243 --> 00:47:10,790
Want a little more, Jumbo?
640
00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:13,206
Kick your big, flabby ass.
641
00:47:13,748 --> 00:47:15,295
Hawk.
642
00:47:15,458 --> 00:47:19,588
Hawk, Hawk.
643
00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:22,223
Enjoying Italy?
Yeah.
644
00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:24,349
Yes.
645
00:47:24,508 --> 00:47:28,308
I've always had
a soft spot in my heart for Roma.
646
00:47:28,471 --> 00:47:32,817
I did my first
bare-handed strangulation here.
647
00:47:32,975 --> 00:47:34,693
Communist politician.
648
00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:36,399
Why, George, you big softy.
649
00:47:36,562 --> 00:47:40,487
God, I miss Communism.
650
00:47:40,649 --> 00:47:42,617
The Red threat.
651
00:47:42,777 --> 00:47:46,247
People were scared...
652
00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:52,538
...the agency had some respect,
and I got laid every night.
653
00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:54,501
Brief him, Snickers.
654
00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:56,006
Good news, Hawk.
655
00:47:56,165 --> 00:47:58,042
Mayflowers have
moved up the timetable.
656
00:47:58,209 --> 00:48:00,462
You're hitting the Vatican tonight.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
657
00:48:00,628 --> 00:48:02,505
The timing's off,
the schedule's not right...
658
00:48:02,671 --> 00:48:05,015
...I'm under equipped,
and besides that, I got a date.
659
00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:06,767
Grapple, biker's bottle...
660
00:48:06,926 --> 00:48:08,553
...pocket fisherman, olive oil...
661
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:09,936
...100 stamps?
662
00:48:10,096 --> 00:48:12,144
Gee, stud, this gonna be some date.
663
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:13,649
No Harvey's Bristol Cream?
664
00:48:13,808 --> 00:48:16,311
Snickers, make that list happen.
665
00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:18,904
Oh, it's one thing
to play hide-and-seek...
666
00:48:19,063 --> 00:48:21,316
...with the Mayflowers'
pathetic staff...
667
00:48:21,482 --> 00:48:23,484
...but we're sore losers.
668
00:48:23,651 --> 00:48:25,619
We blow up space shuttles
for breakfast.
669
00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:28,281
You and your friend Tommy
would be nothing more than a...
670
00:48:28,447 --> 00:48:30,324
A late-afternoon Triscuit.
671
00:48:30,491 --> 00:48:31,868
Ciao.
672
00:48:32,993 --> 00:48:34,836
Hey! Old man!
673
00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:36,542
Yeah, you!
674
00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:39,128
You come back here
without your Cub Scout army...
675
00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:40,918
...and I'll kick your
centrally intelligent ass...
676
00:48:41,085 --> 00:48:44,134
...up one side the piazza
and down the other!
677
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,731
"Beware the blue wire"?
678
00:48:56,475 --> 00:48:58,773
Hey, Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps.
679
00:48:58,936 --> 00:49:00,529
Good, Yogi.
680
00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:42,545
(speaking Italian)
681
00:51:00,099 --> 00:51:02,773
Now, Kit Kat, how did you know
about that blue wire?
682
00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:26,838
(speaking Italian)
683
00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:32,965
(speaking Italian)
684
00:53:38,132 --> 00:53:40,681
Oh. I was afraid
you weren't gonna drop by.
685
00:53:40,843 --> 00:53:42,641
Am I late?
686
00:53:51,186 --> 00:53:52,733
You look very nice.
687
00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:55,069
You really do.
688
00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:56,950
What?
I am the waiter, sir.
689
00:53:57,109 --> 00:53:59,783
Oh, very nice.
690
00:53:59,945 --> 00:54:03,165
Fettuccine con funghi porcini.
Prego.
691
00:54:03,323 --> 00:54:06,452
And bring me a bottle of ketchup
with that, will you?
692
00:54:06,618 --> 00:54:08,211
You heard him.
693
00:54:08,370 --> 00:54:10,498
Ketchup. Ketchup.
694
00:54:10,664 --> 00:54:12,132
Stupid Americano!
695
00:54:12,291 --> 00:54:14,794
(speaking Italian)
696
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:18,089
Come on, Pierre, read my lips.
697
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:20,098
Steak burger.
698
00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:22,601
French fries.
699
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,762
This is France.
You got to have french fries.
700
00:54:24,928 --> 00:54:26,930
"Actually, it's Italy, Butterfinger,"
she said...
701
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,895
...as if it made a difference.
702
00:54:32,478 --> 00:54:34,856
To be in Paris and in love.
703
00:54:37,149 --> 00:54:39,072
(speaking Italian)
704
00:54:39,234 --> 00:54:42,033
They had the worst ketchup
when I was in prison.
705
00:54:42,321 --> 00:54:45,040
Prison?
706
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:46,997
I was a warden?
707
00:54:47,868 --> 00:54:49,336
How long were you in?
708
00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:53,671
Let's just say I never saw E.T.
709
00:54:53,832 --> 00:54:57,507
Wow, you were in the joint...
710
00:54:57,669 --> 00:55:01,264
...doing hard time.
711
00:55:01,423 --> 00:55:05,178
It's funny, but that excites me.
712
00:55:05,344 --> 00:55:07,847
I seem to have a thing for sinners.
713
00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:10,732
I seem to have a thing for sinning.
Check, please.
714
00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:13,894
Where did you get the Hawk?
715
00:55:14,061 --> 00:55:16,484
Ossining, New York.
716
00:55:16,647 --> 00:55:19,400
Where did you get the
Hudson Hawk?
717
00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:22,695
Well, a "hawk" is a slang word...
718
00:55:22,861 --> 00:55:26,240
...for the cold wind
that blows in the wintertime.
719
00:55:26,406 --> 00:55:28,659
I grew up in a town
called Hoboken, New Jersey...
720
00:55:28,826 --> 00:55:30,078
...which is on the Hudson River.
721
00:55:30,244 --> 00:55:34,715
So Hudson River, Hudson Hawk.
Hudson Hawk.
722
00:55:34,873 --> 00:55:37,467
And where did you get these?
723
00:55:37,626 --> 00:55:39,253
Had a little accident
around the house.
724
00:55:39,419 --> 00:55:41,968
What happened?
I fell on some chickens.
725
00:55:42,130 --> 00:55:43,882
Does it hurt?
Yes, they hurt.
726
00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:46,017
Maybe I can make them
feel better.
727
00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:49,350
Well, okay. See what you can do.
728
00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:02,200
Don't. Don't tickle me.
Don't do it.
729
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:03,451
Don't do it because-
730
00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:05,738
Because I gotta
tell you something.
731
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:07,156
What?
732
00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:09,416
No, I better whisper it to you.
733
00:56:09,575 --> 00:56:11,373
Come here.
734
00:56:13,453 --> 00:56:15,831
I can't do this.
735
00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:21,344
What's the matter?
736
00:56:21,503 --> 00:56:23,096
It's been a long time for me.
737
00:56:23,255 --> 00:56:25,474
Well, it's been a really long time
for me.
738
00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:29,432
Outside of a friendly dog yesterday
morning, this has been a very slow decade.
739
00:56:30,304 --> 00:56:34,730
I don't make love every 10 years,
I get a little cranky.
740
00:56:36,184 --> 00:56:38,687
I'm not sure if I remember
how to kiss girls.
741
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,653
Not that I ever kiss guys.
742
00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:51,958
(Italian alarm)
743
00:56:52,451 --> 00:56:53,919
Catholic girls are scary.
744
00:56:54,077 --> 00:56:57,081
Somebody robbed the Vatican.
Really?
745
00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:05,347
This is not what you think.
Well, maybe it is.
746
00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:07,803
You went and did it.
You really did it.
747
00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:11,095
In one day, in less than one day
of planning, and you did it.
748
00:57:11,261 --> 00:57:13,138
You started the week
by stealing the Sforza...
749
00:57:13,305 --> 00:57:15,057
...and ended by swiping the Codex.
Yeah, but...
750
00:57:15,223 --> 00:57:17,817
What are your weekend plans?
Hoisting away the Colosseum?
751
00:57:17,976 --> 00:57:20,855
But you don't...
Tell me, did the devil make you do it?
752
00:57:21,021 --> 00:57:23,820
Or did Darwin
and Minerva Mayflower?
753
00:57:23,982 --> 00:57:26,110
Can't we just go back
to the kissing part?
754
00:57:29,321 --> 00:57:30,994
What's going on in there?
755
00:57:31,156 --> 00:57:33,534
You want me to rape them?
756
00:57:36,036 --> 00:57:38,664
Here, just read your book,
Butterfinger.
757
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:46,884
"Not in a boat, not on a train."
758
00:57:47,047 --> 00:57:49,971
Not with a goat, not in the rain.
759
00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,137
"I do not like green eggs and ham..."
To yourself. To yourself!
760
00:57:53,929 --> 00:57:55,931
It's more complicated
than that, Hudson.
761
00:57:56,098 --> 00:57:58,647
For two years, I've been tracking
the Mayflowers' peculiar interest...
762
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:00,106
...in the three Da Vinci pieces.
763
00:58:00,268 --> 00:58:01,770
The Sforza statue was a fake...
764
00:58:01,937 --> 00:58:04,486
...but I was under orders
not to denounce it.
765
00:58:04,648 --> 00:58:07,777
Does everybody in the whole world
know more than me?
766
00:58:07,943 --> 00:58:09,741
You didn't know?
No.
767
00:58:09,903 --> 00:58:14,283
I'm just some guy
that's good at swiping stuff.
768
00:58:14,449 --> 00:58:16,747
Who knew that would lead to this.
769
00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:20,881
Christ, they even got
the CIA Involved now.
770
00:58:22,249 --> 00:58:24,126
Here's looking at you, kid.
771
00:58:26,628 --> 00:58:30,007
Hey. This doesn't taste
like cappuccino.
772
00:58:30,173 --> 00:58:34,269
Oh, I guess I put too much
ethyl chloride in it.
773
00:58:37,431 --> 00:58:40,810
Why didn't you say at the restaurant
that Hawk had hit the Vatican tonight?
774
00:58:40,976 --> 00:58:42,603
My people will not be happy.
775
00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:44,237
I want to see Kaplan.
776
00:58:52,821 --> 00:58:56,166
Damn meddlesome
Vatican organization.
777
00:58:58,035 --> 00:59:00,037
Hey! Way to go, Anna!
778
00:59:00,203 --> 00:59:02,205
Hudson Hawk had
some interesting things to say...
779
00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:04,374
...about you and the Mayflowers.
780
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,215
Basically, that you're all part
of the same car pool.
781
00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:11,757
Anna, Anna, Anna,
if that were so...
782
00:59:11,923 --> 00:59:13,516
...Almond Joy would've
handed you your heart...
783
00:59:13,675 --> 00:59:16,053
...right after you handed her
the Codex.
784
00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:18,096
No, now the trip is this:
785
00:59:18,263 --> 00:59:20,732
Soon as the Mayflowers find out
we have the Codex...
786
00:59:20,891 --> 00:59:22,268
...they're gonna want to make a deal.
787
00:59:22,434 --> 00:59:25,062
We deal, they'll buy, we bust.
788
00:59:25,228 --> 00:59:28,072
A classic sting.
What happens to Hudson Hawk?
789
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:31,075
Oh, I wouldn't worry too much
about him. He's...
790
00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:33,202
He's gonna be in very good hands.
791
00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:36,080
But you, you look really tired, kiddo.
792
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:38,116
Maybe you should go back
to Rome and get some sleep.
793
00:59:38,283 --> 00:59:43,255
Kit Kat? Oh, there you are.
794
00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:46,383
See that Miss Baragli
gets home safely.
795
00:59:48,210 --> 00:59:50,087
Arrividerci, baby.
796
00:59:52,672 --> 00:59:54,720
With all due respect
to that great dress...
797
00:59:54,883 --> 00:59:56,601
...how come you didn't you let me
cut her heart out?
798
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:59,892
Close call, close call.
799
00:59:59,917 --> 01:00:02,393
But she's the only way
we have keeping tabs
800
01:00:02,418 --> 01:00:04,833
on the damn mysterious
Vatican organization.
801
01:00:10,148 --> 01:00:12,025
Bunny Mayflower.
802
01:00:13,485 --> 01:00:14,907
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.
803
01:00:15,070 --> 01:00:17,664
It's been 1200 hours
since my last confession.
804
01:00:17,823 --> 01:00:19,871
Hit me with your best shot.
805
01:00:20,033 --> 01:00:21,956
I betrayed a man.
806
01:00:22,119 --> 01:00:24,918
A good man. An innocent man
807
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:26,297
A thief.
808
01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:29,050
Anna, what are you trying to say?
809
01:00:29,209 --> 01:00:32,133
Father, we've been
double-crossed by the CIA.
810
01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:34,639
Hudson Hawk is not
who we thought he was.
811
01:00:34,798 --> 01:00:37,768
He came into a world where crime
is a legitimate business tactic...
812
01:00:37,926 --> 01:00:39,803
...and a legitimate
government procedure...
813
01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:41,893
...but he knew right from wrong.
814
01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:44,433
Oh, and we kind of messed around.
815
01:00:44,599 --> 01:00:48,649
(speaking Italian)
816
01:00:48,812 --> 01:00:50,860
Messed around? Messed around?!
817
01:00:53,441 --> 01:00:57,787
Seventeen Hail Marys
and five minutes outside.
818
01:00:57,946 --> 01:01:02,668
So, Sister, what you are saying
is that Hudson Hawk...
819
01:01:02,826 --> 01:01:05,079
...is not willingly working
for the Mayflowers...
820
01:01:05,245 --> 01:01:09,375
...but that Kaplan
and the candy bars are?
821
01:01:09,541 --> 01:01:11,669
I thought we were using the CIA
to get to Mayflower...
822
01:01:11,835 --> 01:01:15,055
...but the CIA is using me
to keep us away from Mayflower.
823
01:01:15,213 --> 01:01:18,638
Oh, the pope warned me
never to trust the CIA.
824
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,974
If the Mayflowers get all three crystals
for the gold machine...
825
01:01:22,137 --> 01:01:24,606
...the world economy will be ruined.
826
01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:27,142
Ay-yi-yi.
827
01:01:27,309 --> 01:01:29,107
Lord help us.
828
01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:33,649
But what of Tommy Five-Tone,
Hawk's friend? Where's his loyalty?
829
01:01:33,815 --> 01:01:35,032
I'm going to find out.
830
01:01:35,192 --> 01:01:36,614
But you must remember, Sister...
831
01:01:36,776 --> 01:01:40,326
...you have your vows to God
as well as your mission to the world.
832
01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:43,708
Yes, Your Eminence.
833
01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:45,210
Just say, "God go with me."
834
01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:47,587
God go with you, Sister.
835
01:01:50,207 --> 01:01:51,629
Ball!
836
01:01:52,167 --> 01:01:53,339
Ball!
837
01:01:54,502 --> 01:01:57,130
Ball!
838
01:01:57,297 --> 01:01:59,220
Jolly good shot, sir.
839
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:03,557
Oh, Hudson Hawk.
840
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,848
You cease to amaze me, convict.
841
01:02:06,014 --> 01:02:08,233
You are a terrible cat burglar.
842
01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,485
Haven't you ever seen,
like, David Niven?
843
01:02:10,644 --> 01:02:12,317
Tiptoe in, tiptoe out.
844
01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:14,573
Like a cat, one would say.
845
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:18,110
I could take it back.
846
01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:21,029
Let me do that.
I don't care.
847
01:02:31,539 --> 01:02:35,635
Oh, you two! There's nothing
I hate more than failure.
848
01:02:35,794 --> 01:02:37,671
All you had to do
was follow the Hawk.
849
01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:41,683
It's not like I said teach
our nation's children how to read.
850
01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:43,764
I suppose we're just going to
have to kill them.
851
01:02:50,100 --> 01:02:52,603
God, Minerva, I was just joking.
852
01:03:06,741 --> 01:03:09,961
Get away from there, convict.
Just browsing.
853
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:13,715
Don't hurt him.
We need him for the final job.
854
01:03:13,873 --> 01:03:16,126
Oh, really?
855
01:03:16,293 --> 01:03:17,886
Don't hurt him?
856
01:03:18,044 --> 01:03:20,593
Even if he does this?
857
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:23,091
What about this?
858
01:03:24,301 --> 01:03:27,145
Surely, this must offend!
859
01:03:28,430 --> 01:03:32,105
Things are really heating up
at the Castle Vinci tonight!
860
01:03:32,267 --> 01:03:33,894
Ooh, mamma mia, pizzeria!
861
01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:35,107
May I call you Minnie?
862
01:03:35,270 --> 01:03:38,319
You put your left foot in
You put your left foot out
863
01:03:38,481 --> 01:03:40,233
Come to think of it,
there is a part of your body...
864
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:44,325
...that you won't be needing
for your next job.
865
01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:46,581
I always did wanna
sing like Frankie Valli.
866
01:03:46,740 --> 01:03:50,290
Big boys don't cry.
867
01:03:51,745 --> 01:03:56,342
Three minutes, 27 seconds.
868
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:00,879
Look, you Eddie Munster-looking
motherfucker...
869
01:04:01,046 --> 01:04:04,220
...somebody better tell me what's going on,
or I ain't gonna move another muscle.
870
01:04:04,382 --> 01:04:06,760
I wanna be treated like an adult.
That's fair.
871
01:04:06,926 --> 01:04:09,896
Now go to your room.
872
01:04:12,432 --> 01:04:13,729
What?
873
01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:22,113
So, Captain Hawk,
in one of your paws...
874
01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:25,154
...you've got a gold bar
worth about eight thou.
875
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:28,915
In the autre, you've got lead
that won't get you gelato.
876
01:04:29,074 --> 01:04:32,328
Surely a master thief like you
can tell the difference.
877
01:04:32,494 --> 01:04:34,667
That's one down. Kitty Carlisle.
878
01:04:34,829 --> 01:04:36,206
Cool, isn't it?
879
01:04:36,373 --> 01:04:40,219
Weight, feel, malleability.
They're all but identical.
880
01:04:40,377 --> 01:04:44,177
On the periodic chart of elements
they're but one proton apart.
881
01:04:44,339 --> 01:04:49,311
Great minds worked for centuries
to turn worthless into priceless.
882
01:04:49,469 --> 01:04:50,516
Alchemy?
883
01:04:50,678 --> 01:04:53,181
Alchemy is the business term
of the '90s, my man.
884
01:04:53,348 --> 01:04:57,103
Minerva read it in an airline magazine
about four years ago.
885
01:04:57,268 --> 01:05:00,693
I dumped some lire into research
and, shazam!
886
01:05:00,855 --> 01:05:03,483
We come across a diary
by one of Da Vinci's assistants...
887
01:05:03,650 --> 01:05:06,745
...detailing la macchina d'oro...
888
01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:09,031
"The gold machine,"
for the hoes at home.
889
01:05:09,197 --> 01:05:11,575
...And the rest is
about to become history.
890
01:05:11,741 --> 01:05:13,414
Money isn't everything.
891
01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:15,169
Gold is.
892
01:05:15,328 --> 01:05:16,420
Fuck T-bills!
893
01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:17,922
Fuck blue-chip stocks!
894
01:05:18,081 --> 01:05:19,298
Fuck junk bonds!
895
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,255
We've got the real deal.
896
01:05:21,418 --> 01:05:23,261
Money will always be paper...
897
01:05:23,420 --> 01:05:26,924
...but gold will always be gold.
898
01:05:27,090 --> 01:05:28,888
After a couple of years
of steady production...
899
01:05:29,050 --> 01:05:30,597
...we'll flood the market
with so much gold...
900
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:33,639
...that gold itself,
the foundation of all finance...
901
01:05:33,805 --> 01:05:35,273
...will lose its meaning.
902
01:05:35,432 --> 01:05:38,106
Brokers, economists,
fellow entrepreneurs...
903
01:05:38,268 --> 01:05:42,068
...will drown in the saliva
of their own nervous breakdowns.
904
01:05:42,230 --> 01:05:43,277
Sounds like a party.
905
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,238
Markets will crash-crash.
906
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:48,370
Financial empires
will crumble-crumble.
907
01:05:48,528 --> 01:05:50,496
Except yours-yours.
908
01:05:50,655 --> 01:05:53,329
In 1992, baby...
909
01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:55,164
...the European superpowers
are coming together...
910
01:05:55,326 --> 01:05:57,670
...to form one business superpower.
911
01:05:57,829 --> 01:06:00,924
And that's one party
we're gonna love to poop.
912
01:06:01,082 --> 01:06:02,208
Well, that's set.
913
01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:06,881
The last ingredient in the recipe
is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter.
914
01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:10,767
On display for three days only
at the Louvre, in Paris.
915
01:06:10,925 --> 01:06:12,518
As opposed to the Louvre
in Wisconsin?
916
01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:14,520
Shut up.
You'll make me lose my place.
917
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:16,181
You're gonna have
to go in at night.
918
01:06:16,347 --> 01:06:18,600
_ The security will be overwhelming.
Twelve guards...
919
01:06:18,766 --> 01:06:22,111
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Okay, time out.
920
01:06:22,270 --> 01:06:25,069
I choose not to accept
the assignment, Mr. Phelps.
921
01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,278
Put me in jail. Put me and...
922
01:06:26,441 --> 01:06:27,909
Jail, you asshole?!
923
01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:31,071
Our foot soldiers
will blow your brains out.
924
01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:32,910
Bunny? Ball-ball.
925
01:06:33,948 --> 01:06:36,872
I'll torture you so slowly,
you'll think it's a career.
926
01:06:37,035 --> 01:06:40,756
I'll kill your friends, your family
and the bitch you took to the prom.
927
01:06:40,914 --> 01:06:43,508
Betty Jo Biarsky? I can get you
an address on that, if you want.
928
01:06:43,666 --> 01:06:45,509
You have a dilemma, tiger.
929
01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:48,968
And I think I know what's gonna
help you solve it.
930
01:06:54,135 --> 01:06:55,808
I'll kill you all!
931
01:06:55,970 --> 01:06:59,565
I swear to God. I'll kill that butler.
I'll kill that little yappy dog.
932
01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:03,570
I'm sick of this!
933
01:07:07,482 --> 01:07:11,828
I hated cigarettes until I saw
my first "no smoking" sign.
934
01:07:11,986 --> 01:07:14,159
"Keep off the grass"?
935
01:07:14,322 --> 01:07:16,165
Let's play soccer.
936
01:07:16,324 --> 01:07:19,203
The only law I cared for
was friendship.
937
01:07:19,369 --> 01:07:22,714
I broke that one, too, didn't I?
938
01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:28,713
I just don't think that it's such a smoking
hot idea to leave them in there alone.
939
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:29,925
Relax, George.
940
01:07:30,088 --> 01:07:32,932
That's why we hired the
pasta-slurping Guinea to begin with...
941
01:07:33,091 --> 01:07:34,263
...to keep Hawk in line.
942
01:07:34,425 --> 01:07:37,520
This Gates-Mario brothers-
CIA-Mayflower-Da Vinci thing...
943
01:07:37,679 --> 01:07:41,729
I mean, it seemed like
a sweet deal.
944
01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:43,939
Visit foreign lands,
take their treasures.
945
01:07:44,102 --> 01:07:46,446
I don't know, Eddie,
I thought you'd get into it.
946
01:07:46,604 --> 01:07:51,405
It's better than playing darts
with M.B.A.s at the bar.
947
01:07:51,568 --> 01:07:54,321
But I didn't think
it was gonna be like this.
948
01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:58,367
Them using me to use you.
949
01:07:58,533 --> 01:08:02,504
I'm sorry, Eddie...
950
01:08:02,662 --> 01:08:06,041
...but there's only
one way out of this...
951
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,928
...and it's gonna hurt me
more than it's gonna hurt you.
952
01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:16,051
They'll talk about being buddies
and chugging brewskis.
953
01:08:16,217 --> 01:08:18,515
You've got to love male bonding.
954
01:08:29,647 --> 01:08:31,820
You fucked my freedom
for a lousy job?
955
01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,284
Come on!
956
01:08:43,661 --> 01:08:45,083
You know something, Eddie?
What?
957
01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:47,795
You hit like a girl!
Oh, really?
958
01:08:48,750 --> 01:08:50,172
I was only kidding.
959
01:08:55,757 --> 01:08:56,929
(gunshot)
960
01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,512
Tommy! No!
961
01:09:00,678 --> 01:09:02,601
Tommy!
962
01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:19,706
Plan B, George.
963
01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:24,456
Plan B?
964
01:09:52,438 --> 01:09:55,112
No sweat, Tommy. You just made
the biggest mistake of my life.
965
01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:57,527
Don't act like you never
committed a crime before.
966
01:09:57,694 --> 01:09:59,822
I know I made a bad call.
What was your per diem?
967
01:09:59,987 --> 01:10:03,036
Thank God you're dead.
It was so beautiful.
968
01:10:03,199 --> 01:10:06,829
When those blanks went off,
everybody freaked.
969
01:10:08,413 --> 01:10:11,462
Ketchup. You can't beat Heinz 57.
Five-Tone.
970
01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:13,592
What?
You fucked my freedom for a job?
971
01:10:13,751 --> 01:10:16,379
You don't understand.
I said I was sorry.
972
01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:18,344
You better be glad I don't hit women,
assuming you are a woman,
973
01:10:18,506 --> 01:10:20,304
because from now on,
I ain't taking nothing for granted.
974
01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:21,763
Hey, look, Eddie, I'm sorry.
Hudson, I'm sorry.
975
01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:24,554
I work for a covert Vatican
humanitarian organization...
976
01:10:24,721 --> 01:10:26,394
...and the CIA
made a fool out of me.
977
01:10:26,556 --> 01:10:27,853
What's more...
Hey, man...
978
01:10:28,015 --> 01:10:31,019
...I care for you.
...l love you.
979
01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:33,233
Then what's this?
Where did you get that?
980
01:10:33,396 --> 01:10:34,773
The Da Vinci castle.
981
01:10:34,939 --> 01:10:37,488
You know, the place where you
gave the bad guys the Codex.
982
01:10:37,650 --> 01:10:39,744
That's from the gold machine.
Yeah.
983
01:10:39,902 --> 01:10:41,495
So they really were that
close to making it work.
984
01:10:41,654 --> 01:10:44,533
But now that they lost the services
of the world's greatest cat burglar...
985
01:10:44,699 --> 01:10:45,871
...and his dead partner...
986
01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:48,127
They won't be able to steal
the third piece of the crystal.
987
01:10:48,286 --> 01:10:51,460
And we get to go home.
988
01:10:51,622 --> 01:10:54,000
Five-Tone, let me ask you something.
Go ahead.
989
01:10:54,167 --> 01:10:56,920
Why do they leave all these rocks
and shit laying out in the backyard?
990
01:10:57,086 --> 01:10:58,554
They're called ruins, Eddie.
991
01:10:58,713 --> 01:11:00,431
Ruins, huh?
Yeah, ruins.
992
01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:02,592
Good name.
993
01:11:07,722 --> 01:11:12,228
He had this look on his face
when we caught him. It was like...
994
01:11:12,393 --> 01:11:14,771
I never saw a look on a face like this
when he got caught.
995
01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:17,235
I swear to God,
he was so embarrassed.
996
01:11:17,398 --> 01:11:19,446
You know,
speaking of being caught...
997
01:11:19,609 --> 01:11:22,078
...isn't the CIA gonna think
to check out this place?
998
01:11:22,236 --> 01:11:23,863
No, they fell for the fake death.
999
01:11:24,030 --> 01:11:26,658
They think Hawk's been arrested.
1000
01:11:26,824 --> 01:11:30,203
Kaplan and the candy bars were seen
by my sources boarding a plane out of Rome.
1001
01:11:30,369 --> 01:11:32,121
Hudson.
Where to?
1002
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:34,006
Five-Tone, will you quit
worrying about it, man.
1003
01:11:34,165 --> 01:11:36,759
I'm not worried, alright,
I'm just being cautious.
1004
01:11:36,918 --> 01:11:40,013
Okay, guys.
On that note, it's time for bed.
1005
01:11:40,171 --> 01:11:42,173
I couldn't agree more.
Okay.
1006
01:11:45,802 --> 01:11:48,021
Tommy, you're gonna sleep here.
1007
01:11:48,179 --> 01:11:51,308
Where are you gonna sleep?
What do you think?
1008
01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:52,691
Oh, yeah. Good night.
1009
01:11:52,850 --> 01:11:54,397
I'll get you some sheets.
1010
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,483
Yeah, we'll get you some sheets.
1011
01:12:00,817 --> 01:12:03,696
It's a very special night.
Yes, it was.
1012
01:12:03,861 --> 01:12:05,784
Is.
Was.
1013
01:12:05,947 --> 01:12:08,075
There's some things
you don't know about me.
1014
01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:10,164
But there's some things
I do know about you...
1015
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:14,206
...and about me,
and about that bed.
1016
01:12:14,372 --> 01:12:16,716
This is not the time, Hudson.
1017
01:12:17,208 --> 01:12:20,963
Look, can't we just have
a late-night cappuccino?
1018
01:12:21,128 --> 01:12:25,178
I'm sorry, but the machine's
still set up for poisonous foam.
1019
01:12:25,341 --> 01:12:30,689
Oh, yeah. I remember.
Good night.
1020
01:12:30,847 --> 01:12:32,690
Good night.
1021
01:12:39,856 --> 01:12:41,654
Don't even think about it.
1022
01:12:41,816 --> 01:12:43,363
Don't say another word.
1023
01:12:43,526 --> 01:12:46,496
It's a very special night
1024
01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:49,248
Very funny. Very funny, Tommy.
1025
01:13:10,678 --> 01:13:12,055
Good morning.
1026
01:13:12,221 --> 01:13:16,317
The license plates on the police van
had a Vatican prefix.
1027
01:13:16,475 --> 01:13:18,193
I'm losing respect for you guys.
1028
01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:22,152
You were that close
to getting away with this crap.
1029
01:13:22,315 --> 01:13:23,783
Get up.
Now, where's Anna?
1030
01:13:23,941 --> 01:13:25,534
You know, George,
it's nice of you guys to drop by...
1031
01:13:25,693 --> 01:13:28,037
...but next time,
you might want to phone ahead.
1032
01:13:28,195 --> 01:13:29,697
Why don't you come back in a half-hour.
1033
01:13:29,864 --> 01:13:32,458
Grab ourselves a shower,
pick up some croissants and shit.
1034
01:13:32,617 --> 01:13:37,088
I really wish I could come up with this
glib repartee, the way you guys can.
1035
01:13:37,246 --> 01:13:40,796
But I can't.
So I'll just paralyze you. A.J.?
1036
01:13:43,127 --> 01:13:44,174
Curare darts.
1037
01:13:44,337 --> 01:13:45,839
When it comes
to instantaneous loss...
1038
01:13:46,005 --> 01:13:47,882
...of all physical control
below the neck...
1039
01:13:48,049 --> 01:13:51,053
...I highly recommend them.
Eddie, I can't move!
1040
01:13:51,218 --> 01:13:53,596
I'm gonna rip
their fucking tongues out!
1041
01:13:53,763 --> 01:13:56,232
Come here, you chickenshit
son of a bitches!
1042
01:13:56,390 --> 01:13:59,690
Come here!
My head against yours.
1043
01:13:59,852 --> 01:14:01,069
Fair fight!
1044
01:14:01,228 --> 01:14:03,777
This is how I go out.
Like a hunk of frozen Play-Doh?
1045
01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:05,863
Like a Gumby in the store?
1046
01:14:06,025 --> 01:14:08,073
What the fuck are you la...?
Keep laughing, Jumbo.
1047
01:14:08,235 --> 01:14:09,612
You made it come out of my nose.
1048
01:14:09,779 --> 01:14:10,826
Keep that shit up!
1049
01:14:10,988 --> 01:14:13,912
This is no way, George,
to get me to rob the Louvre.
1050
01:14:14,075 --> 01:14:16,544
The Louvre'?
1051
01:14:16,702 --> 01:14:21,833
The Louvre, Hawk,
is yesterday's news.
1052
01:14:21,999 --> 01:14:24,218
Or should I say this morning's?
1053
01:14:24,377 --> 01:14:26,345
I admit we displayed
a lack of nuance.
1054
01:14:26,504 --> 01:14:29,007
Didn't wear black,
didn't sing "Swinging on a Star."
1055
01:14:29,173 --> 01:14:32,143
Well, we weren't being judged
for neatness...
1056
01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:34,053
...only results.
1057
01:14:34,220 --> 01:14:36,314
Goddamn it. Yanks lose again.
1058
01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:40,067
How did the Mets do?
Can you turn to section B.
1059
01:14:42,311 --> 01:14:45,986
You guys may be
the fairest cat burglars of them all...
1060
01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:48,116
...but if you weren't
such snobs...
1061
01:14:48,275 --> 01:14:52,826
...a lot of those guards at the Louvre
might still be alive.
1062
01:14:52,989 --> 01:14:54,957
But that's irrelevant now.
1063
01:15:02,623 --> 01:15:06,093
You're irrelevant now.
1064
01:15:06,252 --> 01:15:08,175
Because tonight...
1065
01:15:08,337 --> 01:15:10,840
...at the Castle Da Vinci...
1066
01:15:11,007 --> 01:15:12,384
...we make gold!
1067
01:15:12,550 --> 01:15:14,552
Rise and shine, sleepyheads.
1068
01:15:14,719 --> 01:15:16,187
Ah, more babes for the party.
1069
01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:17,813
Hi, Anna.
Hi, Anna.
1070
01:15:17,972 --> 01:15:21,146
Don't be stupid, Mr. Kaplan.
Give me the crystal.
1071
01:15:21,308 --> 01:15:23,060
Anna Baragli...
1072
01:15:23,227 --> 01:15:25,525
Came to play!
1073
01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:27,656
Anna-banana-fo-fanna.
1074
01:15:27,815 --> 01:15:30,034
You're not gonna shoot
little old me, are you?
1075
01:15:30,192 --> 01:15:32,115
You're not gonna
shoot little old anybody.
1076
01:15:32,278 --> 01:15:34,121
Pull the trigger. Shoot.
Shoot, Anna.
1077
01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:35,657
I read your dossier...
1078
01:15:35,823 --> 01:15:38,201
...Sister.
Pull the trigger!
1079
01:15:41,620 --> 01:15:42,997
Why did she call you Sister?
1080
01:15:43,164 --> 01:15:45,337
I'm sorry, Hudson,
I meant to tell you.
1081
01:15:45,499 --> 01:15:47,922
He didn't know.
He didn't know!
1082
01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,132
Know what?
1083
01:15:49,295 --> 01:15:51,389
Hawk likes a nun!
1084
01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:59,639
Those better be tears
you're crying, Tommy.
1085
01:15:59,805 --> 01:16:01,478
They are.
1086
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,108
It doesn't mean I don't love you.
1087
01:16:03,267 --> 01:16:06,066
Oh, no. You love me. It's your job!
1088
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,447
You probably love
Butterfingers over there.
1089
01:16:08,606 --> 01:16:09,653
Well, yeah.
1090
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,989
In a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.
1091
01:16:13,152 --> 01:16:15,246
But you...
1092
01:16:15,404 --> 01:16:17,452
You...
1093
01:16:20,159 --> 01:16:23,914
Well, Miss Baragli's Da Vinci expertise
allows her to go on to the next course.
1094
01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:27,129
And as for you guys...
Sorry, guys.
1095
01:16:30,961 --> 01:16:33,510
A souvenir.
1096
01:16:33,672 --> 01:16:35,299
Ciao.
1097
01:16:37,426 --> 01:16:40,020
Later, guys.
Easy for you to say.
1098
01:16:42,473 --> 01:16:44,441
Guys, we got some good news
and some bad news.
1099
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:47,444
The good news is you'll be completely
unparalyzed in about two minutes.
1100
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:52,154
The bad news is that leaves you only
five seconds to defuse the bombs.
1101
01:16:52,316 --> 01:16:53,863
Bombs?
Bombs?
1102
01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,663
I'm so glad it had to be like this.
1103
01:17:01,826 --> 01:17:04,295
I'll just shoot one in the kitchen
for good measure.
1104
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:10,922
Almond Joy! More paralysis!
1105
01:17:13,879 --> 01:17:15,301
You can move?
Yeah.
1106
01:17:17,967 --> 01:17:20,095
This is what I get
for darting a nun!
1107
01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:23,764
Get this fucking thing off my head!
1108
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:28,277
Tommy, look at Snickers.
He's about to have a bad migraine.
1109
01:17:28,435 --> 01:17:30,688
Maybe it was a dud.
1110
01:17:47,163 --> 01:17:48,881
I don't know. It must be the curare.
1111
01:17:49,039 --> 01:17:51,292
It's been known to have
certain side effects.
1112
01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:54,132
Oh, really, George?
1113
01:17:54,295 --> 01:17:58,141
I feel like a dolphin
who's never tasted melted snow.
1114
01:17:58,299 --> 01:18:01,724
Listen, Anna. The apprentice's diary
contains a code...
1115
01:18:01,886 --> 01:18:06,187
...that explains how the three
pieces of crystal fit together.
1116
01:18:06,348 --> 01:18:07,941
If you could do us the honor...
1117
01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:12,025
...and decipher how the code works,
we would be eternally grateful.
1118
01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:14,862
What does the color blue
taste like?
1119
01:18:15,024 --> 01:18:17,197
Bobo knows.
1120
01:18:19,361 --> 01:18:22,205
I must speak with the dolphins now.
1121
01:18:22,364 --> 01:18:26,244
(making dolphin noises)
1122
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,044
Just shoot her. Anybody?
1123
01:18:31,207 --> 01:18:34,802
Darwin, this is supposed to
be torture, not therapy.
1124
01:18:35,311 --> 01:18:37,144
Eddie, the old man said
turn left at the fork.
1125
01:18:37,169 --> 01:18:38,200
He said turn right.
1126
01:18:38,422 --> 01:18:41,096
If you wanna save Anna,
you gotta find the castle first.
1127
01:18:43,385 --> 01:18:45,058
Quit pushing.
I'm not pushing.
1128
01:18:49,183 --> 01:18:51,652
Count of three?
Why not just go now?
1129
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:54,029
Okay. Hey, Tommy.
What?
1130
01:18:54,188 --> 01:18:56,282
Who are you, Bob Hope for Texaco?
What the hell are you talking about?
1131
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:58,238
What are you doing with that golf bag?
I got a plan.
1132
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:00,778
Is it a great plan?
A great big plan.
1133
01:19:18,087 --> 01:19:20,636
Tommy, let me ask you something.
Go ahead.
1134
01:19:20,798 --> 01:19:24,098
How do I look?
You look great. What, are you kidding?
1135
01:19:24,260 --> 01:19:25,807
No. I want you to tell me.
Come on.
1136
01:19:25,970 --> 01:19:27,267
I've been away a long time.
1137
01:19:27,429 --> 01:19:29,557
Eddie, Eddie, we're hanging
off a castle in the middle of Italy...
1138
01:19:29,723 --> 01:19:31,270
...and you're asking me
how you look?
1139
01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:33,276
Okay, okay. You don't gotta get...
1140
01:19:34,853 --> 01:19:35,900
You look gorgeous.
1141
01:19:36,063 --> 01:19:38,191
You look like fucking Zorro.
Well, I didn't know.
1142
01:19:38,983 --> 01:19:40,155
Hey!
1143
01:19:41,277 --> 01:19:43,200
Hey!
1144
01:19:47,157 --> 01:19:49,831
A lifetime of service
and it's come to this.
1145
01:19:50,369 --> 01:19:52,588
The dolphin is dead.
1146
01:19:52,746 --> 01:19:54,419
The dolphin is...
1147
01:19:54,581 --> 01:19:57,130
Come on, you bitch!
1148
01:19:57,293 --> 01:20:00,467
I'm not a very good damsel
in a dress, am I?
1149
01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:03,599
"You must pay the rent!"
"But I can't pay the rent."
1150
01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:05,634
(making dolphin noises)
1151
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,269
Yo, Flipper.
1152
01:20:07,428 --> 01:20:11,308
A damsel in distress implies that there
is some well-hung Dudley Do-Right...
1153
01:20:11,473 --> 01:20:13,316
...galloping up to save you.
1154
01:20:13,475 --> 01:20:14,772
It ain't gonna happen.
1155
01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:18,439
Hudson Hawk go boom-boom.
He dead.
1156
01:20:28,032 --> 01:20:31,878
I'm thinking of using the 7 iron.
Looks long, junior.
1157
01:20:32,036 --> 01:20:33,629
Six iron?
Bingo.
1158
01:20:33,787 --> 01:20:36,381
Thank you. Fore!
1159
01:20:37,875 --> 01:20:40,094
"Fore"?
1160
01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:41,424
Did anybody hear something?
1161
01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:45,807
Can you fucking believe...?
1162
01:20:45,966 --> 01:20:47,843
I heard something.
1163
01:20:49,011 --> 01:20:51,764
Did you set the timer on that thing?
No.
1164
01:20:51,930 --> 01:20:53,898
From now on, please set the timer.
1165
01:20:54,475 --> 01:20:57,820
Come on, Butterfinger.
I think it's time for Plan C, darling.
1166
01:20:57,978 --> 01:21:00,197
Kit Kat, you guard
the Mayflowers with your life.
1167
01:21:06,111 --> 01:21:09,081
Oh, Kit Kat. Are you really
going to guard us with your life?
1168
01:21:10,199 --> 01:21:11,792
Kit Kat!
1169
01:21:19,291 --> 01:21:21,714
A double crossbow
for a double-cross.
1170
01:21:21,877 --> 01:21:25,051
Oh, Alfie, you dry British madman.
1171
01:21:25,214 --> 01:21:27,182
Thank you.
Catch you later, baby.
1172
01:21:32,846 --> 01:21:35,725
Why did you that?
Try this one, Sister.
1173
01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:38,565
Thou shalt not share.
1174
01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:42,068
It's in the hole!
The gallery's ecstatic!
1175
01:21:42,231 --> 01:21:43,574
Oh, he's gotta be happy with that one, Tommy.
1176
01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:44,779
So what do you say, Eddie?
1177
01:21:44,942 --> 01:21:47,912
Two and half minutes to save Anna,
three and a half minutes to save the world?
1178
01:21:48,070 --> 01:21:50,789
6-0-0. "Side by Side"?
1179
01:21:52,282 --> 01:21:56,662
♪ Oh, we ain't got
a barrel of money ♪
1180
01:21:56,829 --> 01:22:00,629
♪ We may be ragged
and funny ♪
1181
01:22:00,791 --> 01:22:02,008
♪ But we'll travel along ♪
1182
01:22:02,167 --> 01:22:03,214
Hit it, Eddie!
1183
01:22:03,377 --> 01:22:05,175
♪ Singin' a song ♪
1184
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:08,466
♪ Side by side ♪
1185
01:22:10,676 --> 01:22:13,054
Yeah, let's go down this way.
1186
01:22:14,221 --> 01:22:15,393
Maybe we'd better go this way.
1187
01:22:21,145 --> 01:22:24,024
Okay. This way.
1188
01:22:24,189 --> 01:22:26,863
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
We'd better split up.
1189
01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:30,245
I'll take the front nine, you take the back
nine. And we'll meet back at the clubhouse.
1190
01:22:30,404 --> 01:22:31,621
Hey, Tommy.
Yeah?
1191
01:22:31,780 --> 01:22:33,327
Looking good, my man.
Thanks.
1192
01:22:33,490 --> 01:22:34,662
Hey!
1193
01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,919
How you doing?
Hi! How you doing?
1194
01:22:37,077 --> 01:22:40,377
Three, two, one.
Three, two, one.
1195
01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:44,175
Go in.
1196
01:22:44,334 --> 01:22:49,465
Brief the Mayflowers
on the current situation.
1197
01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:51,133
You got it, coach.
1198
01:22:52,468 --> 01:22:55,142
♪ Through all kinds of weather ♪
1199
01:22:55,304 --> 01:22:58,649
♪ What if the sky should fall? ♪
1200
01:22:58,807 --> 01:23:02,061
♪ Just as long as we're together ♪
1201
01:23:02,227 --> 01:23:04,946
♪ It doesn't matter at all ♪
1202
01:23:05,105 --> 01:23:08,609
♪ When they've all had
their quarrels and parted ♪
1203
01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:11,949
♪ We'll be the same
as we started ♪
1204
01:23:12,112 --> 01:23:13,739
♪ Just sailin' along ♪
1205
01:23:13,906 --> 01:23:15,499
♪ Singin' our song ♪
1206
01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:19,036
♪ Side by... ♪
1207
01:23:19,203 --> 01:23:20,580
Side.
1208
01:23:20,746 --> 01:23:22,919
I'll take that, sir.
1209
01:23:38,263 --> 01:23:40,561
Hey, coach. Looks bad.
1210
01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:43,352
I think those Mayflowers
set us up.
1211
01:23:48,899 --> 01:23:51,527
Jumbo, we hardly knew you.
1212
01:23:55,155 --> 01:23:57,328
Since you're not gonna tell us
what we want to know...
1213
01:23:57,491 --> 01:24:02,167
then I think it's time for you to report
to the head office in heaven, Sis.
1214
01:24:02,329 --> 01:24:06,209
If you see the big guy,
tell him he's a loser.
1215
01:24:06,375 --> 01:24:07,843
That's it.
1216
01:24:20,138 --> 01:24:22,061
That didn't hurt.
No?
1217
01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:23,897
Try this.
1218
01:24:33,443 --> 01:24:36,743
What do you say now,
you centrally intelligent scumsicle?
1219
01:24:41,535 --> 01:24:42,957
Getting old, George?
1220
01:24:51,253 --> 01:24:56,100
Tommy, you New York-Italian-father-
made-20-bucks-a-week son of a bitch!
1221
01:24:56,258 --> 01:24:57,760
You were hired as bait...
1222
01:24:57,926 --> 01:25:00,975
...and on this simple task,
you have betrayed me.
1223
01:25:01,138 --> 01:25:04,187
Do you have an answer why?
I got five of them.
1224
01:25:05,892 --> 01:25:08,361
One! Two!
1225
01:25:08,520 --> 01:25:10,818
Three! Four!
1226
01:25:10,981 --> 01:25:13,700
Just one more. Five!
1227
01:25:21,992 --> 01:25:23,744
That didn't... Hurt.
1228
01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:31,797
How do I stop this?
1229
01:25:34,713 --> 01:25:36,056
My hat.
1230
01:25:43,388 --> 01:25:46,016
I guess you never fucked
with nobody from Hoboken before.
1231
01:25:46,183 --> 01:25:48,151
Hudson!
Anna...
1232
01:25:48,310 --> 01:25:50,233
...we're supposed
to be saving you.
1233
01:25:50,395 --> 01:25:52,773
I'm sorry.
I got bored, so I saved myself.
1234
01:25:52,939 --> 01:25:54,612
We still gotta get
them crystal pieces, don't we?
1235
01:25:54,775 --> 01:25:56,072
Got them right here, cowboy.
1236
01:25:56,234 --> 01:25:57,736
"Got them right here, cowboy."
1237
01:25:57,903 --> 01:26:00,076
Eddie!
Sounds like Tommy.
1238
01:26:02,074 --> 01:26:03,496
Tommy!
1239
01:26:03,659 --> 01:26:06,629
Alfred, I won't be needing
the car any more.
1240
01:26:08,914 --> 01:26:10,211
Ta-ta!
1241
01:26:14,336 --> 01:26:15,553
Tommy!
1242
01:26:18,674 --> 01:26:19,846
Eddie!
1243
01:26:22,761 --> 01:26:24,058
Eddie!
1244
01:26:24,221 --> 01:26:26,690
MY Pension!
1245
01:26:39,111 --> 01:26:41,785
Friend of yours?
Dead!
1246
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:56,928
Hudson, look...
1247
01:26:57,087 --> 01:26:58,259
Out.
1248
01:27:14,771 --> 01:27:17,615
Minerva.
Anna! Hawkmeister!
1249
01:27:17,774 --> 01:27:21,278
You're probably wondering
why you're still alive.
1250
01:27:21,445 --> 01:27:25,120
We're still having a little problem
putting this damn crystal together.
1251
01:27:25,282 --> 01:27:28,582
Alfie and I have
been at it all night.
1252
01:27:28,744 --> 01:27:31,418
Well? What are you waiting for?
1253
01:27:40,922 --> 01:27:44,722
Don't do it, Hudson.
Relax.
1254
01:27:44,885 --> 01:27:49,015
Besides, we don't
have much choice, do we?
1255
01:28:15,624 --> 01:28:20,346
Oh, Hawk, don't ever change.
1256
01:28:23,215 --> 01:28:24,387
Nice Hawk.
1257
01:28:25,050 --> 01:28:27,553
Nice Hawk.
1258
01:28:29,179 --> 01:28:30,806
Bad Hawk!
1259
01:28:41,441 --> 01:28:45,412
Why is the world jam-packed
with such idiots?
1260
01:28:45,904 --> 01:28:50,580
Every schmo has the fantasy that
the planet revolves around them.
1261
01:28:50,742 --> 01:28:53,541
It rains. A car crash stops traffic.
1262
01:28:53,703 --> 01:28:56,081
You say, "How can
this happen to me?"
1263
01:28:56,248 --> 01:29:00,424
But for us, this isn't a fantasy.
1264
01:29:00,585 --> 01:29:02,337
It is a reality.
1265
01:29:02,504 --> 01:29:05,474
Oh, yes. If Da Vinci
was alive today...
1266
01:29:05,632 --> 01:29:07,976
...he'd be eating
microwave sushi, naked...
1267
01:29:08,134 --> 01:29:10,978
...in the back of a Cadillac
with the both of us.
1268
01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:12,980
The project of his life...
1269
01:29:13,139 --> 01:29:15,858
...is now the toy of mine.
1270
01:29:16,017 --> 01:29:20,773
History, tradition, culture
are not concepts.
1271
01:29:20,939 --> 01:29:24,864
These are trophies I keep in my den
as paperweights.
1272
01:29:25,026 --> 01:29:28,155
The chaos we will cause the world
with this machine...
1273
01:29:28,321 --> 01:29:31,746
...will be our final masterpiece.
1274
01:29:31,908 --> 01:29:34,206
Go, team, go!
1275
01:29:35,287 --> 01:29:36,960
Go, team, go!
1276
01:29:38,039 --> 01:29:39,791
Go, team, go!
1277
01:29:41,293 --> 01:29:42,465
Yes!
1278
01:29:53,013 --> 01:29:54,230
NOW!
1279
01:30:07,694 --> 01:30:10,868
Eureka, motherfucker!
1280
01:30:11,031 --> 01:30:14,126
Well, you should feel very good
about yourself.
1281
01:30:14,284 --> 01:30:16,378
Let me ask you something.
What?
1282
01:30:16,536 --> 01:30:19,255
What would happen if I didn't put
that crystal together exactly right?
1283
01:30:19,414 --> 01:30:20,461
What do you mean?
1284
01:30:20,624 --> 01:30:24,094
Well, let's just say, for example,
I left out...
1285
01:30:24,252 --> 01:30:26,471
...this little piece of mirror here.
1286
01:30:26,630 --> 01:30:30,555
Would that be bad?
Real bad.
1287
01:30:30,717 --> 01:30:31,889
Good.
1288
01:30:41,227 --> 01:30:43,901
Minerva! Minerva!
1289
01:30:47,692 --> 01:30:49,535
Alfred!
1290
01:31:07,212 --> 01:31:09,089
Your turn.
My turn?
1291
01:31:09,255 --> 01:31:12,225
How'd it get to be my turn?
I just killed Darwin and Minerva!
1292
01:31:13,510 --> 01:31:15,683
Definitely your tum.
Shit.
1293
01:31:16,972 --> 01:31:19,942
All right. Just stay over here
and try to stay out of the way, alright?
1294
01:31:20,100 --> 01:31:21,943
Hudson.
What?
1295
01:31:29,776 --> 01:31:31,369
Okay-
1296
01:31:45,166 --> 01:31:47,260
Thou shalt not kill!
Thou shalt not kill!
1297
01:31:47,419 --> 01:31:48,671
Sorry!
1298
01:32:00,890 --> 01:32:02,358
Stop helping me!
1299
01:32:09,107 --> 01:32:10,575
Hey, Alfred...
1300
01:32:13,778 --> 01:32:16,531
...you won't be attending
that hat convention in July.
1301
01:32:23,121 --> 01:32:25,419
My turn?
Yeah.
1302
01:32:28,793 --> 01:32:30,670
With this dog, now?
1303
01:32:34,174 --> 01:32:35,596
Oh, Bunny.
1304
01:32:37,093 --> 01:32:39,016
Ball-ball.
1305
01:32:43,475 --> 01:32:45,603
Come on, puppy chow, gotta go.
1306
01:33:01,534 --> 01:33:03,832
Here we go.
1307
01:33:03,995 --> 01:33:05,497
Move your hand! Take it away!
1308
01:33:21,471 --> 01:33:23,565
Just hang on.
1309
01:33:36,903 --> 01:33:38,496
Oh, Leonardo.
1310
01:33:40,115 --> 01:33:42,493
Go, Leonardo!
1311
01:33:47,580 --> 01:33:48,752
Oh, baby!
1312
01:33:50,166 --> 01:33:51,713
Hi, kids.
1313
01:34:03,388 --> 01:34:06,437
Anna?
Yes, Hudson?
1314
01:34:06,599 --> 01:34:07,896
Can I ask you something?
1315
01:34:08,059 --> 01:34:10,608
Sure.
1316
01:34:11,521 --> 01:34:13,865
Will you play Nintendo with me?
1317
01:34:14,274 --> 01:34:18,199
I can't think of anybody
I'd rather play Nintendo with.
1318
01:34:28,538 --> 01:34:30,131
Wait a minute.
1319
01:34:30,290 --> 01:34:32,258
What about your boss?
What boss?
1320
01:34:32,417 --> 01:34:34,010
You know.
1321
01:34:34,169 --> 01:34:36,592
Oh, I think he wants me
to keep an eye on you.
1322
01:34:36,754 --> 01:34:39,678
You know, I think he wants you
to keep an eye on me too.
1323
01:34:39,841 --> 01:34:42,185
Because I got criminal tendencies.
1324
01:34:42,343 --> 01:34:44,721
Can I buy you a cappuccino?
Yes.
1325
01:34:44,888 --> 01:34:47,391
Can I give you a kiss?
Yes.
1326
01:34:49,475 --> 01:34:51,898
I just wish Tommy were here.
1327
01:34:52,979 --> 01:34:54,526
No way.
1328
01:34:54,689 --> 01:34:55,906
That's not very nice.
1329
01:34:56,065 --> 01:34:57,408
No way!
1330
01:34:57,567 --> 01:34:59,410
Yes way!
1331
01:35:02,363 --> 01:35:04,365
Did I miss anything?
1332
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:05,624
Did you miss anything?
1333
01:35:05,783 --> 01:35:07,751
You're supposed to be all crashed up
at the bottom of the hill.
1334
01:35:07,911 --> 01:35:10,585
Air bags.
Can you fucking believe it?
1335
01:35:10,747 --> 01:35:13,000
You're supposed to be blown up
into fiery chunks of flesh.
1336
01:35:13,166 --> 01:35:15,168
Sprinkler system
set up in the back.
1337
01:35:15,335 --> 01:35:18,839
Can you fucking believe it?!
1338
01:35:19,005 --> 01:35:21,178
Yeah, that's probably
what happened.
1339
01:35:21,341 --> 01:35:23,139
Drink your cappuccino.
1340
01:35:23,301 --> 01:35:26,521
Hey. Drink your coffee.
1341
01:35:37,106 --> 01:35:41,862
With the world saved and
the secrets of Da Vinci protected...
1342
01:35:42,028 --> 01:35:44,827
...Eddie finally got his coffee.
1343
01:35:47,242 --> 01:35:50,746
♪ Would you like
to swing on a star ♪
1344
01:35:50,912 --> 01:35:53,836
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
1345
01:35:53,998 --> 01:35:57,844
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
1346
01:35:58,002 --> 01:36:00,596
♪ Or would you rather be a fish ♪
1347
01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:04,259
♪ A fish won't do anything
but swim in a brook ♪
1348
01:36:04,425 --> 01:36:07,725
♪ He can't write his name
or read a book ♪
1349
01:36:07,887 --> 01:36:11,107
♪ To fool the people
is his only thought ♪
1350
01:36:11,266 --> 01:36:14,145
♪ And though he's slippery
he still gets caught ♪
1351
01:36:14,310 --> 01:36:18,440
♪ But then if that
sort of life is what you wish ♪
1352
01:36:18,606 --> 01:36:20,779
♪ You may grow up
to be a fish ♪
1353
01:36:21,567 --> 01:36:24,616
♪ And all the monkeys
aren't in a zoo ♪
1354
01:36:24,779 --> 01:36:27,874
♪ Every day you meet quite a few ♪
1355
01:36:28,032 --> 01:36:32,208
♪ So you see
it's all up to you ♪
1356
01:36:32,370 --> 01:36:37,126
♪ You could be better
than you are ♪
1357
01:36:38,960 --> 01:36:44,592
♪ You could be swingin'
on a star ♪♪
1358
01:36:53,975 --> 01:36:56,975
♪♪♪
96848
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